Forgotten Hope
by linamallette
Summary: What will happen when everything they went through, everything they changed, doesn’t matter anymore? The Hope and love disappears, forgotten. Can they somehow repair what has been broken? Can they find their way back to each other? Sequel to Hope.
1. Happy Together

**Author's Note: Oh m gosh guys, I am so sorry, we uploaded the wrong document, this is the actually first chapter, not too different! But check it out! **

**We are backkk everyone! And so happy to be. It's so weird not to post a chapter all the time. I think I was going through review withdrawal! But here we are back with our new addition to hope: Forgotten Hope.  
Enjoy!**

**P.S. If you have not read Hope this isn't going to make much sense, but you can go to my profile and click on the story Hope and it'll make a lot more sense once you read that! **

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Forgotten Hope Chapter 1- Just You and Me

_APOV_

Here we were. Finally. We were standing in front of the door to our new apartment. That's right_-- our_ apartment. Just for Jasper and me.

Jasper clenched my hand tightly, grinning at the door, feeling the same as I was. This was it.

"You ready, darling?" he asked me, turning his head to flash his bright, sparkling smile at me. To think that he had hidden that smile away from the world for so many years...

I couldn't help but smile back at him. He was so cute...so _excited_.

"Yep!" I cheered, bouncing on my toes, matching his excitement. I stepped forward toward the door, but before I knew it, I was being swung up into Jasper's arms, bridal style. He took us forward, unlocking the door.

"Aren't you supposed to do this when you get married?" I asked him, mockingly. I gave him a fake look of disapproval.

He stopped half way in and looked down at me, his deep blue eyes dancing with happiness.

"Well, I'll do it then, too. Don't worry," he vowed with a wink. But the statement was so much more than that. He was promising that one day, I would be the one that he married.

I loved how he was always so sure of us. I knew that there hadn't been a lot of stability in his life before me, so to see him trusting me--and our future--just warmed me to the core.

How couldn't he be sure of us, though? Nothing had ever stopped us from loving one another. We had dealt with his abusive stepfather, a psychopathic gang leader and his brainwashed minions, and then survived threats on both of our lives. If none of that could make us even consider leaving each other, then what could? Nothing. We were the real thing and I knew it. We would be together forever. And this was our next step to forever. Living together.

"Sounds good to me..." I whispered under my breath as he brought me up closer to him, so that I could reach his face.

He took one more step. As soon as we had fully entered our new home, he planted a long, passionate kiss onto my lips.

"Welcome home, my love," he murmured, his nose skimming over my cheek lovingly. I leaned over a bit and pecked his cheek tenderly.

"Welcome home to you too, Jazz," I chirped, smiling widely up at him.

We stayed in that position for a moment, gazing into each others eyes, excitement radiating from us.

Banging noises from the hallway brought us both back to reality. Even though we were going to be living alone, it didn't mean the rest of the world didn't exist...unfortunately.

Jasper set me down on my feet and cleared his throat, a small smirk on his lips. Obviously he had been thinking the same thing.

I peeked out the door to see the movers making their way through the hallway with our boxes. Many, many boxes.

During the whole month of July, I had tortured Jasper by making him go out and pick out things for our new place. Every piece of furniture, every towel, every picture, and pretty much everything else we would be putting in this apartment, I had him choose with me.

Jasper surprisingly didn't seem to mind, though. He just came along happily, watching me with amused eyes as I rushed around the stores.

"Want me to show you around?" Jasper asked, his eyes beaming with anticipation. Even though I had picked out everything for the apartment with him, Jasper had picked out the apartment. He had said that he wanted to surprise me... so far it was looking fantastic.

To call it simply an "apartment" wasn't really accurate. It wasn't your normal apartment... it was more like a condo...

Jasper had said that he didn't think I could live in a normal apartment after where I usually lived. I rolled my eyes as I remembered him saying that ...I could so!

But I definitely was not complaining about this place. One whole side of the living room was windows. A remote control curtain hung over them, shading us from any light that might want to peek through. All of the furniture had already been delivered and placed in the apartment. The room was painted a light, welcoming blue, just like my room at home had been.

Jasper tugged on my hand impatiently, anxious to show me the rest.

I sighed loudly and dramatically.

"Okay!" I giggled, following him as he towed me down a hall. He had had this whole place set up perfectly. The hallway was lined with hundreds of pictures of us, looking like the perfect couple that we were, from the beginning of our relationship until now.

The hallways walls were a darker shade of blue and on the opposite wall, four squiggly mirrors reflected the pictures. I couldn't help but think of the set up as art-- the pictures were our past, and the mirrors represented our future.

Jasper didn't give me much time to take it all in, though. He led me to the first door of the hallway and then opened it up, a smile tugging on the sides of his lips.

"First room," he announced, waving me into the room, following behind. I stood shell shocked at the door. He had done all of this for me...

"I got Spencer to design it for you," he informed me casually, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind. He rested his chin on my shoulder as I stood frozen. Wow...

I tried to take it all in... the high tech sewing machines, the mannequins lined up on the other side of the room, two laptops sitting on a wall-long desk...and then beside the laptops were sketching pads and drawing materials. Then, an easel stood in front of part of the desk. One wall was a whole wall of different clothing materials.

I couldn't even speak what I was thinking... it was all just... _incredible_! How had he payed for this?! Especially after buying the condo...

"Like it?" he asked softly in my ear. I felt his arms tightening around me, his voice slightly uncertain, since I hadn't moved or made a sound in a few minutes.

I took a deep breath, trying to get words out.

"_Like_ it? Jazz, I love it!" I squealed, the words suddenly coming out in a loud squeal.

I jumped around and hugged him tightly around the neck, my feet dangling in the air. Jasper's confidence came back as he spun me around.

"Good, because if you didn't, I was about to sue Spencer for everything he's got," he chuckled.

I couldn't even believe how happy Jasper had become. His little smile that was always present when he was with me. It was everything I could ask for. I was so grateful that he was finally feeling okay with the world. It was like he was able to be himself and be safe. No more worries for my man.

"You must have already sued him for everything he had to pay for this!" I smirked, raising a curious eyebrow at him.

He shrugged sheepishly and put me down on my feet.

"I didn't have to pay for all of it. Part of it is a welcome home gift from your parents," Jasper told me.

This surprised me. Not that they had paid, but that Jasper had accepted their money. But I guessed that he wouldn't have known what to buy... leave it to my mother and Spencer for that one.

"You'll have to thank them," he reminded me, kissing my cheek softly. Happiness radiated off of him as he saw how much I liked it.

"Next room?" he suggested quickly, his pleasure in surprising me taking over his thoughts again.

I nodded in agreement, letting my arms drop from his neck. Jasper let me turn around but kept his arms around waist, walking very closely behind me. He continued leading me down the hallway of pictures and opened another door.

This time, it was our bedroom. It looked very similar to the one at the Cullens'. Jasper probably hadn't wanted to change it much. Why change a good thing, right? Except for the wide screen TV on the wall in front of the huge bed, and...oh wow.

Jasper had outdone himself. I giggled, amused at what I just noticed.

A Jacuzzi.

I slapped his arm teasingly.

"What?... I didn't buy it, Spencer did," Jasper admitted quickly. "It was his welcome home gift. He thought we would enjoy it." Jasper's voice turned sexy and rough as he squeezed me tightly to his chest, kissing my earlobe.

"Yeah, sure he did. I bet you begged him to buy that," I joked, squirming a bit in his grasp because of his breath tickling my neck.

"Maybe..." he smirked, pulling away from me, but taking my hand in his.

"But there's more," he told me, his southern accent coming out in his excitement. More...?

He was trying to hold back a smile as he led me across the bedroom to a door. He motioned for me to go in.

I waited for a moment, searching his eyes, and then turned to the door, pushing it open.

Heaven.

That was the only word that came to mind as I opened the door to my own paradise. The clothes closet.

Naturally, he had made sure it was huge! It was just as big as our bedroom and waiting to be filled with all of my clothes.

I squealed, thrilled, jumping up and down. Jasper chuckled to himself from behind me, probably watching me with full amusement.

"It's perfect!" I told him, turning around to see his amused, but very pleased look.

"But you know that this means we'll have to go shopping... you know... to fill it up," I murmured quietly, my head down looking at the ground.

"I figured as much..." he grumbled playfully.

I grinned thankfully at him and pecked his lips.

"Thanks," I whispered lovingly to him, thanking him for everything that he had done.

"Anytime." He pressed his lips together tightly and ran a finger through my hair.

"Now for the bathroom!" he announced, turning back into his excited state.

He walked ahead quickly, making me jog to catch up to him. He opened a different door in the room, walking in before me this time.

He grinned widely at it as I walked in behind him. The room was almost as large as every other one I had seen. There was a huge tub and shower... and then there it was. The thing that he was smiling so happily at. A TV screen positioned so that you could watch from the bath tub if you wanted.

What a boyfriend... I was pretty sure that Emmett had been a bad influence on him.

But I couldn't complain about the bathroom. It was almost elegant... other than the TV. There was a little part of the wall sticking out, filled with tons of pebbles that water trickled down on soothingly. The sink was one of those old-fashioned styles that looked like a huge bowl.

"Esme helped me plan this one... Emmett's idea was the TV," he explained, touching the water that was flowing onto the rocks.

I nodded approvingly at him. I loved how he had tried to include everyone in the planning. They had all been proud of us, but still sad to see us go.

I felt the sadness of leaving them coming through me. I started to feel a little homesick for Forks. I missed them already. And Nick, who was now in Texas. And Bella and Mack...

I felt my lips turn a bit into a frown.

"Darling?" Jasper said softly, his finger lightly touching my cheek. "You all right? If you don't like it, we can change something... we can do it over if you want... I was just trying different things out—" I cut him off, pressing my fingers to his lips.

"No, it's perfect Jasper. You know exactly what I want," I assured him, tiptoeing to kiss his lips reassuringly.

He smiled against them but then pulled back, concern still evident in his eyes.

"Then what's wrong?" he questioned me, a sad look starting to fill his eyes.

I rested my head on his chest and let a deep breath out.

"I'm going to miss them..." I whispered painfully, the realization of the whole situation taking me over.

I could feel Jasper shaking his head. He took me in his arms and started to lead me out of the bathroom and back into the hallway.

"Look, love, they are all here with us all the time. See?" He directed my head in the direction of the wall, where all the pictures hung.

He was right. They were all right there, smiling up at me. There, in the center of the wall, was a picture of the Cullen family, including us. They had insisted on us being in their family portrait with them.

I smiled softly at it, moving closer to the wall to see the other pictures.

There was Johnny, sticking his tongue out at the camera. How I'd miss those playful blue eyes and adorable blonde curls.

I would miss him so much, too. His cheerful spirit always brightened everything up. I remembered our farewell to him.

"_New York?" Johnny questioned us sadly, his big blue eyes fading from his normal happiness. ___

_"Is that really far?" He looked up at Jasper, pouting, his eyes glistening just a bit. _

_Jasper got down on his knees so that he was at Johnny's level. ___

_"It's pretty far," Jasper told him honestly. He put his big hand on Johnny's small shoulder. _

"_But we are going to visit you...and bring you presents!" Jasper smirked as Johnny's eyes lit up at the word. Johnny glanced up at me for the confirmation. I nodded happily at him. _

"_Who's going to teach my class now...?" Johnny pouted again, crossing his arms across his chest, looking stubborn. _

"_I guess you'll get a new teacher. Maybe a cute girl," Jasper said jokingly to Johnny. ___

_Johnny wrinkled his nose slightly in disgust. _

"_Eww," he giggled, his laughter causing both Jasper and me to grin. _

"_Will you come back for the competition this year?" he asked, his eyes serious again. The way that he said it meant that the idea was not up for negotiation. We _were_ going to come back. ___

_Jasper tilted his head to the side, looking Johnny hard in the eye. _

"_I promise," he vowed to him, pulling him into him for a hug. He squeezed Johnny hard against him. _

"_I love you, buddy. You can call us for anything, okay? I gave our numbers to your mom, so you just have to ask her, okay?" Jasper instructed him, pulling him away so that he could look him in the eyes again. _

"_Okay!" Johnny grinned, happy that he had our numbers. "I love you too!"___

_He leaned forward and softly kissed Jasper's forehead like he had when he was sick. His love for Jasper was so strong.___

_Jasper's eyes were full of emotion as he stood up from this little boy; the one light that he had had in his life before I had even come along. _

_Johnny turned, his toothy grin sparkling as he made his way to me, stretching his arms up. I knelt down, hugging him fondly. _

"_Be good while we're gone, 'kay?" I told him, running a hand through his wild, blonde curls.___

_Johnny gave me a long roll of his eyes, giggling. _

"_I will!" he promised, pulling away to move back to Jasper. _

"_I brought something for you to remember me by," Johnny said shyly, reaching into his backpack, rummaging around in it. ___

_He pulled a red piece of material out, but once I could see it, I noticed it was the red jacket. The same red jacket that Johnny had gotten to look like Jasper's the time that he had told Jasper that he wanted to be just like him. _

_Jasper's eyes softened to liquid. He smiled affectionately at Johnny and bent down to accept it._

"_I won't ever forget you, bud," Jasper promised, messing up his hair playfully. Johnny let out a fit of giggles, his laughter ringing over the parking lot. He was too cute... _

_Jasper stood up and his fingers slipped between mine, his smile sad as he looked at Johnny for the last time before he left. _

"_See you later, little man," Jasper said to him, waving goodbye. _

"_Bye Jasper. Bye Alice!" Johnny called as we turned to leave. ___

_"Don't forget my present!" he giggled, leaving us with last words that matched his personality perfectly._

Jasper stood beside me, his arm sneaking around my waist. He pulled me into him as he looked at the same picture, showing that he missed him, too.

I turned my head to the next picture, smiling happily at it. Mack was sitting on the swing set at the park, smiling widely at me. It was the real smile with his dimples.

Our goodbye I wouldn't forget. Ever.

"_What? You are leaving me!? After all we've been through you are going to hang me out to dry like this? I thought we were in love!" Mack exclaimed dramatically, a smirk tugging on his lips. ___

_I rolled my eyes at him and he chuckled. _

"_That's good, Alice. You are going to work at that dream job. It's about time!" Mack changed to his normal, composed self, giving me a pleased look as he leaned against a tree trunk. ___

_He ran his hand through his hair, tugging on it softly, showing me that he did feel a bit worried about it. _

"_Thanks, Mack. Are you going to be okay here without me?" I asked a bit teasingly, but also honestly. ___

_I had been here to keep him straight and in the right mind. There had been a few times when he had called me to talk him through a craving. Once, he had called me kind of late, so Jasper and I had gone out to meet him and just keep him company for a while. ___

_He was speaking with his family again, though, which helped him a lot. Though he would never fully be the person that he had been with Katie again, I knew that he could get awfully close.___

_I just hoped that he could stay straight when I left. _

_He scoffed at me, sending a look of disbelief.___

_"I can behave," he glared at me, mockingly. _

_He stepped forward so that he was in front of me and sighed, his eyes turning serious. _

"_I'll miss you though. Who is going to put up with all of my pick up lines?" he smirked, raising an unsure eyebrow at me. ___

_I chuckled and smiled sadly. _

"_We'll have to find someone," I stated seriously, nodding my head in confirmation. Mack returned the same nod. _

"_I'll take care of myself, Alice," he assured me, answering honestly this time. ___

_He reached up and moved some hair off of my forehead. "I hope that you and Jasper have your happily ever after in New York. You deserve it."___

_"Thanks, Mack," I said quietly, sad to say goodbye. ___

_He smiled widely at me, his eyes light and soft, showing me that he was sincere._

"_And thanks for saving me... I didn't deserve any of it. You are really something, Alice Cullen." ___

_He leaned forward and left a tender kiss on my cheek before turning and walking away before I could say anything else. He was looking strong and together as I watched him walking away. _

Shortly after he had left, when I put my hand back in my jacket pocket, there was a note in it.

_If I had a million boogers I'd still pick you... _

One last pickup from Mack. He was gross.

I chuckled softly, remembering reading it.

I looked over other pictures, seeing tons of pictures of Jasper and me. Our graduation pictures, which looked adorable. Then there were pictures of Bella and me. Nick and Jasper, before we had gone to the ceremony. Nick, Jasper, and me making goofy faces... there were even pictures of Spencer and me with my parents.

I bursted out laughing when I saw a picture of Mike Newton randomly hanging on the wall.

"Mike?" I questioned Jasper in disbelief. Jasper smiled softly at me and shrugged, his eyes sparkling with mischief.

"Didn't want you to miss him," he snickered, dodging my playful smack.

I scowled at him, but wrapped my arms around his neck. I looked into his eyes, letting all of my love pour through my gaze.

"Thank you, Jazz." I thanked him again, for everything. He knew me too well.

Jasper pulled me closer, his arms tugging on me.

"You are very welcome, darling. I would give anything to have you, just you and me, forever," he sang into my ear as he always did, making my heart skip a beat.

How had I ever been so lucky to find a guy like this? So amazing, so perfect for me...so Jasper.

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_JPOV_

I watched my love skip around the living room, putting everything in it's place as I lounged out on the long couch. She looked so happy and so excited, I couldn't help but smile as I watched her work her magic, arranging everything perfectly.

"Jazz." Alice was looking at a picture frame, pondering. She inched it a bit the other way and took a step back, looking thoughtful.

"Which way looks better?" she asked me, her face scrunched up in concentration.

I chuckled under my breath and got up, standing behind her, looking over her shoulder. I reached over her shoulder and turned it the opposite way and pushed it back just a bit.

"How about that?" I suggested, hiding a small smirk.

Alice ran a hand through her hair, the movement exactly how mine was when I was stressed. I couldn't help but laugh a little at how we had managed to pick up some of each others habits.

"What?" she complained, turning around, a little annoyed look on her face.

I shrugged innocently and just shook my head dismissively.

She rolled her eyes, the annoyance in them fading away as she realized I was trying to lighten the mood. She turned back around and leaned against my chest.

"You are just so adorable when you are thinking," I admitted, wrapping my arms around her waist.

Her fingers came up and wrapped around mine, but she didn't respond more than that. Her mind just went back to the picture, which made me smile even wider. Adorable...

"I think you got it perfect," she informed me after a minute, sighing in relief that the problem was fixed.

"Of course I did," I said, sounding conceited.

Alice scoffed and I could practically feel her roll her eyes.

"I make everything perfect, don't I darling?" I murmured, a smile still plastered across my face, my voice teasing.

I breathed deeply, smelling her hair, letting all of my senses fade away as I drifted into her little world. Everything was her. Everything I saw, everything I smelled, everything I heard or tasted... it was all Alice.

"Mm-hmm," she whispered almost breathlessly, her head falling back to my shoulder, tilting up so she could see my face.

"You make everything perfect..." she said to my face, her eyes flooded with love and affection.

I felt my senses melt away at her warm gaze.

"As do you, darling," I whispered back, serious this time, turning her around in my arms.

"I know," she smirked, her voice teasing now. It was my turn to roll my eyes.

"I guess we are just two perfect people," she shrugged, pressing her forehead lightly to mine. I lost myself in her beautiful green eyes that were glazing over slightly, as well, staring into mine.

I hummed a bit in thought and shook my head against hers.

"We are two imperfect people, who became perfect together," I suggested to her, rubbing my nose softly against her, causing her to giggle.

She nodded her head in agreement, pulling back just a bit to kiss the tip of my nose, adorably.

Then, I surprised her by pulling her into my arms and catching her lips with mine. She giggled against me as I carried her into our bedroom.

"You were more perfect though," she whispered with a grin, her eyes dancing with mischief and happiness as I sat her on the bed.

I scowled at the statement and shook my head in refusal.

"Not quite, darling. If I remember correctly, I was about to fight your cousin when I met you. That's not very perfect. And you were going to hug him, that's a bit more perfect," I corrected her.

But she just shrugged nonchalantly and wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me onto the bed with her.

"You're perfect for me..." she breathed, her eyes meeting mine for a short moment before they closed.

Her mouth slowly inched toward mine. She kissed me to seal the words that she had just said.

I slipped my hands under the back of her shirt and pulled her closer to me, letting my hands slide over her smooth skin as she deepened the kiss.

I had no idea how she had found me so perfect when I was so imperfect, but now, the reason didn't matter. All of that was behind me. I was a different person back then.

We had started our new life, just Alice and me.

She moved so that her hands could trail across my stomach before finally pulling my shirt over my head. She stared at my chest with a small smile playing on her lips and then moved her hands to her own shirt.

"What are you doing?" I whispered as she tugged it off.

She wrapped her arms around my neck and leaned in, her body warm against mine.

"It's okay," she whispered back, her voice so innocent and carefree.

"Are you sure?" I asked. I didn't want to push her.

She nodded, "I just wanted to be a little bit closer to you," she said quietly before biting my earlobe teasingly. "Welcome home."

Everything was perfect.

_SPOV_

I yawned widely, trying desperately to keep my eyes open. I hadn't slept the last few days. It seemed like something in me was anxious, waiting for something. It was like on Christmas Eve as a kid, when you knew Santa was bringing your present, so you couldn't sleep.

I wasn't sure if it was the anxiety or the dreams that were keeping me from sleep. Sometimes I loved to sleep, to escape... but other times it was just much too painful. Her face haunted my dreams and lately they seemed more real than ever. I hated to wake up and not see her. All I saw were blank, indistinguishable faces... people who meant nothing to me.

Reality sucked.

I either never slept or slept too much... and it was always extremely restless or extremely deep and full of dreams that would never come true. So I stayed away from bed, keeping caffeine in my blood, and my mind in my work. What a way to live... dreading every waking moment of it.

The only times I cherished were the times I got to see her. Alice. Those were the times I craved, silently begged for. Even if she wasn't holding me, as long as she was there, things were a lot better.

I buzzed for one of the interns when I saw one walk into the office. I needed more caffeine.

A cheerful girl around my age strolled into the room, a wide smile on her face. Her name was Kayla. She had been here for a month now, since the start of summer, I guessed.

She was a good worker, but dreadfully annoying. At least once a week since she had been here, she would ask me out on a date. No matter how many times I said no, she would just ask again. Persistent.

"Yes, Spencer?" she asked, putting her hands on my desk. I groaned internally.

I guess it wasn't that she was _annoying_... she wasn't a bad girl. She was pretty, smart, talented, efficient, and a hard worker. She just... wasn't Alice. And it was extremely stressful every time I had to reject her.

"Could you get me some coffee?" I asked her, setting down my sketching pencil, looking at her politely.

She tilted her head to the side, her long brown hair covering some of her face.

"_Well_, I was just about to go out for lunch... and you look pretty hungry... why don't you join me? I'm sure your mom wouldn't mind," she offered softly, giving me a bright smile. Oh, if she only knew how much my mom really _would_ mind.

I opened my mouth to refuse as always, but she cut me off.

"Come on, Spencer. It's just a lunch. I'm not asking you to marry me... I'm just asking for a chance," she said quickly, her eyes pleading with me.

I leaned back in my chair, chewing thoughtfully on my bottom lip. I wasn't going to go on a date with her. I wasn't going to go on a date with _anyone_.

"Kayla, I will have lunch with you, but it's not a date," I agreed to go with her, adding my own conditions.

She pressed her lips together for a moment then shrugged, agreeing.

"We'll see how it goes," she mumbled, turning around happily, but stopped at the door, waiting for me.

I sighed stressfully, grabbing my sunglasses. I stood up and my eyes flashed to the picture and Alice and me on my desk.

Her big green eyes stared back at me as she grinned up at me. I smiled back. No... I could never date anyone else.

I followed Kayla out of my office, only to be stopped by my mom.

"Spencer, love, where are you going?" my mother asked, gliding out of her office, her eyes looking over Kayla carefully.

"I'm just going to pick up some lunch with Kayla, if that's all right?" I informed her, telling her how it was. Exactly how it was. Nothing more, nothing less.

My mom's nose wrinkled a bit, meaning she was either disgusted or annoyed, though I figured she was probably both.

"Yes, that's fine. Don't forget Alice is coming into town today, though. You should probably stop by and see her," she instructed me, emphasizing Alice's name, giving Kayla a quick look.

Sometimes I wondered how my mother didn't scare these girls away. She looked pretty vicious. I'd be scared...

"I would never forget, Mom. I'll be back soon," I assured her with a small, amused smirk.

My mom smiled approvingly at me and nodded. I stepped forward and pecked her cheek goodbye and she walked back into her office, speaking quietly to Charlotte, Alice's mom. Gossiping again...

"You're always such a gentlemen. Don't you ever just loosen up?" Kayla asked, her words sounding a bit blunt.

I turned around to see her watching me with narrowed eyes.

"Is there something wrong with being polite?" I questioned her, walking forward. I was uncomfortable with her scrutinizing me.

She quickly caught up and shrugged, her face looked like she was thinking about it.

"No, but you are always so respectful and doing exactly what your mom and Mrs. Cullen say. It's like you are a robot or the perfect little son. Do you ever do anything to rebel a little? I don't mean going out and burglarizing or anything, but I mean sneaking out for a joy ride or going to a house party with friends..." she spoke curiously, looking up at my face, totally serious.

The perfect son, I laughed bitterly to myself. If only. According to my father, I was probably the worst son in the world.

I thought of the joy rides with Alice, or the few times that we would sneak out for a night with friends. Nothing crazy, just high school teenager stuff...

But she wasn't mine anymore. And I had a job to do. A serious job. The fashion industry wasn't a joke. And so what if I tried hard? Maybe I liked the approval of my mom. Plus I agreed with her on this one... visiting Alice was on my schedule.

Kayla looked at me oddly, as I had laughed.

"Not quite the perfect son, sorry," I managed to mumble as we took the elevator to the bottom floor.

Kayla just rolled her eyes sarcastically. She pretended like she knew me or something, I thought bitterly.

The ride down the elevator was silent. I put my sunglasses on, ready for any cameras. The elevator opened and we walked through the lobby.

"Who's Alice?" Kayla asked me, a bit hesitantly, as I opened the door of the building for her. How was it that every time I heard her name, my stomach fluttered? Even after knowing her my whole life, it still felt nervous and giddy.

"Someone who means a lot to me," I informed her, departing from the building and heading down the street.

Kayla nodded slowly, but frowned because I was so cryptic.

I felt like I was being rude, but I really thought I was losing my social skills. Especially when I didn't want to be around people too much.

"Is she your girlfriend?" she questioned me, a bit too curiously.

I sighed softly and shook my head, still not even being able to say it out loud.

Kayla's face broke out in a wide, flirty grin.

I immediately looked away, looking over the passing pedestrians. I was getting a feeling that this whole lunch thing wasn't going to work out well. She was too eager, and I definitely wasn't ready for this.

"Why was she so important to your mom?" Kayla asked me.

"Do you always ask this many questions?" I grumbled, running a stressed hand through my hair. I stepped forward and opened the cafe door for her.

She smiled warmly at me, going into the cafe, and I followed her.

"No, you just always seem to keep to yourself. I don't know anything about you," she explained to me politely, taking a seat at a table near the windows.

I sat down across from her, shuffling in the seat a bit anxiously. Alice and Jasper should be arriving at their condo apartment soon... I wanted to see what she thought of the fashion room.

"So? Why is she so important to your mom?" Kayla questioned me, again. I sighed.

"Because Alice is like a daughter to her," I explained, sounding uncaring.

I knew exactly why. They wanted us to be together as much as I wanted it. But unlike me, they still thought there was a chance. I knew Alice too well, though. She...she wouldn't be leaving Jasper.

Kayla was silent for a moment, pondering something. Her eyes flashed suddenly and her head snapped to mine, staring straight into my eyes.

"Alice _Cullen_?" she wondered, realization flowing into her eyes.

The waitress walked over to take our orders. I felt greatly relieved by that; at least I could stall away from more questions for a second.

I just ordered a coffee, not feeling hungry at the moment.

"Yes, she is Alice Cullen," I confirmed nonchalantly.

Kayla raised a curious eyebrow, taking a sip of her water.

"And that's who they want you to go out with, right?"

"Yes..." I answered slowly, wanting to leave.

Kayla seemed to be thinking now, going silent for a moment. I used that to my advantage.

"So, how'd you get the internship at Cullen and Wright industries?" I asked her, trying to change the subject.

The waitress brought me my coffee and Kayla her lunch. Kayla took a bite of her food and looked at me. She chewed quickly, swallowing her food before answering.

"I was at a fashion school and your mom offered me an internship," she told me softly. I hadn't noticed how her hazel eyes stared into me, reading me.

I ducked my head, breaking the connection she had on me. I grabbed my cup of coffee, taking a long sip of it.

"Why do you always look so sad?" she asked, her soft voice turning even quieter. My eyes flashed up to hers quickly, wondering how she knew that, but then I realized everyone knew. It was all over the magazines, all over the world.

"I am not sad," I stated through tight lips, my hands dropping on the table.

Kayla's smile that had been present the whole time slipped away, her eyes saddening.

"You don't have to pretend to be happy. I'm here, if you ever need to talk or something," Kayla whispered to me, her fingertips grazing over my hand.

I jumped back, off the chair, stumbling.

Not Alice's touch. That was not Alice's touch. My mind repeated, I hated it not being her touch. It was nothing against Kayla-- hell, she had been nothing but nice to me. Overly nice. More nice than I deserved. It just... she wasn't Alice.

I felt my hand shaking, begging to be able to feel Alice's touch, but all I felt was Kayla's.

I hadn't let anyone else touch me like that since I had been with Alice. I didn't want anyone to ever take the feeling of her away from me. I needed to feel her.

"Spencer, it's okay. I'm sorry. Come sit down," Kayla said, standing up.

I shook my head quickly, emotions hitting me. Why would she do that? I didn't want her to touch me...

"Thanks for lunch. I have to get back to work," I said quickly through gritted teeth. I dropped a few bills on the table to pay for the lunch. Then, I hurried out, not sure if I could wait to see Alice again at her and Jasper's new place.

Alice and Jasper... not Alice and Spencer. Spencer and Kayla? Kayla and Spencer? It just sounded _wrong._

What if I couldn't stand another person's touch for the rest of my life?... What if I never got Alice back...? She was never coming back to me...

What if I was stuck alone for the rest of my life?

I wanted Alice back. I had never done anything to deserve to lose her! Why did I have to lose her? Why couldn't I just get another chance?

___________________________________________________________________________________

**Author's Note: And that my friends was the first chapter of Forgotten Hope. The song I have dedicated for this chapter is Happy Together by Simple Plan, you can find the link on my profile. You can also go to my profile and check out the blog link, which has been updated with some stuff from me and my beta from the beginning to the ending of Hope and a little on the sequel, and you can comment on it in the Hope Forum also on my Profile. **

**Now for your feelings *nervousness* How was the first chapter of the Sequel, tell me! Leave a review! We missed you guys!  
Have a great day! **


	2. Forgotten Hope

**Author's Note: yes it's an earlier update! Surprise! We decided we'd post this one early, enjoy! **

Forgotten Hope Chapter 2- Forgotten Hope

_APOV_

I flew around in the air in a circle, squealing. Jasper had picked me up, carrying me over his shoulder back to our room. His smile gleamed brighter than ever.

Jasper began to tickle me on the way back to our room, poking and pinching at my stomach. I wiggled as much as I could in his grasp, trying to get out of it. My eyes were watering from the tears of laughter.

"Stop!" I choked out through my giggles. I hit his back softly in protest, taking deep breaths to try to keep breathing.

Jasper chuckled to himself and dropped me down on the bed. He stood over me, looking so carefree. He was totally and utterly happy and I loved it.

He patted my thigh softly as I grinned up at him.

"We are going in the Jacuzzi, with or without your agreement," Jasper informed me, his voice full of playfulness and mischief.

Already, I absolutely loved this new apartment with Jasper. I had never felt closer to him or so happy... and it had only been a day.

"Everyone is coming over soon, though, Jazz!" I whined, sitting up and giving him my famous and irresistible pout.

Jasper rolled his eyes and leaned down to me, his eyes sparkling.

"Well, we have to make sure that they know how much we are enjoying the apartment, don't we?" he smirked, giving me the most adorable look I had ever seen.

I giggled as I looked at him, amused.

"You're a goof," I murmured, flicking the tip of his nose with my index finger.

He shrugged innocently and gave me an impatient look. I sighed softly and nodded, giving in.

"Fine, but only quickly. Just a dip, in and out. Like... two minutes. Okay?" I offered. His whole face lit up with a wide, excited smile. He headed to one of the boxes of his clothes, opening it to search for his bathing suit.

"Sure," he mumbled and I suspected it wouldn't be quick by the smirk in his voice.

He rummaged through his boxes while I walked to the kitchen, already knowing where my bathing suit was. I figured I would start dinner for when everyone got here.

My parents and Spencer and his parents were coming over for dinner tonight. It was for a little welcome home kind of thing. It wasn't going to be a great dinner, since we didn't have anything in the house.

I thought for a moment and then picked up a Chinese food menu that had been in a stack of papers on the counter. This would have to be what I called 'getting dinner ready,' at least for now. I knew it wasn't elegant, but I didn't have time or anything to cook with. This would have to do.

I called the place, giving them my order and address. Overall, 'making dinner' took me about twenty minutes. I started wondering where Jasper was.

Then I heard our bedroom door open and Jasper dragging his feet over the carpeted floor.

"What's wrong, Jazz?" I asked as he came into the room, a bit of a frustrated look on his face.

I skipped forward and smoothed the shirt out on his chest, giving him an encouraging smile.

Then I looked over him for a moment. He was fully dressed in black slacks and black dress shirt, ready for the dinner.

"Couldn't find your bathing suit?" I asked him sadly, running my thumb over his bottom lip, trying to put the smile back on his face.

"No," he grumbled, still good naturedly. His eyes smothered me with a deep love.

"You matched your clothes without me, though!" I smiled widely up at him, pride shining through me. He was getting it!

He smirked at me and covered my hand that was still on his chest.

"Yes, darling. Sometimes I _have _been known to dress myself," Jasper chuckled, sticking his tongue out at me, making me laugh back at him.

Then I rolled my eyes and tiptoed up to give him a quick kiss.

"And you did amazingly," I assured him, smiling as his eyes lit up at my approval. My_ approval._ Like I could ever disapprove of anything he did. He always did everything right for me... he knew what the right thing was.

A knock on the door broke our gazes at each other. I stared at the door, a smile tugging onto my lips. "Guess it's good that you couldn't find your bathing suit, huh?" I asked with a smile. Luckily, I had already dressed dinner-worthy today, so it wasn't a big deal that I hadn't changed clothes for dinner.

"Ready, my love?" Jasper asked, dropping our hands from his chest, but keeping them entangled.

The excitement rushed through my body and I skipped forward, causing Jasper to laugh. I swung the door open and the two pairs of parents stood smiling widely at us.

I noticed the mothers' noses wrinkle slightly as they saw our hands together, but I ignored it.

"Alice!" my mom called in a pleasant voice, letting go of my dad's hand to quickly wrap me up in a hug.

"How are you, my dear?" she asked me, smoothing my hair out, giving me a fond look.

I smiled happily up at her, giving her a squeeze of a hug.

"I'm great, mom," I replied as she let me go, moving out of the way so that the others could make their way in.

The next was my dad opening his arms and giving me a tight, fatherly hug.

"Hey, baby girl," he murmured, kissing my forehead lovingly. He stepped back and looked me up and down before giving an approving nod. I knew he had been worried about me. I _was_ his only little girl.

"Looks like you brought her back alive," my dad chuckled, moving to Jasper, surprising him by gathering him up in a tight bear hug.

Jasper look stunned for a moment, especially because he wasn't particularly used to the touch of someone other than me. But his face quickly turned into a wide, sparkling grin as he hugged my dad back.

"I did, indeed, sir. Like I promised," Jasper smirked back, leaning over to kiss my cheek adoringly.

I rolled my eyes at the fact that my dad had told Jasper to bring me back alive.

Though there _had_ been a few close calls...

I heard Olivia clear her throat softly, a little smirk on her lips, waiting for her welcome.

I laughed softly and looked over to her, her arms open and waiting for me, her dream daughter...

"Finally back home," she sighed, tapping my back gently as we hugged.

I nodded against her shoulder, but not totally agreeing with her. I believed that I was home the whole time, with Jasper. Jasper would always be my home.

Next was Jim, Spencer's dad. He stood with a wide grin on his face, looking down at me, like the second father that he apparently was to me.

"Bring your butt over here and give me a hug," he grumbled playfully. I skipped forward willingly, wrapping my arms around his waist, giving it a tight squeeze.

He pulled back and messed up my hair, making me shove him away and run back to hide behind Jasper, giving Jim a smug smile. He couldn't mess with me with Jasper there.

Jim reminded me of Emmett... so playful and good-natured. Except for his one big flaw... how he treated Spencer. I remembered seeing their interaction a few times when I had visited...

Jasper interrupted my thoughts with a chuckle and turned around, wrapping his arm around my waist.

"He can't mess your hair up with me around. Don't worry, darling," he vowed to me, giving Jim a protective, but amused look.

Jim just rolled his eyes and smiled, offering Jasper his hand. They shook hands for a moment and then they all walked in.

"The place looks nice," my mom told us, running her hands over the top of the sofa.

My dad looked over and nodded happily in agreement.

"How did you manage to rent a place like this?" Olivia asked Jasper, a perplexed look on her face. The words sounded a bit rude, if you asked me, but Jasper let it slide.

"Lots of money saved and some help from Alice's parents," he informed her, giving my parents an appreciative smile. "And I am very grateful for that," he added on quickly.

"It's no problem. We are just so glad that you guys decided to move to New York!" My dad waved it off, falling onto the couch.

I loved my dad. From what I remembered of him, he was always carefree and positive. That's where I got my optimistic attitude, I was sure of it.

Jim joined my dad on the couch and grabbed the remote. The two men made themselves completely at home.

Olivia rolled her eyes at them and chuckled.

"How about you go join them Jasper?" my mom suggested, nudging him forward, toward them.

He looked over at me first, looking for approval.

"Yep, go have fun and don't say anything stupid!" I joked, hitting his hip lightly with mine, teasing him because I could see the nervousness in his eyes.

"I'll try," he smirked and ducked down, kissing me right in front of the Anti Jasper and Alice team.

He pulled away and walked over to the couch, sitting down as well. I watched them for a moment as the guys instantly included Jasper in their conversation. Maybe the transition into their lives would be easier than we thought.

"Alice, darling, come sit with us," Olivia invited, tapping a chair in the kitchen, next to where they had sat.

I strolled over and took my place, sitting at the end of the table.

"So we are excited to get you back at the company. The workers just finished your office," Olivia informed me, getting it to the point quickly, showing their excitement.

I couldn't help the smile that spread over my face. I was excited to get back as well; it was my dream.

"Really? I can't wait!" I told them, smiling widely from my mom to Olivia.

"Yep. It's going to be pretty busy when you get back, but I'm sure you'll immerse yourself in it and be just fine," my mom told me with a smile.

"Lots of work," Olivia agreed, "I hope it doesn't have a negative effect on your time with Jasper."

I raised an eyebrow at her, trying to stay polite. I had a feeling that she didn't _know _when she said something rude... I think it sort of just slipped out sometimes.

"I'm sure we'll be fine," I smiled.

My mom was about to say something when a thump came from the door. That must be Spencer, fashionably late as always.

I jumped up and noticed my mom and Olivia share a look together, pleased by my reaction. I was surprised, myself, at how fast I had jumped up. I must have missed the boy more than I knew. I had talked to him, but I hadn't seen him since before the incident with Greg. He had stopped by to pick Nick up, but I had been too tired and out of it to really get to see him.

I opened the door, seeing Spencer holding a tray full of bags of Chinese in one hand and a bottle of champagne in the other.

"Sorry I'm late. But I have food! Well, actually, I took it from the delivery guy, but same thing," Spencer chuckled.

I noticed his eyes were dark and looking dull. His whole face looked terribly devastated. He looked...well, _bad._ Much like the magazine picture I had seen a while ago.

But as always, he tried to cover it up with a plastered smile on his face. He kicked me softly with the toe of his foot, bringing me out of my thoughts. I must have been standing there for a moment.

"Gonna let me, hun?" he asked, tilting his head to the side a bit.

I nodded quickly and opened the door wider for him, letting him into the apartment. He took his shoes off swiftly and put the big box of food down on the kitchen counter.

I just realized he must have paid for it and instantly went to get my purse. I took my wallet out and moved over to Spencer, who was leaning against the counter, waiting for me.

"How much was it?" I asked him, opening my wallet, waiting for a response.

He scoffed at me like I was being ridiculous.

"I think I have money to spare," he smirked, flashing me his knee-weakening smile. "Now tell me how you felt about the room?" he asked, almost too quickly.

I noticed the anxiety in his eyes, but tried to push my guilt of putting it there aside.

Instead, I squealed loudly and grabbed his hand, jumping up and down slightly, showing how much I truly loved the room.

Everyone in the room turned their heads our way, trying to see what the excitement was all about. I mostly noticed Spencer's reaction, though.

At first, I thought he was relieved that I liked the room, but then I realized it was something more. It was like every muscle in his body relaxed. Like something had been horribly wrong all day and then it just slipped away. The light entered his eyes again.

"I'm taking it you liked it then," he smiled widely, squeezing my hand gently.

I took in a sharp, involuntary breath when I felt the sensation that had been coming from Spencer's touch and his look for a while now.

I blocked it out quickly, slipping my hand out from his, making it look casual.

"Yes, it's a yes. It's amazing!" I confirmed, shifting slightly to reach behind him and grab the bags of food.

Spencer followed me, grabbing bags on his way.

We set the table together, much to the amusement and pleasure of our mothers.

I just rolled my eyes at Spencer and he chuckled under his breath, giving me a knowing look.

After we got everything on the table, Spencer came over to where everyone was. "Dinner is ready!" he announced.

He opened the champagne as everyone came over to get situated at the table. He started pouring into all of the glasses as Jasper grabbed two bottles of water out of the fridge for himself and me.

When Spencer went to pour some champagne into my glass, I politely declined. That got my mother started.

"Oh no, pour a glass for Alice, Spencer. It's okay sweetie, you always drink at dinner with us," she explained with a smile.

"No, really, I'm okay. Thanks, though," I said quickly, feeling a bit awkward as they all looked at me. Jasper and I didn't drink alcohol. Not after Steve. It would be too hard on either of us.

"Have a little, Alice! Granted, it's not the usual champagne you like, but we figured we'd get something special to celebrate your homecoming!" Olivia encouraged.

The usual champagne? "Umm..." I bit my lip, trying to figure out how to say no again, politely.

Spencer saved me. "Maybe she'll want some later. Let's start off slow," he said, skipping my glass and giving me a small wink.

I smiled gratefully at him as he moved to Jasper.

"None for you either, Jasper?" Spencer asked.

My mother gave me a strange look, but I ignored her.

"No. Thank you, Spencer," Jazz said casually, giving him a small smile of appreciation.

Jasper took his seat beside me at the table and leaned over.

"Smells great, my love. I never knew you could cook Chinese," Jasper snickered, lightening the mood. He knew that I had cheated and ordered in instead of cooking for them.

"Surprise!" I told him back, grabbing his hand under the table, intertwining our fingers together. He knew how to bring me back into a cheerful mood.

Jasper played with my fingers throughout dinner, enjoying the dinner a lot. I was surprised at how easily and smoothly it went by after the initial awkwardness.

The parents stayed well mannered with Jasper and Jasper did the same. Jim only made a few rude remarks to Spencer, which I scowled at. Jasper squeezed my hand reassuringly when that happened, but Spencer always ignored him.

The food was good. I made a mental note to keep that Chinese food place in mind for our next craving.

All in all, it was a perfect homecoming dinner.

The end of the night came quickly, unfortunately. The parents left, needing their sleep. Spencer departed a little while after that, handing back to work, apparently needing to finish something. I wondered why he was finishing things so late, but he explained, as Olivia had said earlier, that things were very busy right now.

Immediately after they had all gone, Jasper stripped his shirt off and began to walk toward our room, groaning. I could see the black bags around his eyes. It had been a long few days with getting everything ready for moving.

I started to put everything away and throw the garbage into the can.

Jasper came out of the room wearing just his sweat pants, the kind he always wore when going to sleep. He helped me clean everything up, both of us working together silently, peacefully, too tired to speak.

After I cleaned the last thing off of the table, I yawned widely.

Jasper grabbed my hand, tugging me to bed. He sat me down on the bed, taking my socks off and massaging my feet tenderly, trying to relax me.

I sighed contently, letting myself fall back in the bed while he worked wonders with his fingers.

After a while, he put my feet back down and crawled into bed. I knew he was getting tired, so I got up and changed my clothes quickly, wanting to get back to where Jasper was already in bed, waiting for me.

I changed, brushed my teeth, and then stumbled tiredly back over to him.

He pulled the covers back, letting me get into the bed. I slipped under them, cuddling into his warmth, sighing again at how great it felt.

Jasper's hands rubbed up and down my back for a minute, and then he stopped, putting his head down beside mine as we stared into each others eyes.

"I love you, darling," he whispered, sleep already filling his voice.

I smiled widely at the words that meant most to me in my life.

"I love you too, Jazz. More than anything," I murmured back lovingly. I lightly pressed my lips to his, feeling his body relax around me at the touch.

He moved his lips up and kissed my forehead, bringing me closer to him.

"You are my everything," Jasper said to me, his voice so smooth even though he was drifting to sleep. Those words were the last thing I heard before I fell into a deep slumber.

A dream immediately took over my mind.

_Everything seemed really blurry, not like my normal dreams of the future. I couldn't see faces, but I heard weeping. _

"_She's gone."___

_I heard someone's voice, but it was muffled, far off. It sounded so broken and deprived... I felt my heart breaking for this person. _

_The dream went black suddenly._

_Then, the blurry images came back. It seemed sort of like the dream I had earlier in Forks, when the situation with my being kidnapped was going on. But instead of dark and light flashes, everything was blurry this time. Pixelated. _

_This time, the voice I heard was relaxed, cheerful. ___

_"Nothing is wrong. For once." ___

_I still couldn't tell the voice, or face. It bothered me greatly. But the voice started to heal the brokenness from the last one. _

_Blackness took over once again and then as fast as it came it left, filling with blurry images. _

"_He has given up so much for her and he should never have to lose her!" I heard someone shout. The voice was filled with rage and hate. I still had no idea who it was. ___

_I squinted my eyes, trying to make it out, but before I could, it turned black. _

I sat up with a gasp, waking up out of the dream, my face wet with tears.

What was that...? Who was that? What happened?

"Alice? Are you okay?" Jasper mumbled in his sleep.

"I'm fine, Jazz. Go back to sleep," I whispered, trying to keep my voice steady.

He sat up at the sound of me and opened his tired eyes. He ran his hands over my face, wiping my tears. "We forgot about your pills. I'm sorry, darling."

I shook my head, "I'm okay."

"You want to talk about it?" he asked quietly, kissing my forehead reassuringly.

"I wouldn't know how to. It was all jumbled this time... it jumped around... I don't know what was happening," I tried to explain.

He smoothed my hair and kissed my lips softly. "I don't know either. But nothing bad will happen to you as long as I'm here. No reason for tears, my love," he said, running his hands over my face again.

I smiled a little, cuddling into him as we lay back down on the bed. "Don't ever let go of me, kay?" I said as his arms tightened even more around me.

"Kay," he whispered, falling back to sleep. I stayed awake for a moment, though, still worried, wondering what that dream had been about.

_JPOV_

We were out shopping for the day. The dreaded shopping trips.

It was only bearable because I was with Alice... but it was also _un_bearable because I was with Alice!

After today, I was convinced that she would soon own more clothes, shoes, purses, and jewelry than anyone else in the world. And I was pretty sure she was a shopaholic.

I was just starting to seriously consider calling around to see if they had any local support group for Shopaholics--just in case-- when she brought me out of my thoughts.

"Oh Jasper, these are _perfect_!" she squealed from across the store.

I groaned and walked over to see her, but couldn't help noticing how adorable she was when she was excited about an outfit. She was holding a pair of silver high heels.

"Perfect for...?" I asked skeptically, since she had already bought about twenty complete outfits already today.

She rolled her eyes at me like I was being ridiculous. I could almost hear her thinking _how could you _not_ know what it's perfect for?!_

"The silver dress I bought! Jeez, Jazz, keep up!" she chuckled, handing them to me to hold, her eyes sparkling happily.

I hesitantly grabbed them and held them outstretched, three feet in front of me, like they'd bite or something if I held them too close. It had been a long day....

Alice rolled her eyes good-naturedly, her teeth shining as she grinned.

"Right... I knew that!" I stated in a confident voice, nodding my head in confirmation.

She turned around to me and raised her brow in disbelief, a smirk tugging at the corners of her mouth.

"Of course you did, honey," she laughed softly, kissing my cheek, "And that's because you have the best teacher."

She paused and looked over me, her face scrunching up as she scrutinized my outfit for today. "But if I had been teaching you well enough, you would not be wearing those shoes and those pants together. I think we might have to go shopping more often so you can practice," she snickered, winking at me.

I hit her softly with the shoes, giving her a mock look of pain, pretending she had hurt my feelings.

Her laughter chimed through the store as she turned away from me to continue shopping. "But don't worry, Jazz. That's why you have me!" she called, skipping away to the next row of shoes.

I sighed, following slowly, dragging my feet. Six hours of shopping and she still hadn't broken a sweat! _Six_ hours!

At least this trip had given me an excuse to drive my car farther than normal, though. I had only really driven it around Forks until now, even though I've had it for a while.

Since we'd been in New York, we'd been using Alice's Porsche to travel around the city. Driving in New York City was _nothing_ like driving in Forks. I was still getting used to it, but it seemed to come naturally to Alice. She was comfortable navigating through the seas of cars and people and taxis. I briefly wondered if some part of her remembered how to drive in the city...deep down...

But anyway, she had promised me that if I came with her to shop today, we could take my car and I could practice driving in the city. We were going to a mall that was outside of the city, so part of me was happy to get to finally _drive_ ...the other part of me was regretting my inability to say "no" to her.

Alice seemed to sense my exhaustion, because her head popped up from a few rows away, her eyes meeting mine. She frowned slightly, pitying me.

"Almost done. Promise!" she called reassuringly.

I never knew that those three words could make such an impact. I felt my whole body relax at the thought of being done shopping for the day. I started to have Hope that maybe we _would_ get out of here soon!

False Hope. A full twenty minutes later, she walked back to me with a satisfied smile.

"All right I'm done! Did you want to stop at the music store to buy a new guitar while we're here?" she asked with a cute smirk.

Emmett had "accidentally" sat on my guitar before we had left. None of us could figure out how a person could accidentally sit on something so big, but leave it to Emmett to do it.

It was in two pieces now, totally snapped in half. I wasn't angry at him... more amused than anything. And how could I be angry? They had taken me into their house and accepted me as part of their family! With something like that, the guitar meant nothing. Plus, the big oaf looked guilty as hell. I knew he didn't mean it.

"Yeah, that'd be nice. We'll just have to buy a case, too. Maybe a steel one... you know, just in case Emmett decides to drop by for a visit," I smirked back, grabbing her free hand.

She giggled and we strolled happily through the mall together, our hands swinging between us. Alice's head would swing from side to side, looking into every store and boutique that we passed, her wide eyes sparkling with excitement. This was her place. Her heaven.

Lately, though, things like this felt like heaven to me, too. Everything seemed perfect, despite being in a type of hell of my own: a mall. When I looked past that part, though, this was a heaven to me if it was one to Alice. I guess she has always been my heaven in hell, though...

"Oh!" Alice squeaked suddenly, her hand squeezing mine tightly as we looked through the window of another clothing store.

I groaned and ducked my head, shaking it from side to side in disbelief. I really shouldn't be surprised, though. This _was_ Alice.

"One more…?" she pouted, sticking her lower lip out a little.

I pressed my lips into a straight, hard line, as if I was thinking about it. We both knew I wouldn't say no to her.

"Don't you love me?" she pouted again, the sides of her mouth fighting a smile. She knew the answer already.

I sighed in defeat.

"Apparently too much!" I grumbled, but gave her a loving gaze. One of her breathtaking smiles broke across her face.

"Yes!" she squealed, jumping up and down clapping her hands happily.

She skipped forward to kiss me adoringly. I held her there for a minute, enjoying this particular moment of the shopping spree. She smiled against my lips.

"Don't try to stall!" she teased against my lips, trying to pull away from the kiss. But I tightened my arms around her, deepening the kiss, my tongue grazing her bottom lip.

She moaned in defeat and kissed me again, opening her mouth wider for me, our tongues twisting together in an intricate tango.

I sighed contently. My hands slipped into her back pockets, tugging her closer to me.

"Jazz…" she whispered, breathing deeply, dropping her shopping bags on the floor. Her hands quickly moved up my spine and then she raked her nails down my back. I shivered involuntarily, leaving her lips for a moment so that we could catch our breath.

"Shopping isn't that bad," I chuckled, trailing kisses down to her jaw and up to her ear. "I _like_ this part," I said, taking her earlobe between my lips, nipping at it teasingly.

Alice's breathing hitched. "I told you," she murmured, gripping the back of my shirt.

An older woman passing beside us cleared her throat loudly, not very pleased by our public display. I hadn't totally forgotten where we were.

I pulled away, receiving such a sad pout from Alice that I almost ignored the lady and picked up where we left off. But I knew that Alice really wanted to shop some more, and I had just distracted her.

"All right, back to shopping for my love!" I gave in, letting her go fully so that she could have her fun.

She grinned and pecked my cheek before skipping quickly toward the store.

My eye caught a bright, yellow sign in front of the store.

CAUTION: Wet Floor.

"Alice, darling, be careful—" I stopped abruptly, being cut off by her lose her footing and falling toward the floor at lightning speed.

I rushed from my spot, hearing a loud clanging noise from the metal railing next to her as her head smashed into it on her way down. Before I could make it over to her, she was already on the floor.

"Alice!" I called out as I dropped to my knees beside her. I scooped her off of the floor and into my lap. Fear cracked in my voice as I realized how limp she was in my arms.

Everyone around us was starting to stop to see if she was okay. Her eyes were shut, her body still, not moving at all.

My heart started beating quickly, not knowing if she was all right.

"Darling?" I squeaked, my voice hitting a note I never thought possible.

I held her tightly as she lay in my arms, silently. My whole body was shaking in terror. Why wasn't she waking up?! What do I do now!?

I brushed her hair out of her face, trying to inspect the bright red injury on her forehead. I frowned deeply, seeing that it was already starting to swell into a bump.

I vaguely heard someone telling me that they were getting help.

"Alice?" I whimpered quietly, trying to wake her.

A mall security guard and an on duty nurse for emergencies showed up after what seemed like hours. I carried her onto the stretcher that they had brought. My hand stayed tightly on hers, holding it like a lifeline as they rushed her back to the nurse's office.

They spoke to me, but I hardly made out what they were saying as I stared at her motionless body. They said that they had called an ambulance; it would be here soon.

As the nurse went over her, then the paramedics, I still stood there watching her, whispering to her, begging her to be okay. I should have been closer to her...warned her faster, something! It was just a stupid wet floor sign--I couldn't protect her from slipping? Something so simple? What kind of boyfriend was I?!

The nurse walked over to me. "Honey, she'll be fine. It's just a bad concussion... she hit her head pretty hard on the railing and that's why it knocked her out. But she should be awake soon. We are just going to drive her to the hospital to take some x-rays: just to make sure everything is as okay as it looks. It's just precautionary measures," she explained reassuringly.**  
**  
I nodded to her, not taking my gaze away from Alice. The drive wasn't too long--they had to practically rip me away from her, but I pretty much tailgated the ambulance. They didn't use the lights, being that it wasn't considered an "emergency," so I was able to keep up.

When we arrived, they brought her to a room to wait for a doctor. I stood next to her bed, not wanting to be away from her. I wouldn't be able to calm down until she woke up.

A few agonizing minutes later, a doctor finally entered the room, clipboard in hand.

"Don't worry, she'll be fine, son," he promised me. "Can you tell me who she is and what happened?"

I nodded stiffly to him, sniffing as I tried to keep my emotions under control. I gave him the information that he wanted as I ran my fingers softly over the back of her hand, anxious for her to wake up. At least everyone seemed to be in consensus that there wasn't any permanent damage.

The doctor then went over her, checking her with all of these random tools, explaining to me what he was doing as he did it.

I couldn't pull my attention off of my angel laying in the hospital bed. I followed again as they brought her through the x-ray machine and more. It was all a blur to me, though.

After that, they brought her back to the room and I stood beside her, running my hand through her hair gently.

"She should be awake soon," he informed me as Alice took a quick breath in. ****

Then he walked out, telling me to get him when she did wake. He was going to make sure that the nurses had called her parents.

Alice took another short breath. I leaned in closer to her. Was she waking up?

"Alice, darling?" I whispered softly.

She squirmed a little, then winced from pain. My eyes widened and I stood up straight. She was coming through.

Her eyes started to flutter. She opened her mouth, taking unsteady breaths. I ran my hand down her cheek, rubbing it with my thumb.

"Sp-Spencer?" she spoke softly, a bit strained and disoriented.

My breath caught. Spencer? She must be really confused... she must have hit her head pretty hard.

I frowned."No, it's Jazz," I answered back, my voice wavering, worry still laced thickly in it.

Her eyes flashed opened quickly. She gasped and moved away from me, my hand dropping from her face.

Her expression was full of shock and fear. Her eyes flitted over my face and body a few times. She squinted her eyes at me, trying to concentrate.

I gave her a curious look, a bit amused by the perplexed look on her face.

"Jazz…who?" she breathed quietly, a little more calm now, just confused.

What did she mean? I smirked, thinking she must be kidding. The little goof. I leaned closer to her.

"What are you talking about, Alice? It's me, Jasper. Your boyfriend? Ring a bell?" I chuckled, leaning down to kiss her.

But she placed her hand on my chest to stop me. Her wide eyes flashed, and then she shook her head slowly, unsure of what I was talking about. Her face was full of confusion.

"You're such a goof, darling. Are you feeling all right?" I asked softly, touching her cheek.

She took in a quick gasp, turning her head away from me, avoiding my touch.

I felt my heart pierce with pain. What was wrong? Was she mad that I let her fall? That I didn't catch her in time?

But why was she looking so confused?

"Are you one of my mom's employees? Or one of the models…? Do I know you?" Alice questioned me, her hand falling from my chest.

I searched her eyes, smiling, but then the smile slowly slipped from my face as I realized she wasn't kidding…

"Darling, stop joking around," I whispered shakily, but the confusion lines on her forehead didn't move.

She stared at me blankly, blinking.

"I don't know a Jasper…" she murmured in bewilderment, frowning, giving me a polite, apologetic look. "Maybe I just look like someone you know…who is...also named Alice?" she suggested, looking more confused than ever. We both knew that didn't make sense. Her eyes squinted in frustration.

I pulled back quickly, almost tripping over myself, trying to keep my emotions in check once again.

She didn't remember me. She wasn't joking. She would have had a sparkle of mischief lurking in her eyes if she was. I took a deep breath, watching her in disbelief.

"W-what? You really don't remember me… do you?" I choked out, grabbing the arm of the chair for support.

Her head shook slowly back and forth, pity and confusion shining through her eyes.

I fell onto the chair, taking deep breathes. It was just a temporary thing. Had they said this might happen? They said she might be disoriented... but _this_ disoriented??

It'll only last for a few days, if that! I tried to reassure myself. It's _fine_! She woke up, see? She's going to be okay! I told myself.

I pressed my lips together tightly, not wanting to lose it in front of her and scare her.

I finally decided that I'd get the doctor. He should know what to do.

I pulled myself up and put a finger up to her, telling her to wait one minute.

She nodded, dumbfounded, but then spoke quickly.

"Wait." Her eyes had a look of longing in them. Hope spread through my body, a smile tugging on the side of my lips. Maybe she_ was _joking. I turned around again to see her.

"You said you were my boyfriend…? You're wrong, you can't be…" she mumbled with confusion. "Spencer is my boyfriend. He always has been. Spencer Wright…? Maybe you know him?"

No words could explain the pain that ripped through my body. I almost gasped out loud, but the doctor was thankfully just entering the room. He grabbed me quickly before I fell. I was shaking.

He helped me back into the chair and placed his hands on both of my shoulders.

"Son, calm down! Take some deep breaths. What's wrong? Are you feeling sick?" he asked worriedly, placing his hand on my forehead, looking directly in my eyes. He tried to get me to answer him.

I just stared, horrified, at Alice. She couldn't forget me. That was impossible. She could never…

"Are you my doctor?" Alice murmured, confusion still clear in her voice.

He turned his head toward her, nodding slowly. His hands were still holding my shoulders.

"What happened? Why am I here? Who's he? Is Spencer here? My boyfriend?" She threw the questions out at a hundred miles an hour.

It would have made me laugh, if not for the situation. The tone of her voice was what killed me. She was now a bit scared and uncomfortable, her eyes reddening as everything she couldn't understand started weighing down on her.

The doctor seemed to realize everything that was happening. His eyes filled with understanding as he turned his gaze back to me.

"Calm down, son. She is just a little confused. Be strong for her," he whispered to me.

He whipped his way around to Alice and started to explain it all.

"Alice, you hit your head in the mall and your boyfriend, Jasper, brought you here. It seems you probably have a bit of temporary amnesia. It should wear off soon... just a day or two. Just take it easy," the doctor instructed her, walking closer to her to check her head.

I wondered if he knew that she had had amnesia _before_ today. Would that effect anything?

Alice was shaking her head quickly, physical pain flashing in her eyes, but I could see the emotional pain in them too.

"Can you tell me what your name is?" the doctor asked her softly, steadying her face to stop her from shaking her head.

She sniffed loudly and nodded. My stomach tightened even more than before, seeing her in so much distress. I just wanted to get up and hold her.

"Alice Marie Cullen," she whispered, her hands clasping each other tightly. She was so confused…

The doctor nodded approvingly and began to shine a light in her eyes, nodding again. "How old are you Ms. Cullen?" he questioned her.

He was making sure that she knew everything she should...or trying to decide how much she had forgotten. Nothing important, just me… just the love of her life. Not like I was important at all…

"Seventeen," she breathed, raising her eyebrows to see if she was right.

The doctor gave her an encouraging smile and nodded.

"Good," he murmured, pulling away to pick up his clipboard.

I shifted uncomfortably in my chair. I couldn't last a few days like this. I couldn't even last right now.

"Do you remember your parents' names?" he went on again, watching her closely.

Alice nodded again slowly, squinting her eyes against the pain.

"Daniel and Charlotte Cullen," she replied hopefully, like she wasn't even sure she knew her parents' names.

The doctor looked at me for the answer and I nodded quickly in confirmation. He grinned at her and nodded again, making a note on his papers.

"Can you tell me the date…?" he asked her slowly, tilting his head. ****

Alice seemed to be calculating the date in her mind. Her eyes pulled together in concentration.

"February fifteenth," she answered him, nodding her head, telling him she was certain.

My eyes widened. I had met her March third. February fifteenth was a few weeks before she had even come to Forks. And she came to Forks because she had lost her memory a few weeks before, in the accident...

My mind went into hyper drive, figuring out what was going on. She forgot everything that had happened since she got in that car accident… everything… me… everything we went through…

Us. She had forgotten Us.

"It's August twentieth," the doctor frowned deeply, his eyes troubled.

Nothing compared to what I was feeling, though. My whole body seemed to be shaking, my heart ripping with severe pain, my eyes burning. I couldn't even breathe. I just stared desperately at her… my angel, my love, my darling…

"No, no," Alice's eyes narrowed in frustration. "Spencer left on the tenth and that was five days ago. I'm sure." Her eyes were clearer now, seeming to be thinking straight.

My teeth clenched, trying to keep myself together. But I failed quickly, jumping up and moving to her, causing her to flinch back away from me.

"Darling, Spencer came home months ago from England," I told her firmly, but slowly, trying to get it in her head.

The doctor put a hand on my arm, warning me not to lose control.

Alice looked puzzled. "You _do_ know Spencer?" she questioned me, a bit more relaxed now, calmed by the knowledge that I knew him.

I gritted my teeth together and nodded quickly.

"We're friends now. We went to his cottage just a few weeks ago." When I said this, her eyes narrowed and she shook her head, refusing what I was saying.

"No… we didn't go to his cottage... not since after the Christmas holidays… I don't— I don't remember you. I would have met you, I think?" she grumbled in frustration, putting her head in her hands, rocking a bit. I could see her holding back sobs from the chaos that was going on.

"I-I want Spencer," she cried, looking at the doctor, her eyes watery.

My hands tightened angrily on the bar of the bed. Spencer… No. No! My head was spinning, everything hitting me now.

Suddenly the door swung open. Dan and Charlotte hurried in, their eyes wide with concern. I could feel my body giving out, my breathing stopping again.

Dan hurried to my side, grabbing my arm and towing me to the chair again.

"Are you all right, Jasper?" he asked me, concern thick in his tone and eyes. He took a quick glance at Alice, whom his wife was now tending to.

"She can't remember me!" I choked out, my fingers so tight around the armrests that I could hear it cracking.

Dan's eyes widened and he looked at the doctor for confirmation.

"She doesn't remember anything since February fifteenth," the doctor informed them.

Charlotte's gasped quietly, hugging her confused daughter tightly.

"The accident..." she whispered in shock, kissing Alice's hair tenderly.

Dan nodded in agreement, swallowing hard. His hand found my shoulder and squeezed it tightly. I noticed him kneeling down in front of me, his eyes sympathetic.

"Jasper, please be calm. I know this is hard for you, but it'll help Alice. She's just confused right now," he encouraged me, squeezing my shoulder once more before getting up to see the doctor.

I nodded slowly, more to myself. I then looked at Alice, trying to do what I usually did. I'll just look into her eyes and everything will be okay. Stable.

Alice glanced quickly over to me, like she knew I needed it, but I knew that was just me hoping.

Her eyes softened at the sight of my broken ones. If possible, it made me love her even more. Even though she was going through so much rigth now, she was still able to feel sad for me.

"Jasper…" she let the word roll off her tongue, testing it in the air, trying to remember it.

Charlotte smoothed her hair, avoiding the spot where she was hurt.

"It's okay, dear. It'll come in time," Charlotte cooed to her daughter. My nostrils flared at the sound of her voice. Charlotte didn't want her to remember. She had always wanted Alice to be with Spencer...****

Alice frowned and ducked her head, looking at her intertwined fingers in disappointment.

"Daddy," she whispered gloomily. I could hear the pout on her lips.

Dan turned away from the doctor and walked over to see his broken daughter. He reached out for her, his arm outstretched for her.

She looked up, reaching her arms out for him as well. He sat on the edge of her bed and cuddled her into his chest. He smiled softly down at her, kissing her cheek.

"It's okay, baby girl. We're here now," he whispered to her, lovingly.

I suddenly understood. She could truly remember them now. She hadn't just forgotten her past when she had forgotten Spencer, but she had also forgotten her family. Now, she could really love them the same way that she had her whole life. She had memories of that life, again. This must have sort of been a good thing to her parents....

"How's about we get you out of here. If that's okay with the doctor?" Dan looked over at the doctor, who had been observing and taking down on notes in the book.

Leave? I stood quickly. She couldn't leave!

"I suppose so. Technically, she only has a mild concussion. But... the memory thing... since she had lost it before... it seems as though her brain has jumped back to where she left off. It has made a switch..." he trailed off, and then motioned to Dan to come closer.

Charlotte distracted Alice, but I crept closer to where Dan and the doctor stood.

"If her brain has made a switch, which I think is what happened, then the memories that she lost over the past months might return. When they do, it could be slowly, or it could be all at once. I'm not a specialist in that type of thing. But it could be a very emotional time for her. I would recommend having a doctor continue looking at her, to monitor her progress," he said quietly, taking his glasses off as he nodded.

"I can do that. My brother is a doctor. I'll call him immediately. Thanks for everything, doctor. We'll take care of her from here," Dan told him, scooping his daughter off of the bed and placing her very lightly onto the floor in front of him.

Charlotte draped her arm over Alice's shoulder, squeezing her into her as they began to walk her out. Dan turned toward me.

"Alice," I whimpered as Charlotte was about to bring her out of the room.

Alice stopped and turned slowly, her eyes still full of confusion.

My hand reached up mindlessly, I couldn't let her leave.

"You can follow us in your car, Jasper," Dan assured me, putting a supporting arm around my shoulder to guide me out with them.

I gave him the biggest look of relief, sending a grateful smile.

The whole group of us were very silent as we left the hospital, all showing different emotions.

Me: broken, needy, deprived, angry... too many emotions to count.

Alice: confused, longing, sad.

Charlotte: concerned but happy, a little too much skip in her step for my taste.

Dan: concerned, perplexed, thoughtful.

I hurried ahead to where the exit was and opened the door for the rest of them. It was somewhat of an excuse just to see Alice's face, as she had been walking in front of us.

She looked at me for a short moment, again her eyes becoming trouble and frustrated, not being able to remember me. The same pity was there as well.

"Thank you, Jasper," she whispered softly to me, giving me the smallest smile as she passed.

I smiled back, not being able to help it. How could I not? The way she said my name made my stomach flutter.

Dan and I followed out of the building, then stopped.

"We have to wait for Alfred. He parked the car inside the parking garage," Dan informed us, speaking of their butler/driver.

I pressed my lips tightly together and nodded.

I wondered if Dan would call Carlisle over here. Maybe between the two of us, we could find a way to help her remember me. I trusted Carlisle. Maybe he could say for certain if there was any possible reason for this to be permanent.

It wouldn't be. I assured myself quickly.

I heard footsteps running toward where we stood and looked up. I felt my fists clench tightly in my pockets, the protective nature taking over. Spencer rushed over to us breathlessly, looking concerned and anxious.

He stopped beside me, taking breaths.

"Is she okay?" he asked, trying to catch his breath, leaning down to put his hands on his knees. How long had he been running for?

"Depends on your definition," I mumbled.

I was taken aback by the sound of my voice. Was that actually mine? It was hoarse, rough, and unfamiliar.

Spencer's head shot up at the sound of it, his dark hair covering one of his eyes.

Then he suddenly looked confused, looking over the group of us. He saw Alice still cuddled in Charlotte's arms with Dan standing closely and supportively beside me.

My lips pressed tightly together, trying to stay calm.

"Spencer?" Alice gasped, pulling away from her mom as she heard his voice. Her eyes suddenly filled with the light I had come to know and love. The light that had saved me.

She grinned widely and rushed to him, wrapping her arms around his waist and pressing her cheek tightly to his chest.

My whole body was about to jump forward possessively, but Dan grabbed my elbow, giving me a hard look, warning me not to scare her.

Spencer stood stiffly, mystified by the sight. He looked down at her, then at me with wide eyes.

"Hey hun," he greeted her, his voice full of uncertainty. He slowly wrapped her in a loose hug. He gave me a long, questioning look.

I was about to open my mouth to explain, when I saw her kiss his chest. This caused my whole body to freeze, my eyes alert and flaming with anger. No! She only does that to me!

Spencer's eyes also widened and he stared down at her like she had three eyes.

"I--a--we--Jasper, why don't you take Alice?" Spencer stammered, letting her go quickly and stumbling backward, the forbidden love burning in his eyes.

Alice shook her head, reaching out for him desperately.

"Spencer?" she whispered, pain in her voice, feeling rejected, I was sure.

I knew she wouldn't go to me. Why would she? I was some guy who she didn't know, covered in scars, with tortured eyes burning with a longing for her that she couldn't remember…

Charlotte took control of the situation, speaking up now.

"Spencer, dear, she got her memory back. She remembers you, she just has forgotten Jasper," she explained simply, an obvious pleased smile playing on her lips.

I had to use everything in me not to shout at her. _Just has forgotten Jasper..._they way that she said it, like it meant nothing in the world....

Spencer's eyes filled with so many emotions, I couldn't even keep track. They each flashed by, his head moving to look at every one of us.

"N-no," he shook his head, speaking as if it could never be true. "She wouldn't forget him..."

He stepped back again, grabbing the handle of the hospital door, trying to stabilize himself.

Alice stepped toward him, stretching her hand out, looking utterly bemused. She was just wanting her _boyfriend_ to touch her.

He wasn't her boyfriend, my brain argued. I was. I always would be! Right?

"A-Alice, no. Hun, you love Jasper." He couldn't even believe it…

I guess I could… why would she want to remember the pitiful excuse for a boyfriend that I was? She had assured me numerous times that I was her world and the best guy that she could ever hope to end up with, but I guess part of me always wondered how that could be true. I had gotten her into so many dangerous situations in the time that we had known each other... I had brought her inches away from dying... why would she want to remember things like that?

He ducked his head down, shaking it quickly, almost like he was trying to shake off a bad dream. Or a dream that was too good to be true.

"Spence, please," she pleaded with him, stepping closer.

Spencer's head shot up once again, his eyes glued on her face, understanding filling his eyes. _Spence?_

"Baby?" he gasped, stepping away from the door now, closer to her.

She nodded reassuringly, smiling softly at him, encouragingly.

His eyes suddenly filled with a brightness that I had never seen before.

He quickly hurried in front of her to accept her outstretched hand, grasping it tightly. His eyes filled with love for her. Love that he had worked to hide from us before...

_Don't call her that! Don't touch her! Don't look at her like that!_ My mind screamed.

Don't scare Alice. You can't scare Alice. It's temporary. It's only a matter of time. I continued to try to assure myself.

She could never fully forget me. Ever. Right?

The least I could do was Hope…

**Author's Hope: *jaw drop* what? NOOOOOOO! Alice has got her memory back but lost the part with Jasper. Happiness never lasts in Hope does it? Haha! Drama, drama. Well tell us what you think! Leave a review and tell us how you feel about the sequel!  
So, I am going to quote my beta on this "heyyy everybody! lina & lucy are both on twitter, now,  
sooo join us for teasers & pictures, or just flat out creep on our tweets!" Yes you heard right, we now have twitter! You can go to both of our profile and above our pictures are links to our "Homepage" which is actually our twitter profiles, you can see what we are up to, seeing all the little extras details and pictures we throw out about Hope/Forgotten Hope. Or like lucy said you could just creep our tweets! Check it out!  
Also we have a new picture made for Hope by Megan-Whitlock, which is totally adorable! And I believe I also put the banner I created for Hope up as well on my profile! **

**I believe that's all for now, check everything out and have a great day! And for anyone who just started back school...well that just sucks all in all. Lol**

**Adios! **


	3. Pleasure and Pain

**Author's Note: Hey everyone, I suppose we left you guys hanging pretty bad last time. Sorry to make you wait! Here is the next chapter, enjoy! **

Forgotten Hope Chapter 3- Pleasure and Pain

_JPOV_

I felt my heart wrenching painfully in my chest. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. I couldn't move.

Alice was grasping Spencer's hand like it was her life line. That wasn't supposed to happen. She was supposed to hold _my_ hand like that when she was afraid or upset. _I_ was her boyfriend...more than that, even. I was the one she _loved._

"Mom, is it all right if I ride home with Spencer?" Alice asked in the most natural voice, like it was normal to want him.

I felt my hand twitch forward toward her, like it had a mind of its own. My body was craving her attention as much as my heart was.

"Of course—" Charlotte was cut off by Dan putting his hand up to stop her. I had never seen him interrupt her like that. Or take control.

"No, honey, you can come with us. It's been a long day. He'll follow in his car," Dan told her in an official voice, stating that it was not up for discussion.

Alice's eyes turned disappointed as she looked at her mom with a small pout.

That pout... she had always made it when she wanted something. Maybe she wasn't so far gone? I clung to that idea and used it to breathe.

"Listen to your father, Alice," her mother instructed as the limo pulled up.

I hadn't noticed until now that the sky was dark. No stars. Evening had already passed. It was late.

I took a chance and glanced at Spencer's face, knowing that it might anger me and that I may do something insanely stupid. But I looked at him, anyway.

Spencer's eyes were confused. His face was very blank at the moment. He stared back at me, and I watched the guilt pour into his eyes.

I didn't want his guilt. I didn't want his pity. I didn't want anything from him. All I wanted from him was that he did not touch her. Or look at her. I wanted him to disappear.

The anger was starting to build up, coursing through me violently. I blinked away the red that was swimming before my eyes.

And then Alice looked up at me, seeing where Spencer's gaze was.

Her look was soft, curious. Her head tilted just a bit, watching me. I felt my anger slowly fade away as she captured me in those big, beautiful green eyes of hers.

Our gaze locked for what seemed like hours as she stared into my soul, searching for something she recognized. I did the same to her.

She broke the searching when her eyes filled with confusion and surprise. I couldn't understand why, but she shut her eyes tightly, then, and turned around to Spencer.

Was she hurting? She couldn't even look at me...

The door of the limo opening took my gaze off of her for a moment. I watched Dan and Charlotte enter the car, waiting for Alice.

Alice hesitated, looking at Spencer for what seemed like an answer.

"I'll follow," he confirmed with a nod.

Alice let go of his hand, causing him to take a quick breath in from the disconnection. I did the opposite, letting out a long breath of relief. He shouldn't be touching her like that...

She slipped into the car, both Spencer and I watching her with wide eyes. Neither of us knew what to do. What _could_ I do? It would take time for her to remember, but _how long_?!

I couldn't do this much longer. It had been less than an hour and I was already suppressing the panic attacks and the searing anger that burned in me. Alice was supposed to be here, helping me relax. She was never supposed to be the reason why I was so tense and losing my sanity.

I didn't blame any of this on her, though. She couldn't help slipping and hitting her head. Or forgetting. It was an accident. She had _accidentally _forgotten me. It was beyond anything she could control.

I could blame myself, though. If I had caught her before she fell... if we had left a little earlier...

It felt better to call it my own fault than to dig any deeper.

The door of the car shut, a loud booming noise echoing through the large hospital parking lot. The car started to slowly pull away as we stood in silence, watching it roll out of the parking lot.

"I'm sorry," Spencer apologized in a small voice, stepping closer to me.

I scoffed loudly, my anger start to pick back up as Alice departed.

"I bet you are," I rolled my eyes sarcastically. I toyed with the watch on my wrist that Alice had bought for me back when we had first met.

Spencer ducked his head, sighing.

"I know how you feel, Jasper, and I _am_ sorry," Spencer said sympathetically, touching my shoulder lightly, trying to calm me.

I flung his arm off of me, my eyes narrowing in fury, nostrils flaring.

"You have _no_ idea how I feel, Spencer."

My voice was shaking, but vicious, causing him to take a quick step back. He held his hands up very slowly in surrender.

It didn't even faze me. Everything was turning red. Anger that I hadn't felt in months rose in me. My head felt like it was going to split in two.

"Jasper, the same thing happened to me. I know what it feels like to have her look at you so obliviously. To have her not knowing who you are, even though she's all you've ever known. It's like all the hope in your life is gone, forgotten with her memories," Spencer explained calmly, but it only made me feel worse. The words hit me like bullets.

Rage surged through my whole body, my hands clutching.

"No. It is _not_ the same thing. Maybe she forgot you, but you had a rich, supportive family and future waiting for you, anyway. You still had _something_! Sure, you grew up with her, but she was just an extra pleasure for you. Just another piece of your perfect world. You have _everything_." I growled the words through my teeth, stepping closer to him, losing myself in the anger.

I couldn't see him anymore. I couldn't think clearly. The pounding in my head was disorienting. I let myself become consumed in the rage, not wanting to feel the self-defensive numbness. I needed to _feel_ right now...

"I never had those things and I never will. Alice is all I have, Spencer. I don't have a family to go home to. Not unless I want to live in jail with my abusive step father who tried to kill me. Or with the father who abandoned me when I was a kid and never bothered to check to make sure I was okay until fucking Steve was finally locked up. Those two guys are the closest things I have to _"family"_, okay? Alice is my family. And I don't have a future, either. Alice was my future. She _is_ my future. She is _everything_ to me and I'm not going to lose her!" I yelled the last part angrily at him, letting him know that I had no intentions of letting him take her away from me. No one could.

"She'll remember," I hissed, slamming my shoulder against his as I walked furiously away from him, toward my car.

He didn't know what he was talking about. He never would. Maybe he had loved her before, but there was no possible way that he had felt the way that I did. She was everything I had, everything I wanted. She was my world. My Hope.

I wouldn't let her slip away from me. I would never let her go.

_Spencer's POV_

Alice remembered me. She called me Spence. She held my hand. She wanted to be with me...

I shut my eyes tightly and opened them quickly. It wasn't a dream. But this couldn't be real. She could never forget Jasper... she thought he was perfect. She loved him so much that she had almost died for him...

But isn't that how she felt about me before? She had never needed to die for me, but she loved me the same way, before. Maybe this _was_ real. Maybe God was trying to make it up to me now. Maybe I had been punished enough for whatever sin that I had committed to deserve to loser her. I still had not figured out what it was.

Maybe it was my turn to be happy again? Could that be true...?

I shifted my gaze down to my hand. I could still feel it tingling from her touch. It was burning hot. I had felt so cold for so long now. This was definitely real... you couldn't dream of a feeling like this.

I was getting a second chance. I was getting a chance to be with her again. I_ knew_ that we were meant for each other!

A loud bang of a car door jolted me back into reality as I saw Jasper's car suddenly squealing out of the hospital parking lot.

Jasper... I ducked my head down, feeling somewhat ashamed. He was right. He deserved her more than I did. He had gone through so much to be with her...

I slowly started to stroll to my Lamborghini, then rested my hands on my hood, taking a deep, pondering breath. What was I supposed to do?

I couldn't just push her away because he wanted her... even though it might be true that they are meant for each other. But then, couldn't Alice and I have the same chance? Who was to say that we weren't meant to be as well?

I couldn't let her go... I had waited so long for her already.

I let my head fall into my hands, shaking it in frustration. I needed her. Look at yourself Spencer! I told myself. I couldn't sleep. When I did, I wouldn't want to wake up, because all my dreams were of her. Dreams were better than reality.

I had let everything go when I lost her. All I did now was work, and the only reason why I still did that was because I knew it excited her. It made her proud of me and happy. I loved to see her face light up when I won a new award or drew a new design for her...

And now I had her back. It was real. I couldn't let her go...

I stood up and entered my car, the need to see her again controlling me. I decided that as long as she wanted me, she could have me. Whatever happened, happened. She could pick who she really wanted.

I ripped out of the hospital parking lot and drove toward the Cullen's residence.

As I drove, my stomach started to knot. What if I had changed when she was away and now she wouldn't like me? I had to get myself together. I couldn't look sad; she knew my expressions and emotions too well.

It didn't take my car too long to get to the outskirts of town, pulling into the Cullens' road, leading up to their house. I floored the gas, increasing the speed of the car, getting a bit impatient.

I was a wreck of emotions by the time I stopped the car. I inhaled a long breath of the night air, cracking the door open.

It's Alice, why should you be nervous?! I asked myself.

I slipped out of my car, softly closing the door. I noticed Jasper's car already parked, not to my surprise. I ran a hand through my hair, taking another soothing breath. Calm yourself, Spencer.

I knocked lightly on the door, being polite. A moment later, Mrs. Cullen opened the door, giving me an odd look.

"You don't have to knock, dear," she insisted, opening the door wider to let me in.

She smiled fondly at me and I stopped in front of her to greet her with a kiss.

"Such a sweetheart," she murmured, touching my hair in a motherly way. Her eyes connected with mine for a moment. I saw the pity in them that had been there for the last half a year. She and my mother had always tried to cheer me up, but they knew there was nothing that could fill the hole that had been in my heart.

"She's back now, Spencer. Be happy, things are going to go back to how they're supposed to be," she whispered to me, a slight frown on the edges of her lips.

I nodded, trying to smile, but the nerves in my stomach prevented it. "She's back, but what if that's not how it's supposed to be?" I murmured, not sure if she would hear me.

She sighed softly to herself and slipped her hand in the crook of my arm, tugging me toward the living room.

We stopped in the doorway. There she was. The lights in the room reflected off of her hair, the smile on her face lit up the room. Her beauty was exquisite, as always. I couldn't stop the smile that crept over my face.

She was playing pool with Jasper, obviously trying to show off her skills. She didn't need to remember someone to want to make them a friend of hers. I knew that from experience.

She turned her head as if something in her had just told her that I was present. Her smile grew.

"Spencer!" she cheered, putting the pool cue down and skipping quickly over to me.

Mrs. Cullen moved swiftly out of the way, walking over to her husband on the other side of the room.

Alice's arm opened, wrapping tightly around me, her cheek pressing against my chest.

I gasped quietly when I felt the connection. Even though I had seen what she was going to do, the feeling of it surprised me. She felt so warm, so...perfect.

"Hey, hun," I whispered, hesitantly wrapping my arms around her in a loose hug.

I saw Jasper wince from across the room and turn around, like he was trying to pretend it wasn't happening. I felt the guilt creeping into me again and I let go of Alice. I knew how much it had hurt me to see her with him... I couldn't imagine what he was feeling right now.

"So much for your car being faster than mine!" Alice scoffed at how long it took me to get here.

I laughed softly at her, giving her a knowing smile. I had forgotten about our ongoing debate about whose car was better.

I saw Jasper leave the room hurriedly, causing me to take a step away from Alice. I had always felt really sick when I saw the two of them touching, especially in the beginning.

Alice's lips tugged into a frown, glaring at me a bit for stepping so far away.

We had always been one of those close couples who had touched a lot. Touching was important to us. When we weren't touching, it meant we were fighting.

"Not when Jasper's here, hun," I whispered very quietly to be sure he didn't overhear as he came back into the room slowly.

Alice's eyes softened in realization and she nodded slowly, though there was some hesitance in her eyes.

She skipped back to the pool table to wait for Jasper to join her again.

I stayed on her tail, walking swiftly behind her.

Dan looked up from his papers, his reading glasses perched on his nose as he always had them.

"How are you doing, son?" he asked me, truly concerned. Just like with Charlotte, I knew that he was worried about the whole situation, but trying not to make a big deal about it.

I walked over and sat beside him at the mini bar.

"Good. A bit confused... but good," I replied to him, turning my head so that I could look him directly in the face.

Dan smiled a warm smile at me. It made me feel like I was at home. He was much more of a father to me than my own dad ever was. It felt good to be in this house. It was always so cheerful and welcoming. Even though I'd only been here for a few minutes, I already felt at home again. I wondered if it was the house or because of Alice.

"I'm glad. Maybe this will turn out for the best," Dan mumbled, almost to himself. He seemed unsure of what was going to come out of the situation, his forehead wrinkled in worry.

"I hope so," I agreed with him, trying to look around him to see Alice. Jasper was back in the room now with an ice pack in his hand.

"Come here, darling. It'll keep the swelling down," he spoke softly to her. His tone made my protective side want to take over, but I had enough experience in not showing my emotions for her from the past six months. I stayed still.

"But it's cold," Alice whined, crossing her arm stubbornly, plopping herself down on one of the long leather couches. Those couches held so many memories for us.

Jasper flashed her the smile I knew he only ever gave to her. It seemed to have an effect on Alice's stubborn expression. Her eyes softened, a smile touching her lips. My heart wrecked and I stood up quickly, my body taking control over my mind. It was protective of her as well.

"Don't be a baby. It'll help. Now, shh," Jasper murmured to her, touching it lightly to the bump on her head.

She winced against it and did her adorable pout that crushed anyone's will.

Jasper rolled his eyes, chuckling at her, losing himself in her attention. His hand rose lightly, brushing her cheek.

"It's not that bad," he chuckled quietly, watching Alice's cheeks turn to a light pink shade.

I cringed at the sight of them, wanting to stop the interaction, but I knew that would be wrong of me. Jasper never pulled me away from her. I shouldn't be so inconsiderate. I had a favor to pay back. I had to be strong.

"You aren't the one with it on your head," Alice grumbled at him playfully, taking it off of her head and sticking it on his.

Jasper laughed, a little more carefree now. He took the ice pack off of his head, an amused expression on his face, a small glimmer of Hope in his eyes.

I clenched the table beside me, holding myself back as I watched.

"All right, darling. If you want a huge bump on your head for your first day at work in a few days... it's your choice," Jasper teased her, slowly getting up off of the couch with the icepack.

"Darling..." she murmured curiously, almost inaudibly, testing the sound of it as it fell from her lips.

Then she pressed her lips together, stubbornly. Her arm shot out and grabbed the icepack from him.

"Fine," she huffed, pressing it back to her head.

I watched Jasper look at her with his eyes shining brightly. Alice rolled her eyes at him, then turned around to see me watching, her eyes filled with love for me and she patted the seat beside her, welcoming me.

Dan cleared his throat loudly, indicating that he was trying to get our attention. I glanced behind me before walking to Alice.

"How's about you two head home for the night? It's pretty late. Me and the Mrs. are going to head to bed," Dan told us, getting up from the bar, taking his reading glasses off.

Charlotte entered the room, almost as if on cue. She made her way over to Dan, slipping her fingers through his.

Jasper turned around and hesitantly looked down at Alice, looking afraid to leave her. It seemed like he was afraid not because she wasn't with him, but because he couldn't protect her when she was away from him.

"Daddy, can Spencer stay tonight?" Alice asked sweetly, standing up from the couch, making her way to her mom and dad.

She wants me to stay the night with her? A smile broke across my face at the sound of those words. I hadn't heard them in so long...

"Of course, dear," Charlotte answered for Dan, giving her husband a squeeze of the hand.

Dan nodded stiffly, hesitantly, in agreement. Both of them gave me a smile, though, welcoming me back with open arms. They were my family.

I heard Jasper's feet shuffle behind us, his head lowered, looking at the floor. He began to walk out of their living room.

Alice seemed to notice. Her head snapped up.

"Jasper, aren't you going to say goodnight?" Alice questioned, seeming a little hurt by his actions.

Jasper froze, slowly turning back around to see Alice.

Alice skipped forward, but as she got closer she slowed, getting nervous and unsure because he was unfamiliar to her.

I was thankful that Alice was such a people person. She would cheer him up, no matter who he was. She cared for people _because_ they were people.

"Goodnight, darling. I love you," Jasper breathed, leaning closely to her, leaving a quick kiss on her cheek.

She gasped at his touch and I stepped forward, grasping the table for support.

Alice's cheeks once again turned a light red. She smiled warmly at him.

"Goodnight, Jasper," she said quietly back to him.

I glided forward, meeting Alice and Jasper.

Jasper nodded stiffly at me, turning around to leave. Alice and I both followed him to the door as he began to depart.

"Bye," he whispered. I could hear the pain rip through his voice. He was very slowly leaving the doorway. His eyes connected with us. We shared a long, deep moment.

My hand snatched Alice's. I slipped my fingers between hers, intertwining our fingers together. ****

Alice turned her head, breaking her gaze with Jasper, smiling widely at me. That's when I heard the door click shut. Jasper had left.

"Well, goodnight kids, we are going to bed," Dan informed us. He walked over and kissed Alice's forehead.

Charlotte followed, doing the same. "Welcome home, sweetie. You know where we're at if you need anything," she said, gazing at her fondly.

Then the two of them strolled upstairs, still hand in hand. "Goodnight!" Dan yelled down.

"Goodnight!" Both Alice and I called in unison. Alice smiled happily at that, bopping her hip lightly against mine.

"Ready for bed?" she asked me, her eyes sparkling deviously as she gave my hand a tight squeeze.

Ready for bed with Alice Cullen? My stomach fluttered, all of the feelings for Alice still fully alive. I looked deep into her eyes, reading them carefully.

It was like going back six months in my life. Back to when we'd end the night by saying that same thing every night. Her eyes still stared so passionately into mine, the love and want clear.

Her other hand started to rub my arm encouragingly.

"You all right, Spence?" she asked quietly, continuing to caress my arm.

I stared down at my arm, most likely looking dumbfounded. That feeling... it was so good. I felt the goosebumps rising all over my arm.

"Yeah, perfect, baby," I whispered back, touching my hand to hers on my arm.

She grinned widely and started to tug me forward, coaxing me to follow her to bed. She now held both of my hands in hers. I followed her like the love sick puppy that I knew I was.

A smile started to spread over my face. The smile felt unfamiliar, weird on my face. I felt like I hadn't smiled that way in years. It felt like parts of me were coming back to life.

"I love that smile," Alice whispered as she led me up the stairs. But she stopped for a moment, the moon shining through the skylight over the stairs. She looked over my face, and let her hands drop mine. Her hands found their way to my cheeks and her thumb traced over my bottom lip. She was smiling softly to herself at the feeling.

Then her eyes suddenly saddened immensely. Her fingers moved to the spot under my eyes.

"Did you sleep last night, baby?" she asked, her voice troubled.

I ducked my head a bit, not wanting to meet her eyes. She could imprison me in those eyes for eternity.

I bit my lip nervously. "A bit," I answered her in a sorry voice.

Then I felt the most wonderful, perfect, powerful feeling against my right cheek. She kissed my cheek tenderly. I felt every sense in my body give out.

I sighed wistfully, resting my hand on her shoulder. I took a deep breath, smelling her intoxicating smell. Mmm, so sweet.

"You haven't slept much in a while, have you?" Alice asked softly, her hand running through my hair soothingly.

I hardly could speak, my body and mind still in shock that she was here with me and she wanted to be.

I shook my head weakly. I knew I was supposed to look strong. I wasn't supposed to look so vulnerable. My dad would kill me. But I couldn't help it at the moment. It was Alice. She was here. With me.

"Hush, honey. It's okay. Come on, let's go to bed." She kissed my cheek once more, a smile taking over my face at the burning feeling in my cheek.

She raised a curious eyebrow and smirked humorously at me, but stayed silent. She took my hand, pulling me quickly to her room. She then pulled us into her closet, pulling her silk pajamas off of the rack. I turned around, pulling a pair of sweats off of the shelf.

"I'll be right back," she sang, letting go of my hand to skip to the bathroom.

I stripped my clothes off quickly and put the sweat pants on. I picked my clothes up and walked to the laundry bin, knowing Alfred would know whose they were.

I proceeded to sit down on the bed, awkwardly, not sure what I was supposed to do. It had been so long... could I just lay down in it so easily?

Alice skipped out of the bathroom in her adorable pajamas. She gave me a strange look, and for a moment I feared that her memories from the past six months had returned.

But then she glided over to me in her perfect grace. "Why aren't you under the covers yet, Spence?" she asked, a smile starting to play on the edges of her lips as she saw me shirtless.

She touched my shoulder, grazing it with the tips of her fingers, and I shivered involuntarily. Her fingers warmed my whole body in a just a second.

She lightly shoved both of my shoulders so that I would lie down. I laid on top of the covers, watching her every move, not wanting to miss a thing. Instead of going around the bed though, she crawled onto me, straddling me.

She looked down at me, her eyes full of that pixie mischief of hers.

"So I noticed something when we were on the stairs. You liked it a lot when I kissed your cheek," Alice purred, running her hands up my chest and to my face.

I took a quick sudden breath in, still trying to get used to Alice touching me.

"I bet you missed the kisses..." she whispered, leaning down low, her face right in front of mine now. I could feel her breath blowing over my face. Oh God...

I closed my eyes and breathed the scent of her breath in, savoring everything.

"I can't believe I went that long without your kisses," Alice breathed. I felt her lips brush over mine as she spoke and my whole body trembled.

I realized that I had missed how she had kissed me more than anything. I missed everything about her.

Part of me reminded me that she hadn't missed my kisses, though. Jasper had kept her lips busy.

Alice's lips took me out of my thoughts, though, bringing me into this unbelievable reality as her lips parted mine. She always gave the softest, sweetest kisses.

My hands raised and cupped her cheeks as she cupped mine. Her lips were so perfect against mine. It was like our lips were made exactly for each other.

We were spiraling back through all of the years of our lives. All of the kisses were coming back to me, now. The ones that I had tried so desperately to detach from my memory.

Alice opened her mouth wider, deepening the kiss, her tongue entering my mouth.

I gasped and flipped us over, pulling away quickly. The feeling had made me feel even more toward Alice. Everything in me wanted her more, but this wasn't right. She wasn't mine. I couldn't take advantage of her.

Alice's face scrunched in annoyance. I knelt over her, breathing deeply, trying to think straight even with her under me.

"Did I do something wrong?" Alice asked, her eyes becoming confused as she realized that I wasn't teasing her.

Her hands moved to my thighs, rubbing circles on them.

"No, hun," I assured her, putting my hands on top of hers, my thumbs caressing her hands affectionately.

Alice's bottom lip pouted out on its own. She sometimes didn't even realize when she pouted.

"Why'd you stop then, baby?" she asked, looking at our hands longingly. ****

I sighed softly to myself, not knowing exactly how to explain it.

"You're not my girlfriend anymore, Alice," I whispered, dejected.

Alice's eyes flashed, her eyes narrowing.

"Yes I am," she stated quickly, her eyes looking sharply into mine.

I shook my head quickly, my hair falling in front of my eyes.

"No. You're Jasper's girlfriend and I shouldn't be kissing you." I struggled with the words, my need for her was all I could think about. Her lips, her taste, her tongue...

"I'm _your_ girlfriend, Spencer! I-I don't even know Jasper and _you_ should be kissing me..." she whispered, her voice changing emotions. Her tone went from angry to puzzled to needy.

I opened my mouth to speak, but she shook her head quickly.

"You're the only guy I ever remember kissing and I would never want to kiss anyone else." Alice took my face in her hands, forcing me to look her in the eyes, showing me how deadly serious she was.

My eyes were lost immediately in hers. I nodded slowly, telling her I understood.

"Then kiss me, Spencer," she whispered, pulling me down on her, begging.

It was like a rope was pulling my lips toward hers. It was unstoppable, but I prolonged it. I led my face to the end of her jaw, running my nose softly over it. It was so soft and smooth, her skin was always so touchable.

My nose ran over her jaw line again, stalling. Alice whimpered quietly under me, pleading with me. That noise tortured me. I couldn't displease her, she had only just come home. I couldn't lose her.

My nose ran back to her chin and pulled up a bit, staring at those pink, perfect lips of hers.

Then I took the chance. I inched down until I could feel her still touching me. My whole body craved her. I pressed my lips gently to hers, kissing her. Kissing Alice.

The thought of it sent my mind swirling. My lips moved with hers, it came so natural. To kiss Alice was as natural as breathing.

Alice took it slow and I knew it was only for me, her fingers intertwined with mine as I pinned her hands above her head.

Alice slowly grazed her tongue against my bottom lip, hopeful for the entrance she longed for.

I opened my eyes, still kissing her, not sure if I should let it go further.

Alice's eyes opened as well, the softness in her green eyes killing my will. I instantly opened my mouth for her.

Her lips parted as well as I leaned more into the kiss. The kissing became faster, more urgent, the half of a year without her taking control over me.

My tongue fought with hers for dominance. I then explored her mouth, remembering every part of it, every taste of it. I moaned softly at the feeling, the feeling of being happy taking me over. Happiness? Why was it so unfamiliar?

Alice's hands slipped out of mine, but I kept my hands beside her head, keeping her pinned. I felt her arms sneak around me, pulling me down so I was laying over her, hovering.

She sighed wistfully against my lips, her fingers now massaging into the back of my neck.

"Spencer," she breathed against my lips, my name sounding so perfect coming from her mouth.

I kissed her harder, blocking off any words. I wanted her. I needed her. Now.

I felt her hands moving down from my neck, coming between us. I slowed down, curiously. I looked down to where her hands had come to. She was at the hem of her shirt, beginning to pull it up.

My hands flew to hers, stopping them as fast as I could. Some part of me felt like it was wrong to be doing this so soon. We had been apart for six months... she had started a new life with someone else... and as much as I needed her, I knew it would be taking advantage of her if I dived into anything her first night back. I couldn't take advantage of her.

"No," I stated, looking straight into her eyes. "I-I can't," I whispered sadly, giving her a very quick peck on the lips before rolling off of her, the adrenaline rush over, my pounding heart slowing down.

Alice scrambled up to beside me, wrapping her small arms around my neck, toying with my hair, pressing her forehead to mine.

"Not tonight, hun," I said softly to her, kissing her one more time. It was a slow, soft, meaningful kiss.

Alice seemed to let me go, no argument. She might have been disappointed, but I knew she understood.

I pulled back for a short moment, gazing into the eyes I had missed so much.

Then I pulled the covers over us, cuddling her into my chest, wrapping my arm around her.

"Did you take your pills, sweetheart?" I asked quietly.

"Mm-hmm," she murmured, starting to fall asleep.

"Welcome home, Alice," I whispered lovingly into her ear.

She hummed happily against my chest, nodding sleepily.

I let her fall asleep, watching her for hours that night. I made sure she wasn't in pain and that she was still breathing normally.

My baby was asleep in my arms. It was something I had missed, something I had longed for, the one thing I had wished for. I wanted her back--and my wish had come true.

_JPOV_

Loneliness. Abandonment. Shock. Heart-wrenching pain.

That was all I could feel as I sat in the car in our apartment parking lot. What was I supposed to do now? I didn't have a backup plan. I didn't know what I was doing here. Alice had been the one who was keeping me together. She was the one who was guiding me through New York... she was my reason for being here, really. I had only ever known Forks.

I ran my hands over my tired, strained face. My hands wove into my hair, tugging on it in frustration.

I could go back and see her in the morning...

No, no I couldn't. I couldn't run to her. I had to give her space.

The day after tomorrow would be her first day at work, if she felt well enough. I could go to her work and meet her. Take her out for a congratulatory lunch. That could work, right? That made sense? We had planned on lunch before her accident...

I slowly dragged myself out of the safety of my car. In the car, it was like Alice was there. It smelled like a mixture of her and me. The perfect smell...

As I rode up the elevator, I began to clench my fists, my emotions fighting with each other. Alice wasn't here with me tonight. She wasn't going to be sleeping with me. I would be alone.

The doors of the elevator opened and made a dinging noise. It was our floor.

I let my feet guide me to the condo door, just going through the motions, my mind not connected to my body. When I realized I was in front of our door, I stared blankly at it.

I remembered scooping her up into my arms, feeling her warmth against my body, her giggles.

I closed my eyes, picturing the moment... the feeling.

"Jazz!" I heard her squealing, the word a bit muffled by her laughter.

I smiled to myself, leaning my head against the door, needing the support.

My hands pressed into the door as I took a deep breath. She was gone.

The realization hit me hard. My stomach felt like it had been kicked repeatedly.

She was with him. In bed with him. Touching him.

My body began to shake, my emotions going into overdrive.

How could I go into our apartment without her? It was _our_ home. We both needed to be there. ****

I turned around, pressing my back against the door as I slid down it.

I needed her. I needed her already. My eyes burned with longing to see her sweet face. My skin begged for her touch. My ears pleaded for her voice. Why did it hurt so much?

I had come so close to losing her so many times. Shouldn't I be stronger now? How could this hurt more than watching a gun pointed at her head!? At least she was still alive right now...

I took a breath, steadying myself.

I remembered how she looked at me earlier tonight. That blank stare.

I had never experienced that stare before. She was confused, hesitant, so unsure of me. She didn't recognize me. She didn't even know me.

A small voice in my head whispered that she'd remember soon. That this was a temporary thing. That there were only a few days to wait and then everything would be okay.

I tried to assure myself that this voice was right, but somehow it only made me feel worse. Days? How could I last _days _when it hadn't even been _hours_ yet and I was falling apart.

I felt a water drop fall down my cheek. I blinked, my hand wiping it, staring at it.

Tears? I didn't cry. I couldn't cry. I had only cried once since I was a child, and that was when Alice had tried giving her life away for mine.

But it was the thought of losing her. It was unbearable. I couldn't take it. I didn't have anything other than Alice. How was it that I was still alive right now? How was I breathing, now, without her?

I ran my hands over my face again, seeing the tears pouring down my face, weeping like I was a child. I stared at my shaking hands, seeing the tears again.

My life with Alice was perfect. This wasn't supposed to happen. It was supposed to be okay, now that we were out of Forks. Everything was supposed to work out!

I pulled my knees up to my chest, feeling so damn weak. Was this what I was like without her? Powerless? Vulnerable? Weak? Nothing?

I knew it was true... she was my Hope. She kept me living through everything. She had been there through everything... she was the one ongoing support that I had. My life line.

I shut my eyes, just desperate for her, remembering everything we had gone through. The memories flooded my mind, taking me in.

"_We're going to be great. I know it,"_ I heard her whisper, the memory of the first time she saw me coming over me.

I remembered the first time I had entered her room, stunned by how much clothing she had.__

_"I like clothes. I really like shopping," she explained.___

I chuckled, even through my tears, at how real those words were. She _really_ liked clothes. The new job was going to be so perfect for her...

I thought back to our first date, when I had brought her to the movies. She had been so into that movie. I was so captivated by her interest that I hadn't seen a minute of the movie, just watching her.

The first time she had told me she loved me... __

_"I love you, Jasper Hale," _she had sung to me in the cutest voice that I had ever heard.

I then realized what day that had been. That had been the day that Spencer had showed up in our lives. It was the first time I had seen her so broken and confused.

The memories turned into a black haze. And now I was the boyfriend she had forgotten. I was the "other" guy. She might be upset, now, because she already had the one she wanted in her mind. Spencer.

When Spencer had come back last time, she had picked me. Did that mean that this time... she'd pick him...?

I started to choke on my sobs, the cries violent and rough. I rummaged quickly through my pockets, my shaking fingers dialing a phone number.

"Hello?" I heard Nick's voice greet through the phone.

I took a shaky breath in, trying stable myself enough to speak.

"Jasper?" Nick gasped. He had probably seen the caller ID. I couldn't get my voice to come out. I just fell back into sobs.

"Jasper, are you okay? Where's Alice? Is she hurt? Is Alice okay?" Nick questioned me quickly, his voice turning panicked. He knew as well as I did that I never cried.

"N-no," I whispered, my voice reflecting how I felt, heartbreaking.

"No to what, Jasper? Calm down. It's all right. Talk to me, man," Nick instructed me, his voice smooth, but thick with worry.

"She f-forgot everything. She doesn't remember m-me," I cried miserably, wiping the tears away from my face again. I tried to take a deep breath, but it was shaky, the sobs still trying to suffocate me.

Nick was silent for a moment, trying to put things together.

"Alice? How did she forget you? Take a deep breath. Breathe," Nick said, his voice smooth. He was trying to stay calm, but I could hear the slight tremble in his voice.

I took a minute to try and calm myself. I closed my eyes and pictured Alice holding me, rubbing my back soothingly.

"She hit her head and forgot everything from Forks. She only remembers her o-old life. It's like some sort of switch. When she hit her head, it triggered her memory to slide back to the day of her accident. She can't remember the last six months at all..." I explained what the doctors had told me, whispering the words, my voice cracking throughout sentences.

Nick took a sharp intake of breath before speaking.

"Well... that's just a temporary thing, right? How hard did she hit her head?"

"I don't know... I don't know... I guess it could be temporary... the doctors think her brain just needs time to fit the two pieces of her memory back into one, so that she can remember both times at once. We were shopping... she slipped and she hit her head pretty hard... I could hear it. Hard enough for a concussion, I guess... hard enough to forget the past six months... I don't know..." I trailed off, trying to stay in control.

I heard Nick take in a deep breath. "Okay. There are still a few days before your classes start. Can you hang in there for like... I don't know... six hours? I can probably get there in six hours..." he mumbled the last part, thinking to himself.

"You can't come here, Nick. You're just getting settled in Texas. Stay with Davis," I instructed. I hadn't talked to Davis in a few days, but apparently he and Nick were getting along just fine.

"I've always wanted to see New York..." he pondered now, totally ignoring me.

I didn't care enough to repeat myself. I had a feeling that he was coming, no matter what I said.

"Hang in there, man, okay?" Nick said.

I must have responded, because he hung up the phone. But I couldn't remember what I said.

I slipped back into memories of Alice and leaned my head back against the door of our apartment. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to numb the pain.

**Author's Note: Kay... don't kill me...it's all part of the story. I'm sorry! Poor Jazz. And poor confused Alice and Spencer! Tell us what you think, leave a review.  
Also, I just wanted to update you on the Twitter thing I was telling you about before. As of now, we will only be updating Forgotten Hope once a week, on Sundays. So today. Every week. But we will have a little teaser quote or a little something something on twitter in the middle of the week! And surprise ones at random times cuz I do put them up sometimes when I am writing. I **_**know**_** a lot of people don't have twitter but you could make one and check it out! :D the link is on my profile, above my picture as homepage and its the same for my beta just go to her profile Lucy Alyce and above her picture is the link! My user is now private because I think like some dating websites were connected to twitter so random like whores were adding me (lol) so I just put it on private and you just have to request it. **_**You should join!**_**  
I think that's all I have to say for now. Have a great day and leave a review! xD**


	4. Hiding from the Past

**Author's Note: These only Sunday updates are weird, I am so used to posting twice a week, it feels like its been so long, but finally here is an update! Enjoy. **

Forgotten Hope Chapter 4- Hiding from the Past

_NICK'S POV_

I shut the phone loudly, my fists tightening. I had never heard Jasper's voice so hurt before in my life. He had been beaten to a pulp many times and his voice wouldn't even waver. But at the simple thought of not having Alice in his life, everything broke apart for him.

I hastily threw some clothes and other essentials into a backpack. I'd carry it on to the plane and buy whatever else I might need when I got to New York. I then grabbed my passport and license and any other identification I thought might come in handy. I had to get there fast, before he lost it.

The main question was... how do I get a plane ticket that fast? And that was where a long, brutally honest conversation with Spencer came into play.

I threw my now full backpack onto my bed and flipped my phone open again, pulling Spencer's number up and hitting "send."

The phone rang for a few moments before I heard the click of someone answering.

"Spe--" I started, angry at what he had allowed happen to Jasper.

"Hello?" I was interrupted by Alice's cheerful, but sleepy voice picking up the phone. My anger against Spencer faded a bit at the tone of her light voice. The voice of reason.

But then I was mad all over again as I remembered why she was answering Spencer's phone. Why was Spencer's phone with her so late at night?

"Hey Ali. Can I speak to Spencer?" I asked, trying to make my voice sound calm, but it didn't work out so well.

"Um..." she faltered a moment, "...yes. I'm sorry, who's calling please?" she chirped.

"Nick," I told her, not expecting that to mean anything to her. If she had forgotten Jasper, she had forgotten me, too.

I could hear the wide grin in her mischievous tone as she spoke softly. "Spencer, your phone."

"What...?" Spencer mumbled. His voice was filled with just as much sleep as Alice's. Had they been...sleeping together?

Oh hell... Jasper... this couldn't happen to him after everything he has already been through. Why was Spencer letting it happen? It hadn't even been a day, for the love of Christ! What was wrong with him?

"Someone's on the phone for you," I could hear Alice inform him through the phone. I heard the covers moving.

"Tell them I'm sleeping," he mumbled.

"It's important, Ali, please," I said, before she could relay the message.

"It's Nick? He says it's important..." she said, her voice still in "polite" mode.

"'Kay," Spencer mumbled, but I didn't hear the phone move.

Spencer spoke again. "Are you going to give it to me, hun?"

I could hear the smirk of amusement on his face. I bet they were just having the time of their lives... that he hadn't even told Alice how much she loved Jasper. I bet he was taking her back with open arms, not even caring about Jasper.

"Nope!" Alice giggled and I heard her start running. I groaned through tightly pressed lips.

I waited, trying as hard as I could to be patient, remembering that it was _Alice_ on the other line at the moment. Despite the fact that she couldn't remember us, she was still Alice.

I heard her squeal loudly into the phone.

"Put me down!" Alice grumbled, but she didn't sound convincingly angry because of her uncontrollable giggles.

I closed my eyes at the sound of her. She was so innocent... she had no idea she was tearing Jasper's heart apart.

It didn't seem like it could be real. How could Alice, the Alice I knew, ever pick someone over Jasper? They were so... perfect for each other. Even though I complained to Jasper all the time about them being too mushy and sweet, I was glad that they were. The kid needed someone like her in his life. Hell, they needed each other. It was a perfect balance. They both seemed so untouched when they were together... like nothing could ever tear them apart. Even when we were stuck in the basement of Greg's, in every and any situation they would always look at each with the same fierce love in their eyes.

"Give me the phone, baby," Spencer warned her, like he was preparing to do something if she didn't.

_Baby_? I sure hoped with everything in me that they weren't speaking like that around Jasper.

"Can we come to a compromise?" Alice offered. I heard the cunning little voice of hers, like she already knew she'd get what she wanted, but was making a game of it.

"He's going to hang up!" Spencer told her, whining at bit.

Don't worry, Spencer. I am not hanging up. But I am getting just a _little_ annoyed with you...

"A kiss for the phone," Alice stated, ignoring him fully.

My stomach lurched and she wasn't even _my_ girlfriend. I didn't want to think of her kissing Spencer. He was an okay guy or whatever, but she and Jasper belonged to each other...

"Ali, it's kind of urgent. Can I speak to him now?" I hurriedly said, my voice panicked. He would not kiss Alice, especially when I was on the phone listening to it.

"Oh, all right. Sorry for the wait." I heard the pout in her voice and then the phone moved. It's about time...

"Did I know him?" she whispered as she handed the phone to him. "He recognized my voice..."

Spencer didn't say anything, but I guessed that he nodded.

She sighed. "Here." The pout returned to her voice.

"Don't look at me like that!" Spencer teased, probably seeing the pout I had heard. I clenched down on my teeth, keeping myself from throwing the phone against the freakin' wall. _Seriously?_ Was he really flirting with her while I was sitting right here, listening?

"Hello?" Spencer finally spoke into the phone. "Is everything okay?" he questioned me quickly, afraid I had been caught or something.

"_No!_ Everything is not _okay_, actually," I growled at him, knowing it wasn't Alice anymore and I was taking this anger out on the right person. The person who was causing my best friend pain.

"What happened?" he asked quickly. I heard him sit back down on the bed.

"What happened? Why don't you tell me what the hell happened!? You are the one in bed with my best friend's girlfriend while he is sitting outside of his apartment, having a breakdown!" I shouted, pissed off at him for acting like everything was normal and perfect. I guessed that it was all perfect for him now, though. He had his old, prize girlfriend back.

Spencer was silent for a moment, which only added to my fury.

"What? Can't take what you're doing? Are you trying to pretend it'll all just go back to your old life, a little fairy tale? Well, it won't. Alice isn't yours anymore and you can't just take her back. She has no idea how Jasper felt about her and how happy she really was with him! He has given up so much for her and he should never have to lose her. You might not give a living shit, but I do, and I will not let you do this to them!" I roared at him, taking a deep breath, feeling my nostrils flare.

"I do care, Nick," Spencer whispered, his voice pained. Regret was obvious in his voice.

I refused to pity the enemy. I wouldn't back down.

"Not acting like it, are you? Does Jasper know you are there?!" I asked him in a rage. Sure, he cared... it was just his guilty conscience talking.

"Yes..." Spencer replied in a low, quiet voice. He was ashamed.

"Exactly," I replied sarcastically, "you sure as hell care. Don't go shitting me, kid. All you care about is having Alice back in your life," I stated firmly, knowing I was right.

I heard Spencer take a deep breath. He must have left the room, because I heard the door click shut.

"You don't know what it feels like having her remember, Nick..." he started quietly, "she loves me again.... How can I just tell her no when this is what I've wished for every moment of everyday since I lost her? I did think about Jasper. I tried not to even touch her around him. I know what he is feeling. I know the pain. And I'm not taking her away from him, but I will not push her away from me," Spencer told me straight out, his voice stronger and more certain than I had ever heard.

I took a breath in, trying to calm myself. He was right... this whole situation wasn't his fault. It sucked, but he was just doing what anyone would have. Who could really say no to Alice? I knew neither Jasper nor Spencer could. They were whipped. But I guess I could hardly say no, either.

"Is he okay?" Spencer asked slowly, concerned.

After a silent moment of thinking, I sighed quietly, shaking my head absentmindedly.

"No, I don't think so. I was actually hoping you could help me out and get me over there tonight," I said, more calm this time, getting myself composed.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Nick. You just got to Texas. And getting on a public plane and coming into New York could hurt all of you. It wouldn't be wise for you to come," Spencer said quickly, explaining the danger of my decision.

I rolled my eyes. It was no where near the most dangerous thing that I'd ever done. Not quite. I could take care of myself...

"To be honest, I don't think it'd be wise for me to stay here, Spencer. Jasper can't stand being away from Alice for a night. He was a mess when I talked to him... I think it would be best for me to get there before he does something stupid or hurts himself," I pointed out seriously.

I knew Jasper. He could not control his emotions without Alice. He was much like me with the temper, except he had the adoring girlfriend to be his voice of reason. He was hurting... I didn't want to think about what he might do.

"Oh..." Spencer said thoughtfully, thinking hard.

"I suppose I can... try and find you a private flight in or something. I can send a car for you at the airport, which will lower the amount of people who will see you. Wear the hat again too," Spencer mumbled, planning it out. At least he was trying to help as much as he could.

"Thanks," I murmured quietly, unsure if I should actually be thanking him or not. But again I reminded myself that this situation wasn't his fault.

"Yeah, just hold on a moment while I check for a plane in Texas," Spencer told me, his voice smoothing out now. He was becoming more composed as well. I waited a few minutes in silence, waiting for him.

"Is everything okay?" I heard Alice ask in the background.

"Yeah, everything's okay. Go back to bed, hun," Spencer said. I heard him clicking around on a computer.

"'Kay, there's a plane I can get you on there. Just get to the airport and the pilot will find you. He has a picture," Spencer informed me, his voice serious.

I knew now that he was taking what was happening seriously. Finally.

"Okay, thanks, man. I'll see you soon, I guess," I said, rushed. I hung the phone up before he could say anything else. I needed to get to Jasper and fast.

I threw the backpack onto my shoulders and headed out of the house in a hurry. Davis was sitting on the porch reading some sports magazine.

"Where you off to?" Davis asked me.

Davis had been awesome to me since I had gotten here. He had set me up for another year of high school at the school where he'd be teaching, because I really hadn't went pretty much all last year at Forks. It was okay, though. I was actually looking forward to finding out what a "normal" high school experience was all about.

He went out of his way a lot to make sure I was as comfortable as possible. We played cards a few nights, getting to know each other a little better. He seemed all right. Lonely, maybe. But if I knew anything about seeing people for who they were, I'd say he was a good guy who had just made some mistakes in his life. Jasper and he had that in common, I guessed. Hell, maybe I did too.

I understood why he was being so good to me, though. This was the one favor Jasper had ever asked him. The one thing to make it up to him for Davis leaving him with Steve. It was important that Davis didn't screw it up.

"I gotta go to New York," I told him, pulling the door open of my car. It was the same one that Spencer had bought me. Maybe I shouldn't have been so tough on him... he really did help us in every way he could. All the time. He was getting me on a _plane_...

"Oh," Davis said quickly, standing up and walking down to the car, a look of concern on his face.

"Are Jasper and Alice all right?" he questioned me. The one thing that was good about Davis was that he pretty much let me do what I wanted, within reason.

Oh yeah, they are just splendid...

"Umm, they are just having some... problems... in their relationship. Jasper's really upset. I need to get over there," I explained, not giving the details. It was their business, not the world's. Though it may become that, with Spencer's newly found fame...

Davis frowned, his eyes narrowing with genuine sadness. "Oh... well tell Jasper I say hello. Tell him he can call me, if he wants, okay?" he said uncomfortably, not wanting to over-do it or accidentally go too far. It was sort of sad that Jasper's own dad wasn't sure what was too far with him, but I guess Davis sort of brought that on himself.

"And... try to help as best you can. Behave, kid," Davis said, tapping the hood softly and giving me a look.

I rolled my eyes at him, then revved the engine, peeling out of the driveway.

"Be careful!" Davis yelled at me as I ripped down the street. Man, I loved this car.

I drove swiftly to the airport and, as Spencer said, the pilot was there and waiting. It was a cozy flight on a small plane. It would have been comfortable, had I not been so antsy about what could happen while I was in the air. I was just a little worried about my best friend hurting himself or Spencer. I tried to sleep a little on the flight, but it didn't work out so well.

Finally, the plane landed in New York. My feet moved quickly, weaving through the crowds in the New York airport. It was late, yet, there were still tons of people around. I kept my head low, a hat pulled down on my head, trying to be invisible.

I only had my backpack, so there was nothing to claim in baggage. I just kept walking, trying to find my way through the crowded place. Soon, I neared the exit. A man with a sign stood there. __

_Nicholas Barrett_

I went over in my mind again what my fake name was. That was it...

I jogged over to the man.

"Hey, I'm Nick," I told him quietly, still trying to stay unnoticed.

"Welcome, sir. I'll take your bag," he offered, putting the sign down and offering me his hand. For my bag, I mean.

"No, man, that's fine. I'll carry it. Let's just go," I instructed him.

He nodded obediently, opening the door for me. Rich people were so lazy. They expected people to carry their bags... open the door for them...drive them around...cook, clean, do laundry... why not just give away all independence? Seriously, no self-reliance.

I followed the driver down the street to where a limo was parked. I smiled a bit at that, rethinking my earlier argument. Maybe there was nothing wrong with having so much sometimes. You just had to know how to balance it out...

I jumped into the car, getting seated and dropping my bag on the floor.

The man got into the car and turned his head. "Where to, sir?" he asked politely, taking off his hat.

I scrambled through my bag and found the address, handing it to him.

I rolled down the window and watched as we passed through the crazy streets of New York. I had lived in small town Forks for my whole life, and when I finally got to move, I moved to another small country town in Texas. This was way different than either of them... and pretty damn cool. I could get used to visiting in New York. I just wished that my first time here didn't have to be under such circumstances.

The driver pulled into a parking garage and headed up the swerving road. Was the building attached to this garage where they lived?

He parked the car in a spot and got out to open my door, but I made sure that I was out with the door shut before he could get there.

"Thanks, man," I said gratefully, pleased at how quick Spencer had gotten me here. It was only three in the morning in New York. And one o'clock in Texas.

"Would you like me to wait down here, sir?" the man asked, his voice always professional. I think I would die if I had to talk like that all the time.

"Call me Nick. No it's okay, I'll stay here for the night. Thanks," I said to him, slinging the backpack on over my shoulder.

"Umm... am I supposed to tip you? You did great, I just..." I fumbled around in my pockets, looking for my wallet.

I swear that a smile fluttered across the driver's face for just a minute. He composed himself and smiled politely. "No need, si--Nick. Mr. Wright took care of it."

"Really? He has you calling him Mr. Wright?" I shook my head, "I gotta have a talk with that boy. You have a good night. Thanks again."

I headed away before he could say anything more, looking for the stairs. I found them and walked up to the sixth floor before remembering what floor Jasper and Alice's apartment was on. Twenty eight. "It had a nice view," was Jasper's explanation when I asked him why he would get a place so high up. I had coughed "whipped" at his explanation. And he had lightly punched me to make me stop teasing him.

I opened the door of the sixth floor. Screw it, I was taking the elevator. It would be morning before I got up there if I didn't.

I pressed the button for their floor and waited, taking a breath. I had to steady myself for what was coming. This was not going to be pretty. By the sound of Jasper's voice earlier, this was going to be worse than anything before.

The elevator finally made it to their floor, the doors opening. I stepped out, glancing around, not sure where to go from here. But I didn't need to look too much. I saw him.

Jasper was still sitting outside of his apartment. I could see him from the opposite side of the hallway, just a mess of clothes leaning against the door.****

I began walking forward, my pace quickening as I got nearer to him.

His eyes were planted on the wall across from him. He was staring blankly, emotionless. He didn't even see or hear me beside him. I sat down beside him, dropping my backpack beside me.

"Jasper," I whispered. My voice was very low. I didn't want to shock him when he was in this state.

He turned his head to me, his stare still blank of any emotion. I noticed the big black bags and his bloodshot, puffy eyes. He had been crying. I also saw his hands trembling in his lap. He was unsteady.

"Nick? What are you doing here?" his voice was rough, cracking, full of emotion. But he seemed terribly confused.

"We talked on the phone, remember?" I told him, my eyes searching over his face.

He only nodded, seeming to remember now.

"Oh yeah..." he whispered. He turned his head away from me, looking back at the wall. He reminded me of a zombie.

"She's gone... she's with him now...." he said slowly, taking in a shaky breath. His emotionless state started breaking right in front of me. His breath hitched as he struggled to keep the numbness there. His tearless sobs broke out as he lost against them.

I wasn't sure what to do. I had no experience with Jasper crying. I did all I could think of, though. I put both of my hands on his shoulders, holding him steady.

"It's okay, Jasper. It's okay. She'll be back soon. It's only temporary, remember? She'll be back before you know it!" I assured him. My voice was strong and sure as I tried as hard as I could to get the message into his head.

Jasper shook his head, choking on his own breath. "W-what if she doesn't? I d-don't have anything w-without her. I-I need her," he sobbed, his hands turning into fists that he shoved into his face to try to stop crying. I moved to kneel in front of him, my hands still holding onto his shoulders. He was looking at the ground.

"Look at me, man!" I ordered him. He looks straight up at me, surprised by the tone of my voice.

"Do you really believe Alice would ever leave you forever?! Do you think if she knew what you two were, she would walk away? Do you really think that she would forget you loved her if she had the ability to remember? Jasper, she is going to come back! This is Alice!" I told him loudly, trying to get it through his thick skull.

Jasper stopped sobbing for a moment, looking at me. It was dead silent.

"You have to have faith in her," I continued. "You have to be strong for her, Jasper. This is when you have to be strong for her, just like she was strong for you!" I said to him.

I sounded so certain of myself that it surprised me. I had no idea if Alice would remember us at all, but I was hoping that she would with everything in me. I had to sound positive.

"I miss her," was all Jasper said back to me. His eyes filled with tears instantly.

I felt a part of my heart tug violently at the sound of his broken voice. I squeezed his shoulder encouragingly.

"I know you do, buddy. But you have to be strong. Take a deep breath. You don't want to give up on her, do you?" I asked him seriously, my eyes locked on his. My disapproving look burned into him.

"No, never," he said quickly to me, his voice sure of that. "I-I would never give up on her," Jasper told me, confirming what he had just said.

I smiled lightly at him and nodded approvingly.

"Good, man. That's what I like to hear. Now are you going to be strong for her?" I questioned him, standing up. I watched him nod weakly, looking back down onto the floor. I needed to get him out of the hallway and into the apartment.

"Come on, let's get you inside," I coaxed him lightly, making him stand up.

"No..." he pleaded in a whisper.

I ignored his comment and reached into his back pocket--quite awkwardly--and grabbed the key. Jasper didn't move, though. He didn't even seem to notice.

I unlocked the door hurriedly, watching him stumbling as his knees were beginning to give out under him. I wrapped an arm around his waist, supporting his weight against me.

I swung the door open and took a step forward, pushing Jasper in.

"No!" he gasped, taking a step back again, his eyes torn.

"I can't go in there! I can't!" Jasper repeated over and over, his voice shaking and cracking.

I grabbed him with both of my arms and shoved him into the apartment, shutting the door before he could get out. I'd grab my backpack from the hallway later.

"What did I say about being strong, Jasper? You need to now. Think of Alice, man," I told him, still holding him up. It seemed like he couldn't hold any of his own weight. His eyes flickered around the room, tears trickling down his cheek.

"Thinking of Alice is what's killing me, Nick. I can't..." His voice broke.

Maybe if I got him to the bedroom, it might calm him down. It was their place... it might calm him down some? Maybe he could get some sleep... he needed the rest and strength. I just needed to _do_ something!

Jasper's eyes were wide and broken as I led him through the hallway. The pictures that lined the walls seemed to hurt him more.

I tightened my grip on him to keep him from running. I opened the bedroom door, stopping in the doorway to try to get us both through it.

Jasper froze at the door, his eyes burning as he looked at the bed.

"Alice..." he whimpered. "She's not here. Alice, I _need_ her! I c-can't..." he sobbed. He tried to turn around to get out of the room, but I wouldn't let him. I kept him there, having no idea if I was doing the right thing.

"M-move, Nick," he seemed to growl at me, anger pumping in his eyes now.

I was shocked at his expression. I took a step back, wary at the wild, intense look in his eyes. He hadn't looked that way in a long time.

"Jasper. Calm down. You need to do this. You need sleep. You need to get some rest," I advised him, trying to calm him, my voice turning as soothing as it could.

Jasper shook his head back and forth quickly, his hands trembling again.

"No. I can't! Get out of my way," Jasper yelled at me, shoving me back. His hit was strong this time, banging me into the wall behind us.

I struggled to catch him this time as he tried to dart down the hallway. I grabbed his arm tightly and he fought against my grip, throwing me around. Should I let him go? Was he stable enough to think for himself? I didn't think so...

I kept him against me, trying to get him to calm down, but it only seemed to make him more mad.

"Calm down, Jasper. Think of Alice. What if she saw you like this?"

Wrong words. Damnit.

He threw me off of him and his fist flew up, smashing into my face.

I fell to the floor from the force, hissing as the sharp pain rushed through my face. I should've saw that one coming.

Jasper ran away from me, but he didn't go to the door. He ran to the couch, falling down into it. He laid down, shaking, hugging a pillow tightly to his chest.

I watched the vulnerable side of Jasper that I had never seen before. He was a mess. It was like he didn't know what to do, how to act, where to go next.

His eyes fluttered shut from the exhaustion of all of the emotions.

I closed my own eyes for a moment, taking a sharp breath in. Please Alice, remember, please.

My cheek was stinging as I got up off of the floor and went into the kitchen, looking to get ice for it out of the freezer.

I didn't know what would happen if Alice didn't remember. Soon.

I didn't know if Jasper would make it...

_**SPOV**_

I lay on my back, staring up at the ceiling.

Wow. It was real. This wasn't all just a convincing dream my head had made up to deal with my life.

I peered down at her head lying gently on my chest, her breathing even and relaxed. She looked so comfortable... like she felt just as much at home as I did.

I leaned down, my lips touching her hair very softly, hoping not to wake her.

"I love you, hun," I whispered to her sleeping form, wanting her to know it. I knew I wouldn't have the strength to tell her yet. What if she didn't want me to love her? What if she woke up and wanted Jasper again? This might only be temporary... I had to remember that.

Alice squirmed in her sleep, moving closer to me, her arm falling over my stomach as she cuddled into me. I heard her sigh in her sleep, a happy, longing sigh. At least I could treasure every moment of this, while it lasted.

"My head hurts..." Alice breathed sleepily. I had woken her. I frowned and rubbed her arm soothingly.

"I'm sorry, baby, I didn't mean to wake you," I apologized, avoiding the top of her head and kissing her forehead. "Do you want some ice? Medicine?"

I had forgotten about her injury. How was that even possible? It was what had brought us together again!

She mumbled something, but I didn't believe it was actually real words. She was always so adorable in the mornings. I had forgotten how it felt to have her in my arms in the morning. How it felt waking up, knowing that the day was going to be perfect just because it would be with her.

"Maybe tea?" she mumbled. I could hear the pout on her perfect lips. I smiled softly at it.

"Of course I can," I replied, moving slowly, but she tightened her grip on me, keeping me on the bed.

I chuckled quietly, not wanting to hurt her head, and laid back down.

"I can't make you tea if you won't let me off the bed, silly," I told her, an amused smirk obvious in my voice.

Alice peeked up at me, one of her eyebrow raising, a disagreeing look on her face.

"Yes you can. You are Spencer Wright. You can do anything if you try," she told me, a smile tugging on her lips. That was what our mothers had told us since we were little.

_You can do anything if you try. You are a Wright/Cullen_.

I rolled my eyes at her.

"Unfortunately, sweetheart, I cannot duplicate myself. I'm sorry I can't do everything," I sighed loudly, giving her an apologetic look.

She glared at me for a moment, her bottom lip poking out.

"That's fine, I guess," she huffed, kissing my chest reassuringly, "I'll come with you to make tea," she said, yawning and sitting up.

It was so normal for her to wake like this. She didn't remember us not waking up like this. She didn't remember rolling over and feeling the other side of the bed, cold and empty, after I had left for London.

She would never know that every morning since I had left her, I had woken up confused about where she was before the harsh reality hit me again. She would never know how empty I had felt without her next to me.

I remembered when I was just leaving for London, before she had lost her memory. We had found it so hard to just let go of each other at the airport. I had never been away from her for so long in my life before then.

_We were snuggled up in the back of the family limo. My parents sat across from us, my mother's eyes shining with pride. My father looked bored as ever. _

_But my main attention was on Alice. She was holding me so tight that I was having trouble breathing. But I wouldn't say anything to her about it, because I needed the touch as much as she did. I was afraid. I had even admitted it to myself. I was terrified to leave Alice for a month._

_I was pretty sure that I hadn't slept at all the night before. Partly because we had tried doing a lot to distract ourselves from this moment (and we had done a _very_ good job at that, in my opinion). But also partly because I had kept my eyes glued on her face all night, watching her watching me. We didn't know how we were going to do this. _

_I noticed Alice's lips moving softly on my neck, kissing it very lightly. I relaxed instantly at the touch of her lips, forgetting what was going on, just taking in the feeling. It reminded me of last night._

"_Spencer," Alice whimpered into my neck. I could hear the tears in her voice. ___

_We were nearing the airport, moving into the parking lot. I tightened my hold on her, not knowing if it would even be possible. _

"_It's okay, baby, shh," I whispered, kissing her hair reassuringly. My stomach was in knots. The scared feeling hit me even more as the reality of the whole situation sunk in. I took in a sharp breath, looking out the window to avoid everyone's gaze. Be strong, Spencer. For her._

"_Spencer, straighten up," my dad ordered me. I had been leaning down so I could be as close as I could to Alice. ___

_I straightened up, pulling Alice with me. The car suddenly stopped and so did my heart. _

_I was suddenly regretting the decision I had made. I didn't have time to dwell on it, though. The driver opened our door, waiting for us. I hesitantly stepped out of the car, followed by Alice, who attached herself to me again as soon she got out of the car. _

"_I'll get your bags, sir," the driver informed me, walking to the back of the limo, opening the trunk. ___

_I just nodded stiffly and began to follow my parents to the entrance of the airport. _

"_Spencer," Alice whimpered again, the pain so real in her voice.___

_I felt my eyes watering, the sound of her voice stabbing me like a knife. I swallowed the tears as I walked us through the doors, keeping her close. I couldn't believe we were here already. J.F.K. airport. New York City. Packed, as always.___

_I followed my parents, meeting them at the end of the line to check into my flight. _

"_I-I don't want you to go, Spence," she begged me suddenly, her eyes wide with fear and need. ___

_I wrapped her into a hug, keeping her close, rubbing her back soothingly. I could feel her sobbing into my chest, her hands clenching the back of my jacket. ___

_"I have a bad feeling, Spencer, please don't go...." Her voice was muffled against my chest._

_I shouldn't go. She was already too sad. She couldn't be sad. My Alice was not supposed to be sad. She was a ball of energy... my sunshine. I couldn't let her down like this. I needed to put that smile back on her face. It was killing me. _

"_Baby..." I whispered into her ear, my lips running softly over the edges. She tried to hold her sobs in for a moment as she listened to me. ___

_"It's going to be fine. I'm going to be fine. You're going to be fine. I'm doing this for us... it's for our future. I'll call you tomorrow, though, remember? We are going to do those web chats...and you'll be able to see me and hear me and it'll be fine!" I assured her, "It'll be like I'm not even gone."___

_She looked up at me, her bloodshot eyes piercing through me painfully as she sniffed. _

"_What if I have a dream, Spence?" she asked, her voice trembling in fear. It had been a few years since the dreams started, but she was still so afraid when she forgot about her pills. ___

_I chewed on my bottom lip, trying to think of the best way to reassure her. _

"_I'll talk to you _every_ night, okay? I'll make sure to remind you to take it. Don't worry," I assured her, bringing my hand up for a moment to stroke her cheek lovingly. "It will all be okay," I promised her, though I didn't even believe my own words of assurance. How could I even go one day, let alone thirty, without seeing her, touching her...? _

_Alice became silent, just nodding, her eyes doubting my words. But her head went back to my chest, hugging me with all her might. _

_We were stepping closer and closer to the desk, just trying to get the gate number for our private jet. Finally, it was our turn. My mother did all of the talking, explaining what we needed. She got the gate number in a matter of seconds and began leading us away. _

_We were nearing where they would take my luggage and Alice abruptly stopped, planting her feet to the floor, bringing me to a stop, too. _

"_Can't I come with you?" Alice cried, her eyes begging me again.___

_My parents stopped with us. My mother's look was sad and understanding and my father looked troubled by Alice's broken look. He had always liked her... he thought she was way too good for me, though.___

_They exchanged a glance with each other before nodding to me and walking over to a coffee shop, giving us some room. _

_I took a breath and let her go, but she gasped, grabbing me. "Please, Spence. Don't let go. Let me come with you!" she begged me.___

_I hurriedly put my arms back around her and took in a shaky breath. _

"_You can't come, baby. You have to stay here and keep everything together. Keep the company running smoothly... it'll be hard without me," I teased, kissing her forehead. "Trust me, I don't want to go either, baby," I choked up, kissing the top of her head, over and over.___

_She sniffled and forced a smile, tugging me to her tighter, breathing my scent in deeply. We held each other for a few silent minutes, not being able to speak. _

"_N-no, you should go," Alice finally decided, though her body language said otherwise. She was trying to be strong, trying to tell me what was right.___

_I just kissed her lips, trying to take the sobs away. She whimpered against my lips, her hands gripping my hair now._

_Oh God...how could I ever go to sleep without the taste of her? How could I wake without her warm body cuddled into mine? Her singing voice in the mornings... _

_My lips were urgent, trying to push every thought out of my mind with the desire in my body. I opened my mouth wider to take a breath and felt Alice's tongue dart into my mouth, making me moan. Her taste, I had to savor it. I put my hands on her hips, tugging her against me rougher than usual._

_Alice's fingers moved from my hair, her hands caressing my face, moving over ever bump and curve, memorizing it. I did the same, but with her stomach, my hands sneaking into her shirt. My hands touched her soft flesh, the warmth of it almost healing my pained heart. _

"_I'll miss you too much," Alice whispered, pulling away from the kiss, but moving to my jaw, kissing up and down it. ___

_I nodded stiffly, not trusting my voice at the moment. I could feel the ever growing lump in my throat. _

"_Too too much," Alice moaned, her voice heart wrenching. _

"_What if you get into an accident? There have been a lot of accidents with planes lately, Spencer. What if something happens? What if I lost you, baby?" she cried, her arms wrapping around my neck, pulling herself up, her head hiding in the crook my neck. I could feel her hot tears falling down her face, wiping onto my neck. _

_I tried the best I could to swallow the lump in my throat. I needed to speak with her. I needed to calm her. _

"_You would never lose me, Alice. You're thinking too much about this. The plane is not going to crash, I promise," I said, very softly to her, lavishing her neck with kisses. ___

_"But my feeling..."___

_"...Is just you missing me already," I finished, "but you won't even have time to miss me with all the times I will be calling you. I'll even call you once I'm on the plane, okay?" I offered, coaxing her face out from my neck. I reached up and wiped the cascading tears off of her face. ___

_She nodded sadly and pulled out of her death grip hug. _

"_Fine... as long as you promise you won't fall in love with some English girl in London," she huffed, crossing her arms, giving me a playful, fierce look. But there was a small, cute smile tugging on her lips.___

_I chuckled humorously and rolled my eyes. _

"_I promise I will not fall in love with any English girls in London. But if there happen to be some American girls there, then you know I might not be able to help myself..." I told her, trying to stay serious, but winked anyway. ___

_She gasped melodramatically, smacking my arm as if she were offended. _

"_Well if we are playing that way, if I find a cute American boy, I can have him too," she giggled, giving me a smug grin. _

_My mouth dropped as I grabbed her, hugging her tightly to me. _

"_You are mine. No one touches you, but me. Got that?" I told her fiercely, crushing my forehead into her, my voice sounding possessive as ever. _

_Alice nodded, her playfulness gone. She kissed me softly on the lips as if to assure me. _

"_No one else," she whispered.___

_We were perfect. I couldn't ask for anything more than her. Alice tugged on the collar of my shirt, straightening it out. _

"_Let's go get your parents. I'm okay now," she said very quietly, smoothing out the front of my shirt now. I nodded to her and laced my fingers through hers, tugging her forward into the coffee shop.___

_Alice stopped again though, freezing. _

_I frowned and turned to her, but she wasn't crying. She looked a little pissed off. _

"_What's wrong, baby?" I asked her, my voice uneven. ___

_But then she pouted, her bottom lip popping out, making me let out the breath I had been holding. It wasn't serious. _

"_You didn't promise that you were only _mine_," she said, her voice very disapproving. ___

_She looked adorable when she was mad. Her arms were crossed, her face scrunched up, her lips in a pout, frustrated eyes... _

_I stepped closer and raised a curious eyebrow at her, looking at her like she was being totally ridiculous. _

"_Do you really believe I would ever want anyone else but you?" I asked her in disbelief. ___

_She shrugged and looked down at the floor, looking unsure of herself. ___

_I scoffed, causing her to look up. _

"_You are ridiculous, sweetheart. I would never, in my life, ever want to be with anyone else but you. I will always be yours and no one else's. I am a very whipped boyfriend," I chuckled at the end, kissing her cheek reassuringly. ___

_She smirked and her face became smug again. _

"_A perfect whipped boyfriend," she corrected me, tapping my cheek twice before skipping away, leaving me hanging. ___

_She got to my parents and I followed quickly, giving her a small glare, gaining a wide grin from her. I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and she leaned into me with a sigh. ___

_I would be counting the days until I returned to my Alice... _

It seemed ridiculous, now. That one month had turned into seven more. Sure, I got to see her when I went to visit Forks, but she was never mine. I knew she had broken her promise that she would never want anyone else, but I also knew that it wasn't really _her_. Memories make up so much of who a person is... who are you without them?

The Alice who knew me would never pick someone over me... but she was someone different after the accident. It was strange... she had the same personality, but the actions were different.

I would never break the promise I made to her, though. Never. I would be hers forever.

Alice's laughter interrupted my deep thoughts and flashback.

"What are you daydreaming about?" she asked, sitting down on the bed, crawling between my legs.

I hesitated, not sure if I could speak the memory without feeling broken about what happened after I left her. I didn't want her to feel bad either.

"Just thinking about you," I murmured, leaning against the headboard.

Alice leaned into my chest and stayed silent. She traced a pattern on my upper thigh, thinking deeply.

"What was it like...?" she asked me in a sad voice.

I straightened up at the sound of it, hovering over her.

"What was what like?" I questioned her softly, wrapping my hand over hers on my thigh. She looked at our hands and squeezed my hand tight.

"Not having this. Living without me," she whispered very quietly. Her tone was sad, like it had been on that day at the airport. The day that we wondered how we could ever go so long without each other. We wondered if it was even possible...

But it _was_ possible... I found that out. It was a long and torturous time, but you know... it was possible.

It was possible to be living, but not really _alive._ I figured that one out, too, after she had forgotten me.

"It was like I was stuck in my worst nightmare, only I couldn't wake up from it," I breathed out brokenly, running my thumb up and down hers.

She took a quick breath in and I immediately regretted speaking my feelings. I shouldn't make her upset about this.

"I'm sorry—" she started, but I covered her mouth with my hand, stopping her words.

"You are here now. That's all that matters, hun," I assured her, picking her up and putting her feet onto the floor.

I quickly got up after her and grabbed her hand to lead her downstairs. She held my hand tightly. I knew she was still feeling bad, but I wasn't going to let her dwell on the past. I had her now, in the present. And if my luck kept going, she'd be in my future, too.

_**APOV**_

If I didn't think about the fact that it was August, then it was like nothing had changed. If I didn't try to remember missing Spencer for a month, then spending five months with him, and then graduating from high school with him... then nothing was different. So I pretended that all of those things had happened and that I just wasn't thinking about them at the moment.

And I tried not to think of the way Jasper's eyes had looked at me like he loved me. It scared me... it made me feel like I should return the look, only I didn't know how because I had never seen him before. I didn't know him...

Not thinking about it.

We entered the Wrights' house, walking hand in hand. We were going to eat with his family for dinner. Apparently, I hadn't seen them yet since I had arrived back in New York. But in my mind, I had seen them a few days previous to this time.

I always loved to visit them, though, so I wasn't complaining.

I couldn't remember when I had seen Spencer smile so much. He would just glance quickly down at our laced fingers and a wide grin would spread across his face.

I picked up on something new in his eyes, though. It was something distant... something that was wrong. I didn't recognize it at all. It had never been there before. What was it...?

The Wrights' house still looked exactly like it had before. It was elegant, clean.

Spencer led me through the hall, heading for the dining room. We had dressed up a little. Since I technically hadn't eaten here in half a year, I thought we should make it special. Spencer wore black dress pants and a smooth black dress shirt. He added on a white tie. His hair was always perfectly combed to the side, a smile topping off his whole outfit. He was as gorgeous as ever.

I was matching him well. I wore a more casual dress, black and white, matching his colors. Our dark hair matched nicely as well. Everything about us seemed to make perfect sense. How could I have ever left that perfection?

"Ready?" Spencer asked, stopping at the point in the hallway before the two wide, glass doors. I looked up at his concerned eyes and rolled mine in response.

"Of course I'm ready. It's been long enough already. Six months too long," I told him, squeezing his hand reassuringly.

Spencer looked down at me with the softest blue eyes, mesmerizing me.

"Way too long," he agreed, his breathtaking smile creeping over his face.

I couldn't believe that that smile was now known around the world. It was another thing that was different. Everyone now knew who the famous young multimillionaire, fashion designer, Spencer Willem Wright was.

But no one would ever be able to comprehend how I felt when that smile hit his smooth perfect lips, lighting up his eyes. No one could know how much it affected me.

I stood on my tiptoes, reaching up for him. He happily leaned down, making it easier. Our lips connected, softly, slowly. I could still feel his smile on his lips as his hand raised up to stroke my cheek. Our kisses didn't grow faster, or more needy. Just being together like this was enough for us, for now.

He pulled his lips back, his forehead pressing lightly against mine. His dark eyes smoldered me with his love.

"I love you so much, baby," he whispered to me, his breath a bit uneven. For a moment I saw that unfamiliar emotion flash through his eyes. Uncertainty? Fear? I wasn't sure.

I covered his hand with mine, stroking the back of his hand with my thumb, trying to make that emotion go away. "Love you too, Spence."

There it went. The emotion disappeared as fast as it had appeared. His eyes were sure now, his lips set in a wide grin.

I heard the door ahead open and we both looked over, tilting our heads just a bit, our foreheads still touching.

"There you two are. My goodness, you can't wait another hour to do that? Come on, have dinner with your father and me, the food is going to get cold. You can finish up with that later," Mrs. Wright smiled softly at us, joy filling her eyes as she looked us over. She must have gone insane when I was away. Mom and she must have been going through a depression. I could tell how happy she was now, with us being back together.

Spencer straightened up after quickly pecking me once more on the lips. We followed Mrs. Wright into the dining room, where Mr. Wright was sitting lazily on a chair, taking a sip out of his glass of champagne.

"Alice," he grinned, getting up from his seat and quickly manoeuvring his way around the table to me. He was tall, muscular, built. For some reason, he reminded me a lot of my cousin, Emmett.

I hadn't seen Emmett since Christmas... well, I suppose I had seen him, while I was staying there with them. I didn't remember it, though.

I pushed it out of my mind. Mr. Wright was built very similar to Emmett. End of thought.

Mr. Wright didn't really look much at all like Spencer. And that was a bad thing. He used it against Spencer a lot. According to Jim Wright, Spencer was too small, too weak, his hair was too long, he wasn't manly enough. Jim would never look at Spencer with satisfaction. There was always a rude remark waiting to leave his lips.

I did love Jim Wright like a father, but how he treated Spencer was disgusting.

He wrapped me up in a bear hug, smiling fondly at me. "We missed you, kid," he said to me, his green eyes shining adoringly.

I smiled widely up at him.

"I missed you guys too," I replied, stepping back, my fingers finding Spencer's automatically.

Mr. Wright waved us forward, toward the chairs. He sat down, Mrs. Wright taking her place beside him, her hand lying on top of his, casually.

Spencer pulled out a chair across the table from them, waited for me to sit, and then pushed it in, taking his place beside me.

Spencer laid his hand softly on my knee, like he always did as we ate. I was surprised that it felt...unfamiliar, almost. It felt out of place.

I rested my hand over his, squeezing it lightly, trying to make it feel normal.

"So, Alice, darling, how is being back here in New York?" Mrs. Wright asked me as a man brought in our plates of salad.

"It's been great... though I don't remember ever being out of it...so... " I shrugged nonchalantly, smiling politely at her. This confusion was going to be annoying. I couldn't remember the last six months of my life. And then apparently during those six months, I couldn't remember any of it.

"Yes, well, that's probably for the best. That place, what was it called, Forks? It was much too dangerous for you. I can't believe your father didn't agree with us and make you come back. Especially after being kidnapped and all..." Mrs. Wright's nose wrinkled in disgust, her eyes displeased.

Kidnapped? I looked up at Spencer questioningly, confused.

Spencer bit down on his bottom lip, uncertainly, and then leaned down to my ear. "You were involved in a bit of a gang revenge plan having to do with Jasper." He stiffened a bit at the thought.

"The leader of the gang that Jasper was previously in took you for revenge and threatened to...kill you. Jasper had to get a large amount of money to get you back, but then the guy didn't really want the money. It was just part of his plan. He planned on...killing you anyway," Spencer struggled a bit, his eyes narrowing painfully at the thoughts.

_What?_ Jasper was part of a gang? I was kidnapped and almost killed?

"So, Jasper and Nick gave the money and then the guy was about to shoot you... then another guy, your friend you made while you were stuck there, he pushed you out of the way and took the bullet for you. Mack, that's his name."

Spencer told me the story slowly as shock filled me. I thought that they had said I moved to Forks? From what I remembered from visiting my cousins there, _nothing happened _in Forks. How could all that have happened?

I felt my lips part, my mouth hanging open a bit. "Kidnapped? Shot at? Gangs?"

The confusion was giving me a headache. I didn't remember any of this. Who was this gang? Who was Mack? Nick...? The same Nick that had called Spencer? My head was spinning with the new information.

"I'll answer any questions you have later, hun. Don't worry about it now," Spencer assured me, leaning over to kiss my temple.

Mr. Wright chuckled a bit. "New York seems a bit more boring now, doesn't it?" he joked, smirking at me.

"Yeah, a bit," I breathed, still in shock. I reached over to grab my glass of water, taking a drink slowly, trying to think straight, collecting my scattered thoughts.

"Jasper was an interesting one. I liked him," Mr. Wright told me, to my surprise.

I glanced over at him in confusion. I would have thought they all would hate him for taking me away from Spencer and from home.

Mrs. Wright glared darkly at him, obviously in disagreement, but Mr. Wright just shrugged nonchalantly.

"I did. And he was good for Alice as well. He was strong, able to protect her...not like some people," Mr. Wright mumbled quietly, as his glass was to his lips.

Mrs. Wright's eyes flashed with anger. Her hand pulled away from his.

I saw Spencer frown, just a bit, used to his dad's put downs.

"I know you can protect me," I whispered, quiet enough so only Spencer could hear me. His thumb stroked my bare knee tenderly as his head bobbed in a nod.

"Obviously Jasper could not protect her if she got kidnapped, _Jim_," Mrs. Wright hissed at her husband, venomously.

Mr. Wright rolled his eyes and leaned over to his food, eating in silence. I was tempted to grab my dinner knife and slice through the tension that was thick in the air, now.

I cleared my throat after a few minutes of eating. I attempted a stab at the tension.

"So, what were you guys up to when I was away?" I asked curiously, finishing my salad.

Mrs. Wright straightened up, a smile tugging on her lips. I knew that look. She was about to brag about Spencer.

I smiled back, interested in what was coming. I placed my fork down and leaned over to lean against Spencer's side.

He raised his hand that had been resting on my knee and wrapped his arm around me, so I could lean better.

"Well, a lot of things, actually. Our clothing lines have blossomed. We have had our designs featured in almost all of the fashion magazines in America, and then Spencer's designs have gone even further, becoming internationally famous. Tons of people have given him job offers to join their design companies. Some of the most famous fashion designers are begging him to join them. But of course he stays here with us, making Cullen and Wright industries known everywhere." Mrs. Wright praised her son fondly, giving him a proud look, a smile plastered over her face.

Spencer rolled his eyes good-naturedly at her, dusting it off as nothing, like always.

I wasn't surprised at all at what she had said. I knew that Spencer was going to be famous like this. He had always been able to design clothes. His ideas were better than many when he was only, like, ten.

That's part of the reason we were so perfect. Everything we did, we could do together. He loved everything I did. We were made exactly for each other... almost the same person.

"Although we expect to get a lot more once you start designing with him, Alice. You two are going to be tremendous," she told us as the servers came in with the rest of our dinner. Spencer smiled down at me, nodding in agreement.

"I'll have my inspiration back," he murmured, gazing passionately at me for a moment. I gazed back at him, not wanting to be anywhere else then in his adoring gaze.

"Yeah... just tell her all the good things he has done... forget about all the rest of the things. Who cares if he turned into a drug addict? Needing to take pills everyday so he wouldn't be sad... and then taking more sleeping pills so he can sleep," Mr. Wright grumbled under his breath, not making eye connect with anyone, just staring at his fork.

"Pills?" I breathed, my head snapping to Spencer's. Spencer didn't take pills. Ever. He was never that sad.

Spencer was stiff. He swallowed roughly, biting down on his lip nervously, almost ashamed. Maybe he did take pills, now...?

"He was just going through a bit of a rough spell without you around, that's all. It's nothing to be ashamed of," Mrs. Wright said, through her teeth, obviously getting upset at her husband again.

Mr. Wright rolled his eyes. I gave him a hard stare, warning him with my eyes that it was enough.

He pressed his lips in hard line and went back to his food.

"What kind of pills, baby?" I asked him softly, moving his hair softly out of his eyes. He looked so broken and ashamed. He shrugged.

"Depression pills," he whispered. I had never heard his voice so sad and guilty.

He blinked away the sadness and looked down at me, watching for my reaction.

Depression pills...and it was my fault that he had been so upset. I had left him like I had promised over and over that I would never do.

But that wasn't really me! I hadn't remembered him. What would I had done if Spencer had forgotten me? If he had left me?

Probably worse... I would want to die. Maybe I would've just given up. I wouldn't be able to keep living normally.

He had been so strong, still living his normal life. And then still calling me, even if it was hard for him to not act like a boyfriend or the love of my life. He had been so strong for me, even if I wasn't going to give him anything back.

I leaned up and kissed him passionately. He was taken aback by it, but accepted it happily. His lips parted and I could taste the cool, minty freshness of his breath.

It felt like home. I relaxed in his arms, kissing the man who had never left, even though I had. He was everything I could ever ask for. He was perfect.

"How did I ever get such a perfect boyfriend?" I whispered against his soft lips, a tingly feeling spreading through me from my lips.

Spencer's eyes shone, happiness in them.

"I didn't think that would be your reaction, but you do always surprise me," Spencer chuckled, his hair half across his eyes, making him look as sexy as ever.

"What else am I supposed to do? How else would I explain how perfect you are?" I asked him, snuggling into his side again, his chin resting lightly on my head. I realized that we were still sitting in the dining room. Mr and Mrs Wright sitting in front of us eating, already so used to us doing this kind of stuff.

I laughed softly at how normal it was for us to just start making out in the middle of dinner. Were we really that bad?

Mrs. Wright seemed to understand why I was laughing and smiled in amusement at us, sitting, eating her food. Mr. Wright smirked at me, mumbling something about hormonal teenagers. I laughed more at that.

We ate the rest of our dinner, talking about me going back to work next day, taking the office beside Spencer's. And then about our families going away for a week or two for the rest of summer vacation.

They told me about a fashion gala going on next weekend. It was to celebrate the success of the summer feature at Cullen and Wright industries, and apparently to welcome me back. I was excited for it and I could tell Spencer was, too.

After dinner, Spencer guided me out to the back porch. I never could stop loving their backyard. It wasn't like any other backyard... it was so beautiful. Mrs. Wright had taken weeks designing it and getting the workers to make it perfect.

There were flowers everywhere and different stepping stone paths to walk through. There were fountains and ponds, a pool and hot tub, a tennis court, a putting range... everywhere path led to something different. But my favorite one was the one Spencer was leading me down right now.

We walked silently, swinging our hands in between us cheerfully. He led me through the path that was shaded with trees, slowly leading out to the end of the backyard. The lights were bright, shining every different color, but still the peacefulness of the paradise of this backyard remained.

At the end of the backyard there was a lookout. You could the city lights shining. And over them, the stars were somehow still visible. It looked beautiful.

I sat down on the bench swing, snuggling into the cushion, the exhaustion from the day coming over me. My head still hurt a bit from the injury.

"I came out here a lot when you were gone. I would close my eyes and feel you cuddling up to my side, falling asleep, hearing your deep, even breathing. I fell asleep out here so many times... it was one of the only places that could relax me," Spencer told me, his back to me as he looked out over the city.

I frowned deeply at the thought of him ever having to be here alone. It was so wrong...

"You don't need to pretend anymore, Spencer. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere," I vowed to him, my hand stretching out, asking for him.

He turned around and took my hand, sitting down beside me. He let go of my hand, just to wrap his arm tightly around me. I held the hand that wasn't around me in my lap, as I brought my legs up to my chest and snuggled to his side.

I felt his body relax under mine, like it had been stiff for ages.

I took a deep breath, breathing in that scent he had always had, the cologne he always wore adding onto the mouth watering smell of him.

I had no idea how I had lasted so long without him by my side. How could I have forgotten him?

**Author's Note: Yes that was about the longest chapter we have EVER written, Hope you enjoyed it. I know, lots of Spencer/Alice fluff, sadddd :(. Keep your heads up, and hold on tight because its going to be getting good.  
Also! My beta has an ideaaaaa.. She was thinking that maybe you guys could send in ideas like, outtakes from Hope you would want us to write, little situations, or like things we said they were going to do but you didn't get to read about it. So in our spare time we could surprise you with an outtake!  
Also, don't forget, GET TWITTER. Awesome times tweeting. It's worth it :). Extra little bits of info on Forgotten Hope, little teaser quotes for upcoming chapters. Check it out! xD  
Now its your turn to write, write us up a review! **


	5. Feeling the Change and a Chance

**Author's Note: heeey my loyal readers! Here is your weekly update, enjoy!**

Forgotten Hope Chapter 5- Feeling the Change and a Chance

_JPOV_

My eyes were closed, but I was awake. I was trying to fight it, though.

What was the point? Why wake up? Why even try to live through today if I wasn't going to have Alice by my side?

I used to love waking up each morning to see her sleeping face, so peaceful, so calm. She looked so safe and content as she cuddled into my chest. Every morning felt like the best day of my life.

But now it just wasn't worth it. When I woke up this morning, I was very aware of the coldness, the emptiness. There was nothing here for me.

I rolled over on the couch and groaned as I hit my head on the arm of it.

Nick's head shot up from where he had been sitting at the kitchen table. His eyes focused onto my face. His face was down, his eyes dull and squinted in frustration.

I knew he was mad. Not at me. But he was mad at everything that had happened. Hell, so was I. What had I ever done to deserve to lose her? I changed my ways. I changed everything when I met her! I was a model citizen, now...

But my anger didn't last long this time. It didn't help me. Nothing could cover or distract me from the heart wrenching pain in my chest or the nauseous, sick feeling in my stomach. My head was pounding. Even my eyes hurt. I felt sicker than I ever had before, just from her absence.

It had been a day and a half since I had seen her, heard her, touched her. It was too much. My hands were shaking from the withdrawal of her touch.

I needed her. My whole body was showing signs of withdrawal. It was like she had become my drug. The only drug that could keep me alive. And she was gone now. But I knew the addiction to her would never go away. All I could do was Hope that my body hadn't forgotten how to go numb when things got bad...

"Hey, you feeling any better?" Nick asked. His voice was rough, like he hadn't slept much. He cleared his throat quickly to try and cover it.

I slowly sat up, feeling the ache in my back. I hadn't moved from this couch since the night Nick had come to see me.

"No, I feel like someone ran me over with a car," I grumbled.

Nick smirked, but I could see the pity in his eyes. He walked back to the table and grabbed a glass of orange juice off of it.

"Here," he said softly, handing me the glass and sitting down beside me. I stared blankly at the glass, wondering if my stomach could handle it. I still felt so nauseous that I didn't know if I should take the chance.

"Drink it. You look like hell, man," Nick ordered me, his eyes giving me a hard look.

I shrugged. Like I could care less...

"You need to look good for lunch," Nick stated, patting my shoulder and getting up.

I scoffed at that. Why should I look good for lunch? So he could look at me?

"We are going to take Alice out for lunch. It's her first day at work today, remember?" Nick informed me, sitting back down at the kitchen table.

At the sound of her name, I stood up in a flash, my eyes snapping over to Nick's. I stumbled over to the table like a drunken fool.

"Alice..." I murmured, my insides relaxing for a short moment before the pain rushed into me even more.

"Alice," I repeated, defeat seep through my voice.

"Yes, remember? All yesterday you were telling me how it was her first day today. You said you had promised her that you'd take her out for lunch on her first day. So we are," he said, acting like it was the most normal thing.

I fell into the cushioned kitchen chair. Alice's scent blew out of it. The apartment was full of ghosts of her... if I didn't watch out, it'd drive me crazy. This was nice, though. My eyes fluttered shut and I took a deep breath of her. So amazing...

"All right..." I whispered, not even caring what would happen. I needed her too much. I didn't think I could even live another day with this pain. This need and desire...the emotions were much too strong. How could anyone go through this and live?

"Jasper," Nick whispered back, his eyes turning soft. I noticed the bright purple mark on his cheek where I had punched him. I frowned at that. He shouldn't have to suffer for my pain.

He didn't wait for me to answer him. He just began to speak again.

"You won't lose her, man. We aren't going to let her go. You have to be strong. She needs to know that you want her...that you need her. And she needs to know that you two are perfect. That Alice and Jasper are supposed to be together. It's just right that way," Nick told me, louder than usual, trying to get me to concentrate on him.

"Show her you are her man. Remind her why she fell in love with you, Jasper," Nick ordered me, getting up to stand in front of me.

I knew I looked pathetic, but I also knew that he was right. I couldn't give up. The thought of her not wanting me was too much, but I had to try...

I nodded and stood up. "Thanks, Nick," I said, truly meaning it. "I'm gonna shower. Help yourself to whatever... sorry I punched you," I mumbled.

He gave me a small smile and nodded, forgiving me.

I thought a lot about what he said when I was getting in the shower. Nick was right... I needed to show her that I was hers. She needed to know why we belonged together. She needed to feel the completion that was there when we held hands. She needed to experience the spark when we kissed... the Hope when our eyes met.

Overall, I just wanted Alice to be happy. I wanted her to know me and know him and then be able to pick what kind of life she wanted. I didn't want to force myself on her.

She just needed to remember why we were meant to be. We were perfect for each other. And I would help her remember that, no matter what. I would do it.

_APOV_

A movement on the bed made my eyes shoot open, startled. My head whipped to the side, but what I saw instantly relaxed me. Spencer. He lay peacefully beside me, one hand behind his head, looking like a Greek god.

I rolled over and rested my head on his chest, raising my hand to toy with the little trail of hair trailing down from his belly button.

I heard Spencer sigh wistfully and his free arm wrapped around me. I smiled lightly to myself, happy that he was getting a little more comfortable touching me. I didn't like how he seemed so unsure of himself and of what he was allowed to do.

I glanced over his bare chest and squinted my eyes. Wasn't there usually something different?

Confusion swept over me. I ran my hand softly over his chest. It felt the same... what was missing?

Maybe all of those hits to my head were messing with me.

"You have no idea how good that feelings, baby," Spencer sighed, trailing his fingertips up and down my arm, causing me to shiver.

I looked up at him, propping my chin on his chest, smiling at him.

Then I noticed his eyes. The dark blue eyes that I always lost myself in were so full of love. But they were also moist and emotional right now.

I frowned and reached my hand, touching his cheek very softly.

"What's wrong, Spence?" I asked sadly, hating that look in his eyes. Usually, he never cried. He always tried to be so strong and manly because of his dad... something must be really bad.

He looked down at me and a smile crept over his lips. It was the same knee-weakening one that I had fallen in love with so long ago.

"Nothing is wrong. For once," he grinned. He was happy... so happy. It made the butterflies in my stomach go crazy.

I slapped his chest softly and shook my head disapprovingly. How could he get me all worried like that...?

He looked at me, startled and confused. "What's wrong?" he asked concernedly, like I just had.

I glared at him darkly and then gave him a small pout.

"You made me think you were sad," I grumbled, a bit of teasing in my voice. I really wasn't that mad... I was happier than ever, knowing he was happy.

"I'm sorry, hun," he whispered mockingly, leaning down to kiss my forehead apologetically.

"How dare I ever do such a thing?!" He shook his head, trying to look ashamed. But a smirk tugged on the side of his lips.

"Exactly," I pouted, my bottom lip sticking out just a bit. I gave him my big puppy eyes, hoping to use my magic.

He sat up, pulling me up with him, and wrapped one arm tightly around my waist, the other tipping my chin up.

"Can you forgive me?" he asked, smoldering me with love, his deep, dark, blue eyes capturing me.

"Mmm, maybe..." I mumbled, looking down and shrugging.

I knew it would drive him a bit crazy. My plan would go smoothly. He coaxed my chin up again, pressing his forehead lightly to mine, a breathtaking smile taking over his face.

"What if I make you pancakes?"

Bingo! Yep. That was exactly what I wanted to hear.

He saw my eyes light up and his head fell back as he broke out into laughter. His musical laugh made me fall even deeper in love with him and his gorgeousness.

"Pancakes it is then," he concluded, his hair dangling over his right eye. He leaned forward toward me, his eyes dancing. I got ready for my good morning kiss, leaning forward as well, but then it didn't come. He changed his course and pecked my cheek softly.

"Good morning, Alice," he sang cheerfully to me. He then threw the covers back off of him and jumped out of bed, wearing only his sweat pants.

I watched him in awe, admiring his physique as he stretched, letting out a loud groan. I watched all the muscles in his stomach, chest and biceps flex. I could practically feel the drool dripping off of my chin. I was the luckiest girl on Earth...

"Are you going to get up or are you just going to keep undressing me with your eyes?" Spencer smirked before getting up and walking into my closet.

I scoffed like it was the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard. Even if it _was_ true...

I climbed off the bed and dragged my feet over to the closet. Spencer was flipping through the racks, his eyes narrowed in thought.

"Think we should match for your first day?" Spencer asked, pulling two shirts off the rack and showing them to me. Mine was the same shade as his.

"Yeah," I answered with a nod, stepping forward to choose the pants.

I pulled out two pairs of skinny jeans, smirking at how I loved to look at his butt in these. I handed Spencer his pair and he raised a curious eyebrow.

"Haven't changed a bit..." he mumbled under his breath, pulling a scarf off of the shelf.

I smiled widely at him and shrugged innocently, letting him pick the rest of my outfit. I knew that he knew what I liked, anyways. Plus I was sure he had missed doing it...

He handed me the rest of the clothes and I skipped out of the closet to the bathroom.

"I'm going to take a shower!" I called to him.

"'Kay," he replied nonchalantly. I heard him sit back on the bed. I frowned deeply and peeked out the door, wearing only a towel.

"Wanna join me..?" I asked him, grinning deviously at him. I was sure my eyes were sparkling with mischief.

He sighed heavily and shook his head, causing my smile to fade. Then he walked toward the bathroom, stopping in front of me, raising my hopes.

"I'll go start the pancakes. I'll see you down there," he told me, leaning down to give me a quick kiss on the lips.

I knew for a fact that we had time to shower together and then go make pancakes together. I had left him for so long... I wanted to make it up to him the best that I could. Didn't he want to spend as much time with me as we could?

I groaned loudly, complaining as he walked out. He turned around and gave me a long look. His eyes looked almost sad... so unsure.

"Alice," he whispered, and I knew it was a no. There was no debating. His voice was serious.

"Please, I don't want to fight with you. You just came home," he said, his eyes saddening more, making me shut my mouth before I began to fight about it.

I walked forward, pressing my hand to his chest, caressing it with my thumb.

"Sorry. You can use the shower in the spare room, if you want," I offered, knowing he had just wanted to skip it because he was still too unsure of himself. I noticed that there was a pattern to that...

"Thanks, hun," he murmured, almost apologetically.

He leaned down and this time let his lips linger on mine as he kissed me, letting me control the kiss. I lifted my arm, letting my fingers run through his hair, massaging his scalp, kissing him tenderly.

"Anytime, baby," I whispered against his lips, tapping his cheek twice lightly with my fingers. Then I skipped off into the bathroom to take a shower.

I closed the bathroom door and let out a quiet sigh. What had happened when I was gone? Why was he so...careful? Uncertain? Was he afraid that I would leave him again?

But I wouldn't. I would never leave him. The only reason I had before was because I couldn't remember him. I had told him that. He _had_ to believe me. I couldn't even image being with someone other than him. It was just natural to be with him. It was what had always been. We grew up knowing we'd be together forever.

He was always so pure and loving and perfect. He never had to think twice about being good enough or doing something wrong. He was always perfect with me. He had known that.

But then I had broken it all when I had gone out with Jasper. I had broken everything and left him behind... ruining our future...our dreams... and most of all, his heart.

I sighed. How could I have left him for Jasper?

I repeated the name in my mind.

Jasper...

It was fuzzy, but I was vaguely waking up to his light blue eyes. I didn't push away from him. I couldn't. His eyes were pulling me in. It felt right... different from anything that I had ever felt before. I could feel the rush coursing through me, warming me. It was something odd...so different... but good?

And then Spencer's eyes replaced Jasper's in my head. I lost it. I couldn't remember anymore than that...

A sharp pain pierced my head and I closed my eyes in frustration. I hated this.

I dropped my towel and jumped into the hot shower, trying to relax myself and get the frustration out. I hated having a blank spot in my life. I hated not remembering what had happened. I had been there for half a year, for God's sake! Why couldn't I remember?!

I ran my hands through my shampooed hair, tugging on the ends in irritation. I quickly finished up in the shower, not wanting to be alone for too long because I would think too much. Then I got dressed and started drying my hair.

I wondered what Jasper was really like. What were all of those scars from? Did he really move out here just for me? How had we met? Was he friends with my uncle Carlisle's family? Why did he look at me with such soft eyes, but then would harden a little for anyone else?

I thought about him as I finished blow drying my hair and straightening it, and then I started to apply my makeup. I had to make sure that I looked good today. It was my first day and I had to look like I knew what I was doing. I had to look sharp and professional.

My hair was tamed today. I smoothed it so that it wasn't so spiky and then rummaged around in one of the drawers for the right jewelry. I decided to wear the watch that Spencer's parents had gotten me for Christmas last year. It was thin-banded, like a bracelet, so I had to mess around with the clasp to get it on.

As I fumbled with it, my eyes focused on my wrist. I noticed the lightest of marks on a part of my arm. If I hadn't been staring at my arm, trying to fasten the clasp, I never would have noticed. I squinted, barely making out the near-invisible marks. No recollection of how I had gotten them.

It was a little unnerving, as I thought about it. Almost like proof that the past six months really _had_ happened. Physical proof. On me. I really had been living an entirely different life for half of a year.

I stared at myself in the mirror, my green eyes searching for whatever I was missing. But all I could see was me, all shined up, ready to go to my first day at work. The bump on my head had gone down and was now just slightly pink, easily blended in with my make up.

I bit my lip and stared harder, willing myself to remember something. _Anything_. But it just made my head hurt, and I gave up. ****

I sighed and tried to forget about the very faded mark. It was barely there, anyway. What did it matter how it got there? It was in the past, right? No one would even notice. And no one would be able to tell that I had no recollection of anything that had happened to me for a whole half a year of my life.

I took a breath, smiled, and skipped out of the room, heading for the spare room, looking for Spencer. ****

He still wasn't out of the bathroom when I got there. I pouted and knocked lightly on the bathroom door to check on if he was done showering.

"Come in, hun," he called through the door, unlocking it.

I smiled and opened the door, walking into the bathroom. He stood without his shirt on at the sink, his lower face covered in shaving cream. I smirked at the sight. Spencer was really Santa Claus in disguise, I thought humorously to myself.

Spencer looked at me through the mirror, watching me thoughtfully, and then set his razor down. With his face still covered in white foam, he strolled over to me.

"You look gorgeous today, baby," he sang lovingly to me. He pressed his lips to my cheek, leaving a shaving cream kiss on my cheek. A huge teasing smile was on his face as he hurried back to the sink, chuckling.

"Hey!" I yelled at him, smacking his arm in fake annoyance. "It takes a lot to look this good, you know?!" I complained, bumping him with my hip to shove him over so I could wipe the shaving cream off of my face. I wet a towel and wiped it off, glaring playfully at him.

He just hummed a song as he finished shaving cheerfully.

I moved away from the sink and sat on the edge on the bathtub, watching him wipe his face off and grab a comb. Sometimes I wondered if he took longer in the bathroom than I did...

But it did pay off. Even though he always looked adorable, he knew how to take care of his image.

He finished with his whole hair process and turned around, leaning on the sink, staring at me silently. His hair covered his eye slightly.

I tilted my head like him and stared at him, trying to read his eyes. There was a long silence as we gazed at each other. I tried desperately to read his stare, but I couldn't, he hid what he was feeling.

"Alice!" My mother sang from down the stairs, interrupting our eye war.

I got up quickly, not wanting to make her wait. Spencer put all of his things away in a second and slipped his fingers between mine, giving my hand a quick squeeze as we headed out of the room to meet my mom.

"Oh!" I exclaimed, pausing in the hallway. "Could you put this on me? I couldn't get it."

Spencer took the watch from me with a smile and fastened it quickly around my tiny wrist.

"You make it look so easy," I grumbled as he laughed and led us downstairs.

My mother seemed so happy since I had come home. I could have asked for anything in the world and she probably would have given it to me. She was just so thrilled that I was back. Dad had said that she went through a little depression when I left and found a new boyfriend. Now, she was just ecstatic that I was back here _where I belonged_, as he had quoted her.

It made me wonder how she knew where I belonged? _I _didn't even know anymore. And on top of that, I didn't get what was so bad about Jasper. He didn't seem that bad. He looked at me like I was something precious and not like I was trash.

That was pretty much how my mom had described him, though. Someone who was a bad influence, dangerous, and overall a bad guy.

I assumed that it was just my mom saying it how she saw it. I knew that in her eyes, anyone would be nothing compared to Spencer.

Honestly... and I felt guilty thinking this... but there was something deep down that almost longed to see Jasper again. When he left the other night, I felt a little sad. It was like I was betraying him? It might have just been because he looked so extremely broken. He wanted me so much as he was walking out the door. That last look he had given me... it was almost like a plea for me to remember him.

Part of me did want to see him again. I was curious about the man that I had gone to when I couldn't remember my one and only love: Spencer. What kind of guy could have made me leave Spence?

I slowly made my way down the stairs with Spencer, pushing Jasper's face out of my thoughts. I focused on the fact that it was my first day of work.

My stomach was fluttering a little with nerves, but I knew I was just being ridiculous. I had worked tons of times at my mom's work. I just hadn't worked for money. It was real this time.

My mom was standing at the bottom of the stairs. Her eyes filled with glee as she watched us walk down the stairs, hand in hand.

"You two look too cute!" she spoke her thoughts out loud as we made it down the long staircase.

Spencer smiled widely at her and reached over to kiss her on the cheek. She was just as much as a mother to him as she was to me.

"You look lovely today as well," he said politely, throwing her his knee-weakening smile.

"Well thank you, Spencer," she smiled happily at him and tapped his cheek softly, like I had done earlier.

Then my mother turned her attention to me, watching me, her gaze full of love.

"Did you sleep well? All ready for the first day? You don't have to start so soon if you aren't ready, Alice," she questioned me, not because she needed to know I would do well, but because she was genuinely concerned. Was she just as uncertain as Spencer?

"I'm ready!" I cheered happily, squeezing Spencer's hand tightly in excitement. A wide smile spread over my mom's face, pride filling her eyes.

"I'm so pride of you two," she whispered, getting all teary eyed.

I sighed loudly and rolled my eyes.

"I'm going to eat..." I huffed playfully, pretending to turn. My mom smacked my arm playfully.

"Hush child, your mother can have her moments," she laughed softly, but started to head up the stairs.

"I'll see you two at work!" she said with such happiness that it almost made me roll my eyes again.

Spencer and I headed for the kitchen, asking Alfred if we could make some pancakes. Obviously he granted us the permission. He adored us... he was kind of like an uncle to us. He had been around since we were babies.

We fooled around making pancakes--and a big mess--and then went out to eat them in the dining room.

Then it was time for work. We headed out the door.

"Who's car are we taking, hun?" Spencer asked me as he strolled down the steps and into the driveway.

"Mine!" I grinned widely, skipping forward past Spencer to my beautiful yellow Porsche. Spencer used to say that my car was the only thing he had to fight against for my attention.

I slipped into the car, snuggling back into my comfy seat, and then buckled up as Spencer jumped into his side.

Spencer buckled as I started the car, and then rested his hand casually on my hand, tracing circles with his thumb. I lost track of what I was doing for a moment...

Right. Push gas pedal.

I took a breath and pushed down lightly, pulling out of the driveway. Spencer was peacefully silent the whole ride, staring thoughtfully out the window, never stopping tracing patterns on my knee.****

Twenty minutes later, we were at the office. As we pulled into the parking garage, a loud crack sounded through, echoing off of the walls.

I froze as terror flooded through me. My hands gripped the wheel tightly and I slammed on the brakes, causing us to jolt forward. I was breathing heavily, my eyes wide as my brain tried to comprehend why I was so afraid all of the sudden.

"Alice?" Spencer asked quickly. He shifted the gears into Park in the middle of the parking garage and turned off the engine, unsure of why I had suddenly freaked out.

The loud cracking exploded around us again and I squeezed my eyes shut and took in a sharp breath, trying to calm myself down as another pang of terror rushed through me. What the hell...?

Spencer must have noticed my body tensing again, because he stared at me for a moment before gently prying my hands off of their grip on the wheel.

"Baby, it's just construction. They're working on some of the floors upstairs, expanding a little. It's okay," he explained quietly, noticing that I had jumped at the noise.

I stared at him for a long moment before shaking my head and nodding. "I'm sorry... I don't know why it freaked me out so much... that's sort of stupid, right?"

"Not stupid at all. You're probably just really sensitive to sounds right now. Maybe something having to do with your recent injury. Are you going to be okay? Should we take another day before you start?" he asked, his eyes full of concern.

I shook my head and jumped as the construction boomed around us again. Now that I knew to expect it, it didn't make me as nervous as it had earlier.

"Weirdest feeling ever, I swear," I mumbled, "But no... I'm okay," I said louder, starting the car again and shifting into Drive.

My mom had gotten them to put in a personal parking spot for me. It was number 4. I turned a few corners and parked the car.

"I'll have to ask Jasper..." I heard Spencer mumble.

"Ask Jasper what?" I asked him curiously.

He smiled. "Nothing, baby. Never mind," he said quickly.

I brushed it off and took a deep breath, just glad to be here.

"Here we are..." I whispered, looking out the windshield for a long moment.

Spencer opened his door with a plastered smile on his face. He jogged around the car and opened the door for me.

He bowed down, like an old-fashioned gentleman. "Ready?" he asked quietly, offering me his hand.

I nodded, my nervous feelings coming back. But I put on a brave face and put my hand into his.

He pulled me lightly out of the car and I cuddled into his side, wrapping my arm tightly around his waist, getting the support that I needed.

He shut the door for me and put his arm around my shoulder, leaning over to kiss my temple tenderly.

There was a flash and I was temporarily blinded by a bright light.

I jumped, my other arm grabbing Spencer's shirt.

_Flash!_

"Spencer?" I looked quickly up at him as a man with a hoodie on flashed his camera, taking pictures of us.

"It's okay, hun. It's just the paparazzi. Just try to ignore him," Spencer whispered into my ear, gaining more flashes from the camera.

"Who's your girlfriend, Spencer?" the man called to us, continuing to flash pictures as we walked forward.

I suddenly felt a bit uncomfortable. Since when had Spencer become so famous that he had paparazzi?

On second thought, that was pretty awesome. I grinned widely at the man and then smiled up at Spencer, who looked as happy as ever, earning more flashes from the camera.

"Alice Cullen," Spencer answered, the happiness in his voice more than obvious, which made me happier.

He led us closer to the door.

"'Cullen' as in the 'Cullen' in Wright and Cullen industries? The one who suddenly disappeared?" the man questioned, causing Spencer to frown for a moment. I felt his body stiffen.

"Yes, that's the one, and she's back," Spencer smiled softly at the man, grabbing the door knob.

"And she's here to stay," I added in, stepping onto my tiptoes to kiss those irresistible lips of his.

He tipped his head down automatically, meeting my lips. He paused a bit as our lips connected, and then his lips parted, kissing me slowly.

The flashes of the man's camera went crazy, blinding me.

Spencer groaned, knowing the camera was bothering me, and pulled out of the kiss.

"Get out of here so I can kiss my girl, would you?" Spencer grumbled, but still politely, giving the guy a big grin for one more picture.

The man nodded and thanked us before heading out, probably happy that he had gotten the big news first. He now had the power to crush every girl's heart, telling them that Spencer Wright was now taken.

"Now... back to where I was," Spencer murmured, wrapping his arms around my waist, tugging me into him.

The smile I loved so much took over his face as he leaned down. I grinned back, my insides turning to goo.

Spencer's lips met my anxious ones, and my hands flew up into his hair, shoving him back softly against the garage door.

He kissed back with the same passion, his lips hungry and urgent. His tongue pressed against my lips quickly for entrance. I opened my mouth widely, his tongue teasing mine, letting me taste him. The fresh minty taste of him....mmm... my head spun.

"Alice, Spencer, please. Save it for when you get into your office. You don't want the whole world seeing this," Spencer's mom chuckled from behind us, waiting to be able to open the door.

Spencer straightened up immediately, kissing my lips quickly once more.

"Sorry mom," he apologized, but it didn't sound very sorry.

Olivia rolled her eyes, not minding seeing us like this at all. She had walked in on us doing this on her couch all the time. She was definitely used to this.

Spencer, like with my mom, reached over me and kissed his mother softly on the cheek, his respect for them never fading.

"Sorry I didn't come home last night," he frowned a little, probably because he had forgotten to call as well.

"Don't be silly, dear. I knew you would stay with her. I'm glad you two are back together," she said, waving it off as nothing.****

She opened the door and walked into it, leaving us. I didn't know how many times our mothers would tell us that.

"Time for work!" Spencer decided, letting me out of his arms, but taking my hand, opening the door for me.

Here we go.

Spencer led me to the elevator and pressed the top floor, where my new office was and his already had been.

The elevator door opened and you could hear the commotion from there, everyone hurrying around, rushing past each other.

Spencer looked natural here. People waved at him, called over to him. He just nodded politely to all of them. He kept walking naturally and stopped at a glass double door office.

"Welcome to the business!" He flashed me a quick grin and pushed the doors open.

Obviously I had already seen the offices, but this one much like my mom's. It had a huge, amazing view, just like hers. But it was mine!

Spencer let go of my hand, letting me take it in. I skipped forward, grazing my hand over every surface. It was all mine. Unbelievable.

I smiled wistfully, plopping down on my big comfy desk chair. Mine. Wow.

Spencer strolled forward, his hands in his pockets, looking very relaxed.

"Wanna see the best part?" Spencer's eyes lit up, raising a curious eyebrow.

I nodded quickly, jumping up off my chair, looking at the mischievous look in his eyes.

He walked over to another set of doors on the side of my office and I smiled even wider now. I knew what those doors led to immediately.

Spencer pushed them open and I saw his office, connected to mine.

"I don't know. I think the desk chair is better than that," I joked, but pretended to look dead serious.

Spencer let his jaw drop, looking hurt by the words.

"The _chair_ is better than _me_?" he gasped, pouting dramatically.

"Aww, don't be sad. I will still come see you, sometimes," I assured him with a smirk, my eyes burning into his.

He nodded in mock sadness, ducking his head and walking slowly toward his office.

"I see how it is," he whispered brokenly.

I jumped forward, grabbing him by the wrist.

"I was kidding! You are _much_ better than a chair. I promise," I reassured, giving him a quick hug of comfort.

He grinned widely down at me.

"I_ guess_ it's okay then," he chuckled. Then his smile suddenly faded and he straightened up.

"I'd trade him for a chair too."

I felt my hands clench. I knew that voice. Jim. Spencer's dad. I turned around to look at him and frowned.

"I would not," I stated clearly, leaning into Spencer's chest, protesting.

Jim smiled softly down at me, not looking at Spencer.

"I was just dropping in. Olivia forgot some designs, so I thought I'd come say hello to you, since it's your first day and all. Come give me a hug."

Jim turned back into his sometimes cheerful self. I ignored his earlier comment and skipped forward, giving him a tight hug.

"Thanks," I breathed as I got out of the hug, looking up at him.

"Also, I found someone getting on the elevator downstairs and I thought I'd bring him up." Jim's voice changed to a more mischievous tone.

I raised a curious eyebrow at him and he nodded in confirmation.

"Come on in," Jim called, and I stepped to the side to see who it was.

Blue eyes... blonde curls... Jasper.

"Hey Alice," he whispered, smiling a small smile at me, seeming unsure if he should actually enter the office.

"Spencer," he nodded a greeting over to Spencer.

"Hello, Jasper," Spencer greeted him, sitting on the edge of my desk.

Jasper's eyes never left me, though. He pressed his lips in a tight line and ran a stressful hand through his hair. It looked so natural for him to do that, like he had done it plenty of times before.

"I just came to welcome you back on your first day at work. And congratulate you for getting into such a good position..." he informed me, slowly walking into the office.

Then I noticed someone lingering behind him.

"Nick thought he should too," Jasper explained.

Nick...? Nick... I had talked to him on the phone the other day. He had called for Spencer. And he... he had helped when I had been kidnapped?

Spencer pushed off of the desk and walked over to me, not touching me like usual, though. He looked at Nick curiously and a bit disapprovingly.

"Nick?" I questioned, watching the guy behind him. I wasn't actually sure if I was right about who he was. I also didn't know who he was to me, either. Were we friends, too? Or was he more of Jasper's friend and he just helped me before to help Jasper? I didn't like not knowing...

Nick was bigger, like Jasper. He had really muscular arms that were larger than Jasper's and he had shaggy brown hair and blazing brown eyes.

He looked at me, smiling widely, his arms opening as if he was waiting for a hug. I noticed that he also had a few light scars, one of them at the base of his neck. But he didn't have near as many as Jasper.

"Come here, kiddo," he said in a deeper voice than Jasper or Spencer.

I stepped back slightly, not knowing him. I was feeling a bit nervous, my body just touching Spencer's now. I was normally a friendly person with new people, but the fact that he was new to me and wasn't _supposed_ to be sort of threw me off.

Nick frowned deeply, looking me over.

"Nope, I guess you were right, Jasper. She definitely doesn't remember me." Nick seemed to be trying to joke, but I saw a sadness fill his eyes as he dropped his arms.

"Sorry," I whispered awkwardly.

Jasper nodded stiffly at Nick as Nick tried to smile at me. "Not your fault." He had a nice smile.

The room became extremely quiet. No one spoke for a moment.

Nick cleared his throat loudly, too loudly to be natural, and I saw him nudge Jasper forward.

Jasper took a few steps closer to me before speaking.

"We were wondering if we could take you out for lunch in a few hours?" Jasper offered, standing in front of me now.

Spencer, who had been standing casually behind me, not speaking, moved away from me to stand over near Nick.

I watched them shake hands, smiling fondly at each other. I knew that Nick had called Spencer the other night, and Spencer had helped him out, but how good of friends _were_ they?

I came to realize that Jasper was still standing silently in front of me, waiting for an answer.

I ducked my head, thinking. I had been planning on going out with Spencer for lunch... but I guess to be polite I could go with Jasper and Nick...?

"Sure!" I exclaimed, trying to look happy. This actually caused Jasper to frown a bit, like he knew I was trying for him.

Spencer shot me a proud smile from across the room, encouraging me to be with them. That seemed a little weird to me... wouldn't Jasper be his competition?

"Darling, it was just an invitation. You don't have to say yes if you don't want to go. It would be okay..." Jasper informed me, smiling a small smile, trying to look casual.

I took a chance and looked into his deep eyes, not wanting to get lost in them.

It was like I could almost read his very soul as I gazed into them. I could see every emotion that he was feeling. I could almost see every thought playing in them.

The sadness was the most clear to me. The pain and neediness were there too. How could I say no to him? It was my fault he was like this.

"No... I want to," I whispered, pulling out of our gaze and looking down at the floor.

He cleared his throat, sounding somewhat nervous.

"All right. Well... I suppose we should leave you two so you can work... and then we'll come back at lunch," Jasper decided.

He then reached his hand out and very, very lightly touched my cheek. I felt an electric shock course through my whole body, causing me to take in a sharp breath.

I noticed Spencer's jaw muscles tighten at the gesture.

"Have a good day, darling..." Jasper whispered before flipping around and walking out of the room quickly.

Nick looked over at me, his jaw muscles flexing as well, unsure of what he should do.

Then he looked at Spencer again and a slow, teasing smile spread across his face.

"Wow, matching outfits and everything. You're really jumping into this whole 'we're dating again' thing, aren't you?" he smirked.

I wasn't sure how to take him. He seemed friendly enough... but I knew that he'd rather I was with Jasper instead of Spencer.

I was about to make some smartass comment, but Spencer spoke first.

"Guilty," he admitted good-naturedly, giving Nick a smile.

I scowled and Nick chuckled. "I almost walked into some seriously smart remark from you, right Ali?" he asked. "Thanks for saving me from that one, Spencer."

"No problem," Spencer said lightly, his eyes friendly.

I watched Nick with interest. He had apparently known me better than I had originally thought.

"I guess I'll see you at lunch, kid. Knock 'em dead," Nick grinned widely at me, wishing me a good day.

I couldn't help but smile back at him. I decided that he seemed nice... really nice. He turned around and jogged out, trying to catch up to Jasper.

Spencer walked back over and smiled softly at me.

"That was good of you," he nodded in approval, leaning over to kiss my forehead.

I nodded slowly, unsure if I wanted to go through with the plan. I didn't really know them...

"Could you come too?" I asked hesitantly, looking down at the patterns in the carpet.

When Spencer didn't answer, I looked back up. He was chewing on his bottom lip, his nervous habit.

"Please?" I begged quietly, pouting. I knew I was being totally unfair.

He sighed and nodded, not speaking. He then walked back over to the edge of my desk and leaned on it. He pulled something out of his pocket.

"Nick wanted you to have this," Spencer mumbled, reaching his arm out to hand me a photo.

I stepped forward, accepting it, and then walked over to him, leaning in between his legs, resting my back on his chest.

Spencer's chin found my shoulder as we looked at the picture together.

It was a picture of Nick, Jasper, Spencer and me at the beach. I knew that beach... it was the one at our cottage. I had some really good memories there, but I didn't remember this one.

In the picture, I was sitting in Jasper's lap, holding his hands. Nick was sitting beside us with a piece of pizza, leaning over and kissing my cheek. Spencer sat on the other side of us, smiling casually. But it wasn't his real smile, I noticed... it was a lot sadder.

"You look sad," I commented, touching his face in the picture with one of my fingers. I felt Spencer shrug behind me.

"I was doing okay," he said, sounding defensive. I didn't like the sound of that. It was him trying to sound strong because he thought he _always_ had to be strong, thanks to Jim.

"Whatever," I mumbled, ignoring him.

I looked closer at the picture, more at myself this time. I looked... _happy._ My eyes were sparkling with laughter as I tried to push away from Nick's kiss. I was grasping Jasper's hand tightly, not looking at all like I didn't like him. I looked like I truly loved him. I was leaning against him, like I always did with Spencer...

Had I been in love with Jasper? I pressed my lips tightly together, narrowing my eyes, trying as hard as I could to remember.

The beach... I thought about the beach, but all I could remember were times with Spencer. I tried to remember the feel of Jasper's hands as I held them, but I couldn't. Were they soft or hard? Were they rough or smooth? I didn't know. It was all blank. I couldn't _remember._

I slammed the picture face down on the desk, frowning in frustration as I let out a breath.

Spencer kissed my shoulder encouragingly.

"It's okay, hun. It'll come to you later," he assured me. He then turned to grab some papers off of the desk.

I took a breath and nodded, moving away from him to sit down at the desk. It was time to work.

I had to put them behind me for a while.

**Author's Note: Lunch with Nick, Jasper and Spencer? Ohhhh, this is going to be good! Lol. What did you think of the chapter? you know the drill, leave us a review! And also, don't forget, if you ever have an idea for an outtake for Hope, if there is something you wanted to see happen that we didn't show, or just a situation you wanna see the Hope's Alice/Jasper. Just let us know and we'll give you a surprise update with one! :D  
Have a great day, and don't forgot to review. Adios! xD**


	6. The Lunch

**Author's Note: These weeks seem to go on forever! But it has final come to the time for an update so here it is! The Lunch! Enjoy! **

Forgotten Hope Chapter 6- The Lunch

_JPOV_

"What did I say, Jasper? I told you she would say yes and she did, didn't she?" Nick smiled triumphantly, patting my back.

I let out a breath of relief. The whole situation had been like asking her out on a date or something. Nerve-wracking.

I smiled the real first smile I had smiled in the last two days. She was going out to lunch with me! And the way her breath caught when I touched her cheek... her cheeks had turned a bright red. At least I knew I still had an effect on her.

We walked to the elevator with a skip in our step, the Hope I used to have creeping back into me. Maybe it wouldn't be as hard, waiting for her memory to return. Alice had never let me down before...

"Jasper?" I heard someone call from behind us.

I jumped around, startled. Charlotte and Olivia stood in the hallway, paperwork in hand. Their eyes looked over me and I saw Charlotte frown in pity, while Olivia just looked over me in disgust.

I took a breath, keeping my emotions level. I wasn't used to dealing with them without Alice.

Nick watched them curiously. He looked amused.

I rolled my eyes at him, not being able to hold onto my now chipper mood.

"Hello Charlotte, Mrs. Wright," I nodded a greeting to them before sending a wide smile their way.

Nick stepped forward before they could do anything and offered his hand.

"Hi, I'm Nick. I'm Jasper's best friend and a close friend of Alice," Nick introduced himself, flashing them both a grin.

Charlotte smiled politely at him and shook his hand.

"Charlotte. I'm Alice's mother and this is Spencer's mother, Olivia," Charlotte informed him. I was surprised at how polite and civil she was being.

"Mrs. Wright," Olivia corrected Charlotte quickly, not taking Nick's hand. She never changed...

"Nice to meet you both. You have an amazing daughter. You should be proud of her," Nick said nicely to Charlotte, standing beside me now.

"Well thank you," Charlotte said, smiling fondly at Nick, "we are."

My eyes grew in surprise. Did she just _smile_ at Nick?

"Anytime. And you have a very great son, Mrs. Wright. I'm honored to have him as a friend," Nick told Olivia this time, causing me to be even more shocked by all of them. Since when was Nick so polite and talkative?

Olivia looked over at him. She had clearly been ignoring him before. "Really? You know Spencer?" She seemed intrigued now, giving him her attention.

"Yeah, we've hung out a lot," Nick confirmed, nodding.

Olivia's nose wrinkled and I knew something bad was coming. That was the look she always gave me.

"The things Spencer will do to be with Alice," she scoffed in a disgusted voice, looking down at her papers and signing something.

Charlotte gave Nick an apologetic smile.

Nick surprised me by keeping calm. Usually he wouldn't take remarks like that. I saw his jaw flex, but he didn't let himself say anything.

I cleared my throat, interrupting the tense silence that had taken over.

"Well, we should leave you to your work," I said softly, smiling lightly at them both and turning to leave.

"Oh no, Jasper, could I please have a word with you... in private?" Charlotte asked, passing her papers to an intern to hold.

"Sure," I replied.

Nick gave me an uncertain look. He knew I wasn't very stable... but Alice was only a few steps away. I'd be okay.

I followed her to her office as she waved me into it. She was silent, walking to her desk.

"Why don't you sit down?" she offered as she sat down at her desk, looking serious and professional.

She placed her hands on the desk, moving closer as I sat down.

Her looked made my stomach clench. Something wasn't right.

"Jasper, dear. I know how you feel about Alice. I understand that you love her...but..." she took a breath and looked me straight in the eyes, "but maybe she belongs here. With Spencer. And us...." Charlotte ran a hand through her hair, looking stressed.

I looked blankly at her, not understanding completely. Was she telling me to leave Alice here with Spencer? To give up?

I blinked and didn't answer her. She continued.

"Alice has been through a lot and so has Spencer and now they have their chance again. We just want our lives to go back to the way they were, if it's possible. You being here is just upsetting Alice. She doesn't understand. She can't even imagine being with anyone other than Spencer. It scares her to think that she left him. I'm sure she would prefer if you left them alone," she explained to me, very softly. I was pretty sure she was trying not to hurt me.

I straightened up in my seat and looked her full in the eyes, understanding the situation entirely. She definitely wanted to get rid of me. She wanted me to leave Alice with Spencer.

"Charlotte, I don't think you understand. I will never leave Alice. She is everything to me and I won't give up on her. No one could ever understand the way I feel for her. I owe her so much and I could start paying her back by not giving up on her when she needs me most. And that's right now," I told her bluntly, standing up. I knew my words seemed a bit rude, but it was the truth and I wasn't going to sugar-coat it.

She sighed to herself and I saw the sadness flash in her eyes. She wasn't just trying to get rid of me so Spencer and Alice could be together.... This was actually about Alice's well being.

"She was happy with me, you know," I whispered to her, trying to show her how I felt. "She wanted to be with me. We were good together... and I want her to know about it. I'm sorry," I apologized.

I was sorry for being in the way of their "dream life" for Alice, but I wasn't sorry for wanting her or for staying and loving her.

Charlotte stood up, joining me around the desk.

"I knew you would say something like that. I do understand how much you need her. Can I just ask you to do one thing for me?" she stopped and waited for my agreement.

"What is it?" I asked, not agreeing to anything.

"If she asks you to leave, please do," she whispered, giving me a look of sympathy. It was as if she was already sure that Alice would pick Spencer. That shot a piercing pain through my heart, even thinking about it.

"I'll do whatever Alice wants me to do," I answered back, turning around before she could say anything more.

"Thank you," I thought I heard her whisper in return.

There goes the good mood I had finally gotten into. Instead of heading back to where Nick was waiting at the elevators, I turned and walked back to Alice's office. I just wanted to see her for a moment... I knew just seeing her would lift me up again.

I saw her leaning over her desk, alone now. She was sketching something on a pad of paper, her eyes squinted in concentration. She didn't even see me enter her office.

I stood for a moment, watching her in her new workplace. She was finally in the place where she had always wanted to work. This was her dream.

She looked content, doing what she did best. I was fascinated. I watched her change pencils and look at the picture for a moment, motionless, before flying back into the sketch.

A smile took over my lips. Just watching her made me feel at home. It made me feel... somewhat okay again.

"Spencer, what do you think of this?" she asked suddenly, not bothering to look up. She must have thought I was Spencer.

I stepped around her desk, not bothering to correct her mistake. I stood behind her chair, placed my hands on top of it, and glanced down at the paper.

Something stood out about the design. I didn't even look at the dress, though... it was the color that took me by surprise. I felt my smile grow even wider. It was the color of my eyes...

"I like the color," I whispered, trying not to startle her too much. She still jumped. She had expected Spencer.

"Oh!" She took in a sharp breath and then a smile took over her face.

"Jasper, I thought you had gone," she commented, then looked back at her drawing, touching the exact shade of blue I was talking about.

"I like it too," she murmured, running her fingers lightly over it. I had the urge to reach down and cover her hand with mine, but I resisted it, taking a deep breath in through my nose.

She turned around at the sound of me and looked at me for a moment. Then her eyes widened, as if she had realized something. I raised a curious eyebrow to her.

"It's your eye color..." she whispered, intrigued, reaching her hand up. She touched me right under my eye, as if touching me would assure her I was real.

"Yes it is, darling," I chuckled under my breath, smiling adoringly at her. Even when she was so lost and confused, she was cute.

She smiled a bit at what I said, her fingers trailing along the skin under my eyes.

"Did you always call me that?" she asked me, a smile still playing on her lips.

I watched her curiously, savoring the feeling that was coming from her touch.

"Call you what?" I asked, a little flustered from her touch.

"Darling, with that accent," she smirked smugly. She was even a tease right now! I winked playfully at her and leaned closer to her face.

"Like this? _'Darling,'_" I sang to her coyly, letting my accent slide strongly into the words.

Her eyes fluttered shut and she nodded, her hand slipping from my cheek.

I chuckled and pulled back, letting her collect herself. I knew it was too soon to make any moves, but maybe that would help her remember. And if she could be a tease then so could I.

"Yeah... like that," she giggled, turning back around in her chair.

I smirked and walked a step to the side to lean on her desk.

Alice straightened up and started to work on the dress again, but a few minutes later she turned her head, since I was still beside her. She seemed a bit tense this time though, uncomfortable. It was as if she wasn't sure if she should say what she wanted to or not.

"I-I was wondering if you could go till lunch? I can't concentrate with you here," she said quietly, ducking her head down. I saw her cheeks turning a light red.

I broke out in a burst of laughter, unable to stop myself, seeing how embarrassed she was about it.

"That's perfectly fine, my love. I'll see you at lunch," I assured her, pushing myself from her desk. I gave her one last smile... the smile I knew she loved.

Alice shook her head with a little laugh and went back to work.

This was definitely not as bad as I had been picturing. She wasn't making out with Spencer (at least not in front of me), or pushing me away, thinking I was a creeper.

I slipped out of her office and headed through the crowded office hallway, walking past all of the cubicles. It was like a maze in here.

A loud voice made me stop in my steps. I recognized it.

"—Spencer do not interrupt me when I'm speaking to you. Give me those pills. You don't need pills to make you happy. You do not have depression. You just need to learn that sometimes life sucks!" I heard Jim yelling from a corner in the hallway.

I stepped forward very quietly and looked around the corner.

Then the meaning behind Jim's words sunk in. Since when was Spencer on depression pills? Why would Jim take them away from him?

"Dad, the doctor told me not to stop taking them yet because—" Spencer was sharply cut off. I saw Jim give him a fierce look.

Spencer took a long breath and ran a hand through his hair, looking stressed. I knew Jim could be a jerk to Spencer, but how serious was it? The way that he looked at him was hard, hateful... almost like Steve's look.

Jim always was nice to everybody else...but if I learned anything in my life, it was to look past peoples' masks. That was the only way to really know someone...the mask was always fake. No one had ever suspected Steve.

"Doctors don't know everything, Spencer. Do you really want to be taking those when Alice is around? What is she going to think of you? She'll see the real you: weak and useless. She'll realize that you couldn't ever protect her or take care of her," Jim lashed at Spencer, the words sharp as swords as they hit Spencer with a hard force.

His eyes flashed with fear, but not of Jim. It was because of the thought that Alice might think those things, I was sure.

"S-she doesn't think that. She says I was strong for taking the pills and not giving up," Spencer said through his teeth, holding back any emotions.

He was right. Alice would never think that of anyone she loved. She had always accepted anything. She _had_ dated me... and I was a lot worse.

Jim was about to speak again, but I rounded the corner, stomping my feet a bit loudly to make sure they heard me.

Both of their heads shot my way. Jim's angry expression turned calm immediately, covering up the conversation.

"Hey Spencer, Alice was asking for you. Just thought I'd come find you for her. Don't leave that girl waiting, she's fierce when she loses it," I joked, saving Spencer from Jim for at least this one time.

I didn't like pushing him to her, but Spencer had done a lot for Nick and me. And I felt for him. I owed him this.

Spencer smiled at me. It looked a bit forced, but he chuckled at my joke.

"Yeah, I know what you mean. Thanks," he said gratefully, stepping away quickly to go see Alice.

Jim looked a bit annoyed that he walked away, but then nodded politely at me.

"Did Alice accept your lunch offer?" he asked me curiously, beginning to walk his way to the elevators.

I followed, knowing Nick was still waiting.

"Yes she did," I grinned at him, feeling the happiness start to pump through me like before. Jim smiled approvingly.

"Good," he nodded in confirmation, tapping my shoulder and then turning a different corner than where I was going.

He waved goodbye and I did the same in return, hoping I had saved Spencer for a little while.

I walked to the elevators and couldn't see Nick anywhere in sight. I sighed to myself. Great. Leave it to Nick to get lost in New York... we would never find each other now.

I heard a girl start to laugh in a cubicle a few steps away, so I walked over to it. Nick was propped on her desk, talking to her with a wide smile on his face.

I chuckled to myself and rolled my eyes. Nick will be Nick.

His eyes caught mine and he waved me in, motioning to the girl.

"This is Bailey," he informed me. The girl looked up, giving me a shy smile.

"Hi," she said softly to me, a little blush on her cheeks.

I smiled and nodded a greeting to her, walking into the stall-like office.

"She is teaching me about fashion. Did you know that stripes going upward make you look taller and stripes going sideways make you look wider? Pretty sweet stuff, huh?" He wiggled his eyebrows jokingly, making Bailey giggle.

I smirked at him. He hated fashion talk just as much as I did.

"Yeah, fascinating," I chuckled, grabbing his arm and lightly tugging him out of the stall.

"Hey! I was talking!" he yelled at me playfully.

I ignored him and kept pulling. He didn't try to fight back.

"Bye Bailey, I'll call you!" he called to her, flashing me a white piece of paper with her number on it.

"You are unbelievable," I laughed, letting go of him as we got to the elevator.

He shrugged and stuffed it into his pocket.

"Just keeping my options open," he told me, tapping his pocket.

"Plus, you are the one who left me here for the last half an hour!" he said, giving me a curious look. He wanted to know what had happened.

I took a deep breath as we got onto the elevator and explained all three situations: the one with Charlotte, then Alice, and then with Jim and Spencer.

By the time I was finished, we were out on the streets, walking back to where we had parked my car. I checked my watch. We would only have about an hour to kill before it was time to meet them again.

I crossed my fingers that this lunch would go well. Maybe it would strike something in her memory.

All I could do is Hope. And Hope a lot.

_**APOV**_

I gazed down at the latest design. The specific shade of blue captivated me. I had no idea that it was the color of his eyes. How had I known it well enough to duplicate it perfectly? It was like I had seen and gazed at the blue for hours on end, making it my favorite color.

How was I so unlucky to lose my memory twice? What were the odds of that in this world? Why me?

Spencer had stopped by about 45 minutes ago just to kiss me before going into his own office to work. He was so... so good to me. When I looked at Spencer, I was happy. Happy like always. I knew that I had always had a good life with him.

But then when I looked at Jasper, I knew I must have been happy with him, too. I mean, I left my whole world behind for him. How could I forget two perfect lives?

I sighed sadly to myself and touched the blue wistfully.

Oh well...what could I really do? The doctor said I had to wait for the rest to come back to me and that it might be slow. My parents had mentioned my uncle Carlisle maybe coming to check things out too...

As much as I wanted to remember, I also_ didn't_ want to. What if I liked Jasper more? What if I still liked Spencer more? Who was I going to pick...? How could I knowingly break one of their hearts?

I ran my hand through my hair, taking a deep breath. I couldn't just sit around stressing about something that might not even happen...

"Hey, are you okay, hun?" Spencer asked softly as he entered my office. His eyes searched mine thoroughly. He walked over to my desk and knelt down, tugging my chair toward him. He reached up and cupped my cheeks.

"What's wrong?" he whispered to me, his thumbs rubbing gently on my cheeks.

I took another deep breath and shook my head, covering his hands with mine.

"I'm okay," I assured him, leaning down to peck his lips.

He didn't seem sure. He stayed put for a moment, his eyes flickering over my face, trying to read me.

"'Kay..." he said, letting it go.

He glanced at my 'Jasper's eye color' design and smiled. "I like it, baby. You're off to a good start, I think," he complimented, kissing my forehead.

I felt guilty that he liked it. I wasn't sure why. It's not like the color _only_ existed in Jasper's eyes...

...but I couldn't think of anything else that reminded me of it at the moment, either.

I shrugged. "I still have a lot to do, though," I said modestly.

"Well, you'll have plenty of time. But I was just coming to tell you that we can start to leave for lunch, if you want to. We can wait outside for Jasper," Spencer offered, standing up now.

I saw his eyes glance over at the design again, a smile tugging on the side of his lips.

"I knew you would do wonderfully," he murmured, giving me a wide, approving grin now.

A smile stretched over my face as he repeated his praise. I had been a little nervous about today, and knowing I was doing a good job helped.

I decided not to tell him where my supposed inspiration for the color had come from.

"Obviously," I chuckled teasingly. I jumped up out of my chair and into his arms, giving him a tight hug.

"Let's go eat!" I cheered, slipping my hand into the crook of his arm, tugging him forward. He laughed softly and followed.

"I never knew compliments made you so happy," he smirked, watching my moods shift.

I shrugged nonchalantly. I didn't know why the sudden surge of happiness hit me, but I liked it.

Spencer and I took the elevator down. I bounced up and down, moving from my heels to my toes, impatient for the elevator to get to our floor. Spencer smirked at the elevator doors, keeping quiet though.

After three more floors down, he covered my hand that was on his arm with his own hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. He leaned over to me, his face close to mine.

"I love you," he whispered in my ear, tickling me with his breath. I squirmed a bit against his face and he laughed quietly at that, smiling his knee weakening smile that I had fallen in love with so long ago.

"Do you now?" I chuckled, bumping my hip teasingly against his.

"Mm-hmm," he grinned, standing up straight, still grinning like a goof. I guess someone else was in a good mood as well.

The elevator door finally opened and I skipped out into the lobby. Spencer led us out the front door, opening it for me.

He stopped for a moment, looking down the street.

"I guess we wait now," he decided, tugging me along to sit on a bench with him. Just as we sat down, Nick popped up in front of the bench.

"Hey!" he greeted us loudly, but cheerfully.

Jasper walked up beside him and rolled his eyes at Nick.

"That was really casual," Jasper chuckled, nudging Nick. Nick shrugged and grinned at me.

"Just making sure she knows we miss her," Nick told him, an innocent smile on his lips.

Jasper laughed softly and turned to me.

"Alice," Jasper nodded, a small smile on his lips. He looked happy than I had seen him, his eyes sparkling a bit.

"Hi," I said back, smiling back at him. But I also felt my body shift a little closer to Spencer's. I knew I was good with people, strangers and all, but I also wasn't always so comfortable about it. Especially since they knew all about me and I knew nothing about them...

"Ready for lunch?" Nick asked excitedly, offering me his arm. I looked at Spencer questioningly, seeing if it was all right.

"Go ahead," Spencer smirked, uncovering his hand from mine so I could take Nick's.

It kind of surprised me. Spencer wasn't necessarily the jealous type, but he was also unsure of himself. But I suppose after seeing with me with another guy for so long, he got used to it.

I stood up and took Nick's arm. His arms were bigger than Spencer's, a lot bigger. Even bigger than Jasper's.

I gaped a bit and Nick smirked smugly at me, noticing what I was looking at.

"Pretty impressive, eh?" Nick said jokingly, tapping my hand. I stuck my tongue out at him playfully, ignoring his comment and ripping my eyes off of his arms.

"Where would you like to go eat, darling?" Jasper asked, stepping a bit closer so he could speak to me. I knew immediately where I wanted to go.

"There's a cafe down the street I like," I informed him.

I noticed Spencer's eyes flash with something as I mentioned it. The cafe meant a lot to us. We went there a lot, ever since we were young. Any time our parents brought us to work, we'd go over there and buy cookies or lunch, anything we wanted. We loved it.

"All right, then. The cafe it is," Jasper agreed, smiling widely at me. The sparkles in his eyes were dancing, causing me to stare in awe for a moment.

Nick tugged me forward, starting us walking. Jasper followed instantly, walking on the other side of me, but I stopped walking.

"Spence?" I asked, turning my head, noticing he was still sitting on the bench, looking uncertain of something.

Nick looked at me questioningly, not knowing why I was calling Spencer.

"Oh, umm, is it all right if Spencer comes?" I asked a bit nervously.

Nick's eyes flashed with what looked like anger and I tensed, slipping my arm from his.

Jasper stopped him before he could say anything.

"Yeah, it's fine," Jasper assured me, getting a hard look from Nick.

Spencer slowly got off the bench and walked over to us. He gave Jasper a sad look, almost as if he didn't want to hurt Jasper by coming.

Nick sighed, giving in, and gave me an apologetic look. He offered me his arm again and after seeing the sadness in his eyes, I took it hesitantly as we started walking.

"How's your first day going?" Jasper asked me, not seeming upset about Spencer coming. It was as if he might have expected it. Jasper's eyes looked interested and thoughtful, coaxing the answer out of me.

"Good!" I cheer joyously, grinning at him, the excitement burning in my eyes.

Jasper smiled back happily, seeming to like the answer.

"Good. How'd that blue dress turn out?" Jasper's cheeks turned the slightest shade of red as he asked. He blushed! Both Nick and Spencer looked at him oddly, like they had never seen him do that before.

"Spencer said it was wonderful," I told him, smiling at my earlier compliment.

Jasper nodded, holding back a wide grin.

"I agree," he murmured, shoving his hands deep in his pockets.

"It was a nice shade of blue," I winked playfully at Jasper, causing the smile he had been holding back to break over his face.

I giggled quietly and turned my head from him for the first time on the walk. We were almost at the cafe by now.

Spencer and Nick were on the other side of us, talking about something.

Spencer looked pretty intrigued. He nodded to Nick, listening intently. Then his eyes flashed over to mine, like he had known I was looking at him. He winked casually at me. It calmed me a little, knowing he wasn't too uncomfortable.

I turned my head back to Jasper. He was looking ahead of us blankly, though a little smile was still lingering on his lips, like he was thinking of something happy.

I decided to keep quiet, letting him think. We made it to the cafe quickly, since it was pretty close to our work. Spencer stepped ahead of us all and opened the door for us.

I let go of Nick's arm, letting him go through the door first. I waited until Jasper and he were both inside before going in, myself.

I walked in and waited for Spencer, who put his hand casually on my lower back, leading me to where Nick and Jasper were sitting down. It was a round table near the window.

Spencer froze for a moment, pain flashing through his eyes when he looked at the table. His lips pressed tightly together and he began to walk again.

"What's wrong, babe?" I asked him gently as I sat down across from Spencer, next to Nick. Spencer smiled gently at me, his foot rubbing against mine under the table.

"Nothing, hun," he assured me, causing me to roll my eyes at him. I knew my annoyance was obvious in them. I _hated_ when he wouldn't tell me what was wrong, which was most of the time.

The waitress walked over to our table, offering us drinks.

"What'll it be?"

Spencer ordered a water, then Jasper ordered a coke, and then Nick ordered a coke as well.

She looked to me with a smile. "And for you?"

"Coke."

"Water."

Jasper and Spencer had spoken for me at the same time.

I took a breath and played off the awkwardness with a smile. "Um, let's go with both, please?" I said politely.

She smiled and walked away to get the drinks.

I noticed Nick giving me a sympathetic look out of the corner of my eye. I had to get away from here for a second. I stood up swiftly.

"Where are you going?" Spencer and Jasper asked at the exactly same time, their voices anxious and worried.

Nick shook his head and let out a sadly amused breath.

I glared slightly at Spencer. He should trust me enough not to wonder. Then I turned to Jasper and smiled politely... I didn't know if he was supposed to trust me enough or not.

"Just to the restroom..." I explained, and then rushed off to the bathroom.

I didn't have to go to the bathroom. But after they had both tried to order my drink for me, and then spoke at the same time... it was just a lot to take in.

I had to get my emotions straight. Or at least get myself to relax.

I stood at the sink, looking closely at my face. It looked composed. But I knew I didn't feel composed.

The struggling emotions of not wanting to hurt either Jasper or Spencer... the blush from Jasper that had sent a flutter in my stomach... my want to curl into Spencer's side, but knowing I couldn't... it was all so much to take in.

Deep breaths. Steady. I had to be steady when I went back out there.

I fixed my makeup, just to stall for time, taking more deep, soothing breaths.

After about ten minutes, I bit my lip and looked in the mirror again.

Okay, Alice. This is it. These guys all love you. It'll be fine...

I took my final deep breath and left the bathroom, ready for this lunch.

Jasper and Spencer both stood as I made it to the table.

Nick stayed seated, watching Jasper and Spencer with a deeply amused look. I wondered if and what they had talked about when I was gone.

Jasper pulled my seat out for me and pushed me in once I sat down.

"Are you feeling all right, love?" Jasper asked quietly as he sat down on the other side of me. He looked at me worriedly, probably because I had been in the bathroom so long.

I nodded reassuringly and tapped his knee.

"I'm fine," I confirmed. He seemed to relax once he heard it spoken out loud. He nodded and cleared his throat.

"Spencer ordered your food, is that all right?" he asked as if he was unsure of the idea of it. Spencer did usually order for me.

"Yep," I answered, smiling gratefully at Spencer.

He rolled his eyes playfully, knowing that he ordered it without even thinking about it. I figured Jasper was very nervous for this lunch, just about as much as me.

I decided to start a conversation to relax him.

I looked over to Nick, who was sipping a glass of water slowly. Apparently, the waitress had brought four waters and four cokes for all of us. Smart girl--made us all even and equal.

"So, Nick... who exactly are you to me?" I wondered curiously, getting a little snicker out of Spencer by how I said it. I suppose it could have sounded rude.

Nick just smiled, amused.

"Well. I was originally just Jasper's best friend, but then I grew on you and now you love me," Nick shrugged with a teasing look.

Jasper rolled his eyes and looked over to me to explain in more detail.

"Nick and I were in the same gang when you met me. And while I was stuck in jail, he took care of you for me...kept and eye out for you. And then when Nick took the fall and went to jail for me, you guys ended up getting really close. And as you said to me once, he is like the big brother you never had," Jasper explained to me slowly, making sure I understood.

My eyes were squinted in confusion. Spencer had mentioned the gang... that must have been the one I had been kidnapped by. But I honestly didn't know much about it. And I had no idea Jasper had went to jail...

Jasper seemed to understand that I was even more confused and he started again.

"Nick and I joined a gang around when we started high school, but we've both quit since you've come along."

"Pretty much because of you," Nick interrupted.

Jasper nodded, confirming that Nick was right, before continuing.

"During the times I was in the gang, though, I had done some pretty brutal things. Greg, the leader, planted evidence on me when I left the gang and the police arrested me for murder, but Nick took the fall for it. And then you and I couldn't stand to see him in jail, so we broke him out and sent him to hide out with Spencer. Spencer took care of him until the summer and then we sent him to Texas to live with my dad," he informed me, smiling encouragingly as my eyes widened.

Who _was_ I? I had gone out with a criminal... and then watched him go to jail? And then broke someone else _out _of jail?

"Oh... but you didn't do the crime and that's why Nick took the fall for you, right?" I asked cautiously.

I felt Spencer's foot begin to rub mine again to try and relax me.

Jasper shifted nervously in his seat and sighed.

"No, I did do it," he admitted sadly, running a hand stressfully through his hair.

"Oh... what crime?" I asked slowly, unsure if I really wanted to know.

Jasper's eyes flickered to Spencer, who nodded slowly at whatever Jasper was silently asking him.

"Murder," Jasper whispered, looking out the cafe window, not looking at me.

I felt my jaw drop and my eyes widen as they whipped to Spencer. I felt a bit of fear seep into me. I had dated a _murderer_?

_Wow, way to sound stuck up, Alice. _I heard my conscience nagging at me in a little voice.

Maybe there was more to it?

_Of course there is._ The little voice said like it was obvious.

Spencer put his hand on the table, offering it to comfort me.

I took it immediately, gratefully. Spencer's thumb massaged my hand softly, trying to assure me that it was fine.

Jasper looked very ashamed. His head was down and a frown was deep on his face.

"Why?" I questioned him very quietly. I was sure no one else at the table had even heard me.

He took a deep breath and turned his head slowly to mine. His eyes were filled with such intense emotions that it made me gasp.

"I would never hurt you, Alice," he whispered to me.

His voice was gentle and full of a deep love that caused my insides to flutter.

"Never," he repeated to me, trying to make sure I understood him.

I nodded mutely, forgetting how to move my mouth.

Even though I had just heard he was a murderer, the sound of his voice and the look in his eyes assured me that he really would never hurt me. No matter what had happened before or who he was before he met me, I had a feeling that he didn't let me see that part of him.

Jasper straightened up in his seat now, pulling away from me and clearing his throat.

"His name was Allen Meyer," Jasper started his story, but stopped as the waitress placed our food down in front of us.

Spencer thanked the waitress and she left us to our food and to Jasper's story.

Spencer squeezed my hand gently and began to let go so he could eat, but my hand still grasped his on its own, still needing to feel him with me.

He let his hand stay and gave me a loving look. He surprised me by leaning across the table and pecking my lips reassuringly. I smiled against his lips.

"Thanks," I whispered to him, my fingers lightly touching his cheek. Spencer nodded and sat back down, still holding my hand, but he remained silent.

I took a bite of my food, then looked back to Jasper who was toying with his food.

"Allen Meyer," I reminded him softly.

Jasper nodded. He had been waiting for me.

"Yes. Allen Meyer. When I was ten years old, my mother was killed by a drunk driver. Allen Meyer was the driver." Jasper's voice was weary, pained by the memory. I let him take a minute and I tapped his knee gently, trying to be supportive and encourage him to keep going.

"Then when I was fifteen, they let him out of jail. And I was... upset about it. I wasn't thinking straight and I saw him in a parking lot. I lost my temper and sort of blanked out and I ...killed him," Jasper whispered the last part, his eyes afraid to meet mine. They fell to his food.

"He wasn't thinking straight, Ali," Nick added quickly, "He had been going through a lot. It was understandable... he missed his mom... and a lot of things happened because of her death... things that never should have happened."

I really respected that Nick was trying to protect his best friend. It said a lot about who they both were.

I nodded understandingly at Jasper, knowing he must have been different then. I knew I hadn't been around him much yet, but the way he looked and acted now made me feel as if he wouldn't do anything like that again.

"I'm sorry about your mom," I said very gently to him, frowning.

Jasper looked at me and tried to smile a little.

"It's okay," he assured me.

Jasper turned back to his food and began to eat. I could feel the awkward moment coming on. He looked upset that he had to tell me about his past. I had an urge to try to make it better, but I wasn't sure how. I decided I would make it up to him, somehow, though. When I thought of how...

Before I could say anything, Nick cleared his throat, wiping off his mouth with a napkin.

"Can we talk for a minute, Jasper?" Nick said, a bit rushed. He stood up in a hurry and put an arm around Jasper to support him as they walked toward the bathrooms.

Spencer looked up from his food and gave me a look, asking if I was all right.

"Yeah," I nodded to him in reassurance. His thumb grazed over mine gently.

"Good," he murmured before taking a long sip of his cappuccino.

"When did you order a cappuccino?" I asked, trying to break the awkwardness. Spencer and I were never awkward.

"When you were in the bathroom," he said, watching me with amused eyes as he took another sip.

"Oh," I said lamely. Made sense enough.****

I tilted my head to the side, watching him carefully. He had been so quiet throughout the whole lunch.

"You're so quiet," I commented, finally, causing him to look up at me again. He smiled softly at me and shrugged.

"I wasn't technically invited to this lunch. I didn't want to interfere," Spencer explained nonchalantly.

I rolled my eyes sarcastically at him. "_I _invited you."

He shrugged.

And what did he mean by "interfere." Interfere in what? The heartbreaking story of Jasper's past? I was sure that Jasper hadn't meant to tell me that in the first place...not on our very first time out, at least.

Plus, I was already making everything awkward enough as it was. I was sure if Spencer had chosen to talk, it wouldn't have made anything any worse.

I stared down at my food, thinking about what Jasper had just confessed.

"Did Jasper really have that bad of a past?" I wondered very sadly to Spencer, frowning deeper than ever at the thought of it.

Jasper seemed so caring and gentle. Or at least from what I had seen so far. How could he be like that after everything he had been through?

"It's actually worse than what you've heard," Spencer said, his eyes very disapproving of something. He looked kind of angry. I watched him chew his bottom lip, which told me there was something big I hadn't heard yet.

"What else could have happened?" I asked him in disbelief.

Spencer took a deep breath, apparently unsure if he should say anything or not. He was probably concerned about my feelings.

He seemed to have made a decision and leaned across the table, so we were closer. I leaned forward as well, so our faces were only inches away.

"After Jasper's mother died, he was left with his stepfather because his real father left when he was very young. After the death of his mother, his step father, Steve, changed a lot. He started to abuse Jasper..." Spencer paused to gauge my reaction.

My eyes widened and I felt the breath being kicked out of me.

"The scars..." I whispered breathlessly.

Spencer nodded very stiffly and chewed his lip some more before continuing.

"It was very bad, from what I've heard. Jasper and Nick resorted to the gang for protection. The same one Jasper was talking about earlier. But the abuse never stopped, even after they joined... and a few months after you met him, Steve almost killed Jasper." He hesitated again and I wondered what he was so nervous about. But then he continued.

"Alice, the only reasoned he lived was because you saved him."

I _what?___

"You showed up at his house and helped stop the bleeding while the ambulance came to get him. But even after that happened, no one knew it was Steve. Somehow you realized it, though, and you saved him again by getting him away from Steve."

I had realized it? How? I still couldn't comprehend knowing Jasper as well as I had...

"Jasper came to live with you at your Uncle Carlisle and Aunt Esme's house after that. Steve is now in jail and will stay there for a long time."

Spencer finished explaining the horrible story to me, a permanent frown on his face as he told the story.

I was frozen, overwhelmed by the amount of information he had just given me.

"But—what—how—" I stuttered painfully, feeling tears start to fill my eyes.

Spencer nodded, understanding my pain. He closed the space between us and gave me a long, supportive kiss.

"It's okay, baby. You stopped it. He's okay now," he told me reassuringly, smiling encouragingly at me.

I nodded rigidly, my head pounding at the intense emotions raging through my mind. How could anyone hurt him...? He was so...nice. Considerate. _Patient_...

I shook my head slowly, pulling back from Spencer.

"That's so wrong..." I whispered in a broken voice, causing Spencer to wince, regretting telling me the story. He covered our entwined fingers and frowned.

"I know, hun," he agreed, squeezing our hands. Spencer's eyes shot to the side, seeing Jasper and Nick coming back toward us.

Spencer sat back, straightening up in his seat, going back to his cappuccino.

Jasper looked more relaxed now, a small smile on his lips as he sat back down in the seat beside me.

"Sorry about that. Just needed to borrow your boy for a second," Nick explained. Then he slapped a hand over his mouth and stuttered.

"I-I mean I needed to borrow _him_! Jasper, you know? I meant Jasper," Nick corrected himself. He seemed to be confused a bit, probably not as used to my loss of memory as everyone else.

"It's fine. Don't worry about it," I chuckled, brushing it off, feeling a bit giddy.

Spencer glanced down at his watch and reached into his pocket, grabbing his wallet out. I watched him dish out a bunch of bills onto the table, covering everyone's lunch. Jasper put his hand out to stop him quickly and gave Spencer a hard look with a polite smile.

"Don't worry about it, I can cover it," Jasper assured him, grabbing his own wallet.

I noticed pictures in the picture slots of his wallet and absentmindedly reached over to look at them.

Jasper watched me curiously, wondering what I was doing.

I touched his wallet and paused, seeing if it was all right with him if I looked. He immediately let me take it, not minding at all.

I very lightly touched the photo of us kissing passionately in a photo booth. The confusion was just as bad as always. The thought of kissing anyone other than Spencer was just...wrong?

No...not wrong... different?

No! It was wrong...

...wasn't it?

I must have been expressing the confusion on my face, because Jasper laughed, (maybe slightly bitterly), and very gently coaxed the wallet out of my hand. It was like he knew that I couldn't handle it just yet.

"Don't worry about that now, darling. It'll come back," Jasper assured me, leaning over to very lightly, but meaningfully, kiss me on the cheek.

Spencer's hand tightened around mine protectively.

I touched the place on my cheek where he had kissed me and stared blankly at the table.

Odd... I thought to myself. The feeling was different. I didn't even know what it was... it was good, but weird. I liked it...but it felt very wrong with Spencer sitting right in front of me.

"Yeah," I breathed, pushing away from the table to stand as Jasper threw the money down on the table.

Spencer and Jasper began to debate about Spencer leaving a tip or not while I started to the door.****

Nick followed me, wrapping an arm around my shoulder, squeezing me into him.

"He wouldn't hurt you, you know," Nick whispered to me, giving me a sad smile.

I nodded at him knowingly, but wondered why he had just suddenly said that. Had Jasper thought I was scared of him still? I frowned at the thought of that.

Nick rubbed my shoulder soothingly and chuckled lowly. "He hadn't really wanted to break all that news to you so soon."

That confirmed my thoughts from earlier.

"Better I know now, rather than later," I shrugged, trying to sound nonchalant.

Nick shrugged at my words, seeming to agree a bit, but also not-so-much in another way.

As we waited, I looked up at Nick, noticing the fading bruise under his eye, across his cheek.

"What happened?" I asked, intrigued, brushing my fingers over it.

He smiled. "You're always so curious."

"That doesn't answer my question, though," I said stubbornly.

He laughed and looked at me with a sad smile.

"I got punched," he said casually, before glancing back over at Jasper and Spencer. I knew he wasn't going to answer me any more than that.

We waited at the cafe door for Spencer and Jasper, who were having a long, hard, glaring war. Men and their pride, I thought in amusement.

I skipped quickly over and left a twenty on the table.

"There! I paid the tip. Let's go!" I grinned triumphantly at them, causing Jasper to smirk and Spencer to raise a curious eyebrow.

I shrugged and grabbed them both by the hand, tugging them toward the door so we wouldn't be in _too_ much trouble for being so late for work. Lunch break was supposed to only be twenty minutes and it was long past that.

Again, Spencer stepped forward quickly, letting go of my hand to open the door for all of us.

I continued walking forward with Jasper. He was silent, but his face was covered with a thoughtful expression.

"I'm paying you back for that, by the way," Jasper stated, giving me an amused look.

I just rolled my eyes at him, knowing I wouldn't let him anyway.

Jasper chuckled softly. It was such a cute little laugh, I couldn't help grinning back. I didn't think he laughed a lot.

"Still as stubborn as always," Jasper said under his breath. ****

I giggled and smacked at his arm playfully. I knew I was stubborn. My parents made sure I knew how stubborn I was.

"Yes...still too stubborn," Spencer grumbled behind us playfully.

I stopped suddenly, which made him bump into me unexpectedly...for him, at least. He wrapped his arms around me so I wouldn't fall and gave me a death glare, knowing I did it on purpose.

"Oops," I cooed innocently, pecking his cheek sweetly, giving him my total "innocent" face.

Jasper scoffed beside us. I gave him a curious look.

"And still pretending to be innocent," Jasper smirked, but I saw something sparkling in his eyes... and it wasn't just happiness this time. It was deep.

I felt my eyes gazing into his as we continued to walk forward. Spencer was keeping me balanced, his arms holding me.

"I _am_ innocent," I mumbled as we came to a stop at the front of our work.

All three of them scoffed at the same time, acting like I had said the most ridiculous thing in the world! I shot a cold glare at all of them, then stepped out of Spencer's embrace.

Spencer chewed his bottom lip nervously again, then spoke.

"Well I'll just head up to the office," Spencer told me. He shook Jasper's hand formally, then turned to Nick.

Nick rolled his eyes at Spencer's outstretched hand and gave him a tight hug.

"See ya later, man," Nick winked flirtatiously at Spencer, making him laugh and wave him off.

"I'll be right up!" I assured Spencer. He nodded, heading into the building.

Before I could say or do anything I was in the air, being strangled in a tight bear hug by Nick. He smelled good.

Nick growled as he kept me close and then let me down on my feet, chuckling at my shocked expression.

"We'll be back, kiddo," he told me, flicking my nose with his index finger. He threw me a bright smile.

"Okay," I agreed, nodding and returning his grin. He walked to stand away from Jasper and me, waiting for us to say our goodbyes.

I then turned to Jasper, who now looked utterly nervous. He cleared his throat softly and looked to me.

"Thanks for lunch," I said gratefully, stepping closer to him.

"No, thank you, darling," he corrected me, giving me a long look of appreciation.

"Well, anytime then," I giggled happily, stepping forward to wrap my arms around his waist. I was sure this was what he was used to.

I felt all of the muscles in his back relax at my touch. I rubbed his back soothingly, hoping to make up for at least a small bit of everything I was probably putting him through right now.

"Hey Jasper?" I started, getting his attention. He looked down at me, gazing intently, his arms snaking around me to return the hug.

"I trust you won't ever hurt me," I told him sweetly, smiling at him.

A breathtaking smile took over Jasper face. His sparkling blue eyes took me in. The love he had for me was so known in that one gaze that my whole body relaxed for a moment.

I felt like I was safe in his arms and gaze. The words had become so real in that one moment in his eyes.

I swear, I could see his silent promise to never let me get hurt.

**Author's Note: Awwwwww! Alice....Jasper... hugging.... *sighs* there is chance. And how did you like the chapter my loyal readers? Tell me tell me! We love to hear, which you all know. Oh and always I'd like to give some special thanks for my beta, she is doing an insanely great job these past weeks, she is so ahead in editing that we might be able to give you a SURPRISE update soon! Isn't she amazing? Thank you **_**so**_** much lucy! You definitely deserve some big huge cinnamon buns! xD.  
Umm, anything else I have to say this week... well as I've said the last few times, if you have any ideas for outtakes you'd like us to write FOR HOPE then send the idea over. Although we will not write Greg or Spencer dying in Hope...sorry :P. LOL. I love them BOTH too much. And of course twitter, if you haven't got an account or anything yet, **_**get one**_**! Add my account which you can find on my profile. That should be everything I have to say... you can go review now! xD  
Much love and have a fantastic day! **


	7. Surprises

**Author's Note: Hey everyone! We got a head on our writing and editing, since my beta is working super fast soooo... we decided it was time for a SURPRISE UPDATE! Surprise! Have a great read and enjoy.**

Forgotten Hope Chapter 7- Surprises

_JPOV_

She waltzed her way back into work as I watched her. She grinned over her shoulder before going inside. All I did was stare back, mirroring her wide grin. She trusted me.

How could she trust a man she technically just met who was a murderer? A man covered with scars and crimes?

But still she reached out to touch me. She spoke to me. She trusted me.

Alice would never cease to amaze me. Even when she _had _remembered me, she had always accepted me as I was. As imperfect as I was, she always seemed to believe that I was perfect. The fact that she could still accept me spoke worlds for her character...

And today, I felt Hope again. She was still my love. My Alice. Deep down, she was there. That way she would gaze up into my eyes and see my soul, the way she blushed when I kissed her on the cheek... it was all there. I just had to figure out a way to bring it out...

I hoped with everything in me that she felt what I felt every time she kissed me. The heat of it...the emotion behind it... the tingling sensation that topped it off....

But of all of those things, the best of it was the love. Nothing could beat the feeling of the love that we had for each other when we would kiss. I hoped that she felt it in that one, light kiss...

"Hello? Lover boy? Wake up!" Nick snickered.

He nudged me--a bit hard--in the ribs as I gazed passionately at the Cullen and Wright industry entrance. I shook my head, but still did not let the big, goofy grin on my face fade.

"Sorry," I said sheepishly, laughing softly and turning in my steps.

Nick just rolled his eyes good naturedly and walked down the street with me.

"That went pretty well, if I do say so myself," Nick said in an optimistic way.

He glanced over to me, looking kind of hopeful that I would agree with him.

"Yeah, it did," I breathed. It kind of came out sounding a bit wistful.

Nick laughed at that. I felt bad for him because I had hardly heard him laugh since he came here. He was stuck with miserable me.

"Good idea with the kiss. That's sure to jog her memory," Nick joked, punching me softly on the bicep.

I shot him a bright grin and shrugged sheepishly.

"Couldn't help myself," I chuckled. The words were true as the sky was blue. My lips seemed to just attract to her. It was like a magnet to metal... it just kept pulling me.

"She still seems confused," Nick commented quietly, frowning as he pushed his hair out of his face. He pulled his baseball cap out of his back pocket and onto his head. He was still trying to stay low and keep out of sight.

I nodded sadly in agreement. Oh so confused.

"I suppose we can't expect anything else but confusion. She doesn't know who we are," I smirked bitterly to myself, running a hand through my hair, trying to push aside the stress that was trying to ruin my good mood.

"She certainly does now, though..." Nick added quickly, giving me an encouraging smile.

I nodded in agreement and stopped walking as I felt my phone vibrating. I put a finger up to Nick, who nodded.

"Hello?" I answered the phone. At least right now I sounded more alive than the nights before.

"Hey Jasper. It's Carlisle. How are you doing, son?" he asked me, concern obvious in his voice. He had tried to cover it in his politeness, but I could hear it.

"Coping," I replied bitterly, but then covered it up with a light chuckle. "How are you, Carlisle?" I asked politely, walking forward with Nick as we headed back toward the apartment.

"I'm doing fine, thank you. I heard what happened... Dan just called me. I'm really sorry, son. I hope with all my heart she heals quickly and remembers everything," he told me very softly.

My lips pressed together and I took a long breath, still not used to the fatherly love he had always poured upon me.

"Thanks... I hope so too," I breathed quietly to him, shoving my spare hand deep into my pocket.

"I was just calling because I was going to fly in to New York to look over Alice's reports and see if I can do anything more for her. And Emmett was wondering if you needed some company? We were thinking we might stay with you at the apartment while we're visiting..." Carlisle explained.

It was more of an offer than a request. I knew that he could have easily stayed at Alice's house with them. Maybe he was concerned about how I was doing without Alice around. He didn't know about Nick being here with me. I decided I'd leave the explaining of that for when he got here, since he technically didn't know we had broken Nick out of jail. (I was pretty sure he suspected something, but it had never come up....)

"Well, yeah...I mean, if you'd like to stay here, that'd be great," I stumbled a bit on my words. I was genuinely touched that Carlisle would still think of me and care for me, even after Alice and I moved away... and after Alice had forgotten me.

Nick looked at me and gave me a questioning look. I put up a finger again, telling him to hold on for a moment.

"That sounds perfect. I know this is short notice, but we'll hopefully be there late tomorrow or early the following day. We'll keep you updated," Carlisle told me. "And Jasper?" he paused for a moment.

"Yes?"

"Esme wanted to speak with you for a moment," he informed me. There was meaningful tone in his voice. I remained silent, just waiting.

"Hello dear," Esme said warmly with love ever present in her voice.

"Hi Esme," I greeted her, not being able to keep my own smile from coming across my lips. Even if I wouldn't admit it out loud, I missed Esme. I missed the dinner she would leave out for me when I worked. I missed helping her wash the dishes. I missed seeing her soft smile.

It gave me a good feeling when I did things with her. It made me feel as if I didn't need to feel like I was parent-less all the time... like there was someone who wanted to take care of me? To put it simply, she just made me feel at home.

"I just wanted to tell you something important. Carlisle spoke to Dan, who told him how well you are dealing with this. You are doing so great, Jasper. Dan was expecting a fight, but you and Spencer have been such gentlemen toward her. Carlisle and I are so proud of you," she told me sweetly.

There was a lot of firmness and certainty in her words. It was like she knew that I would doubt her words, but she was trying to make sure I got the point. They were...proud of me...?

"You're a great man, Jasper. And I am positive that Alice is thinking the same thing right now. Deep down, I know she loves you so dearly and she will discover it soon. I _know_ it."

I had to swallow the lump in my throat. Even though Esme was on the phone and I couldn't see her, I could hear the proud smile in her voice. The certainty seemed strange to me. How could she be so confident that Alice would really remember her love for me?

I took a deep breath, keeping my emotions controlled. How come I was always a mess when Esme would tell me things like this? Why did I feel so good just from two people's pride toward me? They weren't my parents....

"W-well thanks, Esme. I hope you're right," I whispered, sounding a bit unsteady.

"Have faith in her, Jasper. You two are so perfect and so good for each other. It was like you were two pieces of a puzzle that had been lost and then as soon as you found each other, everything clicked into place. Completed. I know that kind of love will never fade. I have faith in you two," Esme said very gently to me.

I felt my body relax a bit at her words. How true they were. She and Carlisle always knew the right things to say.

"How did you ever become so wise?" I chuckled to her, feeling my good mood come back.

Esme laughed with me, sounding carefree and happy.

"It comes to us all in time, dear. But unfortunately I have to go now, Jasper. Keep strong. Carlisle says he'll call you later. I love you, sweet boy," she sang to me, the love so alive in her voice.

Nick's ear had been near my phone without me even noticing. He grinned.

"Love you too," I whispered in a low voice, trying to say it without Nick's curious ears hearing me.

"Goodbye, Jasper," Esme said, a smile in her voice.

"Bye," I replied, pulling the phone away from my ear and hanging it up.

"Aww!" Nick teased, "So cute!"

I shoved him over roughly and he fell into a girl who happened to be walking by, shoving her off of the sidewalk.

"Oh, sorry!" Nick exclaimed, grabbing her quickly as she almost stumbled into traffic.

Nick pulled the girl closer to him and their gazes locked. Nick froze.

"I—He—I-I'm sorry..." Nick rambled, letting go of her arm quickly as he realized she was stable. He brushed at her sleeves absentmindedly as if there was some invisible dirt on it.

I laughed at the sound of Nick stumbling over his words. He was nervous!

Nick shot me an icy glare and I stopped laughing. Well, I _tried_ at least. I really gave my best effort.

"It's fine. You might have just saved my life. New York traffic is crazy, you know..." the girl giggled nervously as well, smoothing her shirt.

"I'm Chloe, by the way," the girl introduced herself quietly.

Nick blinked silently, staring intently at the girl.

I kicked him gently in the back of his leg, trying to get his attention.

"Huh? Oh! Chloe... I'm Nick." He gave her a full smile, offering his hand politely, acting more like himself now.

Chloe shook his hand and returned the smile. Her eyes sparkled just a tad.

"I apologize for that. My friend here has some anger problems and he takes it out on me," Nick joked, giving me a funny look.

I rolled my eyes and pushed him to the side.

"Yes, I am very sorry. I have a raging temper. I have to take it out on someone," I played along, shrugging sheepishly.

The girl, Chloe, laughed, obviously amused by us.

"Aww you poor thing," she cooed to Nick, rubbing his arm soothingly.

I noticed Nick's cheeks burning red at her touch. Nicholas Ryder Graham was _blushing_? What?!

He ducked his head down, looking vulnerable.

"I know, but what I can I do? He has to take it out on _someone,_" Nick sighed dramatically.

I raised a curious eyebrow at him, but kept with it.

"It toughens him up," I shrugged, letting out a chuckle, punching his arm.

Chloe gently slapped my hand away from him, playing with us.

"I think he is tough enough for now," she laughed softly at me, not able to keep a straight face.

"Now what can I do to make you feel better, you poor thing?" she asked, smirking a bit, still rubbing his arm.

"_Well_," Nick started, flashing her a wide grin. "Maybe... if it's not too much, I mean... I could have your number? You know, just in case he loses it one day and I need someone to take me to the hospital," Nick explained quickly, his cheeks still bright red.

I ducked my head to keep them from seeing my smile. What was up with Nick? Sure, he was a goof all the time, but this was different. The blush was nothing I had ever seen before.

"Oh, well if it's a life or death kind of situation, then I'd better give you it, eh?" she said, an amused tone to her voice.

She put her backpack down on the ground and scrambled through it for a pen and paper.

I watched Nick, who was watching Chloe closely. He knelt down on the ground as she did. Puppy love, I thought, chuckling to myself.

Chloe wrote down a number and handed it to him.

"There you are," she said, her voice friendly. She stood up and slipped her arms back through the backpack straps.

"Thanks, you're a lifesaver," Nick chuckled, winking playfully at her. He put her number in his pocket and tapped it lightly.

"I guess I sort of owe you, right?" she pointed out with a grin, referring to him pulling her out of traffic.

"I'd better go though. Gotta get to work," she told him, her face falling a bit.

"'Kay, see you later," Nick murmured as she began to walk away.

She turned her head and nodded at him, giving him one more grin.

"Be nice!" she called to me, winking.

I rolled my eyes and nodded in agreement. Right...of course I would be nice to him...as soon as I was done making fun of him for this.

"What was that?!" I asked, laughing again.

Nick blinked blankly, shaking his head.

"I have no idea," he stated, his face filled with confusion.

"I felt kind of..._giddy_? Is that the right word? I don't think I've ever used that word in my life..." he made a mock disgusted face, but I could see the truth in his eyes.

"Weird," I commented, smirking slightly though. Did Nick have a crush? How adorable, I thought in amusement.

Nick took his hat off and ran a hand through his hair, looking lost.

"My stomach was fluttering," he mumbled. I wasn't sure if it was to me or to himself.

I cocked an eyebrow up at him, chuckling.

"What are you laughing at now?" Nick growled.

I put my hands up in surrender. "Nothing, man. Chill," I laughed, wrapping my arm casually around his shoulders. I looked him straight in eyes, getting a weird look from him.

"You have a crush, my friend," I told him matter-of-factly.

Nick narrowed his eyes at me, doubting my words.

"Nooo," Nick said slowly, not sounding very sure of himself. "She was just...cute." He tried to defend himself.

I rolled my eyes and let him go.

"Nope," I said, popping the P playfully. "You are crushin' on Chloe," I called out loudly to him, causing him to look around nervously, making sure she wasn't around anymore.

"What the hell happened to depressed Jasper? Go back to him, he doesn't make fun of me!" Nick joked, punching me a bit harder than necessary on the shoulder.

"Are you going to call her?" I asked, now trying to get on his nerves. Nick glared at me.

"Shut up," he grumbled, but then ducked his head. I saw the light blush on his cheeks.

"Yeah, I think I will," he admitted, looking up at me for approval.

I clapped his shoulder supportively and grinned. "Go for it!" I agreed.

A smile broke over his face and his head bobbed in a nod. "I mean, what do I have to lose, right? I'm in New York... I might as well at least call her, right? Maybe go out on a date, if she wants to? Like... how often does something like that happen? Even if it's only one time, it'd still be something cool to do while I'm still here, right?" he rambled, trying to make sense of it all.

I nodded, "I think you've put up with me pretty well. It's the least you could get from all of this."

He gave me a look, as if to express that he didn't mind coming out to... well, pretty much babysit me. But I was genuinely happy for him.

Nick was interested in a girl. Like, truly interested. This would be interesting.

_APOV_

I hurried up the elevator, still thinking of Jasper's bright smile as I left him. At least I had made him feel a _little_ happier...

When I thought of his smile, a strange feeling started to form in the pit of my stomach. I kept trying to shake it off, but I couldn't.

I decided to ignore it as I exited the elevator and headed to my office. I saw my mother waving at me as I passed her office, so I turned and opened her door to see what she wanted.

She took her reading glasses off as I made my way to her desk. I looked at the pile of paperwork she was going through and frowned. I hoped I wouldn't ever have to deal with all of that.

"How was lunch, dear?" she asked, lovingly patting my hand that was on her desk.

"Good!" I grinned at her.

I watched something flash through my mother's eyes. Was that disappointment? She was disappointed that I had enjoyed my time with Jasper and Nick?

Wow, thanks mom. Love you too! I thought bitterly.

"Well, that's good then," she murmured, a frown on her lips.

"You can go back to Spencer, if you'd like. I just wanted to make sure everything went fine." Or make sure that it all went wrong.

I rolled my eyes at her and left the office, not even responding. That wasn't fair of her to treat Jasper like that. He was just trying to spend time with me.

I stomped a bit as I walked over to Spencer's office, but when I got there, I saw something that made me freeze in my tracks.

There was a girl leaning over Spencer's desk. I could tell she was flirting with him from all the way out here. I felt my hands fist, my possessive side coming out.

Spencer leaned farther back in his seat. He looked as if he was trying to get away from her, but still look polite.

Don't be polite, baby, just take her down right now!

I shook my head as I realized what I had been thinking. That was rude of me. I had been away for a long time. No one even knew he had a girlfriend, I was sure.

I opened his office door, causing the girl to stand up.

"Hey," Spencer grinned, standing up from his desk chair.

The girl's eyes flashed back and forth from him to me and back again. I didn't say anything, though. I just glided over to him and wrapped my arms around his neck, smiling lovingly up at him.

"Hey," I breathed back. His arms snaked around my waist, tugging me softly toward him.

The girl cleared her throat loudly, trying to get his attention back. He blinked, a bit confused, as he looked over at her.

"Oh! Alice, this is one of the interns, Kayla. Kayla, this is Alice," Spencer introduced us formally, letting me go so I could look at her.

My nose wrinkled involuntarily, and Spencer nudged me with his elbow, giving me a warning look.

I'll admit it was for good reason. The last girls who had flirted with Spencer were not in the best condition when I was through with them. I couldn't help myself... it wasn't my fault they wouldn't leave Spencer alone...

I sighed and stepped around the desk to her. I was older, now. Mature.

"I'm Alice Cullen, his long time girlfriend," I corrected him, smiling nicely up at her, offering my hand.

Kayla rose an eyebrow at my hand and didn't take it.

"Well, it didn't seem like you were around for _too_ long, because he went out with me just a few days ago," Kayla snarled. She actually_ snarled _at me.

Spencer quickly stepped to us, stepping in front of me.

"Excuse me?" I scoffed in disbelief. I knew that Spencer would never go out with anyone else, even if I had left him for a while. But even if he had decided to... well, that wouldn't be so bad... I mean, he was with me now... but why would he choose to go out with someone with such an attitude?

"You heard me," this Kayla girl smirked smugly at me. I could still see her from around Spencer's arm.

Spencer put his hand up so I wouldn't speak. I glared darkly at his back.

"It wasn't a date," Spencer growled through his teeth at her, making me smile adoringly at him. That's right, tell her.

"We went out for lunch as co-workers. And I immediately left after you started trying to make it a date," Spencer explained to her and me, too.

Kayla sighed, like she pitied him, and stepped forward.

I stepped around Spencer to see her better. I watched her lift her hand and touch Spencer's chest gently, causing him to wince and step back.

It was my turn. I slipped in front of Spencer before he could stop anything. I touched her uplifted hand, very gently, almost like I was holding it, and looked up at her with a polite smile.

"If you ever touch my boyfriend again, I'll break your hand," I told her sweetly, batting my eyelashes at her. It seemed like she almost expected my words because she didn't even flinch. She just smirked again.

"The only reason it wasn't a date," she started, pulling her hand away from mine, "was because you left him so messed up that he couldn't even be out with people. As friends or more," Kayla hissed at me.

The words stabbed me in the heart. Was that true?

Spencer's arms wrapped around my waist and I was behind him before I knew it.

"Shut up," Spencer told her firmly.

I froze at his words. He was never rude like that with anyone. I saw his jaw muscles tighten.

"Just get out, okay?" he breathed more calmly this time. I watched him run his hand over his neck stressfully.

Kayla gaped at him, obviously as surprised as I was about his attitude.

"I guess you aren't the perfect gentlemen I thought you were," Kayla whispered, sounding a little hurt.

Spencer just let a deep breath out and turned around, not wanting to see her anymore, I guessed.

"Spence?" I whispered, reaching up to touch his stressed face.

He frowned and leaned into my hand, kissing my wrist gently.

I watched Kayla leave the office, shutting the door a bit roughly.

Spencer took a few deep breaths and groaned quietly. "I should apologize," he grumbled, not sounding like he really wanted to.

She was wrong. He was a perfect gentlemen.

"No, I don't think you should," I smirked, causing him to chuckle.

"Don't break this girl's hand, sweetheart. I don't think it will look very good on your record for it to happen again... especially now that you're working here..." he told me, giving me a warning look.

I giggled and shrugged sheepishly. Like I could help it. When they touched him, it just made me lose it, you know?

"I don't like them touching you," I pouted, giving him my big puppy eyes, gazing up at him.

"Don't look at me like that," Spencer chuckled, turning away from me so he wouldn't give into my stare.

I watched him stalk off to his desk chair and plop down into it.

"You know, you're pretty scary sometimes," Spencer joked.

I smiled angelically and skipped over to his seat, sitting down on his lap.

"Did she kiss you?" I asked a bit bluntly, causing Spencer to cringe. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close to him, nuzzling my neck.

"You tell me. Do you think she kissed me, baby?" he asked, playing some mind game with me.

I shrugged and he nipped playfully at my neck, returning a shrug back at me. I narrowed my eyes in frustration.

Spencer started sucking on my neck, most likely trying to distract me from the question. Had she kissed him? I wouldn't be mad, I just wanted to know...

Spencer's fingers danced up and down my thighs teasingly as he worked on my neck.

"Answer me," he whispered into my neck, stopping the sucking for a moment.

I turned my body a little, looking up into his eyes, searching them.

He didn't break the gaze. He stared right back, his hand now running its way up to my cheek.

"Do you think I would let another girl kiss me?" he wondered, skimming his finger over my bottom lip.

I smiled gently at him and reached up to hold his hands to my lips so I could kiss each one of his fingers.

"No," I answered honestly, giving him a guilty look for thinking for a moment that he might have.

"You are correct," he assured me, pecking the tip of my nose.

"She did, though, try and hold my hand," he informed me, looking at the hand I had still been holding against my lips.

"Ick!" I exclaimed, letting his hand drop from mine and jumping off his lap. I pretended to be disgusted by what he had just told me.

Spencer glared at me and then used my talent against me. He gave me a small, cute pout.

"Aww don't give me that look," I chuckled, quoting what he always said to me, causing him to smile.

I skipped quickly back over to him and plopped down on his lap.

"I'm gonna break her hand," I giggled, because he had started tickling me, knowing what I was going to say.

I squirmed away from his pokes and pinches, taking deep breaths to stop laughing.

"S-stop," I begged breathlessly, grabbing both of his hands.

He instantly obeyed, stopping his hands.

"Are you going to be nice, sweetheart?" he asked me, looking serious, but I could see his eyes dancing. He flexed his fingers, threatening to tickle me again if I said no.

I rolled my eyes and leaned back into his chest.

"I guess," I huffed, crossing my arms.

Spencer pushed us closer to the desk so that we could start to work on the designs for the fall feature.

"Did you _want_ to hold her hand?" I asked him, a half an hour later, randomly. I looked up at him to see him cock his eyebrow at me.

"No," he stated, still working on the papers in front of us.

"Are you sure?" I questioned him further, causing him to sigh. He was still looking at the designs, making notes.

"Positive, baby, positive," he mumbled.

I nodded casually, for some reason wanting to get him worked up. Maybe I was already craving his attention.

"Anyone else you wanted to hold hands with?" I wondered, touching the hand he wasn't writing with.

He laced his fingers with mine.

"Nope, just you."

His eyes flickered to mine for a moment, checking to see if I was all right. He must have seen something in them, because he smirked and went back to working. He was wearing his work face, now. All professional. No time for play.

"If you say so," I grumbled, sounding unconvinced.

Spencer put his pen down and rested his chin on the top of my head.

"Well, there _was _this one girl—" I cut him off before he could say anything else by elbowing him in the stomach.

He took in a deep breath, giving me an amused look.

"What? You asked!" he chuckled. I could tell by the way he was looking at me that there hadn't really been a girl.

Before I could say anything, I felt him coax my face sideways.

He pressed his soft lips to mine, kissing me very softly, full of meaning.

"Alice, you are just so starved for attention," he chuckled softly, knowing exactly what I had done to make him stop working and give me a kiss.

I shut him up and crushed my lips back into his, wanting a little more time. However, about two seconds later my cell phone decided to ring.

I groaned and pulled away from his lips.

"Stupid phone," I grumbled.

Spencer just laughed, going back to his work. Great, now I had lost his attention again.

"Hello?" I mumbled into my phone, sounding a bit pissed off.

Spencer nudged me with his knee teasingly, knowing why I was annoyed. He leaned down and kissed my temple, trying to calm me down a bit.

"We have later," he promised.

"Hey there, beautiful!" the person on the phone exclaimed happily. It was a guy, but I didn't recognize his voice. I knew it wasn't Jasper or Nick...

I narrowed my eyes in confusion and pulled my phone off of my ear to look at the caller ID. It said Mack Thompson.

I remained silent for a moment, wondering why the name seemed so familiar. Mack...Mack...Mack... oh! Spencer had said that he had helped when I was kidnapped. A guy from Forks who I was apparently such good friends with that he had taken a bullet for me...

"Hi...Mack?" I mumbled into the phone a little hesitantly.

Spencer's head tilted toward mine, a worried look on his face. He obviously knew I was becoming confused.

"How's New York?" he asked, apparently not fazed at all by the confusion in my voice.

I could hear a wide grin on his face. He sounded like a happy person... optimistic.

"Umm, good. How's Forks?" I asked slowly, fidgeting a bit on Spencer's lap.

I wasn't sure how to tell him that besides the fact that he took a bullet for me, I had no clue who he was. Obviously I meant a lot to him...

Mack groaned a bit.

"Boring. Nothing happens now that you've left."

He took a breath, "I-I went to visit Katie a few times though... it felt... really good. I mean, even if I couldn't see her, I felt like she was... closer to me. It's really peaceful there, too. Like...enough that my whole body just relaxes... it's weird, but I know she's near me... everything just... feels better," Mack informed me carefully, speaking his deep feelings.

I began to feel rather awkward now. It was like a stranger was just pouring their heart out to me. I didn't even know who Katie was.

"Oh," I breathed.

"Yeah... maybe you can come with me next time you're back in Forks. Oh and guess what?" Excitement filled his voice.

I paused for a moment, unsure if I should break the news to him right now, or wait a second. I just couldn't find it in my heart, yet.

"What?" I asked him, gathering up all the fake excitement I could.

I could hear him grinning.

"I'm still totally clean. I haven't taken any drugs... or any pills. None. Not even for headaches or something that I'd be allowed to take'em for. And no joints either. I mean, it's been really _really_ hard, but I'm doing it, Alice..." he said seriously, pride shining in his voice.

Drugs? I shifted uncomfortably once again in Spencer's lap, causing him to look up.

"Want me to talk to him?" Spencer whispered into my other ear, so Mack wouldn't hear.

I shook my head slowly, knowing I should be the one to do this. Spencer wasn't the one who was his friend.

"Alice?" Mack said in a very quiet voice, worry picking up in it since I still hadn't responded.

"That's great, Mack," I whispered back, sadness in my voice.

Mack was silent for a moment.

"Are you all right, Alice?" he questioned very softly. His voice wasn't filled with the happiness anymore. He started to sound distant and guarded.

I took a deep breath, trying to muster up the strength.

"No. Umm Mack? I have to tell you something..." I admitted brokenly. Something deep down in me was trying to stop me from saying anything. It was like part of me was afraid to hurt him in any way. I had the urge to protect him, even if it was from myself.

"Oh," Mack breathed. His breath was a bit unsteady and full of fear. Why was he afraid?

"Okay..." This time his voice was guarded again. It was like a wall had suddenly been put between us. I didn't like it.

"I just... it's hard to explain..." I sighed as my voice cracked a little. I absentmindedly ran a hand through my hair from the stress.

Before I could say anything more though, Spencer swiped the phone out of my hand and put it to his ear.

I didn't fight him for the phone. I couldn't do it. There was something in me that kept the words from coming out of my mouth. It was like it might destroy him or something.

I listened sadly as Spencer introduced himself and explained the whole situation.

After the whole tragic story, Mack must have been asking questions, because Spencer was nodding and "Mm-hmm"-ing into the phone.

"Yeah she's fine. The bump on her head's still healing, but it's going away quickly. She's okay," Spencer informed him, running a hand very gently over my injury, so light that it didn't hurt at all.

"Sure. Lemme just ask her first," Spencer said softly into the phone. He covered the mouth of the phone with his hand, blocking our conversation from him.

"He wants to know if he could speak with you for a moment," Spencer murmured gently, running a finger down my cheek soothingly, silently telling me it was all right if I said no.

I nodded and slowly put the phone to my ear after grabbing it from him.

"Hello?" I whispered, afraid at what I would hear.

I heard Mack take a deep breath in.

"Wow," Mack chuckled from the shock, but behind it I could hear something pained in his voice.

"Well, at least this way you won't remember how bad I was before..." Mack tried to be optimistic.

I laughed softly.

"Yeah, I guess that's true," I agreed, running my hand through my hair awkwardly. How do you respond to that?

Mack was silent for a moment. I heard him breathing, even, but deep.

"I suppose I should just go then..." There it was. The pain was dead on. The wall fell down and I could hear his voice crack.

I cringed into Spencer, my stomach lurching. Why was I so afraid to hurt him?

"No," I said quickly. "I don't mind! Just because I don't remember you doesn't mean we can't be friends. You sound like someone I'd like to be friends with," I assured him. My words were soothing and gentle, trying to get him to talk to me.

"W-well its okay. Really. I don't want to confuse you more than you already are...." he paused before continuing.

"I bet Jasper is going insane. I hope you guys make it through this okay..." Mack whispered, getting ready to say goodbye.

I sprung to my feet and started pacing. Everything in me wanted to keep him on the phone.

"N-no, Mack. Don't go," I pleaded with him, desperation obvious in my voice.

Mack sighed quietly to himself.

"I don't want to be trouble for you, Alice. I already owe you too much," Mack explained.

"Well, apparently I owe you my life. So let me make it up to you," I fought back, not letting him hang up the phone. Everything in me knew I could _not_ leave Mack Thompson behind.

I noticed Spencer kept looking up from his work, anxiously. I knew he was worried about me.

Mack chuckled, seeming amused. "Trust me, your life's worth a lot more than mine. It was nothing," he joked bitterly.

Well, someone didn't think very highly of themselves.

"Don't say that," I snapped at him without even thinking about it. That made him laugh. For the first time, it actually sounded real.

"Are you sure you don't remember me? Sounded like the Alice I knew," he teased about how cold I sounded.

I rolled my eyes, forgetting he couldn't see me.

"Shut up," I laughed, feeling a bit more comfortable now.

"You're really with Spencer now?" he asked me, seeming more comfortable, too.

"Yeah," I breathed, a smile stretching over my face.

Mack let out a deep breath, seeming to be surprised by the words.

"What?" I questioned him, wondering what was so surprising about that. I forgot he hadn't ever seen me with him before. Or I didn't think so, at least.

"I don't know. I just never thought anything could break you and Jasper up. You were never apart. Well, except when people were pulling you apart with guns..." he commented, chuckling in amusement.

"I guess," I mumbled, annoyed that I still didn't know what people were talking about. I thought they said my mind was going to heal and give me the memories back. Why couldn't it just happen already?! Then I wouldn't be so in the dark every time something from those past six months started creeping back in to my life....

I changed my thoughts quickly, thinking what it would mean if I remembered again. Sure, I'd remember Mack. And Nick. But that meant I'd remember Jasper. And I'd remember leaving Spencer...

The thought of understanding so much at once terrified me. I changed my mind quickly. I didn't want the memories to come back. Not yet...

"Mack!" a guy shouted on Mack's side of the line.

"I actually do have to go now though," Mack told me sadly, yelling "Just a sec!" to the guy calling him.

"'Kay. Will you call me another time?" I asked hopefully. I wanted to know this guy. He seemed... complicated and broken... but like he had a good heart. I could understand why were had been friends. I didn't want to leave him.

Mack hummed, thinking. "Mmm...yeah. I will. But talk to Jasper. Ask him about me. If what you find out freaks you out, I'll understand. But we'll talk about it later," Mack assured me, just wanting me to know what I was getting myself into I guess.

"I'm not freaked easily. And okay, I'll definitely talk to him," I promised him.

He sighed, almost sadly. "Talk to you later, beautiful. I hope your head starts feeling better," he told me.

Then I heard the phone click, disconnecting the line before I could respond.

"Mack," I whispered to myself as I hung up my own end of the line.

How could it be that when I said his name, it sounded almost normal on my lips? Yet, I hardly knew him, except from one short phone conversation?

I sighed and put my phone to the side before diving into work, again. The work day was almost over, but I needed the distraction.

**Author's Note: Mack! Aww I missed him. Poor guy. And who is this Chloe girl? Nicholas having a **_**crush**_**? Good or Bad? What do you think? Leave us your thoughts in a review! Have a great week. **


	8. Building and Rebuilding Relationship

**Author's note: Hello World. And Happy Thanksgiving to anyone in Canada! I hope your weekends going well. And I am **_**very**_** glad you all enjoyed the surprise update! xD. Here is your weekly update...enjoy! **

Forgotten Hope Chapter 8- Rebuilding and Building Relationships

_JPOV_

My back was pressed to the wall of the mirror as I gazed at the wall of memories that both kept me sane and drove me crazy.

I stared at the pictures of moments from the beginning of our relationship up until now. What exactly _was_ now? It was either another turn in the problematic road of our relationship...or the end.

I ran my hand through my mess of blond curls and took a deep breath. I couldn't think of it that way. Positive thinking was the way. Alice always thought positive and she was always smiling. That's how I had to be. Even if it killed me.

My eyes were glued to her smiling face in one of the pictures. She was flipped over my shoulders, laughing and trying with all of her strength to get away. I slid my back down the wall and let my eyes close. If I concentrated, I could almost hear her innocent squeals. It was one of the most beautiful sounds in the world.

I let myself fall into the memories of her, her scent, her laugh, her eyes, her hair... the memories would have to do for now.

I heard a door open and my eyes flew open as I catapulted back into reality.

Nick walked out of the bathroom, drying his hair with a towel.

He walked over to where I was slouched on the floor. His eyebrows narrowed worriedly.

"You all right?" he asked me slowly, kneeling down to sit beside me on the floor.

I nodded convincingly. I was okay. My time with Alice today had cheered me up a lot, even if she wasn't mine right now. I'd take what I could get. Just because she didn't remember me didn't mean I couldn't spend time with her and love her.

At least, that was how I was trying to think.

"You smell good," I commented with a smirk, teasing him.

Nick hadn't spent anytime waiting to call Chloe. We had only been home two hours when he couldn't take it anymore. I had never seen the kid pace so much. He had called her and asked her out. He was going to take her out tonight for a late movie.

Nick shrugged a bit sheepishly. "Do you think it's too much?" he asked me in an uncertain voice.

He wasn't just talking about his cologne. He had shaved. He had combed and gelled his hair, (without overdoing it), and was now wearing a simple polo shirt and jeans. All in all he looked pretty cleaned up.

"Is that my shirt?" I asked him. It looked awfully familiar. And I was pretty sure that he had never owned a polo shirt.

"No," he said quickly, not looking at me.

"Yeah, it definitely is," I said, looking at it closer. "Alice helped me pick it out."

Nick froze. "Oh... well, I mean... I can change if you want..."

I shook my head. "No... you don't have any shirts like that. And it's not too much... it shows you took the time to look good for her, but that you're not desperate."

He nodded stiffly, looking nervous, as I patted his shoulder encouragingly.

"Plus, you've probably already stretched it out enough that it won't fit me anymore, anyway. Good thing Alice isn't here to see you in it--she'd be pissed you ruined it for me," I chuckled.

"I _wish_ Alice was here... she could've helped me figure this shit out..." he mumbled, tugging at the shirt.

I wished Alice was here too, but I tried not to think too much about it. _She trusts you. She's not afraid of you. She smiled at you today.___

I concentrated on Nick. I had never seen him like this before. Sure, he had gone out with girls before. A lot of times, in fact. But this seemed different for him. Maybe it was the fact that it wasn't some trashy, half drunk party girl that Greg had set up for him.

Nick wasn't a nervous guy. He was always laid back, always went with the flow...

But right now he was fidgeting and his face was in deep thought. I didn't know why he was acting so strange, even for him.

"Are _you_ all right?" I questioned him. For the first time this week, we were reversing roles.

Nick ran his hand through his damp hair, putting the towel down beside him as he sighed.

"I don't know," he answered honestly, giving me a perplexed look. He looked so confused, like his whole world was flipping upside down.

"I'm just nervous, I guess. I'm never nervous. It's just weird," he mumbled, trying to pull off nonchalance.

He shook his head in frustration and jumped up from sitting on the floor.

I held back a smile. He really was a nervous wreck.

I stood up and stepped forward, brushing a finger over Alice's cheek on the picture I had been looking at. I smiled to myself. I had an idea about what he felt like. I could remember how nervous I felt the first day I was with Alice. I was so afraid she would leave; I didn't know what I should say or do to make her stay.

"Do you think you'll be okay? You know, being here by yourself?" he asked. He suddenly seemed ashamed, like he was ditching me.

I rolled my eyes and shoved him.

"I don't need a babysitter. I'll be fine," I assured him, scoffing a little.

He smiled and chuckled in amusement, but I could see the concern still deep in his eyes. I did feel a bit unsure about it... I hadn't been alone in the last few days. But I wasn't going to ruin his fun. I was confident that I could make it for a few hours by myself here.

And if not, I could maybe call Alice...

"'Kay, well just call my cell if you need to, okay?" he emphasized the last part a bit loudly, trying to make a point.

I rolled my eyes and walked out of the hallway and to the couch, plopping myself into it and lying down.

"Uh-huh," I grumbled, grabbing the remote off of the coffee table.

"Go fall in love," I joked, throwing a pillow at him as he stood hesitantly by the door.

His eyes flashed with an intense emotion as I said the word _love_. Was it fear?

"Whatever, man," he chuckled, turning back into his normal self and slipping a jacket over his arms. He slid a baseball hat on his head and I laughed at him.

"What?" he asked defensively.

"You look nothing like yourself right now. I don't think you need the hat," I teased.

"Shut up," he grumbled, flicking the hat at me. I caught it and plopped it onto my head just because.

He opened the door and took a deep breath, causing me to smirk again at his nerves.

"Don't be out too late, sonny, you got a curfew," I called to him. He glared and slammed the door, but I heard his laugh from the hallway.

Just as I was about to turn the T.V. on, the door opened again slowly.

I glanced over, getting a funny look from Nick.

"What?"

"Gonna wish me luck?" he asked as if he was insulted.

"With your charm?" I chuckled, "No need for luck, man. You got this."

That caused him to grin widely, his old confidence creeping back into him.

"Yeah... thanks," he breathed, then left.

I laughed quietly to myself. I truly hoped he would have a good time. He deserved it. After everything he had done for me, he deserved one good night out. Especially if it was with a girl he got nervous over.

I pushed the power button on the TV remote and flicked through the channels. I eventually settled on a football game. I knew I'd have to be caught up for when Emmett came by. He would definitely test my knowledge.

After about twenty minutes of the game, my mind seemed to realize that I was alone. No one was here with me. No one. Everyone had left.

I shifted uncomfortably, trying to get the empty feeling in my chest to numb for a little while.

I wasn't alone. I was just at home without anybody else. It was different, I tried to assure myself.

I shook off my thoughts entirely. I would not overthink things. Now was not the time.

My phone buzzed with a text from Nick. I chuckled at what he said, texted him back, and then looked back at the TV.

Finally, I pulled myself off of the couch and headed for the kitchen. Maybe some food would help... I didn't know how, but anything could help... act as a distraction.

After taking a piece of cold pizza and a water bottle out of the fridge, I sat down at the table, still watching the TV.

When I was just about finished with my piece of pizza, I heard my cell phone ringing.

Nick, I thought warily. I wondered if he was calling to check on me or calling 'cause he needed more advice.

I sighed and pushed the Talk button as I put it to my ear.

"I'm still alive, Nick," I chuckled into the phone, getting up to walk back to the kitchen for another piece of pizza.

"It's not Nick," I heard Alice smirk.

I stopped, frozen.

"Alice?" I breathed. Why was she calling me? "I-Is everything all right?" I asked, uncertain about why else she would call.

I'm sure it was enough stress just to have had lunch with us today. I didn't want her to get any more confused and I'm sure she didn't want to be either.

"Yup, just thought I'd call you," she said happily, causing my stomach to flutter. She was happy and wanted to call me? It made me almost giddy. I grinned into the phone, not caring that she couldn't see it.

"Really?" I asked, a smile in my voice. I opened the fridge, able to walk again, getting my piece of pizza.

"Mm-hmm! And I was wondering if you wanted to hang out...or something?" she asked in a small voice.

I choked on the piece of pizza I had just bitten into. First a call...and now this? It felt too good to be true, but I wasn't going to test it.

"Well—sure—th-that'd be good!" I stumbled over my words, trying to swallow the piece of pizza stuck in my throat at the same time.

"Where's Spencer?" I wondered. How had they been able to peel themselves off of each other? I wondered, but pushed the thought from my mind. Again, this wasn't her fault. Or his. I had to keep reminding myself that...

"He had already planned to go to a basketball game with his Dad before...everything happened. It's some sort of special game... VIP stuff... I'm not big on basketball, so I'm not really sure. But I told him he should go. I wanted to talk to you about something anyways," she informed me, her voice ringing with clear happiness. It made my tight stomach finally relax.

But there was also something serious in her voice when she mentioned talking to me. There was something specific that she wanted to talk to me about. I wondered what it could be? It made me a little nervous... but I was too excited that I'd be seeing her soon to think of it too much.

"That's good! Tell him I hope he enjoys himself," I told her, trying to be polite.

"'Kay, I will," she said back quickly, and then called my request out to Spencer.

"He says thank you," she filled me in.

"All right," I murmured, sitting back down on the couch, putting the TV on mute.

"So... umm..." I cleared my throat, running a hand mindlessly through my hair, not sure what to say next. I felt like I was getting ready for my first date with her or something. Stupid. This was Alice! Even if she couldn't remember me, I remembered her. I knew her. I shouldn't be so nervous...

I heard Alice giggle into the phone. "You can come pick me up if you want?" she suggested, trying to make this easier, since I was not sure what I could and could not say. I had to be careful. I didn't want to make her uncomfortable.

I laughed softly and nodded to myself.

"That sounds good, darling. I'll be right there," I grinned, standing up and grabbing my jacket.

I scribbled a quick note to Nick, just in case the date went bad and he came home early, to let him know I was out with Alice. I didn't want to call or text him and interrupt whatever he was up to.

"I'm at Spencer's," she informed me before I went and drove to her house.

"Oh okay, good to know," I laughed, locking up the door and heading to the elevator.

"I'm going to get ready, okay?" she asked me.

"All right, see you soon, love," I called to her, then took the phone off my ear, ending the call.

I felt like a heavy weight had been lifted off my shoulders as I rode down the elevator. Alice wanted to spend time with me. That thought made my impossibly large grin grow.

"Alice wants to spend time with me," I repeated out loud, wanting to hear it. Even better out loud.

I walked out of the elevator, a skip coming into my step as I headed to my car.

Nick and Esme were right. It was all just going to take time. Alice would realize why were together. She would see why Alice and Jasper were just meant to be together... it just had to be that way.

It would be a hard ride, but it'd be worth it when she remembered me again in the end.

I sped the whole way to Spencer's house. My foot pressed harder and harder down on the pedal as I got closer. I prayed that the cops wouldn't catch me this one time.

I swerved into his long driveway. I stopped abruptly in front of the garage door, threw it in Park, and barely took time to turn off the engine and yank the keys from the ignition.

I hopped up the steps of the front of the house two at a time, craving her more than ever all of a sudden.

What was I doing? I had to look composed. I needed to look stable. Remember: Do not scare her off. I told myself angrily.

I took a few long, deep breaths, soothing myself, becoming more in control. Then I tapped on the door.

A maid opened the door, smiling politely at me. She was about to speak, but Alice skipped in front of her.

"Jasper!" she cheered, opening her arms up and pulling me into her, hugging me.

Alice.

My body leaned into hers, my arms automatically wrapping around her, returning the hug. I leaned down without thinking and kissed the top of her head, but then I froze at my sudden action.

"I'm sorry," I gasped, letting go of her.

She rolled her eyes and smacked my chest teasingly, but her eyes were very caring.

"Don't worry. All the guys do that to me. I hear I have irresistible charm," she said in a matter of fact voice. She then gave me a full smile, her eyes dancing with joy.

"You hear that, huh?" I asked, raising a eyebrow curiously at her, closing the door behind me, now that I was in the house.

Alice nodded, looking confident.

"Well, you hear correct, darling," I assured her.

Alice grinned and then stepped back, looking me up and down with an amused look.

"Going for casual?" she guessed.

Confusion swept over me and I looked down at myself and burst out in laughter. I was wearing loose jogging pants and an under shirt with a jacket and no shoes. I was seriously standing there in just my socks.

I smiled sheepishly down at her and shrugged.

"Wanted to see you," I explained softly, feeling my cheeks warm just a bit.

Alice giggled and tapped my pink cheek fondly, blushing a bit herself.

A noise a few feet away broke our little connection. Spencer strolled our way, wearing a New York Knicks jacket and sunglasses.

"Hey," he smiled warmly at me, offering a hand shake. I shook his hand politely.

"Hi," I greeted him back, smiling widely, nothing breaking my happy mood.

Spencer nodded and then took his sunglasses off.

"I better get going, baby. I'm going to meet my dad at the stadium. You two have fun," Spencer said, leaning over and planting a kiss on her lips, making my stomach lurch a bit. But I held it back.

"'Kay, have fun, love you Spence!" Alice called to him. He turned around and threw her another smile.

"I love you too, hun," he replied and then headed out the door.

I could tell he was excited by the way he walked. It was kind of like how I just was.

The whole situation was odd, though. I had never heard of Spencer going out with Jim. They always seemed on edge because Jim always put him down so much. I couldn't imagine why either of them would want to spend time with each other? But I guessed it was a good thing. Maybe they were trying to patch things up...?

Alice shifted her feet and looked up at me, with the most adorable look on her face.

"Wanna go for a walk?" she asked, smiling brightly up at me.

"Sure, where did you want to go?" I asked, heading toward the front door, but Alice caught my arm.

She shook her head mutely and slipped her hand into the crook of my arm, leading me through Spencer's house. I felt awkward as I walked through their house. Should we be here if Spencer isn't even here?

Alice's thumb grazed over my arm, sending the oh so familiar tingling feeling up my arm, making a smile stretch over my face. Alice didn't seem to notice that she was doing anything; she just skipped along down the hallway until we finally came to the back doors.

She paused and looked down at my feet again, smirking in amusement.

"Maybe you should put those on," she said, pointing to a pair of sandals that were probably Spencer's.

I chuckled and slipped them onto my feet, sticking my tongue out playfully at her, like she always did to me.

"This is the best place for walks," she stated knowingly, opening the door. I couldn't help but smile at how innocent she sounded.

My eyes widened at the sight of the huge backyard. The garden and paths shaded by trees went on forever. There were sparkling lights in all of the trees, so you could walk the paths in the dark. From here, I could already see a pond, fountains, and a pool.

Alice grinned at the sight. This was obviously one of her favorite parts of this place. And I could see why. It honestly looked... magical. Like anything could happen when you were surrounded by the twinkling trees...

I stepped out onto the deck, following Alice, and noticed Mrs. Wright sitting at a large table, looking over paperwork. Do fashion designers ever stop working?

She tilted her head up slightly to see us.

"Hello sweetheart," she greeted Alice, smiling politely, totally ignoring my presence. She turned back to her work, writing on something.

"Hi! Would it be all right if I took Jasper down one of the paths?" Alice asked her sweetly, working her charm with a bright smile.

Mrs. Wright looked back up and looked over me, seeming to _just_ notice I was here.

"Sure," she waved us off, trying to get back to working.

Alice beamed at her and tugged me down the steps. She was excited tonight. Something had gotten her in a good mood...

She started us down a certain trail. I was thinking she wanted to go somewhere in particular.

"So, why are you so happy tonight darling?" I wondered curiously, looking down at her smiling face.  
**  
**She shrugged nonchalantly and leaned slightly into me as we walked.

"I guess I'm happy Jim is actually spending time with Spencer. He never even gives Spencer a chance, you know? I think this will be good for both of them," Alice piped up.

I nodded in agreement. Of course. She was always especially happy for other people. I should have known.

Alice nodded back and then looked up at me, looking a bit puzzled.

"Where's Nick?" she asked, seeming somewhat concerned about me not being with him. Why did everyone think I couldn't be alone?

_Maybe 'cause you can't._ My thoughts answered me. I ignored them.

"He went on a date," I informed her.

I watched her face scrunch up in confusion, like she wasn't sure if he did that a lot or not.

"No, he doesn't usually go on 'dates,'" I answered her silent question.

"I didn't think so," she mumbled, smiling because she had thought correctly.

Alice pulled us to a bench in front of the pond. She sat down and patted the seat beside her.

I stiffly sat down a foot away from her, trying to keep my distance.

Alice slid closer to me. She looked cold. I could see the goosebumps on her arms. The night was unusually cooler.

I put my arm on the back of the bench, offering the warmth if she needed it.

Apparently she did, because she slid right into me, snuggling casually into my side.

"Summer is almost gone," she frowned, her bottom lip poking out into a pout.

I frowned as well. It had been such a good summer. Best summer of my life, by far.

"It is," I nodded sadly.

We were silent for a second. I stared at the way the lights were reflecting in the pond.

"I wanted to ask you about something," Alice said suddenly, looking up at me with a very curious and somewhat troubled expression.

I nodded again, this time knowingly.

Her face scrunched up, puzzled. "You knew?"

I laughed quietly at her question. "Yeah. You seemed curious about something while we were on the phone, darling," I explained.

I knew she had forgotten how well we knew each others every emotion, even when it was just from hearing it in her voice.

It was easier when I could see her eyes, though. Eyes always gave everything away. It was true what they say: your eyes really are the gateway to your soul.

"Oh," Alice smiled, seeming pleased that she didn't have to explain. Her eyes lit up for a moment and her head shot to mine as she searched my eyes, now.

"This isn't what I was curious about, but... you always call me darling. Did I call you something special?" she asked, still gazing into my eyes, as if she was trying to find the answer there.

God, I had missed those green eyes. I gazed right back, looking into her curious soul.

"Yes," I replied, straightening up in my seat.

Alice's eyebrow rose with her curiosity.

"What did I call you?" she asked.

I pressed my lips together, running a finger lightly down her cheek.

"Think about it, darling," I whispered.

She shivered involuntarily and her expression turned thoughtful. She went silent, squinting in concentration, trying to figure it out.

After about five silent minutes, she sighed in frustration.

"I really can't remember," she told me, seeming upset about the fact.

I smiled encouragingly at her, making sure she knew I understood how hard this really was for her.

"Want me to tell you? I asked, not wanting her to get upset because she couldn't remember something.

She looked up at me and smiled sadly, nodding her head.

"You called me Jazz," I murmured, smiling a small smile to her.

She blinked, looking thoughtful. I saw her fingers clench the end of the bench, as if that revelation had struck a chord of familiarity with her. Or maybe that was just me hoping.

She looked out toward the pond, thinking.

"Jazz..." she whispered.

My heart skipped a beat and then went into overdrive just at that one word. I could literally hear my heart beating. That word on her lips was everything to me. I cherished it closely, not knowing if this would be the last time I ever heard it.

"I like it!" she grinned, turning her head back to me. She jumped in her seat a bit, happy with this new nickname. I was so glad she liked it.

_Why wouldn't she? Your Alice is still in there somewhere... she's just lost right now... _I thought.

"I like it. too," I responded honestly, chuckling.

Alice rolled her eyes at me and leaned back on the bench, her head falling onto my arm.

I sighed at the feeling, but like the last few times she made me feel this way, she didn't notice. How was she so oblivious to what she did to me?

"So, what did you want to talk to me about? Other than what you called me? Though we could go on with that because you called me many other things as well. A tease, a goof, sexy beast, Greek god..." I teased.

Alice's eyes widened and an amused smirk came on her face.

"No I didn't!" she scoffed, a light pink blush came on her face. I shrugged.

"Believe what you want, it's true," I winked at her. Lost in the moment, I lowered my face to hers and skimmed my nose up her jaw bone, earning a small, cute gasp from her.

I pulled away and leaned up as she hummed in thought.

"Must be why I called you a tease," she giggled, nudging me with her elbow.

I wiggled my eyebrows playfully at her and nodded in confirmation.

Then her face turned more serious and she turned in her seat, looking intently at me.

I returned the look, ready to speak about what she wanted. There was something in my mind that was telling me to leave, right now, before what she said ended up being something I didn't want to hear. I was thinking that maybe this was it. She was going to tell me to leave. That she wanted Spencer.

But then why would she have been so happy?

...Unless she _really_ wanted me to leave them alone.

Alice wouldn't be that cold though. I knew she wouldn't. She was always sweet to everyone.

"Mack called me today," she whispered in a troubled voice. "He told me to ask you about him."

I let out the breath I had been holding. I was wrong. Thank God.

But then I frowned at what she had just said. Mack. Another guy who was dependent on her being in their life...

I watched her troubled eyes and sighed. That must have been such a hard call for her to answer, not even knowing who he was.

"Are you all right?" I asked her, carefully watching her eyes, waiting for the real emotion to break through. I knew she was hiding a lot.

She shrugged and let out a heavy breath.

"I don't know. I guess so. It's just so weird, not knowing who your best friends are. Or your boyfriend. Not knowing why you feel certain things or why you suddenly have marks on you that weren't there before...." she said, looking down at her arms.

I squinted to see the almost invisible marks from when Mack had pushed her. I reached and brushed her arm lightly.

"They'll disappear," I told her quietly.

"Lately, sometimes I wish I could disappear," she admitted just as quietly, "so I won't hurt anyone anymore."

She whispered this in a broken voice, the real emotion she was feeling filling her eyes. Pain.

"I think if you disappeared, we'd all be a lot more hurt, darling. We all just love you. No one is blaming you," I murmured softly back to her, rubbing the top of her arm soothingly.

She sniffed back the tears that I saw coming.

I saw a stray tear roll done her cheek slowly as she blinked. I absentmindedly reached out and wiped it away with my finger.

"Do you think you would be happier if you never met me, Jasper?" she asked suddenly.

She looked so broken at the moment. I could feel my own tears welling up with her. When did I become such a crier?

I got up off of the bench and knelt in front of her, taking both of her hands in mine, hoping it wouldn't make her too uncomfortable. But I had to do everything I knew to try to calm her.

"I would be dead if I never met you, love," I whispered, the sadness in my voice coming out a bit more than I had wanted. The tone made her eyes flicker up to mine quickly.

I reached up and kissed a tear that was now stuck on her chin.

"You don't know that..." she said in a small voice, ducking her head down. She was feeling remorseful for hurting me. I could see it in her eyes.

I put her hands down on her lap gently. I was going to extremes, now. She had to know. She had to understand how important she was to me.

I took my jacket off and then pulled my shirt off, too.

Alice looked up to see me as she saw the clothes fall onto the bench beside her. She looked over my chest and her eyes grew in shock and horror.

"I do know that, darling," I told her firmly.

She didn't say anything this time. She just got up and knelt down with me. Her hands reached out and covered the scar from when Steve had stabbed me. It was like she knew exactly what specific incident I was referring to.

"Even if I hadn't died physically, I was dead emotionally until the day I met you. You saved me in so many ways and so many times, Alice. I would never regret meeting you. It was the best day of my life, darling. You brought me back from the dead... you helped me live..."

Another tear trickled down Alice's face and she took a deep, trembling breath. **  
**  
Her other hand moved to my arm, where I had been stabbed trying to get to her when she was about to give up her life for me. Her fingers traced very lightly over that scar, causing goosebumps to rise on my arms.

"How'd you get this one?" she asked me, her voice a bit shaky from her tears.

I wiped the last tear off of her cheek and smiled softly to her.

"Well," I started, picking her up off the ground and placing her back on the bench as I sat down beside her.

"We got stuck in a really bad situation. I used to be in a gang... like I told you at lunch. When I quit that gang because I wanted to be a better man for you, the leader of it didn't take it too well. I was an important person in the gang because I could never feel anything. I could do stuff that some guys couldn't because I felt so numb all the time. Sometimes I almost hoped I would die in a fight. I didn't believe my life could get any worse...." I frowned at the thought.

Alice looked through her extremely sad eyes at me.

I went on once I knew she could handle it. "He used that as his advantage. He knew that I'd throw myself into anything since I had nothing to lose. And then once I left, it was a big deal to him. He tried to send me to jail... I told you that story earlier, too... and it didn't work. So then he tried something he knew would work. Something I couldn't walk away from. He took you." I ran a hand stressfully through my hair. Just the thought of Alice being kidnapped made me feel anxious all over again. I took a deep breath to prepare myself for more.

"He asked for money from us so we could get you back. I got the money with Nick, but that wasn't really his plan. He never actually wanted the money. He just made the whole thing up as part of a bonus to his plan... he was going to kill you either way. We were trapped and I couldn't get to you--" My voice broke and I cleared my throat as I tried to continue through the emotion.

"There were three guys holding me. And I couldn't get to you. While I was trying to, I got stabbed in the arm," I told her the story, a frown permanently on my face.

Alice ran her fingers over the scar again.

"You fought for me," she whispered, more to herself than to me.

She seemed to be trying to make sense of it herself. Because she couldn't remember me, she had no idea why I would have fought.

"I would do anything to protect you, darling. Whether it's a revenge plan from a psychopath or just holding an umbrella over you in the rain...anything," I vowed to her, using everything in me to restrain myself from touching or kissing her.

Alice looked up at me, searching my eyes to see if I was being sincere.

"You're sweet," she commented. She wasn't mocking me, though. Her voice was totally honest. She blushed to prove it. She seemed a bit quiet though, probably still pretty stunned by how I got that scar.

"Thanks," I said, forcing a light chuckle.

"You fought for me too, you know," I started, deciding to just be totally honest. "You were going to take a bullet for me, Alice," I informed her softly, looking her passionately in the eyes.

Alice blinked obliviously, her eyes flickering around the large yard.

"I was?" she asked. The confusion and frustration in her voice was very noticeable. Behind that, I could hear the curiosity and surprise.

"Yes. Though you should never do anything like that again. You scared me to death, darling," I laughed nervously, the anxious feeling from the memories taking over.

I could still see it happening in my mind. To this day, it still haunted my nightmares. My yells of protest... Alice's eyes burning into mine as she stood to take my punishment... I could hear the powerful, booming explosion of the bullet being leaving the gun...

"Spencer didn't tell me that part," she frowned, not liking not being told everything.

"I'm sure he is trying to repress the memory. As I am," I smirked at her, joking a bit.

She didn't seem to hear me. She pursed her lips in deep thought, once again running her fingers very lightly over my scar.

I was beginning to get used to her touch again. I wasn't sure if that would be a good thing once I went home tonight and had to survive without it. But I could never push her away. Or even have the strength to want it to stop.

Love was terribly painful these days.

"I didn't think I was that brave," she mumbled, interested in this new piece of information.

"You were dating me. You must have been pretty brave," I laughed, ruffling her hair a bit, receiving a dark glare from her for that. I loved it.

But then she smirked and tilted her head slightly.

"You don't look too scary," she informed me knowingly. I raised a skeptic eyebrow at that remark. Never heard that before...

"You look like a sweet guy to me. Maybe just a tad overprotective," she told me, continuing with her knowing tone.

I gave her a look, asking her to continue. I was amused to hear what she thought of me.

She squinted as she talked, thinking out loud.

"You always watch me with a very soft look. But behind that, I can see you watching every movement in the room, making sure I'm safe. I see you flinch a bit when anyone touches me, but just a bit. You wouldn't know it unless you were watching for it. It's like you aren't sure if it's going to be okay with me to have someone touch me... except for when it's Nick. You trust him with me."

I was nodding slowly, impressed at how much she had gotten just from the few times we had hung out after her injury.

She continued.

"The first night I came home, after I regained my memory, you looked afraid to leave. I knew it wasn't only because you knew I would be with Spencer that night. It was because you were afraid to leave me with no one to protect me... no one to take care of me. You're... very protective of me." She smiled brightly, giving me a somewhat hopeful look.

I smiled back and then scoffed jokingly.

"And they say you lost your memory. Bull," I chuckled, blown away that she could already know that about me. She was a perceptive little one when she wanted to be.

Alice rolled her eyes and laughed quietly. The musical laugh made my stomach flutter.

"No. It's odd, I guess. But every time I look in your eyes, I can suddenly just... know things. Does that make sense? It's like I can read your soul just by looking into your eyes. I know it sounds weird, but it's true..." Alice told me, her eyes narrowing. I could see she was worried about what I would think of that.

I just sunk into the back of the bench.

"No, I understand completely. It's the same way with me with your eyes," I assured her. It wasn't too weird. Or maybe it was, but I was joining her in the crazy boat. So it was okay.

"Really?" she asked, even more intrigued now.

I don't know if she had noticed or not, but her hand was still resting over my scar, not moving. It was torturing me. All I wanted to do was wrap my hand over it and hold the hand of my angel again.

"Mm-hmm," I started.

Her excited look gave me a bit more courage. I gently placed my hand over hers.

But then a rustle on the path made my head snap to the noise, my eyes searching suspiciously. Alice jumped too, and we both moved our hands.

Maybe she was right. I was a little overprotective... but I liked to call it "being careful."

We watched the end of the pathway as someone slowly appeared. As he got closer, I realized it was Spencer. His head was down and he didn't give us his normal wide grinned greeting.

Alice jumped off the bench and hurried to him.

"Why are you home already, baby? It's only been an hour?" Alice cooed to him, wrapping her arms around his slouched body. She reached up with one hand to stroke his hair.

He didn't hold her back, which was even weirder. I had noticed that he was usually really good with trying to spare my feelings.

I got up, too, my own concern coming over me.

I realized I still wasn't wearing my shirt. I grabbed it quickly and put it back on, but Spencer didn't even seem to notice. He just stared blankly at the ground as Alice held him.

"Dad didn't show up..." he whispered, brokenly. I had never heard his voice that weak before.

At that moment, his eyes connected with mine. I could see that they were bloodshot. There was an intense pain in them that he didn't even try to hide from me.

I took this moment as a cue to leave. As well as it had been going with Alice tonight, it was time for it to end for the night.

I walked around them carefully, giving Alice a small smile and patting Spencer encouragingly on the shoulder as I passed by.

"I'll...see you guys later," I said quietly, respectfully.

Alice didn't say anything to me. She just pulled Spencer tighter into her, needing to calm him. She locked eyes with me for just a moment, silently thanking me, but I wasn't sure what for: for telling her the things I had tonight? Or for leaving so quickly when Spencer appeared?

I understood what Spencer must have been going through, though. I remembered when my dad had left... I had wanted nothing more than for him to come back. Or even just to care about me.

What was it like for Spencer? He _had_ his dad at his house, but Jim didn't really care for Spencer. I saw the same hateful look that I had gotten so many times from Steve in Jim's eyes when he spoke to Spencer.

I couldn't help feeling _some_ pity for him. Even though it seemed like he had the perfect life, I knew he didn't. He might have a rich family, a job for life, and the perfect girlfriend... but he didn't have the dad that he wanted so badly....

I frowned and walked onto the back porch, heading to the house. Olivia's head was down, a phone to her ear, speaking in a hushed tone.

"He looked really upset, Charlotte. Worse than usual," Olivia whispered into the phone, concern seeping into her voice.

I had never heard Olivia speaking this way. Her voice was soft and pained. I was used to it being hard and snobby. I stopped on the stairs, not wanting to interrupt their conversation.

"Yeah, Alice is still here. She was with Jasper. Maybe they'll help cheer him up some. Spencer always speaks so highly of that boy." The bitterness I was so used to returned to her voice.

Spencer spoke highly of me? Interesting...

I heard Olivia sigh now. I watched her run a hand through her shoulder length hair. She looked defeated.

"I know. The doctor spoke to Jim and Jim said he would try. This was supposed to be the night they started going out. Spencer was really excited about it. He even went out and bought the team jacket. He just wants to make him proud. I can't get Jim to try, though. He just keeps saying, 'He isn't my problem.' That isn't Spencer's fault though," Olivia ranted sadly, sounding overly stressed.

Jim was sounding more and more like Steve. The only difference was that Jim didn't want to harm Spencer physically. Which I suppose was a pretty big difference... but it was still so much the same.

Then again, Steve wasn't actually my father. He was my stepfather, who had been forced to raise his wife's son when she suddenly died. I couldn't imagine what it would be like for your actual father to treat you that way.

I cleared my throat loudly, deciding it was rude for me to listen to their personal problems. I stepped up a few more steps and Olivia's head rose, looking me up and down. She didn't say anything for once. She just smiled sadly at me and looked away.

Wow... this must really be upsetting her a lot.

I walked through their overly large house and out the front door. **  
**  
My body hesitated for a moment, knowing I would have to go back to the apartment without Alice. But I made myself move forward, leaving with the memories of tonight.

I thought of Alice's fingers trailing over my scars. She had called me sweet. And when she said "Jazz" again...

Those memories would get me through the night tonight.

**Author's Note: Aww, Alice and Jasper finally got some time to themselves! *frowns* poor Spence though. Jim is a jerk. But at least something good came out of it; Alice and Jasper got to discussion some. I hoped you guys enjoyed it! The next chapter coming up is even better...in my opinion! Leave a review and tell us what you thought of this one! Love to hear from you guys. Stay tuned for your midweek teaser quote on twitter!  
Have a great day!**


	9. Heartless

**Author's Note: hey everyone! Like every week here is your Sunday update. I hope you enjoy it. **

Forgotten Hope Chapter 9-Heartless

_NPOV_

Once I was out of Jasper's apartment, my hands began to tremble. It was the weirdest feeling ever. My stomach was lurching. I felt sick, but good at the same time. What in the world was going on with me?

It was just a date, right? I had done that before... well sort of. I had been out with girls in junior high... I never really asked them on a _date_ before. But I had gone to parties and met girls there... and I had my fair share of fun with girls when I was in high school. But it was all just for fun... something to do. I had never been this nervous before.

Why was I so nervous, anyway? I didn't even know this girl. All I knew was when she smiled at me, it made my heart thump in my chest. Her smile was beautiful. Her soft brown eyes seemed to smother me. They sucked me in. It made me feel trapped, but safe at the same time.

I didn't understand these feelings. Good and bad at the same time... it was weird.

I shook off all of my confusing thoughts and jumped into the cab I had called for. I handed the cab driver the paper with the address and fell back into the back seat.

I tried my best to let myself feel numb and watch the crazy streets of New York City as we drove. I fisted my hands, trying to control myself.

Look strong you wuss! I argued with myself.

The car came to a stop minutes later, and my breathing stopped with it. It just stopped! I couldn't take a breath. I just froze, not being able to breathe or move.

"We're here, sir," the man in the front seat said, sounding a bit impatient.

I glared darkly at him and took my wallet out. Like it was my fault I was acting this way. I was pissed off about it too, buddy!

I shoved the money into the guy's hand, leaving him a good tip even though he was a bit rude. I exited the cab and stopped on the crowded sidewalk. I hesitantly looked up at the freakin' huge apartment building we had stopped at. It towered over me, seemingly miles high.

This was it. I opened the first set of doors and cleared my throat, pressing the number for the intercom to her room. After a few rings, I heard the angelic voice from earlier.

"Hello?" she said shyly. I couldn't help the goofy grin from spreading over my face.

"Hey, it's Nick!" I called cheerfully into the little speaker on the wall. I smacked myself lightly in the head, regretting sounding so loud and cheerful. I had to be cool for this.

"Oh, Nick. You're early..." she commented. It seemed more to herself than to me and she seemed a bit embarrassed.

I opened my mouth and a flood of words flew out.

"Oh yeah sorry I just t-thought you know to make a good impression or whatever I should be early. That's what I hear is good on a first date...?" I chuckled nervously and again smacked myself in the forehead. Did I really just tell her that?

"That's what you hear, huh?" she asked me with a teasing voice.

I rubbed the back of my neck and felt my cheeks flame with heat, suddenly very glad she couldn't see me at the moment.

"Yeah..." I mumbled.

I heard her laugh quietly, the sound of the laugh was still shy. I started to notice that her voice seemed to always sound shy, quiet...but it was adorable....

I heard a loud buzzing noise that startled me, making me jump. Jeez, Nick, get in your game man!

"I just buzzed you in. You can come up if you'd like?" she offered, her voice lowering, becoming even more shy than usual. I grinned.

"On my way!" I informed her, grabbing the unlocked entrance door.

I rode the elevator up to the sixth floor and exited it, off to find her room. It didn't take _too_ long, even though there seemed to be thousands of rooms just on this one floor. It was a lot different from Jasper's newer and more spacious apartment building.

I knocked lightly on her door and waited.

I heard quiet footsteps and then the door opened, but only a crack. She check who it was then opened it wide with a gentle smile.

"Hey, come in. I just have to get changed. I wasn't expecting you so early. Don't worry, it's fine though. You made a good impression," she winked playfully at me.

I felt the flaming blush come back to my cheeks. I ducked my head down to look at the floor, trying to hide it.

Once I had looked down I noticed what she was wearing. She was in sweatpants and a loose t-shirt. I let my eyes wander up, taking her in. She was also wearing a pair of cute glasses, which she hadn't been wearing when I met her. She must wear contacts when she goes out. Her hair was also pulled up into a tight ponytail.

"L-like I said, I didn't have time to get changed..." she mumbled, looking a bit unsure about something and definitely embarrassed.

I shut the door lightly behind me and shrugged.

"It's perfect. You don't have to change if you don't want to. You look comfortable and... really cute," I said to her, giving her a reassuring smile.

That made her beam, making my heart start thudding. That was weird... was that normal? Should I be concerned?

"Thanks, Nick," she said with a smile. "I'm still going to go change though. I'll just be a second..." she murmured, her head down, her cheeks turning a bright pink. She hid it quickly by turning around and going into a bedroom, closing the door.

Maybe she was feeling the same as me. The pink cheeks were the same at least. Hopefully I wouldn't seem like such a freak then.

I walked through the room and sat down on the couch, hoping it would be all right with her, and pulled out my cell phone to text Jasper quickly.

_Rapid heartbeat. Normal?-N_

My phone buzzed not even a minute later.

_Normal. No worries. You like her.-J___

Well, no shit I like her...

I looked at the coffee table in front of me. It was covered in text books. By the looks of it, she was majoring in some sort of Math or English. Or both?

I interestedly grabbed one of the books and opened it. I skimmed through it, not understanding half of it, which for some reason made me utterly frustrated. I felt dumb. I wasn't stupid, really... I supposed. She was just in college and I hadn't finished high school yet. She was obviously going to be a little smarter than me.... I tried to assure myself. It didn't work as well as I hoped.

I wasn't surprised she was smart, though. I knew it when I had seen her. She looked smart and sophisticated. Classy, but not like she was trying too hard to be. It was just who she was.

She probably worked really hard studying, too. It looked like it from the amount of homework that was piled on the small table. And it was still summer, meaning this was probably for summer courses.

A few minutes later, she came back out of her room. She looked much more like the person I had seen on the street.

Her light brown hair was down now, but slightly wavy from being up in the ponytail. She had left the glasses on. The outfit she was wearing matched her perfectly. I think she knew herself well.

"Apparently it wasn't the clothes that made you cute, because you still look adorable," I whispered nervously to her, getting to my feet. I flashed her a wide smile.

"Thanks," she whispered back, looking down at her feet and shifting them nervously.

I chuckled and walked over to her.

"Shall we?" I suggested, offering my arm for her. She looked up, her smothering brown eyes taking me in again. She nodded excitedly, the shy part of her leaving for a moment. She slipped her hand onto the crook of my arm.

We left her apartment and headed down the street. I had seen a little restaurant on the way, while trying to distract myself from the insanely confusing thoughts in my mind. Chloe was the first to make conversation on the way.

"So where are you from, Nick? You don't act like a New Yorker," she smirked, looking up at me.

She sounded open enough, but her eyes looked hidden. Careful. Was she someone who held her feelings from people? Was she afraid to open up? Or was she just like this when she was out with total strangers? Which was what I was for now... I wondered all of these things just by one look in her eyes. I wanted to know these things. I wanted to know her.

That thought overwhelmed me. I, Nick Graham, wanted to know someone? I never gave a care in the world about anyone except Jasper and Alice. Why did I suddenly feel the need to know someone?

"You're right. I'm from Washington state. I'm a little ways from Seattle," I explained, sounding a lot more confident than I was feeling. I didn't tell her I was from Forks, though. It was a small town. Not many convicts named Nick escaped out of Forks. I didn't want her to someday find that out about me. It was better to keep it a little more vague when it came to stuff like that.

Chloe nodded interestedly.

"Where are you from?" I wondered, looking done at her with the same curiosity. She shrugged nonchalantly.

"California," she stated shortly. Looking at her, that didn't surprise me. I noticed the impressive tan she had. I was sure she got a lot more sun growing up than I had.

"That's pretty cool. We're kind of close, then. I mean, where we live, you know?" I stumbled over my words, "Why'd you move here?" I asked her.

We were just coming to the restaurant now. I opened the door and she waited until we were inside to answer.

"I liked the university here," she informed me. I wondered if it was the same one Jasper would be starting at.

I led her to a table and pulled the seat out for her.

She smiled at the gesture, obviously impressed.

I gave myself an internal pat on the back for that move. Being a gentleman impressed her. I would make a note of that. Maybe she was actually being truthful about being impressed by my showing up early.

"What university would that be?" I questioned.

"NYU," she replied with a small smile, proud of her school. That was Jasper's new school.

"Really?"

"Yeah. It's a really good school. I love it," she nodded in confirmation.

"I'm sort of surprised," I found myself admitting, "You don't seem like a 'city' girl...." I hoped she wouldn't take offense to that.

I panicked and tried to think of ways to cover myself, but she chuckled.

"Yeah, I know. I guess I like being surrounded by so much noise and people being busy... it really is the city that never sleeps. I fit in," she explained.

"You never sleep?" I joked, smiling at her.

Her eyes twinkled. "I'm always busy. Sleep is definitely something I've learned to appreciate," she admitted with a shy smile.

I nodded, fascinated by her. "So NYU, huh? That's where my friend Jasper is going, too. The one I was with earlier..." I informed her knowingly.

She raised a curious eyebrow and smiled back. Something flashed through her eyes, excitement maybe.

"Right! The abusive one," she smirked. "Are you transferring in, too?" she asked, seeming a bit thrilled by the idea.

I suddenly regretted not attending school last semester. I could have been out of high school right now. I rubbed the back of my neck and looked away from her.

"Nah, I'm not in school right now," I mumbled uncomfortably, taking a peek at her after I spoke.

Her eyes saddened a little and she nodded understandingly.

"Maybe next semester, then," she suggested, smiling brightly at me.

I nodded back in agreement. Maybe I could be done with high school by then....

I thought through it, trying to figure out if it was possible. Suddenly, I wanted to be done with high school so I could tell her I was in college, like her. I wanted to impress her...

Chloe must have noticed I was thinking, because she went silent, looking over her menu.

The waiter came over with glasses of water and asked what we'd like for drinks and if we were ready to order.

I motioned for her to start, and she smiled, ordering a sandwich and a salad with just the water to drink. Healthy, I noted.

I ordered a hamburger and fries with a Coke.

Chloe straightened up in her seat and took a sip of her water before speaking again.

"So, if you aren't here for school, why are you here?" she wondered curiously.

Hell, she was a curious one, like Alice.... Only Chloe was more subtle about it.

I shrugged slowly. "Well, I actually live in Texas, currently...?" I mumbled under my breath.

Her eyes flickered up quickly to mine, confused.

_Yeah, you're probably wondering why I bothered asking you out if I'd never see you again. And why I told you I'm originally from Washington. I'm wondering the same things. _

My whole body seemed to slump a little at the thought of not seeing her again.

"Are you just visiting then?" She was fidgeting with the napkin in her hands, not looking at me.

"Kind of? My friend needed some support because of something that happened to his girlfriend, so I came to stay with him for as long as he needs me," I informed her honestly. I considered lying and saying I was moving here or had a job here, but something kept me being honest with this girl. Lies had done nothing good for me in Forks.

She seemed touched by my words and an approving smile tugged on her lips. "That's very considerate of you. You're a good friend to him," she said sweetly to me, causing my cheeks to flame again.

She chuckled at my blush and looked away, watching the people walking by outside.

"I try," I replied honestly, again.

"You guys seemed really close," she commented shyly. "Have you been friends a long time?"

I nodded, both in agreement and to confirm her question.

I took a drink of my Coke as my thoughts trailed to Jasper for a moment, wondering if he was all right.

Subtly, I slid my cell phone out of my pocket, just making sure I hadn't missed any calls. No calls. Interesting. Not that I was surprised, though. He probably wouldn't call even if he did need something. He wouldn't feel right interrupting my date.

I knew I probably shouldn't have left him alone. He was still a total mess. Though after seeing Alice, he did seem a bit more chipper.

"We are," I finally answered her. "We've had each other's backs for a while now. Been through a lot together..." I mumbled the last part quietly and a bit sadly.

Chloe's eyes softened.

"Well it all just strengthens your relationship, right?" she said, hoping she was right.

It _had_ strengthened our relationship. And us. Getting put in jail, fighting side by side, protecting each other... you couldn't _not_ have a bond after shit like that.

"It has," I confirmed.

I shrugged my jacket off as it suddenly seemed hotter. I wasn't actually sure if it was just me or the actual temperature in the restaurant. My hands were sweating, but they weren't hot.

Chloe's eyebrows moved together, thoughtfully. She reached over and touched my arm that was resting on the table.

My whole body jumped at the warm contact of her soft fingers. Holy shit! It was like I had been shocked.

I took a deep breath in and stared at her fingers, which ran over a long, faint scar on my arm.

"Sorry," she mumbled after she saw me jump. She was withdrawing her hand, but I grabbed it quickly.

"No!" I said a little too loudly and quickly, craving that incredibly insane feeling that had went through my body. It was amazing.

She grinned and didn't move her hand back to my arm, but left it in my hand.

This girl was holding my hand, making electric currents run through my body. And I had been being honest with her. Who the hell was she?! And how was I so lucky to be out with her!?

Her eyes scanned my arms. I knew she was looking at the faint scars. I didn't have as many as Jasper, but they were there. They had never really bothered me until right now. I was unsure of what her reaction to them would be.

"You have quite a few scars," she pointed out, "they seem like they're from a while ago, though. What are they from?" she asked, more openly than earlier. She seemed encouraged by the touch.

I was relieved by how she was reacting so far. She didn't sound like they were a big deal. Not yet, at least.

I chuckled a little bitterly. "Truthfully..." I started, running my thumb over the smooth skin on the back of her hand. She felt so soft and delicate. Her hands had never been scarred by anything other than paper cuts from book pages. I could tell just by feeling them.

"Well...fights," I frowned, keeping my eyes on our intertwined hands. God! Did I really just tell her that? Way to make a girl run off during the first date! Stupid!

"You probably didn't want to know that," I smirked, looking up at her.

"I wouldn't have asked, then," she said reassuringly, rolling her eyes dismissively. I watched her covering any feeling of surprise that I knew was there.

"I like that you aren't sugar coating anything, though. And anyway, I suppose that means if someone tries to mug us, you'll be able to protect me," she joked playfully, turning our hands. She began to have a thumb war with me.

"Definitely," I grinned back at her, relaxing a bit more. I didn't have to tell her about the gang yet. Thank God. Not yet.

She was definitely my kind of girl. I never knew I _had_ a kind. But if I did, I knew it was her.

We ate lunch and she told me about what she was hoping to major in at NYU. She said she was planning to be a math teacher, but for pleasure she was hoping to write on the side. She had originally just planned to write, but she wasn't sure about it, because it wasn't a career that would insure money or stability. So she had went with being a math teacher as her primary focus, and then was minoring in something for her writing.

She also said she hadn't had a problem with changing professions since she did "okay" in math. By what I had seen at her apartment, though, she did a little better than _okay_.

She told me a lot about NYU. I was sure she was trying to make it look good so I would consider going there. That made me feel a bit giddy, knowing she wanted me at her school. I didn't have the nerve to tell her I hadn't finished high school yet. I just...didn't want her to think I was dumb.

Apparently, she was a year older than me. She had started university here last year, and as I had suspected, she had taken summer courses as well. She was going into her sophomore year this year, but planned to continue summer courses, so she could graduate early, or pick up another minor.

She seemed really serious about her school. I thought maybe she was a bit of an overachiever because she took _a lot_ of courses, but I liked that about her. It fit her.

She also worked a part time job at a little book store down the street from her apartment, since she loved writing.

And now I was becoming even more nervous of what she would truly think of me after finding out what I was really like. No job, haven't finished high school...wanted murderer. Girls as smart as Chloe don't usually go running toward that kind of person.

After dinner, we walked toward the movie theater that, according to Chloe, wasn't too far. I hadn't let go of Chloe's hand the entire time. I was discovering a new respect for Jasper. No wonder he was losing it without Alice. She was his soul mate. I had just met this girl and I couldn't let her go, so it must have been pure torture for him.

As we walked through the busy streets, I stopped us to a halt at a little flower stand.

"Hmm," I hummed, looking over the hundreds of flowers. Go for a rose? Roses never go wrong, right?

I picked one out and paid the man.

"What are you doing?" Chloe asked shyly, blushing.

I smiled a crooked grin at her and gave her the rose.

"Still trying to make that good impression," I chuckled, winking playfully at her.

She took the rose and smelled it, looking down at her feet.

"Well you certainly are making it," she whispered, leaning into me as we walked.

Would it be weird to say I had never felt happier? Walking hand in hand with a girl I had just met, down streets I had never seen before, not knowing what in the world I was doing? I felt so... free. The pure simplicity of it made it the happiest moment of my life so far. Hell, I was sure I couldn't get ever be happier than this. The big, goofy grin wouldn't leave my face.

"So you don't have to tell me, but what happened to your friend's girlfriend?" Chloe asked carefully, searching my eyes to make sure it was okay. I squeezed her hand reassuringly.

"It's actually pretty crazy," I laughed, thinking about it. It really was insane. Who would have thought it was possible for someone to lose their memory twice? To forget two different lives, two different boyfriends? That rarely ever even happened once.

"Jasper, my friend, met this girl early this year. Right when they met, they instantly became a couple. I sat there and watched it happen. She just walked up to him and introduced herself and said 'We're going to be great, I know it.' But as he got to know her, he found out that she had lost her memory and that was why she had moved there."

I watched Chloe's reaction. She was staring at me patiently, listening carefully.

"Eventually, you know, she had a new life with all of us in Washington. They were better than ever and after graduation, they moved back here to New York, where her family was. They were barely here a few days before she bumped her head and regained her memory. But...when that happened, she forgot everything from when she had lost her memory before. So she can't remember anything from being in Washington with us. Yeah, it's pretty messed up," I said as her eyes widened, but then they filled with remorse.

"That's so sad," she whispered, the sides of her lips tilting down into a frown.

"Yeah... worst part is, she now remembers her old boyfriend, Spencer Wright. And he accepted her back with open arms," I grumbled a bit, even though I was getting over blaming him. It sucked for Jasper, though, and my loyalty would always be with him.

"Spencer Wright..." Chloe murmured, like she thought it was familiar. "The fashion designer?" she questioned me, her eyes widening even more.

"Yep," I popped the P on the word. Chloe frowned at that.

"Poor Jasper..." she said quietly to me. I nodded. Poor Jasper was right.

"The sad part is, Alice and Jasper were perfect. They were... I don't know... soul mates. I never really believed in a love like that 'til I saw them and got to know her better, you know?" I admitted.

"I had just never seen someone who loved someone else so damn much. You could feel it when you saw them. I know they are meant for each other, but she can't even remember all of that. Right now she has the picture perfect Spencer Wright, her life time boyfriend. What can compete with that, right?" I ranted, sounding a bit bitter. Why was I being so open...? I gave her a sheepish smile.

"Sorry," I mumbled an apology for my rambling, but she rolled her eyes at me.

"It's fine. You can tell me what's on your mind. I don't mind. I think it's great that you feel so passionately about it. I can tell how much you care about them," Chloe shrugged. She led us to a bench in front of the movie theater.

"Aren't we going in?" I questioned her as she plopped herself down onto the bench.

"Can we just sit and talk? I wanna hear more about you and your friend, if that's okay," she asked, interested. Genuine concern was evident in her voice.

I blinked at her in confusion, standing in front of her, frozen with shock. No one had ever wanted to hear more about me...

She smiled sweetly at me, patting the seat beside her.

I sat down slowly beside her, still puzzled and shocked by the fact that she wanted to talk about what I was feeling.

"W-well, I don't know. It's just sad, you know? They lost all of those months together because of a bump on the head. Jasper deserves her after everything he has gone through. I know Spencer loves her and all...but really, it's not the same. They don't have the same passion and connection...." I told her, frowning deeply at the thoughts I hadn't spoken out loud yet to anyone. Not even Jasper.

Chloe took our intertwined hands and put them on her lap.

"That's not fair. True love should never be torn apart like that," she whispered thoughtfully.

"I know... the doctors are hoping her memories will return. But that takes time."

"I hope she does remember," Chloe told me, looking very sincere. I smiled at how much she truly seemed to care.

"Me too," I breathed, looking ahead of us, watching the craziness of the streets.

I felt Chloe shiver beside me and I frowned at how inconsiderate I had been. She didn't even have a jacket on.

I let go of her hand for a moment, causing her to frown at the loss of connection.

_Oh trust me, I know how you feel, sweetheart. _

_What the hell did I just think? Sweetheart?! I'm losing it._

I slid my jacket off. "Here, I should have noticed you weren't wearing a jacket. Sorry about that," I apologized.

"No, I'm fine. Really," she insisted, squirming when I tried to put it on her. I glared a bit, but not angrily.

"Put it on? Please?" I asked her with a pout.

She looked at me and smirked at the sight of a full grown guy pouting. I'm sure it was amusing.

"Fine," she huffed and I helped her put it on. I laughed at the sight. The arms were huge on her. She seemed to be drowning in the jacket, but she cuddled into it. She looked much more comfortable.

"What about you? Aren't you going to get cold?" she asked, concerned about taking my jacket from me.

"I think I'll be okay," I chuckled, sending her a reassuring wink.

I let go of my jacket on her and wrapped my arm slowly around her shoulder, pausing to make sure it was okay with her. She snuggled closer to me, telling me it was fine.

She took a deep breath, closing her eyes. I tilted my head curiously, watching her. Her head fell onto my shoulder, carefully at first, but then she continued with the deep breaths, slowing easing into being more relaxed.

Once her eyes opened, she gasped, realizing I had been watching her. Her cheeks blushed into a deep red. Blushes were a popular thing with us tonight.

"I-I," she started, but broke out into the cutest laughing fit I had ever seen.

"You smell _so_ good!" she admitted through the giggles, causing me to laugh. That did a lot for my ego.

I turned my eyes from her for a moment, grinning, staring into the street. What could bring me down from this high? I felt so alive, like nothing I had ever felt before.

Hard hazel eyes.

A taxi slowed as it came to a traffic light. That's all I could see through the window. A pair of hard, hazel eyes.

Was I hallucinating? It couldn't be him. My whole body stiffened. Hell, no.

I closed my eyes tightly and reopened them. The taxi was gone. My body froze. Was I imagining that? Was he actually there?! No that wasn't possible. Why would he be in New York? It was just the past creeping up on me, trying to freak me out.

"Hey," Chloe cooed, laying a hand on my right chest plate. "You all right?" she asked, tapping my chest gently.

"Hmm?" I slowly looked down at her. I was trying as hard as I could to figure out it if was him or not. It was probably just my crazy emotions and thoughts today. I shook it off and smiled a small smile at Chloe.

"Sorry, just thought I saw someone I used to know," I explained quickly, giving her an apologetic look. Someone who better not show his face around us ever again... I didn't know what would happen if he ever did.

He wouldn't, though, I assured myself, looking back at Chloe.

"So, Chloe, tell me more about yourself," I encouraged her, coaxing more information out of her.

We ended up sitting on that bench for two hours straight, not even realizing the sky darkening.

Every word I heard about her seemed to make me...like her... even more than I did before. How she spoke, the stories of her first year at NYU and high school years... she was the best story teller I had ever met.

And her laugh, oh God, her laugh. She didn't laugh very much, but when she did, I couldn't stop grinning. I couldn't keep my heart steady. And she was so beautiful. When she tucked her silky hair behind her ear, it made me swoon. Yes, I Nicholas Ryder Graham, was swooning over a girl. I...I didn't understand it. But I went with it, for now, at least. It was too good not to.

The hard part was bringing her back to her apartment at the end of the night.

We rode up the elevator in silence. I nervously moved from my heels to my toes, slowly watching the lights on the elevator tell me which floors we had made it to. Finally, the sixth floor came and the doors opened. I very vaguely felt Chloe's hand grip mine.

We walked, or more like dragged, our feet very slowly to her apartment door. She dropped her head down to the floor, turning to face me. I heard her sigh very quietly, sounding sad.

"I...I had a fun time with you, Nick," she admitted, still looking at the floor. I could see her cheeks blushing.

I tugged her closer, but slowly, only wanting to hug her if she wanted it, too.

She stepped forward and into my awaiting arms. I squeezed her tightly into me. For some reason, I had an urge to protect her. I had gotten to know her a lot throughout the night, but there was still a lot about each other that we didn't know. Something about the way her eyes looked sometimes made me wonder about her. I felt like there was still something she was holding back about.

_Well, you're holding back a lot of shit, too. It's only the first date...._ I reminded myself.

She relaxed into my chest for a short moment before straightening up and pulling back.

"Thanks," she smiled shyly at me, putting the key into the door lock.

"Anytime," I vowed, wanting nothing more than to spend another night with her.

She turned the handle of her door and pushed it open a bit, looking back at me.

I took a deep breath and took a big chance. I took the leap. I leaned forward and pecked her cheek, very lightly.

Chloe's eyes flashed to mine, searching them, and then a small, adorable smile tugged up onto her lips.

"I'll call you?" I offered. Only if she wanted me to, though.

She nodded silently and reached down to squeeze my hand one more time. Such a weird feeling. I was still getting used to the electric, tingling feeling I got from her.

"Good night," she whispered and then entered her apartment. She didn't shut the door right away, though. She stood there for a moment, looking like a shy little girl, but with the most adorable smile on her lips.

"Good night, Chloe," I breathed back. Then the door shut.

I took the deepest breath, trying to work up the strength to walk away from her door. I could see her again, right?

Jeez Nick, be a man. Don't let a girl turn you into a sap like that! I urged myself, getting myself to walk past the door and into the elevator.

I slumped back against the wall, letting my head drop back, breathing deeply.

What was happening to me? I didn't like girls this way. That wasn't me. I liked girls, I'm a guy, obviously I liked girls. But not the head over heels, sweaty palms kind of like! That was for people like Jasper and Spencer... people that knew how to love people.

I couldn't love.

I scoffed at the thought. That's why I had never bothered. I didn't know what love was, really.

I had never been loved. I had never learned how to love. I... just didn't know how to feel things like that. Not even things that would lead up to love. It was such a foreign feeling. It was starting to stress me out. Damn it, why was I feeling this way? How was it even possible?

Was Jasper right? Did I have a ...crush? That was so juvenile, though. I wasn't ten. Even if I did have a crush, _if_ I did, I wouldn't know what to do. I wasn't a gentleman or even boyfriend material. I was a hot tempered criminal...I didn't know a thing about real feelings.

I took a cab back to Jasper's place. My head was too deep in thought to even notice a thing about what the hell was happening around me.

It was all a blur as I walked through the building and up to Jasper's condo. How was it that after all these years, a girl could bring these feelings in me to life? One girl. One moment. And everything in me seemed to change. It was a scary thought.

I couldn't tell if I liked it or not.

_APOV_

I felt my hand reaching out to stop Jasper, but then I dropped it, wondering why I had done that. I watched him walk away and waited until he was out of sight before comforting Spencer.

I looked up at him. He dropped his head onto my shoulder, his breathing uneven. He took a deep breath, trying to stay in control of his voice.

"Look at me, sweetheart," I whispered, stroking his hair soothingly.

He sniffed sharply and obeyed, looking into my eyes. His eyes were tearing up, the most broken look I've ever seen in his eyes. As his eyes connected with mine, I felt his body giving out. He gave up in that moment.

"I-I don't know why he hates me!" Spencer whispered, the anger and pain taking him over.

"He doesn't hate you, baby," I assured him, kissing his cheek tenderly, wiping some of the tears off his face with my nose.

Spencer's jaw muscles flexed and he shook his head.

"Yes he does," he argued, which surprised me. I felt my eyes widen a bit.

Spencer just continued, shaking his head.

"I try... I do, Alice. I don't even care about basketball..." Spencer's tone changed back to sad, his eyes pleading with mine to understand.

I hugged him closer to me, kissing all over his face, trying to calm him down as his sobs increased.

"I know you do, Spence," I replied softly, pausing my kisses to look into his broken eyes...the ones that usually danced with laughter.

"It isn't your fault," I promised him, looking him hard in the eye so he would believe me.

"Yes it is! He loves everyone but me. _Everybody_, Alice!" He choked on his sobs, coughing into his hand, trying to regain control of himself. He looked like he was being suffocated by his sobs.

I let him go, but only for a short moment before taking his face in my hands.

I felt my heart breaking as I continued to gaze into those eyes. He deserved so much more than this... he was so great to everyone. He was successful and kind. No matter what the situation, he was always understanding. He respected adults and women... he was a good person. How could a father ask for more from his son? It just wasn't right.

"Spencer, Jim is a jerk. You know that better than anyone. And, baby, you don't deserve the way he treats you. You are a good man and the greatest son anyone could ask for," I said to him, stroking his cheeks with my thumbs, trying desperately to stop his tears. Every one of his tears hit me like a bullet.

He closed his eyes against the touch, taking deep, uneven breaths.

"I j-just want him to like me..."

He didn't bother opening his eyes. His tears were still leaking out of the side of them. I felt my own tears starting at the sound of his voice...he sounded so weak and defeated.

"I know you do, baby," I whispered, wrapping my arms around his neck again, pulling him down to me.

This time his arms wrapped around me as well. He hugged me tightly, hiding his head in the crook of my neck. He cried into my neck, not saying anything, just holding onto me for dear life.

"Shh, baby, shh," I cooed, kissing his neck softly.

Spencer's cries calmed a bit after a few minutes and he took a deep breath. He straightened up, stray tears still falling down his face. He didn't look any better than earlier, though. He was just holding back now.

"I thought he was going to show up this time.... He promised...." Spencer admitted, wiping his face, looking ashamed that he would actually believe something like that.

He had the right to believe that his father would give him a chance, though. Sometimes I wished Spencer would just start to hate Jim as much as Jim seemed to hate him. I cringed at just the thought of Jim hating Spencer. I just didn't get it.

Spencer pressed his forehead to mine, gazing into my eyes.

"I guess it was my fault for being stupid, thinking he actually cared," he scoffed bitterly, his eyes hardening.

I frowned at that. It always had to be his fault, didn't it?

"No," I growled at him, causing him to flinch. "Stop blaming yourself for other people's mistakes, Spencer," I begged him, giving him a broken look.

Spencer winced at that, wiping off the tears that had fallen onto my cheeks with his lips, kissing them away.

"Sorry..." he said very quietly, not sounding sorry though.

I sighed to myself. I could kill Jim right now!

"Come on, let's go to your room," I murmured to him, letting go of his neck.

He nodded mutely, sniffing back tears as I wrapped my arm around his waist and tugged him to start walking. He didn't move, though. He stared into the fish pond, seeming to be in deep thought.

I paused, not pushing him. I watched tears trickle down his cheeks as he watched the fish swim freely.

Without speaking, he pulled himself out of my grip and stepped to the fish pond, kneeling down, not even blinking. He reached into his jacket pocket, his head down and tears dripping into the fish pond.

I walked closer, kneeling down beside him, rubbing his back. I looked at what he held in his hand and noticed the bottle of pills he was taking for depression. I thought he was going to take one, but instead he took the cap off and started dumping the pills in the water.

My hand flashed out and grabbed his hand and the bottle.

"What are you doing, Spencer?" I asked him in confusion. He needed those right now more than ever.

Spencer just glared at the bottle in his hand and then looked me straight in the eyes.

"I am not weak," he stated firmly. His words were strong and sure, but his eyes were still the eyes of a broken little boy.

I kept his hand locked in mine, stopping him from ruining his pills.

"I didn't say you were, Spence. No one did. No one that matters. You need those. Not because you are weak, but because you are strong enough to admit that you need help. Stop listening to Jim. Listen to me right now," I demanded of him, frustration obvious in my voice. There had been so many years of me telling him the same thing.

Spencer let me take the pills and dropped the lid into my hand, not saying a word. I knew he believed me, or at least enough to trust my word for the moment. But then his mood made a flying change.

"I don't need any fucking help," he grumbled and got up, walking away from me.

My eyes grew wide in shock. Spencer never cursed. Ever. And especially not at me. He thought it was disrespectful.

I followed him in a rush, grabbing onto his hand and making him stop.

"You swore," I breathed, feeling even more upset now than before.

Spencer's eyes were struggling and I felt his hand shaking in mine. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. His eyes turned confused, realizing what he had said.

"It's okay," I assured him. I put his pills in my pocket and took his other hand in mine, bringing both of his hands up to kiss them.

"I-I'm sorry," he stuttered, his voice showing how utterly shocked he was that he had cursed. "I didn't mean to say that to you, baby."

His eyes pleaded with me for forgiveness as he squeezed my hands.

I smiled sadly at him and tiptoed up so I could peck his lips. Instead of pulling back, Spencer's hands pulled out of mine and he grabbed my hips, pulling me into him. He locked his lips with mine, keeping me in the kiss.

My eyes whipped open, stunned. When they were open, I was trapped by Spencer's. The passion in them was so intense that I couldn't pull back, even if I wasn't sure if this was right when he was so upset.

I reached up and combed through his hair with my fingers, letting my eyes flutter shut at the feeling of his lips sucking on my bottom lip.

"Let's go to bed," he whispered breathlessly after a few minutes of the intense kiss.

My eyes widened at the sound of his voice. He had been pushing me away so much lately that I didn't think he would ever be ready.

His knee-weakening smile took over his face. He took my hand, dragging me forward. I jogged to catch up to him, but I noticed his eyes were still full of pain, making me even more uncertain about this.

"Spencer," I said, still walking quickly with him.

"Hush, baby," he insisted, knowing exactly what I was going to say. He didn't want to hear it.

I rolled my eyes at him. Well if that's what he wants, then fine....

We walked to the porch where Olivia was sitting on the phone with someone. Her head popped up, looking at us. She looked over Spencer closely. I noticed her whole body relax when she saw his smile.

"Hey Mom, we are going to bed. So... goodnight," he said in a rush of words, leaning over to peck her cheek.

He straightened up and pulled me forward with him. Olivia chuckled to herself, obviously happy her son was acting at least a bit like his normal self.

"All right, dear. Goodnight. I love you," she called to us. I noticed Spencer's eyes soften at her words and he stopped rushing us.

"Love you too, Mom." He smiled to himself at the words.

I squeezed his hand reassuringly. That's right baby, people do love you.

I leaned up and kissed his cheek, causing his smile to stretch and the pain in his eyes to decrease a bit.

Spencer pulled us forward now, but didn't walk toward the stairs. He led us into the kitchen.

I didn't say anything. I felt a little more calm, actually. He wasn't rushing us to bed, which meant he was feeling a little better, I assumed.

He opened the large walk-in fridge that his parents had in the kitchen for the cooks. He pulled us into it and walked around, looking for something. I felt my skin prickling at the sudden coolness.

He came to a shelf of beer, took one off of the shelf, and turned us around again.

Spencer didn't drink much. Only at events, or at dinners with the family, and that was usually just champagne or wine. He wasn't the kind to just drink beer. He didn't even _like_ beer that much.

"Honey?" I questioned him very softly, as he shut the fridge door behind us.

He let go of my hand and took the bottle opener to it, opening the beer.

"Just thirsty, hun," he said nonchalantly, taking a swig of the beer. He let out a breath and took my hand, grinning.

This wasn't Spencer...

I followed him though, as he led us into his room. I knew he was just trying to get over tonight. He just didn't know how.

He led us into his room, shutting the door and locking it behind us. I felt my stomach tighten when he did that. I ran a hand through my hair, suddenly feeling stressed and worried. I sat down on his bed, taking off my shoes and socks.

Spencer took a long sip of his drink and then put it down on the night table. He took off his own shoes and socks and then stopped to look at me. His eyes searched mine and then he frowned.

"What's wrong?" he whispered, sadness filling his voice.

He took off his jacket, not breaking his eye contact with me though, concern taking over his eyes. I knew I must have looked troubled, which wasn't what he probably thought I'd look like once he finally gave in.

"You aren't acting like yourself," I shrugged, ducking my head down. I really didn't want to hurt him right now, or break his almost happy mood.

I frowned, cringing in the silence that followed my comment. I watched Spencer's feet as he walked to me.

He ran a hair through my hair and I looked up. He looked thoughtful, much more like himself.

"I know..." he whispered, frowning once he saw the sad look on my face. He ran his thumb over my bottom lip, and sighed. "I just don't want to be me right now," he admitted. Then he crushed his lips against mine almost roughly, desperately.

He was opening up to me, exactly what I want him to do. So why did this still feel like the wrong time?

I pulled back and bit my lip, giving him a funny look as I reached up for his face. He leaned down so I could touch it.

I ran my hand across his cheek and then went to his ear, tugging on his earlobe playfully.

"But I only want to be with _you,_ Spencer. Not someone else," I told him truthfully, causing a smile to break across his face.

Before I knew it, his lips were back on mine, pushing me down on the bed. He hovered over me, kissing me intensely, like earlier.

"I love you, Alice," he breathed in the one moment where he pulled up for a breath. Then he captured my lips with his again before I could reply.

He sat up for a moment, his legs on each side of my hips, trapping me. He pulled his shirt off, winking playfully at me.

"Your turn," he smirked, running his hands along my sides, stopping at the hem of my shirt. But being the gentlemen he was, he paused, waiting for my permission.

"What would Spencer do?" I asked him, giving him a teasing look.

He looked like he was thinking for a moment before he began to tug my shirt off. I sat up a bit so he could get it off all the way. He dropped the shirt onto the floor and looked at me, letting out a wistful sigh.

He reached over for his beer and took another gulp of it, making me hold back a frown.

He then put the bottle back on the nightstand and leaned down, kissing his way up my neck to my lips.

I opened my mouth for him, but I could taste of the overpowering taste of beer. It didn't taste like his minty taste. It didn't taste like _him._

I groaned a bit and Spencer automatically knew it wasn't a good groan. He lifted up, pecking my lips once more before giving me a long, questioning look.

I wrinkled my nose. "You taste like beer," I informed him and his eyes widened in understanding.

"Oh," he chuckled and put up a finger to me, telling me to hold on a second.

He reached over once again to the nightstand, opening one of the drawers. He took out a little metal container and opened the lid. It was filled with mints.

I giggled. That was the Spencer I knew.

He popped two into his mouth and chewed them quickly, putting the container on top of the stand. He looked impatient as he chewed it.

I just rolled my eyes and grabbed his shoulder, pulling him down to me. My tongue swept into his mouth, tasting the fresh mint, moaning at the taste.

"Better?" he asked breathlessly, after a long kiss.

I nodded happily, kissing his jaw and up to his ear, taking his earlobe into my mouth. I nibbled on it, grazing my teeth over it.

Spencer's hand ran over my leg, tugging it so it would wrap around him. I did what he wanted, happy to oblige.

I let go of his ear and he swooped down, kissing my collarbone, planting wet kisses up it until he stopped at my neck. He began sucking hungrily on it, causing me to moan. His hands ran all over me.

Why did this feel... wrong? I suddenly wondered when my stomach began to tighten again.

He wasn't being himself tonight. That's why this wasn't right, right? Part of me wanted to push him away while the hormonal teenage girl in me wanted to keep going.

His hands stopped roaming and his fingers intertwined with mine. I tilted my head slightly toward him and he automatically stopped working on my neck. He glanced up. He always knew what I wanted. Every move I made, he worked around. He was so perfect, yet he always felt like he wasn't....

He smiled happily, making me not want to do what I was about to.

But before I could speak he sat up, grabbed another mint, and began chewing it. I didn't know why, but I couldn't stop staring. I couldn't even move my mouth. I just gazed.

He chewed the mint slowly. He was thinking, but it was just him. How he did things just made me want him....

I sighed and shook my head. I was torn. I couldn't even make up my own mind.

Spencer was finishing his mint as he leaned back down and pecked my lips.

"It's all up to you, sweetheart," he assured me, somehow knowing exactly what was up.

I ran my hand down his chest, noticing that it still felt incredibly smooth. Unreal. Like it was missing something?

I shook the thought out of my mind and tried to clear my head.

"When you feel better?" I offered, uncertain if I should say it or not.

He smiled widely at me and kissed me softly for a moment.

"Whatever you want, baby," he said, getting up off the bed. He offered me his hand and I accepted it.

He led us to the closet, grabbing some clothes for bed. I went to the bathroom and changed into shorts and a tank top. Then I took my sleeping pills and hurried back out of the bathroom.

When I came out, Spencer was sitting on his bed in his usual sweat pants.

I heard him groan and my head shot up, wondering what was wrong.

"You have to wear _those_ tonight? Are you sure we can't tonight?" he teased, looking me up and down, his eyes full of desire.

I giggled and rolled my eyes playfully at him.

I jumped onto the bed, pulling the covers up so we could slip under.

"I'm teaching you a good lesson, controlling your urges," I told him, a smug little smirk raising on my lips.

Spencer looked like he had just been challenged.

"What if I don't want to 'control my urges?'" he asked playfully, grabbing my hips and grinding into me.

I gasped in surprise and he caught my lips in his, silencing me. He held me tight against him, my body folding into his. I wanted him. I did. I really did.

But some part of me knew it wasn't right.

Finally, I pulled back and hit his chest playfully before kissing him passionately again.

"Too bad," I said in an official voice, taking his hands off of my hips and wrapping them around myself.

Spencer didn't mind at all. He just snuggled into me, nuzzling my neck.

"Thanks, hun," he whispered gratefully. I looked at him adoringly and kissed his lips.

"Just be you and that's all I could ever ask for," I whispered back, cuddling back into him.

"Okay," he kissed my temple. I noticed his eyes fluttering a bit.

"You okay, Spence?" I asked him, running my fingers across his cheek.

"Just fine. Did you take your pills, baby?" he asked, like every night, making sure I wouldn't have one of my 'future' dreams.

"Yep," I assured him, closing my eyes. No one said anything else after this.

I knew Spencer was exhausted. Too much had happened to him tonight. I ran my hand up and down his back soothingly, hoping he could go to sleep without thinking too much about Jim.

Soon enough, he was breathing evenly and deeply, in a peaceful slumber.

I sighed to myself in relief. Thank God he was sleeping.

I very carefully got out of bed, grabbing the almost empty bottle of beer. I walked through the dark to the bathroom and dumped the rest of it into the sink, my nose wrinkling at the smell of it lingering. I ran the water to rinse it, then dropped it the bottle into the trash can.

Stupid stuff, making his mouth taste funny... I thought in annoyance.

I wrapped a bathrobe around myself and very quietly left Spencer's room, needing a drink, (something nonalcoholic), of my own.

I tiptoed down the stairs, unsure if Olivia and Jim had headed to bed yet. Once I got into the kitchen, I had my answer.

Jim sat at the table, reading a sports magazine while eating a piece of cake.

My nose wrinkled involuntarily, not able to stop myself as the anger started to pump through me. Jim looked up at me.

"Oh, Alice. I didn't know you were here. Join me?" he offered, pointing to the rest of the cake.

Why was he so nice to me!? Screw me, be nice to your son!

I took a seat beside him and he poured a glass of milk for me.

"I need to talk to you," I said seriously, looking him straight in the eye.

He frowned at that, obviously knowing what was coming.

"All right," he sighed, "Go ahead and yell at me," he shrugged, sitting back in his chair, dropping his magazine to the table.

His nonchalance about the situation made me even more angry. I took a sip of my milk, needing the drink.

"Why couldn't you just show up to one little basketball game?! You go to them all the time anyways. And then the one time your son wants to go, you ditch! You know, all he ever does is try to make you like him. At least give him a chance!" I went straight to business, catching him off guard.

He frowned at my words, but shrugged again.

"It's complicated," he stated shortly, taking a bite of his cake.

I felt like I was on fire at how angry I was at that moment. Complicated?!

"It's complicated? That's all you have to say? You break him to pieces every day and he puts up with it and all he wants in return is this one chance! And your excuse is 'It's complicated?!'" I shouted at him, forgetting Spencer was asleep.

Jim didn't seem taken aback by my words. I was sure he had heard something from Olivia when he had gotten home. I had seen the concern and sadness in her eyes. She knew Spencer was amazing, just like I knew it.

"Yes. And if you knew the reasons, you wouldn't be complaining right now. I have the right to treat him how I like and I will. So what if I am tough on the kid? He needs it," Jim said, standing up from the table, annoyance growing in his eyes.

I gave him the iciest look I could and stood up with him.

"There is no reason good enough in the world to treat him like that. And just so you know, you don't have the right to treat him that way. He has _never_ done anything wrong to you," I hissed at him, trying to keep from yelling, but it was rather hard.

Jim sighed and rubbed his eyes, looking tired.

"Well I'm sorry. I am who I am," he said and then left the room without saying anything more.

I huffed loudly and fell back into my chair. Why couldn't I do anything more?! He was impossible.

The door of the kitchen cracked open and Olivia walked in. She walked straight to me and kissed my cheek in a motherly way.

"I know it's hard, dear. He'll crack one day," she encouraged me, letting me know she was giving him just as hard a time as I was.

I just nodded and grabbed my glass of milk, getting up.

"I'd better get back to bed before Spencer notices," I whispered, defeat obvious in my voice. How could Jim be so cold?

I just wanted Spencer to be happy.

**Author's note: Who already adores Nick and Chloe put up your hand! *Lucy and Lina's hands fly up* But can Nick handle a relationship...? Will it work? AND Spencer....my poor poor Spencer! If I didn't have as much control as I do I think I would get Jim murdered a very long and painful death RIGHT NOW. Don't worry we love you Spence. Well at least...some of us... lol. Well I hope you guys enjoyed another chapter of Forgotten Hope, leave the love. Write a review! :) **


	10. New Feelings

**Author's Note: Hello world! Here is your weekly dose of Hope. Enjoy!**

Forgotten Hope Chapter 10- New Feelings

_JPOV_

I was lying on the couch, staring at the patterns on the ceiling. It was odd... every time I made a shape, it would be related to Alice. I swear I had found the exact shape of her face.

I chuckled softly to myself. Was I really that obsessed? So focused on one thing at all times? But I didn't mind. I couldn't mind. How could I mind Alice always being the main thing on my mind?

Right as I was about to turn the TV on, the front door flew open to reveal Nick standing in the doorway. He didn't seem to notice me, though. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes were shining. Nick was _beaming_.

He walked through the door, seeming to be on cloud nine. He was totally floating on air.

"How was the date?" I asked slowly. My voice sounded more amused and teasing than I had intended.

Nick flopped down onto the couch with me. He ran both of his hands through his hair, causing it to stand on end.

"The best night of my life, Jasper. She is _amazing_," Nick breathed in happiness.

I sat up beside him. His happiness was contagious as it radiated off of him.

We had both spent our nights with amazing girls... but this was huge for Nick. He had just admitted to liking a girl. And thinking that she was amazing. This was not the Nick I knew.

"Best night of your _whole_ life?" I questioned in disbelief, watching his reaction carefully.

Nick's eyes flashed with an even happier look as he remembered moments of his night.

He groaned, seeming overwhelmed. "Best freakin' night ever!" he confirmed.

"So you like her?" I wondered, already knowing the answer.

Nick was silent for a moment. He put his head in his hands and leaned forward, his elbows on his knees as he took a deep breath.

"I think I do..." he whispered wistfully.

His body language didn't match the excitement in his voice, though. I wondered why he looked so stressed if he was as happy as he was saying?

"You all right man?" I asked, patting his shoulder supportively.

Nick sighed. Something was wrong. I knew it.

I frowned. Why couldn't things just be good for him for once? He deserved it after everything he had done and gone through...

His voice was strained as he spoke.

"I don't know, Jasper. I like her. I mean... I think I do, at least. But...I...I..." he stammered on, looking so defeated and powerless.

He breathed deep and then let his words out in one fast breath.

"I don't know how to like someone!" he admitted, looking at the ground, not even blinking.

I knew what he meant. He didn't know what to do with that feeling.

I remembered when I first met Alice... I didn't understand what on earth I was feeling for her. I knew now it was love.

I wasn't saying Nick loved Chloe, though. We'd get there when the time was right. For now we were just going to deal with "like".

"I know what you mean, but it comes to you. It'll come as you spend time with her," I assured him.

Nick didn't seem satisfied with my answer. He threw his hands into the air and looked at me.

"No!" he grumbled, "I can't just spend time with her and _hope_ I do something right. I have to _know_ how to do this! I need to know how to be good for her and like her the right way. I can't mess this up, Jasper." His panicked eyes burned into my calmer ones.

I let him calm down slightly before I spoke. I watched his eyes slowly become less panicked as I stared at him very calmly. He knew I was waiting.

The panic in his eyes had started to diminish, but it was only because of the heavy stress that was taking over, replacing it. It was strange how I could literally see it starting to push him down.

"Nicholas..." I warned him slowly as I noticed his fists starting to clench under the weight. His fingers were trembling.

I was not letting him lose control. It wouldn't help him later.

"I don't know, Jasper. I need a smoke or a drink...something," he mumbled, not meeting my eyes. He hated not being in control of his emotions.

Oh, I had been there. It wasn't easy to be numb when she was around. And now Nick was figuring that out for himself.

He was beginning to get up when I grabbed his wrist roughly, yanking him back down.

"Shut up and sit down. Don't be afraid to feel that stuff. You do not need to get numb," I told him firmly.

I didn't want him doing that stuff for two reasons. The first being that it wouldn't fix anything and could possibly just make things worse. And the second one... I didn't want him drinking or smoking in Alice's apartment.

Nick looked at me, pissed. "I don't want to do it to get numb," he said defensively. His eyes gave it all away as he sat there, looking like a guilty child.

I took a breath and looked him straight in the eyes, raising a skeptic eyebrow. "Then why'd you say you needed it?"

"Shut up," Nick growled, leaning back into the couch. He was admitting that I was right. "This shit is just so messed up. I don't know how to do this."

"It's worth it. Like you said, it was the best night ever. It's a good feeling," I assured him, leaning back like him, staring blankly at the black screen of the TV.

"Yeah," he breathed quietly.

"Liking someone is complicated and sometimes painful, Nick. But not taking this chance could be a lot more painful in the long run. So what if you're in control on your own? It's worth being out of control for a little while if it feels good. It's... a good feeling to know that you have that special someone to lean on and trust and help you make decisions. And it's better than being numb for sure," I told him, still staring ahead.

Nick sighed beside me and nodded.

"I guess it could be..." he agreed, hesitantly. "It's just... different. I'm afraid I'll do something wrong, you know? I feel like I'm out of her league... " Nick sounded far away.

"You think I'm not out of Alice's league? If she likes you back, don't question it. Just take it for what it is and be grateful for it," I told him.

"She's just so... perfect..." he said. I noticed his eyes glazing over slightly as I glanced at him.

"Now who's the lover boy?" I snorted.

I felt a sharp pain in my shoulder as Nick punched me.

"Screw you," he chuckled in amusement. Then he changed tones, back to serious.

"You know what's weird though?" His eyes met mine.

"Hmm?"

"The feeling when she touches me. It's electric. Like they say in movies and stuff.... It was tingly and the most powerful thing I've ever felt. Weird right?" Nick opened up to me, his voice strong and full of adoration for her.

I chuckled to myself. "It is a pretty great feeling, huh?"

"Mind blowing!" Nick said loudly, his voice full of happiness again. He smiled and we were both quiet, lost in our own thoughts.

A few minutes later, Nick broke the silence.

"Oh. Hey, you never called. Were you okay all night?" he asked suddenly, sounding ashamed that he hadn't asked me yet.

"Mm-hmm," I murmured.

"What'd you do all night?" he asked slowly. Obviously he thought I had moped around all night, because guilt was growing in his eyes every second.

"Well, while you were out with your love, I was out with _mine_," I answered casually, hardly being able to hold back my goofy grin.

Nick gaped at me, his eyes widening.

"No way?" he said, his tone curious.

"Yep," I chuckled. "She called me a few minutes after you left. I went over and we talked... it was really good. I swear, sometimes things are clearer for her, you know? Sometimes she knows things, but she just doesn't _know_ she knows it. Like... she just needs a little shove in the right direction. I can see it in her eyes... they look like she understands sometimes..." I rambled my excitement of the night out on him.

I was sure that things were becoming clearer for her. Like the way she saw and knew how protective I was of her... and when she thought that Nick dating wasn't normal. She _knew_ things... deep down...

Nick looked thoughtful for a moment, then suddenly hesitant.

"I hope so," he muttered, obviously not wanting me to get my hopes up on it. But then his tone changed into sadness. "I really do miss her."

"Mack called her," I informed him.

Nick's head shot up as he mumbled, "Oh, shit."

I nodded slowly, knowing exactly what he meant. Alice was important to Mack. He saved her and she saved him. There was a bond that the two of them had formed when everything was going on that was huge. I wouldn't exactly say that I approved of it, but Alice was way too stubborn for me to even try. Plus... she sort of knew him better than I did, now. I had never known about Katie. She trusted Mack, and I trusted her.

"What did Alice say?" Nick asked me, wincing as he waited for my response, already expecting it went bad.

I shrugged. "Nothing, really. She wanted to ask me about him... but then the subject kind of changed," I explained.

Nick just nodded slowly, pondering.

"Think Mack's okay?" he wondered out loud.

I ran a stressful hand through my dishevelled curls.

"Honestly... who knows? It's Mack. He changes in seconds," I said.

It was true as I knew him. But I also supposed that I never really _knew_ him. The guy I knew was unstable and didn't have a mind of his own. Little had I known that he had graduated with honors. Or that he was mourning the death of his long time girlfriend while being manipulated by Greg into thinking that Greg was helping him heal.

Alice knew, though. And I hadn't had a clue.

Nick nodded, seeming deep in thought. He looked distracted as his eyes narrowed. A hateful look was starting to burn in his eyes. I knew that look. He was thinking about Greg.

"Let's not worry about him," I said quickly, patting his knee and getting up, grabbing two sodas out of the fridge. "We both had a good night and we are not ruining it now," I decided in an official voice.

Nick's expression lightened and he smiled in agreement, taking the can out of my hand.

The rest of the night we just hung out in the living room. My thoughts were consumed by Alice and I knew Nick was thinking about Chloe.

We sat with identical smiles and watched sports until we couldn't focus on the TV screen anymore.

_________________________________________________________________

The next two days passed by easier than the days had before. The thoughts and memories of that night with Alice kept me at peace. I visited her at work once more and she seemed genuinely happy when I arrived. That made my hopes rise even more than they already had.

Today, Carlisle and Emmett would be showing up. They had taken a late flight in last night and would be arriving later today. Carlisle's first stop would be Alice's house. Obviously. After that, he said he was going to drop Emmett off and go for dinner at the Cullens' house. He said that Emmett wanted to come here for dinner.

This was probably better. More time to plan on how we were telling Carlisle that I had broken my best friend out of jail and sent him to Texas.

Yeah... I had a feeling that would turn out just peachy... maybe we could just hide Nick in the closet for tonight.

At the moment, I was cleaning up around the apartment. Apparently I had let it get pretty gross while I was moping. There were clothes lying on the floor beside the couch, since I still had not went into Alice and my room. That might be a problem tonight....

I took a deep breath, thinking it through. Nick had been staying in the guest room, but we'd put Carlisle in there tonight. We had two fairly large couches that Nick and Emmett could sleep on... so would I have to go into our room? _Someone_ would have to.

Nick was taking a shower so I thought that maybe I'd try it. I'd just take a few steps into the room. It couldn't be too bad...

Even as I thought the words I knew they weren't true. It was worse. The reality of going into _our_ room alone was excruciating.

But it needed to be done.

I walked over to the room, trying to muster up the most confidence I could. I could do this.

When I got to the door it was shut. Out of sight out of mind, right? That had been my plan.

I reached out, covering the cold knob with my hand. The metal felt like it was burning through my hand. My whole hand was heating up, shooting warm spurts up my arm and throughout my body. My thoughts suddenly went crazy.

I couldn't go in there...what if I broke down again? I couldn't let Carlisle see me like that. Or Emmett.

My whole body was tensing, not sure if this was possible. But then suddenly I felt the softest touch on my back, rubbing it soothingly. Alice's touch.

I knew it was all in my head. She always rubbed my back when I was tense. She always knew when I needed that touch. She knew how to make me strong.

She always wanted me to be strong. I should be strong for her.

"I can do this," I whispered to myself, tightening my grip on the door knob. I had to...

I sighed loudly, not being able to turn the doorknob.

"Need a hand?" Nick said, very quietly behind me, making me jump in shock. He was leaning up against the wall, watching me thoughtfully.

"Yeah," I breathed taking a step back. "I just thought...maybe... I could get used to it in there," I shrugged sheepishly, running a very stressful hand through my hair.

"You don't have to get used to being in there without her. You just have to accept that sometimes she can't be in there with you, man," he offered, assuring me that she would be in that room with me again, sometime. I nodded, not so certain though.

What happened to the Jasper with Hope? I thought in frustration.

Nick leaned around me and turned my door handle for me, pushing it open.

"I got your back," he assured me, patting my shoulder supportively.

I nodded stiffly back at him, turning my head to look into the dreaded room.

It wasn't like the last time I had seen it on the first day that Alice had gotten her memory back. It had been night, then. Now, it was full of light. It streamed over the whole room. For some reason, it made me feel happier. The room was glowing, light shining over our bed. That bedroom was ours.

The words sounded so good. I stepped in, walking forward until I was at the bed. My fingers lightly went over the bed covers. I remembered how those covers felt over me, with Alice all cuddled into my chest. It was a heavenly feeling.

I leaned down and laid my head on Alice's pillow. I took a long breath in from my nose and my whole mind and body reacted. It smelled of her still.

Maybe this room wouldn't be so bad, I decided. I was still taking breaths of that amazing scent.

I ran my hands over the covers once more and then heard Nick snicker from the other side of the room.

My head flew up, my eyes questioning him.

"Don't start making love to the bed now," he joked, smirking deviously at me. "At least wait 'til I leave the room, kay?"

I picked up a pillow and before he knew it, whipped it at his head. It smacked off of him before he could stop it.

"So violent," Nick chuckled, mock disappointment in his tone.

"What? No girl to protect you this time?" I teased, referring to Chloe.

Nick looked defensive now.

"I—I don't need a girl to protect me!" he stammered, glaring darkly at me.

"Though... she _is_ adorable when she is all defensive..." he murmured to himself more than to me.

I rolled my eyes. The love sick puppy.

Right then my cell phone started ringing, saving Nick from a load of teasing. I pulled the phone out of my pocket and answered it.

"Hello?" I greeted the unknown person. I hadn't bothered to check the caller ID.

"Hey!" I heard Emmett call in his deep, cheerful voice.

I looked at my watch, wondering why he was already calling. It only was twelve o'clock.

"What's up?" I asked, standing up from the bed and walking out of the room. Hopefully I could still get back in tonight...

"Carlisle finished with Alice and he is just talking it up with Uncle Dan, so I was wondering if you could pick me up early? The shrimp isn't even here anymore," he grumbled, obviously annoyed that Alice wasn't there and he was stuck doing nothing.

"Sure," I replied, grabbing my cars keys off the table and putting it into my pants pocket. "Did Carlisle figure anything out when he was looking over her?" I asked.

"I haven't had a chance to talk to him yet," Emmett told me. "They started talking as he was examining her and then even after he was done, they haven't stopped. They're talking about everything, though. Not just her condition. So no worries...."

I took a breath and nodded. Obviously he hadn't found anything _bad_ or Alice probably would still be at home.

It was weird that Alice wasn't home, even though it was Saturday. She wasn't supposed to be working. But maybe she had gone to Spencer's house for the night.

"I'll be over to get you in a little while," I told him.

"Thanks man," he said gratefully. I slipped my shoes on and Nick grabbed my arm, looking panicked.

"Where are you going?" he asked, seeming a bit pissed off.

I narrowed my eyes, wondering what was wrong with him.

"Gonna pick up Emmett...?" I told him slowly, gauging his emotions. I knew Nick could lose it sometimes, but not without a reason.

Nick frowned and looked stressfully at his watch.

"You said I could take the car today. Remember I was going to take Chloe to the carnival?" he mumbled uncertainly, not sure if I had remembered.

I smacked my forehead. Crap. I had forgotten about that.

"Carnival?!" Emmett cheered from the other line. I could hear the goofy grin on his face. I smirked. The big oaf was back, the child in him coming out, as always.

My smirked disappeared, though, when I saw Nick's worried expression. He was thinking that he was going to have to cancel his date.

"Calm down, Nick. You can drop Emmett and me off and then take the car," I offered him, causing him to let out a breath of air, relieved.

"Wait what? No! I want to go to the carnival. Give the phone to Nick! Wait. Nick? Nick's there? How did he get there? Isn't he supposed to be hiding out 'cause he escaped from jail...oh." Emmett seemed to come into the realization, putting the pieces together.

He was silent for a minute, probably still letting it sink in.

"Never mind. I'm not gonna ask. Give him the phone," Emmett insisted. I rolled my eyes at it, and handed Nick the phone.

"Emmett wants a word," I informed him, putting my arms through my jacket.

Nick took the phone, looking curious. He waited, nodding his head to himself as Emmett was probably rambling on.

"Yes," he mumbled into the phone. "Sounds good."

And then his eyes lit up. "Yeah." Well I knew what he was talking about. That look was the Chloe look.

"Well... it's only our second date..." Nick was a bit hesitant about what he was saying now. He waited another silent minute, listening intently, his eyes narrowing in thought.

"I guess. Yeah... that sounds like a good plan. But Jasper would have to ask her."

He paused, glancing up at me, his eyes twinkling. What were they up to now? Did I _want_ to know?

My question would be answered soon, because Nick handed me the phone and went to get his jacket out of the closet. I put the phone to my ear and let out a long breath.

"What did you guys plan?" I grumbled at him. Emmett chuckled deviously.

"We are getting you a date. Now go call Alice and ask her to come to the carnival with us!" Emmett announced joyfully.

Us? Alice? What? Nick was going to the carnival, not us.

"What are you talking about?" I questioned him, narrowing my eyes. I couldn't just get Alice to come. She was probably already out with Spencer for the day.

"We are all going out to the carnival! You need to get out. Now, go call Alice."

Yeah because it was that easy... I thought warily. But then a different place in my mind was happy for the chance, joyous for any excuse to call her.

"Fine," I agreed, hanging up on him.

"Think it's a good idea?" I asked Nick before dialling Alice's number.

Nick thought for a moment before speaking.

"Sure, can't hurt to try," Nick shrugged, and then threw a wide grin at me, showing his approval of the idea.

I nodded in agreement. It was worth a try...

Nick took his cell out of his pocket and dialled up a number of his own.

"Hey," he whispered, a blush creeping onto his cheeks as he spoke into his phone. He hurried away. I'm sure it was just so I wouldn't see his blush.

I looked down at my phone. Alice's number was already ready to go. All I had to do was press Talk.

It wouldn't hurt to try. Nick was right.

I pressed the Talk button and waited. It rang once, then twice, and then I heard it pick up.

"Alice's phone," Spencer's voice chimed over the phone. It sounded a lot better than the last time I had seen him, when his dad hadn't showed up for the game. But his voice still sounded harsher than usual.

"Hey Spencer, could I speak to Alice please?" I asked politely, trying to ignore the fact that he had picked her phone up for her.

"Sure, just a sec, she's in the bathroom," Spencer informed me. I waited, listening to the movement on the other line. I heard him knock on a door.

"Can I come in, hun?" I heard him call.

"Of course!" Alice's chipper voice replied to him. He must have entered the bathroom because I heard the door click shut again.

"Jasper's on the phone."

"Oh!" Alice squeaked, sounding totally adorable. "Give me it!"

I grinned at the excitement in her voice.

"Jasper?" Alice questioned, her voice curious.

"Darling," I sang to her, trying to muster up the courage to ask her. "I was wondering if you were busy today."

"Let me ask Spencer," she said.

My hopes were dampered at that. Of course Spencer would have to come... why hadn't I thought of that? I heard Alice ask Spencer.

"Whatever you want to do, baby," he told her in reply.

"We aren't busy," Alice chuckled into the phone. The laugh of hers always put a smile on my face. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad. At least I got to see her, right? But even with that thought, the next words still came out of my mouth.

"Well... actually I was wondering if _you_ wanted to go to the carnival with Emmett, Nick, Chloe and I?" I offered the idea, hoping it wouldn't hurt her or Spencer's feelings.

Alice was quiet for a long moment.

"Without Spence?" she murmured into the phone. The words sounded foreign to her.

"If that would be okay with you, darling," I whispered back, the courage failing in my voice.

Alice's voice was low now. "I-I don't think I can do that today. Sorry," Alice apologized.

I felt a lump rising in my throat. Alice was rejecting _me_? The thought hurt more than ever. I balled my fists, keeping my emotions in check.

"O-oh," I stuttered, grabbing my hair tightly, not wanting to break down. Alice just had to stay with Spencer today. He was probably still upset from the other night... she was just being Alice and not wanting him hurting, I assured myself.

"Why can't you go out with him?" I heard Spencer ask her, seeming displeased. He probably knew exactly why she wasn't going. For him.

Alice seemed to have pulled the phone away from her mouth, because the voices were just muffled now, but I still couldn't make it out.

"'Cause I said we would do something today," Alice explained to him. I could just picture her, running her hand through his hair. I winced painfully at it.

"Oh... well I can't, anyway, hun. I have to get ready for the gala on Monday," Spencer said, excusing himself from any activities. I knew for certain he was lying. It was clear in his voice.

"It's Saturday. Your mom said we didn't have to work today." I heard the clear frown in Alice's voice.

"She must have forgotten she needed my help for the seating plan," Spencer said quickly. An obvious lie, again. Wow...he wasn't very good at that.

Alice was silent. I could picture the confused, but frustrated look plastered over her face as she watched him, trying to figure out why he was lying to her. If there was one thing I had learned from my fights with Alice, it was not to lie to her.

"Please. Just go out with Jasper and have fun today. Once I'm done with my work, I'll come get you, kay?" Spencer offered.

That sounded like a perfect plan to me. Especially since Spencer was a workaholic.

"Promise?"

"Yes. I promise," Spencer assured her. I heard them share kiss, making my stomach turn.

"I can come!" Alice said into the phone now, speaking to me now.

"Great!" I cheered, happiness filling me. "We'll come to pick you up now. You're at Spencer's, right?"

"Yeah," she replied awkwardly. I think I had gotten used to the fact that she slept at his house...a lot. And I had no intention on finding out what went on those nights. Anger started to boil inside of me as I thought of him doing anything... _intimate_... with my girl.

"All right. We are on our way, darling," I told her, opening the front door and calling for Nick.

He came out of the guest room, the phone still stuck to his ear as well.

"Kay, see you later!" Alice piped up, then hung up the phone.

I shut my own phone and locked the apartment door.

"She said yes, huh?" Nick asked, a smirk stuck on his face as if he had been positive the whole time that she would have.

"Not without a fight," I mumbled, not so cocky about her decision.

Nick just rolled his eyes and patted my shoulder, going back to his phone call.

"Yep, she's coming," he grinned into the phone. How did Chloe know about Alice? Nick... what a gossip.

I smirked, not angry at him at all, though.

Once we got down to my car, Nick hung up his phone and slipped in as I did.

"Cheer up, Jasper. She _is_ coming," Nick said, punching my shoulder.

"I know I know," I grumbled, revving my engine and speeding out of the apartment parking lot.

We headed for Chloe's house first, because both Spencer and the Cullens lived on the outskirts of the city. I pulled into a parking lot, frowning that I would have to pay just to get into it. But then Nick threw a bill onto my lap as we pulled in.

We parked the car and headed up the stairs, heading to the sixth floor. Once we got there, Nick led the way, a skip in his step.

We stopped at a door and Nick paused. He looked himself up and down, checking to see if he looked okay.

"You look fine. You're wearing my clothes that Alice picked out," I teased.

"Shut up," he said good-naturedly. "All right, let's do this," he decided, knocking on the door, taking a deep breath.

"Come in, Nick!" I heard Chloe's soft voice call through the door.

Nick's face lit up at the sound and he opened the door.

I gazed over the small apartment as we walked in. The first thing I noticed was how clean and organized everything seemed to be-- with the exception of the coffee table in front of the couch which was overflowing with text books and papers.

"Neat," I mumbled to Nick.

He blinked and looked around again, just seeming to notice. He nodded slowly, an adoring grin coming over his face at the words.

I rolled my eyes at him and turned, still looking. The room had paintings on the walls, but they weren't typical ones. Each one looked like it had been picked out carefully, for specific reasons. Apparently, she enjoyed art.

Chloe walked out of a room and into the living room, grinning at Nick. I seemed to be faded out of their views for a moment as they saw each other.

"Hey," Nick murmured, stepping over to her, opening his arms.

"Hi." She tilted her head, a shy smile coming over her face.

It intrigued me that Nick had fallen for a shy, organized, neat, book-smart girl. It was like the opposite of him. Maybe she was what he needed, though. It made sense.

I watched Nick cuddle her into his chest as he hugged her, his body relaxing at her touch.

"Ready to go?" he asked her, tucking a stray hair behind her ear. She nodded.

"Oh, hey Jasper," she said, just noticing me standing there, ignored.

"Hey!" I greeted her. "I didn't kill your boy yet," I smirked at her playfully, watching a blush take over her cheeks as I called him hers. Wow, what was it with the two of them and blushing? They both had it bad.

"I'm grateful," she giggled, picking up her purse and heading toward me. I extended my hand to her.

"We haven't formally met. I'm Jasper, Nick's best friend," I introduced myself politely, smiling at her.

Nick seemed glad that I was talking to her, making him more comfortable I guess. Chloe shook my hand back. Her hands were soft.

"Nice to formally meet you. I'm Chloe, Nick's..." she paused and thought about it for a second.

"Friend...." Nick finished for her, his tone uncertain as he frowned at the word. He obviously wanted her to be more already.

She bit her lip and nodded, looking down.

"It's a pleasure," I grinned, trying to comfort her, slipping my accent into my words. Her eyes flashed with happiness at the realization that I had an accent.

"Don't even," Nick warned, coming up quickly behind us, taking Chloe's hand in his and holding it tightly.

Chloe looked at him warily, confused at what he was talking about. She didn't take her hand back, though.

"Don't go using that accent on her. She's mine," Nick growled at me, causing me to smirk. I knew what he had been talking about.

I wiggled my eyebrows impressively at Chloe.

She rolled her eyes playfully and leaned into Nick's side, not even seeming to realize she was doing it.

"Let's go before you two start to fight," Chloe joked, leading Nick to the door.

I followed them and we left her apartment, heading to get Emmett now at the Cullens' house.

"Nick told me you were starting at NYU this week," Chloe said, starting a casual conversation. She was sitting in the front seat, Nick in the back. He had insisted she sit up there, using all of his good manners.

"Yeah I am. I'm starting on Monday," I nodded to her. "Do you go there too?" I asked curiously, turning my head to look at her.

Chloe bobbed her head in a nod, glancing back at Nick. "Yep. I'm still trying to get this one to go there, too," she said, referring to Nick.

Nick? He couldn't, though ...he had to finish his senior year of high school first.

I watched Nick from the rear view mirror. He ducked his head down, ashamed. He hadn't told her that yet. It made sense, though. He didn't want to make himself looked flawed when he was trying to impress her. And they _had_ just met.

"Maybe next year," Nick mumbled optimistically to her. Chloe nodded in agreement.

Right then we pulled up into the Cullens' driveway. Chloe gasped. "Wow," she said in awe, looking over the huge house.

Nick and I both chuckled, knowing that had been our reaction when we saw it, too. I parked in front of the garage and we all got out of the car, heading for the door. When I knocked, Alfred, their long time butler, answered it.

He smiled politely at us all. "Hello. Alice isn't here today, sir." He seemed confused.

"They're here for me, Al!" Emmett called, his voice booming over the room.

Alfred rolled his eyes at the nickname and welcomed us into the house.

"Jasper!" he grinned, coming over and pulled me into a tight hug, choking me.

"Calm down there, big guy," I chuckled, pulling away.

Emmett laughed and waved it off as nothing. "Where's my little cousin?" he asked, confused as he looked the group over.

"Still at Spencer's. We have to pick her up."

Emmett's brow rose at that.

"Spencer's house? I thought...never mind..." he said, almost in disgust. I thought they had gotten over their differences.

I shook my head and patted his huge back, pushing him out the door.

"Let's go get her," I told him. He stopped on the stairs though, noticing Chloe.

"Is this your date, Nicky?" he teased, smirking at Nick.

Nick glared and nodded, standing closer to Chloe, looking a bit protective.

"I'm Chloe," she introduced herself, looking shy though. She inched toward Nick like he had just done to her.

"Oh, well hey Chloe. I'm Emmett." Emmett grinned at her, being the big oaf he was.

"Nice to meet you Emmett," Chloe murmured, still shy as ever.

"She reminds me of Bella," he mumbled, strolling down the stairs with me now.

I looked over at Chloe, seeing some resemblance. Shy and blushing. But Chloe was neat and seemed like a perfectionist, which Bella wasn't.

"She blushes like her, too," I informed him. This seemed to excite him. His eyes lit up like light bulbs.

"Really?" he questioned, opening the door of my car.

I nodded, smirking at him, wondering what he was going to do. Emmett pushed the seat forward, waiting for Nick and Chloe.

"Thought you two might want the back seat. Nice and cozy back there," Emmett teased, waving a hand toward the seat.

Chloe's face glowed with the light shade of pink.

Nick smirked at Emmett, knowing he was only teasing.

"W-well we—" Chloe tried to defend them, but Emmett just laughed his booming laugh.

"I'm just teasing," he told her, winking playfully at her.

"Just ignore him," Nick mumbled to Chloe with a smile as he helped her into the backseat and followed her into it. Emmett and I shared another laugh and jumped into the car, speeding toward Alice's house.

"So Chloe, how long have you known Nick?" Emmett said casually, making conversation.

"Just met him, actually," she responded with a polite smile.

Emmett nodded. "He's fun. You'll like him," he said matter-of-factly.

"I already do," she said, so softly that I barely heard her. I saw Nick grinning from the rear view mirror.

Her phone rang, then, and she jumped as it buzzed in her pocket.

"Can you give me a minute?" she asked. I assumed that Nick nodded, because she answered it.

"Hello?"

We chatted more quietly, so she could hear.

"Yeah, I know, I'm sorry. But...can I call you a little later? I'm kind of busy right now..."

Her tone was polite as she spoke into her phone.

"I'm out with friends--No--No, I know. Yes. _Yes._ Okay. I will. Bye."

I heard her phone snap shut and she let out a quick breath.

"Everything okay?" Nick asked her.

"Mm-hmm," she confirmed. I heard her sliding over to sit closer to him.

Alice's house wasn't very far from Spencer's, so it only took a few minutes to get there.

When we pulled up, I saw that Chloe was cuddling into Nick, holding his hand as her eyes stared straight ahead, deep in thought. However, her expression changed when she realized we had stopped.

As we all filed out of the car at Spencer's house, Chloe's eyes widened when she saw the size of his house. It was even bigger than the Cullens'. She whispered something to Nick and he chuckled.

We strolled up to the door and knocked a few times before there was an answer. My heart skipped a beat when the door handle moved. The nervous feeling of seeing her was starting to come over me.

When the door opened fully, Spencer and Alice stood there, holding hands, with welcoming smiles on their faces. It was like a picture perfect moment for a magazine. They looked like a young, rich couple, welcoming the magazines into their house.

"Jasper!" Alice grinned, letting go of Spencer's hand for a moment to skip forward into my arms.

I squeezed her into me, taking a deep breath, breathing in her mouth watering scent. Alice rubbed my back, like I had imagined her doing earlier, causing my nerves to fade.

"No sweats today? And oh, look! Shoes today, too," Alice remarked smugly, noticing that this time I had remembered to get ready to see her.

I stuck my tongue out at her playfully, ignoring the comment. I looked up to see Spencer, his eyes duller than usual, looking tired. He smiled at me and I returned the smile.

Nick pushed passed me and entered the house, taking Spencer into a friendly hug.

"Hey sexy," Nick teased him, like normal.

Spencer rolled his eyes and hugged him back. I noticed his eyes look a bit happier at Nick's greeting.

"Hey," Spencer greeted him, letting go of the hug.

I glanced at Alice, who smiled approvingly at the greeting. She seemed comforted by the fact that Spencer was looking happy.

This time, Emmett shoved past me, picking Alice up and swinging her around in a tight, loving hug.

"Hey cuz," he called to her, still crushing her in the hug.

Alice punched him softly in the chest when he let her down.

"Hey, you big goof," she greeted him, grinning, still remembering her cousin of course. "Where's Rose?" she asked, curiously.

"She stayed back in Forks this time," Emmett told her, his eyes sparking at the name of his girlfriend. "But she told me to tell you she says hello," he added in after.

Alice nodded and then looked to where Chloe was still standing shyly behind me.

Nick hurried over to her side, took her hand, and brought her to Alice.

"Ali, this is Chloe. Chloe, this is Alice," Nick introduced them, grinning so widely that I thought his face must hurt. He was introducing the two girls of his life. I knew it meant a lot to him.

"Hey!" Alice said enthusiastically, bringing Chloe close to her in a friendly hug. That was my girl.

Chloe smiled down at her, returning the hug.

"Hi, Alice," Chloe greeted back. She took a step back after hugging Alice, though, and leaned into Nick's chest. She stayed close in front of him, still looking a little wary.

Spencer took his turn.

"Hey. I'm Spencer Wright," he introduced himself, reaching his hand toward her, sending her his famous, flashy, perfect-teethed smile. Naturally.

Chloe chuckled nervously and nodded. "I know who you are."

Spencer's eyebrows rose curiously, wondering how they knew each other.

"I know you?" Spencer asked as Chloe shook his hand.

Alice skipped over and nudged his hip, teasingly.

"Everyone who has opened a fashion magazine knows who you are, sweetheart," Alice informed him.

She looked Chloe up and down. "And she's definitely opened a fashion magazine. You look adorable. We'll have to go shopping sometime," Alice told Chloe, complimenting her.

Chloe smiled and nodded slowly, "Thanks. I'd like that."

Alice beamed and squeezed Spencer's hand, kissing his cheek adoringly.

Chloe stole a glance at me, looking concerned. She knew. She knew that Alice was my--is my--

I rephrased it in my head. She knew that I still loved Alice. I think Nick had told her a lot about us.

Spencer chuckled, remembering that he _had_ been in quite a few magazines now. "Of course. Well, it's nice to meet you Chloe," he said politely, taking her hand up to kiss it like an old fashioned gentleman.

"All right, all right, no stealing her from me, got that buddy?" Nick said playfully, noticing what was happening.

_No worries, Nick. He had already stolen Alice. He wouldn't take Chloe, too. ___

_Stop thinking that way, Jasper,_ I warned myself. _We're going to have a nice day out._

Nick rushed to Chloe's side, gaining an affectionate look from her.

"Don't worry," Chloe whispered to him, taking her hand back from Spencer.

Nick relaxed at her words, even if he had just been teasing. He gazed down at the girl who was looking only at him, not all of the guys around her.

"Okay, well now that everyone knows everyone, let's get going! We can't miss all the rides!" Emmett said like a little boy, rushing down the stairs, expecting us to follow.

Everyone laughed at him and nodded. Nick walked with Chloe down the stairs and over to the car, following Emmett. Alice turned to Spencer, frowning at him.

"Don't work too hard and call me the minute you are finished. Kay?" Alice instructed him, rubbing his arm supportively.

He looked vulnerable, now that everyone else had left. He nodded stiffly at Alice.

"Kay," he agreed, leaning down to peck her lips very lightly. "I love you," he whispered softly to her, running his nose on her cheek.

I looked down, not wanting to see this.

"I know you do, Spence. Are you sure about this? You could come too, you know. Or we could go out somewhere?" Alice suddenly said, seeming to have second thought. It was probably because of the sound of his voice. I hoped like hell she wouldn't change her mind.

"Positive. I'm fine. Go have fun. I want to make sure the gala is perfect for you," he said.

I looked up at them, gazing at each other. Alice's eyes were struggling. She quickly wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him tightly to her.

"Okay, well call me on your break," she insisted to him now, not leaving it up for discussion.

Spencer just rolled his eyes playfully at her and let her go. He pecked her forehead reassuringly and stepped back into the house.

"Bye," he nodded to me.

"See you later, Spencer. Don't work too hard, kay?" I called back to him, actually feeling concerned. Things didn't seem right with him. And Alice seemed worried about him.

Spencer shut the door and Alice sighed in frustration. I followed her down the steps, watching her carefully.

"What's up with him today?" I asked slowly when she didn't say anything.

Alice shook her head and looked at me.

"He's just down right now," she mumbled. She ran her hand through her hair stressfully, the same way that I had always done. I smiled at that.

"Don't worry. He'll cheer up," I assured her, meeting the others around the car.

"Wanna take my car too?" Alice wondered, seeing we had five people and that my car was small. "Nick could drive yours," she suggested. Did she want me in her car?

"Sure," I replied hurriedly, taking the keys out of my pocket and tossing them to Nick.

Nick shrugged and opened the front door, pushing the seat forward and waving at it to Emmett.

"It's nice and cozy back there for you," he smirked at Emmett.

Emmett just laughed and went into the car. Nick helped Chloe into the front seat and shut the door for her, all while Alice watched him. He looked over at Alice and smiled.

Alice moved suddenly, stepping closer to Nick, hugging him around the waist tightly. I watched her close her eyes, looking like she was going to cry.

Nick's arms gathered her close to him, and he rubbed her back soothingly.

"You all right, kiddo?" he asked, concern strong in his voice.

Alice looked up at him and nodded, looking uncertain.

"I-I just felt like...like I needed one of your hugs. I was right," she whispered, pulling out of the hug.

Nick had become like a big brother to her and I thought maybe something in her remembered that. I smiled widely at them.

"Well I'm here whenever you need one," he promised, leaning down to kiss her cheek tenderly. Alice smiled at that.

"Thanks Nick," she murmured.

She stepped away from him and back to me, slipping her hand into the crook of my elbow. Nick threw us a smile and hurried to the other side of the car as I walked us to Alice's Porsche.

"You following me there?" Nick called to me.

"Yeah, sounds good!" I yelled back.

"Oh, wait. I forgot my purse," Alice frowned and sighed.

"I'll get it," I told her, "Let Nick know?"

She nodded and I jogged over to her house, let myself in, and ran up the stairs, not sure where Spencer's room was.

I went to the first door I saw and opened it up a crack. I saw Spencer hunched over a desk. This was the right room. I opened the door fully and walked in.

Spencer's head shot up at the sound of my footsteps.

I froze at the sight of him. His eyes were bloodshot and tears were on his cheeks. He wiped them off quickly, standing up, almost tripping.

"Jasper." His voice was harsh and rough, cracking. "I was just—" he stopped there, not knowing what to say. He rubbed his eyes roughly, trying to clear the tears. I stood silent, not knowing exactly what to do.

"Are you okay?" I asked after a pause, not wanting to ignore the fact that he _was_ crying. He took a deep breath.

"Yeah, sorry about this. I-I'm just a little stressed." He waved it off. "Did you need something?" he asked, not meeting my eyes.

"Alice... forgot her purse..." I stated shortly, still not letting the subject go. "Look, are you sure you don't want to come?" I offered.

I was upset about this whole situation, but I wasn't heartless.

"Yeah, I'm sure. I have to work," he mumbled, walking over to the bed and grabbing her purse off of the nightstand.

I noticed two bottles of pills sitting there. Alice's sleeping pills and then the others must have been his depression pills. I wondered if he had taken them... or if what Jim had said had made him stop and that was why he was looking so bad.

"Spencer," I started, not sure if it was my place to ask. But he _was_ going out with Alice. He cared for her and I cared for her. That made it my business, I told myself.

"Are you still taking the pills for depression?" I asked as he handed me her purse.

His eyes shot to me, looking like he had been caught. He seemed shocked by the question. That gave away the answer, as well.

"You shouldn't listen to Jim, you know? Alice doesn't care if you are taking pills. She is, at the very least, proud of you for it. She wants you happy, no matter what," I said slowly, trying to help him in any way that I could. Even if I had to talk about Alice and him. If she wanted him happy, then so did I.

Spencer's eyes started filling with tears again. He looked at the bottle of pills.

"I-I know," he whispered sadly. He picked the bottle up and looked at it, not sure.

Spencer sat down on the mattress and looked right into my eyes. "How did you live with Steve?" he asked suddenly, brokenly.

I walked over and sat beside him. "One day at a time and I didn't listen to a thing the bastard said," I answered him honestly, watching his eyes. He nodded understandingly, probably understanding more than anyone else ever could.

"I guess that's all we can do," I murmured to him, patting his shoulder like I always did to Nick. "Listen to the ones who care, Spencer. Listen to Alice," I advised him, knowing she wasn't going to let him down. I got up from the bed and he did as well.

"Thanks," he whispered, opening the bottle of pills and heading to the bathroom with two in his hand.

"Anytime," I called to him, hearing the water running.

I smiled, happy that I had been at least a little helpful to him. For once.

I left his room, hurrying down the stairs. Everyone was probably wondering what was taking so long.

I hesitated at the door, hoping Spencer would be all right for the day. Jim should just smarten up. What had Spencer ever done that had been so bad that he would treat him like this?

Then again, what had I ever done to Steve? Some people were just like that...

I left Spencer's house and walked down the driveway. Alice was at my car, talking into Chloe's window, smiling. I would keep it that way. She should be smiling all the time. That was my Alice.

Alice glanced up, seeing me there, and her smile grew.

"What took you so long?" she asked, straightening up and grabbing her purse from me. "Thanks!"

"I was talking to Spencer," I explained.

Her eyes filled with concern and she walked toward me, away from the car.

"We'll follow you!" I yelled to Nick as he started the car.

"Is he okay?" she asked, searching my eyes for the truth, knowing that leaving him wasn't a good idea.

"He wasn't taking his pills," I informed her, not sure if Spencer wanted me to or not. But this way, she knew what was going on.

She frowned and I saw her hands clench.

"I _knew_ he wasn't," she growled, looking fierce.

"He took them though. We talked," I explained, looking away from her. Her eyes softened at my words.

"He took them?" She sighed in relief, but then her eyes turned curious. "Wait, you guys talked?"

I shrugged sheepishly and walked toward her car, looking down at the floor.

"Sure. I know what he is going through," I answered nonchalantly.

She beamed at me, obviously happy that I had helped him.

"Thank you so much," she breathed, taking my hand for a moment and squeezing it gratefully. The feeling of her hand in mine made me freeze.

So perfect. Completion.

My eyes met Alice's and she looked down at our hands, gasping. It was like she was surprised and confused.

She looked back up to my eyes, searching them, not understanding the feeling.

I squeezed her hand back, assuring her that I felt it too.

Alice's hand slipped out of mine and she searched through her purse. She handed me the keys, not wanting to drive, but then hesitated.

"Would you mind driving?" she asked, not sure. Her eyes didn't meet mine. They stayed on the ground, sometimes glancing at her hand.

"Not at all," I assured her, opening the passenger's door for her.

She sat on the seat and I shut the door of the car. I walked around it, going to my door. Then I paused, looking down at my own hand. It was still on fire from her touch.

I smiled. She felt it too. I knew it.

**Author's Note: ** **And they are off to the carnival. Alice felt that special feeling with Jasper? Uh-oh. Or wait; maybe that's a good thing. Then there's Spence. Spencer, Spencer, Spencer... that boy, so sad :(. Sooo my beloved readers, how did you feel about the chapter? good? Bad? Leave a review. Also, don't forget if you add me on twitter you get teaser quotes and such! Though I admit I forgot this week. :P lol.  
I suppose that's it for now! So leave a review. **


	11. The Carnival

**Author's Note: Surprise update for the Hope fans! I hope you all are having a good week and I hope this makes it even better! Enjoy! **

Forgotten Hope Chapter 11- The Carnival

_JPOV_

I jumped into Alice's Porsche and turned the engine on, receiving a friendly purr from the car. It was almost as if it remembered me. I knew I always liked it.

We rode to the carnival in silence, just sitting in the peace of the car, listening to the comforting hum of the engine. Alice was staring blankly out of the window as I pulled in a parking lot to park the car.

"I never noticed how much my car smelled like you," Alice smiled a small smile, taking a deep breath in.

I chuckled softly and shrugged sheepishly. We had driven around in her car a lot. She liked the speed and freedom in driving. Or at least she used to. I didn't know if she still did or not.

I shut the engine off and unbuckled.

"You loved to drive in this car. I was in here a lot. All those shopping trips..." I joked, getting out of the car. I hurried to Alice's side and opened the door for her.

"That explains it," Alice giggled as I helped her out and then tucked her hand into the crook of my arm.

I looked curiously down at her, inquiring as to what she meant while shutting the car door.

She smirked and rubbed my jacket sleeve.

"You have good taste in clothes. I bought them for you, didn't I?" Alice guessed.

I scoffed at her conclusion about why I had good clothing.

"Are you implying that I couldn't buy nice clothes without you?" I asked skeptically, raising a curious eyebrow to her.

She looked up at me with that adorable, smug smile of hers.

"Maybe," she stated, no regret in her voice. I gave her a mock look of pain.

"That hurts, love, that hurts," I chuckled, leading her to where Nick had parked a few parking spots away from us.

Nick, Emmett and Chloe were all smiles when they got out of the car. Chloe seemed a little less tense than she had been when we first left. Emmett had a way of making people comfortable.

Emmett looked over the crowded parking lot and spotted us. He jogged over quickly, full of energy that matched Alice's.

"Me, you and the merry-go-round," he ordered Alice, a devious look in his eye.

Alice grinned with excitement and skipped over to her cousin.

"Let's go!" Alice cheered, beaming up at him.

He wrapped his large arm around her shoulder and led the way.

I waited for a moment, waiting for Nick and Chloe to catch up. Nick patted my shoulder as they met me, grinning like an idiot with Chloe's hand in his.

"Have a good drive?" he asked, walking forward with me to catch up with the two goofs in the line for the merry-go-round.

I shrugged nonchalantly and then frowned. "Alice doesn't think I can dress myself," I scoffed in mock annoyance.

Nick laughed. "That's because it's true."

"Coming from the guy wearing my clothes," I shot back at him, shoving him lightly.

Nick knocked into Chloe, for the second time since they had met. He froze and looked down at her in concern, even though he had hardly hit her at all.

"I'm sorry, are you okay?" he said in a rush, rubbing her arm.

Chloe gave him a soft, meaningful look that seemed to do something to Nick. His eyes softened more than I had ever seen.

"It's okay. You didn't hurt me," she assured him, giving him a slight smile. Her eyes then flickered to me and became playful.

"But I might have to hurt _you_, Jasper, if you keep abusing him like this," she warned me, slowly and shyly. Her voice was fierce.

Nick laughed at that, coming out of his little daze from gazing at her.

"Isn't she perfect?!" Nick said happily, pulling her into him and planting a kiss on her cheek.

Chloe's cheeks flamed red at that and her eyes became liquid soft from his adoring words.

"Yeah, yeah," I said, pretending to gag.

I was happy for him, though. He needed her. Even now, when they had only just met, I could see it. His body moved with hers. If she moved one way, he followed. I didn't even think he noticed it.

We stopped near the merry-go-round. Nick and Chloe decided not to go on and went a different way, toward a Ferris wheel.

"Jazz! Come on!" Alice called to me, a huge grin on her face.

My whole body seemed to come alive as she called to me. She called me Jazz. That was the first time she had actually called me that since her memory left.

I grinned back at her, replying the words that came so naturally to me.

"Coming, darling!"

______________________________________________________________

After the merry go around, Emmett made a speedy exit. He said he needed to go to the bathroom, but he never came back to meet up with us. After an hour, I called his cell and he told us he would meet us at three o'clock for lunch and that he'd call Nick and Chloe and tell them to do the same.

I had a feeling that this had been part of a plan to leave Alice and me alone together.

Alice and I had been on almost every ride at the fair by now. I had flipped and spun so many times that my head was still spinning. It was starting to make me sick...  
**  
**She was holding me around the waist so I could stop spinning. Apparently, I was not made for those kinds of rides.

I groaned loudly and let my head fall down to her shoulder as I shut my eyes.

"Such a baby," Alice joked, rubbing my back soothingly, just like she used to.

Suddenly I became very aware of how we were standing. Our bodies were pressed together as she supported me. For a moment, it felt like nothing had changed as she hushed me, rubbing my back. It felt like it used to. It felt like home.

"Not my fault. You made me go on there like ten times," I grumbled playfully.

Alice giggled quietly and I felt her shrug.

"You had fun," she pointed out, her hand moving in my hair, massaging my scalp.

"I always have fun getting sick, darling. You know me too well," I chuckled sarcastically.

"Baby," she snickered.

I rolled my eyes at her, not evening trying to make a comeback at her. My stomach was cringing. I felt like I was going to throw up. And I would not throw up on Alice.

She seemed to sense that and didn't speak anymore. She continued rotating between rubbing my back and massaging my scalp.

After a minute or two I felt good enough to walk. Or at least I hoped.

"Feeling better?" she asked as I began to pull away. I hesitated, loving her touch, but I wasn't going to take advantage of the situation. I would have pretended I was sick forever if it meant her holding me like that, but it wasn't right to do that.

"A bit, thanks," I said gratefully, running a hand through my hair, trying to steady myself. I took a step forward and stumbled, looking like a drunk, I was sure.

Alice grabbed me and kept her arms around my waist as we kept walking.

We were on our way to the meeting spot when Alice began to speak again. She rambled on about the fair... I just enjoyed hearing her voice.

As we walked for a while, Alice loosened her arms, since I was able to walk perfectly fine. Then one of her arms dropped from my waist and my body panicked suddenly. I didn't want to lose contact with her. Was she going to let go?

But she left the other arm around me, keeping me sane. The contact with her was making me feel very giddy and good. I had forgotten how amazing it felt.

Alice suddenly gasped in excitement and jumped up.

"Jazz..." she started, giving me a longing look. I knew that look. She wanted something.

"Yes, love?" I asked, smirking down at her.

She smiled sweetly at me, working her charm.

"Let's go to the fortune teller!" she squealed and pointed to the sign over a little booth.

I gave her a funny look, looking down at her excited form.

"Have you forgotten that you can just go to sleep to see the future, you goof?" I chuckled, teasing her.

"I didn't know you knew about that..." she trailed off for a second. Then she shrugged, "I guess you would, though. But anyway, this is different!"Alice pouted, poking out that dreaded bottom lip.

I just rolled my eyes and gave in, like always. If she wanted to see the fortune from a fake instead of just closing her eyes and seeing the truth, that was fine with me.

I walked Alice into the booth. There was a woman sitting on a large pillow on the floor, gazing into a crystal ball.

Alice was beaming as she dragged me over, sitting us down on the pillow. The woman grinned at us.

"Hello, my friends. You are here to see your future, yes?" the lady asked. Well, why else would we be here, psychic? I thought in amusement, but Alice just grinned, bobbing her head up and down at the woman. She still got so excited about the smallest things.

"Well let's look in the ball and see your future, then, shall we?" the woman suggested, leaning forward.

Alice leaned forward as well. Her body was radiating excitement; bubbly and cheerful. My Alice.

She glanced at me. I was totally ignoring the lady and staring at Alice.

"Look at the ball, Jazz," she sang happily to me, grabbing my hand and tugging me over.

I sighed and leaned over, looking into the clear ball, only seeing our reflections in it.

My heartbeat skipped at that. We were gazing into a ball that was supposed to reveal the future and all I saw was our reflections.

Alice and me. Jasper and Alice. That was our future, no matter what the lady said. That was the future I was going to believe in.

"Oh!" the woman exclaimed, like she was getting the fortune.

Alice's eyes widened as she squeezed my hand.

"What do you see?" she asked the woman in a rush. Her words were a pitch higher than usual.

I smirked at that and looked to the lady, watching her.

"I see... two people... a girl and a boy...." she hummed in thought, squinting her eyes, trying to make the picture out. "I think it's you two. Yes. It is."

Alice was bouncing in excitement, waiting impatiently as the woman paused, glancing up to look at us. She was obviously watching our reactions. I knew she was a fake... but if Alice was enjoying it, it was worth it.

"You two are...kissing. Oh... there are people surrounding you. It's your wedding day," the woman said in awe, looking up with a wide smile.

I felt Alice freeze next to me.

"What?" she asked in disbelief.

Uh oh. I felt my heart ache at the sound of that 'what?' It was full of disbelief and not very happy.

"Your wedding," the woman repeated, her eyes flickering to our intertwined fingers.

Alice looked at the woman's gaze and then she laughed. She _laughed_. Was she laughing at the thought of us getting married? That was kind of cold... Alice wasn't cold...?

"Thanks!" Alice grinned at the woman, paying her before I could. She skipped out, not even waiting for me.

I ran a stressed hand through my hair. Great. Was the day ruined, now? Was she freaked out by what the lady had seen?

Alice was outside of the booth, standing in deep thought. When I came out, she smiled calmly at me. I walked over and returned the smile.

"Crazy fortune tellers," I mumbled nonchalantly, trying to cheer her up if that future had disappointed her. It hurt, but she always came first. I would hurt, if it meant she was happy.

Alice smirked and seemed to brush the comment off.

"Wait... are you calling me crazy?" she asked, glaring playfully at me.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" I replied playfully, nudging her hip with mine.

Alice giggled and walked forward with me, so I took that as everything was still okay between us.

We saw Nick, Chloe and Emmett sitting on the grass. Emmett was stuffing his face with cotton candy.

Alice's eyes glued to the pink fluff in his hand. I knew that look.

"I'll get it," I chuckled, letting her go forward.

She smiled at me adoringly and then walked to the others. I hurried to the booth and stood in line, waiting.

Nick and Chloe came up behind me soon. They seemed to be in some type of a hushed argument. I quickly realized it was not serious, though.

"You'll like it!" Nick insisted, giving her a pleading look.

Chloe stared down at the ground, looking very uncertain about something.

"It's not really healthy..." she mumbled, giving him that unsure look.

Nick pouted at her, giving her those big brown puppy eyes. He had learned from the best: Alice.

Chloe sighed and looked away from him, still debating. "I don't know, Nick."

"It's an apple, Chloe. Fruits are healthy, right?" Nick tried, giving her a playful look. Chloe rolled her eyes at him.

"It's covered in candy!" she chuckled, giving him a look as if to say he was being ridiculous.

Nick shrugged, smiling sheepishly at her. "But how do you know you won't like it if you've never _tried_ it?" he pointed out.

She just bit her lip, not sure how to keep arguing her side.

So she didn't want to try a candy apple. I understood now. She wasn't just neat, artistic, and intelligent, but she was also a health nut. The saying must be true: Opposites attract.

"I'll make a deal with you. I will help you get to the apple," Nick offered suggestively.

Chloe looked up at him, searching his eyes for something.

"Please. Just try it. For me?" Nick pleaded, holding back a smile.

Chloe huffed and turned around, leaning her back against him as they waited. "Fine."

Nick grinned and met my eye.

I laughed at their juvenile fight and turned around to buy Alice's cotton candy. Then, I walked back to where she was sitting with Emmett. They seemed to be in a deep conversation: very odd for them two.

"I don't remember making a bet with you," she was saying with confusion.

Emmett sighed like he had said something a billion times.

"That's because you lost your memory, shrimp! You made a bet with me when you were in Forks. You owe me twenty bucks!" Emmett told her, looking very serious.

I laughed and sat beside Alice, giving her the cotton candy. I leaned over to her ear.

"Don't believe a word he says," I said to her.

Alice smirked, nodding.

"Thanks, Jazz," she whispered back and turned back to Emmett, throwing my words back in his face.

I watched in amusement as they bickered. So much of this day was feeling normal. The touching, the teasing, Emmett and Alice's fights... if I hadn't picked her up from Spencer's house, I wouldn't even believe anything had changed.

I laid down on the grass, looking up at the cloudy New York sky. I reached up and grabbed some of Alice's cotton candy, receiving a death glare for doing it. I grinned back at her and stuffed it into my mouth. She stuck out her tongue and went back to chatting with Emmett.

Nick and Chloe came back and sat down with us. I peeked over at them. Nick had a candy apple in his hand and a victorious smile on his face. I looked over at him curiously, wondering how he was going to work the candy apple thing out.

Chloe seemed to be watching him with the same interested look. She raised an eyebrow, amused, and waited.

I watched him dig into his back pocket and slide out a pocket knife. I stiffened at that. I didn't think he still carried it. It was the same knife he first bought when we joined the gang. We had both gotten one that day... we thought of it as 'celebrating' the new step our lives were about to take.

Nick had taken good care of it over the years, keeping it sharp and ready to cut when necessary. He cut a small piece of the apple off, now, and then carved the candy-covered skin off. A proud grin came over his face as he handed the apple to her.

"Well who knew I would be going out with a genius?" Chloe smirked at him, taking the piece of apple and biting into it.

Nick put the candy in his mouth and shrugged smugly.

"I knew all along," he smirked back at her.

Alice leaned her head down so she could whisper in my ear.

"Flirts," she giggled, commenting on Nick and Chloe.

I nodded in agreement. It was definitely true, though none of us would stop it. It was almost refreshing to see a relationship without all the drama.

Chloe's made a face as she chewed the bite of the apple. I watched a huge smile grow over Nick's face. He leaned over and tilted his head.

"Sour? You know if you kept the candy on—" But before Nick could finish, Chloe shoved the rest of her piece of apple in his mouth, stopping him from gloating.

Nick burst out laughing as he chewed the apple, and we joined in.

"Touche, Chloe," he said as he started to cut off another small piece. "But now that means you have to try a piece with the candy, since I tried a piece with the apple. It's only fair!"

Alice and Emmett joined me laying on the hill as Nick slowly introduced candy apples to Chloe, who quietly admitted that he had been right: the candy did make it taste better.

We all finished our snacks, making small chit chat. After a while, Nick groaned.

I looked over at him quickly, worried that something had happened. I saw a look of concern cross Chloe's face as well, as she looked at him. I relaxed after I saw his expression, though.

"Need popcorn...!" he grumbled in frustration, pointing at how far the food stands were.

Chloe swatted his hand down and grinned.

"Want me to come with you?" she asked him softly as he stood up to get his popcorn. He leaned down and tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear.

"Nope. I can go all by myself. Do you want anything?" he asked her thoughtfully, gazing at her.

Alice smiled at them, glad to see them happy, I supposed.

"Oh. No, I can get something later, thanks," she said, sounding sure of herself.

Nick frowned at that.

"I can get you something if you'd like..." he assured her, his eyes narrowing. I could see his struggle as he tried to search her eyes for the right thing to do.

"I'm fine for now. I'll let you know," she told him, giving him a grateful smile.

Nick nodded and straightened up. He glanced at Alice and me.

"What about you, kiddo?" he asked, smiling fondly at Alice, who had been watching them.

"No, thank you. Jazz took care of me," she assured him, looking down at me with a wide grin.

Nick looked down knowingly at her and said something that took us all off guard.

"He always does," he told her, sounding sincere and very sure of his words. He was only speaking the truth.

Alice ducked her head down, looking at me. She didn't seem confused, though. She seemed to...understand. She didn't have any doubt of his words.

An awkward silence passed over us, though. I was surprised at how silent Emmett had been today. He just stared out over the carnival, nodding in agreement with Nick.

Nick left after that, leaving Chloe alone with us. I watched her become very tense and shy. She ducked her head down as her hair covered her face, hiding herself from us.

I sat up with the intention of attempting to make her comfortable, but Alice spoke to her first.

"He's pretty cute, huh?" Alice said, smiling at Chloe.

Chloe glanced up at Alice, thinking for a moment to figure out what she meant.

"Nick. He's cute," Alice clarified with a friendly tone.

Chloe's eyes lit up at his name and she shrugged shyly.

"Yeah, he is," she almost whispered, looking down the hill to where Nick was jogging toward the popcorn.

I watched Alice in amusement as she went on gloating about Nick.

"I know I don't remember him, but I've noticed how considerate he is. And he's _real_, you know? Genuine. And look at those arms. Have you noticed how big they are? They're _huge_!" Alice's eyes widened as she said it, adding effect to her words.

Chloe's cheeks began reddening again and she smiled at Alice.

"I know," she sighed, sounding wistful, but not continuing on her thought. Alice grinned when she heard Chloe agree.

"What about how he smells? Isn't it mouth watering?" Alice piped up again.

She smiled knowingly, confirming what Alice had said.

But before Chloe could respond, I did. "Should I be jealous, darling?" I asked Alice, giving her a look because of how much she had noticed about Nick. I was joking, though. I actually liked that she spoke so highly of him after only getting to know him again for such a short time.

Alice looked over at me and rolled her eyes sarcastically. "Don't worry. He isn't my type," she assured me, tapping my knee encouragingly. Her type? Hmm...

"What _is_ your type?" I asked her, curious. This was going to be interesting.

Alice seemed very confused all at once. She struggled with different emotions flickering through her eyes. After a minute, she shook her head in frustration.

It was too much... I should have known that.

"And have you seen Nick without a shirt on? What a hunk!" Emmett snickered, suddenly breaking his silence to save Alice from answering me.

Chloe laughed with Alice at that. I gave Emmett a grateful smile and he just laughed, nodding his head.

"I like his scars, too," Chloe whispered after a moment, the shyest I had ever heard her as she admitted something she liked about Nick. "They're interesting... kind of beautiful on him..." she murmured, putting herself out there.

Alice's eyes lit up, happy that she had gotten Chloe to open up a bit.

"I know! They're sexy, right?" Alice agreed with her. She reached her hand out and ran her fingers over a scar on my neck.

I grinned widely at her, knowing she wasn't referring to Nick. Could this day get any better? I wondered.

I saw Chloe out of the corner of my eye. She was smiling happily at the interaction between Alice and me. She was already rooting for me.

Alice and Chloe went on chatting about Nick, with little comments thrown in by Emmett and me. Chloe was quiet, but she wasn't rude or weird. I was beginning to think that she was just someone who thought before she spoke... who listened more than she talked. It was a wise trait to have. Nick had definitely picked an interesting girl.

Eventually I noticed Nick jogging back to us. Chloe's face was a deep red now. The blush had deepened as she and Alice had chatted.

Nick stood in front of her after he had made his way back up the hill. He handed her a bottle of water.

"Just in case," he explained, giving her a small smile.

Chloe's eyes softened at that as she took the water bottle from him. She smiled back at him.

"Thanks," she whispered, moving over a bit so he could sit beside her. He sunk down and casually wrapped his arm around her, looking over us.

"So what were you all talking about?" he asked curiously, looking from me to Alice to Emmett and finally to Chloe, who choked on the sip of water she had just taken.

Nick's eyes flashed with concern as he rubbed her back to try and stop the coughing.

Alice and I burst out laughing. The poor girl.

"You okay?" he asked very, a worried look in his eyes. Chloe nodded in confirmation and took another sip of water, trying to stop the coughing fit. Her eyes were watering from the half laughter half coughs. Once they subsided, Nick gave us all a funny look.

"Do I _want_ to know?" he asked hesitantly, looking over at all of us.

Alice smirked at him and leaned toward him, patting his cheek.

"Don't worry, we were just talking about how wonderful you are," she assured him, smiling adoringly at her old friend.

It comforted me to see how comfortable Alice was with us now. She didn't pull away from us when we got close to her and she wasn't begging for Spencer's presence. She looked happy with us. She looked comfortable. I think having Emmett here today helped, too. It was like confirmation that what everyone was saying was true.

Maybe... just maybe... she could start to realize that this is where she belonged.

Nick scoffed at Alice's words, obviously not believing that was what we had talked about. His eyes flickered to mine for the truth.

I nodded at him and his eyes widened in realization. His cheeks were now matching Chloe's, bright red.

"Oh," he mumbled, touched. He sat back silently, stunned that we had actually been talking about him being a good person. He was at a loss for words.

Chloe gazed up at him, searching his eyes. Her eyes looked cautious, as if she was afraid of what he would think of the conversation. But Nick's eyes couldn't have been more adoring as he looked over at her.

Alice's eyes were bright as she watched them. Her eyes flickered to mine, noticing that I had been watching both them and her. I leaned over and whispered into her ear.

"You planned that, didn't you?"

Alice smiled sheepishly and shrugged. "She seems so shy. I just wanted her to be able to speak her feelings. All I did was give her a little push in the right direction."

I grinned at Alice, understanding. That was Alice. I was coming to realize that even though she had forgotten some things, deep down, she was still the same girl I fell so deeply in love with. She was still the same person.

Maybe there was even _some _good in her not remembering... at least now she wouldn't have to remember anything that might have tainted her, like getting kidnapped, or finding me, a bleeding mess after Steve had snapped. No one should have to go through that... and she _had_, but couldn't recall it....

Alice's phone began to ring, bringing me out of my thoughts. She jumped in surprise. I hadn't noticed until now, but she had been gazing at me as I thought.

I smirked at her shock expression as she rummaged through her purse for her cell phone.

She glanced at the caller ID and sighed in relief.

"Hey Spence!" she greeted into the phone, a small smile tugging on her lips.

Chloe and Nick turned their heads toward Alice, hearing Spencer's name.

"Yeah. I ate cotton candy!" Alice grinned against the phone, telling Spencer about her day, I guessed.

"Jasper got sick from the kiddie rides," she then snickered, getting a death glare from me.

"I wasn't sick... just dizzy!" I defended myself.

Emmett's booming laughter came over us when he heard that.

"Wuss!" he joked, leaning over to punch me in the arm.

I rolled my eyes at him. It was worth getting sick to have her taking care of me after, I thought with a smirk.

"Who would have thought it? He can take bullets, but not a spinning cup ride," Nick teased.

Chloe gasped quietly, her eyes narrowing in concern.

"You got shot?" she asked in shock.

She said it like it was a huge thing. I supposed it was, but I had been shot and stabbed so many times... I guess I was "desensitized" to it. I had heard someone saying that about me before, but I couldn't remember who it was. It was probably true.

Nick stiffened at her question. He hadn't meant to say what he had said. I'm sure he didn't want to scare her away.

"A few times," I answered honestly, not wanting to lie. But I wasn't going to go into detail, either.

Chloe frowned sympathetically at that, upset that I had been hurt.

"And you fought a lot like Nick did, right?" she wondered, her eyes still squinted, as if she was trying to put the pieces together.

I was surprised by her question. Nick had told her we had fought? I supposed it was hard to keep it a secret with the scars that we both shared, but I hadn't realized that he had mentioned so much. He seemed to be opening up to her more than I had originally thought.

I chuckled, trying to make it seem like it wasn't a big deal. For Nick's sake.

"Yeah. We were a little rebellious back then."

Nick nodded in agreement, but didn't make any further comments about it. He looked incredibly nervous.

Chloe peeked up at Nick hesitantly and he returned her look, unsure of what she'd think or say.

She smiled at him, "But not so much anymore..." she stated. It wasn't a question, but an observation. She tried to make it sound like she was joking him, but her tone seemed more like she was proud and relieved that he wasn't fighting anymore.

Nick's cheeks flamed red and he nodded, giving her a cute look.

"Ladies' man now," he smirked at her, more relaxed now that she had responded and not asked anymore questions about the fights. He held out his hand to her.

Chloe rolled her eyes good naturedly at him. She swatted his hand away from her, playfully.

"Why was that word plural?" she asked, glaring playfully at him with a devious look in her shy, brown eyes. I smirked as they flirted.

I let them have some privacy in their conversation, now that Nick didn't need me to back him up with anything, and looked to Alice, who was still talking to Spencer on the phone.

"Umm, I think purple," Alice said, looking deep in thought about something.

"No, not that one. Remember the cute purple one I bought in Paris?"

"The _dress_, not the bikini, you goof," Alice blushed.

A possessive feeling came over me as I heard Alice talking to Spencer like that. I didn't like seeing her blushing about it.

"What?!" Alice squealed into the phone.

"You did?" she continued, excitement bubbling in her eyes. She went silent for a moment and listened intently into the phone, her eyes widening more and more.

"It sounds gorgeous, baby," she sighed breathlessly after a minute. Something Spencer had said after made Alice grin, even more happy.

"You're such a flirt," she giggled, rolling her eyes at whatever he had said.

Alice's eyes moved from the ground where she had been staring while she talked. They now glanced up at me, looking over my face.

My muscles had been flexing stressfully the whole time that I had been listening to Alice speak to Spencer. As she looked at me now, they relaxed.

"Hey Spence, I gotta go now. Call me when you get back, kay?" she told Spencer. Her eyes moved to look into my eyes.

I gazed back, looking into the eyes that had always made everything in my life seem to make sense. Today, they were a mess. She had emotions flying everywhere. I could see the ever present confusion in them, but also a tinge of affection in her eyes. I thought it was for Spencer, but something in me wanted it to be for me. Something in me told me it was.

Alice broke our connection for just a second when she spoke the next words.

"I love you too."****

She hung up the phone then and her eyes went straight back to mine, like she needed to look in them.

"Spencer went shopping. He bought me a dress for the gala on Monday," Alice explained to me, a happy smile on her lips.

I chuckled. Her and her clothes...

"The man knows the way to your heart," I chuckled, but it came out bitterly. I tried to cover it, flashing her a wide grin.

Alice brushed off the moment and my tone and turned to the silent Emmett.

"You ever going to talk, big guy?" Alice questioned him, confusion written all over her face. Emmett was never quiet. He was loud and friendly and he loved to tease. This wasn't like him.

Emmett gave her a funny look and sat up from his position of laying on the grass.

"I don't understand you two," he said, narrowing his eyes.

I raised a curious eyebrow at him, not understanding what he meant.

"What do you mean?" Alice asked, feeling the same.

Emmett sighed dramatically. "Hopeless wrecks..." he mumbled and looked to Nick and Chloe for backup.

Nick shrugged and Chloe gave Emmett a confused look, neither understanding what he was getting at.

"You guys keep staring at each other. You obviously want each other. Why is it so complicated? Just kiss him," Emmett told Alice, causing both of us to freeze.

"Emmett," Nick growled, warning him. But it was too late. Obviously those words were no surprise to anyone.

If he was talking about me, it wouldn't be a big deal. Everyone knew I wanted Alice. That's why I was here. But when he brought her into it, it changed everything.

Alice looked dumbfounded. She just stared at Emmett in confusion.

"Just ignore him, darling," I whispered softly to her, giving her an apologetic look.

She shook her head and her stubborn look came onto her face.

"I don't want to kiss him," she shot at Emmett icily.

My breath caught at the words. It felt like a knife ripped open my chest and just stabbed at my heart. It only pierced it once-- but the pain increased with every beat.

I opened my mouth to respond, but nothing came out. My voice was gone.

"I'm your cousin. I can see it. Look around, Alice. The people in this circle know you better than you know yourself. I know I tease you, but I'm serious this time. I saw how happy you were with Jasper," he told her, a caring tone in his voice.

I didn't wait to hear what she was going to say. I didn't wait for anything. I got up without thinking and walked away, leaving them all on the hill.

"Jasper!" I heard Nick shout.

I didn't turn around. I didn't stop walking. I just kept going.

Alice didn't want me.

She had _said_ it straight out. This whole time, I wouldn't give up because she had never said that she wanted me to leave. She never said she didn't want me.

But now she did.

Alice Cullen didn't want me anymore. The words hurt so much that I just stopped. I grabbed a pole beside me and gripped it, trying not to fall over. My heartbeat increased and my breathing was deep and ragged.

She was just denying it because she was confused. Maybe that was true? Maybe she was just trying to tell herself that. Alice wasn't cold. She was just in a panic...

After a few silent minutes of listening to the agreements in my head, I felt someone's hand touch my arm. I flinched away from it.

"Just go, Nick. I just want to think for a little while, okay?" I growled, not bothering to look at him.

In place of the deep voice I was expecting, I heard a softer, quiet voice.

"It's Chloe," I heard her whisper, touching my arm again.

Chloe? Why would she come after me? I would have understood any of the others, but I was not expecting her.

"Oh..." I mumbled dumbly, still not bothering to look at her. Was she my fairy godmother? Would she grant me one wish so I could have my princess back? No. I didn't think so.

"I-I was just coming to see if you were all right," she informed me, stepping around me so that she could see my face.

"I'm fine. Things are just a little emotionally crazy for me lately," I explained. The intense emotions I was feeling brought out my accent.

Chloe nodded understandingly and rubbed my arm.

"I heard..." she murmured. She looked down at the ground, shuffling her feet nervously.

I took a deep breath, trying to ensure that my voice wouldn't crack. "You don't have to stay. I'll be back in a few minutes. I just have to think."

Chloe shook her head, refusing the idea. "No. I want to talk to you. Look, I know I don't know you very well, but I do know some things about how Alice is feeling."

She took a breath.

"I understand how it feels to... be with someone and want someone else," Chloe admitted, not meeting my eyes. She absentmindedly played with the zipper of her jacket as she continued.

"It's hard, Jasper. Alice is confused, I can see it. She just doesn't want to hurt either of you. It's a hard place to be," she told me, her voice clear and sure of itself for once.

I looked down into her eyes. The honesty and integrity in them was powerful. Behind all of that, I saw a bit of pain, too. I didn't know why, but it was there.

I knew her words were true. It felt good to have my thoughts from earlier confirmed. It was just... it still hurt. I still needed her. It had been over a week and I hadn't had a kiss goodnight. I hadn't heard an "I love you." It hurt a lot.

Sure, I was doing all right. I was living. Breathing. But it still hurt every time I watched her kiss Spencer. It hurt when she told _him_ she loved him. It hurt knowing that she was in bed with him. It all just hurt so much...the pain could get overwhelming.

"I know," I said, running a hand through my hair, tugging on it.

Chloe smiled very gently at me and touched my cheek.

"Her being confused is a good thing, Jasper. It means she feels something for you and doesn't understand it. There's Hope," Chloe told me. I felt the corners of my mouth tug out a bit at that, a smile coming over my face.

"Hope..." I murmured. It was everything Alice had ever been to me. I shouldn't doubt her. It was all just going to take time.

Chloe was right. She was confused. I should be supporting her, not walking away. I had to be strong for her.

"Thanks. I knew you were smart," I chuckled, giving her a grateful smile.

Chloe just shrugged, ducking her head, becoming her shy self again.

Nick popped up out of nowhere. I was sure he had been waiting.

"You all right, man?" he asked, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. His eyes were struggling. I wondered how Chloe had convinced him to let her come after me before he did.

"Yeah, I'll be okay. Your girl here is pretty smart. Apparently she can talk me back into the right mind, too," I assured him, wrapping my arm around his shoulder as well.

Nick had a relieved look. Obviously he hadn't been sure about her talking to me first.

Chloe blushed a bit and started walking forward, away from us, but was stopped when Nick's hand grabbed hers.

"Where do you think you're going?" Nick asked, a playful sound coming into his voice.

She shrugged and cautiously peered up at him through her eyelashes.

"Running away from compliments?" he questioned her with a disapproving tone, coming closer to her.

Chloe stuck her tongue out at him in reply and he chuckled. They started walking back together, expecting that I would follow.

Carefree crushes. So simple. Why couldn't my relationship be like that? Easy...

Suddenly, I was shoved back by a body wrapping around me in a hug.

"I-I didn't mean I didn't want you, J-Jazz. I'm sorry," Alice cried into my chest, hugging me so hard I was having trouble breathing. But I didn't mind...because in a way, it was helping me breathe again.

"It's okay, darling," I whispered to her, enveloping her in a hug. It was hard for me, but it had to be hardest for her.

Alice didn't speak anymore, though. She just cried in my arms, her eyes so full of regret.

"I forgive you, love. It's okay. I forgive you, I promise," I murmured to her softly, trying to soothe her.

Alice's hands fisted the back of my shirt. She was sobbing so hard into my chest.

I had a feeling these tears were not just from this situation, but from everything. She was letting out a lot of the frustrations that she had probably been holding back.

I leaned down and kissed her forehead tenderly. "Hush, angel. It's all going to be okay," I cooed, rubbing her back.

We stayed like this for at least ten minutes. Alice just held me tight with all her might, trying to gain control of her cries.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered to me once more, standing on her tiptoes to peck my cheek. "I didn't mean to hurt you, Jazz."

"I know, darling. You're just confused. I know," I assured her, smoothing out her hair and letting her go from our embrace.

Alice reluctantly pulled away, wiping her tears with the back of her hand.

"I ruined our day," she sniffed, looking devastated.

I tilted my head and smiled a crooked smile at her.

"Nothing some cotton candy won't fix," I chuckled, winking playfully at her. I had to keep my spirits up. For her sake.

Alice's body relaxed at the forgiving tone of my voice. She smiled a very small smile and nodded.

"Cotton candy sounds good," she agreed.

She looked down at her feet as we walked to the Cotton Candy booth together in silence. We got our cotton candy quickly and started heading back up the hill to where Chloe and Nick were waiting. I wasn't sure where Emmett had gone.

"Sometimes... I just feel so confused, you know?" Alice started to say as we walked. I listened to her carefully. She continued as we sat next to Nick and Chloe.

"I don't understand how I left Spencer. I don't understand how I met you. I-I just don't understand any of this, Jazz. It's like someone else took over my body for six months and just now gave it back," Alice said in a hushed voice, only speaking to me.

I ran a soothing hand up and down her back as we sat down together. I understood. Of course I did. Who wouldn't be confused after that? It'd be hard to wake up and suddenly realize that six months of your life have disappeared. And then you find out that you moved to a small town across the country, dumped your millionaire boyfriend, and started dating a murderer. Who wouldn't be going insane at this point?

"I understand, Alice, don't worry. And I don't understand why you chose me either," I joked, winking at her. I tried to make this more relaxed for her, but all I got was a weak smile.

"Maybe you could..." Chloe started shyly, not sure if it was her place to speak.

I looked curiously at her and so did Alice. Chloe took that as a sign to continue.

"Maybe you could tell her how you met?" she suggested, looking down at her and Nick's hands that were intertwined.

Nick grinned at her with the proudest look on his face.

It was a good idea, if she wanted to hear it. Maybe it could spark something in her memory. I was up for anything, really.

"I think that's an awesome idea," Nick agreed with her, leaning into her, showing her his pride.

Chloe's eye lit up at his approving words. I noticed that about her... she seemed to love his praise.

"Maybe... if you'd like that, darling?" I turned to Alice.

She looked thoughtful, her eyes intrigued by the suggestion.

Right then, Emmett came back up the hill looking miserable. He must have felt bad about the whole earlier situation.

Alice hurried to him, being her forgiving self. She wrapped her tiny arms around as much of him as she could.

"Stop moping, you big goof. I know you didn't mean to hurt anybody," she said to him in a soft, reassuring voice.

Emmett flashed her a wide grin, relieved. His arms enveloped her and swung her around in a playful hug.

"Sorry, shrimp. I'll keep to myself," he assured her, letting her down.

Alice rolled her eyes, knowing he wouldn't keep to himself for long. She followed him as he went to sit with us and sat on his lap. I figured she felt at peace there, knowing she wasn't doing anything wrong by sitting with him because he was her cousin.

"Jasper is going to tell me how we met," she told him, catching him up on what was going on.

Emmett's face spread wide with a knowing smile. He had been there, just like Nick, and knew how crazy it was.

"Let's hear it," he chuckled, messing up Alice's hair teasingly. He earned an elbow in the stomach from that.

"Vicious thing little..." he grumbled under his breath.

Alice looked over at me, smiling innocently and cueing me to start the story.

I took a deep breath and glanced over at Nick for support. I was having second thoughts. How we met was important to me. She knew right when she saw me that we were meant to be. What if Alice thought it was dumb, now? Or wrong?

I shifted uncomfortably, hesitating.

"Go for it, man," Nick told me, reaching over to punch my shoulder gently. Chloe smiled encouragingly at me, too, seeming interested.

Here goes nothing...

APOV

I watched Jasper take a deep breath and then start to tell our story.

"Well. A long time ago in a place far, far away..." Jasper smirked, trying to lighten the mood.

Emmett threw a stuffed bear he won for Rosalie at his head.

"Fine," he grumbled, turning serious again. He threw the bear back at him and changed his position so that he was looking straight at me, as if this was one of the most important things he would ever tell me. I could tell it meant a lot to him.

My eyes flickered over his face, reading him closely as he spoke. I was a little nervous to hear it, but I knew I needed to.

"The first day you came to school, I was with the gang. The one that I've been telling you about..."****

At the mention of the gang, both Jasper and I noticed Chloe's eyes flash to Nick's face. He probably hadn't told her anything about the gang... if she was anything like me, though, I knew she wouldn't judge Nick about it.

Nick leaned over to Chloe and whispered something in her ear, I guess trying to clarify, but I couldn't hear him. Jasper caught my attention again.

"And Nick here," he continued, nudging him with his elbow, "He was taunting Edward, saying he was going to try to take Bella out. And I'm sure you remember how Edward is with Bella...."

He stopped, as if to make sure.

Edward and Bella. I chuckled with amusement. Finally, people I remembered. I had met Bella at Christmas, briefly. She had been very nice... Edward had never left her side, though, so I barely had a chance to get to know her.

"Overprotective. Like you," I said, smiling softly to show him that I at least remembered what I had noticed just from watching him.

He just rolled my eyes at that, smiled, and went on.

"So Edward got worked up and Nick egged him on, being who he was _before_. But then right before they fought, Emmett walked up, asking what was going on. He was ready to have his brother's back. Nick volunteered me to fight Emmett, making it two on two. And me being how I was _before_--"

"--not giving a shit about life--" Nick threw in.

"--Yes..." he mumbled, seeming embarrassed, "Being that person, I went into the fight willingly. It'd be an even enough fight. We were on school property, so it would be broken up before anything crazy happened. But right before anyone of us could throw a punch..." he stopped, looking me straight in the eyes.

I stared back into his beautifully unique blue ones that I still saw sometimes, floating in my dreams.

"I heard a small voice call out for Edward and Emmett. Never before had I seen such a happy, small, beautiful person in my whole life. Then, something happened that none of us would have ever thought could. You turned straight to me, the guy who was about to beat up your cousin--"

"Or try to..." Emmett coughed, but I didn't acknowledge him.

I could feel my eyes burning into Jasper's intently. I was so into the story. I knew something big was coming up. I felt like I had said something really important to him. What did I say?

"And you introduced yourself to me. Before I knew it, your arms were around me. This was unheard of... I was Jasper Hale. No one touched me. It was... unthinkable. But you... you didn't care who I was. Well, actually, maybe it was the opposite. You _did_ care who I was. You _cared_. And before I knew it, I was hugging you back. I couldn't stop myself... and when I did that, you whispered something into my ear," he paused now, searching my eyes as if to see if this was sounding, in any way, familiar.

I leaned forward, inches away from his face, silently begging the words to come from his lips. It was like when something is on the tip of your tongue, but you can't seem get it. My head was starting to hurt from trying so hard.

"What did I say?" I whispered, totally entranced; not only by his eyes, but the way that they looked at me like I was the only person in the world right now.

"You said 'We're going to be great, I know it.' And your hand slipped into mine..."

At that, he slipped his fingers through mine, causing me to take in a sharp breath at the contact. The way I was feeling right now confused me to no end. I felt so much all at once with his hand holding mine. I couldn't process it all, but it felt like everything would be okay....

Jasper continued,"It was like an angel had grabbed the hand of a devil. I'm sure that's what it seemed like to everyone around us. But all I knew was... I felt something. Something entirely foreign to me. For the first time in my life, I knew what Hope was. I felt...Hope," he whispered, the honesty and integrity in his voice very obvious.

Hope... was that the overwhelmingly good feeling that I was feeling now?

I could sense the emotion behind Jasper's words. That story was everything to him, I could tell...

The circle became silent. Jasper took his eyes from me for just a second, glancing around. I did the same.

Nick had a small smile on his face, looking supportively at Jasper. Chloe, though, was teary eyed. Her eyes darted away from Jasper's glance, embarrassed that he had caught her. She looked over at me sympathetically and we shared a small smile.

Emmett was smiling at the story, finding it amusing, but in the same way, good.

I stared down at Jasper and my finger's, still intertwined. The pure warmth that radiated from him and into me was unbelievable. I had never felt anything like it... not even with Spencer. Was that wrong?

...It didn't _feel _wrong. It actually felt more right than anything else had, lately.

I was totally still for a moment, not even breathing, as I concentrated on our hands.

_Remember. Remember. Look at the scars that you must've traced a million times. ___

They looked... _right_ on him. But I couldn't say for sure if they looked familiar to me because I was remembering them or because I had seen them recently.

_"We're going to be great, I know it..." That's what you said to him. How did you know it? What did you feel? Was it anything like what you're trying to block out now? It's too strong to block it, Alice. Just feel it...___

I let myself enjoy the feeling I got at the sight of our hands together. Even if my mind was telling me it wasn't right... I couldn't deny such a feeling.

"Guess I wouldn't have remembered my dad telling me to never to talk to strangers," I finally managed to respond, chuckling uneasily to try to lighten the mood.

I couldn't look up at him. Not yet. I think if I did, I'd lose myself so deeply in his eyes that I'd never get out of them.

Jazz laughed softly at my attempt and ran his thumb over mine, sending pleasant chills of electricity through me.

"Oh no. You knew not to talk to him," Emmett laughed, looking down lovingly at me. "Edward was practically trying to drag you away from Jasper, but you yelled at him. You told him you _knew_ Jasper wouldn't hurt you," Emmett explained to me, still chuckling.

I grinned at that. It was definitely something I would say. I looked up at them.

"I guess I can be stubborn sometimes," I shrugged sheepishly.

I noticed that Jasper rolled his eyes at that and I laughed.

"We've noticed that," Nick chuckled.

I looked up at Jasper, finally, daring myself to meet his eyes. I squeezed his hand tightly, holding it back, smiling back at the way he smiled at me.

I couldn't help but feel _something_ for a guy who looked at me that way.

The question that was bothering me was _how was this feeling possible?_

_NPOV_

I watched Jasper and Alice, sitting face to face, holding hands. This was the way it was supposed to be.

They were in their own little world. Alice seemed stuck in Jasper's eyes and Jasper was smiling. He was _really_ smiling, though. None of that fake shit to make her feel okay... no, this was a real smile. His eyes gave it all away.

This was _right_.

And it was even more right when I looked down at Chloe's hand squeezing mine as she had listened to Jasper's story. Her smoldering brown eyes seemed touched by the story.

"That's so..." she sighed, "I don't know. It's such a good story... I wish I had met a guy like that. It's such a strong story and you guys got through everything together...such a strong love..." Chloe said very quietly, more to herself than anyone else.

I glanced quickly down at her, concerned at her tone. But she was just swooning over the story, her eyes glazing over as she reflected on it.

I scoffed playfully at her.

"What? Isn't saving you from being hit by a car enough?" I said with a gasp, pretending to be hurt by the notion.

Behind the teasing, I was a little serious. I wanted our story to be important and precious to her. I know I only knew her for a few days, but I had never had my life feel as right as it did when I was with her or talking to her. Hell, I wanted our story to be everything to her. It was already everything to me...

Chloe's eyes flickered to mine and softened, looking like she was opening up for a minute, letting me into her mind. But then a smirk grew on her lips.

"Technically,_ you_ pushed me in front of the car," Chloe teased.

"Plus... I'm only your friend, remember?" she mumbled quietly, more to herself.

I was sort of surprised that she threw that back in my face from earlier, when I had introduced her to everyone as my friend.

It wasn't because I had wanted to. I honestly didn't know what to call her. She wasn't just a friend. How I felt about her isn't at all what I would feel for a friend. This feeling was _way_ too strong. I didn't even understand how it was so strong. Maybe crushes are more powerful than I thought?

I frowned at her words, not taking them as a joke. Her voice might have been teasing, but I could see it in her eyes. She was hurt that I had called her my friend. I didn't want her to be hurting.

"I just said that 'cause I didn't know...what we were..." I explained to her, my eyes brows moving together in thought.

Chloe nodded, understanding that. I reached our hands that were still together up to my lips and kissed her hand adoringly. I tried to show her that I was sorry and that I hadn't meant for the words to hurt her like that.

The thought of hurting her made me do something spontaneous. Something I had never imagined myself doing, ever. The words were out before I could think about them.

"Would you like to be my girlfriend, Chloe?" I asked her in a rough voice, full of a deep emotion.

I watched everyone's eyes shoot to mine, identical looks of shock on their faces.**  
**  
It might have been stupid and too fast, but I went with my gut feeling. What better way to get to know her than by assuring her that my feelings for her were nothing along the lines of a friend?

I laughed nervously under my breath as I thought about what they were thinking. It made me laugh too, though. Nicholas Graham was asking a girl to be his girlfriend? I was trying to _commit_ to someone? I had actual, _real_ feelings for her? I _wanted_ to care for her?

Yeah....didn't sound like me to me either. But I realized that I really didn't care at all. All I cared about were the words that would come out of Chloe's mouth next. It was like someone was deciding my fate.

Would she really want to go out with me? She had just met me...

But since we had met, we had been talking all the time. After our date, I had called her the next morning, just because I wanted to hear her voice. I had to _hear_ it.

After that, I called her after she was done with work, done with studying... and it continued like that until today, when I asked her out on a date again.

She had some hold on me that was too powerful to fight. It scared the hell out of me, but I went with it like Jasper had told me to. And despite the confusion and the really weird feelings... I was feeling better than I had ever felt before. Even if I wasn't in control over what happened, it felt good to be vulnerable with her. Terrifying, but good.

Overall, I was coming to enjoy the rollercoaster of emotions that came with being with Chloe. The tingling feeling was just... too good to ignore...

Maybe, I really _truly_ did like her. If it was possible... I hoped it was possible...

I took a chance and looked into Chloe's eyes. Her silence was driving me insane.

Chloe's eyes were so confused at that moment. They looked like they were going through every thought in her mind, in a great battle.

That worried me. My breath stopped at the pure confusion in her eyes. Maybe I _had_ moved too fast...

She looked stuck. Her eyes moved up to mine, searching them for something. She searched hard. It made me nervous to have her staring at me so intently, but I didn't break eye contact with her.

I heard a small sigh escape her lips, like she had given into something. Then something flickered in her eyes. It was something that made a grin come over my face. Her eyes started to dance with happiness.

"I would love to," she whispered to me. I noticed that the same affection in her voice was what my voice sounded like when I spoke to her.

I felt the biggest grin I had ever had stretch over my face. I scooped Chloe up into my arms and hugged her tightly to my chest, thanking her as well as I could. She needed to know that this meant everything to me.

Suddenly I felt a softness press against my cheek. My breath caught at the feeling. It was even more intense than the feeling I experienced when she touched me.

My face burned from it... my whole body reacted to it. Chloe's lips were pressed into my cheek tenderly. I thought that maybe, just maybe, she was thanking me back.

I felt something I had hardly ever felt in my life come over me. The emotions were too much. They filled me, overwhelmed me. The happiness was too strong. I didn't know how to express it.

I felt my eyes watering as I looked at Chloe.

Chloe had never kissed me before and... I really didn't know how to react to it. No one had ever kissed me except Alice. And that was different.**  
**  
My parents had never shown any love to me before they died. Grandpa was too weak to really care...

I had never had anyone look at me the way Chloe was right now. Her eyes were smothering me like they always did. The adoration in them was something I had never seen before.

I gazed back into her eyes, passion filling them, the warmest look coming over my face. I let myself open up just a bit to her, so she could see how much this really mattered to me.

Chloe seemed to notice what I was doing because her eyes turned the same way.

"Thank you," I whispered to her. My voice cracked as I spoke.

Chloe gave me a look like I was being ridiculous... like she should be the one thanking me. Not even close.

"No problem," she said, smiling softly, letting the thanks go.

I squeezed her back into me, hugging her to my chest, enjoying the warmth.

I looked up to the other two people who truly cared for me. Alice and Jasper were gazing at us.

Alice had a huge, excited grin on her face. Those bouncing orbs of happiness that she called eyes were glowing into mine.

Jasper was staring over at us. His face was different than Alice's. His smile was small, but the look in his eyes assured me that he was happy for me. That I had done the right thing.

I watched Alice's hand squeeze his, causing his smile to widen. He looked down at her and they shared a knowing grin.

This _was_ the right thing. Nothing could feel this right and be wrong.

**Author's Note: Alice... was that feelings you were feeling for **_**Jasper**_**? Shame shame. What would Spencer think of you? Lol! Yes, we know you guys are dying for Alice and Jasper to get back together, but there is a plot, and you'll have to wait and see. Sorry.... I wouldn't wanna ruin the story and just make them come back together right now, because you would miss a lot of insane drama and craziness that is going to come into Forgotten Hope. **

**Also, yes, about the drama. Haha, I realize there has not been ongoing HUGE drama in Forgotten Hope, other than you know the fact Alice isn't with Jasper, but it's coming ,don't worry my drama loving friends. We have it all covered for you in due time. **

**And speaking of drama! Nick has a girlfriend now? Whaaat? A little fast buddy? But I guess that's Nick, right? We always love to hear your comments so let us know how the surprise update was for you. Are you liking Nick and Chloe? Hating 'em? Is it just me or are you guys seeing Alice's conflicting emotions...? hmm. How's that gonna turn out? Tell us what you think! And we shall be back on Sunday to give more! **

**Oh and special thanks to my beta for this chapter. She did so incredibly in helping with this chapter. We made so many changes in it. Thank you lucy! You are as always the most amazing beta, **_**ever**_**!**


	12. Breaking Point

**Author's note: Here is your weekly update! Enjoy. **

Forgotten Hope chapter 12- Breaking Point

_JPOV_

The rest of the carnival had turned out to be a great time. We went on more rides... I may have gotten a little sick again, but I hid it well.

After that, we headed out for a quick dinner. It turned into the perfect night out.

Even with Alice saying she didn't want to kiss me, it was perfect because that strengthened us in the end. She seemed more comfortable after crying in my arms, just saying how confused she really was. She needed to get that out... but I still had a bad feeling that she was still holding things back.

Nick and Chloe were grinning for the rest of the night. Nick repeatedly called her his girlfriend the whole time, enjoying the sound of it and the expression on Chloe's face when he said it. They were still falling for each other, harder and harder. I hoped he could handle it... I had faith that he could, though.

After we dropped off Chloe, and then Alice, we headed back to the apartment where Carlisle had said he would meet us.

A few minutes into being home, we heard a knock on the door. Right on time.

I took a deep breath, shooting a look at Nick. Carlisle still didn't know about Nick being there.

Nick got off the couch slowly, reluctantly. Emmett smirked when he looked at our faces, obviously afraid to tell Carlisle what we had done. But we had to tell him sometime.

I stepped forward and opened the door. Carlisle stood there, smiling warmly at me with a suitcase in hand. He dropped the suitcase when he saw me and stepped forward, enveloping me in a fatherly hug.

I was relaxed for a moment until I felt him stiffen around me.

"Nick?" he said slowly, probably unsure if it was him or not. It had been a while...

He pulled away from me and gave me a stern look.

"Jasper..." he said, his voice rough and displeased.

I didn't say anything for a moment. I reached for his suitcase and pulled it into the apartment, then shut the door.

I took a breath, preparing myself. Let's hope for the best...

"I know it looks bad... but we couldn't leave him in there. He didn't kill Allen Meyer. I know he didn't," I explained in a quick rush of breath.

Carlisle's face was calm and composed as he watched me stumble on my words.

"There are legal ways we could have done this," Carlisle replied evenly, looking from me to Nick and back again.

I couldn't agree. We could have _tried_, but Nick had confessed. He couldn't have just taken it back. And if he had, I probably would have been a suspect right there with him again. What legal way could we have done it? Both of us couldn't have denied it...

"If we would have done that, then they would have thrown Jasper into jail for it," Nick jumped in, stepping beside me.

Carlisle nodded slowly, pressing his lips together. He looked deep in thought.

Nick and I both held our breath in suspense. I knew Carlisle wouldn't just pick up the phone and call the police, though. He wasn't like that.

"Carlisle, please trust me. Nick's innocent...." I said.

He took a deep breath.

"I'm not going to say I'm not disappointed in you, Jasper. If it had gone badly, you and Nick would have both gone to jail for longer than the initial time. It wasn't a smart thing to do. And it was very illegal," Carlisle frowned, not enjoying the thought of me getting thrown into jail.

"I know," I said guiltily. I ducked my head down in shame.

"But it's a little late for my lecture, I suppose. I suspected you were the one who got him out in the first place, but none of that is really my business...." Carlisle sighed and a small, sad smile grew on his face. "And I'm sure you aren't in the condition for a lecture right now, anyway. I'm very sorry about what happened to Alice, son."

He let it go like that.

Nick gave me a look, his eyebrow pulled in, looking as confused as me. But then I saw the pity and understanding in Carlisle's eyes. He was letting it go because of the circumstances.

"I looked over her medical file this morning and looked her head over. Unfortunately, I can't give you any more information than the doctors already have. If the injury heals properly, then both parts of her memory will come together. It might come slowly or all at once. It's really just a matter of waiting," he explained with a stressed look in his eyes.

He reached over and wrapped his arm around my shoulder, pulling me into him.

I ran a stressed hand through my hair. Those words were the same ones I had repeated through my head every day since it had happened.

_It'll just take time. It's a waiting matter... _

But the other words I had pushed straight out of my mind.

_If_ it healed properly.

It _would _heal properly... it would. There was no way Alice would forget me forever.

"Well, I'll wait as long as it takes," I mumbled, not to anyone in particular.

I watched Carlisle's eyes soften even more than they already were.

"It'll all work out fine, son," he assured me, squeezing my shoulder before letting go.

Even if I kept telling myself that over and over, I still had this nagging feeling in the back of my mind. It was possible that Alice would never remember me. Maybe Alice _would_ stay with Spencer. Maybe... everything wouldn't work out fine.

____________________________________________________________________________

All of us guys spent Sunday together. We ordered pizza and watched football like we used to do back in Forks.

Later, after a lot of begging and pleading from Emmett, we went out go-karting. It was fun to see Carlisle messing around. He actually drove Emmett off the track!

After that I stayed pretty far away from him on the track. The man was a crazy driver.

We went to bed early because Carlisle and Emmett were leaving in the morning and I had school starting in the morning. All in all my weekend turned out well, though.

The next morning I woke up early, showered, and made eggs and bacon for everyone. I hadn't slept very much last night, like every night. Nights seemed to be longer without Alice and a lot colder...

I heard footsteps and turned, seeing Emmett tiptoeing his way to Nick. He waved to me to come closer.

Emmett was holding back laughter. I curiously walked to the entrance of the kitchen, watching. What was he up to?

I vaguely heard Nick mumbling in his sleep. Emmett choked back a laugh again. This made me curious. I never noticed that Nick talked in his sleep.

I moved toward Emmett, who was standing behind the couch, listening intently. But I also noticed the whipped cream and a feather in his hand.

"Chloe..." he murmured in his sleep.

I cupped my hand over my mouth, holding back the laughter now as he rolled onto his back, still in a deep sleep.

Emmett wiggled his eyebrows at me and tiptoed around the couch.

Here we go. This was going to end up bad... but I didn't do anything to stop it, either.

Emmett leaned over and spread the whipped cream into Nick's hand. He then stood over Nick, tickling his nose with the feather.

Where had he gotten a feather? I wondered. And the whipped cream? Had he brought it all with him? The thought made me chuckle.

Nick's nose wrinkled at the feeling and Emmett continued, a huge grin coming across his face.

Then Nick's hand that was covered in whipped cream came flinging up, but not to his face. Instead, it smacked Emmett in the face, covering him in the whipped cream.

I burst out laughing. Nick opened his tired eyes and smirked at Emmett.

"You think Jasper never tried that before?" Nick chuckled, getting up from the couch and patting the disappointed Emmett on the back.

Emmett laughed good naturedly, amused at how things ended up.

Nick glared at me and I put my hands up in surrender. "Innocent bystander!" I claimed, hurrying back into the kitchen.

Nick followed me into the kitchen and washed the whipped cream off of his hands in the kitchen sink. Then I heard him groan loudly as he plopped down in a seat at the kitchen table.

"What time is it?" he grumbled, his head falling into his hands. I'm sure he hadn't had much sleep with Emmett there. Nick had probably slept with one eye open, knowing such a prankster was in the same room.

"Eight o'clock," I informed him, flipping some eggs and bacon onto a plate and placing it in front of him.

"Oh... thanks man," he said once his eyes focused on the plate in front of him.

I set the rest of the plates on the table and grabbed the orange juice and glasses. I sent Emmett to wake up Carlisle and then sat with Nick.

"So... you gonna be out all day?" Nick asked, trying to sound nonchalant, but I noticed the sad look in his eyes. He would be alone all day.

I shrugged slowly and looked up from my plate.

"I suppose. You can come if you want, though. I'm just going on a tour of the university, buying my books, and meeting some professors. And then I have to go to this fair thing where all the clubs have booths and stuff. I'm sure it doesn't matter if you come and Chloe should be there, too," I told him.

Immediately a huge grin came over his face, obviously pleased he wouldn't be stuck here by himself. I also didn't mind him coming because...well, maybe it would encourage him to finish high school. Involving Chloe was a pretty good way of persuading him to do something.

"Sounds good. I'll go call Chloe and ask her if she'll meet us!" he announced, suddenly a lot more awake.

"It's still early..." I started.

"She's up," he said confidently.

I watched him rush off toward the phone and rolled my eyes at him.

Carlisle had apparently already been awake because as he came out of the guest room, he was fully dressed and ready with his suitcase.

"Morning, Jasper," he nodded, smiling.

"Good morning. I made you some coffee." I motioned toward the coffee pot.

He smiled in thanks, poured a cup, and then came to sit beside me.

"Ready for school?" he asked, his voice caring and curious, the way it always was when he spoke to me.

I sighed softly to myself, not really sure. Every time I had pictured this day, Alice had been with me. She would have been bouncing with excitement and begging to come with me so she could see my school.

This wasn't what I had expected at all and... I wanted her here.

"As much as I can be," I shrugged, taking a bite of my eggs.

Carlisle nodded slowly, taking a long sip of his coffee.

"Alice would be proud," he assured me, leaning toward me. "And Esme and I are, too," He gave me a pointed look, then a huge grin.

"Esme wanted me to tell you to call her tonight and tell her how it goes. We would love to hear about it."

I smiled fondly up at Carlisle, glad that I had him and Esme still in my life. "Thanks and I will."

Emmett and Nick joined us at the table and we ate, chatting about anything and everything. We then finished getting ready to go: Nick and I to school and Carlisle and Emmett to the airport.

Once we were all ready, we headed down to the parking garage.

Emmett threw their stuff in Carlisle's rented car and we stood in silence for a moment.

"Well, have fun at school." Emmett scoffed at just the idea of it.

I laughed and patted his back goodbye.

"I'll try," I assured him with a smirk.

"Good luck with Alice," he said, quieter this time, not using his usual playful tone. He gave me an encouraging smile and pulled me into his normal, bone-crushing hug.

"Thanks," I replied, returning the hug. I was grateful that all of them were on my side, it might be shallow to say so, but I was glad for it. I had a whole team behind me, hoping that Alice would remember me.

Emmett let go and tackled Nick down onto the pavement. I winced at how that must have hurt, and then turned around to go to Carlisle, who was watching them with amusement.

"You stay strong, Jasper," he told me softly when he looked up.

He casually put his arm over my shoulders and squeezed me into him.

"What Esme said was true. We're proud of how you are handling all of this. When I saw Alice, I could tell she's already seeing something in you," he informed me, his look knowing.

His words made my heart beat faster at the thought. I could hope...

"She'll remember," I nodded at him, wrapping my arm around his shoulder, too.

Carlisle ran a hand through his combed blonde hair.

"Don't forget, Jasper, that you are still family. No matter what happens. You are always welcome at our house. Esme and I love you like our own son," he said to me, the love in his words softening my heart.

I knew that they told me this a lot, now. They were always assuring me. But I was glad for it. I needed the assurance that people still cared now that Alice wasn't here with me.

"I know. You have no idea how grateful I am for that, Carlisle," I breathed, the emotion in my voice quite noticeable.

Carlisle didn't say anything. He just smiled and squeezed me against him.

"Best wishes with your school," he said to me as he let go. "Call us if you need anything!" he called out before slipping into his car.

"I will!" I assured him, shutting the trunk.

Emmett jogged over and punched my arm lightly before jumping in with Carlisle.

Nick came over to me and tapped the hood of the car. "Have a good flight," he told them and stepped back to stand beside me.

"Take care," Carlisle called through the window of the car as he pulled away, leaving us in the parking lot.

Nick smiled at the disappearing car.

"Carlisle's cool," he concluded.

"He is," I agreed, nodding my head and unlocking the car.

Carlisle _was_ cool. After the go-karting stunt, I could not deny it. I laughed at the memory and slipped into my own car, ready to explore NYU.

_NPOV_

When we got to the University, we headed over for the tour. I saw Chloe leaning against a tree, head down, looking very interested as she read a book.

Excitement filled my body as I saw her. I felt like such a kid again... it was like I was becoming addicted to her. Was it possible to be addicted to someone? Was it a good thing...?

It was messed up, that's what it was. I needed some serious freakin' help.

Jasper and I strolled our way over to her. I noticed a new skip in my step as we got closer to her. I was already so into her...

She was so stuck in her book that she didn't even seem to notice our arrival.

"Chloe..." I whispered, creeping close to her face. She jumped in shock and covered her mouth to block the gasp.

"Nick!" she said loudly, trying to sound disapproving, but her smile told me she was happy.

"Hey," I murmured, leaning over to kiss her temple with care.

She leaned into the kiss, closing her eyes at the feeling. I wondered if it felt the same as when she kissed me. I doubted it. It was a unique feeling...it couldn't happen for everyone.

"_Well_, I'm going to go to the book store. You two go on with the tour. I have to do...other things," Jasper stated, not leaving it up for discussion. He turned in his tracks and began to walk away.

"What do you mean? I already know the campus! I went here all last year...?" Chloe asked him in confusion.

Jasper turned, still walking. "Show Nick around!" he called to her, giving her a pointed look.

They shared a moment. What did he mean by 'show Nick around'? I wasn't coming here. What was Jasper doing? He knew I _couldn't _come here...

Chloe grinned at Jasper, receiving a devious wink from Jasper.

Great. Thanks Jasper, my dearest friend. Ass...

Now she'll make me want to start school here because she wants me to so much. And I'll have to say no. I reached up and ran a stressed hand over my face.

"Hey... you okay? Did you sleep much? You look tired," Chloe shot off questions, looking out for me like she was my mother.

I blushed at how much she truly cared, though. It was nice...

"Emmett was trying to pull pranks on me all night," I grumbled, but a smile was still on my lips.

Chloe chuckled in amusement, rubbing my arm soothingly.

"Well, I'll try not to rush you around the campus too much," she assured me, putting her book in her backpack. I took it from her and put it over my shoulder.

"No, it's okay! I can carry it." She tried to grab it back.

"Shut up and let me do my job," I ordered her teasingly, "Trying to be a good boyfriend here...."

Chloe laughed at that. It was a carefree laugh that I didn't hear too often from her. I loved it. I was going to help her laugh more. That's what I decided.

"We should hurry. The tour is starting soon," Chloe informed me, slipping her hand into mine.

I held her in place, though, not letting her pull me forward. Chloe stopped immediately.

"Wait... I thought you were going to give me a private tour?" I pouted.

Chloe smiled at my pouting expression, reaching up to stroke my cheek.

"It wouldn't be as good as the real one," she whispered. The sound of her voice was almost sad, like there was something deeper behind those words. I frowned at it. She shouldn't have that sound in her voice.

"I'm sure it'll be much better. I'll get the cutest tour guide here," I assured her, grinning widely at her.

Chloe nudged me playfully with her hip, rolling her eyes. But she was beaming.

She didn't refuse, though. She pulled me forward, taking me to where she wanted to begin.

It turned out that I was right about my tour. It was much better than the official tour guide could have ever done. Chloe beamed as she showed me around her school, seeming to love every little bit of it. It was the most outgoing I've seen her so far.

I wasn't surprised, though. She seemed to love reading and doing school related things. It made sense that she'd love the school.

Her eyes lit up the most when we entered the library. She must have spent a lot of time there because the librarians knew her by name, all of them waving at her. She plopped down into one of the couches and looked up at me, grinning.

"I come here a lot," she told me, confirming my earlier thoughts. She seemed at home on that couch, too. I could picture her sitting on it, legs crossed, her hair covering her face as she was sucked into a book. It matched her.

"Seems like it," I chuckled, sitting down beside her, putting her backpack on the floor in front of me.

Chloe laughed at my amusement. "I like to read..." she admitted, shrugging her shoulders.

Her eyes slowly looked into the distance, going into a far off place as she thought.

"I used to read to get away from everything... I wished I could be the people in my books. They were so strong and free and courageous. And then there was me, stuck at home, doing my Trigonometry homework," Chloe opened up, thinking back to the past.

I nodded slowly, thinking about it. I wasn't one to read books, but I understood where she was coming from. When I was younger, I wished I could be other people, too. But then one day I thought about it and decided I _could_ be whoever I wanted to be, right? So why wish...?

"I still do it, sometimes..." she mumbled, very quietly, probably not sure if she should admit it. But then her eyes rose to mine, looking into them for a moment. She laughed very quietly. It was her shy laugh this time.

"You know, sometimes it seems like you are from one of those books. You seem so surreal..." she admitted, a deep scarlet blush burning on her cheeks. She took my hand in hers, bringing it into her lap, tracing the lines of my palm.

"I'm not sure about that. I hear there are some pretty smashing guys in books these days. Who could beat out Romeo?" I joked, leaning back into the couch, touched by how she felt.

"A forbidden love. Two people who could never be together, but were meant to be," she whispered to herself, a sad look in her eyes. Her hand tightened around mine as she gazed into the distance.

Someone really _liked_ Romeo and Juliet?

I gave her the space she needed. She seemed to be too deep in thought for me to interrupt her.

I looked away, watching the students moving around in the library.

"Nick," she started.

I looked at her. Her eyes still seemed deep in thought. Chloe was definitely a thinker. At least that was what I was discovering.

"Yep?"

"What are your parents like?" she asked, leaning into me.

I straightened up and took my hand out of hers, causing her eyes to flicker to mine. But I quickly reassured her as I wrapped my arm around her, letting her lean into me easier.

I looked down at her. "Mmm... skeleton-like," I answered, trying to hide a smirk. The comment might have been cold, but it was true.

Chloe's eyes filled with confusion. "What do you mean?" she asked very slowly, trying to figure out my comment.

"They died a while back," I informed her very softly, looking away from her for a short moment.

Chloe frowned deeply and reached up to stroke my cheek.

"Oh... I'm sorry, Nick," she whispered, her voice filling with sadness for my loss. Little did she know it wasn't really that much of a loss.

"It's fine. I didn't really see them a lot anyway," I shrugged nonchalantly.

Chloe's eyes went back into that deep thought. She seemed very interested in what I had just said...or something.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked finally, not being able to stay patient.

Chloe took a breath and looked back at me.

"I can't imagine growing up without my parents," she replied.

I couldn't imagine growing up _with_ parents. Two people telling you what to do and what not to do all the time? Why don't they just lock you in a closet and decide your life's destiny for you?

Being independent was much better, in my opinion.

"Are you close to your parents?" I asked her, wanting to know more about her and her family.

Chloe's lips tipped downwards, a frown coming over her face.

"Close? Mmm... yeah, I suppose so," she nodded, but her answer didn't seem so certain.

I looked over her face carefully, but she seemed to have covered any uncertainty up by then.

"Well... that's good... " I said slowly, watching for her reaction. I wasn't sure how to respond....

She just nodded back and her head dropped onto my shoulder. "They weren't thrilled about me going to NYU... being all alone on the other side of the country from them...."

"NYU's a great school, though, right? They don't let just _anyone_ in. They're probably proud of you, just...not wanting to let go of their little girl or something. Parents can be weird," I pointed out, defending her choice, even though it wasn't necessary. She was here, right? That's all that mattered.

"NYU _is _a great school. I love it. And that's why I should show you the rest of the campus... so you can decide you want to come here, too," Chloe said, changing the subject.

She got up off of the couch and waited for me with a small smile.

My mind was racing, trying to realize what she was holding back from me. Why had she changed the subject about her parents so suddenly?

I stood up to join her for the rest of my personal tour.

Was I overreacting?

_APOV_

Today was the gala. Both Spencer and I had been rushing around all day at work. Our moms were stressing out about changes in the seating charts and which flowers the decorators had picked for the dinner. Everything had to be _perfect_.

Spencer and I had headed to my house at four o'clock to get ready and I had a hair stylist coming for my hair in a few minutes. Right now I was rushing to put my dress on.

"Spence!" I called through the open closet door. He was getting ready in my bathroom.

I was starting to doubt why I had been excited for this day. It was one of the most stressful days of my life. And I had to be perfect for tonight. It was my opening night in the fashion industry.

Spencer kept assuring me with a wide grin that it would be worth it because 'it was my big night'.

"Yes, my dear?" he sang, hurrying into the room. Of course my day was brightened when I noticed had left his shirt off.

"Can you zip it up?" I asked, referring to the purple dress he had bought me on Saturday.

Spencer didn't hesitate or have any trouble, of course. It went up in one swift tug.

"You look breathtaking," he murmured, wrapping his arm around my waist, letting me relax into him.

I was sure that this was the first time I had relaxed all day. I let my eyes slip shut and I took a deep breath. It was filled with the scent of Spencer's aftershave and cologne, causing me to relax even more at the familiar smell.

Spencer had become at little happier this weekend. We had spent Sunday together, out around the city. It had been fun to just go out shopping together and then have dinner in Little Italy. It seemed to help him to be away from everything, including Jim.

I heard him humming happily as he hugged me from behind, swaying us gently to the rhythm of his song.

Then our relaxed moment was broken with a knock on the closet door.

Spencer didn't let go, though. He turned us around to see who it was. Alfred.

"Sorry for the interruption, Miss Alice, but there are some ladies here to do your hair," he informed us, smiling at me in a fond way. "And might I add, you look stunning tonight."

Spencer hummed in agreement at that, looking down to kiss my bare shoulders.

"I could just eat you up," he snickered, a devious tone to his smooth voice.

I turned my head, watching his head lower to my shoulder. And then he bit me!

"Ow!" I gasped, even though he had been gentle.

"I'll leave you two alone," Alfred laughed in amusement, turning around.

"Thanks for letting me know, Alfred!" I called out after him.

Spencer didn't stop what he was doing, moving up to bite my neck. This gala seemed to put him in such a good mood. I didn't know why, but I wouldn't complain at all.

"You need to go get ready, babe," I told him, taking his hands and literally prying them off of me.

"Can I come with you, baby?" he pouted, his big blue puppy eyes gazing into mine.

I laughed at the sight, offering him my hand, which he quickly took. But then he pulled me into him.

He crushed his lips into mine, not letting me go downstairs just yet.

"Tonight's going to be perfect," he breathed as he pulled away from my lips, pressing his forehead to mine. I nodded in agreement, bringing my hands up to run them down his hard abs.

"Not if you come dressed like this," I giggled, leaning down to peck his chest.

Spencer made an adorable face, his eye becoming teasing.

"I don't know about that, hun. I'm positive you would prefer me arriving like this," he smirked, pecking my nose, a playful tone in his voice.

This was the Spencer I knew and loved. I hoped he would stay the same.

"True! You know me too well," I replied, but let him go, hurrying out of the room before he could grab me again.

"Hey!" I heard him call, laughing. I giggled and rushed down the stairs to where the ladies were setting up their stuff.

For the next hour, the hairstylists worked with my hair. And I will tell you, it was worth every second of it. I loved the turn out of my hair. It looked more professional and formal than usual, but still looked bouncy and upbeat, like me. It matched me perfectly.

After that I was ready to go. Dress on, makeup, hair, and jewelry was perfect. It was time for my big moment... my big welcome into the company.

The limo arrived right on time, giving us good time to be there by six. I made my way to the door, slipping my heels on.

"The limo's here, Spence!" I called up the stairs, not wanting to walk up the stairs in the heels. My feet would hurt enough after tonight.

Spencer rushed from my room and down the stairs, the same goofy grin still on his face like it was earlier.

I looked him up and down and then smiled approvingly. He had the perfect tux and his hair was combed more than usual, looking more professional. He was gorgeous as always.

"Good enough?" he asked, spinning around, showing off his moves.

I rolled my eyes at him. Spencer Wright _not_ being good enough? I scoffed out loud at that.

"Perfect as always," I assured him, tiptoeing up to peck his cheek. I watched his twinkling blue eyes soften at my words. It wasn't just a compliment...it was the truth and he had to hear it from someone.

Spencer took my hand softly and placed it on his arm, escorting me to the limo.

We took the limo to the gala. The paparazzi were already swarming everywhere, flashing their cameras every time a new person arrived. I shifted a bit closer to Spencer in the car as our limo pulled into the line up.

"Don't worry, I'm right here," he whispered, smoothing my hair out soothingly.

Paparazzi were just people with cameras... I tried to tell myself. Except they were just waiting for someone to do something wrong so they could post it everywhere...

My hand on Spencer's knee gripped tightly as our car inched closer to the entrance.

Finally, the dreaded moment arrived and the car stopped. The limo driver exited the car and made his way to our door, opening it.

Spencer gave me a questioning look, asking if I was ready for this. I hadn't dealt with paparazzi like he had. I had been away.

I nodded in reassurance. Spencer nodded shortly and flashed me a smile before slipping out of the car. He waited for me before he moved an inch away from the car, holding his hand out for me to grab.

I slowly lifted myself out of the limo and took his hand, leaning into Spencer's awaiting arms. He pulled me tightly into him, shielding me from too much attention.

The cameras went crazy as we stepped onto the carpet.

"Alice!"

"Spencer!"

"Look over here!"

I heard it from every direction. Different voices, different flashes. It all went crazy. I smiled politely and turned with Spencer, giving everyone their pictures.

"They say you two are the future of Cullen and Wright industries. Do you have a comment on that?" one of them shouted out to me.

Spencer grinned at the idea and glanced down at me adoringly, but questioningly. He wanted to know if I wanted to answer.

This was my night to make myself known. He knew that. I shyly stepped out of his embrace, but still held his hand, looking toward the way the voice had sounded like it came from.

"Well, you all already knew Spencer was the future of Cullen and Wright industries. He has made it known everywhere and I hope to help him as much I can to keep it that way," I replied eloquently, my voice clearer and more confident than I felt.

"She's being humble. She is going to blow the fashion world's mind with her ideas. She _is_ the future of our company," Spencer jumped in, squeezing my hand, pride gleaming in his eyes.

I rolled my eyes at the comment, but didn't have time to respond before more questions shot out.

"Are the rumors true? Are you two together?" another reporter shouted.

Spencer's grin grew deviously, winking at me.

He was still so happy to admit that we were together. Any time the subject was mentioned, it made his day.

"Yes, they are true," Spencer confirmed.

"Kiss for the camera!" people begged us, cameras still flashing.

Once again, Spencer gave me a look for assurance before doing anything.

I hesitated for a moment, unsure if I wanted pictures all over the place of us kissing where anyone could see it...where Jasper could see it...

Wait, what? Why did I care if Jasper saw us kissing? He had seen it before. He knew we were together.

I tried to push the thoughts of Jasper's opinion out of my mind, but it more difficult than you would think. It was constantly in the back of my mind.

How could I push Jasper out of my mind? It seemed like his whole reason for being rotated around me. He needed me just to function and it was almost as if...I was all he had. The way he looked at me... so soft... I could never get that look out of my mind. It just stunned me every time.

"Alice?" Spencer whispered, concern coming over his voice.

I shook my head quickly, shoving the thoughts away whether they wanted to go or not. This was not the time.

I didn't reply to him. Instead, I just pulled him down and pressed my lips gently against his in a soft kiss.

The reporters went crazy. Spencer's hand cupped my hand, caressing it lovingly with his thumb.

We pulled away and the reporters started shouting out questioning and comments.

"Is it true you had an affair with another guy while still dating Spencer?" an outspoken reporter asked loudly, causing the others to silence.

Spencer's body stiffened and he took the question before I even had a chance.

"No. Alice would never cheat," he said, trying to keep his polite voice, but I could hear the anger from the comment coming up.

"We'll take more questions later. You have a lot more people coming," he continued, tugging me into him, letting go of my hand to wrap his arm around me. He led me out of the flashing lights and into the calm environment of the gala.

"Sometimes they can be out of line," Spencer frowned at me, silently apologizing for the uncomfortable question.

I just nodded, feeling a bit hurt by the comment. I hadn't meant to have an affair... I was sure I wouldn't do it on purpose. But I hadn't remembered Spencer. I didn't know...I never would have done that if I knew I had Spencer. It was all just a mistake.

A mistake? That wasn't what Jasper was to me, was he? How could a mistake make me feel so good?

But then suddenly I felt even more awkward and guilty at that thought. I wasn't supposed to think about other guys like that...

"There you two are!" My mom came quickly to our side, leaning over to kiss my cheek in a greeting.

"Did they behave themselves?" she asked Spencer, referring to the paparazzi. She looked like she already knew, probably from my silence.

Spencer leaned over to her and pecked her cheek before answering.

"They were fine for the first part...after that, well..." Spencer trailed off, frowning. "It's their job to be nosy," he shrugged, tightening his grip around me.

My mom nodded understandingly and rubbed my arm, trying to encourage me.

The paparazzi were the least of my problems, believe me. They just didn't help anything either.

My mom paused for a moment before waving us in further. She looked over my face, scanning it as we walked. Slowly, the smile that had been on her face slipped away. I didn't know why, but it did. It turned into a concerned frown.

"Can I borrow my daughter for a moment, Spencer dear?" my mom asked, not breaking eye connect with me. What was wrong with her?

Spencer's eyes flashed with the same concern, nodding quickly and letting me go. Did I have something on my face or something? What was going on?

My mom took my hand gently in hers, pulling me into a empty corner.

"Are you feeling all right? You look a little bit pale, darling," she commented, her free hand tapping my cheek again very gently_. _

_Darling_...

It sounded so wrong on her lips compared with Jasper's. It couldn't even compare... and his accent slipped into the word every time, even if only a bit sometimes. It was always there. It made the stomach butterflies appear instantly.

I gasped in shock at my train of thought. My hand flew up to cover my gasp. This obviously made my mother's concern rise.

"What?" she almost shrieked at my horrified look.

How could I have thought about him like that... swooning about his voice and the crazy butterflies. That was all Spencer's.

Spencer... Spencer... Spencer.

I repeated the name in my head, trying to make Jasper's disappear.

"Are you and Spencer fighting, Alice?" she asked quickly, trying to come up with a reason for my behavior.

I looked up at her, shaking my head quickly. I was half answering her questions and half trying to shake my shameful thoughts out of my mind.

"I'm just feeling... weird today," I mumbled, taking a deep breath. I could make it through the night, I assured myself.

"Your head? Are you nauseous? Dizzy?" my mom asked, very concerned now, putting her hand against my forehead.

For some reason my whole body was suddenly being overwhelmed with too many emotions. The confusion was getting so bad lately...

"No, I'm fine, Mom. I-I just need to go back to Spence," I said in a rush of words, hurrying away, leaving my mom standing alone.

Spencer was waiting around the corner, his eyes filled with questions and concerns. All I could think to do was hide. Not from Spencer, but from the world.

I tightly wrapped my arms around him, hiding my head in his chest.

"Hey..." he cooed, wrapping his arms around me. The feeling was like it always was. I felt protected. It felt _right_. This felt familiar...definitely right. It always had been, I was sure.

"Do you want to go home, baby?" he asked me gently, pressing his lips to my cheek. "We can go home if you want to," he assured me, making sure I knew he didn't mind leaving.

I didn't answer, though. I didn't know if I trusted my mouth. I certainly didn't trust my mind anymore. I didn't know where those thoughts were coming from. It wasn't me! I didn't think about other people like that...

I wouldn't let it happen again. I wouldn't.

I looked up to Spencer, whose eyes were so troubled it made me want to cry.

Again, I didn't trust my mouth. At least not to speak, that is. I pulled myself up and pressed my lips to his in a deep kiss, trying to erase everything in my mind.

Spencer didn't seem sure about the kiss, but quickly gave in, kissing right back.

"Oh my gosh, you still can't keep it in your pants for one night!" a girl from behind us laughed.

Spencer and I broke apart and looked back. A sly smile grew over my face. It was a group of friends that Spencer and I had hung out with in high school.

There they stood like always, even after the apparent six months I was gone. They still looked the same.

Spencer laughed quietly, but it sounded a bit forced, still uncertain about my condition.

When I stood still next to Spencer, not moving to hug or greet them, Jared looked forward. He was already stumbling slightly...he had always had a thing for alcohol.

"Not gonna say hi to your old high school pals?" he questioned me with a slur, opening his arms wide for me.

There was a weird sense that filled me, uncomfortable by the interaction. But like everything else, I quickly shoved it away and stepped into his awaiting embrace. He held me for only a moment before letting go.

"My turn!" Daniela shouted, pushing Jared out of the way. This went on as I hugged the rest of the group, who seemed...rather far away from me. It was like I didn't know them. Though a lot can change people in six months, they still all seemed the same. _I_ was the one who had changed, but I didn't _feel _like I had changed.

It was confusing.

Spencer quickly rescued me though, excusing us.

We made our way around the room, greeting everyone and anyone there. Spencer would quickly inform me to whom the people were, especially the ones who needed to be impressed. He seemed to have done some pretty intense homework on some of the guests, knowing personal facts about all of them.

Spencer kept me so busy with all these strangers that I didn't even have time to think. This was a very good thing.

The guests were all polite. Some were more outgoing than others, warmly complimenting me on my outfit. A few told me I looked "glamorous," which made me grin. It seemed easier to talk to them than to my friends. Maybe it was because I had never known these people before.

Soon, my mom was announcing that everyone should take their seats for dinner. Our families sat together: my mom and dad and Spencer's parents. I noticed that during this time, not one word was passed between Spencer and Jim.

Jim wasn't very fond of these fashion dinners and obviously wasn't pleased to be here. But he still made friendly conversation with the guests.

"Welcome everyone, to the Cullen and Wright annual gala. Tonight we are celebrating the success of the summer feature and wishing for the best with our fall feature. I am so pleased you could all make it tonight," My mom had started to announce, standing up with Olivia.

Glasses of champagne were being passed to everyone at the tables as my mother and Olivia gushed about the summer and all of the successes and soon to be successes.

"Of course, we'd like to give thanks to the man who made a lot of this success possible. My son, Spencer Wright!" Olivia cheered, a bright, proud smile glued to her face. She pulled him up so that he was standing with them.

The room erupted in cheers, causing Spencer to duck his head, smiling at the admiration of everyone in the room. I squeezed his hand tightly.

"But there's also another person who we'd like to welcome to the company," Spencer started, glancing down at me with that constant adoring look in his eyes. He gently coaxed me up to my feet, causing my stomach to lurch in fright with all of the people staring at me.

"Alice Cullen. The future of Cullen and Wright industries. I learned it all from her," he continued, grinning proudly at me.

"To the future of Cullen and Wright industries: Alice Cullen and Spencer Wright!" our mothers said in unison, beaming at us.

Again, the room filled with cheers as everyone took their champagne glasses and toasted them in the air.

I picked mine up and put it to my lips as I took my seat again. But before I could swallow, a gag effect hit me. My throat literally closed up, not letting the fizzy liquid go down, so I choked on it. My nose wrinkled and I realized... I didn't like the taste at all.

I didn't like the champagne...

I started a loud coughing fit from choking. Everyone in the room had already started laughing and talking again, but our whole table became silent, looking at me with quiet concern.

Spencer quickly put his glass on the table and grabbed my glass from me. He set it on the table and then rubbed my back soothingly, trying to help my coughs subside.

"S-sorry," I coughed, my eyes watering from the fit.

"Shh, take a deep breath, hun," he murmured. He picked up the glass of wine that had been sitting next to the toasting glass in front of my plate.

"Drink some, it'll help it go down," he instructed me, bringing it to my lips so I wouldn't spill it.

I nodded, obediently. I took a sip of the very familiar taste. It was my favorite wine, but... I didn't like it, either. A feeling like I was doing something wrong came over me. I swallowed the wine very hard, trying to keep it down. It felt like I was trying to swallow cherry cough syrup.

"What's wrong?" Spencer asked when my face scrunched up in distaste.

"I don't like it," I whispered quietly, my voice harsh from the coughing.

Spencer's eyebrows furrowed, looking utterly confused.

"Bad year, maybe?" he said as he picked up the glass, puzzled. He swirled it around in the glass before taking a sip of it.

He paused for a moment, tasting it, and then glanced back to me.

"It tastes fine to me... better than fine..." he said slowly.

It was supposed to be one of my favorite wines. The taste disgusted me now. I was revolted by it. My body and mind were not accepting it at all.

I sat back in my chair and crossed my arms, frustrated. Why didn't I like it?

"I can get you something else, if you'd like, baby?" he offered, not sure about what he should do.

"No, it's fine," I assured him. I reached forward and brought my wine glass back to my lips, forcing it down whether or not this other me wanted it. It _was_ my favorite wine. I would drink it and enjoy it.

"I thought you didn't like it?" Spencer questioned me in a rush when I started to drink the glass down quickly.

I shrugged, turning in my seat to lean my back against him.

He instantly wrapped his arms around me. I could feel the worry radiating off of him as he held me to him.

I sipped on my glass of wine, ignoring the taste by concentrating on my newly polished white nails. They looked like pearls, so elegant and perfect against the champagne glass.

Another speaker came and stood on the platform, starting another speech about the successful year, but I didn't hear a word of it.

What did I care about what he had to say about the successful year? I hadn't been there to contribute to it... why did my parents and Spencer's want to make this gala combined with welcoming me into the company? How did they know I'd be a good asset? What if I had lost my fashion sense when I had lost myself?

Maybe I was being dramatic, but I just didn't know anymore. How could I be sure of anything when I kept feeling things that I couldn't understand? ****

My eyes flickered over the floor full of people, all dressed up. Though the sight of them was familiar, it felt...intimidating. What if I didn't fit in anymore?

I finished my wine and switched the wine glass with the champagne glass, bringing it up and taking a sip. It still didn't taste good, but I was determined to _make _it taste good.

I went to take another sip and Spencer's hand covered mine, stopping me from drinking it. I felt him stiffening behind me.

"Sweetheart..." he whispered in a hushed voice. There was warning in his voice, but he was mostly worried. "Why don't you slow down a little?"

I guess I had been acting strange today. But I was just trying to make myself _me_ again. I was going to like what I usually liked and I was going to loosen up and stop ruining Spencer's time by making him worry about me. I needed these drinks.

I wasn't going to tell him that, though. He would stop me before I could start to like the champagne again. Or before I was too drunk to know whether or not I liked it or not.

Slowly, I stood up from the table, leaving the drink. I was determined to be me tonight...

"I'll be back. I need to use the restroom," I told him quickly when he tried to stand with me.

I leaned down, hesitating once I finally met his worried blue eyes. The deepness of the worry made me want to sit down and assure him that everything was fine. But I didn't want to lie to him. I was tired of saying that. I was _not_ okay. Everything seemed wrong and it _wasn't_. What did that mean?

"Kay," Spencer said reluctantly, sitting back in his seat. He reached up and stroked my cheek. I leaned into his smooth hand and then kissed his palm.

"Be back in a minute," I assured him with a fleeting smile.

He smiled back, warily, as I walked away. My head was starting to spin. I hurried a bit, afraid that he would change his mind about following me.

Once I was across the floor, I looked back to see him watching me closely. There was just so much worry in his eyes... he loved me too much.

The thought of him loving me made my insides turn soft. That was the right kind of thought to have in my mind. Good. Finally. Something right.

I turned around and kept walking until I was out of the huge dining room/ballroom that the gala was being held in. If I went left, it'd take me to the restrooms. If I went right, it'd take me to a a smaller, dimly lit room with an elaborate bar.

I spotted Jared sitting at the bar, as always, with a drink in hand. I decided to join him instead of going to the bathroom.

Jared wasn't listening to a thing going on at the gala. His eyes met mine as I walked closer and they brightened.

"Ali! Come sit with me!" he called to me, patting the seat beside him.

My body froze, suddenly. Ali... the nickname was so familiar. It made me feel safe... but I knew right now I shouldn't be feeling safe. He had always called me things like that, but now it was wrong. The way he drunkenly slurred it ruined it a little, maybe?

I tried to think why the word seemed like a safe word in my head. Why it was so familiar, but I couldn't place it.

Jared said something to the bartender and came over to me when I didn't move.

"You look like you need a drink," he mumbled, taking my hand and leading me to the bar.

I didn't stop him, knowing that was what I had come for. He had always ordered me drinks, anyway. It was only polite to accept, right? That's who I was. I was Alice Cullen. And I was elegant and polite and stylish and this was my world.

The bartender set a glass in front of me and I stared at it for a moment, having second thoughts.

Maybe there was a reason why I didn't like it. Maybe my tastes had just changed...

_Like your taste in men, _something in the back of my mind shouted out.

_Shut up,_ I told the voice. I took a sharp breath in through my nose and held my breath. I grabbed the drink without anymore thought and took a large gulp of it.

"So... I heard some things when you were away. You broke up with Mr. Right over there," he said in a very suspicious voice, trying to figure out why I had done it.

Yeah you know as much as me, buddy. I have no idea why I did.

"Apparently," I mumbled nonchalantly, taking another sip of the drink.

"What do you mean?" he asked, interest coming into his voice.

I sighed. I hadn't come here to talk about the things I wanted to forget about.

"I don't remember. I had amnesia and now I have it again about everything that happend when I was away," I snapped at him, much harsher then I had intended.

He was already pretty drunk though and didn't even seem to mind.

"A chance to forget your past. What a gift... I wish I could forget this God forsaken life of the rich and famous. Every poor man's dream and every rich man's nightmare..." he slurred to himself, taking another gulp of his drink.

That's a way you could look at it, I guess. It just sucked that it had happened twice and I had apparently loved both lives.

I finished my drink. My throat was burning and my stomach was cringing at the taste. Part of my mind was screaming at me to stop, but I ignored it.

"Trying to forget again?" he asked. He had been watching me take down the whole glass in less than a minute.

"Something like that," I grumbled, and on cue he waved the bartender over to get me another drink.

"You meet a different guy, didn't you?" he questioned, his voice clearer this time, more perceptive.

My head shot to him when I heard the words. Was it really that obvious?

"Take that as a yes," he chuckled drunkenly, pushing the new drink to me. "Don't worry, I was just repeating what I was seeing in those damned magazines." He hissed the last words viciously.

I wondered why he suddenly had such a hate for the media and being rich. He wasn't like that before. He had always been fun and joking, even if he did have a drinking problem. Now it was all different. Everything was different.

"Oh..." I whispered, taking a long sip of the new drink, wrinkling my nose in distaste. My head was getting a bit heavier now. Those drinks must have been stronger than I thought. Or I just hadn't drank in so long that I wasn't used to it. Maybe both.

"Don't worry, these will make you forget, no matter how good he was," he assured me.

Was that what it looked like I wanted? It wasn't because I thought Jasper was better than Spencer...was it? I wasn't trying to get rid of Jasper so I could be with Spencer fully. It was just...my mind had thoughts sometimes. About Jasper. And I wasn't used to it...

"I...I'm not trying to forget Jasper..." I told him, my words hitting against each other. I took another drink, downing the glass once again. My head was spinning more now. My thoughts were muddy, flowing together. I couldn't comprehend some of my own thoughts, but that wasn't new. It was just amplified now.

"I need...to find Spencer," I whispered, concentrating hard to make my words come out clearly. Jared helped me off of the bar stool and slid another drink into my hand.

"Sometimes it's good to forget everything," he said softly into my ear before letting me go.

I took a step forward, stumbling, losing my balance. I gripped a chair in front of me. The liquid in my glass sloshed around and splashed onto my hand.

"Crap..." I mumbled, trying to rummage through my purse for a napkin or something. But what I saw first was my cell phone, the lights blinking.

"One Text Message: Jazz."

I set my drink on a nearby table and drunkenly plopped myself onto the chair. I took the phone out and fumbled with the buttons, trying to get the text message to pop up.

I squinted my eyes to make out the words.

_How's the gala, darling? _It read.

My fingers weren't working right. They clumsily moved over the keys of the phone as I tried to reply back, but it came out as gibberish.

I growled angrily at the phone and glared at it before pressing the call button, finally just deciding to call Jazz and tell him. Talking was better than texting anyway, right?

"Darling?" he answered the phone. That accent that I had been thinking about earlier came straight out into the word. My body warmed at the sound of it.

"Hi Jazz!" I sang happily, feeling giddy.

There was silence for the next long moment. Jasper didn't say anything. That made a spark of anger flare in me for some reason. The alcohol was doing weird things to my emotions.

"Are you all right?" he finally said, "You don't sound right, love...." His voice was slow. I thought I heard some rage growing in his voice. Was he mad that I called? I couldn't make my fingers work to text... he shouldn't be mad...

"I'm _fine_! Are _you_ all right?" I slurred, rocking a bit in the chair. I took another long sip of the drink as I swayed, the room becoming a bit hazy.

"Where are you?" he asked, his voice now rushed and anxious.

What was wrong with him? Everything was great... my thoughts were jumbled, but it was okay. 'Cause I was talking to Jasper and he liked me. A lot. I think he might even love me. He acted like it. Spencer loved me too. Everybody loved me and in this state of mind, I loved everybody right back. No hesitation. Nothing to make me wonder if I was allowed to feel things like this...

"The gala. Oh! You should_ come _here Jasper!" I exclaimed in a squeal, excited by my new idea. _He_ could come here and be with me. I couldn't make it all the way over to Spencer...so... Jazz could come!

"Maybe I should..." I heard him mutter.

"Yes! And you can see the dress Spence bought me. It's purple. I look right in it. Especially with the way they did my hair. And my nails look like pearls," I rambled.

"Darling... have you been drinking?" he suddenly asked. The accent was out a lot now, very strong.

"W-well maybe a _little, _but it's okay," I giggled, swaying my drink around in front of me. I watched the liquid splash against the walls of the glass as I heard something smash on the other line. The loud crash made me jump.

"Jasper?" I heard Nick's deeper voice in the distance on the phone.

"Nicky!" I cheered. "Can Nick come too, Jazz?"

"Alice?" I heard Spencer's voice, now. Was he with Jasper too? I thought he was here...weird.

Then I felt someone touch my cheek and I looked up. Oh...Spencer _was_ here.

His eyes flickered to my hands, one holding my glass and the other holding my cell phone. He grabbed the phone from me first.

"_Spence_!" I shouted, trying to get it back. I was talking to Jazz! And Nick was there. And what if they wanted to come to the gala?

Spencer put the phone to his ear and started speaking too quickly into it. I couldn't make out what he was saying. His words confused me too much.

"_Give_ me it!" I argued, trying to grab it from him. I knew I was being childish, but he shouldn't have taken my phone off of me.

Spencer's eyes became very troubled and then he hung the phone up.

"Spence!" I shrieked at him for hanging it up. I wanted to talk to Jazz... I didn't even get to say goodbye to him. What if he got mad that I didn't say goodbye? What if he thought I didn't like him?

_He already thinks you don't love him..._

I don't.  
_  
__I don't...?_

I don't...I love Spencer, I thought stubbornly.

But right now Spencer was _really_ making me mad. He took my phone off of me like I was a little kid...

_Maybe_ I loved everybody. Why not? Love was a good thing, right? If I could love everybody, that would solve everything.

Spencer reached for my glass and I pulled it back from him quickly, trying to keep him from taking that from me too. But I swayed in the chair too much and fell back. Before I could hit the floor, though, Spencer caught me. The drink spilled all over the floor.

"That was your fault," I huffed, setting the glass down and crossing my arms.

Spencer picked me up, struggling a bit as I wiggled.

"H-how much did you drink, hun?" he asked very slowly, looking over my face.

I felt my eyes drooping. I pulled them up with all the strength I had.

"Just a bit..." I mumbled, ducking my head like a guilty little girl. I felt safer in his arms. I relaxed and let him carry me.

Spencer frowned and leaned down to kiss my cheek.

"I knew I should have taken you home..." he murmured to himself.

Spencer then looked around hastily, looking around the room. "We need to get you out of here."

I didn't know what they were all so mad about. First Jasper and now Spencer.

_Jasper and Spencer. Spencer and Jasper. Spencer and Alice ...Jasper and Alice?_

Too confusing. But no reason to be mad...

All I was trying to do was... forget all of the confusing thoughts in my mind. I wanted to be sure about something. Just for one moment.

I wanted to feel like _me_ again.

**Author's note: Alice...getting...drunk? Oh no she's turning into Mack! *gasp*poor thing. And Carlisle and Emmett left. Bye Emmett, we'll miss you! Jasper's first day of school as well and Nick and Chloe interaction, that was interesting. Lots of stuff. How'd you like the chapter? Let us know, leave a review! Here is when the craziness starts!**


	13. Help

**Author's Note: Hellooo fanfiction world! How are you this fine weekend? I hope this makes your weekend even better, enjoy your weekly update! **

Forgotten Hope Chapter 13- Help

SPOV

I needed to get her out of the public eye. I couldn't let the media get wind of this.

I carried her out of the bar and into the hallway, but I couldn't carry her into the dining room. Way too obvious. She'd have to walk in.

"I have to set you down for a second, okay?" I explained.

She nodded and I gently put her back on her feet, keeping my arm around her shoulders as she swayed.

"Spencer. I need...my phone," Alice said, concentrating very hard on getting the words out.

"I'll give it back to you later, kay? No more calls tonight," I explained softly.

She pouted and crossed her arms. "Is it 'cause you're mad at me?"

"I'm not mad at you, baby. I promise." Just overly concerned about her...

She sighed and looked at her nails.

I took a deep breath and then leaned down to look her in the eye.

"Okay, Alice. We have to go back to the table to get the keys to my parents' car so I can take you out of here. Can you walk straight?"

She nodded. "IIII think so," she sang.

I held onto her, just in case, as we made our way back into the dining room.

When we got to the table, Alice sloppily plopped down into her chair, but then sat up, as if she was trying to keep herself composed.

"Hey! Where've you two kids been?" Dan exclaimed. The light in his eyes faded a little as he took in Alice. He narrowed them, concerned.

"You all right, baby girl?"

She nodded, not meeting his eyes, but didn't say anything.

"Alice isn't feeling well. We were going to head out. Mom, Dad, is it okay if I take your car and you can take our limo home? I don't want to draw any unnecessary attention," I explained, giving my mom a look.

The adults exchanged worried glances.

"Alice, dear? What's the matter?" my mom asked her.

"I'm just...very tired. My head hurts. I j-just need to go home and lie down," she spoke quietly, her hand reaching for the half empty champagne glass that she had left from earlier.

I slid the glass out of her reach and she scowled at me, but didn't say anything. I could almost see her literally biting her tongue.

"So can I take the car?" I asked, starting to get a little impatient.

"I'm sure she can make it a few more hours, right Alice? You're a trooper! Spencer doesn't need to treat you like you're a little girl, does he?" my dad said, a few drinks already under his belt.

Alice didn't answer him, but I saw her fists clench at the fact that he was putting me down again.

...Or at the fact that I was treating her like she was a little girl?

But no... Alice knew I was just taking care of her when she needed me, didn't she?

"Dad, she really doesn't feel good," I said slowly, "I think the champagne was a little too strong for her. I don't think she's drank in a while, so I think it's just hitting her hard after so long..." I explained even quieter, trying to maintain composure.

He waved his hand at me like I was being ridiculous and I fought not to roll my eyes at him.

"Spencer, have you been drinking tonight?" my mom asked me, looking me in the eye.

"No, mom. I only had a sip at the toast earlier. I'm okay to drive."

She nodded and reached into her purse for her keys. "Be careful, all right?"

"I will," I promised, kissing her, and then Alice's mom, on the cheek.

I nodded to my dad, and shook Dan's hand as our moms gave Alice kisses goodbye.

"Is she okay, Spencer?" Dan asked me very seriously, searching my eyes for the answer.

"She just... had a little too much to drink. Nothing a deep sleep won't fix. But I'll watch out for her, I promise," I told him genuinely, my tone still soft.

He nodded at me. "If it gets bad, you'll call us to come get her, okay?" he told me, still very solemn.

"Yes. I will, I promise," I told him.

I waved and then escorted her out of the room. As soon as we were outside, I swooped her into my arms, bridal style.

"You...wouldn't let me f-finish my glass," she complained once we were away from everyone.

"I didn't want you to get sick, hun. I think you've had more than enough for tonight..." I told her softly, not wanting to hurt her feelings.

"Sooo you're allowed to g-grab a beer to drink when you're stressed, butttt I'm not allowed to drink when _I'm_ stressed?"

I froze, her words piercing through me. Wow, she had just thrown that back into my face.

"I'm sorry, baby," I whispered seriously, "that was a mistake on my part, and I am really sorry I did that...."

She shrugged, "S'okay, Spence. I still love you. But _this_ is my mistake. I drank champagne," she said simply. Then she giggled.

"Champagne. That's such a weird word. It should be sham-pag-na. Or something. Weird," she contemplated, changing the subject away from such seriousness.

I watched her closely, a sad look on my face.

"What did you do to yourself, baby?" I asked quietly, looking down at her.

She looked up at me, looking confused, but determined.

"I don't know," she said quietly, "Hey Spence? Why don't I like champagne anymore?" she slurred to me, her eyes droopy, giving me a pointed look. She was very interested in the answer.

The parking valet pulled up to the front with my parents' car and opened the front door of it so I could place Alice in it.

"I don't know, honey," I answered her softly, leaning down to buckle her in the seat. She squirmed a bit, making it hard.

"I don't like seat belts. They make me feel trapped. Do I have to wear it?"

"Yes. Hush, now. We'll be home soon."

"Can't we stay? I was having fun. Everybody was so polite... I never noticed how polite they all are. Do you think it's real? Or..." she leaned closer to me, her eyes wide. "Or! Maybe it's all an act. Like... maybe they really aren't having fun, but everyone pretends to, so then everyone does. What do you think?"

"I think that we should get you home," I said softly, pecking her forehead.

She pouted, grabbing my hand tightly to stop me from closing the door. "But I wanna stay. They said I looked glamorous."

I looked down at her, seeing how drunk she already was. I wasn't going to let her get worse, or let the paparazzi find her like this. This was her night and I didn't want it to be ruined. And she was a mess.

"You always look glamorous. Not tonight, though, love. We should get home. Maybe another time we'll stay later, kay?" I offered her, knowing she wasn't thinking straight anyway.

She huffed and cross her arms.

"Fine," she grumbled. I chuckled very quietly to myself and gave her puckered lips a quick kiss before getting up and shutting her door.

"Thank you," I told the parking valet, handing him a tip and running around the car.

Alice was unsteadily trying to change the radio station as I got in. I raised a curious eyebrow at her, buckling myself in. The car wasn't on yet, meaning the radio wasn't either.

"Spencer. It won't work!" she complained, fumbling with all of the buttons in frustration.

I took her hand off the radio and held it securely in mine, turning the engine on awkwardly with my other hand.

The radio lights flashed on and Alice beamed.

"You fixed it!" she grinned, turning the volume up to almost the highest as I sped out of the parking lot.

"Isn't a little loud, baby?" I hinted.

"I like it. It drowns everything else out," she said simply. The words were innocent, but I was concerned about their meaning.

I watched her warily out of the corner of my eye. Alice wasn't usually one to drink enough to get herself drunk. She usually drank very responsibly...

Alice danced around to the music for a few minutes, but then she stopped and put her head in her hands. She groaned softly.

"What's wrong? Are you hurting?" I asked her quietly, reaching over as we stopped at a red light. I stroked her cheek gently.

She nodded into my hand, her eyes squeezed shut. "My head hurts. I'm spinning."

"We'll be home soon," I assured her, taking my hand off her cheek as the light changed back.

I shifted gears and floored the gas, trying to get back faster.

I heard Alice's seat belt buckle come undone and my head snapped to her, seeing what she was doing. She started trying to crawl into my seat with me.

"W-what are you doing?" I asked her in a rush, looking around for other cars or cops. I reached out to steady her as we rounded a bend, so she wouldn't slam into the dashboard.

"I wanna sit with you," she said firmly. "Please? I don't feel good, Spence," she whimpered, her eyes welling up with tears.

I hurriedly pulled to the side of the road before she started to cry. Shutting off the engine, I turned to her.

"Come here, it's going to be okay. Shh," I sang softly to her, reaching over to help her climb into my lap. She snuggled into my chest, whimpering words I couldn't understand. I smoothed her hair over her head and kissed her forehead.

I reached around her to turn the radio volume down to low, so it was just background noise.

"What's the matter, baby? What hurts?" I asked her, my brow crinkling with worry.

"I don't know, Spence," she whispered, barely audibly, "I just... I'm confused and things that should feel right feel wrong and I thought if I kept drinking the champagne I'd like it again and then everything would feel right again and the taste was bad but the feeling was good but then it wasn't and now I'm still spinning and I don't want to anymore," she admitted, her words all flowing together as she spoke into my shoulder.

I let out a breath and held her tight to me, not sure what to say.

"Can we go to your house?" she asked me in a pained, weak voice.

"Yeah... yeah, if you want to," I replied to her, softly.

She nodded against me and I helped her back into her seat.

"Seat belt?"

She fumbled with it for a second before I helped her put it back on.

We pulled back onto the road, driving very carefully. Alice was mostly silent the rest of the ride, just mumbling things to herself, singing to herself, holding on to my hand tightly.

We drove into my garage and I shut the car off. I awkwardly opened the door and carried Alice out and toward the door to the house.

As I opened the door, one of the maids walked into the hallway and glanced at Alice squirming in my arms.

"I'll bring up some coffee," she told me before rushing off to the kitchen.

I carried Alice up to my room, knowing it would be fine with our parents. Dan had wanted me to watch out for her.

Alice was playing with the tie of my suit as we entered my room.

I placed her softly down on the bed and went to move to the closet, but she held onto my tie. She loosened it and then popped my collar to take the tie off.

I moved away from her and removed the covers so she could get under them, but she didn't seem to even notice. She just moved back to me and took my suit jacket off and dumped it on the floor.

I sighed, knowing she probably just wanted me to go to sleep with her.

"Just one moment, kay?" I said gently, sitting her down on the bed.

She nodded mutely and let go of me.

I walked to the closet and got her one of my bigger undershirts and walked back to the bed. Her dress would be too uncomfortable to sleep in and my shirt would be like a nightgown on her.

"We are going to put you into this so you can be more comfortable, all right hun?" I explained to her, trying not to confuse her in any way.

Alice just nodded again, reaching for me. I smiled at her and helped her stand. I slipped her dress off of her and steadied her as she stumbled, stepping out of it.

Alice leaned into me, hugging me around the waist. I rubbed her back soothingly and she sighed.

"I love you..." she whispered, causing my heart to skip a beat. A smile spread over my face.

I looked down at her as she peered up at me with wide, honest eyes.

"I love you too, baby," I sang to her, kissing the tip of her nose playfully, making her giggle.

I was took a breath in of surprise as her arms moved from my waist to my neck in a flash of a second, pulling me down to her lips.

I let her do what she pleased, knowing that she wasn't thinking straight and not wanting to upset her. And why would I ever stop her from kissing me? It was by far the best feeling in the world.

Her lips moved hungrily on mine, sucking on my bottom lip. I sighed contently against her and wrapped her tightly up in my arms, keeping her on her feet. One of her hands moved up to my hair, keeping me locked into the kiss. Her tongue skimmed over my bottom lip, begging for entry.

I parted my lips, letting her enter my mouth, our tongues dancing their familiar dance. The taste of both of us mixed into the most exquisite taste in the world.

Alice moaned softly into my mouth, loving it as much as me. I led her slowly to the bed, laying her down and lying down beside her. She didn't let us break the kiss for one moment, keeping us together as one.

"Mmm," she moaned louder this time, her hands moving down my chest. She began to unbutton my shirt, though she was having a lot of trouble controlling her fingers.

I covered her hands with mine, moving my mouth to her neck, sucking softly on it as I helped her unbutton my shirt.

She arched her neck back, giving me more access to her soft, white skin as she stripped my shirt off. I rolled over, propping myself over her, working on her neck. I slid my tongue out, licking the spot I had been sucking.

Alice's breathing was heavy. I could feel her pulse racing under my lips. I grinned, happiness feeling me. It still made me feel better than anything knowing that I could still make her feel this way.

I propped myself up on my right arm, leaning on it, letting my left hand run down her arm. My lips moved down to her collarbone, my lips skimming over it, leaving open mouthed kissing on it.

Alice's hands fisted in the back of my hair, pulling me roughly back to her lips. She crushed her lips against mine, her tongue instantly in my mouth again. Her whole body arched up to meet mine.

I stiffened for a moment, unsure if this was right. She was drunk. She didn't know what she was doing.

"Don't stop, please," she begged, her words slurred and her breathing uneven.

I frowned and looked over her face, the desire burning in her eyes.

I nodded in obedience, kissing her softer this time.

She pulled off of my lips and moved to my shoulders, kissing up them and up my neck, and over again. Her lips moved softly, sincerely. Even when she was drunk, she was assuring me.

I felt her hands trailing down my back, her finger tips making patterns on it. Her hands then moved onto my waist, tugging my under shirt over my head.

"Why do you wear so many clothes?" she grumbled in frustration, her eyes narrowing into a small glare.

I stuck my tongue out teasingly at her and kissed her apologetically.

"I'm sorry. Next time I'll just go to a fashion gala with no clothes on," I smirked at her, amused.

She looked pleased, which made me laugh.

"I like that idea," she murmured, kissing up my jaw now.

I rolled my eyes, knowing she couldn't see me doing it.

Her fingers toyed with the trail of hair on my lower stomach, causing me to shiver involuntarily.

Alice smiled smugly at that and her lips found mine again, kissing me slowly.

Her fingers stopped playing with my stomach and I felt her tugging on my belt.

I froze again. My lips stopped moving with hers as my hand grabbed hers, stopping her at my belt.

I looked down at her, suddenly realizing that she was laying there in just a bra and panties. Then it hit me. I knew what she wanted...

"Alice," I whispered, pulling up, looking her in the eyes.

She watched me sadly, her eyes begging me.

I sat up and shook my head.

"You're drunk, sweetheart," I mumbled, trying to get off of the bed before I couldn't anymore.

She grabbed my hand.

"P-please," she whispered hoarsely, pulling me to her.

I leaned onto the bed and wrapped my arms around her, kissing the tears that were starting to fall silently down her face.

She pulled me tighter to her, our bodies pressed against each other as she ran her lips over my neck.

"Alice, we can't..." I whispered, my control starting to falter.

"Yes we can," she said against my neck, her tone desperate.

"Baby..."

"Shh," she whispered, pressing herself tighter against me.

It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, but I pushed her off of me gently and set her on the bed.

She looked up at me, her eyes glassy, her face tear-stained. She watched me with a burning need in her wide, pleading eyes.

I rubbed my face stressfully, looking at how vulnerable she looked. I sat on the bed, wiping the falling tears off of her face. The alcohol was bad for her emotions. I knew that.

"Hush," I murmured. I fell next to her, laying beside her, running my fingers up and down her arm.

"But I-I want to," she whispered, rolling over so that her stomach was now against mine again. She squeezed her eyes shut. "Dizzy," she whispered.

"I know you want to, but not tonight, baby. Shh. You need to rest and get better," I told her very gently, trying not upset her more.

"D-don't you l-love me anymore S-Spencer?" she asked through quiet sobs.

It felt like a bucket of ice cold water had been poured over my head at the words. I knew it was just the alcohol talking, but it broke my heart.

I pulled her back, looking her straight in her tear filled eyes. "You know I love you, Alice Marie Cullen. I will never stop," I stated firmly, looking her dead in the eyes, neither of us blinking.

The tears fell silently down her cheeks and she nodded.

"I-I know you d-do," she whimpered and fell into me, fatigue seeming to suddenly take her over. "I just wanna...feel something...right."

My breath caught at her words. Something right? Did she mean she wanted to be sober again or... was it something deeper? Did it feel like something was wrong when she was with me? When she was without Jasper?

I crinkled my brow, worried, and picked her up so I could lay her back down on the bed. I pulled the covers over her.

"Hush, now, baby. You'll feel right again in the morning." It broke my heart to see her this way.

A knock on the door broke my concentration and I stood.

"Be right back," I promised, pecking her lips softly, then walking to the door.

The maid stood there with a tray, a coffee pot, two cups and the creamers. There was also a cold, wet cloth sitting at the end of the tray.

I thanked her quickly and closed the door with my foot, carrying the tray to the nightstand.

Alice watched me silently as I sat down on the side of the bed. She rubbed my thigh soothingly, as if I was the one who was upset.

I suppose I was a little upset. Hearing her pleading with me hurt. I knew what she wanted, but I knew I couldn't do anything like that with her when she was drunk or confused. And... I was afraid. I wasn't sure if I would have her even next week. I didn't want to do something that would hurt me...or her... even more when she left.

I poured her coffee and wiped her face with the wet cloth.

Then I helped her sit up and she drank a few sips of the coffee, wrinkling her nose at the strong taste. I had given it to her straight black, because I knew it helped the most.

"My head feels heavy," she whispered more to herself than to me.

I nodded and rested her back down on the pillows, stroking her cheek gently. She turned her head slightly and kissed my palm tenderly.

"Are you coming to sleep with me?" she questioned me, a little pout on her lips.

I nodded to her in assurance, kissing her softly on the lips.

Suddenly my door flew open, making me jump up in shock.

Jasper stood in my doorway, his eyes wild with fury. I stood quickly in front of Alice, almost as if to protect her, though I knew for sure he wouldn't hurt her.

"Spencer," he growled, the rage pouring out thick. His fists curled threateningly.

"Jasper?" Alice whispered gleefully, causing Jasper's stiff posture to relax slightly, his eyes softening to liquid.

I was surprised at this as he walked forward. The pain was clear in his eyes as he looked her over.

"Darling," he whispered, passing me and sitting down the bed beside her, reaching up to touch her cheek.

She sat up quickly in excitement, the covers falling from her. I winced as I realized that we hadn't actually managed to get my shirt on her.

She squeezed her eyes shut after sitting up. "IIII'm spinning againnnn. That's such a... _weird_ feeling. Have you ever felt that feeling, Jazz...Jazz-per?" she slurred a little.

"Not from drinking, love," he said quietly, before reaching to pull the sheets up to cover her.

I stepped away, letting him have his space, though half of my body wanted to rip his hand off of her. But we had a mutual respect thing going on and I wasn't going to be the one to break it.

She blushed and held the covers across herself. "You came to see me!" she smiled drunkenly at him, causing him to wince a bit like it hurt to see her like this.

"Of course I did. You asked me to come to the gala, but Spencer said you'd be here," he said gently, grabbing the cloth off of the nightstand and starting to wipe her forehead.

"Why'd you do this to yourself, my love?" he asked her brokenly. I saw his eyes flash with intense pain.

Alice frowned a bit at him.

"Are you mad?" she whispered, touching his hand that was now on her cheek.

I cringed at the sight and sat down on a chair in my room.

"No, I'm not mad. I just don't understand why you did it, darling. You never drank anything in Forks," he replied to her, his voice sad and disappointed.

Alice's eyes widened a bit, like she understood something.

"I...I didn't drink?" she asked him, her eyes thoughtful. He shook his head slowly.

"Not after Steve," he commented.

Steve...he must have been an alcoholic, too. Maybe that was what had turned them off of alcohol. That was probably why Alice had trouble drinking it at first tonight... something in her remembered that.

But I was with Jasper... I still didn't understand why she continued to drink.

"Steve..." she murmured, softly caressing the back of his hand as if to relax him.

"Yeah... we don't have to talk about him right now," Jasper said awkwardly, his eyes fixed on her face as one of his hands absentmindedly touched a spot on his stomach.

She noticed and put her hand where he touched, concentrating very hard.

"I feel like I should know more about what you're talking about. And more than just the stuff you guys have told me. It's like... the memory is there, but I'm wearing a blindfold. That feeling has been.... happening. A lotttt. I don't like not knowing why I'm feeling things 'cause it confuses me and then I don't feel like me and that feels weird, you know?" she rambled. I had a hard time following her.

"Is that why you were drinking?"

She shrugged and let herself fall back into her pillow again, closing her eyes. "I dunno. I thought maybe it'd make me like it again. It felt good after a while... a little numb. But then it didn't feel good anymore," she explained matter of factly.

He looked as if his heart was breaking for her. "You need to get some sleep, darling," he said gently, leaning over and kissing her forehead tenderly. She smiled.

I cleared my throat loudly and got back up off of the chair. Jasper rose from the bed, his anger still hidden in the back of his eyes.

"Goodnight Alice," he whispered to her, flashing her a full smile before stepping toward me.

"Night... thanks for coming to see me...I'm sorry I... drunk dialed you," she said lightly, slowly drifting into sleep.

"It's okay, darling," he whispered.

He grabbed my arm, a bit roughly, pulling me out of the room. I shut the door very quietly behind us.

"What the _hell_ is wrong with you?!" Jasper hissed viciously at me.

"How could you just let her get drunk like that? She doesn't want to drink alcohol. And you _knew_ that! You should be the one looking out for her, not letting her do whatever she wants. She isn't always smartest with her decisions! She doesn't think things through sometimes! _Especially_ now, when she's confused!" Jasper growled in a hushed voice, pushing me against the door of my room.

"I trusted you to keep her here with you," he continued, "I thought you'd take care of her! What are you doing!?" His eyes burned into mine.

Jasper's hands were on my shoulder, holding me against the door, gripping my shoulders a little too tightly.

I grabbed his wrists and softly pulled on them, trying to loosen his grip.

"I didn't know she was getting drunk or I would have stopped her!" I spat back into his face when he wouldn't let go of my shoulders.

"I don't need your trust or permission to have her here, either. She is _my_ girlfriend. She always has been!" I yelled at him, feeling the anger that had been stored deep down finally coming up.

"The only reason she ever wanted you is because she didn't know she had me! And she never had a problem drinking alcohol before you, either!" I shoved him back away from me.

My dad would be proud of me, I thought bitterly.

He froze, his eyes widening. He was shocked that I had actually fought back.

I knew that I was always stable. I never fought with anyone. I never stood up for myself. But something in me kept going.

"Alice is her own person and she can make the decisions she wants to. I won't stop her. I will stand by her with whatever decision small or big and I don't need you telling me how to have a relationship!" I took a sharp breath in through my nose, trying to calm myself now.

Jasper pressed his lips together and shoved me back, "You think I don't let her make her own decisions?!"

"I don't know, Jasper! You're always telling her what not to do...! A little controlling, don't you think?"

I had crossed a line with him. He slammed me against the wall, his eyes blazing.

"Jasper?" We heard a small voice and both turned to the bedroom door. Alice stood there, the covers wrapped around her, leaning against the door.

Jasper let go of me and stepped back quickly, putting his hands behind him guiltily.

"Go back to bed, baby. It's okay," I told her gently.

She stumbled out of the room and walked closer to us, standing in between the two of us, her eyes droopy.

"Were you guys fighting 'cause of me?" she asked quietly, her eyes downcast.

Neither of us answered her. Despite her being drunk, she was still perceptive.

"Please don't hurt each other," she whispered, swaying a little. Jasper was closer to her than I was. He reached out to steady her and she leaned into him for support.

I bit my tongue to prevent myself from saying anything. Jasper started to lead her back to the bedroom and gave me a look, saying he would be right back. I heard him telling Alice that we wouldn't hurt each other and wondered if he meant it.

He came out of the bedroom and closed the door gently with a click. He ran his hands through his hair, tugging on it.

"I should leave," he mumbled, starting to head to the front door.

I took a deep breath. "Jasper... I... I'm sorry."

He shook his head. "I was just worried about her. I've never seen her so lost. I'm not used to not being there for her... I miss sleeping with her and needing her and her needing me and both of us making stupid mistakes and laughing about it later... I just miss _her,"_ he admitted, not meeting my eyes.

I knew how he felt. I had been there...

"I didn't mean what I said," I told him quietly, "Alice loved you because you were you. Finding out about me hadn't changed it," I admitted honestly, feeling a pang of sadness as it hit me.

"No matter how many times I beg for this nightmare to end, it never does," Jasper whispered in a broken voice. I had never seen him like this.

"I-I can't just be her friend, you know? I don't even know how to. I was always more than that to her... but you probably don't want to hear this," Jasper smirked bitterly to himself, realizing what he had been saying.

I shrugged at him. It helped that I knew Alice was waiting for me. She was mine for now...

"It gets easier," I assured him.

Jasper sighed and ran his hand through his hair again. "I'm gonna go. Nick's waiting outside. And he was pretty angry that you let her drink as well, so I better leave now before he decides to come in. I promised her we wouldn't fight," he told me, turning around and heading to the stairs.

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry that I wasn't paying more attention to how much she was drinking. I care too, you know," I said after him.

He stopped, but didn't turn around. "I know you care," he said quietly, before heading downstairs. I heard the front door open and then close.

I didn't know how this would turn out. We were two guys who were in love with one girl. One of us was going to be left heartbroken in the end.

I prayed that it wouldn't be me again.

_JPOV_

"What happened? Is she okay?" Nick asked as I made my way outside.

"I don't know," I answered shortly, briskly walking to the car.

"Jasper!" Nick demanded, keeping pace with me. "You don't have to go into details. All I want to know is if she'll be all right through the night, okay?"

I stole a glance at him, seeing his worried expression. I gave in a bit. "She'll probably be hung over in the morning, but she'll be fine tonight. He's with her."

Nick nodded and that was all that we said for the rest of the night.

After we got home, Nick went to sleep and I came out here, on the balcony of my apartment.

I couldn't sleep. There were too many thoughts racing through my head.

Drunk... Alice Cullen getting drunk? It didn't make sense. She was always so strong on her beliefs. She never even asked for any kind of drink in Forks. But I suppose that wasn't the person she was here. The fame and money...maybe that changed her? Maybe she did like drinking and I just hadn't known that?

No... Alice wasn't the type to get drunk. I could see the plainly in the eyes of Spencer. He looked worried and confused when I walked in on him and Alice.

Walked in on them. Yeah, that was a good way to put it. Alice was lying there almost naked and Spencer was just left in his pants. The thought of it made my body react. My hands fisted and I could feel the heat building in me. It was that feeling that I hadn't felt since I had fought in the gang: hatred.

What if... and I hated to think it...but what if Alice and Spencer _had_ had sex before? Were they still, now?

We had never had sex before... I thought it would be better to wait for a while. I had played with the idea of doing what I had learned was the "proper" way...waiting until marriage... I never wanted to make mistakes with Alice. We hadn't talked about it, really, but I just wanted everything perfect for her. That's why I had waited.

But Spencer wasn't me. No, he was nothing like me. He was...perfect. The perfect boyfriend, no matter what he did. He was the lifelong, committed, rich, _perfect_ boyfriend. He was a guy I could never live up to... how could I be better? And if it was true, and she had already done everything with him... then that meant that she was his and he was hers....

I ran my hands stressfully through my hair, hating the raging feeling flying through my mind.

But they hadn't done it tonight. Spencer had been tucking her into bed, I realized. Did that mean they had changed their mind? I wondered who had made the change of mind. Had it been Spencer because Alice was drunk? Or was it Alice because maybe, deep down inside, she knew he wasn't the right one?

I scoffed at the thought quickly, knowing that wasn't it. Alice was drunk, but she wouldn't have pulled away from him, even if she had thought of me.

That all made my thoughts go back to my question of why Alice would get drunk? It had been her big night. She should have been happy, not drinking. Every time I thought about it, I just couldn't find a reason. It all came back to her being happy because it was her night... I just didn't get it.

I had been sitting here for hours, out on the balcony of our apartment. It helped me, sitting here. I had a beautiful view of the city and I could see the area where Alice and Spencer lived, in the distance. That calmed me down, knowing I could sort of see where she was, safe and asleep.

I heard a small tapping noise on the glass door from behind me and turned. Nick stood, looking half asleep, knocking on the balcony door.

I shifted, moving away from the door so he could join me. He came out and sat down in my previous seat.

"It's four in the morning, man. Why are you out here?" he mumbled, fatigue obvious in his voice.

When did it get to be four in the morning?

I shrugged, resting my head on the wall behind me.

Why _was_ I out here? I couldn't sleep...too busy thinking about my girlfriend in another bed with another guy after she got drunk. Yeah, that was about it... nothing too big, I thought bitterly.

"Can't sleep," I replied, keeping the bitter thoughts to myself. I wasn't going to ruin his day more than I already had.

Nick nodded slowly, seeming to be in thought. He rubbed his eyes, I thought maybe to try and wake himself up.

"Wanna tell me about tonight?" he asked slowly, turning his head so he could look at me. I hadn't told him anything on the way back from Spencer's house. I had just wanted to get out of there before I did something I would have regretted.

"There's nothing really to tell. Alice got drunk," I grumbled. Nick rolled his eyes, already knowing that fact.

"And...?" he coaxed me to tell him what I was thinking.

"I don't understand why!" I yelled, the anger coming out strong. Nick didn't even flinch though, he had known it was coming. No Alice meant no control for me. I just...didn't know how to stay strong without her.

Nick pondered my words for a moment and let out a long breath before speaking. "I had been wondering the same thing. But I think maybe I've found out the reason. But it's just what I am thinking, I don't really know..." Nick started, looking out over the night sky.

I watched him clearly, now very calm, waiting for his answer to the puzzle.

"Well, why do I get drunk, man?" he asked me, giving me a sad look.

I knew the answer immediately, since we had just had this conversation recently.

"When you can't control your feelings or you don't want to feel them..." I answered him slowly, trying to decipher what he was saying.

Nick nodded quickly, encouraging me to think about it.

Nick got drunk because he didn't want to feel things and hated not being in control of his emotions. Was he saying that was how Alice was feeling? Like she couldn't control her emotions or she just didn't want to feel them? Why wouldn't Alice want to feel? She loved everything... she was so optimistic. It just didn't make sense.

"Why do you think Mack always got drunk?" he continued, seeming to notice that I didn't understand everything he was saying.

"He wanted to forget," I said slowly, now even more off from what he was saying. Alice wouldn't want to forget... she had already forgotten too much, right?

"Yeah... so I was thinking that maybe Alice doesn't like how she is feeling or maybe she is feeling things she doesn't understand. She could be feeling things the Alice we knew in Forks felt. Maybe... she wanted to drown out the feelings and forget about them," Nick explained, his eyes widening as he spoke. He let his words float in the air for a moment, letting me think them through.

He thought Alice was feeling things that she didn't understand or things that she couldn't control... as in... feelings for me? Was she feeling things for me again and she didn't understand why?

The thought of that made a small smile form over my lips. I rejoiced at the thought of Alice thinking of me in that way again, but then my feelings turned around when I realized those feelings were what she wanted to forget.

"I was thinking... maybe she just wanted to try and be herself. She could have been trying to drown out any thoughts of your Alice because it confused her too much." Nick's eyes met mine, trying to see what I was thinking.

"You think she is feeling things for me...?" I asked slowly, the words making my heart warm.

"That's just what I was thinking..." he shrugged, giving me a reassuring smile. He was pretty sure of himself.

"But she wants to forget about it, though..." I stated coldly at the thought.

Nick gave me a hard look at that, not pleased that I was looking at it that way. He grabbed my shoulder and shook me.

"It's confusing the hell out of her, man! You think she would just go with it? All of the sudden she is having feelings for someone other than Spencer. She doesn't understand, Jasper. Give her time... she'll realize that those feelings aren't going away and that they are good," Nick said very carefully to me, looking straight into my stubborn, hard eyes.

He could be right... I could try and have the hope I used to with Alice. I could hope that he was right and that she had those feelings for me. I could hope that Alice would slowly realize she loved me and wanted me. I could hope that one day... maybe it would be us again.

But I didn't know if I should. Could I survive it if I hoped for that and then it didn't happen?

"It's Alice, Jasper... don't give up on her," Nick told me, his voice rising suddenly. I didn't know how he knew my thoughts, but he did. His grip on my shoulder tightened and I saw his eyes harden at my thoughts.

I didn't respond for a moment. I looked back out at the sky... at the stars that shone over the city, despite all of the lights. My eyes flickered to the area where I thought Spencer's house was. I closed my eyes, trying to imagine life without her...

All I saw was black. Everything was black. And I knew why. There wasn't any life without us. I couldn't deny it. She was everything I had, every hope I could ever was right.

She was my life and I would never give up on her.

_SPOV_

My head lay on the top of my desk at work, my eyes trying to flutter shut from fatigue. I hadn't slept much all night. I had woken up in the middle of the night, hearing a noise from the bathroom.

I quickly got out of bed, noticing Alice wasn't in bed beside me anymore. After rushing to the bathroom, I found her hovering over the toilet.

I hurried to her and knelt behind her to hold her up with one arm. With my other hand, I smoothed her hair back, holding it out of her face. She puked for a good minute before falling back into my arms, moaning in pain.

"I don't feel good, Spence..." she whispered, her eyes fluttering shut.

I looked over her still face, noticing how pale she was. She looked like she was dying. There was a thin layer of sweat starting to form on her forehead and she was trembling.

"Shh, you'll feel better soon," I cooed to her, shifting my position on the floor to sit down.

Alice cuddled into me and fell into an uncomfortable sleep in my arms.

I reached up, trying not to move much, and wet a face towel for her. Alice was in a deeper sleep as I washed the sweat off her face. I felt my stomach starting to cringe, even more worry than before taking me over. I just kept thinking about how much this was not like Alice.

My thoughts were struggling with the concept of Alice actually being drunk. She was not like this. Sure, it had happened before... we had gotten drunk when we were younger teenagers. We were just fooling around, though... it was something a lot of teens had done.

Her words earlier haunted my thoughts. She was telling me that things were wrong that were supposed to be right. The words kept echoing in my mind...the confusion was so apparent in her voice. What if she had been thinking about me? Was her time with me feeling wrong to her?

No. That couldn't be right. She never pulled away from me. She would pull away if she didn't like something I was doing...

After about twenty minutes, Alice's body jumped in my arms. She went straight to the toilet again. I steadied her, making sure she didn't fall.

She coughed violently after throwing up, her eyes showing the pain that she was going through. I held her until she was finished and then steadied her before getting up and filling a glass with water.

I helped her take a small sip and she spit it into the sink, starting to cough again. She stumbled into my arms, sitting back on my lap. I continued to help her sip on the glass of water, hoping it might help her a little.

"Feeling a little better, hun?" I asked, putting the glass down on the floor beside us. She sniffed loudly and nodded. But then suddenly she broke into a sob.

My arms wrapped tightly around her and I pulled her in closely, staring at her in confusion and concern.

"Hey, its okay. You'll feel better soon, I promise, sweetheart," I assured her, kissing her forehead tenderly as I smoothed her hair.

She didn't seem to hear me at all, though. She just shoved her head into my neck, sobbing violently.

"I-I'm s-sorry Spencer!" she cried, apologizing for something, but I had no idea what.

"You didn't do anything wrong, baby." I rubbed her back soothingly, trying to calm her. I pressed kisses all over her face, trying as hard as I could. But she just kept crying.

"J-Jared said forgetting everything was okay and t-that it was good, but I-I don't want to f-forget you, Spence!" she wept, tightening her hold on me, pressing her wet cheek against mine.

Jared... I thought angrily. He had to push his drinking problem onto my innocent, confused Alice. Idiot.

"You aren't going to forget me. I won't let you," I whispered. I then started to hum a soft song into her ear.

Her cries toned down slowly, until she was crying very softly.

"Alice," I said very softly to her, coming into realization of something.

Alice sniffed and looked up at me, her eyes flooded with tears, looking like a broken little girl.

"It's not your fault you forgot me before...." My voice cracked with emotion as I told her this because I knew this was something that had been bothering her. She was blaming herself for something that was way out of her control.

Her eyes flickered away, like she was trying to deny that she was thinking that. But then, quickly after that, her guard went down and a tear trailed down her cheek.

"I didn't w-want to forget y-you," she sniffed, daring to look into my eyes.

I reached up and cupped her cheek in my hand, stroking it lovingly with my thumb.

"I-I never wanted another boyfriend...I just didn't know..." she pleaded with me to believe her, grabbing onto my hand that was on her cheek and grasping it tightly.

My whole body relaxed at those words. That fear in my mind that she wanted Jasper more than me disappeared for a moment. I gazed into those beautiful green eyes of hers.

"I know, baby. It wasn't your fault," I promised her, leaning down to kiss her reassuringly.

She kissed back, softly, but then pulled away and snuggled into me, passing out again.

Unfortunately the night had continued like that, the two of us sleeping on the bathroom floor, my back leaning against the bathtub or sink, until she woke up and got sick again. Around five thirty, after she had slept for two hours straight, without waking up, I carried her into bed again and then crawled in between the cool sheets with her. My back thanked me.

Once morning officially came, she was still feeling crappy. I woke up a bit earlier than Alice and I was getting ready for work in the bathroom when I heard her stumbling around in my room. I put my toothbrush down and hurried into the other room.

"Holy crap!" Alice grumbled, putting a hand onto her forehead, wincing. And here comes the hangover, I had thought.

I chuckled at the sight of her, trying to lighten the mood. I knew it was a bit mean, but if I didn't laugh, I'd probably cry. My emotions were on high... the lack of sleep contributed to that.

Alice's eyes shot to mine and she glared.

"Get over here," she ordered, sounding enraged but I knew she really wasn't.

I walked over to her, searching her eyes. The moment I saw the sparkle again, I grinned. She was at least feeling a bit better now.

She wrapped her arms around my neck, looking a lot healthier. I still wrapped my arms around her, though, making sure she could stand. She leaned a bit too much into me, telling me she was still having trouble.

"First, you need to find me some pain killers for this headache. Second, I need coffee. And third," she paused, looking pointedly into my eyes, making sure I was listening. "I need a kiss," she added, smirking adoringly at me.

"Well, I can do those first two... but the third...well, that's asking a lot, hun," I joked, leaning down a bit so that my face was hovering over hers.

Her eyes narrowed in an icy glare, but they were dancing behind that.

After a long moment of the glare, I spoke. "Fine!" I gave in, sweeping down, crushing my lips to hers.

She immediately kissed back, but not for a long time. I knew her head was probably still spinning, so I pulled back as well.

"Good morning," I whispered, kissing her forehead lightly. Alice scoffed and I gave her a quick, questioning look.

"Coming from the one without a hangover," she grumbled, taking my hand with a smirk. I chuckled.

But behind her sparkling, playful eyes, I had also seen something else. There was a huge amount of regret in her eyes as she said the word "hangover." I had a feeling that she was starting to realize everything that had happened now. But I knew she didn't want to talk now, so I brought her downstairs, made her the coffee, and got her the pills.

So after Alice being sick all night, followed by tears, and then a bad hangover in the morning, it wasn't the greatest day. I took a deep breath and sat back up, looking at the paperwork in front of me.

My eyes were having trouble focusing on the words and I let them drift up from the paper slowly. They made their way to a picture of Alice and me on my desk.

It was taken before all of this had happened. Before the day when my life had changed forever. Before I left for London. Before Alice had lost her memory. Before I left her with Jasper. Before the pain started coming on so hard. Before she got her memory back. Before she looked at me lovingly again (but it wasn't the same as before...).

I reached forward and picked up the photo. Alice's big green eyes had been full of excitement. She had literally been bouncing in place. It had been our first fashion show.

It was a perfect night. She had been so excited for it. We had gone shopping the whole weekend before, trying to find her the perfect dress for our perfect night. We obviously had found it, both of us being experts and all.

We had arrived and Alice's eyes widened in excitement. We followed our mothers out of the limo and the cameras had gone crazy, flashing hundreds of pictures per second. Alice squealed and squeezed my hand tightly in hers.

The reports yelled questions and comments at our mothers, but they didn't respond. They just kept walking, so we followed their lead.

"Do you think they like the dress?" Alice had tiptoed up to whisper in my ear.

"How could they not?" I smirked at her, spinning her in a circle as the cameras took pictures of "The Future of Cullen and Wright Industries".

Alice was beaming now, loving the attention, and skipping as we entered the building. Our moms had been waiting for us.

My mom pulled a camera out of her purse, and a sly smile came over her face.

"Mind one more?" she had asked, a smile creeping over her face. I could see the pride shining in both of our mothers' eyes.

Alice had gripped my hand tightly. She looked up at me, her eyes filled her undying love. There had been no doubt in her mind that I was the one she wanted. We had never had doubts before... never had competition... it had _always_ just been us.

Why did that have to change? I knew I had her back now... but there was still this doubt in the back of my mind. It was this fear that she would leave me. We usually did everything together but... that had changed, now.

Everything had just _changed_. And I didn't want those changes.

_APOV_

I skipped down the street to get lunch before I went back to work, but then slowed as my head began to pound again. Stupid hangover.

Spencer had insisted that I should eat before doing more...of course _he_ didn't need to eat.

I rolled my eyes at that, but I knew that if I had asked him to come, he would have in a heartbeat. To be honest, I needed the time alone. Spencer was just giving me the opportunity to have it.

After the incident at the gala last night, I needed some time to myself. I needed to think through the fact that I had gotten drunk because of how I felt so confused and wrong. I'd been wanting some time to myself to think about everything.

I knew that Spencer understood, of course. That's why when I left, he paused, not letting me go right away. He held me a bit longer than usual.

"Take your time, hun. I can handle things here for you," he had said to me, giving me a long, encouraging look.

He knew. I knew he knew. I had been quiet, which obviously was not normal for me. I loved the attention Spencer gave me. I thrived on it.

But I admit, I adored all of the attention Jasper poured upon me, too. That was why I needed time alone. I needed to straighten my thoughts out. Everything was just too confusing for me....

I entered the familiar cafe and walked to the farthest corner, away from the public. I slid into the booth and sighed, putting my head down onto the table. Alone. Finally.

I rested my head down for a while, just taking deep, soothing breaths. I focused on the coolness of the hard table against my cheek as I reflected on what had happened last night.

Spencer had taken care of me. And Jasper... he had come to see me, in all of his worry and anger.

I remembered walking out of the bedroom to see the two of them in a heated conversation. Spencer had been yelling at Jasper, really _yelling_. He had lost it. And the look that had been on Jasper's face before... when he had first walked in... told me he was feeling the same way as Spencer. I was so afraid that they would fight.

What would I have done if they _were_ fighting? Fighting over me... over my safety. It was not Spencer fault... I had been stupid. I hadn't been thinking right.

It was just...hard, you know? Everything that had felt so great and so right before I had hit my head now felt... odd. I was uncertain about everything.

I couldn't drink anymore... it felt so wrong that it made my heart ache. It made my throat close up and my mind scream at me to stop.

But that was just one of many things. Like when I woke up in the morning, there was always a feeling that something was different... something was missing... but nothing was. Spencer was right there beside me, as always. What was wrong with me?

I just needed to put this head injury behind me. But I couldn't. There was one thing that I couldn't leave behind: Jasper.

Jasper. The one name, the one thing, the one person that I could not and would not leave behind. Something in me kept him close. It was like there was a part of me that needed to protect him, but most of all... just needed him.

I had a hard time admitting that to myself. I knew it wasn't right. It wasn't like I was thinking I loved him or cheating on Spencer with him, but needing someone other than Spencer was different. It made me feel _so_ bad, like I was betraying Spence. He and I used to live in this alternate universe. Everyone had seemed to slip away and we were all that mattered to each other. It was always like that for us.

But now that was all changed. Spencer was working all the time... he had gotten used to throwing himself into his work. I had Jasper to hang out with... and Nick, of course. Things just seemed so complicated now.

"Miss?" A voice broke my deep, confusing stream of thoughts. I looked up quickly, jumping from the shock.

Once my eyes focused, I saw a man there, standing at my table. He looked a bit older than me.

I instantly met burning, hazel eyes. They gazed back at me, almost intimidatingly, making me feel like I should look away. The eyes were full of mischief, but also looked very cunning and devious. They twinkled.

I looked down at the rest of his body. He was wearing a long black jacket, black suit pants, and a crisp, white shirt. On top of it all, he wore a dark scarf. He was good looking, with good taste in clothing. Expensive...the kind of person that I was used to.

Suddenly, he grinned widely as I watched him look over my face, pleased with what he was seeing. The smile was much like his eyes, mischievous and clever.

"I'm sorry I scared you. I was just asking if I could sit with you. The restaurant's full..." he said slowly.

His voice seemed to match him. It was deeper, kind of rough. It seemed like the voice you would hear from your typical "bad boy", but instead, it was put into a sophisticated man's body. It also was very polite, but still with a hint of amusement lingering behind it.

"Oh!" I exclaimed, still coming off of the surprise. My eyes flickered around the cafe. It had suddenly filled with people; all of the tables were packed. Well, I guess I did come at the lunch rush. So much for privacy...

"Umm, sure," I mumbled, as he sat down.

I looked over at the waitress. She seemed to realize that I finally wanted something and hurried over.

"What can I get you?" she asked.

I gave her my order, deciding that once I ate, I could find a place to think, since this wasn't working. After the woman took the man's order, he ducked his head, looking a bit ashamed.

"I'm very sorry for interrupting you. You looked in such deep thought... but my stomach won the battle against my polite manner," the man chuckled.

My body froze at the laughter. My stomach tightened and my hands automatically curled into fists. My mind swirled, my head spinning for just a moment.

I shook it off, taking a deep breath, puzzled. What the hell was that about? Great, another thing I didn't understand. That was exactly what I wanted right now.

I stared at him for a moment, trying to collect myself. Finally, when I succeeded, I smiled at him.

"Don't worry about it. My thoughts aren't the greatest place to be these days, anyways," I admitted, shrugging my shoulders nonchalantly at him.

The guy's eyes seemed to understand exactly what I had said. He nodded slowly and then looked up to give me a supportive smile.

"The mind is a dangerous place to be," he agreed.

I smirked at just how right his words were. My mind _was_ a dangerous place to be lately. I was almost afraid of the things that came into it sometimes.

"It seems to be," I grumbled, sounding a bit grumpy. I smiled knowingly at him, though, to assure him that I wasn't annoyed at him, but at my head.

"I'm Alice, by the way. Alice Cullen," I informed him, flashing him my big, cheerful smile. I reached across the table to shake his hand.

The guy's eyes connected with mine and his mouth formed a cunning smile.

"Alice," he whispered, reaching his hand out. His ice cold hand wrapped around mine.

For some reason, at the sound of him saying my name and grabbing my hand, my body stiffened. I suddenly felt nervous, and a flash of Jasper's concerned expression flew through my mind.

What was that about? Maybe I'm becoming paranoid, too. Add it to the list.

"I'm Gregory," he introduced himself formally, "It's _very_ nice to meet you, Alice."

"It's nice to meet you, too," I said in a breathy voice, trying to calm myself down. I made myself smile at his formalities.

The waitress brought our food and drinks just then. We thanked her and started to eat.

Gregory...

I looked this man up and down once more. The name was the name of rich man. The look he wore was, as well. I wondered how I hadn't met him before. I went to the finest school in New York and had attended all of the social parties.

He must be new here. That was why we didn't know each other.

Maybe that was what I needed... someone who didn't know me as the Alice from New York or the Alice from Forks.

**Author's Note: Poor Alice, Jasper and Spencer, all of them so broken about Alice's little drinking scene. And who is this Gregory character? We shall see in time. **

**Sooo some stuff to tell you guys, I have worked on the Hope blog this week www(dot)hopeinsider(dot)blogspot(dot)com go there and you can get the inside scoop on Forgotten Hope and all that's happening. You might get some answers to unsolved questions. There is also a Who's your Hope guy? Quiz on there. Find out which Hope guy is for you! There's also a Beta Spot so you can get even more tips, hints and opinions there from my beta, Lucy. And if you guys want you can write a question in your review and we'll do a Q&A on the next blog post, ask us what you want to know! Oh and don't forget after you check out the blog to go to our forums and tell us what you think orrr what guy you got on the quiz! We wanna hear from you! **

**Well that's all for now, have a great day and don't forget to leave a review! :)**


	14. Living For This Moment

**Author's Note: Hello everyone! Sorry it took a bit longer to update than usual. Fanfiction hasn't been working all day and then I got a little caught up in homework. But we got the chapter up for you! Yay! So, enjoy!**

Forgotten Hope Chapter 14- Living For This Moment

_NPOV_

A few days had passed since Alice's drinking scene, but the worry on Jasper's face hadn't left. Hell, the worry on my mind for Ali was bad. She was distant, lately. I noticed that her eyes squinted sometimes like she was in deep thought... or in pain.

I had a bad feeling that something very wrong was going to happen.

After that thought, I was distracted. My phone began to ring loudly, thankfully bringing me out of the worried thoughts.

"Hello?" I called cheerfully into the phone. I felt a happiness start to grow, hoping it was Chloe.

"Hey, Nick." I heard the Texan accent and couldn't help but frown. Not Chloe.

"Oh, Davis. Sorry man! I was gonna call you!" I said apologetically, realizing that I hadn't called once since I had left Texas. He must have been worrying sick about Jasper. I had left Texas just saying that Jasper was going through something huge with Alice and that had been the end of it. He was probably wondering what was up.

Davis laughed nervously, but brushed off my apology.

"No problem. I was just calling because school started and you haven't come back yet... they school has talked to me about your enrollment and I told them you would be coming back, but that there had been a family emergency. They accepted it, but you have to be back for Monday in order for things to run smoothly," Davis explained.

Oh... or he was wasn't worrying about Jasper, but about my education?

My education... I couldn't leave New York by Monday! Monday was in five days. And Chloe was here...

Suddenly this painful feeling came through me. Would I have to leave her? No. No, I would just finish high school another year... something. Chloe was more important than school. School had never been important to me and... Chloe was. I knew it was crazy to think she was more important than my future but... shit, I thought. She very well could be my future.

She _was_ my girlfriend now, too. I couldn't just ditch her.

"Right..." I mumbled, trying to dig up an excuse. "Well, I'll have to talk to Jasper and then let you know about it," I decided.

Jasper was the reason why I came and I wouldn't leave without talking to him, so it was an honest answer. But the dishonest part was that I was not going to tell Jasper because he would probably fight with me to go back.

Davis was hesitant with his next words, not sure what he was allowed to say. "Well... all right. But try to talk to him as soon as possible. And uhh, tell him I say hello."

"Sounds good. I'll call you soon. See ya," I said in a hurry of words, trying to get out of this call as fast as possible. I shut the phone, not waiting for an answer. By Monday, he would realize that I wasn't ready to come back.

I flopped down on the couch and called Chloe, hoping that we could go out again tonight.

The phone rang twice before she answered it, sounding distracted. "Hello?"

"Hey, Chloe. It's me... Nick. Um... how are you?"

Stupid stupid stupid. Too unoriginal. What do you even _say_ when you call someone so randomly? She was usually expecting my call, so this one was a bit of a surprise.

"Oh, hey Nick!" Her voice perked up after I said it was me. "I'm doing okay... how are you?"

"I'm good. Fine. You know, just... hanging out," I stumbled over the words.

Focus, Nick. This is Chloe you're talking to. Your _girlfriend._

My girlfriend... I still couldn't get over it.

She likes you. No pressure.

No pressure - no pressure - no pressure. It became my new mantra.

"So what are you up to?" I asked her casually after a quick pause.

"About to start on some homework. I've...sort of been putting it off, so it's piled up a bit," she told me. I could hear papers rustling in the background. Her voice was sounding stressed.

"So no going out with me tonight, then, eh?" I asked, the disappointment apparent in my voice. Damnit.

I heard her sigh. "Not tonight, Nick. I'm sorry. I really wish I could..."

I nodded and chewed on my lip for a second. "All right. Well... hey, if you finish early or something, give me a call?" I asked hopefully, trying to keep the disappointment out of my voice.

"Will do," she told me. I pictured the smile I heard in her voice. I wanted to see that smile, the real one that she didn't wear a lot. But when she did... God, it blew me away.

Ugh. I really wanted to see her.

"Well... I guess I'll talk to you later," I said quietly, not wanting to hang up.

"Okay, yeah... bye," she whispered.

There was a pause, and then we both hung up.

I sat for a moment and mindlessly played with my phone, locking and unlocking the keys as I thought. _Now_ what would I do? I guess Jasper and I could do something...

But I really wanted to see Chloe.

Part of me hated that I wanted to see her so badly. It was like I was becoming dependent on her or something. And I wasn't dependent on _anybody_. I had learned early on that you couldn't depend on anyone, really. Other than Jasper, anyone that I'd wanted to depend on had always let me down. If I depended on her, I gave her a chance to hurt me.

It took a lot to hurt me... so if she hurt me, it'd be pretty bad...

I didn't want to think about it anymore. I just wanted to enjoy her company... her presence. She just made me feel _good_. It was exhilarating. New. Fresh. Something I had never felt before... I liked it. It scared me, but... in a good way?

I sighed and checked the time. Seven thirty. It was getting later. I knew she hadn't eaten yet... she had admitted to me before that she had a hard time trying to eat when she knew she had studying to do. She'd be absorbed in her work, and then she'd either totally forget about eating or she'd put it off because she didn't want to be distracted.

Slowly, I started to get an idea. I sprang up and gathered some things I'd need from the kitchen, throwing them all into a bag.

Then I headed over to Chloe's. I had a plan.

* * *

Chloe cracked the door open and peeked out before realizing it was me and opening it fully.

"Nick? What are you... is everything okay?" she asked, blinking blankly, obviously confused as to why I was there.

"Yep! Everything's fine. Can I come in?" I asked.

She hesitated and eyed the bag I was holding.

"Um... I still have a lot of studying to do. I've barely gotten anything done at all yet, really..." she started.

I smiled, "That's fine. I don't mind."

She looked torn, so I put the bag down and pulled out the little bag of Gummy Bears I had stuck in there. "Here. I brought you some study food."

A small smile threatened to appear on her face. "Gummy Bears?"

I shrugged, "I figured if you could handle a candy apple, you could definitely manage to eat a few Gummy Bears...." I explained with a grin, shifting my weight nervously. I hated and loved how nervous she made me.

She smiled and looked down, "Well, I guess for _you_, I can give them a try...."

I couldn't help grinning wider at her.

"But Nick... I really _do_ have to study..." she said quietly, "I mean... you're here now, so I wouldn't think of turning you out... I just... I can't get too distracted...?"

I noticed she looked a lot more distraught than she should have. She was practically fighting back tears, trying to figure out how to make things work.

She looked so adorable in her sweats and beater. Her hair was pulled up loosely, some bits escaping from a messy bun. She had her glasses sitting on top of her head right now. I swear, she looked cuter every time I saw her.

Yeah, I said 'adorable' and 'cute' in pretty much the same thought. Whatever. She _was._

"Hey...Chloe..." I said gently, stepping in toward her. I wanted to make her feel better...

I noticed that along with being shy, she seemed to get _really_ nervous when she was trying tell me she didn't want to do something. It was like she didn't want to disappoint me or something (even though I couldn't see _how_ she could think she'd be disappointing me...?)

I brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes and looked into her face. She looked so... scared.

Now, I knew that I had been feared in Forks... but it was because I had built up that kind of reputation. I had never showed her that side of me, and I never wanted to. So why was she looking at me in the same way that people used to look at me in Forks?

"Chloe..." I started softly, "you already told me you had homework. I _know_ you do. I expect no attention from you for at least another two hours. I'm just gonna come in, get settled, and then I'm starting on some dinner for us to eat _when you're done_ with homework for the day. No rush. No obligation to me. You do your thing and I'll lock myself in the kitchen 'til you're able to hang out or take a break, okay?" I explained my plan, wanting her to feel a little more relaxed. I really didn't understand why she was getting so upset...?

She gave me a curious look. "You're making me dinner?"

"Well... yeah. I mean, you've gotta eat sometime, and I figured... you know... you probably wouldn't have a lot of time to cook tonight if you were doing all that homework and shit...err... all that homework..." I tried to correct myself. I didn't think she liked it when I swore.

"And you're not a big fan of pizza or take out, 'cause I know you like to eat healthier stuff... so... I figured I could make dinner and help you out a bit," I told her, suddenly nervous at how she would respond.

She stared at me for a long time. I'm not sure what the look that crossed her face was... amazement? Surprise?

She took my hand and tugged me into the living room, where she had an array of books, papers, notebooks, highlighters, and pens spread out. "Lots to do," she commented, flipping down onto the couch.

I raised an eyebrow. "I'll say. Wow. I am _so_ glad I'm only cooking tonight."

She smiled and I came undone. Seriously. I could've just... freakin' melted right there. I loved when she smiled. Especially when it was directed at me...

God, I'm so falling...

"So...um... yeah. I guess I'll leave you to your work, then..." I said awkwardly.

She stood up and came to stand in front of me, suddenly. "What're you making us for dinner?"

"It's a surprise," I told her, smiling at how adorable she was.

"Oh yeah? So no hints at all?" she flirted, daring to take a step closer to me.

I took us both by surprise by wrapping my arms around her and pulling her into me. I loved how warm she was. How soft. And her hair smelled so good...

"No hints," I whispered into her ear, before letting go of her again.

She took in a breath at the loss of contact with me and nodded, trying to gather her bearings.

_Oh believe me, I'm right there with you Chloe..._ I thought.

"Now go eat your Gummy Bears and do your homework and don't come bother me in the kitchen 'til at least half of that's done, kay?" I teased her.

She looked wary for a second, but when I smiled at her, she relaxed, realizing I was just joking around with her.

"'Kay. Don't burn the place down," she joked back.

"No guarantees," I said, giving her a pretend scared look before taking my bag and heading to the kitchen, chuckling.

I heard her giggle as I walked away and I felt my blood tingling at the sound.

_You are _so_ falling, Nick..._ I thought to myself.

_Or you're trying. You don't even know if you can..._

I shook my head to clear it. _Don't think that way. Just don't go there..._

Then I started unpacking my bag in the kitchen. Her kitchen was directly connected to the living room, but with the door closed, neither of us could see each other. Surprisingly, this was okay by me. I mean, I just liked the fact that she was in the next room...

I set everything up on the stove and then started mixing together my recipe for homemade pancakes. Pancakes for dinner were, by far, the best dinner ever.

I had decided to make pancakes for her because they were the only thing I really knew how to cook and cook well. When I was living with my grandpa, after my parents died, I'd make pancakes about once a week. My grandpa never really commented on them, but I think he liked them...

Would Chloe like them? I hoped so... she was hard to read sometimes, and it drove me crazy--it was so thrilling, though. I never knew what to expect...

My thoughts traveled back to earlier, when I had showed up. She looked happy to see me... but also really nervous. Like she was afraid she might say something wrong... how could she ever say anything wrong to me? I mean, she had almost been in _tears..._ why? I never wanted to be the one making her upset enough to cry. Ever.

I started mixing the ingredients in one of her bowls, stealing some of her milk from the fridge. I made sure to put it back exactly where it had been... her fridge was so organized.

As I prepared everything, I started looking around, realizing that she was definitely an organized person. Everything was clean and in its place...

I liked that about her. She wasn't lazy about things...

The batter was just about ready and the pan was hot enough to cook. I wondered if I should add some blueberries or chocolate chips or something...

I rummaged through her kitchen, looking for something special I could add. No sweets. Not surprised.

She did have some blueberries in the fridge, though. I decided to add them to the last few pancakes I'd cook, so that the majority would be regular ones, and then the last four or so would have blueberries.

After putting the first set of pancakes onto the griddle, I poured a glass of water and brought it into the living room for Chloe. She had been working furiously for about twenty minutes now. I saw that she had dug into the Gummy Bears, and I grinned.

"Here. Figured you might be thirsty," I said, putting the glass on a coaster on the table. She sat on the floor at the coffee table, her back resting against the couch as she worked on some of her math homework.

"Thanks," she flashed a smile at me before finishing up one of her math problems.

I had about a minute before I'd have to flip the pancakes... the first ones were always longer to cook off. If you didn't do it just right, you'd have to throw away the first set.

"What are you working on?" I asked quietly, knowing that she'd want to get back to it soon.

"Calc," she answered simply. "Proofs."

Yeah, I had no clue what proofs were.

I nodded, reaching to brush my fingers on her cheek. "Sounds fascinating," I teased.

"You bet," she laughed, sipping at the water I had brought her.

"I'll get back to dinner, now," I said, knowing I had promised not to bother her. "Have fun!" I wished her, winking playfully.

"Oh, always," she replied sarcastically, popping a red gummy bear into her mouth.

I grinned at the sight of her in her comfy clothes, sitting on her floor, a million things spread around her as she chewed on gummy bears.

Never would have thought I'd start to like a girl quite like her... I was lucky...

I organized things so that I could keep the pancakes warm on the lowest heat in her oven. I worked on cooking them for almost an hour... I could only cook two at a time on the griddle she had. I poked around and found that she had some sausage links frozen in her freezer. I started cooking them, too.

I decided to set the kitchen table, too. She'd probably want a break from so much studying in the living room.

Between the slow cooking of the pancakes (and five blueberry pancakes), the defrosting and cooking of the sausage links, and the setting of the table, I managed to kill almost two hours. It was now going on ten o'clock. Almost time for breakfast for dinner.

I peeked my head out of the kitchen to see Chloe still in the same spot I left her two hours earlier. This time, she had a pile of the papers, notebooks, and books on one side of the coffee table, and just one book and notebook on the other side. I hoped that meant that she only had to do some homework in that one book and notebook.

I decided to give her a few more minutes. I poured us some orange juice and then set the pancakes and sausage plates onto the table with our plates, so we could help ourselves. I warmed up the syrup, set out the butter, and was finally pretty satisfied with my set up.

After making sure the bowl and griddle were cleaned up and put away, I opened the kitchen door and went into the living room. I don't know where my confidence came from... maybe it was just my normal self finally feeling comfortable, but I went in and sat behind her on the couch, leaning over her.

"You ready for dinner?" I asked, putting my chin on top of her head so I could peek at what she was doing.

Surprisingly, she leaned back, my legs on either side of her, and looked at me upside-down. "I am _so_ ready for dinner," she responded.

I smiled. "No more homework tonight?"

She shrugged, "Maybe later. I'm not sure yet... I could do it tonight or tomorrow and be okay..."

"Tomorrow sounds great," I said, getting up and standing in front of her. I reached both of my hands down to help her up off of the floor.

She smiled, whether at the thought of holding off on homework until tomorrow or at grabbing my hands, I wasn't sure. I hoped both.

As her hands grasped mine, I felt the familiar warm sensation shoot through me. It felt stronger as she squeezed my hands while I pulled her up gently.

She took a step and her knees buckled. I moved quickly, catching her before she hit the floor.

"You okay?" I asked as she laughed.

She nodded, her face lighting up as I was still holding her. "Yeah... sorry, my foot fell asleep and it just...gave out when I tried to step on it. I was sitting there for..."

"Two hours straight," I finished for her. "No problem. I move fast," I winked.

I helped her up and she bit her lip nervously. "You _do_ move fast," she admitted, "You're here, letting me study, respecting that... and making me dinner...."

Was that hard to believe? That wasn't _too_ too fast... right?

"Yeah, well... you worked hard. You deserve it. C'mon and check out what I made for you," I told her, supporting her shoulders as we walked into the kitchen.

Her eyes lit up again as I pulled her chair out for her. She sat down and then just stared.

"I uh... I hope it's okay that I cooked the sausages that were in your freezer," I said, joining her at the table.

She smiled shyly, "Of course it's okay. Nick, this is..." she stared at the table again, shaking her head.

"If you like it now, wait 'til you _try_ the pancakes. They're my specialty," I jokingly bragged to her.

She helped herself to some of the pancakes and sausage as I did the same. She took a bite and sighed.

"Amazing," she complimented me.

"Thanks, I try," I said, slightly joking.

"You're kind of amazing, too, you know..." she said, more quietly, but still looking into my eyes to tell me she was serious.

I shook my head, "Nah. You just... deserved to have someone cook something special for you tonight. You worked really really hard..."

She was shaking her head again. "I can't believe you did this for me."

I gave her a questioning glance as I stabbed my pancake with my fork. "Why not?"

"No one's ever done anything like this for me before," she admitted. "It's just so... thoughtful. I'm touched," she admitted.

What?

"Really? No one's done anything like this for you? Like, ever?" That was hard to believe.

"Nope. Never," she said quietly, taking another bite. "This is seriously delicious. I was starving, I swear."

Was that her changing the subject?

"I'm glad you're liking it," I told her, watching her. She was beautiful.

But I was still surprised that this was the first time someone had cooked her a special dinner. There was still so much about her that I didn't know yet...

We chatted throughout dinner. She told me about some of the homework that she had done. Calculus, Linear Algebra, a whole class just on "Proofs," plus an English Lit class and an English Composition class.

I understood what literature and composition were, but most of the math I was totally lost about. I pretended it didn't bother me, but it did.

What if she found out that I was too dumb to understand the kind of shit she was working on? What if she found out that I had never even graduated? School was so important to her...

After dinner, Chloe and I cleaned up together, putting the leftover pancakes in the fridge, so she could have them for breakfast the next day.

"So now what do you have planned?" she asked me with a smile.

I shrugged. "I don't know. I took care of dinner. Your turn to plan something," I joked, grinning at her.

She smiled again and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "Well... we could... watch a movie maybe?" she suggested, sounding slightly unsure.

I nodded, "Okay," I walked over to the door to the living room and held it open for her, "After you."

"Why, thank you, kind sir," she replied with a small giggle, playing along with my ultra-polite attitude.

I sat on the couch as she browsed through her collection of movies on a shelf near the T.V.

"What are you in the mood for?" she asked me.

"Anything," I replied. I didn't really care about the movie. I was just excited I was getting to spend time with her.

She chose one and set it up before coming to sit on the couch with me.

We sat in the dark as the movie started. I could almost feel her next to me. I concentrated on keeping my breathing calm. I had been in the dark with girls before, of course, but not like this. Chloe was different. I... I was starting to care about her. It was just something about her smile... her eyes... the way she looked at me.

_You're losing it, man...._ I told myself.

I looked at her and saw she was looking at me, too. We both turned away quickly and stared at the screen. I felt a smile creeping onto my face as she suppressed a laugh beside me. Well, what did I have to lose?

I put my hand on her knee and she put her hand over mine. We exchanged shy smiles again, and then she held onto my hand. So soft. So warm. I could feel it shooting up my arm, tingling.

As the movie went on, she moved closer to me, until she was cuddling against me. It felt so good to have her leaning into me, my arms around her. It sounds lame, but this was the most comfortable and relaxed that I've been since... a long time.

Halfway through the movie, I felt something vibrating against me. I looked down at Chloe and she pulled herself away from me for a second. "Sorry. My phone," she said, looking at the ID. "Um... I'm sorry... can you give me one second?"

I nodded, "Yeah, sure. No problem."

She gave me a quick smile of thanks and got up off of the couch, answering the phone and going into the kitchen. I paused the movie, waiting for her.

"Good. Busy. How about you?" I heard her say.

Pause.

"Of course," she said, her voice more serious than friendly.

Pause.

"No, I--"

She stopped again. I started to get up to check on her.

"I've just been busy. I-- no-- of course not-- I wouldn't--"

I stopped outside of the kitchen door, debating on whether or not I should go in. She sounded upset...?

She was quiet for a long time. Then she spoke again, whispering, "I'm sorry."

What the hell...?

"Okay...bye," she whispered again. I heard her phone snap closed.

She didn't come out of the kitchen, and I stood there like an idiot, wondering what I should do. Do I go in after her? Ask her if she was okay? Demand that she call back whoever had just called and made her upset so I could talk some freakin' sense into them?

The kitchen door opened and she ran right into me. "Oh! Nick! I'm sor--"

"Shh," I said, putting my finger to her lips. I shook my head, "It's no problem. Are you okay?"

She nodded and tried to smile. "Yeah. I'm... fine. Want to get back to the movie?"

I shrugged, "Yeah, I guess so. If you want to. Are you sure you're okay?"

She nodded again, crossing her arms in front of her, as if she was suddenly nervous. She wouldn't meet my eyes. "Yeah."

I didn't believe her, but I didn't want to push anything, so I followed her back to the couch.

We put the movie back on, but I was watching her, now. Who had been on the phone?

She had just started to get less shy around me, and now after the phone call, she was back to sitting next to me, not touching me, concentrating on the movie. Her eyes looked tired.

"You know," I started, turning my head to look at her, "it's starting to get kind of cold in here. Are you cold?"

She shook her head, "No, but I can turn the heat up if you want."

She stood to turn up the heat and I took a chance. I grabbed her around the waist and pulled her down onto the couch and into my lap.

She squealed a little, stiffening in my arms. I relaxed my grip on her and held her loosely, whispering into her ear, "I don't want to raise your heating bill."

Yeah, not the sexiest thing in the world to say. And the whole situation was probably incredibly childish. But it got her closer to me again.

Chloe turned a little and pushed me down, so that we were laying next to each other on her couch. Her eyes searched mine and I smiled at her. "Sorry if I scared ya," I said with a guilty smile.

"You think just because you're cute you can get away with anything, don't you?" she accused, her voice a little lighter than earlier.

I nodded, "Mm-hmm. Pretty much."

She bit her lip and then turned around so that her back was against my stomach as we lay together, watching the movie again.

"Forgive me for scaring you?" I whispered into her ear.

She nodded. I breathed in the scent of her hair and wrapped my arm around her waist, cuddling her close to me.

She froze for a second, but then her small frame melted into me. I smiled.

Pancakes tire you out. I closed my eyes. All I could see was her smile. All I could smell was her hair. And the only thing I could feel was her....

* * * *

I felt her squeezing my hand before my eyes even opened. Her nails were digging into my knuckles.

My eyes fluttered open and I looked around, disoriented. Where was I?

I panicked for a second, but then heard the DVD main menu loop itself again. I slowly began to realize that I was on Chloe's couch. With her...

I blinked and then squinted at the clock on the DVD player. 4:16.

4:16? As in, A.M.?

Shit... we must've fallen asleep... Jasper would probably be a little concerned...

"No..." Chloe mumbled, grasping my hand even tighter, now. "I don't want to..."

I looked down at her, worry growing in me as I listened to her. What was she dreaming about?

"Chloe?" I whispered, not wanting to scare her. I brushed her forehead with my free hand and her eyes shot open.

"Hey... are you okay?" I asked her softly.

She yanked her hand from mine and stared up at me for a second, as if she didn't recognize me.

"It's okay. We fell asleep to the movie. You're okay..." I told her, not really sure what to do.

A light of recognition flickered in her eyes and suddenly she jumped off of the couch and stood up.

"Crap... we fell asleep? What time is it?" she panicked.

"It's a little after four..."

She stared at me, wide eyed and nervous, her arms crossed in front of her.

"Chloe? What are you...?"

"I'm so sorry... I was just so exhausted from all the homework and I was so comfortable next to you and I just closed my eyes and I guess you did too and--"

"Chloe..." I started standing up and putting my hands on her shoulders. "Hun, why are you getting upset?"

I didn't understand what was up with her. Had I done something wrong?

She bit her lip and looked away. "I'm sorry."

"Why? Why are you sorry?" I asked her, trying to get her to look at me. What the hell was she sorry about? She didn't _do_ anything!

"'Cause we fell asleep together..."

"And this... upsets you?" I asked, totally confused. It wasn't like we _did_ anything... we just fell asleep on the couch together. She lived here by herself so it's not like we bothered anyone?

She shrugged, "I don't know...I just...I don't _know,_" she said, looking just as confused as I was.

"Well... hey..." I started, not quite sure what to do, "I'm sorry that you're upset, but I'm not sorry that we fell asleep... it was a long night, you know? I think it's okay... I mean... we just _slept_... we didn't do anything wrong, right?" I asked her.

Just because _I_ didn't think we had done anything wrong didn't mean that we hadn't. I had learned that the things that were right by me weren't always right by everyone else....

"I'm not sure," she whispered, her eyes torn.

"Well... did it _feel_ wrong? Is it me? Did I do something to hurt you? I don't... I don't get why you're so upset...?"

I tried being totally honest with her. Maybe I had done something while we were sleeping? Maybe that's why she was having a nightmare? Shit, I didn't know. She was making _me_ nervous now....

"No!" she exclaimed, "No! No, it's not you. You didn't hurt me. I'm just... I guess..." she crinkled her brow as she thought, "I don't know. We're not supposed to fall asleep together...." she said weakly.

"You don't trust me enough to sleep next to me?" I asked, a bit roughly. 'Cause that's what I was getting from all of this and it was starting to piss me off.

"It's not that! I _do_ trust you, Nick. It's just... it's not right..."

How could she say it wasn't right for me to hold her through most the night? It felt _really_ good to me.

I shook my head. "Whatever, Chloe. When you figure it out, you let me know. You go back to sleep for a few hours. I'll leave," I said sharply, trying to hide the hurt in my voice as I headed to the door. I needed... something. I didn't know what, though. I couldn't smoke or drink at the apartment...

_And you don't want to. You don't need it._

Stupid Jasper's authority voice.

"Nick, wait!" she said quickly, walking to stand in front of the door with me. I didn't look at her. I didn't want her to see the hurt that I knew was in my eyes right now. She absolutely could not know that she could hurt me. As soon as someone knew that, they could use it against you.

_Don't you trust her, though?_

Yeah, I sound a little hypocritical. I know it.

I looked at her and her eyes were pleading with me.

"What?" I asked, defeated.

"What are you thinking?" she asked quietly.

"Really? What am I thinking?" Fine. "I'm thinking that there's nothing wrong with us falling asleep together! I'm thinking it's got to mean something that the first time I slept peacefully is when I fell asleep holding you! Okay? That's what I'm thinking and I'm sorry if that's wrong to you but it's not wrong to me and I'm not going to pretend it is. I am seriously sorry that it upsets you that we fell asleep together, but I'm not gonna lie to you. I. Liked. It."

I probably could've been nicer about it. I regretted saying it so roughly as soon as the rant was out of my mouth.

She looked at me for a second. And then she totally shocked me by throwing her arms around me. I tensed, but then wrapped my arms around her, resting my head against hers. It just felt so good to _hold_ her....

"I liked it too," she admitted quietly, still holding on to me.

Then what was the problem?

"Well, you could've fooled me," I said, pulling back to look at her, my tone a little lighter as I glanced down at the broken skin on my knuckles from her nails.

Her eyes widened. "Oh my gosh. I'm sor--"

I sighed and cut her off, "Believe me, I've had worse. You don't have to tell me you're sorry. Were you having a nightmare? Are you okay?"

She nodded, but didn't say anything. I didn't want to push her too much tonight. I could always ask her again in the morning, if it still seemed like a big deal. Things tended to be amplified in the middle of the night.

"All right...well... okay... if you liked sleeping next to me and so did I... then can that mean it's okay, Chloe?" I asked, a lot softer than I just had been. I didn't want to hurt her or make her afraid of me just because I had a tendency to take my anger out on people around me.

She nodded slowly, "I want it to be okay...."

"Then it is. We make our own rules in this relationship. If we say it's okay, then it's okay!" I declared, almost triumphantly.

This made her smile, which relieved me.

"Deal. I...might still be a little weird about some things. But I do like that idea..." she agreed, shyly.

"I think I'm getting used to the 'little weird'-ness," I joked, kissing her forehead.

She smiled and looked up at me.

"So... I guess I'll get back to Jasper's and I'll call you tomorrow?" I asked her after a moment of silence.

She shrugged, "You could. Or... you could stay. There's only three or four more hours left in the night anyway...." she said, barely above a whisper.

"Do you...want me to stay?" I asked her just as quietly. She had no idea how much it would mean to me if she said she really did want me to stay with her.

"If you want to, I want you to...." she told me, a brave and hopeful tone coming into her voice.

"Then I will..." I replied softly, my mind whirling with excitement at the thought of it.

She held up a finger and disappeared to her room for a minute. I thought maybe she had decided to sleep in there, but then she came back out with blankets and two pillows.

Her couch was almost like a futon, so it was just wide enough to fit the two of us comfortably-- which was fine with me. I wasn't trying to sleep in her bed with her yet... I was surprised she was even letting me stay. I had a feeling that this was a big step for her.

I helped her set things up on the couch and then we lay down again, together.

"Goodnight, Nick," she said to me, grabbing my hand again and closing her eyes.

"Night, Chloe," I said softly, kissing her forehead and closing my eyes, too. The image of her stayed behind my eyes.

Just as I was drifting back into sleep, she spoke again.

"I'm sorry I'm a mess sometimes..."

I opened my eyes and saw her looking at me warily.

"I'm a mess sometimes, too," I admitted out of nowhere. I didn't mean to, but after staring in her eyes, it just sort of came out...

I was scared to say it. My heart was pounding and my palms were sweating. It's like I was admitting that I had problems... it was one thing to think it, or talk about it with Jasper, but it was another thing to say it out loud to a person that you wanted to really like you....

"Maybe we're kindred." She said this so innocently that I almost died right there. It was the cutest, sweetest, best thing she could have said right then.

"I think we might be," I said quietly. And then I kissed her.

_JPOV_

I got home from school late that Thursday night. I unlocked the apartment door, groggily. I hadn't been sleeping well since Monday night, after the gala incident. My worries for Alice were getting worse.

She didn't look right since that night. She would smile, but her eyes were so wrong. I had a very bad feeling that my love was breaking down. It seemed so unreal that Alice could break down; she was such a happy, bubbly person. She wasn't supposed to be like this....

I didn't know what to do or what I was _allowed_ to do. That was the hard part... not knowing what I could do. I didn't want to make her uncomfortable or stress her out more than she already was.

As I was taking my shoes off, I heard my phone vibrate in my pocket. I hurriedly grabbed it, almost tripping over my half-off shoe in the process. I looked down at the caller ID: _Johnny_.

More worry spread through me, wondering what was wrong. I put the phone to my ear and answered it.

"Hey buddy!" I greeted him, enthusiasm suddenly coming over me. I realized how much I really did miss him.

"Hi Jasper!" he half squealed, excitement obvious in his voice. That made me relax, knowing nothing was wrong. He was fine.

I still worried about him a lot. I knew what living with Steve had done to me... it had scarred me forever. And that same thing had been happening to Johnny and his mother.

But so far, Johnny was strong and still smiling, as always. He was an amazing kid... so wise and brave for his young age. I had to admit it, some of my best advice had come from his young, innocent words. Life was so clear to me through his eyes... so simple. He inspired me.

"What are you up to?" I asked him as I headed to the kitchen to make some dinner. Classes had been surprisingly taking a lot out of me.

"Nothing. Mom said I could call you 'cause I miss you," he admitted to me. I could still hear his joyous grin on his face.

"I miss you too, Johnny," I replied, the honesty strong in my voice.

"You do?" he asked. The innocence and vulnerability in his voice made me stop what I was doing.

"Of course I do," I assured him.

"You are coming to my party, right?" he questioned me, his emotions changing in a flash of a second. He was now serious. "I'm turnin' eleven this year!" he reminded me.

I took in a quick breath, guilt filling me as I realized I had forgotten that his birthday was coming up. Crap.

I quickly scrambled through my mind, counting through to how many days I had left.

"Two weeks, right?" I answered, sounding like I was in control and happy.

"Yep! On a Saturday! It's going to be fun. Bring Alice too, kay?" he cheered. His happiness made me smile, even if what he had asked me stung a little. He hadn't meant it to... he didn't know that Alice had forgotten.

"Maybe Emmett and Rose can come too!" he gasped with his new idea.

"Mom! Can I invite Emmett and Rose too?!" he yelled loudly.

At least that would take us off of the subject of Alice. I was glad, though, that Emmett had still been spending time with Johnny. He needed someone older to look up to when I wasn't there. And I had noticed how much Rosalie had warmed up to him, as well, when he had last visited at the Cullen house.

"That's a good idea," I agreed, nodding absentmindedly.

Johnny and I continued to talk for a while. He updated me on his first days of sixth grade. But eventually, I heard Johnny's mom call for him to get off of the phone.

He grumbled at her for a minute and then came back to the phone.

"Mom says I gotta go to bed," he informed me. He didn't sound pleased with the idea.

"All right. Well, you go do that, because you listen to your mom, right?" I questioned him, knowing that my opinion counted with him. If I said it was right, he believed it.

"Yes, sir," he mumbled, but I could hear that toothy grin coming over his face again.

"Can I talk to Alice before I go?" he asked, the excitement from earlier coming back into him. I winced at his words.

"Not tonight, Johnny. She's... out right now," I half lied to him, regretting it instantly. But I couldn't hurt him.

"Oh, okay. I'll talk to her next time!" he shrugged it off. "Night Jasper. I love you!" he called to me, making my heart soften with his words.

"I love you too, bud. I'll see you at your party. Bye," I replied.

"Bye!" And with that, he hung up the phone. I followed his action and hung up mine as well, a frown coming over my face.

How would Johnny feel when I came to his party without Alice? Would he be okay? I didn't want to hurt him on his birthday.

And would I be okay? I would have to leave New York without her or Nick...

Stop.

When had I become so weak!?

I could leave New York without Nick or Alice. I could survive being alone for a simple plane ride across the country. And then again, when I was with Johnny or Emmett or Rosalie.

Plus, Alice might regain her memory by then. His birthday wasn't for another two weeks. Maybe I wouldn't even have to deal with this problem.

I ran my hand through my hair, trying to wipe the stress away. I didn't have to worry about that right now.

I put my keys on the kitchen table and noticed a note from Nick.

_At Chloe's. Don't wait up._

_Nick.__  
__P.S. Call if you need anything. I'm serious. _

I rolled my eyes at his worries and started to make some dinner. Then I sat at the table and ate my dinner, very aware of how empty and silent it was in my apartment.

I was _very _aware of how alone I was. You would think I would have gotten used to it after the last few weeks. But I hadn't... would I ever?

I left my food on the table and turned on the TV, grabbing a text book from my backpack. I was trying to distract myself from the feelings inside of me. From the worry and pain that was stabbing at my heart.

Everything was going to be fine in time.

It had only been three days since I had seen Alice... it's not like that was an eternity, right?

Or was it... it felt like it.

_Stop thinking, Jasper. It only makes it worse! _I urged myself, squinting my eyes with determination at the pages of the book.

It took me a long twenty minutes to get through the first paragraph of the page before I just plain gave up. I shut the book and began to walk to the TV. Maybe it would help more.

As I was about to sit on the couch, though, I heard a soft knock on the door. Who could that be? Maybe Nick had locked himself out?

I sighed softly to myself and got up from the couch. I dragged my feet lazily to the door and peeked through the eyehole in the door.

My breath caught in my throat. God, this was a dream. It had to be a dream.

I saw Alice standing outside of my, no, _our_ apartment. She was standing there nervously, fiddling with her purse.

I quickly fumbled with the lock, trying to unlock the door, and then swung it open.

"Oh!" she said in shock at the haste that I had opened the door. She had been startled and jumped back a bit. She didn't look into my eyes, which made me even more desperate to look into those amazing eyes of hers.

"I... umm... I just thought... I hadn't..."

Alice stumbled over her words, trying to tell me something, but all I could do was step forward into the hall and envelope her in a big hug. I regretted it after I had done it, realizing she wasn't mine to just hug.

_She isn't yours, Jasper. Smarten up!_ I thought angrily to myself, about to pull back.

But then I heard Alice sigh and my body stayed connected to hers. The sigh was one of relief. Was she relieved to be with me?

I pulled my head back to look at her. Her eyes were shut and she was holding me a bit tightly.

"Hey darling," I sang. My voice was as happy as I was. I wasn't holding it back from her. She was the one who put the happiness into me, so she should know.

"Hey J-Jasper...." she whispered, pulling back now as if my voice had brought her back into reality. Her eyes finally flickered to mine and I was hit with a roller coaster of emotions. Every emotion was coming through her eyes... she looked so incredibly lost.

"Spence was working late tonight... so I thought I would come see you for a bit?" She said the statement as a question, waiting for my approval.

I hesitated for a moment, not saying anything. Her eyes were burning into mine. I didn't think she had even blinked.

"But if you're busy... I can go...." she whispered, finally breaking the connection.

"No, its fine... it's great," I murmured softly to her.

A small smile tugged on the end of her lips. She was glad that I had said yes.

"And um... I wanted to apologize for what happened on Monday night. I didn't mean for it to get so bad. I was just so confused about everything, Jazz!" she said, her words rushed and desperate.

I just nodded and began to rub her back gently, just like I had done at the carnival to calm her down.

Alice glanced up at me, wanting to know if I had forgiven her.

I pulled her closer to me and kissed her temple tenderly.

"All is forgiven, darling," I whispered to her, swaying us gently.

I watched Alice's eyes flicker shut and she let her head lean onto my chest, relaxing into me.

"You want to go for a walk, darling?" I asked her softly.

She nodded against me. "That'd be nice."

I darted back inside to grab my keys and jacket, and then I came back into the hall, where she was waiting for me.

She hesitantly held out her hand to me. "Ready?"

A smile grew over my face as I took her hand, enjoying the warmth. "Ready," I said. We started to walk down the hall together.

She was coming back and I could feel it. I could see it. My Alice was slowly starting to come out.

It was all up to time now.

**Author's note: Before I say **_**anything**_** else I have to tell you something. My beta, Lucy, wrote a huge chunk of this chapter! That Nick and Chloe stuff was mostly all her writing! She is totally in love with those two. And so big thanks to her and her amazing writing skills! I don't know about you but I think she writes this story amazingly, she knows it about as well as me! **

**All right, back to the chapter then. So, lemme think, what happened in this chapter....hmm... well Chloe and Nick **_**kissed**_** for the first time! *wolf howls* That's pretty huge and then what else... Alice offering Jasper her hand? Well that's pretty freakin' huge! lol. Maybe our beloved Alice is coming back! Let's cross our fingers! And let's not forget those suspicious calls Chloe keeps receiving... What is that about? **

**All will be revealed in later chapters of course and until then leave a review and visit us in the forums! Have a good week! **

**Oh and my fellow Twitters if I ever forget to put up a teaser quote just tweet me and be like **_**WHERE'S MY PREVIEW!**_


	15. Giving Up

**Author's Note: Hello world of fanfiction! Hope everyone is having a good week. We thought we'd surprise you with a Hope update. So... SURPRISE! Enjoy everyone. It's gonna be good... **

Forgotten Hope Chapter 15- Giving Up

_APOV_

What was I going to do, avoid my feelings? Try to hide from them? That obviously hadn't worked before. I had just gotten drunk and tried to drink them away. That hadn't helped anything. If anything, it had made everything worse and I had felt like crap the whole night and next day.

So, I took the chance and made a decision. I embraced the weird feelings and I went to see Jasper. I wasn't going to keep avoiding something that wouldn't seem to go away. I was going to face it head on. The feeling would go away soon. Everything was so messed up... I just had to straighten it all out.

But when I saw him and he hugged me... it was like the feeling at the carnival. I felt that same tingly, burning sensation. The passionate gaze that he always held on me and that love in his eyes was all there again. My body and mind longed for it, craved it, and I couldn't help but just stand in his embrace.

_Great job, Alice,_ I thought sarcastically. I had just made it all worse.

_Just give in to the crazy, emotional feelings you have for another man... yeah, that fixes everything._

"What have I told you about your thoughts? Much too dangerous for a precious thing like you," I heard someone whisper from behind me.

I felt hot breath tingling at my ear, causing me to giggle at the tickling sensation.

"It's not my fault. I can't really push away my thoughts," I grumbled, turning around to see Gregory. _Believe me, if I could, I would._

This new man that I had met at the diner on Monday had quickly become a friend of mine. We had met for lunch every day since then, being that Spencer was giving me time to myself.

Spencer had insisted that I take time to think during the day, since I was so stressed out lately. He said he didn't want me to feel overwhelmed or like I had to do something crazy to feel better... so lunch was my designated 'alone' time. Spencer didn't know I had been meeting up with Gregory, but I figured it wasn't a big deal... I could use my alone time however I wanted, right?

I don't know _how_ this new friendship actually happened... it just did. I feel comfortable around him. Well... in a way. I think it's because he's unfamiliar with me and doesn't expect any certain thing from me. I could just be who I was now when I was with him... it was nice to have no expectations.

But there was something about him that kept me on edge, too. Something that was warning me to stay away. I didn't listen to it, though. I mean... I was feeling so many strange things lately... if I couldn't make sense of it, then I tried to ignore it. So I ignored that feeling. Plus, he was a nice guy. He always listened to what I had to say and he had no biases. I had told him pretty much everything that had been happening lately. He was a good listener.

"Oh, there are ways, my friend," he smirked deviously, handing me a latte.

"Thanks," I said gratefully, taking a sip of the hot liquid.

Gregory grabbed my free hand and placed it on the crook on his arm, starting to walk us forward. I had been waiting outside of my work for him.

Today, he was wearing an expensive-looking black leather jacket and black jeans. It seemed to match him really well. It matched more than the more formal attire that he sometimes wore.

"There is one simple way you could push away your thoughts. You could tell me about them, if you want. I may not seem like a wise man, but I can be," he informed me, putting his cold, icy hand over mine on my arm harmlessly. It made the warning bells in my head go off insanely.

The coldness of his hand sent a chill through me and my mind swirled. Jasper's face popped into my face, worry burning in those blue eyes of his.

I smashed my teeth together in frustration, trying to get the chill to go away. I looked up into his mischievous hazel eyes and smiled softly at him.

"I just... still don't understand all of this, I guess. Nothing I do seems right. If I'm with Spencer, something feels wrong, and when I'm with Jasper, something feels wrong again. I-I feel things for Jasper, Gregory. And I shouldn't." I looked at him in a pleading way, needing answers about the feeling I couldn't understand.

Gregory looked thoughtful for a long moment before pressing his lips together and then finally speaking.

"Which one makes you feels better?" he questioned, curiosity in his eyes.

"I-I..." I stopped, stuck. It was Spencer, right? He knew exactly how to make me feel good. He always knew how to make me feel better... but then the way Jasper held me when I visited him and when I was crying at the carnival... that had made me feel... _so_ much better.

I looked down in frustration, not knowing the answer to his question.

"I don't know," I answered him.

Gregory hummed in thought, looking over the passing people. Then his eyes flickered back to mine.

"When you can answer that, you will know who is right," he said, patting my hand and then withdrawing his.

I frowned at his advice. How long would it take for me to know who made me feel better? Everything was just messed up right now.

"But I don't know about this Jasper character," Gregory continued, "He seems a bit dangerous. He doesn't seem good for an innocent one like you, right?" he thought out loud, but I thought I heard some amusement in his voice. Why did he always have that amused sound to his voice? It was like everything was funny to him. Or like I was missing a big inside joke.

"From my experience, I've noticed that people's sketchy backgrounds usually come after them later in life. You can't run away from the past. Never forget that, Alice. The past is always with you." He looked me pointedly in the eyes, smiling.

I rolled my eyes at him and nudged him with my hip.

"You make it sound so much worse than it is," I chuckled at his dramatics. But I did notice some truth in his hazel eyes.

"Once a monster, always a monster, my friend," he snickered coldly, making me punch him lightly in the arm. I noticed how hard his bicep was. Rock solid.

"Working out, big boy?" I giggled, squeezing his bicep teasingly.

That devious smirk of his came over his face and he tilted his head toward mine, eyes sparkling.

"Something like that," he laughed, looking up to the sky.

"But Jasper isn't a monster," I pointed out quickly, showing I wasn't letting his words go.

He rolled his eyes sarcastically at me and shrugged.

"If you say so. But that doesn't mean the dangers of his past won't follow him," he said, waving off my protest. "You _know_ Spencer's past. You know all of the skeletons in his closet. I'm just saying that maybe you don't know all of Jasper's."

So much for a non biased conversation. I scoffed to myself.

"Well, gee. Sounds like you're _really_ cheering for Spencer...why don't _you_ date Spencer?!" I snickered at him.

Gregory smirked. "Tempting," he said sarcastically. But then his words turned serious.

"But I don't think I am interested in love. The emotion is a weakness. Opening yourself to another person... giving them access to ruin you forever... to scar you for eternity. It all sounds pretty horrific to me. Idiotic." His voice was harder this time and his eyes matched his tone.

"Or you lose them and you are lost and totally pathetic for the next few years of your life." He frowned at the sound of it. It sounded like he was familiar with the situation and disgusted by it.

I laughed in shock at his bitter outlook on love. Love was so special and beautiful... and he made it sound so... horrible.

"See... you, Alice, are very confused because you have two loves. And _I _have no loves and I am perfectly content with my life," he pointed out before I could argue.

"Are you too afraid to love, Gregory? Are you afraid a girl could make you pathetic and lost without her?" I asked him, raising an eyebrow curiously at him, watching his reaction.

What I saw surprised me. I thought that he would either look embarrassed, like that was the answer, or laugh, like it was ridiculous. But instead, a small snarl came over his face. He didn't say anything, though. He just ignored my comment.

"Are you mad I found your weakness?" I tried to joke with him, nudging him with my hip.

It worked a little. A smile came over his lips.

"You have not found any weakness in me. You are absurd, just like your belief in love. I have no fear or weakness," he stated in a strong voice.

I would have responded, but something about the way he said it told me not to. It told me not to fight with him.

"You will learn one day, my friend, that love can hurt more than anything. You are learning it now, aren't you? It hurts to be with both of them because at the same time you want to be with the other. Love is the problem. You are in love with two different people.... If you ask me, that might as well be hell," he laughed darkly, winking teasingly at me.

That wink. A chill ran through my body at it. So weird...

But then I went back to his words. In love with two people? Both of them? No. That wasn't possible. I was in love with Spencer. Only Spencer...

"What was your friend's name again? The one who was with Jasper?" Gregory suddenly changed the subject, his eyes very interested.

His excitement over it almost made me hesitate to tell him. The intensity of his gaze and the wicked look coming into his eyes made me uneasy. He was so weird sometimes.

"Nick...?" I offered, wondering if that was the one he was talking about.

A smile of approval came over his face, very pleased.

"Nick, yes. That was him. You were starting to tell me about his... girlfriend?" he questioned, "the last time we met," he finished inquisitively, sounding like he wanted to learn more about the situation. I liked that about him, though. He always wanted to hear more.

I grinned at the mention of Chloe. I loved her already. She was shy, but I knew I just had to crack her shell a bit.

"Yeah. Her name is Chloe. She is adorable. I can tell why Nick likes her so much. I was talking to Jazz about it and it's like saying opposites attract. They are so different, but still so perfect for each other. I love the two of them together!" I gushed, making Gregory smirk again.

His eyes looked like a whole plan was going on in his mind. Like the wheels inside his head were cranking.

Or... just like he was putting together all of the information I kept telling him. That was probably it.

"Sounds fascinating," he murmured, his eyes changing as he grinned mischievously.

"I'd love to meet her sometime," he told me, smiling brilliantly at me.

I flashed him a smile of excitement at that idea. If I could hang out with Chloe and Gregory, then I could be with two new people who didn't know me before at the same time. It sounded amazing.

"I think that's a good idea," I agreed with a quick nod of confirmation.

I looked around where we were and realized we were far past the diner.

"We missed lunch," I frowned as I pulled my cell phone out and realized the time.

I also noticed two text messages I had missed: one from Jasper and one from Spencer.

Back to reality...

_JPOV___

_Two Weeks Later_

I was wrong. Two weeks later and Alice still had not gained her memory back. She wouldn't be able to come to Johnny's birthday with me.

As much as I wanted her to come, I wouldn't say that I was feeling too bad. At the beginning, I felt depressed and alone... and I still did, now, but it wasn't as severe. This was mostly because I knew Alice was remembering something.

She might not have her memories of us back, but those old feelings for me were growing inside of her. I could see it in her smile. I could see it in her eyes. She trusted me. She needed my support. And she was starting to need me like I needed her.

Of course... there was still one problem. Spencer.

I also knew she was holding back and hiding what she was feeling for me because of him. She was afraid to feel things for me because she loved him.

Which is the reason why I still felt depressed and alone... especially at night, when I was in our bed without her.

But right now, the fact that she was regaining her feelings for me was good enough.

A lot of the time now, school was distracting me from the broken feelings. I was usually too busy with homework to dwell on it for long. Even if it was always in the back of my mind.

Over the last two weeks, Alice had become a little more composed. Her eyes were controlled... the emotions in them weren't as confused, though the stress was still apparent. But she was smiling again and that's all that mattered right now.

As for Nick and Chloe... well, they were Nick and Chloe. They were still falling head over heels for each other. I thought that maybe Nick meeting Chloe was the one good side of everything that had happened. If Alice had never lost her memory, then Nick would have never met Chloe. And I had never seen Nick this happy. He wasn't so guarded anymore. He seemed to trust her, which was something huge for him.

Nick's childhood hadn't been the greatest. I knew that. His parents had been distant from him before they died. They did the bare minimum of what they had to do to take care of him... but there's a big difference between giving someone food and clothes and being someone's parents.

After the death of his parents, he was too far into his trust issues to improve them. Being in the gang didn't help. When you were in a gang, you learned to trust no one... you even had to watch your back among the gang. You never knew who was looking out for you and who was more concerned with looking out for themselves. The lack of trust in the gang didn't help either of us.

So, at least meeting Chloe was one good thing that came out of this whole not-so-good situation.

"Jasper!" Nick called for me from the other room.

I threw the last few things that I had left to pack into my suitcase and shut the lid, zippering the suitcase up. I was all packed for my visit to see Johnny in Forks.

I walked out of my room and to the kitchen, where Nick and Chloe were making dinner for us: homemade pizza. I smiled at the sight, knowing Nick pretty much couldn't cook anything but pancakes.

Chloe was slicing mushrooms as Nick spread the pizza sauce over the dough that they had made from scratch.

"Yep?" I asked, leaning against the entrance way to the kitchen.

"What did you want on your half of the pizza?" Nick asked.

"What do you have?" I questioned, walking into the kitchen.

"Lots of vegetables," Nick muttered under his breath, though there was a sparkle in his eyes that told me it was all teasing.

Chloe smiled and rolled her eyes at him, tapping his arm in adoration. "They're good for you," she told him, giving him a pointed look.

Do not question the girlfriend, Nick. I warned him through our connection. But he didn't seem to need my advice. He just leaned over and pecked her cheek.

"I know. I'm going to eat them," he mumbled, moving now to spread the freshly grated cheese onto the pizza.

Chloe flashed a smile at me and chuckled.

"He's only eating the vegetables because if he doesn't, he doesn't get pie after," she informed me, an amused look in her eyes. I laughed.

"Well, all this time all I needed to do was threaten to take away your pie and you would have eaten your vegetables. Who would have known?" I chuckled as he shot me a dark look.

"Well, I'll eat whatever you make. I'm not picky, like some people," I told Chloe with a shrug, giving Nick a teasing look.

"Hey, I said I'd eat it!" Nick defended as Chloe giggled. She smiled approvingly at my words and nodded, going back to chopping the veggies.

I took out another knife and began to help.

We continued making the pizza, chatting together. Chloe showed me how to make more pizza dough that I could freeze for some other time. And of course, the whole time, Nick and I goofed off.

Chloe kept us in order, though. She was always making sure that we got back to what we needed to do in order to finish making dinner tonight.

When we were just about ready to put the pizza and pie into the oven, I managed to get a handful of sauce on Nick's shirt. It was one of the first times he was actually wearing _his_ clothes instead of mine.

As I laughed, he went to get me back with his own glob of sauce, but Chloe gave him a look that stopped him.

He glared at me and then kissed her forehead. "I'm gonna go change real quick," he said, ducking out of the room.

I was about to help Chloe start cleaning things up when I heard her gasp quietly. My eyes flickered to her quickly and I saw blood pouring down her finger from one of the knives she had been trying to clean.

Her eyes squinted in pain. "Shoot," she whispered.

Nick had changed his shirt in record time and came back just after she had cut it.

"Shit," he exclaimed, hurrying over to her.

Chloe didn't acknowledge him, though. She turned the sink on and put her finger under the running water, sucking in a quick breath of air as it stung the cut.

Nick grabbed paper towels from the counter.

"Here," he offered her, reaching over.

She took it from him softly.

"I got it," she waved him off, putting the paper towel around the cut.

Nick's eyes flashed to mine and I could see the worry in his eyes... but also the annoyance at the fact that she wasn't letting him help her.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his voice quiet and full of concern.

Chloe gave him and me a reassuring smile and nodded.

"Yep, the knife was pretty sharp, so it was a small, clean cut. Don't worry about it," she assured him, even though the pain was obvious in her brown eyes.

Nick pursed his lips stressfully.

"All right," he started slowly, watching her face, sounding reluctant.

"I'm going to go clean up in the bathroom..." she whispered quietly, sliding out of the room. Before she left, I saw something strong in her eyes: regret.

I noticed that about Chloe. She was always so independent... but I think she regretted it at the moment because it was hurting Nick.

Nick watched her leave the room and let out a stressed sigh.

"She wasn't fine," he hissed to himself, punching the wall in anger.

I put a hand on his shoulder supportively.

"I know she isn't used to someone taking care of her, but... hell, I _want_ to take care of her now. But I don't know if she'll let me, Jasper," Nick ranted in a quiet voice, flexing and releasing his hand muscles.

"It'll take time for her to realize that she can let someone else take care of her. Especially if she's never had that before," I told him, squeezing his shoulder before taking my hand back.

Nick's nostrils flared in anger and he nodded. He didn't say anything, though. Instead, he left the room and I heard the guest bedroom door shut.

I let him go, knowing that he needed to blow off steam before seeing Chloe. Nick understood that he had a bad temper sometimes... he was trying to control it now and not force her to see it.

Chloe came back into the kitchen a few minutes later, right as I was finishing cutting up the red peppers.

"I borrowed some bandages, but I'll buy you some more, don't worry," she informed me, coming to sit at the kitchen table, looking wary.

I scoffed at the ridiculous notion. "No, it's fine. They are there to use: it's their purpose. You wouldn't want to deny them of that," I chuckled, putting the rest of the toppings on the pizza.

Chloe smiled at my joke and sat back in her seat.

"He's upset, isn't he?" she whispered, the regret strong in her voice. I think she realized that it hurt him...

"He's fine. He just wants to take care of you, that's all," I assured her, smiling encouragingly at her and slipping the pizza into the oven.

Chloe went silent as I sat at the table with her. I didn't interrupt her... she looked too deep in thought. Instead, I took out my cell phone to glance at the time, but then realized I had a message from Alice.

I pressed the button to hear my messages and put the phone to my ear.

"Hey Jazz... I know you are leaving to go back to Forks later tonight, but I was just wondering if we could... hang out or something before you leave. You could get Nick and maybe Chloe and I'll bring Spencer and we can go out for dinner," she offered. "If you want to... so... call me back and let me know!"

My fingers couldn't dial her number fast enough. But then I paused, realizing that this deal didn't just include me. I stopped dialing and put my phone back in my pocket. I was going to ask Nick and Chloe first.

Nick came in on cue, walking into the kitchen. He didn't look angry anymore, but he did look more guarded, keeping his feelings masked.

Chloe's head shot up, hearing his footsteps.

"You okay?" Nick asked her immediately, no anger towards her at all.

Chloe stood up and nodded slowly, but then walked to him and melted into him, hugging him warmly.

Nick wrapped his arms around her, returning the hug.

There were no words, but I knew they were both speaking to each other. The hug was expressing everything: forgiveness, regret, apologies, and a promise that they'd both try harder.

Nick pulled back after a second and took her injured hand in his, leaning down to kiss it very softly.

"Thanks," Chloe whispered, her eyes meaningful.

I cleared my throat loudly, breaking their private moment, but not really regretting it. Nick rolled his eyes good naturedly as they looked at me.

"Alice wants to know if she and Spencer can join us," I told them, leaving it up in the air as a question. It had been their idea to make pizza tonight, so I wanted them to decide if it was okay.

"Fine with me, if it's okay with Chloe," Nick shrugged, tugging Chloe into his side with an adoring smile. All was already forgiven.

"I don't mind," she assured me. "We can use the dough we were going to freeze from earlier and make another pizza...." she volunteered them.

"Okay, I'll go call them, then!" I grinned. I could feel my heart already beating with excitement to see my darling. I knew I had seen her just yesterday, when I surprised her with a visit at her work, but I was anxious to see her again.

Honestly, I didn't know if I would be okay going back to Forks without her. The more I saw her before I left, the better. Maybe I would be fine.

I walked out of the kitchen and onto the balcony, feeling the heat of the summer drifting away as the chilly nights started.

I dialed Alice's number and put the phone to my ear as I sat down on the ground.

"Jasper!" I heard her squeal, answering on the first ring. I laughed at that.

"Were you waiting by the phone darling?" I teased, feeling much more comfortable with her. I could actually tease her now without worrying that it would creep her out. But I didn't do it a lot, knowing she wasn't fully comfortable with me yet.

"Technically, yes. But it's a cell phone and it was in my pocket, so it's always beside me," Alice said. I heard the smirk clearly on her face.

I laughed at her logic. "Whatever you say. I was just calling to say yes to your offer, but with a bit of a change to it. Nick and Chloe are here making pizza and we were wondering if you'd just like to join us here," I suggested the idea to her, hopeful that she would say yes.

"Oh yeah, that sounds great. Let me ask Spencer first though--"

"Ask me what?" Spencer cut in.

Alice gasped in surprise. He mustn't have been in the room before.

"You scared me, Spence!" she sighed.

"Sorry baby," I heard him whisper in a guilty voice, but there was still teasing behind it.

My fingers tightened around the phone as my normal, overprotective self took over.

"Wanna go to Jazz's apartment for pizza with Nick and Chloe?" she asked him in that voice that no one could ever say no to. She knew how to get what she wanted....

"Sure," he answered shortly.

"'Kay, it's all good with him. When do you want us to come?" Alice asked me. The joy in her voice was strong, causing me to grin.

"Right now!" I urged her, craving to see her. God, I needed to hold her.

_Jasper! Get it together. She'll be with Spencer. _I told myself, knowing I needed control or I would lose it.

Alice laughed at my rush. "Okay, we are coming now, then. See you soon, Jazz!" she called, and then hung up the phone without waiting for my answer.

Fine with me. The sooner I could see her, the better.

I hung up my own phone and slipped it back into my jean pocket as I got up from the ground and walked back into the house.

"Nick, what did you do to your hand?" I heard Chloe gasp in concern.

Right in time. Oh, this would be interesting. I stepped into the entrance to the kitchen. Chloe was holding the hand that Nick had used to punch the wall.

"I'm fine," Nick assured her, doing the exact same thing she had done to him earlier... waving things off as nothing.

"I'm gone for like, five minutes, and you hurt yourself. I'll get some ice," she murmured, keeping his hand in hers as she walked to the fridge.

"No, Chloe, it doesn't even hurt—" Nick stopped short when she gave him a sad look. Yes, this was what I was used to: the puppy eyes, the pouting. Alice's specialties. But Chloe's look was different. Hers wasn't pouting... it was more like she was just upset that he was hurt. It was all in her eyes, but it still worked like Alice's look.

"I guess ice wouldn't hurt," Nick shrugged sheepishly, letting Chloe put the icepack on his hand. He noticed me just then.

"Oh hey, did Alice say yes?" Nick asked me, smiling.

"Yep, they're on their way."

Chloe smiled at me. "I'm glad," she said to me, giving me the supportive look that she always gave me when it came to matters involving Alice. I was very grateful for her support.

"Yeah, sure you're glad. Your celebrity crush is coming," Nick teased, giving her a challenging look.

Chloe waved at him dismissively, and walked away from him. "As I remember, you are the one calling Spencer sexy all the time. I think you have it backwards, sweetheart," Chloe teased right back.

"And can you keep working on that new pizza for me, please?" she asked him innocently as she walked out of the kitchen to get something from the living room.

"Ouch!" Nick yelled to her, the biggest grin on his face.

"You two sicken me..." I muttered at their harmless flirting.

"Oh how the tables have turned," Nick laughed, punching me in the arm. I laughed with him, remembering how he used to be the one to always say things like that to me.

I was about to make a comeback when I heard a phone start to ring.

"Chloe, your phone's ringing!" Nick called to the living room, grabbing her purse off the table and starting to open it.

Chloe flew into the kitchen in literally a second flat. She took her purse from Nick's hands before he had opened it enough to get the phone.

"Thanks," she said quickly, before breathlessly answering, "Hello?"

I watched her smooth out her hair, and then her shirt. It was almost as if she was trying to look better, even though the person on the phone couldn't see her.

"Oh..." she started in a whisper. "No, it's just—" she paused, cut off by the other person. She waited a good minute before speaking again. Her eyes seemed to be getting more stressed every second.

"It's not that I don't want to—" Again, she was cut off.

Nick edged closer to her, sensing her distress. Chloe shook her head at him, mouthing that she was fine.

"Can we talk later? I'm a little busy at the moment."

I knew something must be wrong because even though she was standing a few feet away, I could hear the person on the other line. I couldn't hear what the words were, but I could tell they were yelling simply because I _could_ hear them.

Nick was standing farther away now, because Chloe was slowly edging away from him.

"I understand..." she whispered into the phone, her eyes looking down to the floor.

She covered the phone with her hand and looked to Nick.

"It's important. I'll be right back," she informed him quietly.

Before she could leave the room, though, Nick grabbed her hand and pulled her tightly into him. He hugged her for a short moment and then leaned down and pressed his lips to hers.

I watched Chloe's body relax at that. "I'll be right back," she repeated to him, slightly more calm now as she rubbed his chest with one of her hands to assure him that she was fine.

After that, she rushed out of the room and put the phone back to her ear.

"I don't know who the hell's always calling her, but it's pissing me off!" Nick exclaimed once she had left the apartment to talk in the hall.

I looked at him worriedly. This happened all the time?

Nick seemed to notice the questioning look. He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "She gets calls every time I'm with her. It's continual. Every day. And she always looks upset after."

"Did you ask her about it?" I asked.

"Well, yeah, but she never gives me a straight answer," Nick growled, his eyes flickering to mine. I saw a fiery rage in his eyes.

"But whoever it is is asking for a hell of a beating," he continued, clenching his fists.

I frowned. It didn't seem right. Chloe was a sweet, shy girl. I wouldn't think that there was someone calling her who treated her badly... she was too pure to have someone like that in her life.

Both of us were silent for the next few minutes, thoughts flying around the room.

Chloe came back into the apartment and joined us in the kitchen, looking perfectly fine, like it had been a normal call.

"Sorry about that," she mumbled, putting the phone back in her purse.

"Did you want us to start the next pizza, Nick?" she asked hesitantly, like she suddenly needed his approval before doing something.

"If you wanna," he said, rushing over to her, wrapping his hand over hers. His eyes searched hers closely.

The next thing I saw didn't match anything I had ever seen before with them. She winced away from his touch, pain flashing through her normally composed brown eyes.

Maybe the simple, easy relationship that I thought they had wasn't actually as simple as it appeared....

There was a light tapping noise coming from the living room that made me look away from Nick and Chloe. My heart almost sprang out of my chest when I recognized the knock. It was Alice.

I hurried to the door, opening it in a flash. Alice's grin was instantaneous.

"Jazz!" she squealed. Her arms flew around me. My body automatically reacted to hers, enveloping her in a loving, tight hug.

"Hey darling," I cooed in her ear, tickling her with my breath, making her squirm away with a giggle.

I looked up from her for a moment, noticing Spencer standing a few inches away. I watched his jaw muscles clench instantly as I hugged her.

Alice stepped back and slipped her fingers in between his. It was like she knew exactly when he needed her assurance.

I took a breath, calming myself.

"Hello, Jasper," Spencer said quietly, with a nod. We were still a little tense after our last encounter.

"Hey, come in," I replied, opening the door wider for them. They both stepped in and took off their shoes and jackets.

"Hey kiddo!" Nick called, coming out of the kitchen with Chloe.

Alice smiled widely at Nick and let go of Spencer for a moment to hug him.

"Hey Nick," she sighed, relaxing into his arms like she always did with him. Nick rubbed her back and pulled away a bit to kiss her cheek tenderly.

"You doing all right, Ali?" he asked her quietly, searching her eyes.

Alice's eyes flashed up to meet his.

"Ali..." she whispered in shock. It looked like she was coming into realization of something.

"Yes... Ali. That's you, kiddo," Nick chuckled, but he looked a little uncertain.

"I was wondering why that nickname was so familiar," she told him, smiling sweetly up at him, liking that he was the reason it was familiar.

I grinned, my hopes high. She _was_ remembering things.

Nick let go of Alice and Alice moved to Chloe, giving her a tight, friendly hug.

Nick stepped forward, toward Spencer.

"How's my boy?" Nick asked him, grinning fondly at him.

For the first time since he was here, Spencer smiled.

"Pretty good. How about you?" Spencer asked, walking over to see Nick. Spencer held out his hand when he got near him, offering his usual formal greeting.

Nick scoffed loudly. "You and those damn handshakes. Come here!" Nick chuckled, pulling him in a tight bear hug. And just like the day we went to the carnival, Alice smiled adoringly at the exchange. She seemed so glad for Nick and Spencer's friendship.

Spencer came out of the hug and tapped Nick's cheek teasingly. "Missed you too, baby."

Nick's mouth dropped to the floor, surprised at Spencer finally making a comeback. Then he broke out into laughter and winked at him.

"Told you it was you that had the crush," Chloe said quietly, her shy self coming back.

Nick stopped laughed abruptly and his head snapped to her, his eyes narrowing.

Chloe smiled widely at him, a deep blush coming over her cheeks for some reason.

Nick slowly crept his way over to her, looking like a predator going after its prey. Chloe took a hesitant step back as she watched him.

He stopped when his face was inches from hers.

"You going to take that back?" he asked her in a low voice, warning her playfully.

Chloe shook her head stubbornly and Nick's hands grabbed her waist.

"Sure about that?" he asked her in a growl.

She giggled as he tickled her, bringing her closer to him. I was glad that she was sort of getting back to being more like herself... she was a little less guarded, like she was before her phone call.

Alice made her way over to me at this, giving them their privacy.

Then suddenly, Alice's eyes flashed with emotion as she realized something. Her eyes flickered around the room.

"Is this _our_ apartment?" she asked quietly, almost too weakly for me to hear.

I stepped a step closer, standing beside her.

"Yep. It's our apartment," I confirmed, smiling gently at her. It was the first time since she had lost her memory that she had been inside.

Alice walked forward, toward the TV, where there was a shelf with three pictures on it. One was of Alice and me, one was of us with her parents, and one was of us with the Cullens in Forks.

Alice reached up and touched the one of just us two. Her face was void of any emotion. She was just staring at it, transfixed.

"Hey Spencer, wanna help us finish making the pizza?" Nick called out from the kitchen, where he and Chloe had retreated to.

Spencer's eyes glanced to Alice. She nodded, telling him it was okay, and he went to the kitchen.

"Want to show me around?" she asked quietly, turning away from the shelf and back at me. I saw a little bit of light in her eyes, telling me it was a good idea.

"Definitely," I grinned, reaching out to offer her my hand.

Alice skipped forward and put her small, warm hand in mine, giving it a squeeze.

"I missed you," she whispered out of nowhere.

I froze at the loving words. I thought I was going to have a heart attack.

Alice gasped and covered her mouth with her free hand.

"I-I didn't mean to s-say that, Jazz. Crap..." she said in a rush, looking so ashamed.

I ran my finger down her cheek and smiled very softly, then gazed into those familiar eyes.

"I missed you too, darling," I whispered back.

Alice pulled her hand out of mine. I noticed she looked too pale, as if she was going to throw up.

"Maybe we can do the tour later..." she murmured and turned toward the kitchen. Her eyes were red.

Great job, Jasper! Just great freaking job....

I quickly stepped forward, grabbing her hand to stop her. She froze at the touch and her eyes shut tightly as she squeezed them like she was in pain.

"I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I apologize if I did, love," I said in a very sorry voice, wanting her to know that.

Alice shook her head quickly and smiled reassuringly at me.

"I said it first..." she said and again pulled her hand out of mine. I knew that she forgave me, though.

"I bought you some clothes," she told me, changing the subject. An adorable look came over her face as she walked back to the front door and grabbed a few bags off of the ground.

I laughed at that. Even when she wasn't my girlfriend, she was buying me clothes. She began taking the clothes out of the bags and showing me which ones go with which. The last two bags were apparently for Nick, because she had found out that he was wearing my clothes. I felt very relieved... it was definitely something that she would do. Alice will be Alice.

After she had finished showing me how to dress, I quickly took the bags to our room and then headed to Nick's room to throw his two bags on the bed. Then I hurried back to the kitchen where Alice had wandered to.

Nick, Chloe and Spencer had already finished the next pizza and had put it in the oven before I came in.

Now, Spencer and Nick were sitting at the table, about to start an arm wrestling competition. Chloe and Alice were standing at the counter, chatting effortlessly.

I stood in the entrance to the kitchen for a moment, watching them. They could have been two couples double dating together.

I felt a tinge of sadness hit me as I watched them happily spending time with each other without me. Did any one of them really need me here anymore? Nick had Chloe to support him and spend time with him. And Spencer took care of Alice like it was second nature. Which I supposed it probably was for him.

I know it's stupid, but as I watched them, I thought it might be true. Maybe... I wasn't needed by the two closest people in my life anymore.

A feeling that I hadn't felt in a very long time came over me. I felt the cold, icy feeling as the wall that protected my heart came up. My mind turned guarded, trying to keep the emotions that wanted to come through from coming. I knew I would break down if I thought about it anymore. I couldn't live without Nick or Alice in my life.

"Jasper, you should see if you can beat Nick!" Chloe called to me, smiling warmly at me.

I glanced up at them, tearing myself from my thoughts. Nick was grinning like an idiot. He had obviously won. All of them were smiling, but they were also looking at me, waiting for me to join them.

"Yeah, Jasper. See if you can beat Nick!" Nick taunted me with a challenging look on his face. Oh, he was on.

I grinned and took a step forward, my earlier thoughts hiding deeper in my mind now. I caught Alice's eye when I was walking by... her eyes narrowed as ours met. I saw concern coming into them as her face slowly turned perplexed.

I let it go, though, not wanting to wrongly think that she might be reading me like she used to. I kept walking, taking Spencer's seat at the table.

Nick wiggled his eyes at me, jokingly, and placed his elbow on the table, waiting for me.

I followed his actions and put my own arm on the table and offered him my hand.

"Ready to lose like always?" I asked him with a smirk. He laughed and put his hand in mine.

"You know you never win, Jasper," he reminded me, knowing that he always won arm wrestling.

When it came to strength, I had it, but he had more. The only reason I was better at fighting than Nick was because I was fast and I took risks. When it came to a game like this, neither were to my advantage.

"There's a first time for everything."

With that, both of us started pushing as hard as we could. Neither of our hands moved at first. They stayed stuck in the middle... at first.

After about thirty seconds, Nick suddenly pushed harder than before, making my hand move two inches down.

I squinted my eyes in determination, glaring into Nick's eyes. He grinned wickedly at me.

"I'm not intentionally making you look bad in front of the ladies. You asked for it," he teased, trying to get me frustrated.

I was used to him, though. It wouldn't work.

I took a breath in and pushed harder, moving my hand back up an inch. Nick didn't seem fazed by it, though. The smug smirk was still on his face. He wasn't_ trying_ to beat me yet.

Suddenly, Chloe's voice rose a bit and we could hear what the others were talking about.

"Oh, no, I think the shirt makes you look great, Spencer. It defines your muscles really nicely over here--"

At that, Nick's head flashed to the side, worry and jealousy strong in his eyes as he turned to see Chloe.

I took that to my advantage and pushed my hand as hard as I could. Nick had been too distracted to fight back and his hand slammed against the table.

"Ha!" I said, sitting back in my chair. "Never win?"

Nick frowned deeply and glared at Chloe. I looked over to them, noticing that Chloe had the guiltiest look ever on her face.

Spencer and Alice were both smirking in amusement. It had been planned.

"You did that on purpose," Nick growled at her, narrowing his eyes slowly at her. He covered up his joking tone well. He actually sounded very angry and serious.

Chloe's face fell a bit, uncertain about what she had done. Her shyness came over her again and she ducked her head, covering her face with her hair defensively. It was similar to the guarded protection that Nick and I had used with our own shaggy hair. It was more effective on her with her longer hair, though. It seemed like in that moment, a whole wall had been put up between Chloe and the rest of us.

Nick's eyes flashed and he jumped up, quickly walking over to her.

"Hey... I'm not _really_ mad," he murmured to her, cupping his hand over her cheek, coaxing her face back up to look at him.

"Oh," she whispered, still keeping her head down for a moment. She slowly raised her head after a minute, giving him a weak smile.

"I didn't want Jasper to feel bad," she chuckled shyly, rubbing Nick's bicep that she was obviously fond of.

Nick laughed humorously and wrapped her in a hug. "I guess he can win this once," he decided. I scoffed loudly at that.

"I would have won," I replied, even though I doubted that was true.

"I think Nick was going easy on you," Alice informed me jokingly with a wink.

I gaped playfully at that thought, pretending to be shocked that he'd do such a thing. Whatever... if we were having a real fight, I'd kick his butt.

"I always take it easy on him," Nick laughed, "and I _still_ manage to kick his ass!" he added, giving me a taunting look again. He was just asking for it tonight.

Chloe poked him in the ribs, giving him a look.

"Kick his... _butt_ then," Nick corrected himself, giving her a peck on the cheek, adoration filling his eyes. The hold she had over him, already, amazed me.

Right then, the timer on the oven buzzed, telling us that the first pizza and the pie were ready.

Chloe moved to go in and take them out of the oven, but Nick stopped her. "I got it!" he said, smiling at her before heading into the kitchen.

"I'll help, then," she told him, following him into the kitchen.

Alice made her way over to me as Spencer slid out of the room, pulling out his work Blackberry.

"So... for how long are you going to be back in Forks?" she asked me. She was trying to sound nonchalant, but I heard a hint of worry in her voice as well.

Could she be worried that I was going to stay in Forks? Was there a chance that she actually cared if I left her life?

_It would make her life a lot easier if I _did_ leave, though..._ I thought bitterly to myself.

"I'm just going for the day. I'll get there in the morning and visit the Cullens... then head to Johnny's house for the afternoon and then I'll jump back on the plane again that evening. I have a lot of homework to do, so I thought it would be best not to stay too long," I explained to her with a slight smile. I watched her literally let out a breath of air.

"Oh, all right," she grinned in relief. "I thought you might be going for longer..." she mumbled quietly, looking down to the ground for a moment.

A small grin came over my face as I thought of her worries. My hand rose, stroking her cheek softly.

"No. I couldn't leave for longer than that, darling. I would be leaving too big a part of me here... I wouldn't make it that long," I said very softly to her, my accent coming out strongly in my words as the emotions behind them escaped.

I took the chance this time and let her hear the words and thoughts in my mind. I couldn't hold them back forever and she needed to know what I felt for her. Especially right now, when she was finally starting to show signs that she was gaining some of those old feelings for me back.

Alice's eyes met mine, gazing passionately into them, not holding anything back herself. I watched her slowly try and open her mouth, but nothing came out. She stood speechlessly, staring at me.

I couldn't even count the number of times I had stared into those magnificent green eyes she had. Every time I looked into them, there was something different or new. Her eyes always told me what I needed to know. This time didn't fail me, either. The need that I saw in her eyes, even if it was only that tiny bit, was enough. It melted part of the coldness of my newly guarded heart.

"I'd appreciate if you would stop touching my girlfriend so much," I heard Spencer's voice come from behind Alice. The anger in his voice surprised me and his words shocked me even more. I didn't move my hand from her face, though. I kept it where it belonged, touching her. But I looked at him.

He stood, his jaw muscles clenched. He stared, blank of any emotion at all, at me.

Alice seemed more surprised than me at his words and turned around, which knocked my hand off of her cheek.

"Spence...?" she whispered, puzzled by his anger.

She walked to him, slipping under his arm. I watched her rubbing his back soothingly, like she had always done for me.

I felt heat start to rise in my body. I knew I was being possessive of her, but I couldn't stop myself. I _hated_ the way that she touched him.

"How much I touch her is none of your business!" I snapped before I was able to stop myself.

Nick was at my side in a second flat. His hand gripped my shoulder, not in support, but in restraint.

"Jasper..." he whispered, low enough so that only I could hear.

I ignored him, my eyes burning into Spencer's.

"How is it not my business!?" Spencer yelled back. "She is _my_ girlfriend. I can touch her like that. Not you. And not anyone else!" I watched his arm curling her into him, keeping her against him tightly.

Alice's eyes were struggling. She was staring up at him in utter confusion.

This time her other hand came to his stomach, her thumb caressing it tenderly, probably trying to calm him. His hand reached over and covered it, holding it tightly in his hand.

Every touch made my anger flare even more. It just kept building....

"She isn't _yours_..." I growled. I felt my hands starting to shake, and very slowly begin to clench into fists, "and she _likes_ me touching her," I said, my voice full of confidence. I wasn't going to back down. He wouldn't take her away from me if I had any say in it.

I might have been overreacting, but he had started it. What made him think he could tell me if I could or couldn't touch her? If she was allowing me, then he had no say.

Alice's eyes flickered to mine, confusion building even more, like she wasn't sure about my words. Hadn't she liked me touching her? We usually touched now... she even offered me her hand a few times... I thought that meant she liked it?

"She tolerates you touching her because she doesn't want to hurt you. That doesn't mean she likes it," Spencer hissed, glaring darkly now.

I don't think it was his words that hurt, really. It was the fact that Alice remained silent this whole time. She just stared, not blinking, at their intertwined hands that were holding each other's on his stomach.

My hands were fists now and my nostrils flared.

"Don't try to make her pick, Jasper," Nick warned me quietly.

Yeah, because she wouldn't pick me. She had known me for more than a month and she had known Spencer her whole life. Who do you think she would pick?

Even though my mind knew this... I was too angry to let it all go.

"She doesn't tolerate me! She touches me, too. She wants me to touch her. She gives me her hand. She likes the feeling that it gives her, I know she does. I can see it in her eyes and you can, too. That's why you're mad. You know she likes it more than what she feels with you," I yelled at him, my voice loud and powerful.

"Jasper, shut the hell up," Nick hissed at me. The authority in his voice surprised me.

"Guys, don't do this to her." A small voice came from behind Nick. Chloe stepped from behind him with a torn look in her eyes. She was watching Alice, who now had tears glistening on her cheeks. She clenched Spencer tightly now, her head against his chest as she tried to hold back the little sobs that were escaping her.

My fists unclenched when I saw how upset she was. Spencer's eyes were glued to her, not even hearing us anymore.

"I'm sorry, baby." His voice cracked as leaned down and kissed her tears. I took a sharp breath in, trying to hold myself back.

_Alice is upset right now. It's not about you. Don't make it worse. Don't make her hurt..._

"I-I..." Alice couldn't even say more than that. She started to choke on her cries.

Chloe hurried over to where Spencer had his arms around her and began to rub her back softly, whispering to her to try to calm her down.

I stood like an idiot. I didn't know if she wanted me near her. It would probably make everything worse. I just stood there.

Nick's hand relaxed on my shoulder, but stayed there for support.

I dropped my head and started taking deep, long breaths. I couldn't do anything else but try to keep myself composed. I had helped hurt her... helped make her feel like this was somehow her fault. I could see it in her tear-filled eyes. I didn't want to hurt her...

After a few minutes of hushed conversation between Chloe, Alice, and Spencer, Alice had stopped crying. She was still glued to Spencer, looking more miserable than I had ever seen her. It was physically hurting me to stand there and not take her into my arms.

I noticed Spencer's eyes were a deep red and glazed over, but I didn't care how he felt right now. I couldn't care less, actually. All that mattered was Alice... she's everything....

"We can still have a good night..." Chloe started quietly, this time speaking to all of us.

Alice sniffed quietly and nodded, but her eyes were very uncertain, and they would not meet mine. I kept trying to catch her eye, but she kept them away from me.

I felt the need to hold her, touch her, hear her voice... _anything_... starting to build. Need swirled with anger was not a good mixture.

"Of course we can," Nick agreed, letting my shoulder go and walking to Chloe, smiling supportively.

His connection leaving me didn't seem to help me, either. My breath caught in my throat as I tried to stay strong.

_They care. They care. I should be here. I should._ I tried to tell myself.

Spencer looked at me, looking apologetic. "I'm sorry about that, Jasper. I don't know what came over me. I-I don't even know where that came from. I apologize," he said sadly to me, a frown deep on his face.

Sure, he was sorry _now_. But I knew that he had meant every word that he had said. He was just sorry that he had said it in front of Alice.

I didn't respond to him. I kept my eyes on Alice, desperately wanting to see her feelings.

Spencer leaned down and whispered in her ear, his eyes flickering to me.

Was he trying to help me now? I knew that look and that's what it looked like. He was trying to get her to look at me.

Well, I didn't need his help. If she didn't want to talk to me, then she didn't have to. Especially if it hurt her to look at me. I didn't want some pity from her boyfriend.

Boyfriend.... I winced painfully.

"You want to cut the pizza, Jasper?" Chloe asked me softly. I knew it was just an excuse. She wanted the tension in the air to go away. She was a peace keeper.

"Sure," I whispered, stepping over to her. I reached over to the dish rack and went to grab a sharper knife from there.

"I love you...." I heard a hushed whisper from behind me. My hands tightened around the knife as I turned my head at the words. They were so familiar and perfect on her lips.

But they were ruined when I saw her gazing into his eyes.

"I love you too. Forever," Spencer whispered back, making my grip tighten even more around the knife. And when I thought my heart couldn't hurt anymore, she kissed him. It wasn't just a peck on the lips, either. She pulled him down to her and passionately kissed him. Right in front of me.

"Ow!" I exclaimed, realizing that my grip on the knife had moved down to the blade. The blood started to pour from my hand, gushing.

God, first Chloe had cut her finger, then Nick had punched the wall, and now I had managed to slice my hand. I hissed at the pain, even though it was nothing compared to the pain in my chest.

"Jasper," Chloe gasped, grabbing a dish towel from the counter and giving it to me quickly.

"It's fine," I grumbled, taking it and pressing the towel to my hand and walking out of the kitchen. I tied the towel around my hand quickly like a bandage. It was practically second nature to me, I had wrapped wounds so many times...

Suddenly I was tired of it. I was just tired of it all. I was tired of Alice getting hurt and I was tired of being the reason. I was tired of Spencer touching her and I was tired of feeling alone. I was tired of this apartment and the pain I felt from being there without her... I was tired of everything here. Worn out. I couldn't do it anymore. It hurt too much and I was exhausted.

Nick hurried out after me.

"Jasper, is your hand okay, man?" he asked, his eyes flickering from my face to my hand and back again.

I watched his eyes turning a bit red. He rubbed the back of his neck stressfully. I was even hurting my best friend.

"I don't even feel it," I assured him, my voice monotone as I shoved my feet in my shoes. If I didn't feel the physical pain, it meant that I was going numb and that wasn't good. We both knew it.

"Where are you going?" His voice was higher than usual, his eyes widening at my words and actions. It was like he could sense what was coming next.

"I'm not needed here. I'm going to Forks," I told him, turning to get my bag from my room.

"W-well, yeah. Okay. You're going to Forks for Johnny's birthday. And then you're coming back the next morning...."

I shook my head. "I gotta get out of here, man. I'm hurting her by staying and I'm hurting you by making you put up with me."

"What are you talking about, Jasper? I _need_ you here. _Alice_ needs you here. She just doesn't understand right now. You _know_ that." His voice shook as the rushed words came out of his mouth. He followed after me, his eyes troubled.

I just grabbed my bag and turned back around, passing him again and heading for the door.

"Alice has Spencer, Nick. She is perfectly fine without me. I won't make her cry. I won't hurt her anymore. I can't do that to her. And you have Chloe here. You're fine."

I gave him a pointed look. I was asking for him to correct me._ Tell me if I'm wrong, Nick, because I'm not._

Nick grabbed my arm roughly, but his eyes were breaking.

"I'm here because of you, Jasper!" he said, desperation in his voice.

"Well, I'm not keeping you away from love, either. You stay with Chloe. I'll be fine," I ordered him, my voice vicious, not playing games with him.

I could tell from his eyes that he didn't understand. We had never just left each other before. If we left, we left together.

His eyes were glazing over, overwhelmed.

"I-I'll come with you," he stuttered, trying to help me. His grip on my wrist grew, afraid what would happen if he let go. I could feel the pulsing cut beneath the towel that was still wrapped around my hand.

"No! I don't want you to come. Forks isn't safe for you, anyway. Just... just be happy with Chloe, okay? Keep an eye out for Alice for me."

I yanked my arm out of his grip and reached for the bedroom doorknob.

"No!" he growled, following after me out of the bedroom.

"Jasper!" he shouted, grabbing me again, using all of his strength as he shoved me against the wall.

"Don't talk like that, man. Just don't fucking talk like that! I _need_ you, too. You can't just leave," Nick pleaded with me. The weakness in his voice showed his pain. He couldn't guard his feelings right now.

"You don't _need_ me! You need _her_. She can take care of you."

Nick stared at me, like he didn't know how to respond.

"I'll still talk to you, Nick. I'm not leaving you or our friendship behind. I'm just doing everyone a favor and getting out of the way. I'll call you, okay? I just don't want to be here anymore!" I fought back, not showing any emotion except anger.

I knew it was hurting him, but after this, I wouldn't hurt any of them anymore. I could just go away for a while... or move back to Forks. I _could_ go to Texas... but Davis probably didn't care if I was there or not. He hadn't even called since before Alice's fall.

There were other universities... I could sell my car and get an apartment or something... I just couldn't watch Alice with Spencer anymore. I couldn't hold back and pretend it was all okay. I needed her and I couldn't have her and it was too much. I don't care how weak I sounded to myself, I couldn't live with that kind of pain everyday. Not anymore. I _tried_. It just hurt... it hurt more than anything I had ever felt.

Nick's eyes showed that he was fighting with himself. His eyes squinted in pain and confusion.

"We don't leave each other," he whispered, too confused.

I took a ragged breath in and stared at him. "I'm not leaving _you_. I'm just... leaving here. I'll... see you again in a while," I mumbled, looking away from him now.

"You can't give up on her. She's Alice. I-I'm your best friend. I _know_ these things," he said painfully, his grip on my shoulders slowly loosening.

"I'm just taking a break. I'm... getting some fresh air, trying to breathe a little. I'm not giving up," I promised him, not so sure about the promise, though.

I didn't know if I could take any of this anymore. Something in me just wanted to start a new life away from anything I had ever known. But I had a feeling that that _something_ was the part of me that wanted to be numb.

What was better? Being numb or feeling the pain I felt when I knew my presence was hurting the only person I had ever _loved._

"No," Nick kept arguing with me. "We don't take breaks. We don't give in. Remember, no matter how many bullets they hit you in the chest with, you fight till it's over. Never give in. You are fighting for your love, Jasper!" He grabbed my head with one of his hands, forcing me to look him in the eyes. "Fight till it's over," he said forcefully.

"It's over," I whispered, pushing him out of my way. "I give up, Nick."

I stepped away from him. He was silent looking at me. He didn't know what to say. His hands fisted and relaxed over and over again.

He knew that my decision wasn't going to be swayed. He knew he couldn't do anything more. I had to hand it to him, though, he had put up a good fight.

"I'm sorry," I said through my teeth, trying to stay numb, trying not to feel anything. I didn't want to feel what would come after this.

Nick's eyes watered and I watched him blink. A single tear fell down his cheek and he reached up quickly to wipe it away.

"You're my brother, Jasper. You're the only family I have... you're _all_ I have...." he whispered, staring at me, looking more lost than I had ever seen him.

He blinked again, staring at me helplessly.

I couldn't leave him like that. He was my best friend. I felt the same way about him.

I put the bag down and stepped forward, putting my hand on his shoulder.

"You have Chloe, now. You have a future. Take it. Put the rest in your past," I instructed him in a loud voice, trying to convince him.

He shook his head quickly.

"No," he growled at me, anger coming into his voice.

"I've learned from my past that I have to try to make a better future. But don't forget that _you_ were the reason I met her, you ass! I can't even freakin' live on my own without you, man!" he shouted at me. I felt him trembling under my grasp.

"Yes, you can. I helped you get what you needed to live. Now let me do the same. Let me go, Nicholas. Just let me go, man," I told him, giving him the strongest, most convincing look I could muster.

I could do this. I could do this.

I tried to encourage myself, but everything was screaming at me to stay with him. He was right, we didn't leave each other. We had each others backs. We didn't give up. We needed each other... we kept each other in check. He truly was my brother.

But despite all of this, I also knew I needed to leave. And he couldn't follow me.

Nick ran his hand through his hair, taking breaths through his teeth, his nostrils flaring.

"You can live here, okay?" I told him, "We already paid the lease for the year. Just take care of yourself, okay?" I said softly this time, squeezing his shoulder.

Again, he didn't respond in any way. He just stared at me, too emotional to talk. He knew he couldn't control strong emotions like this. He would snap or break down, depending on what triggered his next move. He was shaking a lot. Everything was building up. I had to go now.

"We'll talk," I told him and let go of him, turning on my heels, trying to look strong as I walked toward the front door, opened it, and left.

I walked away from everything I had ever had. Away from everything that was important to me. Alice, Nick, our home, my school...

I had done it. I had reverted back to that state of numb that I had promised myself I would never go back to. I was being weak and I was giving up.

Part of me hated myself for it, but by now, most of me was too numb to do anything else.

**Author's Note: *painful silence* Umm... yeah, well... What happened there?! Jasper's leaving? Nooo! Have Hope Jasper, have Hope! Oh and who is back? Gregory! Yes. You guys were all anxious to get back to him and he was in this chapter as well. Any ideas on him? Nick and Chloe...well they are maybe not as perfect as we might have thought. Something is going on with poor Chloe. What did you guys all think of the chapters? Are tears falling for poor Jazz and Nicky? :( I know... **

**Some brighter news, I have now created a Hope quiz. This time it is How well do you REALLY know Hope? Anyone brave enough to try it? Check it out. www(dot)hopeinsider(dot)blogspot(dot)com if you don't wanna add the dots to that just head to my profile which has a link! Tell us how you did in the Hope Forum! Also located on my profile. **

**Ohhh and another new thing we are gonna try out. Listen closely, this is for all you hardcore Hope fans. We are giving a chance for a reader to interview us. Just be the first to say you want to in your review and it's yours! If this turns out well the first time we will do it again. You can ask us anything you want in the interview and we will answer it to the best of our ability. Both my beta and I. It'll hopefully be great fun and a lot of laughs! We'll PM you if you get it!**

**That's all for now. I hope you all enjoyed your midweek surprise update and leave a review! :)**


	16. Decisions

___**Author's Note: Hey everyone! Here is you weekly update of Forgotten Hope. Enjoy! :)**_

_Forgotten Hope Chapter 16-Decissions _

_NPOV_

Leaving? The word wasn't right. It wasn't us. We didn't leave each other. We _never _left each other. We had promised a long time ago that we would always be there for each other, no matter what. I knew we were young when we promised that... but didn't it still freakin' mean _something_?

I was shaking too hard to keep standing. I grabbed onto the handle of the door for support. I didn't know how to _live_ without Jasper. He was my family... he was everything I knew. Jasper was the only one I could trust. He... was my best friend...

He couldn't just leave me! He was being a selfish ass. How could he leave Alice and me? I didn't understand...he was fine earlier. He was happy. He was so excited...

Anger started to build in me. I felt my stomach start to hurt, but I didn't know why. Nausea, shortness of breath, pounding head... I didn't know these feelings. I just didn't understand.

He was going to come back. He never left. He couldn't. We didn't do that. We just didn't.

I tried my hardest and took a deep breath, straightening up. He was going to come right back through the door and we would laugh about this like nothing happened.

That was us.

....

My breaths started to get shorter and faster every second that the door didn't move. Was he really going back to Forks without me? No.

No.

Fear started coming into me. I was Nicholas Graham. I wasn't supposed to be afraid of anything. What was happening? This must have just been a dream. Yeah, it was all just a damn nightmare. I would wake up soon. Everything was going to be fine.

After another minute, I couldn't take it. I threw the door open and ran... I ran as fast I could. I ran down twenty two floors, forty four flights of stairs... I just kept running. I didn't stop for breath. I couldn't let him leave. This was everything he needed... everything he had fought for...

Alice was just confused. I knew it was hard, but she was going to come around. That's the reason why everything happened tonight. Alice was starting to fall for him again. I could see it. Hell, _he _could see it. I knew he could.

So why leave?

I felt dizzy as I made my way to the parking lot. My eyes scanned the lot frantically. Where the hell was he? I couldn't find his car anywhere. It wasn't in his parking spot.

Please, Jasper, please...

I couldn't believe myself. I was begging, _pleading_, trying to find him and bring him back. I couldn't stay here without him.

He was the only thing I had. I would give up everything for him. That's why I had gone to jail for him... I just knew I couldn't let them take him away. He was worth so much more than that...so much more than me... and he had just found Alice.

Alice...

God... I just couldn't do this. I couldn't think straight...

"Nick?" I heard the whisper of that angelic, beautiful voice that I had become so accustomed to. Chloe...

I felt her arms wrap around me, but my eyes stayed glued to the parking lot, the exit, the whole place. Maybe if I stared hard enough, he would appear again.

You're an idiot. He isn't coming back. Why would he? No one's ever wanted to stay with you before. Why would they now?

But Jasper's different...

Or Jasper is moving on like everyone else. He didn't need me anymore...

"Where's Jasper, sweetheart?" Chloe said gently, reaching up to stroke my cheek.

"He... he just left early," I lied, my voice flat with no emotion. The numbness that I used to always have in me started to build.

I looked down and got swallowed up by those deep, brown eyes of hers as they took me in.

She searched my eyes, but I didn't even care if she saw how bloodshot they were. I didn't care if she saw I was vulnerable. If she wanted to break me more, she could. I didn't believe I could hurt anymore than this. Ever.

"Oh," she frowned, pulling herself up to kiss my forehead like I was a hurting child. "I hope he's all right."

The care in her voice was unreal. Why did she care? Why did she care _so much_? Why would anyone ever care about two people like Jasper and me? Two murderers. Hateful, hardhearted murderers. That's what we were.

"Come on, Nick. Let's go eat," she suggested, letting me go and taking my hand. Her eyes turned a bit shy, uncertain if she was doing the right thing. She never knew if she was doing things right, but she always was. She was so much more perfect than anyone I had ever known. She was so much more perfect than I would ever be...

I nodded weakly and let her lead me back to the apartment. I rubbed my face and realized it was coated in sweat. Oh right... I ran.

I pulled up the front of my shirt and wiped my face off on it as we entered the elevator.

My head stayed down, staring at the shirt. It was Jasper's shirt... of course it was. Everything I freakin' had was his. I had no money, no home, no education, no family... I seriously had nothing! And now the only person I truly considered my family had left.

Chloe rubbed my flexed bicep soothingly, trying to relax the hard muscle. "Are you okay?" she asked hesitantly as she looked up at me through her eyelashes.

"Yeah, fine.... I'm fine," I nodded, staring blankly at the elevator door. No, I wasn't okay. I wouldn't be okay. Every person I ever trusted...ever loved...left. Why did it have to bother me so much? Why did it hurt so much?

Chloe led me back to the apartment. She stayed silent, looking reluctantly concerned.

"Nick!" I heard Alice gasp as I entered the apartment. Alice's eyes were still torn and her face looked a mess. She had been crying so much... I just wished she could remember so everything between she and Jasper would go back to how it was before.

Alice hurried to me and hugged me tightly, but I couldn't hug her back right now. Something in me kept it from it. It was almost as if a part of me was blaming her for Jasper leaving. It wasn't her fault, though... right?

Plus, even if I let her hug me, it'd suck 'cause I'd probably like the comfort her hugs brought me and then one day my little sister would leave, too. And it would hurt all over again.

I pulled away and she stared at me, confused.

"Come on, sweetheart," Chloe whispered to me, tugging me toward the kitchen.

I followed without effort, again just letting her bring me wherever. I didn't care. The wall was going up.

Spencer was in the kitchen, cleaning Jasper's blood off of the floor. His eyes flashed up to mine and then flickered away, looking behind me.

"Where's Jasper?" he asked, his jaw setting. He knew. His eyes filled with a troubling look. Why was he caring, anyway? He would get Alice... Jasper just gave her the hell up...

"Forks," I mumbled, walking past him to the table.

Spencer frowned and his eyes flickered quickly to Alice, who was across the room and couldn't hear what I had said.

"I'm really sorry about those things I said," Spencer told me with a sort of desperate tone to his voice.

"We all knew it was coming..." I replied nonchalantly, my tone flat. I really just wanted him to let it go. I just... didn't want to think about it. If I let it go, I could just feel numb. I could numb this ripping pain in my chest.

Alice walked hesitantly into the kitchen as we were sitting down. Spencer was pulling a chair out for her.

"Coming to eat, hun?" he asked her, an adoring look on his face.

She nodded, but looked uncertain and a little zoned out at the moment.

She glanced into the other room quickly, toward the front door, before sitting down.

"Is Jazz coming back soon?" she asked me, an apologetic look glazing over her eyes. Of course she felt bad. She was Alice. She hated hurting anyone.

Yet... she had hurt Jasper. I saw it. I saw his whole body language change when she didn't assure him that he was right... that she did like his touch. His body had slumped down, his eyes broken... but hell, we were Nick and Jasper. We could cover up feelings like that in a second. No one else would have noticed, but me.

"He left to go to Forks early," Spencer answered for me, smiling gently at her.

"Oh..." she whispered, doing the best she could to smile. He hadn't said goodbye to her.

Chloe brought the pizza and pie to the table, which had already been set by someone.

The room went very silent... the silence hurt, though. It was messed up. Every second that went by, my stomach hurt more. My chest throbbed and my head pounded. What the hell was happening? My best friend was just going through something... he'd be back. I didn't have to be so freakin' dramatic....

"Are you going to eat?" Chloe asked, concern pouring into every word. Her eyes flickered to the piece of pizza on my plate that I hadn't touched yet.

"Is it the vegetables? If you really didn't like them, you could have told me.... I didn't think it actually bothered you. You could have the pie right now, if you want. Or I could make a new pizza for you, without all the vegetables. Do you want me to do that?" she asked.

She looked so uncertain and worried. She knew I was the kind of guy who ate food. I ate lots of it. I was a guy. It wasn't normal for me not to.

But right now, I didn't trust my stomach at all. And I wasn't gonna end up blowing chunks all over Chloe.

"No, no, it's fine. Really. I'm just not really feeling well...." I assured her, giving her a weak smile.

_Toughen up, Nick. She doesn't want a boyfriend who's some weak coward who breaks down when his best friend leaves. _But I didn't know how to make the feeling go away...

"Oh. Well, do you want to go lay down?" she asked, putting her cool palm against my forehead.

"You don't have a fever..." she murmured to herself, then ran a caring hand through my shaggy hair, brushing it out of my eyes.

I shook my head at her. "No... I'll be fine," I assured her, giving her a quick smile. I picked up my piece of pizza and reluctantly took a bite, chewing slowly, working hard to swallow it as my throat was now swollen.

"So... Chloe... we don't know much about you. Where are you from?" Spencer asked politely, clearing the thick tension of the air.

Alice was still silent. She was cuddled under his arm, their chairs pushed right up against each other as she mindlessly played with his fingers, seeming to be in a faraway place.

"California," Chloe answered with a wide smile.

The smile relaxed my hard, tense muscles. It made me feel all right for a moment, like the troubles had slipped away with her bright smile.

I loved it so much when she smiled like that. Her real smiles. They were starting to mean the world to me. It was weird, but I couldn't deny the feeling of it.

"Must be where the tan came from," Spencer chuckled, noticing her tan.

Chloe's cheek turned into a light blush from his words and she nodded sheepishly.

"Lots of sun," she replied.

Her hand moved onto the table and wrapped around mine, which had been lying lifelessly there. Her fingers moved up and down my knuckles, slowly caressing them.

"Especially compared to Nick's pasty skin," I heard Spencer say with a smirk.

I looked at Chloe's hand and mine together and did notice the different in skin tones. Hers was a darker, tanned tone and mine had just the bit of color I had gotten from moving to Texas. I was still working on getting it... Forks hadn't been the best place for a tan.

"Pale's the new tan, man," I threw back, clearing my throat quickly when I realized how weak and hurt my voice still sounded.

Chloe's eyes pained at my voice. It was like my voice had hit her like a bullet.

"You keep hoping so," Spencer laughed, trying to keep the conversation upbeat and playful.

"I like Nick's tan. It matches him," Chloe stood up for me, smiling supportively. I returned the smile effortlessly. She made me feel like smiling so much, even when I hurt like this.

"Oh, Nick. Spencer and I bought you some clothes! Jazz put them in your room," Alice informed me, her eyes lighting up at the thought of clothing. That made things feel a bit more normal for a moment.

"You didn't have to do that. I was gonna do that..." I told them.

Spencer rolled his eyes at my words.

"That's what we do," he shrugged before taking a bite of his pizza.

"Did you want me to show you what goes with what?" Alice asked, suddenly excited.

"I think I can figure it out later, thanks though..." I told her, gently rejecting the offer. I just didn't feel like doing anything right now. I was suddenly just really tired.

Alice's trademark pout came onto her lips as she gave me the big, green, puppy eyes.

"'Kay..." she mumbled, ducking down to eat her pizza.

Spencer watched her, amusement in his eyes. He must be used to her manipulative games by now. Though, he probably still said yes to anything she asked. She was Alice. She always had a way of making people say yes.

"You can help _me_ dress anytime... or undress," Spencer winked at Alice, making her break out in laughter at his flirting.

I felt my body stiffen at his words, though. Even if I was pissed, my loyalty to Jasper was still strong.

Chloe's fingers pressed more tenderly into the skin on my knuckles. I thought maybe she realized I had become more tense.

"Don't talk like that in front of him. He gets jealous," Chloe said in a hushed, teasing tone. But I knew she knew that wasn't the reason.

I chuckled in amusement and so did Spencer.

"Sorry," he said, leaning across the table to pat my hand.

Alice squinted her eyes suspiciously at me and I returned the look, curious as to what she was thinking now.

"When did you and my boyfriend become so close?" she asked, trying to pull off the pissed off look. But it didn't work and she smiled.

"Did you wanna take this one, sweetie?" Spencer asked me, leaning back in his chair with a huge smirk on his face. I noticed he looked a lot more relaxed now than before. I guess someone was benefiting from Jasper being gone...

I took a deep breath, knowing Spencer wasn't a dick like that. He _was _upset for making Jasper leave. I could see it in his eyes.

"Sure," I said quickly, getting myself together.

I looked over to Chloe, who was looking right back at me with a soft look in her eyes. That gave me all the strength I needed just to speak. How could it be that one look from that girl could give me all this strength when I felt so weak...? It was pretty bad that I needed strength just to freakin' talk.

"Well..." I said, "I lived with him for almost a month. Things got pretty hot," I told Alice with a wink.

Alice giggled and Chloe squeezed my hand a little roughly as she rolled her eyes.

"Are _you_ jealous now?" I asked her, leaning over to press my forehead to hers.

That adorable blush that made my heart warm came over her cheeks and she shrugged shyly.

And then something happened when I got so close. Her burning brown eyes were smothering me with adoration and concern and it happened.

My numbed feelings and my guarded heart felt like it was breaking open. It was like all my secrets were pouring out through my eyes.

Chloe's hand tightened around mine, shocked.

"Nick..." she murmured, her eyes softening even more. She brought her free hand up and stroked my cheek with care.

I shut my eyes quickly, trying to stop my dark secrets and guarded emotions from leaving me. I couldn't do that to her, she was so pure....

She didn't say anything more, but I felt her let go of my hand. My eyes were about to open to see if she was okay... I was probably guarded enough now. But then I felt her arms wrap around me, pulling me into a tight embrace.

"I'm here, Nick. It's all going to be okay," she whispered into my ear.

My body relaxed into her embrace and I took a deep, ragged breath.

I hoped she was right. But even without knowing everything would be okay, I felt okay, again, just knowing that she was here with me.

"And I am extremely envious that Spencer got to live with you for that long." She pulled back to grin at me, her eyes twinkling, bringing life to me.

"Don't worry, I've moved on. I found someone better," I whispered back to her.

Then I did something that felt so natural to me. I leaned forward and kissed her sweetly. Ever since the first time I had kissed her, I had a new addiction. The feel of it and the emotions it brought to me... even though they scared the shit out of me, I still couldn't get enough of it. It felt too perfect.

Chloe let me go and sat back in her seat. She let her hand slip onto my knee, squeezing it tightly.

I grinned at her, letting her go as well. I knew she didn't like to be very touchy around people. She didn't think it was proper and I was fine with that. Our relationship wasn't gonna be about physical attraction, even if I thought she was beautiful and sexy and cute all at the same time. To us, it was based on the feeling that came from it... the perfection of our relationship already. We were so different, but the differences made us need each other that much more.

I looked across the table to see Spencer glaring daggers at me.

"What?" I asked in confusion at him.

"You've moved on?" he gaped, but his eyes danced with mischief.

"Yep, I decided I think we should just be friends," I told him, looking very seriously at him, holding back a smirk.

Spencer's jaw dropped dramatically and he looked down at Alice.

"I can't believe that I, Spencer Wright, just got rejected," he said to her in awe of the situation.

"You were too good for him, anyway," she cooed sweetly to him, giving him a quick kiss.

"No, I think you have that backwards," Chloe said with a sly smile.

Alice narrowed her eyes, not believing that I was better than Spencer.

"No, I got it right. Spencer is the best," Alice grinned adoringly up at him.

I gagged jokingly at it, getting kicked under the table by Alice.

"Ow!" I whined, leaning down to rub my leg in exaggeration. It was barely a kick.

"I think Nick is better," Spencer fought back, chuckling, but his eyes looked almost truthful.

"Don't do that," Alice frowned, looking at him sadly.

Spencer took his piece of pizza and took a bite, shrugging at Alice.

I noticed Chloe's lip tilt in a frown as well, not happy about Spencer putting himself down, either.

"Have some confidence, man," I told him, giving him a supportive smile. I knew he had self esteem problems because of his dad. Jasper had told me about it.

Of course Jasper had told me... he told me everything. I told him everything...

_Stop! _I thought angrily to myself. Push the thoughts of him away. Don't get lost there.

A phone ringing brought me out of my thoughts. Alice jumped up and ran out of the room. She was quick for such a small person.

Spencer got up automatically and followed her, never leaving her side, like always.

"Is the pizza okay?" Chloe asked, looking at my half eaten slice. The whole pizza was already almost gone and I hadn't even eaten my first piece yet.

"Oh, yeah, it's great, sweetheart," I assured her, taking a big bite of it. Despite the sudden dryness of my throat, the pizza was good. "You are a much better chef than I am."

Chloe smiled widely at me and shook her head, disagreeing. "I doubt my pizza could beat your pancakes."

"I think it could," I replied, knowing it definitely could. My pancakes were just pancakes. A ten year old could make pancakes.

"We are worthy opponents," she decided, smiling in adoration. I nodded in agreement and then forced the rest of the pizza past the lump in my throat.

Spencer and Alice came back into the room with matching frowns on their faces.

"Fashion emergency at the office. We have to get going," Spencer informed us, sighing.

"Yeah... but maybe we can go out later this weekend?" Alice suggested with a hopeful smile.

"Maybe. Sounds like a good idea," Chloe agreed, but gave me a questioning look after, uncertain if I was okay with her answering for us.

I nodded to her in reassurance and then stood up to walk them out.

Alice skipped forward and I opened my arms, immediately knowing she wanted her hug that I had denied her earlier. She walked into my embrace, sighing at the comforting feeling I could tell it gave her.

"Could you..." she hesitated for a moment, her voice small and broken, "maybe... call me when Jasper gets home? He's probably mad at me and won't call me... so could you just call and tell me he's back?" Alice asked me, looking sad. Her eyes were a perfect representation of a broken heart.

"Yeah, sure," I nodded to her, giving her a quick peck on the forehead.

"Thanks. I-I can't believe I hurt him like that... I just didn't want to hurt Spencer. But I didn't mean to hurt Jazz either... I just didn't know what to do—" I put my hand over her mouth, cutting off her panic attack.

"I know. And he knows that, too," I assured her, giving her one last tight squeeze before letting her go.

Alice sighed stressfully and nodded, returning to Spencer's side. Spencer gave me a crooked smile.

"Thanks for letting us join you," he told me. "And the pizza was delicious!" he complimented Chloe, causing her to blush deeply.

"Thank you. Did you guys want to take some pie with you? Nick shouldn't eat it _all_... he's been eating a lot of sweets lately," Chloe joked with a wink, patting my stomach suggestively.

I shot her a quick, playful glare. I knew she was kidding. If anything, I was eating healthier than ever with her around.

"Sounds good to me," Spencer said, walking over with Chloe to help her put it in a container for them.

Alice had her head ducked down, looking at her cell phone longingly.

"I shouldn't call him right now, should I?" she asked me.

I shook my head. He needed to cool off. He would just end up saying something he'd regret. Like everything he had told me...

"Thanks," I heard Spencer say a second later as he walked back over with Chloe and a container with pie in it.

Alice turned toward the other room and we all followed her to the door.

"Don't work too hard," I ordered them with a serious look.

"We'll try not to," Alice assured me with a smile.

"You two have a good night," Spencer instructed us, giving me the same pointed look I had just given him.

"We'll try," Chloe replied, leaning into my side.

Alice opened the door, still looking sad. "Bye."

She threw us a smile, even with the sad look in her eyes.

"Bye!" Chloe called to them as they left the apartment. I shut the door once they were gone.

"Did you want me to put the food away for another day?" Chloe asked me, already knowing I wasn't going to eat anymore.

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea. I'll help." I mumbled, following her to the kitchen. We put the food away and then washed the dishes together and cleaned everything else up, making sure Jasper's apartment was as clean as it was before.

Chloe and I stood in silence for a long moment when everything was finished.

"Would you like to watch a movie and just relax for the rest of the night?" Chloe asked, rubbing my bicep soothingly like she had taken to doing lately.

I nodded. I was good for anything or nothing... I honestly thought I might just want to sleep and forget the whole night. But Chloe was here... I couldn't be selfish like that.

I shut the lights off in the kitchen and checked on the rest of the apartment robotically while Chloe put in a DVD and got everything ready for the movie.

When I came back into the living room, she was sitting on the couch with the remote, waiting for me.

I let myself fall onto the couch and lay so that my head was resting in her lap.

Chloe pressed Play, letting the movie take over the painful silence that existed between us. I had a feeling that she knew something was seriously wrong, but was waiting for me to talk about it. But I wouldn't burden her with that. I refused to bring her into my sorrows.

Her fingers weaved themselves into my hair, massaging my scalp relaxingly.

I reached up for her hand and pulled it down to my face, kissing her palm tenderly. I looked at her hand... it looked so delicate against my hard, scarred, cold hand. It didn't seem right that my hand could hold hers... but then at the same time, it felt _very_ right.

"Your hands are shaking," she whispered.

So they were.

I shrugged and didn't answer.

I heard a familiar ringtone start to fill the room. Chloe's phone was ringing. Saved by the bell?

But... her phone was ringing _again_? I sighed stressfully. Great. The night just kept getting better and better. Now she'd take the call and then come back all nervous and upset. Perfect.

Chloe didn't budge, though. My head was still resting in her lap and I was still holding her hand in front of my face. She didn't move to get her phone... she must not have wanted to move me.

I groaned softly and sat up to let her go answer it. I rolled off of the couch and flipped the light switch. She squinted, but her eyes stayed focused on the TV screen, not seeming to notice. Or ignoring it?

But she _never_ ignored her phone. She answered it like her life depended on it.

"Chloe, your phone's ringing, sweetheart," I told her gently, blinking to try and adjust my eyes to the light.

"I know," she sighed and got up, giving in.

I sat back on the couch and stared at her as she dug through her purse and found her phone. I debated on grabbing it from her and answering it to shut the person up before he made her all upset. I _hated_ to see her so upset... wasn't me being upset enough for the both of us?

Her lips pressed together and she stared at the screen of her phone without blinking. Finally, she narrowed her eyes and determinedly pressed a button.

She then dropped her phone back into her purse, flipped the lights off again, and walked back to me, plopping down onto the couch.

"'Kay. It's off, now," she said, almost in relief. "Sorry I interrupted the movie."

I grinned at her, happy that she had made the decision to just not answer. Whoever it was that was calling her didn't talk to her right. She always came back to me so timid and upset. I was glad she finally was shutting them up and that I didn't need to shut them up for her. 'Cause the way I was feeling right now... I probably would've said screw it and went out looking for them or something.

"I'll go get us a blanket and we can lay down, all right?" she suggested when I hadn't spoken. I was lost in my thoughts of how much trouble I might've gotten myself into without a care.

I nodded in agreement and she got up and left the room without another word.

After waiting a minute, watching the movie, but not really hearing a word of it, I realized that Chloe didn't know where the blankets were.

I hurriedly got up to help her, jogging down the hall. I saw the light on in the guest room where she knew I stayed and I walked in.

Chloe was beside my bed, looking at a picture on the bed stand. It was the same picture that I had given Alice weeks ago. The picture of Alice, Spencer, Jasper and me on the beach. It meant a lot to me.

My eyes flickered straight to Jasper's smiling face and my stomach tightened painfully.

Chloe saw me and placed the picture back where she had found it.

"Sorry, I just saw it there and got curious...." she whispered, looking up at me with hesitation in her brown eyes.

I shrugged and waved it off dismissively. She didn't need to be sorry. I had nothing... at least, nothing material-wise... to hide. That picture and a few shirts and pants were pretty much the only things here that were _mine_.

I grabbed the blanket off of my mattress to take with us.

"Nick..." she whispered as I went to the door, trying to get away from that picture.

"Yep?" I asked, my back still to her. My voice sounded too flat again.

"Is he coming back?" she asked in the smallest voice, her hand wrapping around mine. I could feel her stare on the back of my head.

I froze at her words. How had she known?

"Sure... he lives here... why wouldn't he?" I mumbled, sort of lying to her.

Chloe walked around me so that she was in front of me. She could now look me straight in the eyes.

I shifted my gaze to the floor, knowing that I couldn't lie to her face.

"Tell me the truth..." she murmured. It wasn't an order, it was more a hesitant suggestion.

I took a quick, sharp breath in and looked at her.

"He said he isn't coming back," I said in a shaky voice, surprising myself after hearing that I had actually showed the pain through my voice. Where the hell was my numb, monotone voice when I needed it!?

"Oh, Nick. I'm sure he's going to come back. I'm sure," she whispered, taking a step to reach over the blanket in my arms to stroke my cheek.

"No, he's not. He told me to move on from him and the past...." I mumbled, leaning into her hand, looking at her wrist instead of her face. I instantly regretted telling her what I thought as soon as I said it. Why was I being so open all of a sudden?

"Oh gosh," she said in a hushed voice, grabbing the blanket from me and letting it fall to the floor.

"Shh," she murmured, wrapping me in a tight, protective hug. That was what it felt like, at least... like she was trying to protect me. It was a weird thought, but I knew it was true.

"I'm fine," I tried to assure her as I stiffened, getting my guarded voice back finally.

"He was just upset. You know he'll come back, sweetheart. He needs you," she told me, ignoring me saying that I was fine. She kept a grip on me, not letting me leave her embrace.

"He wants me to let him go!" I growled suddenly. Again, the things coming out of my mouth were surprising me. I didn't want her to see me like this...

"Hey, hey," she cooed, stroking my hair, pulling me down. I rested my head on her shoulder, taking deep breaths, trying to get back in control.

Way to make yourself look weak, man. Just break down in your girlfriend's arms...

"You know that people say things they don't mean when they are upset. He'll be back, like he was supposed to be. He just needs a little time," she encouraged me before pressing a kiss on my head.

She made me feel so warm and relaxed... I just wanted to break down and tell her everything that was on my mind.

Whoa.

"Yeah, you're probably right," I said instead, swiftly pulling out of the hug.

I grabbed the blanket and rushed out of the room. I didn't mean to be rude to her, but it was like something in me made me pull away. I never had someone hold me like that while trying to tell me that things were going to be okay.

And I never had someone make me feel like it was okay to trust her with my every thought. That was something I could _not_ do... I didn't like feeling like I could. What if I slipped up and said something terrible? Or something that scared her and made her not want me anymore? Not worth the risk...

I went back into the living room and fell onto the couch, rubbing my neck stressfully. I wondered if maybe I should go back and apologize to her.

Before I could get up, though, Chloe came into the room quickly, looking guarded. She picked the blanket up and snuggled onto the couch, leaning into me.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, laying us down and wrapping my arm around her waist, pulling her close to me.

Chloe turned around so that she was facing me and smiled softly, rubbing my chest plate, letting it go like nothing had happened.

Why was she being so sweet after I walked away from her like that? I practically rejected her...?

"I'm here to stay, Nick," she told me, looking me straight in the eyes.

Her brown eyes sucked me in, making my insides soften for a moment. I wanted to believe her. I wanted her to stay...

But no one could promise me that. I was Nicholas Graham... everyone left me. Even Jasper, the only person who had ever kept his promises to me in my whole life. If he couldn't keep his promise, then she couldn't either...

While one side of my mind thought that, the other side knew she was too pure to ever make a promise she couldn't keep. I gazed into her eyes.

"You are like no other guy I've ever met, Nick. I don't know why anyone would ever want to leave you," she whispered, cuddling into my chest, closing her eyes.

I opened my mouth to reply, but nothing came out. I was stunned into silence. She didn't know why anyone left me? Couldn't she tell? I was just... me. I wasn't good enough to stay for or something. They couldn't help leaving...

Her words stayed with me. She didn't know why anyone would want to leave me...

"You're too good for me, Chloe," I cooed finally, rocking us lightly.

We lay together for hours, just holding each other. I waited for Chloe to say something, but she didn't. She stayed silent, just holding me closely to let me know that she was here for me.

She fell asleep in those few hours of silence. I stayed up, my thoughts running wild. If they got too crazy, though, all I had to do was take a breath and her sweet scent would bring me back.

After a while, I came into realization that she had to work in the morning.

"Sweetheart, wake up. You have to get going," I said very softly, brushing her hair out of her face. I started mentally preparing myself to walk her downstairs so that she could get a cab home. No way was I letting her walk by herself...

"Mmm," she hummed, holding me tighter, "can I stay here with you?" she asked. The innocence in her voice almost killed me.

The thing was, I was entirely relieved to hear her ask that. I didn't think I could stay here without her. The emptiness here... being in Jasper's apartment without him... was painful.

"If you want to," I replied quietly, uncertain if she really wanted to or if it was just her talking in her sleep. We had stayed at her place a few different nights, but never here.

She pulled herself up sleepily and pressed her lips lightly against mine. "I'm staying. Goodnight, Nick."

"Goodnight, Chloe," I whispered back.

I set an alarm on my phone so that she wouldn't oversleep in the morning. Then I watched the precious angel in my arms, cuddling against me. She wanted to stay with me. Chloe wanted to stay with me. She wasn't leaving.

She wasn't leaving...

Maybe I _could_ trust someone other than Jasper...

God, I wanted to.

_APOV_

I lay in bed after working late with Spencer. It had been a busy night with all of the work. They were planning a fashion shoot in the morning and one of the featuring dresses went missing, which was really bad. We had to make it all back in one night and Spencer was stressed about how it had gotten lost. He said he was probably just being paranoid, thinking that there was a mole in the business. But he still seemed worried.

I was hardly thinking about the possibility of a mole. I knew I should have been, but after the dinner at Jazz's, I couldn't think or worry about anything but him.

He was there one second and then I looked up and he was gone. He didn't come back. He didn't say goodbye. And Nick... he looked really bad. Too bad. Something was wrong and I knew I was being left out of it because Spencer and Chloe both looked worried as well.

I had a really bad feeling inside of me... like it might be the last time I saw Jasper. Would it really be the last time I saw him? The same guy who managed to blow through my life like a tornado, changing everything I had ever known. Was he gone for good?

He had obviously changed me so much already, because I was constantly worrying about him. I couldn't even sleep, now. My eyes stayed wide open, worry pumping through me.

I knew I had hurt him. I had hurt him really badly. I _did_ like how it felt when he touched me... I thrived from it. I really wanted to feel that tingly feeling that warmed my heart and body.

But how could I say that in front of Spencer? Especially when he had already looked so hurt by Jasper touching me. He didn't like when other people touched me, just like I didn't like people touching him either.

I couldn't break Spencer's heart. Ever. But now I felt like I couldn't break Jasper's, either. There was so much regret building in me. I just wanted to call him and beg him to come back. Or maybe I could just fly out and meet him...

But Nick had told me to wait. Jasper was too upset right now...

Maybe I could calm him down, if he knew I was sorry...? I could always calm Spencer down when he was angry or upset. Even though it used to be rare, and was occurring more, now. I could always cheer him up. Could it work on Jasper, too? Could I calm him down?

Maybe not... Jasper was different. He seemed to be more... controlled. He could always hide what he was feeling or stop it.

I couldn't do that. I was like an open book, especially to Jasper. He always _saw_ everything. He saw too much, apparently, if he could tell I liked the feeling of his touch so much.

I wish I could hide it away. I wish I could stop the feelings I got from him. They weren't supposed to be there. It was so wrong! It was so wrong to feel something for someone other than Spencer...

I knew I should be running away from something like that, but I was too weak and too confused. I just stayed with him and the feeling, embracing it when I should be pushing away from it.

I was so stupid! And that lead to hurting Jasper. I hurt him so much...

I sighed, knowing I wasn't going to get to sleep anytime soon. I carefully slid out from under Spencer's arm.

Like always, he woke up when I moved away from him.

"Hun?" he mumbled, half asleep, rolling over to where I had just left.

"Go back to sleep, Spence. I'm just going to get a drink," I instructed him, leaning over to peck his lips softly.

He nodded sleepily. I had a feeling he couldn't understand what I was saying. He had worked really hard tonight. His eyes drifted shut and he fell back to sleep instantly, thank goodness.

I walked over to the bathroom and grabbed my bathrobe before going downstairs.

I quietly left the room, tiptoeing downstairs, hoping not to wake my parents. We had come back to my house because Spencer had gotten into a fight with Jim earlier that day and I knew he would prefer not to go home and see him tonight.

I dragged my feet lazily through the hall, occasionally glancing at the family portraits on the wall. I stopped at one of the more recent ones.

Our families were together in it, of course. Everyone looked so happy. I reached up to touch Spencer's smiling face.

I wished so much that he could smile like that again. He came close to it sometimes, when we were wrestling or fooling around. I'd see a ghost of it when I first entered his office, but it wasn't that same carefree, no worries, perfectly happy and in love smile he used to wear. This one was more damaged and hurt. And his eyes seemed so much duller compared to before. Even if they still sparkled... it wasn't the same.

I feared it wouldn't ever be the same again. I had broken him so badly when I forgot him...

Now I was doing it again, just to a different guy. Nice of me.

"Hey baby girl, what are you doing up so late?" I heard my dad ask in a hushed voice as he walked down the hallway toward me.

I dropped my hand from the picture quickly.

"Couldn't sleep," I replied softly, giving him a sheepish smile.

He nodded understandingly and wrapped his arms around me in a fatherly hug.

"Those times did seem easier, huh?" he murmured, looking up at the picture I had just been looking at.

I sighed into his chest, feeling safer in my father's arms.

He was right... those _were_ easier times. I wasn't confused, I didn't have to worry about hurting Spencer or Jasper... it all seemed so much simpler then.

"Yeah..." I whispered, gazing up at it with him.

"Funny how a little bump on the head could change so much..." my dad laughed, almost bitterly. I knew he hadn't liked that I had left the family to go to Forks, even if he wouldn't say so.

"You should buy me a helmet," I smirked up at him. He smiled too.

"That's a pretty good idea," he nodded in agreement, pressing a kiss on my head, trying to make the damage in my head disappear.

"Carlisle said it'll just take a bit of time for you to heal up. But soon... everything will be all right," he assured me.

"What if it doesn't make everything okay again, Dad?"

I might have sounded like a little girl, but I was really afraid. I wanted to believe him, but I didn't see how that could happen. Once my brain finally healed, I would remember Jasper and our relationship and Forks... wouldn't that just make everything that much harder?

He looked down at me, pity and concern strong in his green eyes. They looked just like mine.

"You gotta have hope, kiddo," he said, flicking the tip of my nose with his finger. "Things will straighten themselves out. When you have your full memory back, you'll be able to make a decision," he assured me, cuddling me protectively into him.

"Plus... both of those boys love you very much and they would understand whatever decision you make and accept it. Remember, Spencer already made that decision once and that proves he would understand. And Jasper also seems to have your best interest at heart. He is a very understanding young man," my dad said, nodding as he spoke.

He was right. They would understand... eventually. But it would still break someone's heart and that's what I was afraid of.

I was also afraid of leaving one of them. If I remembered how much I loved Jasper and Spencer both at the same time, then I wouldn't want to leave either of them because I loved them both. How could I make a decision like that? To let one of them go?

"I know they wouldn't be mad at me for it. I just don't wanna hurt them," I whispered, looking back at the picture, wincing at the thought of ever taking more of the light out of Spencer's eyes.

"I know, baby girl. But you can't keep them both," he smiled gently at me and let me go.

"How's about we go get some hot chocolate?" he offered, giving me a caring look as he brushed his fingers across my bangs.

I smiled at him. "No, thanks. I think I'm just going to go outside for a bit... get some fresh air...." I decided, but tiptoed up to kiss my dad's cheek. "Thanks for the talk though, Dad."

My dad rolled his eyes at the thanks and gave my arm a squeeze. "Anytime. If you need to talk, you can always come to me." I wondered if he was thinking about the drinking issue at the gala. Had he realized it wasn't an accident?

"Night, kiddo," he murmured, kissing my forehead and turning to walk toward the kitchen.

I turned away from the picture and walked in the opposite direction than my dad, heading for the back porch. The floor of the porch was freezing against my feet, so I grabbed a pair of shoes from inside and slipped them on.

Then I walked off of the porch and found a spot on the grass. I plopped myself right down onto the ground, ignoring all of the lawn chairs and benches. It was a little chilly. I only had on short shorts and a tank top with just my bathrobe over it. I couldn't believe the cold nights of Fall were already here.

I shoved my hands into the pockets on my robe, trying to keep my hands warm. But then I felt my cell phone inside of it. I picked it out in confusion. Had I grabbed my cell phone on the way out? I hadn't even realized it...

I pushed a button, making the phone light up with life. I started to mindlessly looking through the settings and numbers, and then finally the pictures, getting curious. I hadn't looked at them in a while... had I taken any in Forks and kept them in the phone's album?

The album popped open and my question was answered. There were tons of pictures filling the album.

I was a little shocked, to be perfectly honest. It was one thing to have people telling me that I had actually lived in Forks for six months. And of course, Jasper and Nick were proof of that. But just like when I saw the picture of Jazz, Spencer, Nick, and me, it was unnerving. So many memories caught on film, preserved on a tiny computer chip or on a piece of paper... yet, my mind couldn't recall any of them.

I took a deep breath and clicked on the first picture in my phone. Jasper was in a red leather jacket, perched on the front of my car. He was staring off blankly. Obviously, he hadn't known I was there.

He looked different, though. Not just because his jacket didn't match his pants, but because of his eyes and the look on his face. They were harder than I had ever seen. His eyes were alert and he didn't seem very happy. It was a different Jasper than I had ever seen before. Maybe this was before he had left the gang, which would explain the weird jacket.

I frowned and pushed the arrow, going to the next picture. The next one was of Jasper with a kid on his shoulders. The little boy was hugging Jasper's head tightly, looking like he was squealing. Jasper was grinning, his eyes dancing while looking over at me and the camera. I wondered if this was Johnny, the one Jasper was going to see this weekend.

Jasper still had the red jacket on in this picture, but he seemed a lot happier now. Maybe it was because he was with Johnny and he knew I was there in this picture. It was weird how Jasper would be so close to a little boy when he was in a gang.

I also noticed how closely Johnny resembled Jasper. He had curly blonde hair and blue eyes... like a mini Jasper. He was even wearing a red leather jacket. It was a different shade, but still very similar. Johnny must have adored Jasper a lot. At least, it looked like it in this picture.

I hit the arrow again and watched it flick to the next picture. The next one was of Nick and another guy, both wearing those red jackets. Nick was punching the other guy in the shoulder, with a goofy grin on his face. The other guy didn't have any expression, really. He just stood stiffly, glaring a bit at Nick for the punch. I glanced down at the caption.

"Nick and Mack," it said.

This must be Mack. He didn't seem like the guy I had spoken to on the phone. He sounded happier and goofier when I had talked to him. Weird...

That brought me back to the thought that I still hadn't spoke to Jasper about Mack. The subject had changed when I had brought it up before. I would have to do that soon. Maybe I could ask Nick about him sometime this weekend.

I flickered through a few more pictures, some of Jasper and Nick and some of the Cullens. I stopped and got slower when I noticed Jasper's red jacket wasn't there anymore.

The picture was of him and me. His arms were around my waist from behind. We were standing, looking in a mirror. He was wearing a black sweater now, matching the one I was wearing.

His eyes weren't so protected and hard anymore. They sparkled with love and affection... much like mine did, I noticed.

There were still cuts on him in that picture, though. He had a little cut on his cheek... he must have just left the gang. Or his stepfather was still hurting him then.

I thought for a moment that maybe these pictures were kind of like my story of Forks. It had started at the beginning, when I had just met Jasper. He was so protective and hardhearted... and then once our relationship progressed, his eyes were sparking and open. I had slowly changed Jasper.

I continued going through the pictures, "reading" the story of Forks. What I thought seemed to be right... every new picture was a happier one. He seemed so much freer in each one.

Then one came along that threw me off a bit. His eyes were stressed and duller. He was sitting beside Nick on a bed that looked like a little cot. Nick looked tired, and his face wasn't clean shaven, like usual. They both looked a lot worse than before.

I had one guess for this. It was probably Nick when he had went to jail. The clothes on him kind of gave it away.

I frowned at the sight of both of them looking so sad. It didn't look right on them. I was so used to Nick's goofy grin, especially the one he had when he was around Chloe.

But this picture reminded me of tonight. Nick had looked so hopeless and low, just like in this picture. Why did he look so bad just because Jasper had left early? Had they got into a fight about it?

And then Jasper had left without saying bye... he was definitely upset with me....

I clicked the next picture, not wanting to think about it. He was going to come back soon and I could apologize and everything was going to be fine.

The next picture was of Jasper and me, again. He was grinning, happily, looking better than ever. But now, what I payed most attention to was my face. My wide smile, bright green eyes beaming at the camera.... I looked... ecstatic.

Was it possible I was _that_ happy with someone else? But that was just because I never got to know Spence...

That still didn't erase the fact that I _was_ that happy with Jasper.

I gazed at the picture. I could feel that part of me that loved the feeling of his touch and the sound of his accent just fall for him.

I wanted to tell him I was sorry. Right now. I wanted to talk to him. I just wanted to hear his voice so desperately that it scared me.

It was like everything in me needed that accent to make the pain go away. Needed _him _to make it all go away... I didn't want the confusion anymore. I didn't want the pain or the fear of hurting anybody. I just wanted Jasper... so _so_ badly... and I didn't know why....

Laying back now, I stared up at the stars. I could feel myself shaking, but I was unsure if it was because I was cold or because I was suddenly so struck with this desire to be in Jasper's presence.

I must have fallen asleep like that, because the next thing I knew, someone was scooping me into their arms and wiping cold tears from my face. My heart ached and I could see Jasper's face behind my closed eyes. I was in that weird sleep daze where everything just feels like a dream.

I peeked through half-lidded eyes and saw my Dad's face as he carried me inside. He was warm, and suddenly I realized I was _really_ cold. I cuddled closer into him, trusting that he'd take me back to my bed. I was safe in my dad's arms.

I closed my eyes again, seeing only Jasper's beautiful blue eyes staring back at me, watching over me, as I drifted into sleep.

**Author's Note: Ooooh, did you just read what I did? Alice wants Jasper? Whaaaat? NO YOU LOVE Spencer! :P And poor, poor Nick. I wanna give him a hug...maybe I'll write myself into the story giving him a hug. That's a good idea. Lol. **

**Have you all seen New Moon yet? Did you like it?! **

**Oh and the interviews questions are looking great up to now! I'll have to put a lot of thought into some of them, it should be fun! We should have some of the interviews posted during this week. Up to now we have FOUR interviews going down! It should be sick. **

**I hope you guys liked the chapter, leave a review and tell us. As always, have a great day! **


	17. Apart

**Author's Note: Hey everyone! Here is your weekly update of Forgotten Hope. Enjoy! **

Forgotten Hope Chapter 17- Apart

_JPOV_

So there I was, sitting outside of the airport in Port Angeles. It was six in the morning and I just didn't care. I just sat there.

I had been sitting in this exact same spot for hours, staring, tears occasionally trickling down my cheeks. I felt so numb, but they just wouldn't hold back. The tears just wouldn't stop....

My heart ached. No matter how hard I tried to stay numb. No matter how hard I wanted to be nonchalant about this whole situation. I just couldn't wave off this pain like I could always do before. I was scarred too deeply this time. The wound was too fresh and too strong. I just couldn't push it away fully. It kept creeping up on me...

I kept getting flashes of Nick's face. His bewildered eyes, getting more torn at every word I said. But I still continued cutting them into him and watching them hurt him. What kind of friend was I? He had been there every time I was stuck or hurt and then I had just left him.

The only thing I could conclude was that I was the heartless monster I always thought I was. I had just betrayed the one person that I promised I never would. He would never trust anyone again. I was the only one he had ever trusted and I just threw everything out the window because I had to watch someone touch Alice.

So what if the girl didn't want me? I could deal with it.

My hands fisted tightly in front of me. I could see the pulsing veins against my white knuckles. I hissed in pain from the deep cut on my hand. Great... I didn't just have to deal with the emotional pain, but the physical too.

The pain came and went... it would build up, and then once it got too strong, I'd try to go numb again. Would that be how I lived now? Just constantly suppressing the pain when it got too bad?

I had done it before. I guess I could do it again...

I shut my eyes as hard as I could, dropping my head on my hands, tears coming down again.

Alice. The only one who could make this kind of pain go away for good. As soon as I had given up on her, it had all come rushing back. How could I give up on the one good thing I had finally gotten out of my life? She had saved me! She had saved me from everything and now she was in distress and needing saved and I had left her.

What would she think of me now? She had only known me...or remembered knowing me... for a little over a month. And then I had had a big fit and left. God... I hoped Nick hadn't told her what I said.

Shut up. I told myself. I was supposed to be putting them out of my mind. It was my old life now. It wasn't important anymore. She wasn't important to me anymore—

The lie stopped abruptly in my head. Just thinking that made me feel sick with guilt. How could I ever say that about Alice...?

I pulled my cell phone out, looking at her smiling face on my background. Could I do it? Could I go on for the rest of my life without gazing into those unbelievably pure green eyes? Could I deal with never looking into that innocent soul again? That perfect soul. The one that saved me.

I was disgusted by myself. I had done this to protect myself. I had done it to take the easy way out. I was such a coward.

But I had to do it for her, too. This was for Alice. That's what I had been telling myself the whole plane ride. She would be so much happier staying with Spencer. She could leave the past behind... the past she couldn't even remember. She could get those beautiful sparkles back in her eyes again instead of that puzzled, worn out look that she had now.

I could live without her warm hand in mine. The hands that warmed my whole body. I could live without love... I had done it before, right?

_It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all._

Yeah, I wasn't too sure about that one.

I wiped the tears off of my face in frustration, knowing every time that I tried to assure myself about this decision that it was all lies.

"Jazz!" I heard a joyous squeal and my head flew up. Johnny came running toward me, grinning that toothy smile that I hadn't seen in what it seemed like forever.

"Johnny...." The word came out as a rough whisper. I stood and was pushed back by his hug.

"What are you doing here, buddy?" I asked him, hugging him tightly into my chest. It felt like I was holding on to him for dear life... maybe I was. He had been the one to keep me sane before Alice.

"Spencer called my mom and told us to come get you," he told me, keeping his face in my neck.

I looked up for just a moment, seeing his mom walking up behind me. Her eyes were filled with compassion. Had Spencer told her everything? I hoped not. I didn't want her to think badly of me, too. Enough people were probably doing that right now...

"Oh...I'm sorry ma'am. You didn't have to come so early. I-I was going to call a cab," I tried to explain to her, but she waved it off dismissively.

"It's always a pleasure seeing you, Jasper. Johnny was so excited to see you again. I don't think he would have let me wait another minute to come get you," she laughed gently, rubbing Johnny's back fondly.

I pulled Johnny back, wondering why he hadn't spoken up. He looked very seriously at me, focusing in on my eyes.

"You're sad," he whispered, his hand reaching up to touch my cheek.

I gave him a funny look like I didn't know what he was talking about. He then glanced at my hand and pulled out of my hug. I placed him back on the ground.

"You hurt your hand, too," he whispered more to himself this time.

His eyes grew wide and he glanced up at me, a sort of horrified look in his soft blue eyes.

"Did...Did you get in a fight like before?" he asked me very quietly, like he was reluctant for the truth.

I guess it could have looked like that.

I quickly mustered up the best smile that I could. I would hide the misery I was in for him. It was his birthday and I shouldn't ruin it, even if the pain in my chest was too intense to handle.

"No way. I accidentally cut myself while cutting pizza," I assured him. The concern in his innocent, young eyes didn't fade, though.

"Where's Alice?" he asked, remembering her suddenly. His eyes flickered excitedly around the parking lot and entrance of the airport and the grin on his face slowly faded.

"She couldn't come this time. Sorry big guy," I informed him, reaching down to mess his hair up.

He giggled playfully. The grin quickly came back up on his face. It never did go for long.

"So... Happy birthday, Johnny!" I announced, scooping him up with one arm.

He squealed and struggled away when I started to tickle him, trying to get him to forget my sadness and Alice's absence.

I took a second to look at him, figuring he would have grown... but he hadn't. Not really. I noticed from his weight that he still was the same size. He was really small for his age. The curls were a little shorter now... he must have had a haircut. I did notice though that his cheeks weren't so chubby and young looking, though. He was growing up. Slowly.

"I'm going to carry your bag!" he told me, jumping down and running with his short legs to my duffle bag. He picked it up with both hands and grinned.

"I got stronger," he pointed out, giving me a proud look.

"I can see that," I chuckled, almost choking on it as it came up. How wrong it felt to laugh without Alice or Nick...

"Come on, you two. I'm sure Jasper is tired from such a long plane ride," Johnny's mom called to us, waving her hand to follow.

I was impressed at how happy she could looked, even after everything she had went through. She had been abused by the person she had loved and then he had started hurting Johnny. She had lost the one she loved and still, she could smile. Maybe it would be the same for me?

But Alice wasn't abusing me....

Johnny and I rode back to their old house. During the summer, they had moved out of the group home for abused families. Now they had a small house in town. Johnny, again, took my bag out of the trunk as we got to his house.

"Johnny, why don't you show Jasper your room and let him get some sleep?" his mother suggested nicely, noticing my tired eyes.

"No, that's all right. I'm here to spend time with him and that's what I intend to do," I replied gently with a weak smile.

Johnny rolled his eyes and pulled me forward. He led me up the stairs and into his room. The room was a total karate/fighting room. Apparently, he was still fond of it.

"Like it?" he asked, plopping down onto his bed.

"Yeah," I whispered, nodding in approval and sitting down beside him.

Johnny grinned widely at that and bounced excitedly on the bed. Suddenly, he jumped off and flew across the room, his eyes shining. He stood beside a new looking TV.

"Grandpa bought me this for my birthday!" he gushed, but then turned very serious and his voice got quieter.

"But don't tell Grandma. She thinks it'll rot my brain."

That made me laugh. It was a small, weak laugh, but it was the closest to a real one that was going to come from me for a while.

Johnny's eyes were filled with concern again. He took off his fall jacket and hung it up in his closet before walking back over to me.

"Wanna watch a movie? You can fall asleep when we watch if you want to," he suggested, coming over to sit beside me again.

He smiled adoringly at me and I nodded in agreement. How he always knew what to do was beyond me. Something else about him that always blew my mind--how selfless a boy his age could be. It was never about him. It was always about someone else. The only reason he had ever gotten hurt by his dad was because he had wanted to protect his mom. It was always for someone other than himself.

Johnny slipped a movie into the DVD player and jumped onto the bed. He gave me a pointed look, telling me to lie down or I would be in trouble.

I returned the look, not budging.

A small growl came from his throat, surprisingly. What surprised me more was how much he sounded like me.

He pounced before I could even see, pulling me down onto the bed with him. I let myself fall onto the soft mattress, my body wanting and needing to get some rest.

Johnny cuddled into my chest and I wrapped my arm around him. I felt his body relax slightly at my touch, his eyes becoming lighter.

He turned in my arms so I could see his face.

"I always feel safe when you're here. I know you won't let anyone hurt me," he said honestly. The sincere words softened my heart. His eyes were so truthful.

"I won't ever let anyone hurt you, bud," I agreed, hugging him into me.

We lay together, watching the movie he had put on. My eyes never shut, but his did. I was afraid to let my eyes close and let my dreams take over my mind. I knew it was going to hurt because my dreams were always about her.

Toward the end of the movie, I felt a vibration in my back pocket from my cell phone. I hesitated to get it, wondering if I'd be able to ignore the text or call. But I knew I needed to check it. I couldn't stop myself.

I reluctantly opened the phone to see that I had a text message.

From Alice.

I stared blankly at the phone, trying to keep my emotions bottled up.

Johnny rolled over, waking up at my movement.

"Who's that?" he asked in a sleepy voice, looking at me staring at the phone.

"Alice," I said, my voice flat of any emotion.

Johnny's emotions were the opposite. His eyes lit up like light bulbs.

"What'd she say?!" he questioned me, trying to look over to see it.

My eyes flickered back to the phone, my finger moving from the Open button to the Ignore button.

"I don't know," I whispered, my voice coming out broken.

Johnny's usual smile slowly faded. "Read it?"

"Maybe later," I mumbled, shoving it back into my pocket.

Johnny grabbed my arm quickly, panicked.

"But Alice will get worried! You always text her right back," he said in a rush of words, concerned for Alice.

I shook my head at him, not really wanting to tell him what happened. It would break his heart. He wouldn't understand how complicated it was. I knew that.

Johnny's eyes turned sad and angry.

"Why don't you wanna talk to Alice?" he asked me, straight out, a lot braver than usual. Apparently he did feel safer around me, I thought bitterly.

"She's with Spencer right now. She's fine," I assured him. Of course my words were vicious and bitter with Spencer's name in the sentence.

Johnny frowned deeply, giving me his broken look.

"You never ignore Alice," he whispered, turning around, giving up easily.

I groaned internally, not wanting him upset like this. See, look at this. I already hurt someone else and they weren't even in New York!

"What if she was saying happy birthday to me?" he grumbled, but I could hear a little smirk in his voice. He knew I was going to check.

I sighed loudly. Better be happy after this, Johnny.

I opened the phone and clicked to see the text message.

_Hey Jazz! I was just texting to say good morning... I hope I didn't wake you.  
Oh and I just want you to know... I miss you... already. Hope your trip was okay. And can you tell Johnny happy birthday for me?_

Johnny grinned after reading the words. "Told you," he mumbled smugly.

I rolled my eyes at him, shoving the phone back in my pocket, trying to get the words away from me. But I couldn't.

I miss you already. I miss you already. I miss you already.

God... how I missed her already, too. But why would she miss me? She was probably in bed with Spencer. How could I compare to him? He was in magazines, for God's sake!

I thought she didn't want to tell me she missed me...? Last time she had said that, she had gotten upset over letting it slip out. Had something changed? Was Alice really missing me? And why wasn't she afraid to say it anymore?

"Aren't you going to text her back? And tell her you love her and you wanna kiss her and all those icky things you always do?" Johnny joked, giggling. His eyes were dancing with happiness.

I grabbed a pillow and hit him lightly with it.

"You'll be saying those icky things to a girl soon too, you know?" I teased, wiggling my eyebrows at him.

His face became quickly disgusted.

"Nope!" he said stubbornly.

"Yes, you will. You'll always want to see her and you'll tell her that you love her and you'll kiss her...." I taunted him, causing him to cover his ears and shake his head, refusing to admit it.

"Shut up and sleep!" he grumbled, shoving the pillow that I had thrown at him in my face.

"I'm going to help mom make breakfast," he stated, stomping his feet dramatically, obviously joking, out of the room. He made sure to shut the door behind him.

I chuckled softly at him. Oh, it would happen one day to him. Especially with his soft heart. Girls needed those kind of guys... not the kind that were like me.

The nauseous feeling in my stomach got worse when I thought about that. I groaned in frustration when I gave in to the burning feeling of my cell phone in my pocket. I opened it up and again saw Alice's beautiful eyes. I knew, no matter what, that I could never forget those eyes.

I let my own eyes shut slowly. The last thing I had seen were those eyes, watching me, letting me fall into a peaceful sleep.

_SPOV_

I had woken up to Dan bringing Alice back to bed. His eyes were troubled as he laid her down beside me.

I pulled the covers over her quickly, feeling how icy cold she was.

"She fell asleep outside," Dan explained to me. He smoothed back her hair and leaned down to place a tender kiss on her forehead. He paused over her for a long moment, seeming very uncertain.

I wrapped my arm around her to try to get her to warm up as she shivered in her sleep.

"She'll be okay soon," I whispered to him, kissing her hair.

Dan gave me a sad smile. "I hope so. I miss my bubbly little girl," he murmured, dejected.

"I know... me too," I replied, reaching over to pat his arm.

He smiled very fondly at me and covered my hand, giving it a squeeze.

"We missed you around here, kid," he told me, sincerity so strong in his voice.

His words always seemed to work at patching up that deep wound that my father always made in me. Dan's niceness almost fixed it completely sometimes. Almost.

"I missed being around here, too," I said, smiling widely at him. My mouth opened wide in a yawn. Dan took that as a cue to leave.

"Take care of her tonight for me. Come get me if she needs anything. Goodnight, son," he said, letting go of my hand and turning out of the room.

I let my head drop back down to the coldness of the pillow and pulled Alice closer into me.

"Mmm, what am I going to do with you, hun?" I whispered into her ear, sadly. Alice rolled over and cuddled into my warmth.

I smiled gently at that. She still needed me.

I felt her move around in my grasp and then her cold lips pressed against my chest.

"Jazz..." she whispered in her sleep.

One of the sharpest pains I had ever felt hit me in the chest.

No, no, no. I chanted in my mind, begging for this not to happen again. She wasn't going to leave again. She wouldn't want him over me. This was my Alice. My Alice would never do that. I had to trust her.

But even after trying to assure myself, the pain was more severe than ever before. I didn't know if I could handle the heartbreak from being without her again.

She was probably just dreaming and Jasper was in it. Not one of the future dreams... she had taken her pills tonight... but just a normal dream about him? It didn't mean anything was happening... even if she had kissed me before... that...

I don't know.

I felt the emotions building up, filling me. I felt the tears trickling down my cheeks. Please, baby, don't leave again.

No. I wouldn't let her leave me this time. I wouldn't just let her go again. She was meant to be with me. We were destined since we were born. No one was going to take her away from me this time.

She was still mine and she would remain mine. I would be the best boyfriend anyone could ever want. I could do it. I could be better. I was going to try harder. I didn't care what my dad said... I was going to be better than Jasper. I didn't care if Jasper wanted her. She was mine, forever.

I might sound crazy, but I just need her...

Alice's eyes slowly flickered open. She looked at me strangely. I suddenly noticed that I had been trembling from my thoughts. I...I wasn't used to angry thoughts like that, I guessed.

"Spence, you're shaking," Alice's soft, musical voice whispered up at me, holding me tighter to her because of her worries.

"Sorry," I mumbled back, leaning down to kiss her lips sweetly.

She blinked, confused. I wasn't going to explain the hard, uncaring thoughts in my mind. I shouldn't be so selfish, but I just couldn't lose her this time. Not again. Never again.

Alice's hand reached up to feel my forehead with her still freezing hand. She slid it slowly down to my cheek and her eyes squinted in concern.

"Do you feel sick?" she questioned me, her voice full of fatigue.

I covered her hand on my cheek and leaned forward, not answering her question.

Again, I kissed her. This kiss was fuller this time, though. It was deep and full of meaning. I put all my love into that kiss, showing her how much I loved her and how much I would give to keep her love. I needed her to understand the depths that I would go for her.

I knew I wasn't a big, muscular guy. I couldn't fix cars or pipes... I just designed clothes. But I could give her a future. I could give her my love. I could give her my everything, because she was _my_ everything.

Alice stayed a bit too still during the kiss. Her lips moved a bit, but her normal passion wasn't there. Maybe she was just tired? But I felt like something was wrong.

I pulled back and she stared wide eyed at me, shocked and overwhelmed.

"W-what was that...?" she gasped, covering her lips.

"My love for you," I answered. Even though my words were quiet, the love in them was very strong.

Alice seemed a bit confused by the cryptic answer to her question. She blinked, silent for a moment. Her thumb caressed my cheek softly while she thought. The touch was all I needed to stay silent with her.

My eyes gazed passionately into hers, never looking away for even a split second. I needed her to see me, see me fully. I wouldn't hold anything back from her anymore. I would give her everything she wanted.

Her eyes became pained suddenly and her hand pressed harder on my cheek.

"Why do you look so scared, Spence?" she whispered in horror. She quickly cuddled closer to me, trying to give me her support.

I wrapped my arms around her and leaned closely to press my forehead to hers. I didn't know what to say, though. What could I say that wouldn't make her upset or scared? She didn't want me to think she was going to leave and she would be upset if she knew I was thinking the way that I was. She didn't like it when I wasn't being myself... and those thoughts belonged to someone that was not me.

I took a long, contemplating breath before speaking.

"I'm just afraid of change, I suppose," I said honestly, thinking that was a safe enough answer for now.

Alice's eyes seemed so understanding as I answered her. It was like she knew exactly what I was talking about.

I guess she did. She had been living with these huge changes in her life since she had gained her memory back.

"Me too," she whispered, looking at me in fear, needing my assurance now.

I crushed her into me, trying to protect her and myself from anything getting to us. I was shielding the change away from us at the moment. This was normal, us lying together in bed, holding each other. It was normal.

I just had to make everything normal. It had to be like the past so she would feel safe.

Suddenly, an idea popped into my head and a grin came over my face. This could work. It was the safest and most normal place for us. It was our place.

"Baby," I said in excitement, pulling back.

Her sad eyes turned curious at the sudden ecstatic look on my face. My cheeks hurt from the grin. This was exactly what we needed.

Before I could tell her, though, Alice's own smile came over her face. Her sad eyes brightened.

"You're smiling like you used to," she cooed, reached up to touch her fingers to my lips. Her eyes danced like stars in the sky, sprinkling light into my dark, depressed world.

"I have an idea," I sang happily, nuzzling my face into her neck. My spirits were lifted quickly. This idea would give me all advantages against Jasper. He couldn't give her this. He couldn't beat this.

"Sounds like it's going to be a good one," Alice giggled, squirming away from my hot breath on her neck.

"It is..." I murmured, leaving a trail of opened mouth kisses up her neck.

She stiffened for a moment as my lips first pressed against her neck. I stopped halfway up her neck and she relaxed before I could ask what was wrong.

"Do I have to guess the idea?" she hinted, anxious to hear my proposal.

I pulled myself up quickly in my excitement and gave her a crooked smile.

"I was thinking... maybe we could get away for a while. Maybe take a trip to the cottage?" I suggested slowly, letting her think through the idea before answering. I hoped she wouldn't have to think too hard, but... things were obviously different than before.

Alice's eyes flashed with something. I couldn't tell what, because she looked away.

"The cottage? But we're working..." she said, uncertain. That put a small damper on my high spirits.

"I didn't take a vacation this year and I'm sure if we asked our moms, they'd be fine with it. It'll be a good to get away from work and just be with my beautiful girlfriend for a while," I replied, reaching up to smooth her hair out. I was trying to relax for now.

Why would she be so unsure about the cottage? She loves the cottage. It's one of her favorite places...

"All right..." she whispered, looking over my shoulder and zoning out. By the tone of her voice, I wasn't too sure of the idea anymore.

"W-well we don't have to go. I just thought it might help you relax...?" I stuttered.

Alice's eyes flickered back to mine and she shook her head. She gave me a long, reassuring look.

"Of course I want to go," she said, comforting my low feelings. Alice leaned into me and pressed her lips lightly to mine.

"Talk to our moms and maybe we'll go next week?" she suggested, giving me a quick, breathtaking smile. God, I missed those smiles. I guessed I felt the same as her. The smiles that we were used to were usually so much more carefree than the recent ones.

"Sounds perfect," I agreed, returning the smile with the one I knew she loved.

"Mmm, I miss the cottage," Alice murmured, cuddling into my chest, her eyes drooping with fatigue.

"I miss our swing, our tree, and the beach..." she chuckled. The laughter was like music to my ears.

"Yes, always the beach," I laughed with her.

"And the cinnamon buns you would make me in the morning..." Alice cooed adoringly, her eyes brightening at the words "cinnamon buns."

She yawned widely again after saying those words.

"Time for you to sleep, hun. We'll talk more later today, kay?" I offered, pecking her lips.

Alice nodded tiredly and rolled around, so her back was facing me. I wrapped my arms around her and laid down, taking deep breaths of her scent.

I knew it wasn't that early in the morning. It was actually about when we'd be heading to work, but I knew she needed sleep. She was stressed and overwhelmed and just needed to relax for the day. Work could be worried about later. I was being a better boyfriend now and I'd take care of everything.

I closed my eyes and listened to the soothing sound of her even breathing.

But suddenly I heard an odd, clicking noise. I opened my eyes for a moment to see a dim light coming from Alice's side.

Her cell phone? Who was she texting? I lifted my head a bit to see her phone, not trying to pry, but I was curious.

The text at the top of the page read: Jazz.

Maybe my idea wasn't going to guarantee Alice's love for only me...

I took a deep breath, holding back the ripping, piercing pains in my chest. It wasn't like I really believed I could be better than him anyways....

_NPOV _

If only I had known a few years ago that falling asleep with Chloe could cure my pain. Just...wow. My life would have been so much freakin' easier if I could have somehow met her earlier. I had never felt so comfortable and so secure to be with someone. It was such a strange and foreign feeling... but I was definitely getting used to it.

I rolled over and reached over Chloe as the alarm on my cell phone started to ring. I picked up the phone and shut off the annoying ring tone.

"Chloe, sweetheart? You have to wake up now," I whispered, pressing my lips tenderly to her warm forehead.

"'Kay," she murmured, rolling over and opening her eyes slowly. I felt her take in a deep breath and then she sat up.

Well that was pretty damn fast. I figured it would take her a few minutes to get up. She _was _always a lot more organized and responsible than I was, though.

She always listened when I told her to do something, too.... Sometimes I wished that she'd just say no to me. I had a tendency to be bossy and I knew it. I was used to helping Greg give orders and keep everyone in the gang under control. I didn't want her to start to think I was _making_ her do things. I didn't want to treat her anything like how I treated the guys in the gang....

"What time is it, Nick?" she asked me, sounding surprising chipper.

I groggily sat up and tried to remember what time I had set the alarm for.

"Seven o'clock," I replied, stretching my arms out and groaning softly. Maybe that couch wasn't exactly the best to sleep on. The sleeping part was great, but my body didn't seem to agree. I winced in pain as my muscles stretched.

"Ugh," I grumbled, rubbing my neck in annoyance. Well, at least I didn't have anything to do today....

"What's wrong?" Chloe asked, the concern so sweet in her voice.

"Just stiff," I assured her, waving it off.

She frowned deeply though and stood up, walking around the couch.

"Lemme try and help," she offered, leaning over to pull me toward her. I sat back, resting against the couch.

She placed her hands on my shoulders and began to massage them, hitting all the right places as she moved up to my neck. I leaned forward as her fingers traveled down my back, sighing in pleasure.

How the hell could this girl be so perfect?!

"Is it helping?" she asked hopefully, obviously not knowing about her hidden talent.

"Hell yes!" I laughed. Chloe squeezed harder than before, not pleased with my language.

"Heck yes..." I murmured in correction. I needed to stop that. Swearing wasn't a big deal to a lot of people... and it was practically second nature to me... but I hated the look she got in her eyes when I swore. Sometimes she almost looked... afraid. I didn't know why it did that to her, but I hated it.

Chloe leaned over and pecked my cheek. "Thanks," she whispered gratefully and then returned to massaging my hard muscles.

"You know what you'd like, hun?" she questioned me.

"What?" I breathed unsteadily as she hit a raw spot. Then my eyes shut in relaxation. I knew what I'd like... this treatment every day.

"There's this gym at NYU... I _really_ think you'd like it," she informed me suggestively.

I stiffened at the mention of her school. More than anything, I would like to give in to her offers and pleas with me to go to her school with her. But I just couldn't yet. I couldn't leave her to go through that last year of high school....

"I'm not getting _that_ fat," I said defensively. I was obviously teasing her after her little remark last night about all of the sweets I ate making me fat.

Chloe laughed at that. The same carefree, amazing laugh of hers that I loved so much.

"No, you're not getting fat. I just thought you'd like it," she said nonchalantly, finishing up on my back.

I stood up after she was done and went around the couch to hug her.

"I _would_ like that. Maybe I can find a gym outside of the university for now, though," I said, wrapping my arms tightly around her waist, tugging her closely to me.

She frowned, but only slightly, trying not to look unhappy.

"I guess so," she sighed, reaching up to wrap her arms loosely around my neck. "Did you feel any better this morning?" she asked, her eyes softening at the thought of last night.

My breath caught as the realization of what had happened hit me.

Jasper... was... gone...

The thought of it hurt just as badly as it had last night. It hit me like a bomb.

Shit shit shit...I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, trying to push the thoughts away. I tried as hard as I could to guard and numb the feelings for now.

_Just keep it together until she leaves, man. _I told myself.

"Yeah, totally," I whispered in a shaky voice. I hesitantly opened my eyes to see her concerned eyes staring back at me.

I leaned forward to give her a kiss, but she quickly pulled away.

"Uh uh! I have to brush my teeth first!" she told me. I knew she always wanted to brush her teeth before she kissed me in the morning, but a guy can try, right?

"Fine," I grumbled, letting her go and watching her hurry to Jazz's bathroom.

A second later, though, she came back. "We aren't at my apartment," she mumbled.

I gave her a grin. "No we are not, sweetheart." I was unsure about what her point was.

"No toothbrush," she informed me, knowing I didn't know what she had meant.

I shot up quickly. "There're extras in the cupboard!" My panicked need to kiss her managed to make my mind work, even in the ungodly hours of the morning.

Chloe blushed lightly, knowing why my voice was higher than usual.

She took my hand and pulled me down the hall, not knowing where the extras were.

I went into the bathroom and opened a cupboard, grabbing her a toothbrush and some toothpaste.

"Is this good?" I asked her, wondering if she had a specific kind of toothbrush or toothpaste she liked to use. I wouldn't be surprised at all...

Chloe pressed her lips together and hummed in thought. "Mmm... thanks Nick, but I don't want to use all of Jasper's stuff. I think I'll have to wait to brush my teeth 'til I get home... which means no good morning kiss today," she said casually with a shrug.

Was she trying to kid around with me? No good morning kiss?...

I thrusted the toothbrush toward her. "Brush'em, woman," I said jokingly, giving her a look.

Chloe tensed for a moment and then composed herself. Laughing quietly, she took the toothbrush and toothpaste from my hand and turned quickly to the sink.

I watched her walk away from me and sighed stressfully, rubbing the back of my neck. I didn't mean it to be a real _order_... damn my stupid habits from the gang.

"I'll... go make something for us for breakfast, kay?" I offered gently, slowly walking out of the bathroom.

Chloe hurried over to me and pecked my cheek reassuringly.

"Sounds great. Thanks," she whispered and gave me a quick, tight hug.

I was a little more relaxed after that.

As I quickly went into my room for a change of clothes, I thought about that look she had. I didn't like it. She looked at me sometimes like she was scared of me. Hell, I knew I could be scary, but I tried not to be that way around her. Ever.

But she still seemed like she was a little afraid of me... it was only ever for just a moment, and then she would cover it up... but I saw it. Was she so observant that she was picking up on old habits I had from being in the gang? Could she see past my new image to who I really was... to the person I was trying desperately not to be anymore? Or was it something else?

After changing into a fresh pair of clothes, I went into the kitchen and made the quickest thing I could for breakfast. I poured two bowls of cereal and was just pouring milk into them when Chloe came and joined me at the kitchen table.

"Are you kissable now?" I asked with a humorous smirk.

Chloe plopped down in the seat beside me.

"I guess this is as good as it's going to get," she shrugged, turning slightly in her seat to face me.

I looked at her in confusion. _Way to put yourself down, sweetheart._

I leaned over and cupped her cheek. She leaned into my hand, letting her eyes close. I inched forward until my lips were brushing against hers. "Thanks for staying with me, Chloe," I whispered against her lips, letting my breath mingle with hers.

Chloe's breathing stopped as she realized how close I was to her now.

She made the final move, though, as she pressed her lips to mine, leaving a very light, but sweet, kiss.

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else," she replied, opening her eyes.

Her eyes sparkled now as she seemed to regain her happiness. Then the sparkle changed into a mischievous glint as she smirked.

"I think we might have to change the rule to both of us brush our teeth before kisses, sweetheart," she laughed, patting my cheek and turning back to her cereal.

I gasped at her suggestiveness. "Are you implying that my breath smells?"

She shrugged adorably and picked up her spoon. "Take it as you may," she giggled, flashing me a bright smile.

I scoffed at her remark, but turned back to my own cereal. We ate quickly, knowing that time was moving fast.

Time was always moving fast for me now. At least when I was with Chloe. It all seemed to blur since I had met her. A pleasant blur, though. I had started to let myself think that I might have discovered true happiness. Anytime she smiled that bright, wide smile, I didn't think I could be any happier.

Well... it was all happiness until last night. I couldn't freakin' forget about that, even though I was trying. Jasper had _left._ He was gone...

Again, like every other time this morning , I shoved the thought out of my mind. Focus on Chloe, Nick. I told myself.

"I-I guess I'll have to call you a cab since... I don't have a car here anymore...." I mumbled quickly, clearing our dishes from the table and rinsing them in the sink. It was Jasper's car. And Jasper's apartment. And Jasper's clothes. Jasper's cereal that we were eating....

Focus.

Chloe rubbed my bicep comfortingly. "That would be perfect," she replied, smiling affectionately at me.

I nodded stiffly and walked to the living room to get my cell phone. As I opened the phone, I half hoped to see a text from Jasper. But there wasn't one....

I quickly called the cab, ignoring the urge to make any other calls.

"Okay, they're coming!" I called to Chloe, who was still in the kitchen.

"All right, thanks, Nick!" she called back.

I got up from the couch and made my way to the kitchen to see her. She was standing over the sink washing our dishes.

I sighed loudly and Chloe turned her head, a curious, almost worried, look on her face.

"What's wrong?" she asked reluctantly.

"What are you doing?" I asked, walking over and pulling her wet hands out of the sink.

She bit her lip nervously and looked up at me.

"_I_ can do those," I told her, pressing a tender kiss to her forehead. "_You_ have to go to work."

"No, it's okay, I can do it," she said with assurance and put her hands back in the sink.

I sighed dramatically and wrapped my arms around her from the back, propping my chin on her shoulder, watching her do the dishes. I wasn't going to start a fight with her about it....

"Will you be okay while I'm at work?" Chloe asked quietly, concern strong in her voice.

I shrugged nonchalantly against her. "Yeah," I answered shortly, staring absentmindedly at her hands.

I felt her take a deep breath in and nod. She washed the rest of the dishes in silence, only hearing the water rolling and the dishes clanking.

When she was finished, which was pretty quickly, since we had only used a few dishes, she dried her hands on a towel and turned into my arms. Her arms snaked around my waist and she gazed up at me.

"You'll come see me if you aren't okay, right?" she asked, giving me a desperate look.

"Sure," I replied, letting my forehead rest on her shoulder.

She rubbed my back softly for a long moment and then I pulled back.

"The cab's probably here," I whispered and took her hand, leading her to the door. We both put our shoes and jackets on and I followed her to the elevator.

"Text me if you want me to get off work. I can do that if you need me to," Chloe told me once we were in the elevator.

"I'll be fine. It's just for the afternoon," I chuckled at her concern.

I would be fine... I wasn't a child. I could do these things on my own. It's not like it was the first time someone had left me.

"All right, but you can text if you need to," she stated once more, trying to get it into my hard head. She ran her hand through my hair, moving it out of my eyes, smiling adoringly at me.

I gazed down at her. The mixture of the intense feelings from her touch and look captivated me. But I stayed strong in her passionate gaze. I held up the walls that kept me from falling apart. I would not become weak. Especially in front of her.

The elevator opened with a dinging noise and our connection broke. Chloe looked down and shook her head quickly, a small frown coming over her lips at the loss of our connection.

We walked out of the elevator together and in to the parking lot where a cab was pulling into.

Chloe sighed very quietly and tiptoed up give me a quick peck on the lips. "I'll see you later, sweetie," she whispered.

I snuck one more quick kiss and then opened the cab door for her.

"Later, babe," I winked at her, teasingly.

She rolled her eyes and sat into the cab.

"Go take a hot shower and that'll help your back," she instructed me before I could shut the door.

I nodded obediently at her through the window and took a step back, watching Chloe lean forward to tell the cab driver where to go.

As the cab began to speed away, it was like a shooting bullet to my heart. Yes, of course, on cue the emotions had to start.

_Great._ I thought bitterly, feeling my stomach tightening from the pain.

I took a deep, ragged breath and ran for the stairs. Maybe the adrenaline would help me... I was used to almost everyday adrenaline rushes when fighting... I didn't have them as much now.

So to keep the emotions away, I ran up the forty-four flights of stairs. By the time I got up to Jasper's floor, my legs were throbbing with pain and cramps. Maybe doing that twice in two days wasn't such a good idea.

Putting my hand against the wall for support, I took long breaths for a few minutes. Maybe Chloe was right... I was getting out of shape. I used to be able to run forever in case of cops or if we lost a fight. Maybe the gym _was_ a good idea...

But then I'd have to visit the campus almost every day. I'd be surrounded by college kids, working out next to them... the whole thing would be taunting me because I wasn't smart enough to be one of them.

I shrugged off the negativity and went back into the apartment. I followed Chloe's advice took a long shower, the steam helping to cloud the pain I was trying to suppress. I concentrated on the feeling of the hot water drumming against my back and rolling down past my shoulder blades, relaxing my tight muscles.

Surprisingly, when I had gotten out of the shower, an hour had already passed since Chloe had left me.

Quickly, I corrected my thoughts. She hadn't _left_, she was just going to work!

She wasn't leaving me....

I growled at myself and rubbed my head furiously with the towel.

_Get it together, man! _

I opened my phone, absentmindedly checking for texts. There was one from Chloe that she might have sent from the cab.

_I hope you're feeling okay. If not, eat some pie. It'll help.  
Chloe xoxo_

I laughed softly at that. Pie always helped. It wouldn't bring Jasper back, but it would do for now.

Before going for the pie, I rummaged through my bag, searching until I found my headphones. I stuck them in and blasted some tunes while I sat and ate a huge piece of pie. This is what girls did when they were upset, right?

Well, whatever. I could see why they'd want to eat when they were down. No matter what, food was always there to make _me_ feel better.

I shut my eyes and listened to the music, loving the apple pie that Chloe had warmed up from the store. She had even drizzled a little caramel on it when she thought I wasn't looking. I had to wonder if it was because she knew I liked sweets so much. I was betting she could bake one even better. What couldn't she do? That girl was... she was one of a kind, for sure.

After my pie, I moved into the guest room, where I was staying, and plopped down in bed. If I was sleeping, I wouldn't think.

Squeezing my eyes tightly, I concentrated on listening to the lyrics of the songs until I fell asleep.

Apparently, I couldn't be as strong as I thought I could be. I ended up at the book store where Chloe worked to take her out to lunch. Not that she had a problem with it. The dazzling smile of hers flew onto her face as soon as I walked in.

The lunch had worked out well as a distraction tool. I was still keeping my mind very much off of... Jasper.

Chloe had asked me at lunch if I had heard from him. I hadn't. And I was starting to get past being upset and more just being pissed off at him for leaving. What the hell was he thinking?

She had changed the subject quickly.

What my mind was on now, however, was something that had come up before Chloe and I had left to go to lunch.

When I had gone into her work, the little bookstore, she had been hovering over her notebook intently. And then when I tried to look at what she had been writing, she stopped me. Apparently, she had been writing something about me.

And now I was too damn curious about what she had been writing. I never had anyone write about me before...

But I promised her that I wouldn't see it until she decided it was perfect. She said she'd show me when it was done, but I knew she would take a lot more time on it now. She would try and make it as perfect as she could.

If only she knew how perfect she really was.

I sighed and rubbed my neck. Eventually. She would realize it. I'd help her. Or she could just compare herself to me and she'd be able to see. I guess it was just hard for her now because she only knew who I showed her. She hadn't seen the me that I had left in Forks. He was still in me, though, no matter how hard I tried to make him go away....

What bothered me most about the day, though, had nothing to do with me. It was Chloe... the way her eyes looked when I first saw her sitting in the book store, before she had realized I was there.

Even though she had been working so intently on whatever was in the writing about me, her eyes were dull. They looked worried... upset....

Something was bothering her and I had no idea what it was. She looked a little better as lunch had went on, but I was still worried about her.

Again, thinking of her, I was already becoming edgy. I wanted to see her again. I didn't want to be here alone anymore.... It was around dinner time now, and I was already starting to lose it. How much could one person do to keep his mind off of something?

After I had gotten home, I had vacuumed the whole apartment, washed down everything in the kitchen and bathroom, dusted absolutely everything in the apartment, did laundry, ate a sandwich, stared at the TV for about five minutes before getting restless, and now I was sitting down in the middle of my bed, folding paper airplanes in boredom.

Boredom. When was the last time I was _bored?_ Weird feeling.

I began creasing another piece of paper for my tenth paper airplane. I could make it a whole night alone. I had done it before--tons of times. I could do it now. I shouldn't take people's company for granted. That was selfish and it would just let me down.

I finished the airplane and then threw it, watching it soar across the room before hitting a wall and crashing to the floor with the other ones.

It wasn't being selfish to want to see Chloe tonight, though, was it? I mean... she had been upset when I first saw her, even if she wouldn't tell me that. It was my responsibility, as her boyfriend, to take care of her. Jasper had always taken care of Alice... I swallowed hard at the thought, pushing them out of my mind.

_Hehadtakencareofher._ I finished the thought, and taking care of Chloe was part of me being a good boyfriend.

I checked the time and realized she had just gotten out of class a little while ago. I hurriedly texted her before I could change my mind.

_Hey sweetie. How was class? Dinner tonight?_

I sent the text and jumped up to get ready. She'd probably start on her homework soon and I needed to make sure she ate first. I had to take care of her.

I grabbed my wallet, jacket and a baseball hat, just in case. I had to keep a low profile... I couldn't get sloppy. Just because I had become comfortable didn't mean the cops had.

I opened the door and rushed to the elevator. I wasn't even going to try and go down all of those stairs again. I would die...

Once I was in the lobby, I realized, again, that I did not have a car anymore. Maybe I should get my car shipped in from Texas... Spencer could probably help me out with that...

I pulled out my cell and quickly called a taxi before sitting outside of the apartment to wait for it.

Texas. Yeah, another thing hanging over my head. I hadn't talked to Davis and he hadn't talked to me. The silence was freaking me out a little.

Would he get mad and tell someone where I was? Maybe.

Would he show up in New York to bring me back to Texas? Mmm... doubtful. Probably wasn't worth the trip.

Or was he just not calling because he really didn't care? Maybe he was mad that Jasper hadn't moved with him after all, especially after Alice had hit her head and didn't remember Jasper anyway.

Hell, maybe Jasper _would_ go to Texas now. Then Davis would be happy and I wouldn't have to worry about him doing something that gave me away because he was mad.

Wow, was I sounding selfish lately. In reality, Davis was probably just not calling because he had taken the hint from my silence. I wasn't going back to Texas. Not as long as Chloe wanted me here...

I never did get a text back from her, but she might have gone to take a shower or something. She had been over at my place since yesterday so she hadn't had time for a shower. Chloe liked to take care of herself, so she was probably dying to take one all day.

The cab finally showed up and brought me over to her apartment. I paid the guy and jogged up the stairs. It was not as bad on her stairs, since she was on a much lower floor than Jasper was.

I knocked softly on the door, hoping I wasn't disturbing her.

Chloe quickly answered the door, looking pale as a sheet. Her eyes were frantic.

"Hey... you didn't answer my text, but I thought I'd just come by and surprise you..."

My words trailed off when I looked closer at her. Her eyes weren't just frantic, but pained. She looked like she was being torn apart.

"Are you okay?"

Chloe stepped out of the apartment and closed the door almost all the way behind her. I narrowed my eyes suspiciously at that. Usually she would have invited me in. Maybe she had a lot of homework tonight...? I _had_ kept her all last night.

"Y-yeah. Fine... why?" Chloe stuttered, crossing her arms in front of her. It was almost like she was trying to protect herself.

"You look... pale.... That's a little unusual for you, right?" I asked, hesitantly. She looked so... not Chloe-like. Her eyes weren't sparkling at all. Instead, they seemed so... stressed and hurt.

"Yeah, umm... I wasn't feeling a hundred percent after class. I was actually thinking of going to bed early...." Chloe explained. Her voice was apologetic, but also very shaky. How sick was she?

My plans were dampened at her words. But if she was sick, then I could take care of her like she did for me last night when I had been upset. She would need to rest... something I knew she wasn't used to.

"I'm sorry you're feeling sick. Do you want me to stay with you...?" I offered willingly, flashing a small, supportive smile at her.

Chloe shook her head slowly. "No..." she said quickly. Which felt like a knife was being stabbed in my heart, I might add.

"No, I... I don't want you to get sick if I'm contagious."

"I don't care...?" I said, now desperate to stay with her.

I recollected my thoughts. She wasn't pushing me away, she was just sick. I shouldn't sound so desperate. Sometimes people liked to be alone when they were feeling sick. I was becoming pathetic.

But still, it didn't change the way I felt about her not wanting me to come in.

Chloe shook her head, refusing me again, but what stopped me from protesting was the look in her eyes now. They were holding back tears.

Maybe she was just stressed out, like she had been when I had made her dinner. She had almost cried then, too. If she needed to be alone to feel better and do her homework, I could let her. I didn't have to be so clingy... I could do it, I assured myself.

I nodded slowly, still trying to get my mouth to admit my decision.

"Okay..." I said, hesitantly. "Well... call if you need anything, okay?"

Before I could say anything more, or even before she could, her lips were crushing into mine. It was nothing like her normal, sweet, soft kisses. It was a kiss that was full of desperation. I didn't understand why, but that's how it felt. It sort of made me nervous.

I put my hands on her waist and pulled her closely to me, kissing her right back, not giving a living shit if she was sick or not. I'd take any sickness in exchange for a kiss from her.

I pulled back slowly. Chloe's eyes stayed shut for a long moment as she stepped back as well. When her eyes opened, they were still so broken.

I wanted to know how to make her better and make that damn look go away, but right now, I couldn't. Not tonight. She wanted to be alone and that's what I'd let her do, even if it was hard or heartbreaking.

I would live. I had to do this for her. I took a deep breath.

"Feel better, sweetheart," I said quietly, giving her one last look before turning away and walking down the hall to the elevator.

I could feel her sad eyes on my back, desperate to make me understand something that I could not.

Walking faster, I made my way to the elevator and took it down to the lobby of her building. It was the slowest ride ever.

I'd be fine.

I got to the lobby and then ran back up the stairs to her floor before I could even think about what I was doing. I just wanted to make sure...

No.

I stopped at the beginning of her hallway.

Stalking her much, Nick? I questioned myself and my sanity. Sighing, I turned around and went down the stairs to the lobby, deciding to walk home. It'd probably take me a little longer, but what else did I have to do? It was dark, but whatever.

I would give her the time she needed.

Or at least, I would try...

**Author's Note: Oh goodness, I was going to say poor Nick! Then I thought, Poor Jasper! and then I was like but what about Spencer and Alice? Poor them too! Poor everyone... Something is up with Chloe and Alice is going away with Spencer and Jasper...well he left. Lots of stuff to come in the next chapters, its going to be good. But what did you guys think of the chapter? Tell us! Leave a review. **

**Also, onto the interviews. We should have probably at last two up for next week we are half way through to, so we'll keep you posted and they will be put onto the Blog. Another note, I have finally have put together a bit of a playlist for Forgotten Hope! The link is on my profile! And as always if you have heard any song that reminds you of Forgotten Hope let me know and we'll put it onto the playlist! **

**That's all for today! Have a great day! Oh and to all you who just had thanksgiving this week I hope it was fantastic and you didn't die while shopping on black Friday! **


	18. Losing Heart

**Author's Note: Hello everyone! Sorry it's a bit late today, the chapter was literally just finished being edited this morning. My beta and I have been a bit busy, but we still got you your chapter! Enjoy!**

Forgotten Hope chapter 18- Losing Heart

_JPOV_

I never knew how hard it was to smile till now. I had been helping Johnny's mother set up everything for the party. Of course Johnny was running around, trying to help me with everything. I had to try and keep a smile on my face. I didn't want to ruin his birthday but...

The pain I felt was...almost surreal. It was so strong that I couldn't believe it was possible. I wasn't surprised, though. This is what it felt like, not having your heart and soul with you. And every time Johnny mentioned Alice's name, my whole body screamed for her.

I still hadn't texted her back from this morning, and I knew that would bother her. I knew it would hurt her if I ignored her, but... I had made my decision. I had to stick to it.

Or try...

I just didn't think I could last long. She was my life. I hadn't had a reason to live before Alice and now I was trying to let her go. I knew it was for the best... she would be happier with Spencer. We were tearing her in two and I just hated that devastated look on her angelic face. It was like we were ruining her... she was supposed to be so happy, but now she was withering away.

I wouldn't do that to her. I wouldn't be that guy. I couldn't be. I couldn't treat her like that and I couldn't hurt myself like that anymore. Just the thought of his hands on her made me want to puke... want to kill someone....****

I had promised myself that I would never take another life, though. Alice had asked me how many times I had killed people before and had gotten an upset look on her face when I hadn't wanted to talk about it anymore. She understood, of course, but still. I didn't want to have any conversations with her-- or anyone else, for that matter-- about any more killing. That was stuff I did when I was messed up... that wasn't me, anymore.

And that was because of Alice. She had saved me from being that person....

"Jazz! It's almost time!" Johnny squealed to me, running over and giving me his trademark toothy grin.

"It is You'd better go get ready, everyone is on their way," I said to him, giving him a quick, weak smile.

Johnny stopped for a long moment and then nodded.

"Right," he agreed after giving me a long, thoughtful look. He ran off to get ready.

I went to the kitchen to help Johnny's mother with the food. She was hastily chopping up vegetables for a tray.

"Do you need any help?" I asked quietly, not wanting to startle her.

Apparently the quietness of my voice didn't help. She jumped slightly and put a hand over her heart.

"Oh goodness, Jasper," she sighed in relief and reached over to pat my arm. "You've done so much work already. You can relax. I know you're," she paused and pressed her lips together, giving me a long concerned look, "I know you're going through a tough time right now and I don't want to put you through slave labor as well."

Her words were soft and caring.

I sighed stressfully and ran a hand through my curled hair. "How much did Spencer tell you?" I asked, wondering if he had told her the whole story. She really didn't have to worry. I would live.

Or I would keep lying to myself, thinking I could, and then turn into Mack. A suicidal, desperate guy who needed his love back more than anything in the world because it was impossible to be his real self without her existence in his life.

What a mouthful. I didn't want to turn into that....

"Enough to know you are having a rough time," she murmured, frowning at her words.

I pulled roughly on my hair. "Do you want me to start the barbeque?" I asked, changing the subject because of the pain in my chest. I couldn't talk about that yet.

Johnny's mom sighed gently at that and nodded. "Sure. The hot dogs and hamburgers are in the fridge," she gave in, turning back to the cutting board.

As I was getting the stuff out of the fridge, I heard the front door open. Johnny's mom put down the knife and smiled.

"Uncle Rob!" I heard Johnny squeal.

"The family has arrived," Johnny's mom concluded happily. "Would you like to come meet them?" she asked softly, untying her apron.

"Sure," I agreed and followed her out to the front door where a small crowd was now gathering. Johnny was standing beside a man probably in his mid thirties. He was talking enthusiastically to Johnny, waving a present in front of his face.

Johnny grabbed the present and skipped over to me.

"Jazz this is my Uncle Rob!" he announced, pulling me over.

His uncle Rob smiled widely at me and stuck out his hand. He was pretty big. I could tell he was related to Johnny's father. He was muscular like him, but he looked a lot kinder. I could tell especially because of how he was treating Johnny. He must feel like crap after hearing what his brother did.

I wondered how Johnny was feeling with his dad not being at his party.

"Just call me Rob. It's great to finally meet you. This kid won't ever shut up about you," he laughed, as I accepted his hand. I chuckled too, knowing Johnny was like that about me.

Johnny just rolled his eyes, but didn't deny it.

"Nice to meet you, too." I smiled politely and let go of his hand. After that, Johnny went through his aunts, uncles, grandpa, grandma and cousins, introducing me to every single one of them with a huge grin on his face.

When he was finally done, his uncle Rob and I headed out to man the barbeque.

"So I heard you used to be Johnny's karate teacher?" Rob said, trying to make conversation as I put the burgers on the grill.

"Yep... I was," I answered, forcing a tight smile onto my face.

I could literally feel my cell phone burning against my leg. I needed to call her. I really needed to make sure she wasn't mad that I left. But if I talked to her now, I would never stop.

Rob's eyes narrowed at my answer. "Johnny was pretty down when you left. Where'd you move to?" he wondered, taking a sip of his beer, making my body stiffen for a moment. Would I ever be able to look at someone drinking alcohol and not have fear pulse through my veins?

"New York City," I replied, closing the lid to the grill and turning to him. His eyes widened, impressed, and then he let out a low whistle.

"Big change from small town Forks," he chuckled.

"Oh yeah," I agreed with a laugh.

Unfortunately, he continued with his questions, asking one I did not want to answer. "Why'd you move out there?"

I knew he obviously meant no harm by his words, but my heart pounded painfully in my chest at the thought of why I had really moved to New York.

I ran a hand through my hair, tugging on it stressfully.

"A girl, huh?" he answered for me, frowning and then patting me on the shoulder.

Suddenly Johnny popped up. "Yes! His girlfriend, Alice!" Johnny grinned. "He's just sad because she couldn't come this weekend," Johnny clarified for me.

That was one way to put it I guess... except the first part. She wasn't my girlfriend anymore.

"Exactly buddy..." I said, my voice shaking.

"Can we call her Jazz?!" he asked, his eyes suddenly shining in excitement. "Please?"

My breath caught in my throat and I shook my head quickly.

"N-no not right now. Y-you have all these visitors... go play with them!" I tried to reason with him. I could feel my body starting to shake, my hands clenching to keep it from being obvious.

Johnny's toothy smile slowly began to fade. "I know, but we should call 'cause she'll be sad she couldn't come to see me," Johnny said slowly, unsure of himself for the first time.

I took a slow breath in, hating that look on his face. It was his birthday and I was saying no to him. But it wasn't possible to say yes. How would he feel when he found out she didn't remember him?

Rob had taken my place and started flipping the burgers, letting Johnny talk to me.

"Jasper..." he whined, giving me a broken look.

"Not today, Johnny," I concluded and turned, walking away before I could ruin his birthday even more. I could feel his confused stare as he walked away.

I just had to keep hurting everyone, didn't I?

The emotions in me were getting so hard to handle. I rubbed my fisted hands in frustration against my eyes, trying to calm down. I had to make this feeling go away. Why did I feel so alone? It was like I was being sucked into a black hole, away from everything I loved and cherished.

I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket. No text messages. I shut it quickly before I sent any. This was the right thing to do.

"Hey Jasper! Come help with the burgers!" Rob yelled across the yard to me. The yard and house were quickly filling up with Johnny's friends and family.

I went over to Rob and helped him finish cooking the burgers and then helped Johnny's mom with bringing the rest of the food out. I kept myself busy, helping around, kind of trying to avoid Johnny until he let the Alice thing go.

"Hey!" I heard a booming voice say. I'd probably know that voice anywhere. I turned to see Emmett grinning like an idiot, his arm wrapped around Rosalie's waist. He let go quickly to pull me into a tight, hard hug.

"I wasn't sure if you'd make it. But Alice called and told me you came," Emmett paused there and looked at me in concentration. "She sounded pretty concerned..." he trailed off, waiting for me to tell him why.

"I suppose she should be," I answered bitterly, having no idea where it had come from. Bottling up my emotions didn't seem to go well with me anymore...

Emmett narrowed his eyes and nodded, letting it go.

"So, where's the birthday boy?" Emmett asked, throwing his arm over my shoulder supportively. I knew he was showing me he was there for me, even if he wasn't going to say it.

Before I could answer him, the familiar, yet comforting, squeal came through the air. And Emmett was jumped by Johnny. He jumped onto Emmett's back, wrapping his arms around his neck playfully.

"Not letting you go till I get a present," he joked, grinning at him brightly.

"Rose!" Emmett hollered. I noticed she was carrying the gift. Johnny jumped down from his back and ran to Rosalie.

"Hey," she said, smiling fondly at him. Well... that was rare. Though I knew she had become close to him.

"Emmett thought he should get you this," she laughed almost sarcastically, amused by whatever the gift was.

Johnny got excited in curiosity and tore open the gift. He pulled out a new leather football with a grin.

Emmett laughed nervously. "That's to replace your old one," he explained.

"Emmett threw Johnny's in the forest and lost it," Rosalie informed me with an amused smirk.

I wasn't surprised at all; it was definitely something Emmett would do.

"Hey!" Emmett said defensively. "The wind took it."

Johnny laughed, and again, I was comforted by something he did. It was familiar and it felt right. His squeal and his laughter had been there when I was in the gang and never seemed to fade away... unlike some things had, lately.

"Thanks!" Johnny said gratefully, running up to give Emmett a big bear hug. He proceeded to do the same with Rosalie.

"So how's the party rockin' big guy?" Emmett asked him as Johnny made his way back over to me.

"Good!" he announced, giving me a hug out of nowhere.

I leaned down and hugged him back, trying to apologize for leaving him hanging earlier.

"Except Alice couldn't come." Johnny brought the topic back up in an instant. Why was he being so persistant all of the sudden?

"Johnny, why don't you introduce me to your uncle you've been talking about?" Emmett suggested, trying to get off the subject. That made Johnny's whole body language turn stubborn. His arms crossed and his eyes narrowed in frustration because no one was giving in.

"No!" he growled.

Everyone froze. Johnny didn't ever give attitude or put up a fight.

"Where's Alice?!" he asked loudly, anger in his tone. I hurriedly put my hand on his shoulder and brought him back to face me.

"She couldn't come because she was busy with work, buddy," I lied, trying to keep my eyes guarded.

Johnny looked me hard in the eyes, looking for a long, tense moment.

"You're lying! Alice wouldn't stay there without you," he decided, taking a step away from me, knocking my hand away. "Tell me the truth!"

Emmett and Rosalie came closer, trying not to make a scene.

"Calm down, bud," Emmett said quietly to him.

"You never lie to me..." he mumbled sadly, looking down, his eyes glossing over in frustration and sadness.

"Johnny, Jasper is just going through a tough time right now," Emmett tried to assure him, but he pushed Emmett off as well and glared through his now falling tears.

I couldn't take Johnny crying and grabbed him, pulling him into my chest in a tight, caring hug.

"Shh, Johnny," I cooed to him, trying to be caring, but not let the walls around my heart fall down. "I just don't want to ruin your birthday," I explained, rubbing his back comfortingly.

Johnny sniffed quietly and wrapped his own arms around me. "I don't want you to look sad like before, Jasper," he sobbed, his hands balling the back of my shirt in his fists.

I pressed my lips to his head gently, rocking us back and forth.

"Please..." he whispered, pleading.

I glanced up at Emmett for... something..._ anything_. He knelt down beside me and looked at Johnny and then back at me and nodded in confirmation. We had to tell him. But could I put salt on my fresh wound? Could I actually talk about it again?

I took a deep breath and pulled back Johnny so he could see me.

"Okay, Johnny. Try not to get too upset. Everything's going to be okay..." I almost choked on the lie, "But... Alice had an accident. She hurt her head pretty bad and..." I stopped for the third time and set my jaw in determination. I could do this.

"She lost her memory and doesn't remember us anymore," I said in a quick breath, unsure if he could understand what I had said.

Johnny's eyes widened in horror. "She forgot us?" he repeated, dumbfounded.

I nodded to him, confirming his words.

He sniffed loudly and paused for a moment, taking it in. Then his small hand rose to my face.

"You miss her," he whispered, a lonely tear rolling down his cheek.

Once again, I nodded, taking a deep, ragged breath. How much I truly did already miss my darling...

_Don't think about her, Jasper! _

"I'm letting her be with Spencer now," I told him, trying to help him understand why I couldn't call her today.

Johnny's eyes flashed, anger and shock clouding them.

"No! You can't! Alice wanted to stay with you and not Spencer!" he argued, grabbing my face in his two hands, trying to get me to listen to his words.

"No... she wants to be with him now," I replied gently.

"No! She doesn't know she wants you. You have to go back to her Jasper! Give her another chance!" he instructed me, now frantic, his light blue eyes glistening with broken tears. What could I do? Everything in me wanted his innocent words to be true. If only life was that easy for once for me....

Maybe everyone was right. Jasper Hale wasn't supposed to love. Maybe I was right... I would never find something that made me truly happy. Maybe I was the monster I always thought I was. Monsters aren't supposed to be happy, or loved. They are supposed to be feared and hated. Monsters were supposed to be alone... forever.

I felt Johnny's small hands apply harder pressure to my face, trying to regain my attention. I brought myself out of my remorseful thoughts and looked into the eyes of innocence.

"You..." he whispered, his eyes wide in shock. "You look like you used to, Jasper..."

He was right. I could feel the numbness and hatred filling me. I couldn't stand all these powerful emotions, breaking my heart.

I felt Johnny's arms wrap around my neck and pull me into his small frame. I felt him trembling with his hard sobs now. I just knelt there, motionless, like a statue.

"Please don't go back to him," he whispered into my ear. I felt his hot tears on my cheek, burning like acid on my skin. Those were tears of pain because of me.

I then felt Emmett's much larger arm pull us into him, crushing us against him.

"We won't let you go back like that," Emmett concluded, the pain in his own voice, strong. It made me stop thinking for a moment.

I was hurting them because of what I was trying to go back to. I wasn't hurting them by being here, was I? Maybe I had it wrong.

The monster in my head scoffed loudly at that in disbelief. There was no way that was true.

"Come on, let's get back to the party, buddy," I said, my voice faking happiness so well that it almost surprised me. It had been so long since I had faked it, but it came back so naturally.

Emmett pulled away first, standing up with a wary look on his face.

Johnny kept his arms locked around my neck, shaking against me. "You aren't gonna leave--" he sniffed loudly, "--me, right?"

"Of course not," I lied, not knowing what I was going to do now. What do you do with your life when all purpose is gone?

He slowly, very reluctantly, released me from his grasp. "Promise?" he said in a broken whisper.

He stared up at me with wide eyes, watching my every movement, trying to see the truth. He had learned from the best when it came to judging someone's reaction.

"Hey Jasper! Can you help with the burgers? There's like, a hundred ten year olds here!"Johnny's uncle Rob yelled to me with a frantic look on his face, interrupting Johnny's question.

"Yep!" I yelled and quickly leaned down to peck Johnny's curls. "I'll always be there for you, bud," I promised him. I could make that promise. I would never abandon him for good, and I would call, just like with Nick. I would be a call away if anything serious happened. He was like a little brother that I had to watch over.

"Now go charms some girls," I said, winking at him teasingly. He wrinkled his nose in disgust and nodded weakly.

"Kay, Jazz..." he mumbled in agreement, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. With that, I ran over to help Rob serve the billion ten year olds all wanting a burger at the same time. I had no idea there were so many kids in Forks... or in the general area, for that matter.

"You know... he wants to be you," Rob said quietly, after serving the last burger to a kid.

He turned to look at me, so I knew he was addressing me.

"He's told me before. He said, and I quote, "I want to be just like Jasper" to me. He has had his fair share of problems in life and he's only eleven. What my brother did... we're lucky Johnny hasn't turned out badly because of it. But there's still time. He's young. Just... don't give up on him, Jasper. Please. He idolizes you," Rob said, looking uncertain about if he should be telling me this or not.

I nodded stiffly, knowing every word he said was true. "I'll go get more burgers," I said in a quick whisper and headed for the house.

"Maybe he didn't pick the right person to idolize," I mumbled with self hatred as I neared the house with Rob's words echoing through me. I didn't need a guilt trip or advice... I just needed to decide things for myself right now. All I had to think about was if I'd make it out okay. Self preservation was what I needed to focus on right now.

I gripped my hair tightly in my hands, frustrated with everything. Maybe I should just wish Johnny a happy birthday and come back when everyone was gone.... My stomach felt so sick, my palms were sweaty and my whole body was trembling.

"Tracy," I heard someone hiss viciously from the side of the house.

My body stopped at the sound of the voice. It was familiar. The hatred in his voice sounded like something I used to hear all the time.

"No, Colin. It's his birthday. Just leave him alone," I heard Johnny's mom's voice this time. It was a small, weak whisper, sounding like a plea.

I inched closer, my protective side racing up because I knew they were talking about Johnny. Whoever it was did not have Johnny's best interest in mind if his mom was sounding like that.

"I am here because it's his _birthday_. Shouldn't a father have the right to see his son turn eleven?" The voice's volume became louder, the hardness and distaste in it strong.

Johnny's father. My hands fisted immediately and I moved even closer, just out of sight of them.

"Not if he has a PFA against him. You're not allowed to see him until--" she fought back, her voice gaining strength, but he cut her off with a scoff.

"He doesn't even know what "Protection From Abuse" order means. He would never get a PFA on his old man. He loves me whether you, my love, like it or not."

The way he said "my love" made anger rush through my veins. That was what I said to Alice. No one should ever use those words with that tone of voice.

I looked past the wall to see Colin brushing Johnny's mom's hair off of her shoulder. I could see her shudder from here.

"You are going to let me see Johnny," he said, the low malice in his voice flashing memories of Steve through my mind.

My nostrils flared back and I stepped out of the shadows, quickly getting in front of Johnny's mother.

"Do you need something?" I asked him through my teeth. I could feel the wildness in my eyes.

Johnny's father took a quick step back, my sudden movement surprising him.

"Who are you?" he asked in a growl, angry at me for interrupting his conversation.

"Someone who doesn't choose to hurt Johnny or his mother," I hissed back, taking a step forward so we were face to face. My whole body was tense and ready.

"Jasper, it's fine," I heard Tracy say from behind me as she touched my arm lightly.

"Yeah, Jasper. It's fine. I'm just having a friendly conversation with my wife," Colin repeated, giving me a sickly sweet smile.

I ignored both of them and took a deep breath in through my nose.

"Johnny wouldn't want to see you today. Or ever again," I told him, my voice full of authority and fearless.

_That's right, it's not a mother and child you are going against this time, Colin._

Colin chuckled softly and reached his hand out. "Tracy, darling, move this boy aside."

Darling...

Before I knew it, my body smashed his to the floor.

"Don't go near her," I hissed, pinning him down on the grass. His eyes flashed with rage and his body instantly reacted. He grabbed my arms tightly and tried to push me off of him.

"What are you doing, you little punk?!" he yelled, giving me a hard shove back on my chest. "Get the hell off of me before you regret it!"

"Jasper, please, j-just get off of him," Tracy's voice trembled with fear as she heard her former husband's threats.

"You aren't seeing Johnny," I ordered him forcefully, pulling him up and smashing his head back to the ground.

His eyes flashed again, pure hatred burning passionately in them.

"That's not your problem to solve, boy," he told me softly, his voice seeming pretty calm compared to the rest of him. "But chill for a moment and let me talk this out with my wife," he offered, giving me a calm, composed look.

I squinted my eyes questioningly at him, knowing that wasn't going to happen.

"Jasper. I'd like to discuss this with Colin. Johnny wouldn't mind seeing him...." Tracy's voice came from close behind, touching my shoulder reassuringly.

I stayed in place, not understanding. He had just been manipulating her and almost threatening her. Why did she want to talk to him now?

I did what she said, though, and let him go roughly, standing up.

I looked over at her in confusion and she looked down, wary.

Suddenly I felt myself being shoved down to the ground. I landed hard, pushing the breath right out of me as my cheek collided with a rock. Colin was instantly on top of me, glaring hatefully at me.

"This is _my_ home, _my_ wife and _my_ son. It has nothing to do with you, you tough little piece of shit," Colin growled at me. I felt his breath speeding up and his fist smashed into my cheek before I could react to what had happened. I was definitely getting slow.

The pain from the blow coursed through me, but it only fueled my adrenaline. In a swift movement, I flipped us over, knowing how to fight much better than him.

He caught me again and I tasted blood on my lip. The hatred that suddenly filled me was surreal.

_Images flew through my mind of the first time Johnny had told me that his dad had hurt him._

My jaw set and my fist, with a mind of its own, smashed against Colin's cheek.

_The tears Johnny cried, pleading with me that he was just trying to protect his mom._

My hand hit again, harder this time, paying him back for what he did to Johnny.

When I looked down at him, my vision blurred with red anger. The first thing I saw in his eyes was Steve.

_All of the times Steve and Colin had hit us._

My hand smashed repeatedly against his face, pounding the memories out of my mind. I was avenging every tear Johnny had cried, every tear I had cried when my stepfather had beat me. I made sure he felt the pain that we had felt. I hoped he felt as scared and as helpless and weak as we had.

I felt the warm blood on my hands. The blood felt so familiar, like it had been a fading memory from a former life.

"Jasper!" I heard Emmett's voice boom loudly through my thoughts.

I felt myself being ripped off of the pitiful bastard. Emmett pinned me against a wall, holding me still as I struggled.

"Jasper look at me!" he yelled as I struggled to get out of his grip and back to the man who deserved the beating.

"Stop!" he shouted at me. "Think of Alice!"

_Alice._

I pushed thoughts of her out of my mind. If she ever saw me like this, it would break me.

My eyes were stuck on Colin, my whole body still set in Fight mode.

"Daddy," I heard a scared whisper from a few feet away.

My eyes ripped off of Colin and to Johnny. I noticed the fear in his eyes and suddenly my body filled with regret. Was he going to be afraid of me? I felt like I had just been waiting for the day when Johnny saw the real me.

But to my surprise, Johnny ran quickly to me and hugged me tightly, his whole frame shaking.

"Jazz," he cried in fear.

I quickly grabbed him up in a hug, keeping him glued to me, aware of the blood that I was probably getting on him, staining him. My knuckles were throbbing and stinging, especially where I had cut my hand last night.

I vaguely saw Rob and some of Johnny's other uncles grab Colin and start to pull him away from the house.

"I won't let anyone hurt you," I whispered, holding him firmly to my chest, my body pumping with hate and fury.

"No one," I repeated, staring as his uncles dragged him off. I watched the blood pouring to the ground from his nose and I felt pleased. I felt like smiling.

But then I felt so repulsed by that feeling. I was becoming him. I was becoming just like them. I liked to cause people pain and to make them suffer and bleed... what the hell was wrong with me?

Johnny's Uncle Rob came running back and came over to us. "Come here, buddy," he urged Johnny, waving his hands invitingly to himself.

Johnny's arms tightened around me and he shook his head. "I want to stay with Jasper," he sniffed, wanting desperately to be with me.

My whole body softened at his plea. He wanted to be with me. He didn't think I was a monster.

"He won't let anyone hurt me," Johnny whispered, pulling back to look at me through his watery eyes. "Jasper's my protector," he murmured, "like Superman."

Yeah... Superman... not quite, I thought with self hatred. But I kept my arms locked around him in a protective embrace, because he was right in one way: I wouldn't ever let anyone touch him.

Rosalie, who had been standing next to Emmett, came closer.

"Johnny, why don't I help you get cleaned up and Jasper can do the same and then you can get back to the party, okay?" she asked him, giving me a look.

Johnny looked at me and I nodded. "Go with Rosalie. And then we'll show those kids how to really play football, kay?" I said with as much enthusiasm as I could muster. Emmett smiled reassuringly at me as I let Johnny down onto the ground.

He sniffed loudly and nodded his head, taking Rosalie's hand and walking into the house with her.

I looked over at Tracy, who was talking with Rob and a few of the other guys. She looked so upset....

I was determined to make his party better than it had been. Even if I felt like I was going to die, I had to do it for Johnny.

"C'mon, Jasper. You gotta at least wash the blood off of you...." Emmett said quietly.

I glanced down at my bloody hands and I felt my heart wrench in pain. I hadn't done anything like that since Alice had came into my life....

The party finished as the sun was slowly fading away, afternoon turning into late evening. We had successfully made Johnny's birthday party a successful party and I was totally worn out. Keeping a smile on your face was harder than it looked.

"Hey! Do you want to ride home with us?" Emmett called with his booming voice as I grabbed my duffle bag from Johnny's room.

I frowned, knowing that I was not going to be able to go to the Cullen house tonight. Right now, I just wanted to be alone with my sorrows. Plus... I couldn't even control myself anymore. If Emmett hadn't stopped me, I probably would have killed Johnny's father in my anger.

My anger could kill.

I would not subject my behavior on Esme or Carlisle... they couldn't see me like this after everything they had done for me. And if I was going to move on with my life, I couldn't go back into a house full of so many memories of Alice. I wouldn't be able to do it. I would break down and get back on that plane to see her shining green eyes.

Oh, those eyes.

I death gripped the handle, taking in a deep breath through my nose. Don't think about her, I told myself.

I quickly came down the stairs where Emmett and Rosalie were waiting.

"Umm... No I think I'm just gonna hit a hotel or something tonight," I shrugged nonchalantly, giving him a pitiful smile.

Emmett laughed at the ridiculous notion.

"Just get your butt in the car," he chuckled, turning around and opening the door.

Rosalie stayed still for a moment, her eyes flickering over my face.

"Em, he's serious," Rosalie murmured, touching his wrist.

Emmett turned around with a deep frown.

"What you mean, man? Esme is dying to see you," he told me slowly, his usual joking tone gone.

I sighed and ducked my head in shame. Of course she wanted to see me. She was Esme.

But I wouldn't hurt her too. She was much too gentle and precious to hurt... I would never forgive myself.

"I'll stop by tomorrow," I lied.

Emmett's eyes narrowed.

"I thought you were going back to New York after you visited Carlisle and Esme?" Emmett speculated, now very suspicious.

I opened my mouth, but then hesitated. If I told him what happened, then he would tell the others, and it would hurt Esme and Carlisle.

"Alice insisted that I should stay an extra day," I shrugged, lying through my teeth.

Emmett instantly knew I was lying. I knew because his eyebrows lifted questioningly, giving me a challenging look.

I turned around, ignoring him. Maybe he'd get the hint that I wanted him to just let it go.

I knelt down to the couch where Johnny had fallen asleep, exhausted after doing so much at his party. I pressed a soft kiss on his forehead.

"Love you bud," I whispered in the softest tone that I had used since I had arrived in Forks.

"...Well, I'll... see you tomorrow," I said reluctantly as I got up. Emmett was watching me carefully.

"Uh-huh..." he mumbled, watching me walk past him and head for the door.

"Tell Esme I say hello," I whispered as I turned the doorknob. Pain shot through me when I pictured the hurt in her eyes when she realized that I didn't show up with them.

I hoped she hadn't been _too _excited about it....

I hurried out the door before Emmett would shoot something like "Why don't you tell her?" back at me and I'd be forced to answer.

I walked quickly down the driveway, getting away from them. I almost stopped, wondering if Johnny would be upset that I didn't wake him when I left, but I figured he needed the sleep more than a sad goodbye from me.

I walked mindlessly through the streets of Forks, now remembering that I really had no other place to stay other than the Cullens' or Johnny's house. Fantastic... I guess I'd have to find a motel for something... if there were any good ones in this small town.

As I strolled gloomily through the drizzling rain, I ended up at the Forks diner... the place I had spent so much time of my life. So many memories clouded my mind.

I touched the cold door handle and took a deep breath as Alice's musical laughter rang through my memories. I remembered her hand in mine as I entered the familiar diner. We had eaten so many breakfasts here, so many lunches and dinners... so much had happened in this diner with her. I winced painfully at the memories.

_Get over it. You are going to have to live with these memories forever. Get used to it,_ I thought in frustration.

I plopped myself down into a booth and dropped my head to the table top.

_Life just couldn't get any better than this._ I chuckled bitterly at my thoughts. I lost my girlfriend, pushed my best friend and family away, and was now back at Forks diner at the same point in my life that I had been before I had met Alice. Only this time, I was there alone. No gang. No Nick. No Alice. No Steve. No Johnny. No one... life was just fantastic.

"Jasper, I didn't know you were back in town."

I heard someone's friendly voice come through my crowded thoughts. I turned my head, honestly not caring who it was at all. If it wasn't Alice, they could just go to hell...

Even if I didn't want to see Alice, I added onto my thoughts quickly.

Mack was leaning against the side of my booth, looking much healthier than he had looked while in the gang. I was still getting used to seeing him sober and off of all drugs.

He slipped into my booth and his eyes crinkled with concern. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I answered, groggily sitting back up in my seat to speak with him. So much for being alone in my misery...

I ran my hand through my messed curls.

"Running your hand through your hair. Alice says that's your sign of stress. That must mean you aren't fine...." Mack said, giving me a weak smile as his eyes flickered over me.

Alice's name pierced my heart like the sharpest sword had been shoved into my chest. Mack noticed my pain.

Of course he had to be a people reader like Greg. And me. Great. I had forgotten.

"Is _Alice_ okay?" His voice was almost panicked now as I met his wide, frantic eyes. He thought something had happened to Alice. His eyes flickered to my injured hand and my bashed up face.

"D-did something happen to you guys?" he asked shakily, trying to breathe.

I put my hand up quickly to stop him from worrying, knowing he was probably remembering what had happened to him and his girlfriend. Thank God it wasn't anything like that. Leaving Alice in the arms of someone else was one thing, but knowing she wasn't on Earth anymore would be too much to handle. Way too much.

"Alice isn't hurt," I said shortly to assure him.

I jumped slightly as I felt the phone in my pocket vibrate. I automatically slipped it out, looking at it under the table. It was Alice calling.

I shut the phone off quickly, not giving in. But my heart screamed at me for hitting the button. I really needed to hear her beautiful voice.

"Oh, okay. Good... don't scare me like, man," Mack sighed in relief, rubbing his hands together anxiously.

"So... whatcha doing back in Forks?" he asked me with a more real smile than before, now that he knew Alice was all right. I still wasn't used to this happier Mack. He had been friendly sometimes, on his good days, but I was most used to the mellow, but pained Mack.

"Just visiting Johnny. It's his birthday," I mumbled, looking backward to wave the waitress over. If he was going to stay and talk, then I was getting food.

"Did Alice come too? She's probably with the Cullens, right?" he asked me. I noticed his tone, though. The questioning was because he thought she really wasn't here at all. Alice and I would have never parted ways while we were visiting Forks. Greg was still around here somewhere, and I would not have let Alice anywhere near him.

"No, she's still in New York." I cleared my throat after I heard how rough my voice was.

"She... she hasn't gotten her memory back yet?" he questioned sadly, pressing his lips together tightly.

"Not at all... she is still with Spencer," I shrugged, speaking in a flat tone. I was not letting the emotions hit me, especially when I was with someone.

Mack frowned and rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

"I'm sure she'll remember soon. She's probably going nuts right now. She was never good at staying away from you for long," Mack assured me, reaching over to squeeze my shoulder like Nick always did. My stomach clenched as my whole body stiffened at the touch.

"Doubtful," I mumbled as the waitress stood at our table.

"What can I get you guys?" she asked.

We ordered our food and then sat in a long, awkward silence.

"So when are you going back to New York?" Mack asked me curiously, as our drinks were placed in front of us.

"I'm not."

For the first time today, I answered the honest truth on the question. He wasn't my family, just a friend. It wouldn't affect him as much.

"What?!" Mack asked, choking on his drink. But then a huge grin came over his face.

"Are you guys moving back? I suppose that would help Alice remember, with all your memories here. That's a good idea," Mack said, taking it the wrong way. I saw the excitement growing in his usually dull eyes.

"Actually, Alice is staying in New York. I'm moving back..." I clarified, looking down at my glass of Coke, watching mindlessly as the fizz popped at the top of the glass. Saying those words out loud seemed to hurt a lot more than thinking it....

"W-why would you do that?!" Mack asked, stunned.

I took a deep, ragged breath, about to make the speech I had made so many times to myself.

"Because she wants to be with Spencer and I will let her be with who she wants. I was just causing her pain and I will not hurt her," I said robotically, feeling like a broken record.

"You are just going to let her go like that? After all those battles you overcame here, and you don't think you guys can make it through a little memory loss?" Mack asked, dumbfounded.

I stared at my drink, not answering him.

"Come on, you were supposed to go to jail and be ripped away from her, but you two overcame that. Your real father came back and asked you to come live with him, but you two overcame that. Alice was kidnapped, for God's sake, and you overcame that. She almost _died_! I-it's just a bump on the head, Jasper. You can't leave her like that!" he ranted, his eyes widening with every word, panicked that I was going to leave her.

"You can't overcome fate," I grumbled as the waitress put plates in front of us. I groaned when I saw it, not sure if I could keep any food down. I hadn't eaten since I had left New York. My stomach was hungry, but it was lurching in emotional pain a lot more.

"Fate?" Mack scoffed bitterly at that. "You make your own fate, Jasper. You can change it! I-I would do anything to have Katie back, but it isn't possible. I know that if it was, I would fight till my death to be with her. Nothing would stop me. I thought that was how you felt about Alice," Mack argued, giving me a long, hard look.

I sat silently, reflecting on his words. I remember feeling how he was talking about. I used to say that I would wait forever for her to remember... that it would just take time. Lots and lots of time, but there would come a time when she would remember and it would all be worth it.

A little spark of Hope reignited in me at those old thoughts. It could still just take time....

I quickly shot that thought out of my mind. If I went back, then every second I would be hurting Alice and that wouldn't be worth it. I would have to take the pain to keep her out of pain.

"I'm not going to hurt her anymore. How would you feel if you had to look into Katie's eyes and see the beautiful happiness that you were so used to just turn tortured and broken all the time!? It isn't worth that," I said in a quick, angry breath, taking a long soothing one after. I had to stay calm. I couldn't trust my emotions anymore. They were wild.

Mack sighed softly and pushed a fry around on his plate, looking like he was in a painful thought.

"But in the end, wouldn't she be happier than ever when she found out you never gave up on her or your relationship?" he suggested the idea, shrugging his shoulders, looking broken now. I knew he cared deeply about Alice and he supported our relationship. I had a feeling that when he saw our love, it reminded him of his old relationship and it comforted him in some strange way.

"Maybe, but what if she never remembers and I am just a burden, ruining her happily ever after with Spencer?" I said, though it came out in a pained hiss.

"What if she doesn't have to remember you to fall in love with you?" Mack challenged me forcefully, raising a questioning eyebrow.

I became silent once again, stopping to think about his words. _What if she doesn't have to remember you to fall in love with you?_

The words echoed in my mind. Could she really fall in love with me when she still remembered Spencer? Could there be a chance? I doubted it...

I was just an average guy. A less than an average guy. I could never compare to anyone Alice could get. She deserved the best and I was sure that Spencer was able to give her that. He had everything, and her family and his family were best friends. I couldn't break that apart now.

But what if Alice actually would want me over all of that? Like she had chosen me before?

My heart warmed now for a long moment. I closed my eyes and could see Alice giving me that same adoring look she used to. The same one that I was sure I could see growing in her eyes recently.

"I-I don't know," I answered in full honesty. "I just don't know what to do anymore!"

Mack's eyes softened and he gave me a supportive smile. "Has she called since you left?" he asked curiously, picking up a fry and popping it into his mouth. He seemed pretty sure that my answer was going to be yes.

"I guess... once. And she texted me..." I mumbled sadly, feeling my turned off cell phone burning in my pants pocket.

Mack's head ducked down and I could see the wide grin tugging on his lips.

"What?" I asked, my emotions bursting as annoyance seeped into my voice.

Mack shook his head dismissively and grabbed his burger.

I took a long breath, not knowing if I could control myself. He shouldn't kid around with me right now. Couldn't he see I was losing it?

He seemed to sense my distress and looked up from his food with a sigh.

"Jasper, come on. You left last night and she's already called you once and texted you. Do you really believe you don't have a chance? She already needs you with her," Mack explained to me. He grinned after finishing his words, seeming happy about his conclusion.

I scoffed quietly and ran my hand through my hair, brushing the idea off.

"No. She probably wanted me to call her after Johnny's party and I didn't, so now she is wondering if I'm mad or something because Alice is always concerned about people... and their feelings... and stuff...." I rambled nervously, my heart arguing against my mind. God, I just wanted her to need me....

Mack glanced up at me and raised a curious eyebrow at me. "You're absurd," he smirked.

He let it go, though, and took another bite of his burger.

I glanced down at my food and my stomach lurched at the sight of it. I still couldn't eat... great...

"So... since you are staying here, are you moving in with the Cullens?" he asked casually, leaning back in his seat once he had finished his burger.

"No.... I'll be checking out the Forks' motel till I can afford an apartment," I replied, swirling the straw around in my glass, listening to the melted ice cubes clinking.

Mack scoffed loudly at that, causing me to give him a weird look.

"Come stay with me, then. At least for tonight. My mom helped me get an apartment... it isn't pretty or anything, but it's all right. Alice would hate me if she knew I let you stay in a motel," he said, giving me a hard look. "And I'm not taking no for an answer either. I've learned methods of persuasion from the best, both Alice and Greg, so don't mess with me," he warned with a smile. I saw a hard, decided look in his eyes.

I rolled my eyes, but did appreciate the offer. I wasn't sure if I could make it another night alone without anyone. I felt the old me creeping back into me every moment I was away from humanity. It was a haunting feeling... I didn't like it.

"Thanks," I murmured, giving him a weak smile.

He waved his hand and slid out of the booth, leaving half of his food there.

"Come on, you aren't going eat that anyways." He threw a twenty on the table and then turned to the waitress, giving her a ten.

"Thanks. Have a good night," he told her sincerely, flashing her a full smile.

I rolled my eyes and laughed quietly. "Still a ladies' man, eh?" I joked, following him out of the restaurant.

Mack laughed, carefree. "I've only got one lady. I just believe the rest should be appreciated as well," he said earnestly. I knew he wasn't saying that in a bad way, like he would take advantage of being single. He meant it sincerely, like he cared about the girls. This was probably part of the reason why Alice liked him so much. He was genuinely caring, just like her, and she had seen that in him.

I watched Mack glance up at the now night sky and smile adoringly.

"So, where do you get the money for everything? You don't live with Greg anymore, right?" My body stiffened from the memories that flooded through me at the thought of Greg and the gang. My old self crept a little closer to me.

"My mom has been giving me... sort of an allowance. I spend some time at home, do some chores for her, and she gives me the money I need for groceries and stuff..." he shifted uncomfortably before speaking again.

"She would've done that for me even before I got involved with the gang... she had started to, but when she found out I was using her money for drugs, she stopped. I guess I felt kind of like I didn't deserve for her to pay my way through life... didn't deserve happiness after what happened to Katie, you know?" he admitted quietly, as if it was the first time he had said that out loud. Maybe it was.

I nodded to show him that I was listening and that I respected what he was saying. It made sense.

He shrugged, "But anyway... as for Greg... he's never really around anymore, since he has to hide out. It's weird, though. I haven't seen him in a while. Usually he checks up on me..."

Mack's voice trailed off in thought. He pulled out his cell phone and glanced at the screen, then gave me a puzzled look.

"Maybe the cops were on his trail," he guessed.

"Perhaps," I replied, glad that Greg wasn't around right now. I was sure that with one glance at him, something terrible would happen. Especially with the mood I had been in lately.

Mack and I walked in silence to his apartment, since he still hadn't gotten a car. I didn't complain, though. The fresh air kept me calm. I had spent a lot of time outside at night in Forks, and it felt more like home then the inside of any house here ever would. Except the Cullens' house of course, but that wasn't officially my home.

My home was wherever Alice was... would I be homeless for the rest of my life?

We came to a small house and Mack led us to a door on the side. "I live in the basement," he informed me, unlocking the door.

I nodded stiffly, something in me telling me that I should just be alone and get a motel. But I knew that was the old me talking and that it meant I shouldn't do that. Alice would want me to stay with Mack. She trusted him.

_You aren't supposed to be thinking about her! _My mind screamed at me and my heart turned cold, guarding itself.

I followed Mack into his apartment. It was pretty empty for an apartment. He had a couch and a small TV on a small stand. There were a lot of books piled beside the couch; it reminded me of Chloe's piles of books. Some of them were text books, too.

"Lots of books," I spoke my thoughts, taking my shoes off before I went any farther, "Reminds me of Nick's girlfriend."

Mack gave me a curious smile as he plopped down beside the couch, picking a book up.

"Nick's girlfriend?" he inquired.

I nodded. "Yeah... Chloe. He literally ran into her one day in the city. She's the real deal... she's good for him. I think she's the girl he'd change for. She has him eating vegetables and everything," I tried to joke.

He grinned. "I'm glad he has her, then. She sounds smart. And the kid needs vegetables in his life," he joked back, "But anyway, yeah, I thought I might check out some options for some sort of university... I had a plan before... everything happened."

He frowned at the memory of what had changed his life for the worst.

"I have a feeling that I should go to university now, though. Katie would have wanted that," he concluded, nodding in head in confirmation. He ran his hand over the shiny cover of the book.

I looked over the cover of the text book. "Psychology?" I asked, giving him a curious look. I sat down hesitantly beside him.

"Yeah... I was thinking politics before, but I think Psych would work better. I want to help people that are like me... you know, before they make a mistake like I did or go through on what I was going to do before Greg came along," he explained casually.

I remembered Alice telling me about his almost suicide attempt before Greg found him. He always hit when people were the weakest. So manipulative....

"A good kind of help," Mack added quickly, "not like the drugs I went to."

"That's a good idea," I agreed, taking the book from his hands to look over it.

"I guess I'll still have to shape up a bit before that, though," he laughed shakily.

I shrugged. He was doing much better than before. It was surprising that someone could pull out of it so fast. He was a drug addict, an alcoholic, while mourning the rape and murder of his girlfriend and idolizing a psychopath. He could've been doing a lot worse right about now.

"No one's perfect. You are well on your way, though." I threw him a smile of support and his stiff posture relaxed a bit.

"Suppose so... it's... really hard. But I'm trying," he shrugged backand then picked up a remote, turning the TV on.

I took that time to look more around the empty room. I noticed something in a dark corner of the room and instantly recognized it.

"Do you play guitar?" I asked him, getting up to retrieve the guitar from the other side of the room.

Mack shook his head. "No, it was down here when I rented the place. They told me I could have it, but I don't play. Do you?"

I sat back down on the couch beside him and lightly brushed the dust off the strings, strumming them, noticing how out of tune it was.

"Yeah, sometimes," I answered him. I had fooled around with one that my Mom had in the basement of the house when I had lived with Steve. I only messed around with it sometimes when he wasn't home, but it almost came naturally to meafter a few lessons in elementary school.

A soft expression came over Mack's face and he shut the TV off and got up from the couch.

"Well, I'm gonna go take a shower. Why don't you fool around with that for a while? You can watch TV or whatever if you want, too. But sometimes it's good to get your bottled up feelings out... sometimes through song." He motioned to his text books with his head, "The Psychology books have taught me well," he said with almost a sad smile as he walked out of the room without waiting for my response.

I sighed and set the guitar down as I heard the shower water running. I wouldn't know where to start getting my feelings out...

I walked around the bare apartment, poking my head into the kitchen. I didn't open the fridge... it felt weird just looking through his apartment like this.

There was a room on the other side of the kitchen. The door was open, so I flipped the light on and looked in. It was his bedroom.

I was about to flip the light off when something on his night table caught my eye. Still hearing the water running in the shower, I crept into his room to look closer.

Beside his bed, on the nightstand, was a unique picture frame. It was split into two different picture frame styles that were folded to stand up, like a book. On the left side, there were two 4x6 pictures, one above the other in the frame. The one on top was just of Katie, grinning at the camera. On the bottom, there was a picture of Katie and Mack, staring at each other with a look of love on their faces that was so pure that I felt like I was intruding by looking at it.

On the right side of the frame, there was a spot for a 5x7 photo. Mack had a poem in it instead: "i carry your heart with me" by e.e. cummings.

I swallowed the lump in my throat after reading it and made myself leave the room. His pain was something too deep for me to comprehend. And I knew pain.**  
**  
I went back into the living room and picked up the guitar. I strummed lightly, letting my thoughts slip away with the music. My eyes shut as the music started to echo off the walls around the room and my mouth opened, letting words of song stream from my mind without thinking.

"_Girl, you are like summer rain  
Soft and warm and delicate  
And I am a foolish boy  
Tryin' to catch every drop of you  
On my tongue...  
But there's just too many  
And I can't get enough... _

_You're inches from my fingertips  
I've come as close as I can get  
I'm reaching but the rest is up to you...  
Cause I don't ever wanna miss  
Being here with you like this  
I'm trying but it's all that I can do  
I'm reaching but the rest is up to you... _

_Girl, you are the morning sky  
Glowing calm with burning light  
And as I am waking up  
You paint your reflection in my eye  
Wonder if you've noticed  
I can't look away... _

_And you say, so you say  
It's a brilliance meant to fade  
Love is wild like a fire  
Burning underneath the rain  
But this is not the same..." _

The final words came out in a broken whisper as images of Alice flickered through my mind before my eyes. How could I live in a world without her light? Everything just felt so dark and cold now....

I didn't want to end up having a picture of Alice on my night stand next to my bed be the only thing that physically remained of us. Not when I could prevent it.

But how _could_ I prevent that? Why would she choose me when she had been with Spencer all her life?

It just didn't make sense. Nothing made sense....

_APOV_

So... sleeping outside turned out not to be the greatest idea. Or maybe it was just the fall bugs catching me. I lay snuggled up in a blanket with Spencer on the living room couch, watching TV.

Since I had woken up, I had felt so... off. Everything felt really strange. My head was spinning and it was hard to keep my eyes open. Spencer had taken the day off of work and was keeping me company on the couch. He must not have slept much last night, or it was just due time that he got some extra sleep, because he had fallen asleep for half the day with me.

"Want me to make you some tea?" Spencer asked in the evening as he sat up.

"Yeah," I purred as he stroked my hair with care, "I'll come with you," I said quickly, once he was off the couch and walking out of the room.

I sat up, but stopped abruptly as my head spun. I pressed my fingers to my temple, shutting my eyes.

"Head rush..." I murmured.

Spencer leaned down and pressed a tender kiss on my forehead.

"Wait here, I'll be quick," he promised, giving me one last quick look before hurrying out of the room.

I grumbled to myself, plopping back down into the couch. Why was my head hurting so much...? It sucked.

I reached across, down to the floor where I had left my cell phone earlier today. I flipped it open and frowned... still no messages.

Why wasn't Jasper messaging me back? I messaged him this morning. Maybe it didn't get it him or I hadn't sent it...

I hurriedly check my outbox, but I saw the text message.

Or not.

I sighed sadly to myself. I guess he must be busy with Johnny and my aunt, uncle, and cousins... he might not have time to check his texts.

But he always did. He always texted me back right away. I couldn't lie, I loved that he did. It made me feel special that he wanted to talk to me so much. I never really had someone close to me like that except for Spencer. It felt good.

But he didn't today and that seemed to add on to my miserable mood. Sickness and rejection were not a good mix.

I placed the phone back on the ground and curled into the warmth of my blanket, pouting slightly.

I hated that he left without saying goodbye to me, but I couldn't blame him. I had hurt him and he was probably furious with me... I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't even want me anymore. I pretty much threw in his face that I wasn't going to leave Spencer.

Honestly, though, I didn't know what to do and I just felt safe in Spencer's arm. I was scared and Spencer was hurt and I just did what I always would have done. I should have given them both attention and made peace, but instead, I was a wimp and let Jasper get hurt.

What kind of person did that to someone that cares about them? I was a jerk....

I sniffed sadly and wrapped my arms around my knees, staring blankly at the wall across from me.

I deserved to be alone. That was my conclusion. Alone, I couldn't hurt anyone.

Spencer came back in a flash, like he had promised, and gave me a long look before walking all the way into the room.

"Don't look so miserable!" he sighed, putting the cup down and crouching in front of me. "Smile..." he murmured with a small smile, stroking my cheek.

"I don't wanna," I protested, crossing my arms stubbornly and pouting.

Spence narrowed his eyes and smirked.

"Yes, you do," he cooed, pushing gently on the side of my lip, trying to pull it up.

"No I don't," I shot back, grumpily.

"Hmm, I think you'll smile soon," he chuckled, leaning down to rub his nose playfully against mine.

I gave him a curious look and he shrugged, pulling away.

"Let's picture something together, shall we, sweetheart?" he started, looking far off, as if he was imagining something.

I rolled my eyes humorously, but went along with it.

"Ready for this? You have to be prepared. You might not be able to handle this," he warned me calmly, giving me a look.

"I think I'm ready," I mumbled sarcastically.

"All right...." His fingers slid down my arm ever so gently, raising goosebumps along them.

"Picture a big, beautiful lake. It's so big you can't see any land—"

"Like at our cabin?" I asked, cutting him off.

"Exactly!" he piped up, flashing me that knee-weakening smile.

"You are sitting on the swing, watching the waves hit the shore. Do you hear it?" he asked me, seeing if I was actually trying to imagine it.

I obeyed him, holding back an eye roll, but imagining the waves.

"Suddenly you hear a snap of a branch and your head flips to the side, wondering what it is. You relax instantly when you see your godly gorgeous boyfriend walk out of the shadows and onto the meadow of grass."

"Godly gorgeous?" I asked before he could add anything more.

"Yes." He gave me a hard look, but I could see him holding back a cute little smirk.

"He slowly starts to stroll your way, watching you adoringly as you sway back and forth on the swing. His eyes then slowly move to the ocean and they begin to sparkle as you watch curiously."

I imagined what he said, thinking about our special place and all the times I had seen him walking toward me to push me on the swing.

"Suddenly, your breath stops as your inhumanly beautiful boyfriend starts to lift his shift, slowly it raising it over his head. As he does, background music starts to chime through your ears. You feel a shudder shake your body as you see his absolutely stunning six pack come into view...." He ran his fingers down my arm again, causing a real shudder to go through me.

I held back a smile as he described the situation. Obviously it had to have happened before. He knew exactly how I was feeling....

Actually, when I thought about it, that was a bit creepy that he knew. Though I didn't remember ever thinking he was _inhumanly_ beautiful. I knew he was exaggerating for effect and I was determined not to smile and give it away.

Spencer saw my lips pressing harder together and he licked his lips, taking a deep breath in, ready to start again, knowing he was close to making me smile.

"Once his shirt had come all the way off, your eyes flicker instantly to his perfectly tanned chest, taking in every feature of it, mesmerized. You watch his hands as they slowly drop to the belt of his pants as he removes it teasingly. He sends a wink your way and your stomach ties in knots as you wonder if you'll be getting lucky with him that night...—"

I punched him at that part, breaking out into laughter.

Spencer grinned widely, his eyes sparkling mischievously. I hadn't seen him smile that wide in a while. My sadness faded for a moment as I saw how happy my Spence was.

"I was not thinking that!" I told him through the giggles.

"Yes, you were," Spencer teased, leaning down to give me a quick kiss.

I caught his head quickly in my hands, keeping his lips on mine, the adrenaline making the head rush painful. Spencer laughed against my lips as I kissed him.

"You do have pretty stunning abs," I murmured as I pulled back to kiss the tip of his nose.

Spencer wiggled his eyebrows impressively and lowered his hands to the bottom of his shirt, tilting his head, giving me a cute half smile. I felt like I was melting in his gaze.

He pulled his shirt off, revealing the six pack. He looked down at it and ran his fingers over the muscles.

"I agree," he chuckled, leaning over so he could give me another peck on the lips. He seemed so happy... maybe the extra rest had done him some good. It was different from how he had been lately... I had missed this side of him.

I grinned and reached out with one hand, grazing my fingernails over the smooth skin of his stomach, letting my hand meet his on his stomach.

"I love you," he whispered, giving me a full smile. I laced my fingers through his, cherishing the feeling of his soft, warm hands.

"I love you, too," I replied, pushing myself up a bit to peck his chest plate before laying back gently into the couch.

"Naptime for Alice," Spencer laughed, standing up and letting go of my hand. He sat down on the couch and rested my head on his thigh, stroking my hair as I let my eyes flicker shut.

"Alice, you have a visitor," I heard Alfred's voice suddenly, causing me to groan moodily and open my eyes.

"She's sick—" Spencer's word stopped when he saw Nick standing in the entryway to the room.

"Oh, hey!" I could hear Spencer's warm smile in his melting voice. I would never stop being glad for Nick and Spencer's friendship.

"Oh, sorry. I didn't know you were sick. I'll go," Nick mumbled, dropping his head. I noticed his dull, broken eyes and sat up way too fast, cringing at the spinning.

"No!" Spencer and I both said at the same time, stopping him in his tracks.

Spencer helped me off of the couch and I walked quickly over to Nick, wrapping my shorts arms, as much as they could go, around him. I leaned into him, half needing the support, half knowing he needed it.

"I-I was just seeing if you wanted to go out for a drink or something... Chloe's sick too and she didn't want me to get sick... and, well, Jasper is in Forks...." His voice got weaker at every word and his arms tightened around me.

"But if you're sick, I'll go," he finished, his body language not agreeing with his words.

How could it even be possible to refuse a broken voice like that on Nick? It was impossible.

Spencer scoffed from across the room. "The real reason is because he knew I took my shirt off and he couldn't resist seeing my stunning abs again," Spencer joked, strolling over to us, patting his stomach jokingly.

Nick laughed. It sounded all wrong, but it was still better than nothing.

"You wish," he replied to Spencer, but he put his fist out for Spencer to hit in return.

I reached up and touched Nick's cheek gently. His eyes flickered shut against my touch and I could see his features breaking, the walls he put up crumbling even without me having to see his eyes.

"We can go out if you want to," I offered, putting my sickness aside. This was more important. Nick needed me right now and it was the least I could do since I was the reason he was so sad about Jasper leaving early.

Nick nodded stiffly, not bothering to open his eyes up. I hesitantly let go of him, turning to see Spencer with a concerned expression on his face.

"I'll be home later," I whispered, tiptoeing up to peck his lips.

"'Kay, call me if you need anything," he said softly and then looked up to Nick.

"Make sure she doesn't fall and hit her head again. She's dizzy today, and we don't need another memory problem," Spencer smirked, giving me a teasing look.

I smacked his chest softly and stuck out my tongue before walking back to Nick, wrapping my arm around his waist.

"He won't let me fall," I assured Spencer, giving Nick a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Never," Nick agreed in the softest, probably most touching voice I had ever heard.

My eyes shifted to his and he looked back down at me, giving me a promising gaze.

"I got your back," he winked at me, gaining some of his usual humorous attitude back.

Nick and I walked to the front door, being closely followed by Spencer. I could tell he was concerned about me going out like this, but he wouldn't say so when Nick was this upset.

My stomach tightened with worry. Why was he so upset if Jasper was coming home tomorrow? He had just left a few hours earlier... Nick shouldn't be so upset.

But maybe they had gotten in a fight; Nick was outside with him for a while before Chloe went and got him. I was worried that something serious had happened while they were fighting, but I was too afraid to ask him about it.

"Love you," I called back to Spencer, giving him one last kiss on the lips.

"Love you too," he replied back, handing me my purse. "Oh, let me get your cell for you," he reminded me and rushed off to the living room. He was back in a flash with my phone.

"Did you take a cab here?" Spencer asked Nick with a deep frown.

Nick shrugged, telling Spencer he did.

Spencer pulled out his wallet and grabbed a twenty, shoving it into Nick's hand.

"No—" Nick started to protest, but Spencer just kissed my forehead and walked out of the room and back to the living room.

Nick sighed. "Let's go," he said, putting his hand on my lower back to lead me out the door. We walked to my car and I handed him the car keys, knowing I couldn't drive when I felt like this.

"Be careful," I warned him, jokingly.

He rolled his eyes, but stayed silent, opening my door and then hurrying to his side.

We rode through the streets on the outskirts instead of heading into the city. Nick pulled over to a small diner on the edge of town and smiled lightly at it.

"Feels like home," he chuckled, almost bitterly, but slipped out of the car. I wondered what he meant by that comment, but didn't push him for it. I opened my door and was instantly stabled by Nick's strong arms.

He kept me steady as we walked and he opened the door, setting off the little bell at the top of the door.

"When Jasper and I lived in Forks, we spent a lot of time at a diner. It was kind of like the "hang out" for the gang," Nick explained his earlier comment to me as we sat down in the booth.

"Did you like being in the gang?" I asked him. I had never really heard his side of the story before, so it made me wonder. I only knew Jasper's side of things.

Nick's head shot up to look at me, his face clearly a bit surprised by my question. But then he recovered and shrugged.

"I was neutral, I guess. I didn't really care for it, but I wasn't going to complain. I was good at fighting. I guess it felt nice to be good at something," Nick answered honestly, picking up the menu casually, like we were talking about everyday topics of conversation.

"Oh," I replied dumbly, accepting the menu Nick handed me.

"What does Chloe think about the gang?" I asked, scanning over the menu.

He froze. "I haven't... told her that much, yet," he admitted, meeting my eyes. "I didn't want to scare her off...."

I smiled encouragingly at him. "I don't think you'd scare her off. Jasper didn't scare me off and he had to tell me about it twice," I joked.

He shrugged, uncharacteristically not responding. Maybe the idea made him nervous....

Then something snapped in my mind as I thought of Jasper and stories. "Can you tell me Mack's story?" I asked him suddenly.

Nick looked up at me with a curious look. "Mack... I guess so," he agreed. "Let's get some food first, though."

The waitress came over to us as if on cue. Nick ordered a meal and I just ordered hot tea, knowing my sick stomach probably wouldn't let me take anything down. I had a feeling that my stomach pain had nothing to do with my head, though. I thought the pain was probably from worrying about Jasper so much. I still hadn't heard from him....

The waitress brought us the drinks and Nick took a deep breath.

"So you want to hear about Mack Thompson..." he said.

I sat forward in my seat and listened intently.

"Well... he joined the gang after Jasper and me, but he is older than us. When he came in, I vaguely remembered him from school the year before, but he was nothing like that guy anymore once he was in the gang. The guy I remembered before the gang was a prissy, straight A student with a cute long time girlfriend. A typical guy who had his life down pat and knew what he was doing," Nick started the story, his hands ripping little pieces of a napkin apart as he spoke. I noticed his hands were shaking slightly.

"The next time I really noticed him, he was in the gang. And this new guy was total opposite of the goody good from school. He was wild. At first, he didn't talk much, but he soon became Greg's--the leader-- little puppy." I noticed Nick's voice turn into a snarl when he said Greg's name.

"Greg got him drunk and gave him all the drugs he wanted. I knew the guy was losing it, but we all were, right?" Nick shrugged, looking broken for a moment. I could almost see the memories flickering through his brown eyes. "We all just did our thing, watched our backs... most of us lived just for the fight."

He kept playing with the napkin as he continued.

"After Jasper and I left the gang later, Mack took our leader spots. He was more composed than before, but still didn't know what the hell he was doing. I saw him sitting alone some nights, just drinking his life away. I kind of pitied him, but not enough to let my guard down. I knew him and how he was and I just... didn't think to help him. We were friends because of the gang, but... being friends in our gang is different than being real friends...."

He took a sip of his drink.

"Once I was stuck in jail, you and him apparently started to form some twisted friendship. You liked him. You _trusted_ him. None of us understood it. Jasper and I told you not to go near him... we knew the gang and we knew Mack and it was too dangerous."

I narrowed my brow, thinking about what he was saying.

"Once you guys broke me out of jail, something in you changed dramatically. Jasper was calling me all the time, worried sick, like he knew something was really wrong. But he didn't know what. He didn't know that you were becoming so close to Mack. He just knew you didn't hate him. Apparently, you had been sneaking around, talking to him behind Jasper's back when Jasper was sick."

I started feeling guilty about betraying Jasper's trust, but Nick looked at me and gave me the first real smile all night. "Sneaky," he chuckled, moving the ripped pieces of napkin around on the table.

"Then one day Jasper got a note from Greg that said "Revenge starts now." And he practically lost it. He kept you on his hip every second he could, but he was focusing on keeping you away from Greg. You, of course, being the careless little one that you are," Nick teased, " you snuck out to be with Mack again. This time wasn't like the others, though. Mack led you off into the woods, setting you into Greg's little trap." Nick's voice got edgier, adding suspense to his story, making me hold my breath.

"Greg and the gang were waiting for you in the woods. They locked you up in a basement, but you said something good came out of the whole situation 'cause you got to talk to Mack. You heard his story, which you and him later explained to Jasper and me. Turns out that perfect guy I once saw in high school was Mack before his girlfriend had been gang raped and murdered, right in front of him...." Nick trailed off, a sadness coming into his voice him.

I gasped quietly in shock, looking up to his eyes, stunned.

That was... way too terrible for me to handle. I felt my heart ache in my chest at the mere thought of his feelings after seeing something like that. That must be why he had sounded so weak on the phone... and maybe that was why I felt like I couldn't let him down. He needed me after something so tragic had happened to him.

"None of us had any idea that had happened to him. God..." Nick rubbed his neck stressfully and frowned. "I-I can't even imagine... especially now... if that happened to Chloe...." His eyes turned horrified and his hands fisted tightly. I could make out all the veins on the back of his hand from how hard he was squeezing.

I covered the top of his hand with mine and he slowly relaxed, opening his hand up to hold mine.

He stopped speaking for a moment, though, as his food arrived at our table. He began to eat some of the food before he began the story again.

"So, apparently Greg had found him right before he was going to commit suicide and offered him help. Though, Greg's help really isn't help at all.... He just turned Mack into a major drug addict and alcoholic. He also has some huge attachment problems with Greg. Oh," Nick said like he remembered something suddenly. "I guess this is important. Mack was the one who saved your life," he added in, again using that casual tone. But I knew he was using it on purpose this time, like he was brushing it off as nothing.

"He saved my life?"

"Mmhmm, Greg shot at you and he jumped in front of the bullet," he replied, taking the top off of his burger so that he could drown his burger in ketchup.

"I thought Chloe said you had to eat your vegetables," I snickered jokingly, because I wasn't sure how to respond to what he had just said.

Nick stuck his tongue out, glaring darkly at me.

"Ketchup is tomato... that's a vegetable," he grumbled defensively.

"I thought it was a fruit," I protested.

He glared and ignored me.

I rolled my eyes at him, but then thought some more.

"I remember Spencer told me that someone from Forks had done that. I didn't know who, though," I said quietly, kind of in awe that this guy would have given up his life for me.

"Why would he jump in front of a bullet for me?" I spoke my last thoughts out in curiosity.

Nick scoffed like it was a ridiculous question.

"Ali, we would all jump in front of bullet for you. You saved him and he was repaying the favor. Or at least, that's how I see it," Nick offered the idea, shrugging.

"You'd have to ask him if you really want to know what he was thinking when he did it. But did I mention that he _does_ has a messed up mind? I mean, he has a reason to, but still. He probably wasn't thinking straight when he did it. He was probably baked as hell," Nick chuckled, half joking. I had a feeling he was just trying to get the horrified look off of my face.

Mack's story was not what I had suspected. A perfect life ruined and then ruined more. The poor guy... no wonder I had been friends with him... I couldn't leave anyone looking that sad. That was so terrible. I frowned at the thought of him being so hurt. I hardly knew him, but my heart broke into a million pieces for him.

"I wonder how Jasper will turn out after hanging around Forks with those kind of guys again...." Nick mumbled under his breath, pain and fury full in his voice.

"What?" I asked, not understanding what he was saying at all. Jasper was with Johnny and the Cullens today. He wasn't going to be around anyone in the gang. Unless he might have stopped by to see Mack, maybe. But that was it....

Nick looked up in confusion. "Huh?"

"What did you just say?" I repeated.

"I didn't say anything," he whispered, looking away from me and then down at his burger. He took a big bite, not paying attention to me anymore.

"Yes, you did. Why would Jasper be hanging around with people like that?" I asked, impatience filling my voice. I never wanted Jasper going near guys in that gang again. I had seen all the scars that had come out of those battles... I never wanted another one on his body.

I gave Nick a hard look, giving him no choice but to tell me the truth.

"I don't know, because that's what that town is full of. Messed up people," he told me, giving me a small smile.

"But he'll only be there tonight, though? How much trouble could he possibly get in?" I questioned in confusion, tilting my head to the side. My hurt head was hurting even more from the stress of thinking so much.

Nick didn't respond this time. He just continued eating his burger, taking abnormally large bites. I had a feeling he was just trying to keep his mouth full.

"Nick!" I hissed, anger coming over me. I could see he was holding something important back now, and I would not be left in the dark about Jasper's well being.

Nick looked up at me and his jaw set.

"What?"

"What's going on?" I asked him forcefully.

He shook his head, "Don't put me in this position, Ali, please...."****

"Don't make me any more confused then I already am. Just tell me what's going on, Nick. Please?" I asked, giving him a look.

He stared at me a long time before finally responding.

"Because that's where he's living now!" he said in defeat, yelling the words so loudly that everyone in the diner turned to look at us.

My whole body froze in shock and my eyes grew wide. "Living... like... staying there...?" I whispered breathlessly, feeling my body give out on the seat.

Nick's eyes broke open and pain filled them intensely, sending a painful stab at my heart. I knew it must be serious. He was really going to stay in Forks without us....

"Yes," Nick whispered in anguish.

"No!" My voice screeched and I felt my body trembling. It was like I was losing control of all my senses. My head pounded and I couldn't see straight anymore. Everything felt wrong and bad... really bad.

"No! That can't happen! I won't let it," I said, jumping up out of the booth.

"Ali--"

"I'm going to Forks to get him," I said forcefully, running out of the diner without a second thought or glance behind me. Nothing was going to stop me. Jasper could not leave.

I just... I couldn't be away from him. I felt it.

**Author's Note: Longest Chapter Hope as Ever Had! But you probably noticed that.  
Did you just read what I did? Alice going to get Jasper? Whoa... What's going to happen now? Craziness.  
So, everyone! The first interview which was with Homegirl AKA Amanda is posted on the blog, lots of answers and great questions! Check it out!  
Oh and the song Jasper wrote was Reaching – Jason Reeves. You can find it on the Forgotten Hope playlist which is located on my profile.  
Have a great week and leave a review. **


	19. Race Against Fate

**Author's Note: Hello everybodyyy! Here is your weekly update of Hope! Enjoy. **

Forgotten Hope Chapter 19- Race Against Fate

_APOV_

Before I could get into my car, I felt an iron grip grab my wrist and stop me. I knew it was Nick and sighed, knowing he was much too strong for me to get away anyways.

"What are you doing?!" he asked me, his eyes wilder than I had ever seen. He didn't seem to notice how tight his grip on my arm was until I winced.

He quickly let my arm go, but stood grounded with a warning look.

I took a deep breath, filling myself with determination. This was for Jasper. I had to get him back. My stomach was tightening and feeling even worse than it was earlier. What would it be like if I never saw Jasper again?

I literally felt my heart ache at the thought. My heart was pounding as my hand rushed up to my chest and I took a deep breath to try to calm myself.

"I-I just need to go get him back," I said, puffing my chest out bravely and straightening up to try to look taller. He could not stop me. And I knew deep down inside, he probably wouldn't mind me getting his best friend back for him. Jasper and Nick were always together.

"Why?" Nick asked me, his voice cracking with emotion. "Why do you need to get him back? You have Spencer," he reminded me with a sad expression.

I bit my lip, feeling an overwhelming burst of emotion hitting me. I knew I had Spencer... but... I don't know! Everything in me at this moment just needed to get Jasper back to New York. I couldn't explain _why_....

"I just want him here...." I whispered to the ground, not strong enough to look into Nick's eyes.

Nick sighed softly and gently wrapped me in a tight, protective hug.

"Shh," he hushed me while pressing a tender kiss to my hair. He then looked down, his eyes smoldering me.

"Alice. Jasper isn't thinking straight right now and you can't just go over there and beg him to come back. Especially since you aren't ready to give up Spencer, are you?" he asked me, pressing his lips together, wanting an honest answer.

"No, but—"

"You can't go then," Nick concluded, his voice full of authority. "Jasper is... not in control of himself right now. And you can't go there and bring him back so he can go through this all over again. It's not fair to anyone."

"But..." I whispered, hugging myself back into Nick's chest. For some reason I needed his embrace. "I think I need him, Nick...."

Admitting that was the hardest thing I had ever done. Spencer's face was all I could see and I felt like I was betraying him.

But Spencer wouldn't mind. He knew I needed other people as well. I wasn't leaving Spencer, because Nick was right; I couldn't leave Spencer. I just couldn't see my life without him. He had always been there. I wasn't ready to live without him. I didn't know if I ever would be.

All I knew was right now, my heart, soul and mind needed Jasper back here in New York.

I felt Nick take a deep breath, but he stayed silent, rubbing my back soothingly.

I felt tears welling up in my eyes, feeling even more miserable. Despite being with Nick, I felt so alone.

I took in deep, long breaths of Nick's scent, trying to push out every feeling except the one of comfort that I always felt when I was around him.

"I'm scared," I whimpered weakly into his chest.

"Why?" he asked in concern, tilting my head up so he could read my eyes.

"I'm scared that I won't ever see him again," I whispered, looking into his caring brown eyes.

Nick frowned deeply and pressed his forehead to mine.

"Me too," he whispered. I was surprised at his honesty. I knew Nick was usually more of a guarded guy. He didn't let people see through him. But right now, he was being an open book. The weakness in his eyes made me want to just hold him forever to try to make his pain go away.

"But, Alice I... I don't think we can do anything for him right now."

"Hey punk!"

The loud voice shocked us both. I jumped and then he jumped as we looked over at two men from inside the diner walking out, looking angry.

Nick tensed and before I could process it, I was behind his back, protected.

"You can't just leave without paying," the older guy said. He was probably the owner of the diner.

Nick was quiet for a moment. I could see his breathing was deeper as he tried to compose himself.

"I wasn't intending on leaving without paying," Nick told the man, his voice suddenly smooth and calm.

The younger guy scoffed and I took Nick's hand and squeezed it reassuringly.

"That's why you ate half of your food and then came out here so fast. Right...."

"I apologize for your worries, but I was going to come back in and pay. I was just stopping her from making a mistake," Nick told them in a soothing voice, shocking them. "Here, I'll pay right now, before we go finish, okay?" he offered, pulling out his wallet and handing the man the twenty that Spencer had given him earlier, which was definitely covering more than how much his meal and my tea cost.

The older man just stared. I guess they had thought Nick was going to be trouble. I actually thought they might have been disappointed that he wasn't.

"All right, but we're watching you."

With that said, they both walked back into the diner.

I watched Nick's neck muscles flex for a silent whole minute before he turned.

"Shit just follows me everywhere.... Douche bags...." he growled, fisting his hands. "If you weren't here I'd...." he trailed off, realizing what he had been saying.

He stopped and rubbed the back of his neck, taking a deep breath.

"Sorry," he apologized quietly, "I... I wouldn't have hurt them."

"I know," I whispered, touching his arm gently, trying to calm him down.

Nick chuckled bitterly. "You always see the best in everything, Ali."

I bit my lip and took a breath. "Nick, I'm going to get him," I told him boldly, out of nowhere. I wasn't going to stay here and let him stall. I needed to go get Jasper back. Now.

Nick's eyes flashed to mine, narrowing.

"Ali, I already told you no," he said just as stubbornly. "You don't understand... after hearing what he said to me, I know that he is in no condition to see you. "

"That's because he thinks he doesn't have me!" I shouted at him.

"He _doesn't_," Nick shot back.

I winced. "Yes, he does... I care about him," I whispered, looking down at the ground like earlier.

"There are different kinds of care. You care about your family...your friends...your loved ones. Which type of care do you have for Jasper? Because he doesn't want to be your friend and watch you be with Spencer," Nick told me straight out, seeming to have no mercy. He was not going to let me go see Jasper unless I knew what I wanted... but I appreciated the honesty.

I gave Nick a hard, sure look. "I care about him and I feel like I need him. And he needs me too and that's all that matters. I need to go get him Nick. I am going with or without your permission," I stated to him, not leaving it up for discussion. My decision was made.

I turned on my heels and walked to my car, stopping at the door, waiting for him.

Nick groaned and went to the other side of the car, food forgotten.

"Still stubborn old Alice...." he mumbled with a smirk, but I could see the worry burning in his eyes.

We got in the car and I smashed on the gas pedal, the wheels squealing loudly as we flew out of the parking lot.

"Just for the record, I still don't think you should go. It isn't safe," Nick said. "I would go with you--to keep an eye out and make sure everything went okay--but I can't go to Forks because everyone knows my face and they'd turn me in. But it isn't safe for you there, Ali."

"Why?" I asked, still driving frantically.

"'Cause Greg is still around there and he'd see you coming before you'd see him. You don't know what he looks like--"

"--So I won't talk to strangers. Problem solved," I defended myself.

"_And_ Jasper isn't in control of his emotions. He isn't thinking about what he is saying or doing right now--"

"--Stop worrying about _me_. He said he'd never hurt me. Jasper _left_, Nick!" I protested, turning sharp turns and speeding through the New York streets. I knew them like the back of my hand.

"I know he left, Alice," Nick said seriously. He put a hand on the dashboard to steady himself and looked at me frantically.

"And _you_ are losing it. Slow down!" Nick yelled at me out of frustration of me not listening to him and his fear of my driving.

"Well, stop pissing me off and I won't lose it on you!" I threw back in his face.

Nick broke out in laughter at that. "You can be scary," he chuckled, smiling at me.

I stopped abruptly in front of Jasper's apartment building and Nick took a deep breath in.

He looked at me for a moment before he leaned over and hugged me tightly.

"Don't do anything stupid. If he says leave, _leave_, okay?" Nick begged me, looking me straight in the eyes.

I nodded reluctantly. Would he tell me to leave? My stomach tied in knots.

"Nick... please don't tell Spencer...." I begged him, my guilt taking over me.

Nick frowned at my words and he looked hesitant.

"You can't have them both, Ali," he told me softly, stroking my cheek gently, trying not to upset me.

I knew he was right, but I wasn't ready to pick. I wasn't ready to lose someone yet.

"I know. I just need time," I told him reassuringly. I wouldn't play them both. I wasn't trying to. I didn't want to be selfish. I just couldn't lose either of them right now.... I was too confused and I had to make the right decision. I couldn't make the decision until I was sure. It wouldn't be fair for anyone.

Nick nodded slowly and gave my forehead a quick peck.

"Call me when you get to Forks. Keep your eyes open. Be careful, and trust your instincts," he told me, giving up on fighting with me. He slowly slid out of the car.

Something went off in my head at his words.

"Have you... said that to me before?" I whispered.

He put an arm on the top of the door and leaned in to give me a curious look.

"Yeah...." he whispered back.

We stared at each other for a minute and I tried to remember more... why he had said it... _anything_....

I shook my head and squeezed my eyes shut as my headache started to feel worse.

"I can't remember."

"You will," he nodded, his face softening. "Have a safe trip, Ali."

He pushed off of the car and started to walk away, looking back every other second with an uncertain look on his face.

He stood on the sidewalk, watching me warily as I sped away.

I had remembered that he had said that to me. What did that mean? Could I handle it if my memories came back all of the sudden?

I wasn't sure.

Pushing the thoughts from my mind, I focused on the road. I didn't bother going home. I went straight to the airport as I dialled one number: Spencer's private pilot for his jet.

I knew I could get a ride without Spencer having to call them. I had used it many times before and the pilots knew it was mine for the taking when I wanted it. Spencer made sure of it.

Finally, I slammed on my brakes, stopping the car abruptly at the airport. I jumped out of the car and speed walked, checking my purse, making sure I had all of my IDs on me. After confirming that, my body broke into a run to the entrance.

I didn't know why I was reacting so strongly. He was just a guy I had met not too long ago... just a guy.

I knew from the start of that thought that it was a lie.

Jasper wasn't just some guy. He was the guy.

But my mind stopped at that.

Spencer was the guy.

Wasn't he?

I could feel my body shaking as I came to the entrance. This was too hard....

I could think about the choosing part later. Right now, I just needed to concentrate on Jasper and bringing him back where he belonged. Forks wasn't the place for Jasper. It had so many bad memories for him....

I quickly got through security and onto the jet. The pilot was ready when I got there... probably because of my frantic ten minute call, telling him I needed to get there _now_.

"Ms. Cullen." He tipped his hat politely, but didn't say more after seeing the look on my face.

_Just fly the plane already! _I thought.

I plopped into a seat on the jet and pulled my cell phone out in a hurry, my fingers stumbling to dial Jasper's number fast enough.

_Ring. _

_Ring two. _

_Ring three. _

_Ring four. _

_Click_.

I smashed my head into the back of my chair and my body slumped down. He didn't want to talk to me... he was ignoring my calls now. Maybe I shouldn't have been going to Forks. He probably never wanted to see me again.

Why was I stupid enough to think he would still want me? Even as a friend? I still couldn't be with him....

Maybe Nick was right. Maybe I should stop being so selfish and just let Jasper....

I couldn't finish the thought. I couldn't stay here without him around.

I stared blankly at the screen of my phone. A feeling of comfort came over my body as I stared at the picture of Jasper and me in my phone. Those soft blue eyes promised me that he would not reject me. And even though it was just a picture of Jasper, I knew it was right. Jasper would never reject me.

With those thoughts, I got up off the seat and walked to the room in the back of the plane where Spence had a bed all set up. I took my shoes off, getting more comfortable. My head was pounding.

I took half of a sleeping pill, figuring I'd probably end up falling asleep, and then crawled between the cool sheets of the bed.

The whole room smelled like Spencer. I gazed at Jasper's picture. It was the most relaxing, safe, perfect place in the world.

But it was also the worst place to be: stuck between the two of them.

I woke up groggily, feeling worse than I had when I had woken up earlier today. There was a light tapping on the door to the room I was in. I sat up, yawned as I rolled out of bed, and cracked opened the door.

"We have landed in Forks, Ms. Cullen," the stewardess said with a polite smile.

I nodded mutely, slipped on my shoes, grabbed my purse and walked out of the plane. Here we go.

As soon as I stepped out, I was hit by the chilly air of September. But now I wasn't too sure what to do.

I decided to call a cab instead of calling Carlisle and Esme this late. That would have been rude and then Jasper would have found out I was coming. He would probably leave if he knew I was coming... I had to see him face to face or this wouldn't work.

There were already a few cabs open at the airport, so I just hopped in and told them the address. I felt a bit bad for just showing up at my aunt and uncle's house, but I knew they wouldn't have a problem with it. Apparently, I had lived with them the whole time I had been here... I'm sure they'd be happy to see me and I was so grateful for them.

About a half an hour later, the cab pulled to the end of the Cullens' driveway. I paid the driver and he drove off.

I vaguely realized that it was raining steadily, but didn't put too much thought into it. This was Forks, right?

My breath got quicker as I looked at the house. I could do this. I could do this. It was _Jasper_. I didn't have to be nervous or afraid. He wouldn't hurt me. He had told me so....

I slowly picked my feet up and walked to the house, dragging my feet through the puddles growing in the driveway. I had the cab drop me off at the beginning of their driveway, so I had a bit of a way to walk. I hoped once I got there I would have the strength to go in....

The closer I got, the louder I heard a strange thumping sound. Once I got close enough to see the house clearly, I noticed Emmett outside with a basketball, shooting at the basketball net in their driveway. I wondered why Jasper wasn't playing with him? Well... I guess he might not have been in the mood for a basketball game at the moment.

And why was Emmett playing basketball in the cold rain so late at night?

Emmett didn't take notice of me until I was a few feet away. He turned to shoot the ball and froze in shock. His usual grin didn't spread over his face, though. His eyes widened and the ball dropped to the ground.

"Alice?" he gaped.

"Emmett," I chuckled, walking over and giving him a tight hug.

He didn't return it, though, because he was too busy staring at me.

I sighed loudly and stepped back.

"What?" I asked, a bit annoyed.

"I thought you were working this weekend?" he questioned slowly in confusion.

"No...?" I answered slowly, giving him a strange, confused look.

"Jasper said you were?"

"Oh... they let me off after all." I shrugged it off, figuring that was probably the excuse he used so he wouldn't get questioned about my absence.

"I thought I would come surprise Jazz. Where is he?" I asked him as he stood silently.

"Umm," Emmett mumbled, looking away from me nervously. "I'm not sure."

I rolled my eyes and skipped past him, heading for the door, but Emmett grabbed my arm to stop me. What was with everybody grabbing me today?

"He isn't in there," Emmett whispered. Why was he so nervous? He was Emmett.

I turned slowly, knowing something must be really wrong. The ache that had been stabbing at my heart came back strongly. My hand came up to cover my heart again and I took slower breaths.

"Where is he?" I asked, worry and pain filling me in a quick second.

Emmett ran his hand over his short, wet curls, avoiding my gaze.

"That's a good question," he murmured. "You shouldn't be out in the rain. Let's go to the garage," Emmett said quickly. I wasn't sure if he was just trying to change the subject, so I didn't budge. I didn't care about the rain. I was already sick, I was already in pain, and I just wanted to see Jasper.

"Tell me where he is, Emmett!" I shouted at him, my frustration with everything that had happened today taking over.

Emmett took a deep breath and picked up his basketball. "Somewhere in Forks. He wouldn't come home with us," he grumbled, bouncing the ball.

I knew he was upset, so I took a breath to calm myself down.

"He didn't tell you where he was staying tonight?" I asked quietly, not trying to upset him more. Jasper was a lot closer to Emmett now... maybe even like a brother.... It must have hurt Emmett that Jazz didn't want to be with them anymore either.

"He said he would check out a motel or something...." he grumbled, shooting the basketball at the net, but totally missing. It landed in a puddle, splashing Emmett with water. "I don't know anything else."

"Come here, you big oaf," I grumbled good naturedly, putting my feelings aside for a moment for Emmett. He huffed loudly and turned to me with a sad expression.

He pulled me into a tight, Emmett-like hug and sighed loudly. "He wasn't himself... he had that wild look...." Emmett whispered, kind of more to himself than me, but my ears perked up at the mention of Jasper.

He had a wild look? What wild look? Like he used to have, maybe? When he was in the gang....

Worry, concern, and anxiety poured over me at the mere thought of him getting back into that again. He hated being that way. He had _told_ me that... I couldn't let that happen.

"Where's the nearest motel?" I whispered.

"Hmm?" Emmett mumbled.

"The nearest motel. Where is it?" I asked again, looking up at him.

"Umm... maybe five or ten miles away...?" he guessed, "Why?"

"I have to go check the motels...." I pulled back from Emmett and gave him a quick, reassuring peck on the cheek. "Jasper will be okay, I promise," I told him, and then hurried away without one more word.

"Alice! Wait--!"

I could hear Emmett calling for me, but I didn't stop. I ran as fast as I could through the streets. Forks wasn't_ that_ big. I had walked throughout NYC plenty of times. Forks would be easy. I could find him. I'd run it.

It started to rain heavier the farther I got. The faster I ran, the harder it would hit me. All I could hear was the patting of my feet hitting the pavement as I ran. Water splashed up around me and my lungs were starting to ache after gulping down the cool air. I started to shiver, now totally soaked.

But I could see the motel lights from here. It was a good thing Forks was small, or I could have had to check a lot of motels and hotels. As I got to the motel door, I was trembling from the icy temperature.

Before I could open the door of the motel, my phone starting ringing. Maybe he was calling me! Right in time....

Spencer.

I read his name as I looked at the screen of my phone. My body froze and I felt my heart give in. I should answer....

The ringing kept going. I kept staring, blinking, not knowing what to do.

I finally decided not to answer it. He would persuade me to come back home or he would come here. I had to do this on my own and right now before things got worse. I shut my phone off and walked into the warm motel entrance.

"Hello—oh goodness, you are soaked!" The lady behind the counter gasped, coming out from around it. "I'll get you some towels!"

She was about to rush away, but I grabbed her hand. Or tried to. I wasn't sure if I succeeded. I couldn't feel my fingers.

"N-no, I just need to know which room Jasper is in. Jasper Hale," I told her, ignoring the cold, wetness on me.

The woman narrowed her eyes in confusion and went back around the desk, looking slowly over her list.

"There's no Jasper Hale here," she murmured as her eyes glanced over her list again, making sure.

Defeat rained on me, making me even colder than I already was.

"Oh... thanks," I whispered, turning around to leave.

"Hun, at least let me get you a towel. You shouldn't go out there until you are dried off...." The woman tried to reason with me, but I ignored her and walked back out into the rain storm.

Where now? Where could he be if he wasn't at the Cullens' or the motel...?

I sat down on a block of cement in the parking lot and wrapped my arms around my legs, confused and desperate.

I sat there, letting myself just drown in the cold rain, my body shaking as my depressed and defeated thoughts drowned me too. I couldn't find him. I didn't know this place. I didn't know any of these people....

I didn't know anything.

I couldn't tell how long I sat there. All I knew was that I was there for a long time, letting the hot tears mix with the rain drops, trying to warm me. I was hoping that somehow the rain would wash all of this away. Everything. All that had happened over the last months... I just wanted it all away. I just wanted everything to be okay again.

My throat was dry. It was starting to hurt every time I breathed in, but I didn't care. Everything hurt right now. I couldn't feel my ears, nose, or fingers, there was a dull ache inside my ears, blending with my pounding headache... so I just shut down and let myself shake. Let myself cry. What else could I do?

After a while, there was a bright flash of light and my head lifted up. A car parked right in front of me and the door flew open. I still didn't move.

"Alice?!" I heard a squeal over the powerful noise of the rain. A little boy came running over. His clothes were soaked through by the time he was standing in front of me. He had beads of rain dropping from his wet, blonde curls. And then his kind blue eyes... they were so familiar.

"I'm Johnny," he said, reaching his hand out to me. "Come on, it's raining."

Johnny. Jasper had been with Johnny.

_Trust your instincts._

I looked into his face, taking in his wide, worried eyes. They looked a lot older than... was he turning eleven?

Maybe Johnny would know where Jasper was. My instincts were telling me to trust in him. He was a stranger, but not the kind Nick was talking about.

I took his hand and he pulled me up, rushing me over to the car and opening the front door for me. I couldn't feel my toes.

Already a gentlemen, I noted, climbing in.

He shut my door and rushed around to the other side, jumping in.

"Oh dear Lord, Alice," a lady in the driver's seat said. I guessed that this was Johnny's mother.

"We have to get you dry, dear." She pulled her jacket off and gave it to me and then turned the car heat up. She then pulled out of the motel parking lot.

My teeth shattered against each other and I used her jacket as a blanket, keeping my arms around my knees, trying to warm up a little.

We only drove for about ten minutes before we parked in front of a house. Johnny had my door open in a flash, offering me his hand. I gazed at him for a moment, seeing so much of Jasper in him. There was an impeccable resemblance.

Jasper. The thought of him almost made me break out in tears again.

"Come on," he urged me with a gentle smile. I accepted his hand and he and his mother guided me into their house.

"Johnny, go change your clothes. Alice, I'll go get you some of my clothes to wear for now, okay?" she offered, touching me cheek to get my attention.

"N-no, that's okay. I have to go soon. I need to find Jasper," I whispered shakily.

Johnny's eyes widened and he looked at his mom before rushing out of the room.

"Come on, dear, we'll get you warm and then find Jasper," she reasoned with me, leading me up the stairs.

I followed, not strong enough to fight. The warm air in my lungs was starting to make me drowsy. My whole body just wanted to fall asleep. I felt so... weighed down.

Johnny's mom sat me on her bed as she searched through her drawers for something for me.

"You're a _lot_ tinier than me, but I think it'll be okay if pajamas are a little big on you. It'll make them cozier."

She pulled out some pajama bottoms and a t shirt and led me to a bathroom.

Once we were in the bathroom, she handed me a towel with the clothes.

"Put those on," she instructed me and shut the door.

I robotically obeyed, peeling my wet clothes off and letting them fall to the ground and then replacing them with the warm, dry pajamas.

I coughed and then caught a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror. I blinked. My hair was limp, water droplets hanging onto the ends of my normally spiky hair. I sighed and used the towel she gave me to wipe off the make up from under my eyes.

I exited the bathroom to find her waiting anxiously outside the door. She led me down the stairs now to the living room and put me on the couch, handing me a blanket. Johnny ran into the room and pulled his mom to the side, whispering in her ear.

She gave him a loving smile and ruffled his curls and then whispered something back into his ear.

Johnny grinned this wide smile--it was one of the cutest things I had ever seen. His smile made me feel warm inside, but only for a moment.

Johnny walked over to me as his mother left the room. He plopped down on the couch and gave me a fond look.

"Mom says I have to warm you up, so I am going to hug you, okay?" he offered, getting my permission first. "No funny business, promise," he joked, laughing quietly.

I smiled at that, giving in to him and opening my arms, letting him into the blanket I had wrapped tightly around me. The heat he radiated felt good. I was sure my freezing skin wasn't feeling that great against him, though.

I felt myself trembling against him. He kept himself tightly wrapped around me, though, holding me, not minding my coldness or shaking.

"Why were you in the rain?" he asked me quietly, pressing his warm cheek to my arm. The heat sent a shudder through my body.

"I-I couldn't find Jasper," I whispered brokenly, staring across the room, trying to hold back the tears as the knot in my throat tightened.

What if I didn't find him in time and he left forever? I would never see him again. Ever. What if he gave up, went back to the gang? It would be all my fault....

I sniffled loudly, trying to stay in control, but I was having a lot of trouble.

"Don't cry!" Johnny said quickly, getting on his knees on the couch so he would be level with my face. "You'll find him. Jasper can't stay away from you for a whole day, I know it," Johnny encouraged me, hesitantly putting his hand against my cheek.

"I made you both some hot chocolate," Johnny's mom said as she entered the room, putting the cups down on the table in front of us. She reached over to touch my forehead, concern written all over her face.

"I hope you don't end up getting pneumonia," she whispered anxiously as I coughed. She lifted the cups back up and handed them both to us. "Johnny, stay close to her while I go get another blanket."

"Yes, Mom," he answered obediently and sat back down beside me, cuddling closely.

I put my cup back down on the table after a moment because my hands were shaking too much to drink it.

"I'll help," Johnny offered, putting his own mug down and picking mine up. He brought it slowly to my lips, helping me drink it.

"Is it too hot?" he added, squinting his eyes in concern when I winced. It had burnt my tongue.

I shook my head, though. The heat felt good. He helped me take another sip.

"You can drink yours now," I told him, my voice cracking.

Johnny nodded and put mine down, but didn't drink his. He just snuggled into me, trying to get the warmth back into my body.

My fingers were starting to _really_ hurt as the feeling started coming back into them. Millions of tiny pins and needles poked them and I cringed when I flexed them.

Johnny held me tighter and I managed to smile.

"Happy Birthday, Johnny. I'm sorry I missed it," I said hoarsely.

He looked up at me and grinned. "Its okay, Alice. I know it's been... kinda crazy lately, right?"

I just nodded and he snuggled closer. "I'm glad you're here now."

I heard a door open and felt relieved that his mom was coming with another blanket. I hadn't noticed how truly cold I was until I had gotten into the warmth.

Then I heard whispered voices. Did she call someone? A doctor? Maybe Carlisle?

I hoped not. I would have to explain everything... Jasper would find out. Jasper would leave before I could find him and stop him from—

My thoughts stopped abruptly as I saw him standing in the doorway of the room. His blue eyes met mine instantly, sending that tingly, too powerful feeling through me. It warmed me better than any hot chocolate or blanket could. I could feel him reading my soul.

"J-Jazz," I whimpered, trying to move, but the blanket was wrapped too tight.

Jasper was across the room in a split second, though, kneeling before me.

"Johnny, get me a towel." His voice was rough, hoarse. I had never heard it that way before. It sounded so worn out. My heart ached painfully at it.

"Why are you here?" he asked me, his voice hard and guarded. But he pulled the blanket tighter around me, trying to keep me warm. He couldn't hide that he cared. At least I knew he still did, then.

"I-I don't want y-you to leave," I whispered, the tears springing back into my eyes. "I couldn't f-find you."

That was when the tears hit. Hot tears trailed down my cheeks and the sobs broke free, rippling through my body.

I watched Jasper stiffen through my blurred vision. His eyes were struggling desperately to stay guarded and hard.

"I need you," I cried, leaning forward, reaching my arms out for him. Jasper's eyes had been closed tightly, but snapped open at my words.

"W-what?" His voice trembled. Hope filled his eyes like I had never seen before.

"I need you." I repeated the words again. Cold hit me now, as I had knocked the blanket off of me when I reached for him. I shivered.

Jasper hurried to me, grabbed me in his arms, and crushed me against him. I was sitting in his lap on the couch in one swift movement.

"I need you too. I need you so much, Alice. I need you too much. Darling... I-I...." he trailed off, hugging me into him.

My whole body seemed to turn on fire with his body wrapped around mine, holding me, protecting me, taking care of me.

"I'm sorry," he whispered in my ear, pressing the softest kiss to my forehead. "I won't ever leave you again. I promise. Never...."

His lips kissed me again on the cheek. And then again, on the tip of my nose.

"I don't mind if you just want to be friends, darling. I can be your friend. I can be anything you want me to be. I need you."

His voice was shaking and his lips trembled as they kissed my face again.

"You'll wait for me?" I whispered to him, turning a bit on his lap, trying to see his face better.

"I'll wait forever," he vowed, hugging me closely to his chest.

_JPOV_

I held her so tightly. Probably too tightly. I couldn't let her go for even a moment. Her cold skin brought me to life as it pressed against mine. I was home again. Alice was here with me.

Her icy hand slipped out from under the blanket and trailed over to mine. Slowly. Reluctantly. She filled the empty place in my heart as her fingers intertwined with mine.

I took a quick breath in, trying to keep my emotions in control. She was just holding my hand. This didn't mean anything new. She had held my hand when we were in New York. ....And her silence when Spencer and I had been arguing had practically admitted that it didn't mean anything special....

"How did you find me?" Alice asked, breaking the peaceful silence that had come over us.

Johnny and his mom had left us alone, his mom saying she would put Alice's clothes in the dryer for her.

I couldn't believe she had just sat out in this rain storm. It was stupid, reckless, idiotic...

But I was happier than anything that she had done it for me.

I ran the towel gently over her wet hair, trying to dry her off as much as I could.

"Umm... I had my phone ringing for about an hour straight. Emmett called a few times, Spencer called a few more times, your dad called, and then finally Johnny did and I picked it up, because it was late and Johnny would normally be asleep," I explained, giving her a weak smile.

"You didn't answer my call," Alice whispered up at me. Her eyes were so vulnerable at that moment that it broke my heart. But as her eyes came to my face, they narrowed and glanced slowly over my entire face, stopping on my right cheek.

Alice's eyes were stuck there for a moment, not saying a word. And then her eyes were wide with horror and concern.

I felt her free hand stroke the deep cut that was on my right cheek from being smashed into the ground by Colin. Then her eyes trailed to my lips, where my bottom lip was broken open from a punch. Her hand followed the trail of her eyes and gently traced my bottom lip.

That caused my whole body to stiffen. Memories flooded through my mind of all the times Alice had touched my lips... all of the times her lips had touched mine.

I took a sharp, painful breath in, keeping myself from kissing her. I needed her kiss so badly. It had been so long already...

"Jazz..." she whispered very slowly, her eyes filled with questions. "D-did you get in a fight?" she asked in a shaky, uncertain voice.

I wasn't sure if she really wanted to hear the truth. I didn't want to tell her the truth. I would have killed Colin. I would have killed him without a second thought. And I didn't want Alice to know that.

"I..." I started, clearing my throat nervously. I didn't know if I could tell her the truth. Would I scare her off right when I had gotten her back... or at least back as a friend? "...did."

Who was I kidding? I couldn't lie to her. She was Alice. We had promised... no more lies. And those green eyes could read through my soul. She would instantly know that I had lied to her.

Her expression saddened even more than it already was.

"Why?" she asked in a desperate voice, still stroking the cut on my bottom lip. I felt a shudder run through me.

Alice's eyes were breaking more every second as she stared at my cuts. I took my free hand and gently wrapped around her hand that was on my face, pulled it away before I lost control, and kissed her.

But that only made things worse as I realized it was the same hand I had punched Colin with. Her eyes glued onto my busted knuckles.

"Jazz!" she whispered in a high, panicked voice.

My heart ached at the sound. I shouldn't have fought. But I already knew that... I hadn't been in control. I could have just taken Colin away. I didn't have to smash his face in. But I had.

"I'm sorry," I apologized, ducking my head in shame. I hadn't ever wanted Alice to see me all cut up again. She hadn't wanted anymore scars on me...

"I-I was just so mad when Colin came to the birthday party. I didn't want him to hurt Johnny. It was Johnny's birthday... he didn't deserve to have it ruined like that...." I pleaded with Alice, my eyes burning into her, trying to make her understand my reasoning.

Her eyes squinted in confusion. "Colin?"

Oh. Right. She wouldn't remember that.

I gave her an apologetic smile and explained. "Colin is Johnny's dad. He was abusive... and he showed up at Johnny's party."

Alice gasped. "Does _everyone_ in this town have a horrible past?!" she asked me, pain thick in her voice.

That made me laugh. Maybe it shouldn't have, but it did.

"Not your cousins?" I chuckled, pressing a reassuring kiss on her forehead.

She rolled her eyes, but still had that broken look in her eyes.

"You were protecting Johnny?" she asked, wanting clarification.

"Yes. And I would do it over again if I had to," I mumbled, looking away, getting ready for her displeased look.

Instead of the look I was expecting, I felt a hotness press against my knuckles, making me jump. My eyes flashed back to her to see her lips pressed gently against my injured knuckles.

A warm sensation shot through my whole body at that feeling. That was the first time she had kissed me in any way since she had lost her memory of me.

My eyes closed against the intense emotions filling me. I could feel tears springing up in my eyes. I couldn't cry.

"Don't be sorry for protecting someone you love," she whispered, cuddling back into my chest. "I was so afraid you went back to being the old you."

I sighed. "Me too."

I held her, again, too tightly against my chest, needing her so much.

"Did you guys want to sleep in the guestroom?" Johnny's mom asked as she entered the room, her eyes warmer and filled with happiness as she saw Alice in my arms again. Trust me, I felt the same way.

I looked down at Alice, asking her. She nodded tiredly in response.

"If you don't mind," I replied to Tracy.

"Not at all," she waved us over, telling us to follow her.

I picked Alice up in my arms, not wanting her to lose any more energy today. She must have been exhausted after taking a plane here, the three hour time difference from New York, and then being out in the rain looking for me.

I followed Tracy up the stairs to the room beside Johnny's. I pulled the covers back with one hand and then set Alice down on the bed. She coughed as I tucked the covers in over her.

"I'll go get your drink," I told her, patting her hand softly. She nodded.

I hurried down the stairs and grabbed her cup of hot chocolate, hoping it was still warm enough. Tracy was in the hallway when I got back up the stairs. She had a light smile on her lips.

"Have a good night, Jasper. Take care of her," she murmured, walking into Johnny's room.

"Goodnight," I whispered, walking back into the guest room. I set the cup down on the night table and sat on the edge of the bed, gazing at Alice's already sleeping frame. Could anyone ever deserve this perfection lying in front of me? I guess it wasn't so unlikely that two people would be fighting for her... I was lucky it wasn't all of male existence going after her.

I leaned over and lightly kissed her forehead, noticing it was a little warmer than the rest of her. I hoped she wasn't getting a fever.

"Goodnight my love," I whispered, getting up to head out of the room. I would sleep on the couch. Spencer would not appreciate me sleeping with his girlfriend.

But I was stopped by a feathery touch against my arm.

"Where are you going, Jazz?" Alice asked me, her voice full of sleep.

"I'll just be downstairs on the couch. I brought you your drink," I informed her, throwing her a full smile to try and reassure her. It must be strange for her to sleep in a random house with people she didn't know. How was it that she could trust them so fully? Trust me, even?

"Oh..." Alice murmured, frowning. "Can't you sleep up here... with me?"

My head snapped in her direction, searching her eyes desperately for some hidden joke or uncertainty at her suggestion. But there wasn't any. All I saw was adoration and need. Was this possible?

I must be dreaming. None of this would happen. She wouldn't come looking for me to bring me back. She wouldn't cuddle up with me and tell me she needed me. She would never ask me to come to bed with her. No. No... this must be a dream.

I squeezed my eyes shut tightly and opened them again, still seeing Alice laying there, waiting.

"Y-you don't have to. I just... wondered," Alice whispered, sounded rejected.

"No!" I answered too quickly, rushing around the bed, slipping my shoes and socks off. "I want to."

Alice flashed me the brightest smile, the light to my dark world. I had missed that smile so _so_ much. It had been lost for so long now.

I slipped under the blanket, but kept my distance, not touching Alice at all. She was taken. I had to remember that.

"Do you always sleep with your shirt on?" Alice asked. I could hear the hint of displeasure in her voice, which made me laugh.

"No," I chuckled, rolling my eyes at her. "But I know how it effects you when I take my shirt off and that would be inappropriate in someone else's house," I joked, sticking my tongue out teasingly at her.

Alice didn't laugh in response like she normally would have, though. She became silent, staring at me questioningly. But then she recovered from whatever questions were in her mind and smiled.

"I think I can control myself," Alice told me, touching my chest softly with her hand, moving closer to me.

She wanted me to take my shirt off? Well... I couldn't help the excitement that filled me at the thought.

"Well... I guess I could take it off," I mumbled, reaching for the hem of my shirt hesitantly.

_Jasper, you are just setting yourself up for problems,_ a voice in the back of my head warned me.

I stopped and looked back to Alice's soft green eyes.

"You don't have to. I was just asking... Spencer always does and I'm not used to being without him and I thought if your shirt was off it would be more familiar," Alice rambled nervously, looking away from my questioning gaze.

"That's the lamest excuse I've ever heard," I laughed as I stripped my shirt off, tugging it over my head and throwing it to the floor.

Alice's eyes snapped to my chest, looking over every bit of it. The lamp beside the bed was still on, so she could see me.

The sides of her lips were threatening to turn into a smile as she reached forward to let her fingers trail down my chest.

"The scars...." she murmured to herself in wonder.

I watched her as she moved on the bed, cuddling into me. My body stiffened as her arm wrapped around my bare waist. The electricity surged through me, driving me insane. I wanted to touch her. I wanted to kiss her so badly.

"Night, Jazz," she whispered, her heated breath brushing over my chest, sending goosebumps all over my body.

"Don't forget your pills," I said hurriedly before she could fall asleep.

Alice gave me the cutest look, surprised that I had remembered.

"Thanks," she said gratefully, sitting up and reaching for her purse. I could still see her hands shaking from the cold--at least, I think it was from the cold--and I frowned.

Alice took the pills with her hot chocolate and sighed, cuddling back under the blanket. Her arm sneaked around me and she flashed me a grin.

"Goodnight darling," I whispered, very slowly wrapping my arm around her, telling myself that it was because I wanted to keep her warm.

My whole body relaxed in our embrace. Every night, I had wished I would be sleeping with Alice in my arms again and now I was. It's all I needed. If I died this very minute, I would die happy.

She sighed against me and I held her, just enjoying this moment while it lasted.

_NPOV _

I sat fidgeting anxiously on the couch of Jasper's apartment. I was waiting for Chloe to text me back. It had been half an hour since I had texted her and it was eight o'clock in the morning now. She would be awake by now. She always was.

She had texted me last night. Just a simple "_Thinking of you. Goodnight._"

Her words had stayed with me through the night. She was thinking of me. It just made me feel so... just... I liked it. I was thinking of her, too.

She must be really sick, though. I hadn't heard from her since. My hands were wringing nervously. It felt like I hadn't seen her in so long, but I had just spent time with her yesterday.

So much had happened since then, though....

I just couldn't get the look on her face out of my freakin' head. She looked so torn and so sick... and on top of worrying about what was going on in Forks with Alice... and Jasper... I was mostly worried about Chloe. Would she be okay all alone over there?

Maybe I should go over. That was what boyfriends did, right? Took care of their girlfriend when she was sick?

I wasn't sure if that was invading her space, though. I didn't have any experience with stuff like this. I needed Jasper for this kind of thing!

I flipped my phone open and dialed the next best thing. He picked up on the first ring.

"Alice?" I heard Spencer's voice, anxious and worried. I rolled my eyes at it. He was such a love sick puppy... though I guess I was turning into a pretty whipped boyfriend, too.

"Not quite, sorry," I chuckled into the phone, but then having some pity. I knew he must have been going insane with her taking off to Forks like that, going after her old boyfriend. The guy had already been going crazy before she took the adventure of her lifetime... well, new lifetime.

"Oh, hey Nick." I could still hear the smile on his face, though. It wasn't forced. "You haven't heard from her, have you?"

I shook my head, even though he couldn't see me. "No, sorry."

She was supposed to call, but never had. I had to call Emmett just to find out that she had, indeed, arrived. I was waiting now to see how long it would take her before she called. She shouldn't worry me like this.

"Not your fault. So you're calling me.... What can I do for you today?" he asked, his voice relaxed.

"Well... I was wondering if I could ask you something... about girls." I cleared my throat and then let out a shaky laugh at how juvenile I sounded.

"Use a condom, they don't want to get pregnant yet," Spencer said shortly in a very serious tone, though I knew he was joking.

"No shit, Sherlock," I tried to laugh, knowing that that would not be anything Chloe and I would have to think about for a _while._ We were just starting to get to know each other....

Spencer chuckled quietly and then turned into a concerned friend. "What do you need help with?" he asked, always up for helping people.

Even if I got frustrated with Spencer sometimes, it was only because he was in the way of my best friend having his true love back. I really did think Spencer was a good guy. I was glad he had my back. I needed it more than ever right now.

"'Kay, I went to see Chloe last night, but she said she was sick and was going to bed early 'cause she didn't want me to catch anything. So she asked me to stay away, but now I'm worried... I texted her and she hasn't texted back.... I thought maybe I should go over there and take care of her. Would that be like... clingy, though? Since she didn't want to me to stay last night and all...." I trailed off, my voice full of uncertainty.

Every word I said maybe me think that I should just stay at the apartment and wait for her call. She was probably just trying to catch up on sleep.

Spencer was silent for a moment before speaking. "I'd say go. No matter what she said, girls like to be taken care of. She probably wants you there right now," Spencer advised, his voice opposite of mine. It was full of certainty and confidence.

"Are you sure? Chloe always wants to do things for herself, though...." I questioned him.

"The thing independent people need most is someone to take care of them. Just like you like it when she takes care of you, right?" Spencer inquired, guessing at my feelings, but getting them spot on. I guess he had years of taking care of Alice and that could be insane. He had probably went through every situation with her. Alice was a crazy little devil.

"I guess that could make sense," I mumbled, but I was grinning like an idiot as I jumped up to put my shoes on.

Spencer laughed. "Yeah, sort of," he said sarcastically. "Bring her some soup or something," he added on quickly, as I was slipping my jacket on.

"Soup?" I questioned and hurried into the kitchen.

"Yeah, you know, like when you're a kid and your mom makes you chicken noodle soup when you're sick," Spencer explained.

I almost scoffed out loud at that. Yeah, because my parents had definitely taken time out of their schedules to put a can of soup in a pot for me. Maybe real parents did that....

I opened the cabinets and grabbed two cans of chicken soup and some crackers, wondering if that was right.

"Kay, I got it," I informed him.

"Good. You should be set then. Good luck," he told me pleasantly.

"Thanks! I'll call you later. And... I got your back, man. If you need anything you can call me...." I said quietly to him, knowing he probably needed someone at the moment, too.

"I know. Thanks, Nick. It does mean a lot."

"Anytime. Talk to you later," I replied, grabbing my hat and heading out of the apartment.

"Bye," he responded and I heard his phone click as the line went dead.

I jogged quickly to the elevator, shifting positions anxiously on the way down to the lobby. I _was_ getting clingy, but I couldn't stop myself. I just needed to be with her. She put me into this weird, peaceful mood. I liked it....

I took a cab to her apartment, noticing how low I was getting on money. I had to get a job or something... I was staying in New York with Chloe. Screw Texas and screw Davis for not calling Jasper or making any more attempts to "parent" me. Not that I wanted it anyway....

But if I didn't find a job soon, I was going to be doomed. I wondered what I'd be able to do around here without a high school diploma.... I guess fast food?

I stopped thinking about it and pulled my hat low on my forehead as I headed into her apartment with my cans of soup and crackers. I went to her elevator, figuring it would be hard to run up the stairs with my arms full.

I watched my feet nervously as I rode the elevator. My body wasn't as anxious to see her, now. I was just nervous of what she would do when she saw me after she told me she didn't want me near her when she was sick.

She would be glad I came, I assured myself, trying not to be a wimp and back out. Though I wasn't sure it would even be possible for me to back out. I needed to see her.

I heard the ding of the elevator and stepped off without looking up, watching my feet like a coward.

And my cowardly self smashed into someone, sending my cans flying onto the ground as a foot crushed my crackers.

I groaned at that, but I knew it was my fault for not watching where I was going. I looked up to see a guy about my age, maybe a year or two older.

"Sorry about that, man," I said, giving him an apologetic smile as I watched him smooth his dress shirt out.

He looked at me with a look of annoyance and rolled his eyes.

"Whatever, 'man,'" he grumbled, mimicking my voice. He kicked the crackers away from his foot and walked past me, slightly shoving me out of the way with his shoulder.

I took a deep breath in, keeping my temper in control. _You are going to see Chloe. Don't lose it in her apartment. Maybe that guy just had a bad morning...._

I leaned down and picked up the cans and the now crushed crackers.... Maybe I could pick up some more later or something.

I walked to Chloe's door and took a deep breath, then let my fist hit the door, lightly tapping a knock.

Like the night before, the door opened almost instantly.

Chloe stood at the door, looking pale and even more worn out than last night. Her tired eyes had been worried when she had first opened the door, but now a small smile grew over her face.

"Nick," she murmured almost in a swooning voice. My nervous feelings faded away as I stepped into her apartment.

"Hey, Chloe," I said softly, "I thought I would come over and make you some soup, since you were sick last night. And you look kind of sick today as well, so I guess that was a good idea...." I rambled, reaching up to touch her unusually pale cheek.

"I brought you some crackers to go with the soup, but I bumped into a guy in the hall and dropped them and he kind of crushed them. The guy was a jerk, too. He gave me this attitude and then rolled his eyes when I apologized...." I rambled on, but didn't get angry over what had happened. Just being here with this beautiful girl in front of me was calming me down.

But her eyes flashed suddenly as they met mine.

"Just now you bumped into a guy?" she asked with a weak, shaky voice. Maybe she was sicker than I thought.

"Mmhmm, some pretty blonde kid," I grumbled, having spoken enough about the dickhead.

I leaned over and pecked her cheek.

"But it's cool. 'Cause we still have the soup," I said with a smile.

She bit her lip, but smiled. "Thank you for bringing me soup," she said quietly, looking distracted.

I didn't like how unstable she was looking. I could cook the soup for her later.

"You should lie down, sweetheart," I told her gently, taking her hand with my free one and gently squeezing it to try and pull her out of the world she had zoned into. She followed me as I led her to her bedroom, but stayed in deep thought. I was used to that, though. She always seemed to be thinking, and I liked that about her.

I brought her into her room and pulled the covers back on her bed.

"Sleep," I told her, pointing to the bed.

"Oh... no, Nick, I can't... I have to work in an hour," Chloe said, her eyes growing in realization.

"Well...give me your cell, I'll call and tell them you're sick," I insisted, putting my hand out.

Chloe took a hesitant step back, which surprised me.

"I-I can call," she said shakily, taking her phone out. I watched her hands shaking slightly as she scrolled through the phone numbers.

She called and reluctantly explained to her boss that she was sick today and couldn't make it to work. I was sure she was so nervous because she didn't want to let her boss or co-workers down.

Once she was off the phone, she sat down slowly on her bed and took the pins out of her hair.

I smiled at her and touched the locks that fell loosely into her face, watching as she bit her lip again.

"You didn't text me back," I commented nonchalantly. I wasn't angry, just curious about why she didn't, since she hadn't been sleeping.

Chloe's eyes shot to mine and she gasped quietly.

"I was just about to. I'm sorry about that, sweetheart," she apologized, guilt pouring into her eyes.

I leaned down and pecked her forehead, gently nudging her down onto the bed. "It's okay. I was just hoping you made it through the night...." I joked.

She lay down, smiling softly up at me.

"Can you lay with me...?" she asked, her voice almost desperate. She shifted over to make room for me.

"Do you even have to ask?" I threw her a bright smile. My heart pounded excitedly, knowing that she wanted me to stay.

"Just let me put this stuff away real quick, kay?" I asked, and she nodded. I quickly made my way to the kitchen and put the cans and crushed crackers on the counter for later. I noticed that she still had food and dirty dishes sitting on the counter and table. That was weird for Chloe....

I used this to my advantage, though, and cleaned it all up, knowing she was too tired to get up and stop me. I wrapped an untouched BLT sandwich in plastic wrap and put it in the fridge for later. It was just sitting on a plate. She must have made it, but felt too sick to eat it.

I rinsed the dishes, but didn't wash them. I would do that later, after she had fallen asleep. I didn't want her to wait too long for me.

I walked back to the front door and took my jacket and shoes off, then headed back to her bedroom.

I gently lifted the blanket and slipped under, realizing how exhausted I was. I had barely slept last night, worrying about... well, everyone and everything. Chloe, Alice, what I was going to do about all the shit that was going on with me, Spencer, Jasper.... I didn't want to get started on thinking about it again.

Chloe slowly moved closer to me, snuggling into my chest and taking a deep breath.

"I missed you, Nick..." she whispered, bringing her hand up to rub my bicep.

I smiled down at her, enjoying the feeling of her warmth.

"I missed you, too. Sleeping is slowly becoming impossible without you," I chuckled teasingly, looking down at her.

A bright smile flashed over her face.

"I know what you mean," she grumbled, but her eyes sparkled.

She reached up to tug teasingly on the front of my baseball cap.

"So what's with you and that hat?" she asked curiously, taking it off my head and dropping it on the nightstand. She ran her hand though my hair adoringly.

I shrugged nonchalantly, deciding not to tell her that I was a wanted murderer. Once again.

"Are you hatin' on the hat?" I pouted dramatically.

Her eyes widened and she stuttered to defend herself.

"N-no, I just--"

I gave her an assuring look and cut her off before she got herself worked up.

"Hey... I'm sorry, I forgot you were sick and therefore not required to understand my bad joking," I said lightly with a smile.

Luckily, that earned me the beautiful sound of Chloe's carefree laugh. Oh, how I needed to hear that laugh. I grinned at her.

"It makes you look cute, actually," she told me honestly after a moment.

"Great... that was the look I was going for... cute." I grumbled in fake annoyance.

She understood that I wasn't serious this time and nuzzled my neck softly, sending shivers down my whole body.

"You always look cute," she cooed.

"I think you're just tired and you don't know what you're saying. Go to sleep before my head gets too big," I chuckled. I wrapped my arms tightly around her and then stiffened when she stiffened.  
**  
**"What's wrong?" I whispered.

"N-nothing," she answered quickly. Too quickly.

We were in her bed. We had never done that before. We always only ever slept on couches with each other. Maybe that was a big deal for her....

"Sweetheart, we are in your bed," I commented, wanting her to know that I realized what was going on, "Is that okay?" She was sick and probably not thinking too deeply about it.

Chloe's head tilted up and she nodded to assure me, smiling an adorable little smile.

"I know we're in my bed. It's okay, I need you here," she admitted in a whisper, laying her head back down to my chest and grabbing my hand.

She needed me that much too... it made me feel so... relieved.

I could feel her heart beating against my own, feel her breathing steadily. She felt so warm against me. I couldn't tell if it was fever warmth or just body warmth, but I liked it. She made me feel just... at ease about everything.

When I thought she had fallen asleep, I slowly went to move her so I could go clean up the kitchen, but her grip on me tightened.

"Where're you going?" she asked quietly. She sounded way too awake.

"I thought you were sleeping. I was... okay, don't get mad... I was going to go do the dishes and clean up the kitchen for you 'cause I know you like it pretty much sparkling clean," I admitted, looking down at her and realizing that she was wide awake.

"I'm not mad," was all she said, her tone still soft.

"Aren't you tired?" I asked, kissing her forehead.

"Exhausted," she admitted.

"Then _sleep_, silly," I told her with a smile, gazing down at her.

"I can't. Thinking too much," she said shortly. I could tell she was tired just by her lack of elaborating on her thoughts.

I thought for a moment, knowing exactly what she meant. I couldn't sleep when I was thinking either. My mind just raced and wouldn't let me relax.

"You need a distraction," I told her.

Her hand squeezed mine tightly at that suggestion and she peered up at me with a curious look.

"W-what do you mean?" she asked, sounding almost wary.

"You know... like something to distract you from your thoughts so they don't keep you awake," I told her.

She kept looking at me, trying to figure out what I meant.

"Like a bedtime story or something," I said quickly, wanting her relax against me again.

Her eyes lit up. "A bedtime story? You'd tell me a story so I could sleep?" she asked, her voice sounding like an excited little kid. I had never heard her sound like that before, but I loved it.

I chuckled at how happy she had become so suddenly.

"Well, sure. I guess. If it helps you get to sleep...." My parents had never told me stories. I had no clue what to tell her.

She nodded, her eyes shining with excitement.

"Okay... umm..." I started, trying to think.

"Can you tell me how you got this one?" she asked, running her finger over a scar on my arm.

I smiled almost bitterly. "Not exactly a bedtime story, sweetheart...."

She nodded, "Maybe next time."

I wasn't making any promises, but I nodded and plunged into a story, figuring I'd make it up as I went along.

"Once upon a time there was... an elephant. And he was sad because all of the other elephants made fun of him because he... was afraid of mice. It's a myth, you know, that _all_ elephants are afraid of mice...."

I looked down to see her closing her eyes, a smile on her face as she imagined it.

"So they made fun of him and--"

"--What was his name?" she murmured.

"Mmm... Simon. So Simon the elephant was getting made fun of for being afraid of mice and therefore didn't have any friends."

"Poor Simon," she barely whispered.

I smiled at her, even though she couldn't see me.

"And then one day Simon was hanging out with his brother... uhh... Sam. And they ran into a little mouse with a bow in her hair. But before Simon could run away, the mouse scurried up a tree and looked him in the eye and said 'Wait! Don't be afraid! I won't hurt you!'

"Sam nodded at Simon to go talk to the mouse, so he looked at the little mouse and said, 'I'm afraid of all mice. Why are you any different?'

"And the little mouse said, 'Well, because I don't have any friends, either. They make fun of me because I can't scare elephants!'

"Because scaring elephants, you know, is what mice live for," I explained, pausing to see if Chloe had fallen asleep yet.

"Then what?" she whispered again, her words slurring a bit.

"Well, then Simon... uhh... he felt bad for the little mouse, because he knew what it was like to not have any friends. So he decided to be friends with the mouse and found out that she was actually kind of funny and really smart and not scary at all. She taught him about things she liked to do as a mouse and he ended up spending so much time with her that the other elephants began to notice. They wanted to become friends with Simon after seeing that he overcame his fear of mice, but by then, Simon didn't care if he was friends with the other elephants or not. Because the mouse was the only one who was willing to be his friend when he was still afraid and was the only one who accepted him while he was still afraid of her...."

Chloe was sleeping by now, her breathing steady and slow, a relaxed expression on her face.

I kissed her head gently and whispered, "See, the elephant had always been afraid of mice because he knew that they were the only animal that he couldn't defend himself against. He knew that the mice could crawl up into his trunk and suffocate him before he even had a chance. But he trusted this mouse and he knew she was genuine... and they were friends and lived happily ever after, the end."

I cradled her close to me and she moved up to nuzzle her head into my neck. "I'm glad the elephant and the mouse decided to trust each other," she said, mostly asleep.

"Me too," I said quietly, before drifting off to sleep with her.

**Author's Note: ...Alice is in bed with **_**Jasper**_**?! Whattttt? No, go back to Spencer, what are you thinking you? Lol, just kidding! Something is still going on with our dear Chloe though, something is off. But other than that it seems to be a happy ending for the Hope crew, for now at least. **

**Soooo, Hope got some amazing news this morning. Hope has being nominated in the Two Sides of Twilight contest. Hope has been nominated for Best Story, Best All Human Story, Best Author and Best Alice and Jasper fanfic. Forgotten Hope was nominated for Best Drama. :D**

**So if you love Hope & Forgotten Hope go to this link: .net/topic/66481/20624122/1/ and read the first post, stating the rules and such then proceed to nominating! You can also look through the categories and see if Hope or Forgotten Hope match up to anything else. OR nominated other stories that you love!**

**Also, one more thing, there is a new interview posted up on the blog. All you have to do is go to my profile and click the blog link to get it to. This weeks' interview is with 3JasperHale! Enjoy. **

**Have a great day everyone.**


	20. It was never that simple, was it?

**Author's Note: Hi everyone! Here is your weekly dose of Hope! Enjoyyyy. **

Forgotten Hope Chapter 20- It was never that simple, was it?

_APOV_

I woke up feeling differently this morning. I felt warm, but not just my temperature. It was something different. I felt warm and nice inside... I felt like smiling more than I had in a long time....

I didn't understand why until I opened my eyes to see Jasper's sleeping form wrapped around mine. The feeling of my cheek pressed against his bare chest was heavenly.

I pulled back, just slightly, trying not to wake up. He looked so peaceful. I didn't think I had ever seen him look so tranquil. It put me at ease as well.

I gazed at the scars carved into his smooth chest and stomach. I remembered him showing me his scars that one night when he told me his story... the scars were so beautiful. They made him so much more perfect. They were him. I didn't think I could ever picture Jasper without these scars.

I wondered what I had thought of them before. Had I thought his scars were so amazing back then too? I wouldn't doubt it. Some of those scars he had because of me. And... there was something about them. They showed how much he went through, yet still stayed so strong.

Before I knew it, my hand was tracing a long scar on his chest, following the line until it ended and then moving back up it.

I payed attention to each drop and curve in the scar, memorizing it. I then switched my attention to the tingly feeling that was surging through the rest of my body as I gazed at him or touched him. I also paid attention to the way my stomach knotted at the mere thought of him.

What was happening to me? I knew this wasn't the sickness from yesterday or last night. This had been happening for the last month. I still didn't know one thing though... was this good or bad?

"Darling… go back to sleep…." Jasper slurred, crushing me back into his chest, stopping my fingers and thoughts from moving.

"I'm not tired," I informed him cheerfully, my good spirits this morning coming out as I gave him a quick smile. He smiled a tired smile and nodded understandingly.

"I guess we can get up and find some food then," Jasper offered with a suggestive look, wanting to know what I wanted to do.

"'Kay," I agreed, sitting up.

"You feeling any better this morning?" he asked, still laying down.

I coughed and nodded. "Lots."

Jasper stayed laying down for a few moments, gazing at me with an intense look.

"What?" I asked self consciously.

He shifted into a sitting position and smiled.

"You're beautiful, love," he commented with a shrug, then leaned forward and pressed a tender kiss on my cheek. "I'm glad you're feeling a little better."

The knots in my stomach tightened instantly at his soft words. He was trying to be casual when he said it, but nothing could stop the intensity of his voice. It sent goosebumps all over my body.

"Come on!" I said quickly, shaking off the feeling and jumping off the bed.

Jasper followed obediently as I opened the door of the room. I could hear footsteps downstairs, so I proceeded to go down. I stopped at the bottom of the stairs, waiting for Jasper to go first. I wasn't too comfortable about being in someone's house that I didn't know so well. I was a little preoccupied last night, so I hadn't taken too much notice, but now I did.

Jasper rolled his eyes teasingly and offered me his hand for comfort, which I eagerly accepted, skipping beside him.

"Good morning!" Johnny greeted us with a wide, toothy smile. I sent a grin back his way.

"Mornin'," Jasper slurred tiredly. His accent was so strong that it made my stomach do flips.

Johnny's mom entered the kitchen with my clothes in hand. "Here you go, dear. They are all dry for you now," she said to me with a sweet smile.

"Thanks. And thanks for all the help last night," I said very gratefully, taking the clothes she handed to me.

"How are you feeling, Alice?" she asked, putting her hand to my forehead.

"A lot better. I think if anything, I might just have a cold. And that'll go away."

She nodded, "Well, still take it easy today, okay?"

I smiled at her. "I will."

She was a good person and she seemed so happy. I remembered what Jasper had said last night, about Johnny's father being abusive. She had probably gone through so much, but she was still smiling. That showed a lot in a person.

People in Forks went through a lot, I was beginning to notice. Yet, after, they were stronger.

Even _I_ was stronger in Forks. The way they told me stories about our times in Forks made me sound strong and brave, but I couldn't even picture myself doing those things. How could I have stood up to a gang leader and agreed to take a bullet for Jasper? Or even hang out with gang members? I had never done anything like that in New York. I was always with the "high class" kind of people. No one dangerous....

It must have been a Forks thing? For whatever reason, though, I was glad that it had made me stronger. It gave me Jasper and Nick... I liked them.

Johnny's mom set plates out on the table for breakfast and then looked at us. "I really am glad to see you looking better--" she gave Jasper a look, "--both of you."

"Me too!" Johnny agreed, opening a container of chocolate chip muffins. "Want one?" he asked us as he sat down at the table.

"Mm hmm," Jasper murmured, but turned to me.

"Did you want to get changed first?" he asked me quietly, squeezing my hand.

"Yeah," I replied, giving him a quick smile before turning around.Johnny got up from the table and led me to the bathroom politely.

"So you're definitely feeling better this morning, right?" he asked me with a concerned look filling his mature eyes.

"Very much," I informed him, reaching forward to squeeze his shoulder in reassurance.

Johnny's eyes filled with relief and he let out a sigh.

"Good. You kinda scared me last night... you were never so unhappy before...." he frowned at the thought.

I bit my lip and hesitantly reached to ruffle his curls. "Well, I'm okay now. I'm sorry I scared you."

He smiled and nodded. "I knew you'd be okay once you found Jasper. You can't go a day without him. Just like I told Jasper!"

I didn't know what to say, but he waved to the door in front of us, telling me it was the bathroom, not requiring me to answer him.

"Thanks, Johnny."

I was about to go to the bathroom, but then I remembered my purse. I probably looked disgusting…

I quickly ran up the stairs and got my purse from the bedroom and then went back down to the bathroom.

When I looked in the mirror, I gasped quietly to myself. Even though I had tried to wipe off my makeup last night, there were still large smudges under my eyes. My skin was alsopaler than usual... though that may be because I was still getting over being sick. I couldn't even tell anymore… I had too many feeling I didn't understand… they could all be sickness for all I knew.

I coughed and then sighed quietly before taking out my makeup. Had Jazz been making fun of me when he called me beautiful? He wouldn't be like that, though, would he?

As I took the makeup out of the my purse, I noticed my cell phone and stopped.

Why was it turned off? I wondered in confusion.

I thought back to the night before… it was all kind of blurry now. I remembered how cold and wet it was….

When had I shut my phone off?

I thought back again, slowly and thoroughly. I had the phone on when I left New York, because I had called the airplane pilot from it.

Oh! My head snapped up in a split second. Spencer. Spencer had called me… and I had shut it off.

My fingers fumbled with the buttons as I turned the phone on as fast as I could. Spencer. I had forgotten about Spencer. How could I forget? He must be worrying out of his mind!

I was sick and I was supposed to come home after being with Nick. I knew he had already been worried about me going with Nick because I had been sick all day. Oh God…

The screen flashed on and my eyes froze on it. 5 messages.

He must be going insane.

I clicked the button to check my messages and pressed the phone anxiously to my ear. I vaguely felt my hands shaking.

"_Hey hun. My pilot just called me and he said you called for a plane ride. You okay? Where do you need to go? Call me. Love you."_

My stomach tightened at the smooth sound of his voice. I could hear the anxiety in his voice.

I squeezed my eyes tightly, painfully, as the second message began to play.

"_Hey baby, I called Nick and he won't tell me what's going on. Could you call me? I-I'm just worried... you were really sick earlier… call me, 'kay?"_

I was officially the worst girlfriend ever. How could I have just shut him out? I couldn't just forget… I knew I couldn't. He was everything to me.

I took a deep breath, trying to keep myself together. What had I done?

"_Alice… it's three in the morning… I'm really worried, hun. The pilot said you're in Forks; just call me so I know you are somewhere safe. I don't mind if you're with Jasper, I promis,e baby. I... just call me, please...." _

The panic in his voice shot through me like a bullet. He was going out of his mind.

I slid down against the door of the bathroom, sitting down miserably.

A different voice came through the phone this time.

"_Hey baby girl_," I heard my dad's tired voice, as if he had just woken up. _"Where are you? It's late. I'm not giving you a curfew or anything,"_ he chuckled, _"but it's pretty late and Spencer's been pacing back and forth in your room all night. How's about you call us so we know you're all right? You're really driving us crazy, sweetie."_

The smile that had been plastered on my face this morning was long gone.

Spencer's shaky voice came through the phone one last time._ "Alice, I spoke to Carlisle and he said you never showed up at their house. Baby, please call me. There are people out to get you in Forks and I need to know you are somewhere safe. I love you…." _

The weak whisper stayed with me. The brokenness of his voice pierced through my heart. What would he think if he knew I had slept with Jasper last night? Well, technically, I didn't _sleep _with him… not in that way… just in the same bed as him.

But I had never slept in bed with someone then Spencer… ever. Well I guess I had when I lived in Forks, but I couldn't even remember that. I just remembered Spencer… Spencer's arms around me, Spencer's feathery touches, Spencer's good morning kisses. It was _all_ Spencer.

What had I done? That sentence repeated over and over in my mind.

Spencer had been so worried when Jasper was touching me the other night. And I had reassured him. I had always said that I would be with him forever... but here I was with another guy.

This was not me. I wasn't like this. I was never like this.

I took a ragged breath, trying desperately to calm myself. I couldn't have a breakdown here. This was Johnny's house and Jasper was here… waiting for me downstairs.

I must have been kidding myself last night… I thought I could just push the choice-making 'til later... but this was getting too hard.

A light tapping on the door brought me out of my thoughts.

"Are you okay in there, darling?" Jasper asked gently, concern in his voice.

I quickly, clumsily, got up from the floor. "Yeah! I'll be down in a minute," I replied, but couldn't hide the shakiness of my voice. I coughed again.

I stayed deadly silent, waiting to hear his retreating footsteps, but they didn't come.

"Are you sure…? You want to open the door, love?" he urged me softly, his caring accent making my knees weak.

"No… I'm okay, Jazz. Promise. I'll be done in a minute," I whispered and started to change my clothes as I heard him slowly, hesitantly, walk away from the door.

What was I going to do now?

I knew that before I did anything, I had to call Spencer. It was past ten in the morning and his last call was at seven… he was probably losing it right now. He wouldn't care that I was calling him so early....

I quickly finished changing into my clothes and then sat on the edge of the tub. I took a deep breath. I had to sound sure of myself while I was on the phone with him or he would worry and come here. He couldn't come here because Jasper might get mad and leave me again.

I slowly dialed the familiar number-- it felt so natural to dial it-- and then very slowly raised it to my ear.

"Alice," Spencer sighed in relief, answering the phone on the first ring. "You're okay?"

I rolled my eyes casually. "Of course I'm okay," I chuckled.

"W-well you took so long to call back. I didn't know what was going on… Nick wouldn't tell me anything. You had been so sick all day, I didn't know if you might have passed out in Forks and no one knew you were going there...." Spencer ranted, letting out his worries. Then he took a deep breath in.

"I must sound like a really overprotective boyfriend. I'm sorry," he laughed shakily.

The laugh helped my tight, nervous muscles to relax a bit.

"No you don't. You sound like a boyfriend who has very good reasons to be concerned about his girlfriend. But you don't have to worry, baby, I'm fine. I was just… coming to make sure Jasper didn't do anything he would regret. I should have called you first…." I whispered, feeling regret and shame hit me. I was so concerned with my own feelings that I hadn't even thought of Spencer's. I was just wanting Jasper to come back to New York because of my weird feelings for him... I hadn't thought of anyone else. So selfish of me....

"Don't worry about it," Spencer waved it off, a happier tone coming over him. "I can't expect anything less from you... you've always had the kindest heart. Did you find Jasper?"

And with that, all of his worries were brushed off. My mind was on overdrive with confusion. But then I figured he was probably covering up how he was really feeling, like he always seemed to do….

"Yep… well, actually, no… he kind of found me, I guess," I laughed.

"Was he okay?" Spencer asked quickly, always concerned about other people, just like me. That's why we were meant to be… we were so alike in every way. I was nothing like Jasper. He was so… I couldn't even think of a word to describe him.

Perfect, maybe.… Perfectly different than me.

"He got in a fight earlier, but it was for a good reason. He's okay now, though. I think he is going to come back to New York!" I informed Spencer, but then regretted it. Should I really seem excited about that while talking to him?

I was just getting dumber about this whole thing every second. Worst girlfriend ever.

"Good. When do you think _you'll_ be coming home, hun?" he questioned me, sounding a bit more on edge now. I knew I shouldn't have said that…

"Soon. I promise. I won't be here long. I was just coming to get Jasper...." I assured him very gently, hoping to soothe any worries he might be having at the moment.

"Get Jasper? I thought you were going there to make sure he didn't do anything dumb." His voice became very skeptical and judgmental. I didn't think I had ever heard Spencer speak that way to anyone, let alone me....

"Well… that was the other reason. They were both the reasons. If I didn't come get him, then he would stay here and that would be something stupid because his school is in New York...." I rambled, desperate to clear the air between us. I should have called him last night! He probably hadn't slept and now he was just in a bad mood.

"Yeah… you're right. Okay, well, I'll tell my pilot to get the plane ready over there so that it's there when you need it," he told me, happy again. "Preferably, he'll have it ready for tonight so I can sleep tonight," Spencer suggested with a chuckle.

"Okay, yeah, I'm sure that's fine. We'll leave for tonight. I'll be back home before you can even miss me. And… I love you, Spence," I reminded him. I knew that. That was one thing I knew for sure. Whether or not I had these strong feelings for Jasper, even if I needed Jasper, it would never take away the love I had for Spencer.

I heard Spencer let out a breath of air, relieved. "Impossible. I already miss you. And I love you too. Very much," he replied. I could hear the smile in his voice. "Have a good day. Don't have too much fun without me."

"I'll try not to," I chuckled. "See you soon, Spence."

"Not soon enough… bye baby."

"Bye!" I sang back and shut the phone in relief. He wasn't too mad, at least. He was definitely shaken up, I could tell by the mood swings. He was trying to stay nonchalant about it, but I knew better than that.

I would make him feel better when I got home. Definitely had to make up for leaving so suddenly. I wasn't breaking up with him or anything… he didn't have anything to worry about. I was still his.

_But you were happily cuddling with another guy all night._ A different part of my mind threw back at me. It was Jasper's side of my mind. I had come to realize that there was a part of my mind that was attached to him... the part that needed him.

Spencer's part was bigger though. I knew it. I loved Spencer more than anything. So it had to be bigger, right?

I quickly put my makeup on and then rushed back down the stairs, hoping Jasper wasn't too concerned. He was standing over Johnny as Johnny showed him his presents excitedly.

"Hmm, I liked how the makeup was before," Jasper chuckled as I came in. He walked over to wrap his arm around my waist and smiled widely, his eyes sparkling happily at me.

I rolled my eyes and elbowed him gently in the stomach.

"We saved a muffin for you!" Johnny announced, jumping up and grabbing the last muffin for me.

"Thanks," I smiled gratefully at him as I took the muffin.

"So… show me what you got!" I insisted, moving us back over to where Johnny and Jasper had been standing before I entered the room.

Johnny's face flashed bright with a grin and started the whole showing presents process over again.

After Johnny finished, we all ate the rest of our breakfast and then Jasper and I got ready, deciding we were going to head to the Cullens' for a little while to visit.

We said our goodbyes--getting huge hugs from Johnny-- thanked them for taking us in and helping out, and then headed out.

"Alice…?" Jasper said after a moment. He gazed at me as we strolled down the silent streets of Sunday morning Forks.

"Yes?" I laughed softly at his serious tone.

His grave expression broke and a smile took over his lips as he saw my smile. His eyes were still seriously concerned.

"You sounded a little upset when I came to check on you in the bathroom. Was something wrong?"

I could see the hesitance in his eyes, like he wasn't sure if he wanted to know what I had been upset about.

I took a slow breath of the fresh air, uncertain about whether I should tell him the truth or not. Could he handle the truth? I didn't think I could even handle it. Being stuck between two guys was probably one of the hardest things that could ever happen to a person.

"I… I had just forgotten to call Spencer and I was worried that he would be upset," I informed him, half lying about the forgetting part. Maybe I _had_ shut my phone off, but I regretted worrying him now. I just hadn't been thinking straight yesterday.... I had been in a panic.

Jasper breathed an "Oh," and nodded understandingly. "You didn't tell him you were coming…." he murmured, more to himself than to me, and ran a stressed hand through his blonde disarray of curls.

"It was kind of a spur of the moment thing.…" I chuckled uncomfortably, afraid to know what he was thinking behind those guarded blue eyes.

"You didn't have to come, you know, darling," he whispered, his voice low and rough with emotion as he gazed ahead, not making eye contact with me.

I stared at him like he had just said the most ridiculous thing in the world. Mostly because he _did_ just say the most ridiculous thing in the world.

I reached through the space between us and slipped my fingers between his.

"Yes, I did," I whispered passionately back at him, squeezing his hand gently in mine. I watched his neck muscles tighten and then relax multiple times.

He remained silent, but didn't let go of me. His grasp actually tightened around my hand.

We walked, swinging out hands between us. To anyone who saw us, we would look like a young happy couple, out for a stroll. But it was never that simple, was it?

"So… I guess we should head back to New York after we see your cousins," Jasper mumbled. The reluctance in his voice was strong. I wasn't sure if he even tried to hide it.

I knew what he was thinking, though. I had been thinking the same thing. Wouldn't it all just go back to the way it was when he left? The reasons why this happened would still be there. I still wouldn't be able to choose. I would just go back to Spencer. I already knew that and I was pretty sure he did too.

"Yeah. Spencer is making sure his jet is over here and ready so we can have it when we are ready to leave," I informed him, giving him a supportive smile.

Jasper nodded stiffly, acknowledging that he heard my words, but making no reply.

"Hey… Jazz? Where did you stay last night?" I asked him suddenly, realizing that I had looked everywhere for him and yet, he hadn't been anywhere I looked.

"Oh, Mack brought me to his place.…" he replied with a grateful smile on his lips. "His mom helped him get an apartment. He's looking a lot better now, too. Much thanks to you for that, my love."

The skin beside his eyes wrinkled slightly as his smile grew, and his eyes sparkled with an intensity that was unfamiliar to me... but I liked it.

I grinned back, glad that Mack was doing better. After hearing his story yesterday, I had been worried…. I never thought I would meet someone like that and then save them…. It was all still so surreal to me. All of their stories were: Jasper's, Mack's, what I knew of Nick's, Johnny's.... It was all too horrible to be real….

"Nick told me some stuff about Mack yesterday," I told Jasper as we walked.

I watched him flinch at Nick's name, but he hid it well. "Good... I'm glad he could tell you about him."

"Can I meet Mack?" I asked him suddenly, excitement filling me at the thought. Maybe I could finally put a face to his voice.

Jasper turned his head slightly to meet my eyes, searching the carefully before he answered.

"Okay... yeah. I think that's a good idea," he said, his tone matching mine in excitement, which surprised me. "Maybe it'll help your memory."

Oh, that explained it. I nodded in reply, agreeing with him. Maybe it _would_ help. My memory had responded to something Nick had said this weekend... perhaps it would recognize something else too.

I looked ahead, trying to see if we were close to the Cullens' yet, but as far as I could tell, we weren't. I was starting to realize how long I had walked through the storm last night to get to the motel. It was far…

Jasper didn't seem to notice at all, but as I gazed ahead, his eyes flickered to me and he stopped.

"Are you feeling okay?" he asked me, gently brushing the hair across my forehead. "Are you tired?"

I shrugged, trying to pull off nonchalant, even though the muscles in my legs were throbbing. I shouldn't have been so dumb last night… I was probably going to be feeling this for weeks.

Jasper rolled his eyes teasingly and turned his back to me. "Hop up, angel," he offered, kneeling down a bit so I could reach without having to jump.

I didn't refuse his offer because my legs were definitely sore. I coughed and then climbed onto his back.

He straightened up effortlessly and began to walk. I let my head rest comfortably on his shoulder, closing my eyes. Jasper's thumbs gently caressed my legs as he hummed a gentle melody, relaxing me.

"What are you humming?" I asked after a few minutes of the beautiful song.

"A song I wrote," he answered, speeding up his pace a bit.

"You write songs?" I asked, a bit louder than usual with my burst of excitement. I had never known anyone who actually wrote songs--well, except the singers that I had met at a few high profile dinners, but that wasn't the same.

Jasper chuckled. "Only about you," he said sweetly, leaning down to kiss my arm that was around his neck.

I stiffened a bit at the casualness of his kiss. We couldn't just be kissing each other all the time... but the feeling that it sent through me made me want it to happen again.

"Sorry," Jasper apologized, already understanding.

I tightened my grip on him and put my face closer to him, pressing my forehead to his neck. I took a deep breath of his now familiar scent. It relaxed my tense muscles instantly.

"It's okay."

"You don't mind me kissing you?" he asked. His voice wasn't serious, though. It had a playful tone to it... almost mischievous. I liked that sound in Jasper's voice. My heart did too, apparently, because it was now racing.

"Can any girl really mind a gorgeous guy kissing her?" I asked, kind of avoiding the question. I wasn't ready for that yet.

"Good," he smirked, his breath brushing over my arms, causing me to shudder.

His breath continued to brush against my arm, even after he finished talking. I lifted my head, seeing his lips about to touch my arm. I watched as his lips pressed tenderly against my skin in a breathtakingly sweet kiss.

"Didn't mind that?" he asked, brushing his lips gently up my arm as he walked, not even missing a step.

"N-no," I stuttered breathlessly at the feeling rushing through my body.

"Good," he grinned, squeezing my legs with his hands. His accent poured into that one word, causing the feelings inside of me to become even more intense. My arm felt like it was on fire, but it had chills running through it, too, keeping the goosebumps raised. I was feeling so hot, but so cold at the same time. My head rushed, spinning a bit.

I let my head drop back to his side, confused. Maybe I was still a little sick.

"Can you sing me the song?" I asked him once I thought I could use my voice again.

Jasper's body seemed so relaxed now. "What song, darling?" he questioned me curiously.

"The one you wrote."

"I've written many songs for you," he replied nonchalantly.

He had written many songs for me? Many as in... a lot? All about me? You'd think he'd lose inspiration after a while.

"The one you were humming earlier," I replied, breathing against his neck. For once, it was his turn to shudder.

"Whatever you want…" he whispered in a rough voice, and then cleared his throat, trying to regain his composure. I kind of liked having such an effect on him…

All thoughts that had been rushing through my mind halted suddenly as I heard his beautiful voice begin to sing.

"_Girl, you are like summer rain  
Soft and warm and delicate  
And I am a foolish boy  
Tryin' to catch every drop of you  
On my tongue...  
But there's just too many  
And I can't get enough... _

_You're inches from my fingertips  
I've come as close as I can get  
I'm reaching but the rest is up to you...  
Cause I don't ever wanna miss  
Being here with you like this  
I'm trying but it's all that I can do  
I'm reaching but the rest is up to you... _

_Girl, you are the morning sky  
Glowing calm with burning light  
And as I am waking up  
You paint your reflection in my eye  
Wonder if you've noticed  
I can't look away... _

_And you say, so you say  
It's a brilliance meant to fade  
Love is wild like a fire  
Burning underneath the rain  
But this is not the same..." _

Everything became every silent. The only noise was made by the cars passing by. I had never heard…or felt… something so strong. It was so beautiful… he was so beautiful. The meaning behind the song was obvious, but it didn't push me away. Instead, it only brought me closer.

_NPOV_

Chloe had slept for most of the morning, catching up on the sleep she most likely missed from studying. I should burn those damn books just so the girl could get some rest....

I had gotten up after an hour of sleeping and snuck in to clean up the rest of the kitchen for her, then headed back to bed.

Her bed. I went back to sleep with _her_ in _her_ bed. I had never before slept in a girl's bed with her just to sleep. Just to sleep in peace. For once. God, did that feel good. Her gentle touches gave me so much tranquility. It amazed me how much that girl could do to me with just one touch.

Chloe was now in the shower, refusing to sleep a whole day away. There was no seventh day of rest for Chloe. All work.

I frowned deeply. I hoped the sleep she did get today helped her. If she was still sick and not taking it easy, like she should...

Well, I'd keep an eye on her to make sure she was okay.

I slipped my phone out of my pocket as I felt a vibration. There was a text from Spencer.

_Alice is fine. She found Jasper.  
-Spencer_

That was a short text from him. No greeting?

I stared at it, thoughtful for a moment, getting worried. Maybe I should go see him or something… I never left Jasper alone when he was upset. Spencer needed someone, too. I should go over there. Well, if Chloe wanted to. I was spending the day with her and she came before everything else.

I was starting to get over the intensity of my feelings for her... they were starting to feel right--normal--rather than overwhelming. She was my girlfriend... I was allowed to feel this for her... was _supposed_ to feel this for her. I shouldn't feel afraid just because I was weak. Chloe wouldn't hurt me. She was too perfect to ever hurt someone.

I heard a little voice in the back of my head.

_But you _aren't _perfect. There's a lot you're not telling her... school and Davis... oh, and the whole being wanted for murder thing...._

I shook my head, clearing the thoughts. That stuff didn't matter right now. All that mattered was I was with Chloe, right?

I heard a hairdryer start in the bathroom, helping me to forget about my thoughts. Of course, she couldn't come out looking anything less than perfect. She could be so absurd. If only she knew how beautiful she looked to me when she just woke up, all flustered, her hair a little out of place... she was beautiful.

I finished warming up the soup for us and poured it into two bowls. They could cool off a little while Chloe finished doing her hair.

I poured two glasses of milk and placed them beside the bowls of soup on the table and then walked to the bathroom door and knocked gently.

The hairdryer shut off. "Nick?" she called.

"Yep. The soups ready, sweetheart," I called back.

"'Kay, I'll be out in a sec!" she replied, turning the hairdryer back on.

I walked back to the kitchen, sitting down to wait for her at the table. Chloe joined me in almost record speed, sitting down beside me with a smile.

"Thanks," she murmured, placing her hand softly on my knee.

"Anytime." I kissed her forehead tenderly and then picked up my spoon. "I've never really made soup before… even out of the can. It might not be very good—"

"I'm sure it's perfect." Chloe cut me off with a warm smile.

"Do you want, like, toast or anything? I think that's another thing they tell you to eat when you're sick... but I'm not sure... maybe it was--"

She grinned and shook her head. "No, thanks. Just the soup is fine. But thank you for offering," she said genuinely, bringing a spoonful to her mouth.****

We ate silently in a peace that I cherished. I didn't used to talk too much, anyway, but it wasn't because I liked silence or being in my thoughts. Quite the opposite-- it was actually painful for me to lose myself in my thoughts. But the pain never went away when I would talk, either, so I just chose to suffer in silence.

But now the silence was amazing... no tension, no getting lost in my thoughts... it was just Chloe and me. And then talking with her was amazing, too, because I always loved to hear what she had to say. It was always a win-win situation with her.

"Nick!" Chloe said joyously, suddenly, as she finished her food.

"What?" I questioned her curiously. Her eyes seemed proud, excited.

"You served milk with the soup even though I had Coke in the fridge for you!" she gushed with pleasure. She leaned forward and kissed me affectionately.

My face burned with a blush. I wasn't used to such attention.

"I thought you'd like milk…" I mumbled, avoiding her pleased gaze. Then I realized what she had said.

"Hey wait—you bought Coke?" I questioned. I knew she had bought juice before, so I would have something sweet to drink, but Coke? I hadn't noticed that.

This time her face turned into a beautiful blush, which made me feel a little better. She looked a lot healthier when she blushed.

"I thought you'd like it better," she giggled, getting up from the table with her emptied bowl. "Plus, you've been so healthy with me lately that I think you deserve a treat."

She reached forward to grab my bowl, but I brushed her hands away, grabbing my own dishes and getting up.

"We'll have to drink that later," I decided, flashing her a wide smile.****

"It's _all_ yours," she told me as I followed her to the sink.

"I am totally willing to share a two liter bottle of Coke with you, Chloe," I told her with a laugh.

She took the dishes, giving me a pointed look when stubbornly held on to them for a second. She didn't always have to be the one cleaning up.

I let her take them, though. I stood behind her, wrapping my arms around her from behind as she began to wash the dishes; just like I had done at Jasper's apartment a few days before.

"You know, you shouldn't be working like this when you're sick," I remarked teasingly, knowing she was too stubborn to let me help her. I would dry them whether she liked it or not, though.

"I think I'll live," she chuckled, pouring the rest of the soup into the running hot water as it rushed down the sink.

"You'd better," I murmured, pressing my lips to her neck, trailing innocent kisses up to her ear. "I think I might die without you," I whispered adoringly into her ear.

When had I become such a sap?

Oh well, whatever... I knew she liked it, so it didn't bother me.

I was right. She definitely _did_ like it. Her body relaxed and leaned back slightly, against mine.

"I wouldn't doubt it, with your eating habits," she laughed, causing me to roll my eyes.

"I'm not _that_ bad…." I grumbled playfully, letting my head drop to her shoulder, breathing in her smell. I felt my eyes roll back slightly in my head. Her scent was intoxicating. It should be freakin' illegal for anyone to smell so good....

"So what are we doing this afternoon? You know, since I'm not allowed to do anything work or school related…." she mumbled the last part in annoyance, but I knew she really didn't mind. It was all teasing.

"_Well_, I was thinking we could stop by at Spencer's house sometime today. You know, just to make sure he's doing okay," I suggested, raising my head to ask her.

Chloe nodded in agreement. "That's a great idea. He's probably upset." She turned her head slightly to give me a pleased look.

"Yeah…" I whispered, looking away from her.

She shut the water off then, finishing the dishes. There hadn't been many, since I had cleaned everything up earlier today.

"What's wrong, Nick?" she asked me, raising her hand to the place I was beginning to love on my bicep. I decided I should just work on my biceps so she would never stop liking them.

"I don't know…" I mumbled with a shrug, "I just don't know what's going to happen when she finally picks. She'll have to pick. She'll have to say no to one of them...." I ranted, finally letting that worry pass my lips.

I had told Alice about it, but she wasn't taking me seriously or she wouldn't have left to go get Jasper. She kept pushing the problem away, but it was just getting bigger every second that she was spending time with both of them.

"Don't worry about that now, sweetheart. It'll all work out. Love can overcome all things… even memory loss," Chloe assured me, continuing to rub my bicep comfortingly.

"Love…" I whispered the word.

Love would overcome…. I had never thought about that before. Probably because love was a word--an emotion-- that didn't exist in my mind. Love wouldn't ever overcome everything in my life. The Grahams couldn't love… we weren't made for love. I wasn't made to be loved, either.

Love wasn't a part of me.

"What are you thinking about?" Chloe asked me quietly, curious about my sudden silence.

Like I was going to tell her it was impossible for me to feel any emotion even close to love. What a way to scare a girl away.

Though she probably deserved to know what she was getting into.... Shit. I couldn't tell her...

"Nothing important," I mumbled, rubbing the back of my neck.

Chloe bit her lip, looking hesitant.

"Okay," she said after a silent moment of thought. "Did you want to go to Spencer's now?"

Her deep brown eyes were doing that smoldering thing again... swallowing me whole... keeping me captured in them.

"Sure, if you're feeling well enough," I replied, leaning down to peck her forehead softly.

"I'm feeling a lot better now. I think the nap helped. We can go whenever you're ready," she assured me.

"All right. Let's do it."

We walked out of the kitchen, grabbed our jackets, and slipped our shoes on.

"One second. I just gotta use the bathroom real quick," I informed her.

She nodded and walked into her room for her purse.

I hurried down the hallway to the bathroom. After I finished in there, I turned to dry my hands on the hand towel, but stopped, narrowing my eyes.

There was a man's shirt hanging on the towel rack.

Why would Chloe have a man's shirt in her apartment?

I reached forward to take it, looking over it. It wasn't one of my shirts... well, it wasn't one of Jasper's shirts that I had been borrowing.

I knew I shouldn't be so worried about it, but my mind filled with reasons why it would be here.

Was there another guy spending time around here? With her? Was there another guy in general?

No.... This was Chloe. I knew I hadn't known her for that long, but she wasn't like that.I could tell... she wasn't that kind of girl.

I shook my head a little, trying to dismiss the painful thoughts.

"Chloe," I called, opening the bathroom door.

Instead of coming up with a bunch of reasons that I would regret thinking about, I should just get the real reason. I'd ask her about it. I was sure the explanation wasn't as bad as my thoughts.

I took a deep breath, calming myself before questioning her. I couldn't lose it near her. She didn't deserve that.

"Coming," she called back as I heard her footsteps coming closer.

When she was in sight, I saw her eyes instantly focus on the shirt in my hand. Something shot through her eyes, but I couldn't make it out.

What was that? Fear? Why was she afraid? Did she have something to fear? Or was she afraid of me? Was the reason behind the shirt why she was afraid?

"I-I can explain that. My cousin stayed over last night. He was in the city and needed a place to stay for the night...." she explained shakily, her eyes flickering quickly from the shirt to my eyes.

She then stepped forward and took the shirt from my hands. "Sorry about the mess.... I... I didn't have time to clean up."

Her cousin? Last night? But she was sick last night. She wouldn't even let _me_ in her apartment. Why would she let her cousin in?

But I guess she hadn't known me that long… her cousin _was_ family. And if he had needed a place to stay, it made sense that she'd let him stay with her... she'd help someone out like that if they needed it.

"I thought you were sick?" I mumbled, looking questioningly over at her.

She nodded slowly, her eyes avoiding mine now. She was hiding something from me. People never looked you in the eye when they were lying. Fear swept over me, now.

"I was sick... but he had already been in the city all day, so I let him stay over 'cause he couldn't get a hotel or something. He didn't bother me, really… he just slept here and left early this morning," she shrugged, wringing the shirt nervously in her shaking hands.

"I guess I should have told you that," she whispered, looking down at her feet with shame, "I'm sorry, I just... I wasn't thinking about it...."

I took another deep breath in and watched her. She was just sick and stressed.

I didn't have to worry about Chloe. I trusted her. I did. I did trust Chloe. If she said it was her cousin's shirt, then I would believe her. Just because I wasn't good at trusting people didn't give me the right to take that out on Chloe. She wouldn't lie to me.

"Did you guys have a good night?" I asked, deciding to let it go. I wanted to believe her, so I would.

Chloe's eyes shot up to mine, searching them thoroughly. She looked confused.

She then let out a shaky laugh. "No... not really. I was sick, remember?" she chuckled, walking over to me to slip under my arm.

I pulled her closely as we walked down the hallway together. She threw the shirt into a hamper in her room and then we left.

I tried desperately to ignore the nagging feeling in the back of my mind that was telling me something was wrong. Something _was_ wrong. I could feel it.

We took a cab together to Spencer's house. The ride was filled with a tense silence. Chloe's eyes looked thoughtful as her emotions flickered through her eyes, changing every few seconds. I wanted to ask her what she was thinking about, or try to read it through her eyes, but I couldn't. I wouldn't. I was afraid that I didn't want to know what was wrong.

"Have you spoken to Jasper, sweetheart?" Chloe asked out of nowhere, rubbing my knee tenderly with her thumb as the cab pulled into the Wrights' driveway. I wasn't sure if she was trying to break the tension in the air or she was just curious.

I shrugged, not really wanting to talk about it.

"Maybe you should call?" she suggested with a slight smile.

"Maybe _he_ should," I grumbled, shoving the cab door open and getting out. I held the door open, waiting for her before shutting it.

Chloe bit her lip, but had soft, caring look in her eyes as she exited the car.

I paid the cab driver and then turned to her.

"He said he wanted me to move on. I won't bother him until he wants me to. I'll wait for his call," I explained to her in a gentler tone than earlier. It wasn't her fault that Jasper had left….

Chloe smiled understandingly and slipped her hand into mine. "That sounds reasonable," she agreed, walking forward with me toward the front door of Spencer's house.

"Don't worry about the shirt, Nick. It's really not serious...." Chloe whispered to me as we got to the top of the front steps.

"I trust you," I replied simply with a shrug, turning at the top of the stairs to look at her. "If you say it's nothing, then I believe you."

Chloe's eyes filled with a deep emotion and she dropped her head against my chest. "Sometimes I wonder how I'm so fortunate to have met you," I heard her whisper adoringly against my chest.

"I wonder the same thing," I laughed.

I raised my hand up, taking her chin between my thumb and index finger, coaxing it up gently.

She knew exactly what I needed. She reached up closer to press her lips to mine. All doubt and worry in my mind slipped away instantly with her sweet kiss.

There was a loud noise of someone clearing their throat that broke us apart. An older man, probably in his forties, was standing in the doorway, giving us a questioning look.

"Can I help you two?" he asked, chuckling at our surprised expressions.

Chloe slowly shifted behind me, shy as always.

"Umm… yeah, is Spencer around?" I asked, laughing nervously.

The man's eyes narrowed slightly and he nodded. "Unfortunately. He's in the gym."

He opened the front door for us and waved us in.

Oh… this must be Jim, Spencer's father.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Chloe frowning at his words.

"Thanks," I replied to him as he began to walk away from us.

"Don't mention it," he called back with a polite smile.

"Who was that?" Chloe questioned me, an unsure tone in her voice.

"Jim. Spencer's dad," I informed her, squeezing her hand encouragingly.

"Oh…" she whispered to herself, looking down as she followed in my footsteps.

I noticed that she never walked in line with me, but always a step behind. For some weird reason, it bothered me. I didn't know if it was just because she was shy or if there was something else…. Maybe she felt safer? If that was the case, then I didn't mind it, but if not....

I shrugged the thought away.

"If I were a gym, where would I be?" I mumbled to myself, looking down the closest hallway to us.

"Probably NYU," Chloe chuckled, giving me a bright, adorable smile.

I laughed at her answer.

"Nice try," I chuckled humorously, tugging her down the nearest hallway to us, deciding we could just try this one. They should have a map at the entrance of this place….

We walked for a few minutes, changing directions a few times. Finally, I saw a maid cleaning one of the rooms and walked in.

"Could you show us where the gym is?" I asked her.

She agreed obediently and led us to a fairly large gym for it being in someone's house.

We thanked her and she left as we turned to watch Spencer running on a treadmill.

We stood at the doorway silently for a moment. He was clutching his cell phone in one hand, while his other was in a fist. He had an iPod blasting in his ears... we could hear the music from the entrance of the room.

I wondered how long he had been running. He wasn't wearing a shirt and his whole torso was covered in sweat.

"I guess I could just come here to use a gym. No need for university...." I nudged Chloe teasingly as my eyes flickered over the rest of the room. I'm sure it had everything a real gym would have, just not so many of it. The equipment here was probably better, too.

"I wouldn't be here, though," she pointed out with a cute look.

I gave in there, knowing she was right. That was the best point. I wanted to go to NYU with her so badly… but I couldn't leave her to finish high school and I couldn't let her know I was stupid enough to not have graduated yet.

I walked forward, keeping Chloe's hand in mine. Spencer didn't take notice of us. I noticed his eyes were stuck on the wall in front of him.

I wasn't sure how to get his attention without having him fall or something.

Chloe solved that problem. She reached forward and turned the machine to a lower speed.

Spencer immediately looked down at the machine, seeing Chloe's hand. His eyes rose up, looking over her and then seeing me.

"Oh," he whispered in shock, turning the machine off quickly and shutting off his music.

"Sorry about that," he apologized with a chuckle, taking a step off of the machine and reaching his empty hand out for mine.

I accepted his hand and shook it.

"We thought we'd come see you for a bit," I informed him with a concerned smile.

Now that I noticed his face, I could see how tired his eyes were. I guessed that he probably hadn't gotten any sleep last night. He had called me pretty late at night, wondering when I was going to bring Alice back home... and then I hadn't been able to tell him where Alice was because she asked me not to. She owed me for that one….

"You didn't have to do that," he argued, grabbing a towel off of the treadmill and rubbing his face, then his hands into it.

"But thanks for coming," he said sincerely, grabbing one of Chloe's hands and brushed a kiss over her knuckles. He then looked at me, wiggling his eyebrows.

"So you clean yourself off to touch her," I scoffed, reaching over to take Chloe's hand that he had just kissed and wipe the back of it on my shirt in disgust.

Chloe rolled her eyes at me and shook her head with a smile.

"Well… she's a girl," Spencer shrugged with a smile, then grabbed his shirt and put it on. His playfulness faded now, his eyes squeezing shut as if they were in pain.

"What did Ali say?" I asked him, trying to bring him out of his thoughts. I knew how painful thoughts could be. My past streamed through my thoughts daily....

"She'll be home tonight… with Jasper," he murmured, opening his eyes with fresh pain lingering in them.

Jasper was coming home.... I didn't know how I felt about that.

"At least she's okay," Chloe piped in, giving the optimistic view on the situation.

Spencer let out a breath of air and nodded. "Thank God."

"And Jasper," she added in.

I felt her hand begin to rub my bicep encouragingly.

Yeah… and Jasper.

I could only imagine how he was looking right now. He should not be near Alice when he was like this. I was still worried. I wasn't sure if he could keep his cool for a whole day with her.

"Alice said that he got in a fight before she got there."

My head shot up at Spencer's words. I felt my eyes go wide.

"With who? Why? When? I-Is he okay?" My voice couldn't keep up with my questions, my words shaky.

Chloe's hand continued rubbing my bicep, trying to calm me.

"I don't really know. She just said it was for a good reason," Spencer shrugged, looking concerned himself. "She said he is okay now though."

"Hopefully not Greg…." I mumbled, rubbing the back of my neck stressfully as I tried to think of a reason that would be good enough for Jasper to fight again. It would probably be Greg… Greg probably found him and got on his nerves, like he always did with people. He knew how to push someone's buttons when he wanted to.

"Who's Greg?" Chloe asked me with concern and a soft gaze.

I shifted uncomfortably and Spencer gave me a short, questioning look, not knowing if he should answer or not.

"A jackass…." I grumbled, and then regretted it when I noticed her wince.

"Sorry. I meant the guy's a jerk. He was the leader of that gang…." I explained softly.

"The gang Jasper was in?" she questioned curiously.

"Mm hmm," I murmured, avoiding both of their gazes.

Spencer was watching me with confusion written all over his face. Of course he knew that I was also in the gang with Jasper, but I might have failed to mention that to Chloe… even with all the times I had been with her and talked to her.

"The gang that you—"

"--hated and still hate." I cut Spencer off with a hard voice when he tried to add in more information.

His eyes flickered to mine and then became understanding. He nodded slightly to show he understood now.

He'd better understand now. If she found out…. Hell, I didn't even want to think about it. Her reaction would have rejection written all over it.

"Why do you hate it so much?" Chloe asked me, now very interested because I had been rude enough to cut Spencer off like that.

"Greg's a pretty terrible guy. He preys on the weak and ruins them," I explained with a shrug. "It sucked to see that happening to people," I half lied, trying to ignore the pain in my heart from lying to her. God… it felt so bad. I took a deep breath to overcome the feeling.

"Oh," she frowned. "That's not right." Her voice turned to a whisper and her eyes filled with their usual load of deep thoughts.

"I hope Jasper didn't fight with him," Chloe concluded after a moment.

"Agreed," I replied, giving her hand a tight squeeze.

My mind swirled with images of Jasper fighting with Greg.

Would Greg have fought the fight alone or had his little followers held Jasper down?

Or maybe it wasn't with Greg, because Alice had said it was a good reason... unless Jasper was protecting Alice from Greg?

Or maybe Greg had threatened Alice's safety?

Spencer interrupted my thoughts.

"Hey, I was just about to join my parents for a late lunch. Did you guys want to join us?" he offered, apparently seeing that I was uncomfortable with the conversation or the thoughts that were taking over my mind. If Greg and Jasper had gotten in a fight, Jasper would not look good physically or emotionally right now... and I couldn't do anything to help him.

Even though I was mad, frustrated, and downright betrayed by Jasper, the worried thoughts wouldn't stop. Damn it! Why did I have to care so much?

I sent Spencer a grateful glance for changing the subject, though, and then turned to Chloe for the answer to his offer.

We had just eaten, so I wasn't sure if she'd want to eat again. I had come to learn that she was very particular about her eating habits most of the time. She paid attention to the amount of food, the type of food, the daily intake of each type of food... you know, food groups and all that shit.

I didn't understand it. I just ate what I ate. And I wasn't dead yet, so... it seemed to be okay.

"Well, we just ate... but if Chloe wants to, I am all in!" I replied, never turning down free food. Soup was never filling for long, anyways.

Spencer looked over to Chloe.

"Oh I didn't realize you guys already ate. Hmm, well, you could just have the salad. It's light," Spencer suggested to her with a shrug. "It's pretty good. Or if you don't want that, we can talk to the chef and ask him to cook you something small," he offered, instantly catching on to why I wanted it to be up to her. He knew that _I_ didn't have a problem with eating twice; he had lived with me for a month. I just ate when I was hungry.

Chloe took a quick look at me before answering. "That sounds great. The salad would be perfect. I know Nick loves salad _so_ much," she cooed teasingly, winking at me.

Spencer's face broke out into a joyful smile. "Perfect. I just have to take a quick shower before lunch, if that's all right with you guys?" he asked us, narrowing his eyes questioningly, not wanting to be rude to his guests.

I shrugged, not giving a damn. If he wanted to shower, he could shower.

"That's fine," Chloe assured him with a smile.

"Great. You can wait in my room... or the living room if you want to watch TV... or, oh, Nick, if you wanted to try the machines out in here that's fine...." Spencer shot off suggestions, grabbing a bottle of water for himself before throwing one to me. He gave Chloe a quick look, asking if she'd like one, but she shook her head.

A smile grew over my face as my eyes flashed around the room again.

Chloe laughed. "I think we'll wait in here for a while and then meet you up in your room once Nick's done ogling the weights," she answered for me, already knowing exactly what I wanted to do.

"Sounds good," Spencer said with a chuckle, and then walked out of the room.

I opened the bottle of water and took a quick sip before handing it to Chloe.

"You should drink some. You're still getting over being sick, remember?" I reminded her with a quick kiss.

"'Kay," she said and took the drink obediently. I watched with a sad sigh. _Stop giving her orders, Nick._

"It was just a suggestion, sweetheart. You don't have to do everything I say," I said softly to her, trying to fix my mistake.

Her eyes widened a bit, like she was surprised.

"I...I know that...." she whispered, but her voice was shocked and confused, not matching her words. She looked flustered.

"Thank you," she murmured, wrapping her arms around my waist and cuddling into my chest tightly, pressing her cheek against my chest plate.

"No problem," I chuckled, wrapping my own arms around her and breathing in the scent of her hair.

Chloe sighed and pulled out of my arms, her eyes deeper in thought than I had seen them so far.

"Go play with the weights," she chuckled quietly, obviously more in her thoughts than in this world.

I listened to her eagerly, though, and went to the line up of barbells with a smile. Finally, somewhere I could find a real challenge. I wasn't complaining about life in New York... or being out of the gang... but I did miss the way it would keep my blood rushing and my heart pounding. It kept me feeling alive. Adrenaline pumping felt good, and it kept my mind off of things.

Chloe sat down on one of the weight benches, watching me closely. I saw a small, but real smile come over her face as she watched me add weights to the metal lifting pole.

Once I was done filling the bar up to a weight I was comfortable with, I bent down and wrapped my hand around the bar, feeling the cold metal pressing into my palms. It felt new, right.

I pulled it up with a grunt, feeling my muscles come back to life. I really needed to get a gym membership or something... somewhere.

I continued with the weight lifting for a good ten minutes before putting the barbell down to go sit with Chloe. I was supposed to be spending time with her... I _wanted_ to spend time with her. I shouldn't be selfish by trying to work out right now.

But she seemed very happy as I came to sit beside her.

"I was right. You could definitely protect me from any muggers," she joked, tapping my hard bicep. She was referring to what she had said to me on our first date.

"Yep," I laughed, taking the half empty bottle of water out of her hand and taking a long sip.

"You look refreshed," she commented. Her soft eyes noticed everything.

"I am. That felt _good_," I nodded. "Are you gonna want any more water?"

She shook her head no, so I chugged the rest of the bottle. My back hurt a bit from bending so many times with a heavy weight without being used to it or warming up. I was getting a little out of my usual good shape. The vegetables that Chloe had been feeding me unfortunately did not grow muscles.

"I'm glad." She smiled and slipped her fingers between mine and pulled our entwined fingers onto her lap. She seemed refreshed, too. She was more at peace than usual. It helped me relax as well.

Then it happened. What always happens when we are in a good place. Her damned cell phone began to ring.

Chloe must have had the same thoughts as me, because a stressful sigh passed her lips.

"Sorry," she whispered and got up to move to the entrance of the room, where she had left her purse. She took the phone and left the room, living me alone.

I growled to myself and ran both hands through my hair. I wanted to ask her about these calls. I wanted to know who always made her so stressed and worn out. I just... didn't want her looking that way anymore. I didn't want her to be so stressed out.

But then again, who was I to ask her about it? She had some things that she didn't tell me just like I had many things that I didn't tell her. We both had our right to privacy, right?

I fell back on the bench to lie down, taking a deep breath. Ignore all feelings! I tried to tell myself. The stupid nagging feeling from earlier was coming back to the front of my mind.

After a few minutes, Chloe came back into the room. I didn't look up, though. I didn't want to see her looking so hesitant... so distraught.

My eyes were shut, but I could hear her light footsteps entering the room. Yeah... that's right... I knew the exact sound of her footsteps.

I felt her hand touch my chest, gently. I could almost feel the caution in her touch.

"We should go see if Spencer's done," I mumbled, getting up from the bench, my eyes still shut. I don't know why I was so bothered about it all of the sudden. I just wanted to know what was going on. I wanted it to stop.

But it still wasn't my place to say that.

I began to walk out of the room and Chloe followed me quickly, but remained silent.

Again, I did not know which room was Spencer's, so I just went to the first door that I saw at the top of the stairs. Fortunately, it happened to be Spencer's room. I could tell from the rows of pictures of Alice all over the room. It reminded me of Jasper's hallway at the apartment.

I went further into the room, inspecting the pictures. They were years apart. I laughed, even in my dark mood, when I saw Alice when she was a little kid; mostly because she had hardly changed since then.

My eyes continued to scan the pictures of Alice and Spencer together. They were holding hands when they were _babies_. Wow. They had never really even had a chance at other people, had they?

But all of that got taken away in the end. Amazing what just one bump on the head could do. I had no idea what would happen if Chloe left me for another guy... and we hadn't even been going out long! They had pretty much been going out for their whole lives.

Answering my own question, I probably would have just killed the other guy. I am not even over-exaggerating. With my temper, it would probably happen.

Chloe's fingers wrapped around mine, suddenly. Her eyes flashed to my face, checking to see if it was all right that she was holding my hand. I wouldn't refuse her, though. Ever. Even if I was a little frustrated... it was just because I wanted her to be happy. I would get over it.

"I wonder what it would have been like if we had met as kids," Chloe whispered thoughtfully, her eyes zoning out as she thought about it.

I didn't bother thinking about it. We wouldn't have even ended up together. I would have pushed her right away.

After my parents had died when I was ten, I hadn't really cared for anyone except my grandpa and Jasper, but they were family. No one else broke through the barriers my heart had put up. I was too young... too scared to even try to be with people. No commitment was how I lived. She would have looked right past me and went to someone better.

But I wouldn't stop her from thinking about it. She could believe or daydream about it all she wanted, imagining a happily ever after we might have lived.

"...It would have been interesting," Chloe concluded with a laugh of amusement.

"What'd you imagine?" I asked her curiously.

"A lot healthier you," she joked, resting her head on my shoulder. Her voice turned serious as she continued though. "And a lot happier both of us," she whispered sadly into my shoulder.

I sighed, my heart aching at the sound of her voice. I turned her so she could cuddle into my arms.

"What was sad about your past?" I asked her, confused about why she was saying we would have been so much happier. I knew this meant that if she told me and then asked about my past, I'd have to tell her. But... well, maybe I could try...?

I understood why I would have been happier if we had ended up together earlier, but why would she?

Chloe shrugged into my embrace. "I don't know. I'm just... I'm always happier... happiest... when I'm with you."

I knew there was more to it than that. I could hear it in her voice, feel it in her embrace.

Before we could talk any further, one of the doors in Spencer's room opened and he came out, all showered and dressed.

"Hey, glad you found the room okay. Sorry I took so long," he apologized. I noticed the redness of his eyes and tensed. Had he been crying?

"It's fine," I assured him, kissing the top of Chloe's head.

Chloe slid out of my embrace when she heard Spencer, though. She was still self conscious about touching a lot when other people were around. Her hand slipped into the crook of my elbow, though, keeping contact with me.

"Let's eat," Spencer smiled. He winced at the smile, obviously not used to it, but shook his head and waved us after him.

We followed him down the stairs and through a hallway that led to the dining room.

His parents were just starting to sit. We had come just in time. I noticed that there were already two seats set up for us.

"Hi Mom," Spencer said cheerfully, leaning over to kiss her cheek. She smiled fondly at him and tapped his cheek.

"Hello, dear." She smiled just as cheerfully at him as he had at her.

"Hi Mrs. Wright." I nodded in her direction and then turned to her husband with a nod. "Mr. Wright."

"Hey, take a seat. Call me Jim," Jim said, pointing at the seats welcomingly.

"Thanks for having us," Chloe said quietly, walking closer to the table.

"It's no problem at all." He waved it off as Chloe sat down at the table. I sat beside her, across from Spencer. I noticed that he made no effort to speak with his father.

"So you two are friends of Jasper's?" Jim asked curiously.

Chloe nodded in response. I noticed how straight she sat in her seat... odd.

"Yes, and Alice's... and Spencer's, of course," I added, giving Spencer a supportive smile.

"Of course...." Jim rolled his eyes.

"It was nice of you to come see him today," Mrs. Wright told us with a grateful look. "He would have been in that gym all day."

I noticed she was being a lot nicer to me now then she had been the last time I had seen her. Maybe because Chloe was here?

"Not the whole day... just till Alice gets home," Spencer mumbled, leaning back in his chair as the salads came to the table.

"But the question is, _will_ Alice come home?" Jim chuckled, picking up his fork.

I noticed Spencer's eyes flash with pain at his words. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"She's coming home," I assured them both, giving Jim a certain look.

Spencer relaxed a bit at the certainty in my voice, but I was sure that everyone at this table knew that Alice was coming home. Unlike some people I knew, Alice wouldn't just leave the people that loved her and never come back. That wasn't even an option for her. I think that even after she left them after she had lost her memory the first time, she had plans to go back when she could.

I thought of Jasper leaving, though, and my anger sparked. How could he leave?

I turned to look at Chloe, knowing that her eyes always calmed me down. She had her head down, looking at her lap silently.

I slipped my hand over to cover her two hands in her lap. She stiffened at my touch and straightened up immediately. She then glanced at Jim, who was holding his fork as he ate.

Chloe picked her fork up, too, and started to eat her salad, not acknowledging my presence.

What was going on with her?

One of her hands stayed motionlessly on her lap, not holding my hand back. She looked so... tense.

"Hey, did you kids want something to drink?" Jim asked us, bringing me out of my thoughts.

"Uh, sure," I replied. "What do you have?"

"We have everything," Jim laughed. "Do you want a beer?" he offered as the one of the people serving the meal handed him one.

"No thanks, I'm underage," I responded automatically. I almost chuckled to myself at that thought. I had probably drank more than anyone in this room in my lifetime. Probably more than all of them put together....

"Right, right. Okay, is soda all right with you, then?" he questioned, before telling the servers.

"Yeah, any kind is okay, thanks," I replied, giving him a smile and then picking up my fork with my left hand.

Could I attempt to eat with my left hand? I held Chloe's in my right, but I just wasn't sure if I could let go of her hand. She looked so... I didn't know. I couldn't place it. But I couldn't let her hand go.

"What about you, hun?" Jim asked Chloe with a warm smile.

Chloe's head rose and she looked at him with a polite smile.

"No, the water's fine. Thank you, though," she said weakly. Her eyes travelled back to her plate, which made her notice me struggling to eat off of my plate with my left hand.

She pulled her hand on her lap away from my hand. She didn't want me to have trouble eating. I knew that instantly.

"So, where are you going to school dear?" Mrs. Wright asked Chloe. I wasn't used to Mrs. Wright being pleasant with anyone, although I had only seen her once and that was with Jasper. She apparently hated Jasper, so that was probably why she had been so unpleasant.

Chloe looked uncertain for a moment and then began to speak. "New York University. I'm majoring in mathematics," she answered softly, giving Mrs. Wright a weak smile.

I was starting to get concerned. She didn't sound right. She didn't sound like herself. Maybe she was starting to feel sick again? Or maybe she hadn't really wanted to eat, so she was a little tense because she wanted to be polite to Spencer? But that didn't really make sense....

I leaned in to Chloe's ear.

"You okay, sweetheart?" I whispered quietly, so only she would hear.

Chloe nodded and went back to eating.

"That's where Jasper goes, too," Spencer informed his mother, who nodded politely.

The lunch continued like this, everyone making small talk as we ate. But my mind was only on Chloe. She was like that all through lunch, causing the confusion to build up inside of me.

Had I done something wrong? Was she mad at me? She had just been imagining how great life would've been if we would've met earlier, and now this. What was going on?

Things were feeling so off with her today... first with her cousin's shirt, then the comment about how her life would've been happier if I would've showed up in it when we were young, and now this.

Something was up. Something was freaking wrong and I didn't know what. But I had to make it stop... she looked so hurt and so weak and I _hated_ seeing her like that.

Whatever was going on, it needed to stop.

**Author's note: Things are looking okay for Alice and Jasper in Forks... but on the other hand, in New York things are a bit edgy for Nicky, Chloe and Spence. Oh and how's the meeting between Mack and Alice going to turn out? And Jasper coming home...? What's Nick going to do? We shall see! All in due time. Leave a review and let us know what you think! **

**Also a few things to tell all you guys. **

**1. Go check out the new interview in the blog. This week the interview was with mandymallette. Sound a bit familiar? Yep. She's my sister. So go enjoy finding out some behind the scenes details on Hope & Forgotten Hope. **

**2. Well you guys are checking out the interview, shift your eyes to the left hand side of the blog to see a new Chatbox I have installed there. You can leave comments, questions or just say hello! Enjoy it. **

**3. I mentioned this last post.. but I thought I would. Hopefully you all read that Hope & Forgotten Hope were nominated for The Two Sides Of Twilight's 2009 Twilight Awards. What I didn't say was each individual nomination for the story has to be nominated three to four times to move onto round two, the voting round. So help us get Hope & Forgotten Hope into the voting! **

**Here are the categories Hope has been nominated (at least once) for: **_**Best author, Best story, Best All Human story, and Best Alice x Jasper story, Best AH AU, and Best Drama. **_

**Forgotten Hope has been nominated (at least once) for: **_**Best Story, Best Drama, Best Fanfic in progress, and **__**Best Tragedy/Angst. **___

**If you see anything else Hope or Forgotten Hope could be nominated feel free to do so! We can hopefully get it through to the voting round with your help! :D Proceed to my profile for the link!**

**That's all for now, and if we don't post before Christmas: Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all. Have a great day. **


	21. Back to Reality

**Author's Note: Hello everyone! I hope your holidays are going amazingly and that this will brighten them even more. Enjoy! **

Forgotten Hope Chapter 21- Back to Reality

_JPOV_

I never thought it would be like before, but giving Alice a piggy back ride and singing to her was as close as it could ever come. I kissed her arms... it felt like heaven being able to do that again. It was like the weight of the world was momentarily lifted from my shoulders...

And how she breathed on my neck when she spoke sent my mind buzzing at a million miles a minute. It threw it into a frenzy of memories. I could see her in the morning, snuggling into my bare chest, breathing into my neck....

This wasn't just as close as I would get to the past, but as close as I would ever get to heaven. It was... breathtaking.

I heard Alice cough a little harder than she had been earlier, and my tranquil mindset vanished.

"Are you all right?" I asked, stopping a moment when she coughed again.

"Yep, my throat just hurts a bit...." she whispered weakly. She sounded a bit out of breath, but that would be understandable after coughing. I could tell she was trying not to worry me though.

"We'll get you some water when we get inside," I said as we turned the corner into the Cullens' driveway. I felt a bit reluctant go there after leaving Emmett hanging like I had yesterday. I just... had not been myself and I didn't want to risk hurting anyone. Now that I had Alice with me, though, I would be fine. I would never act that way in her presence....

I quickened my pace to get her inside sooner. There was a cool breeze outside and I didn't want her getting cold or getting any sicker than she was. After what she did last night, I was surprised she wasn't already feeling more sick.

I jogged up the steps of the house, still keeping Alice perfectly balanced on my back.

"I can walk now," she told me, trying to get down, but I held her tight.

"You can get down once you can sit inside," I insisted, feeling my overprotective self come through. It seemed like I hadn't had the chance to protect her in so long....

Alice didn't fight me, which told me that she really wasn't feeling so good. Usually, she would have fought about it. She was stubborn like that.

I knocked on the door and waited, rubbing her thighs tenderly.

Esme opened the door and her eyes instantly flashed with happiness as she saw us standing in front of her.

"Jasper—Alice!" she breathed in pure happiness, her arms outstretched for us.

I let Alice down then, but kept a tight hold on her so she wouldn't fall. We took turns hugging Esme.

"Hi Aunt Esme," she greeted kindly with a bright smile.

"Oh, dear, you're shaking," Esme whispered as I watched her look over Alice carefully.

Alice shifted uncomfortably and shrugged.

"Don't shrug at your aunt like that," Esme chuckled, putting a hand to Alice's forehead. "Goodness, Alice, you're awfully warm. Are you feeling okay?" she asked, concern now written over her face.

My eyes snapped to Alice's, and I wondered why she hadn't said anything. I raised my own hand and touched her forehead, feeling the abnormal warmth of it.

"Darling...." I murmured, stroking her cheek sadly. I wished she would tell me these things. She was still the same as before-- trying not to worry me.

"I feel fine," Alice shrugged, giving me a certain look. I could see the small glimmer of hesitance in her eyes.

"You still can't lie," I heard Emmett laugh.

My eyes rose from Alice's and I noticed Emmett leaning on the wall of the hallway, watching me with a wide grin. His eyes slowly lowered to our entwined fingers.

Alice glared darkly at him. "I'm not lying, Emmett." I could tell Alice wasn't really upset by his comment, though. She smiled warmly at him.

"I'll go get Carlisle," Esme let me know. She squeezed my hand and then rushed up the stairs.

Emmett walked forward, his eyes filling with questions.

"So... I didn't know you were coming...?" Emmett trailed off, questioning Alice. He raised an eyebrow.

Alice laughed and leaned into my side. I wasn't sure if it was because she needed support, or if she just wanted to stay close. "Neither did I," she smirked at him with a shrug.

"I'm glad you did," Emmett grinned, reaching his arms out for his baby cousin. "I missed you."

Alice walked into his embrace, giving him a warm, loving hug.

"So... does this mean you and Jasper are together again?" Emmett asked as she pulled away, his eyes sparkling with excitement.

Alice's eyes flashed with pain and she shook her head dismissively.

"Not exactly...." she whispered. I watched her eyes travel away from both of us as she thought.

I heard Emmett sigh in disappointment. _Oh, I'm right there with you big guy...._

I heard footsteps and turned, seeing Carlisle and Esme walking down the stairs together. Carlisle had his doctor's bag in one hand and Esme's hand in his other.

"Jasper," he said welcomingly, letting go of Esme's hand as stopped in front of us.

I hugged him, feeling very relaxed at the familiar embrace from Carlisle. It still felt like the most fatherly touch I had ever felt in my life. I cherished it. I don't know what I would have done if I had stayed away from this family. They truly were my family. They had told me that so many times....

Carlisle sighed in the embrace. "I missed you, son," he told me with that same firm certainty that he always held in his voice when it came to talking to any of his children. I always knew he was telling the truth when he used that tone of voice.

"Missed you too, Carlisle," I replied with the same certainty.

Carlisle pulled back, patting my shoulders. "I heard what you did for Johnny yesterday. I'm proud of you. You did the right thing with Colin. He shouldn't have tried to ruin that little boy's day," Carlisle frowned, disappointed that the situation had occurred. But pride gleamed in his soft eyes for me.

Right thing? I had been about to kill the man. Sure, stopping him was the right thing to do, but not trying to kill him.

"No one would have been able to stop easily. Child abuse is a disgraceful action, Jasper. You know that more than anyone," Carlisle assured me, sensing my hesitance in his pride.

My body relaxed at his words. He was right. I knew that more than anyone... but I still would not let myself off that easily. I should have been more in control of myself, especially around Johnny.

"Thank you," I whispered with a small smile. He patted my shoulder once more and then slowly turned to Alice.

"Alice, Alice, Alice," he laughed softly, giving his niece an adoring look.

Alice smiled widely and skipped over to him, jumping up to give him a tight hug around the neck.

"Hi Uncle Carlisle," she laughed, as she pecked his cheek.

He leaned down to press his lips to her forehead and then his eyes narrowed with worry.

"Esme was right. You do have a fever," he murmured, pulling back and walking her to the living room. I followed closely, worry taking over all of my senses.

Alice slowed down, waiting for me. I quickened my pace and met her, wrapping my arm around her waist supportively. She leaned into me as we walked. I watched her shiver against me and my worry increased... it was warm in the Cullens' house.

Carlisle sat down on the couch and patted the spot beside him for Alice, then turned to his bag. I sat Alice on the couch and then sat on the loveseat close to it. Esme sat beside me, laying her hand reassuringly on top of mine.

"It's not a high fever, dear, don't worry," Esme assured me as I watched Carlisle's every move. He asked her a lot of questions, some about how she was feeling now from her cough and fever, and then others about her headache and if she had been remembering anything.

Alice thought for a moment about the remembering question. "Kind of...." she whispered.

Every part of my body and mind shifted to her. "You have?" I asked anxiously. I could feel the Hope filling my veins... the warmth coming to my hard heart. My eyes connected with hers and she nodded in confirmation.

"Nick was talking about something... he said something and it sounded so familiar, like I had heard it in another life or something. I didn't know if I had heard it somewhere else or from another person. I asked him and he said that he had said it to me before... I didn't exactly remember him saying it... but I remember it?" Alice rambled in confusion, looking at Carlisle for assistance. Carlisle's lips tugged upward on the sides.

"Fantastic. That's good, Alice. The damage to your cerebrum must be healing. This is a good thing," he assured his niece, making a note on a paper.

No words could express the happiness I had in me at their words. She was remembering! It was just up to time now. It would happen though... she was remembering!

Alice's cough cut off my happiness, though. It was becoming more harsh at every second.

Carlisle's proud smile became a deep frown.

"Now for this cough... I'm worried you might be developing a case of pneumonia... especially if you were sick before you spent hours out in the rain," he sighed and stood up. "You'll need to rest and I'll pick you up some antibiotics," he instructed her, nudging her gently to lie down on the couch.

He turned to me. "Watch her," he chuckled, knowing she would try to get up.

I nodded obediently and stood up, letting go of Esme's hand and walking to kneel in front of Alice.

Pneumonia... couldn't that kill a person if it got bad enough? I swallowed roughly, trying to keep myself in control. She wouldn't die. She had just gotten it. If she had it, she would be fine. Carlisle was getting her medicine.

Alice rolled her eyes at me. "Stop looking at me like that, Jazz. I'm fine," she laughed, raising her hand to flick my nose.

"You're sick. I have the right to worry," I grumbled, leaning down to press my forehead to hers.

"Whatever," she grumbled back, but pulled away from my face quickly. I was worried she didn't want me close to her, until I saw her start to cough into her hand.

I sat her up quickly and rubbed her back, trying to help calm the coughing. I grabbed a tissue and handed to her when she was done, but stopped when I saw her face become white as a sheet.

My eyes searched hers, but only saw fear. What was wrong? Why was she afraid?

My eyes flickered to where her hand was holding the tissue I had given her. Against her skin, there was a little bit of blood.

I took a quick breath and hurriedly stood up, rushing from the room. "Carlisle!" I shouted frantically.

Carlisle came in quickly. "What's wrong?"

"She's coughing up blood!" I told him, my voice panicked and hard.

Carlisle frowned and put his hand on my shoulder. "Okay. It's okay. It's just a sign that she probably is developing pneumonia. I hoped I was wrong," he sighed, walking back into the living room with me.

Alice sat there motionlessly, looking utterly flustered.

"It's okay," I whispered, kneeling back down and kissing her forehead gently.

Carlisle knelt beside me and looked at Alice.

"It'll be fine. We'll get you the medicine quickly... I already ordered it. Then you'll just need to rest for about a week, and then you'll be able to move around while your body heals itself. I'm going to pick up the prescription now... you just have to rest, okay?" he assured her, smoothing her hair out affectionately.

Alice nodded mutely and lay back down.

"I'll go get you a blanket," I told her quietly.

Again, she nodded without a word, and I rushed out of the room and up the stairs. I went to my old room and took the blanket off of the bed and then ran back down the stairs, trying not to leave her for long.

Esme entered the room at the same time as me with a glass of water.

I tucked the blanket in around Alice snugly. "Is that warm enough?" I asked as I watched her shivering.

She sniffed sadly and nodded.

My heart broke at the fear and sadness in her beautiful eyes.

"You're going to be fine," I told her firmly, pressing another kiss to her forehead. "Just take your sleeping pill and drink this."

I turned to open her purse, grabed the bottle of sleeping pills, and took one out before giving her the water.

Alice pulled herself up enough to drink and take the pill. After swallowing the pill, she drank about half of the glass of water and then fell back onto the couch.

"Can Mack come here? I still wanna meet him," she said, a small pout forming on her lips.

I sighed loudly at her request. She got over that fear quickly....

"After you sleep," I promised her.

She nodded, agreeing. I noticed her eyelids drooping already. She definitely only needed the sleeping pills for her dreams; she was tired enough already.

"I'll call him now," I assured her.

I made a quick phone call to Mack, explaining the situation and that Alice wanted to meet him. He seemed thrilled, but then extremely worried, just as I was, about her sickness. He promised that he would come over later in the afternoon so that Alice could get some rest.

"Sleep..." she began to trail off in exhaustion, "with me...?" she whispered, looking through her half closed eyes at me.

Could I ever refuse?

I slipped my shoes off and then moved to her feet, slipping her shoes off as well. I climbed over her, trying not to disturb her. The couch wasn't too big, but once I curled my arms around her, we fit perfectly.

I awoke much later that day. I could see out the window that the sun was lower in the sky.

I shifted slightly to look at Alice. Her face seemed troubled as she slept. Her eyes were shut a bit tightly and there was a thin layer of sweat forming on her forehead. She looked even paler than earlier.

I then noticed a small bottle of pills sitting beside the glass of water on the coffee table in front of us.

"They're Alice's antibiotics. Carlisle said that Alice should take two immediately after she wakes up," I heard a familiar voice say from across the room.

My eyes flickered toward the sound of the voice. Mack sat on a chair with a book in his hand. How did he get here? _When_ did he get here?

"Carlisle let me in. I didn't want to wake you guys, though," he explained with a shrug.

"Oh. Well, hey," I chuckled weakly at him.

"Hey," he smiled. He got up from his chair and walked to the loveseat to sit closer to us.

"I should probably wake her up so she can take those pills...." I murmured, mostly to myself.

I leaned forward slightly so I could reach her ear. "Wake up, darling."

I shook her gently, after whispering, to try to bring her out of her troublesome slumber.

She stirred in her sleep and then her eyes slowly began to flutter.

"That's it, love," I encouraged her, regretting waking her up because that meant she could be in pain. But I knew she needed the pills to get better.

Alice moaned quietly and her eyes opened fully.

"Jazz..." she slurred, shivering. She turned around and cuddled close to my chest, probably trying to warm up.

"Carlisle brought your pills," I informed her, trying to keep her awake. I pulled away, struggling slightly as she held onto me tightly, needing the warmth.

"It'll just take a second," I promised her, sitting us both up.

Mack grabbed the bottle and popped the lid off. I watched him freeze for a moment, staring at the bottle of pills. His eyes filled with emotions. I saw his other hand turn into a fist and he hurriedly handed me the bottle, his hand shaking.

"Y-you should take care of those for her," he stuttered unstably. He _was_ a recovering drug addict... the fact that he was able to give them over to me said a lot.

Alice's eyes shifted in confusion at the sound of another voice in the room. Her eyes slowly focused on where Mack was sitting beside us.

"Jazz?" she asked curiously, slowly starting to come out of her tired state.

"Alice, this is Mack," I introduced her, which felt rather weird, knowing she knew him much better than I ever would.

Mack flashed her a grin and reached his hand out for hers. "Hey beautiful." His voice filled with a tone of happiness that I knew he could only ever attain when he was near her.

Alice's lips formed a smile. "Hey handsome," she replied, seeming totally at home with him.

"Couldn't stay away from trouble for long, eh?" he chuckled, walking over so he could kiss her forehead tenderly.

Alice coughed quietly as she began to speak.

"I--" cough "didn't get in--" cough "trouble," she said stubbornly.

Mack raised a curious eyebrow at her. "You flew from New York to Forks, then ran all over town in a rain storm, then sat in the rain for a few hours. That's not trouble? Seems a little rebellious to me," Mack teased her, picking up her glass of water for her as I handed her the two pills.

Alice took the pills and then shrugged. "I had a good reason," she grumbled at him.

"You always do," he chuckled, then took one of her hands and gave it a squeeze.

"I missed you," he whispered, his joking self leaving for a moment as he looked straight into her eyes with intense adoration.

Alice's thumb grazed over his and she smiled. "I think I missed you, too," she said, grimacing as she coughed, but then gaining a happy look on her face.

I smiled too, happy that she was happy. Mack's relationship with her had always been very important to her... maybe she could feel that even without her memories.

"I bet you did," Mack joked, winking teasingly at Alice.

Alice laughed, but that quickly became a violent stream of coughs and her smile disappeared. She whimpered in pain into my chest after her coughing fit and then took a deep breath.

I winced at her whimper and took the remains of the glass of water and brought it to her lips. She drank the rest and looked at Mack.

"I wanted you to know I was proud of you," she whispered quietly and very weakly. I thought I was going to die soon from her weakness and sadness and pain... I wished I could take it away. I'd do anything to take it away. I used to spend many nights outside in the rain when I lived with Steve--I could handle being sick. I'd be sick in her place in a heartbeat.

Mack tilted his head and sighed softly at her. "Don't be too proud... I haven't done much, really."

Alice scoffed, but again it turned to a cough. "You're ridiculous," she laughed quietly. "You've done more than most people ever could, Mack—"

As she began to cough again, Mack grabbed the cup and hurried out of the room. He was back in a matter of seconds with a full glass of cold water.

"Here," he said with a shaky voice, handing the glass to me.

"I should go before I end up killing you by making you talk to me," Mack joked, leaning over to kiss her cheek now.

Alice frowned deeply, upset by the short visit. I knew she wanted to talk to him and get to know him again, but this definitely was not the time for her.

"I'll call you in a few days," he promised her, noticing the broken stare.

"Promise?"

He grinned and nodded. "Of course. I'm glad you still want to talk to me... your friendship means a lot...." he admitted.

She shook her head. "Of course I want to talk to you. Make sure you call me. And keep doing whatever you're doing 'cause it means you're getting better...." she said quietly.

He nodded and then his eyes lit up again.

"Oh, one last thing."

He kneeled down in front of her and took her hand, looking into her eyes. I noticed the look of mischief in his eyes.

"If beauty were time, you'd be eternity," he murmured flirtatiously to her, winking at her.

Alice squinted in confusion and then looked to me.

"Thank you?" she whispered questioningly.

She looked utterly confused. I knew what he was doing, though. They had some sort of ritual where he would tell her a lame pickup line.

"You'll remember," Mack assured her and stood up, reaching his fist out to mine. I tapped my fist to his and nodded.

"Thanks again for offering to let me stay at your place," I said gratefully, giving him a smile.

He waved his hand dismissively and started to walk out of the room.

"I know you'd do the same," he replied nonchalantly. With one last smile, he left the room.

Alice took another sip of her water, her eyes squinting at the pain of swallowing it. "I liked him. I wish we could've visited longer...." she said.

I nodded and smiled down at her. "We'll see him again, don't worry."

I looked down to glance at my watch. It was 7 o'clock in the evening in Forks, now. Meaning it was ten in New York. We had to get going soon... Alice had wanted to leave tonight.... But was she too sick to fly? I wasn't sure.

Alice noticed my watch, though, and gasped. "It's ten. We need to go."

I watched her struggling to stand and stood to help her.

"Maybe we should stay another night... just so you can rest?" I suggested with uncertainty. She shook her head though, refusing.

"We can't Jazz. I-I said we'd be home. We have to leave...."

I listened to her obediently. This was her decision. Carlisle was walking to the living room as we were exiting it.

"Where're you going?" he asked us suspiciously.

"We have to catch our plane," I told him, sitting down Alice on the steps so I could help her put her shoes back on.

"That's probably not a good idea," Carlisle informed us.

"I _need_ to go home, Uncle Carlisle...." Alice whispered painfully and started to cough again.

Note to self: Do not let her talk anymore. It was just making things a lot worse.

"Shh," I whispered, pecking her cheek. "Rest your voice."

"It'll be fine, Carlisle. Thank you so much for your help. Really... we appreciate everything you do for us," I told him genuinely.

He looked deep in thought, so I spoke again.

"I'll keep you updated on her condition. She just wants to be home in her bed right now," I explained to him seriously, not leaving it up for discussion. She told Spencer that she would be home tonight and I wouldn't make her a liar. I would get her home on time, whether or not I wanted to.

I didn't want to let this time we had over the past day go away yet... but I had to do what she wanted. She would remember me soon enough. I could deal with letting her go for a night or two... I knew now that she needed me....

Carlisle nodded stiffly, obviously not in agreement.

"I'll drive you to the airport, then," he offered. Like me, he did not leave it up for discussion.

I hurried to the living room and grabbed Alice's purse and pills and then came back out. I helped her lift herself onto my back, so she wouldn't have to walk far, and then we were off to the airport.

We were leaving Forks to go back to New York... back to reality.

_NPOV_

After lunch, Spencer asked if we wanted to stay, but hinted that he had some work to catch up on. I decided we should let him work... and I didn't know what to expect from Chloe, so I figured it'd probably be best if we let him be.

He thanked us for stopping over, though, and we promised to keep each other updated on what was going on with Alice if we heard anything.

Chloe was still acting strange as we headed out to the taxi. She was so tense and oddly silent. I was used to her being a little quieter when she was thinking, but she usually kept me posted on _some_ of her thoughts... or at least talked to me every so often. She had barely said a word the whole rest of the time we were there.

I was starting to worry. I needed her to not be so tense... especially without letting me know _why_.

I could feel my frustration building with every second of silence. If she didn't look more like herself again soon, then I didn't know _what_ I'd do. She was really making me nervous....

I lifted my arm up and rested it on the back of the seat of the car behind her, trying to offer my support. But like earlier, she didn't seem to notice my presence at all. That made my frustration grow to an impossibly high rate....

_Come on Chloe... please just smile! _My mind screamed.

I mindlessly started to play with the ends of her hair, needing some kind of distraction. She just _let_ me, though. It was like she didn't even notice that I was touching her. Instead of distracting me, it just made me feel worse.

"Sweetheart...." I whispered, sounding like the most needy, desperate fool I had ever heard in my freaking life. But I couldn't help it.

Chloe's glazed eyes blinked and she finally looked over at me.

"Mm hmm?" she murmured. She looked more distant than usual. Her thoughts were taking her away from me, I could feel it. She needed to stop thinking so deeply for a little while... it looked exhausting.

"Are you sure you're okay? You seem... kind of distant," I asked her, concerned.

"Yep, I'm okay," she said quickly. Way too quickly. Her eyes flickered away and I had a feeling they were avoiding mine.

I took a deep breath and continued. I knew if I didn't continue asking and get it out of her, I was going to blow a cap. Control was getting a lot harder today. I didn't know if it was because Jasper was still away, or because I was worrying about Alice, or because of Chloe's sickness and mood swings... it could be all of them put together, I guess.

"Are you positive...? You don't seem like yourself today...." I said quietly, hesitantly.

I noticed Chloe's whole body tense and she took a deep breath in. She turned to me.

"I can't always be who you want me to be, Nick!" she shouted at me out of nowhere, her eyes welling up with pained tears.

It felt like my rock hard heart had been shattered. It was like someone had hit it with a hammer and crushed it.

"I-I... I-I" I tried to speak... tried to get anything out. I just couldn't find my voice. What did she mean she couldn't always be who I wanted her to be? ....Was I forcing her to be someone she didn't want to be? Did I really suck that bad as a boyfriend that I had been doing that and didn't even realize it?

"I-I'm not trying to make you someone you're not.... I want you to be you, Chloe. I swear, sweetheart. I-I just was worried about you 'cause you were so quiet and tense and you're not usually like that around me. You don't have to try to be someone that you aren't for me. Never do that."

I stumbled over my words, trying to reassure her and tell her what I was truly feeling. Obviously I hadn't been doing a good job at that so far. I wanted her to know that I would never want her to change. She was so perfect already... why would I want to change that perfection?

Chloe's broken, overwhelmed eyes overflowed with tears. I caught them quickly, wiping them away with my thumbs.

"Please don't cry. I promise I won't make you be someone you aren't anymore. I'm sorry. P-please, Chloe. I'll do better," I begged her, ignoring the glances from the taxi driver. Nosy bastard should just mind his own damn business. Did this look like a show? Some kind of soap opera? No! This was my relationship... and Chloe was upset because I was forcing her to be something she wasn't. I don't know how I was doing it, but I was going to stop.

Chloe's hands reached up and held mine on her cheeks, shaking her head quickly from side to side, sobbing now.

"N-no," she whispered painfully.

No what? _No what_?

But relief came over me as she cuddled herself into my chest, sniffling. She wasn't mad. She wasn't _too_ mad at least. She didn't hate me... not yet.

"You aren't doing anything wrong, Nick," she promised me. I could feel her wet tears on my neck, which made my throat swell as I tried to keep my own tears back. I couldn't cry... I was the man in the relationship. I was supposed to be strong.

"I'll do better," I promised back, ignoring the thickness in my voice as I pressed a kiss to her hair.

Her arms tightened around me and I felt her head shaking again. "No. It's all me. You're fine... you already do better than anyone, sweetheart. You're already so perfect for God's sake," she murmured in frustration, pulling back to put her hands on both sides of my face. She was making sure that she had my attention and that I was listening to her.

"I'm--" she sniffed loudly, trying to pull herself together.

I leaned forward and gave her a tender kiss on the lips, trying to show her that I cared and that I wanted to be better. I knew I wasn't perfect....

Her lips stayed with mine, kissing back, even in the public view of the cab driver. She pulled back after a second, her hands still grasping my face, keeping me watching her.

"I didn't mean what I said, Nick. I'm just—I don't know... being sick is clouding my mind. I can't think straight. Forgive me, sweetheart. I didn't mean any of that. You always want me to be me. You are so...."

She didn't even finish what she was saying. Her lips came back to mine and for once, she was at a loss for words. Her thoughts didn't cloud her mind this time... all attention was on me. I felt the sweetness and care in the kiss that overwhelmed me. My heart ached at the purity of her kiss.

"Don't ever change," she begged me, as I kissed ever stray tear off her face. "Promise me?"

"I can't promise," I told her, shaking my head, refusing.

Her face fell in defeat and her eyes filled with pain and regret. I finished what I was saying before she could become more upset.

"I can't because I change everyday that I'm with you, Chloe. I become a better person, a better boyfriend, and a better friend every second that I'm with you. You make me feel... almost like a new man. You make me feel good about myself," I whispered to her, adoringly. She needed to know what she did... how much she did for me. She was better than anything I had ever had before. I had never felt this way. If someone had told me years ago that I would end up like this, falling so hard for a girl, I would have laughed in their face. But now it all just felt so right.

Chloe's eyes softened to liquid. Her thumbs caressed my cheeks with care.

"You do the same for me," she whispered. The truth in her words was beautiful. I knew she couldn't be lying or using me like so many girls had in my life. She just wanted me for me and I just wanted her for her.

Lost in these thoughts, I started to forget about how strange she had been acting earlier. She had probably just been feeling sick....

There was no one better than her, I was convinced. There was nothing more I could ever ask for.

_SPOV_

I tapped the tip of my pen on the sketch pad quickly, repeatedly, watching the minutes on my clock tick by. It was twelve thirty and she still wasn't home. I was running out of things to keep my mind off of her in Forks with Jasper.

I could feel my whole mind, soul and heart breaking all over again. Nothing would have happened between them in Forks, though, would it? Alice wouldn't leave me... this was my Alice... my Alice loved me more than anything. I knew that.

Or at least I used to know that.

Now my mind was full of doubt. Every touch and every kiss weren't enough to take the doubt out of my mind. I knew that despite how much she told me she loved me, she _was_ still confused....

I was going to do something about it, though. I was going to make sure she was mine forever. I had a plan. I just had to get her back home and hope with all my heart that she would say yes.

I sighed deeply and looked down at my sketch. Of course, instead of working, I had drawn a picture of Alice and me at our cabin. I didn't know if I was just joking myself, hoping that the past would come back. Or maybe I was just living in the past while everything was changing here in the present.

No one could blame me for fighting for my girlfriend this time, though. What else did I have, other than Alice? Some money... a job... sure, but no life. She was the only person I talked to... the only one I longed to see. She was my best friend... the first thing I saw in the morning and the last thing I saw when I went to sleep. She has owned my heart and mind since we were kids... my world revolved around her.

What was I supposed to do, other than fight for her?

Sometimes I thought I should just give up and let her be with Jasper again. He obviously needed her, too. He might even need her as much as I did, if that was possible. I knew that and I felt guilty and wrong for keeping her with me... but I had as much right to have her as he did, didn't I? She was my destiny. We were destined from birth to be together....

I dropped my pencil as I heard the doorbell ring and rushed out of the living room to the front door in a matter of seconds. I pulled the door open and saw Jasper holding Alice in his arms.

He had a worn out look on his face, which was accented by a few cuts. Those must have been from the fight he had been in. He took a step into my house and I reached out for Alice instantly, needing to feel her.

Jasper seemed hesitant. "I can carry her up," he assured me, though I already knew he could. I just needed to do it myself.... But I avoided a fight and let him carry her. I shut the front door and followed him up the long staircase and into my room.

I hurried in front of him to remove the covers so he could lay her down. I pulled the covers over her and took a long look at her. Something was off, though, I could see it. Her skin was much paler than usual and her lips were bluish. It wasn't that cold outside and she had a jacket on... why did she look so cold?

I touched her cheek. She was warm, despite her appearance. She was too warm. My eyes flickered to Jasper's questioningly. What was wrong with her?

Jasper cleared his throat, looking troubled. "Carlisle thinks she has pneumonia," Jasper whispered, his eyes squinted in worry.

My breath caught in my throat. "S-she has what?" I asked, not believing what I had just heard. She had been sick before she left, but not sick like that. She hadn't been coughing or anything. She had just had a headache and stomachache, which had nothing to do with pneumonia.

Jasper ran his hand through his hair and sighed. "Pneumonia... she was out in the rain for a while last night...." he explained, his eyes pained.

I took a long deep breath, feeling anger rise in my throat. I couldn't say anything yet. Jasper would never let her get sick, this was all by chance. It wasn't his fault, I told myself, trying to calm down.

I just nodded and sat down on the edge of the bed, watching Alice sleep.

"Carlisle gave us some pills," Jasper informed me, rummaging around in Alice's purse for them, probably.

"Is it bad?" I asked quietly, brushing the hair out of her face. I knew that pneumonia could be very serious in some cases and in others it could just turn into a bad cold after treatment.

"No, Carlisle said it wasn't. He said we caught it fast, so if she takes the pills and rests she should be up and moving next week," Jasper said quickly and reassuringly. He handed me the bottle of pills.

"'Kay," I murmured, looking at the bottle of pills.

"I—I guess I should go," he said reluctantly. I watched his eyes flicker from Alice to me and back again.

_Yeah, she'll be staying with me, without you_, my mind growled at him. I shook the thoughts off quickly, not knowing what was coming over me lately.

"I'll call you if it gets bad," I mumbled to him, standing up and reaching my hand out politely.

"Thanks. Really. And I apologize for the other night... it's just tough being without her, now," Jasper whispered, avoiding my eyes. He accepted my hand, though, and shook it firmly.

"No problem. Good luck with Nick," I replied, knowing that the night was probably just going to get worse for him. I could tell by the way Nick had avoided any conversation about Jasper earlier that he was not thinking very kindly of him at the moment.

Jasper's whole frame stiffened at my words and he nodded. "Yeah... Nick... thanks," he mumbled, then walked past me to go to Alice.

He leaned over her and touched her cheek, which made me freeze. I hated to see him touching her like that. But I knew he hated to see _me_ touching her, too....

"Sleep well, darling," he whispered and kissed her forehead. I took another soothing breath in.

First, he had taken my girlfriend away from me. Then once I had finally gotten her back, he just thought he could take her again. Yeah... that was not how it was going to be this time. I wouldn't give her up so easily.

I knew I couldn't live without her. The life I had had for those months without her were the darkest places I had ever been in my life. I needed Alice. I didn't know how to function without her....

Jasper straightened up and cleared his throat. "Good night." He nodded in my direction and left the room.

My attention was automatically on Alice from there. I hurried to my bathroom to fill a glass of water for her, and then came back into the room and sat down on the bed. Alice stirred restlessly in her sleep, moaning painfully.

Was it possible to feel someone else's pain? Sometimes I thought so. Every time I saw a pained look on her beautiful face, I could swear that the pain went through her eyes and directly into me.

I was sure that I sat beside Alice for hours, watching her sleep. But she quickly awoke and began to cough. It wasn't a normal cold cough either. This was a harsh, very bad cough.

I picked her up quickly and placed her on my lap, rubbing her back soothingly.

"Shh, baby," I cooed lovingly, picking up the glass of water and helping her drink it.

"Spence," she whispered, leaning into me, drinking the water. "My throat hurts... and my head... I feel like I'm spinning...." she grumbled painfully with a shiver.

I moved us to the head of the bed and pulled the blanket over us, continuing to rub her back.

"Just keep sipping the water, it'll help," I urged her, bringing the water to her lips again.

She shook her head and moaned, squirming in my lap.

I cringed at her pain.

"It hurts to drink," she rasped, coughing.

"You have to try to drink," I instructed her, bringing it to her lips again. It hurt to make her be in pain, but I knew it was going to make her better. Or at least, I kept trying to tell myself that.

She took a small sip and then shoved her face into my neck, whimpering.

"Shh, it's going to be okay soon, hun," I whispered reassuringly to her, kissing her hair.

Alice nodded weakly into my neck, but then started coughing. She turned her head slightly to my shoulder and I held her to me, trying to keep her calm, because I knew that was all I could do for her.

I hated this... so much. If she hadn't gone to Forks, she would have been fine... she would have been with me and I could have taken care of her.

"I'm sorry, Spence. I'm s-sorry," I heard her start to cry. I was confused about what she meant, but then I turned my head and saw the little spots of light red on my undershirt.

Coughing blood was not good. I knew that.

I slowly lay us down together and took my now stained shirt off. Alice already looked exhausted, but her eyes stayed open and her arms reached out for me the moment I let her go to take my shirt off.

It reminded me of all the times when we were young and she was scared. She'd always reach out for me to hold her. The vulnerability in her eyes killed me a little inside.

"I'm right here. Don't worry," I assured her, hurriedly wrapping my arms around her, keeping her firmly against me.

I felt relaxed with her holding me so tightly and with such need. It assured me that she still needed me, even after being in another state with another guy. She still loved me and needed me. I was with her through her whole life... she knew me... she knew I could take care of her, and that's why she was so comforted. She felt protected near me. Just like she was my home, I was hers.

Alice let her eyes close, but I put my hand on her cheek to stop her. "Don't forget your sleeping pills, hun," I reminded her, rolling over to pick up the sleeping pill bottle off of the night table.

"Thanks," she whispered, strained, as I handed her the pills and the cup of water. She glared slightly at the cup as it came to her lips, but she grudgingly drank some of the water to swallow her pills.

I put it back and then wrapped her closely to my body again.

"Why were you out in the rain, baby?" I asked her, wondering what she was thinking. She hated when she got rained on... it wasn't like her to just sit out in it for hours.

Alice shrugged into me, her eyes filled with confusion. "I don't know, Spence. I was so confused...." she answered honestly, shaking her head from side to side.

I sighed and smoothed her hair out. "You should have called me. I would have gone with you...." I whispered sadly, kissing her forehead tenderly.

Alice shook her head in disagreement, which kind of hurt.

"I had to do it by myself," she told me quietly. I noticed that her breathing wasn't at a normal rate. She was breathing quickly and in short breaths, like she was having trouble breathing.

She whimpered after that and pressed her head against my shoulder in pain. "Everything hurts, Spence," she grumbled, biting down on my shoulder.

I rubbed her back gently, hoping it would help in some way. "I know, Alice. Try to sleep, hun," I instructed her, humming gently to her, hoping it would help her relax.

Her eyes flickered up to mine at the sudden sound of my humming. It seemed like her eyes were struggling with something. Emotions were flying around in her eyes until she shut them, seeming frustrated.

"I love you," Alice whispered into my shoulder. Her voice sounded like she was determined, but I didn't know why.

"I love you too, baby," I chuckled, flashing her the smile I knew she loved.

She sighed and cuddled into my chest, quickly falling asleep in exhaustion.

I gave Nick a quick call before going to sleep, warning him that Jasper was on his way. This would be hard for him and he might as well be ready for him.

I fell asleep rather fast, too, as I felt her in my arms. We were together again and I was more at peace with her here with me....

But despite that, the doubt in my mind would not rest.

_NPOV _

I sat motionless on the couch, cell phone still in hand. Spencer had just called me, letting me know that Jasper was on his way home now.

Chloe had come back to Jasper's apartment with me because she knew that he was coming home tonight. I think she knew as much as I did that I needed her here.

If she wasn't here, I'd probably end up hurting him or myself.

That was what I was afraid of now. What if I lost my temper in front of her? I might end up punching Jasper in anger, or doing something worse, and she'd be in the room watching the whole damn thing. She would be terrified of me....

I scoffed quietly to myself. But that was what I was waiting for, wasn't it? The day when she would realize who she was really dating--a freaking psychopathic killer. I knew the day would come... and I had no idea what I would do when the truth came out.

I was coming to realize that she was becoming my everything very quickly. Honestly, I was scared shitless.

I wouldn't let her find out who I could be tonight, though. I could keep my temper in check... especially if I was already anticipating it. I could be mad without throwing punches, couldn't I?

God, I needed a drink.

I ran my hands stressfully over my face. Maybe I should just take her home and then go find a bar and drink myself senseless.... Maybe that would save a few lives... or at least, a few relationships.

The fact that I was still wanting to get drunk to numb the anger pissed me off even more. I hated that I was thinking like that, still. Especially with Chloe around now....

"Done!" Chloe exclaimed from the kitchen. I could hear happiness in her voice, which helped clear the misery out of my mind a little bit. I liked that she was sounding happy now. She had been a lot more at ease after her mini breakdown in the taxi.

Chloe came out of the kitchen holding a big bowl full of ice cream. My flickered from her to the ice cream sundae and back again.

"Who are you and what have you done with my girlfriend?" I asked her, raising a curious eyebrow.

Chloe laughed and plopped down onto the couch, handing me the bowl.

I looked at the bowl in my hand, still shocked. It was covered it sprinkles and chocolate sauce and everything Chloe would usually flee away from.

"You are giving me mixed signals, sweetheart. Do you want me healthy or not?" I chuckled roughly.

Chloe shrugged sheepishly. I had a feeling she was as confused as I was.

"You like sweets and I thought maybe... it would help relax you or something?" she said, trailing off with uncertainty.

"It's worth a try," I assured her, leaning over to kiss her lips gently. "Plus, now I know that all I have to do is get stressed out and you'll make me ice cream sundaes," I joked. "Thanks, Chloe."

She stuck her tongue out, her eyes sparkling, and then pointed to the bowl impatiently, waiting for me to start eating.

"Shiiit Chloe, you're getting bossy," I laughed, but then froze when I saw her wince and look away.

Great Nick... swear and then call her bossy. You know she's been sensitive about shit all night... are you asking to be dumped?

"I was joking," I whispered, taking her hand and squeezing it tightly. "You are the most unbossy person I have ever met in my life. Truly," I promised with a smirk.

Chloe laughed shakily, looking back at me. I felt reassured that she was okay when she began to lean into me, trusting my word. "'Unbossy,' huh?" she teased me for my grammar.

"Yep!" I exclaimed, dipping the spoon into the ice cream and putting it into my mouth.

Wow... for being a person who hated unhealthy food like this, she definitely knew how to make a good sundae. Odd. But then, she did seem to be good at everything.

"You have to try this," I hummed in appreciation.

Chloe rolled her eyes. "Nice try, but it's all yours."

I took another scoop of it and shrugged. "It's amazing. You should really try your work."

She shook her head, refusing. It kind of made me happy, though... she wasn't just giving in to whatever I wanted.

I took a big bite of the ice cream and let some sit on my lips, then put the bowl on the coffee table in front of us. I knew she wouldn't refuse this.

I turned in my seat and Chloe's eyes turned suspicious. Her eyes slowly moved down to my lips and she frowned.

"Nick you've got—"

I cut her off with a quick kiss, smearing the ice cream on her lips as well. Chloe was about to complain, but I leaned in for more, connecting my lips with hers, tenderly.

I was right, of course. Chloe didn't pull away. Her lips moved slowly with mine.

"Tastes amazing, right?" I smirked against her lips, teasingly.

Chloe smiled back and kissed me again, letting me feel her affection.

"Mm hmm," she murmured, pulling back and licking her lips. "I don't think it's the ice cream, though," she giggled, reaching up to stroke my bottom lip with her finger.

"Did you just flirt with me?" I gasped melodramatically.

Chloe's face burned with a blush. She then shoved me playfully, smiling brightly.

I grinned back, leaning forward to kiss her. She kissed back happily, running her hand through my hair.

I sighed contently against her lips and fell into her kiss, forgetting about everything. My mouth was cold from the ice cream, so she felt so much warmer than usual. I slowly, hesitantly placed my hand on the back of her head, gently, as we kissed. Her whole body was relaxed with me, and I smiled against her lips.

The most amazing kiss ever only lasted a moment, though. It was broken by the sound of the door opening.

My head snapped away from Chloe and my eyes focused straight on the familiar face of Jasper. She squeezed my hand tightly, as if she was trying to keep me calm... keep me in the state I had just been in.

My smile faded away and I felt the anger begin to flood through my veins like poison.

Jasper cleared his throat, his nervous trait.

"Hey...." he mumbled, gently putting his bag on the ground.

"Hey," Chloe smiled at him. I could see pity filling her eyes. Why the hell did she pity him? He was the one who left. I wished I could see the world through her eyes....

Jasper's eyes flickered to mine. His eyes weren't guarded, like I had thought they would be. He made me look into his soul, seeing him struggling.

I pushed it off, flexing my jaw angrily. He had left me. Alone. He had told me to move on and now he wanted me to pity him, too? Yeah, right.

"Welcome back, _brother_," I spat the last word at him viciously.

Jasper shut the apartment door behind him and took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry, Nick," he whispered, looking at me, painfully. I could see the overwhelming regret filling his eyes.

I got up from the couch, letting go of Chloe.

"Sorry? Really? For what...?" I asked him, walking closer to him until we were nose to nose. He didn't back down, but that just made me more mad.

_Don't lose it in front of Chloe. Don't lose it in front of her. Don't scare her away...._

"Sorry for leaving? Sorry for telling me to move on? Sorry for, what, breaking every promise we've ever made? Sorry for doing all of those things over a fucking girl?! Tell me, Jasper!" I shouted at him, letting out of my anger on him.

_Whatever. If she leaves you, then you probably deserve it._

Again, he didn't flinch. I should have known he would have been expecting this. He knew me as well as I knew myself...

But didn't that just give me more reason to be anger? After everything he knew about me, knowing he was the only one I had ever fully let in, he had still left.

"Yes. I did it all for a girl and I regret ever doing any of this to you, Nick. You know that. You know it as much as I do. I... I'm so sorry," he whispered sincerely. He ducked his head down, looking weak. "I wasn't thinking straight, I-I don't even know why I did that. What does running away ever do, especially when you leave your best friend behind?"

I shook my head at him. "You only came back for Alice," I hissed, blocking his caring words out of my mind.

Jasper flinched this time and I saw his jaw flex. "And you," he added on in a rough voice, still not looking at me.

I scoffed at him. Yeah right... that's why he had only come back after she went to get him. He hadn't even called me once.

"No. Not for me, too. You didn't give a shit whether I was here dying or not. You were just thinking about yourself. Oh and just so you know, it felt like I was dying. I didn't know what to do. I never thought-- I didn't-- not from you, Jasper," I struggled to get my words out. "I've never felt so betrayed or abandoned. Not ever," I told him.

Jasper looked up. His eyes were vicious and hard now, matching mine.

"_You_ felt like you were dying? Nick, do you have any idea how I've been feeling for the last month? What would you do if Chloe left you? Tell me!" he shouted in my face, gritting his teeth together.

I glared darkly back at him. "Don't bring her into this," I growled. I couldn't look over at her reaction to this argument, though. I hated that she had to be here for this....

I already knew what I would do if she ever left me... I'd end up running back to Texas and probably never be able to feel something like that again. I'd probably end up drinking for a while... I'd go back to who I had been before everything had happened. With Alice's memory of me gone, and Chloe gone, the only person who'd be around to see me fall would be Jasper. And that's why I'd end up leaving... before I'd bring him down with me again, too.

But I wasn't going to tell him that. It was different, anyway. This way, I still had his back. I would only be leaving to protect him from me. And if he needed me, then I'd be there. I wouldn't be _leaving_ him....

"I know what you'd do Nick. You would leave, too," Jasper snarled at me, ignoring me. But then his eyes suddenly changed, becoming calmer. He had learned to control himself a lot better than I had....

"But... I do know that you wouldn't ever leave me like I left you... even if someone broke your heart. If I asked you to stay, like you asked me, I know that you would." He ran his hand threw his hair, sighing.

I fisted my hands, hating the warring emotions inside of me. Half of me wanted to forgive him and go back to before, but the other half wanted him to get the hell away from me.

"If you can't forgive me, that's fine. I can't forgive myself, either," Jasper shrugged. I watched him press his lips together, trying to hold back his broken emotions.

"I—I...." I couldn't think what to say to him. I needed time to think. I couldn't react right now.

"I'm going to Chloe's for the night...." I grumbled quietly, kicking his bag out of the way and walking past him. I knew she wouldn't mind... but if she did, then I'd just... roam around.

I just couldn't deal with it all right now. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I could trust him again. I wanted to, but I didn't know if he was just going to leave in a week or two weeks or two months or whenever Alice might say she didn't want to be with him.

I heard Chloe saying something to Jasper before she joined me outside of the door. I didn't want to see the look on her face, though. I was afraid that she would be scared of how I had acted....

It was just the fact that I didn't know what to do now that was making me like this.

I wasn't ready to lose him, but I couldn't just forget about what he had done. Not yet.I needed time to think.

**Author's Note: So many struggles for the Hope characters right now... Will time work it all out? We shall see. I hope you guys all enjoyed your weekly update. Let us know in a review. **

**Oh, and just to let you all know, there is a new story on my profile called Hopeless, this is going to be a collection of Hope & Forgotten outtakes and such. There is one chapter in it right now, so go check it out! **

**Also, we will have another interview up later today, so check out the blog as well! **


	22. Stuck

**Author's Note: How's everyone's holidays going? Hopefully well. They are almost over, well for me at least. It sucksss. I was getting used to the freedom of the holidays. But anyhow, here's your weekly update of Hope. Enjoy! **

Forgotten Hope Chapter 22- Stuck

_NPOV_

I fled the apartment as fast as I could, trying to ignore the dueling emotions in my head.

Should I forgive him? Did he even deserve forgiveness if he would run out on our friendship just because of girl troubles? I understood that it was tough with Alice not remembering... it was tough on me, too, just as a good friend of hers! But running away was the worst possible thing he could do....

Plus, if something like that had happened to me, he wouldn't want me leaving, either. Hypocrite....

I started down the stairs of the apartment building, but then came to my senses and realized that Chloe had followed me. I stopped and took a breath before heading back up the few steps that I had went down. I met her in the doorway.

She smiled gently at me and slipped her hand into mine, leading us back into the hallway.

"We can take the stairs if you want, but the elevator might be--"

"We can take the elevator," I interrupted. I wasn't going to make her go down those thousands of stairs just because I needed to let off some steam.

For once, she walked in front of me, leading me to the elevator doors.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay here tonight?" Chloe asked slowly as we arrived at the elevator.

I scoffed at her suggestion and nodded in confirmation. "I'm not staying with that backstabbing hypocrite...." I grumbled, smashing the elevator button repeatedly, wanting to just get out of there.

She shifted her weight. "I think it'd be a good idea...."

"It wouldn't be," I said stiffly. I stared at the lit up elevator button as I listened to the 'ding' as it passed each floor.

Of course she _would_ think that.She didn't know what I was capable of. She thought I was some perfect guy… and I never would be. If I stayed here, it would either turn out great or very _very_ badly. I wasn't going to take the chance on it. I was already wanted for murder and I didn't want another one on my shoulders.

Of course, I wouldn't really _kill_ Jasper. I didn't want to lose my best friend....

"Sorry," she whispered.

I looked from the elevator button to Chloe. She was chewing on her bottom lip, her eyes downcast. I was such an ass. She just wanted to help and I was taking shit out on her.

"No, I'm sorry. I don't mean to take this out on you. That's not fair," I said immediately, putting my arm around her shoulders.

She sighed, leaning her head on my shoulder with a sad look. "It's okay... it's just... you and I both know that he's sorry, Nick...." she said quietly.

Why did she have to look so sad? Now I would give in and go back to Jasper because she wanted me to and... ugh. I mentally groaned. I didn't want to go back and make things right with him. Not yet.

"He can feel bad for the night and _then_ I'll talk to him. He can suffer a bit first," I reasoned gently as the elevator door opened and we stepped in.

Chloe chuckled and pecked my cheek.

"I am never getting on your bad side," she joked, nudging her hip against mine. "I don't think I'd make it through suffering in suspense over whether you'd forgive me about something."

Like she could ever get on my bad side. She was _Chloe_. She wouldn't hurt me. And if she somehow did, all she'd have to do is look at me and I'd forgive her in a heartbeat. God, when had I become so soft?

I joked back with her, trying to lighten up a bit.

"Yeah, you wouldn't want to. I might have to… tickle you." I gave her a wicked grin, slowly turning to her.

Chloe's eyes widened in mock horror and she took a step away from me, cornering herself against the wall of the elevator, almost against the buttons.

"But I'm not on your bad side..." she reminded me as I took a step closer to her, trapping her in the corner.

"I'm practicing for later... just in case," I informed her with a shrug, reaching forward to tickle her sides and then ribs.

She squirmed uselessly, trying to get away from my attack of pokes and pinches.

I got what I had been hoping for very quickly. She laughed her rare, carefree laugh that I loved so much.

"Nick!" she squealed, trying to get away from my hands.

I stopped and put my hands on the wall on both sides of her, keeping her there. "You want me to stop? Are you sure?"

"Yes!" she giggled, her face still shining.

I curled my hands around her wrists easily, my eyes teasing. "How sure are you?"

"Very sure!" she answered, grinning.

"Mmm... I don't believe you," I said, putting both of her wrists in one of my hands and tickling her with my other hand.

"Nick!" Chloe's eyes shot to mine, pleading with me, but I could see them shining. I loved seeing her like this. She just... let herself go.

Suddenly I felt a jolt, and the elevator stopped moving.

"Oh," Chloe breathed, looking around the elevator.

I grinned victoriously and Chloe gave me an utterly confused look.

"Never getting away now, sweetheart," I laughed, lunging in again.

Chloe eventually started tearing up from laughing too much. She managed to somehow catch me off guard, though, and grabbed my wrists, giving me a pointed look.

"Is that all you got?" I asked jokingly.

Her grip tightened around my wrists. "Nope."

"Well, then, whatcha gonna do now?" I asked her, taunting her with my eyes.

She pulled my hands behind her, making me wrap her into an embrace, and then her lips were on mine, kissing me.

Was this payback? 'Cause if so... God… I had to tickle her more often. Either that, or get stuck in an elevator with her. I wasn't sure which brought on this confidence, but I loved it.

I hummed contently against her lips and then she pulled back. She smiled more shyly, but her eyes were still shining.

I blinked in thought for a moment and then let out a laugh. She was truly a genius. She knew exactly how to make me stop tickling her.

I pulled her closer, hugging her to me.

"First you flirt with me, now you try to seduce me… what's next, Chloe?" I chuckled, rubbing her back affectionately. I was glad for this. Not just because I was able to kiss her more, but because I knew she was becoming more comfortable with me. She was having fun now and showed me how she was feeling....

And on top of all of it, she had managed to cheer me up a bit.

I pulled back to see a deep red blush on Chloe's cheeks.

"It was not seducing...." she defended herself, looking away from my adoring gaze.

"Oh? What would you call it, then?" I wondered, grinning deviously at her.

"Distracting," she informed me knowingly.

I laughed and rolled my eyes at her. Of course. A distraction. I guess you could call it that....

Chloe ducked her head and stepped back.

"Go fix the elevator," she mumbled with a smile. I watched her looking all flustered and embarrassed. It was like she had never just let herself let go like that, before. She was adorable. I was so lucky.

"Are you sure? You're done seducing me now? I can wait a few minutes... you know, make out a bit more...." I teased, reaching out to stroke her cheek.

She moved my hand away and her face brightened even more, burning with redness.

"You're going to end up sleeping on the couch," she said quietly with a chuckle, turning away from me.

I laughed and turned to examine the elevator buttons. I pressed the red "Emergency" button and we both jumped as an alarm started to go off.

Well... now we just had to wait.

"You're not claustrophobic, are you?" I asked, sitting down and leaning against the back of the elevator. I spread my legs out and gave Chloe an inviting look.

"Nope."

She shook her head and chuckled, but then came over and sat between my legs, leaning back into my chest.

"You know, Nick... maybe this is a sign," she said quietly, taking my hand in hers. I almost couldn't hear her over the alarm.

"What, being stuck in the elevator?" I said into her ear. "A sign of what? That we should make out again?" I joked, earning a nudge in the stomach.

I coughed lightly, chuckling. "Just kidding. What sign?" I asked her, wondering what was going through her complex mind.

"Maybe... we're meant to stay here tonight," she said with a shrug.

I went silent at her words. I could feel my body tense. A sign? Or... maybe Jasper broke down the elevator so we'd _think_ that.

I rolled my eyes at my thought. Stupid thought. But still... that didn't mean that this was a sign. It was just something random.

"I don't know, Chloe. The elevator just broke down. It doesn't mean it's a sign. Not everything happens for a reason," I answered, telling her my honest thoughts. I really didn't want to stay. I thought she was starting to give in and let me come home with her.

"I think everything does happen for a reason," Chloe disagreed, turning around silently to look me passionately in the eyes. It was one of the most forceful things she had ever said to me. She continued.

"Was it just by chance that we bumped into each other that day?" she asked me skeptically, her burning brown eyes scattering my thoughts.

"W-well… I don't know. That's different," I grumbled, looking away to avoid her intense gaze. She wouldn't change my mind… I wasn't going to stay here tonight. I wanted to go to her place.

Chloe turned back around, not fighting with me about it.

Or so I thought.

"People do dumb things when they think they've lost their love, Nick," she whispered very quietly after a moment.

"That doesn't make it okay, though, Chloe," I replied, feeling our playful mood slipping away by the second. There goes our happy night....

"No, it doesn't. But Jasper wasn't thinking about other people. He was thinking about Alice, Nick. He probably felt like he was losing everything...."

She turned around to look at me again. "It's like in Romeo and Juliet. Romeo thought Juliet was dead and he had no idea what he'd do without her, so he killed himself. He wasn't thinking about his friends or family, he was thinking about the love he had lost. It didn't make what he did okay, but he wasn't thinking about what was a good idea. He was only thinking about life without her...." Chloe explained, her eyes intense again.

I sighed in frustration. "Romeo isn't even real."

Chloe almost looked frustrated. It was a look I had never seen on her before. She sighed in defeat. "That's not the point, Nick. And real life people have killed themselves because of their significant other's death. I was just using them as an example. It's different for Jasper because Alice is still alive... but think about it. Would you rather have your girlfriend be dead and still loving you or be alive and leaving you? Which is worse?" she asked.

I shook my head. "I wouldn't want either, Chloe...."

She nodded, "Okay, bad example. What I'm trying to say is... I think it would be even worse for Jasper because he is seeing his love being stolen away from him. And he just wasn't thinking about his actions. He left after Spencer got mad about him touching Alice and then, when Jasper needed her, Alice stayed with Spencer. He probably thought Alice was picking Spencer. He was just upset. People don't think correctly when they're upset," Chloe tried to explain.

She rubbed my thigh soothingly. I knew she was trying to help me understand, but I couldn't. He had still left me for no reason. I hadn't done anything to him. I hadn't taken Alice away from him, but still he had punished me for it. He had punished me for his freaking loss. Maybe I was being selfish, but I just... I didn't see how leaving would solve anything. I could _help_ him if he stayed here. I couldn't help him in Forks. That was the one place I couldn't ever help him.

And I needed him as much as he needed me. That's why we were brothers....

Chloe turned around fully so that she was kneeling in front of me. She pressed her forehead to mine and gave me a sad smile, sensing the tension in my silence.

"It doesn't make hurting you all right, though. I would never say that, sweetheart. I want you to be happy. That's why I think we should go back to Jasper's. He's sorry that he left you. And you missed him," she whispered very gently, looking deep into my eyes.

"I know," I sighed in defeat. She was right... of course she was right... she was always right. She was so smart....

"I just want him to know that it hurt... and that I won't be able to trust him in the same way again," I explained, feeling comforted enough to speak my true feelings with her so close.

Chloe frowned and nodded. "Do you think he knows that?" she asked me, wondering.

I rubbed the back of my neck stressfully. I knew that he knew how I felt. I had told him... and he knew me better than I even knew myself. He knew I would walk out... he knew I was going to be furious. Obviously, he knew I had a temper from hell. Maybe... he knew that I would have a hard time trusting him and that's why he wasn't chasing after me. He was my best friend.

I groaned in defeat and a bright smile came over Chloe's face.

"Are we staying?" she asked, her voice filled with a hesitant happiness.

I rolled my eyes and sighed. "I guess...."

Chloe grinned and pecked my cheek. She stood up, walked to the buttons, and pressed the emergency one, shutting off the alarm.

The elevator began to move instantly. I blinked in confusion and stood up, looking at her in confusion.

"It wasn't... actually broken...." she admitted shyly.

Are you shitting me? She had set me up this whole time!

I gaped, glaring darkly at her in disbelief.

She looked down at my glare and stared nervously at her feet. "I know... I tricked you. I-I just...." she trailed off, shifting her feet anxiously. "I'm sorry."

I hit the button for Jasper's floor and then took her into my arms and crushed her to my chest. "Don't be."

"I just wanted you to give him a chance. You've been... so lost without him," Chloe explained, hugging me back tightly.

I stared blankly at the wall doors of the elevator. How could she know me so well already? She had figured out how much I needed Jasper, how I had felt when he was gone, and what I needed to hear in order to give him a chance. She was reading me like no one else had ever done in my life.

Who _was_ this girl?

I knew who she was, though. She was _my_ girlfriend. She was my voice of reason, now. She would lead me on the right path... the right path I had never been able to get onto before.

_JPOV_

"I'm going to Chloe's for the night…." Nick grumbled and rushed past me, bashing his shoulder against mine.

I turned, watching him grab his stuff as fast as he could before he left the apartment.

Could I have expected anything less? I had actually figured that I would come out of this confrontation with more physical damage. Luckily, Chloe was here. I didn't _want_ to fight him. It would've just been in defense.

I ran both of my hands through my hair and tugged on it in frustration. I deserved this.

"Sorry," Chloe apologized, touching my arm very gently. "I'll try to talk to him…. There's ice cream there, if you want it," she informed me, and then hurried out to catch up with him.

I shut the door slowly behind them and then let my head fall onto it. I was such an idiot. I knew what Nick had gone through in his life. I knew he was scarred from people leaving him all his life... and then I still managed to throw that in his face by leaving. All the trust that I had gained had just been thrown away. And after everything he had done for me. I wouldn't be here without him. I would be in jail or dead.

I owed him everything.

I deserved getting beat up. I deserved him walking out. I had walked out on him first.

I picked up my bag, brought it to my room, and started unpacking. My heart ached as I did this, especially as I passed the pictures in the hallways. There were tons of pictures of Nick and me along with the pictures of Alice and me. They all haunted me right now.

I wished I had thought about what I was doing to him before I had left.

I just hadn't been able to think, though. Alice wasn't with me anymore and my mind wouldn't function properly. All I thought about was when she was going to come back to me. I had missed her so much.

She was back now… I was back now. Was what Nick said true? Had I only come back for her…?

I sat down on my bed and sighed. I was the world's worst best friend… I didn't deserve to even be called his brother.

I had let my whole world revolve around Alice and hadn't even bothered to think of what Nick would think. But now I could concentrate on both of them. Alice was going to remember now, for certain. I would think a little straighter. I was going to fix both relationships--with Alice and with Nick.

It would all be back to normal soon.

Except for one thing: Chloe.

I was grateful for her. More grateful than anything right now, knowing he was with her and not a bottle of alcohol. But that also meant that he didn't need me that much anymore. He could just stay with her; she would take care of him.

Would she make it harder for me to earn his trust back?

I guess that was probably how Nick had felt when I had met Alice, though. And we made it through all right. It would be fine, I tried to assure myself. She seemed like a good person.

After a few minutes of hopeless thoughts, I got up to eat something. I walked to the ice cream that Chloe had mentioned and fell onto the couch with it, staring blankly at the pictures of Alice set beside the T.V.

I bet she was just _so_ happy about finding me now, after she got pneumonia from it, I thought sarcastically. I practically killed her. I just couldn't do anything right anymore, could I? Killing my best friend and my love. I was like a plague… just going through, killing everything I touched.

I was about to scoop a spoonful of ice cream into my mouth when I heard the door swing open. Nick and Chloe stood there, hand in hand. Chloe had a small smile on her face... Nick's was harder.

He let go of her hand and moved quickly to me, grabbing the ice cream from my hand. "My ice cream," he growled at me, but I saw the forgiveness growing in his eyes. I smiled and stood up.

"Whatever you say." I patted his shoulder, but he winced at that, so I quickly withdrew my hand.

"For the record, I'm only here because Chloe wants me to be," Nick grumbled, turning away from me and walking over to Chloe. She gave him a disappointed look.

"And I understand why you left..." Nick whispered, his back turned to me, "but I can't forgive you, yet."

He turned to look me straight in the eyes. "I don't know if I can trust you."

I nodded quickly, accepting it. I had expected that much.

"I understand," I assured him, walking forward and grabbing the ice cream out of his hand. "But I paid for the ice cream. So it's technically mine." I grinned deviously at him, chancing it.

Nick's jaw set. One thing I had learned years ago: never take Nick's food away from him. Especially anything sweet.

Chloe laughed at his angry expression. "I'll make you another one," she promised him, dragging him into the kitchen. His eyes stayed on me, glaring darkly for taking his ice cream. But behind the glare, I could see the fondness and the acceptance already beginning to come back to his eyes.

I sighed in relief as I followed them with a small smile, taking a big scoop of the slowly melting ice cream.

"This is amazing," I commented, looking up at the two of them.

"Told you," Nick grinned at Chloe.

Chloe's cheeks turned a light shade of pink as she brushed off the compliment.

"Lots of practice," she replied nonchalantly. I found that odd, coming from her. I had thought she was kind of health conscious, but maybe I was wrong?

"Practice?" Nick questioned her. Okay, maybe I wasn't as wrong as I thought.

Chloe's mouth snapped shut and she shook her head, looking flustered. "Yeah… I used to work at an ice cream stand in California," she said quickly. Almost too quickly, in my opinion.

Nick seemed to be thinking the same thing as I was. His eyes flickered to mine, checking my reaction.

"That would be why, I guess," Nick chuckled, even though he looked wary. He rubbed his neck, his sign of stress or confusion. I knew that.

"Hey Nick, can I show you something… in my room?" I offered, in case he needed to talk.

He stiffened at my suggestion though, and shifted closer to Chloe. Too soon.

"Maybe later…." he mumbled, looking away from me. Well… we weren't ready for advice yet. Though I could see something deep in his eyes that was bothering him, and it wasn't me.

"How's Alice?" Chloe asked me, changing the subject and handing Nick the chocolate sauce so that he could help with the sundae.

I cleared my throat, which made Nick's eyes flash to mine with worry. He knew that was my nervous trait.

"She's... okay. She caught pneumonia while we were there. She's pretty sick," I explained, rubbing my eyes from exhaustion and stress. "But Carlisle said we caught it early, so she'll be okay with rest."

"Pneumonia? What did you do to her?" Nick asked me frantically, putting the chocolate sauce down. Chloe's hand quickly covered his.

"That's horrible. Is she feeling okay?" Chloe asked softly, concern filling her eyes.

"She was found sitting out in a rain storm. That must have done something, I guess. She was coughing pretty badly when I last saw her and she kept getting paler… but I think she just... needs to rest." My eyes zoned out, remembering her sick expression. I clung to Carlisle's words as my stomach tightened painfully. How could I have let her get that sick? She was so close to me. She was in Forks and I hadn't even known. I was so self centered. I had left and didn't care about anyone there.

"I tell her to be careful and what does she do? She sits in a Forks rainstorm." Nick rolled his eyes, moving back to his chocolate sauce. "Don't blame yourself, man. It's Alice. She just craves danger. She dated you, remember?" Nick teased, sending me a reassuring smile.

I relaxed at his words. If he wasn't going to blame me for it when he was mad at me, then I knew it wasn't my fault.

Chloe smiled proudly at Nick and pecked his cheek before turning back to me.

"I hope she gets better soon. Maybe we can go visit her?" she suggested to Nick.

Nick nodded in response and then looked at me.

"We'll go when Jasper goes," he decided.

I let out a breath. He wanted to come with me. After the reassuring words and then that, I knew he was forgiving me quickly. But I knew it wasn't going to be easy. He would test me... he would test me for a long time.

Nick and Chloe finished making the sundae and then we stopped chatting. The only sound was that of Nick and I scraping our spoons against the bowls while Chloe put the ice cream and other sundae ingredients back where she had found them.

"So... did anyone want to play Monopoly?" Chloe suggested with an encouraging smile after she had put the stuff away and grabbed a glass of water.

Nick smirked and looked up at me with a shrug. He knew she was just trying to get us talking more. I felt bad about my doubts about her. She only had Nick's best interest in mind and I had already known that.

"Sounds good to me," I agreed.

_APOV_

"I'll be fine!" I assured Spencer for the fiftieth time this morning. I had woken up this morning and had been constantly assuring Spencer that I would be fine at home alone for the day. He had taken the whole weekend off for me because he was worried. I wasn't going to pull him off of another day. I would be fine.

Spencer gave me a pained expression. I knew he was struggling. Pneumonia wasn't a laughing matter and we both knew it was very serious. I also knew it was no help having him around worrying when he could be working. We both had jobs and responsibilities and we couldn't take advantage of being the children of the bosses. We had to be there like any other employee or no one would want to take us seriously.

"I can work from home. I have all the stuff here in my room. I don't want to leave you here alone. Mom will be at work and so will my Dad, baby. You might faint or something and no one will be home," he said in a panic, tightening his grip on my hand in worry.

"You have like, twenty people working here, Spence. You already told them what I needed and to check on me _every_ ten minutes." I paused to cough and then continued. "Plus, you said you'll be calling me every half an hour. You're being ridiculous. Go to work, you goof. I have sick hours I can take... you don't. I'm fine," I assured him, tugging him down to sit on the bed. I was still in bed, of course. I had gotten him out of bed and ready for work up to now. I just had to kick him in the butt to leave now.

"Give me a kiss and get out of here," I ordered him, flashing a bright smile.

He rolled his eyes and leaned down to peck my lips very gently, then my forehead, then both cheeks… then down my neck… then down my arm....

"Stop stalling!" I laughed, taking my arm back.

Spencer grinned his knee weakening smile and shrugged.

"Can't a guy try?" he laughed, but still didn't move. His sparkling eyes slowly faded to worried again.

"Stay inside and in bed, okay?" he pleaded with me, his face worn out. We had been up a lot during the night with my coughing fits. I sort of wanted him to get out of the house and away from my germs for a while. I knew he couldn't catch the pneumonia itself, but he could catch the cold-like symptoms of it from me.

"I will," I promised him.

"And take your medicine at lunch," he reminded me.

"I will."

"Use the intercom if you need anything. Do _not_ get out of bed," he continued and then reached down and brought a little bag of something up from a bag on the floor.

"If your cough gets really bad, you can take these, kay? And I brought you tea." He handed me a bag of cough drops and pointed to the tea on the nightstand beside me.

"Did you get a bed pan, too?" I teased, opening the bag of cough drops, already needing one. My throat felt like razor blades were slicing at it.

"Oh. I-I could...."

I chuckled, coughed, and then popped a cough drop in my mouth. "Kidding, Spence. I can make it to the bathroom."

He breathed out, almost laughing. "I called our doctor and he is going to come later tonight to check on you as well. Do you need anything else before I go?" he asked, searching my eyes thoroughly.

I shook my head and reached up to peck his cheek. "Have a good day. I love you," I whispered into his ear, lovingly.

He sighed and looked passionately at me. "I love you, too."

He got up from the bed and smoothed his shirt out, getting that reluctant look back in his eyes.

"Don't come home 'til five," I warned him, giving him a pointed, serious look. He ran a hand through his hair and shook his head sadly.

"No promises," he mumbled, walking away.

My heart hurt from that look on his face. I didn't want to seem like I was pushing him away. I just wanted him to be happy and keep up his normal life. Even when I was sick.

"I'll miss you," I called to him lightly, before he could leave the room. His hesitant eyes turned a bit happier and he smiled at me.

"I'll miss you too," he called back, winking at me.

He left the room then and I let out a breath. I had doubts that he would actually leave this morning, though I knew I was driving him insane. It was my own fault for his worries, lately. He was just waiting for me to leave him and now I was sick. What more could he worry about?

In a blink of an eye, I could be gone. That was all I could see in his eyes this morning. He was so afraid that it actually hurt me to look at him. I hated what I was doing to him.

I popped another one of the cough drops in my mouth and sighed. I rolled over in bed to go back to sleep, but it didn't last very long because my cell phone began to ring. I reached for it, seeing a text from Gregory.

I hadn't seen him in a while.

_Hey! Lunch today?  
-Gregory_

I thought about it for a few minutes before replying.

_Sure! But can u come to my bf's house? I'm home sick.  
-Alice_

Lunch wouldn't be so bad. I wouldn't even leave bed. I would make him eat in here with me. No one would have to know. Gregory wouldn't mind, I already knew that. He was always up for anything I wanted to do.

I sat up and drank some of my tea as I waited for his text. He texted back, agreeing and asking for the address.

I smiled at my cell. I missed talking to him. He always seemed to know what to say when I told him my problems. He knew so much without me even having to tell him.

Once I got his confirmation text that he had the address, I took my sleeping pills and slipped back under the covers.

I slept through a few of Spencer's phone calls because I didn't wake up until the phone call at twelve o'clock. I wasn't surprised, though. The sleeping pills weren't easy to wake up from after just taking them.

"Hello?" I rasped into the phone, exhaustion obvious in my voice.

"Oh, did I wake you up? I'm sorry, hun. Go back to sleep. I'll call you later," Spencer apologized, immediately regretting calling, I was sure.

I rolled my eyes, grateful that he had called. I would have been sleeping when Gregory got here if Spence hadn't woken me up.

"It's fine, sweetie. I was sleeping all morning," I assured him, sitting up with a cough. I could imagine him wincing through the phone.

"Oh, okay. Did you have a good sleep, then?" he asked, relaxing now. Such a worry wart….

"Yeah, I didn't even wake up to cough," I grinned happily, thankful for that.

"Oh really? That's great. Maybe you're already getting better. Oh, don't forget, take those pills." By the sound of his voice, I could tell he was very pleased that I hadn't woken up.

"Miss Cullen, you have a visitor," I heard the intercom say. I covered the phone receiver so Spencer wouldn't hear.

"Who's there?" he questioned me. I had been too late.

"Probably Jazz," I lied, not wanting to tell him. Gregory was my private friend. I liked that he didn't know any of my friends and that they didn't know him.

"Oh," Spencer relaxed a bit, thinking it was just Jasper. "Well, I guess I'll get back to work, then."

"Don't forget to eat, Spence," I reminded him. He never took time to eat at work. Ever. He was turning into quite the work-a-holic.

""Kay. Love you," he said.

"Love you too. Be safe. Bye!" I called back to him with a grin.

He laughed. "I'll try. Say hi to Jazz for me. Bye sweet pea."

"Sweet pea?" I rolled my eyes with a laugh, "Bye...!" and then I hung up on him. Sweet pea? Really?

I rolled over to the intercom and pressed the button. "'Kay, send him up," I told him.

A minute later, Spencer's bedroom door opened and Gregory's head peeked in.

"Hey," I called to him, drinking my tea, trying to soothe my throat enough for a conversation with him.

"Hello." He smiled pleasantly, walking in with a tray of food. "I got your food," he informed me, making his way to the bed and placing it over my legs.

"Thanks. Sit down," I insisted, patting Spencer's side of the bed. Gregory took off his leather jacket and rested it on the back of a chair, then walked over to sit beside me. He picked up the bottle of pills beside me and smiled.

"Druggie now, are we?" he teased with his devious smile.

I rolled my eyes. "I'm sick, remember?" I reminded him.

He picked up my sleeping pills beside the other bottle and raised an amused smile. "Let me guess. The boyfriend snores?" he chuckled, throwing the bottle up and catching it.

I chuckled and took one of the bottles of pills from him, remembering Spencer's reminder. I took the pills and handed them back to him.

"No. I have nightmares a lot," I told him. It was the half truth.

He gave me an intrigued look and leaned into the headboard of the bed.

"Nightmares? You? You don't seem the type. Do you have a hidden past I don't know about? One that scarred you, perhaps?" he smirked, amused by this new piece of information.

"No…." I rolled my eyes sarcastically at him.

"I wonder when you started getting them. After you met Jasper? He seems to be a guy who could scar you," he said, flipping the bottle of pills around in his hand.

I looked down to my soup and picked up my spoon. "Ha ha. No," I grumbled, sending him a quick glare. I couldn't remember when exactly I started getting the visions in my dreams. It had been years...

"You know, these sleeping pills are the weakess kind. I could get you better ones," he offered, placing the pills back on my nightstand.

I shook my head. "No thanks. They work perfectly."

I picked up my spoon and took a sip of the soup, closing my eyes at the soothing feeling it brought my throat.

"Were you sick all weekend?" Gregory asked, his hazel eyes searching mine.

A chill went through my body at his stare. Why was my body always doing things like that around him?

"Kind of… I felt sick Saturday, but I didn't get pneumonia 'til Sunday when I went to Forks," I told him, passing him the bread roll on my tray since he didn't have any food. He took it, but his eyes stayed on me.

"Forks?" he questioned me, totally not even noticing I had said the word pneumonia. Wow, thanks friend, I thought sarcastically.

"Yeah... it's a really small town in Washington. Jasper went and I followed to get him to come back," I explained, taking another sip of my soup.

Gregory took a bite of his roll and seemed to be in thought.

"Jasper left you?" His eyes seemed a bit confused. I had never seen him confused about something, so this was odd.

I shrugged nonchalantly. "Yes."

I knew it sounded bad for Jasper. And Gregory already seemed to be on Spencer's side.

Gregory nodded slowly, in thought. "Didn't see that coming," he mumbled, more to himself than to me.

"He was just scared… of losing me, I guess," I said defensively, not wanting to make Jasper out as a bad guy. I knew he didn't intend to hurt me at all. He had, when I found out that he had left. But I knew he didn't mean to.

Gregory laughed at my words and shook his head. "If you were afraid Spencer was going to leave you, would you leave? That defeats the purpose. Sure, if you leave him, he can't leave you, but... you still lose him, right? Jasper was making the choice to lose you by leaving you," Gregory countered, giving me a sympathetic smile.

His words made sense, but I knew that wasn't what Jasper had done, was it? He had still wanted me, he just wasn't thinking straight. He wanted me to be happy and he thought he was causing me problems by staying. Right?

I wasn't sure now.

"Just something to think about."

He bit the bread again, watching me closely. I nodded in response and went back to eating, too.

"So, what were your thoughts about Forks?" Gregory wondered, crossing his legs on the bed casually.

I shrugged. "It's a nice place. I've been there before, for holidays with my cousins and stuff. I met a lot of nice people while I was there this time, though."

Gregory laughed his mischievous laugh and tried to cover it up by clearing his throat. His hazel eyes sparkled, something hiding behind them. It was always like I was missing an inside joke with him. He was a weird one sometimes.

"I bet you did," he smirked. "Did you re-meet any of your old friends?"

I ignored the amusement in his voice. It made me uncomfortable for some reason.

"Yes, actually. I visited with Johnny. He... found me sitting out in the rain, after I couldn't find Jazz. He's the little boy who Jasper is close to. And I was with my family over there... and then I re-met Mack. He's a friend of mine, apparently," I replied with a smile, thinking of all the people. They were nice people, all of them. Johnny was amazing… I could see why Jasper was so close to him. He was probably the purest person the world had. I had loved him immediately.

Gregory's eyes rose to mine quickly at my words. I saw his eyes soften for a short second before turning back to their normal, almost cunning look.

"Mack. Another man who fell in love with you?" Gregory guessed jokingly.

I rolled my eyes at his question. I bet he wouldn't have even been surprised if I had answered yes.

"No, he was just a friend. We were pretty close, though," I informed him, sighing quietly. "Mack had a tough life."

I still couldn't comprehend how everyone in Forks had had such tragic things happen to them. Maybe Forks wasn't filled with all nice people and that those people who weren't nice had ruined the lives of the nice ones. That was kind of what it seemed like. But I guessed that that happened everywhere. There were just more people in places like New York, so we didn't notice as much.

Gregory looked down at his legs for a moment and I saw his jaw muscles flex. "Let me guess, recovering drug addict?" Greg questioned.

I raised an eyebrow at his knowledge. "How'd you know that?" I asked in disbelief. There were millions of things that could make someone's life tough, but he had guessed the exact thing that Mack was going through at the moment.

Greg rolled his eyes at me. "Small town. What else could you possibly get into trouble with?" he smirked.

I nodded slowly, still a bit taken aback by his knowledge.

"Plus, I can read you like an open book," he chuckled. Like always, the chuckle sent a shudder through my body.

I scoffed at him. I wasn't _that_ readable.

"Bet you didn't tell your boyfriend that I was here," he stated, as if to prove his point.

I glared at him darkly. "Maybe I did," I grumbled.

"Of course you didn't. He's already afraid to lose you to one guy. You wouldn't want to worry him with another guy," Gregory said slyly, inching a bit closer to me.

"Plus… you like the idea of having your own little secret." He gave me a crooked grin, leaning closer to me. "Something no one else will ever know about." I could feel his breath hitting my face from how close he was, now.

I rolled my eyes at him and reached up to pat his cheek. But I was still puzzled over how he knew exactly what I had thought of our relationship.

My finger touched a scar on his jaw and my thoughts changed to that. A scar. They were so familiar to me now because of Nick and Jasper. I wondered how he would have one. I looked down, but he wore a long sleeved beige shirt, blocking my view of his skin. I frowned.

My finger traced the scar and Gregory smirked. "Like scars, huh?"

"Jazz has a lot of scars," I replied, smiling gently at the feel of it. I loved Jasper's scars. My eyes glazed over as I thought of Sunday morning, when I had woken up to his scars.

"How'd you get it?" I asked, getting my mind away from dangerous territory. I shouldn't be thinking about being in bed with Jasper.

Gregory reached up to cover my hand over the scar, causing me to freeze. His cold hand covered mine tightly. I could feel his strength and for a moment, fear wrenched through me. I relaxed when I remembered who he was, though. He was my friend. He wouldn't do anything to hurt me.

"I don't remember, actually," he told me, putting my hand down on my tray of food.

I gave him a funny look, intrigued that he could have a deep scar like that and not remember what it was from.

"How can you not remember a scar like that?" I wondered out loud, taking a spoonful of my soup.

Gregory shrugged nonchalantly and pulled back so he wasn't as close to me anymore.

"How can you not remember your boyfriend?" he winked at me, teasingly. I rolled my eyes at him and sighed. How could someone forget their boyfriend twice, anyway?

Gregory leaned back against the headboard and closed his eyes, a wicked smile coming over my face.

"What's that smile about?" I questioned him with a chuckle, continuing to finish my soup.

"I was just thinking about all of the stuff you probably don't remember. Places, situations, people...." he said, opening his devious hazel eyes to meet mine. "They all still have those memories, and yet, you don't have a clue. Kind of creepy, right? Like when Johnny found you... he knew you, but you wouldn't know him from any other kid in Forks, right? I was just thinking how weird it would be if one of your old friends came to visit you in New York. You could bump into them on the street and not have a clue who they were, but they'd know all about you."

His words managed to give me goosebumps. I shifted uncomfortably at the thought. "Thanks for putting that thought in my mind, jerk," I grumbled, hitting him. He laughed in amusement and shrugged.

"I'm just saying. You might want to watch your back out there, that's all," he warned me suddenly, his voice becoming gravelly and deep.

I met his eyes hesitantly, sensing that there was some deeper meaning to what he was saying. I should watch my back? From whom? I had left all of the craziness that had happened in Forks _in Forks._ My biggest problem now was trying to balance this situation between Spencer and Jasper.

The other situations that had happened in Forks wouldn't follow me to New York... would they?

**Author's note: *insert suspense music* Gregory seems a bit....creepy? lol what do you think? Is there really a hidden meaning behind his words or is Alice just losing it? And then there's Nick and Jasper, they seem to be warming up to each other slowly, hopefully Nick can begin to trust him again. Then there's Chlick (which is Nick and Chloe's relationship name :P) who seem to be in a good place in their relationship right now. Whatever Chloe is hiding is still to be uncovered. I hope you guys all enjoyed that chapter. Review and let us know! We love your comments. **

**Also, there are only 3 days left for nominating Hope & Forgotten for the contest I mentioned in pervious author's notes. So, the link is still on my profile so if you'd like to nominate them you are very welcome too :P. **

**Lastly, there is no interview this week. We have finished up all the interview we originally planned to do, so this week the blog will have some random stuff on it. Edited pictures and such. So go check it out! And if anyone of you can think of questions that haven't been asked and want to interview us, you are always welcome, just message me. We love to answer your questions!**

**Enjoy the blog post and the rest of your day! **


	23. Feel

**Author's note: Hello world! Here is your weekly update. Enjoy!  
**  
Forgotten Hope Chapter 23- Feel

_JPOV_

The week passed quicker than I thought it would.

Alice was feeling much better after spending a whole week in bed. I had visited her every afternoon, after I was done with classes, and stayed with her until Spencer was done at work. Sometimes I would work on homework while she napped, or sketched new design ideas. Other times we would watch a movie, or make fun of the afternoon soap operas that were on TV.

Sometimes, I felt like I was living in one of those soap operas.

Everyday, as soon as Spencer would come, I would leave. I always left the minute he entered the room. It had become routine: I would kiss Alice on the cheek, tell her to rest, thank her for spending the afternoon with me, and then I'd quickly depart from the house.

It seemed like after staying in Forks with her, it had only made it harder for me to see Spencer with Alice. I could still see her in bed with me, still feel her cuddled against me.

I hated watching Spencer walk through his bedroom door because it meant I had to stop being so close to her. I had to leave, so he could have his night with her. It infuriated me, and every single time, I thought I was going to lose control.

But then Alice would give me this gentle look, apologizing with her eyes. It calmed me every time... but just calm enough to get myself out of there.

The worst part about this week, though, was that she would be leaving for the weekend. Her _birthday_ weekend. Spencer was taking her to their cottage, far away from New York.

I remembered the guilt in her eyes when she had told me, just yesterday, that they were going away for her birthday.

I had been ignoring my homework and looking over her sketches with her, telling her what I liked about the designs she was making. We were having a normal afternoon, and I had been excited because she seemed to be doing a lot better. Her eyes weren't as droopy, and her violent coughing fits had turned into just an annoying little cough here or there.

And in the middle of looking at her sketches, she blurted out, "Jazz, Spence is taking me to the cabin for my birthday this weekend."

I froze. Far away from me on her birthday. I had planned on doing something with her... I knew Spencer would probably want to take her out somewhere... but I didn't think he'd take her for the whole weekend.

Why wasn't I _too _surprised though? Obviously he would grab up any opportunity to steal her away so he could have her for the whole weekend, all alone.

I ran my hands through my hair stressfully. What could I do though? She wasn't mine. She _still _was not mine. I thought it'd be easier, knowing she was remembering, but it was not easier when she was torn away from me like this. Even if I did know she was remembering some of her past with me, what did it matter if her past _before_ me kept overtaking those memories?

"Oh... well..." I didn't want to ruin her birthday or anything. I reminded myself, once again, that none of this was her fault. "I-I'm sure you'll have...fun...." I tried, unconvincingly, to sound happy for her.

She saw right through me, of course. She always did.

"Jazz, I'm so sorry. It was a surprise... I-I didn't know until yesterday--"

"Shh," I interrupted, looking up into her worried green eyes. "It's okay, darling. You'll have a good birthday weekend."

This would be the last time I'd see her before she turned eighteen. She and Spencer were leaving as soon as he got off of work tomorrow, and I had some stupid exam in the afternoon that would be preventing me from seeing her.

I wouldn't get to see her on her birthday and it broke me.

She gave me a sad smile, and stroked my hand with her fingers. "Maybe... we can do something when I come home?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I-uh... I have a gift for you. I'll take you out if you're still up for it when you get home, okay?" I promised.

"Of course I'll still be up for it!" she exclaimed, coughing in her excitement. "I... really am sorry, Jasper...." she whispered.

I shook my head, "No reason to be." I felt like this was a conversation we had had too many times--her being sorry, and me telling her none of it was her fault.

I wanted to be with her on her birthday. It was important. I had never spent time with her on her birthday before. I had planned to bring her somewhere special, but now I'd have to wait until Monday. If I was lucky, maybe Sunday night.

How would I last a whole weekend without her? Let alone her birthday weekend!

"I'll be eighteen...." she mused, looking down at her drawings.

I nodded. "You'll be all grown up." All grown up with Spencer, leaving me behind in her past, with all of the other happy youthful memories that were soon to be forgotten.

"Eh. Never _too_ grown up...." she said, squinting her eyes at the drawings, but not really seeing them. It had been a habit of hers lately. The squinting. I think she did it when she was either remembering something or trying to remember something.

I grabbed one of her red pens with my left hand and then gently took her hand with my right. She watched as I drew a small heart on the back of her left hand, between her thumb and pointer finger.

"That's a permanent pen, you know," she said lightly, "not coming off for a while."

"Maybe that means something," I said, meeting her eyes, trying to hide my disappointment and sadness at not getting to see her.

Her eyes locked on mine, gazing into them deeply, emotions swirling. I wondered if she could see the love that I had for her.

"I... I should get going." I broke our staring spell after a moment. "Spencer'll be home soon," I said, not wanting to see him today. I didn't think I'd be able to be civil.

"Oh--okay," she said, blinking, coming out of the intensity of our gaze.

I ran my thumb over the heart that I had drawn. "Happy Birthday, darling," I told her, kissing her forehead. "I..." I wanted to say it so badly. I love you. I love you I love you I love you....

"I... hope it's everything you want it to be."

I kissed her cheek and squeezed her hand before tearing myself away from her.

"Thanks, Jazz," she whispered, looking up at me from her bed.

I smiled, grabbed my stuff, and then with one last wave, left the bedroom.

That was the last time I had seen her when she was seventeen.

The thought sort of scared me. At least when she was seventeen, we had had memories together. I hadn't yet seen her when she was eighteen. We had no memories together when she was eighteen. What if she decided to just leave me in her seventeenth year?

She wouldn't do that, though.... I hoped she wouldn't....

She wouldn't.

"Jasper, you okay?" Nick asked, walking into my room and interrupting my thoughts.

I shook my thoughts off and got up. "Yeah...yeah...of course," I mumbled, grabbing my jacket from beside me and shrugging it on. I had to do a group assignment and was heading to the university to meet with them for the night. Studious kids... wanted to get the project done tonight so that they'd have the weekend to do whatever they wanted.

I was grateful, though. Gave me something to do.

Yep, that was what I had going on on Alice's birthday. I would be studying with a bunch of people I didn't even know. I doubted I would even be able to help them too much because my mind wouldn't stop thinking about her being away from me. I needed her so much already.

Nick shifted, letting me pass, but I saw the uncertainty in his eyes. Since I had come home, he was opening up to me more and more by the day. He still felt a little uneasy around me sometimes... mostly when it came to talking seriously. He could joke with me and talk about everyday things, but he wouldn't talk about his problems and he hardly asked me about mine.

I still wasn't blaming him, though. I deserved worse treatment than this and I was just grateful to have him back. He accepted me a lot faster than I had thought he would. He truly was my best friend. I didn't think a friend could be any better.

"You sure? You could... stay home, if you need to," he offered quickly, jogging to catch up with me.

I scoffed, putting my shoes on. "Not a chance. This is your night with Chloe." I grabbed his shoulder and gave him a supportive smile.

"One whole month," I reminded him. Even though I saw how he was with her, I was still a little shocked that he had been in a relationship with her for that long. Nick didn't have relationships like that....

A huge grin took over his face and I saw a sparkle come to his eyes. I had never seen him so happy. He had been a nervous wreck all day, deciding to do something laid back, then have doubts about it, thinking Chloe would want something more. He would then decide on something fancy, but shoot it down because that wasn't his style. And in the end, it all just came back to what Chloe wanted. The guy was head over heels for her whether he'd admit it to himself or not.

"I know, but if you're not sure if you're okay...?" Nick trailed off, searching my eyes, trying to figure out what he should do.

I punched him in the shoulder, shoving him backwards. "No. I'm going to NYU. I have a project. Have a good night, make her feel special," I ordered him, opening the apartment door. That was the most important thing-- that he made her feel appreciated and cherished. Because he had a good chance of her feeling the same way back. I was pretty sure she already did.

He set his jaw and watched me leave with narrowed eyes.

Oh well. Even if I wasn't fine, I wasn't going to put myself in the way of something important to him. There wasn't a chance in hell I would do that. I would be fine. I was focusing on school. That was why I had come to New York, right? For school.

And for Alice.

I sighed. I just felt like the odd man out. Nick had his perfect relationship, Spencer had his... and Spencer had his with _my_ girl.

How long could I last being like this? Feeling like this?

I needed to feel her with me again... I needed feel Hope again....

_APOV_

I felt a hotness press against my cheek and my eyes fluttered sleepily.

"We're here, baby," I heard Spence whisper in my ear, tickling my neck gently with his hot breath.

"'Kay," I murmured, but didn't make an effort to move. I felt too tired. I was just recovering from the pneumonia and my sleeping habits were still all messed up at the moment.

Spencer chuckled and I heard a click of a seat belt before he scooped me up in his arms. "All an excuse for me to hold you," he snickered, pecking my forehead lovingly.

I lazily swatted his chest, but snuggled my head into him, enjoying the warmth.

I fiddled with the buttons on his shirt as he began to walk. I noticed he wasn't heading in the direction of the cabin, though.

"Where are we going?" I slurred, unbuttoning the top button of his dress shirt. We had left for the cottage straight after he got home from work. He had only went to work for a few hours today, so we could get here in time for dinner.

I moved my fingers slowly down to the next button, and Spencer gently moved to set me on my feet.

"Not right now," he chuckled, pecking my lips. "I have a surprise for you."

"A surprise?" I grinned, looking up at him with wide, excited eyes, now feeling more awake at the mention of a surprise.

"Yep! No peaking," he instructed me, covering my eyes.

Spencer led us, covering my eyes with his hands as we walked. I kept hold on his wrists, in case I fell as we walked through long grass. I was still a bit tired from just waking up.

After another minute, he stopped us, slowly lowering his hands from my eyes. My eyes widened at the sight. It was our spot, of course, but it was different this time. It was just like...

"Happy birthday," Spence whispered into my ear. I could hear the depth of his love in his husky voice and my body was already melting.

"Spence..." I whispered, gazing at the picture of perfection lying in front of me. There was an entire picnic dinner laid out and candles lighting up the whole little meadow of grass. The light of the candles reflected off of the nearby water, making the sight even more breathtaking.

What was most important about this, though, was that wasn't the first time it looked like this.

Spencer had set this up once before, exactly like this, a few days before he had left for England. It was the first time we had ever been together, completely. It was our first time.

I took a deep breath, remembering the beauty of that night. It had been so... perfect.

Spencer wrapped his arms around me from behind, resting his chin on my shoulder.

"It's perfect," I whispered breathlessly, turning around to snuggle into his embrace.

He sighed softly into me, like he had been holding a deep breath in. He was nervous. I could feel the tension in his muscles.

"Would you like to eat now, baby?" he offered me, pulling back to flash me his knee weakening smile. It was the same smile that was plastered across fashion magazines all over the world, but it would only ever mean everything to me. That was my smile from him. He smiled that smile for me and only me. And I knew that.

I smiled brightly back at him and nodded in agreement.

He let me go and his smile stayed widely on his face as he brought me to sit on the thick picnic blanket. I rolled my eyes at him as he sat on the other side of the blanket from me, and crawled over to his side to sit in between his legs.

This place, our place, made me feel so much more connected to him. It seemed to make the last few months of confusion fade out of my mind. This was just us in our special place. It felt... refreshing.

"So… I brought this… but if you still don't like it, you don't have to drink it," Spencer said as he pulled things out of the picnic basket he had beside us. I noticed a bottle of my favorite champagne in his hand. I took it slowly from his hands, looking at it.

I wasn't sure if I could drink it. Last time I had tried, I almost choked to death on it. My body just... wouldn't let me swallow it. I wondered if I had gotten over that, yet.

"Maybe later," I decided, putting it down on the blanket.

Spence brushed his fingers across the back of my hand, causing me to look up at him. He gave me a supportive smile, assuring me that whatever decision I made was all right. He wouldn't force me to drink it.

Spencer continued pulling things out, and I helped him, setting our dinner out in front of us.

Spencer served the food onto our plates and then pulled mine up, placing it on my lap. He put his beside us, so he could eat from the side, so I wouldn't have to get off of him. I think he felt more connected to me here, too. The connection was physically too strong to pull away from here.

_Was that a good thing? _Something in my mind wondered.

_Of course it was_, I fought back in annoyance. I shook the thought off before it could turn into more. This night was about Spencer and me. He needed me right now, more than ever.

"Are you feeling okay?" Spencer asked.

"Yep," I assured him, leaning my head back to kiss his chin happily. Of course, he was still worried about my sickness. But I was feeling much better. My throat still ached a little, and I didn't have my normal amount of energy, but I wasn't coughing. I just had to keep up with drinking fluids, and I would be fine, I was sure of it.

But Spencer was just being his normal worrying self.

"Are you telling me the truth or trying not to worry me?" he asked, knowing me all too well.

I laughed. "Both."

He chuckled and accepted my answer, taking a fork full of his food.

I relaxed into his chest, leaning into him as I ate in the tranquility of our silence. I watched the waves break against the shore, even more relaxed by the sound. It was like a long lost lullaby.

"Do you think Nick and Chloe are having a good night?" I wondered aloud, knowing it was their first anniversary together. They had hit the one month marker tonight, on my birthday. Weird.

Spencer smirked with a shrug. "Trying not to think about it," he replied, running his fingers across my stomach, giving me goosebumps.

"Jealous?" I teased, gazing up at him.

"Maybe. Finish eating your food," he grumbled playfully. I giggled and picked my fork up, but then turned slightly in my seat to see him. He had hardly touched his food. All of his attention seemed to be on me.

"What?" I asked him, shifting as much as I could to see him.

He smiled happily and shrugged. For a moment, his eyes looked like they used to. They looked so carefree... happy and peaceful. I reached up to run my hand through his hair lovingly.

"You done eating?" he asked me. I noticed his voice get lower, sexier.

"Yep, but you're not," I said with a smile, looking back down at his hardly touched food.

The boy needed to learn how to eat again. I wondered why he never ate. He made sure I ate and sometimes I'd make him come down to eat with me, but he never ate much of it. Just enough so I wouldn't say anything.

Spencer stiffened for a second and looked down at his plate.

"I'm not really hungry," he whispered, not meeting my eyes.

"Don't block me out," I begged, grabbing his face so he would look at me. I hated when he did that. He always kept his sorrows deep inside. He wouldn't talk to me anymore. Not like he used to....

"This is our place, Spence. You can tell me anything. It's just you and me," I murmured, stroking his cheek gently. He let his eyes drift down to mine and I winced at the deep pain inside of them.

"Why don't you like to eat anymore?" I asked him, my sadness pouring into my voice. I didn't want that look in his eyes. My heart ached brokenly.

Spencer breathed deeply and twirled his fork mindlessly between his fingers. "It's easier not to," he said quietly, moving his eyes to his fork. He pulled himself out of our connection.

I was confused by his words, though.

"I don't understand," I whispered to him.

You needed food to _live_. How could it be easier not to eat it?

Spencer dropped his head to my shoulder, burying his face in my hair.

"You can tell me, baby," I assured him, massaging his scalp with my hand, trying to relax him. He was so happy a minute ago. Maybe I shouldn't have asked....

Spencer sighed and kissed my cheek as he brought his head back up.

"It's harder to throw up on an empty stomach." His voice broke painfully through his words and my eyes shot to his. Throw up? Since when was he throwing up when he ate? I wondered in confusion. I'd never noticed him throwing up. Was I becoming that distant from him that I wouldn't notice something like that?

What kind of girlfriend was I?

I took a ragged breath in, feeling sick to my stomach, not sure if I was going to throw up, now. I felt so disgusted with myself.

"W-when did you start throwing up?" I asked him, worried.

Spencer closed his eyes tightly and shrugged.

"A while ago," he mumbled nonchalantly.

"Why do you throw up?" I questioned him, wanting to know if he was very sick. Maybe he should be going to the doctor... or did he already see the doctor about it? I had no idea!

Spencer groaned quietly, upset now. "We should talk about this later, hun. It's your birthday." He shook his head back and forth, refusing. He was hiding something... he was trying not to hurt me. I knew him too well.

"Don't I get whatever I want on my birthday?" I pouted, looking up at him with wide, broken eyes. I needed to know how to help him. I couldn't just push something that extreme out of my mind. My boyfriend couldn't even eat....

He shifted uncomfortably at me desperate gaze.

"The doctor thinks it's part of my depression... when I get too upset, I can't keep my food down," he explained, his misery soaking every single word.

The words were like vinegar on my wounded heart. He was still that upset. I had come home, though.... I didn't understand. Was it because of Jasper? Was it because I didn't spend enough time with him, now? Or was it just remembering that I had forgotten him that hurt him? I searched my mind, needing to know why.

Why was he hurting so much?

I couldn't speak as I watched his eyes burning into mine. I could see that he wanted to pull away and hide his sadness from me, but my intense gaze kept his eyes on mine.

"You won't be upset tonight," I whispered, my voice breaking as I spoke. I reached for a plate of chocolate covered strawberries that Spencer had pulled out and reached it up to his mouth.

"I won't let you be sad, Spence," I promised him when I saw reluctance enter his eyes.

He slowly parted his lips and took a bite of the strawberry. His eyes never left mine, though. The burning gazes we held on each other were too strong. I was promising him everything. He would not be sad. Not tonight. Not ever. He deserved happiness. He deserved it more than anyone....

Without even blinking, he picked up a strawberry and brought it to my lips. I did as he had and took a bite, enjoying the sweetness of the berry. Memories pierced my mind, rushing in. Memories of that night in this meadow. We had eaten this exact same meal....

Spencer's eyes looked pained, and he leaned forward, moving the strawberry from my lips and replacing it with his lips.

I kissed him back. The kiss was so painfully sweet that I whimpered against his lip.

"I'm so sorry," I rasped in pain as I pulled back to stare into his eyes. "So sorry, Spence."

Spencer shook his head roughly, crushing his lips to mine. He let his pain flow through us both, sharing it for the first time.

I took his pain in, wrapping my arms around his neck, locking him there. He wasn't going to ever take that pain back.

"It's not your fault," he practically growled at me in frustration as he pulled back for breath, kissing my jaw and up to my ear. He pressed his lips to my ear. "It was never your fault," he hissed.

I kept him there, feeling tears start to trail down my cheeks. I had started all of this. I had ruined the happiest guy that had ever been in this world. I remembered his everlasting smile, never ever leaving his face. And now a real smile hardly formed on his broken face. I had done this. It _was_ my fault.

Spencer sensed my doubts and sat up, bringing me with him. He turned me around in his arms so that I was facing directly in front of him. His eyes were on fire with passion.

"You never did anything wrong," he urged me to believe him, holding my face tightly between his hands. He shut his eyes and I heard a whimper leave his lips. He was a mess of emotions.

I reached up to cup his cheeks, like he had done to me.

"You never did anything wrong, either," I demanded straight back at him through my cracking voice. I felt him trembling against my hands.

"I tried so hard to get you back," he choked, leaning into my hand. "I couldn't get you back," he told me, opening his eyes to let loose a war of battling emotions. Tears were streaming down both of our faces now.

I was drowning in his deep blue eyes like never before. His pain had never been more real than this.

I had never wished so hard that I had never lost my memory than in this moment.

"You got me back, Spence. I'm right here," I told him forcefully, tightening my grip on his cheeks so that he would see me. I was here. With him.

His lips were hurriedly on mine again. I held him, wiping his tears away with my fingers as I kissed him with the same passion.

When he pulled back, his eyes were darker than I had ever seen before. They pierced through my soul.

"Alice?" he said breathlessly, standing up.

He let go of his vice grip on my face and offered me his hands. I took them with need and he helped my stand. He pulled me with him as he walked a few steps. We stood facing the water, watching it in silence for a moment.

"Remember what happened in this exact spot?" Spencer asked me, his voice filled with the sweetest love, turning us.

I faced him and placed my hand on his chest, slipping my fingers through his with my other hand. Spencer's free hand covered the one on his chest. We had stood in the exact position the first time that he had told me he loved me.

"I remember everything about this spot," I whispered to the ground instead of to him.

When my eyes rose to his, I could see the need burning painfully in his eyes, but he didn't move out of our position.

"Do you remember what I said?" he asked me, his voice hoarse and low.

I nodded and stepped closer to him. Our bodies were just close enough to feel the heat of the other.

"You said, 'Alice, don't skip so close to the edge. You'll fall into the water!'" I said, flashing him a joking grin.

Spencer laughed, carefree, and leaned down to press his forehead to mine, his eyes sparkling.

"Mmm, not that time. Try when we were past puberty," he chuckled, rubbing his nose happily against mine. I was relieved to see his happiness now. I thought I might die if I had to see that pain in his eyes much longer. Though, I knew it was always there, just hidden. And the least I could do for him was watch the pain that I had been giving him.

But I wasn't going to let him be upset tonight. I had decided that.

I pouted at him. "But I loved your squeaky little voice when you hit puberty," I teased, running both of our hands up so I could wrap my arms around Spencer's neck.

Spencer's fingers untangled themselves from mine and he placed his on my hips, pressing his lips together, holding back a grin.

"That was not a good time in my life," he laughed, finally letting the laughter come out of his lips.

I stuck my tongue out at him. I watched his jaw flex, like he was in pain or he was angry. What had I done now?

He must not have been very angry, though, because he leaned forward, pressing his warm lips to my ear again.

"I much preferred after puberty was over," Spencer whispered huskily into my ear. I shivered against his hot breath and then felt him begin to nibble on my ear.

"I'm sure you did," I said breathlessly, toying with his hair.

He hummed in agreement and his lips moved down to my neck, leaving a trail of kisses down it before he stopped and stood up straight.

He cleared his throat and let go of me.

"Did you want a drink now?" he asked, his voice shaky now. I gave him a funny look.

"No... but you can drink," I said, sensing that he was the one who really needed the drink. I wasn't going to risk choking on it right now-- Spencer might have a heart attack.

Spencer nodded in agreement and turned around, looking uncomfortable. What was up now?

He picked up the bottle and handed me a glass to hold. I held it as he popped the cap out of the champagne bottle. He hurriedly poured the glass of champagne, before it bubbled over too much, and took it from me.

"Are you sure you should be drinking?" I asked him, actually concerned. His emotions were everywhere at the moment. He was sad, then smiling, and now nervous.

He grinned at me, reassuring me that he was okay.

He took a long sip of the drink and sighed. His eyes closed, looking content.

But the moment his eyes opened again, they were troubled.

I groaned softly and walked to him, wrapping my arms around his waist and gazing up at him.

"Tell me what you need?" I whispered, my voice turning toward pleading. I wished I could read his mind. This would be so much easier.

Spencer took another long sip of the drink and took a deep breath before looking down at me.

"I _need_ you," he rasped, staring down at me, his eyes filling with need.

There was a silence that followed that request. My heart pounded in my chest. I could feel my hands shaking.

Was I ready for this? Why wouldn't I be ready? It was Spence... of course I wanted have sex with him.

Or did I?

My mind was struggling. I shouldn't be struggling. I _loved_ Spencer....

Spencer seemed to notice my hesitation, because he ducked his head and nodded.

"It's fine if you don't want to, baby," he assured me, looking down at the ground. He put his hands deep in his pockets and shrugged.

How could I say no to that voice? That broken down, worn out voice of the love of my life?

I took a breath and my hands grabbed Spencer's shirt, pulling him to me.

He was shocked, frozen, when my lips met his, crushing against them.

Spencer moaned softly into my mouth, caressing my arms with his hands. He slowly brought his hands to my face, keeping me in the kiss. As Spencer's tongue swept into my mouth, I could taste the champagne.

The familiarity of the taste of him and the champagne relaxed me, and I melted into him. I could feel my Spencer again. The memories of his touches and this place flooded my mind as his hands roamed my body, touching his Alice... me. I was his Alice again, here....

He pulled back for breath, running his hands down my body, stopping on my hips. His fingers slipped through my belt loops and pulled me as close as he could to him. Our bodies pressed tightly against each other.

Spencer's lips attacked my neck, running down to my collarbone, moving the fabric with his nose so he could kiss my skin.

"Spence," I murmured, trying to get his attention.

His eyes flickered immediately to me, worried.

"W-we can stop," he said quickly, letting me go.

I growled viciously at him, making his look become even more worried, but now puzzled as well.

I pulled him close and brought my lips to his ear, like he had done so many times today.

"I need you too," I breathed passionately into his ear.

I was certain at this moment. All I wanted was to be with my love again. I just wanted everything to disappear so I could feel whole again. I wanted to be together, with him.

Completely together.

-*-

I lay awake, listening to the sound of the waves crashing against the shore, feeling Spencer's chest rise and fall in his peaceful slumber.

I toyed with the trail of hair near his belly button and sighed. Why did I feel so sad? Why wasn't I happy?

I was somewhat surprised... it had been perfect, like always. But after, I just felt miserable. I didn't understand why.

I had wanted him. I wanted to be with him like that. Of course I wanted that. But something just felt so wrong, now. I felt like I was missing something.

And now I was worried that I actually might know what I was missing.

I stared at the little red heart on my hand.

Could I be missing Jasper? Was that why I felt so wrong about being with Spencer? I had never felt wrong about sleeping with Spence before....

Everything had changed, though. Maybe I should have expected it to make me feel differently. I had hoped that it would've been the same....

Spencer didn't seem to notice, though, thank God. He had been spent and fell straight to sleep with a smile on his face. He was acting like he used to be, and that made me too happy to tell him how I felt. I knew it would kill him.

As long as he felt that it was right, then that was all that mattered right now. It was just my confused mind at the moment. My mind didn't know what it wanted because it had two lives living in it. Jasper's Alice and Spencer's Alice. And I needed them to become one before I totally ruined the perfect man lying beside me.

Or the perfect man I half wished I was with....

My breath caught at my thought. Had I really just thought that?

My whole body was frozen at the near thought. I didn't wish that. Why would I even think that? Spencer was perfect…why would I need anyone else but him?

I clasped my hands over my eyes, trying to stop my thoughts.

Think about Spencer. Think about what just happened. Think about his touches. Think about his love for you. He makes you feel so good.... I instructed myself, starting to tremble.

He loves me... and I love him... it should all be perfect, right?

I was getting frustrated with myself. Spencer did all of this for me. For my birthday. And now I was having doubts. I was getting to be a worse girlfriend every second.

At that moment, Spencer rolled over, wrapping his arm around me. He brought me close, enveloping me in his love. His warmth spread through me, relaxing me a little. At least I still liked it when he touched me....

I looked at my hand again, seeing the heart that Jasper had drawn. It hadn't faded yet.

I closed my eyes against Spencer's loving embrace and took a ragged breath in.

Nothing was perfect like it used to be... would anything ever feel right again?

_NPOV_

"So your homework's done?" I asked over the phone, starting to gather ingredients for grilled cheese. Bread. Cheese Butter. If I had known it was this easy, I would have made grilled cheese a lot sooner than last week, when Chloe and I had made it together. I definitely considered this learning to cook.

"Yep!" she exclaimed. "Done for the weekend, most of Monday, part of Tuesday. So we can celebrate our one month anniversary for the next three days if you want," she joked.

I laughed. "Let's do it. You've overworked yourself enough today to last for the next few days. Tonight is all about a relaxing night in with me, right?" I joked, pulling out the griddle.

The griddle and I were friends, now. We went way back to my pancake making days. I had recently decided that I could probably live off of just cooking off of a griddle. It was _easy._ I never thought it'd be this easy.

"Absolutely," she giggled. "Want me to bring a movie over, or are we okay with Jasper's collection?"

"Think we're good," I said, heating the griddle and grabbing two cans of tomato soup from the cupboard. "And, I'm making us a gourmet dinner."

"Ooo. You're spoiling me, now. What are you making us?" she asked curiously. I could hear her getting ready in the background.

"It's a surprise," I answered mysteriously.

She laughed. "That could be good or bad. But I'm excited to try it, either way. I'll be over shortly."

Ever since the elevator, she had been a lot more comfortable with joking around with me. I think it was because it was the first time we had sort of got out of our comfort zones. And we survived being out of those zones, which was a good sign....

"Kay. Oh! And do you have a bathing suit?" I asked quickly, before we hung up.

"A what?" she asked. I guess she was surprised by the random question.

"A bathing suit. Jasper's out studying with a group from school for the night to get his mind off of Alice being gone for the weekend. He won't be home 'til later and he said we could use the hot tub that he has in his room. I figured it could be fun. Relaxing fun," I explained. I had wanted that to be a surprise, too, but she needed her bathing suit for it.

"Umm. Yeah. I-I think I do...." she trailed off.

"If not, it's no big deal. Alice has a few here that you could probably borrow," I said casually, starting to heat the soup in a pot on the stove.

"Yeah I... don't really think I'd fit into any of Alice's bathing suits, Nick...." she said quietly, like she was still thinking about something. Distracted.

Alice was a little shorter than Chloe, but they looked about the same size to me. Chloe was just taller than Alice.... It looked like she could pull off wearing one of Alice's bathing suits though...?

"No worries, though. I found my bathing suit... I'll see you soon," she said quickly, before I could say anything.

"Okay... and you're okay, right?" I asked, sensing a tension in her voice that hadn't been there earlier. I thought most girls liked hot tubs?...

"Yep. Fine," she replied, trying very hard to sound casual. "I'll be over in a couple of minutes. See you and your gourmet dinner then!"

"Okay... see you soon," I said. We hung up.

I knew that Alice and Chloe, though they had a few things in common, were two totally different people. But if Alice had a hot tub in her bedroom at the cabin, and another in her bedroom in New York, then I thought maybe Chloe would like it, too?

Plus, nothing was better after a long day of working and studying than hopping into a hot tub for a little while and just relaxing. It was our one month anniversary--officially the longest relationship I've ever had in my life. And Chloe had had a long day. She deserved to just relax tonight... and I loved relaxing with her. Probably because I felt more at ease around her than anyone else.

I finished cooking the soup and put the heat on a low setting, so that it would stay warm while the grilled cheese finished up.

Just as I was putting the bowls of soup onto the table, the door buzzer went off. I smiled to myself. Chloe was here, right in time for dinner.

I buzzed her in and then set the plates of grilled cheese on the table with the soup. I cut them into halves, and then set a glass of water next to her plate and a glass of Coke next to mine. I had been pretty healthy lately... I figured one glass of Coke wouldn't be too big of a deal.

She knocked a minute later, and I raced to open the door.

"Hey," I greeted her with a smile.

"Hey," she smiled back, meeting me halfway for a quick kiss that slowly turned into a deeper one.

"Was that the surprise part of dinner?" she asked quietly, her eyes shining.

"Nope," I said, kissing her again. "Just the start. You ready for this?" I asked, wiggling my eyebrows.

"I think so...." she said, wrinkling her nose adorably as she answered.

I grinned. "Kay. Close your eyes."

She shut the door behind her and set her purse on the floor next to the door. "And... why am I closing my eyes?" she asked playfully.

"So I can lead you to the amazingly decadent surprise dinner that I made us, of course!" I joked, grinning at her.

I watched her relax even more as I took her hands. "I'll guide you in, I promise."

She nodded and closed her eyes. "I'm ready for this decadent surprise dinner!"

"_Amazingly_ decadent surprise dinner," I added, squeezing her hands softly to let her know I wasn't seriously correcting her.

She grinned, her eyes still closed. I couldn't help but think she looked adorable. "Lead the way, Nick...."

I caught her lips in mine again, surprising her, and then led her into the kitchen and helped her sit down at the table.

"All right... open your eyes," I said, sitting down next to her.

She opened them and smiled proudly at me. "You made grilled cheese again. All by yourself."

"Yep," I cracked my knuckles and nodded. "I figure at this rate, I'll be cooking regularly in no time."

She grinned and kissed my cheek. "It looks perfect. And you have tomato soup, too."

"Yeah, I... figured it'd be a nice touch... so... let's give it a shot and see if I managed to mess up grilled cheese...." I half joked. Just because it _looked_ edible didn't mean that it was....

"I'm sure it's fine," she assured me, picking up one of the halves and dipping a corner in her soup. "But I'll let you know...." she added, joking back.

I watched as she took a bite of it, and then took a bite, myself. It tasted pretty good to me....

"Congratulations, Nick. I think you have managed to master grilled cheese," Chloe told me with a smile, taking a sip of her water.

"Well, if I have your seal of approval, then that's all that matters," I told her, eating more of my sandwich. "Thank you for helping me with it."

She shook her head. "I didn't really _help_ you. I just showed you how to do it...."

"Also know as: helping me. Without you, this dinner wouldn't exist," I told her, eating some of the soup.

"It wouldn't exist without you either, though," she pointed out, taking another small bite of the half of her grilled cheese sandwich.

"I think it makes it special, then," I teased.

She laughed, "Who would've thought we could make grilled cheese so romantic?"

I agreed, mostly just enjoying her laugh.

We chatted over "dinner," if you could call it that. When I had finished, she still had half of her sandwich and half of the soup left, but she was starting to get up to take it to the sink.

"Holdddd on. Time out. Were you lying to me?" I asked her.

She froze. "About...?"

"Liking my food...." I raised an eyebrow and then looked at her plate.

She looked down too and then smiled reassuringly. "No! I loved it, Nick. It was the best grilled cheese _ever._ I'm just... starting to get full," she shrugged. "I'll finish it if you want, though...?"

Well, what was the point of that? If she wasn't hungry, I wasn't going to _make_ her eat. She just tended to barely eat anything, ever.

"If you're not hungry, you don't have to force it for me," I said, smiling and taking her plate and bowl from her. She gave me a look, but I ignored it. Neither of us was cleaning up until later. Tonight was relaxation night.

"Well, okay. But I'm washing the dishes since you cooked," she told me.

"Fair enough. But how about later? Let's go enjoy Jasper's hot tub...." I said, grinning in excitement.

"Okay," she agreed quietly with a small smile.

I took her hand gently and kissed it before leading her down the hallway and into Jasper's room, to the hot tub.

"It's gorgeous, isn't it?" I asked her as we stood next to it.

She nodded. "Now, why do they have a hot tub in their bedroom again?"

I laughed. "Alice likes them, apparently. Spencer helped Jasper design the room, and well... Alice gets what she wants when Spencer's involved."

"Ah, got it. Makes sense, I guess...." she said, dipping her fingers into it, a thoughtful look on her face. I was very used to her thoughtful looks by now, though.

"Yep. And we're allowed _in_ it, too...." I hinted with a smile, pulling off my shirt.

"Right," she nodded again, staring at the water as she played with it.

"Did you want to... change in the bathroom, or something?" I offered.

"Oh. No, I--I wore my bathing suit under my clothes, so...."

"Okay. Well... I'll get the bubbles started then," I said, turning away from her so that she could get ready to get in. Maybe she felt weird about taking her clothes off in front of me, even if she had a bathing suit on underneath. It made sense to me. Chloe was naturally more shy... and this was us doing something totally different that we usually did.

I turned the bubbles and the light on in the hot tub and flipped off the bedroom lights. I then hopped in before turning around to face Chloe. The hot water stung my legs at first, but I knew it would feel good in a second.

Chloe was just stepping out of her jeans when I turned around. She folded them neatly and placed them and her shirt on the bed.

And then she decided to grab my shirt off of the floor and fold it, too. Why was I not surprised?

"You're always cleaning up after me," I pointed out.

She crossed her arms in front of her and shrugged. "Maybe 'cause you leave things around to be cleaned up...?" she tried, holding in a smile.

I splashed at her lightly. "Stop cleaning stuff and come relax with me. It was a long day for you."

She gave in and climbed into the hot tub and I offered my hand to help her in. As she took it lightly and stepped in with me, I took a deep breath. She looked so gorgeous in her simple white bikini bathing suit. For some reason, I was kind of surprised. Not because she looked gorgeous, but because of the bathing suit. She looked classy, as usual, but then... not as usual, too. It was weird. I think it didn't match her personality as well as her outfits usually did. The bikini wasn't as shy as Chloe. But she definitely looked amazing.

She had left her hair down. From the light of the hot tub reflecting on her bathing suit, her hair and skin looked darker. Tanner.

"Feels amazing, right?" I said, trying to keep my eyes on hers so that she wouldn't feel like I was some creep who was just trying to see her in a bathing suit or something. I hadn't tried to make our anniversary special with the hot tub just because I wanted us to be in bathing suits. I really just wanted it to be something new and fun and laid back for us to do....

She eased into the water more so that she was sitting across from me, the water coming up to her shoulders now.

"Amazing is definitely a good word to use," she said, leaning her head back and closing her eyes. "It really is perfect after a long day."

I played with some of the bubbles that were gathering in front of me. "You look really nice, by the way...." I tried to compliment her hesitantly, not sure how she'd take it. She tended to brush them off.

She opened her eyes and stole a glance at me. "Thanks...." she said quietly.

Her eyes stayed on mine, and then trailed down to my chest. She stared for a long time.

Oh, the scars. Right. Yeah... definitely had a few there.

I swallowed hard, but didn't comment, letting her stare. She hadn't been scared, yet....

After a moment, she seemed to realize she was staring, and she looked to the water, playing with the bubbles. "You don't look so bad yourself."

I smiled, trying to lighten the mood. "Good to know."

She stole another look at my chest and I noticed her fingers twitch. "They look sort of surreal in the water, you know...." she finally said.

"Surreal?"

She nodded. "The scars. They're sort of glowing... I guess it's the light playing with the water."

I thought she looked sort of surreal, too. Beautifully surreal. Like she was just someone I was imagining... too good to be true. But I thought it might sound weird to say out loud. So I just nodded.

We sat in silence for a moment, listening to the gurgle of the bubbles. I decided to stop things from getting uncomfortable.

"So you liked the grilled cheese and soup?" I asked casually, taking in the new shade of brown that her eyes looked in the light.

She smiled, apparently grateful for familiar conversation. "Of course. Pretty soon you'll be cooking for us all the time."

I nodded in agreement. "Yeah. Just keep teaching me things to cook on the griddle and we'll be set."

She chuckled. "We'll have to move you away from it slowly. Maybe to things in pots first. I think you'd like the oven, though. It's a lot easier."

"I'll trust your judgment," I said with a smile.

She took a breath. "You getting hot, yet?"

"Yet?" I looked down at myself and then to my arms. "Are you trying to say I'm not hot enough for you?"

She gave me a look and then rolled her eyes, laughing. "You know what I mean."

I grinned. "Nah, I'm not too hot yet. Are you?" I looked at her closely, noticing that there might have been a bit of a rosy tint to her cheeks.

"A little. Kind of light-headed. Is that normal?" she asked quietly, almost as if she wasn't sure if she should be asking or not.

I nodded. "It's normal. You're smaller than I am, so you're warming up faster. Try sitting on the edge with just your feet in for a few minutes so you cool down a little."

She bit her lip. "Maybe I'm okay...."

I shook my head. "You're, like, three pounds. I don't want you to faint, sweetheart...." I didn't want to tell her what to do, but I knew you weren't supposed to spend too much time in the hot tub without letting yourself cool down every so often.

"Okay," she agreed, putting her hands on the sides and boosting herself up to sit on the edge of it. "And I'm not three pounds."

"Kay, five," I teased.

She rolled her eyes and smiled, brushing my comment off.

I raised an eyebrow, though, as I suddenly noticed two things about her that I had never noticed before.

Scars. One on her inner arm, close to the crook of it, and another on her knee. I couldn't control my curiosity.

"I didn't know you had scars," I blurted out. Smooth, Nick. At least she was subtle about yours.

She gave me a confused look, and then looked to where I was looking.

"Oh... well... everyone has scars, don't they?" she said, her voice oddly serious, sort of sad.

I guess they did.

"Why haven't I noticed them before, though?" I wondered.

She shrugged. "You've never examined my knees before...?" she suggested, holding back a laugh, now.

"What about the one on your arm?" I had seen her arms before....

She shrugged. "The light makes them glow, remember?"

She was trying to lighten the mood again.

Again. Why were we both finding the need to lighten the mood tonight? To not wander out of our comfort zones? Last time we had done that, things had just gotten better for us. Maybe we needed to just follow the mood and see where it led us....

I moved to come closer to her and she tensed for a second.

_Don't scare her, Nick._

"You okay?" I asked, still moving, slower now.

She nodded quickly as I stopped in front of her. Gently, gently, _gently,_ I pressed my lips to the scar on her knee.

I heard her take a breath, and then she was next to me in the hot tub again, both of us standing, staring at each other.

"How'd you get that one?" I asked her.

She got a strange look in her eyes, like she was realizing something, and then she did the last thing I was expecting from her.

She grinned.

"What?" I asked, totally taken aback.

"You just noticed two of my scars... and you want to know how I got them?"

"Well... yeah...?" Was that wrong?

Her eyes lit up. "So... I'll tell you... if you tell me how you got two of yours," she reasoned, trying to contain the excitement in her voice.

I had never seen this girl so excited. Ever. I wanted to give her what she wanted, but....

"You want to know... _now_?" I inquired.

Her excitement was still in her eyes, but she was slowly starting to look a little more nervous.

"Well... only if you want to tell me...." she said hesitantly, crossing her arms in front of her.

No no _no_. I didn't want the caution. I wanted her to be comfortable with me. Comfortable enough to tell me how she got her scars.

And comfortable enough to hear about mine....

"I want to tell you," I said quietly, sitting down in the hot tub now. Only two. It was only two. And I could pick the two. It would be okay....

She looked surprised. Hopeful. "Really?"

I nodded. "Maybe... you could go first, though?" If I heard about hers, maybe I'd feel more inspired to tell her about mine.

She agreed. "Okay. I'll go first and last. You can tell yours in the middle. 'Cause I think... maybe mine have lighter stories to them than yours do," she admitted, staring into my eyes, as if she'd find the answer to her hunch there. Hell, maybe she would.

I took a deep breath. "I think you're right. But... okay. That sounds good." I searched her eyes, looking for any sign that she wouldn't be able to handle the stories, but there was no doubt in them.

I trailed my thumb over her forehead. Her whole face was covered in a thin sheet of moisture, and I wondered if mine was the same. It made her look so... good, though. Like she was glowing. Just... naturally beautiful.

"An escalator," she said suddenly.

"What?"

She laughed at my confusion and ran her hand through my wet hair. We were sitting next to each other now, our legs touching as we talked.

"The scar on my knee. When I was little... maybe four or five... I fell on an escalator. It had been raining, so my shoes were wet, and we were at the mall. And even though my parents told me not to run up the escalator, I ran anyway because they had promised me a new book and the book store was at the top of the escalator. And then I slipped. And the little ridges that are on the edge of the escalator stairs dug into my knee and left that scar," she explained.

I blinked. Wow.

_Wow._ So that was how normal people got scars. Shit....

I didn't know what to say.

"Your turn?" she pressed, her hand still playing with my hair.

"An escalator? Really?" I finally managed to get out.

She smiled and nodded two slow, short nods, as if she had revealed a big secret. I frowned, realizing for the first time that I didn't have any normal scars like that....

"I am... really, really glad that it was only from an escalator," I told her, trying to smile. "Did you cry?"

She nodded, taking my hand lightly. "Yeah. I needed a few stitches. And I never got my book from that day," she said, her fingers stroking my hand lightly.

I kissed her forehead. "I'm sorry you didn't get your book."

She shrugged. "I was young."

I tried to control my breathing, getting ready to tell her about some of mine. I had picked two that weren't... so bad. Not as bad as others....

"I... wasn't as young," I started, gathering my thoughts.

She kept her eyes locked on me, not saying anything, waiting.

Her hand was still in mine, so I took it and brought it up to my head. I brushed her fingers against a tiny scar that was just past my hairline, hidden by my hair.

"Can you feel that one?" I asked quietly.

She nodded, stroking the raised skin lightly.

"That's one of the most recent ones. When the gang had kidnapped Alice, Jasper and I went to get her back and talked with the leader of it... he and I sort of had a past, got into a fight, and he managed to hit me with his gun. So... that's where that one came from," I explained as quickly as possible, not wanting to get too detailed.

Her eyes crinkled at the corners. She looked so... concerned.

"He hit you with a gun?" she asked quietly, her thumb running across it.

"Uh huh," I said, daring to meet her eyes. I waited for her to be freaked out that he had even had a gun, but there wasn't any sign of fear in her eyes.

"Did you have a concussion from it?"

I shrugged and shook my head. "I don't know. I sort of just... stopped the bleeding, took medicine for the next few days for the headache, and then it healed into a scar...."

She nodded, still staring intensely at me, hanging off of every word I'd give her.

I just wanted to get it all over with now. I had promised her two stories, so....

I moved her hand to my right arm and showed her the tiny, similar scars that covered it. There were probably eight or nine jagged scratch marks.

"I lived with my Grandpa after my parents died. I don't really remember too much of the day my Grandpa died.... Jasper has told me about what happened when he got there, but I don't... think I was really _there._ I was the one who found that he was dead, but..." I shook my head, "I really don't remember a lot about that day. Apparently, when Jasper got there, my arm was bleeding. So Jasper took care of it, picked little bits of glass out of my arm, and then followed the trail of blood that I left to the bathroom where the mirror was broken...."

I moved her hand to my knuckles, where I had a few scars that were identical to the ones on my arm.

"We're guessing I punched it and broke it, but I don't remember doing it...." I said, trying to distance myself from the emotions that usually surfaced with this story. I tried not to think about how it made me feel. I just focused on saying the words.

She took a breath, totally sucked in to the story. "How old were you?"

"Fifteen-ish, maybe?" I answered, concentrating on the way her fingers felt on the scars.

She looked like she was going to cry, so I met her lips gently. "It's okay," I whispered.

Chloe shook her head and let a tear fall down her face. "It's not okay. Stuff like that... shouldn't happen to people like you. You shouldn't have had to go through that...."

I wasn't sure if I'd tell her any of the other stories soon. I didn't want her to cry. I thought, if anything, she'd just be a little uncomfortable around me, but it was the exact opposite. She seemed more comfortable with me.

She leaned over and kissed the scars on my arm, her lips still managing to feel hotter than my arm, despite us being in the hot tub.

I met her eyes and almost flinched at how full of emotion they were.

She leaned in and pressed her lips to mine briefly. Then she kissed my cheek, and then my head, right on the scar. Her kisses felt light, _good_. They showed me that she was accepting the scars... she wasn't running from what they meant.... Not yet....

That meant more to me than I could ever express in words. So I didn't use them.

I weaved both of my hands through her hair and gently brought my mouth to hers, kissing her tenderly, my heart pounding in my chest. It felt... just, unbelievably good to tell her. I didn't think it would feel this good to share something like that with her. But I was glad that she knew....

Instead of flinching away from me, she moved closer, into the kiss, her bare stomach hot against mine under the water. I swear, I could feel her heart, too.

I pulled her into me and she checked my eyes fleetingly before letting herself fully relax. She took in a breath and then kissed me with more passion than ever before. Like she _needed_ the kiss as much as I did.

It was so uncharacteristic of her. To be honest, though it made me happy, it also sort of scared me.

"Chloe," I whispered against her lips.

"Hmm?" she replied, kissing me more softly.

"Are you okay?"

"Mm hmm."

Our lips met again, both full of desperation and need as they exchanged secrets that neither of us could speak out loud.

"Nick..." she breathed.

I froze. "What? Did I hurt you?...." I just wanted her to be relaxed around me and to be herself. We were just making out, but it meant _so_ much more than that....

"No, I--are _you_ okay?" she said, pulling back a little to peer into my eyes.

Okay, she was beyond adorable for even thinking to ask that. No one had ever asked me that in this kind of situation. Not ever.

I smiled at her. "Better than okay."

"Good," she barely whispered, letting me take her lips into a kiss again.

I had been right. Getting out of our comfort zones again was _definitely_ worth it; especially if it led us to something like this.

I trailed my fingers along her bare back as she kissed me deeper, letting her teeth graze my bottom lip, making a cool wave of goosebumps spread throughout my now overly hot body.

If I didn't slow down now, I wouldn't be able to hold back anymore. I loved how close I felt to her right now. I loved that she was relaxed, and letting me touch her. And I loved that she trusted me enough to be this close. I didn't want to ruin any of it.

I slowed the pace of our kissing, my hand on the back of her neck to support her. We finally pulled apart, breathing heavily-- I didn't know if it was because of the heat of the hot tub or because of what had just happened.

Her eyes were opened wide, gazing intensely into mine as she read them. She searched them briefly, and then hugged me tightly, which was perfect, because I wanted nothing more than to hold her.

"I--I can't figure out why I'm so dizzy," she whispered breathlessly into my ear, a smile in her voice.

I grinned. "I'm dizzy, too," I answered her quietly. "Why don't we get out and cool down a little? We can make each other dizzy again later, if we decide we liked it...."

She let out a breath of laughter and nodded against me, so I stood, helping her out of the hot tub.

We both stood still for a moment. I let the stars take over my vision as I took in a deep breath, trying to clear my head. I felt Chloe doing the same.

I flipped the lights on in the bedroom, and slowly, the rest of the world started to become real again.

I then realized that neither of us had a towel. "Give me a second?"

She nodded, folding her arms across herself and sitting on one of the steps of the hot tub.

I went and grabbed two towels from the bathroom and then brought them to Jasper's bedroom. I wrapped the one around her shoulders and she held it closed.

"Thanks, Nick," she said, getting up to stand in front of me and meeting my eyes. "For the towel, and for grilled cheese, and the hot tub, and the stories...."

I felt like I should be the one thanking her....

"I think it's safe to say we had a good one month anniversary," I answered, kissing her forehead.

She tilted her head up and caught my lips lightly. "And it's not even over yet...."

"Yeah, I guess we're having three days of this... wasn't that the plan?" I'd definitely take this everyday....

She giggled and nodded.

I looked at the drops of water that were clinging to ends of her hair and then smiled and kissed her once more. "You can change in the bathroom... take a shower if you want to. I'll probably just grab some pajamas from my room and then start to pop some popcorn for the movie." If this was our night of relaxation, I was going all out--sweat pants, t-shirt, blankets, pillows....

"I'll change fast, too. Instead of popcorn, though... would you want to bake cookies with me?" she asked, raising her eyebrows.

I had learned that popcorn was considered healthy. Since when were cookies healthy?

She must have noticed my confused look, because she smiled shyly and said, "I think a one month anniversary is the perfect excuse for cookies."

She never ceased to surprise me. Hey, as long as she was okay with it, I would never turn down cookies.

"Can I help?"

She looked up at me and smiled. "Sure."

"And when I say 'help,' I really mean can you teach me how to make them...?" I admitted, laughing.

She bit her lip and then let herself laugh. "You're too cute. Of course. But this one doesn't involve the griddle, so I don't know how you're going to feel about it...."

I grinned, remembering our earlier conversation. "Oven, though, right? You said I'd like the oven... I'm ready to change it up a bit."

She looked at me for a moment, gazing silently, and for the millionth time, I wondered what she was thinking.

"I'll meet you in the kitchen in a few minutes, then. If you want to preheat the oven, that'd help a lot...." she told me.

"Kay..." then I remembered, suddenly. "Oh! Wait... the scar on your arm...."

She poked her arm out of the towel. In the light, I could barely see the mark. "Maybe that's why I was wanting to bake cookies. They were on my mind.... It's from a burn from one of the cooking sheets when I was maybe... twelve or thirteen?" she guessed. "Not nearly as painful as yours, I'm sure...." she said quietly, biting her lip and looking up at me.

Even wrapped in a towel, with wet hair and barely any make up, she still looked beautiful. This was how I liked to see her... just real and relaxed and herself. She didn't have to have perfect clothes and make up and hair.... She looked more at ease when she wasn't all made up. More... free, and open.

I had to tell her.

"We won't get burnt today, though," she said lightly, smiling. "I'll see you in a minute."

She turned to walk to the bathroom, but I came up behind her before she could leave and wrapped my arms around her, putting my cheek against hers. I felt her smile widen.

"Remember when I told you that you looked nice in the hot tub?"

She nodded.

"You look even more beautiful now." What did I have to lose by trying to make her feel good about herself?

She smiled and joked, "You mean in a towel with wet hair and no make up?"

"That's exactly what I mean. You look more... at home." I didn't know how else to describe it.

She turned around in my arms and pecked my lips. "I feel more at home with you than with anyone else," she admitted quietly, but confidently.

And once again, she had left me speechless. What could I say to that?

She touched my cheek, met my eyes with a smile, and then started to walk away to get changed again.

I walked into the kitchen, turned on the oven to preheat it, and then went to my room to change, not being able to get her words out of my head.

She felt at home with me....

**Author's note: *takes a breath* this is going to be a long a/n, be prepared. First, let's discuss the chapter. I'm sure you're all in an uproar about APOV. Spencer and Alice had their little time together... But then on the upside there was NPOV with Chlick having their one month anniversary. You have to admit the hot tub scene was amazing! (All thanks goes to my amazing Chlick expert, my beta, lucy!) This chapter had some ups and downs. Let us hear your thoughts, comments or just say hello in a review. Love to hear from you guys. **

**Secondly, the blog post for this week is a bit different. Instead of having an interview we tried out a new thing. Mandymallette, one of the readers who also happens to be my sister, suggested that lucy and i play a game. The game was: mandymallette would say a word and we would have to reply with the first thing that popped into our minds (Hope related). It was a very interesting conversation and game. So there are two options for you guys with this. I have posted two blog posts. One contains just the answers to each word we were told and the other contains the whole conversation around the game. You might get some teasers and hints on stuff in there. Sooo, go in there and check it out. **

**Thirdly, we will be trying out another new thing for the blog this week. We'd love for you all to be involved. What it is is that you guys will send in a question or more than one question, but the twist is the questions are for the characters so we will answer as if it were the character. For example, if this week was for Nick you could ask "Why do you love sweets so much?" or "How do you feel on global warming?" Anything! And we will answer in NPOV. Pretty sick, eh? So, this week we will start with....*drum roll* ......Nick! Just cuz I used him as the example! So send your questions in on a review, or in a message or in the chat box at the blog.**

**Last, but absolutely not least is regarding the contest Hope & Forgotten Hope were entered in. The nominations are now all in and it has moved onto the voting round. So, I have the link on my profile which brings you to the forum. Go to the first topic to read How to Vote and then you should be good from there! **

**The categories Hope is in are: Best Story, Best All Human, Best Drama and Best Alice & Jasper.  
The categories Forgotten Hope is in are: Best All Human, Best Story in Progress, Best Drama, and Best Alice & Jasper.  
I am also nominated in Best Author. **

**So if you'd like to support the Hope series go vote! **

**Have a great day!**


	24. Contentment

___**Author's Note: Hey everyone! Here is your weekly update of Hope! I hope you guys aren't too sick from the Alice and Spencer moment last chapter. I know it sucks... but it'll all work out in time! Enjoy this weeks chapter!**_

**All thanks to my amazing beta, lucyalyce, with her amazing expertise on Chlick, and once again wrote the Chlick interaction down below! xD Isn't she amazing?! **

___Forgotten Hope Chapter 24- Contentment _

_APOV_

I sat on the front porch of the cottage on Sunday morning. It was early in the morning and Spencer was still fast asleep in bed where I left him.

I just needed some time alone.

Saturday had been fun--no pressure. We had just enjoyed being around each other. We had taken a few walks, reliving old memories and chatting about new ones that didn't involve Jasper.

I wrapped my arms around my knees and brought them closer to me, trying to keep warm. This late September weather was getting colder by the day.

The sun was shining against the windshield of Spencer's car, reflecting bright light into my eyes. I squinted at the brightness, but didn't mind the sun. I had been in bed all week and it seemed like I hadn't seen the outdoors in forever.

This really was the most peaceful place in the world. All I could hear was the whooshing of the wind's soft breeze and the birds singing. I sighed. I wished my mind could be as peaceful.

This peaceful place was starting to make me go insane because my thoughts were everywhere... everywhere they shouldn't be. I cringed at where my mind would wander off to sometimes. Why did my thoughts always seem to stray to _him_?

Him. was always in the back of my mind or trying to creep into the front of it. It was like there was some force that would just pull him back into my mind, even when I tried my hardest not to think of him.

I knew I had made the decision not to fool myself and deny that I had feelings for him. I _did_ have feelings for him. I knew I was supposed to be accepting that, but I wasn't supposed to be feeding it. Sure, I could admit it to myself. I liked Jasper. But I shouldn't think of him and miss him all the time. It was wrong.

Wrong.

It was especially wrong when I was with Spencer. Even more so because we were at this place. This was our place. I had done well all through the first night... until after making love with Spencer. Then Jasper was creeping back into my head and suddenly I felt guilty about sleeping with Spencer.

But I didn't understand why. Why did I feel like I had made a bad choice? I loved being with Spence... so much... but it... it felt like I was cheating on Jasper. Even though Jasper was only a friend.

Maybe I just felt bad because I knew he wouldn't want me doing stuff with Spencer. I knew Jasper still loved me. He had visited me every day, even though he knew I wasn't going to break up with Spencer. He had still been there.

Maybe I was feeling like I owed him something for hurting him....

I wasn't sure.

I wasn't sure about any of this. At all. I didn't understand my life anymore....

I was stuck between two lives and I wasn't sure which one I wanted.

Life with Spencer was safe, familiar, normal and full of love. Old love. Love that had been there since we were kids.

Then there was life with Jasper. It was unknown, but still full of happiness and love. I could feel the love. And sometimes, it was familiar too? Just in a different way than Spencer's familiar.

Either way, I won, right? No matter who I chose, I would be loved.

And either way, I broke someone else's heart. I couldn't do that.

I sighed softly to myself, searching my mind for a safe place. I needed a place to feel okay again. I knew not too think or search for too long, though. When I did that, I got headaches. Every time I tried to remember something, if I tried really hard, I would have a headache for a while after.

I finally found a place that was safe... memories. Memories of Spencer, because the ones of Jasper were still lost.

I liked memories. I couldn't hurt anyone with my memories. They had already happened.

I found a memory that I knew would relax me and fell into it. I fell into the past, letting it take over for a moment as I closed my eyes.

_I was running in the summer rain, splashing through the puddles. There was nothing like a summer shower to make your day brighter, I had always thought. _

"_Come dance with me, Spence!" I giggled, twirling in a circle. Spencer stood under the roof of the porch, watching me with an adoring gaze. _

"_I much prefer to watch," he said, flashing me the grin that he always saved for me. Only me. I loved that grin... it made me feel special. No one else could ever make him smile like that. _

_I was only fourteen and Spencer was fifteen at this time, but I was never so much in love.... _

_I stopped dancing and looked longingly at him. Slowly, I pushed my bottom lip out, giving him a pout. _

"_Please! I love dancing with you," I called to him, skipping toward the porch. He sighed and shook his head. _

"_Not even going to try to say no to you." _

_He jumped off the porch and ran to me, grabbing me into a tight hug and swinging me in a circle. _

_I squealed happily at the freeness I felt, spinning through the air. _

_Spencer laughed and we both looked up, letting the rain pour over us. _

_He slowly let me down, so that I was standing again, and then looked down at me, still holding his grin. _

"_May I have this dance?" he asked me, stepping back to offer me his hand. _

"_Yes, you may," I giggled and slid my hand into his. Spencer knew that I wanted to spin and twirled me around as we danced. _

_We spent a good fifteen minutes dancing through the puddles in the driveway, letting ourselves get lost in the rain. _

_We slowed after a while, losing our breath from laughing and dancing so much. _

_Spencer twirled me one last time, then pulled me into his chest. His shirt was drenched and sticking to him._

"_You're soaked," I laughed, reaching up to run my hand through his dripping hair. _

"_And you're pretty," he smirked at me, letting his cheesiness be noticed._

_I blushed at him, even though he told me that all the time. It still got me every time. I felt so lucky to have him. _

"_You're pretty too," I informed him, tapping his cheek. I wondered if his cheeks ever hurt from smiling so much. My cheeks never hurt, and everyone said I was always smiling as well... so maybe not. _

_Spencer wrinkled his nose at my words. I guessed he didn't like being called pretty, but I wasn't taking it back. I thought he was the prettiest person in the whole wide world. _

_He was even prettier in the rain, with the raindrops dripping down his face, catching on his lips. His eyes were darker in the rain. I liked it when they were dark. They seemed to capture me most when they were. _

"_...Is it okay if I kiss you?" Spencer asked me as I noticed him inching closer to me. _

_I laughed quietly at his question. Had I ever pushed him away when he kissed me? _

"_It's more than okay if you kiss me, Spence," I assured him, reaching up to wipe some rain drops off his cheek. _

_Spencer sighed in relief and nodded, quickly moving in to take my lips in his. His kisses were always filled with sweetness. I always felt happier after he kissed me. It was like nothing I had ever felt before. _

_He didn't kiss me long, and then pulled back to look at me with a bright smile. He picked me up and twirled me through the curtains of rain now pouring around us. Once he stopped, he hugged me closely, and I felt his cold lips touch my ear. _

"_It feels like I'm in another world with you sometimes," he murmured in a deeper voice than usual. _

_I squeezed him tightly against me in total agreement. I knew what he meant. _

_It was so much different to be with him than to be with my family, or at school without him, or anywhere. Here with him was like we disappeared into our own universe, leaving all of our worries behind. _

_This was our place. _

I stopped there. It was our place... I remembered thinking that. Even when we weren't at the cottage, I had always thought that the where we were when we were together was something different. Something surreal and special. Every place with him had been special.

Now we had to come away to this spot just to be together. To feel that same special feeling again.

It wasn't right.

I heard the door open and peeked up to see Spencer, still in his sweats, holding a cup of tea and a blanket.

"Good morning," he whispered, his voice sounding like he was still half asleep.

"Morning," I smiled at him.

He wrapped the blanket around me, then sat down and handed me the cup of tea. He already knew what I needed.

"Thanks," I said as I cuddled under his arm and into his side. He just nodded in response and stared into the forest as I had been doing earlier.

I looked up at his face, trying to see it as I had three years ago. His face was thinner now, all grown up and mature. At the moment it looked very serious. He was thinking, which worried me quite a bit.

I didn't want him to think so hard because I knew it was just about as dangerous as where my mind went to when I was thinking. He wasn't thinking about another person, though, like I was... of course he wasn't. He was too good to ever do that. He was better than me....

But it was still a bad place to be. He was thinking about me thinking about someone else. That hurt me... I wished that he wouldn't know me so well. I wished that he didn't see the doubt and confusion in my eyes.

I wanted him to look at me and see that girl that had been staring lovingly at me in the rain. I wanted to be that girl for him again....

Spencer caught me staring at him and he gave me a small smile. I couldn't help but notice the hint of sadness in his dark blue eyes.

"You ready to go home today?" I asked him, looking away from him to look into the forest with him.

I heard Spencer sigh. "I don't think I'll ever be ready to go back there, but we have to anyways...." he told me honestly, rubbing my side.

"It's not so bad," I whispered, my own words coming out with hesitation.

Spencer leaned over and he kissed my temple adoringly. "No, you make it livable, hun."

I sighed in sadness at his sweet words that I really didn't feel that I deserved. I turned to look up at him with wide, open eyes and he returned the look with his own open look, letting me see inside his soul.

This weekend had at least helped me with one thing: knowing the Spencer he was now. The guy that I had remembered when waking up in the hospital was the happiest guy I had ever met. He never stopped smiling and was always talking to people.

But he was a different guy now... I knew, deep down, that the old Spencer was still in there. He was just too afraid to come out in case he got hurt again.

Hurt by me.

"Smile for me Spencer...." I whispered in desperation, longing for his lost grin. He still smiled it... the knee weakening smile... but the happiness in it was always lacking. I just wanted to see him smile it again....

Spencer knew what I was talking about and he breathed in a ragged breath.

"I—I...." he trailed off, looking down, trying to come up with an explanation for the abandonment of his smile. Or was he coming up with a reason why he still _couldn't _smile?

"You should drink your tea," Spencer whispered, changing the subject, his eyes becoming guarded. I was suddenly filled with confusion. Why did he shut me out?

I looked down at the tea in my hand and took a sip. I didn't understand this....

"Alice," I heard Spencer whisper and I looked up at him to see his dazzling smile grow over his face. The most relief that I had felt in months hit me, and a smile of my own grew over my face.

"I will always smile for you," he promised me, leaning down to peck my nose adoringly. "Even if you pick someone else," he finished, his eyes growing wary and worn.

I blinked in confusion at him.

"What?" I breathed, puzzled by what he was saying. Spencer had never, in my whole life, ever told me something like that. We just didn't talk about being with other people... or not that I remembered, at least.

He took a deep breath and I watched him gulp.

"I-I'll still love you if you pick... someone else. I won't be mad," he explained and I could see him holding back tears. "I'll still smile for you. If you're happy, then so am I, baby. I just want _you_ to be happy, hun, that's all that matters to me...." he trailed off in a whisper.

"Don't say that, Spencer," I ordered him, giving him a hard look. "Don't...."

I wouldn't deny the relief that a part of my mind felt at his words, but I also wouldn't deny the fear that flooded through me when I thought of not being with him. I didn't know how to love anyone but him. He was Spencer. Spencer was my boyfriend. That was my life. Anything else was foreign to me. ...Right?

"I just wanted you to know that--"

I cut him off, putting my hand over his mouth to stop him. I couldn't handle that. I couldn't handle thinking about not being with him. It was enough to think that I had been with someone else for six months and that I now had some type of feelings for another guy. I didn't want to think about anything more than that. Not now....

"I would never tell you to be with someone else, so don't tell me that," I told him, my voice hard and decided.

"You've told me that before," he said, closing his eyes, looking broken.

"I what?" I asked, frozen.

"You've told me to be with someone else. You wanted me to try to move on. You wanted me to try to go out with someone else, Alice," he told me, not opening his eyes. I watched his jaw muscles flex and my eyes widened in horror.

"N-no...?" I said, the uncertainty in my voice strong. How could _I_ ever tell him to be with someone else? That was like my worst nightmare coming true... I hated when other girls even looked at him. I didn't understand how I could ever tell him something like that.

Spencer's eyes opened slowly and the sadness in his eyes hit me hard. It wasn't a regular sadness... it wasn't a sadness you could get over. It was misery... the most broken look I had ever seen him have. It was pure agony.

Spencer pressed his lips together and looked away from me. "It's okay..." he whispered to the forest. "I just wanted you to be happy. That's the most important thing to me."

I was speechless. I couldn't even imagine being without him... how could I have told him to go out with someone else?

"I don't understand how I could leave you." My voice was weak, mirroring how I felt. It was like some other person had taken over my body for six months and then returned it after turning my life upside down.

_Or was it fate?_ That voice in the back of my head, which was becoming very irritating this weekend, said.

Spencer gave me a sweet smile and leaned close to give me a tender kiss on the forehead.

"Sometimes feelings don't make sense," he explained. "You love Jasper."

"You mean _loved_?" I corrected him, puzzled.

Spencer gave a short nod, but I knew he wasn't really agreeing. He believed that I loved Jasper. He thought I loved someone else?

I stared blankly. There were no emotions going through me for a long moment, trying to take in everything that was just said.

I kept staring at him, his hair blocking his eyes away from me, which I was sure was intentional.

I slammed my cup down on the porch and shoved my head into my hands in frustration, letting out an angry growl.

"I hate this!" I shouted. The thoughts in my head were too much. The headache I was getting worsened... the not being able to understand my life was driving me to insanity!

"What? What do you hate?" Spencer asked in a panic, trying to pry my hands off of my face.

"This!" I told him, letting him take my hands.

Spencer's eyes were filled with confusion as he tried to make out what I was talking about.

"This?" he asked, looking around him. "We can go home now if you want?" he offered, hurt growing in his eyes now. This was our place and he was hurt that I would want to leave.

I sighed gently. "No... not this. I mean everything," I explained in a softer tone. I had to remember not to take this out on him. It wasn't his fault. None of it was. It was much more my fault than it would ever be his. He was away in London when it happened.

Spencer's eyes softened to liquid. It was like I was staring into a deep blue ocean.

"I know," he breathed, reaching up to stroke my cheek. "It'll take time to get used to all that happened, hun. You'll remember soon and it'll all work out. It always does, right?"

I leaned against the warmth of his hand and nodded weakly. "Yeah... but what happens once I remember?" I asked him, distressed.

I watched Spencer take a deep breath in and shake his head. "We won't know until it matters, baby."

I groaned at his answer. I was tired of waiting. I hated just waiting for my life to be fixed, to be livable. I couldn't keep both Spencer and Jasper hanging until I remembered and I didn't want to feel this way anymore.

How do you live your life when you don't even know yourself anymore?

Spencer leaned over to kiss me very gently and then gave me a reassuring smile.

"Maybe we should both just hit our heads and forget everything together," he suggested, smirking with an adoring gaze.

I laughed. "I don't think that would fix much. I might wake up and think you were just a creep or a rapist and run away from you."

Spencer frowned at my answer but nodded in agreement. "Yeah and I might wake up and think you're just a creep or rapist too," he joked, squeezing me into his side.

I scoffed. "You can't rape the willing, Spence."

Spencer's eyes flashed to mine, sparkling. "Mmm, I guess not," he murmured, moving in to attack my lips. He nudged me back and I fell onto my back on the porch.

He hovered over me and I opened my mouth to deepen the kiss.

Was it just me or was it that every time we had a problem we would just start making out? It always ended up with some physical solution. Just like on Friday night... we had been talking and he was upset and then it led to us having sex.

I thought back and it seemed like every time there was a problem we'd end up in bed. When I got drunk, when Jim didn't show up at the basketball game for Spencer... whenever something was bothering us, we'd just start kissing.

Spencer laughed, bringing me out of my thoughts. Apparently we had stopped kissing. "I lost you for a minute." He smiled at me sweetly.

I reached up to run my fingers through his hair as I thought. Were we just pushing our problems away by distracting each other with our physical needs? Was that healthy in a relationship? We didn't used to do that... we could talk it out before.

Or was it just because Spencer hadn't had me for so long and we needed the touch all the time? Was it reassurance that we were there for each other?

I wasn't sure.

Spencer sighed quietly and kissed my wrist. "What're you thinking about, sweetheart?" he asked.

"Us making out," I chucked, massaging his scalp, earning a content sigh from Spencer's lips.

"So... you were thinking about us making out while we were making out? All right...." he laughed, sending me that dazzling smile of his. It made me melt all over again.

Great... we were going to start kissing again soon and I'd be the one starting it this time.

I chuckled at his words. "Pretty much."

Spencer shook his head with a smile and stood up, offering me his hand. "Come on. Let's go get some ice cream."

I gave him a questioning look. "For breakfast?"

"Yep," he said, popping the P at the end of the word. He took my hand and picked up my cup of tea, handing it to me. He opened the front door of the cottage to grab his car keys off of the little table at the front door. Then he began to walk us to the car, smiling softly to himself.

Apparently, the making out had put him in a good mood, so maybe it wasn't a bad thing we did that....

"Oh, Spence, you're still in your sweats," I reminded him, realizing what he was wearing. I had already changed because I figured I wouldn't be going back to sleep.

He looked down at himself and laughed. "Oh well, too late now."

He opened the front door for me as I gaped at him for a moment, trying to figure out if I had heard him right. He was going to go out in his sweats? Spencer never went out unless he was dressed to a T and his hair was perfect. He thought he always had to look perfect.

He slowly turned uncertain. "What? Should I go change quickly? Do I look bad?" he asked hurriedly, looking down at himself again to smooth out his undershirt.

I rolled my eyes and tiptoed up to peck his lips reassuringly. "No... you look _perfect_, baby," I promised him.

I heard him sigh in relief and then a huge grin appeared on his face. "So do you," he winked at me and patted my hip, then hurried around to his side of the car.

"Come on. I want some ice cream," he said with mock annoyance.

I slid quickly into the car, amused. It amazed me how this boy could go from broken to ecstatic in a mere moment.

But I never knew if it was real anymore. Was he just being happy for my sake?

We drove into the city, blasting the music and singing along like we used to do. After a little more than half of the drive, my phone began to ring. I leaned forward and turned the music down low and picked up my cell without looking at who it was.

"Hello?" I said in a chipper voice, smiling into the phone.

"Well, there's at least one morning person in the world," I heard a vaguely familiar voice grumble good-naturedly into the phone.

I reflected back on the voice, trying to figure out where I knew it from.... It reminded me of Forks.

Oh! Mack!

"Aww... did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?" I teased, looking down at Spencer's hand on my knee. I reached forward to trace mindless figure eights on the back of his hand.

"Waking up on any side of the bed seems to be the wrong one," he chuckled.

"Why don't you sleep in then?" I wondered aloud, looking at the clock to see that it was still pretty early for a Sunday morning, on top of it being a few hours earlier in Forks because of the time difference.

Mack sighed. "Habit, I guess. I always wake up early. I usually take a jog over to Katie's grave in the mornings before I start my day, so it's not so bad. It's just pouring rain at the moment, so I haven't been able to go yet. Plus I owed you a phone call," he explained, his voice very soft at the moment. I noticed how his voice always softened when he spoke of Katie. It warmed my heart.

"Raining in Forks? Really? What a surprise!" I joked.

Spencer glanced over at me when I said Forks, confusion and concern filling his eyes.

"Mack," I mouthed to him.

"Oh." He smiled in relief.

I heard Mack chuckle. "Yes, what a surprise. Oh well... but anyway, how are you doing? A little birdie told me that it was your birthday on Friday."

A birdie?

A birdie... my mind processed the words. Why was that so familiar?

"A little birdie?" I breathed out loud, trying to figure out it. I'm sure lots of people had said that to me, but why did it sound so familiar in his voice? I shut my eyes tightly, trying to remember.

Nothing... as usual.

"Well... he's not that little. I ran into Emmett," Mack informed me slowly. "You all right?" he asked me, noticing the wariness in my earlier question.

"Have you ever said that to me before?" I asked him suddenly, needing to know. It had happened once with Nick before... maybe it was happening again?

"Umm...." Mack's voice took on a confused tone. "Have I said what before?" he questioned me.

"A birdie?"

Mack laughed at the randomness of my question, but then suddenly stopped.

"Actually, I believe I have.... You called me a bird once and I gave you a long speech about how squirrels were so much cooler." His voice was joking, but also very serious at the same time. Could that have been it? Is that what I remembered?

"Huh... maybe that was it," I whispered, and then noticed that Spencer kept glancing at me curiously. I squeezed his hand.

I still hadn't told him about remembering what Nick had said and now I was vaguely remembering something Mack had said. I just didn't want Spence to worry, though. I didn't want him to think about what would happen when I remembered. Not that I thought I was going to end up with Jasper. I just wasn't sure....

I didn't know if me remembering was a good thing for Spencer or not.

"Hey... look at that, you're remembering things!" Mack said in an encouraging voice. I could hear the smile on his face. "Have you been remembering a lot lately?" he asked curiously. He was probably the most enthusiastic person I had told yet.

I knew Jasper had been happy, even though he had tried to keep himself contained. Nick was happy too, of course, but Mack seemed the most supportive of the action. Maybe because he wouldn't have to see me remember everything.... He wouldn't be stuck in the middle of things like Spencer and Jasper would be.

"Not much... something Nick said once," I replied nonchalantly with a shrug, even though he couldn't see me.

Mack seemed confused by my answer. "You don't seem too happy about it?"

"I don't know... it's so complicated," I mumbled sadly. I was really starting to fear remembering.

"Oh," Mack murmured. I could hear the sympathy in his voice. "You'll have to choose once you remember...." he guessed, but left that thought hanging in the air, waiting for my confirmation.

"I guess," I replied simply, not wanting to expand right then. Mack might be a good person to talk to when I needed it, but now wasn't the time.

Mack seemed to hear my hesitance on the topic and decided to change the subject. He cleared his throat.

"_So_... are you having a good birthday weekend? I bet Jasper took you somewhere special, huh?"

Another reluctant subject, I thought warily.

"I'm having a great birthday weekend. Jasper is going to take me somewhere when I get back to New York. Spencer and I have a cottage, so I'm actually there at the moment. He brought me here for the weekend," I informed him with a smile. I was having a pretty great weekend except for the mini emotional breakdowns I kept having. But I was having those anywhere I was anyway. It wasn't because of the cottage.

"You have a cottage? Wow. That's pretty sweet. I hope you're not partying too hard though. 'Cause I've heard drugs are bad," he said with an amused tone.

I laughed. "Nope. No drugs for me... but how are you holding up?" I asked him, turning serious. I remembered him having trouble with the medicine bottle when I was in Forks. He was obviously still struggling.

I wondered how he dealt with situations like going into stores and passing the medicine aisles. If he was worrying about just opening a bottle, being in a whole aisle of bottles must be torture. The poor boy....

Mack hummed in thought. "Pretty well, I guess." His voice sounded pretty uncertain, though. It was like he didn't believe that he was actually doing well.

"You guess? Have you taken any drugs?" I wondered, now concerned. Was he falling back into his old habits and I wasn't even there to help?

"No," he said quickly, reassuring me. "But... okay, don't get mad, kay?" he said.

I bit my lip and nodded. "I won't get mad."

I heard him take a breath. "So I've sort of still been smoking. Just cigarettes, not pot... but still. And there have been other times where I'd have a beer or two... not to get wasted, but just to kind of... take the edge off, you know? I just... I get really anxious a lot now. I know it's part of the withdrawal and I don't give into it by taking pills or overdoing anything, I promise. I feel like I shouldn't still be smoking cigs and drinking a little, but I can't stop everything all at once," he explained, defeat in his voice. "It's been really hard and I'm sorry... I felt guilty for not telling you that sooner...."

My mouth literally dropped over what he was saying. After all he had gone through and pulled through, he was worried about drinking a beer or two? I mean, I'd rather he wasn't, but... I'd rather him drink a little than risk dying from a pill overdose. And I'd rather he smoked cigarettes when he was stressed instead of getting full out stoned and out of it....

"You're so ridiculous, you know that? You've gone through so much and then went through rehabilitation, _on your own _nevertheless, and you are still clean. You're doing so great, Mack! As long as your aren't getting drunk all the time and you're not chain smoking or anything, I think you'll be fine," I assured him, pride dripping off of every word I said. I couldn't believe he had done it all on his own.

"Just... don't let it get bad, you know? I trust you. You can do this. You're on the right track so far." At least I thought he was. I wasn't an expert, but... well... he was doing _so_ much better than before.

I felt the car stop and saw Spencer put the car into Park. I looked up at him.

"Finish your conversation," he assured me quietly, smiling lovingly at me.

I nodded gratefully and smiled at him before giving my attention back to Mack, who was beginning to talk now.

"I guess so.... I do want to try to quit everything entirely. Just... I can't yet, Alice. But hey, I never did it on my own. You were helping me the whole time. Don't forget that!" he pointed out firmly, wanting me to understand what he was saying.

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever. It's one thing for someone to support someone and it's another thing to go through it. You did much more than I did."

"Yeah, you're right I did," he chuckled smugly. "Oh, the rain's starting to slow down now. I should probably let you go now. I hope the rest of your birthday weekend is amazing."

"Thanks! Have a good time with Katie," I replied, smiling sadly at the thought. Mack had gone through so much....

"I will. Thank you. It was... really good talking to you. We'll be in touch. Bye Alice."

My heart was warmed by the sincerity that was always in his voice. He seemed too good to have ever been a druggie or a murderer. But... the same thing went for Jasper and Nick. It was so bizarre to try and picture them as criminals. They all seemed too _good_ to be bad.

"Bye Mack!" I called back with a grin, shutting my phone.

"Ready for ice cream?" Spencer asked with an excited grin.

"Definitely!" I beamed back, jumping out of the car.

I skipped beside Spencer as we walked into the ice cream store, starting to enjoy the last day at the cottage.

_NPOV_

Chloe and I met up in the kitchen. She looked comfortable in gray sweatpants and a matching gray hoodie that had "N.Y.U" written on it in purple.

"Ready for cookies?" she asked.

I smiled, "I'm still getting used to the idea that we're actually baking cookies...." I teased her.

She smiled back and moved to start getting ingredients out from the fridge and cupboards. I watched carefully, noting what she was getting out, and then went to stand with her, watching over her shoulder.

She started measuring and mixing things, explaining to me what she was doing as she did it. Then, she had me do the same things with my own batch. I very carefully measured and mixed, looking over to her for approval every few seconds.

Finally, she laughed and hugged me when I had mixed in the chocolate chips.

"What?" I asked with a chuckle, hugging her back. Had I done something wrong and she was trying to make me feel good before she admitted it to me?

"You, my dear, have just successfully mixed together cookie batter ingredients. All we have to do is roll it into balls and put them on the cookie sheets and then we're pretty much done," she told me, her eyes shining with pride.

Pride. Hmm. I liked it.

She took a bit of the batter from the bowl and rolled it between her palms before setting it on the cookie sheet. I followed her example. We finished rolling them, put them onto the sheets, and placed the sheets into the oven. Then, Chloe set a timer on the microwave.

"Now, we wait," she told me with a smile.

"That was it? We just made cookies?" I asked. It seemed way too easy....

She nodded. "Pretty much. We'll just take them out of the oven, let them cool a bit, and then we'll pour some milk and eat them."

I raised an eyebrow and then wrapped my arms around her. "We get to eat them, too?"

She laughed and looked up at me, resting her chin on my chest, "Of course!"

"I think I'll believe that when I see it. Now, I know that _I'm_ eating some, but I don't think you will," I told her, half joking. It was just such a change from before... she had originally frowned upon me eating sweets, but now she was not only making things for me, but eating them _with_ me?

"I will," she promised, "I'm in the mood for cookies. It's been a long time since I've had them...."

"And yet, you have the recipe memorized," I stated, finding it sort of strange.

She froze for just a second and took in a quick breath. "Yeah... well... I mean, I baked around the house for my parents and stuff, so...."

"So you'd make the cookies, but not eat them?" I inquired.

She shrugged and nodded.

"Not even one?"

She shook her head no, and then took in a deep breath, closing her eyes. "I can smell them already. Definitely one of the best smells in the world, don't you think?"

Chloe obviously didn't have a clue that I was a masterful liar. It was practically a skill of mine. And I knew a strategic subject change when I heard one.

But I pushed the thoughts aside, telling myself, once again, that she'd let me in fully when she was ready... just as I'd let her in fully when I was ready.

We chatted about nothing at all while the cookies baked, and then we took them out of the oven when the timer went off.

"Now don't get burned," I said, kissing the scar on her arm before I helped her take the cookie sheets out of the oven.

She smiled and agreed, saying, "Don't you get burned either."

We let them cool while we poured milk, and then put the still semi-warm cookies onto a plate. I carried the plate into the living room and Chloe followed me with two glasses of milk.

"Movie time?" I asked.

She nodded. "Movie time and cookie time."

"Okay, no, seriously... we cannot start this movie till I see you take a bite of a cookie. This is an epic moment," I said, pretending to be completely serious.

She bit her lip and smiled. "So you're going to watch me bite into my cookie?"

I nodded. "Yep. I have to. Otherwise, I won't believe it really happened."

She shook her head and laughed before taking a small bite of one of the cookies. She washed it down with a sip of milk. "Satisfied?" she asked jokingly.

I nodded and popped a whole cookie into my mouth. "Mm-hmm."

She wrinkled her nose as she laughed at me and took another bite of her cookie. "Want me to set up the movie?"

I answered her with a sweet kiss. Chloe plus the taste of cookies equaled an awesome kiss.

"Nope. I got it. You go ahead and eat more cookies," I said lightly, taking a drink of my milk before moving to put on tonight's movie.

We cuddled and ate cookies while we watched the movie. I was excited that she had eaten four of them, and I let her know about it, which made her blush.

After we had finished eating what we wanted of them, we wrapped ourselves in our blankets and lay together, watching the movie until our eyes got too heavy to focus anymore.

-*-

I heard the vibration before I heard the ringtone.

In my sleep, I took in a deep breath of Chloe and smiled, holding her tighter to me.

Another round of vibrating, and then the ringtone.

At first, I thought it was part of my dream, but then it seemed to get louder. More annoying.

"Chloe...." I mumbled, not sure if it came out as her name.

She squeezed my hand.

"Chloe... phone...." I tried, still mostly asleep.

"Hmm?" she said in her sleep.

"Phone."

Her squeeze turned into a death grip, and then suddenly she jolted up away from me.

I sat up as she left my arms, suddenly cold.

"Where you going?" I asked, my voice sounding more innocent than I'd ever heard it. Sleep talk, I guessed.

"My phone," she mumbled from across the room, near the door. She knelt down and dug through her purse, extracting her phone before walking swiftly down the hall to talk.

I took a deep breath and swung my legs off of the couch, putting my feet on the floor so that I was sitting. I put my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands, trying to wake up a bit more. Finally, I stood.

I gathered the cookie plate and the milk glasses and took them to the kitchen. The clock on the microwave read 1:49 AM. It wasn't _too_ late, but it was definitely a strange time to be getting a phone call, unless something had happened.

On that thought, I wondered if Jasper was okay. Had he come in already? I hadn't heard him....

I went into the living room and looked by the door. His shoes were there, so apparently, he had made it home. I guessed he was in his room.

I sighed and started walking to check on Chloe.

I tapped lightly on the bathroom door. "Hey, you okay?" I barely whispered, not wanting to wake Jasper.

"Fine, I-I"ll be out in a second...." she whispered back, her voice wavering.

I leaned my forehead against the door and squeezed my eyes shut. "Are you off the phone?"

"Yes...." she answered.

"No one died or anything, right?" I asked bluntly. Smooth, I know, but it was late and I was tired and I just wanted her in my arms again, not in the bathroom because of her phone call.

"No one died," she said quietly, her voice breaking.

Fuck it.

I twisted the doorknob and luckily, she hadn't locked it. She was sitting on the edge of the bathtub, her back against the wall and both feet off of the ground, balancing here there. Her face was wet with tears.

"Chloe...." I started. This couldn't keep happening. This was the second time I had seen her cry, now, and I hated it. I hated it so _so _much.

When I said her name, she looked away from me, trying to hide her tears. She looked so small.

"I'm sorry I woke us up," she whispered, just staring into the bathtub.

Really? Seriously? She was fucking apologizing to me? At practically two in the morning, when she was in the bathroom crying and hiding from me, the only thing she could manage to say was an apology?

"I don't _care_ that we're awake, Chloe. I care that you're in here crying! What's the matter? What can I do? How can I help you feel better?" I said, at a loss. I knew she wouldn't give me details. She never gave me details. But I needed to make her feel better.

She crossed her arms and shook her head. "I don't know...."

I couldn't take it anymore. I came closer, put one arm around her shoulders and the other under her knees, and picked her up.

I half expected her to flinch, or try to get out of my arms, but she just held on to me, her hands grabbing fistfuls of my shirt.

I carried her into the living room and then sat on the couch with her in my lap.

She pressed her face into my chest and I held her tightly.

"Who called you, Chloe?" I tried, whispering quietly. "Why are you so upset?"

She shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut, causing more tears to fall. "Please, Nick. I don't want to talk about it right now. I just want to be with you... please don't make me talk about it...." she whispered.

I wondered if she was still half asleep. Her thoughts seemed jumbled, jumping around a bit. She looked so tired....

"I'd never make you do anything...." I promised, kissing her forehead. I wanted to know what was wrong, but I knew she had to tell me when she was ready.

We held each other for a long time--I, wanting to comfort her and she, wanting to be comforted. Thank God. I didn't know what I would do right now if she didn't want me to hold her. I just wanted her close to me so badly. Especially after the amazing night that we had just spent together.

After a while, I thought that she had fallen asleep, but then she unfolded herself from me.

I let her get up and watched her walk to the front door, where her purse still was. She stared at her phone, pressed a few buttons, and then put it back in her purse.

As she returned to me, she simply said, "No more phone calls tonight, Nick."

I nodded. "No more phone calls."

She joined me on the couch, and I wrapped us in the blankets again before looking down at her. Her eyes were open and glassy from crying, but I was pretty sure that her mind was still mostly asleep. She stared at my shirt in front of her.

I wrapped my arms around her, holding her, trying to protect her from whatever was making her so upset.

I kissed her forehead and whispered, "It kills me to see you cry. I don't want you to be sad, sweetheart. Not ever."

She snuggled closer to me. "Everybody's sad sometimes," she said tiredly.

I guess they were, but still. Every tear pierced my heart.

"Chloe, I just had, probably the best night of my whole life with you," I admitted, looking at her again. "And no matter what, I'm here for you, okay?" I promised, because it was all I could do.

That made her smile. She _smiled_. Thank God.

"Thanks, Nick. That means everything," she said, her eyes drooping a little. "Ditto."

I leaned down to kiss her forehead again, but she surprised me and grabbed my lips with hers.

This kiss was similar to the ones in the hot tub-- it was just as passionate and just as desperate, but there was something else mixed in, too.

When I tried to soften the kiss a little, she wouldn't let me. The rough need that was there drew me in, and I cupped her cheek with my palm, deepening the kiss, because that's what I thought she wanted from me.

After a moment, she pulled back and stared at me, her eyes searching mine for something that I hoped she found. I wanted to be what she needed....

When her lips met mine for one more sweet kiss, I assumed that she had found what she was looking for in my eyes. I _was_ what she had needed. Nothing could've made me happier.

She curled into me, getting as close as she possibly could, and I just held her, stroking her hair.

As we drifted off to sleep together, she whispered, "Thank you for calming me down. I like how I feel with you... how you make me feel...."

"Me too," I said sleepily. "With you, though. Not me."

That earned me a small laugh from her, which helped me get to sleep with happier thoughts of how our night had went earlier, instead of what had happened when her phone had rang and woke us up. I didn't want to think about how upset she had gotten.

Chloe liked how she felt around me... I thought, as we held each other, falling back asleep.

_JPOV_

Day Three. No Alice. I was lying on my back on my bed, staring at the ceiling.

"I am so lonely. I'm Mr. Lonely...wish I had somebody... to call on the phone…." I sung miserably, slamming my head into my pillow.

Suddenly the door of my bedroom flew upon and I looked up. A pillow collided with my face.

"Ow!" I groaned, rubbing my face at the hard throw.

"Would you shut up?!" Nick shouted at me, walking over to plop down on my bed. He gave me a defeated sigh and looked down at me sympathetically.

"You do have someone to call. You can call Alice, Jasper. She won't kill you if you call her. She probably misses you anyway," Nick told me, grabbing my cell phone off of the night table and dropping the phone onto my chest.

I stared at the object lying on my chest thoughtfully. Could I call her? It was her weekend away with Spencer… would he get mad at her for answering? Would she even answer the phone?

Of course she would answer the phone. She was too good to ever ignore someone's call for no reason.

But I didn't know if she wanted me to call… that was all that mattered. Did she really miss me?

"Please! If you don't call, I'll call her and tell her you've been moping around all weekend!" Nick threatened me, reaching for his own cell phone.

"Nick," Chloe sighed, walking into the room. "I leave you for one minute and you come barging into his room. Leave him alone," Chloe laughed, coming over to reach her hand out to Nick.

Nick grumbled something under his breath and stood up, grabbing Chloe's hand.

"I will call her," he told me, giving me a hard pointed look.

"We're making breakfast if you're interested. And Nick _is_ right, you should call her... what do you have to lose?" Chloe said in a soft, caring voice.

She walked over and patted my hand with a smile. She then dragged Nick out of the room as he gave me a hard look, demanding that I call her.

Once my door was shut, I rolled over and picked up the phone. I opened it to see the picture of Alice.

I missed her….

So much.

I thought I was going to die.

This shouldn't be so hard. I shouldn't be so anxious. Why did I miss her so much? Ever since Friday night, when I had gotten home from studying, I had been restless. I needed to see her. My heart was aching. Something inside of me kept telling me to go get her, but I knew I shouldn't.

She would be home tonight, I reassured myself. I would be fine and I would take her out for her birthday.

"I don't hear you talking!" I heard Nick shout from outside my door. Was he putting his ear against my door or something? Wow.

I chuckled though and gave in. It wouldn't hurt to try to call her. Even though she'd probably be home in like five hours… they were most likely already driving home.

I pressed her speed dial and put the phone to my ear, holding my breath as the butterflies in my stomach fluttered around nervously.

After three rings, she picked up.

"Jazz!"

There it was… her beautiful voice. I grinned at the happiness in it. Of course she wouldn't mind that I was calling her.

"Hey darling," I murmured, letting my accent slide into my words, knowing she loved it. I knew how all women seemed to melt with my accent, but I would only ever use it on her. I loved to see her eyes glaze over for a moment as she recovered from the effect of my drawl.

Okay, I didn't mean to sound cocky… but I just loved to see her face when I used the accent.

I heard her breath stop for a moment and I knew I had succeeded.

"What're you doing?" she asked after recovering from her loss of words. My cheeks hurt from smiling so much.

"I was just chilling. What about you?" I said nonchalantly, deciding to leave out the part about me moping around all weekend because I missed her too much. I was pathetic… but so totally in love.

Not even her memory loss could change my love for her. I just continued to love her, if not love her more. I loved spending every afternoon at her house this past week. It had felt so good to be with her a lot again. She was becoming so relaxed with me, too. She was smiling and joking around the whole time.

"We're just driving home now," she informed me happily.

"Perfect," I replied, the wheels in my mind starting to turn. "So… if you're not too tired tonight, did you want to go out somewhere with me?" I asked. Suddenly my stomach clenched at how nervous I was. It was like I was asking her out for the first time. Would she say yes or would she reject me?

Alice paused as I held my breath. By the time she answered, I guessed my face was turning purple.

"Sure!" she answered in an excited voice. Happiness filled me. "Oh… just let me ask Spencer first," she added on quickly.

Oh.

I ran a hand through my hair as I waited anxiously for what he would say to her. I could vaguely hear them talking in the background, but I was guessing she covered the phone.

He wouldn't say no though. He always gave her what she wanted, right? And she just said yes, so he wouldn't tell her no now. Hope slowly started to form inside of me.

"Spencer says that's fine," she told me in a squeal.

"Great! I'll pick you up around six then?" I offered, grinning like a fool. She was so excited to go out with me. I thought I might let out a girlish squeal as well.

I laughed at the thought.

"Okay. We should be home by then. Sounds good," she agreed. "Where are we going?" she asked me curiously. Her voice was as musical and perfect as the day I had met her. I shut my eyes at it, cherishing it. It had been so long since I heard it.

Right then, I knew exactly where I'd take her. It'd be perfect. I'd make it exactly as it was the last time. Maybe if we re-enacted something it would help her memory.

"It's a surprise, but you'll like it, don't worry."

Alice laughed softly. "If you're planning it, I'm sure it'll be great, Jazz," she assured me in a fond voice. It was almost a… loving tone. My heart skipped a beat.

"Y-yeah I hope so," I said breathlessly back, getting up from my bed, ready to plan our evening together.

Alice seemed amused by my unsteady voice, because she giggled quietly; probably hoping I wouldn't hear her.

I rolled my eyes. "Well I gotta go plan it now. I'll be at your house exactly at six!" But then I stopped. "Oh wait, will you be at Spencer's?" I asked, just to be sure I didn't go to the wrong house.

"No, I'll be at my house tonight," she confirmed. "I'll see you at six."

"Bye, love," I murmured to her, trying to say I love you without saying it. I hoped my voice told her without the real words. I wanted her to know… even if I couldn't say it to her. I just needed her to know it. I loved her. I would always love her.

"Bye Jazz!" she replied. I had no idea if she knew it or not. Her tone was filled with her normal cheerfulness.

I shut the phone slowly, hesitant to shut her voice out. But eventually it shut, and I sighed wistfully. I fell back onto my bed.

I was going out with Alice Cullen tonight.

**Author's name: Ohhhh! Jasper has a date...with Alice? Finally! Any guesses on what he's gonna do or where he's gonna bring her? It's gonna be good! xD **

**If you haven't voted yet, it'd be great if you did! You can find the link on my profile and the nomination for Hope, Forgotten Hope and myself. Go vote! :D**

**We didn't really do much on the blog yet... we started making character profiles, but there's only one character up and its not finished yet. So not much going on there, but you are welcome to check it out anyways! :) Have any of you risked going through the convo between my beta, me and mandymallette who played the word game with us? Lmao. Craziness!**

**That's all for this week! Hope you enjoyed the chapter and leave a review cuz we LOOOOOVE your reviews! Oh and if you haven't checked out our outtakes, you should. There's a really good one up there and if you want any particular outtake suggest it in a review or message us. **

**Have a great day! **


	25. Defining 'Right'

**Author's Note: Hello everyone! Hope you are all having a good week. Here is your weekly update of Hope! ...this one is a very interesting one. Hopefully you'll like it! Enjoy! **

**Thanks to my beta for the speedy edit. She had a uber busy week this week but finished on time, keeping our record for never being a day late on updating for Forgotten Hope. GO LUCY!**

Forgotten Hope chapter 25- Defining 'Right'

_APOV_

I fidgeted nervously in my bedroom. The butterflies in my stomach were going crazy. I didn't understand why I was so nervous. I had hung out with Jasper tons of times. Why was I so nervous this time?

I smoothed my dress out. He had told me to dress up in a more formal outfit tonight because he was taking me somewhere special... which just made me wonder even more where he was taking me.

I was wringing my hands anxiously, hoping I wasn't going to break out in a sweat or something.

I stood up, walking to my mirror and looking at myself. In my opinion, I looked like a mess right now. I looked flushed and exhausted. I was just so anxious; my heart was beating harder than I had ever felt before. I could feel the pulse in my head. I reached up and put my hand on my chest, feeling it pounding quick and fast.

"Calm down," I ordered it, glaring down at my chest in annoyance, but obviously it didn't listen to my demands. It actually quickened as I heard a knock at the door.

My eyes flashed to the clock and noticed it was six on the dot. He was serious when he said exactly six o'clock.

I froze, not knowing what to do. Well... I knew I should be walking downstairs to meet him, but my feet were stuck planted to the floor. Questions raced through my mind at lightening speed.

What should I say? How should I act? Should I hug him when I see him or act casual? I had no idea what to do.

_Act natural_, I told myself calmly. _Just walk downstairs and stay cool: don't faint or anything._

I took a long, deep breath and picked up my purse, then opened the door and headed for the stairs.

I clutched the banister of the stairs and kept my eyes shut, hoping if I couldn't see anything, then I'd be less nervous.

Unfortunately, it didn't turn out that way. When I was almost down the stairs, I lost my balance and I felt myself falling forward.

Before I could hit the floor though, I felt something pick me up and stop my fall.

Then I heard a chuckle, a chuckle that sent my head swirling and my heart pounding again. My skin was on fire as I felt his arms tighten around me, keeping me stable.

"We don't need another fall, my love," he murmured into my ear, giving me goosebumps as his accent coated his words.

I laughed shakily and nodded against his chest. "We don't," I agreed. I tried to put my feet back on the floor, but he was holding me so tightly against him that I couldn't seem to get down.

"Oh," Jasper said suddenly in realization and quickly put me to the floor. But he kept his arms around my waist.

I took a breath before looking up, preparing myself.

When I looked up my breath stopped. It was more expected now, though. I had been ready for this reaction, so I recovered quickly. I was just stunned that he was wearing a tux.

He smiled widely at me and I took a step back, moving as far as he would let me with his arms still around my waist.

I slowly let my eyes look him up and down and sighed at the sight. He was definitely made to wear tuxes. Definitely. I grinned and looked back up at him.

I caught him looking me up and down, gaping at me. Once his eyes made it back to mine, he gave me a questioning look, wondering why I was staring at him like that, probably.

"Did you just check me out?" I asked him, giving him a hard look, pretending to be angered by what he did.

But he didn't fall for it. He just winked playfully at me. "You checked me out first," he reminded me, leaning down to kiss my forehead.

I shrugged, brushing off his little piece of information. So what if I checked him out first? It was different... I had never seen him in a tux before. I'm sure he had seen me in a dress many times.

"You look beautiful, just so you know," he added, flashing me a quick smile before turning around to grab my jacket.

"Thanks. You look good too," I told him, letting him help me put the jacket on. He patted my shoulders softly after he put it on, looking into my eyes. Then something crossed through his.

"Are you feeling okay?" he asked, very concerned.

"Yes?" I said slowly, wondering what he was talking about.

He reached up and pressed his hand to my forehead, then narrowed his eyes in confusion. "You... you just look a bit flushed," he mumbled after realizing I was fine. I could see he was still concerned though, probably because I always said I was fine, even when I wasn't.

I laughed, knowing why I looked flushed. "Just nervous," I said quietly, turning towards the door, not able to say it to his face.

He walked ahead of me and opened the door for me as I walked out. He didn't question my words, but he did seem to be in thought. He shut the door and offered me his arm. I took it with a gentle smile.

My anxiety was dying down now that I was with him. It was Jazz. I didn't have to worry....

Jasper drove us into the city, keeping up a casual conversation as we drove. He had spoken to Johnny earlier this afternoon and Johnny had informed Jasper that he was now on a football team.

"Following in your footsteps?" I asked, remembering that Jasper had told me he got a scholarship from playing football in high school.

Jasper laughed and shrugged his shoulder, but I could see his eye soften at my words. He loved Johnny so much and I knew it meant a lot to him that Johnny admired him.

"I can finally feel okay about him wanting to be like me," Jasper whispered, emotion strong in his voice.

"What do you mean?" I asked, puzzled. Why wouldn't he feel okay about Johnny wanting to be like him before? I thought he loved the admiration that he received from Johnny...?

Jasper pulled into a parking lot and shut the engine off. He gave me a cute look and pointed to a few of his scars. "I didn't want him getting these," he answered me with a sweet smile.

I automatically reached forward to touch a scar on his cheek and Jasper relaxed under my hand.

"But girls like scars," I giggled, leaning forward and pressing my lips to his scar. I froze at my action. Did I...?

I....

My thoughts couldn't even process what I had just done. I had never done that before. I never kissed any guy except for Spencer or my dad. Why had I just kissed him? And I did it so casually, like it was the most natural thing in the world. I covered my mouth quickly and pulled back, shaking my head.

I could see Spencer's face... his wide, pained eyes. What would he have thought if he had seen that? He would be so hurt.

I timidly glanced up at Jasper, wondering if he'd be upset. He was staring at me with intensity and his hand was resting where I had just kissed him.

He let out a shaky laugh and slipped out of the car quickly. I saw him slip out his cell phone and start to walk around the car to get my door.

I was starting to get second thoughts, not knowing if this was a good idea anymore. I was already having those weird feelings and they were so strong tonight. I didn't know why. Maybe it was because I hadn't seen him in so long or because we were going out somewhere special. If things were only starting out like this I had no idea where they would go.

Jasper opened the door, put his phone back in his pocket, and gave me a small smile.

"Shall we?" he offered me his hand.

I blinked a few times, staring at him, trying to decide it this was a good idea. I realized as I was looking into his eyes that there was no way in the world that I would say no to him. I longed to see him. I had missed him....

I reached my hand out and rested it in his. I felt the now familiar tingle go through my body, starting at my hand and reaching up from head to toe.

He pulled me up very gently and then shut my door. I looked around and noticed we were in front of a French restaurant. I remembered coming here with my parents once. It was an upscale restaurant. I was half surprised that Jasper was bringing me here. Would he have enough money for this right now?

He didn't seem worried, though. He walked into the place like it was anywhere else. I looked up at him and saw that he had a smile lingering on his lips as his eyes flickered around the place.

Someone escorted us to our table and we sat down. The smile didn't leave Jasper's face for a second.

Jasper reached across the table and took my hand in his. "How was your weekend, darling?" he asked me, grazing his thumb over my knuckles.

"Good!" I grinned. It had been a good weekend. There were some ups and downs, but in the end it was amazing. Spencer and I had gotten ice cream, then cuddled watching a movie before packing up and heading home.

After we had gotten back, Spence had decided to go catch up on work he had missed over the weekend. He said he'd been home when I got home from being with Jasper. He didn't seem like he minded me being with Jasper today, which I was very grateful for. I had a feeling the weekend away had refreshed him.

"How was yours?" I asked Jasper, wondering what he had been up to when I was gone.

Jasper smirked, seeming amused by something. "It was...all right," he concluded after a moment of thought.

I tilted my head curiously to the side, wondering why it was only all right. "Only all right?"

Jasper sighed sadly with a shrug. "I guess I missed you... a lot," he admitted, looking up at me with a chuckle. I saw genuine affection in his eyes, confirming that he had really missed me.

I blushed at his comment and averted my eyes from his, looking down at our hands. "I missed you too," I said honestly, a smile tugging on the sides of my lips. It felt good to tell him that, like I was admitting something I had been hiding. It was like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.

I nervously peeked up at him, seeing an adoring smile on his face. He was smiling so much tonight. It wasn't helping the butterflies in my stomach one bit!

A waiter walked over and introduced himself, then took our drink orders. I picked up my menu, getting ready for when he would come back. I started scanning my eyes over the French food, but Jasper's hand came over and nudged it down a bit so I could see his face.

"Don't worry about ordering. I called earlier and had them make something special," he informed me, slowly starting to get off his chair.

I nodded and put my menu down, wondering what he had asked them to make special for us.

My mind wandered elsewhere though, now wondering why Jasper was walking across the table to me. He reached his hand out and gave me a full smile, his light blue eyes sparkling.

"May I have this dance?" he asked me smoothly, ducking his head down. I was confused for a second before I looked over and saw a little dancing floor that a few couples were already dancing on. I smiled at that. I liked restaurants like this. There weren't many.

I quickly accepted Jasper's offer and he began to lead me to the dance floor, but he stopped right before and turned to me.

"Wait here for a moment, okay darling?" he asked, hesitating before letting my hand go. I blinked in confusion but nodded.

He let go of my hand and rushed across the floor, to the band that was playing a song at the moment. Jasper leaned over and asked the lead singer something and the singer smiled and nodded.

I squinted my eyes at the scene. The people dancing, this restaurant, Jasper talking to the lead singer... everything. It felt like déjà vu. So familiar.

I shut my eyes, trying desperately to remember this place. The smell of the food, the music and the laughter of the people, Jasper's voice... I took in everything.

My head started hurting and my hands trembled, but I wouldn't stop digging. I would find it. I knew this place. I knew I did and it wasn't from coming here with my parents. This was different.

This place felt so familiar and right that I knew it had to be something different.

My eyes flickered open as I felt Jasper's hand graze my arm gently. He was gazing at me, his face full of care.

"You okay?" he whispered, tucking a stray hair behind my ear.

"Mm-hmm," I murmured, not wanting to make a big deal of this.

He searched my eyes before letting it go and offering me his hand once again. I took it and he held mine gingerly and walked us onto the dance floor as the song began to change. The melody of the music sparked more familiarity and I sighed in frustration, not understanding.

Jasper saw my frustration and tilted his head to the side. I shook my head quickly though, assuring him it was fine. He sighed and gently pulled me into him, letting go of my hand but wrapping his arms around my waist.

I slowly, reluctantly put my arms around his neck. I didn't know how much touching he could take. I wasn't sure if it ever bothered him that I touched him, you know, because I wasn't his anymore and he missed me as his girlfriend. I wasn't sure if my touching him was like torture or something....

He didn't seem like he was being tortured though. He seemed totally content as he began to sway us to the music. The music had a jazzy tone to it and I thought it was kind of humorous because I always called him Jazz.

The words of the song began to fill the room as we swayed.

"_Some day, when I'm awfully low,_

_When the world is cold,_

_I will feel a glow just thinking of you... And the way you look tonight."_

Jasper cleared his throat and I felt him pull me just a bit closer to him. His eyes were liquid soft and he pressed his cheek against mine, ducking his head down so he could reach.

As the second part began, Jasper surprised me by starting to sing it into my ear.

"_Yes you're lovely, with your smile so warm_

_And your cheeks so soft,"_****

Jasper's cheek rubbed gently against mine as the verse came through his lips.

"_There is nothing for me but to love you,_

_And the way you look tonight.…"_

My breath became unsteady as I felt him against me. Everything was so familiar, it was overwhelming. I gripped Jasper, holding him tightly, fear filling me. I didn't understand. I didn't understand the feelings coming through me as he sang or the way I just wanted to freeze this moment. I didn't know why this song felt so special either.

"Jazz," I whispered.

Jasper pulled back his head slowly, missing the first few words of the next line because he was turning to look at me.

"N-no, don't stop singing," I pleaded quickly. For some reason, even with the confusion and familiarity, I really needed to hear him sing to me. I needed him to sing this song to me.

He nodded quickly and leaned over, kissing my cheek tenderly before starting.

"_With each word your tenderness grows,_

_Tearing my fear apart..._

_And that laugh that wrinkles your nose,_

_It touches my foolish heart._

_Lovely ... Never, ever change._

_Keep that breathless charm._

_Won't you please arrange it?_

_'Cause I love you ... Just the way you look tonight._

_Mm, Mm, Mm, Mm,_

_Just the way you look to-night."_

By the end of the song, my eyes were closed and I was resting against Jasper, feeling like everything was totally surreal. It all felt so familiar, but I couldn't find it in my memory. I liked the feeling it brought me, though. It calmed the raging thoughts that had been in my mind for the last few months. I just let Jasper dance me through the magical world of his song and his voice.

I felt tears in my eyes for some reason when I opened them. I quickly tried to blink them away before they could fall out, not understanding why they were there.

Jasper stopped us after a minute because the music had already stopped. He brought his hand up and stroked my cheek for a moment. I noticed his eyes were glazed too, and he was fighting back tears.

"You can feel it, can't you?" he rasped after a silent minute.

I didn't answer, not exactly sure what he was talking about.

"You know that song, this time, all of it, darling. Can you feel it?" he murmured in the softest voice, his loving gaze making me want to cry all over again.

"Yeah...." I whispered, looking down, breaking our gaze. I couldn't remember everything and I'm sure that's what he wanted.

I felt his lips against my ear after a few moments though. "It's okay if you can't remember, love. I just want you to feel it," he assured me, pressing his cheek gently against mine.

I nodded and just let him hold me for a while.

"They brought our food out. We should go eat," Jasper said after a while. I could hear a reluctance in his voice. I wasn't sure why, though.

"'Kay," I smiled up at him and reached down to take his hand, squeezing it reassuringly. He looked sad. Well actually, he didn't look all that sad, but his eyes were still watery and I didn't want him to be upset.

Jasper had ordered us spaghetti and I grinned widely at it, surprised that he knew that it was my favorite food. Most people didn't know that. I knew it was such a normal meal and my parents didn't have it made often, but whenever I could get it I loved it.

We chatted about everything over dinner. The dancing seemed to have brought something between us, and I felt like we were more comfortable or we had some kind of understanding now. I wasn't sure. But I felt more connected to him.

I was able to laugh and Jasper almost made my drink go through my nose with a comment he made. All in all, it was probably one of the best nights of my life. I was brokenhearted when our dinner was finished and Jasper paid the bill. I didn't want things to end yet.

He didn't seem down, though. He had a mischievous look in his eyes as he walked over to me happily, offering me his arm.

"What are you smiling about?" I asked him suspiciously as he began to walk me out of the restaurant.

He shook his head and laughed. "You'll have to wait and see," he smirked, winking teasingly at me. He knew I wasn't one for patience.

I sighed loudly, melodramatically, and let go of his arm to cross my arms.

Jasper stopped at the car and raised an eyebrow curiously at me. "Really, angel? You're gonna have a temper tantrum on me?" he chuckled, trying to pry my arms off my chest.

"Yes really, but you could just tell me what you're hiding and I'll stop!" I said brightly, smiling widely at him.

He narrowed his eyes and it looked like he was thinking it through. I kept smiling, watching him crack more and more every second.

"Okay! Fine!" he gave in, grinning, not minding one bit. He reached into his pocket and brought out a little box.

My eyes widened, but then I relaxed when I realized that the box was too big to be a ring box. He was not proposing. I let a breath of relief leave my lungs. Maybe it was a stupid thing to think, but it was my first reaction....

He took a step closer to me and I saw he was becoming nervous. "It isn't technically a birthday gift, because it's already yours. But I wanted you to physically have it," he explained.

I nodded understandingly at him, gazing down at the box in his hands, wondering what it could be.

He saw me staring at the box and smirked, then gently opened the lid. He revealed a beautiful heart locket with diamonds carved into it.

I took a quick breath in, holding a squeal. It was so pretty.

"What's inside?" I asked him in excitement, looking up at him with wide happy eyes.

He grinned, obviously glad I seemed to be liking it, and then reached into the box to take the necklace out.

He handed me the necklace. "See for yourself," he said and let me take it.

I opened the locket and smiled brightly when I saw two pictures of us together inside the locket.

I clicked it closed and held it tightly in my palm, feeling how good it felt to have it there.

Jasper cleared his throat nervously and I looked up at him.

"I want you to have this because I need you to know that my heart is yours, no matter what. That is my heart in your hand. It is yours to give or take," he told me, his accent slurring each word with his deep emotion.

Why were they both giving me the option to let them go? Spencer said I could go with someone else as long as I was happy and now Jasper was saying I had his heart to give or take. I sighed sadly, looking back down it, seeing it in the palm of my hand.

"I-I can't take it... it's yours," I whispered, afraid I might hurt him if I kept it. What would I do; wear it around my neck when I was with Spencer? Wouldn't that just hurt Jazz even more because I had his heart around my neck, but I was still kissing someone else? It wasn't fair to Jasper.

Jasper wrapped his hand around mine, closing it so I was holding the heart locket.

"No, darling, it's yours. It's been yours since the moment I saw you," he let out a bitter laugh. "I don't think I ever had one before you came along. It's meant to be with you," he whispered shakily, his hand squeezing mine.

"But I might break it." My hand was shaking now and I peered up painfully into his eyes.

He gave me a small sweet smile even through the pain that was coming into his eyes.

"It's yours to break," he told me, his voice certain, not having one doubt in his mind that he would want to take it back. The love in his eyes was much too strong for me to even receive. I had to move my eyes back down.

I was silent for a moment, thinking. How could he give me his heart so freely when he knew there was a big chance that I would break it? Why would he risk his _heart_ on me? He could get someone so much better. He could get someone without all of these complications that I was giving him.

Why wasn't he just giving up on me?

I felt his breath on my ear and jumped in shock. "Please keep it for me, love," he rasped into my ear and then kissed my cheek gently.

"'Kay," I mumbled dumbly back, not knowing what to say. "C-can you put it on me?"

"Sure," he said, his voice coming out chipper, obviously happy I was taking it. He gently picked it up out of my hands and walked around me, putting it around my neck and fiddling with the clasp.

He started grumbling under his breath as he tried to get it to click. I chuckled, and then felt a hardness press into my neck. I yelped.

"Did you just bite me?!" I exclaimed, spinning around, knowing he had finished clipping the necklace on me. He shrugged at me and smirked wickedly.

"You laughed at me first," he said knowingly, holding back a grin.

I raised my eyebrows to him and then gave him a vicious glare.

"You might have made a mark!" I grumbled, reaching up to feel the in dent of his teeth. I wasn't really mad, I was just messing with him, but he didn't have to know that.

I flashed my eyes back to him, holding back an evil grin.

"That was my plan, angel," he laughed, winking teasingly at me. His smile faded when he saw my mischievous stare though. He narrowed his eyes, but they were sparkling happily.

"Don't even think about it," he warned me, taking a step back. I flashed him a bright smile and took a huge step forward. I was close enough that my chest was against his.

I reached up quickly before he could move again and pulled myself up to his neck, biting it. I didn't bite hard, but hard enough that I knew it'd leave a mark for just a little while.

"Hey!" Jasper said, squirming away, laughing. His hands landed on my hips and he tried to pry me off of him. I held tight now, keeping my teeth on his neck.

"Now we're even!" I beamed, pulling away, smiling sweetly at him. If he was going to leave a mark on me, then he was going to get one right back.

"We are not even yet," Jasper said deviously, gazing down at me. He tried to duck down to my neck, but I shifted away and his head bumped into mine.

"Ow..." he groaned, rubbing his head. "You okay?" he asked me quickly after rubbing his head.

Like a little bump on the head would hurt me now. My head was like, invincible now. I had hit it so many times I was sure little things like that wouldn't damage it at all anymore. It did hurt a bit, though.

I turned to look at his face, about to assure him, when my eyes met his. My breath stopped.

I had never seen his face so closely. His nose was touching mine and I could feel his breath brushing against my lips. His blue eyes were piercing through me like knives, but not in a bad way. It looked like he was looking into my soul, but it comforted me. It made me feel oddly full. It was like some sort of completion was happening inside of me... I didn't understand it, but it felt... right.

I bit my lip nervously at his gaze, and then his eyes flickered quickly to my lips, then back at my eyes. He was searching my eyes, trying to find something.

My stomach tightened and the butterflies from earlier tonight came back. His eyes softened as he gazed into my eyes and I felt my heart warming at the look.

He was so beautiful... his eyes were beautiful....

I felt my face inching slowly towards his. It was like an invisible force was bringing us together. I couldn't pull away from it. It was too strong... it was stronger than anything I had ever felt before in my life. It was too strong to be from this world, I was sure. It was all surreal, like the rest of the night tonight.

Before I knew it, my lips were pressed against his. Both of us froze at the contact. It was weird... insane... totally crazy. I was hardly touching his lips, but my whole body was on fire. I could feel the tingling feeling he usually gave me stronger than ever. My heart was racing.

I needed to kiss him. My heart was screaming at me. I needed it....

I parted my lips and I knew Jasper was letting me control this, because he wasn't moving at all. I kissed him more this time, moving my lips.

He followed my lead and kissed me back. The kiss was slow and sweet, but I didn't know if it was possible to handle more than that. My heart was beating faster and harder then I had ever felt before. My body felt like it was floating. Something weird was happening to it....

Jasper's hand came up to stroke my cheek gently and I felt all of his love spreading through me through the kiss and touch.

Suddenly, Jasper's head shot back, breaking our kiss. It felt like I had been hit by a truck. The intensity of the disconnect pushed me back.

"I-I... I'm so sorry, darling! I didn't mean to do that. I shouldn't have—it was my fault. I know you're confused—I shouldn't have done that. Damn it! I'm sorry!" Jasper rambled, running both of his hands through his hair stressfully. His eyes were wide and filled with horror.

He began to ramble again and I shut him out, my thoughts blocking out anything else. What was that? There was a warm feeling all through me and my lips were still tingling. What was happening? I took a deep breath and tried to put my thoughts together. That had never happened before. Was it a good feeling? Was it possible that the feeling could be good if it was this strong? It made me afraid of what it was. Was it normal to feel this way after kissing someone?

I had never felt that before... I had been kissed many times in my life... too many times to count. Was it just me? I had been feeling weird all night... maybe I was sick.... The warmth could be from a fever or something... the shakiness... it could all have a reasonable explanation.

"Alice! Please say something!" I heard Jasper's voice break through my barrier of thoughts. His hands were on my shoulders and I felt him shake me gently, trying to bring me back.

I reached up and put a finger on his lips, telling him to stop panicking.

"Do you feel that?" I whispered, needing to know if I was sick or going insane.

"Feel what?" Jasper asked, his voice higher then usually, since he was still in his panic mode. He was just as bad as Spencer when he panicked... they were too dramatic. They worried way too much. I wondered if I had felt comforted by Jasper's worrying... it probably would have felt normal because Spencer worried so much.

"The tingling." I put my fingers to my lips and looked up at Jasper.

A smile slowly stretched across his lips. His hand that was on my shoulder slid down my arm and took my hand.

"I feel it, love," he murmured and brought my hand to his chest. He slid my hand under his jacket and put it right over his heart. I felt a thud. His heart beat matched mine, quick and hard.

I smiled and reached for his free hand, picking it up and placing it over my heart. I wanted him to know I felt the exact same at this moment.

Jasper's eyes grew wide at the feeling. "Alice...." he breathed, stunned.

We both stood in silence, staring at each other.

_This is wrong_. A part of my mind told me. But how could it be wrong? Everything felt so right... I had wanted everything to feel right for so long... how could this be wrong? I wanted this to be right. My heart told me it was.

I stepped forward, pulling my hands back and wrapping them around his waist.

I felt Jasper sigh softly and wrap his arms around me. I felt so safe in his arms. I felt content. I felt tingly and warm. Most of all, I felt like something was right again though. Something finally felt totally right in my life and I wouldn't let it go.

Jasper drove me home after a very _very_ long embrace. As we got closer to home and further from the restaurant, I felt reality starting to creep back into us. We would glance nervously at each other, but we had no idea what was going to happen now. What should I do? Even if it felt right, I couldn't just throw my life away. I couldn't just throw Spencer away. I used to feel right with Spencer....

Things were so different now, though. I felt different about everything. I needed other things now... I needed Jasper now. I needed him more than ever after tonight. My whole being just wanted to cling to him and never let go.

Jasper's car pulled into my driveway and parked in front of the house. I sat still, not making any move to leave. Could I go in there and face Spencer after what I had just done? He would see it. He knew me too well. He would be able to tell that I did something stupid. I couldn't hold in guilt like that. I had just cheated on him.

Jasper cleared his throat, breaking the silence.

"I guess you should probably get going?" he stated, but it came out more as a question.

"Yeah... you're probably right," I mumbled, looking up at him with a sheepish grin.

He gave me a reassuring smile and leaned over to kiss my cheek. "Happy birthday, darling," he whispered, filling the words with his breathtaking southern accent.

"Thanks," I smiled and gave him a tight hug. I resisted all urges to kiss more again. One kiss was enough... for now.

_For now?_ I groaned mentally. I knew I had just complicated my life even more tonight. This was going to start something huge, I could feel it.

Jasper rubbed my back soothingly, sensing my tension now.

"Go get a good night's sleep... we'll talk more tomorrow?" he suggested, and I knew he wasn't just talking about any conversation. He wanted to talk about the kiss... the forbidden kiss that we had just shared.

I pulled away and nodded in agreement. Maybe after sleeping I could clear my mind... I doubted that I'd even get to sleep, though.

I slowly opened the car door and began to get out. Once I was out I hesitated and looked back into the car to see Jasper. His eyes met mine instantly and he gave me a wide grin.

"Thank you," he said, his eyes sparkling with affection.

"Anytime," I replied with a grin. I wasn't exactly sure what he was saying thank you for... maybe for coming out with him, or taking his present.

Or maybe for the kiss.

I flashed him one more smile then shut the door and skipped to the front door of my house. Jasper was waiting for me to get in the door before he left, but I wasn't ready to go in. I waved him off and he waited a second before speeding away down the driveway.

Once he was out of sight, I sat down on the porch and let out a long breath.

I could still feel the tingling sensation and the warmth of his presence running through me and I had no idea what to do. I couldn't face Spencer like this, especially after this weekend. He had finally seemed content about our relationship. He was so happy on Friday night and when we got ice cream. He had gone out in his sweats! He had been so happy... I was too afraid to hurt him.

I left him once and he turned into a mess... what would happen if I left him again? I couldn't even think about it. I wrapped my arms around my legs and brought them against my chest.

So I had slept with Spencer on Friday, kissed him all weekend, and then kissed Jasper on Sunday night.

What was I getting myself into?

I pulled my cell phone out of my purse and sighed. I needed someone... I needed somewhere to stay or just someone to talk to before I could face Spence like everything was fine.

Maybe I could call Chloe? I thought. She was a girl... maybe she would know what to do. We were slowly becoming better friends now.

I scrolled through the phone to C, but realized I didn't have her number in my phone yet. I sighed loudly. I would have to get that.

Who could I call then? I knew I couldn't call Nick. Nick was too close to Jasper. He would be too biased about the whole situation. He would probably want to hug me for kissing Jasper or something.... I couldn't even ask for Chloe's number from him either. Well I could, but she was probably with him right now anyways....

I wracked my brain for someone else. I wasn't really close to any of my New York friends, and anyway, if I told them what happened then everyone would know tomorrow. They were all gossips and they would be on Spencer's side....

I looked up toward the now darkening sky and sighed. Who else was there...?

My mind searched for someone. I needed someone who would listen...someone who would care....

Then I remembered my earlier thoughts from today. When I had been talking to Mack, I had thought that he would be a good person to talk to. He was always understanding about everything.

I smiled and opened my phone back up and scrolled through the contacts.

But before I could get to the M's, I stopped suddenly over a different name: Gregory.

Gregory would talk to me. He would be there for me. He always was. Plus, he would probably let me stay at his place tonight... Mack was too far away to do that. I'd have to fly out to Forks and if I did that Spencer would know because his pilot tells him everything.

I decided the best idea would probably be to go with Gregory. I pressed the call button and it rang once.

"What?" I heard a rough voice answer. His voice wasn't as soft and nice as usual. I wondered if he was having a bad day. He had never spoken to me like that before. Maybe I shouldn't have called him....

"Hi!" I greeted him cheerfully, hoping it'd cheer him up, even if I felt like a mess.

"Oh, Alice," he said quickly in surprise. He laughed. "I thought you were someone else. I apologize for that. What's up?"

I wondered who he was mad at and thought was calling him?

"I-I was just wondering if maybe I could stay at your place tonight?" I said, coming straight out.

Gregory laughed at my bluntness. I knew he wouldn't mind. I think he preferred people speaking their minds.

"Tough night?" he questioned me with a softer tone.

"Yeah...."

"Are you sure you want to come here? This place can get a bit scary for precious thing like you," he chuckled deviously.

"I think I can handle it," I assured him with a smirk. What could be so bad about a night at his place? He was a sweetheart. He gave me some weird feelings every once and a while, but what guy didn't right now?

"All right. Want me to pick you up?" he asked. I could hear him moving around now.

"If you don't mind...." I replied, hopeful.

"'Kay, where are you?"

I gave him directions to my house, since he only knew where Spencer lived, and then sat waiting. I was getting worried that Spencer would get here before Gregory did.

After about twenty minutes, I saw a black Mercedes fly down the driveway way too fast. But he stepped on the brake right on time and his car swerved and landed exactly where he had probably intended. The passenger's door was facing me and I saw him push it open.

"Come on," he called with a grin.

I felt the familiar shiver rush down my spine at his loud voice, but I was used to it by now, so I ignored it. I jumped up and hurried to his car, plopping into the front seat and giving him a bright smile.

"Thanks," I said gratefully, buckling my seat belt.

He smirked with a shrug and smashed down on the gas pedal, driving down the long driveway in reverse. I gasped at how well he drove. He didn't even hesitate. I loved to drive fast, but not in reverse. I would probably drive off the road.

I heard him chuckle as we got to the main road. "Street racing teaches you a lot," he explained with a knowing smirk.

My jaw dropped, surprised. "Isn't that illegal?"

Gregory rolled his eyes and glanced over at me, his eyes flickering as they searched mine.

"Isn't cheating on your boyfriend wrong?" he shot back at me, but only teasingly.

My eyes widened and then narrowed into a glare. "I didn't cheat on Spencer!" I growled at him, trying to sound as vicious as I could. It wasn't like I had slept with Jasper or something... it was just one little kiss....

It wasn't just one little kiss.

It was the best kiss I had ever received in my life.

No... No! No it wasn't. Of course it wasn't. I shook my head, trying to stop my thoughts.

Gregory raised his eyebrow at him, challenging me. "Really now? Why's there so much guilt in those normally innocent eyes of yours?" he questioned, reaching over to stroke under my eye with his thumb. I swatted his hand away and glared.

"Watch the road!" I grumbled.

"Touchy," Gregory smirked, looking amused as he turned back to look at the road.

We were quiet for the rest of the ride. I crossed my arms, refusing to tell him what had happened, knowing he would be right then. I didn't want him to be right... even though he was. I didn't want to hear it out loud.

Eventually he turned into a parking lot, shut the car off, and jumped out. I got out and skipped forward, catching up to him. He gave me a quick, crooked grin and offered me his arm. I took it and walked with him into the building.

It was a nice apartment building. I wasn't surprised because I knew from how he dressed that he didn't have money troubles. He didn't just dress to impress. Some people have trashy homes, but dress nicely so that they'd look good. But this was not the case with Gregory.

We rode an elevator up a few floors and then got off.

"Welcome to my side of town," Gregory smirked and pushed his door open. I let go of his arm and walked into the apartment. There was nothing special about it... it was actually very plain, like he hadn't added anything to personalize it. It almost looked like a hotel room.

"Couch pulls out, so I'll sleep there tonight... you can sleep in my room," he mumbled, shutting the door behind us.

I nodded and began to take my shoes off, but then froze as I heard him click the lock. It sent shivers of fear through my body.

Everyone locks their apartment door for the night... what was wrong with me?

I felt Gregory behind me and his breath on my neck, sending even more of this odd fear through me.

"Something wrong?" he breathed into my ear questioningly.

"N-N," I took a deep breath, trying to recover from choking on the fear. "No," I said, my voice stable now. I was fine. My feelings were just messing with me.

"Good," he said and pulled back to take his jacket and shoes off as well. He helped me get my jacket off and then hung them in a closet. He walked away after that, plopping down on the couch.

I followed his lead and sat down beside him.

"Gonna tell me about it?" he asked as he propped his feet up on the table in front of us. I sighed and leaned back in the couch, crossing my arms.

"I'm stupid," I groaned in misery, letting myself sink into the couch, defeated. I felt myself shaking as all the emotions started to break through the walls that I had been blocking it all out with.

I had definitely cheated on Spencer. Jasper wasn't even the one who had started the kiss, it was me! I had done it. The worst part was that half of me--maybe more than half-- didn't regret it one little bit. It was the happiest I had ever been in a long time.

The other half was a totally different story....

I heard Gregory mumble something under his breath that sounded like "_More than you even know._"

I glanced up at him in confusion, but I saw sympathy in his look, so I shook it off. I must have heard wrong.

Gregory stood and patted my leg.

"You need a drink, kid," he informed me and waved to me to follow him as he exited the room into another one.

I followed him without thinking about it and found myself in his kitchen. His kitchen was much different than his living room. The counter was lined with bottles of different kinds of alcohol. He had everything.

I gaped at the counter. He hadn't seemed like an alcoholic. He had never drank when I was with him or out with him.

"I entertain a lot," he explained with a mischievous sparkle in his eyes as he grabbed a bottle and poured two glasses.

"Oh," I whispered back lamely, still staring. I wasn't really sure how to react. But I guess _everyone _drank... even Spence had had a beer or two lately when he was overly stressed.

Gregory opened the freezer and put an ice cube in each drink, then handed me one.

I stared at it reluctantly. I had told myself that I wasn't going to drink again. It had upset Jasper and Spencer so much... I didn't want them looking at me like that again.

"It's okay to relax once in a while. Loosen up and do something for yourself, babe," he insisted, lifting his drink up to me and taking a large sip. He grinned after and then glanced down at me, waiting.

I guess he was right... even Mack had said that sometimes he just needed a little to relax once in a while. It wasn't wrong to drink in moderation. It was just for tonight and no one would even know and I wasn't going to make it a habit.

With that promise to myself, I slowly lifted the glass to my lips and took a small sip. My nose wrinkled at the strong taste of it. I had never had strong alcohol straight like this. It made my throat burn. I removed the glass from my lips and coughed.

Gregory chuckled and patted my shoulder. "You'll get used to it," he assured me and then walked over to the cupboard and took out a little baggy before heading back out to the living room.

"Bring your drink!" he called back to me before I could leave it in the kitchen.

I chuckled and skipped after him. It was only one glass... I'd drink it slow and spend the night with my friend. It wouldn't be bad.

I plopped down beside him and he gave me a soft look. "Talk it out," he urged me, putting his feet back up on the table.

I sighed and took another very small sip of the drink and then placed it on the table.

"I kissed Jasper," I blurted out.

Gregory laughed and shook his head. "That's it? You kissed him?" he asked with an amused looking filling his hazel eyes. "Just a kiss?"

I glared at him. "It wasn't _just_ a kiss. It was me letting myself kiss another guy. It wasn't like I just kissed a random guy. The kiss meant something... I wanted him so much. I shouldn't want other guys! I shouldn't be kissing other guys! I've never wanted to kiss anyone but Spencer before," I explained in a rush of words. I sounded like I was in a straight out panic... maybe I was. I took another small sip of my drink and then placed it back on the table.

"People kiss other people all the time when they have significant others, Alice. No one person can satisfy all of your needs. Not even Spencer. You will get urges and sometimes they'll be strong and you just have to kiss the person... or whatever.... You just have to accept that."

I blanched at his words. What?! That wasn't how relationships worked, was it? Did everyone really cheat on their boyfriends and girlfriends? I shook off the thought, thinking it was downright ridiculous.

Gregory sighed when he saw my refusing look.

"Let me explain better. They might not actually kiss them, but in their mind they want to. Isn't that the same thing? Lusting for someone in your mind is just as bad as lusting after them physically. Even if you hadn't kissed him, you would have wanted to, and it would have been the same thing. People just have urges like that. It's normal," Gregory told me knowingly, giving me a hard stare. His stare was very intimidating. I looked away to the drink on the table.

"I don't think so...." I mumbled, picking the drink up in frustration and taking another sip.

"Of course _you_ don't. You see the good in everything. Whereas, I know what is really going on because I'm not blinded by emotions like love. I see what's really happening," he debated, cocking an eyebrow to me, challenging me. He seemed very sure of himself.

Gregory had a big thing against love. I remembered when we were taking a walk one day that he had ranted for at least ten minutes about why love was stupid and a weakness. I didn't even know what I would do if I wasn't being loved or loving. Wouldn't you lose your humanity?

I took a good look at him, trying to search his eyes for something... anything... that would comfort me. But they were cold. Confident, but cold.

"I never wanted to kiss anyone before...." I mumbled, slumping down in my seat, feeling the guilt start to build again.

Gregory draped his arm around my shoulders and shrugged. "You're growing up."

"I don't think I like your type of growing up," I huffed, crossing my arms stubbornly. What he was saying couldn't be true. It just couldn't be....

"You're naive," he chuckled. I saw his other arm raise from the corner of my eye and I turned. My eyes widened in surprise as I saw a joint between his lips.

"Gregory!" I gasped, giving him a hard look. Obviously this guy did a lot that I had no idea about. I was starting to wonder if I _should_ stay the night....

He stopped his hand that was coming up with a lighter and looked at me. "Oh... do you mind?" he asked, but something in his voice told me he was smoking it whether I minded or not.

I sighed and rolled my eyes, brushing it off. It was _his _place. Plus, every friend has their imperfections. I knew I wasn't the greatest friend for him either. I was always complaining about my boy problems. I sounded like a twelve year old girl. There was so much drama it was ridiculous.

No wonder he needed the pot and alcohol to relax him, I thought bitterly. He was spending time listening to me.

He lit the joint and I watched him take a long hit of it.

"Want some?" he asked, offering me the joint.

"No... thanks though." I smiled and sat back in the couch, away from his arm, feeling a bit uncomfortable. I couldn't even list the number of people who would be totally disappointed with me if they knew what kind of person I was hanging out with.

But Gregory had said to do something for myself and this is what I was doing. I needed a friend to talk to, even if he was insane. We were all a little insane, right?

Gregory chuckled and put his arm back around me, squeezing me into him. His chuckle sent goosebumps down my arms. It was so deep and gravelly that it was barely a laugh at all... and it was so familiar. It was like I knew someone in a past life with that laugh. Every time I heard it, I wondered where I had heard it before. Usually laughs were unique....

I watched him blow out the smoke and was hit by the earthy smell of marijuana. I wrinkled my nose, not enjoying the smell. My head was starting to hurt.

"So... if you like kissing Jasper, why don't you just go live with him?" Gregory inquired, glancing down at me with a curious look. It amused me how he always asked questions, always wanted to know more and more.

I sighed. "Because I love Spencer," I answered shortly and sharply. "I can't leave him. I don't even know how to function without Spencer. I've never been away from him for a long time. I couldn't just break up with him and I know he can't function without me either...." My tone became softer and sadder as I went on.

"You really mean you're afraid because you've never been with someone else?" he questioned, raising an eyebrow to me.

"I guess...."

"Sometimes great things come out of conquering your fears," Gregory told me with a smile. "Maybe if you just take some time away from Spencer, spend more time with Jasper as a love interest, then you can know which the right one to be with is," he suggested with a questioning look, interested in what I would think of his idea.

My jaw fell open at his suggestion. "Date them both?" I said breathlessly, not knowing if I was understanding correctly.

Gregory smirked mischievously at me and shrugged. "Sure."

"They wouldn't let me do that." I told him, shaking my head from side to side, but the thought of it seemed to please both sides of my mind and heart. Wasn't that a win-win situation? They'd both get what they wanted and I would too? Was that selfish?

"Wouldn't they?" he countered. "I don't think either of them would give a damn as long as they had you, but if it makes you feel better, you could just keep it yours and Jasper's little secret."

I shifted uncomfortably and Gregory took another hit of his joint, closing his eyes.

"But isn't that like...cheating on him anyways?" I asked, saddened that I would even think of cheating on Spencer. Who was I becoming...?

Gregory hummed in thought and let out a breath of smoke. "Don't keep it a secret then. Go home right now and tell him you were kissing Jasper tonight. Go ahead," Gregory urged me, smirking at me, knowing I wouldn't do that. I was kind of stuck here....

He placed the joint between my fingers and continued. "Either way, you are lying to him. One way is going to help you make the decision and the other is just going to keep you stuck in this endless cycle of conflicting thoughts. Date them both and figure out who's right for you," he instructed me.

His wise eyes calmed my thoughts a little. I stared at the joint he had handed me before handing it back to him. I could force the alcohol, but I couldn't smoke pot....

I reached forward and grabbed my glass, taking a larger gulp and wincing at the burning it sent down my throat. But I knew I needed the alcohol to say what I had to say.

"I guess I gotta do what I gotta do...." I sighed, making my decision.

He leaned his head against the back of the couch and smiled lazily. "Good."

I would date them both and figure out who I really and truly loved and wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I couldn't keep them both forever and I needed to learn which one was my soul mate.

"It's not being weak!"

I was sleeping, but in the distance, someone was yelling. Words floated in to me, muffled.

"You're a fucking dumbass--just to relax you--aren't your enemy. You're a pussy if you can't even smoke some pot to chill out."

The voice was hissing harshly, making me throw a set of unfamiliar sheets over my head to hide from it. It only seemed to get louder, though. Like it was right outside of the door.

"No-no, just listen to me! This would have been your anniversary with her and I don't want you doing anything stupid, all right? Just get a little buzzed so I don't worry."

The voice softened a bit now, but the tone was still forceful and demanding. The person would not back down. They were in control.

I thought about getting up and out of bed to investigate, but I wasn't that awake. I lifted my head, but it felt heavy... I had been up too late last night. My head dropped back down and my eyes squeezed shut and I fell back into the darkness of my sleep.

A while later I woke up and rolled over, feeling a bit flustered. This didn't feel like my bed... or Spencer's.

I opened my eyes against the light coming through the bedroom window. Who's bedroom was this?

I sat up and looked around, trying to figure it out. Then the door opened and Gregory walked in the room and last night came flooding through my mind. I groaned and fell back onto the bed.

Gregory chuckled and plopped down into the bed beside me. "Aren't you chipper in the morning?" he teased, brushing my hair out of my eyes. I swatted his hand away and hid my head in the pillows.

"Get up," he chuckled again and hit my head with a different pillow. "I have... some business this afternoon. So you gotta get up," he informed me and I felt the bed move as he got up from it.

He was going out? I jumped out of bed and hurried after him. "Does that mean I have to leave?" I asked, feeling a bit frantic. I couldn't go back. I couldn't go to work. Spencer would be there. I couldn't look at him yet. I needed to make sure I could handle it first. I didn't want to break down in front of him and confess everything. That would ruin everything... it would ruin him.

Gregory leaned up against the fridge and crossed his arms, looking totally casual, even in my panic.

"You could come with me... you'd probably prefer to do something else though," he smirked and turned to drop some eggs and bacon on a plate. He handed the plate to me with a glass of orange juice.

By the way he was smirking, I trusted his word on it. I definitely didn't want to go out with him.

"I guess I can find something else to do...." I said quietly and sat at his table. He sat across from me and there was a light of amusement growing in his eyes that made me worry. What was so amusing?

"You can come back later if you need to. I'll just be out for a little," he assured me. "It gets a little lonely at night. Last night was fun."

I nodded and gave him a grateful smile. "It was nice to get away for a while. If I don't come back tonight, maybe a different one...?" I promised before picking up my glass.

He nodded. "Consider it a plan."

I took a sip of my orange juice and my throat closed instantly at the taste. I started a coughing fit from choking. What...?

Gregory laughed and got up to rub my back, leaning over to my ear. "It's a screwdriver. Vodka and orange juice. I thought it might... relax you before you left," he breathed in a deep voice into my ear.

I shook my head, realizing why my throat wouldn't shallow it. I had to concentrate hard to get alcohol down now.

I put the glass down and went to my food, not touching the drink again as I finished my breakfast. One drink was enough for me... for a while.

As I ate I thought of what I could do today. My thoughts just went back to what I had thought before and I instantly knew I wanted to spend some girl time with Chloe. I had never gotten to spend time with her without Nick around. I wanted to get to know her better.

I pulled my cell phone out to call Nick and froze when I saw all the missed calls and messages.

"Crap," I muttered. I should have called Spencer to let him know I wasn't dead or anything. He probably hadn't slept all night. Was it possible that I was filled with even more guilt now?

"They call the search party out on you?" he asked, smirking again in amusement.

"Hope not...." I mumbled.

I quickly texted him, telling him I was okay and that I had stayed at a friend's house for the night, knowing he wouldn't force me to tell him who. I told him that everything was fine between us... just that I just needed some time alone and that I loved him.

After I finished, I quickly dialed Nick's cell.

"Alice! Oh my God! Why do you do this to us?!" he shouted in frustration as he answered the phone.

I jumped a bit in surprise at the tone of his voice. It was filled with anger, but there was relief coming through it as well.

"We were looking everywhere for you all night! Jasper got a call from Spencer in the middle for the night asking if you were here and you weren't and you weren't answering your phone and we called everyone! Even Carlisle and Esme! For fuck's sake Alice! Do you want me to die of a heart attack?!" he ranted, obviously really worried.

I sighed quietly. "I'm sorry...."

Nick groaned and I heard him shout out in the background that I was fine. "You all right, kiddo?" he asked in a concerned, caring voice.

Was I okay? I wished....

"I'm fine. I just had to get away for the night. I just rented a hotel room," I lied, wincing at the lie.

"Oh... was... was it because of last night?" he asked hesitantly, probably not sure if he really wanted to know. He was Jasper's best friend and I knew he didn't want Jasper getting hurt again.

"Kind of... I just needed to think, but I'm okay now. I was just wondering if I could get Chloe's number off of you, though. I wanted to know if she wanted to hang out or something today," I explained, changing the subject off of my mistakes of last night. When I was trying to fix my mistakes I was just making them worse. Great job, Alice.

"Oh okay... good. I was really worried about you, Ali." I heard him sigh with relief. "Oh, and Jasper wants you to give him a call when you can--Spencer probably does, too," he added.

"Tell Jazz I'll call him later. Same for Spence. I just... I need the girl time, you know?" I tried to explain to Nick, hoping _someone_ would understand.

His voice turned more cheerful. "Well, Chloe is here with me if you want to just talk to her right now?" he offered.

I felt my heart warm at how his voice was changing to such happiness as he spoke of her. It felt good to hear from people who were in a simple relationship for once.

"Sure! Thanks!" I piped up, picking my plate up and putting it into the sink.

Chloe and I talked briefly and she agreed quickly on going out with me this afternoon. She had classes off today, so she would be free.

Nick grumbled a bit in the background about us ditching him, but he was only kidding. Once I had agreed to meet her at Jasper's apartment this afternoon, we hung up.

I sighed, feeling somewhat content that I would be out with her for a while. Maybe she would give me some advice about what I should do right now. I knew Gregory was smart and he knew what he was talking about, but I also knew he had some strong feelings against love. It would be good to get a second opinion from someone who was dating someone and I knew would understand my feelings.

Maybe then I would know what to do...or who to pick....

**Author's Note: Gregory Gregory....how I adore him so much. Lol! Like I said before, this one was a really interesting one. Alice kisses Jazz then spends the night at this mysterious guy's apartment. Insanity! What do you thinks gonna happen? Did you like the chapter? Leave a review! **

**Other than that, don't forget to vote! Hope needs your support. The links are on my profile and so are all the nominations. **


	26. Invitations

**Author's Note: Hello everybody! :) Here's your weekly fix of Hope. Enjoy!**

Forgotten Hope Chapter 26- Invitations

_APOV_

Gregory offered to drive me to meet Chloe at Jazz's apartment. I figured that would be the quickest way, so I agreed, and we were off.

As we drove, I fiddled with the radio stations until I was satisfied with a song and then sat back, closing my eyes.

I half hoped that Jasper wouldn't be around when I got there. I thought that I would be able to think this through better today if I didn't see him or Spencer yet. I decided to talk to Chloe, consider my discussion with Gregory, and then make a final decision on if I should date both of them or choose one....

That was my plan and I hoped to stick to it.

"So... can I meet that friend of yours?" Gregory questioned as he pulled into a parking spot in the guest lot outside of Jazz's apartment. I looked up and shrugged.

"Sure," I said nonchalantly. I knew Chloe wouldn't tell Nick or Jasper about him if I asked her not to, and if we were going to be better friends then I wanted her to know about him. It would make things easier, especially when I explained the decision I needed help making. This way, I could run Gregory's advice by her.

Gregory and I jumped out of the car and I placed my hand in the crook of his elbow as we walked toward the front of the building. As we got closer, I noticed someone sitting on a bench outside and then grinned.

I let go of Gregory's arm and skipped ahead. "Hey Chloe!" I called ahead cheerfully as I realized it was her. Her head popped up in surprise. She took a second to register who I was, but then smiled gently and stood up.

"Hi," she greeted me, once I was close, with a small wave of her hand.

I rolled my eyes and reached to give her a big hug. She laughed quietly at my action and hugged me back.

"How are you?" Chloe asked politely, but I could see the genuine concern in her brown eyes that told me this wasn't just a greeting. She truly wanted to know if I was okay.

I smiled happily at her. "Pretty good," I answered before feeling a hand lightly touch my back. I jumped, taking in a quick breath, surprised.

My eyes flashed up and I saw Gregory smirking down at me. I elbowed him lightly in the stomach for creeping up on me, then turned to Chloe.

Her eyes were narrowed slightly, obviously in confusion. She looked perplexed as she looked over us. Gregory was standing close, his hand still on my back as he smirked. I guess this could have looked a bit wrong... especially under the circumstances right now. Man... I was probably going to seem like a whore soon.

I sighed and shook my head, explaining myself. "Chloe, this is my friend, Gregory. Gregory, this is my friend, Chloe," I introduced them, straightening things out as I did. I definitely did not have another love interest... nor would I ever. Being interested in two guys was already too complicated for me.

Chloe mustered up a smile, seeming to still be in deep thought. "Nice to meet you," she said to Gregory in a quiet voice.

Gregory was more enthusiastic and walked forward, reaching out for her hand.

Chloe hesitated, but then gave in, putting her hand in his. Gregory brought her hand up to his lips and kissed her knuckles. "No, the pleasure is truly all mine," he assured her with his mischievous smirk.

I giggled, watching Chloe stare at him. She looked flustered by what he had just done, but I knew it was a Gregory thing. He liked to catch people off guard.

Gregory let her hand go with a smile and took a step back, standing beside me again.

Chloe blinked and then looked at me. "I thought you were taking a cab?" she murmured in confusion, her eyes flickering to Gregory's every few seconds.

What was wrong with her? I wondered. She seemed really flustered. I had never seen her like this before. Maybe Gregory had caught her a lot more off guard than I had expected. She was shy... maybe she didn't like being touched by strangers.

I remembered Spencer had done the same thing to her though and she had been fine with it. But maybe that was because Nick had already greeted Spencer, so she felt more comfortable around him? I wasn't sure.

"Well I was at his apartment, so he offered to drive me," I informed her. She could know where I was.

Her eyes flashed to mine, filling with even more confusion. "Nick said you were at a hotel?" she contemplated quietly, almost to herself, squinting her eyes like she was trying to remember. I noticed from the corner of my eye that Gregory's eyes at brightened with amusement and he smiled.

"Oh, is this the girlfriend of your friend Nick who you were telling me about?" Gregory inquired, glancing down at me.

I grinned at him and bobbed my head. "Yep! This is her."

Gregory's eyes sparkled and looked her up and down curiously. "Very interesting...." he chuckled under his breath. I didn't see what was so interesting, so I turned back to look at Chloe.

"Yeah...." she said awkwardly, shifting her feet. "Nick said he'd be down in a minute. He kicked me out of the apartment before I could finish the dishes because "that's his job" apparently," she laughed softly, looking only at me.

"He does the dishes for you?" Gregory laughed suddenly, making us both jump at his deep, rumbling laugh.

He covered it up quickly, clearing his throat. "Sorry... just reminded me of something. I'd better go though. You two have fun," he told us and reached over to stroke my cheek with his gloved hand.

"You can come over again tonight if you need to," he reminded me, then turned on his heels and walked away quickly.

I looked back to watch his quick stride. "Bye!" I called to him and he turned to flash me a quick smirk.

"Bye. Nice meeting you, Chloe," he said as he slipped into his car.

When I turned around, Chloe was staring at him in confusion, seemingly ignoring his last comment. "I thought—" she started, but then was cut off when she heard the door of the apartment building open. Nick came out, looking a little out of breath.

Chloe's face brightened as he made his way over to us and she laughed, reaching up stroke his cheek.

"Took the stairs?" she asked him with a caring look.

He nodded and took a deep breath.

"Yeah...." He laughed a shaky laugh and shrugged. "I figured I would go out for a run while you're with Ali and that was my warm up."

"Forty four flights of stairs is your warm up?!" I gaped, remembering what floor Jasper was on.

Nick smirked and walked over to me, seeming to realize that I was here too.

"Yep," he chuckled, "Running down is a lot easier than running up," he told me, crushing me into his chest in a hug.

Then he froze for a moment, his muscles turning tense. He quickly let me go and walked away from us, into the guest parking lot. He seemed alert and worried.

"Nick?" Chloe called, her own eyes filling with worry as she hurried forward to walk over to him. I followed her, slightly worried.

Nick turned back to us, blinking away confusion.

"What's wrong?" I asked him as Chloe hugged him tightly.

Nick hugged Chloe tightly against him, seeming to be in a protective stance.

"It was nothing... I just thought I saw someone," he said, then let out a bitter laugh. "I'm just paranoid."

Chloe and I shared a concerned look and then looked back up at him. "I'm fine," he assured us, his voice a bit on edge, a little anger in it. "I just...." He groaned and then shook his head. "Never mind."

I stared at him blankly, not understanding why he had snapped. I knew he had a hot temper sometimes, but there was always a reason, wasn't there? I was pretty sure I was right because Chloe looked just as puzzled as I was.

"You guys should get going," he said quickly, giving us both a reassuring smile.

I raised a curious eyebrow at him. Was he really going to leave us hanging after all that?

He leaned down and kissed Chloe goodbye.

"Have fun," he murmured to her, tucking some hair behind her ear adoringly.

Chloe nodded and I saw her inch up for one more kiss.

"Don't work out too hard," she said teasingly, but there was some seriousness in her voice as well. Maybe she had thought the same as I did... that a thousand staircases was enough of a work out.

Nick let her go and stepped forward to me.

"Be nice to her," he smirked and leaned down to peck my forehead. "Love you, Ali," he said in a low voice, giving me a small smile. He had been worried last night, very worried. I could tell by the look on his face right now.

"I'll try," I chuckled and gave him a hug. "Don't worry so much," I said as I rubbed his back, trying to give him whatever comfort I could.

He let me go and started to walk off. "Hard not to worry when your sister's fucking insane," he muttered and I giggled.

"Nicholas," Chloe scowled at his language, but I could see the playfulness shining in her eyes.

Nick froze and then turned around slowly, a look of pure guilt growing on his face. "Sorry, sweetheart," he mumbled with an apologetic smile.

Chloe laughed softly and waved him off. "It's okay," she assured him.

He grinned and then blew her a kiss and started jogging down the street. I turned to walk away, but noticed Chloe gazing at Nick as he began to jog away.

I giggled and turned to look back at him. "He does have a nice butt," I said playfully, nudging her elbow with mine.

She laughed a carefree laugh and shrugged sheepishly, but the blush growing over her cheeks couldn't hide the fact that she agreed.

"Come on...." I chuckled, grabbing her hand and tugging her forward. "I guess we should call a cab."

Chloe stopped. "Oh! Right. No. Jasper said we could borrow his car for the day after you told me you didn't have a car at your hotel." She paused. "Even though you were never really at a hotel...." she trailed off with a frown.

My eyes widened over the beginning of what she had said. "He left his car? How'd he get to school?" I asked her in disbelief. I felt my heart swelling, knowing he had been so thoughtful.

"He took the bus," she said as she began to dig through her purse. A few seconds later, she pulled out a key and handed it to me.

"Thanks. I'll have to call him later and see when he finishes so we can pick him up." I decided, and then began to walk forward, only pausing for a moment to make sure Chloe was walking with me.

We found Jasper's car in the parking garage and then drove out to the mall, talking about everyday things. Chloe was telling me about what she was studying at the moment when we pulled into the mall parking lot.

We shopped and continued to chat. I decided we should shop before any serious talking because I hadn't been shopping in a while and I needed to get it out of my system first.

I discovered that it was fun to shop with Chloe. She was a good mix of being agreeable and being stubborn. She would smile and get excited sometimes when I put together an outfit for her, and then she'd give me some other ideas on it. Then other times she would shy away and say no politely, giving me a little fun in trying to change her mind. Sometimes she ended up agreeing eventually, or we came to a compromise.

She surprised me a few times by picking out a few gorgeous outfits for me. This girl definitely knew her fashion. I had known that already by seeing what she wore, though. She always looked amazing and her clothes were always perfect on her. She knew what she was doing.

By lunch time, we decided to take a break, very satisfied with the outfits we had picked out so far. I was already bouncing in excitement at a cute dress I had picked out for her.

"You have to wear it for Nick! He'll be drooling over you," I gushed as we walked to a table in a random restaurant we had picked out.

A small blush crept onto her cheeks and she nodded. "Sometime," she said.

I narrowed my eyes, not knowing if that meant 'sometime I will' or if she was just brushing me off on the topic. She would definitely be wearing it for him, no matter what. If I had to, I would make him get her to wear it because I knew if he asked, she would put it on for him.

Chloe was holding back a smile and that told me that she was glad she had the dress. She was probably even trying to hide the fact that she was definitely excited to show it off to Nick.

A waitress came over and asked us what we'd like to drink. We told her, and then sat back in our chairs, relaxing.

After a minute of a calm silence, Chloe cleared her throat. I had a feeling she was trying to get my attention, so I looked up at her curiously. She had a hesitant look in her eyes, but I knew she wanted to ask me something.

I gave her an encouraging smile, trying to show her that I wouldn't mind questions.

After a moment, she seemed to muster up the courage to speak. "Why did you tell Nick you were at a hotel?" she asked me, a look of defeat spreading over her face.

I frowned at my lie. I didn't like to lie to them. I just had to. Neither Spencer, Jasper , nor Nick would have wanted me to stay over at another guy's house. Especially one that they had never met.

"They don't know about Gregory," I explained with a sigh. "If I told them, they would all be upset about it. But I like being with Gregory. He's always there to listen and stuff...." I told her honestly, staring into her brown eyes.

I noticed that they were soft eyes. She was really listening. She wasn't judging or coming to conclusions like Spencer or Jasper would. They probably wouldn't even let me explain before ripping me away from him.

This is why I needed a girl to talk to.

"Don't _they_ listen to you?" Chloe asked gently.

"Yeah... of course they do. I just can't talk to them about some things...." I said, pausing as the waitress put our drinks down in front of us. "I can't get help from them because...honestly... I guess they are the problem."

I knew it sounded cruel. I didn't mean it to, but it was sort of true. Spencer and Jasper were the reason I was in this pickle and I couldn't even ask them for help in it. They just seemed to make me more confused when they tried to help, like when they both said I could pick the other person. It just made me so much more confused because I couldn't picture leaving either of them behind.

Chloe bit her lip before speaking. "You can talk to me about it if you want? I might be able to give you advice... I'm not an expert on relationships or anything…" she laughed an uncharacteristic, bitter sounding laugh, "But I can try to help you out."

I grinned at her offer. I had been hoping she would ask. I hadn't wanted to start talking about it unless she was okay with it. Some people didn't like to hear other people's problems... It's a downer. No one really wants a friend who's going to bring them down.

"Are you sure...? You might regret offering later…." I said slowly, searching her eyes. She smiled gently and shook her head, refusing what I had just said.

"I'm glad I can help," she assured me earnestly, with a nod.

She had no idea what she was getting into.

I took a deep breath and told her everything. About losing my memory twice…how conflicted I was, trying to decide between my old love with Spence and my new with Jazz without hurting them… how great the two of them were being…. I told her about sleeping with Spencer on Friday and then kissing Jasper two days later… and how amazing both instances were….

At that point in the story, my eyes flickered to Chloe's, making sure she wasn't regretting anything yet or wanting me to stop. She was staring intently at me with a look of compassion on her face. Well, I guess if she wasn't minding it so far I could go on.

I told her about how I couldn't face Spencer after kissing Jasper. Not until I knew what to do. And how concerned I was about how Spence was handling everything… how I didn't know how to help him and myself, too… how I felt like no matter what I did, I just made things worse….

Chloe nodded empathetically, taking it all in before asking, "What advice did Gregory give you?"

I hummed quietly in thought, trying to think of a way to put it that wouldn't make me seem like a horrible person. How _do_ you tell someone you are thinking of dating two people at once without looking bad?

"Gregory suggested that I date them both... that way I would know which one I really wanted as a love interest. Just for a little while, you know, so I can know for sure which one..." I trailed off at her shocked expression. Her eyes flashed with something. Something strong. But I wasn't sure how to interpret the look, so I ducked my head with a sigh, ashamed to be considering it.

"But...wouldn't they realize that you were ...dating them both?" Chloe asked in a hesitant voice, like she was uncertain if she should ask or not. I thought it sounded like she was uncomfortable asking that question. Her voice was a bit shaky.

I told her how Gregory had claimed that they probably wouldn't care, as long as they had me for the time.

Chloe seemed in deep thought for a moment before sighing.

"It still doesn't seem right though…." she whispered, nervously folding her napkin in front of her. I nodded in agreement and she relaxed a bit.

Maybe she didn't want to upset me.

"I know... that's why I'm not sure. But I don't see another way. I know...well I think....that I love them both..." I whispered, the words seeming odd as they came out. I had never admitted to loving someone else, not even to myself before.

"But how am I supposed to pick? Half of me wants Spencer and the other half wants Jasper," I explained sadly to her. It was such an impossible subject. I felt like it was the only thing that had kept coming into my mind lately.

_Maybe I should just flip a coin and get it over with_, I thought in frustration.

Chloe was about to say something when the waitress arrived to ask for our orders. We quickly ordered, and then after she left, Chloe spoke.

"I'm not sure dating them both will help anything... it may actually make it worse. Won't you just become more attached to both of them?" Chloe wondered, seeming to become more comfortable with talking personally with me.

I looked down at my drink and sighed. She could be right. If I spent more time with Jasper as a love interest, I would just fall for him more wouldn't I? I guess there was a chance that I might like him more as a friend, but I doubted it. It seemed like every time I was with him, it was just leading me up to the love interest side... it was probably always a love interest.

"Maybe…." I murmured with a defeated voice. "But what else can I do about it?" I asked her in desperation. This was what I needed. An outside opinion. Someone who could be objective. Hopefully someone without a chip on their shoulder about love, like Gregory seemed to have. But I could see by the way she looked at Nick that she already knew what love was. She didn't seem to have a problem with love.

"Have you thought of things like... who you could see in your future?" she asked me in a quiet voice, looking at me with sympathy. This was like the total opposite of talking to Gregory....

I was reluctant to answer her question because honestly, I could see my future with both of them.

Chloe laughed and I knew that she could tell by my expression what my answer was.

"Guess that didn't help much..." she mumbled.

"Can you picture your future with Nick?" I asked suddenly, without even thinking about it.

Her head popped up. She seemed a little stunned by the question, but I was curious…. With so much drama in my life, I hadn't paid very close attention to Nick and Chloe together. I wondered how serious they really were. They had looked pretty close any time that I had seen them together.

A small smile grew on Chloe's face as a far off look appeared in her eyes. I watched her zone out, probably picturing their future, as a slow grin lit up her face. She definitely saw it.

Suddenly her eyes snapped back into focus and she shook her head quickly.

"I wish things could be that simple," she whispered, more to herself than to me.

Maybe their relationship wasn't as smooth as I thought it might have been? I reached across the table and squeezed her hand, not wanting to pry.

"We'll help each other get the futures we want," I said to her with a wide grin, trying to reassure her.

Her eyes looked distant and wary, but she squeezed my hand back and nodded in agreement. "We will."

We shared a smile. As our food arrived, Chloe added, "We just need to figure out who your future will be with."

That day was two months ago. I've officially been eighteen for two months….

I had had a great conversation with Chloe about picking one of them, but there was no other way I could figure out how to choose. Even with the tips Chloe had given me, I still loved them both… and I decided to explore that love by dating both of them, like Gregory had suggested.

Chloe had been right, though. I had just come to love them both even more after the last two months.

I had gone out with Jasper as more of a love interest.... we had shared more kisses, but not too many. Even though we were more involved, it still made me feel a little guilty later, after the kisses. During the kiss, the only thing I could think about was how amazing it felt. I got pulled into that kiss and brought into a different world. A world that was filled with Jasper and only Jasper. It was weird and I loved it.

But then when I was with Spencer it was a whole other world. A world that was so familiar, safe and comfortable. It was Spencer. I always loved him more every day, ever since I was a little kid.

So I had not made much progress in the 'determining feelings' area….

I had been afraid in the beginning that the two of them would be a little upset that I was spending more time with one and then with the other, but the two of them didn't even seem to realize it. Maybe Gregory was right... they didn't mind as long as I was still with them.

It might not been that at all, though. They were both so busy now. Jasper was busy because after classes, he was playing, practicing, or training for football. He had come on a football scholarship and football season was starting. So he would wake up earlier and go for a run with Nick, then head for training, then have class, and then either practice or a game before he came home pretty much dead. Most of the time, he was just trying to keep his eyes open. He didn't pay too much attention to my activities with Spencer.

Spencer was the same with his schedule. He was having his first fashion show. He had been working on a line of clothing and it was being released in a few months, but his fashion show was coming up quickly. He was working all nighters sometimes. I had missed him so much that I had gone to the office and slept on the couch there with him one night because he was there so often. I had a bad feeling that it was because he was hurting, though. Especially after Olivia was surprised that he was there one night, telling him that he could have just taken the sketches home with him. If he could take the sketches home, and didn't, did that mean he was too hurt to spend a night with me sometimes?

I was being selfish and cheating on him.... He technically didn't know I was going out with Jasper....

Gregory still supported both of my relationships though. He said it would just take time and that eventually I would just know who I would want to spend the rest of my life with.

Chloe was a bit more skeptical on the matter. She still didn't like the idea of me being with them both, but she rarely, if ever, mentioned it. I could see it in her eyes though. Her eyes always looked sad, sometimes guilty... I wondered if she blamed herself for not stopping me or something. I wasn't sure.

She was a quiet person who seemed a little scared to share her thoughts sometimes, I thought. She was hesitant when speaking, but she had mentioned that she thought there was something 'fishy' about Gregory. I had laughed it off, though. Gregory being fishy seemed ridiculous. He may have had a few bad habits, but what twenty-some year old didn't? I knew he could be a bit different at times, but that was just him. We all had our quirks.

Gregory said he would be away next week though, which was probably better for me anyways. I needed to keep all my focus on myself and what was happening. It was Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving meant my family and Spencer's getting all together, even our relatives. That meant both Spencer's mom and mine were going into total insanity-mode, trying to make everything perfect.

With the stress coming from them, Jim seemed to be lashing out his frustrations on Spencer. Spencer looked like a mess every night, getting yelled at by his dad after working all day. Plus, now all the magazines were asking for interviews for Thanksgiving and asking to photograph it, or record it for their articles because the company was becoming so huge.

Life was busy at the company right now. Busy and hectic and stressful.

Another huge thing was happening this year too. I had asked Jasper to join us for dinner. When I made that decision and asked him, I didn't think about all the problems and troubles I would have to through after. Telling the mothers was like asking for my own death. They were both furious, asking me what the hell I was thinking. My whole family would be here and I would be hanging around with another guy. Some of the relatives were almost as bad as our mothers about my relationship with Spencer. It would be an interesting night, spending it with both Spence and Jazz. At the same time.

Jim and my dad were fine with it. My dad did warn me to be careful though because he was concerned about my having to choose eventually. He warned me about toying with their hearts because I couldn't have them both. I knew what he meant... I was trying though. I _really_ was.

Spencer was probably the biggest problem with my decision to invite Jasper, though. He didn't say anything about it. Not one word, actually. That was what was so bad. I told him and he just looked at me and nodded, then changed the subject. He didn't even want to hear more about it. Anytime I asked if he was okay with it, he just nodded and again changed the subject. I knew holidays were important to Spencer….

But I still didn't take back my invitation because I knew Jasper would be alone for Thanksgiving if I did. I didn't want him to be alone, he belonged with a family and I knew he didn't really have one. The Cullens in Forks had called to ask if he wanted to visit for the week, but he had declined and I knew it was because he wanted to spend time with me. I wasn't going to let him down....

I would make it all I work. We could all have a great dinner tomorrow, Thursday, and then continue to enjoy weekend together. Or so I hoped....

_JPOV_

Oh the Gods are on my side... I thought wistfully. It had been two months since that perfect night. I had been right; bringing her back to that special place helped us. She had kissed me. _She_ had kissed _me_!

It had been just as perfect as I remembered... if not more. I had practically skipped my way into the apartment. Nick knew what had happened right when he saw me, since I was grinning like a fool. I couldn't help it. I was slowly getting her back, and I knew it.

Every time I saw her it seemed like she was more and more like the Alice I knew in Forks... the Alice that I loved and adored so much. I had even gotten a few more kisses during our times together.

The only problem had been my schedule lately. I felt bad because there were days I would never see her. Sometimes I went a few days without even getting more than a text to and from her. Football season was much more demanding in college than in high school. They had me wake up at five in the morning and take a long run, which was good in a way, because I could do that with Nick. Nick and I were used to working out together, so I felt it was good for us. Especially since it was helping me rebuild my relationship with him after I had left a few months ago….

Training was long and torturous. I could take it a lot better than a lot of the guys because I was used to working in pain, but I had softened up since summer. I wasn't as used to it anymore. Weird… I never thought I'd see the day when I would actually _feel_ physical pain. In a way, it was refreshing, though. To feel this pain meant I was working hard for something good.

Then I went to school, tried to keep my eyes open in class, and then went to football practice.

It was all tough on my relationship with Alice. I didn't want her to think that I was too tired to spend time with her, but somehow she knew what was going on and understood. We usually just sat and watched movies, sometimes with Nick and Chloe. And half the time I would fall asleep halfway through. It wasn't so bad, though. It meant I would wake up with Alice in my arms. That was worth everything. I didn't even mind the hard work from the day when I could feel her warmth around me.

I had this week off of everything, though, for Thanksgiving. I would have the whole week to spend with Alice as I pleased… however she wanted. She had even invited me to her family dinner... which I had to think about at first. I knew Spencer would be there and that would be tough. I hadn't really seen him at all in the last two months. Alice said he was really busy at work because of some fashion show, so he wasn't around when I picked her up. But once I was at Thanksgiving dinner, we would be in the same room for a while. Plus Mrs. Wright and Charlotte would be there, which would probably mean trouble. Then I would have to meet the rest of her family... even better.

Of course I wanted to meet her family. I wanted to know everything about her and her family. I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life. She was my world. I was just worried about what they would think of me.

I would be standing beside their dream son-in-law and I would look like a failure. I knew if I said that to _my _Alice, she would assure me that all that mattered was that we were together and we loved each other. But I was still afraid. I wanted them to want me as a son-in-law as well. I wanted them to accept me, if she chose me in the end. I didn't want to be the kind of guy who turned his girlfriend or wife away from her family because her family had problems with me. I wanted her to have the support of her family. I knew how much a supporting family meant. I had never experienced support from a family until I was with Carlisle and Esme and I loved them for every bit of support they had given me. I knew it was important to have a supporting family.

This was going to be a tough week. But I was going to do my best and Hope that nothing too bad would happen....

_NPOV_

I opened my drawers, quickly glancing at the clothes I picked up, then tossed them onto a suitcase on my bed. I was packing for a week... so I needed a fair amount of clothing. Seven of everything, maybe? I didn't know... I would be wearing clothes there, though, so maybe six pairs of everything? But maybe I would need extras in case I did something stupid.

I groaned and took more clothes out.

I silently thanked Alice for going shopping for me again. I had enough clothes now, without having to borrow any of Jasper's clothes. Honestly, I preferred not to have to do that. We might be close to the same size, but I was a little bigger and sometimes it was a tight squeeze. His shirts were like muscle shirts on me. I always had to pick the bigger ones... unless I was trying to show off my muscles to Chloe. In that case, I was glad to put on the tight shirts.

Chloe and I had been doing amazingly for the last two months. The relationship was a dream come true... scratch that._ She_ was a dream come true. I didn't know what I would do without her. I would be hopeless, that was for sure. It had surprised the hell out of me when she invited me to go home with her for a week. A whole week in California with the girl of my dreams.... What in the world could be better than that?!

I was nervous though... if we were going to California, that also meant I was meeting her parents. I was never the type of guy that girls brought home to their parents.... I doubted I was now, even, but it was what Chloe wanted and I would go to the moon and back again if that's what she asked. I was whipped and not even ashamed to say so.

I hoped her parents would see that. I wanted them to know that I just wanted the best for Chloe, because in all honesty, I did. I knew I might not be the best pick for their daughter, but I did know that there was something between us that made us perfect for each other. Chloe had been right... we were kindred.

"Nick," Chloe chuckled as she entered the room. I stood up from the dresser and shot her a curious glance. I saw her looking at my suitcase with a cute little smirk, playfulness dancing in her eyes.

"Chloe," I teased, giving her a curious look. But I already knew she was noticing the untidiness of my suitcase. I had just thrown everything in and I was sure her bag had everything folded and probably ironed in it.

"How about I help you?" she offered me with a smile, walking over to my suitcase.

I laughed and walked over to the bed to help fold the clothes... not that I was an expert or anything. I watched Chloe and then mirrored her actions, learning how to do it perfectly.

"You're doing great," Chloe murmured softly to me, knowing I was trying.

"Thanks. I have the best teacher possible," I grinned and leaned down to give her a playful peck on the lips. She caught my lips again as I tried to pull back, and kept me there. Her lips slowly moved with mine, making my heart pound furiously against my chest. Sometimes it felt like it was going to freaking burst through my chest when I was kissing her.

I chuckled against her lips and wrapped my arms around her waist. She deepened the kiss and wrapped her arms around my neck, toying with the hair on the back of my neck.

I sighed. If I could do this for eternity I definitely would. Chloe surprised me by taking a step forward, causing me to take a step back, which made the back of my legs hit the bed. I held her tighter as I tried to keep balance.

I felt Chloe smile against my lips and she lightly leaned into me and shoved me back again, causing me to lose my balance and fall back. I landed and Chloe came quickly after... too quickly. As my head bounced off the bed, hers came down, crashing into mine midway.

"Ouch," Chloe laughed. I groaned and squinted against the pain to look at her, wondering if she was okay. Her grin was wide, so I knew she must have been fine.

I laughed and leaned upwards to peck her forehead. "Goof," I said in total adoration, gazing into her beautiful brown eyes as they sucked me in like always.

"That didn't exactly go as I planned," she admitted with a blush.

I shrugged nonchalantly. "Minus the concussion, I think it was perfect. I have you just where I want you, in my arms... in my bed," I teased with a seductive smirk. Chloe melted into my arms, but then lightly swatted me in the chest.

"I don't think I like what you're implying," she told me in a mock-serious voice. I flipped us over quickly and hovered over her.

"I think you do," I disagreed, leaning down to place a trail of kisses up her neck before I nibbled playfully on her earlobe. Chloe sighed and turned her head to look at me. The intensity in her gaze made me freeze. It wasn't bad at all. That wasn't the reason why I was stopping. It was just... so strong. I took a deep breath to keep myself from doing anything stupid. I had to move slowly with her. This was too important to screw up, I reminded myself.

I reached down and kissed her soft cheek. "Thanks for inviting me to come home with you, Chlo," I murmured, nuzzling my face into her neck.

Suddenly, I felt Chloe's whole body freeze under mine. She wasn't even breathing. I pulled up quickly, confused and kind of alarmed. She looked at me with blank, wide eyes, no emotion in them at all anymore.

I searched my mind for what I had done. I looked between us. I wasn't touching her... I couldnt' have hurt her.... I didn't understand. I had just thanked her. Usually this would be when she smiled at me or kissed me... or something.

"Sweetheart?" I whispered, trying to get into her guarded eyes. I reached up to touch her cheek and she flinched away as if it hurt. I froze this time, both literally and inside.

"Are you okay?" I asked quietly, very puzzled, not knowing what was going on. Chloe finally blinked. Her eyes focused onto my face and she let out the breath she had been holding. "Oh...." she whispered, sounding worn. "I-I'm sorry. I zoned out for a moment...." she apologized, reaching up to kiss me in apology. I kissed her back gently, but I was still confused. She had never looked at me like that before. She almost looked afraid of me.

That was my greatest fear.

Her kiss told me she wasn't afraid, but what her eyes had shown a minute ago was totally different. She had totally blocked me out. I knew that was what people did to protect themselves. I did it all the time. But why would she do that to me...? Why would she shut me out like that out of nowhere?

I backed off a little, not wanting to push anything, and we finished packing. Our flight was early, and we would arrive in California Thursday afternoon... right in time for an early Thanksgiving dinner with her family.

**Author's Note: Well well well... sounds like it's going to be a nice peaceful thanksgiving for them all :P. Or not. We shall see. So what do you guys think about this chapter? What do you think about Alice's decision to date **_**both**_** guys? Is she digging herself her own grave or fixing the problem? And what do you think is up with Chloe? Hm... **

**So, for the blog this week. Nothing really big. The character profiles have been worked on, not totally finished, but some are pretty far. We do have a picture of Chloe up on her profile though, so all of you who have been waiting, we have it now! You can leave a comment on the blog or whatever and tell us what you think of her! :) p.s. also some pretty sexy pictures of the Hope guys up there. **

**That's all for now....except KEEP VOTING! If you have not voted, I'll kick your butt :P. Go to my profile and click the link I have up there and it'll bring you to the voting place. Support Hope & Forgotten Hope. **

**Bye everyone! Hope you have a great day! **


	27. Thanksgiving

**Author's Note: Hello world! Here is your weekly update of Forgotten Hope. Enjoy! **

Forgotten Hope Chapter 27- Thanksgiving

_APOV_

"Spence!" I called, hurrying up the stairs as I saw cars starting to drive into the driveway.

I opened the door to my room and saw him on my bed, hovering over papers that were scattered all over the bed as he worked.

"Yes?" he asked, giving me a gentle smile.

The smile calmed my tornado of emotions for a moment. I wasn't sure if I was ready for this dinner. But people were arriving and I couldn't back out now.

"Your mom wanted me to come get you. People are arriving," I informed him, walking over to sit down on the edge of the bed.

He sighed stressfully, probably just as nervous as I was.

"All right. Thank you," he replied, a lack of emotion in his voice.

I watched sadly as he began to gather the papers. I hated how our relationship was so strained right now. I knew it was my fault. If I would have been a good girlfriend--or at least a loyal girlfriend-- this would not be happening. He was just trying to protect himself.

I couldn't blame him... not one bit. He had every reason to shield himself away from me now. "I can meet you downstairs, hun," he said, sorting through the papers now. I reached over and placed my hand gently on his knee.

He stalled, stopping what he was doing for a moment. His guarded eyes softened and a small smile tugged on the sides of his lips.

"I can wait," I assured him, squeezing his knee.

Spencer leaned over to me and pecked my lips. "Thanks."

The difference in the emotion in his voice was extreme. Just a moment ago his voice was empty, but now it was full of love.

"Anytime," I grinned at him.

Spencer hurriedly put his papers away and then smoothed out his shirt. He peeked into my mirror and took a comb out of his pocket, fixing his hair before sighing.

"'Kay let's go," he mumbled as he walked over to me and helped me off the bed.

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" I asked, rubbing his forearms with a smirk.

"For the grandmas? No. I don't think anyone could be ready for them," Spencer chuckled, wrapping his arm loosely around my waist.

I laughed and snuggled into his side, breathing in the pure scent of Spencer. It seemed like I hadn't been engulfed in his scent in forever. I nuzzled my face against his chest and sighed contently.

"I love you, baby," Spencer murmured and I felt him kiss the top of my head.

"Love you too, Spencer," I replied, glancing up to smile sweetly at him.

He returned the smile and groaned. "'Kay...let's go...."

I laughed and walked forward. "It'll be fine," I assured him, but this time in more of a serious voice. This was going to be a tough night and we both knew it.

Spencer led me out of the room and then down the stairs where a few people had started to gather.

"There he is!" I heard a familiar voice say. I looked up to see Spencer's grandma grinning at us. Spencer tightened his arm around me like I was a life line.

"Here we go," I chuckled under my breath so only Spencer could hear. He held back a smirk and led me to the company.

"There they are. My favorite couple in the world," she cooed with adoration.

"And there is my favorite grandma!" Spencer smiled back, a sparkle appearing in his eye. Even if he grumbled about her, it was all in joking. He loved his grandma. She was a lot like our mothers and encouraged him a lot.

"I'm your only grandmother, but thanks for trying."

Spencer let go of me to give her a tight hug and then she turned to me.

"And there's my future soon to be granddaughter!" She opened her arms for me and I hugged her politely with a smile.

"Hi Patricia," I greeted her as I pulled back. Spencer's arm was waiting for me and I snuggled into his side.

She stared at us both for a moment, looking us up and down, and then shook her head.

"I thought I was hearing all of these things about you two having trouble. You both look as in love as ever," she said, confusion in her eyes, but obviously glad that the information she had heard appeared to be false.

She had heard correctly, though.

Of course we looked happy and in love. It was called a show... we all put on shows for people, just like we were doing right now. Not that I was saying we weren't in love... of course we were. We just weren't happy.

Well, I was happy. I could be happier, but I was happy. I knew Spencer wasn't happy, though. Every emotion in his eyes and every look on his face told me he was struggling to smile. Again. I was doing this to him again.

"I am as in love as ever, so I have no idea where you are getting your information," Spencer assured her, leaving the 'we' out of his words though. Patricia didn't seem to notice. Luckily.

I was a little hurt that he hadn't said 'we.' I frowned, but quickly caught it and tried to cover it.

"Well... as long as you two can keep your love to yourself during this year's dinner everything will be great," she teased, reaching over to pat both of our cheeks.

Spencer laughed out loud, his real laugh, and squeezed me into him. I held back a smile, remembering our heated make out scene at the table last year. It really hadn't been my fault… Spencer was a tease….

Right then there was a knock at the door and Spencer let me go. "Be right back," he whispered, pecking my temple, then walking to the door and tugging it open.

My heart jumped in my chest.

Jasper.

"Oh… hello." Over the sound of my pounding heartbeat in my ears, I heard Spencer greet him politely.

"Hey," Jasper mumbled, running a hand through his hair. Jasper's eyes flickered to mine quickly and a smile grew across his face.

My feet seemed to have a mind of their own as I skipped over to him.

"Hey Jazz!" I cheered, entering Jasper's arms which were already outstretched for me. I squeezed him tightly, feeling a comforted feeling filling me as he held me. Maybe him being here would actually relax me, I thought optimistically.

"Hello, darling," I heard Jasper murmur in my ear, his words drenched with his southern accent.

I pulled back and grinned at him. He looked amazing as always. He went for formal wear, which was made for him, but not too formal. He was wearing black dress pants, dress shoes and a light blue dress shirt. I wondered if I had bought him that shirt… if I had, it would have definitely been because it matched his eyes so well.

"You look gorgeous," Jasper told me sweetly, taking my hand and twirling me around.

"Thanks! You do too."

I heard someone clear their throat behind us and froze. Jasper's eyes broke off of mine and looked up, his eyes narrowed in confusion.

I reluctantly turned to see Patricia glaring darkly at us, seeming furious.

"Was this the trouble I have been hearing about?" she practically hissed at Spencer.

Spencer wasn't looking at us. His eyes were on the ground and I saw him stiffen.

"Why don't we go into the living room?" Spencer said, his voice strained. I could tell he was talking through his teeth and frowned.

This was not going to be a good night.

Jasper placed a hand on my back and nudged me forward, since he was still waiting outside in the cold while I stared at the others. I hurriedly took a few steps forward, allowing him to get inside and shut the door.

"Hello, I'm Jasper Hale." I saw Jasper reach his hand out to Patricia. All three of us stared at her anxiously, not knowing what she was going to do.

"I know who you are," Patricia said, waving her hand at Jasper dismissively. "You're the boy who sent my grandson into a depression and is back to make it worse," she said with a sickly sweet smile gracing her lips.

I took a quick breath in, feeling a stabbing pain in my chest at the mention of Spencer's depression and more pain for how Jasper would feel at those words.

Patricia turned on her heels and walked away from us, heading for the living room.

Spencer smiled at Jasper. "Don't listen to her. She's just a little overprotective," Spencer instructed him, even though I knew Spencer didn't really want Jasper here. He was always polite.

Jasper returned Spencer's smile and nodded awkwardly. "I can see where your mom gets it," he said jokingly, trying to clear the tension in the air.

Spencer smirked and shrugged. "Yep. Well… we should go to the living room," he mumbled, reaching out for my hand and then stopping and letting his hand drop to his side.

I sighed and walked away from Jasper and to Spencer's side, slipping my fingers between his. I knew Jasper would understand. I wasn't trying to flaunt it in his face that I had to be with Spencer tonight. He knew that. I could tell by the softness in his liquid blue eyes that he understood. He gave me a short nod of confirmation and walked ahead of Spencer and me.

I looked down at our hands, holding each others, and sighed, feeling something wrong. Should I really be wishing I was holding Jazz's hand instead right now? My stomach lurched at the feeling. I loved to hold Spencer's hand....

Spencer didn't say anything to me or even look at me. He walked us forward, lightly holding my hand in his, almost as if he knew that I had grabbed it to make him feel better. But part of me did want to be there with him....

It's just another part of me didn't. I mentally winced at that thought.

We entered the living room which was full of family. Jim, Dan, and all of the grandpas were sitting with them, holding beers and watching a football game on TV.

Sitting on the couches were my mom, Olivia, and Patricia, who were obviously gossiping with their heads low and together. They all had sour looks on their faces and I knew they must be talking about Jasper.

"Jasper, Spencer, come join us!" Dan called over to them, waving his hand invitingly.

Jasper's eyes flickered to mine and he smirked. "Great… more football."

I laughed and then glanced up at Spencer. I knew Spencer could care less about sports, but he usually just joined them because it might please his dad. Not that anything would please him when it came to Spencer. But Spencer still tried. I don't think he would ever stop, even though he has realized nothing he can do will ever amount to anything in Jim's eyes.

I still didn't understand Jim. His son was only nineteen and was already known around the world in the fashion industry. How could he not be proud of that? I understood that Jim was some huge football player before… sure… but that doesn't mean he should just shun his child because he wasn't exactly like Jim and into football. I felt like he should be able to accept him and love him no matter what....

Spencer squeezed my hand and let it go. "Football time." He rolled his eyes, but leaned down to give me a soft kiss on the mouth. Thankfully, Jasper hadn't been looking at the time or that would have started something not so pleasant.

"Have fun," I smiled at him, giving him a teasing look.

Spencer scoffed quietly, but then a sparkle entered his eyes. "Want to join me?" he asked, reaching up to stroke my cheek with an inviting look in his eyes. He wanted me to stay with him. I could see it. He had been having a hard time dealing with Jim alone lately.

"When don't I want to join you, Spence?" I chuckled, following him over to the couches in front of the TV. I hugged my Grandpa and then Spencer's, but they were both too into the game to really notice me.

I walked over to my dad and pecked his cheek.

"Hey kiddo," he smiled, patting my cheek, and then turning his attention to the TV as well. I rolled my eyes and then moved onto Jim. He was ready with his arms waiting for me.

"Give me all you got," he laughed and I hugged him tightly.

He squeezed me back and pecked my forehead. He seemed like he was in a really good mood. That was always a good sign.

Spencer sat down on the reclining chair and I walked over to sit on his lap. He pushed the chair back so we were in a half-laying position as we watched the game. Jasper didn't look too bad. He was talking eagerly with my dad and Jim about his football team at NYU now. I smiled as I watched his interaction with my family. If only the women in this family weren't as stubborn. All the guys seemed to have welcomed him with open arms. My dad loved Jasper already and so did Jim. Not that they loved him more than Spencer… of course not. But they liked him well enough.

Sometimes I wondered if Jim really did like Jasper more than his own son, though....

The game wasn't very long, because apparently it had already been halfway over when we had come in.

"All right. Dinner time. Shut the TV off," my mom said with a smirk as the game came to a close. Spencer had fallen asleep on the chair and I could hear his even breathing beneath me.

I sighed, feeling a tinge of guilt for having to wake him up. He hadn't been getting enough sleep.

"Spence," I whispered, nudging him gently in the stomach. He stirred in his sleep, but didn't wake up. I sighed and rolled my eyes, moving a bit in the chair to try to face him. I finally got to a way that I could face him and patted his cheek gently.

"Wake up, baby, it's dinner time," I murmured, glaring slightly when I saw he still wasn't waking up.

"Spencer! Up! Now!" I heard a loud shout from behind me as Jim yelled. His command startled me and I lost my balance on the chair, falling on top of Spencer.

I heard Spencer let out a loud grunt in pain and I quickly got off of the chair, noticing that I had just elbowed him in the crotch.

Spencer bit his lip and looked up at me with amusement in his eyes. "Thank you for waking me up," he growled through his teeth and awkwardly trying to stand up.

"I'm sorry!" I told him, holding back laughter. The others were already chuckling and leaving the room.

"At least we know he has them now," Jim muttered, leaving the room. Spencer rolled his eyes and walked over to me, stumbling a bit.

"You're trying to kill me, hun," he laughed, wrapping his arm around my shoulder, using me for stability.

"It was an accident," I spat at him with a glare, obviously not angry though. I felt so bad as he held me for support. I had caught him hard. Jasper was sitting down with a smirk on his lips. He caught my eye and winked at me and I glared back at him playfully in return.

Spencer pulled out a chair for me and then sat beside me. I sat across from Jasper. Spencer was the one who chose my chair, so I guessed he didn't have too much of a problem with it.

The servers brought in our plates of food and then my mom sent them home for the night, telling them to have a great Thanksgiving.

I ignored my glass of wine and sipped at my water as dinner started.

"So, did Chloe and Nick leave for California already?" Spencer asked Jasper as he picked up his fork.

I noticed Patricia looking at Spencer like he had two heads when he began to speak with Jasper. She turned to my mom and then began to whisper and I sighed. God… they really were worse than teenage girls. They were just too into gossiping. It wasn't normal.

"So, Alice, dear, your mother tells me it'll be your four year anniversary with Spencer in just a little under a month," Patricia gushed from the other side of the table. A grin grew over Spencer's face when he heard the words.

"Not really… she was gone for six months. Doesn't that make them have to start all over again? So they are only going on their third month then… and your anniversary would actually be the end of August," Jim said before I could say anything.

Spencer's face fell and my heartstrings tugged.

"Yes, it'll be four years in a month," I replied, ignoring Jim's comment and shooting him an icy glare.

Jasper ran his hand through his hair and sat back in his chair, stopping his conversation with Spencer. I didn't know if what I had said would hurt him. I didn't mean for it to hurt him. I just didn't want Jim's heartless comments to get to Spencer tonight. Anniversaries were very important to Spencer and I didn't want it to hurt him, thinking our anniversary really didn't mean anything anymore.

I felt Jasper's foot lightly touch mine under the table and my eyes flashed to his. A mischievous look was sparkling in his eyes and a cute smirk formed on his lips. He ran his foot over my foot, which I noticed was only socked so he must have taken his shoe off under the table.

I couldn't help the smile that came over my face at the tingling feeling that rushed up my body from my foot. Such little things could drive me crazy from that boy.

I felt Spencer's hand on my knee and jumped. The two of them were touching me at the same time. My eyes widened in shock and I ducked my head, trying to hide myself from the world. This was definitely not good. What a weird feeling....

"Alice, I hear you're hopefully going to be having a fashion show soon, too?" My grandpa changed the subject, not enjoying the discomfort that was stemming from Jim's comments.

Dinner continued on much like this… conversations would start, but then end in an awkward or rude remark from someone at the table. It wasn't very pleasant at all.

The hardest part was trying to keep both Spencer and Jasper happy. Luckily, Spencer had moved his hand off my knee pretty fast, so I didn't have both of them touching me at the same time throughout dinner. But Jasper continued to play footsies with me throughout dinner, sending me winks and cute smirks when he could.

It was very hard not to get out of my seat and kiss him. It was like every fiber in my body wanted to be against his. I was longing for him so much that it was overwhelming, especially with my boyfriend sitting beside me.

"Great… out of wine," I heard my dad mutter as he poured the last bit of wine into my mother's glass.

"I can get some more for you," Jasper volunteered, jumping up in a second. I was surprised how he had gotten his shoe back on in time to do that.

"You don't know where the wine is," Olivia commented in confusion, watching him walk around the table.

"Alice can show me," he grinned, looking at me with his sparkling blue eyes. "Well… if you'd like to, darling?" he murmured quietly, just so I would hear.

"Sure!" I smiled and jumped out of my seat as well. Maybe being alone with him for a few minutes would satisfy these stupid urges.

Jasper led us to the kitchen to get another bottle of wine and shut the door behind us. His eyes flashed to mine and then around the room. I could see desire and need burning in his eyes.

We had hardly been close the whole night and I could see it had affected him. It had obviously been affecting me, because I had gotten up as fast as I could to follow him out here. I wanted to be alone with him.

Jasper took a step closer, backing me up against the large door of the walk in fridge. "Would it be wrong to kiss you now?" he asked me, reaching over to lightly run his fingertips down my arms as he flashed a breathtaking smile at me.

I had to take a deep breath, trying not to hyperventilate at the sight of him. His blue eyes were twinkling like I had never seen before.

"N-no," I said dumbly, knowing that was all I would be able to get out of myself. I wanted to kiss him so badly right now. His eyes brightened even more, if it was even possible, as he heard me. I had just given him permission to kiss me.

In all the times we had kissed, it had never been him kissing me first. I had started the kiss every single time. This time it was all him.

He reached up and cupped my cheeks in his hands, gazing at me with an intensity that I didn't know if I would ever get used to. He always had so much emotion in his eyes.

I took a quick breath in as his lips very gently grazed across mine. It sent a shiver down my whole body from the strength of the tingles in my lips.

Jasper kissed me fully this time. His lips were still gentle as he caressed my cheeks with his thumbs. It was odd… kissing Jasper… his lips were so different from Spencer. He kissed differently then Spencer too. I kind of liked Jasper's kisses... they were like a mystery. I never knew what he was going to do next, but it felt so natural that I wasn't even nervous or scared.

Our lips moved together now as I kissed him back. He sucked on my bottom lip and I sighed at the feeling. It felt like I was flying. My thoughts were foggy, yet never so clear. I wrapped my arms around him, running my hands up his back. I could feel the hard definition of his muscles through his shirt.

I traced every bump and curve, wanting to memorize his body.

I gasped as I felt Jasper's tongue lightly skim across my bottom lip. My eyes opened and I stared at him, pulling back. My lips felt like they was on fire and my hands were shaking. I wanted to kiss him even more now. It was like it was the most normal thing in the world.

"Crap… I'm sorry, love. Was that too far?" he asked breathlessly, stroking under my eyes. I could see the panic rising in his eyes as he thought he had done something wrong.

"No… just… surprised me," I whispered, glancing back up at his lips, wanting to try it again. Wow… I was just running on my hormones lately, wasn't I?

Jasper knew what I wanted and smiled widely, swooping back down and crushing his lips against mine. Quickly I felt his tongue touching my lip again. I was ready this time and took a huge chance. One that I knew I might regret later. I opened my mouth and met his tongue with mine.

Both of us stopped breathing. The feel of him sent a shudder through my body. So... powerful. I kissed him back deeply, losing myself in the world of Jasper. I slipped my hands under the back of his shirt, getting more accustomed to his back, feeling some of the scars there. All I could feel was him around me, touching me, breathing on me. It was purely Jasper.

I took a deep breath, breaking the kiss for a moment and Jasper moved one of his hands to move to my jaw, kissing up it.

There was a sound and both of us snapped to look at the source of it.

Spencer stood frozen in the doorway. His eyes were locked on my hands in the back of Jasper's shirt and then they flickered to Jasper's hand on my cheek. His eyes squeezed shut and I watched him take a deep breath. I couldn't even breathe or move or speak. I watched his hands fist and the silence in the room grew. No one moved.

Jasper made the first move and dropped his hand, taking a step away from me. His eyes were wide with shock, seeming stunned that we had been caught.

"Spence," I finally was able to say, though it did come out in barely a whisper.

Spencer's eyes opened again and met mine. I felt everything inside of me break in that look. There was so much sadness, misery, brokenness, anger and betrayal in his gaze that it took the breath right out of me and froze me from my heart into my stomach. My hands shook.

He stared at me, not even blinking. He bit his bottom lip and I saw a tear trail down his cheek. Right as it did he flipped around, hurrying out of the room.

"No! Spence!" I shouted, getting my voice back. I rushed after him, but my legs were unstable because they were shaking so much. I couldn't move fast enough.

He grabbed his coat and ran out the front door.

Oh God… no no no! My mind was in my panic and my heart was shattering. He just saw me cheating on him. He… he didn't deserve that. He and Jasper both might have figured I was seeing them both, but neither had had to actually watch it happening in front of them.

I ran out the door after him, but he was already slipping inside of his car. I ran to the car and stared at him through the driver's side window. He had his head ducked down, his forehead resting against the steering wheel.

I took a shaky breath and placed my hand against the window. Spencer's head automatically popped up. His misty eyes met mine painfully and he shook his head.

He rolled down the window though. "I have to finish some work… I'll be home in the morning," he whispered, his voice cracking multiple times through his words. "I love you," he said quickly, before slamming on the gas. I didn't even have time to answer him.

I watched his car speed out of the driveway and stood in the cold November night air, staring at where his car had just been.

What had I done?

_NPOV_

My nerves were flowing thickly through my veins as we landed in California. What was I supposed to do when I met her parents? What was I supposed to say? Should I touch her much, or would that make me look like I was with their daughter for the wrong reasons?

I had no freaking idea how to deal with parents, let alone the parents of my girlfriend. Should I tell her father that I had only good intentions with his daughter? Or was that something people on TV just made up?

I was sweating buckets when we got to baggage claim.

Chloe laughed quietly to herself, rubbing my bicep--her familiar gesture of comfort and support.

"You're acting like this is your first time meeting a girl's parents or something," she teased, nudging her hip against mine. I knew she was teasing to try to relax me, but it wasn't really working, especially since I could see the nervousness in her own eyes.

"Is this the first time you've brought a boy home to meet your parents?" I asked curiously, waiting for our bags to come.

Chloe bit her bottom lip nervously. "No," she whispered. She almost sounded like she was sad, for some reason.

I laughed, waving it off. I really wasn't bothered by it. Of course she had had other boyfriends before. How could she not?

"Don't worry, sweetheart. I'm not surprised. I bet every man in California was fighting for you."

"Not quite," she rolled her eyes, reaching out for her bag.

I swatted her hands away and took her bag off of the conveyor belt, then did the same for mine.

I put my duffle bag over my shoulder and then pulled her single rolling luggage along with us.

Chloe frowned. I had a feeling she would never get used to me doing these kinds of things for her. Oh well, she'd have to live with it. She wouldn't have to carry her stuff around when I was able to.

"You could give me a kiss... that way we are both doing something?" I suggested to her, flashing her a wide grin.

Chloe laughed her carefree laugh that I couldn't get enough of. "Or... you could give me the bag and I'll give you a kiss?" she countered, throwing a grin back at me.

I narrowed my eyes at her, weighing the deal. Aww damnit, I couldn't refuse an offer like that.

"Fine. You win this time," I grumbled, handing over her handle to her suitcase.

Chloe's eyes sparkled as she took the handle from my hand. Her hand stalled for a moment, caressing the back of my hand. She sighed, almost dreamily.

"Have I ever told you how perfect you are, Nick?" she asked with a smile.

I stepped closer, wrapping my arms around her. I knew she didn't know everything about me yet, but still, any time I heard her say that, I felt like I could die now and be totally fine with it. All I wanted was to be perfect to her.

"Too many times for me to deserve," I replied, giving her three quick kisses.

Chloe gasped quietly and I gave her a questioning look in return.

"I didn't say three kisses. I said a kiss._ A_ as in _one_," Chloe pointed out teasingly, flirting with me as she brought one finger up to emphasize her words.

"Mmm, it was too tempting," I hummed, bringing my lips back down to hers, kissing her gently and adoringly.

Chloe pulled back after a second, making me groan in disappointment. "That's four, Nick. Don't make it five," she warned me, giving me a firm look, but I could see those beautiful sparkles dancing in her eyes.

"Whatcha gonna do about it, babe?" I asked her, raising a taunting eyebrow at her.

Chloe put a finger to her lips as she thought. "No dessert," she decided, nodding her head in confirmation.

My mouth dropped dramatically. "No dessert?" I asked her, knowing I looked devastated.

"Nope!" Chloe popped the P on the word with a cute little smirk.

"B-but--" I started to whine, but she put her finger to my lips.

"No buts," she teased, patting my cheek.

I glared darkly, thinking about it. Dessert or another kiss? I already had four kisses... but they were just too good. Obviously, I would go for another.

I shrugged and then swooped down for a fifth kiss, capturing her lips in mine. I felt Chloe grin against the kiss, even though she had told me not to. Her arms wrapped around my neck, keeping me to her lips.

As she pulled back, her eyes were mischievous.

"No dessert," she concluded. She grabbed her bag in one hand and then my hand in the other.

"That's what you think," I chuckled, swinging our hands between us as we walked.

I smiled contently as we strolled through the crowds of people. How could I be any happier? Chloe actually wanted me to meet her parents. That meant she was serious about us, right? Not that I had any doubt that she wasn't. She always took things too seriously. I was always the one trying to change that. And by our playful exchange of kisses a few minutes ago, I knew it was working at least a bit.

Chloe stopped suddenly, as if she remembered something.

"I have to change before we leave. Can we stop at a bathroom?" she asked me, looking worried now. I wondered why she didn't just wait to change until we got to her house. It wasn't like she looked bad. She was wearing casual jeans and a sweatshirt... she looked relaxed and at home to me. But I wouldn't question her.

"We can do that," I confirmed lightly, turning when I saw a bathroom sign.

She stopped her suitcase and handed it to me. She must have had her change of clothes in her purse.

"Should I change or am I okay?" I asked, looking down at my clothes. I was wearing a dark button up shirt and black jeans. It was pretty much the most I had ever dressed up, but I had brought a tie and dress pants just in case. If her parents were anything like her, they were probably dressed to the T.

"No, you're good," she assured me and then rushed off to the bathroom.

I walked over to a bench with our bags and sat down, knowing she would be a while. By changing her clothes, she also meant she would be fixing her hair and makeup until she could be as perfect as she could get.

She was so absurd. Her parents already loved her, so I didn't know why she had to look perfect for them. They wouldn't care what she looked like, I was sure. She had been in New York for a while, now. They'd probably just be excited to see her again, right?

I texted Jasper as I waited for Chloe, letting him know that Chloe and I had arrived to California in good time and safely.

He texted me back, saying good luck and that Alice said hello. I was a bit relieved, knowing that Alice was with him. I was never sure about leaving him alone, especially for a whole weekend. I was glad that he had decided to spend Thanksgiving with them.

Chloe came out of the bathroom all dressed up. I looked her up and down in her dress and heels and didn't mind waiting for her. She looked gorgeous as ever.

Behind the perfect figure, she looked like a nervous wreck, though. I stood and reached out for her, wrapping her in a comforting hug.

"You look drop dead gorgeous," I told her, giving her a tender kiss to the temple.

"Do you think it's okay?" she asked uncertainly, looking down at herself.

"It's perfect," I assured her with an affectionate smile. "You'll have all 'em guys fighting for you again," I laughed, winking at her teasingly.

Chloe smiled widely, relaxing just a bit. "It's a good thing you can fight then, huh?" she joked, rubbing my chest plate, assuring me that I was hers.

And thank God for that. I would literally die without her. I was so used to her being with me... so attached and reliant on her after just a few months. I had no idea what would happen if she ever left me. I was scared shitless anytime I thought about it.

"It's a very good thing," I agreed, pulling back and grabbing her bag before she could.

"Unless you wanna give me another kiss?" I offered in exchange for her bag.

"Not a chance," she laughed, walking away from me. My jaw dropped in pure shock. Did she just blow me off? And let me take care of her bag?

I laughed and jogged to catch up with her. I slipped my fingers through hers and we walked out the airport doors into sunny California.

I noticed Chloe stiffen as the sun hit her, as if it hurt her. My eyes drifted to hers, concerned.

"Not used to the sun anymore," she laughed shakily.

"When was the last time you were home?" I asked her casually, trying to calm her down a bit.

"California home? Umm...." she thought for a moment, "Maybe early June for just a little while? Classes ended in May and then Summer classes started in mid June, so I think I was home for about a week in between--at my parent's request," she explained, her voice still tense.

I felt like she was hiding something from me, but I let it go and walked to a cab that had been sitting in the parking lot.

The man in the cab came out to open the trunk for me and I lifted the bags into it before slipping into the back seat with Chloe. She told the cab driver her address and we were off.

Chloe fidgeted the whole ride, which made me nervous.

"Anything I should know about your parents?" I asked, trying to make some conversation. The tension growing in the air was killing me.

It didn't work well, though. It only seemed to make Chloe more uncomfortable.

Chloe shifted a bit in her seat, so she could get into a better position to see me.

"They're a bit strict," she mumbled with a casual shrug. I couldn't say I was very surprised. I could tell just by her habits that she had grown up with high standards... maybe a little too high.

"You could try not to swear as much around them...." she trailed off, giving me an unsure look. She didn't want to force me to stop doing something.

"No swearing," I nodded. I was trying not to swear around Chloe, anyway. This might be good for me.

"Anything else?" I questioned, now wanting to know what else her parents would want.

Chloe bit her lip in thought and sighed, almost in defeat. "No."

"I'll just be on my best behavior. Maybe I'll act like Spencer. Parents always seem to love him," I laughed.

Chloe shook her head with a small chuckle. "Just act like you. They'll fall in love with you," she whispered gently to me, touching my cheek.

My eyes connected with hers and I saw a deep emotion that sucked me in. It filled my whole body with happiness, almost giddiness, and I felt the world slip away.

"'Kay," I whispered. It felt like my breath had been knocked out of me.

We drove in silence then. It was more of a peaceful silence this time, but there were still nervous feelings in the air. We both had reasons to be nervous... it was going to be an interesting weekend.

The cab finally pulled into the driveway of a middle-class-looking house. I felt a little better knowing it wasn't as big as Spencer's house or something. It looked around the size of my Grandpa's house that I had been living in.

"Ready?" I asked her, my voice coming out a bit shaky.

Chloe took a deep breath and I noticed a quick flash of something shoot through her eyes.

"Not really, but here we go," she replied, slipping out of the car.

I followed her closely and went around to the trunk, grabbing our bags out. I walked back to the front window of the car and handed the driver the money for the ride.

Chloe was waiting nervously ahead of me, shifting from foot to foot. I had never seen her nervous like this before, but she was still pretty cute when she was all nervous and flustered.

"I'm sure they won't bite," I chuckled, following her to the house.

I swallowed roughly as Chloe began to open the door. I was a bit hesitant as she waited in the doorway for me. What the hell, I didn't have anything to lose, right? Well, except if they didn't like me and wanted a better man for their daughter, of course.

Here we go....

I stepped into the house, looking around. It looked like a pleasant home. Very clean and tidy. Chloe's eyes were flickering around the hallway, looking everywhere.

"I'm home," she called, but not very loudly. She began to take her shoes off and I followed her example, taking mine off as well. I stood tensely behind her, hearing footsteps moving through the house.

I watched Chloe inhale deeply, hearing them as well.

I sneaked a quick kiss, pecking her on the cheek right before the footsteps turned into a person.

"Chloe—" Her mother started, then stopped short when she saw me standing behind her. Her father came around a second later and his eyes shot to me as well. He narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

She _had _told them I was coming, hadn't she? She had told me that she had. I thought back through our conversations. She had definitely said they knew she was bringing me. I remembered.

"When you said you were bringing a friend, we assumed you meant a girl," her father stated, his voice hard and judgmental.

A friend? Well... I supposed I might have called her that at first. Maybe she wanted to tell her parents in person.

"Oh... well I said he, didn't I?" Chloe asked, shifting uncomfortably in front of me. Her father raised a skeptical eyebrow at her.

"No, you did not," he replied with the same tone of voice.

"Oh," she mumbled.

I took control from here. I stepped around her and reached my hand out.

"Hi sir. I'm Nick, or Nicholas, or Nicky, whichever you prefer," I smiled at him.

He looked me up and down and his disapproving stare did not leave his face. He shook my hand, though. Firmly, I might add.

"Mr. Campfield," he mumbled, not even looking at me anymore. His eyes were on his daughter, very questioningly.

"Hi Mrs. Campfield," I greeted her mother, reaching my hand out for her as well.

She shook my hand lightly, not saying anything.

"Chloe," her father said, reaching his arms out for her.

Chloe stepped forward and hugged him and then did the same to her mom. She stepped back, standing beside me. She didn't touch me, though, and I understood that they didn't know we were dating yet.

"Well, why don't we go sit in the living room while dinner finishes cooking?" her father suggested, giving Chloe a quick look. What were all these looks about? Was it that bad to bring a guy home for the holidays? I guess her family was a bit strict about things... and maybe they were a little overprotective of her, since she was their only kid.

"Okay," Chloe whispered, nudging me forward as her parents began to walk.

"Sorry, sweetheart," Chloe said under her breath, grazing my hand with hers.

I shrugged and attempted a smile, brushing it off, even if I was going crazy inside. Was it even possible to be this nervous about something?

We followed the Campfield parents to their living room. Chloe and I sat on the loveseat across from her parents, who were sitting on another loveseat.

Mr. Campfield frowned and then took a deep breath. "So you're a friend, huh?" he asked, directing the question at me. I wondered if his hot glare could actually burn through my head.

"I'm whatever your daughter says I am," I replied. It wasn't my place to say it to her parents. Well, only if she wanted me to. I had a feeling she might, from how quiet she was becoming.

"You didn't answer my question," he said stiffly. Chloe straightened up immediately and took a breath.

"Dad, what do you honestly think he is?" she asked him, giving him a firm look. She was avoiding the question. Did she even want to tell them? I wondered, giving her a quick glance.

She looked so uncomfortable. I had to hold back my hands so I wouldn't reach out to comfort her.

Mr. Campfield took a deep breath and nodded. "I guess you're right. You wouldn't go out with him," he smiled, pleased, and then turned to his wife. "Dinner should be ready soon."

Should be ready... was that a statement or an order? I wondered, looking between his wife and him. And what did he mean by Chloe wouldn't go out with me?

Was it because of the scars? Not many were showing at the moment... I looked like an average teenager, nothing special. But maybe he had noticed a few of them?

My heart ached a little, even though I had been expecting as much.

"I'll go take it out of the oven," Mrs. Campfield replied and got up from the couch.

I looked sideways at Chloe, suddenly needing her reassurance. She did want to date me, right?

She was looking at her lap, her expression unreadable. She didn't want this situation either, I could tell. This moment suddenly reminded me of something, though. When we had eaten at the Wrights' house, Chloe had acted like this... only speaking when she was addressed and keeping her eyes low. She had that weak, defenseless look then, as well as now.

"So, you're a friend from school, I suppose?" he asked me, his distaste obvious. So much for them falling in love with me….

"No, I don't go to NYU," I replied. There was no way I was bringing up the whole 'not graduating from high school' thing right now....

"Really?" he asked, giving a hard look.

"You're just making friends off the street now, Chloe?" His eyes flickered to his daughter, giving her that same judgmental and suspicious look as before.

Chloe sighed quietly and shook her head, even though we technically, literally, had met on the street. "His best friend goes to NYU," she replied quietly, meeting her father's hard, questioning gaze.

"So, he's trying to set you two up?" he asked, more distaste growing in his voice.

"No," she answered immediately.

Mr. Campfield seemed satisfied with her answers and shrugged. "Good. Keep it that way, darling," he instructed his daughter, getting up from the couch.

"We can eat now," he informed us, walking out of the room.

Chloe waited for me to stand before even moving. I offered my hand to help her and she accepted it, squeezing it tightly as she got up from the couch and then released it.

"I-I'm sorry," she whispered again to me, pain thick in her voice. At least I knew she wanted to be with me, even if her parents were being... what was the word? Rude? Difficult? Ridiculous?

"Take your time breaking it to them. We have the whole week," I replied, smiling supportively at her, putting my hand on the small of her back as we followed her father to the dining room.

Friends touch other friends, right? I touched Alice all the time. It was cool, right?

I didn't care. I didn't think I could go more than ten minutes without touching her at least a little. I pulled her chair out at the table and then proceeded to sit beside her.

"No, please, Nicholas. Sit over there," Mr. Campfield instructed, pointing to the chair across from Chloe. I stiffened then, uncertain about the request. I couldn't touch her from over there. Over here, I could hold her hand under the table cloth, or touch her leg, or something! Panic filled my mind.

"Dad, can he just sit here?" Chloe asked, looking up from her plate.

Her father's eyes searched hers. Was this a test to see if we were going out?

"Fine," he mumbled. "But you'll change your mind later."

Chloe's eyes seemed to become alert at his last words. Her eyes scanned the table.

"Why are their five plates?" she asked him, hesitating before asking another question. I could see now why she was so reluctant to tell me what to do or refuse my requests. I wouldn't call this strict, I'd call it controlling. Way too damn controlling.

"'Cause they brought you a surprise." I heard a male's voice from the entrance of the room.

My eyes flashed in that direction and so did Chloe's.

"Bryce," she gasped, it sounded horrified, or scared, or panicked. Whatever tone that was, it freaked me out. I tensed and focused my eyes on the guy. He looked familiar....

His blonde hair was spiked up in the front in a pretty little style. My mind searched for where I had seen that face and hair before....

Got it. Chloe's hallway. He was the ass who had bumped into me. Why was he here? His name was Bryce? ....He even had a preppy name.

Why would he have been in her hallway, though? What happened that day? I tried to remember....

That was the morning she had been sick and her cousin had been over.

Was he her cousin? My body relaxed at that. He was just her cousin.

But why did Chloe look so panicked, then?

**Author's Note: *suspense music*** **Are you ready for the drama ahead?** **Leave a review, check out the blog, and if you have not voted **_**GO DO IT NOW**_**! **

**Have a great day! **


	28. The Truth

**Author's Note: Hello everybody xD. Here is your weekly dose of Hope! Enjoy. **

Forgotten Hope Chapter 28- The Truth

_SPOV_

She kissed him.

My Alice had kissed someone else...

She had kissed Jasper.

I slammed on the brakes as I pulled into my work parking spot. Why would she do that to me? She kissed him when I was in the same house. She might as well have just kissed him at the dinner table!

She might as well have ripped my heart out....

My heart was pounding harder than I had ever felt. A lump the size of a bowling ball was in my throat. My vision was fogged by unshed tears. There were so many promises broken. We had always promised each other we would be with each other and no one else. It was a promise that was supposed to be eternal. Forever. That's what we always said... forever....

But nothing we had said before even meant anything, now that Jasper was in her life. She had already left me for him once, and she had been with him all the time for the last two months. I'd come home and she wouldn't be anywhere... but of course, she was really with Jasper.

I knew it was somewhat my fault. I was throwing myself into my work, pushing everything else away from me. It was easier to work than to face reality. I couldn't ever face the reality that my girlfriend was falling in love with another guy. She remembered me, but was falling for someone else.

I had to face it, now. I couldn't just pretend it wasn't happening anymore. I had _seen_ it. I had seen him kissing her, holding her, caressing her. That was my girl... they were my lips to kiss, my body to hold, and my skin to caress! It wasn't right... it wasn't fair. I tried so hard and I couldn't make her love me. Well, not love me like she used to, at least. She loved me... I knew she did. If she didn't, she would have left me by now. She wouldn't bother going out with us both....

I knew that she was only staying with me out of pity. She didn't want to break my heart. She was still my Alice in some ways.... She never wanted to hurt me. But by not hurting me, she was just hurting me so much more.

Not that I wanted her to leave! God... I didn't even know if I could live through having her gone again. When I had lost her last time, I had turned into a zombie. I wasn't myself... I lost a huge part of myself. She was what kept me going....

But I'd have to be a fool to think she could ever truly be happy with me. I saw how she looked at him. She looked so happy... she looked free. She looked like she used to, when she would look at me. It hurt so much to see her looking at him with that look.

And the ways he looked at her.... I thought I was going to rip him to pieces during dinner. He kept silently flirting with her and I hated it. I just couldn't do anything about it. It wasn't his fault... I kept telling myself it wasn't his fault, hoping it would calm my hatred. It didn't really... I was just getting very good at faking things.

I took a deep shaky breath and turned off my car. I had to get my mind off of them before I did something stupid. I hurriedly walked to the elevator, taking my keys out to get to my floor of the building at this time. Everything was locked up. There was no one here... it was Thanksgiving. There might be the unfortunate janitor, but that would be it.

The place had an eerie silence and it was pitch black when I got to my floor. I took out my cell phone and used it as a guide to the light switches. I squinted against the light as it came shooting on.

I took a deep breath and walked through the empty office. It only made me feel worse, being here totally alone. No one else was here... it was Thanksgiving. They were with the people they loved... the people who loved them. They were the lucky ones. Even though they probably were just making it through the month with the minimum wage they made. They were lucky. I would trade places with them. I'd give them all my money and fame if I could just have Alice.

It seemed like that was the kind of guy Alice wanted anyways. Jasper was living off money he had saved up in Forks. He would probably run out of that soon enough. Alice's parents and I had given him a lot of money to help him with the apartment. Why had I done that? Alice's happiness, I suppose. But she still loved him anyways... even if he couldn't make a lot of money or have fame. She had grown up in the spotlight, just like me, but now she was different. She really wasn't the girl I grew up with anymore....

Someday I'd have to accept that. She wasn't my Alice anymore.

I plopped down into my office chair and took another deep breath. I wasn't going to spend my night crying. Not on Thanksgiving. I was supposed to be feeling thankful for what I had. I wasn't supposed to be thinking about what I was losing....

I opened the seating chart that I had started earlier. These were important. If I put people in the wrong places, the whole fashion show could be ruined. There was a lot of pressure on the seating chart.

I concentrated as hard as I could, but I could hardly make out the names of the guests because my eyes were tear filled. After fifteen minutes of failure, I slammed the file shut. This was no use... I couldn't get that image out of my mind!

The elevator door broke the silence of my office and my head shot up. No one was supposed to be here tonight.

I stood up and began to walk through my office. As I walked, I saw the person exit the elevator. I froze, despair feeling me. My dad....

I turned around and walked back to my desk, fisting my hands. I couldn't take him right now. Why couldn't he just realize I was already going through enough? His criticism and put downs weren't doing anyone any good. He was just a jerk. Sometimes I wondered what my mom ever saw in him... but I guess he was generally nice with everyone else in the world, except me.

"Hey kid," he mumbled, plopping himself into a chair in front of my desk.

I peeked up at him. His eyes might have actually had some sympathy in them.

I blinked in confusion, not knowing why he was looking at me like that or why he was even here.

"I heard what happened," he explained, answering my unspoken thoughts.

I hummed in response, not trusting my voice. I picked up my pen and scribbled gibberish on the paper in front of me. Maybe if I ignored him he would just leave... that what Alice always told me to do. Just ignore him... his words didn't mean anything... he was just a jerk.

Unfortunately, ignoring him didn't work. After a few silent minutes, he cleared his throat and stood up, walking over to me.

"Look at me," he ordered me, though there was no anger in his voice. That was a good sign, I supposed....

I turned my chair so that it was facing him and looked at him. My eyes were hard and guarded. He wasn't going to break me down anymore. No one could hurt me more than I already was.

"Are you okay?" he asked me with a softness in his voice that was foreign to me. I stared at him, stunned. I couldn't have heard him properly.

I shrugged at him after a minute, not wanting him to get angered by my silence. I obviously wasn't okay though. I could hardly breathe. I was trying to numb myself, but I didn't think it was even possible. All the wounds I had been trying to heal had just been ripped open again. Every second they were getting deeper. They weren't going to ever heal fully... I knew that now.

"You can talk to me about it, Spencer. I know how it feels," he told me. His eyes were burning into mine with intensity. I didn't know who this was, or what happened to my father, because this was not him. I didn't trust him. I wouldn't start now.

"You don't know how I feel," I said slowly, trying as hard as I could to keep my voice smooth. I succeeded. I wouldn't let him in. I wouldn't let him see how weak I really was at this moment.

My dad scoffed and walked back around to his seat. He pulled it right up against the desk, so that he was leaning over the front as he sat down. "You have no idea how much I understand how you feel."

I turned slowly and narrowed my eyes at him. "What, you've dated Alice before? You've been depressed before?" I questioned him coldly. He had no idea what I was going through.

His eyes flashed with anger and he leaned closer to me. "No, I've never dated Alice before. And no, I have not been depressed. But we are more alike than either of us wants to admit. You and I have something in common. Something neither of us ever wanted to happen," he informed me cryptically. His eyes were now hardening, becoming more like the eyes I had become accustomed to my whole life.

"What? The fact that we share the same blood?" I spat at him.

"No," Jim said simply, frowning. "We don't share the same blood."

Okay, what?

I blinked in confusion. We obviously shared the same blood. He was my father. We shared it whether either of us liked it or not.

Jim sighed and rubbed his eyes stressfully. "You're not my son," he admitted in a strained voice.

My breath stopped. That was a pretty harsh thing to say. I knew I wasn't the son he wanted. I didn't play sports, or even like sports, really. But just because he thought I was weak wasn't a reason to deny me as his son. I guess he had always denied that, though.

"Well, I'm sorry I'm not the son you wanted," I whispered, looking back down at the papers in front of me. I couldn't take this tonight. I just couldn't. My hands were shaky and I could feel tears threatening to fall. I just needed to be alone....

No, I needed Alice. That was what I really needed right now.

"Stop that! That's not what I'm saying!" Jim yelled at him. He sounded stressed out. What did he have to be stressed about?

"You aren't _my_ son! That's what I said. I didn't say you weren't the son I wanted. You aren't _mine_. You aren't my blood. You aren't a Wright. I'm not your father," he rambled in frustration, looking me straight in the eyes. I could see the honesty in them... but how could that even be true? My parents had gone out since high school. I wasn't born till after they were married....

"But despite that, we do have one thing in common. Apparently, neither of us can satisfy the person we love," he shrugged, seeing my comprehension of his statement in my eyes. Mom had cheated on him? But...what? Mom would never do that. I couldn't ever see her doing that.

"Mom...?" I whispered in awe.

My dad chuckled bitterly. "Yes, your mother. Apparently she got rather bored when I was playing football out of state and one day I came home to find that out."

I swallowed hard. She had cheated on him when they were married? _My_ mom? The parent I had thought was actually good?

So my dad was just a jerk because he really wasn't my dad. I was the image of the man with whom my mom had cheated on him, and he hated me for it.

"Who's my dad?" I asked breathlessly, daring to look into his eyes now.

I felt like I was being overwhelmed. My chest was aching and my head was pounding. This was too surreal....

Dad let out a long breath of air. "Don't know his name. Some clothing designer guy that she had been working with...." he mumbled distastefully. Maybe I really had followed in my father footsteps then. Was this why Jim hated that I designed clothing? He was trying to change me from becoming that guy....

"What happened to him?" I questioned in farther. I was in a trance now. My voice had no emotion. I just wanted to know the truth now.

"I told him to stay the hell away from my wife before I killed him," my dad shrugged nonchalantly, guarding his feelings now too.

"Then you came along...." he trailed off, looking softly at me.

"You look just like him... your face, your hair, your eyes...."

He shook his head quickly and pressed his lips together. "No one can blame me for not liking you," he mumbled, standing up.

Yeah... because it was my entire fault that my mom cheated on him nineteen years ago, right? I thought sarcastically. Oh, for sure.

I felt hatred filling me. None of this was my fault. Why was I being blamed for my whole life for something I had no power over? It was wrong.

"Just because I'm not your blood doesn't mean you're not my father. I still grew up during my whole life with you as my male role model. I looked up to you! I wanted to impress you! It was never my fault that mom had an affair. You shouldn't blame me for it," I spat out angrily. I did not deserve this!

My dad walked over to me and looked me straight in the eyes. He was inches away.

"If you were in my situation, you would hate you too. What if Alice had Jasper's baby right now? Would you love him like your own son? No," he growled at me. Rage was boiling in his eyes.

I pushed myself back a bit, putting space between us. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't a little afraid of him at times. I knew he wouldn't lay a hand on me; he wasn't an abusive person. Not physically. But his emotions were running high right now....

"I _would_ love him," I argued, annoyed. He knew nothing about me. He thought he knew everything, but he really just thought I was like the guy who had helped create me.

"No, you wouldn't. You wouldn't even be able to look him in the eye. You are weaker than me," my father disagreed, cocking an eyebrow at me.

"I would love him like he was my own son! He would be from Alice. _Alice_. The one I love. I wouldn't care if he wasn't mine. Any good man would love the kid," I said through my teeth. I knew I would love him because I knew how it felt not to be loved. I knew how it felt to try to impress someone, but always fail. No child deserved that.

Jim chuckled and shook his head. "You have no idea what you're talking about."

I could hear the frustration growing in his voice, since I had just stated he wasn't a good man.

"Anyway... I just came here to tell you that. It's time you knew. Now you don't need to expect anything from me. I'm not your father and I'm not ever going to try to be."

He looked at me one more time. "I just thought I'd share the wisdom I've gained. And that is that women just can't seem to be pleased by one man, Spencer. Alice won't ever want just you. You can take or leave that advice, but that's all I can offer you," he informed me before walking out of the room.

I stared at him in disbelief. Wow... thank you for that, _father_, I thought bitterly. That really helped me. First, I had lost my chances with the love of my life, and now my dad had revealed that my mom had cheated on him, resulting in me. My night was just getting better and better.

I rubbed the tears out of my eyes, anger starting to replace the sadness. Fine. I could accept that. I could accept that no one really loved me. I could accept that I could never please Alice. I would never be good enough for any of them and that was just fine.

With those thoughts, the tears came again. No... I couldn't ever accept that. I needed Alice's love.

_NPOV_

"Hey," he grinned. I noticed the smugness in his grin.

"I-I thought you had to go to your parents this Thanksgiving?" she asked. Her voice was shaky and scared, which made me even more worried than I had been earlier, with her father.

He walked forward, closer to her, and opened his arms. "Thought I'd surprise you," he informed her, waiting for a hug.

Why was he talking to her like that, then? Her cousin was surprising her by showing up? I didn't understand.

Chloe got up from her chair and reluctantly hugged him. Her eyes stayed connected with mine, though. I could see them turning red. Why was she that sad? Why did she look like she was going to cry?

I stood instantly, flexing my jaw muscles, trying to keep cool. She shook her head at me, telling me to sit.

I sat down, keeping my eyes connected with hers, though. If she needed anything, I would do it. And I knew she wouldn't be telling me with words. She seemed too scared of everything here to even talk.

I watched the guy whisper in her ear with a smile. It made anger rush through my body.

He was only her cousin, I tried to tell myself over and over again. Something felt wrong, though. Too wrong to ignore. I didn't know if it was my thoughts and judgments becoming clouded by worry for Chloe, or what... but something definitely felt wrong.

His hand trailed down her back and back up it. I started to grind my teeth in fury. Why was he touching her so much?

Just as the thoughts went through my mind, _Bryce_ pressed his lips to her forehead. My hands fisted under the table. Was that normal? Did people do that? It sucked not growing up with family... I didn't know any of this stuff.

Mrs. Campfield stopped a disaster from happening when she entered the room with the turkey.

"Dinner's ready," she informed us. Bryce let go of Chloe and she walked back to the seat beside me.

Bryce sat on the other side of her and seemed to just notice me. His eyes narrowed, looking over me carefully. He was about to open his mouth, when I spoke.

"Did you need help, Mrs. Campfield?" I asked, seeing her heading out of the room for more food.

"Chloe will help her," Bryce assured me, giving Chloe a quick smile.

"No," I said quickly, putting my hand on Chloe's shoulder to keep her at the table. "I'll do it," I insisted.

Who the hell did he think he was? He just told my girlfriend to go help. It wasn't his place. If it was her father telling her, then that would be more understandable. But he wasn't anyone to tell her that.

I got up and followed Chloe's mother to the kitchen.

"Would you like to take the mashed potatoes?" she asked me before giving it to me.

"Whatever you'd like," I replied, reaching out for it. "I can take the stuffing, too," I offered, being able to hold the mashed potatoes in one hand.

She looked a bit surprised at my offer, but nodded.

I brought the things in, getting a cute stare from Chloe. It was that proud look I thrived on. The gaze was only for a quick second before she looked down again, but it was worth it. I hurried back to the kitchen and helped her mother with the rest of the food and drinks and then sat beside Chloe again.

Bryce and Mr. Campfield were both giving me a questioning gaze when I was seated. What did I do?

"Well, let's say Grace," her father said after breaking off his gaze.

I watched the family reach for each other's hands and almost sighed in relief, knowing I'd get to hold her hand. Though, it also meant touching her father's hand.

I did it anyway, slipping my hand around Chloe's and her father's, like the rest had done.

Chloe's grip on my hand was tighter than ever. I pumped her hand back tightly, making sure she knew I was feeling the same way.

I couldn't wait for this dinner to be over.

"Amen," her father concluded the prayer and I had to pry my hand off of Chloe's. Bryce kept holding hers, though.

"Have I met you before?" Bryce asked me. Was I already hating the sound of his voice? I guess I was, since I was quickly coming to hate him, even loathe him, more and more by the second.

"Not officially. I saw you in Chloe's hallway. You crushed my crackers," I replied, keeping the hatred in my voice hidden. My voice actually came out pretty calm.

"Huh..." he murmured, thinking. "Oh. You're the one who bumped into me. Right," he grumbled, giving me a pretty rude look.

"Yeah... that too," I mumbled, reaching to the basket of bread rolls that Mr. Campfield was passing me.

I took one and dropped it on my plate, then passed it to Chloe. She took one out and passed it to Bryce. I tried to keep my eyes off of their hands. Why were they still touching? Cousins didn't hold hands. I knew that. Or did they?....

Something felt wrong, but I pushed it aside again. I had to be on my best behavior. It was important.

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat and kept the food going around, helping Chloe serve her food since one of her hands was... busy.

"She doesn't need help," Bryce remarked, glaring at me like I was doing something wrong. "She's an adult. I believe she can serve her own food." His eyes flickered to Chloe and he raised an eyebrow to her, almost as if he was challenging her.

"I don't believe it has a damn thing to do with you," I grumbled under my breath, too quiet for the rest to hear, except Chloe.

Chloe's hand, under the table, very gently touched my leg. She gave me a sad smile.

"It's okay. I can do it," she assured me and brought her hand up from under the table to serve herself.

"So, you are a friend of hers? Where from? She told me she wasn't hanging out with guys," Bryce said, like a know it all.

"He's a friend of a guy from NYU," Mr. Campfield informed him. It surprised me how alike the two seemed. When Bryce frowned, so did Mr. Campfield. And Chloe seemed equally nervous around both of them.

"A friend of another guy... and you aren't even from NYU?" He scoffed. "Getting around much, Chlo?" he hissed at her.

I could feel one of my hands starting to shake from the anger rushing through me. That comment was taking it too far. He had practically called her a whore. Chloe was nothing like that.

"No, Bryce. He's really the only one I hang out with." She was reassuring him! This was unbelievable.

I took a deep breath, feeling so disgusted I couldn't even eat. I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to be around her parents or Bryce or anyone. I just wanted us to be back in New York together. No wonder she was a nervous wreck sometimes.

Bryce and Mr. Campfield began to talk about Bryce's school, which was apparently Harvard. My eyes slowly drifted to his hand around Chloe's. His thumb stroked her knuckles continuously. I took a ragged breath in.

This continued for about fifteen minutes before I suddenly snapped. I couldn't help it anymore. "Would you stop touching her?" I growled through my teeth, causing Chloe to jump in shock.

"Excuse me?" Bryce said, blinking in confusion. Was he challenging me, too? I wasn't Chloe. I wouldn't just be pushed around and I wouldn't let him push Chloe around either.

"You heard me. Stop touching her," I spat at him.

I heard Bryce laugh bitterly at my request. "I don't think so," he stated to me, refusing. "I want to hold my girlfriend's hand, so I will."

My breathing stopped. Girlfriend...? No—he—how... my thoughts were all scrambled. That couldn't be possible.

"No...." I dragged the word out in confusion, watching his every move. "You're her cousin."

Bryce laughed again. Anger surged inside of me, making me fist my hands. Was he laughing at me while holding her hand? Was he just asking to get the shit beaten out of him?

"Not quite. She's definitely my girlfriend, not my cousin," he said in an assuring way.

Was that possible? Could that be possible? No. She was my Chloe, wasn't she?

I turned to her for answers, totally confused about what was going on. It couldn't be true.

Chloe's eyes were redder and filling with tears.

I knew then. I knew for certain it was true. It felt like my entire body just gave in. Like I just gave up there and then. She had a boyfriend. A boyfriend who went to Harvard. He went to freakin' Harvard.

"Sorry if she gave you the wrong impression. She can be like that sometimes. You know... desperate," Bryce shrugged, looking at Chloe for a moment with a smart ass look on his face.

The anger was building in me more and more by the second at every look and stroke of his fingers on hers.

"Yep, so you know, you could probably just leave now. She isn't going to love you. She'll only _ever_ love me. She's mine," Bryce informed me with a smirk.

"All right, gentleman. Let's just eat our dinner," Chloe's father said, but he was hiding a smile.

_She isn't going to love you._ The words repeated through my mind over and over again. I took a ragged breath in, trying not to break down.

All along I knew it couldn't be true. No one could ever love me.

"I-I guess I shouldn't be surprised," I whispered, getting up from the table.

My knuckles were white and ready for action, but I knew, even after this, I couldn't be like that in front of her. Even if she didn't feel the same way, I adored her... still. That's why I had to get out of here.

"Yeah... well... I think I've... had enough. Goodbye, everyone," I mumbled, turning quickly before I could hurt Bryce.

"N-Nick!" I heard Chloe's voice fill my mind, full of panic and desperation. My feet wouldn't listen to me and I stopped walking for a second, but didn't turn.

I heard Chloe sniff loudly, causing me to take a deep, ragged breath to control myself. She was cheating on me and I wanted to hug her. What was wrong with me?!

"I can explain..." she whispered, and I heard a chair move.

"Explain what, Chlo?" Bryce asked her. I kept my back to them. I couldn't see him touching or talking to her anymore. And I definitely could not see her face.

Chloe didn't speak for a minute. I figured she was probably scared again, but if she wasn't going to say anything, then I was leaving now.

"You don't have to explain a thing. I knew someone so perfect could never want me," I tried to say in a strong, certain voice. But it came out as a weak whisper. I couldn't hide my pain for long.

"That's not true—"

"Sit, Chloe!" I heard Bryce say firmly, and she stopped talking.

Why was he talking to her like that? She wasn't a fucking dog! My whole frame was beginning to shake with rage. I fled from the room after that.

I could see it in my mind, taking the knife off of the table and shoving it through his chest. I could imagine his blood pulsing around my fingers.

I shook my head. I needed to get out of here before I did anything. He was her boyfriend. Chloe's boyfriend. I couldn't kill him.

I walked out of the house, keeping my cool, breathing deeply.

I could do this. I could do this. I could walk away. I had done it thousands of times before with girls. I would just leave. Once I was at the end of the driveway, I froze. I could feel the distance between us growing with each step.

My chest ached painfully.

_She isn't going to love you. _

The words echoed through my mind loudly. Honestly, I never expected her to love me... or maybe... deep down, I did. I thought I had a chance, for the first time in my life. I really did, even though I refused the thought anytime it entered my mind. I still wanted her to love me now.

But that was impossible. I felt my knees give out and I fell to the ground, pain filling my whole body. I was shaking all over.

Why hadn't she told me? Why had she gone out with me if she already had a boyfriend? Why had she even brought me here? Was it all a plan to just break some dumbass kid's heart?

But why? I wouldn't be surprised from a guy like Bryce, but Chloe... I could feel her innocence and purity whenever I looked into her eyes. She would never hurt someone intentionally.

But it wasn't like she was stopping me from being hurt inside that house. She hadn't said anything the whole time. Not until I was leaving. Then she spoke, but it was a little too late.

I ran my hands through my hair, trying to keep my breathing even. I wasn't going to cry. I wouldn't cry over someone leaving me again. Not anymore. I was not going to be hurt by some girl... even if that girl had become my whole entire world....

I quickly got up from the ground, feeling like a fool. I took a deep, determined breath and walked forward.

I continued walking for a while, never stopping. I didn't look where I was going or where I was. My mind was dead.

My eyes finally focused on what was around me. There was a store, taunting me with its lit up pictures of vodka and liquor.

I fisted my hands, staring at the store. I shouldn't do this.

I had a feeling that this was the reason I had started walking this way. I vaguely remembered passing this place in the cab. Then, here I was, arriving at it.

What would one drink do? Just to numb this pain for a little while. I would be fine... it was just a little.

I walked forward and entered. I didn't put any thought into my age, since I looked a lot older than I was, and it looked run down enough that they probably wouldn't ask for ID.

I grabbed a couple of random bottles off of the shelf and then dropped them onto the counter, pulling out my wallet. There was a girl probably only a bit older than me... old enough to be selling alcohol, I guessed.

She smiled flirtatiously at me. "Having a party?" she asked as she ringed the bottles through.

"No... just getting smashed out of my mind," I mumbled, pulling out enough money to pay her.

She smiled sympathetically at me and her eyes filled with lust.

"I'm getting off in a few minutes, if you'd like some company."

My heart felt harder than it had ever felt before. It was almost like all compassion and kindness was disappearing from me.

"No... I'm fine." I shuddered at the thought of anyone who wasn't Chloe touching me....

I threw a lighter onto the counter, too, remembering that I still had a hidden joint in my wallet. I knew I should have taken it out at some time... but I never had. Not even Jasper knew I still had it. It was probably stale by now, but it was there for emergencies. This was definitely a freaking emergency.

I paid the girl and left, walking quickly away and finding a nearby park, right near the water. I walked until I was on sand and fell down into it.

As I did that, it felt like I had just given up. A short breath escaped my lips. It was more like a whimper than a breath, really.

I was pathetic.

_APOV_

I stood out in the cool night, unsure of what to do next. Should I go after Spencer? He had seen me with Jasper.... He'd know for sure that I had been dating Jasper, if he already hadn't suspected it....

Whether he knew or not though, it had broken him. It had broken him badly. I was killing Spencer. I was slowly killing him. This was all my fault. I just couldn't pick between the two of them... I was selfish, and now the consequences were coming.

I didn't even know why I had done that! Why had I started making out with Jasper when we were in the same house as Spence? How could I have done that?

Spencer had just slipped out of my mind though. I went into Jasper's world. I couldn't think of anything else but him. It felt so good, but now... it felt horrible. I had been so selfish and it had hurt Spencer.

"Darling?" I heard a whisper from behind me and Jasper's hand wrapped around mine.

In that moment, everything let loose. My breath hitched and I started to choke on my tears. I hadn't even noticed that I had been crying. Everything just came out. I turned and Jasper caught me in his arms.

"Shh...." he murmured, smoothing my hair.

"I'm ruining everything... I'm ruining _him_," I cried into Jasper's chest. I couldn't stop the images of the past from filling my mind. He used to laugh so much. He wasn't that Spencer anymore. He was so guarded, so sad... he wasn't Spencer anymore! And I was the reason!

I had ruined him.

"No you're not Alice," Jasper told me firmly, nudging my chin up so that I would look at him. His soft, light blue eyes met mine. They were so calm....

"You've changed. Spencer's changed. You're different people now, love. He's just realizing that. I'm not saying he should have seen what just happened. He didn't deserve that. But maybe it's better...?" he trailed off, his eyes flickering around mine, gauging my reaction.

"How is it better?" I asked in disbelief.

I could feel anger starting to build. Why would Jasper even say that? It wasn't better that Spencer saw me kissing someone else. I had probably just broken his heart. He probably would never be able to look at me the same way again. I was his Alice... his baby. I was his everything, for God's sake.

His Alice--not Jasper's Alice, who couldn't remember Spencer--but _Spencer's_ Alice, had been kissing another guy. I had a feeling we would never be the same again.

Despair poured over me. I wasn't ready to lose him. My sobs wracked though me again, hard. I was going to lose him. Spencer was gone... after everything we had been through.

"Never mind," Jasper said hurriedly, almost panicked. He pulled me back into him and stood there, holding me as my whole world came crashing down.

All I could see was Spencer disappearing. Every time I tried to picture his face, his smile, anything about him... it would just disappear. He was gone.

"Let's go inside, okay, darling?" Jasper offered, wiping the thick tears off of my face. I nodded silently against his hand. I could hardly look him in the face. I felt so bad... for both of them. Why would they want to be with me? I was a whore... I was a horrible, cruel person. A _selfish_, horrible, cruel person! How could anyone love someone like me? I couldn't even like myself right now.

"He hates me," I sniffed as I felt Jasper pick me up into his arms.

Jasper's lips pressed against my forehead. "No one hates you," he promised, but I couldn't believe him. He'd say that to make me feel better. He'd sugar coat things if it'd make me happy.

I took a ragged breath in and Jasper brought me inside the house. There was a group gathered around, worried expression on their faces. All eyes were on me.

"Alice, dear, where's Spencer?" Olivia asked me, hurrying over to touch my cheek. My mom was right behind her.

"What happened, sweetheart?" my mom questioned.

"Give the girl room," Jim grumbled, taking both of our moms a step back.

I didn't know what to say to them, so the truth came slipping out of my mouth before I could stop it.

"S-Spencer saw Jasper and I kissing in the kitchen," I wept, realizing it was a lot harder to say out loud. The words stung, and I cringed.

Every single person in the room froze at the pained words. The shock on their faces was so real. No one moved.

"No...." Olivia whispered after a minute, her eyes wide, panicked. "W-where did he go? He can't be alone." Her voice was higher than usual, frantic.

My heart stabbed. _He can't be alone_ echoed through my mind. He was so hurt, even they knew he shouldn't be alone.

"He said he was going to work," Jasper informed them, his voice calm and controlled. He was probably the only one here that wasn't freaking out, but at that moment, all eyes flew to him, as if they had forgotten he was even in the room.

Olivia's eyes were scorching with anger and she looked like she was about to say something, but my mom took her hand. It seemed to calm her enough to hold back whatever she was about to say.

That didn't stop Patricia, though.

"Don't you think you've done enough? It would be appreciated if you'd put my grandson's girlfriend down and left," she hissed viciously at him, walking in front of everyone.

"No!" I squeaked in a panic. I needed him.

My mom's eyes shot to mine. They were full of the deepest disappointment and confusion. Her mouth began to open and then she shut it quickly, turning away from me.

"I'm just going to bring Alice to her room...." Jasper whispered, holding me closer to him. He was trying to protect me from them, but I didn't deserve the protection.

"I'll go talk to Spencer," Jim volunteered. For the third time, everyone stopped again, frozen.

"Jim... that might not be a very good idea," my dad said slowly, looking at him with a displeased look. Everyone knew that Jim was a jerk to Spencer.

"I think it is. I understand what he's going through," Jim said with a shrug.

"Jim—" Olivia started, but Jim shot her a quick look.

"What? Is there a problem with me talking to my _son_?" he questioned her, almost challengingly. What did he mean by that?

"M-maybe I should talk to him," I whispered, even though I thought it was a bad idea. It was better than Jim talking to him. He'd probably just make him feel worse, encourage him to just off himself or something. I hoped not, but I honestly wasn't sure....

"No," my mom threw at me quickly. "Go upstairs. We'll work this out," she instructed me, her voice hard and demanding.

The words pierced my heart. I had created a mess and they were going to clean it up. Why? Because they knew I'd only make it worse. They were protecting Spencer. I guess I was glad for that though. I didn't trust myself to protect him anymore.

I vaguely heard Jasper begin to hum quietly to me. My eyes slowly made their way to his. They were a warm liquid blue. His eyes were the only safe place in this situation. They warmed my breaking heart.

"Let's go," he murmured, turning around to lead me up the long stairway.

I shut my eyes then, listening to him humming one of my songs. The sounds were soothing and calmed me slowly.

As we got to my room, my crying had stopped. He gently put me down on my bed and then lay beside me, stroking my hair.

"Can you sing to me?" I asked him in a rough, shaky voice.

Jasper smiled a half smile, making my heart skip happily in my chest.

What was wrong with me...? I had created a disaster and I almost felt like smiling at this moment.

"I'll always sing for you, darling," he drawled in a thick accent.

I sniffled and shifted closer to him, snuggling into his chest.

The only thing I heard for the next few minutes was the beautiful voice of the man lying with me. Slowly, I drifted to sleep, listening to the sweet melody.

"_Chloe, clear the dishes. Your mother and I were invited out to visit some friends for Thanksgiving, so we won't be back until later," I saw a man instruct Chloe. I guessed it was Chloe's dad. _

"'_Kay," Chloe whispered. Her head was ducked down and she looked upset. She looked like she was about to cry. _

_Her father just huffed in response and left the room. _

_"Babe, I'm going to watch TV. Make me a sundae when you're finished with those dishes," I saw a different, younger guy say to her. He looked to be about Chloe's age... maybe a little bit older. His voice was hard and uncaring. But he leaned forward and kissed Chloe on the lips. _

_Okay, who was that? Why did he kiss her? Where was Nick?_

_The guy left the room and Chloe's shoulder slumped down. I watched her hand raise to her lips as she wiped them off with a look of distaste on her face. _

_She hadn't like the guy's kiss. Why did she let him kiss her, then? _

_I watched as Chloe cleared off the dishes and brought them to the kitchen, starting to washing them. _

_After a minute of washing the dishes, she stopped. Her whole body started to shake in a spasm. A sob wracked through her whole body. _

_She dropped the dishes back into the sink, creating a splash of water to cascade all over the floor. _

"_Nick..." she whispered brokenly, not even seeming to notice the mess. She wrapped her arms around herself, shaking. _

_Where was Nick? Why was she crying for him? Had something happened to him? _

"_Chloe? What's going on in there?" I heard a loud voice yell. It was the same younger guy from earlier._

_He pushed the kitchen door open and it slammed against something from the force. _

_Chloe jumped and took a breath in from shock. I saw her hurriedly wipe the tears off of her face, looking terrified. She was afraid of him? _

"_I-I just dropped a plate," she stammered, grabbing a cloth in a hurry. _

_The guy's face scrunched up, looking at her with fury. _

"_Come here," he ordered her. _

_Her head snapped up from the mess on the floor that she had been about to clean. _

_Why did he keep talking to her like that? He sounded so angry... he reminded me of Steve. _

_Chloe put the cloth on the counter and stepped over the mess, walking to him obediently. _

"_Is there a problem?" he asked her, his face looking menacing. His eyes were taunting as they looked at her. It was like he was trying to get her to say yes. _

"_No," she whispered in a ragged breath, shaking her head. _

"_Don't lie to me. You're crying. Something is fucking wrong!" he cursed at her. His eyes blazed in fury. _

_Chloe flinched back at his words. Her fear seemed to escalate as he swore. _

"_I'm fine, Bryce. I'm sorry for disturbing you. I'll clean this up quickly and bring you your ice cream," she assured her, nodding with a weak smile._

_She looked so broken.... What was going on? Who was this Bryce guy? I had never heard Chloe talk about a different guy. Only Nick. _

_Bryce raised an eyebrow at her. "You love me, right?" he asked her out of nowhere. _

_Chloe's eyes flashed to his and she gulped. Her head ducked down and she nodded. _

_"Of course I do, s-sweeth-heart." She seemed to have trouble saying the word 'sweetheart.' This time, I had a guess why. She always called Nick 'sweetheart.' But why would Chloe say she loved this guy? He was a jerk. I could already see he treated her like crap._

_Bryce grabbed her wrists and tugged her toward him. His face was right against hers._

_"Say it to my face, Chlo. Tell me you love me," he ordered her through his teeth. I could see Chloe shaking, tears in her eyes. _

_"You gonna start crying again? Why are you crying?!" he shouted in her face, getting more and more angry by the second. _

_He was holding her wrists so tightly that I could see his knuckles turning white. Chloe's eyes were filling with pain. _

"_I-I'm sorry. It's just been a crazy week... I'm sorry, Bryce. I do love you. I love you," she promised him, staring straight into his eyes like he had told her to. _

_Bryce smirked slightly at how easily she seemed to do what he wanted. _

_"Good. We're going to have a good weekend together," he smiled. The smile was almost as menacing as his voice. _

_His words caused her to stiffen, even more afraid now, as she seemed to process what his words meant. _

_Suddenly, his eyes snapped to anger again. _

_"And if you ever show up with another guy again, I will fucking show you who you belong to, got it?" he threatened her, shoving her away from him roughly. _

_Chloe stumbled back and slipped on the wet floor, falling down hard. _

I snapped out of the dream, my eyes wide and my breath coming in short, quick gasps.

What was that? What was happening? Who was Bryce? Why was he hurting Chloe? He was going to hurt her! I had to stop it! I had to...!

_JPOV _

I still felt the adrenaline pumping through my veins from the incredible kiss I had received. It had been way too long since I had kissed Alice that way. And she kissed me back with the same passion. I was on fire. We were on fire together.

Until Spencer came in.

Now the fire was gone as we tried to relax in Alice's bed. We lay there together as I sang to her. She was so tense and looked so broken... it wasn't right. I had finally seen her smiling. Her eyes had been sparkling like the diamonds they are when we were in the kitchen kissing.

I felt kind of guilty for being glad that Spencer saw us. I knew it wasn't right for me to think or feel that way. But I just wanted to feel like she was mine again and I wanted him to realize how much we were meant to be together. That wasn't the right way to show it and I hadn't planned for it to be that way... not at all.

The moment he saw us though, I believed it was a good thing. Maybe we could figure this all out now. Alice could pick now. Spencer knew she had feelings for me and I already, obviously, knew she had feelings for him. Couldn't she pick now?

The words that Spencer's Grandma had said were stabbing at my heart, though. He already been depressed and was hardly living and I was taking away his only Hope. I knew what it felt like to only have Hope in Alice. It was what I still felt like when I was with her. She was my only Hope.

It wasn't just about me now, though. It was about Spencer too.... I knew Alice didn't want to hurt either of us and that that was why she was so stuck. Even if she knew who she wanted to be with, she probably wouldn't admit it. I knew the day was coming though... I could feel it. She was going to choose soon and I had a really good feeling that it would be me.

How did I know this, you might be asking?

I peeked down at her. She had drifted into a peaceful slumber. And that was how I knew. It was because she felt it too. Even in the darkest of times, we felt at peace together. We could feel the Hope. She was able to sleep right now with the knowledge of what we had just done.

It still wasn't right for me to be doing this though. After what I had just done to Spencer, I really shouldn't be here cuddling with his girlfriend. It was a respect thing. And despite everything, I respected Spencer. He treated Alice well and that was all I could ask of him.

It wasn't right of me to be cuddling here. It _felt_ right... but my mind knew I shouldn't right now.

I made sure she was asleep and began to unhook her arms from around me, shifting out of her grasp.

"Jazz...." she moaned in her sleep. Her hand caught me in a tight grip and pulled me tightly to her.

"Don't leave me," she whispered. I could hardly understand the words, but I knew what they were. My heart softened and hurt at the same time. I lay back down with her. I would never leave her. Especially when she had asked me to stay.

I cuddled with her again and kissed her forehead gently. I began to sing again, wanting to keep her asleep. If she was asleep she wouldn't be worrying about what just happened.

I decided I would have to write her a new song soon. I hadn't written her a new one lately and began to think through melodies for her new song.

After about twenty minutes, Alice shot up out of her sleep with a pained look.

I sat up, grabbing her quickly, pulling her into my chest as she shook, taking in gasps of breath. My mind was filled with confusion until it snapped into my brain. Her pills....

I was so stupid! I had forgotten to give her her pills. She had had a dream of the future. Crap. Crap. Crap!

Worry filled me as I took in her scared face. Was something bad going to happen soon? What was it? Was someone going to get hurt?

"We have to call Nick. We have to call him now, Jazz!" she shouted at me, panicked.

I nodded obediently, knowing not to fool around with her dreams. They were serious. They were real. Always.

"Tell me what happened?" I coaxed her as I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket.

She took a ragged breath in, calming herself. "It's Chloe. She was at her house... I think. There was this guy, Bryce, he kissed her... he made her say she loved him. He hurt her too, Jazz!" Alice said frantically, grabbing my phone from me and dialing Nick's number as fast as she could.

"Bryce...." I mumbled in confusion... Who was Bryce? Chloe and Nick were together in California. How would that be possible?

Alice messed up on dialing the number because she was in such a panic. Her eyes flashed to mine, looking desperate.

"I'll do it, darling," I assured her, pressing Nick's speed dial and crushing her back into my chest. I hoped it would calm her.

"Hello?" I heard Nick's voice mumble through the telephone.

I immediately knew something was wrong... his voice was off. It was slurred and hard. It sounded like it used to sound.

"Hey Nick," I said in a panic. If he sounded like that, something had already went wrong and he wasn't anywhere near Chloe.

"Hi...." he replied.

"Where are you? Are you near Chloe?" I asked in quickly. He had to get there soon or it'd be too late.

"I don't know... like, twenty minutes away or something...?" he said. I could slowly hear his emotion entering his voice again. Good. He knew this was serious.

Apparently I was talking too slow for Alice though, because she ripped the phone out of my hand.

"Nick, you have to get back to her!" she shouted at him, much like she had to me earlier. She was so concerned for Chloe. They had gotten closer after the last few months.

Alice was quiet for a second and I saw frustration starting to grow in her eyes. What was Nick saying? Maybe nothing and that was why she was so mad...?

"Nick, _shut up_!" Alice ordered him. She was mad now. Something he was saying was making her very upset.

Nick must have went silent because she began to speak again. "She's in trouble, Nick. Th-there was some guy with blonde hair. He was yelling at her. She was crying... she looked really scared. Something's wrong!" Alice said through a shaky voice, holding me tightly.

I rubbed her back gently, trying to calm her down and assure her it would be okay.

It didn't seem to work though. He still didn't know about her dreams, so he'd probably wonder how she knew any of his and that was obviously bothering Alice.

"He's going to hurt her!" Alice shrieked at him.

Another pause from Alice. She looked up at me, needing something. I knew what.

I grabbed the phone quickly from her, earning a small glare from her.

"Nick, she's at her house. You just have to trust us. Go get Chloe. Now," I demanded of him. I was a little worried about putting the trust thing out there. I was slowly earning his trust back after my stupid mistake a few months ago. I should never have left him like that.

He must have trusted me more than I thought he did, because he hung the phone up. I knew he wasn't ignoring me or anything. He was going to get her.

I hung the phone up and pulled Alice into my lap.

"Everything's going to be all right. I promise, love," I vowed to her. I didn't just mean the words for this situation with Nick and Chloe though. I meant it for everything that was going on. It would all work out. I would make sure it'd all work out. I'd do it for her.

**Author's Note: Poor everyone.... :(. Except Jasper, he's pretty happy at the moment. Lol. But that's a first for Forgotten Hope :P. Well, I hope you all enjoyed that it. It gave some answers to what going on unnoticed....still some more stuff in the closets though. So, you guys all know the drill by now xD... REVIEW. VOTE. & BLOG! xP. **

**Also I'd just like to say...to a certain person... who doesn't know I know this... but I really do not appreciate you taking ideas, plots, characters and quotes from Hope & Forgotten Hope. It's really not cool... To write a story you have to come up with your own ideas, that's hard, but that's what I had to do too. So, please, take my stuff off of your story because it has been reported. **

**But anyways to all your wonderful readers have a GREAT day & happy valentines day!**


	29. Making a Choice

**Author's Note: Hello everybody! Here is your weekly update of Hope... this is gonna be a crazy one! Enjoy!**

Forgotten Hope Chapter 29—Making a Choice

_NPOV_

I pulled one of the bottles out of the bag and tore the cap off, taking a long swig of it. It immediately burned my throat, but the burn sort of felt good. It was like reuniting with an old friend I hadn't seen in a long time. My body tensed and then relaxed a little.

"Can't trust anyone but the bottle," I mumbled to myself, downing more of it.

Who needs people? I didn't need a girlfriend.... I didn't need Chloe. I didn't need anyone. I... I didn't need to be happy.

Her smile floated into my mind at the thought of happiness. How could _she_ have been cheating on me? _Chloe_. It was fucking Chloe! She had higher standards than anyone I had ever met. It made no sense to me. None at all.

Why would she do this to me?

I drank another sip, squeezing my eyes shut to block the tears.

It didn't make any sense. None of this made any sense. She had always told me how much she liked me... she had said that I was perfect so many times... she had said that I made her happy.

If I was so perfect and made her so happy, then why would she need another boyfriend? Her parents knew him, too... she was able to tell them about him. Was it me?

I wasn't enough. I wasn't good enough for her strict parents and she needed a guy that she could bring home. A guy who could finish high school and get into Harvard. I shouldn't even blame her for not wanting me. She deserved a guy as smart as her. She deserved the kind of guy she could bring home to her parents.

I downed the rest of the bottle and took a deep breath in, my throat burning like hell. I didn't care, though. I could feel the alcohol slowly clouding my mind.

I grabbed my wallet and pulled the joint out of the pocket of it. I stared at it blankly for a moment. It had been so long....

What the hell... I shrugged. What did I have to lose? I had no one to impress anymore... what did I care?

I put the edge of the point in my mouth and lit it up, taking a slow drag. Yep, it had definitely been in there for a while. But whatever, it'd still do what it was supposed to.

Chloe's worried eyes filled my mind now. Those smoldering brown eyes. She wouldn't like seeing me like this....

I fell into the sand, onto my back. I could feel the hot tears trailing down the side of my face, but I ignored them, letting myself mellow out.

I just didn't understand why she would want to be with _him_. She could get anyone, I was sure... and he was a jerk. Everything he had said was either bashing her or telling her to do things. Why would she want that?

Who would want that?!

Even the way the guy looked at her made me want to kill him. He was so smug and arrogant. And every word he said was just to bring people down. No wonder Chloe was so stressed out sometimes.

Something snapped in my head right then. I sat up quickly, looking out at the ocean as I thought. It was him. _He_ was the problem all along. He was the phone calls. He was what always made her stressed and worn out.

It was all him.

Anger bubbled in my veins. He was the reason why she cried....

But I stopped there. _Was_ he the reason? Or was she stressed out because he was still her boyfriend and she was scared I would find out? She had lied to me when he came over so that I would leave. She had wanted him over me that night. Even if he was an ass, she still wanted him over me.

I took another long drag of my joint and let it out, trying to numb my thoughts. But it seemed to be doing the opposite. It just helped me put the pieces together even more.

Of course she'd want him. Her parents probably loved him. He was exactly like them. He was in an Ivy League university... even if he was a jerk, he could probably provide her with a real future.

If she was with me, then she'd probably be the one with the great job. She'd be the one taking care of everything while I would be working at a fast food restaurant, trying to get enough money to live off of. I couldn't live off of Jasper forever. I wouldn't be able to provide for her... not the way that Bryce could, at least.

This way, she wouldn't have my baggage either, right? She wouldn't have to deal with having some stupid boyfriend who couldn't even get a diploma and who was wanted for murder. Not that she would know this.

If she had known it, I'm sure she would have gone running back to Bryce sooner. Maybe she liked being controlled by him. I always tried to make sure I never bossed her around, but maybe she liked it.

"Yeah, right...." I mumbled out loud. I knew I was just being stupid now. Chloe hated it. She hated being bossed around, whether she would admit it to herself or not. Even if she had another boyfriend, I had still gone out with her for months now. I could remember her reaction when my words would come out almost like an order. I could see the pain that would flash through her beautiful eyes. It hurt me every time, and that's why I tried not to do it.

So why did she stay with that jerk? I felt the tears streaming down my face. I kept thinking in circles. I was so confused... I just wanted her to be happy. That's all I wanted.

I finished the joint and fell back against the ground, wiping my tears.

I couldn't even believe what I was feeling. How could I not even care that she cheated on me? I couldn't blame her for anything, even though I knew I should. I... I just wanted to be with her. I didn't care if she had been with another guy the whole time. I had never been so happy in my whole life than when I was with her.

I could walk right back there right now and go out with her again, knowing she was with that son of bitch. I... I...

My heart ached more than I had ever felt, but my heart had never felt so real either. I had always doubted that I really had a heart... but now, I knew, I had a heart and...

I was madly in love with Chloe.

I loved her. I knew now that this emotion was too strong to be anything else. I was in love with someone. I was in love with _her_.

Why did I have to get wasted to realize this?

But of course she'd never love me. That's why she hadn't stopped me from leaving. Who was I to compare to him? Every moment I had been with her, I had never thought I could be good enough and she proved that today when she didn't stop me. She knew that he--and her family--were more important and better than I would ever be.

Above all, I just wanted Chloe to be happy. I didn't want to hurt her and I didn't want _him_ to hurt her... I just wanted her to smile. She deserved happiness. She was just so innocent... I could see so much life in her.... And I thought I could be a part of that life....

Shit. Why wasn't I mad at her? I couldn't understand it. I should be wanting to beat the shit out of her boyfriend, but instead, I just felt miserable. And nothing was helping me numb it!

I whipped the empty bottle of alcohol at the ocean and grabbed the other bottle out of the paper bag. I took the cap off, about to take a drink of it, when my phone began to ring.

I pulled it out, uncertain if I should answer. What if it was Chloe? I would just say yes to whatever she wanted when I knew I shouldn't.

I braved it and looked at the caller ID.

It was Jasper. I let out a breath of relief, but then took it back in. He would know I was drinking. He could always tell.

I finally answered, knowing he would get worried if I didn't.

"Hello?"

"Hey Nick." Jasper's voice was tense and worried, almost panicked. Did he already know? Did Chloe call him or something? She better not have... this had nothing to do with him.

Wow, that was the first bit of anger I had felt toward her. Maybe it was coming now. The usual Nick was back.

"Hi...." I mumbled, taking a drink of the alcohol, waiting for the lecture to come.

"Where are you? Are you near Chloe?" he asked me quickly, worry stronger in his words now.

I sat up. He had my attention now.

"I don't know... like, twenty minutes away or something...?" I said nonchalantly, even though my concern was growing now. Why was he so worried? Jasper was usually good at controlling his emotions.

I heard a noise on the other end of the phone. "Nick, you have to get back to her!" Alice's panicked voice took over.

"Ali?" I asked in confusion. "Why? _Why_? What's happening? Did she call you...? 'Cause if she did I'm not going back there to look like a fucking fool—"

"Nick, _shut up_!" Alice ordered me, anger filling her voice now. Did Alice really just tell me to shut up?

I was silent now, ready to listen to what they were talking about.

"She's in trouble Nick. Th-there was some guy with blonde hair. He was yelling at her. She was crying... she looked really scared. Something's wrong." Alice's voice was shaky and scared. I didn't understand, though. How would Alice know that?

"What are you talking about?" I asked, confused.

"He's going to hurt her!" Alice nearly shrieked at me.

My jaw set. No one was going hurt Chloe. "Who is? Where is she? How do you know this?!"

I heard the phone move again and Jasper's voice came on. "Nick, she's at her house. You just have to trust us. Go get Chloe. Now."

I didn't ask anything more after that. I shut the phone, jumped up, and starting running, leaving my stuff on the beach. Fuck drinking and numbing it all. Bryce was going to die if he had laid a hand on her. What could she have done to make him want to hurt her?

But then again, she hadn't done anything to him earlier, and he still spoke to her rudely....

Why had I left?

I ran as fast as I could, faster than I ever had before, silently grateful that I had been taking the stairs at the apartments lately. No one was going to hurt her.

_But she hurt you,_ a small voice in the back of my head said. How could I know if anything she said was really true?

The run back to her house was a blur. The cool air had cleared my thoughts a bit, though. Even though I knew I should be feeling buzzed, I couldn't help but think clearly. I didn't feel drunk or high or anything... I could just feel my adrenaline pumping.

My feet stopped, frozen to the grass in front of her house.

_Don't let her break your heart anymore than she already has_.

The voice got louder as I began to give in to it. I took a breath, trying to make sense of what I was feeling. Did I want to go in there? Would I make it out if I saw him with her again? Could I even trust her? Should I care?

I didn't know what to do. My thoughts were spinning around in my head so quickly.

I finally decided to go in. Even if I was upset, it didn't mean I couldn't protect her. I would just get her out of there and then I could leave. Even if she had hurt me, I loved her. I had to protect the only girl I had ever loved.

I nodded my head in determination, walked up to the door, and knocked.

Bryce opened the door and his hateful gray eyes took me in. He raised a skeptical eyebrow.

"Did you want something?" he asked me through his teeth.

I rolled my eyes at him, not caring if it would piss him off. If he had hurt Chloe, he was about to get the shit beat out of him anyways.

"Where's Chloe?" I said, pushing my way into the house. Bryce did not seemed pleased by that.

"She's in the kitchen cleaning up and she doesn't need distractions. So unless you'd like me to call the police, I suggest you leave, " he threatened me, giving me a sickly sweet smile. Who the hell did this guy think he was?

"I don't think Chloe would let you do that," I countered with a shrug, taking a step toward the kitchen.

His next words made me freeze.

"Oh, you'd be surprised what she'd do if I told her to."

My jaw set, anger pulsing through me. I gritted my teeth together as he continued.

"I bet you thought she was some innocent little saint who just entered your life. But I'll tell you right now, she is anything but a saint. I could tell you all the things she's done to me—"

My fist connected with his face right then and there. He went flying to the ground, stunned. No one would talk about her like that if I had anything to say about it.

"And I could tell you all the things I want do to you right now," I growled at him. I didn't care if I wasn't in control. Chloe wasn't like that and he couldn't just go on talking about her like she was.

"Stay down unless you want me to ruin your pretty little face," I threatened as I walked away from the pathetic shit on the floor.

I walked quickly to the kitchen before he could get up. I was at the entrance when I saw Chloe on the ground with a towel, cleaning something that had spilled all over the floor. She sniffed loudly and wiped her face. She was crying.

My now very real heart felt like it was being ripped apart. I hated to see her look so defeated and just... so sad.

"Chloe," I whispered, entering the room, not knowing what the hell I was doing. I wasn't thinking.

Chloe's head snapped up, her eyes spilling with tears. Before I knew it, she was in my arms, weeping.

"Nick," she whispered in relief, hugging me as tightly as she probably could.

"Don't leave. Please," she begged me, choking on her sobs. I didn't know what to do. Was this her just trying to keep me? She couldn't have both of us. I couldn't be the backup boyfriend for when she was away from him....

"We should get going," I said in a monotone voice, worried that Bryce might actually call the police. I came here to protect her, and I couldn't do that if I was getting hauled off to jail as an escaped convict. I wouldn't give Bryce the satisfaction.

Chloe nodded, peering up at me brokenly. I didn't usually speak to her in that voice and I knew she noticed. But I couldn't show her how I felt right now because I didn't _know_ what I was feeling. I focused on just getting us out of there.

I walked her out of the kitchen, keeping one arm around her protectively. I wanted to hold her, but I didn't want to at the same time. I was afraid to trust her.... But I would be ready to protect her if Bryce tried something on our way out.

Bryce had a phone to his ear, pinching his nose to keep it from bleeding.

Chloe's eyes widened in shock. Bryce hung up the phone as he saw us.

"Chloe, come here," he ordered her, sticking his hand out for her.

Chloe leaned more into me now, staying as close as she could, while Bryce's eyes flashed with anger. I could feel Chloe start to tremble against me.

"Don't make me say it twice, Chlo," he warned her. The warning caused me to roll my eyes. The guy looked like a prick to me. I wasn't scared of him. But I guess Chloe had a reason that she was afraid of him....

She straightened up, and for a second I thought she was going to go to him, but instead she spoke.

"No."

I knew it sounded weak and vulnerable, but that was her standing up to him and I had a feeling it was the first time she had ever done that before.

"Excuse me?" he questioned her, letting his anger pour through his words.

I took control, uncertain if she'd be able to say it twice.

"She said no, you prick," I spat at him and pushed us past him, bashing my shoulder against his.

"Where do you think you're going?" he shouted, and I felt a tug from Chloe as she was pulled away from me. I looked over to see that he had grabbed Chloe's arm and was pulling her to him.

I turned slowly, taking a slow breath in, trying not to turn into a monster in front of Chloe.

"Let go of her," I warned him very slowly, taking a step toward them. Bryce's nostrils flared.

"I'm not afraid of some punk ass kid like you. The police are on their way," he scoffed at me, holding Chloe's arm too tightly.

I saw her eyes flash with pain. She bit her lip, but she didn't make a sound. That bothered me. She should be able to express when she was hurting.

I reached my hand to her and she quickly grabbed it. Our eyes locked and everything froze for a moment.

Her warm, brown eyes were so beautiful... I felt tears coming to my eyes at the look in them. They were so full of misery... so sad....

"Let go of her," I repeated through my teeth, knowing that I was going to snap in a few seconds if he didn't.

Bryce shook his head and tightened his grip on her arm.

Idiot.

I lunged forward and pinned him against the wall with one arm, keeping Chloe's hand in my other hand. My arm was crushed against his throat. I leaned my head forward, putting my lips to his ear.

"I wouldn't think twice about killing you. So if you value your life at all, I'd let her go right now," I hissed viciously, letting my hatred for him show.

He was taking short breaths, trying to get a gulp of air. I pressed my arm tighter into his throat, trying to get my point across.

He then released Chloe's arm and I released him. He bent over, gasping for breath.

"C-Chlo," he said, still gasping. "Y-Your parents will be home soon. Get him out of here," he instructed her, somehow still thinking he was in control.

I took a step back and pulled Chloe into me, shielding her with both of my arms. We were leaving now.

Chloe didn't listen to him. She stayed with me as we walked to the front door. Bryce followed quickly behind us.

"Baby, what are you doing? That guy's a maniac. Look! He broke my nose! You're not going with him. He'll hurt you," Bryce pleaded with her, getting desperate for control of her now.

"You're the only one here who would hurt me," Chloe whispered, looking back at him with tears shining in her eyes.

"I wouldn't hurt you. I know what's good for you is all. C'mon... I love you, Chlo," he murmured, reaching out to touch her cheek.

"Goodbye," I growled at him, grabbing his arm and shoving it away from her.

I grabbed our bags, which were luckily still at the front door from earlier, and Chloe opened the door for me. I walked her quickly out of there and down the driveway. I had to get away before the cops arrived. I paused just for a moment to put my baseball cap on.

Chloe and I were silent as we walked and kept walking. I didn't know what to say. I didn't even know how I felt about her right now. She had been lying to me the whole time....

_And you're lying to her about your past, so...._

A while later I slowed down at another park. It might have been the same one from earlier, but I didn't know for sure. And I didn't know what we were doing. We just couldn't keep walking with nowhere to go.

"Nick," she whispered as I stopped walking and let her go.

I nodded, acknowledging that I had heard her.

"Please talk to me," she begged, reaching over to touch my arm.

I flinched away from her hand. I didn't know if I wanted this. I now knew she wanted away from that guy, but how did I know she wouldn't go back to him? Or that she wanted me? There were so many lies. Why was everything always about lies? Everyone had to lie... even I lied....

Maybe I was right not to trust anyone.

"I don't know what to say to you," I replied quietly, looking away from her and to the few kids who were still playing at the playground, even though it was starting to get dark and it was probably almost time for their Thanksgiving dinner. Or at least dessert.

I heard something rustling and turned to see Chloe digging through her purse.

"R-read this before you decide anything. Please, Nick," she whispered, desperately.

She handed me an envelope with my name scrawled on the front in her neat handwriting.

"What is this?" I asked her, staring at her blankly.

"You asked to see what I wrote that day when you visited me at work. That's what I wrote," she told me honestly.

I looked at her for a short second and watched her bite down on her lip nervously.

I took a deep breath and opened the envelope. Chloe took a few steps away from me, watching me closely. Did I really want to read this?

My heart said yes, but my mind said no. My mind warned me about trusting her again, but my heart told me to stop thinking and just feel. It was like I had an angel and a devil sitting on each shoulder, arguing back and forth over what I should do.

What did I have to lose by reading it, though? I took a breath and opened the envelope.

_Dear Nick,  
This is what I was writing when you came in that day. I told you I'd make it perfect first, but I haven't touched it since.  
Maybe some things aren't meant to be perfect. Maybe they're allowed to be rough.  
I think that maybe... just maybe... the lack of perfection makes it more honest.  
Because let's just admit it...  
Perfection is a lie.  
It isn't real.  
_It isn't real._  
And I'm just now understanding that that's okay... and that's thanks to spending time with you.  
You make me not want to be perfect, because I don't want to lie. Not to you._

_The poem:_

_the scars are etched into your skin  
jagged  
white pink tan  
raised and flat.  
you don't hide them from me._

you hid your eyes last night.  
your eyes show more scars.  
emotional scars.  
deeper than the physical ones.

_i want to hear the stories  
behind the scars i see  
on your skin and  
in your eyes._

_they're beautiful--_

_they tell your story  
and i want to know  
you._

_do you know they're beautiful?_

_i'm afraid  
if you keep the stories--the scars--inside,  
they'll take over.  
stories are meant to be told...  
so then why can't I tell you mine?_

_I stopped there.  
Nick, I want to tell you my story. I want to tell you about my scars... not just the ones you can see.  
But I feel like I can't. If I tell you, then it's real.  
And I don't want it to be real.  
I don't want it to be my life.  
This life.  
I don't want it.  
I don't want it.  
I don't want it.  
Why can't I say that out loud?  
I can only admit it to myself through writing. That's probably why I love writing so much._

_He doesn't like my writing.  
Bryce.  
I'm sorry I haven't told you about him. It's part of me being perfect. Being a lie.  
I really don't want to lie anymore. It's a lie by omission, but I think saying that is just an excuse to keep it going._

_Bryce thinks my writing is pointless. That anything I could write I could say, so why should he waste time reading it?  
But he doesn't listen anyway.  
He hears me, but he doesn't listen._

_Maybe that's why he asked me... told me... convinced me... persuaded me...  
I'm being honest.  
Maybe that's why he _made_ me switch my major._

_He likes that I'm good at math because he thinks that with math, my mind won't wander as much.  
My thoughts won't wander and I won't wonder why I let him treat me how he does._

_Math is a whole bunch of facts that are scrambled around into puzzles.  
As long as you know the facts, you can figure out the puzzles... the pieces just fall into place._

_Words are harder because the things they describe are never concrete. The words themselves are concrete, but the concepts they describe are abstract.  
Math can be abstract, but it's fact-abstract. Concept-abstract is so much more complicated..._

Do you know what I mean? Because I don't know if I know what I mean....

_I think a lot. I used to write so I could see my thoughts, but Bryce didn't want to be able to see my thoughts.  
I think if he can't see them, then he can tell himself that they're not there. He can lie to himself and pretend that I don't think, like he wants.  
And I can lie to him and pretend the same._

_You like:  
my writing  
my goals  
my thinking  
my hair in my face how I like it._

_You like:  
to help me clean up  
to help me cook  
to help me out of my shell  
[my protective shell. I know it's there. I can feel it. It's heavy... and you take away the weight of it.]_

_You like me.  
Nick.  
You like me. And you encourage me.  
You show me that you appreciate me  
just for being me._

_Somehow, this letter, this poem... it turned out to be all about me.  
With Bryce, things are never about me.  
They're about me making him happy by doing what he wants me to do. By being who he wants me to be.  
Instead of just being me._

_But with you...  
You want things to be about me.  
Or about you, but only if I want it to be about you.  
Or you want things to be about us.  
Us.  
Me and you.  
You and me._

_I like us._

_I'm sorry I've been trying to be perfect. It's how I was brought up. How I was raised.  
Nick, you're the only person in my life who cares enough to realize that I will never be perfect.  
And I'm pretty sure that you love that about me. To you, I'm perfect in my imperfections.  
So are you. Please realize that._

_I don't really know what love is.  
I've read about it, experienced it through the characters in my books....  
What I feel for you is something I've never felt before. Anywhere. Ever.  
What does that mean?_

_I know it's good, though, because it's about you._

_xoxox_

_x's for crossing out the lies  
o's for forever_

_-Chloe_

I was speechless after reading it. Her letter explained everything... everything I had been so confused about.

She hadn't wanted any of it. She was scared... she didn't know what to do. She didn't use me and she didn't think I was stupid. She wanted to be with me, not Bryce.

And she knew exactly how I felt about her.

I folded the paper back up and slipped it into the envelope. She had obviously been wanting to tell me this stuff for a while, considering she had the letter on her and hadn't just written it tonight.

Chloe was still chewing on her lip, watching me. I kept my face blank, staring back at her, trying to understand everything that had just happened.

After every second of silence, she became more and more nervous. She was shifting from her right foot to her left and back again. She ran her fingers through her hair, waiting for my response. God... she was so adorable.

"Nick, I—" she started, but I cut her off. I took a step closer to her and crushed my lips to hers. She was shocked for a short moment, but then kissed me back, the same passion entering her kiss. She locked her arms around my neck, and then ran her hands through my hair. Her hands then moved down to my face, caressing it.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered, coming out of the kiss to speak. I shook my head, dismissively.

"Shh, don't be. You were scared. You were just scared," I assured her, holding her tightly against me. I took deep breaths, overwhelmed with emotions. She was still mine. She had been mine the whole time. I knew it. She hated how he treated her. It all made sense. I had been so blinded by my hurt feelings that I hadn't been able to see past....

"I never meant to cheat on you. I promise, Nick. We weren't going out anymore. We were supposed to be taking a break. We were at different schools and we were supposed to be taking a break!" she tried to explain, her voice becoming frantic.

"I-I don't know what happened. He always called and he came to my apartment when I didn't answer and he kissed me and I didn't want to kiss him, but I didn't know how to say no to him either 'cause he gets so mad...." she faded off for a second and looked up at me.

"And my parents love him and they're used to him and he had been my boyfriend for so long... I-I just didn't know what to do. I just... wanted you," she rambled, staring into my eyes, searching them, captivating me.

"I know," I whispered, cradling her closer. I nuzzled her neck affectionately. I wanted her to know I understood now.

"I wanted you to be with me. Anytime it was him, I wanted your arms around me. I wanted to smell _you_. I wanted to feel _you_. All I wanted was _you_," she promised me, bringing her hands down from my neck to rub my biceps. "I wanted these arms," she whispered, pain thick in her voice.

I pulled back to look in her tear-filled eyes again and then gently smiled at her so that she'd relax a little and realize that I wasn't mad at her.

"Shh... it's okay," I told her, wiping the tears that escaped from her eyes. "Chloe, how... how long has he been like that?" I asked her softly, not wanting to upset her anymore.

She shook her head and shrugged, her voice thick with emotion. "That's just him. That's how it is... how it's always been...."

She looked away, thinking, and then met my eyes again. "I-I know it's not right. I just... I gave in to it. All of it. Everything you saw tonight... that's just how they all are. And I know it's not supposed to be like that, but that's just how it's always been. I couldn't break away from it, Nick, I don't know why. I know it's not okay, but I couldn't-- I'm sorry...." she trailed off as more tears started to come to her eyes.

I let her cry, but still held her close. "It's okay, Chloe. It's not your fault."

Outside, I was comforting her, but inside, I was fuming. It was fucked up the way that they treated her. Her parents _and_ her so-called boyfriend. They were just messing with her head... practically brainwashing her into thinking she had to listen to them and obey them and shit. It wasn't right. Not at all.

She had seemed to escape some of it by moving to New York, away from them, but still... she had definitely been affected by them. That was clear, just by the way she acted in New York. She was always overworking herself and trying to just be overly perfect. She had never realized that she was perfect just being herself.

Not until I came along and helped her realize it. Her letter had told me that. ****

I kissed her forehead tenderly. "I'm not gonna let him get near you ever again. Not unless you want him to be," I vowed.

She hugged me tightly, folding herself into me, and I took a breath. I had to try to be more honest with her, too. She had put herself out there for me... the least I could do was let her in a little bit, too.

I led us over to a picnic table, and we sat down. I held both of her hands in mine and looked into her eyes, finally letting her in some more.

"Nick, are you okay?" she asked, looking closer at me, her fingers lightly brushing under my eyes.

My eyes were probably red, but I didn't know if it was from drinking, or smoking, or from crying. I had done all three tonight.

I took in a breath and nodded. "I am now."

It wasn't a lie. I just... couldn't bring myself to tell her how _not_ okay I had been earlier. I couldn't admit to her how easily it was for me to lose myself. I needed to be strong for her right now. She needed me....

But I did owe her something.

"Chloe, I.... You told me about your past, so... I should tell you a little bit about mine," I started. "If you want to know about it. I mean, maybe now isn't the time...."

She shook her head. "No I-I want to know. If you want to tell me. We've got nothing but time right now...." she pointed out, her chin trembling for a moment before she let a small smile cross her face.

I tried smiling back and used my thumbs to wipe some of the make up that had smeared on her face. All of the make up she had put on at the airport earlier was pretty much gone. And I loved it. I loved seeing how beautiful she looked without it.

"You're right. Lots of time."

She nodded, locking her eyes with mine, trying to read them, as if she was still able to sense that I had lost myself earlier, despite how I had answered her.

"Okay...." I started, taking another breath. I decided just to talk and see what came out.

"You told me some of your past, so... here's some of mine. When I was a kid... I always tried to get my parents to love me, but they never had the time to try. I don't... think they really wanted a kid, but they fed me and took care of me the best that they could. And then when I was ten, they died in a car accident... and I knew that they'd never have a chance to love me.

"I had to move in with my Grandpa after that and... he didn't like to be around people... or to talk anymore. He never really loved me, either, but I took care of him. It sort of gave me a purpose, you know? Like, maybe one day, if I tried hard enough, he would love me. But... it never happened."

She listened attentively, taking in every word with wide eyes.

"Time kept going on like that and I never loved anyone and no one loved me. Girls would use me for whatever.... They'd sleep with the tough guy and then brag about it, but they'd never talk to me again. And I never felt anything from them. I wanted to, but... I don't know. Maybe I was looking in the wrong places...."

She bit her lip, but didn't say anything, so I just kept going.

"No one really cared.... Well, except Jasper. He was the first person to love me." I sighed, regretting drinking after I had told him I would stop. I had been doing really well....

"It was a brotherly love, though... and then with Alice, a sisterly love. But I never knew what real love was. Honestly, I didn't believe it _was_ real until I saw Jasper and Alice together. But then I just figured it must be me. I was in incapable of love.

"I thought I probably learned it from my dad... like maybe it ran in the family or something. My dad never loved my mom. I saw him with other women sometimes... but I never let him know. I thought it was normal, until I got older. My mom did the same thing, though. She'd bring other guys home.... It was wrong, but it was how they lived. No love in my family. Not for any of us," I told her, bringing my hand up to her face, running my finger over her bottom lip.

"And then I met you. God... you confused the hell out of me, girl. For the first time in my life, I felt so alive... so warm... so good. I never thought it was love, though. I knew I liked you-- I liked you a lot. Too much, I thought sometimes. I knew if I let you in, then you could hurt me like my parents had. They shut me down every time I needed them. I never... felt good enough for them. But you were different... you liked me. You were always there."

Chloe nodded in agreement and gave me a quick kiss of confirmation.

I smiled at her, thanking her. I wasn't used to telling people all of this.

"I trusted you. But then today, when he was touching you, I felt my heart breaking. I kept telling myself that he was your cousin, like you had said, and that maybe cousins did that. I mean, how would I know? I didn't have cousins.... But deep down, I think I knew he wasn't your cousin. And it hurt.... And then when you didn't stop me when I was leaving, it hurt more. It hurt so much I didn't think it was possible, but I tried to ignore the pain."

I stopped for a moment, hating that broken look that was filling her eyes.

"Don't stop, sweetheart," she assured me.

"And I was stupid about it, and I didn't handle it how I should, but when I was going through all that pain, I was trying to make sense of it. I was trying to figure out why I hadn't ever felt like that before. And I wondered why I wasn't mad at you for hurting me. I didn't know why my emotions were so overwhelming. Then I realized... I-I realized that it was because I-I-I...."

I couldn't seem to get the words out of my mouth. It just wouldn't come out. I had never said this to someone before. Not like this.

Chloe's hands covered mine on her face, her eyes filling with tears.

I took a deep ragged breath. "Iloveyou," I said quickly, shaking. My whole body was shaking.

A single tear rolled down Chloe's cheek, but it didn't worry me because of the smile on her face and the look of relief in her beautiful brown eyes.

"You know, I've heard Bryce say that a thousand times and it never made me feel this way," Chloe whispered in awe. "I've never felt this way."

She ran her hand through my hair and continued.

"It's like... all of those emotions and feelings I've only ever read about are coming to life," she said, looking me in the eyes, letting me see her fully with no barriers.

"Nick...."

"Yes?" I said, kissing that tear on her jaw.

"I-I love you, too," she murmured, cuddling herself into my neck, holding me against her so I couldn't see her face.

My heart stopped beating for a moment. My mind was in disbelief. She loved _me_? How could that be possible? Love me? Someone loved me. No... how?

Emotions were filling me. Every emotion. I didn't understand them, and they scared me....

She pulled back, looking me firmly in the eyes. "_I love you, Nick." _She said the words slowly and clearly, making sure I understood her.

"You make me exactly who I want to be. You make me smile and you make me laugh and you're just... perfect for me. I don't think I can ever live a day without your smile or seeing your scars. I love your scars. I love every imperfection. I love that you love sweets. I-I," she paused there, a tear rolling down her face again. I had never heard someone say love so much in my life and it was all about me. I couldn't even comprehend this moment.

"I love how you hold me when I wash dishes," she said with a tearful chuckle. "So much. I never want to wash dishes without you holding me ever again," she told me, falling into my embrace, crying into my chest.

"You won't have to. I'll hold you forever if you want me to," I promised her.

She loved me. With every breath and every bone in my body, I would take care of her and make her happy. She helped me love.

Chloe loved me.

We were in California, three thousand miles away from anyone who cared about us. We had no place to stay while we were here. It was Thanksgiving, and we were alone.

Together. Alone.

We had no idea what we were going to do next--no plan. But in that moment, for the first time in my life, I was completely happy.

_APOV_

Putting it lightly would be saying that last night was not a good night.

Between Spencer seeing Jasper and me kissing, and my worries about Nick and Chloe, it had been tough.

Jasper had stayed the night, saying he would wait till Spencer came home so I didn't have to be alone. I knew my mom and Olivia were going to be upset with me and I deserved it. But I couldn't be alone.

Some of my worry had died down because Nick had texted us this morning saying that everything was all right and not to worry. They would both have a lot of explaining to do when they got back from California. I still had no idea who that blonde guy was or why Nick hadn't been with Chloe. I was a curious person... I needed to know these things.

I would have to wait a little while though because they were probably going to be in California for at least a few more days. I wasn't sure if after what was happening they would come home or not. They deserved a good time away though... Nick never seemed to do anything for himself before. This would be good for him. Just him and his girlfriend away for a few days.

"Strawberries?" Jasper asked me with a wide grin on his face.

"Yes, please," I replied, watching him make crepes with Alfred. Jasper seemed to be in a good mood this morning. His eyes were twinkling and a smile seemed to be ever present on his face. I had put on the radio and he danced through the kitchen to the music coming through it. I had never seen him so alive. I had no idea why he was this way.

"Strawberries it is then," he nodded and started chopping up strawberries as Alfred flipped the crepes. I saw Alfred's eyes drift to Jasper and he stared with a perplexed look for a moment. Then a smile came across his face and he shook his head with a chuckle.

I smiled at that and turned back to look at Jasper. I knew I was falling too hard for him. I couldn't pull away from him even if I wanted to now. He was becoming my life.

I knew it was wrong, but it was right at the same time. I wasn't going to pull away from him. I knew after last night and after everything we've been through up to now that I wanted to be his.

I wanted to be only his.

I wanted to be his girlfriend and I wanted to him to be my boyfriend. I wanted it to be official. And I wanted to live with him. I wanted to come home to him... I wanted him to come home to me... I wanted to be with him, for him to be the first thing I saw in the morning and the last thing I saw at night. I just wanted _him_. I couldn't deny that feeling anymore. It was scary, but exhilarating.

"Lots of whipped cream?" he asked, strolling over to me after he finished the strawberries.

I nodded in agreement. "Lots of whipped cream."

Jasper paused in front of me and sighed. "You okay, darling?" he drawled, smoothing my hair.

I flashed him a wide, reassuring grin. I was okay. I was just sucked into my mind at the moment. I had a lot to think about these days... like how my future was about to change. Before this, I knew my future. I was going to continue in the fashion industry, maybe take a few classes in a fashion school. There was always room for improvement, right? That part of my future wouldn't change at all. I could do all of that with Jazz.

The part that would change was the part with the people I loved. I knew that with this choice, I was going to break up a family. As much as I was a Cullen, I was a Wright too. I was going to lose a very important part of my life and heart. I knew they wouldn't hate me--none of them, not even Spencer. I also knew, though, that it would be hard for them to see me. That's why I would have to stop seeing them.

That part of my future was going to disappear. The future where I rode off into the sunset with the boy I had known my whole life. The boy I had been so certain I was going to marry. The family I was so sure I was going to marry into. It was going to be gone. For this to work, it had to go.

I would have to see them at work every day, but I hoped that we could have a business relationship.

God, how was that going to work out? My mind started wandering a little, thinking more deeply about this. Spencer was going to be my business partner. He would be the one I would have to spend every working day with. Could I look into his broken blue eyes knowing that _I_ was the reason for all the pain they contained?

I guess I had to live with the consequences of my decisions....

"I'll be okay soon," I whispered, reaching out to slip my fingers through his.

He was silent for a second, looking down at our hands. The meaningful look in his eyes was all I needed to know that this is what I truly wanted. This part of my brain barely knew Jasper, but my heart... my heart seemed to feel that he was the right choice.

"Can we go for a walk?" I asked him, hopping off of the kitchen stool I had been sitting on.

Jasper's eyes flickered to the food on the counter and back to mine with confusion.

"Do you want to eat first...?" he questioned slowly, following me through the kitchen as I started toward the exit.

"Alfred, can you finish making it, please?" I looked back to see him nod in response. I knew he would agree. It was his food.

Jasper chuckled and hurried after me. I squeezed his hand tightly in mine as I skipped down the hallway beside him. I stopped at the front door though, seeing my mother putting her coat on.

Her eyes drifted over to us at the noise of our footsteps and landed on our entwined hands. I saw her flinch like I had hurt her. Was it really that bad...? Hadn't I gone out with him before? Wasn't she a little used to it?

"Good morning dear," she mumbled, turning quickly to the door. I blinked, feeling rejected. She always at least smiled at me...or gave me a hug?

"Where are you going?" I asked, remembering we still had the day off. Black Friday. I hadn't gone shopping at 3 A.M. this year. It had been Spencer and my tradition....

I swallowed hard and her hand stopped on the doorknob. I saw her body shudder, as if she was about to cry. What was wrong?

"Olivia just wanted to me to stop by their place this morning. I'll be home later on," she replied shortly, opening the door now.

My body jumped forward, grabbing her arm before she could hurry away. I knew something was wrong now. She hadn't given me a full reason. She was keeping something from me.

"Does it have to do with Spencer?" I questioned her, short of breath suddenly. Just because I was going to pick Jasper didn't mean I suddenly stopped caring about him. He was still Spencer.... I still loved him. Just... in a different way than I felt I loved Jasper.

My mom pulled her arm away from my hand like I was the plague. "It has to do with all of their family," she answered cryptically again.

My dad came hurrying down the stairs, but slowed when he saw Jasper and me.

"Hey baby girl. Good morning Jasper," he greeted us brightly, walking over to me. He crushed me into a hug and looked down at me. His eyes softened when they met mine.

I loved my dad... he always looked at me the same way, no matter what.

He leaned down to kiss my forehead tenderly. "You look tired," he commented as he let me go.

His eyes flickered to Jasper. "Better not have anything to do with you, son," he teased, leaning over to pat Jasper's shoulder.

Jasper chuckled and shook his head. "I assure you I was on my best behavior," Jasper told my dad with a sincere sound to his voice, even behind the playfulness.

"Daniel," my mom stated sharply.

My dad jumped at the hard tone of her voice and his forehead creased in confusion.

"Patience, dear, I'm coming," he told her softly, reaching over to tuck some hair behind my ear.

"You two have a good day," he told Jasper and me with a tight smile. Something was wrong....

"Where are you going?" I asked in confusion. My dad never went to visit Olivia with my mom.

Jasper pulled me a bit closer to him, probably sensing my discomfort. I didn't like that they were keeping something from me. Especially my dad.

My dad shrugged nonchalantly. "Just going golfing with Spencer."

"Oh." That seemed like a reasonably honest answer. They went golfing all the time. But wasn't it a little cold for golfing?

"Driving range. We are just going to practice our swings, then grab some lunch." My dad caught my thoughts before they even made it out of my mouth.

He winked at me and then turned to my mom, who was practically fuming at the front door.

I guess that was okay then... as long as nothing was wrong with him.

"Tell him I say hi!" I called to them as they turned to leave.

My mom turned around quickly, giving me a sharp look.

"Not that you love him though, right?" she spat at me.

Jasper's hand let go of mine and wrapped tightly around me, pulling me to him protectively.

I stared at her in shock. Wasn't that a little harsh? I was the one who was her daughter! I was the one who had to pick between the two most amazing guys in the world... did she think I _wanted_ it to end up like this? That I _wanted_ to have to hurt someone? I would have protected his heart if I knew how... but going out with both of them wasn't right anymore. It was just hurting Spencer more than it had to.

"We'll tell him," my dad assured me with a gentle smile, then shot my mom a displeased look.

"How's about we go now?" he said to her through his teeth.

Jasper kissed my temple as they turned around to leave. I leaned into him, taking a deep breath. This was going to be tougher than I thought... it wasn't just going to break up my second family, but also my real one, too.

"Let's go," I sighed when they were gone.

Jasper nodded and led us to the front door, grabbing our coats and helping me put mine on.

"I think it snowed last night," Jasper informed me with a soft smile, reaching back out for my hand once he had put his coat on.

"Didn't stay on the ground though," I frowned. I wished it would snow. It was only the end of November, though. There were no promises of snow yet. I _loved_ snow though.

"Maybe next time," Jasper said optimistically, and I accepted his outstretched hands.

I nodded in agreement and we walked into the chilly morning air. I shivered, even in my coat, and shifted closer to Jasper.

Jasper and I walked through the grass of my front yard aimlessly, in a peaceful silence for a few minutes, before Jasper stopped. He turned and looked at me with a look of curiosity.

"Gonna tell me why we are letting our amazing breakfast go cold?" he asked, but not seriously. His voice was playful.

Was I ready for this? My stomach butterflies were going nuts. I worked to control my heartbeat as it hammered against my chest. I could do this. I could.... This was about being with Jasper and it was time to tell the truth.

I shrugged sheepishly and leaned forward to give him a kiss.

"Good reason," he chuckled, returning the kiss.

He let go of my hand to hug me tightly to his chest, then looked down at me with shining eyes. "Anything else?" he questioned quietly. He knew I had a reason for dragging him out here.

I nodded stiffly and took a breath. "I need to talk about us," I told him with a shaky voice.

Jasper's body tensed against mine and his eyes began to guard themselves. "Us...." he trailed off, then looked away from me. "Okay."

He was afraid I was going to leave him.... My heart was saddened by that. I wouldn't ever leave him again. I couldn't.

I looked down at his chest and bit my lip nervously. "I-I think... I think I...."

The words seemed like they wouldn't come out. It was hard. I was about to betray Spencer.

But I was also about to be with Jasper. It would all be okay. He'd make sure it was okay.

Jasper reached down and coaxed my cheek up, stroking it gently, soothingly. "You can tell me anything, darling," he assured me, giving me a firm look.

I took a deep ragged breath in. "I-I was just thinking...maybe... if you want to... we could, you know, be a couple or something...." I suggested in a ramble, shrugging my shoulder like I was unsure if he would actually want to.

I knew he would want to, though. That was why he was here. He had been fighting for me and now he had won. I would be his now. I... I really did love him.

Jasper's eyes widened and he stood stunned.

I laughed at his wide eyed expression and reached up to grab his face in my hands. "Will you be my boyfriend, Jasper Hale?" I asked him with one of the biggest grins I had ever worn in my life.

Jasper shook his head, but then stopped short and nodded, seeming flustered. "Y-yes... yes!" he stuttered, grabbing me in his arms and swinging me in a tight hug.

I giggled at his happiness. My heart was swelling with so much happiness I thought it was going to burst. This was what I wanted. I knew it. I was happy with Jasper. Everything seemed to slip away with him. And I had never felt so complete and perfect with someone before... not even Spencer.

Jasper didn't leave anymore time for talking. His lips crushed against mine, kissing me feverishly. His lips wouldn't stay in one place though. They moved from my lips to my cheeks to my forehead to my nose and down to my neck. I laughed, feeling so elated.

This continued for a good few minutes before his forehead came to rest against mine.

"You just made me the happiest man in the world, darling," he said breathlessly, gazing passionately into my eyes. I could see the overwhelming happiness in his eyes. They were brimming with tears, but I knew they were good tears.

"You make me the happiest girl, Jazz," I cooed to him, caressing his cheeks with my thumbs. His breathing wasn't steady and I thought he might cry. I knew it was because he was happy, but I still didn't want to see him cry... ever.

"This better not be a dream," he laughed, crushing me back to his chest.

"If it is, it'll come true anyways," I said as I tapped my head. "My dreams always come true, remember?" I reminded him teasingly, running my fingers through his mess of honey blonde curls.

Jasper laughed loudly, totally not even caring about anything else right now. He looked so free.

"Very true, angel. Very true," he agreed with a nod, leaning down to nuzzle his face into my neck. "Thank you," he whispered so quietly that it was hard for me to hear him.

"It's my pleasure," I assured him gently.

This was a going to be a start of something so amazing.... This felt so right.

"Let's go eat our crepes, my beautiful girlfriend," he grinned, keeping me tight at his side as he began to walk me through the field back to the house.

"My beautiful angel...." he whispered as we strolled.

As we walked together, it felt like we were suddenly becoming one. Together, everything would be okay....

The rest of the day was amazing. Jasper and I had a fantastic breakfast and then went to see a movie. We were just being a regular couple like nothing had happened. It felt good. It felt good to leave all the drama behind for a while and just feel like me again. He brought the best out in me.

But there came a time when I had to live up to my decision. Jasper dropped me off at home and told me he would be back later. I had told him I was going to talk to Spencer before I went anywhere else. Spencer needed to find out from me and no one else. This was going to be hard enough. I didn't have to make it harder for either of us.

My parents still weren't home, so I just jumped straight into my car and headed for the Wright house. It wasn't a far drive, as they lived just about ten minutes away from me. Not far at all. I could walk there easily. I used to do it all the time.

I saw my parents' car sitting in their driveway and shuddered. What was my mom going to do when she heard? Would she kick me out of her family or something...? She was so mad this morning. Olivia would be there, too.

I hoped they had decided to go out or something. I would have enough hurting me after what I was about to say to Spencer. God... I didn't even know if I could tell him. He needed me so much lately. He's always needed me.

I parked beside my parents' car and slid out of mine. This was going to be fine. Everything would work out. Spencer would be fine. He would find someone who made him feel like Jasper made me feel. It would all turn out okay in the end, I thought to myself, attempting to give myself a pep talk. It wasn't calming my nerves very well, though.

I had to do it though. It was time to stop hurting him. We both had to move on and heal.

I walked up the stairs of his porch and knocked lightly on the door.

Jim was the one who answered the door.

"Hey hun," he smiled warmly, opening his arms for our usual hug. I hugged him quickly, then took a step back, a little distracted at the moment. My eyes flickered around the hallway, looking for Spencer.

Jim chuckled. "I don't even get a hello.... He's up in his room," he informed me, taking a step back so I could pass him.

I flashed him a smile before quickly walking away. "Thanks and hello!" I threw over my shoulder, gaining a hearty laugh from Jim.

I skipped up the steps two by two, trying to get through this quickly. I owed him more than a quick break up though....

Spencer's bedroom door was shut, but I knew he would only feel worse if I knocked. He would feel more distant from me if he thought I thought I needed to knock before entering his room.

What I saw made me stop, blinking in complete confusion. I wasn't sure if the person I was looking at was Spencer. He looked...vaguely... like Spence. But his hair was short and he had scruff on his face. He hadn't shaven and he had cut his hair.

I didn't move from the entrance of the door. Spencer always had shaggy hair, ever since we were little. And he hated not to shave. What was going on?

What was he wearing? It was the evening and he was in nothing but sweats. That wasn't Spencer.... He didn't change until he was going straight to bed and he always wore an undershirt, unless I took it off of him.

"Spence...?" I whispered, still stunned.

Spencer's eyes shot up from the papers in front of him on his desk. He instantly stood up.

"Alice," he stated breathlessly. His eyes flickered up and down me, taking his usual careful look over me. He had to make sure I was okay.... He should care more about himself than me. He had seen me cheating on him and he was still more concerned for me.

He quickly walked over to me and stopped a foot away. "D-did you have a good day?" he asked me shakily, reaching out to lightly touch my arm. I could see how messed up he looked from close. His eyes were sunken in. He hadn't slept. He was pale and his eyes were pink.

His fingertips sent shivers down my body and pained ripped through my chest.

"It was okay. Yours?" I replied politely, stalling.

He lips twitched in a downwards angle. A frown. "It was okay," he shrugged. There was no emotion in his smooth voice. He was at least able to talk steadily now.

"Your hair is cut," I whispered, reaching up to touch it. It felt... wrong. I ran my hand over it though, getting familiar with it.

Why was I bothering? I wouldn't be touching him like this anymore.

But my hand had a mind of its own. It traveled down his face, feeling the odd feeling of the scruff on his cheeks.

I felt Spencer's jaw muscles flex.

"Y-yeah I was just... trying something new," he told me hesitantly. His eyes searched mine almost frantically. "Do you like it? I can shave if you don't like that... I can... try to grow my hair back. It'll take a little while, but I can get it back if you don't like it. I should've asked you first. I'm sorry," he rambled on, looking afraid, his eyes filled with tears as if he was overwhelmed. "I didn't want to look like him anymore—" He stopped abruptly and his eyes widened.

What? He didn't want to look like who? The only person I had ever met who looked like Spencer was Spencer. No one else could pull off his looks. It was only for him.

"You don't have to get my permission to do something different. It looks great, Spence. You always look great, don't worry," I assured him quickly, patting his cheek and pulling my hand away. _Stop touching him, Alice. You have to let him go._ I reminded myself.

He nodded quickly though and looked away, rubbing his eyes. "Good."

Was he crying? Why was he crying? I hadn't even broken up with him yet? What was going on?

"What's wrong, Spence?" I asked him, keeping my hands in my jacket pockets. _Don't touch him. Don't touch him. Don't touch him!_ I chanted to myself.

A painful sob wracked through Spencer's body and he started crying. What was happening? I was so confused....

"What happened? Spencer, tell me, please," I begged him, taking a step closer so that my body was touching his. I wasn't technically touching him right now. I was just... against him. It was different, right?

He looked at me through teary eyes and shook his head. "N-nothing. It's nothing," he told me, obviously lying.

"Was it the kiss?" I asked him bluntly. I needed to know if something else was wrong or this was my doing.

Spencer shook his head again. "No," he whimpered. My words had obviously only made things worse. Great job, Alice....

Spencer turned away from me and walked over to his bed, falling into it. He looked defeated.

His defeat made me feel defeated. How could I break up with him when he was _already _looking like this?

"C-can we just go to bed early tonight?" Spencer asked, sniffling.

_We_ go to bed?

Well, maybe I could stay till he fell asleep and then--No! No. I was finishing this. I couldn't keep doing this to him.

"Spencer...." I trailed off as I walked over to sit beside him on the bed. He reached over and started to take my jacket off.

"We need to talk." I finished the sentence I had started.

Spencer's hand stopped taking my jacket off and looked up at me. He looked so different now. His eyes weren't blocked by his hair anymore and I could see the entire view of them now. The entire broken view that he always used to hide.

"Kay...." he murmured and sat up. "It's really not important though.... it's just... Jim came to work last night."

That wasn't what I meant, but okay. If he needed to get this out, then I would do that for him.

Jim visited him though? Last night? Oh. Right. I was there when he had said that. Oh God... that had probably went horribly.

"What'd he do?" I asked in a sad voice.

Spencer let out a shaky breath and fell back down. "Just something about _menotbeinghisson_."

I blinked and thought hard about what he had just said too quickly for me to even hear.

"He said what?" I asked apologetically, sorry for not hearing it the first time. He had said it a bit fast, though.

"He said I wasn't his son," Spencer grumbled, grabbing a pillow and crushing it over his head.

I sighed. Why did Jim always have to say stuff like that? Spencer wasn't a bad son....

"He didn't mean that...." I soothed Spencer, laying down beside him on my side. I lightly tugged the pillow off his face and took a quick breath in from the devastated look on Spencer's face. He turned to lay on his side too, facing me.

"He did mean it, Alice. I'm not his son. My mom had an affair. I'm the mistake that came with her affair," he said bitterly, self hatred strong in his voice.

Olivia? No way. She was always so lovey and close with Jim. She put up with all the crap he did.

Or was that why she put up with it? She was trying to make up for what she did... Oh my God.

"You're not a mistake," I told him firmly, grabbing his face with my hand. He whimpered at the contact, tears starting to trail down his face.

"Yes, I am. That's why Jim hates me. I'm the spitting image of his worst enemy. I'm just a burden to everyone around here," he argued, but reached up to cover my hand that was on his cheek with his.

_Alice you aren't supposed to be touching him_. A voice reminded me, but I couldn't pull away, not right now.

Spencer called Jim by his name.... He had never done that before. He always called him 'Dad.'

"Spencer...." I whispered brokenly. "You aren't a burden to anyone. Everyone loves you. Jim even loves you, he is just holding on to the past. You can't let him get you down," I instructed him, looking him straight in the eyes, full honesty in my voice.

Just because Olivia made a mistake didn't mean Spencer had to live with the consequences. That wasn't right. He deserved so much better than any of us gave him.

Something in my mind snapped though, putting a piece of this puzzle together.

"You don't want to look like your biological father?" I questioned, seeming to understand this a little better now. That's why he had gotten so upset when I had mentioned his hair and face.

Spencer nodded miserably. "Dad—Jim says I look just like him. So... I thought... if I changed, it would be easier on him," he explained as his eyes grew distant. He was becoming guarded now. This was too hard on him at the moment.

"Can we talk about it in the morning?" he begged me, running his hand up my arm. His eyes focused on the skin of my arm with a saddened look in them.

I couldn't stay here overnight. I would just be taking one step forward and then two steps backward.

"I can't stay here tonight Spencer," I told him quietly. I had to get this out before I led him on.

"Kay. We'll go to your house. I don't want to be here anyways," he shrugged carelessly and leaned over to kiss me.

I pulled away quickly, sitting up on the bed. I had to tell him now. I didn't want to. It was really, _really,_ bad timing. But I had to be fair to him. I couldn't hurt him anymore.

"What?" Spencer asked quickly, sitting up in a panic. "Does my breath smell like beer?" he inquired, hurriedly reaching into his pocket for a pack of mints. He popped one in his mouth and tried a smile.

"There! All fixed," he said adorably, making my heart ache painfully in my chest. He had been drinking, too?

He reached forward to my face, trying to touch it. I stopped his hand, grabbing it before it could reach my face.

This time he wasn't so calm. His eyes flashed with pain and he stared at my hand that was holding his away from my face.

"What's wrong?" he asked me in a shaky voice filled with misery. I knew he needed to touch me when he was upset, but it couldn't happen anymore. I was Jasper's girlfriend now. We both needed to learn other ways to fix our sadness. We couldn't be so dependent on one another. It wasn't healthy. It wasn't right. I could be there as a friend, but I couldn't be his whole life anymore. It wasn't the right way to live. For _anyone_ to live.

"Spencer, I made a decision," I started slowly, putting his hand onto his knee. "I'm... I'm going to go out with Jasper now. I think it's the right thing... for all of us,"I explained to him very quietly. I had to let this out slowly and not hurt him more than I had to.

"We'll still be friends, though. We're always old friends and I care about you. We'll be here for each other, promise," I assured him quickly as his eyes filled with a horrified look.

I swallowed my tears and tried not to let him see how hard this was for me. I was breaking up with the one person I had loved my whole life. But we were different people now. We weren't growing together anymore.

I caught the look in his eyes and it killed me. His eyes were too beautiful to be so broken. It wasn't right.

He didn't say anything. He just stared at me, dumbfounded, but crushed.

Fear filled me as to what would happen now. _Say_ something, Spencer!

Could he handle it? I didn't know if he could handle this. But there wasn't a better way to do this!

What was he going to do now?

**Author's note: *blinks* WOW. Lots happened in that one... not even gonna try and sum that up! So you all know the drill. I want some reviews! And the voting is going to stop in March so you really have to get your votes in now so if you haven't stopped for the contest please do so :). The blog doesn't have anything new RIGHT now but I should be updating it tonight with a special little visit from Greg. He is taking over the blog for a bit and you'll see what he puts up there! It'll be interesting, so just check it out later and hopefully it'll be up! **

**Have a fantastic day... or night!**


	30. Together Again

**Author's Note: Hello everyone! I hope you guys all had a great week. Here is your weekly update of Hope. Enjoy! **

Forgotten Hope Chapter 30-Together Again

_NPOV_

We eventually left the park and started walking in the direction of civilization. Everything was pretty much closed for Thanksgiving, but we managed to find a restaurant that had stayed open.

After we were seated and looking over the menu, I noticed how exhausted Chloe looked. It was understandable... it had been a long freakin' day for us. Between flying here, meeting her parents, me leaving, then coming back and punching Bryce, and our talk at the park, this was the first time we had actually sat down.

We ordered two waters and some food and then she leaned back in her seat, looking at me as I looked at her.

"Whatcha thinking about?" I asked her gently, offering a smile. My head was killing me from drinking and smoking earlier, but I tried to ignore it and focus on her.

She smiled back a little and shrugged, crossing her arms over her stomach. "I don't know. Everything. Thinking about what's going to happen next," she answered.

I thought for a moment. What _was _the next step? "I guess we should probably try to figure out where to go from here," I agreed, sipping some of the water.

She drank some of hers too, slowly first, and then a little more as she realized she was thirsty. Then she answered me.

"Well. Our options are to go back to my house, find a hotel that has a room available on Thanksgiving weekend last minute, or fly back to New York. I'd prefer _not_ to choose option one, but I'll do either option two or three. That's up to you," she told me softly, suppressing a yawn.

Jasper had given me his credit card to use if there was an emergency. I guess this counted as one... I just didn't know if I should freeload off of my friend for a hotel room or for an earlier plane ticket. We weren't scheduled to go back home for a couple more days.

"Well, I mean, we're _here, _right? So... why don't we try to find a hotel?" I offered, quickly adding, "If you're okay with it." Maybe she wanted to get out of California again. I was okay with that too.

She nodded and smiled, though, putting her elbow on the table and leaning her head in her hand. "Let's do that, then. I can show you the sights. We can call some hotels after we eat."

"Okay," I agreed, smiling.

We sat in a comfortable silence for a moment. Chloe sipped at her water and I stared at the sugar packets, trying to decide if coffee would help my headache or make it worse.

Our food arrived before I could ponder it anymore, and we started to eat, making small talk, not discussing what had happened earlier. We were both too tired to relive any of it right now.

When we were finished eating and waiting for the check, I suddenly grinned, realizing something.

"What?" she asked innocently, smiling at the look on my face.

"Okay, I'm not trying to creep you out or anything, but I'm pretty sure this is the first time you've actually eaten more than just half of your meal," I told her proudly. Usually she didn't end up finishing her food, which sort of worried me a little. Especially when it was just something as simple as grilled cheese or something. Today, she had finished her grilled chicken salad, fries and all. It was a little thing, but I noticed.

She blushed and shook her head. "Yeah, I guess you're right. I'm just done caring about what Bryce or my parents would..." she stopped abruptly and looked at me, her eyes widening as if she had said more than she had wanted to. "...say," she finished slowly, swallowing and looking away from me.

Oh. Well. Okay, then. We can add one more reason for me to hate her family onto the ever growing list. Why not?

"They're the reason why you try to eat so healthy?" I asked quietly, not wanting to upset her.

She shook her head. "Not entirely. I mean, I like to eat healthy. I do. I just... think I could probably do that and finish more than half of what I was eating. They didn't agree. They thought it was too much. Or something.... They wanted me to stay thin?... I don't know...." she trailed off, glancing up at me to watch my reaction.

I kept calm on the outside, despite the angry feelings that were brewing inside toward her parents. "Well... now you don't have to worry about stuff like that anymore," I said, not wanting my feelings to come out right now, when she had shared something personal like that with me. I wanted her to feel like she could continue to talk to me about things. I didn't want to scare her with how much I wanted to go back and knock some sense into her family.

She nodded quickly, "Exactly."

I could tell she didn't want to talk about it anymore, so I just smiled at her and nodded.

The waitress brought our check, we paid, and then left after I ripped a list of hotels out of the phone book in the restaurant lobby.

We sat out on a bench in the parking lot and called a few of them. The first five were booked, but the sixth had had a cancellation, so we reserved a room there.

We then called a taxi and waited for it to pick us up and take us to the hotel. As we waited, I brought her closer to me, kissing her forehead lovingly. "I'm so glad to be here with you," I told her honestly.

"Same here," she said, resting her head on my shoulder.

I wrapped my arm around her so she could get more comfortable as we waited to get to our hotel.

----

We had gone to sleep immediately after arriving at the hotel, despite the fact that it was only going on 9:30. We were too exhausted to stay awake.

I had held her through the night, just loving the smell of her. She made me feel so relaxed....

We both woke up to the sound of her phone ringing around eleven in the morning.

She squinted at her screen and then groaned. "Parents."

I froze, unsure of what we should do. Should she answer? What if they told her to come home and they scared her into listening? Or what if they had called the cops and the cops had realized who I really was and now they were calling to tell her that I was an escaped convict?

I realized what I was thinking, then. Paranoid much, Nick?

"Should I answer?" she asked me quietly, semi-hiding under the blankets.

"Your decision," I decided, holding her tighter to me, her back against my stomach.

"I think they'll keep calling if I don't...." she sighed, flipping her cell open. "Hello?" she said timidly.

_"Where are you?"_ I heard the voice of her father. He was so loud and it was quiet enough in our room that I could make out every word.

"What does it matter, Dad? I'm with Nick. I'm safe," she said quietly, holding on to my hand for support.

"_Well, wherever you are, start packing. I'm coming to get you. There's no way I'm letting you stay with some guy who's violent enough to break Bryce's nose and then force you to leave your own home," _he said angrily.

"He didn't force me to leave. I wanted to go with him. I can't do it anymore, Dad," she answered, her voice quiet but steady.

_"Can't do what anymore, Chloe? Can't love a guy who wants to look out for you? Can't stand to be around your family, who wants what's best for you? You're just going to leave us for some guy? Why? What's he have that Bryce doesn't? What could he possibly offer you that we can't?"_

She shook her head and curled tighter into me. "Love, maybe?" I could hear the tears in her voice. "Dad, you can't treat me the way that you do and expect me to just be okay. I'm not okay. And I want to be. And I think the only way that I can be is by staying with Nick. He respects me and he encourages me. He lets me _think_...."

Her father laughed bitterly on the other end. _"Lets you think, huh? Well, fine. Go think about how without the guidance of your family, you're not worth a damn thing. Don't come crawling back to us when you end up pregnant or something and he leaves you. Guys like him only want one thing, Chloe. But maybe you need to make that mistake for yourself. I'm sorry it has to be this way. Goodbye."_

The line clicked. I felt her trembling as she closed her phone, ending her side of the call.

"Are you okay?" I whispered, holding her closer. Her dad was just as much of an ass as Bryce was. How dare he say any of that shit to her? I wanted to fucking kill him for not realizing how perfect his daughter is. And for talking to her like that. And for the way that they treated her....

She turned over so that she was facing me and held on to me, tears shining in her eyes. "I'm sorry. I'll be okay. Just... stay with me for a second, please?"

"No reason to be sorry. I'll stay with you for as long as you want. I'd never leave you, Chloe," I promised, kissing her forehead. I had never meant something so much in my life.

----

We got dressed for the day, and even though I knew she was upset about the phone call, she put on a happy face. She claimed that it didn't matter what her family thought, because she and I were together, and that's all that mattered.

I couldn't disagree.

We went down and enjoyed the continental breakfast, then debated over whether or not we wanted to go swimming in the indoor pool or go out. I wanted to let her make the decisions, but she wanted my input too.

We decided to swim for a little. We walked back up to the hotel room to get our swimsuits, and as we were getting ready, she stopped suddenly and looked over at me.

"What's up?" I asked, trying to read her face.

"You punched Bryce," she stated simply.

Kay, no clue where this was going. Random. I nodded, though.

"...Because you used to fight a lot at school and stuff... right?" she went on.

I gulped and nodded, not wanting to tell her that I had been in the gang right now. I hoped that wasn't where this was going.

She shifted uncomfortably and then looked away. "Could you... teach me?"

I blinked. Teach her...?

"Teach you... what, exactly?" I asked quietly, going over to stand closer to her.

"How to punch," she said, curling her fists. "I don't know how."

She looked so innocent while she was asking me that that I couldn't help myself. I chuckled and leaned in to kiss her, relieved.

"You want me to teach you how to punch, Chloe?" I asked, highly amused now. Wow. My girl wanted me to teach her how to punch. For some reason, I thought it was the cutest thing in the world.

She nodded shyly, blushing a little. "'Cause you can't just throw punches without a technique to it, right?"

I couldn't get the smile off of my face. The more she talked, the cuter it was. "You're right. To throw a good punch, you've got to know a little bit about how to do it. Who do you plan on punching, though? You planning on trying to fight your way away from me or something? 'Cause I don't know if I can teach you if you're going to use it against me...." I told her jokingly as she pulled her hair into a ponytail.

"No, I wouldn't use it against you," she said lightly. "I just want to know how to do it."

Fair enough. It was the one thing I _did_ know how to do well. Probably the one thing I _could_ teach her. I'd do it right now.

"Okay, well first you have to make sure your thumb isn't tucked into your fist, 'cause you don't want to break it," I said, fixing her fist so that it looked right and so she wouldn't hurt herself. Her hands were so small compared to mine.

"Kay, like this?"

I nodded. "Yep. Now squeeze tightly, so you can feel your fingernails in your palm. You feel'em?"

"Uh huh," she said, staring down at her fist.

"Kay." I proceeded to show her how to swing and how to punch through her target, instead of just at it. I taught her all of the tricks, and we practiced with me holding a pillow up for a few minutes.

"Good! Now try on me," I said when I thought she was starting to get the hang of it.

"What?" she asked, giving me a curious look.

"Punch me," I said, pulling my shirt off and offering her my bicep.

She hesitated. "I don't want to...."

I moved closer to her and took her face in my hands, kissing her softly to make her relax a little.

"It's okay. I promise," I reassured her. "I want you to know what it feels like so you're not taken by surprise if you ever do have to punch somebody. It doesn't quite feel like a pillow," I explained with a small smile.

She bit her lip nervously. "So just... punch you?"

"Yeah. Right here," I said, pointing to my arm. "If you think you can handle hitting my bicep. I mean, I know it sort of captivates you sometimes...."

She punched me without warning and I laughed. "Hey!"

"Hush," she said quietly, looking away from my arm, but smiling proudly.

"No, that was good. Try it again!" I said, excited that she had used my teasing to put some force behind it.

She tried again and this time punched through a little more, like I had shown her earlier. I definitely felt it.

"Perfect," I told her with a grin. "You got it."

"I do?" she questioned, looking down at her fist.

"Definitely," I said. "So... if I happen to come up from behind you and grab you...." I did so and held her tightly as she squirmed playfully. "What do you do?"

"Bite?"

I laughed. "Maybe as a last resort."

I showed her a few ways to get out of a tight embrace, and then we started playing a little to help her practice. I chased her around the room, enjoying how cute she sounded when she squealed as I caught her.

I grabbed her and held tighter than before, determined to not let her go this time. I was going to just carry her down to the pool, but she caught me off guard. She squirmed and then bit my arm. While I was thinking about the fact that she had actually bitten me, she got out of my embrace and punched me. Hard.

"How was that?" she asked excitedly, her eyes wide and sparkling.

"I think I might have a bruise developing...." I said, pretending to be serious, examining my arm. "How's your hand? Jeez, Chloe...."

She laughed and hugged me, kissing where she had punched me. "Thank you for teaching me stuff, Nick."

I laughed with her and hugged her tightly. "No problem. I'm proud of you for learning so quickly. And it was the perfect warm up for swimming."

We made our way down to the pool and ended up swimming for two hours, and then decided to play it by ear from there.

She showered first, and then I showered, thinking we should probably pick up some basic groceries if we were going to be here for a few days. We had a mini fridge and a microwave, so we could make quite a few different things. Or at least I knew I could. Chloe had only ever used the oven or the stove.

When I was dressed, I came out of the bathroom to find Chloe dozing on the bed, the TV on low.

I smiled at the sight of her sleeping so peacefully. I wanted to let her rest while I went to get groceries.

I was in the process of looking for some hotel stationary to leave a note when she stirred and opened her eyes.

"Hey, sleepyhead." I greeted her, kissing her forehead. "I was going to run out and get some groceries. Do you want anything special?"

She started to sit up. "I'll come too," she yawned.

"I don't mind if you want to stay here and rest," I told her truthfully. I wanted to be around her, but I also wanted her to feel rested enough to enjoy our mini vacation. I knew that what was happening with her family was taking a lot out of her.

She thought for a moment, and then nodded, crawling back into the bed. "Okay. Hurry back?"

I grinned and nodded, leaning down to give her a goodbye kiss. She met my lips with hers, kissing me softly, but meaningfully.

"I'll see you soon," I promised, and waved as I left.

----

Shopping turned into going down to a local gas station. Luckily, gas stations weren't what they used to be. This one pretty much had all the groceries we could want. And it was a madhouse. Seriously? This many people found it convenient to shop at a gas station?

I pushed my way through the people and got us some drinks and some tortilla chips and salsa, figuring I could come back with her later, if we wanted more. It was a 24 hour station.

On my way to check out, I noticed they had bottles of sparkling grape juice and plastic self-assemble wine glasses on display next to them. It was cheap, but... I don't know. After everything Chloe and I had gone through, I wanted to do something special. Something nice. I wanted to make her feel like it was worth it to leave her house with me yesterday, instead of staying there and dealing with Bryce.

I knew it was stupid, but she always appreciated my little attempts to do something romantic. I bought two glasses and a bottle of the sparkling grape juice and then hurried back to the hotel.

I walked in to find her sitting up on the bed, looking over at me.

"Hey you. How was your nap?" I asked casually, placing the bag on the little nearby table before coming over to greet her.

She shrugged, seeming to relax at the sound of my voice. "Didn't really sleep much," she answered. "How was the store?"

I let out a breath and got up to go over to unpack the grocery bag. "Exhausting. Who would've thought that so many people would be visiting California in November? Store was insane...."

She giggled and came over to help me unload, because she was Chloe and she always wanted to help if she could. I appreciated it, but I wanted her to feel free to relax. I gave her a look. "You really don't have to help me unload this stuff. You can rest...."

She shook her head. "I'm bored with resting," she stated simply, her eyes looking a little livelier. God, she was adorable.

"Okay... I was going to surprise you, though," I answered, getting ready to pull out the sparkling grape juice and plastic wine glasses.

She grinned, softly saying, "I like surprises," and leaning in to kiss my cheek. I could feel my face getting warmer where her lips had touched.

"Can I see it?" she asked curiously.

"Could I ever say no to you?" I answered with a smile. I nodded and then pulled the fancy looking bottle out of the bag. It looked pretty elegant for being a bottle of juice.

She stared at it for a moment, not saying anything. Maybe she wasn't sure what it was for? I guess people bought this sort of stuff for occasions....

"Sparkling grape juice?" I offered hopefully, holding up the bottle.

"Excuse me?" she said softly, her eyes narrowing in confusion.

I grinned and shrugged. "I mean, it's technically just fizzy grape juice, right? So it's a fruit... kind of healthy? The fizz makes it more fun...." I trailed off, trying to read her face. I wasn't sure if she liked it or not. She wasn't... saying anything?

She smiled, so I smiled. But I wasn't sure if she wanted it right now. Maybe we could have it after dinner or something?

"If you're not thirsty we can save it for later?" I offered, but she shook her head.

"No, it's perfect," she told me. Her face flashed with a genuine smile right then, and I relaxed. Good. She liked it!

I smiled wider and pulled the two glasses out of the bag, poured our glasses of the sparkling grape juice, and handed one to her.

She smiled shyly at me and I met her beautiful eyes. I grabbed my glass and held it up.

"As corny as this sounds, this Thanksgiving, I'm... so thankful for you, Chloe. More than I could say with words."

I continued to stare into her eyes, trying to show her how true that statement really was. I needed her to know how grateful I was to have her in my life.

"I'd have to say I agree with you, Nick," she said quietly, but earnestly.

We sipped at our sparkling grape juice and she smiled.

I smiled back and said, "So I was thinking we could either make something in the microwave for dinner or we could go out...."

She shifted so that she was sitting up on the counter, next to the microwave and mini fridge. I stared up at her slightly.

"Going out sounds nice," she mused, deciding after a moment. "We're near a lot of tourist attractions, so there are a lot of choices. And then the beach is nearby... we could go walk on it after dinner, if you want to?" she suggested.

Walking on the beach with Chloe. It sounded like something right out of a movie. And I _love_ the beach.

"Sounds perfect," I said, moving to stand in between her legs to look up at her. Her eyes flashed with something, but then she bit her lip and smiled down at me.

"Plus we have all of these outfits with us that we need to put to good use," I said with a nod, thinking of the outfits that Alice had picked out for me recently. She had insisted that I needed new clothes for traveling here. When it came to shopping, Alice always won.

"Right. Wouldn't want Alice getting mad that you didn't wear them," she teased me with a wink. She didn't know how right she was, though. Ali could be vicious.

"Exactly," I replied seriously, and she giggled, her eyes lighting up. Wow, I loved her laugh.

"Well, if you can give me twenty minutes, I can be ready to go...." she said.

"I'll race you," I challenged, raising my eyebrows.

She smiled at the idea, considered it, and then nodded, holding out her hand. "Kay. Ready...."

"Set--Go!" I shouted, shaking her hand and then running off to get ready in the bathroom, letting her get ready in the hotel room.

I took about ten minutes or so, getting dressed, messing around with my hair, putting on some cologne....

I took one last glance in the mirror and then whipped open the door to see Chloe's hand raised, about to knock.

"I win!" We both said at the same time.

"Technically, I won because I was standing here all ready to go while you were still in there," she said matter of factly with a shy smile. She looked gorgeous, her hair held back in a headband that matched her dress. She was stunning.

"Technically, I was ready too, just had to take time to open the door," I said, "so there." I stuck my tongue out playfully, my feelings for her making me giddy.

"You'd better be keeping that tongue in your mouth, Mister, or I'll bite it off," she warned playfully.

What? Did Chloe really just...? Hold on... what just happened there?

I tilted my head to the side interestedly, feeling an intrigued look spreading across my face. "Really?"

She just giggled and turned away from me, starting to walk to the door with her head shaking. Wow, she was teasing me there. That comment with that dress....

I ran to catch up with her and slipped my arm through hers.

"Tie?" I suggested, gathering my thoughts as we walked down the hall to the elevator. I smiled at her and she leaned up to kiss me.

"Tie," she agreed against my lips. I took a breath in.

We stepped into the elevator and pressed the button to go to the lobby.

"So tell me more about this tongue thing...." I said slowly, not willing to give it up yet. I mean, she hadn't ever said anything like that before. Maybe she was definitely feeling more comfortable around me now....

Chloe's cheeks flushed in a red blush and she bit her lip. She seemed a bit nervous. Kay, maybe she wasn't as comfortable as I thought....

But then she wrapped her arms around my neck and leaned in closely, her lips almost touching mine.

"Well..." she started with a cute smile taking over her lips. I waited in anticipation, thinking again that maybe she was.... I grinned and leaned closer. Her lips met mine quickly and her tongue was instantly teasing the outsides of my lips, parting them gently.

I relaxed into the loving kiss and brought my hands up to rest on her lower back. She seemed a little tense so I began to draw gentle circles on her back as we kissed.

The elevator dinged and I almost groaned in disappointment, knowing that the kiss would have to end. I wasn't going to break it though. I kept kissing her sweetly with a smile.

Chloe was the one to pull back but as she did I felt her teeth graze over my tongue and my breath caught in my throat. She didn't... did she?

"That was your warning," she told me matter of factly. A bright smile on her face and her eyes sparkled with excitement.

I took a deep breath in. "I like warnings," I said breathlessly, taking her hand to led her out of the elevator. I was becoming very fond of elevators. Chloe always opened up so much in them. We should spend more time in elevators, I decided. Definitely.

Chloe let out what seemed like a relieved sigh.

I smiled reassuringly at her and we walked out of the hotel door and down the street.

I was sure we wouldn't have much trouble finding a restaurant either way we went so I just picked a direction and we walked.

I let go of Chloe's hand after a minute and wrapped my arm around her shoulder, pulling her close. I wanted to be closer to her. Ever since meeting her family and Bryce I had so much anger in me. I wanted them to pay for everything thing she had been through. For all the shit they had done to her.

How could anyone with a heart hurt this girl? She was too perfect to hurt.

I didn't understand why she let them do that to her for so long either. That prick was always putting her down and saying shit to her. If I ever seen him again and Chloe wasn't with me I knew he would be dead. But... I didn't want to hurt him either because I didn't want to be that person anymore.

I wanted to be a good guy. I wanted to push the anger and the monster I used to be away from me now. Chloe and I were going to have a good life as two good people. She deserved the best.

Even though I was still being a liar. I still hadn't told her I was in a gang, or that I had killed people, or that I was wanted for murder. A murder I actually _didn't_ commit. I hadn't even told her I hadn't graduated. She deserved that....

I couldn't tell her, though. Especially after seeing what Bryce was like. What if she found out I used to be just as bad as him? I used to be worse than him....

Chloe leaned up and kissed my cheek sweetly. "Love you," she whispered, causing my heart to thump against my ribcage. Those words would never failed to have that effect on me. I had heard them for the first time yesterday and I hoped I would hear them for the rest of my life. It made me feel so great... so loved. I had never felt love like this before and hearing it made it so much stronger.

"I love you too, Chloe," I replied with a smile.

Chloe's eyes brightened at my words. Maybe it made her feel the same way. I hoped so....

"Oh! What about this place, Nick?" Chloe exclaimed as we came to a small restaurant at the corner of the street.

"Looks good to me," I told her.

We ate at one of the outside tables. Chloe still got something healthy, but she did eat all of it like the night before. And just like the night before, I was incredibly proud of her. We had a good dinner.

After dinner, we headed down to the beach. We were in California so we didn't have to look far for one.

The sun was setting now and we walked along the beach until we came to a stop right in front of the water. I smiled as I watched Chloe wiggling her toes into the warm sand. I couldn't do that because I was wearing running shoes. Plus I was pretty sure I wouldn't look as cute as she did while wiggling my toes in the sand.

I sighed and saw the sun starting to set. It was a beautiful sight. I looked back over to Chloe. Her face was glowing in the light of the red sun and I couldn't help but reach forward and very gently run my fingertips along her soft cheek.

She was so beautiful....

Her eyes turned from the sky and looked at me. They were soft, accepting as always. And I was instantly lost in them.

"Chloe, tonight has been... so amazing," I whispered to her, earning a soft smile from her.

"I think so too," Chloe agreed with me. I nodded in response.

I was hesitant for a moment as I was about to kiss her. I wanted to kiss her, but I wasn't sure if she wanted it. I was trying to gauge the emotion in her eyes, but I still couldn't be sure. She would do anything I wanted her to do. She always did. Even if she didn't want me to kiss her or love her, would she even tell me?

I would ask....

"I-Can I kiss you?"

Chloe's eyes filled with confusion, but she gave me an assuring smile. "Of course you can kiss me. You don't have to ask." Her voice was quiet and I knew she was being truthful.

I just needed her to know that she could have her choice in everything.

"I... Okay, I only want to say this once," I started quietly, caressing her cheek gently in my hand when I saw her eyes flash with fear. She thought this was a bad thing. My heart saddened because she was scared. I wasn't mad.

She bit her lip nervously, waiting. I had to reassure her quickly.

"So... I don't ever want to boss you around or make you do something that you don't want to do," I said quickly, swallowing hard against the emotion. I really needed her to know this. "And that's been bothering me lately because... I don't want to treat you like he did. And I think sometimes I might tell you to do something without thinking about it and I just... I want you to know that you don't ever have to do something you don't want to do around me."

I was serious as I kept my eyes in directly connected with hers. She had to understand this. This speech wasn't some random bullshit. It was my serious thoughts and concerns. I needed her to feel like she had a say and that she could say no. She could yell at me if she was mad for God's sake! I'd never treat her like they did.

Chloe's eyes started to get red and a little moist and fear wracked through me. Did she think she was doing something wrong?

She only nodded in response. I wouldn't push any further on it though. I just wanted it out there. I just wanted her to understand.

"Okay," I said with a nod. Time to kiss her... If she felt upset, I would make it go away.

I leaned forward and kissed her softly, reassuringly. I wanted her to feel good.

Chloe kissed me back and we melted into the kiss. Eventually I pulled back so she could get her breath back and pecked her lips once quickly. I moved onto her cheek and kissed it tenderly. I took a deep breath, my lungs filled with her scent. Heavenly....

I moved down to her neck and kissed it softly, but her whole body stiffened under my lips. I froze as she did. Had I done something wrong? Did that mean she didn't want me to do it? Hadn't I just told her to tell me if she didn't want it?

"Are you okay?" I asked her against her neck. I couldn't move from there, frozen. I was hesitant to look in her eyes as well. Could I face rejection from her? But if she didn't want this then I would have to stop. "Do you want me to stop?" I questioned her before I would make a move to do anything.

"N-no, keep going," she told me in a breathless whisper. I breathed a sigh of relief. She had just been freaked out for a second. She did that sometimes....

I began to kiss her neck again, very softly, hoping to help her relax. I wanted her to know I would never hurt her. I was here to make her feel better.

After she was relaxed enough I let my tongue slide out and lather her neck with sweet kisses. I ran my hands down her arms feeling goosebumps prickling her skin. My hands trailed down to her hands and squeezed them gently before resting my hands on her slim waist. Nothing could be better than this....

Chloe's hands came up to rub my forearms. I pulled away from her neck and kissed my way back up to her lips, melting as I tasted her. But I only kissed her for a quick second. I just wanted to see if she wanted this for sure.

I ran my hands up to her shoulder, squeezing them, and then looked into her eyes. She looked a little lost, but happy, I think.

"W-What do you want me to do?" she asked me quietly. What did she mean what did I want her to do? She really didn't understand I wanted her to do whatever she wanted to. Did she really think she needed to ask...?

"Whatever you want to do," I told her nonchalantly with a shrug.

She fell to the sand and pulled me gently down with her. She wanted to be in the sand. All right. We could do that.

Chloe crawled into my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck, just cuddling into me. I held her tightly and rocked us gently back in forth to the rhythm of the waves.

I gazed down at her, feeling totally content with her in my arms, with her arms tightly wrapped around me. This was where I belonged.

Chloe looked up at me, her eyes mirroring my feelings for her. This finally assured me that she was comfortable, right there, right now with me.

"You're so..." I shook his head, "just... amazing, Chloe."

Chloe kept staring, but slowly her eyes unfocused from mine. Her eyes glazed over and I lost her.

I frowned deeply. I thought it was awesome that she thought things through and that she was smart enough to think before she spoke, but sometimes I wished she wouldn't get so caught up in her thoughts. I loved that she thought so deeply, but she didn't have to censor her words with me. I just didn't like her zoning off so much... maybe it was selfish, but I felt like I was being left out, kind of. I felt useless, especially when she got lost in her thoughts and got upset. I had no idea what she had been thinking. I never know how to help.

I reached up and caressed her cheek, waiting for her to come back. It took a few minutes, though. Slowly, she came back to me, blinking as she came back into focus.

"I lost you for a sec," I murmured, giving her a concerned look.

Chloe just shook her head with a frown. "Sorry."

That caused me to mirror her actions, frowning and shaking my head from side to side. "You don't have to be sorry. But... where do you go when I lose you like that?" I asked, finally giving in to my curiosity. I wanted to understand her better, to be able to help.

Chloe looked down for a moment, biting her lip, and then looked back up at me, letting out a breath of air.

"Right then, just memories. But sometimes it's just... thoughts," she informed me, sounding sad, but waving it off with a nonchalant shrug.

"What kind of memories?" I asked her reluctantly. I wasn't sure if she was ready to tell me something like that. Thoughts were personal... I knew she wouldn't want to know mine sometimes.

Chloe's eyes saddened and I felt her lean into me. "Past ones that like to creep up on me. But I'm trying not to let them do that so much anymore," she answered in an honest tone.

I sighed at her words, knowing exactly how she felt. Past memories snuck up on me all the times. It wasn't cool... it downright sucked some of the time. The past just wouldn't stay in the past.

"The past likes to creep." I nodded understandingly.

Chloe reached up to my cheek with a thoughtful look in her eyes. Her finger ran down my cheek and my heart swelled at the touch. She was the one who was sad with her memories, but still she took the time to assure me as well. She was too perfect for me....

"Well, we don't have to let it do that from now on," Chloe told me decidedly. I liked that idea.

I smiled at her and nodded. I watched as her eyes widened suddenly with an idea.

"Let's go swimming," Chloe exclaimed suddenly, gripping my hand a bit tighter in excitement.

Did she just say what I thought she just said? "What?" I asked, trying to figure out if I was hearing things.

Chloe smiled as she gazed at the ocean. "Maybe not swimming, but... let's go play in it."

I couldn't help but smile at her in amusement. She had never wanted to do anything like that before, but right now she looked free...like she just wanted to have fun.

Well... I decided if she wanted to have fun, I could give her fun. A plan formed in my mind.

I stood up quickly, keeping Chloe pinned against my chest as I held her in my arms.

"Nick..." Chloe said slowly, confusion in her voice, but I knew she would figure out what was going on. She was smart. I grinned wider and walked toward the water.

"You are not... You wouldn't...." Chloe trailed off as her eyes widened in realization as to what I was going to do.

"What, sweetheart?" I questioned her, fully knowing that she knew what I was going to do now.

"Throw me in," she answered, looking at me, scared. She didn't know if I would do it or not. Oh yes, I really would do it.

"Throw you in? Well...okay, I mean, since you told me to...." I laughed, twisting her words.

Chloe's eyes widened in surprise and sparkled in laughter as she realized what I had tricked her into.

Right then, I started to walk through the water, shoes, pants and all. Once I was in knee deep, I decided this was deep enough.

I gripped Chloe and then tossed her into the air. But she, as always, took me by the surprise and grabbed my neck tightly just as I threw her. I went flying into the water, landing right after her.

I couldn't believe she did that!

I came up laughing hard and saw Chloe doing the same.

"I... cannot believe...." I stammered in surprise that she had done that to me. She was definitely becoming more comfortable. She letting me see more of the real her. I loved it.

Chloe swam closer and reached up to wrap her arms back around my neck, hugging me. I retuned the hug, kissing her cheek gently as I continued to laugh. This day was probably the greatest day of my life. I had never laughed so much.

"Believe it. Biting tongues is not the worst that I'm capable of doing," Chloe said playfully, shaking her head to try to move her wet bangs out of her eyes.

Of course, as she did that I just stared at her, almost dying from how cute she looked soaked in water at a random beach in California, still wearing all her clothes and not caring one bit.

"Apparently," I replied after recovering from my swooning. I quickly swooped down and pecked her lips gently. "I love you," I informed her quietly and then kissed her again.

"I love you," Chloe replied in a whisper, her lips moving against mine as she spoke.

I smiled lovingly at her, smoothing her wet hair out so her bangs wouldn't fall into her eyes again. This was the perfect moment to our perfect day. Us, in a ocean, not giving a shit what anyone else in our past, present, or future would say about it. This was just us enjoying our love. This was the future. No one was going to control our relationship but us anymore.

_SPOV_

Silence was stuck in the air.

Had I heard her correctly? I couldn't have. There was no way.... Alice wouldn't do that. I knew I had my doubts, but this was my Alice. She would never leave me, especially if she remembered me. We were going to be together forever. I must have heard wrong.

But I was afraid that I didn't. I couldn't ask her to repeat it. If I had heard right, then I really didn't want to hear it again.

"Spencer... say something," Alice whispered pleadingly. "Please."

My eyes slowly found their way to hers. They were serious and broken. All doubt washed away right then, and I knew that she was really letting me go. Her eyes were too distant. Her heart wasn't mine anymore. She wasn't looking at me the way she always used to. The love was... disappearing.

My loss of words stayed. I couldn't speak. It was like all sense of humanity had left my body. I wasn't sure I was even breathing anymore. I felt like I was dying.

I just sat and stared at her, hoping that this was all a nightmare. That it was just like the nightmares I had sometimes where she picks Jasper over me and moves away again. That was it. This whole thing was a dream. Jim was really my dad still too, that was all part of the dream. This was just my worst nightmare. If I waited it out, I would wake up soon. Alice would be there when I woke up, ready to make it all go away and make me feel better.

"Spence," Alice whimpered. I could hear she was about to cry. Her voice was too real...how could this be a dream? My heartbeat quickly, begging me to make her feel okay. I should be reassuring her that I was okay with that. As long as she was happy I was happy. That was what I always said before. I still said it.

But it wasn't true. I _wasn't_ happy without her. I was never happy when she was away.

I bit the inside of my cheek, keeping myself from saying that out loud. I couldn't say that. She would feel bad and then stay out of guilt. I still wanted her happiness over my own....

I rather she'd be happy with me... but that wasn't my choice. I shut my eyes against the ripping pain that was hitting me. Now the pain hits when the realization hits. She couldn't be happy with me.

I felt my face being touched. I felt warmth. I felt _her_ touch.

_Don't get used to it. Don't let it in. It'll be gone soon. _I coached myself. I couldn't get attached. She would be with Jasper in no time. She would be gone. He would be touching her now. She would be touching him....

Something like a seizure wracked through my body at the thought.

"Spencer!" Alice screeched in a panic.

They would be touching. Holding hands, hugging, cuddling, kissing... what if he slept with her?

I was sure my breath stopped then. I couldn't breathe.

Images founded my mind. Him in our spot... touching her... taking her from me... forever. I would never be able to touch her like that again.

"Baby, please...." she begged me.

I felt something wrap around my neck. She was hugging me.

My body didn't react though. It was numb. The warmth was gone now. I just felt like something was holding me. I couldn't feel the love anymore.

"Just... just leave," I said roughly through my teeth. Even my voice seemed numb. No emotion coated the words. It was monotone and uncaring. I was getting better at this masking thing. Soon I would be an expert. I could already fool the world... how much more could a guy do?

Alice's body tensed around me, frozen. She was surprised. Upset as well.

_Do not give in now. _

I closed my mind off from her, shutting everything out. Empty. It was my life. Empty... a black hole.

"Look at me...." she coaxed me. I felt her hand on my cheek.

"No," I stated clearly. "Just leave." That was when my voice wavered though.

I didn't want her to leave. I wanted to grab her and hold her against me, forever. I wanted to try and convince her why it would be better to stay with me. I could give her everything. I had a good job. I was rich. I was famous. And I was just beginning my career. I could get us a great home and we could have kids together. We could have everything we had planned....

We had so many plans. We were going to have a family... I would love my kids like they were everything in the world. They would be second only to Alice, who was already my world. We were going to vacation at the cottage every summer, no matter what. Hawaii and Florida couldn't beat our cottage. It was our place. We'd push our children on the swing we had set up on the tree together.

Alice and I would run Cullen and Wright industries and the company would become the world's biggest fashion industry. We would be known everywhere. Our kids would have the best education and they could be whatever they wanted. They would have the world at their fingertips. We could provide everything for them....

We were supposed to be happy together....

I felt cold suddenly. A sick chill ripped through me. She had let go of me.

"I...." Alice trialled off and I felt her weight lift off the bed. "I-I'll see you tomorrow, maybe?" Her voice was shaking. She was definitely crying now.

I didn't answer her. I fell limply onto my back on the bed and rolled over. I had told her to leave, so she was.

_Let her go_. I chanted to myself, squeezing my eyes, trying to keep her shut out. I had to do this. I was letting her be happy. Everything was going to be fine... just fine.

I heard Alice sniffle and then my door shut. She was gone.

I breathed a deep breath in, only to be attacked by Alice's scent. This was her pillow.

Oh, Alice....

I grabbed the pillow and held it for dear life, shoving my face in it, breathing deep breaths in. It would be okay.... She would still be around, like when she was in Forks, but I'd get to see her more because of work. I would live. I'd be fine. We'd be friends... we could go out for lunch and talk....

We could be best friends like always. I could hug her. Friends hug. Lots of hugs... and kisses on the cheek.... We could do that, right?

Would she even want to do that? She wanted Jasper now. I didn't have what he had. I wasn't tough. I couldn't fight people off. I couldn't kill someone. I couldn't even steal from someone... I couldn't change a tire. I was sure Jasper could do that.

It was just me and my fashion. I could design clothes. Big whoopee.

Alice had always been my inspiration for designing clothes. I remembered the first time I had drawn a design and she had been so happy. She had gushed about it for days. She had told me how talented I was and that soon she would only be wearing Spencer Wright designs. That smile would still come to her face when I showed her them now... but I was sure it wouldn't still come over her face anymore. That smile used to be sacred. It was only given to me. Now... it wasn't. She gave that smile to Jasper more than me now.

I was disappearing. I was fading away.

I felt like I was already gone.

I didn't want to disappear again... I wanted to stay here and be alive with her.

I was shaking in the middle of my bed, clutching the pillow with all the might I had. I was wishing it was all a stupid nightmare. But it wasn't.

I heard the front door open. She was leaving. She was leaving for good.

My eyes finally opened, opening to a random wall of my room. My eyes were directly looking at picture of Alice and me. The words written across the frame were "Eternal Love". Eternal meant forever. Forever means never ending. She would never stop loving me.

No.

I jumped up.

He couldn't take her away from me. No. I didn't want to feel like that again. I wanted my eternal love. I wanted my light and inspiration. I couldn't lose her again....

I ran down the stairs as fast as I could and out of the door in my sweats. She stood there with Jasper. He was hugging her, holding her, kissing her forehead.

Anger shuddered through me. He was taking her away from me. This was his fault.

I was gone there. Everything was a blur. I flew through the air and ripped Alice out of his arms. She was behind me before I even felt myself move.

Something had taken over my body and I wasn't even going to try to stop it. The hatred was too strong. The need for Alice was way too controlling. My body jumped forward and smashed Jasper straight to the ground.

"You can't have her!" I shouted at him, full of malice. The voice didn't belong to me. But again, I didn't try to pull away.

"Spencer!" Alice yelled at me, terrified. Her voice was distant though. It hardly registered in my mind. All I could see was Jasper. He was lying there, under me, pinned down under me. He was staring in total shock.

"Spencer...." Jasper started calmly, making complete eye contact with me. "Take a breath. I'm not taking her away from you. Just calm down for a minute.... We'll talk about this." He was just trying to persuade me.

I wouldn't fall into his games, though. So what if he was in a gang and I wasn't? I still knew that he was just trying to get my guard down so he could take control of the whole thing. He was stronger than me. I wasn't going to let my guard down.

"We aren't going to talk about it. She's my girlfriend. You cannot have her," I growled ferociously at him, not holding back anything. I grabbed the collar of his shirt and gripped it tightly, bringing his head up and then slamming it down against the pavement of the driveway.

His eyes widened, not in pain though. He just seemed stunned again.

"Spencer. Stop. Now," Alice ordered me. I had never heard her voice so angry or disapproving while she was talking to me. It was too late. I wasn't going to let him go now.

Jasper's hands grabbed mine and then suddenly I was pinned to the floor and Jasper was over me. How did that happen? ...I was just over top of him? How did he do that? Confusion clouded my mind for a moment.

"You need to take a breath and think of what you are doing right now," Jasper told me. An accent I didn't usually notice spilled into his words.

Maybe Alice liked accents...? Maybe I could try to learn how to speak with some sort of accent... I pondered the thought for a moment.

No. She wouldn't leave me for a stupid accent!

"I'm not taking a breath! I know what I'm doing. I'm stopping you from taking her from me," I hissed at him, fighting against his grip.

"She's coming with me." Jasper told me, still using that stupid calm voice of his. He was acting like we were having a normal conversation. We weren't comparing football teams here! We were fighting over a girl. And it was the most important girl in the entire world.

"No she isn't!" I screamed at him, using all my might to flip us back over. My fist was up, having a mind of its own, and seconds later was messed straight into Jasper's cheek.

"Spencer! Jasper! What are you doing?" I heard another voice come booming through my clouded head. It was deeper... older....

Dan.

"Please stop them, Dad!" Alice whimpered.

My heart broke at the tone of her voice, but my mind was too sharp and stuck on the guy pinned under me. Why wasn't he fighting me back? I had just punched him in the face and he was lying there staring at me.

"Fight back!" I yelled at him pitifully, the desperation in my voice so obvious that it was pathetic. I was so pathetic... no wonder she was leaving me.

My fist rose again and I punched him again, feeling my knuckles bust opened at the force of the punch. I was breathing deeply, just trying not to faint. I felt so dizzy....

Suddenly I was being picked up and dragged off of Jasper.

"No!" I screamed, struggling weakly against the grip that was holding me. "Let me fight him!" I pleaded, tears starting to cascade down my face. "P-please...."

The arms crushed me against something hard. I vaguely made out a body. It was too big for it to be Alice....

"Hang in there, Spencer. Breathe." Dan. It was Dan holding me. He gently coached me, patting my back encouragingly.

"He's going to take her away," I whispered in a horrified, needy voice. "Alice... he's going to take her." My breath was too short and I could hardly breathe. The world was spinning so fast. I wanted Alice to hold me. She would make it stop.

"Spencer. Look at me. You're going to make yourself sick," Dan ordered me, grabbing the back of my head and trying to direct it to look at him. I was surprised at the gesture. Usually Dan was so gentle. My head turned at the pressure of his hand though and I froze.

Why was she helping him? I didn't understand. Pain filled me as I saw Alice kneeling on the ground with Jasper. She didn't come to see me.

"Alice...." I breathed in pain, too quietly for her to hear. She had picked him.

"Come on, Spencer. Look at me, son," Dan instructed me. Son... the word echoed through my head. I was no one's son. I just turned my head to him, not wanting to see that scene.

Dan's eyes flicked over my face and he frowned. "Busted your lip."

I blinked in confusion. I didn't feel anything. I reached up and felt a wet substance on my chin. I slowly looked down at my fingers to see that they were spotted with red. Blood.

"How'd that happen?" I asked obliviously, just staring blankly at the blood on my fingers.

Dan's eyes flashed with something. "You don't feel it?" he questioned me. I could hear how concerned he was. At least I had one person who cared about me.... But he wouldn't soon. Not once I was replaced. I wouldn't be the guy his little girl was going to marry. I was... the other guy.

"No," I answered with a shrug, taking a cloth that he pulled out of his pocket.

"Why do you carry a cloth with you?" I asked him, confused. Right now I was just trying to keep my eyes from flicking over to see Alice with Jasper. She would come to see me soon. She always did.

"It's a handkerchief, Spencer," Dan chuckled at my mistake. "Sometimes people use them... it's kind of like a tissue, but a soft cloth? I haven't blown my nose in that one though. Don't worry!" he teased me, trying to lighten the mood. His eyes were bright and cheerful, even in the worst of times... just like Alice.

I nodded, letting him know I heard him, but didn't acknowledge him in any other way. I just stared at the handkerchief in my hand. It was soft....

Dan sighed and I felt him rubbing my back soothingly. "What were you doing out there, Spencer? You could have killed yourself...." Dan asked me, concern thick in his voice.

Yes... I could have killed myself. Luckily I didn't though.

Wait... maybe it is unfortunate I didn't die. He might as well end my life if he was going to take Alice away from me.

"Hey!" Dan snapped at me, again I felt his hand on the back of my neck. "Don't you ever look like that," he demanded. His eyes were flashing with an intense anger, but at the same time they were gentle with care. I had never seen him so angry.

I looked down away from him, wiping my lip with the cloth. I felt bad for thinking that way. Could death really solve anything? If I died, I couldn't see Alice anymore... but I also wouldn't feel the pain of not having her anymore. Maybe it would be a good thing.

Dan pulled me back into his chest, holding me like I was a weeping child. He held me tightly, not daring to let me go. I didn't know how I would handle it if he let me go. I wasn't sure if I would try to get Jasper again or just try to end my own life. I wasn't sure.... Until I was, I knew it wasn't safe to leave Dan.

"You know that's not the answer, son. We need you here," he assured me and I felt him press a kiss to the top of my head. My body was stunned with shock at his action. He kissed me. Like a father would kiss his young son.... That... that had never happened to me before. Warmth grew in my chest, but that only made me hurt even more. I was letting the warmth open up my closed off heart. I had been numb, but if I let the warmth in, I would also let the pain in as well. I wasn't sure if the warmth was worth it.

"Alice still needs you," he told me, pulling back to look at me pointedly. "She will always need you. You are her best friend and she can't stand to be away from you. You know that, Spencer." His eyes burned into mine, trying to convince me that I still knew that.

I knew Dan wouldn't ever lie to me. He was the only one in my whole life who had never lied to me. He had never known about the affair, just like me. Charlotte had known though. I couldn't believe no one had told me....

"I don't want her to go again," I whispered to him, letting the tears fall down now. I couldn't hold this back anymore.

Dan's eyes were moist as he frowned. "I know you don't. Sometimes life takes people away from you, but it's all for good in the end. You will find someone perfect for you," he told me, trying to be encouraging. But those words were probably the worst I could ever hear. _You will find someone perfect for you_.

Alice was my perfection....

Dan must have seen my reaction because his frown deepened. "You won't understand until you meet her, son," he said gently to me. His words were a bit more hesitant though.

I just shook my head in response. I would never find someone for me other than Alice. She was my first love and she would be my last.

_JPOV_

"Are you okay, Jazz?" Alice practically screeched at me, running over and dropping to her knees.

Of course I was okay. Two punches from him weren't anything compared to the beatings I had gotten my whole life. But I wouldn't say that to Alice....

"I'm okay, darling," I assured her, sitting up quickly to give her a reassuring grin.

She didn't return the smile though. Her eyes were narrowed in concern and her lips pressed together in determination.

"Are you sure?" She reached forward and grazed her fingers so softly over my left cheek bone that I could hardly feel it. It made me shiver. Alice took that as I was in pain.

"I'm sorry!" she said hurriedly, grabbing my hands in a panic.

I chuckled and her eyes flashed to mine in confusion. And obviously if I laughed at her, she'd get a little angry.

As if on cue to my thoughts, her eyes narrowed and a look of annoyance crossed her face.

"It didn't hurt, love," I promised her quickly before she could get upset or even more annoyed at me.

I heard a sigh of relief slip through her lips and she relaxed.

"I'm sorry he did that.... I-I don't even... he never... I don't understand," she stumbled, looking over at Spencer who was being held tightly by Dan at the moment. He wasn't stable. He had lost it and I didn't blame him one bit. I had wanted to do that too. I had had a breakdown as well when I had lost her.

But Alice looked lost at the moment too. Her eyes were so sad that it made my stomach lurch.

"Don't worry Alice. He was just surprised... it'll be fine," I assured her, leaning over to kiss her tenderly.

She returned the kiss but shifted uncomfortably. She was having doubts that my words weren't true. She didn't know if everything would be okay.

I didn't either. I was just hoping that everything would fix itself now that we were together again. Spencer would be okay. It would just take him a while to get through it, but then they would be best friends again, right? I didn't mind if she hung out with him. I would encourage it. I knew Alice needed his support as well. She was used to his support and presence in her life and I wasn't going to take it away from her.

"Did you want to go?" I asked her gently, tucking some hair behind her ear as we pulled back from the kiss.

Alice pressed her lips together and glanced quickly over to Spencer and her dad.

"Yeah... it'd probably be better if we did," she answered in a weak voice and stood up, offering me her hand to get up. I knew she couldn't pick me up. I'd pull her down. But I gave her my hand and pushed myself up.

I squeezed her hand quickly in mine, trying to soothe her with the complete feeling that came with holding each other's hands.

I led her to my car and opened the passenger's door. I watched her eyes continually flicker back to Spencer worriedly.

I kept my eyes on him as well, worried he might try to fight again.

It felt so strange to fight again. I hadn't wanted to fight with him. That was the last thing I wanted to do. I knew it sucked--more than anything--to lose Alice. I didn't want to make it worse for him.

And I knew if I ever hurt Spencer, it would hurt Alice just as much. I had hurt him today, by accident, and I already felt horrible. My elbow had hit his mouth when we were flipping over. I saw it bleeding.

"Bye Spence...." Alice whispered. I was positive her voice was much too quiet for him to hear. But she still tried and then slipped into my car.

I gently shut the door and jogged around the car, slipping into my seat.

"Your house?" I asked as I put the keys in the ignition.

"Our place," she answered with a smile, reaching over to slip her fingers between mine.

And just like that I felt all the Hope I had been missing for the last few months. We were together again.

**Author's Note: And so they all live happily ever after...the end. Haha, just kidding. Not the end yet. We've still got some things to uncover. But I hoped you guys enjoyed that. Nick and Chloe are again the refreshing couple while Alice and Jasper struggle to get their relationship back. Jasper and Alice are close this time. They are officially a couple again and she is broken up with Spencer. And Spencer is...suicidal, maybe? Who knows what will happen next? **

**Hope you all enjoyed the chapter. To enjoy more Hope, you should all go to my profile and check out the story called: Hopeless. It is a collection of outtakes from Hope and Forgotten Hope. There are at the moment three outtakes in there. Later this week we will have the NPOV of this chapter in Chloe's point of view to see what she's going through right now! Check them out. :)**

**Also, the blog has been updated...finally :P. We have a special visit from Greg who is speaking on love. That'll be interesting. Check that out and also we have a picture of Bryce up on there! So you can see what he really looks like. **

**Leave a review! :D. We love to hear your thoughts on Forgotten Hope.**


	31. Chapter 31

**Author's note: Hello everyone! Here is your weekly fix of Hope. **

Forgotten Hope Chapter 31-

_JPOV_

Home.

I was finally _home_.

Those were the thoughts that took over my mind as I led Alice into our apartment. She was here to stay and I had to believe her. I had to believe that this was really happening. For the first time since she had lost her memory, she was here and here to stay.

I held her hand tightly as we walked, hoping that she wouldn't disappear. She responded by squeezing my hand, assuring me she wasn't going anywhere. Our connection was clear here. Now. There was no distraction from our relationship anymore. It was just her and me now.

"It's so quiet without Nick," Alice giggled as we entered the dark apartment. She was definitely right. There was a peaceful silence that would not have existed if Nick was in the apartment. Well... unless Chloe was sleeping or something. In that case, he would have been as quiet as a mouse.

"It is," I agreed with a nod.

I flicked the light switch on and the apartment came to life. My stomach was slowly becoming sick with nerves about Alice being here, though. Even though she had loved it when we first moved here, it didn't mean she'd like it now. She was used to living in a mansion. This was just an apartment... a big apartment, but nothing too luxurious. Nothing like she was used to. I hoped I could live up to what she was used to....

But she wanted to be with me no matter what. It'd be okay....

Alice smiled brightly and let go of my hand. "Show me around?" she asked me excitedly, skipping toward the living room. I laughed, feeling some of my nerves slip away, but not all of them.

"Let's get your coat off first, love," I reminded her as I began to take my shoes off.

Alice stopped and turned around with a sheepish look on her face. "Right."

We took off our outdoor clothing and then headed down the hallway.

"So... you've already seen the kitchen and living room. We can skip those," I started, turning down to the hallway that led to her design room, our room, bathroom and the guest room AKA Nick's room. Alice hurriedly caught up to me, linking her arm to mine as we walked.

She stopped us immediately when we came to the picture part of the hall. The wall was covered with photos of our family and friends. Alice's expression softened and a small smile graced her lips.

"Johnny," she said, grazing her fingers over a frame, then moving up to the next one.

"Mack," she murmured, seeing him on a swing at the park near our old high school. Alice's eyes narrowed for a moment and then she shook her head and continued.

Her eyes eventually came to one of just her and me at graduation. Our arms were around each other in our graduation robes and we were kissing each other passionately in the middle of the crowds of students and their families. We looked like we were in a totally different universe, not even noticing the rest of the world.

She smirked at it and then continued to look at every single picture. It was kind of like she was trying to find the missing pieces of her memory. All of these pictures were the people she had forgotten.

"We looked happy," she concluded with a very content look on her face.

"Mm-hmm," I hummed in agreement. We had been happy. Those were the happiest times in my whole life, without a doubt.

I tugged her forward and she chuckled. "Impatient, Jazz?"

"The faster I'm done with the tour the faster I get you in bed." I shrugged and winked playfully at her.

Alice's jaw dropped, stunned, but she quickly recovered.

A wicked grin came over her face. I knew that look. I took a step toward her and made the first move before she could. My lips crushed against hers, unleashing all the love and passion I had held onto for months.

Alice gasped quietly at the pure love that was in my kiss, but wrapped her arms around my neck. This is what I had needed for so long. Alice here with me, losing ourselves in each other.

My lips moved against hers, moving together like they had used to.

She surprised me by teasing my lips with her tongue. I wondered if she subconsciously remembered kissing me like this. Maybe we were simply so meant for each other that she could have all of her memories of me erased, but still know everything I needed and wanted.

I breathed heavily, overwhelmed by having her back. My lips were urgent and moved to her neck, lavishing with kisses every piece of skin I could find.

"I missed you," I whispered breathlessly, holding her against me so tightly that I could feel all of her pressed against me.

Alice groaned and I looked at her in surprise. She had the most beautiful smile on her face as her eyes sparkled with love.

"Did I always feel like this when you spoke with that accent?" she asked me, appearing to be just as breathless as I was.

I couldn't help but hold back my laughter, knowing exactly what she meant. I always thickened my accent with her because I knew she liked it. I knew how to get what I wanted with her. I knew all of her weaknesses, just as she knew mine.

"Always," I chuckled. I pulled her closely against me again and pressed my lips gently against her ear.

"I missed you so much. I missed your voice. I missed your hands. I missed your kisses. God... darling... I missed your taste and your smell. I missed singing you to sleep at night...." I told her huskily, letting my accent coat the words. I needed her to know how much I missed her. These were things I had thought about every second of the day and night. These were things I had wanted to tell her so badly, but knew it wasn't my place to say to her.

But now it was. I could tell her these things again. And I wasn't going to let her live another moment without my love or affection. I would be lovey and spoil her... forever.

Alice sighed and let her head rest against shoulder. It felt like she was shaking. A moment later I heard her take in a quick breath of a sob.

"What's wrong?" I asked anxiously. Had I went too far? Maybe it was too soon to say all of this. She had only broken up with Spencer an hour ago. Maybe she regretted her decision....

"I think I missed you too," she whispered shakily, holding me with all her might. "I felt like I was missing something. I always felt like something wasn't right. But I feel like I found what was missing when I'm with you, Jazz."

My heart swelled at her words. That was what I had always felt like. But I had known exactly what I was missing.

"I'm here now, love. Forever," I promised her, bringing my lips back down to hers. Her lips were urgent this time, crushing against mine. Our tongues instantly found each other, becoming quick friends again.

I ran my hands down her sides, grabbing her thighs and hitching her up. She wrapped her legs around my waist and I walked us down the hall, holding her close. My lips didn't leave hers. I wouldn't lose any connection with her. I caressed her legs as I walked us toward our bedroom. It was _our_ bedroom again.

Alice's fingers massaged my scalp and I let out a soft groan before sitting her down on the bed.

Alice let me put her down and looked around the room. "We have a Jacuzzi?" she asked, raising a curious eyebrow at me.

I flashed her a grin, thinking of all the times we had had in the Jacuzzi. The first time had been at Spencer's cabin, but I wouldn't say that right now, even if it was why we got it.

"Wanna go in, darling?" I inquired, reaching forward to run my fingers very gently across her cheek, making her shiver.

"Maybe later," she giggled and took my hand off of her face to pull me onto the bed with her.

"Let's just lay here for a while," Alice murmured quietly.

She sounded tired, but I wasn't surprised. She was probably exhausted. It had been a _long_ day and we hadn't slept much last night. After Spencer had seen us kiss, neither of us had slept much. Then Alice's mom giving her the cold shoulder for spending time with me, followed by Alice picking me and breaking up with Spencer, causing Spencer to try to fight me....

Yeah, after all of that, it was to be expected that she would be worn out. I was just glad she wasn't too upset about Spencer right now. I knew it would catch up to her, eventually.

Right now, though, it would just be us relaxing.

"Would you like to change into pajamas and we'll watch a movie and cuddle?" I suggested to her as I sat with her on the bed.

She seemed to like this idea because a smile stretched across her face and she jumped off of the bed.

"Kay!" she exclaimed as she hurried to the closet across the room.

I blinked.

"Darling?" I said very slowly, getting up just as carefully. Alice stopped immediately at the sound of my voice, sensing my confusion.

"Yes, Jazz?" she asked, starting to walk back to me, but I could see the hesitance in her eyes. She thought she had done something wrong.

"How'd you know where the closet was?" I asked her. Was she remembering things? Was this room familiar to her? Did it spark some memories?

Hope was filling me.

I stopped myself and tried to rationalize. It could just be because it was a door in our room. Why wouldn't it be the closet? There was the bathroom door on the other side of the room though, and she hadn't even glanced over at that one. How had she known it wasn't that door?

Maybe it was just Alice radar. She knew exactly where her clothes were no matter what. Her clothes called to her.

Alice's eyes filled with confusion and then realization. She hadn't noticed what she had done.

"I-I... well... I just thought...." she paused, looking over at the door, puzzled. "I don't know," she finally answered. Her wide eyes met mine, emotions flying wildly. She was getting more overwhelmed.

Maybe she was finally remembering things....

I just smiled and got up, wrapping my hand around hers and walking us to the closet. I let her lead us from there. She grabbed her clothes, but then stalled when it came to my clothes. She probably didn't know what I wore to bed.

"Guess," I coaxed her, hoping that maybe her memory would help her out.

Alice's concentration masked her face and she stood in thought.

"Sweatpants?" she asked slowly.

I nodded and waved my hand to go on. She took the sweats off of the shelf and sighed.

"Undershirt?" she guessed, looking totally oblivious.

I chuckled. "No... but nice try. I don't normally wear a shirt to bed. Trick question," I joked, shrugging and grabbing the pants out of her hand.

"Unless you prefer me wearing a shirt?" I half teased, but maybe she wasn't ready for that. I knew I had slept with her without my shirt in Forks, but we were both just messed up with emotion that night and she had been sick. She probably had no idea what she was doing that night.

"No!" Alice squeaked causing me to crack up with laughter.

"All right then...." I smirked and turned around, leaving the room and stripping off my shirt as I left. I tugged the shirt off in a slow, dramatic, teasing way before feeling something hit me in the back.

"Tease!" she shouted after throwing another pair of sweats at me.

I just rolled my eyes, knowing she loved it with or without her memory.

We both changed and got ready for bed. I waited on the bed as Alice did all her girly things to get ready for bed in the bathroom. I picked up a remote and flicked through channels, trying to see if there were any good movies on TV. I didn't feel like walking to the living room to find something to watch.

After searching through the five hundred-some channels, I was jogging down the hall to the living room, anyway. Fine.

I looked over the shelves of DVDs and snatched a random chick flick I knew Alice liked. When I got back to our bedroom, Alice was sitting on the bed and my phone was vibrating on the nightstand.

I grabbed the phone, already knowing it was Nick.

"Hey," I smiled and sat down on the bed.

Alice crawled over and sat between my legs silently, picking up my free hand to hold in hers. It was already like we used to be. No tension. Just all natural. I wondered if it would stay like this.

"Hey man! What's up?" Nick asked me. He seemed cheerful. That was a good sign. I knew he and Chloe had been having some struggles right now in California. Nick hadn't told me everything yet, but I had heard bits and pieces. Nick was waiting till he got home to explain the whole thing, but I knew it had been serious, especially because of Alice's dream. It had shaken her up for the whole night.

"Just snuggling with my love," I cooed into Alice's ear and the phone at the same time, hugging her.

"Don't let Ali know about her. You know how jealous Alice gets," Nick warned me teasingly.

Alice must have heard him through the phone, because she snatched the phone out of my hand with a sour look on her face. I knew she wasn't really bothered though. She and Nick still had the connection they used to.

"It's me and you'd better not be keeping secrets like that from me," Alice scowled at him through the phone. I heard Nick laughing and then he said something in response, but I couldn't make it out.

"Good! Are you bringing me something back from California?" she asked sweetly, totally changing her tone of voice. She knew how to get what she wanted. I smirked, knowing that Nick wouldn't refuse her.

Alice and Nick chatted for a few minutes before she said her goodbye and gave the phone back to me with a grin. She gave me a quick kiss of thanks for letting her talk and then I went back to the phone call.

"So... is she staying the night or something?" Nick asked slightly warily.

"Yeah. She's moving in," I answered with a joyous grin, not able to hold it back. I still couldn't get over it. She was moving back in!

"Really?" Nick asked, excitement filling his voice. "When did this happen? I hadn't even known she was thinking about it? Wait... what does Spencer think of this?"

I took a deep breath and then told him the whole story. The kiss at dinner, spending the night with her, her choosing me, Spencer trying to fight me....

Nick laughed at that, saying it was about time the boy snapped. I wasn't so happy about that part of the night and I knew Nick really wasn't either. He was just trying to ease my worries.

"Is Alice, you know, okay without Spencer with her?" Nick asked me uncertainly. I knew Alice couldn't remember a time she hadn't been with Spencer and that this was going to be a very interesting and maybe tough experience for the both of us. She would take some time getting used to living with someone other than Spencer.

"I think it'll be fine. It might take some getting used to," I replied, answering with my hopes up. I wasn't certain, but our love had been through so much already that I was sure this wouldn't been anything harder than those past situations.

"You guys will be fine," Nick agreed. "But I actually have to go. Chloe's getting out of the shower. I just called to see how everything was. I'll call you tomorrow or something, kay?"

"All right. Have a good night and tell Chloe I say hello," I said, grateful that he had called to see how everything was. It was good to have him back to trusting me a little more again.

"Sure, and you two behave. See ya." And then the line clicked.

"Bye," I grumbled with a smirk. He didn't even wait for me to say goodbye.

Alice tilted her head backwards. She looked like she had been thinking.

"We're going to have to tell him about my dreams," Alice told me in a clear voice. She had already decided that it was time to tell him. It wasn't my decision.

"Okay. We'll tell him when he gets back, if you want to," I nodded in agreement. It would be better. Nick didn't like when people kept thing from him. He was big on trust in relationships and I hadn't liked keeping it from him either. We usually told each other everything.

"Do you think he'll think it's weird?" Alice asked, seeming a little bit afraid. She had been afraid to tell me, too. We both knew that some people might think something was wrong with her for seeing glimpses of the future in her dreams, but I didn't think it was weird. I thought it was special. She was special. In a good way.

"Honestly? I think he'll probably think it's awesome. And that's the exact word he'll use, too," I told her reassuringly. Nick was a laid back kind of guy. He would be a little caught off guard, but after a second or two I knew he would be fine with it and wouldn't tell a soul. We could trust him.

Alice laughed and then leaned back into my chest. "Hopefully."

"So...." I started, putting my cell phone back in its place and then wrapping my arms around Alice. "What would you like to do? Did you want to watch the movie?" I was up for anything right now. Just being with her right now was enough for me.

She glanced down at what I had picked and gave me a curious look. "Isn't that more of a chick flick?"

"Well, yeah, but I haven't been able to watch a chick flick in a while. Nick hates them," I joked, causing her to laugh her carefree, musical laugh that made my whole body relax and feel totally at home. I had missed that laugh of hers. It seemed to have been lost in the last few months. I wanted her to be that happy again. The world needed her laughter.

"So... movie, then?"

Alice hummed in thought and then turned a bit to look at me. "Soon. But... could you...maybe... sing to me? Like a song I haven't heard yet. Are there any?" Alice asked slowly, searching my eyes carefully. She wanted to hear me sing?

I searched my mind for a song to sing to her. I hadn't wrote much lately.... Not with her being away from me and all. There had been some I had written when she was with Spencer, but they all had some bad parts in it. Depressing parts. But maybe that would be okay? It would be more truthful that way. I could offer....

"If you want to. I have one song I could sing...." I suggested with a shrug. By the way Alice's face lit up, her eyes shining like stars, I knew that she wanted me to.

I slipped off the bed for a moment to grab my guitar from the corner of the room. Songs always sounded better with music behind them.

Alice was grinning with excitement.

"Tell me if you like it?" I questioned, and she nodded earnestly in response.

I took a deep breath and then sang the song, hoping she would like it.

"_Today is a winding road that's taking me to places that I didn't want to go__  
__Whoa (whoa, whoa, whoa)__  
__Today in the blink of an eye I'm holding on to something and I do not know why__  
__I tried_

_I tried to read between the lines__  
__I tried to look in your eyes__  
__I want a simple explanation__  
__For what I'm feeling inside__  
__I gotta find a way out__  
__Maybe there's a way out_

_Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer__  
__Do you know you're unlike any other?__  
__You'll always be my thunder, and I said__  
__Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors__  
__I don't wanna ever love another__  
__You'll always be my thunder__  
__So bring on the rain__  
__And bring on the thunder_

_Today is a winding road__  
__Tell me where to start and tell me something I don't know__  
__Whoa (whoa, whoa, whoa)__  
__Today I'm on my own__  
__I can't move a muscle and I can't pick up the phone__  
__I don't know (I don't know, I don't know, I don't know)_

_And now I'm itching for the tall grass__  
__And longing for the breeze__  
__I need to step outside__  
__Just to see if I can breathe__  
__I gotta find a way out__  
__Maybe theres a way out_

_Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer__  
__Do you know you're unlike any other?__  
__You'll always be my thunder, and I said__  
__Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors__  
__I don't wanna ever love another__  
__You'll always be my thunder__  
__So bring on the rain_

_Yeah I'm walking on a tightrope__  
__I'm wrapped up in vines__  
__I think we'll make it out__  
__But you just gotta give me time__  
__Strike me down with lightning__  
__Let me feel you in my veins__  
__I wanna let you know how much I feel your pain_

_Today is a winding road that's taking me to places that I didn't want to go__  
__Whoa_

_Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer__  
__Do you know you're unlike any other?__  
__You'll always be my thunder, and I said__  
__Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors__  
__I don't wanna ever love another__  
__You'll always be my thunder__  
__So bring on the rain__  
__And bring on the thunder, and I said__  
__Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer__  
__Do you know you're unlike any other?__  
__You'll always be my thunder__  
__So bring on the rain__  
__Oh baby bring on the pain__  
__And listen to the thunder...."_

I held the last note for a moment before stopping and looked down at my guitar. I had written the song one night when I had missed her and it did show my love for her, but I wasn't sure how she would respond to other parts of the song. Like the parts about pain. I knew she hadn't liked that I was in pain, but I had also written about her pain. I had been talking about us both going through the pain and I had been sure we would make through it anyways.

Eventually I did raise my head to look at her though, because she wasn't making a sound. The only sound had been my breathing.

Alice was gazing at me with the most thoughtful look I had ever seen in my life. Her deep green eyes held me in an adoring gaze.

"It was beautiful," she breathed with a gentle smile. I let out a long breath of air, relieved. She had liked it. Why did I always doubt her? She always surprised me.

I put my guitar down on the floor and was instantly met with a tight hug from Alice.

"You're really amazing, Jazz," she whispered lovingly into my ear.

"I know," I chuckled, rubbing her back and then kissing her cheek tenderly before she hit me or something. She wouldn't hit me after I gave her a kiss.

Alice pulled her head back to look at me in amusement. "Cocky," she chuckled and leaned forward to peck my lips. She tried to pull back, but I reached up and held her face to mine, kissing her deeply. Alice didn't mind one bit. She walked forward on the bed on her knees to straddle my legs.

I leaned myself back, falling on the bed. I couldn't get enough of this. Feeling her close to me, tasting her, smelling her all around me. I was just being covered in everything _her_. Heavenly.

I ran my hands down her, stroking her thighs softly. She was wearing short shorts, so I could feel her warm, soft skin under my hands. It felt like I hadn't felt her skin like that in forever.

Alice again tried to pull away from my mouth and I groaned in disappointment.

"Hush," she laughed, giving me a cute look before leaning down to kiss my jaw. Her lips slowly moved down my neck, covering me with kisses.

"Such a baby," she teased as she continued to move down until she was at my chest.

Oh. I understood now. Alice had always had a strange thing for my chest. She always kissed it. I had a big feeling it was because of the scars. The scars from Steve or the gang... some of the scars she had seen as wounds. The night she had saved my life she saw the scars that had almost killed me. I had a feeling she was just trying to erase the pain I used to have through them. Maybe her subconscious was telling her to kiss me there, too.

Or maybe she just wanted to kiss me, I dared to think.

I let my eyes flutter shut at the amazing feeling that came out of her loving kisses. Her hands caressed the places of my chest she wasn't kissing. I could hear her humming the song I had just sang to her and I grinned.

I continued to caresses her thighs, sometimes only using my fingertips, gently running them down her legs and quickly feeling the goosebumps appear all over them. This was my Alice. The Alice that was affected by my simplest touch.

Alice stopped for a moment and I felt her fingers touching a scar she had just kissed. I tilted my head downward to see her in deep thought.

"It's pretty amazing that you're still so good after you went through all those terrible things, you know?" she whispered, still thoughtful. I smiled at her words because they meant the world to me. I always wanted to be good for her. That was why I had changed. I had left the gang and changed my ways because I wanted to be good for her.

"You're the only reason why I'm good," I reminded her, running my hands up and under her shirt to feel the warmth of her stomach. I wasn't sure if this was okay so I kept my eyes locked with hers. I wouldn't go any farther, my eyes promised. It wasn't the right time for us and I knew that.

Alice just leaned up and kissed me. I opened my mouth, inviting her tongue in to play with mine. Our tongues stroked each others, reuniting, lavishing each other with love. I moaned quietly. I had missed this so much. I wasn't a guy all caught up on physical love, really. I just... I had missed her. I had been waiting for months and to have her here meant everything to me. I wanted to be with her as much as I could.

"Darling," I whispered breathlessly into her mouth. I missed saying that word.

"Jazz," she replied with the same longing in her voice.

I kissed her harder, letting out all of my passion and frustrations from the previous months. I had her here now. Home. With me.

"Stay forever," I begged, holding her against me, pressing my hands into her bare back. Alice stalled kissing me and pulled back to look me straight in the eyes.

"I will," she vowed to me. The connection that our eyes always shared, joining our souls, told me that her words were truth. We were going to be together forever again. Or at least, I had hope that we would be.

_Chloe's POV_

The last two days had been like nothing I had ever experienced. It was like I didn't have to hide anything anymore. I could say what I felt, what I wanted. I could _think_ what I wanted. I felt like I was finally being true to myself. And to Nick.

I still worried initially sometimes, though. I couldn't stop. It was my nature by now. But I didn't want to disappoint Nick, so I was trying not to analyze what I was doing so much. I tried to just... live, like Nick did.

It was so easy to be with Nick. He was so happy with everything I did. The smallest things would make him grin with pride at me. I was still stunned about him being so satisfied with me finishing a plate of food. I was shocked he even noticed.

Bryce would have noticed too, though.... He wouldn't have been pleased by it....

I shook my head, keeping Bryce out. I was with Nick now and nothing that Bryce had said before mattered anymore. I could please Nick and still eat a whole plate of food, I told myself in full certainty.

I had been sitting on the bed reading a new book. Nick and I had gone walking through the different boutiques and tourists spots yesterday as I showed him around California. While we were exploring, I had found a cute, little bookstore. For a small store, it had had a wide selection. Nick had urged me to buy a book to read over vacation, since he knew I didn't get a lot of time to read during the school year.

So, here I was reading and relaxing as Nick took a shower.

We would be heading back to New York tomorrow. This was our last day in California. I was having mixed feelings about going back home. My home was in New York now, without a doubt. I really did want to go back. The only reason why I was hesitant was because it felt so great to be here, alone with Nick. I had no work or homework here. All I had to think about was him and my mind was content with just that.

I definitely wanted to go back, though. At least just to get out of California. I had been tempted a few times to ask Nick if we could head back home early. I had this nagging feeling that my parents would find me. Or worse, that Bryce would find me.

I knew I was being paranoid and ridiculous, but I was scared. I had never done anything without their consent before. And then I had told them that I wanted Nick over them because he loved me. It was the truth, but I still regretted saying it, in a way. They were my family....

I tried to keep my mind off of it, but my mind had a way of taking control.

"You don't look like you're reading," Nick commented, causing me to jump. I hadn't seen him come out of the shower.

He tilted his head curiously to the side, but I could see the concern in his eyes. He knew too well by now that I got lost in my thoughts sometimes.

"I was reading," I told him matter-of-factly. I was reading and thinking at the same time. Totally possible.

Nick cocked an eyebrow at me, but shrugged it off. With the shrug I noticed how naked his shoulders were and my eyes involuntarily dragged down him. He was standing a pair of jeans that were hanging low on his waist. My eyes stalled at a scar on his stomach. It glistened against his still semi-wet skin.

"Speaking of reading... and stories," I smiled, reaching forward to his stomach. I gently traced the scar and peeked up to see a saddened look on his face. I hated to see that look on him.

I hesitated to continue saying what I had planned to when I saw that look. I wasn't sure if he liked it when I brought up his scars. I didn't know if it I should keep my interest in them to myself or not....

But he did know I was intrigued by them from my letter. He knew that I was interested in the stories behind them. I just wasn't sure if I should be pushing him to hear them.

"Can I hear about this one...?" I asked slowly, leaning forward to kiss it tenderly. If the memory hurt him, I was here. I wanted him to know that.

Nick grumbled playfully and dropped down on the bed to sit beside me. "You know... it's hard to say no to you," he told me seriously, and then grinned and flicked the tip of my nose with his index finger.

"It's really not that interesting, though. They're all the same. Mostly from fights," he explained with a shrug, wrapping his arm around me and pulling me tightly into his side. I felt his wet hair tickling me as he kissed my neck.

"_I_ think they're interesting," I murmured, leaning my neck to the other side to give him more access to my neck.

Nick chuckled. "I know you do, sweetheart. I think you have an unhealthy obsession with them," he teased, his teeth grazing my neck gently, making me gasp and recoil away from him. I took a deep breath, stabling myself as I tried to calm my nerves. This was Nick.

"It's not an 'unhealthy obsession,'" I glared and quickly cuddled back under his arm so he wouldn't know I had actually freaked out for a moment. I hadn't been afraid of _him_ so he didn't need to know.

He noticed though, and leaned down to search my eyes.

"Story time," I reminded him with a grin.

His laughter filled the room and he let my earlier reaction go. "Right. How could I forget?"

He looked down at his stomach and touched the scar in thought. "Like I said... it was in a fight. I was caught off guard and I got stabbed." His nonchalant voice always surprised me when he spoke about his scars. He brushed them off as nothing, but I had no idea how he had made it through all of those injuries without dying.

My eyes widened at the story, even though I had guessed as much. These 'fights' always seemed to be very... violent.

"Did you lose a lot of blood?" I asked, concerned. I reached down and traced the scar like earlier, trying to picture it not looking beautiful. It was probably pretty gruesome, but it had healed. He had healed and now it was perfect on him.

"I guess... but I put pressure on it quickly after and I made sure it was clean and everything," he assured me with a firm tone. I blinked at his words though. Had he cleaned it up himself?

"You went to the hospital, right?" I questioned him. I had a feeling he was going to say no.

"Well...." he trailed off and looked down. "No."

He had gotten stabbed and didn't go to the hospital and lived through it. Wow. I knew he was strong, but I couldn't even imagine....

"That was pretty stupid of you," I giggled, trying to lighten the mood. I didn't like when he looked ashamed like that. I wanted him to feel comfortable telling me these things.

Nick smirked and shrugged. "I was pretty stupid."

I highly doubted he was ever stupid. He may have been through some things, but he always knew what to do in situations. He was wiser than he thought.

"Now I have a girl to smarten me up, though," he joked, squeezing me tightly against him. "Though you're probably smart enough for the both of us."

I smiled and leaned up to kiss him. His lips held mine for a long moment before pulling back.

"Yes, you do," I agreed, ignoring the second half of his comment and rubbing his bicep reassuringly. If he was ever hurt like that again, though, his 'smart' girlfriend was sending him to the hospital.

Nick's eyes softened at my words. There was a meaningful look in them.

His eyes shut quickly though and he took a deep breath. "I need to go pick us up some dinner, my dear."

Was that him shutting me out or was it just me being paranoid? I watched him closely for a moment, not responding. When I realized I had no idea, I nodded.

"I'll come with you," I told him, sliding off the bed as he did.

He grinned, but shook his head. "You get no time to just do something for yourself when we're in New York. Let me go out and bring you dinner while you relax here and finish your book," he said to me sweetly.

He wrapped his strong arms around me as I nodded against him with a smile.

"Be back in twenty," he mumbled and gave me a passionate kiss goodbye that left me breathless.

I sat back down on the bed and watched him tug a shirt over his head and grab a belt. I continued to watch him, feeling a bit captivated. I wondered for the thousandth time how I had managed to run into such an amazing guy. One that seemed to like me just as much as I liked him.

He slipped on a jacket and shoes, then took a last peek at me. He gave me a cute smile and then blew me a kiss. I caught the air-blown kiss and held it tightly, which only made Nick smile wider.

"I'll miss you," I called as he was closing the door. The door clicked shut and I heard his quiet footsteps walking down the hall.

I fell back on the bed and my head hit the pillow with a thump. Twenty minutes would be longer than I wanted it to be.

My phone vibrated, shaking on the hard wood of the bedside table. Habitually, I quickly scooped it up and checked the text, seeing it was from Nick.

_I'll miss u more- Nick_

I smiled at the text and shut my phone. He was a fool if he thought he could miss me more.

I picked up the book and began to read. I was quickly sucked into it this time, leaving my thoughts behind and just reading. It felt good to just let go.

I was so focused on the book that when there was knock on the door I jumped up with a gasp, grasping my chest. I had almost had a heart attack.

I put the book on the nightstand and hurried to go open the door for Nick. His hands were probably full.

I opened the door fully and took a step back, waiting for him to walk in.

The body that walked into the room was not Nick's though. My breath caught in my throat when my eyes came straight into contact with Bryce's icy gray eyes.

I watched motionlessly as he rashly shut the door behind him. His eyes never left mine. I had never seen him so angry in my life.

Fear quickly started to fill me, but I tried to keep my composure. He couldn't scare me anymore. Nick would be back any minute.

That thought sent a wave of reassurance over me. My eyes flickered to the clock. He had already been gone for nearly twenty minutes. He should be back soon.

But would it be soon enough?

"Hey Chlo," he practically hissed the words at me. The fear was right back in me in seconds as I saw his eyes flash with fury. I struggled to breathe.

"You shouldn't be here," I stated clearly, sounding a lot more confident than I felt. I could tell him this. I didn't want him and he knew it. He wasn't dumb. He knew I wanted to be with Nick now. How had he found us?

He just raised that challenging eyebrow at me. "I shouldn't be?" he questioned me in a taunting tone, taking a step closer to me. "'Cause I think I should be," he told me knowingly.

I took a step back, not sure of what to do. Should I threaten to call Nick or the police? But would he lose his temper if I said something like that? I wasn't sure if he would really hurt me or not....

"Nick's going to be back any second now," I whispered as I backed into the wall.

Bryce smirked and kept walking toward me until he was pressing against me. I held my breath.

I noticed the nose splint on Bryce's nose from where Nick had apparently punched him. I knew Nick wouldn't let him hurt me.

"Yeah, I figured. I've been following you. A lot can happen in those few seconds he's away, though," Bryce murmured, reaching up to stroke my cheek. I hated how he always pretended he loved me. I knew what love was now and nothing Bryce had ever given me was close to love.

"What do you want?" I asked him, staring him straight in the eyes. He didn't own me anymore.

Bryce sighed quietly and gave me what I used to think was his caring look.

"What do you think I want, baby? I miss you. Come home with me...." he whispered before leaning forward even more. I saw his face coming toward mine and jumped out of the way. He wasn't kissing me. I didn't want him to kiss me. Or touch me. I didn't want him here. I quickly stepped away from him.

"No, Bryce. I'm not going home with you. We're over. I'm with Nick, now."

Those words seemed to make any of the good that Bryce had left in him disappear. His eyes turned rock hard and he grabbed my arm.

"_We_ are never over," he told me through his teeth, pulling me into him. "I tell you who you are with, Chloe. You understand? And you're with me. You _are_ mine."

I winced at the pressure of the hold he had on my arm. I already knew it was going to be a bruise.

"I'm not yours," I replied in a firm, confident voice, knowing Nick would be proud of me.

Bryce's jaw set and he looked at me, violent rage burning in his rock hard eyes.

I took a deep breath to try and keep myself calm. He wouldn't hurt me. We were in a hotel. People could hear. He knew Nick was coming back soon. Nick would hurt him if Bryce was hurting me. Bryce already knew that as well. I would be fine.

He let out a chuckle. "I can't believe how disrespectful you've become, Chlo." He shrugged. "You don't think you're mine? Fine. Let me remind you. I'll make you mine."

The threat caused me to freeze. What?

His fingers dug into my skin and he tried to pull me forward.

No! I wouldn't let him.

The lessons from Nick from a few days before came into my mind.

Thumb outside of fist.

Squeeze tightly so I could feel my nails in my palm.

Punch through the target and not at it.

Nick's instructions filled my mind and my hand flew forward, smashing into Bryce's mouth.

I felt a sharp pain rip through my finger and into my hand and I bit my lip to hold back the pain. I couldn't show him I had gotten hurt.

Bryce stood shocked for a moment as I drew my hand back. He needed to realize I wouldn't let him push me around anymore. I would fight back now. He wasn't going to bully me. I was worth more than that.

"You bitch," he cursed, staring at me with a look I had never seen before. It made my blood run cold.

He grabbed my wrists and shoved me against the wall before I could even blink. "You think you're all tough now? Huh? You think that? I've never punched you, yet you think it's okay to punch me? All right, let's see how well you can take pain," he threatened loudly.

I couldn't hold back my fear any longer. I felt myself shaking underneath his grasp. He was going to hurt me. I knew I couldn't punch again. My finger was throbbing already. I think I had broken it. I could feel tears starting to form in my eyes, and I blinked, letting them silently trail down my face.

Bryce took a step back and I saw him raise his hand. But just as he did, the bedroom door opened.

"Hey sweetheart—" Nick's voice stopped short.

The world froze at the moment.

Bryce and Nick stared at each other as Nick dropped his bag on the ground at his feet. Both looked like they were ready to kill the other.

I fell apart seeing Nick. All I could do was run to him. I threw myself into him and his arms were quickly wrapped around me, holding me tightly.

"I'm here, shh...." He whispered in a low tone, so only I could hear it. He kissed the top of my head and all my fears slipped away. I was safe. No one could hurt me now. I was in Nick's arms.

I looked up at Nick. His eyes were alert and focused on Bryce.

"Sweetheart. Can you do something for me?" he asked me, rubbing my back, but his eyes stayed glued to Bryce, who was watching us now with a look of amusement.

I sniffled and nodded my head. "Yes," I answered, realizing he wasn't looking at me and wouldn't have seen me nod.

Nick nodded approvingly and looked down at me for a quick second. "Go in the bathroom and wait for me there," he instructed me in a hushed tone. "I'll be in there in a moment."

I nodded obediently, but the rest of the task was harder. Leaving his arms was tough. Bryce was across the room and I didn't know how fast he could get to me. Would he try if Nick was here? He was really angry right now... he might try.

I did what Nick said though and ran into the bathroom and shut the door. As I turned the lock, my knees gave out and I grabbed the sink counter for support, slowly letting myself down until I was sitting on the floor.

I closed my eyes and tried to breathe. It was all okay now. Nick was here and I was fine.... I wasn't alone. I would be fine....

I kept trying to tell myself that, but Bryce's words were still shouting loudly at me in my memory.

So instead, I tried to concentrate on Nick's voice outside the door. It was muffled by the walls and I couldn't hear very well. I knew he was angry though. I had never heard his voice so angry before.

It was still reassuring to hear that he was out there protecting me.

Then I heard a louder, painful scream come from outside the bathroom and I jumped. Was Nick hurt? I wasn't sure. I didn't know if I should leave the bathroom. Nick said to wait for him.

I held my breath, hoping that he was okay.

I heard the front door shut and fear started to fill me. What if Bryce had hurt Nick and now Bryce was going to come get me? I knew he was going to find me. I knew it! I couldn't get away from him. Why would I have ever thought I could be happy with Nick? I'd be stuck with Bryce—

My thoughts stopped sharply as the handle of the bathroom door jiggled.

"Chloe?"

Nick.

I quickly unlocked the door and Nick slipped into the bathroom. My eyes frantically scanned over his body, looking for an injury. Nothing.

Wait no. There was blood on his hand. Oh no.

I quickly jumped up from the floor and grabbed a cloth, running water over it. I hoped it wasn't bad.

Nick walked over to me. His face looked torn. Was he in pain?

I picked up his hand and ran the cloth gently over his knuckles, inspecting it for injuries. I wiped the blood off and found no cuts. Confusion swept over me. Where was the blood coming from?

"His nose will never be the same," Nick told me. His voice sounded oddly emotionless for Nick. I looked up into his eyes, concerned. But his words came into my mind as well.

"You hit him in the nose again?" I asked him quietly, completely shocked. The scream had been from Bryce.

Nick nodded and then a grin took over his face. "And you, sweetheart, gave him a pretty fat lip," Nick's pride was gleaming in his voice.

I couldn't help the smile from stretching across my face at his pride. He had taught me that and I had used it to protect myself. He had been protecting me without even knowing it.

"I did?" I was in awe that I had actually hurt him. He had grabbed me so fast after that I wasn't sure if I had actually hurt him.

Nick reached over to my cheek and stroked it, exactly where Bryce had done earlier. It was like he sensed that I needed him to make his touch go away.

"He's gone, now. He's not coming back. And you definitely did, Chloe," he assured me. "Lemme see that hand of yours. It must hurt."

As he said that I realized how much it _was_ hurting. My right index finger was hurting _a lot_.

"It does hurt," I informed him, bringing my finger up to his face. He reached up and gently held my hand as he inspected my finger. His eyes squinted and he gently poked at my finger in a few places.

I sucked in a quick breath of air when he hit the part that hurt the most. He frowned deeply.

"Can you bend your finger for me, sweetheart?" he murmured in a gentle, caring tone.

I nodded and looked at my finger in determination. I slowly started to bend the finger but a sharp pain shot through it as I tried.

"Ow!" I exclaimed painfully, bringing my finger back to myself, shielding it. It hurt a lot. There was definitely something wrong with it.

Nick leaned over and kissed my lips gently. "I'll fix it for you," he promised. He told me he would be right back and left the room. A minute later he came back with a small case in his hand. It kind of looked like a bathroom bag.

"Jump up onto the counter for me," he instructed me. "Do you need help?" he asked quickly after, remembering I was hurt. I chuckled, even through the intense pain coming through my finger.

"I can do it," I assured him, hopping up onto the counter.

Nick smiled again, pride in his eyes. But he didn't stay like that for long. He was quickly opening his little bag and pulling out things. First he pulled out a bottle of pills. He handed me two pills and then a bottle of water and I took them after he told me they were painkillers.

I leaned against the mirror and watched Nick make a splint out of the supplies in his bag like it was second nature to him. He asked me if I was all right through the whole process of fitting my finger to it.

Eventually I just grumbled, "How come your finger never breaks when you punch him?"

Nick broke out in laughter and looked up at me with sparkling eyes. "Years of practicing. Don't worry, you'll be as good as me soon," he assured me with a smirk.

I nodded and let him finish up with my finger.

"Done."

"Thanks," I whispered, sort of still in awe that he could construct me a split with no effort at all. He really was a genius.

Nick threw everything back in the bag and then took my finger and kissed it very gently. "It'll be better soon."

"It already feels better," I shrugged, telling the truth. Whether it was the painkiller or his kiss, the pain seemed to be slipping away at every second. "So is the real reason why you won't go to NYU because you're secretly holding out for med school?" I tried to joke.

Nick just gave me a sad look, though, and opened his arms for me. How come his smile suddenly was disappearing? I frowned and wrapped my arms tightly around him, rubbing his back tenderly.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here," he apologized, guilt dripping in his voice.

Oh... he felt guilty. I sighed and shook my head. "No, Nick. You came right in time," I assured him, giving him a tight squeeze before pulling back to look into his brown eyes. They were still guilty and very upset.

He was ridiculous to think that he hadn't been here. He had been with me in spirit and then arrived and saved me. He protected me more than he realized.

I tried to joke again. "If you would have arrived earlier, I wouldn't have been able to practice my punches on Bryce," I frowned, looking disappointed.

Nick scoffed and nuzzled at my neck. "But you hurt your finger."

"Hey superman, you can't be there to save me every time. I need to fight my own battles sometimes," I told him gently with a smile, reaching up to stroke his cheek with my good hand. Despite me needing to fight my own battles, I was still grateful he had came before Bryce had gotten out of control.

"If I could fly... I definitely would be," Nick joked, tilting his head to kiss the palm of my hand.

"You better work on flying then, huh?"

Nick nodded and then tugged me tightly back against him, holding me. "I won't ever let him hurt you again," he promised.

I breathed him in and snuggled into him, feeling so much more at ease when he was holding me.

"I know you won't, Nick. I trust you."

**Author's Note: Awww....! every couple is happy at the moment...! Minus Spencer. :P. Oh well, he's never happy, I suppose. Bryce was back..eww. But I hope you guys enjoyed it! Leave us a review!**

**Check out the blog. You can see all pictures of Hope characters that my beta and I have made. **

**Also, there's a poll on my profile, vote who you want the next outtake to be about! **

**Have a great day/night! :)**


	32. Chapter 32

**Author's Note: Hello my faithful readers! Hope you are all doing well and here is your weekly update of Hope. Enjoy. **

Forgotten Hope Chapter 32-

_SPOV_

The date keeps going up. First, Second, Third, Fourth. The months are moving. It's December now. And the days keep going by.

December 1. December 2. December 3. December 4. It had been seven days since Alice had left me. Seven days. One week.

Seven days sure felt like a lot longer. The minutes on the clock seemed to take hours to change.

No matter how much I worked, I couldn't get her off my mind. She was in the next room. Every day, she was steps away from me, but at the same time she was miles away. Her heart was in a totally different world than mine now.

No matter how hard I tried to let her go, I couldn't. Every time I saw her I just wanted to get down on my hands and knees and beg her to take me back. I needed another chance. I could be a better guy. I would try harder if I had to. I needed her back.

I felt pathetic, though. I still had her as a friend. She was always at arm's reach for me if I needed her. I was just being selfish because I didn't want her as a friend. It wasn't the same.

I didn't have time to dwell on this whole thing though. My fashion show was tomorrow and I still had so much to do. I had to make sure everything was in order. This was my responsibility. This was going to be my big moment. It was the only thing that could make me a success right now. And maybe it would give me an ounce of happiness if it came out as a success.

I jotted down notes on my paper of what needed to be done before buzzing an intern in.

One of the newer girls came in.

"What can I do for you, Mr. Wright?" she asked me politely, coming to stand in front of my desk. I was glad this one came in because I knew I wouldn't have been able to stand any of the other girls who would attempt to flirt with me.

I gave her instructions and handed her papers, telling her which people to give them to. Then she walked out of the room.

Good. At least we have some interns in here who are interested in fashion and not just having sex with me. I swear, some of them just tried to get this job for that reason, and I wasn't just being dramatic.

I got up from my desk and walked to the coffee maker, fooling around with it, trying to get it to work. It was being difficult lately and only worked when it wanted to, which was not good for me at all. I was living off of two hours of sleep a night, if I was lucky. I needed caffeine. A lot of caffeine.

When I finally got it to work, I heard my office door fly open. My head snapped up, anger filling me. People knew to knock on the door before they entered this office. I was their boss and just because I was the same age as them or younger, it didn't mean they didn't have to show me respect in the workplace.

The person that came in was not outranked by me though. Alice stood there, arms crossed, with a half angered, half broken expression.

I sighed loudly and crossed my arms, leaning against the table behind me. "What?"

I couldn't even smile at her anymore. Do you have any idea how wrong it felt not to be able to smile at her? She had always been my reason to smile, and now it just hurt to think of smiling.

Alice let out a sad sigh. "You didn't have to send an intern to my office with your notes. Our offices are attached for a reason, Spence."

My breath stopped at the word 'Spence.' I focused my mind on what she was saying and not all the memories that tried to break through.

"You could just call me over if you don't want to leave your office." How well did she know me? She knew that my office was my safe zone. This was where I went when I was hurting. It was where I stayed when I knew I couldn't take reality.

"I'm sorry," I apologized quietly, turning around to pour my coffee into a cup.

I could hear Alice's footsteps coming closer to me and I tensed up.

_Please don't touch me_, I tried to plead with her through my mind.

"It's okay. _This_ time. But next time I'm going to hurt you," Alice teased me, probably trying to remove the thick tension that was always accompanying our conversations now.

"Did you want some coffee?" I offered her politely, looking up at her, only for a moment to see if she was going to nod.

Her green eyes connected with mine though, and I quickly recoiled, looking back down at the cup. I wouldn't let her see my pain. That would only make everything worse. It would make her hurt and I would hurt more.

"Sure," Alice answered. I could hear her smile. I nodded in response and poured milk and sugar into the cup.

"Here you go," I whispered, turning to hand her the cup of coffee.

"Thanks," Alice said gratefully, taking the cup from my hand. I turned back around and started to make my cup of coffee now. Was she going to leave? I started to wonder, as she hadn't made a move to leave the room yet.

It was weird how half of me wanted to keep her in here when the other half was begging for her to leave. I was torn.

"Umm... I heard the models were here to pick from... did you want me to help you pick?" Alice asked me gently, walking closer again. I took a step back, but covered it up by walking back over to my desk and sitting down. She would notice though. She knew me.

It didn't stop her. She followed me and sat on the edge of my desk, waiting for my answer.

"I can handle it myself," I shrugged before taking a sip of the steaming hot coffee.

"I know...." Alice mumbled, fiddling with the papers on my desk. She felt right at home in my office. No one else would dare touch anything on my desk. I was very particular about it. "I could help anyways though," she told me with a hopeful smile.

Oh, she wanted to _help_ me. Why? She had her own work to do... I didn't need any help.

I had a feeling it was because I had hardly been around her for the last week. The day she had left me I had left town for two days, deciding I should pick up the materials across the country instead of asking any of the interns or other workers. I didn't care though. I had just needed to get out of here for a while.

Once I had come home, I had avoided any sightings of Alice, working from my office with all the doors locked and the shades on the windows of the office shut. I didn't talk to anyone here, not even my mother. I think that my mom and Charlotte were giving me space. My mom was still walking on eggshells around me from when I found out she had an affair. I really didn't blame her for anything though. I mean, if she hadn't had the affair, I wouldn't exist. Everyone makes mistakes....

I let out a long breath of air and nodded. "If you'd like to." I still couldn't be entirely mean to her. I couldn't even ignore her.

A grin flashed across Alice's face and she jumped up happily. I almost smiled at the sight of it.

"Maybe we can get some lunch before?" she suggested.

I froze there, though. I couldn't do that. Every time I was near her I was letting her in. When I let her in, I fell even more in love with her and I couldn't do that. She didn't want me anymore.

I bit my cheek, uncertain of what to do. She would be hurt if I said no.

There was a knock on the door of my office and my head shot up. Who now?

Nick stood outside the door with a smile. What a save.

I waved him in. He walked right in and over to Alice, crushing her into his chest.

"Hey Ali," he greeted her cheerfully. Alice's eyes were still focused on me though. After a few seconds she sighed, realizing I wasn't going to answer her, and she turned to greet Nick in return.

Nick stepped aside from her and opened his arms up. "Your turn, man," he ordered me, waving me toward him.

Hugging someone had not been on my list of things to do in the near future, but I endured it. Nick was a good friend and none of this had to do with him. I wasn't going to put any of the blame on him. He looked like he was in a good mood.

I got up and gave him a one armed hug. "Hey," I mumbled and then pulled back, plopping back down into my seat. Nick's eyes stayed on me for a moment, his smile fading as he thought. He could see I was upset. I suppose anyone could. It was pretty obvious.

Nick recovered. "So... I was wondering if you guys wanted to go out for lunch?" Nick suggested with an inviting smile. Great....

"Sure!" Alice exclaimed eagerly, slipping under Nick's arms and hugging him from the side.

Nick laughed and looked up at me, waiting for my answer. If Nick was there, maybe it would be okay. Alice and I wouldn't be alone and Nick wouldn't let anything get too tense.

I looked at her again and chickened out.

"I have a lot of work to do. Why don't you two go ahead? Maybe some other time," I mumbled, giving them both an apologetic look. I couldn't handle going out for lunch. And I did have a lot of work, so I wasn't lying.

Nick's happy expression fell. "You need to eat, man," he stated seriously, but his eyes were searching mine, uncertain if he should fight with me about this.

He shouldn't.

"I'll get one of the interns to get me something," I told him nonchalantly, rolling closer to my desk and picking up a pen, showing them that I was about to start working.

"They _bring_ you food?" Nick asked in disbelief and awe.

Alice chuckled a musical laugh, rolling her eyes at Nick. Nick was like Alice in some ways, amazed by the smallest things. Things some of us took for granted, I guess.

"That's what interns do," I told him with a shrug. They did a lot more than that, but you'd be surprised how little the things they did had to do with designing clothing. They had to work themselves up to those positions. Right now, they just ran around doing errands, mostly. Errands and the "bitch work," if we wanted to be technical.

Nick pressed his lips together and made a confused face. "How's that got to do with fashion?"

"It doesn't," Alice answered for me, probably sensing that I wasn't in the mood to explain something like that. "Interns are just here to observe and serve the real designers."

Good answer, I thought.

"You two have a good lunch," I hinted, picking up the phone on my desk. How many hints did Nick need? I had a feeling he knew that I was trying to get rid of them, though. Nick was nowhere near dumb and he knew how to read people.

Nick didn't move as he cocked an eyebrow at me. "Well since they can bring food... why don't we all just chill here? You have enough couches and crap in here. That way you can work while we wait for lunch," he proposed with a somewhat pleased smile on his face. He was not going to let me go on this one.

Alice's face softened and she gave me a questioning look. She wanted to know if I wanted her to drag Nick out of here or not.

I took a deep breath. "Fine," I said in a huff as the air left my lungs. Maybe I could deal with one lunch. Nick wasn't going to let this go anyways.

"Awesome!" Nick grinned and plopped down into the couch across the room. Alice was chewing on her bottom lip, but then came in front of my desk and sat crossed legged on one of the chairs. She reached over my desk and pressed the intercom button, calling one of the interns into the room.

She was being rather quiet now.

I shifted my gaze off of her. I couldn't worry about her. That wasn't my job anymore. I couldn't fill my mind up with worries for her. Or with her in general. I had to learn not to do things like that anymore.

"How was California, Nick?" I asked him, getting off of the desk chair and walking over to the couch to sit with him. Hopefully that didn't look too much like I was trying to avoid Alice... even if I was.

Nick smirked. "Do you really want to know? It's pretty crazy," he told me honestly. His eyes were full of mixed emotions. Was it a good crazy or not? I hadn't spoken to him since before Thanksgiving... I didn't know if things had changed much. He and Chloe were still together... I think. Probably.

"Give me a summary," I replied nonchalantly. I'm sure it wasn't too crazy. He was still alive.

I vaguely noticed an intern walk in and hand Alice menus.

"All right...." Nick mumbled and shifted in his seat, trying to get comfortable. Was the summary of his weekend going to be that long? My stomach tightened a bit, already becoming overwhelmed by the social activity. I wasn't sure if I was ready for all of this.

"Wait! Let's order lunch first, Nick. It'll take at least twenty minutes to get back here. You'll have time for your story," Alice chuckled and walked over to sit in between Nick and me. I cringed, my stomach tightening even more. I thought I was going to throw up. This was too much. I pushed myself as far as I could away from Alice, but the couch wasn't very big.

Her bare arm brushed mine, then. The shock waves surged through my arm from hers. A whimper left my lips before I could stop it. I hadn't felt her in so long.

Both Nick and Alice shot their gazes my way, looking concerned.

I hurriedly covered it up, rubbing the back of my neck. "My neck's sore... I've probably been bending over doing paper work for too long," I lied, shrugging it off.

Nick nodded, not even questioning my response. Alice accepted it too, not seeming to realize that we had even come in contact. My touch wasn't even affecting her anymore... why was I surprised? I didn't compare... I was just Spencer... long time boyfriend, nothing new or exciting.

"Want me to give you a neck rub?" Alice offered with a caring look. A perky smile crept over her lips, inviting me into the offer.

That was impossible. I was pretty sure I would probably have a heart attack if I had any more contact with her.

"No," I said too quickly. It probably sounded rather rude. I hadn't meant it to, but Alice recoiled as if she had been hit. Her eyes flashed with pain and she turned her head quickly, trying to hide it.

"Kay," she whispered and looked down at the menus in her hands.

Nick gave me a sympathetic look and shook his head, assuring me not to worry about it. Why did I always have to hurt her? I could have just said 'No thank you.' Was I losing my ability to be polite now?

Nick draped his arm around Alice's shoulder and pulled her into him. I wanted to say thank you to him or something, but it also sort of angered me that he was able to touch her. He could be just friends with her. Why couldn't I? I needed to learn how to just be a friend....

"What kind of food is there, Ali?" Nick asked her cheerfully. I needed to be more cheerful too. I needed to be like Nick. Why couldn't I be more like him?

"Everything," she laughed shakily, flipping through the pile of menus the intern had brought in. There was at least twenty there and they were all different types of food.

Nick's eyes narrowed at all the different food. "...Are there hamburgers?" he asked, almost hesitantly.

I actually smirked at that. It wasn't a smile, but at least it was something. All the different menus that we had been given were for more higher class restaurants.

"I'm sure we could make a request," I reassured him, reaching over to pat his shoulder encouragingly.

"Good. Would they be able to squeeze in some fries and Coke too?" he asked me seriously.

"I'll see what I can do," I nodded at him, amused at the simplicity of his request.

Alice was reading through the menus and handed me the menu for the restaurant I normally ordered from. She didn't look at me when she handed me the menu though.

I knew this wasn't a good idea.

I wasn't even going to be able to eat. There was no point to this. I shouldn't even bother looking at the menu.

Silence filled the room for a moment as everyone looked down at their menus. I pretended to. I peeked at my watch. Great, it had only been ten minutes. This was going to be a very long lunch...

"I think I know what I want. Does everyone else?" Alice asked quietly, seeming uncertain about if she should break the silence.

"I still want a burger," Nick laughed loudly, causing me to jump.

Again, both pairs of eyes shot at me, concerned. This was going to _really_ long lunch.

"I'm not really hungry," I mumbled, carefully handing the menu back to Alice without us touching.

I thought I heard Alice sigh at my words, but I wasn't completely certain.

"You have to eat, Spencer. If you don't tell me what you want, I'm going to buy you a burger," she threatened me playfully, sending me her bright grin.

Cue the stabbing pain in my heart. Yep, there it was. Her smiles weren't really helping me one bit.

When had I become so bitter?

"What's wrong with burgers?" Nick asked, sounding offended. Other than the fact that they were disgustingly greasy objects that people seemed to think were edible, I had no idea.

"Just get me whatever you're getting," I grumbled to Alice, not even caring anymore. They wouldn't let me work, they made me stay here and have lunch with them, and now they were forcing me to eat. Whatever. I didn't care....

"Well... you don't have to get something if you really don't want it. I just don't want you passing out or something... you look really pale, Spence," Alice said quietly, sadly. I mentally groaned. See! All I did was hurt her without even trying.

"It's fine. I just need to eat," I whispered, looking across the room. Maybe if I just didn't say anything, then this would all go smoothly.

"Okay," Alice replied gently and got off the couch. She walked out of the room, probably going to tell an intern.

"You okay, man?" Nick asked, moving over so that he was beside me. I mentally thanked him for that move. This way Alice wouldn't be touching me in any way.

I ran my hands over my short hair, feeling how odd it was to actually feel my head and hardly any hair on it.

"I don't know. I don't feel like myself anymore. It's just going to take some time...." I explained with what I tried to make a nonchalant shrug. Could time even heal my wounds? I highly doubted that. I had been with her for seventeen years of my life. I didn't even remember a life without her and I knew time wouldn't erase my memories of our relationship. Unless all of my memories got erased like hers had, I would not move on. Alice would be my one and only. I had promised her that, and I wouldn't break it.

Nick nodded understandingly and slung his arm around my shoulder casually. "It'll get better. But if you ever need to talk about it, you know I'm here, right? I got your back. Just call me and we can talk or hang out or something." Nick's voice was a softer tone than his usual joking one. He was being honest and earnest about this.

"I know. I appreciate it. And I might take you up on that offer sometime," I replied with the same honesty. I could hang out with Nick. He was laid back and wouldn't mind if I had to bail out earlier or if I didn't want to talk. I just wasn't ready for anything big... or Alice.... Not yet.

"Good," Nick smiled and Alice entered the room.

Alice walked straight over and plopped down beside Nick, resting her head on his shoulder.

"Tired?" Nick asked her.

Alice laughed an almost frustrated laugh. "No. It's just those interns. I had to explain ten times where to go and tell them exactly what to say. Word for word! I don't know how you people get them to work," Alice said stressfully, looking over at me with a look of exasperation.

"Tell them you won't sleep with them. Apparently girls like what they can't have so they try harder," I spat out before even realizing it.

Nick burst out laughing. "There you go, Alice. Just tell them you won't sleep with them."

Again, I almost smiled at the expression on Alice's face. Her whole face turned sour and her nose scrunched in disgust.

"I can try," she mumbled with a roll of her eyes. "But I doubt any of those girls are really interested in me with him around the corner," Alice giggled, pointing at me.

"That's true," I nodded with mock conceit. Why not?

"Aren't there any guy interns?" Nick asked interestedly.

"Oh no. I don't need any. Nick, you are all the guy I need," Alice joked, hugging him from the side again.

I repeat, why can't I be more like Nick? I wished I was him right now so Alice would wrap her arms around me like that and not have to think about me breaking down.

There was a moment of silence and then Nick spoke. "So... can I summarize my trip now?" he asked me, cocking an eyebrow up. "If you think you can handle it?"

"Go for it...." I shrugged. If this would keep us off of anything about me, I was up for it.

So he told me. And wow. The story was not what I expected. I thought he meant crazy like...maybe he got drunk and did something stupid or something. I was not expecting the complex, intense story that he told me.

I never would have thought that Chloe would have had another boyfriend. Out of all people in the world, I wouldn't expect it from her. But then it all made sense when Nick mentioned that he was apparently an overly controlling, emotionally abusive boyfriend. I could only shake my head. The drama in this world just seemed to never end. Everyone had skeletons in their closets.

Luckily, Nick and Chloe had come out of that insane situation even stronger. Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I guess. Except for me. I'm just dying....

"The thing is...." Nick trailed off after finishing off the story. "She's told me everything. Like _everything_. She is being completely honest with me and I still haven't been... completely honest."

"About being in the gang?" Alice asked him softly, putting her hand over his and squeezing it tightly. I had forgotten about those things. It had been so long. I was surprised he hadn't told her about that yet. She seemed like an accepting person and she seemed to genuinely care about him. They seemed... well, serious.

"About the gang, about my lack of education... or that I'm wanted by the police," he added with a look of pure guilt on his face.

"Why not?" I wondered out loud. If she had admitted her secrets to him and he accepted her, then I'm sure she would have done the same for him.

Nick sighed in frustration. Devastation was beginning to fill his eyes as he looked at me seriously.

"How could she accept me? She deserves _so_ much. She's told me everything and I keep lying to her.... How could she understand all of this after so long?" Nick asked in desperation, shaking his head. "She's too good for someone like me...."

The only response after that was a loud smack.

"Ow!" Nick exclaimed, rubbing his arm where Alice had just hit him.

"Don't say that. She loves you just the way you are and she'll love you for being honest. Right, Spencer?" Alice told Nick in a firm voice, but looked to me for back up. Sometimes guys listened to other guys better, I guess.

"Yeah... and the longer you hold onto secrets the worse they get. Once you get it off your back it'll be a lot better," I agreed, giving him a certain look. I knew how it felt to have a secret hidden from me my whole life. It sucked and it caused unnecessary pain. Chloe and Nick didn't deserve that pain.

"I know," Nick mumbled and rubbed the back of his neck. "I can't unload all of that on her though. She's stressed enough with all that happened in California."

"You could tell her one thing at a time. Break it to her slowly. Maybe say you need more time to tell her the rest, so she knows there's more that you're planning on telling her. And even though you are technically wanted for murder, you weren't the one who killed him," I told him calmly. I could do this 'being a friend' thing. It felt good to help someone else who was going through something. It took my mind off of my own problems. For a second.

"I could...." he nodded in agreement. "I've killed people before, though. So it's pretty much the same thing," Nick said. He sounded angry, like he was mad or disgusted with himself. Maybe he regretted the past. Well, who wouldn't regret killing someone? Unless they were a psychopath.

"You're not like that anymore, though. Chloe will see that," Alice assured Nick, reaching up to give him an encouraging kiss on the cheek.

_I hate Nick_, my mind screamed as I saw the kiss.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts. I didn't hate him. What was wrong with me?

I nodded in agreement to what Alice had previously said, after I had recovered from my jealous thoughts.

"Maybe you could start by telling her that you haven't finished high school?" I offered him. That was the least intense one... it would be the easiest to tell her.

Nick stiffened but nodded. "Yeah, that's what I've been thinking. She's just so damn smart! I don't want to look bad."

"She loves you, Nick. You aren't going to look bad to her. She already thinks you're gorgeous anyway," Alice teased him, trying to calm him down. She could always calm me down no matter what....

Nick gave her a weak smile and shrugged sheepishly. "I'm a stud, what can I say?" he chuckled, but then sighed. "Hopefully she likes a stud without brains."

Another smack from Alice.

"Stop ruining my body, Ali! It's all I have," Nick growled at her playfully, grabbing her and crushing her into him. I took a deep breath in and looked away. I needed her touch so badly.

There was a knock on my office door and my head snapped in that direction. Finally, the food.

Maybe this lunch would finally start to come to an end. I didn't know how much more I could take....

_APOV_

I rode up the long elevator ride, finally getting home from work. It had been a long day. Everything seemed to drag on at work now that there was so much tension between Spencer and me. I hated it.

I had even tried to eat lunch with him, but I knew it wouldn't have worked out if Nick hadn't come along. Spencer couldn't stand me! And I would be lying if I said it didn't hurt and that I wasn't very bothered by it.

I knew I was being selfish for still wanting him in my life after all I had done to him. I couldn't help it though. I was used to him being there and I hadn't seen him for a week. I couldn't help but ask him to go out for lunch. I had just wanted to talk... and to try to help him.

I sighed and unlocked my new apartment door. I couldn't help but smile now, knowing whose apartment this was.

I entered the apartment, sensing the familiar smell of Jasper and the warmth of his presence. I wasn't even close to him yet and I could already feel him.

I slipped my shoes off and then headed further into the apartment. I was about to call out that I was home, but I saw his form on the couch and stopped myself. He was sleeping.

_Aww._.. I crept over and kneeled down. He was so peaceful when he slept. His blonde curls cascaded over his rested face. He always had such a pleasant smile on his cute, kissable lips. He was even more perfect in this moment.

I reached forward and touched his curls, pushing them off of his forehead, and then leaned down to kiss his forehead tenderly.

He stirred in his sleep and his eyes fluttered open. "Darling...." he whispered, reaching forward to hug me. He must have fallen asleep half way through the hug, because his head lay heavily on my shoulder and I could feel him start to breath evenly.

He had been tired this week. Football was still working him hard. I ran my fingers gingerly through his hair, rocking him back and forth.

I only held him for a moment though, since we were in an awkward position. I gently put him back down on the couch, but again he woke up from the movement.

"Crap. What time is it, love? I can't believe I fell asleep!" he exclaimed this time, jumping up from the couch and looking around frantically. "Have you been home long? Oh sorry," he apologized sheepishly, leaning forward to give me a loving kiss on the lips.

"I missed you," he murmured, sounding half asleep.

"I missed you too and it's only five. You have time. Go back to sleep and I can start something for dinner, okay?" I told him gently, walking him back to the couch. He didn't sit down though. He rubbed his eyes tiredly with a yawn.

"No, I've already slept for an hour. I'll help cook." He grabbed his shirt off of the couch and tugged it back on.

"As long as you don't fall asleep on the stove," I teased him, pecking his lips. "Watch TV, Jazz. I'm just going to make us Mac and Cheese."

Jasper smiled and shook his head, taking my hand and leading me to the kitchen. "Making Mac and Cheese with you is much more enjoyable than TV," he informed me with a nod.

"If you say so." I shook my head, doubting that watching me make dinner could be interesting. I pulled out a pot and the Mac and Cheese box, preparing all I needed as Jasper sat on the counter watching me. I could see him drifting off, almost falling asleep at random moments. He was too tired, and he had to play tonight....

I frowned and walked over to where the water was cooking the noodles.

"You need more sleep," I whispered to him, walking between his legs.

"Stop keeping me up at night," he joked, leaning his head down to rest on top of mine. I didn't really keep him up that much. Only sometimes when I wanted to hear him sing, or I wanted to talk, or watch a movie...or make out.... But I knew he wanted it just as much as me.

"We could... not stay up late anymore. You know, eat and go straight to bed?" I offered him with a smirk, looking up to meet his eyes. His blue eyes narrowed at me in a glare.

"Not a chance," he grinned, leaning down to capture my lips in his. "I _like_ staying up," he told me firmly as his eyes smothered me in the everlasting love that they always held.

"I like staying up too." I kissed him back, nipping on his bottom lip playfully. I was becoming very comfortable with Jasper. It felt like I had been with him for years. I didn't even have to question myself before doing something with him. Everything came so naturally with us. I liked it.

I took his hands in mine and squeezed them. "Guess who's coming to your game tonight!" I grinned at him.

Jasper matched my smile. "You are?" he asked me, excitement filling his voice. I hadn't been able to go to his football games yet because of both of our busy schedules lately. I had asked Nick after lunch if he and Chloe wanted to join me, and he said that they would.

"Yep! Nick and Chloe are too," I told him, almost jumping up and down in excitement. I was so excited to see him play football. He had been working so hard and I had felt bad for not supporting him. I knew if I had something going on, he would come and support me. I couldn't wait to see him play and it totally wasn't just because he would be in tight football pants.

I almost died at the thought. I could already picture it. Too sexy.

"Alice...." Jasper trailed off, nudging his head gently with mine.

I hummed in response, coming back to planet Earth.

"Whatcha thinking about?" he murmured with a very amused look on his face.

I narrowed my eyes at him, curious. Why would he be wondering what I was thinking about right now? Was it that obvious?

"I've been talking, love. You haven't heard a word I've said," he laughed, patting my cheek, still amused.

I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms. It couldn't have been that long and I hadn't even heard anything.

"So?" Jasper questioned me with that heart-melting half smile of his.

I shrugged nonchalantly, turning away from him and walking through the kitchen. "Just football... and pants... and you...." I mumbled, shuffling mindlessly through the cupboards. I wasn't going to let him know I was swooning at him in football pants before I had even seen him in them.

Jasper laughed and was behind me in a flash. His arms were wrapped around my waist and his lips were tickling my neck. "You mean, me playing football in tight pants?" he asked. His accent came out clearly in his words. Way to make me melt even more, Jazz.

"Maybe," I held back my giggle, squirming away from his lips. It tickled!

"Wanna see a preshow?" he offered in a husky voice, tightening his grip around my waist so I couldn't escape. I laughed at his offer.

"Tempting, but we have to eat and get you to the game. We can't be late," I explained to him with a disappointed look. His face mirrored mine, but a smile quickly came onto his face and he nodded.

"Fine... next time." He smiled and turned to the noodles.

Jasper and I finished making dinner and then ate it together. By the time we had finished, it was time to get ready to head to the football game. I quickly changed my clothes while Jasper collected his football gear and threw it in a bag. Then we were ready to hit the road.

We picked up Nick and Chloe at her place and then headed for the university. Thankfully the game was being played at NYU, so we didn't have to go far.

Jasper seemed happy throughout the entire ride to the college. He was obviously glad that we were finally able to attend.

Throughout the ride, he was yawning and looking like he was going to fall asleep at the wheel. He even stopped to get a cup of coffee. He tried to cover it as getting everyone drinks because it was getting chilly outside, but I knew him better than that. He normally didn't drink coffee.

I was thankful for the hot chocolate he had gotten me though. It was December in New York City now-- and that meant very cold weather. We were all bundled up in coats, hats and scarves. I was starting to feel bad for Jasper, having to stand on the field without a coat and real pants on. He was going to freeze.

We got to the football field with a few minutes to spare before he would have to go in for warm ups. We had timed it perfectly.

Jasper led us all to the bleachers and we grabbed good seats before they were gone.

"I'd better go get ready," Jasper said, rubbing my arms as I shivered. "Go cuddle with Nick and stay warm for me, darling," he instructed me with a loving smile.

He took a long sip of his coffee cup, finishing it up and tossing it into the nearby trash can.

"Okay. Go win the game for me!" I coached him, giving him a very serious look. "I don't want a boyfriend who's a loser," I teased. I almost couldn't hold back the smile when I saw the look on Jasper's face.

"That's harsh," he smirked, leaning in to rub his nose gently against mine. "I better win then, I guess."

"Good boy." I kissed him sweetly and then let go of him. As soon as I lost contact with him, a gust of wind instantly struck, chilling me. Who came up with football games at night in the winter? Idiot....

Jasper returned the kiss and let me go as well. "See you soon!" he called as he hurried off.

"Good luck!" Chloe called to him as he jogged off to the building across the field.

"Don't worry, sweetheart. He doesn't need luck. He learned it all from me," Nick informed Chloe with a confident grin. I rolled my eyes, but moved over and did as Jasper had instructed me earlier. I cuddled into his side, feeling the warmth immediately.

Nick sensed what I was doing and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. Nick was a lot bigger than me and I was enveloped in his warm body heat. With Nick and my hot chocolate, I would have no problem with the temperature.

"You play football?" Chloe asked Nick interestedly. She had the same idea as me and cuddled into Nick's other side, though Nick had already had his arm around her. He must have been enjoying this. What a lady's man.

I hadn't known Nick played football, though. In some situations, I was as clueless about Nick and Jasper's lives as Chloe was.

"Sure... not on a team, obviously. I used to play sometimes though... with Jasper and stuff. I was all right at it," Nick told her, modestly this time, being truthful. Nick wasn't the cocky guy he sometimes led himself on to be. Everyone who knew him knew that.

I'm sure Jasper hadn't thought he was that great either, and he had gotten a scholarship. Maybe Nick would be able to get one...? I knew that Davis had helped, but still....

I wouldn't mention it right now, though.

Chloe smiled and nodded. "Maybe if you come to NYU you could try out and play with Jasper. You'd probably like that."

I frowned at Nick's expression. This must have been a frequent thing with them. Chloe must really want him at NYU with her. Maybe that was why he had brought up talking to her about school when he had talked to Spencer and me. He'd need to tell her soon....

"Yeah, I would like that sweetheart," he said in a low voice, kissing her forehead tenderly. Chloe just sighed and let her head rest on his shoulder.

I slowly sipped my hot chocolate, taking my mind off of them. This wasn't a conversation for me to be listening in to, even if the conversation had stopped. It was something they were working out.

I stared off to the building where Jasper had just gone, waiting for him to emerge in his tight pants.

The moment finally came as the whole team jogged out the doors. My eyes flickered around the field, not knowing which number was his. Great....

"It says Hale on the back of his jersey, Ali," Nick chuckled when he heard me grumbling in frustration. I hadn't really realized that I had been expressing my frustration out loud.

My eyes scanned the crowd of guys as they came closer and my eyes found him faster than I had thought I would. I hadn't even seen his last name on the jersey yet.

Jasper took off his helmet and waved at me, probably so I would know where he was.

I grinned and waved back excitedly. I couldn't wait to see him play. He was going to do well, I already knew it. Hopefully he wouldn't get too tired on the field. Maybe the cold would keep him awake.

As the game started, I jumped to my feet clapping excitedly. I could see the grin on Jasper's face through his helmet. I was glad I could be here for him now.

Nick chuckled behind me, obviously amused. "He hasn't even started yet."

I ignored him and stayed on my feet, watching as he lined up on the field with the other guys. He was closer to our side of the field now and I could see him better. I gave him two thumbs up as he bent down to the ground with everyone else. He quickly gave me a thumbs up in return and then turned his concentration back to the game.

Jasper was one of the guys who ran far on the field. I didn't know the technical names of football players, so I wasn't sure what his position was, but he ran fast. He dodged the guys that attempted to take him down and ran farther.

"Easy," Nick said under his breath, intently watching the game with a proud smile on his face. He was proud of Jasper as well. I guess it would be easy for Jasper. He was used to dodging people from all the fights he had been in his whole life...and from dodging punches from Steve....

The guy with the ball threw it far, straight to Jasper. Jasper jumped up and caught it and then began to run again. He kept running until he got to the end of the field, dodging other guys effortlessly.

I screamed as he passed the touchdown line on the first play. Wow! He was amazing. I had no idea....

"Way to go, Hale!" Nick yelled from beside me, standing up as well. Chloe clapped excitedly beside him.

I watched as Jasper threw the ball to the ground and took his helmet off with the biggest smile on his face. His eyes were directly on mine and he pointed at me. I grinned back at him.

The rest of the first half of the game was a lot like this. Jasper was amazing the whole time. I had never seen anyone so amazing, though I had never really watched football. I was sure no one could have been this good in university though. Jasper was talented. He was passing all of the other football players with what seemed like no effort.

"Wanna go for a walk?" Nick asked Chloe as half-time started. Everyone had about twenty minutes before the guys would go back onto the field again. I had a feeling from the look on Nick's face that he might be going to tell Chloe about the school thing. Right now. His eyes were serious.

"Okay," Chloe answered contently, getting up with him.

"You okay here?" Nick asked me before they left.

"Yep," I replied in reassurance. He was going to tell her about some of his secrets and I wasn't going to stop him. I was proud of him for finally deciding to do it.

Jasper was going to be back out in a few minutes. I wondered if I would be able to see him before the next half. I already couldn't wait to tell him how proud I was.

Nick nodded a short nod and then turned with Chloe, taking her hand as they walked across the other side of the field to a walkway.

I shivered and drank the end of my not so hot chocolate and then threw it into a nearby trash can. What do I do for ten more minutes?

I pulled out my cell phone and scrolled through my inbox of texts. There wasn't anything new. I sighed and leaned back into the bench behind me, closing my eyes.

"Hey," I heard someone say in a gravelly voice.

My eyes snapped open and my head turned to the direction of the voice.

Gregory was leaning against the bleacher, then climbed up and sat beside me.

"Hey!" I grinned and gave him a quick hug. "What are you doing here?" I asked him happily. I had no idea he was going to be around here. I had missed Gregory. I hadn't been able to see him much this week because of everything that was going on. I had been texting him though, and calling him on break at work. He had been such a great friend lately. He never let me down.

"Stalking you," he told me matter of factly, giving me his devious grin that he wore so much.

I rolled my eyes and nudged him, knowing that wasn't the real reason.

He laughed. "An old friend of mine plays on that football team," Gregory explained, pointing at NYU's team.

My jaw dropped. No way. That was a crazy coincidence. "Really? Jasper's on that team too!" I informed him excitedly.

Gregory's lip tilted upwards in a smirk and then nodded, not as excited as me. "That's crazy," he murmured, leaning back against the bleacher, getting comfortable. "It's a small world."

"It is," I agreed, inching closer to him. I needed warmth.

"Cold?" Gregory asked me, a look of concern on his face. I nodded sheepishly. I was dependent these days. I couldn't even keep myself warm. It's a good thing I had a lot of guys in my life. Lots of people to warm me up.

Gregory sighed dramatically, as if it was a chore to move, but put his arm around my shoulder. I took a deep breath and melted into his side. He smelled like smoke. He must have been smoking while watching the football game. It was weird that I hadn't noticed him before, or that he hadn't noticed me before. I had been loud enough. Or maybe he hadn't walked over when Nick and Chloe were here because he knew I didn't want people to know about him. He was a really good friend to me.

"Which one's Jasper?" Gregory asked me curiously with a smile.

I pointed out Jasper's jersey. He wasn't looking toward us. He was talking to the coach. Maybe I wouldn't be seeing him before the break endd.... At least Gregory was here to keep me occupied.

"Oh. He's been playing really well today, hasn't he?"Gregory commented. The look of amusement on his face confused me, but maybe he thought it was amusing how we both had friends on the same football team. I had no idea. Gregory had an interesting mind. I couldn't understand it, but I accepted it.

"Yep. He's talented," I agreed with a nod, gazing at Jasper, watching his every move. Tight pants....

"And Chloe's here today as well," he added.

"Yeah, she and Nick decided to come along as well," I confirmed. So that proved that he had seen me before, but had kept his distance.

"They're a cute couple. He seems very attracted to her," Gregory said in an interested voice. It was as if Nick's attraction to Chloe pleased him in some way... or maybe he was just being polite by noticing. He had seemed to like her when I had introduced them.

"They love each other," I informed him knowingly with a grin. I knew how he felt about love.

His eyes flashed with something and he looked at me, surprised. "He said that?"

"Said what?" I blinked in confusion at the speed of Gregory's words.

"He told her he loved her?" Gregory asked me, almost impatiently. His eyes were searching mine. What was up with him?

"Yeah... when they went to California." I nodded slowly, narrowing my eyes at him. Why was he so interested in Nick all of the sudden? I hadn't spoken that much about Nick. I did sometimes, but Gregory never seemed to ask many questions about him.

Gregory cleared his throat and then nodded. "That's good. I'm happy for them."

He stood up then and smiled pleasantly. "I'd better slip into the shadows before any of your friends see me. Have a good night, Alice. I'll text you later." Again, I loved how he respected me wanting our friendship to be a secret. He was still a good listener... he helped me when I needed someone to sort things out to.

"Okay. See you later!" I called to him as he jumped down the bleachers and walked swiftly towards the walkway. Maybe he had to go to the bathroom or something before the game started again?

When I looked back to the field, away from Gregory, Jasper was standing at the bottom of the bleachers, looking at me. His helmet was off and I could see his hair sticking to his forehead with sweat. He had definitely worked himself hard out there.

I walked down the bleachers to him and gave him a tight hug. "You did great, Jazz! You're so good!" I exclaimed to him with a serious but very sincere voice. He was truly amazing at everything.

"So does that mean you don't have a loser boyfriend?" he chuckled teasingly, throwing me his beautiful smile.

"Definitely not," I assured him, leaning forward to give him a quite passionate kiss--especially to give in front of so many people.

Jasper moaned quietly against my lips and wrapped his strong arms around me. I pulled out of the kiss and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"I didn't want to disappoint you," Jasper told me with a shrug.

I scoffed at the notion. "You never disappoint me." It was the truth.

Jasper just smiled at my words and nodded. And then, of course, he yawned. I reached up and ran my thumb under his eyes, touching the black bags that were building up under his eyes. He was getting as bad as Spencer.

"Who were you sitting with a minute ago?" Jazz questioned me curiously, rubbing up and down my back. I froze, thinking fast.

"Just an old friend," I lied. It was believable though. I had lived in New York most of my life. I would obviously have friends randomly popping up around the city.

Jasper nodded and then I heard a whistle.

"Crap. I have to go play again." Jasper frowned and leaned down to give me a quick peck on the lips.

I sighed as he jogged back to the field. I had just gotten my relationship with him straightened out. We were happy right now. Why was I lying to him? Was my secret friendship with Gregory really this important?

**Author's Note: Aww... well, Jasper and Alice are finally becoming a couple again. And Nick seems to have decided to tell Chloe the truth about his school situation. I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter and leave a review! **

_**Also**_**, this is **_**very**_** important, today is the last day of voting on the ffn competition Hope & Forgotten Hope have been entered into. The link is on my profile as well as the list of categories the stories have been entered into. Please go vote if you haven't!! :D**

**Have a great day/night **


	33. Chapter 33

**Author's Note: Hello world of fanfiction! Here is your weekly fix of Hope. Enjoy :) **

Forgotten Hope Chapter 33-

_NPOV_

It was time to let the truth out.

I need to tell Chloe that I hadn't finished high school. She deserved at least that much.

I also needed to tell her that I had been in a gang and that I was wanted by the police... but I was going to start with this and then tell her the rest later. This was my jumping off point. If she could handle this, then when the time came to let her in more, maybe I wouldn't be so nervous....

The longer I kept these secrets hidden inside of me, the harder it would be on our relationship when the truth all came out. I didn't want my secrets to end our relationship. Hell, I didn't want anything to end our relationship. I needed Chloe now. Which is why this whole showing her parts of who I really was was scaring the shit out of me. What if she didn't like what she found out?

She deserved to know, though. It was time to tell her. Alice had invited us to Jasper's football game and I figured that that was as good a place as ever. We would be at NYU... the university she wanted me to go to. It was a good place to tell her why I couldn't go there... why I couldn't attend college with her....

At half time of Jasper's football game, I took my chance and asked Chloe to take a walk with me. My stomach was clenching in fear. I had never felt fear like this....

I knew Alice had told me that Chloe would love me whether or not I had completed high school, but there were still doubts inside of me. I didn't want to have doubts... but I did. I was so afraid that she would reject me. I didn't want her to leave me. I didn't want her to be like everyone else who had left because I wasn't good enough.... I wanted her to be different.... Please let her be different....

"Sweetheart," Chloe started slowly as we neared a concession stand, people surrounding us, brushing past us. She stopped walking and I stopped with her and gave her a curious look. She sounded serious... maybe she had news too... more news....

She waited for me to respond, though.

"What is it?" I asked her gently, reaching up to brush her bangs out of her eyes with a loving smile.

Her eyes saddened and my breath caught. What was she going to say? She couldn't already know, could she? She had been reading me so easily lately. Could she really have guessed something like this?

She took a breath. "We haven't really talked about this before... and I've kind of been afraid to ask you about it... I don't know if I want to know the truth...." Chloe trailed off, looking up at me with a torn expression on her face.

I didn't want to see her hurting anymore. She had looked so much better since we had gotten back from California... I hated to see such an unsure look on her face. But what hadn't we spoken about? I was kind of afraid to know now.... If it was making her this nervous then it would probably make me just as nervous.

"You can ask me anything," I whispered, hesitant. I rubbed her hand reassuringly between mine. Maybe touching her would relax me....

Chloe took a step forward and bit her lip nervously. "Well... okay, you know how on our first date you told me you were just visiting Jasper?" she questioned me.

"Yes...." I answered her with a nod. I was technically supposed to be living in Texas right now, but there was no way I was going back after all this had happened. I loved living here with Jasper and Alice... and even if it wasn't safe for my being in hiding or something, I couldn't leave Chloe now.

Chloe took another deep breath.

"Are you going back to Texas, Nick?" she asked me seriously, her fearful eyes piercing into mine.

Oh shit... she was thinking that I was going to leave her.... How long had she been wondering that?

I quickly shook my head. "No, I'm not leaving," I promised her, letting go of her hands to reach up and cup her face. "I'm never leaving you, Chloe." Nothing could be truer than those words. I had never been so sure about something in my life.

"But you live in Texas?" she whispered, looking up at me through her eyelashes.

"I'm going to live wherever you live now. Texas isn't my home. You are my home, Chloe," I informed her firmly, holding her face in front of mine.

Chloe's eyes softened into a liquid brown and drowned me in the deepest love. Those eyes always held so much love for me. Would the love disappear after I told her about the school situation?

"You aren't going back?" she asked, seeming to need full confirmation. Oh well... I could spell it out for her if she needed me to. I wanted her to understand how important she was to me. I was surprised she hadn't already realized it by now, after all we'd been through. I wasn't sure how she could ever believe that I might leave her.

"No, Chloe. I am not going back." I smiled sweetly at her and then leaned in to give her a kiss.

Her whole body seemed to relax at my confirmation and her lips brushed against mine, hardly touching them in a kiss. Honestly, I would have traded every single kiss, every single touch, every single time I had had sex, just for that small kiss from Chloe. It meant everything to me.

"I love you," I whispered breathlessly, wrapping my arms around her. I was becoming so soft....

Chloe snuggled into my chest and sighed. "I love you, too. And thanks for staying here with me."

"Anytime," I told her with reassurance, rubbing her back soothingly. It was time to tell her what I had to tell her.

"I have to tell you something though," I admitted, letting go of her. I might have to get used to letting her go after I told her this. She was too smart to want a guy who hadn't even completed high school. I was an idiot and she was a genius. What could make her want to stay with me?

"Kay...." The fear was arriving in her eyes again as I took a step away from her, my tone changing. I kept her hands in mine, keeping my sanity.

"I haven't been completely honest with you, Chloe," I said in a distant voice. I was already getting ready to block my heart off again. I had a feeling Chloe could sense it because she frowned and I felt her hands tighten around mine.

"Do you have a secret girlfriend?" she teased, giving me a pitifully forced smile.

I barked a matching fake laugh and shook my head.

"Not quite... it has to do with school...." I told her slowly, frowning deeply. I had to tell her! "I can't come to NYU, Chloe." I blurted out in a quick breath. I hurriedly looked away from her, afraid to see her reaction. She was always so excited whenever she mentioned me coming here with her. I knew it meant a lot to her....

"You don't like this university...?" she asked me quietly, a hint of sadness in her voice. She didn't bother forcing me to look at her. She was disappointed. I could hear it clearly in her voice.

"No, it's not that, Chloe. I would love to go to any university that you went to. I just can't." I sighed loudly, frustrated. I had to tell her the whole truth, but it was like something inside of me was holding it in. I didn't want to disappoint her more than I already had.

I looked down at her and she was gazing up at me, confused.

"Because you don't have money? We can apply for scholarships or loans? I can help you," Chloe suggested, hopeful. She was always so damn hopeful when she was talking about me coming here with her. How could I really tell her I was too dumb to get in?

"It's not that," I explained, starting to get aggravated with myself.

"Then what is it?" She was getting really lost now. Her eyes were searching mine for answers that I wasn't sure I could give her.

I closed my eyes tightly and took a breath. Things would work out if I told her. Things would be even better between us if I told her the truth. I had to believe it was for the best.

"Tell me, Nick, please," Chloe urged me, hugging me tightly into her. I whimpered against the warmth of her hug and held her tightly.

"I never finished high school, Chloe. I haven't graduated. I wouldn't be able to get into any college, let alone NYU," I admitted to her.

My voice had broken many times during my explanation. I held my breath, waiting for the rejection. I waited for the coldness to take me over again. I was ready to sink into the darkness again.

She let me go and I whimpered once again. It was coming. My heart was ripping in my chest. I thought I was going to pass out. She was going to leave me.

"Nick," Chloe said. Her voice was lacking emotion. I knew it. She was too smart for someone like me. She wouldn't want a boyfriend who couldn't support her. I was so stupid to think she would want me! Her old boyfriend went to Harvard, for God's sake. I was nothing compared to that. Sure, I could be sweet, but I couldn't provide her with a stable and secure future.

"I'm sorry! I should have told you when I met you. I just... I couldn't, Chloe. You're so smart and I didn't want to look bad. I was too afraid you wouldn't want me, sweetheart. I know I'm stupid. I shouldn't have kept it from you. I'm sorry," I rambled in desperation, looking into her empty brown eyes. Why were they so empty? Why wasn't she looking at me with love or hate? Couldn't she just choose what she thought about me so I knew what I was up against?

Chloe sighed and looked down at the ground, shaking her head.

_Please don't leave me...._

I was getting pathetic again....

"You aren't stupid, Nick," she told me with irritation very strong in her voice. She was mad at me... but mad at me for calling myself stupid?

"I am stupid, Chloe. I couldn't even finish high school," I said, throwing my hands up in the air. I didn't know what else to tell her.

"But you're so smart...." she mumbled, looking flustered. "You always know what to do. I know you're not dumb, Nick."

She put her hands on her head. She seemed frustrated now. Why were her emotions changing so much?

"I am, Chloe! I'm too dumb to finish high school. It's not supposed to be a hard thing to do, but it is for me," I argued. She needed to understand I wasn't kidding here. I wasn't a smart guy and I wouldn't ever be as good as other guys she knew from college. Guys that could be at NYU with her and get a good job after.... I wouldn't be able to buy her a nice home... I couldn't do anything for her. To top that off, I had nothing right now.

"You aren't dumb!" she yelled at me, causing me to jump in shock. Chloe never yelled at me....

I shut my mouth and let her breathe. She just had to take it in. This wasn't easy for her. She had thought she was dating a smart guy. I had been lying to her, leading her on....

I let her calm down and waited for her to speak again.

Her hand reached over and picked up mine. She just stared at it for a moment, tracing random patterns on my palm with her gloved hand. I didn't need gloves... I was used to feeling cold. This was nothing to me.

Eventually she sighed and just stepped forward, closing the space between us, hugging me. I stood still, not holding her back for a minute. I didn't know exactly what I was supposed to do in return. Was she feeling sorry for me now? I didn't really want her sympathy... I didn't want pity.

"I love you...and I think you're smart," she murmured, reaching up on her tiptoes to kiss my cheek. "I wish you would have told me this before, Nick. We could have worked through this earlier, you know?" she told me, disappointed that I had kept something from her.

She continued. "I know I don't have the right to ask you to not keep secrets, since I kept big secrets from you. But you can tell me anything, Nick. I don't care if you never finished high school. I still love you and think you are the most amazing, intelligent guy in the whole world. You always know what to do and say and no one who was stupid could be so perfect," Chloe explained to me. Her every word was coated with her perfect love for me. She still loved me. She loved me even though I had lied to her and I was an idiot.

I hugged her back and nodded. "I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you the whole time. There are just... still some things that I can't say, Chloe. I have trouble letting people in... I didn't want you to know that side of me," I laughed shakily, and then sighed sadly. "I really do want to go to NYU with you, though, sweetheart. I want to more than anything. I want you to be proud of me...." I admitted.

"I am proud of you. And if you want to go to NYU, then you can," she whispered to me, looking up at me with a firm look in her eyes. She looked so determined.

"No I can't, Chloe! Do you not understand? I couldn't even finish high school!" I growled at her in a very rude way and instantly regretted it as she flinched.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, leaning down to lay my head against hers.

Chloe hushed me and I felt her rubbing my back. "I can help you get your diploma if you want it, Nick."

"No. I don't want to leave you. I would have to go back to Texas. I can't do that. I want to stay here with you," I whispered brokenly, holding her against me, needy. I was getting desperate and pathetic again.

I really couldn't leave her though and I hated how she always accepted me like this. It made it even harder for me to have to accept the fact that once she knew everything, I would probably have to leave her... I couldn't put her in danger like that. I couldn't ask her to keep secrets like that for me. I'd have to go into hiding somewhere else.... She was too good for me....

"Oh, Nick... shh... I'm right here," Chloe cooed softly, soothingly. She coaxed my face down toward hers. I let her guide my face and then quickly her lips were against mine, kissing me. My eyes involuntarily shut and I let go of any boundaries that I had been holding onto, keeping me away from fully letting Chloe in.

My lips were just as desperate as the rest of me and then moved hungrily against Chloe's, keeping her close to me. I didn't want her to disappear. I might be stupid, but I knew how to kiss. I knew how to please a girl. That was all I could give her right now.

I held her against my body, kissing her deeply, teasing her lips. Her mouth opened, inviting me in. She was letting me in... that felt good. My tongue slid into her mouth, caressing her tongue. I didn't know if this was wrong... we were in public.... It felt wrong to be using this to distract her from the fact I was too dumb for her. It was like I was taking advantage of her when I used my physical 'talents' to distract her. Was it wrong? Or was this normal?

The kiss continued passionately, though. Our breathing was cut short, our kisses desperate and needy. But I didn't pull away. I just wanted to get lost in the lust... I didn't want to face the reality or the fading love that might come when she realized that I wasn't worth the trouble or the wait.

Chloe pulled away though, needing to breathe, I guess. I didn't even care about my breathing. I could pass out... I didn't care. My lips were all over her face and I tried to kiss her neck, but it was covered by a freaking scarf. My teeth tugged on it, trying to move it so I could kiss her neck, but eventually I just sighed in frustration and let it go, daring to meet her eyes. Chloe was just staring sadly at me.

"You know I think it's okay, right? I'm not lying," she questioned me, needing the assurance that I believed her.

I nodded slowly, not really wanting to lie to her. But she knew I still wasn't sure.

Chloe sighed and reached up to cup my face in her hands. "I mean it, Nick. And I mean it when I say I am going to help you. I have a plan."

Her voice was soft, loving, accepting... and for the first time I just listened to her. I listened and I believed her. She had a plan. How could I not have expected that she would have a plan? She was too smart not to know what to do.... She could fix me.

_JPOV_

Alice was definitely my good luck charm. After that amazing game, I had no doubt of it. I had never played football so well in my life. And tonight, well, I wanted to impress her.

I took a quick shower, trying to get all the sweat and smell off of myself before seeing Alice. I wouldn't be so impressive if I smelled. Actually, I doubted Alice would care but I preferred to smell good for her when I got out of a game.

"Good game!" One of my teammates called to me before leaving the change room. I was one of the only guys left in here.

"Thanks. You too," I replied with a polite smile. I wasn't too close to any of my teammates, but I was still polite with them. I did have to spend a lot of time with them lately. It seemed like too much time sometimes.

Every morning, I was coming out here for practices and then some nights as well, not to mention any time during the day or night that we had a football game. And then there was class and homework.... I wasn't used to my time being spent on anything else but Alice. It had taken me a few weeks to get used to being so busy, but now I sort of liked it....

I dried my hair off with a towel, slightly regretting that I had showered. It was really cold outside tonight. My hair might freeze.... Oh well.

I quickly gathered up all of my stuff and headed for the exit.

"Hale, can we talk?" Coach Jerkins called from his office as I was about to leave. I saw him sitting at his desk, looking through some files. He motioned toward the chair across his desk.

"Sure," I said and walked over to his enter his office. I sat where he had pointed and looked up at him, wondering what he might need. I hadn't done anything wrong on the field, had I? I knew I was a little distracted with Alice there sometimes. I just needed to see her though, you know?

He put down the papers he had previously been looking at and smiled at me. It was a good smile. Maybe I hadn't done anything wrong.

"You did an awesome job out there, kid. If you keep that up, this place will be swimming with scouts. Keep doing what you're doing and I have a feeling you will have a very good future coming your way."

Okay...What? I hadn't expected that.

"Scouts?" I mumbled, confused. I was just playing as well as any other guy out there. I wasn't the only one to make a touchdown or anything.

Coach Jerkins laughed and leaned forward in his chair. "Jasper, you are one of the best wide receivers I have ever seen. You carry out plays so smoothly and the way you dodge tackles is mind blowing. I'm certain that there will be scouts looking at you if you keep this up. Give it a few years and you could be somewhere...." he explained to me with a grin, obviously pleased.

I sat in silence for a minute, taking it in. I was that good? And scouts would want to see me? People would want me on a higher league than college football? Wow....

I wasn't sure though. If there was this much practice and time put into football in college, then how much would there be if I was working full time for a football team? I would have to travel, wouldn't I? I couldn't do that. Alice's family and work was here....

I felt the smile on my lips slowly turn into a frown. I couldn't do any more football than this. Alice was my highest priority.

"Thanks," I mumbled, slowly getting up off my seat.

The coach stared at me, puzzled. "This is a good thing, Jasper. Smile. Be proud!" he ordered me, getting off of his chair and walking over to pat my shoulder. "It can be a lot to take in. It's a tough job, but it's worth it."

"Yeah...." I whispered, running my hand through my damp hair, thinking through the possibilities. Would that really be a future Alice would want for me? For us?

The coach laughed at my reaction. "Go get a good night's sleep. I'll see you for practice in the morning." He patted my shoulder once more, then rounded his desk and went back to work.

"Goodnight, thanks again," I told him, more sincerely this time, and then walked out in a daze. Football could be a good future. Football made good money... I needed money. I needed to support Alice, even if she was rich. I had to take care of her. Maybe it could be a good idea. I just didn't like to think about being away from her so often. I hated when I was away from her.

Alice, Nick and Chloe were sitting on the bleachers, seeming to be in a deep conversation. They didn't even notice me walking up until I reached their seats and they heard my footsteps. I hadn't known I was that sly, but they all jumped when they saw me.

Nick just grinned at me and walked over, crushing me into his chest. Weird... he didn't usually hug me for no reason. I hugged him back though.

"What's up, man?" I asked him suspiciously, wanting to know what the hug was all about.

He pulled away from the hug, beaming. Wow. I wasn't sure when I had seen Nick so happy.

"Chloe knows how to get me my high school diploma without leaving," he told me excitedly. His eyes were dancing with happiness. I knew he had been afraid to tell her and I had had no idea that he had told her. When had all this happened?

"That's great! How?" I asked him, matching his grin. Alice slipped in between us and wrapped her small arms around my waist.

"Hey," I whispered, not wanting to interrupt Nick. Alice smiled brightly up at me, seeming to be just as happy as Nick right now. Chloe joined us and slipped under Nick's arm and he held her tightly.

"Tell him, sweetheart," Nick urged Chloe, squeezing her against him. I could see how happy he was with her right now. No wonder he was grinning so much. She had solved a problem he had been worrying about for months and she hadn't rejected him like he had thought she would.

"Well... there's this thing called a GED... General Education Development. All you have to do is complete five tests, proving that you know all the things you need to know before graduating high school. If Nick can pass those tests, which I know with studying that he will be able to, then he'll get his diploma," Chloe explained, her words coming out fast with her excitement. Everyone was so happy here. It felt good for once that we were all okay.

My jaw dropped at how well everything was coming together. "That's great!" I told Nick, slapping his shoulder encouragingly. He nodded quickly and kissed Chloe's forehead sweetly.

"You ready for studying?" I asked Nick, giving him a wicked smile. He would learn how it was to live in my world now. Fighting was like breathing to us, but studying was not. This would be a very amusing experience to watch Nick studying for those tests. Hopefully he wouldn't snap....

Nick shrugged, not seeming so certain anymore. "I gotta do what I gotta do," he answered nonchalantly.

I almost laughed as I imagined him studying. The books were probably going to be thrown out the window.

"You'll do great, Nick," Alice assured him, giving him her bright smile. "Speaking of great though...." Her eyes trailed over to mine, gleaming with pride. She reached up to give me a kiss. I met her half way, kissing her lovingly.

"You were amazing, Jazz," she whispered against my lips sweetly.

"Hey!" Nick shouted, pulling Alice away from me lips. I whimpered as he broke the kiss. Jerk.... There was going to be payback for that, buddy.

"We were talking about me, here," Nick scolded us, giving us both pointed looks. We both knew he was only joking.

Alice rolled her eyes and turned back to me, thrusting her tongue right back into my mouth in front of them.

"Come on!" Nick yelled at her, tugging her away from me again and wrapping his arm protectively around her. He glared at her and I just laughed. I knew Nick didn't care.

"You're like my sister, Ali. You can't just be doing that in front of me," he complained.

Chloe was smirking beside him, but turned to me, letting Nick and Alice fight it out.

"You played really well," she told me quietly, sitting down on the bleacher beside where I was standing.

"Thanks," I replied gratefully, sitting down beside her. "The coach says if I keep it up, scouts will probably be coming around," I informed her, needing to let that news out of my system, still not knowing what to do with it.

Chloe's eyes widened with excitement. "Really? That's great!" she congratulated me, leaning over to give me a shy one armed hug. I smiled against her, hugging her back.

She had never hugged me before. I was glad she was getting more comfortable around me. I knew she had gone through a tough time, with what Nick had told me about her old abusive boyfriend. She still had a splint on her finger from him spraining it. I understood why she had been so cautious around me. I knew what it was like to be cautious around people... I knew what it was like to be afraid....

"Maybe you can get into the NFL or something someday," Chloe said to me encouragingly as she let go of me. Maybe....

"Yeah, maybe," I nodded in agreement, hesitantly looking back at Alice. She was wrestling with Nick still, grinning and giggling joyously. I couldn't help but grin at that. Maybe I would be in the NFL one day... if Alice wanted that too.

"Let go!" Alice screamed at Nick through her laughing fit. Chloe smiled with me as we watched the two of them go at it. Eventually they stopped fighting and Alice came over and sat on my lap. I sighed and wrapped my arms around her, resting my face against her shoulder, closing my eyes. Fatigue started to take over me, as it seemed to do a lot lately.

"Time to get Jasper to bed, ladies," Nick announced, and I opened my eyes drowsily. I didn't want to get up and I didn't want Alice to get up. I was comfortable.

But Alice got off of me and grabbed my hand. "Come on sleepyhead. Let's get you to bed," she murmured gently. Going to bed with Alice... that was a good enough deal for me. I got up and we all went home. All four of us, no more problems holding us back.

_APOV_

"Good morning, love," Jasper greeted me, coming into the kitchen fully dressed and ready to go out. I didn't know he was going out anywhere today. It was Saturday morning and I was still in my pajamas, eating cereal, half asleep.

"Where are you off to so early on a Saturday morning?" I asked him curiously with a yawn. He laughed at my words being cut off by my yawn and walked over to sit beside me.

"Got football practice like every other morning, silly," he reminded me and then took a spoonful of my cereal. I scowled at him for taking my food and quickly grabbed my spoon back.

"Do you want a bowl?" I asked him though. He needed to eat or he would probably pass out. He never had time to do things anymore.

He shook his head. "I'll pick something up on the way," he assured me, leaning forward to give me a goodbye kiss. I returned the kiss, but pouted as I pulled away.

"When will you be home?" I inquired sadly. I had no idea what to do around here. I had only been here for about a week. I didn't know what was around or what was even in the apartment, really.

Jasper's eyes immediately turned miserable when he saw me pouting. Oops, I hadn't meant for that to happen. I was just teasing him as usual.

I really did want him to stay home with me for the day. I wanted to cuddle and watch a movie with him and eat popcorn. Maybe tonight....

"I have a game today, too... but I'll be home at dinner, promise," he nodded in confirmation and swooped down to give me another kiss. "Then I'm all yours, darling," he promised me, drowning all of his words in that too sexy accent of his.

I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck, keeping him close to me. "I thought you were always all mine," I teased, nipping at his bottom lip playfully. Jasper chuckled and gave me another kiss.

"I am always yours," he told me in assurance, but then he sighed loudly and pulled away. "But I'm going to be late."

"Jazz," I whined, keeping a hold of his hand. Why was I being so needy suddenly? It wasn't so bad to be away from him for a whole day without being distracted by work. I would be fine.

But my heart was saddened by the thought and I really didn't want him to leave.

He froze at my tone of voice and looked at me, searching my eyes very carefully. "What's wrong, darling?" he questioned, walking back over and squatting in front of me. The love in his eyes filled me and my heart was content for a moment, until I realized those blue eyes would be gone in a few minutes.

I sighed quietly, feeling bad. It wasn't like he wanted to be away from me all the time either. It was just what had to be done. He was on a football scholarship; he had to play football or he would lose it. That was how it worked and I had to live with it.

"Never mind. I'm fine. Maybe we can go to dinner when you get home?" I offered, getting excited at the idea of being out with him. "But I'll see you later, Jazz!" I brushed off my unnecessary feelings of sadness and gave him a loving kiss before turning back to my food.

Jazz stayed on the ground for a minute, watching me uncertainly.

"Dinner out sounds nice. And maybe you could hang out with Nick today?" Jasper suggested quietly, stroking my head. Now he felt too guilty to leave. Great job, Alice.

"Okay I will," I replied with a bright smile, trying to reassure him that it was okay now. I could hang out with Nick. We didn't get to hang out a lot because once I was home from work during the week, I spent time with Jazz. Nick and I needed some quality time together. Why not?

"Go wake him up when you're done eating," Jasper instructed me with a mischievous smile. Nick would kill me if I woke him up so early... meaning I was totally going to do it.

"Kay, I will. Bye!" I hinted, nudging him toward the door.

"Fine," he groaned and got up from the ground. He leaned over and kissed the top of my head. "I love you, darling," he whispered very quietly. He said it so quietly that I wasn't sure if he really wanted me to hear it or not.

I smiled at how the words warmed my heart. It made my skin tingle and my stomach butterflies soar. That was how powerful those words felt to me. This was the first time he had said it since we were back together.

Something stopped me from replying with the same words though. Spencer.

I watched Jasper leave, throwing me a wide grin before leaving the apartment. I wished I could tell him how much I loved him. I really did. I never had told anyone else but Spencer I had loved him though, and I wasn't sure I was ready to say it to someone else. Even if that someone else was Jasper.

I would be able to say it eventually. Hopefully Jasper would wait that long for me. I didn't want him to give up on me.... He hadn't before, though.

I finished eating my breakfast and then put everything away and rinsed my dishes.

What next? I thought, looking warily around the apartment. I didn't feel like watching TV alone. It wasn't fun without Jasper.

I knew. Next stop: waking up Nick.

I walked over to his room and then slowly opened his bedroom door, smirking at him all curled up in a blanket. How cute! I crept over to the bed and knelt in front of him. I could hear his soft snoring and how peaceful he looked in his sleep. It was almost as breathtaking as Jasper ...almost.

His cuteness wouldn't stop me though.

"Nick!" I screeched loudly in front of his face, grinning. Nick sat straight up, eyes wide, and then jumped right out of the bed, but froze when he saw me.

"What? What? What's wrong?" he asked me hurriedly, rubbing his eyes, but in a tense stance. He looked like he was ready to fight.

I just laughed and shook my head, starting to walk out of the room. He was going to kill me.

"Alice!" he shouted, walking out after me with a serious look on his face. "What's wrong? Why did you scream my name?" he insisted, grabbing my wrist and pulling me toward him, but in a gentle manner.

I grinned wickedly at him and shrugged. "Jazz left and I wanted company."

His whole body relaxed. "Oh my gosh.... Give me a freaking heart attack for no good reason...." he grumbled, shaking his head from side to side. He was still half asleep though and I didn't think he was really able to be angry with me at the moment.

"Fine," he sighed finally and pulled me into a warm hug. "What's for breakfast?" he questioned me as he let go and looked down at me, curious.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "I'm not making you breakfast," I huffed, turning on my heels and heading for the living room. I had eaten cereal and that was because I didn't feel like making anything.

Nick just laughed and followed me, plopping down on the couch with me. I watched him yawn loudly and looked tiredly down at me. "What day is it?" he asked me, flustered.

I laughed. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to wake him up early. He was too absentminded in the morning. He should stay away from anything that could hurt him. Maybe that was why Chloe always made him breakfast.

"Saturday," I reminded him and got up from the couch. He followed me again into the kitchen.

"Oh! One sec...." he told me and I saw him jog back to his room. While he was gone, I grabbed a bowl and cereal and poured it for him. He jogged back into the kitchen while I was pouring milk into his bowl. He had his cell phone in his hand now and was looking at it, his fingers moving over the buttons.

Then he huffed loudly and came over to sit at the table. I wondered what was wrong, but I waited for him to say something to me.

I pushed the cereal in front of him and poured him a glass of orange juice before putting the milk back in the fridge.

"You didn't really have to make me breakfast, Ali. I was just kidding," Nick informed me, smiling, but the smile wasn't reaching his eyes.

"I wanted to," I assured him, leaving out the part that I was worried that he didn't think straight in the mornings. "Plus I don't think putting cereal in a bowl really counts as making you breakfast," I added with a smile and sat down beside him.

He just nodded and picked up his spoon, starting to eat. Why was he suddenly so down? I had a feeling I knew why... it was the only reason he would really ever be down. Chloe must not have texted him this morning or something. It had to have something to do with Chloe.

Eventually, after a few minutes more of his sad silence, I asked him.

"What's wrong, Nick?"

Nick looked up from his bowl and shrugged sadly. "Chloe's working again...." he grumbled, moving around the cereal in his bowl.

"Has she been working a lot lately?" I wondered out loud. I thought back, but I hadn't really been home to know if Nick and Chloe had been hanging out.

Nick let out a loud frustrated sigh. "Yes! Every freaking day this week. Either she works before or after school, when I would usually get to see her," he explained to me, eyes wide and honest. I could actually see the pain in them, which was rare with Nick.

I frowned, now upset that he was upset. He and Chloe usually saw each other pretty often and I knew Nick really depended on her. This must be hard, especially since he was already stressing about studying for his GED.

I reached over and patted his hand reassuringly. "Don't worry about it. I'm sure Chloe is missing you just as much. She'll make time to see you soon," I promised him, pretty sure of my own words. As much as Nick needed Chloe, I knew Chloe needed him just as much.

Nick didn't seem so sure, but he nodded anyways.

"Where's Jasper today?" he asked me, changing the subject off of him.

It was my turn to mope. "Football again," I mumbled, crossing my arms across my chest grumpily. I also knew that Jasper did want to spend time with me and football was just keeping him busy, but I still wanted to be with him today! Maybe Nick and I were in the same place.

Nick smiled sympathetically at me and reached over to hold my hand. "Guess you're all mine today then, huh?" he smirked deviously at me and sent me a wink. At least we had each other for the day!

"Guess so!" I grinned and squeezed his hand tightly in mine.

We sat silently as Nick finished eating his breakfast. Afterward, he rinsed his dishes off and left them in the sink like I previously had. I would have to do those later before Jazz got home or he would do them and I already knew that once he got home, he would be exhausted. I didn't want him to have to worry about cleaning up around here if I was home.

"So what do you want to do, kiddo?" he asked me, stretching his arms and letting out a grunt.

"Want to go for a walk?" I suggested, feeling like getting some air. It seemed to be a sunny day, even with the snow covering the ground now.

"Sure," Nick nodded in response and leaned down to kiss my forehead. "I'll go get changed."

I did the same as him and headed to my room since I was still in my pajamas too. I picked out a nice outfit and then put on some makeup and did my hair. By the time I was finished, Nick was totally dressed--shoes, coat and all--sitting on my bed, watching me in amusement.

"I'm sure Chloe takes just as long to get ready," I said when he started grumbling playfully about me taking so long to get ready just to take a walk.

Nick rolled his eyes. "Well, she doesn't need to take that long either. You both are naturally beautiful," he informed me knowingly.

I finished getting ready and turned away from the mirror to walk over to him. "Aww! Thank you." I pinched his cheek playfully before getting my hand swatted away by his. He glared playfully.

"Let's go, woman," he ordered me, grabbing my hand and dragging me out of the room.

I laughed and slipped my boots on and Nick helped me put my jacket on. I grabbed a scarf, hat, and a pair of gloves and then we headed out.

It was chilly outside, even with the sun. There was a nasty wind and I stayed close to Nick. He was big enough to block the wind. If there was a tornado I would definitely grab onto him.

We walked for a few blocks before stopping in front of a coffee shop, heading inside to get away from the icy winds. I think Nick knew I was getting too cold. Nick and I ordered a drink and I pushed him aside to pay the bill. I knew he didn't have any money left and I had plenty of money to spend. I could be even more stubborn than him and he knew that. He backed off and got us a table.

I chuckled when I saw the cashier checking Nick out as he walked away from us. I didn't blame her though. Why not enjoy the view? With my clothing tips, he was gorgeous! I guess he was all right looking without my clothing tips too....

"Here are your drinks. Have a good day!" the cashier said with a polite smile, handing me our drinks. I said a quick thank you and headed for the table where Nick was taking off his jacket.

I sat down and took off all of my winter clothes, feeling so much lighter after. I breathed in deeply, taking in the smell of the coffee beans. It was a nice, cozy coffee shop. I had never seen it before, but I hadn't lived in this area of the city, either. Spencer and I had never really walked around here when we were younger.

Nick took his cup off of the table and brought it right to his lips.

"Watch out. It might be hot—" I was cut up my his yelp.

"Holy shit!" he shouted, probably louder than he had intended. Every eye in the place turned to us questioningly.

Nick noticed and cleared his throat. "Sorry. Hot drink!" he apologized loudly to everyone, giving them a sheepish smile.

I chuckled at his embarrassment. I had tried to warn him... maybe I was right. He really couldn't think straight in the morning.

"Wow, that stuff is hot!" he said in a hushed, shocked voice.

"It's supposed to be," I laughed, slowly lifting mine and blowing on it, trying to cool it down so I didn't have the same situation as Nick.

He stuck his tongue out and narrowed his eyes. "I think I burnt it," he frowned and glared darkly at the cup and the liquid that had just burnt him. He was such a goof.

"Probably. Want ice?" I asked him, wondering if that would help.

Nick just waved it off, shaking his head. "It's fine."

I nodded and then took a cautious sip of mine. I didn't burn my tongue and smiled successfully, taking another small sip. I warmed my hands on the sides of the cup, cherishing the warmth.

"How's Spencer doing lately?" Nick asked me, sitting back in his chair. He watched me closely as he asked the question. I think he was uncertain about if he should be asking me about it. You know, since I was the reason Spence was broken.

I sighed, irritated. "I'm not sure. He hasn't been at work for a few days. I think he has been working from home or something... he never comes in. I've tried calling him, but he isn't answering my calls," I explained, feeling miserable about it. I really needed him and I couldn't be with him anymore and I was stuck and I didn't know what to do. It sucked...

"Oh..." Nick mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck. "I was thinking of calling him and asking if he wanted to hang out tonight. I'm not picking Chloe up from work till later. Do you think that's okay? I don't know if I'll be like... invading his space or something?" he questioned me, unsure of what to do. Nick was good for Spencer though....

"You should," I nodded in agreement. "He'd like that."

Nick always seemed to be able to make Spencer smile. And Spencer didn't usually get close to other people except me, so it was pretty rare. Maybe Nick would be able to get Spencer to smile again... he hadn't smiled in a while. I missed his smile....

Nick grinned and nodded, pulling out his phone. I was guessing he was sending him a text because he didn't put the phone to his ear.

"Nick," I started, remembering something that I had wanted to tell him when he had gotten back from California. We were finally alone and I could explain it all to him.

He put his phone on the table and looked up at me, hearing my serious tone.

"Yes?" he asked, looking a bit worried.

"I want to tell you something," I explained, taking a deep breath. I wasn't sure if I should tell him when Jasper wasn't around. If Jasper was here then Nick might have a chance of not thinking I was totally losing it.

Nick just nodded in response, waiting for the news.

My stomach was fluttering with nerves. I didn't usually tell people this... my parents didn't even know.

"Okay... well, we told you when you got home we were going to explain how we knew Chloe was in trouble...." I took another deep breath in as he leaned forward, listening more intently.

"I can see the future through my dreams," I said quickly, letting the words slip out. I then stared at Nick anxiously, waiting for his response.

He laughed humorously and shook his head. "Yeah right," he scoffed, narrowing his eyes. "How'd you seriously know, Ali?" he questioned me with a serious look.

I glared darkly because I had been telling the absolute truth to him.

"That's how, Nick. When I don't take my sleeping pills I have dreams of the future," I told him in a hard, serious voice, not wanting to repeat my words. It was hard enough to say it once. I couldn't keep repeating it to him.

He stared at me, cocking an eyebrow curiously. "Seriously?" he asked me, his eyes searching mine thoroughly, not wanting any jokes.

"Seriously," I confirmed sincerely with a nod.

Nick's eyes widened and he just sat there for a moment, dead silent.

"Wow... I thought you really just couldn't sleep," he laughed shakily, looking down at his cup, stunned.

"No... not really. I have no problem sleeping. I just don't want to see the dreams," I informed him, taking a sip of my drink, trying to make this as nonchalant as I could.

Nick looked at me like I had two heads. "Why wouldn't you want to see them?! You can see the future! Do you know how much you could do with that?" he questioned me in disbelief.

"I'm not giving you the winning lottery numbers, Nick," I told him firmly.

Nick burst out laughing and shook his head in amusement. "Fine, but we could be rich, Ali!"

"I am rich," I laughed, rolling my eyes at him.

"Oh right," he mumbled, taping his temple in remembrance.

"Plus it doesn't work like that. I can't control what I see... it sort of just comes...." I mumbled, still feeling unsure about it. I trusted him, it was just weird though.

"That's still pretty crazy though. You're a special little one, Alice," Nick murmured softly, his eyes were truthful and gentle. I could feel the brotherly love that he had for me radiating off of him.

"I'm a freak," I corrected him in a grumble. Sometimes I hated those dreams... But at least at odd times, like when I had seen Chloe about to get hurt, I was grateful I had them so I could stop things like that from happening.

Nick scoffed and kicked me lightly under the table. "You aren't a freak. You've got a gift," he argued, giving me a pointed look, daring me to defy his words.

"But thanks for letting me know though... it means a lot... and it explains a lot," he smirked, looking deep in thought.

Yeah, it probably did.

"Now I know what you can get me for my birthday," Nick said out of nowhere, breaking his silent moment of thought.

"What?" I asked him excitedly, sitting up straight. I wanted to go shopping for him.

"Well... you'll have to start looking early, but maybe that winning lottery number will appear in your dream sometime for me!" he exclaimed with a happy grin, winking playfully at me.

I laughed and shook my head, glad that Nick had taken the news so well. At least he hadn't wanted to send me to psych ward or something. Deep down I had known he wouldn't judge me. He truly was like a big brother to me.

**Author's Note: Is it just me or is everyone a little too happy and comfortable with their lives right now. You know what happens when everything is good? The world crashes down on you ;). Just kidding xP. I hope you guys all enjoyed the chapter and leave a REVIEW. **

**Also, guess what? Hope won first place for "Best Alice & Jasper" story on the Two Sides of Twilight ffn competition.*parties* **

**Have a great day/night! :) **


	34. Chapter 34

**Author's Note: Hello all my ffn buddies! xD Hope you're all having a great week. Here is your weekly update of Hope. A tad bit late, but we made it pretty close to normal time. Enjoy! **

Forgotten Hope Chapter 34-

_JPOV_

What do you do when you want to make something up to Alice Cullen? You bring her to the biggest mall that New York has to offer. That's what I had decided to do at least. We hadn't gone shopping in a while because of lack of time and she had been out with Nick, Spencer, and Chloe recently. Well, Spencer not so recently, but more recently than me.

It had been really tough for me to try to leave our apartment when Alice was so vulnerable. She had seemed lonely lately and I knew it wasn't entirely my fault for that. She was used to... _other_ people in her life.

I still didn't want her to be upset though. There had been many times this week where I had considered pulling out of football. I knew Alice would be upset if I did that though, and she would have blamed it on herself. Plus, football pays for my school because of the scholarship. If I quit, I would have to get a job and work to pay for it, meaning less time with Alice anyways.

This evening was all about us, though. Hopefully it would make up for the time apart from each other.

I had also hoped to discuss football with her. Ever since the coach had told me about the scouts, it had been nagging on my mind. I wanted to talk to Alice about it. Should I pursue a life of football or stay in school for something else? I didn't know what was best for Alice.

Football made a lot of money, but it took so much travel time. But everything would take a lot of time, wouldn't it? Then again, I couldn't imagine having to be away from her so often during games and practices.... I couldn't sleep without her. It hurt not having her beside me. I just missed her too much--it was almost unbearable. How could I leave her for work?

"Jazz!" Alice called from our bedroom as she was getting ready to go out for the night. I put down the last dish into the dish rack and wiped my hands before jogging over to our room. I found Alice in her closet. Her maze of a closet. It was unbelievable that I had to search to find her in it.

Eventually I found her with a look of pure concentration on her face. She was holding two shirts up.

"Which one, Jazz?" she asked me, sensing my presence behind her. I hummed in thought and walked closer, wrapping my arms around her waist. I peeked down at the shirt she was wearing already and smirked in amusement.

"What's wrong with the one you have on? I like it," I chuckled, running my hands up and down her clothed stomach. I liked the feeling of this shirt, actually.

Alice looked back at me and rolled her eyes. "We're going out. I have to change," she informed me with a serious look on her face. Never fight with Alice about clothes.

"Fine," I huffed jokingly and looked at the shirts. They both looked good... I pointed to the one on the right with a shrug, hoping it was the right one.

Alice grinned. "I like that one too." She put the other shirt back in its place and gave me a peck on the lips. "Thank you."

"Anytime. That's what I'm here for... picking out cute shirts," I mumbled as she began to walk out of the closet. I heard her giggle and begin skipping her way to the bathroom. I couldn't help but smile. She was looking a lot happier now. Maybe she had just been having a bad day.

I followed her out the room and headed for the door, slipping my shoes and coat on. I didn't bother grabbing Alice's coat out of the closet because I had no idea which one she would want to wear and I knew if I picked the wrong one out, she would laugh at me. Yes, I didn't want to look like I didn't know anything about fashion, even if I didn't and Alice probably knew that by now.

I headed back to Nick's room and knocked on his door.

"We're going!" I called to him, hoping he wasn't sleeping or something. He wasn't the type to sleep the day away though, unless he was really tired.

He opened his door pretty quickly, all dressed up nicely. Alice had obviously picked out his clothing because it all matched and matched him.

"I'm ready," he told me, walking forward and wrapping his arm around me. "Thanks for driving me by the way." He smiled at me, but it didn't reach his eyes. Something was up.

I waved off his thanks. "Everything all right?" I asked him, cocking a curious eyebrow up at him.

I watched his jaw muscle flex. He was holding something back. "Nah," he mumbled. He hadn't even tried to cover it up.

"What is it?" I asked, giving him a firm look. He knew I was here for him.

"Just missing Chloe...." he explained sheepishly with a shrug. Oh, that explained it. She hadn't been around much lately. Nick said she had been working. She seemed to be working a lot lately.

"Don't worry, Nicky. She'll be back for you soon," I assured him, tapping his cheek teasingly. He knew she would be around when she could. Life got in the way of relationships sometimes.

Nick didn't smile though. He just nodded half heartedly and sighed.

"Hey, seriously, she loves you. You know that. She just has a lot of hours at work this week. Maybe they're extra busy or something," I offered encouragingly. I guess Nick didn't know about life's effect on relationships. I hadn't known before Alice either.... Nick and I were pretty oblivious when it came to anything about relationships, actually. Alice had taught me some things though.

"I know," Nick sighed loudly, letting go of me and grabbing his jacket from the closet. "Hopefully she can come over tonight."

"Hopefully," I agreed with a nod.

Alice came skipping out of our room at that moment and jumped into Nick's arms with a huge grin on her face. Nick caught her with a huff, surprised.

"Hey handsome," she greeted, smiling and kissing his cheek. "Nice clothes," she added with a mischievous smile. I guess I had been right about her picking out his clothes.

Nick laughed and kissed Alice's forehead in return. "Thanks. You're looking pretty hot yourself."

"Thank you!" Alice said with a sweet smile. "I hope my boyfriend agrees," she said as she let go of him and he put her down on the ground. She walked over to me.

"Hot is an understatement, my love," I assured her with a sweet kiss. I watched as the sparkles returned to Alice's eyes with my words. She reached up to stroke both of my cheeks, a look of adoration in her eyes. She leaned in to give me another kiss.

"Oh no! We're going to be here all night if you start now. Let's go!" Nick shouted, pushing Alice and I apart. I frowned and Alice gave Nick a miserable pout.

"Just one!" Alice pleaded with him, giving him those irresistible puppy eyes of hers. She was going to work her charm on him. I just stood back and watched in amusement.

"No," Nick stated to her authoritatively, like a parent to a child.

"But...." Alice whispered and looked down at the ground, blinking sadly. "I missed him...." Her voice was full of sadness. I almost jumped forward and grabbed her to kiss her without his permission, but I knew she was just messing with him.

Nick's eyes softened and there was a minute of silence. "Kay! Fine!" he grumbled loudly, putting his hands up in frustration.

Alice squealed and jumped forward, crushing her lips to mine, stunning me for a second. I hadn't seen that coming so quickly. I wrapped my arms around her and willingly and enjoyably returned her passionate kiss, hearing Nick's complaints in the background. The kiss finished after a minute before I broke it, feeling bad for Nick. Nick was leaning against the wall now, staring off into space.

"Are you done now?" he asked grumpily, but I knew he was only kidding.

"Yep!" Alice answered, reaching her hand out for him. Nick rolled his eyes, but held her hand. He couldn't ever say no to her, just like me. I don't think anyone could... it was a curse.

I let them walk out the door and then locked up behind them. We took my car and then headed in the direction of Spencer's house. Nick had plans with him for the evening, which I thought was good for the both of them. Guy time.

We quickly dropped Nick off there and then headed for the mall. Alice was oddly quiet after dropping Nick off at Spencer's. She was looking down at our hands sadly, clenching my hand tightly. Every time she looked up, I could feel her pain through her eyes. It wracked through me and all I wanted to do was take all the pain away, but I knew I couldn't.

Eventually we got to the mall and Alice--being Alice--grinned like everything was okay. She hadn't known where we were going. She jumped out of the car, waiting impatiently for me as I turned the car off.

I hurriedly locked up and walked over to her.

"I wasn't sure if you'd want to come here, but I thought why not?" I teased, leaning down to kiss her forehead tenderly. She hugged me in return.

"Thanks, Jazz," she whispered. The words were deep. I knew it was for more everything than for just the mall. I pulled back and winked playfully at her, wanting to keep her in a good mood. I took her head and we headed into the hell that people call the mall.

After extensive shopping for two hours straight, we stopped for dinner. This wasn't like shopping at the mall where you walk through leisurely and look in stores that look good. This was Alice's shopping. It's where you get dragged through the mall and shoved into changing rooms with fifty different pairs of clothing and end up holding eighty bags of clothing and accessories.

It's funny how much joy it brought me, though. Just watching her grinning and her eyes dancing as she found the perfect outfit... it was amazing. I loved the sound of her giggles of excitement that echoed through the small boutiques. Some guys would rather be sitting at home watching sports with their girlfriends, but this was where Alice really came to life. I was starting to love shopping....

Never thought I would think that.

Before heading to a restaurant, we dropped our bags off at the car. I knew there would be more bags after dinner.

We headed into a small diner-like restaurant and I sighed as we sat. My legs ached. Shopping with Alice plus playing football was not a good mix at all.

"So, how was football this morning?" Alice asked me, practically bouncing in her seat from excitement.

"Good," I said shortly, remembering what I had wanted to talk to her about. I was stalling a bit, okay?

The waitress came before Alice could ask me anymore about it. I knew she would have.

We ordered our drinks: a Coke for me and a tea for Alice. As the waitress walked away, Alice gave me a curious look, not letting go of my short answer earlier.

"It was tiresome, I guess." I lengthened my answer to make her happy. She smirked in amusement and nodded.

"I don't know why they make you practice so much. You're the best on the team. You don't need the practice. You would think they would make the guys who can't play well practice and not the guys like you who could kick the other team's butt with their eyes closed," Alice rambled on.

I sat back in the cushioned booth and listened as she went on. I loved this girl so much. My Alice.

Alice eventually took a breath and I answered her thoughts.

"Maybe they think if the good people don't keep practicing, they'll get bad. It could happen," I said casually as I slipped my shoes off from my aching feet and propped one of them on the booth seat across from me, beside Alice. My muscles were getting tense already from sitting down.

Alice's hand instantly reached over and slipped under my jeans, rubbing my ankle softly, helping the pain in it a lot. She knew exactly what I needed.

"I guess, but they work you too hard," she said with a shrug as the waitress came over and placed our drinks in front of us. We thanked her before taking a drink.

I took a deep breath after and then decided I should tell her.

"My coach told me something the other day," I started, sitting up straight, getting a bit tense. It wasn't like she would hate me for telling her or anything. I was just worried.

Alice looked up from her tea. "He did? Is it good?" she asked, worry coming through her voice. Her eyes searched mine with concern. I nodded quickly, reassuring her, and she relaxed and went back to rubbing my ankle.

"He was mentioning that if I keep up on the good work than scouts might be coming around to look at me," I informed her nonchalantly.

Alice's eyes widened a bit in surprise, but it was a good surprise. "Scouts? But you're only a freshmen?" she asked me in disbelief.

"Yeah. They probably won't come to see me. He just thinks so," I said with a shrug, waving off the whole subject. It was possible, but who wanted a seventeen year old on their football team? Even if I was turning eighteen this week... it didn't mean anything. I was still too young to play pro football. No one would want me.

Alice hit my leg. "The coach knows more than you so shut up," she ordered me, not liking me putting myself down. "That's great that he thinks that. Maybe they will come! Then you could get on a football team and everything. Jim was on one before! You could talk to him about it!" she went off in an excited ramble that put me into pure shock. I thought she would have been upset, considering how lonely she had been lately.

I listened happily as she planned out what we should do if it happened, totally relieved that she was okay with the situation. I still wasn't sure if I was okay with it....

The waitress came for our orders and Alice stopped for a minute to order her food. I ordered mine as well and then Alice took a deep breath, giving me a sheepish smile.

"Sorry," she said with a chuckle.

I shook my head dismissively with a smirk. "Don't be sorry."

"It would be really awesome though. I could even watch you on TV! Nick could bet on you and we could make money!" Alice laughed with a carefree sound to it. I couldn't help but laugh with her.

"That's very true," I nodded in agreement and took a drink of my Coke.

Alice face suddenly fell though, despair taking over her previously happy expression. What happened?

"I'll have to watch you on TV...." she whispered, her eyes opening wide in realization. "You'll have to leave...."

Now it hit her and it seemed like it hit her rather hard. I frowned deeply and reached my hand across the table for hers. She sighed and shook her head, but accepted my hand gratefully.

"It'll be fine. I'll come home all the time... if it even happens. And if you don't want me to go, then I won't. You always come first, darling. Always," I promised her sincerely, letting her look into my eyes fully, into my soul, not hiding anything.

"Don't be ridiculous...." Alice murmured, pulling our hands up to her mouth and kissing mine tenderly. "I'll be fine. I just didn't think about that part. We'll work it out if it doesn't happen. I'll come sometimes if I miss you too much. It's helpful being the owner's daughter. I can get off work when I need it," Alice said, bringing her smile back to her lips. It wasn't as big as earlier though. She was taking it in like I still was.

"We don't have to worry too much about it now, love. It won't happen for a while, if it happens at all...." I reassured her, giving her hand a squeeze. "I'm only seventeen."

Alice rolled her eyes then gave me a displeased look at my pessimistic attitude. I just smiled in response, not taking it back though. It wasn't a very high chance that a scout would pick me over the other guys on the team who were older and had much more experience than me. Plus, even if they were interested, they wouldn't want to sign me for anything until I was at least a Junior. And I hadn't even been on the high school football team. I had just played with Nick and the rest of the gang... I wasn't a pro player.

Alice face turned perplexed then, and she looked up at me. "You're only seventeen... when's your birthday, Jazz?" she asked, sounding a bit embarrassed by the question. I knew it wasn't her fault. She had known it before.

"Tuesday," I said with a shrug. Alice's jaw dropped.

"Tuesday?!" she practically shrieked. "That's in three days, Jasper! Why didn't you tell me? I have to get you something, you know? I need to plan...!" Her voice became more frantic every second. I watched as her eyes glazed over and she went into deep thought.

Her eyes flashed though and she gasped. "Tuesday...." she whispered, a lack of emotion in her voice. Her head looked up and her eyes were pained and pleading. "Tuesday?" she asked me in a weak voice.

I laughed, a bit shakily, not knowing what was so bad about Tuesday. "Yes, angel. Tuesday."

Alice nodded slowly and then plastered a fake smile on her face. "Kay."

I blinked slowly, searching her eyes, trying to figure out what was wrong with Tuesday. Was there something wrong with December 15? Was it the death of one of her relatives or something?

"We don't have to do anything. I don't normally celebrate my birthday anyways. I'll just be happy being with you," I reassured her, hoping it would calm whatever was going on inside of her right now.

Alice gave me a small smile and nodded. "We'll do something," she told me.

"Okay, if you want to," I replied in a nonchalant voice, hoping that she knew I really didn't mind not doing anything. As long as I woke up beside her and fell asleep in that same place, then the day would be perfect.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Of course I want to!" she said in frustration and looked away from me, looking at the other tables of people. Her fingers toyed with the hair on my legs as her eyes saddened, still not making contact with mine. She wasn't telling me something and it was important.

"Is there something wrong with Tuesday, darling?" I asked her calmly, stroking her knuckles soothingly. I might have thrown my accent into my words to coax it out of her.

Alice's eyes closed and she looked down at her lap. "No...." she whispered. It was a lie.

My heart stabbed painfully at that and I just nodded, trying to letting it go. If she couldn't tell me, that was okay. She was still getting used to me. She didn't have to tell me everything. I could deal with that.... I was just so happy to be in her presence.

The food arrived at our table in the silence. I nodded thanks to the waitress and we ate. I didn't say anything during the time we ate because Alice seemed to be in deep thought and I didn't want to break it. If she could think through whatever was bothering her that would be a good thing. Maybe she would work up the courage to tell me....

She didn't though. We finished eating and I paid the check and headed out of the restaurant. Alice held my hand tightly and rubbed my arm as we began to walk through the mall again. She wasn't bouncing around anymore and it worried me. I had no idea what could be happening or happened on December 15. I hadn't heard anything. Maybe I could ask Nick about it... or would that be wrong? Maybe I should wait for Alice to say something.

"You know what I want for my birthday?" I started with a smile. Alice's attention was immediately caught.

"What?" she asked curiously, eyes alert. Shopping was her thing and she would want to know this.

I reached over and pulled her close to me, hugging her. My lips pressed against her ear. "You, me and a nice long movie," I informed her smoothly, nipping at her earlobe. "Just cuddling and kissing all night long."

Alice squirmed against my lips tickling at her ear and she giggled, finally a sound of happiness coming out of her.

Her eyes sparkled and she leaned up to kiss me softly. I returned the kiss with a sigh, feeling her love. I knew she couldn't say I love you yet, but I already knew she did. She was just holding it back. I didn't blame her. She had just left the guy she had been with her whole life. I wasn't going to push anything. I was happy just being here with her. I didn't need anything in return. She had left him for me.... That meant something big.

"I love you," I whispered against her lips.

Alice's lips tilted upwards in a smile. "I know. Thank you," she responded softly.

"Mmm, anytime," I murmured, kissing her again. I relished the feeling of her lips moving perfectly with mine. She hadn't seemed to have forgotten how to kiss me, how to work in sync with me. It all came naturally. We were made for each other. There was no doubt about it.

We broke the kiss, knowing we were in a public place. We didn't care _too _much, but... yeah. We didn't need to put on a show for the mall.

"More shopping?" I asked her as we began to walk again.

Alice pressed her lips together and then shook her head. "No, let's go home. I want to start your birthday early. We'll watch a nice long movie tonight," she decided, giving me a wicked smile. A smile stretched across my face. I was up for that.

"Sounds good to me," I nodded, dragging her forward, and she let out a joyous giggle at my rush.

I slowed down once we were outside the mall. Alice shivered against the cold breeze. It was getting late. It was dark out now... I peeked at my watch and saw that it was 8:30. I hadn't realized we had shopped so long... the mall would be closing in half an hour.

"Can we stop at the grocery store to pick up a few things?" I asked her as I opened the car door for her. She nodded with a smile and slipped into the car. I shut the door behind her and jogged over to my side.

We drove back through city and stopped at 24 hour grocery store. I asked Alice if she wanted to stay in the car, since it was so cold, but she refused. I hadn't gone grocery shopping with her since we had first gotten the apartment, so I accepted her coming in with me happily.

Alice linked her arm with me and we walked into the warm grocery store. I grabbed a basket and went looked around the store, flustered. I hadn't been to this one before. I didn't know where anything was. Alice had the same expression, looking around.

"What do we need...?" Alice asked me in amusement.

"Bread...milk...cereal?" I mumbled, trying to remember. You'd think I would be used to this by now. I usually just walked through and threw things into a cart.

Alice held back a smile and nodded, walking forward with me. We had an interesting adventure through the big grocery store, throwing things into the basket, and then eventually headed back to pay with an overflowing basket full of food...my other arm was overflowing with things, too.

"Maybe we should have grabbed a cart," Alice laughed, seeing me struggling to carry everything. I wouldn't let her take anything because I was afraid if she moved anything everything would fall. We made it safely to the front though and I dropped everything onto the conveyor belt.

The cashier rang everything up and Alice shoved me, rather roughly, out of the way to pay for the bill.

"Hey!" I complained, not wanting her to pay for the food. I was supposed to be the man in this relationship. I was capable of paying for our food.

"What? You paid for dinner," she said with an evil smirk, giving me a dumb excuse.

I scoffed. "But if you pay you'll be paying enough for the next week of dinners. That's not really fair," I argued, grabbing her hand before she could hand the cashier a pile of bills. The cashier wasn't sure if she should take the money from Alice or not.

"Life's not fair, Jazz," Alice laughed and pushed me out of the way, handing the cashier the money. The cashier chuckled quietly and began collecting the change. Alice had apparently given her too much, because the cashier didn't put a few bills into the money tray.

"This plus your change...." The cashier confirmed my thoughts, reaching out to give some money back to Alice.

"No, keep it. It's a tip," Alice told the cashier with a compassionate smile. A tip for a cashier? I had never seen that before.

The cashier seemed as surprised as me, but a grin took over her face and she thanked Alice. My girlfriend always amazed me.

We grabbed the bags and headed to the car.

"A tip for the cashier?" I questioned when we were far enough away.

Alice just smiled softly. "I had a feeling it was right thing to do."

"Do you usually do that?" I asked her curiously. I couldn't remember her doing that before she lost her memory, but maybe she normally did it... I wasn't sure.

Alice's eyes narrowed, perplexed. "No...." she trailed off, and then laughed. I guess it was just a feeling. It was a nice thing to do, anyway. I had never thought about that before.

We packed up the car. It was now pretty packed from everything she had bought today.... I wasn't sure if it would fit us, too, but we managed and then headed back to the apartment, both smiling and laughing as we walked about anything and everything.

Overall, the night had gone really well. Alice had taken the news better than I had thought, but she always did surprise me. She was looking a lot better than she had earlier that day. I had hoped that after a night out, she would feel better.

And I hoped our cuddling, movie, and making out would help as well. I had a feeling it would.

_NPOV_

It was five o'clock on a Saturday and I still had not seen Chloe. I knew she had to work this morning, but then I called and she said her boss had asked her to stay late because someone had called in sick. Wasn't there anyone else they could have asked? This was getting ridiculous! She had a life outside of work. I was debating on going down there and making a scene.

I knew she'd hate that though. Once again, I was being pathetically needy. But it had been three days since I had seen Chloe very briefly for a really late dinner. And then she had had homework, and had been tired... so we had gone to sleep. I missed her.

I had hardly even spoken to her on the phone. Any time I called, she would either be studying or she would sound too tired and I'd feel bad for making her try to stay up to talk. Either way, we hadn't really talked since the football game last week.

I didn't like it at all.

I was trying to keep myself busy today to keep my mind off of it. I would probably get to see her tomorrow anyway. She didn't have classes on Sundays. Hopefully she wasn't working either.

Tonight I had decided to go out with Spencer. I had offered him to hang out sometime, but he had never called me back, so I was going over there. I wasn't surprised he hadn't called. The guy was locking himself away from the world. He was just letting himself wither away.

Jasper was now dropping me off at Spencer's house so I wouldn't have to pay for a cab. He was taking Alice out somewhere anyways, so it wasn't out of the way. I wasn't sure it was a very smart idea to be dropping me off at Spencer's while Alice was in the car, though. I could see the torn look in her eyes when we pulled up.

Alice got out of the car to let me out and I gave her a tight hug, hoping some affection would help her relax. I knew she was happy with Jasper, she was just feeling lost without Spencer. I understood. She loved Jasper as a boyfriend, but loved Spencer as a best friend. And I knew how much it sucked to be away from your best friend. I had felt pretty lost myself when Jasper had left.

"Love you, Ali," I murmured into her ear before letting her go. She sighed quietly and gave me a forced smile.

"Bye, Nick." She paused before getting in the car, glancing at the house. "Maybe I should just go in and say hi?" she said slowly, giving me a hopeful look, but I could see in her eyes that she knew it wasn't a very good idea.

I hesitantly shook my head at her. "How about I tell him you say hello?" I suggested, reaching over to smooth out her hair comfortingly.

From the corner of my eye, I could see Jasper watching us with a wary look. He looked like he felt helpless. I hoped he didn't freaking blame himself for this. It wasn't his fault he fell in love with a girl and the girl loved him back.

"All right...." Alice mumbled sadly and plopped back into the seat in the car. Jasper reached out automatically and placed his hand on top of hers. She would be fine once she was out with Jasper.

"See you guys later!" I called to them, giving Alice one last smile before shutting the car door for her.

I jogged up the stairs of Spencer's porch and knocked on the door. As I waited for someone to answer, I hurriedly tried to push the depressed feelings away from myself. I had to look happy for Spencer. It wasn't like I was going to die if I went a few more hours without seeing Chloe. He was a lot worse off than I was.

A moment later the front door swung open and Spencer stood there looking at me. Wow.

I stared at him, flustered. He was usually so... clean. Today he was standing in sweats and a wife beater. He must not have shaved lately either because he had some scruff on his face. His eyes were dull and tired looking.

"Hey," I grinned at him, trying to give a look that would maybe cheer him up a bit?

He lifted his hand and gave me a small wave. "Hi." That wasn't quite 'happy', but we'd work on it. I walked into the house, shaking my head at his lack of enthusiasm.

Spencer just waited silently as I shrugged my jacket off and slipped my shoes off. The whole house seemed to be silent. There was no noise coming from anywhere. I guess everyone else was out for the night. It _was_ a Saturday night....

"So, what's up?" I asked him after I had my shoes off.

Spencer began walking up a flight of stairs.

"Not too much really." He shrugged nonchalantly as I jogged up the stairs to catch up with him.

"Working?" I guessed, pretty certain I was right. What else did this boy do except work all day and night?

Spencer turned his head with a smirk. "Pretty much," he confirmed with a nod and led me to his room.

His room was pretty much a work office at home. His bed was covered in files, drawings and other papers. His desk looked almost the same.

"Lots of work," I commented, slowly walking into the room after him.

"Yeah, I have a lot of last minute work before the fashion show on Tuesday," he explained, sitting down on his big desk chair and turning it around to face me.

"Your fashion show is on Tuesday?" I asked him curiously, pushing some papers out of the way and plopping down on his bed.

"Yeah. It was supposed to be last week, but venues got changed and models had emergencies and so we pushed it back till Tuesday 'cause it was easier. You can come if you want," he said with a shrug, turning slightly and leaning down to reach for a mini fridge that was placed beside his desk. Wow, he must never have to leave his room. He had his bed in here, his work, his food, and a bathroom. Plus if he needed anything else he could just ask one of the maids. No wonder he was doing so well at avoiding Alice.

"Umm, maybe I'll catch the next one? Jasper's birthday is on Tuesday so I probably should be with him...." I trailed off, uncertain if I should be bringing Jasper up in his presence. I felt like I was just adding the salt to the wounds, you know?

I noticed Spencer's jaw flex and he tensed up. "Right," he mumbled and pulled a bottle of beer out of the mini fridge. Spencer drank?

I watched him, puzzled. I hadn't remembered Alice saying that Spencer drank. He was usually good about everything... I knew drinking wasn't wrong, but I thought he was too proper to sit in his room and drink a beer. I had him pegged for more of a cocktail/wine kind of guy.

"Do you want one?" he asked before shutting the fridge. I thought for a moment... it was only beer. It wasn't like I was drinking any strong liquor. Beer wouldn't do anything to me. I was too immune to alcohol by now for something as weak as one beer to have an effect on me.

"Sure," I shrugged, getting off of the bed and grabbing it from his hand. He popped the cap off with a bottle opener for me. "Thanks, man."

Hopefully Alice wouldn't care if I had just a beer or two. It wasn't like I was going to get drunk. She was about as sensitive about that stuff as Jasper was.

I took a quick sip of the beer and then looked Spencer who was drinking his as well.

"I didn't know you drank?" I left the statement floating in the air as a question.

Spencer frowned slightly and then sighed. "I really don't drink a lot... just recently," he answered honestly, looking at me with a sincere gaze. Oh... he started drinking more because Alice left him. Like I had done when I found out Chloe had a boyfriend... right. I understood that more than he knew.

It still sucked, though. "Just don't become an alcoholic or anything," I warned him with a very pointed look. If he did I would lock him in a closet until I could get him sobered up again. Alcohol was a bad addiction... I had been through that phase in my life. Alice would be broken if that ever happened to Spencer and I wasn't going to let any more of that shining light fade from her eyes.

"I won't," he whispered, but his words didn't give me any assurance. It didn't seem to give him any either. He wasn't sure if he'd become an alcoholic or not, I could tell.

I took a long swig of my beer before saying anything more. I wasn't really sure what to say to him.

"Tell me how you're honestly doing," I said straight out, wanting to know. I knew if I asked 'how are you' he'd just say he was okay to get me off his back and that wasn't going to work with me.

Spencer looked down at his beer bottle, turning it around in his hands mindlessly.

"Honestly...." Spencer mumbled to himself, seeming to not know what to say. "Life sucks, I guess? I don't really even know how to function without her," he explained to me with a devastated look on his face. His eyes were full of misery. He didn't let his eyes stay on mine for long though. They flickered back down to his beer bottle and then he took a long sip of it.

I thought he was finished, but it seemed that the beer encouraged him to continue. "I've been with her my whole life. Nineteen years! How do I just stop loving her? I can't. I just want to be with her all the time. And I keep trying to forget about her, but I can't. I sometimes just stare at other girls, hoping that some feeling, any feeling, would rise in me. Nothing comes though. I just feel disgusted with myself for looking at another girl. I'm so used to Alice. Even when I lost her the first time, I guess part of me still hoped one day she'd remember. And now she does and she still doesn't want me. But I love her...." His words softened as he spoke and his voice slowly turned to defeat.

"Do you think maybe it's because you're kind of more dependent on her now?" I wondered out loud. Sometimes it's not so much about love but about need, you know? Some people just get used to having someone to rely on and once they're gone, they're lost.

Spencer scoffed to himself and took another swig of the beer. He was drinking that pretty quickly... I wondered if he was trying to get drunk from it. He didn't seem like the kind of guy who could hold a lot of alcohol.

"I know I'm dependent on her. Too dependent. I need her. I never really let anyone else but her in. Now it feels like I don't have anyone." Spencer rubbed his eyes stressfully. Or maybe he was trying to wipe tears out of his eyes, I wasn't sure.

I sighed sadly. What was I supposed to say to him? I wasn't a therapist. I wasn't really good at this sort of thing... I wished I could help somehow.... Chloe would probably know exactly what to say. She'd probably say that Alice was still there for him whenever he needed her, but that he needed to rely more on himself.

That actually sounded good. I said it to Spencer.

"Yeah... you're probably right," Spencer whispered, finished off the rest of his beer. I followed his action and quickly finished off my own and then gave him a small smile. He looked so vulnerable and broken. I wasn't used to guys looking like that... I had seen Jasper like that before, when Alice had first forgotten him, but that was it.

Wow, Alice just seemed to be a heartbreaker these days. I knew it wasn't her fault, though.

Spencer leaned over and grabbed another two beers out of the fridge and tossed one to me.

Another one? I wasn't sure if I should be stopping him. That would make me seem a little overprotective though... it wasn't wrong to drink a few beers with a buddy. I wasn't going to be his mom and tell him what not to do. I would be pissed if someone tried to tell me if I could drink or not.

"One day maybe I'll learn how to live without her...." Spencer said in a somewhat hopeful voice.

I hoped he would. Well... he didn't have to live without her completely. I hoped that he would learn to be friends with her. Everyone needs a best friend and Alice and Spencer were good for each other, even if they weren't dating.

"You will," I nodded in agreement. Though maybe it would be easier for him to be happy without Alice? Being with her as a friend would be a constant reminder that he couldn't be in love with her and he couldn't have her. That would really hurt Alice too....

I popped the cap off of my beer bottle and took a drink before feeling a vibration in my pocket. A smile instantly stretched across my face. It would definitely be Chloe. Alice and Jasper were probably making out somewhere--they wouldn't be calling.

I slipped the phone out of my pocket and answered it. "Hey sweetheart."

"Hey Nick," Chloe replied in a soft tone. I missed her voice. My body whole relaxed, feeling at home.

"How are you doing?" I asked her, wondering if she was home from work. Maybe I could stop by there after being here? I wanted to see her so much. I had been feeling so stressed lately between not seeing her and starting to study for the GED tests this past week. I didn't understand half the crap on those study guides and there wasn't ever anyone around to ask for help. And then part of me didn't want to ask for help anyway....

I heard Chloe sigh softly in the background. "Tired, I guess. It was busy today. I'm doing inventory now...."

"Inventory? That's where you have to count everything in the store right?" I questioned her, uncertain.

"Yep. Every single book," she confirmed with an exhausted tone to her voice. Uh oh. I had a feeling this conversation was going to end with her telling me she wanted to go to bed right after she got home from work.

Why couldn't I go there and sleep with her? I didn't understand! I hadn't seen her in days. I took a long swig of my beer in frustration. Maybe Spencer wasn't the only one here that was losing their girlfriend.... Shit.

"That must suck," I mumbled, a bit grumpy because of my previous thoughts.

"It's... okay, I guess. But umm Nick... I was just calling to tell you I'm going to go straight to bed after work. I'm just really exhausted.... Are you okay with that?" she asked. I felt a little guilty for having hard feelings against her when she was working so hard and then _asking _me if she was allowed to go to bed early. Sometimes I hated myself....

"Can I come sleep there with you tonight?" I asked her, not answering her question. I wouldn't disturb her. I would be as quiet as a mouse if she wanted me to be. All I wanted to do was see her and maybe hold her when she was sleeping.

"Umm...." Chloe mumbled. That wasn't a good sign. "Honestly, it's probably easier if you stay at Jasper's. I have to work early tomorrow morning so I'd pretty much be going home, sleeping, and then waking up and heading out again...." she explained. I could hear the hesitance in her voice, which just made more anger flare inside of me. Why did she have to be so nervous around me still? I wasn't her old boyfriend. I wasn't ever going to hurt her like he did. I thought she knew that by now.

"Oh... all right." I tried to say it in a nonchalant voice, hoping she wouldn't hear how hurt I was. Maybe I was becoming just as dependent as Spencer. "Does that mean we aren't going to see each other tomorrow either?"

"Hopefully not," Chloe replied. "I'm only scheduled till three so we could do something after that?" Did she really mean that or was she just trying to calm me down?

"Kay. Yeah, maybe. Well, I'll talk to you tomorrow then, I guess," I whispered, taking another drink of the beer. Maybe I just needed to sit and drink with Spencer tonight....

"Okay. Have a good night though, sweetheart. Tell Spencer I say hi," Chloe told me in a slightly more relaxed voice.

"I will. I love you," I murmured gently. My heart was begging to hear the words come back from her.

"Me too. Bye." And then there was a click. Me too? That was all I got? She didn't even say the words. Was I really losing her? She felt so far away. So distant.

I slowly took the phone away from my ear, hanging it up.

"Chloe says hello," I informed Spencer, falling back on his bed. I slowly lifted the beer bottle up, awkwardly drinking it as I lay down. I chugged the rest of the bottle, needing to drown out my bitter thoughts and broken feelings. I really wanted to be with her tonight.

"Okay. How are you guys doing?" Spencer asked, seeming concerned. Could he tell that something was going on? Maybe he could tell me what the hell I did wrong? I had a feeling though. It was because I never finished high school. She had been working double the hours since I had told her that. She was avoiding me.

That wasn't right though, was it? Would Chloe do that...?

Who knows? She liked smart guys, didn't she? Bryce went to Harvard for God's sake.

"I don't know... I think she's avoiding me or something," I told him, sitting up and walking over to the mini fridge to grab another beer. I was sure he didn't care. I didn't even care at the moment. There was this small part of me that was saying No, but I was ignoring it. I was just hanging out with Spencer.

Spencer gave me a puzzled look. "Chloe? But she loves you. I can tell," he said in a certain voice.

I bet he thought Alice had loved him too.

Wow, Nick. Shut up. That was cold. What was wrong with me?

"Maybe she did last time you saw her. I don't know if she does anymore though." I didn't know how this love thing was supposed to work. Could she just turn it on and off?

I paused and sat down on the bed and took a long drink of the beer. The alcohol was starting to kick in. I felt myself numbing, like I used to. My thoughts were a bit clouded and I was feeling fantastic. I hadn't really drank in a while. Other than in California....

"I told her about how I didn't finish high school and I have hardly seen her since. She said it was fine and that she would help and she gave me stuff to work on, but then she just disappeared. I haven't really seen her at all this week. She's just always working or at school. She's never worked this much before. She just doesn't want me anymore. I know it!" I explained to him, rubbing the back of my neck stressfully. Why had I opened up to her? I had known she wouldn't want to put up with me anymore....

Spencer narrowed his eyes at me and shook his head. "I doubt that, Nick. She probably just wants to save up more money."

It didn't make sense. Chloe never said anything about wanting more money. She always seemed to be fine and knowing Chloe she probably had a whole budget planned. She would have been making enough already. She would have told me if she was worrying about something, even if it was money.

"She has enough money. She already paid off her classes and her parents pay her rent. What would she need more money for?" I said to him in frustration. My voice was a little bit angry, even though it wasn't his fault.

I drank more of the drink, desperate to calm my raging feelings. None of this was Spencer's fault.

Spencer shrugged calmly and looked at me. "Maybe she's the kind of girl who likes to be chased after? You know, she wants to feel like she's wanted or needed?" he suggested, flipping through some papers on his desk. Why was he so calm? I hoped he wasn't becoming as numb as I could be sometimes. It wasn't a good place to be and now I was getting there again....

Why was I doing this to myself again? Fuck.

"No... I don't think so. She's not like that. She wouldn't play mind games either." I shook my head, totally sure about that. It wasn't like Bryce ever made her feel wanted or needed.

"Is she the kind of girl to push away from someone? Some girls are afraid of love?" Spencer offered, giving me a curious glance.

I didn't know if that was right. Had she ever loved anyone before me? Was it as new to her as it was to me? I had no idea....

Again, I finished the beer and then put it beside the other two bottles on the nightstand. I saw a picture of Alice sitting there and picked it up. She looked so happy back then too. No wonder Spencer was always so confused about her not being happy with him anymore. People change though... maybe Chloe was changing too?

"Fight for her... that's all I can say. If you can stop it, then stop it. You don't ever want to lose the one you love," Spencer warned me, giving me an honest look. He was the prime example of what happened to someone who was truly in love with someone and then lost them. Freakin' twice.

He leaned down and picked up another beer, tossing it to me. I was starting to get a little fuzzy already. Would Alice know if I was drinking? Jasper would, but he probably wouldn't say anything.

It was just beer. I never drank anymore. Every once in a while was okay, right?

"I should go pick her up from work tonight. Surprise her!" I decided suddenly. She would love that, wouldn't she? I could walk her to her apartment and we could fall asleep together. I could even cook her dinner or something if she needed it. It would be great.

Spencer nodded in agreement. "That might be a good idea," he told me calmly, drinking his second beer still.

I looked at the clock on his wall and saw it was twenty minutes to nine. She would get off work at nine. I would have to hurry from here if I wanted to make it there before she left.

Spencer chuckled. "Go on, go get her. You can take my car for the night." He threw me the keys nonchalantly. Did he just give me the keys to a Lamborghini? Holy shit.

"Seriously?!" I said excitedly, sounding like a squealing little girl. Wow, real manly there, Nick.

"Sure," he shrugged and waved me off. I jumped up, but then quickly had to brace myself, my head spinning a bit from the four beers that I had chugged down. Maybe I shouldn't be driving...?

But it wasn't like I was going to crash. I had probably driven drunk more times than I had driven sober when I had lived in Forks.

"Thanks, man," I said gratefully, walking over to pat his shoulder. Spencer just rolled his eyes and looked back down at his paperwork.

I grabbed one more beer, deciding I needed a little bit more liquid courage. I chugged it all as fast as I could. I had to hurry if I wanted to make it to her work in time.

"See you later!" I called and walked swiftly out of the room, trying to keep my thoughts and steps straight.

"Bye, Nick. Tell Chloe I say hello!" Spencer shouted out of his room as I rushed down the stairs. He was really calm about everything. Weird.

But I was calm now too. This was why I used to like to drink.

Chloe would be so surprised. Hopefully in a good way... if she really didn't want to see me, then she might be upset.

She loved me though.... Why wouldn't she want to see me?

I drove to her work in good time, not getting into any accidents. I knew that I wouldn't. I was better at driving drunk then someone people were at driving sober. I was just so used to it.

I pulled up in a good space in front of Chloe's work, which was awesome. No parallel parking. I jumped out of the car too fast. Again, I had to stop for a moment as I lost my balance. The cold made my head spin and I put my hand on top of the car. Wow, what a rush... it was only five beers... should I feel this disoriented?

Then again I hadn't been drinking very much lately. My body might not be so used to it anymore.

After I had composed myself, I walked up to the store and knocked on the glass door. It was already past nine and the Closed sign was up. I saw Chloe's head pop out from behind one of the shelves and her eyes narrowed in confusion.

Umm, was that a happy look?

Of course it was. She wanted to see me just as much as I wanted to see her, right?

I shakily grabbed onto the handle of the store door, keeping myself up as she walked over and started to unlock it. I loved the way she walked....

"Nick?" Chloe said slowly as she opened the door a bit, but not enough to let me in.

"Hey, sweetheart! I came to surprise you!" I said, a little too loudly. Chloe blinked, staring at me and opened the door more.

"You did? I am definitely surprised...." she said softly as I entered the store. She locked the door again and then turned around and reached up to touch my cheek.

"You feeling okay, Nick? You look a little flushed...." Her hand stroked my cheek gently and I watched her eyes scanning over me, concerned. Why was she so concerned? I felt amazing!

"I feel great!" I announced, taking her up in my arms and spinning her around. I let her down eventually and gave her a passionate kiss before pulling back and grinning. I blinked, trying to keep my balance. "I missed you, Chloe," I mumbled and then kissed down her cheek to her neck.

I felt Chloe squirming against me. "Nick...." she whispered, pushing me back a little. Why was she pushing me away?

"Mmm?" I hummed, kissing her neck playfully, pecking kisses all over it.

"Can you wait here, sweetheart? I just have to finish up, okay? Just wait here though. Don't move," she explained thoroughly.

Why was she talking to me like a five year old? Was she trying to rub it in that she was smarter than me? She had never done that before....

"Can't we just go?" I asked, pouting at her. "I wanna go to your place," I whispered flirtatiously into her ear, nipping at her earlobe.

"We'll go in a minute, sweetheart. Promise. I just need to grab my things," she told me, very gently pulling out of my embrace.

Wow, okay. I surprise her and she doesn't even want me here, does she? I should have known.

"Sit down over there, if you want," Chloe instructed me, motioning to a cushioned seat near the front of the store. I just waved her off and plopped grumpily down into the chair. Fine, don't freaking be excited to see me....

I watched Chloe as she walked around the store, cleaning things up and finishing up her duties for the night.

"Are you here alone?" I called to her as she retreated into the back room. This place looked pretty freaking empty.

Chloe came out of the back room with her coat on and nodded. "Yeah, Marcy left right before you came in. I told her I would finish up on inventory and then lock up for her. I could tell she was tired." Chloe's eyes were soft and caring. She was always so nice to everyone. I couldn't ever be like that. No wonder she didn't want to spend time with me.

I just hummed in response and got up, walking outside, back into the cold. I waited as Chloe shut the lights off and locked the place up.

"Did you want me to call us a cab?" Chloe asked me as she turned around, putting her arm around my waist.

"No. Spencer gave me his car for the night. I'll drive us," I said with a grin. I really liked this car. He had obviously had it custom made and perfected to what he wanted. It was beautiful.

Chloe's eyes widened. She almost looked panicked. What was wrong with Spencer giving me his car for the night? "You drove here?" she asked me in disbelief.

"Yes...." What the hell?

"Just because I can't finish freaking high school doesn't mean I can't drive," I spat at her angrily. I was getting tired of how she was acting tonight... she was making me feel so dumb.

Chloe winced and looked down at the ground, shoving the toe of her boot into the ground. "All right," she whispered and let me lead her to the car.

I brought her to passenger's side and started to open the door, but Chloe stopped me.

"Do you think I could try driving it, Nick?" she asked me curiously. I thought I could hear something else in her voice, but I wasn't sure. Her eyes were becoming guarded.

I chuckled though, trying to lighten us both up, and nodded, knowing anyone in their right mind would want to try out this car. I jingled the keys in front of her face with a grin. "It's all yours, babe."

Chloe let out a breath, which confused me, but she took the keys and gave me a quick peck on the lips in return.

As she drove us, I closed my eyes, not saying anything. I just wanted to get to her apartment.

Eventually the car stopped and I heard Chloe put it in Park.

I opened my eyes and saw something that I was not expecting. Jasper's apartment building?

"Why are we here?" I asked, narrowing my eyes suspiciously at her. Was she going to drop me off and grab a taxi...?

Chloe leaned over and gave me a tender kiss on the cheek. "I thought we could stay here for the night. This way would be better because Jasper lives closer to my work anyway and then I can stay with you all night. Is that okay?" Chloe suggested the idea, giving me a wary look. There was something else. What was she hiding from me?

"Okay," I mumbled and got out of the car.

Chloe sat for a moment, looking a bit sad, but then came out of the car after me. She acted normally though, slipping her fingers between mine as we walked through the parking garage. She smiled happily at me and squeezed my hand. She seemed fine, but then in a way she didn't.

Chloe and I took the elevator up because she said she would prefer that to the stairs. That was definitely odd because I knew lately she preferred the stairs because it gave her exercise. Maybe she was just too tired today, though. She had worked a lot....

Plus, I loved being in elevators with Chloe.

I gathered her up in my arms and pressed my forehead to hers, smiling. "I love you, Chloe." I told her sincerely, rubbing my hands up and down her back. Her muscles felt so tense, even through her coat. She had been working too hard lately. It wasn't good for her. I was so glad she was with me now.

Chloe smiled up at me. "I love you too, Nick," she replied gently, but moved her head away from mine and laid it against my chest. Why was she looking so sad? I wanted my Chloe to smile and be happy.

I held her and just rubbed her back tenderly, hoping that I could ease whatever pain she had right now... hopefully I wasn't the one giving her that pain. Maybe it was memories again.

Eventually the elevator made it to our floor and the doors opened. Chloe sighed and pulled out of the embrace and slipped her arm between mine. She couldn't be too mad or sad at me if she was touching me so much, right?

We walked down the hall to Jasper's apartment. I unlocked it, letting Chloe in before I followed. We took all of our stuff off and then I headed for my room. Chloe, of course, followed in my footsteps.

I plopped down on my bed and started to take my socks off, but then noticed Chloe standing reluctantly at the door.

"Coming to bed?" I asked her, patting the place beside me invitingly. I couldn't wait to fall asleep with her in my arms. It had been much too long. I hadn't slept very well lately. The dreams that accompanied my sleep weren't always pleasant.

"Yeah... I'm just going to make some coffee. Did you want some?" she asked me. She sounded hopeful. What was so great about coffee?

I laughed. "Sure, sweetheart. Whatever you want to do. I'll be here."

She nodded and walked away as I finished taking off my socks.

I stood up and changed into pajama pants and took my shirt off. My head was starting to hurt a bit now and the alcohol hadn't seemed to work very well. Or it was working too well. I wasn't sure. My emotions were all over the place... I could feel my anger from earlier... it was still strong and it wasn't numbing. I just felt... irritable again.

I laid back down and took deep breaths, trying to relax. Chloe was in the other room and would be back in here any second now.

A few minutes later Chloe came back into the room holding two cups of coffee. She sat down on the edge of the bed on my side of the bed.

"Can you sit up?" she asked me, putting one cup of coffee on the table but keeping the other one in her hand.

I sat up, obeying her, and she handed the cup of coffee to me, making sure I had a strong hold on it before letting go. I brought it to my lips slowly.

"Be careful, Nick. It's pretty hot," she warned me, rubbing my thigh gingerly.

I took a sip and chuckled, remembering when I had burnt my tongue when I had had coffee with Alice.

"I burnt my tongue last week. When I was out with Ali," I told her in a matter of fact tone, putting the cup down on the nightstand. I didn't really feel like drinking coffee.

"Did I tell you that? I don't think I told you that yet...." I wondered.

Chloe frowned. "You didn't tell me. You burnt it? Is it okay now?"

I shrugged. It still felt a bit weird when I drank hot stuff, but it didn't hurt. "Maybe if you kiss it it'll feel better?" I suggested, winking at her.

Chloe looked reluctant, which made the anger in me flare. Why wouldn't she want to kiss me?!

She shook off the look in her eyes pretty quickly though and leaned forward to kiss me sweetly. It wasn't rushed or passionate. It was slow and almost hesitant.

I reached out and wrapped my hands around hers, softly caressing them as we kissed. I was trying to reassure her that it was okay. I didn't know what was wrong but I wanted it to go away. Chloe slowly started to relax into the kiss, opening her mouth for me.

I smiled against her lips happily. There. She knew it was okay now. I scooted up on the bed, lightly pulling Chloe over on the bed. Instantly her body tensed, but she came forward anyway, climbing up next to me. She kept her lips connected with mine as I moved backwards. I pulled her onto my lap, causing her to straddle my thighs.

Chloe took a deep breath, breaking out of the kiss. She looked down, blinking. She looked sad again....

She took long deep breaths and started wringing her hands nervously. Something was wrong. Had I done something?

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" I couldn't help it, but my words slurred a bit. I covered it up quickly, clearing my throat, trying to cover up that I may be a bit more drunk than I had intended....

Chloe's eyes shut and she just shook her head gently and reached up to rub my chest plates. She was so caring, the looks on her face, the way she touched me, the way she moved. I wanted her to know that I cared too. I loved her. She didn't have to leave and work all the time. I may not be the smartest in the world but I could make her happy....

I leaned forward, resting my face in the crook of her neck, and began to kiss her skin there. Chloe let out a ragged breath as I moved my way up her neck, laying open mouthed kisses all over her neck.

"I love you," I whispered huskily against her soft skin and watched her arms prickle with goosebumps.

Again, she began to relax a bit, letting me kiss her. My words had seemed to put her at ease. That spiked confidence through me and I ran my hands up the sides of her thighs as I bit her neck softly.

Chloe gasped and pulled away to lie next to me on the bed. She looked surprised, but also terrified for a second.

What had I done now?

I rolled over and rubbed her leg tenderly, giving her a concerned look. "I'm right here, Chloe. It's okay," I told her with full honestly, nodding my head up and down at her. Chloe didn't say anything. She hadn't said anything in a while. I was getting anxious.

Cautiously, I hovered over her body that was lying on the bed. She was just as tense as before. I watched her gulp nervously. I didn't understand... but I knew after making out for a while she would calm down. She loved when we just sat or laid and got lost in our kisses. It always put her in a good mood. I knew if I could just get this moving that she would feel much better.

"You okay?" I asked, kissing her cheek before rubbing my cheek softly against hers.

"Y-yeah," Chloe's voice shook, which almost made me pull back, but she wrapped her arms around me. I felt her hands moving up and down my back. It was almost as if she was now trying to comfort me. I was ridiculously confused.

But if she wanted to kiss now, then that was what we were going to do. _I_ wanted to kiss right now too.

I crushed my lips back against hers, putting my tongue into her mouth almost instantly.

Chloe trembled under me, but I took that as a good sign. She was enjoying this. I kissed her passionately, trying to show her how much I loved her. I touched her, running my hands along her body, caressing her, loving her. My lips moved against hers with fervor and my tongue showed all the attention it could to hers. Chloe stayed oddly still and my passion turned into frustration. I wasn't complaining if she just wanted to enjoy this, but I wanted reassurance that she liked what I was doing.

I pulled off of her with a huff. "Do you even want me to kiss you?" I asked her, flaring my nostrils as anger started to take over my body.

Chloe bit her lip and nodded shyly. "I love your kisses, Nick. I just-- I have a lot of homework. I can't concentrate with so much on my mind. Would it be okay if I went and worked on it first?" she asked me timidly, sitting up, crossing her legs and fixing her hair. Her hair looked sexy all messed up from kissing. I didn't know why she would want to change it.

She wanted to do homework over kissing me? She couldn't concentrate on me?! _Homework_ was on her mind when I was kissing her like that...?

Emotions started flaring all through my body, wounded by her words. The emotions made me spin even more than I already was.

"Fine," I grumbled and flopped back on the bed, not giving a shit anymore. She could go do whatever she wanted. If she didn't want to be here with me then she could go.

Chloe didn't get off the bed for a moment. I felt her gaze on me, but pretended not to notice. I didn't want her kissing me out of guilt now, just trying to make me happy like she used to do for the jackass she was with before me. I wasn't going to be that guy.

She did get up though, after a minute of silence, and I heard her quietly leave my room. I could hear her footsteps fading down the hallway. My anger slowly faded as I heard her walking away. My body quickly changed from recoiling from her to needing her more. I missed her too much already. Why was I so needy?

**Author's Note: It was a pretty long chapter. There, that makes it up to you all for us being late. I hope you guys all enjoyed the chapter. Nick seems to be struggling in his relationship with Chloe and she's a bit off as well. Alice and Jasper are doing pretty well, except something is wrong with Alice and Tuesday? What could it be? Leave a review and tell us what you think. Thanks! :D**

**So... I have nothing for the blog this week. Sorry about that. I'm running low on ideas. If any of you have ideas tell me! If you'd like to interview us, or have any crazy ideas of what we could do on the blog, or something you want to do. A reader's outlook on Hope/Forgotten Hope. Whatever you guys can think of. Just pm me, or put it in the review, tweet me on twitter, or dm me on twitter! **

**Hope everyone is having a good day/night! **


	35. Chapter 35

___**Author's Note: Hey everybody. Happy Easter! And here is your weekly dose of Hope. Enjoy. **_

___Forgotten Hope Chapter 35-_

_NPOV_

The need to be near her was getting to be too overwhelming. Now I was feeling bad for getting mad that she didn't want to kiss me. I was still upset about it, but... I mean... I didn't have to snap at her....

I gathered my wits about me as much as I could in this state. Drinking was messing with me. Slowly, I got up and walked out of the room to see Chloe in the hallway, closing in on the door.

"You aren't going home, are you? You're going to stay here tonight... with me... right? You'll come back to bed when you're done with homework?" I asked her in a pathetically needy and desperate voice. I realized I sounded innocent, which was probably for the first time in my entire life. My guard was slipping down....

Chloe swallowed hard and nodded at me. "Of course I'll stay, Nick. I'll just be out here for a while, okay? You can go back to bed if you're tired." Her voice was gentle and loving, but was also shaking a bit.

I wanted to know what was wrong. I needed to know. I felt like a jerk. Was it my fault?

I just nodded, but didn't go back to my room. I wanted to stay close to her.

I plopped down onto the couch and Chloe sat down on the opposite side, bringing her backpack with her. I watched her pull out a textbook and notebook. She was instantly pulled into the concentration of her homework. She didn't even seem to notice me here after a while. She was right there, but she felt so far away... so distant....

I just sat there, staring at her doing her homework for a long while. She looked really cute when she was working on something. She chewed on the end of her pencil absentmindedly and twirled her hair around her pencil or bit her lip as she worked through a math problem. She looked so relaxed in her studies. I was pretty content with just watching her like this for a while.

But eventually, after what seemed like hours, I got bored. And then annoyed. And then I snapped. I couldn't sit there forever. It was almost ten thirty now and she hadn't even looked at me.

"Well, I'm just going to bed then," I grumbled finally, getting off of the couch, almost falling drunkenly. My head felt heavy and my balance was all off....

Chloe's head popped up at the sound of my voice and I saw worry building in her eyes.

"Kay," she whispered quietly and got up for a moment to give me a very soft kiss on the lips. She then plopped straight back down in front of her homework.

I grumbled angrily to myself as I walked away from her. She didn't come with me... I thought she might put her things away if I said I was ready for bed.

I somewhat stomped my way back to the bedroom and slammed the door. I shouldn't have told her about not graduating! Life had been so good for us since we had come back from California and I ruined it by telling her how flawed and unworthy I really was.

I whipped the blanket off of my side of the bed and ripped my shirt off. I hated this. I wanted her to be with me. I wanted her in bed with me right now. I was sure if I was as smart as her old boyfriend I would be getting all the action I wanted. She wouldn't want to do anything with someone as dumb as me.

I wasn't even asking for much! I just wanted to hold her and kiss her and I just... wanted her.

I angrily unbuckled my belt. All the girls in Forks had liked me. They would do anything to be with me and they knew I didn't go to school. They went to the same school as me for God's sake. They knew about all my flaws. They knew I had killed people and that I had fought and drank and done drugs whenever I wanted to. Yet they were still all over me, worshipping me, practically begging to go to bed with me. Now that I actually liked--no, loved--a girl, she didn't even want me. She couldn't even be in the same room as me.

Maybe I should just go back to Forks. I didn't give a shit about cops... no one was going to put me in jail. Those wimps in Forks wouldn't even come near me. They'd be too afraid. I could start a real freaking gang of my own and then kick the shit out of Greg. I could have my own parties and get everything I wanted. I could drink all the time and not even care, not even notice the girls on me at night.

I pulled on some sweatpants and fell into bed. I hated this place. I hated this feeling.

I tried to sleep so I wouldn't go out into the living room and do something I would regret for the rest of my life out of anger. I couldn't sleep though. I was frustrated and worked up now. Why couldn't she just love me for me? Didn't Alice say she would?

Eventually I heard the front door open and I jumped up, worried that Chloe was leaving. All my anger wavered and sadness took me over. Had she left me here? She had said she wouldn't. She had said she was going to come back to bed with me after she was done homework, right? She said she wasn't going to leave me. She wouldn't leave me, would she?

I made my way to the bedroom door and opened it quietly, walking down the hallway to check to see if she was still there.

Alice and Jasper were taking off their jackets at the front door. I sighed in relief. She hadn't left me. Alice and Jasper had opened and shut the door. It was them I had heard.

My head started to hurt more and I sat down in the hallway. I could wait here for Chloe.

I heard footsteps and looked over to see Jasper going to put groceries away in the kitchen and Alice walking into the living room. I bet Chloe would talk to Alice. They were friends. And Alice had graduated high school... she was smart enough to be around Chloe.

I crossed my arms, irritated.

"Alice...." I heard Chloe say softly from the living room. It was right beside the hallway and I could hear everything from here.

"Yep?" Alice asked happily.

I heard Chloe take a deep breath like she had done so many times tonight. She sounded so stressed out. Was I really that much of a burden to her?

"I haven't really had time to see Nick much and I don't know what's going on lately. I just... I'm confused. Do you know why Nick would have been drinking tonight?" Chloe inquired to Alice.

Her voice was upset, disappointed, torn. How had she known I had been drinking? It wasn't _that _obvious, was it? I wasn't acting drunk. I wasn't puking or passing out or really even slurring over my words. I was fine.

"Wait, what? Nick was drinking?" I heard Alice reply in surprise. I could imagine her standing up, eyes wide, a frown on her lips. Alice always tried to get me to be perfect too. No drinking, no drugs, no sex... I was tired of trying to be perfect-- to be something I wasn't.

"Yeah... I think so. He was acting a little weird and I wasn't sure, but then he kissed me and I could taste it. I don't know what's wrong. He showed up at work as I was closing... I don't know...." Chloe trailed off in confusion.

Yeah freaking right she didn't know what was wrong, I thought coldly.

"Jazz!" Ali called across the apartment, sounding panicked. Wow. What was the big freaking deal? So what? I had five beers? Wow. It wasn't the end of the Goddamn world people!

"Yes, darling?" Jasper asked Alice quickly. I heard his feet moving quickly across the apartment. Alice had changed him, too. He used to actually care about me and we'd chill and have fun doing whatever. He talked to me before her, but now it was all about what Alice wanted. He had left me because of her. He didn't care about me anymore. He just wanted her. I was baggage from his past that he had to deal with.

No one here really wanted me....

"Chloe says Nick came by when she was at work and he was drunk," Alice informed Jasper. Why was everybody talking about me?

Rage was running thickly through my veins now. They couldn't have just talked to me if shit was bothering them? What the hell?

I got up, walking directly to the living room. Everyone turned to look at me with the same expression, their eyes wide with surprise and concern.

"Hey man," Jasper said quietly, walking toward me.

"Don't 'hey man' me. I heard you guys talking behind my back about me."

I turned to Chloe. "You couldn't just ask me if I had been drinking? You just had to talk about it with everyone else?" I shot angrily at her, glaring darkly. What kind of relationship did we even have? I saw Chloe flinch at my words.

"So what if I drank a few beers with Spencer? What the hell is the big deal? It's not like it's the first time I've drank!" I yelled at them all this time, sending them my icy glare. They were all just judging me and I _never_ judged them. I hadn't cared that Chloe had been cheating on a guy with me, lying to me, using me.

I hadn't said anything when Alice was dangling both Jasper and Spencer on a string for two months, going out with both of them for the heck of it.

I didn't say anything when Jasper was all depressed about her leaving him. I didn't judge him when he left me and then came right back. I just let them all do whatever they damn well pleased to do. I was a good friend to all of them! But when it came to me, well, I was just too _bad_ for them.

"Spencer was drinking?" Of course that was all Alice said. Who saw that one coming?

My anger faded just a bit when I saw the pain flashing through her eyes at the news, though. She looked like she was about to cry.

"Nick...." Jasper warned me, sensing my tone and my mood. He could read me all he wanted, though: nothing was going to change. I could see everything clearly now.

"Shut up," I forcefully said to him, not wanting another one of his stupid lectures about drinking. I wasn't his stepfather. I wasn't going to beat the crap out of him for no reason. Not everyone was like that.

Both Alice and Jasper stared at me, flustered.

"I don't want to hear either of your lectures. Nothing is wrong with me having a few beers and I'm tired of all of you judging me!" I continued, staring hard, challenging them to say something.

"Nick. Stop. You're freaking Chloe out..." Alice said softly to me, looking over at Chloe.

Chloe was just staring at me, looking lost and upset. It was like she was trying to figure me out and it was making me nervous. Why was she looking at me like that? I was upset, too!

"Whatever," I mumbled, rolling my eyes.

Jasper stepped forward, now obviously pissed off. "No. You shut up, Nick. Think about what you're saying before you say it because you know you are going to regret it later. You also know none of us here judge you. We love you. So just breathe and calm down. I don't know what's wrong with you but you can't just treat people like this for no reason. It's not right," Jasper said in a low, calm voice. It was his angry voice.

I watched his jaw flex as he took me in slowly, gauging my mood and my next move. It looked like he thought I was going to fight him... shit, maybe I would.

"What's wrong with _me_?" I laughed loudly and bitterly. "Nothing is freaking wrong with me! I'm fine. Totally fine. I don't give a shit that my girlfriend is working her butt off, avoiding me because she is ashamed she's going out with a guy like me. I think that's just _perfectly _okay...." I spat, letting it all out.

I hadn't been this angry in a long time. It was like the devil in me was finally coming out, taking me back, taking over me. I was shaking and my fists were clenched. I was ready to fight or not fight. To scream or not scream. It didn't matter. All this because people get pissed about me being drunk.

Alice and Jasper looked at me in disbelief. "What?" They both said at the same time.

Chloe stepped forward, her eyes on fire in a way that I had never seen them. "What are you talking about?" she started in a furious whisper, frustration and hurt painting her words. She was shaking her head. "I-I am not _ashamed_ of you," she said a little louder, fisting her own hands and stuttering in her apparent anger.

I scoffed loudly. "Just because I couldn't finish high school doesn't mean I'm _that_ dumb, Chloe. _Coincidentally_, right after I tell you I never graduated, you just become too busy for me. You keep making all these excuses but I know the real reason. You don't want to be seen with me. _You are ashamed_!" I argued with her. What other reason could there be for her behavior? There was no other reason. I could see it in her eyes. She was disgusted by me.

"The only time that I've seen you being dumb is_ right now_ if you think I would ever be ashamed of you, Nick," she hissed at me, rage starting to burn heatedly in her normally soft brown eyes.

So now she was too perfect to admit it? I thought she'd at least be honest with me. Wow.

I threw my hands up in frustration. "Wow, okay. Whatever. Either way, you think I'm dumb."

Chloe was shaking with fury now as she came closer to me. "No, I think you're drunk!" she spat at me, not even blinking.

Why the hell wasn't she afraid of me? She usually flinched away from me when I did little things, but the one time I felt out of control she was coming closer?

"Well that's what I am. I'm a drunk. I drink. I want to drink," I explained to her maliciously, keeping my gaze locked with hers. "This person. Right now. This is who I really am."

This is what I was like when I wasn't holding anything back. And even though I was fuming on the outside, on the inside I was breaking.

Chloe shook her head, determined. "No it's not! You aren't _ever_ like this," she whispered, obviously in some sort of denial about the whole thing. "I love who you really are...."

I laughed bitterly. "Bullshit."

Chloe's eyes flashed with the strongest anger I had ever seen. Before I had blinked, she had reached out and punched me straight across the face. Just like I had taught her.

Now what the hell was that? I stumbled backwards, caught off guard, and landed against a wall, shaking, but I didn't know why.

She had hit me! _She_ had hit _me_. She did it just how I had shown her. I couldn't help but grin, rubbing my lip and chin as it throbbed with pain. I had taught her really well. That was my girl.

I laughed quietly and wiped the blood from my lip. The force of her punch had made my emotions start swirling.

"I do love you," Chloe whispered, tearing up. "I _do_...."

Oh shit, she was going to cry. No, don't cry....

She had punched me because I had said that her love for me was bullshit. It was like she was trying to show me with more than words how much she loved me... how much she listened to me and appreciated me.... It was like through her punching me, she was trying to knock some sense into to me and make me realize that she... valued me? I mean, shit, she punched me just how I had shown her....

God, what... what am I thinking? What _was _wrong with me? She did love me.... That punch honestly felt more like love than anything else....

Jasper and Alice were quickly at our sides. Alice hugged Chloe to comfort her and Jasper came over to me, grabbing my arm--hard--and dragging me off to his room.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" he demanded of me, staring in pure disbelief. "Seriously, what are you doing? Why are you saying that stuff to her? You're being an ass. I thought you loved her...? Why are you going out and getting drunk and pushing her away?" he asked, his voice getting softer with every word that he said. He looked utterly confused.

So was I... God, was I confused.

I walked over and sat down on the edge of their bed. "_I'm_ not the one pushing someone away. She is. _She_ keeps pushing me away. Every time I try to see her she says she's working, doing homework or going to bed early. That never stopped us before. She always let me go to her place and sleep there or cook her dinner while she did homework. Now she wants nothing to do with me! It's because I'm not good enough for her. I know it," I ranted, telling him what was really going on.

Jasper stood there, listening to me. His lips pressed tightly together and then he sighed, looking totally understanding. He didn't judge me....

The thought hit me again. He wasn't judging me....

"First things first. You and I... Nick, we are never going to be good enough for either of those girls. That's the reality. But it's a reality I cherish because it makes me want to be better." He sighed and ran his hands through his hair.

"This is when you have to _talk_ to her. You don't just go out and drink when you have a problem in a relationship. You have to talk to each other. You don't know what's really going on. Things are always complicated and I know, for certain, that Chloe loves you."

I stared at him for a minute as a small smile formed on his face. "She punched you, man! No one else would have had the nerve to punch you. That means she does love you. And that she knows you have a hard head," Jasper laughed, trying to lighten the situation and get me to smile.

I just looked down at the floor, though, feeling ashamed of myself. I should have talked to her first....

And I had fucking yelled at her. What had I been thinking?! This was Chloe... she didn't deserve to have someone yell at her. Even if I was mad, I shouldn't be treating her like that. I love her....

I had said all those things to her and thought all those really bad thoughts about all the people who loved me....

The alcohol-induced rage was gone now, and I was left feeling like an asshole. Why did I think like that when I drank? I shouldn't drink.... Not to get drunk.... This wasn't the right way to treat my friends....

"Crap," I mumbled, rubbing my face stressfully. "I'm such an idiot."

I understood now. It was like the punch had flipped a switch in me. This whole night, she hadn't been the one acting strange-- I was. It was me.

Jasper sat down beside me and wrapped his arm around my shoulder like he used to do when we were younger. "Everyone messes up, Nick. She'll forgive you. Go talk to her," he instructed me, squeezing my shoulder reassuringly.

I sighed loudly and nodded. "If she doesn't hate me now...." I whispered and got up from the bed.

Jasper followed me as I left the room and we walked toward the living room. I had a feeling that the alcohol was wearing off a lot now. The anger was slowly fading into fatigue and my thoughts were becoming a bit clearer. I knew I had made a mistake.

Their backs were toward us, so they couldn't see us coming. Chloe was sitting on the couch with Alice. Alice was holding her and talking to her in a soothing voice, rubbing her back. I was so ashamed of what I had thought of them all. I hadn't meant a word of it....

I cleared my throat quietly, trying to get their attention. Chloe jumped at the noise.

Shit, I messed up bad....

"Love, why don't we go get ready for bed?" Jasper suggested to Alice, offering her his head.

Alice nodded and said a few more words to Chloe before letting her go and walking over to us.

"Fix this," Alice told me firmly, but her eyes softened and she tiptoed up to kiss my cheek.

"I'm sorry," I whispered into her ear as she kissed me.

Alice gave me a knowing smile and grabbed Jasper's hand, tiptoeing up to kiss his cheek this time. I was hesitant when I saw them starting to walk away. Should they be leaving me here like this? I wasn't safe to be around. Jasper knew that. Why would he leave me here?

I reluctantly took a step forward, wiping my chin where I knew my lip had bled. I wiped my hand on my pants and walked over to the back of the couch, smoothing out the wrinkles on it.

"Chloe...." I whispered pitifully, not even able to look at her. She didn't seem to be able to look at me either.

"I'm sorry about the things I said. I'm sorry I got drunk... I'm sorry about all of this, really." I walked around the couch and sat down on the other side, away from her. I would give her space. I wouldn't want to be near me right now if I was her either. I was a heartless jerk.

Chloe sniffed and I saw her wipe her cheek, but she nodded in recognition of my words.

I sat silent for a minute, not knowing what else to say. If I said I was stupid for what I did she might punch me again... I knew she hated it when I called myself stupid.

"I love you...." I murmured, looking down at my bloody hand, not being able to see her so sad anymore.

Chloe let of a huff, seeming irritated. "I love you too." She looked at me now. Her eyes were red and puffy and her hands were shaking. What had I done to her?

I rubbed my face in my hands, trying to keep myself from crying because of the mess I had made. Chloe and I had never fought before this. I shouldn't have said those things. I shouldn't have been trying to make out with her like that when I was drunk. I had probably freaked her out. I hadn't been thinking about who I was with. She wasn't just some random girl that I didn't care about... she was my life now. My love.

"I'm so sorry," I whimpered, starting to cry whether I liked it or not. I couldn't hold it back.

Chloe moved toward me, close enough that our legs were touching. "Don't cry, Nick," she whispered, touching my cheek very lightly, barely touching me. "It's okay."

"No it's not," I shook my head stubbornly and in self hatred. I was such a horrible boyfriend. I was a horrible person. "I shouldn't have... that wasn't right...."

"Don't make me punch you again," Chloe threatened me with a soft smile, stroking my cheek. I laughed through my tears and shook my head.

"I deserved that," I assured her, wiping tears off of my cheek. "How's your hand?" I knew she had hurt it when she had been forced to punch Bryce....

"It's... okay, I think. I didn't know what else would make you shut up," Chloe explained, seeming ashamed of what she had done. She probably felt like crap about it. She thought too much. She thought more than I did.

"It worked," I shrugged sheepishly. "It woke me up at least. Chloe, I won't drink like that again. I'm sorry if I freaked you out."

Chloe's eyes saddened and she nodded. "It's okay... I'm just not used to you drinking.... Bryce drinks a lot and when he does he always gets really angry and... aggressive. I was just a little scared because I had never seen you drunk before. I didn't know what to do," she explained to me with wide, pained eyes.

God, I must have scared the crap out of her when I just brought her into my room like that. And then got angry out here at her. I messed up worse than I had thought.

"I never want to hurt you," I promised her, taking her hand off my cheek and kissing it softly. "Never."

"I know you don't." She nodded, understanding what I was saying. But then her eyes became confused and she looked straight into mine.

"I'm not ashamed of you, Nick. I never was. I still think you're perfect. We're perfect for each other." Her voice was full of honesty and her eyes were as well. She was too good of a person to be able to lie that well. I knew the words had to be true.

"Then why do you keep avoiding me? Did I do something wrong?" I asked her, still having no idea why she was staying away from me so much. She had no idea how much I needed her around.

I held Chloe's hand tightly, getting ready to hear the real reason.

"You didn't do anything wrong. You always do everything right...." Chloe sighed.

"Except tonight," I interjected.

She gave me a forgiving smile and then continued.

"It's not you... it's my parents. They've always paid the rent on my apartment and since I came back I found out that they aren't going to pay it anymore. They said that if I'm going to make my own decisions and mess up my life then they want nothing to do with me...." she trailed off, looking away for a second.

I squeezed her hand reassuringly and she finished. "So, I have to work extra hours so I can afford to pay the rent because I never had money budgeted for rent. After loans and everything, I pay for what's left over with the money I make from work. I wasn't working that much, but now I need the money so I can keep my apartment so... between working everyday and school...plus all of the homework and studying... I was just_ really_ busy."

She met my eyes again. "I wasn't ashamed of you.... I missed you every second I didn't see you. I didn't have a choice though."

That was the reason? Guilt poured over me like a cold bucket of water. She was struggling to keep her place and I had done this to her? She had to work more because she had chosen to be with me and this is what I did to her? She was probably already too stressed out.

I groaned and dropped my head into my hands. "I am so stupid!" I couldn't believe I had just assumed everything. Spencer had been right about her needing extra money. Jasper was right that I should have spoke to her first. Yet, I had done what _I_ thought was right and drank all of my problems away out of habit. But that had just caused me more.

"Nick!" Chloe scolded me, but I could hear the laughter in her voice. I had called myself stupid again.

"Sorry," I smirked, but then sat up and gave her the most apologetic, understanding look that I could. "I'm _so_ sorry. I messed up. I should have asked you what was going on," I apologized, slowly reaching over to stroke her cheek with care. She always worked so hard at everything she did and it made me so proud to be with her....

Chloe smiled. "It's okay. I should have told you. I'm sorry for not telling you when I found out. We wouldn't have been in this mess if I had just told you right away...."

Was she seriously blaming this all on herself?

I growled at her, glaring.

Chloe held back a smile, knowing exactly why I was growling. "Fine. How about it's equally both of our fault? Deal?" she offered, stretching out her hand to me. I accepted it. That was a good offer, even though I knew it was more my fault than hers.

After a moment, Chloe hesitantly moved closer to me. "So, how's that burnt tongue of yours doing?" she asked me shyly with a tempting smile. Her eyes sparkled invitingly. She was okay.... Relief filled me.

I shrugged nonchalantly. "It's not as bad as my busted lip," I teased her, sticking my lip out. It had stopped bleeding by now but I knew it was swollen and she would definitely be able to see it.

"Too hurt for a kiss?" she asked me curiously, cocking an eyebrow at me. I growled again and reached over to pull her closer to me. She let me gently lay her so that I was pinning her down as I hovered over her.

"Never too hurt for a kiss," I promised her, leaning down to kiss her lips.

Chloe sighed softly against the feeling of our lips coming together. It felt so much better now than earlier. So much more right.

Chloe's hands reached up to rub my biceps and I relaxed even more, feeling the familiarity of this situation. It felt like any other time we made out.

"We'll make more time for each other, okay?" Chloe offered between kisses, giving me a sincere look.

I nodded quickly, agreeing with her. Definitely needed more time together.

Chloe caught my lips and sucked on the bottom one. My lips slipped closed at the feeling. Way better than anything in Forks. What had I been thinking earlier? So stupid. She was _so_ much better than those random girls. And she loved me....

The way her hands moved over my bare chest and arms... the way she kissed me... it all made everything so perfect. Her voice, her laugh, her smile, her smell... I would never want to leave her for anything in Forks. Not for drugs, not for alcohol and definitely not for a gang. She was the definition of perfection. I wouldn't want to leave her for anything.

"More time doing this," I whispered huskily, locking my hands in her hair, kissing her deeply. Our tongues danced, and not like earlier. This was real. Chloe didn't say anything, but just moaned in response and nodded.

After a few more minutes of making out I pulled up. I just stared at her. I gazed at the angelic face in front of me, staring straight back at me with all the love in the world. Her hair was slightly messed up, spread against the couch, and her lips were a bit swollen from our intense kiss.

"This is who you really are, sweetheart," Chloe whispered, capturing me in her brown eyes.

"I hope so," I replied, leaning down to press my forehead against hers. I wanted her to see the love I had for her too. I was so sorry about everything I had done and thought tonight.

"I know so," Chloe promised me, reaching up to weave her fingers through my hair and tug me back to her lips.

I let myself get lost in her sweet kiss, hoping and praying that this was the person I really was. I wanted to be the person I was when I was with Chloe.

_APOV_

Tuesday morning. Three days after Nick's little breakdown (which luckily, he had managed to fix) and the morning of Jazz's birthday!

I still had no idea what I was going to do though. I had told him that I would be here for his birthday. I told him we were going to cuddle and watch movies together all day... but I couldn't. I had to go to Spencer's fashion show tonight... at least to make an appearance.

I had no idea what would happen if I didn't show up tonight. I was afraid if I didn't, I would lose Spencer forever. Our relationship was already failing. He wouldn't talk to me and he never showed up to work when he knew I'd be there. He was absolutely avoiding me.

I knew that he needed some space, but if I missed this--the most important thing to him right now--he would snap. He wouldn't talk to me ever again. I knew it.

Spencer always needed my support and if I wasn't there for him on his big night it would be serious... he had already started drinking... what next?

What would I do with Jasper though? I knew it would hurt him if I left him for a while on his birthday for something to do with Spencer. But he was going to be home all day. He and Chloe were now on Christmas break and there was no reason for them to be at school. Jasper didn't have football today... I didn't know what I could do. The best I had come up with was to wait till he fell asleep and then leave. I would leave a note and pick him up something special after. I just wouldn't tell him that I went to Spencer's fashion show. Everything would work...?

I would spend all the time I could with Jasper until then though. It was his first birthday with me and I was going to make sure it was a good one. I knew to keep it simple because he hadn't wanted anything big. I could tell he would want something relaxing as well. He had been working so hard lately.

I woke up early and made him a big breakfast and then put it all on a platter. I headed to the bedroom with it and saw Jasper tangled in a blanket, his mouth open a little, breathing deeply.

I smiled softly and put the tray down on the bed stand.

"Jazz," I whispered, leaning over him, putting my face in front of his. He didn't move at all--he was in a deep sleep. Sometimes I just wanted to let him sleep the day away. He always looked so rested and then when he woke up he looked exhausted. It was already pretty late in the morning though. I didn't want him to miss his whole birthday.

"Wake up sleeping beauty," I chuckled, shaking him gently, trying not to startle him, but to wake him up. He muttered something in his sleep and rolled away from me, curling up in a ball. I laughed and crawled over to him. He was impossible to wake up.

I brushed his hair out of his eyes and leaned down to kiss his forehead tenderly. He would wake up eventually. And he did... after a few minutes of me stroking his hair.

"Hey," he smiled sleepily at me.

"Happy birthday!" I whispered with a grin and leaned down to give him a good morning kiss. His eyes sparkled as I pulled away from him and guilt started to form in the pit of my stomach. I didn't want to lie to him about Spencer tonight....

"Thanks," he murmured, reaching up to stroke my cheek lovingly. A second later his head tilted toward the food and his smile stretched. "You made us breakfast?" he asked me, sounding in awe of the situation. It wasn't that crazy of a situation.

"I made _you_ breakfast," I corrected him with a nod and then turned in my seat to grab the tray of food.

Jasper sat up and I put the tray on his lap. He sleepily rubbed his eyes and then leaned over to give me another kiss.

"Well thank you, but you're going to have to help me eat it. I'm on a strict diet for football, remember?" he told me a matter of factly. He didn't have a strict diet he had to stick to for football. What a liar. I just rolled my eyes, knowing he wanted me to eat it with him.

I moved to sit across from him and crossed my legs. "How does it feel to be a year older?" I questioned him with a smirk. I could imagine him old with curly white hair and a cane, limping around. He'd make a good grandpa. He'd make an even better dad....

Not the time to think about that.

Jasper shrugged. "Stiff and grumpy," he joked, winking at me as he picked up a piece of an orange. He reached over to me with it and I opened my mouth and took a bite of it. He smiled at me and then ate the rest of the piece of orange.

"Well you're getting cuter with age," I assured him with a light smile. It was true. Guys always seemed to age better than girls.

A breathtaking smile stretched across Jasper's face, making him look even better. I loved that smile. No one--no celebrity, no model, _no one_-- could beat that smile. It wasn't even possible.

"So are you, my love," he complimented me, again reaching over to give me a piece of pancake. I took it and smiled at his words. I was technically older than him, so I better have been getting better with age. I didn't want to look older compared to him. I knew I had a while to worry about looking old, but still.

We ate the rest of his breakfast together, just talking and relaxing like he had wanted. Eventually the tray was empty and it was almost noon. I knew we had to get out of this room at some point because Nick would be mad if I didn't share the birthday boy.

I took the tray off of Jasper and got up. "Come on, birthday boy," I said and reached my hand out to him. He got up and stretched with a groan before grabbing my hand. He didn't bother grabbing a shirt--which I was totally fine with--and walked out of the room with me.

We walked to the living room and saw Nick hunched over taking notes from a textbook in front of him. Chloe was sitting on the couch with him, rubbing his back supportively as she read a book. He must have been glad they were finally getting some time together.

Their heads popped up as we got closer to them.

"Happy birthday, man!" Nick grinned, getting up from the couch and opening his arms wide for Jasper. Jasper held back a grin and walked over to hug him.

I was surprised when Chloe got up to hug him as well. Apparently the guys were too because they stood for a moment of silence afterward, looking at each other questioningly.

I laughed loudly. "It's because you don't have a shirt on Jazz. No one can resist that," I teased him, walking quickly into the kitchen before he could throw something at me or run after me. I heard them laugh in response.

"It's true... I just couldn't resist," Chloe agreed, calling into the kitchen to me.

"Hey!" Both Nick and I yelled in unison at her. I walked into the room glaring daggers at her and Nick gave her an accusing look

She blushed as Jasper shrugged and wrapped his arm around Chloe's shoulder. "What can I say? We have chemistry," he played along, giving Chloe a flirtatious wink and then smirking at me.

My jaw dropped dramatically and Nick gasped at the scandal.

"Chloe! How could you?" he asked her, stunned. He was pretty good at faking it. If I hadn't known this was all just for fun I would have thought his look was real. He looked so broken. Chloe apparently bought into too--or just couldn't resist his charm-- because she slipped out from Jazz's grip and walked over to Nick and hugged him tightly.

Jazz chuckled and then looked at me, but I just shook my head at him disapprovingly, still playing along.

Jasper laughed harder and walked over to me with his breathtaking smile, opening his arms up for me.

"Oh, no! You can't do that and then just come back to me. I don't think so," I warned him, taking a step back away from him, shaking my head back and forth. I was holding back a smile with all my might as Jasper gave me the cutest pout I had ever seen.

"But I love you and it's my birthday," he murmured sadly, still reaching for me.

"Do we have chemistry like you and Chloe?" I teased him as I stepped into his embrace, giving in. I wouldn't torture him. I felt Jasper's laugh rumble against me as he hugged me tight against him. His chest was so warm. With the heat of his chest against my cheek and his heartbeat thumping against my ear, I was lost in him. My eyes fluttered shut and I just hugged him. I felt so complete in his arms... it amazed me.

"I'm pretty sure we have chemistry, love, don't fret," Jasper chuckled, leaning down to nip at my neck playfully. "Come on, movie time," he announced to everyone as he let me go and then dragged me over to the couch.

"Thank God," Nick mumbled, slamming his textbook shut.

"It wasn't_ that_ bad," Chloe chuckled in amusement at Nick.

Nick used his ever dramatic talent that he had apparently learned from me let out a loud sigh. "Yes it was."

"Suck it up and be a man," Jasper ordered him, punching him in the shoulder and plopping down beside Nick. I raised a curious eyebrow at him, seeing that the couch was now full with Chloe, Nick and Jasper sitting on it. Jasper propped his feet up on the coffee table in front of the couch and tapped on his lap invitingly.

Well, if I _had _to....

I sat down on his lap and cuddled into his chest as he wrapped both his arms around me. He practically enveloped me into him. We were such different sizes, but I fit perfectly in his arms.

He kissed the top of my head happily and turned the TV on. We watched a whole movie, cuddling just like Jasper had suggested on the weekend.

We had ended up making out as well, but it finished pretty quickly because Nick threw a pillow at Jasper's head in annoyance. He said he didn't want to see his little sister being taken advantage of. Jasper didn't say anything, but then gladly took his revenge on Nick when he tried to kiss Chloe. Nick got a hard smack in the head with a pillow just like Jasper had. Boys....

Jasper was smiling the whole time though, laughing with Nick, Chloe and me at the movie that was on. After the movie had ended, we decided to play cards and then after that we would head out to grab some lunch.

"I think we should play Bullshit," Nick announced as Jasper grabbed a deck of cards.

Chloe's nose scrunched up, not seeming so pleased at the suggestion.

Jasper shrugged, not caring, and then looked at me.

"If Chloe doesn't want to play, then let's play something else," I said, repeating Jasper's shrug.

Nick gave me a look, so I gave him one back. What? I was pretty sure Chloe didn't like the swearing part of it.

"Why don't you want to play, sweetheart?" Nick pouted, looking at Chloe with puppy eyes.

She looked away from the puppy eyes, as if she knew she'd give in to them.

"I don't want to swear," she stated in a firm, certain voice.

"But it's just a game," Nick argued stubbornly, crossing his arms. Chloe just chuckled and shook her head, turning to me and Jasper.

"What do you guys want to play?" she asked us curiously, ignoring Nick's whining in the background.

"Poker?" Jasper suggested, looking at me for confirmation. I nodded at him, smiling. I didn't care as long as he was having fun.

"Strip poker," Nick teased Chloe, wrapping his arms around her from behind and kissing her neck.

"Nick!" Jasper yelled at him, sounding angry. I even looked over at him to see if he was okay. Chloe jumped and Nick straightened right up, looking at Jasper with wide eyes.

"You're a genius!" Jasper added after though, giving Nick a wicked look.

I smacked Jasper's arm and shook my head. Jasper just laughed and winked at me, shuffling the cards up in his hands.

Chloe's face turned a bright red and Jasper pitied her. "Don't worry. I'm just kidding," he assured her, waving off the idea. I knew he wasn't serious. Neither Jasper nor Nick. They were both too mature for strip poker. They liked to goof around, but I thought that in their heads, they might be too serious sometimes.

Jasper dealt our hands onto the coffee table and we all picked them up, getting ready to play.

"Anyone want a drink?" Nick asked, turning to go toward the kitchen to get one for himself.

"Water, please!" Chloe told him with a polite smile.

"Coke," Jasper mumbled, looking intensely at his cards. He seemed rather concentrated on them. Or was that his poker face...?

Nick's eyes shifted to me and he tilted his head questioningly. I shook my head and looked back down at my cards.

He came back in with the drinks and was about to sit down when there was a loud knock on the door. Nick froze and looked up at Jasper.

"Was anyone else coming?" Nick asked Jasper quickly. His voice was tense and lower than usually. Jasper looked at me questioningly.

"No," I whispered, shaking my head, not knowing why they were so stiff all of the sudden.

Jasper got off of the couch with Nick though and they walked over to the door. I could see how the muscles on the back of Nick's neck were tight. It wasn't like it was the police or anything...was it? It could just be Spencer coming over to say hi...?

Maybe. Probably not. Why would he come to me? I thought sadly.

Jasper looked through the peephole in the door and his body froze there.

"What?" Nick demanded in a rough whisper.

"Dad?" he whispered to himself, but it echoed throughout the whole silent room.

Nick relaxed a little, but his eyes widened and he pressed his lips tightly together.

Jasper's dad? What was wrong with Jazz's dad? He never mentioned anything about him... he must have been the one that had left him when he was young. Or was it the one that went to jail? My eyes widened in horror. What if it was the one who was in jail? But then would Jasper be calling him dad?

I stood up and glided over to slip my fingers between Jasper's, still uncertain about what was going on. I just knew he needed support.

Jasper's eyes met mine, but his were full of different emotions. He took a breath and stepped away from the door, unlocking it.

The room stayed in a heavy silence as they opened the front door of the house. As the door was pulled open, a man that looked in his late thirties stood in the doorway. His eyes were a sparking light blue exactly like Jasper's and his hair was cut short, but you could tell it was the exact same shade as Jazz's hair. This was definitely his real dad.

"Hey," he smiled. He had the same southern drawl as Jasper, except his was stronger. Jasper's grip on my hand tightened.

"Hi Dad," he replied with a stiff smile and sad eyes. My heart dropped at that look. I hadn't wanted him to be sad on his birthday. He had been so happy today.

I stroked his thumb with mine, hoping that it would help him at least a bit. Nick stood closely behind us, seeming to be hovering protectively.

"Happy birthday, son," he said happily, holding up an envelope and reaching his arm out to hand it to Jasper. Jasper slowly lifted his hand and took the envelope from his dad.

"Thanks," Jasper murmured politely, opening the door a bit more to invite him inside.

"Hello, Alice," his dad said, opening his arms up as if to offer me a hug. This time it was my turn to grip Jasper's hand. I didn't know this guy and Jasper and Nick were being so tense around him... I didn't know if I should hug him or not.

"Oh, right," his dad chuckled, shaking his head sheepishly. "I'm Davis, Jasper's dad." He reintroduced himself to me with a nice smile.

Now I knew where Jasper got his smile, hair, and eyes.... Wow. The resemblance was insane.

Instead of keeping his arms out, he dropped one and offered me his hand. I could do that.

"Nice to meet you... again," I laughed, shaking his hand softly and then moving closer into Jasper's side.

Davis turned his head to Nick and raised an eyebrow at him. "Skipping school, boy?" he joked, giving him a pointed look. He must not have known that Nick was working on getting his GED now.

"We've got it figured out," Nick assured Davis with a stiff nod. At that moment Chloe crept up and slipped herself under Nick's arm, wrapping one of her arms around his waist. I figured she saw how uncomfortable the boys were, like I had.

"Hi, I'm Chloe," she introduced herself, politely offering her hand with a just as polite smile.

Davis' eyes turned very curious and he gave Chloe a friendly smile, shaking her hand. "It's very nice to meet you, Chloe. I'm Davis."

Chloe just nodded and then looked up at Nick. Jasper took a deep breath in, but other than that the room went deathly silent. I didn't like not knowing what was going on here. It made it things much more awkward.

"So... umm, what are you doing here?" Jasper finally asked in a somewhat hard voice. Okay, that confirmed that they aren't on great terms right now.

Davis's eyes flickered to Jasper and were filled with confusion. Maybe he was as clueless as I was?

His eyes narrowed slowly and he ran a hand over his short hair, looking stressed. I bet if he had long hair he would have ran his hand through it, just like Jazz did when he was stressed.

"Visiting you on your birthday," he explained slowly, his eyes still questioning and looking at Jasper for some answers. "Why? Is something wrong with that?" he asked Jasper, flustered. He put his hands deep in his jean pockets, suddenly uncomfortable.

Nick let out a quiet scoff at Davis's question. _Was_ there something wrong with him being here? I was starting to get frustrated.

"Well... no, I guess not," Jasper mumbled quietly, looking uncertain of himself. He gave a small shrug and looked down at the floor.

The look on his face was breaking me. He looked sadder than I had ever seen him. I reached up and gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek. His head tilted toward me and his lips touched mine for a short second. He was hurting....

"Yes there is something wrong with that," Nick disagreed in an angered voice, letting go of Chloe and walking forward so that he was in front of Jasper and me. "Jasper just won't say it because he doesn't want to disappoint you. There is definitely a freaking problem. You show on his birthday when everything is fine and dandy, but can't even call him, even when you knew Alice had an accident and that Jasper was having trouble?" Nick snapped at him. "That's the problem, Davis."

Oh... that explained it. So Davis had never called Jasper. I squeezed Jasper's hand tightly and looked up at him. I watched his eyes become a bit guarded and frowned. Why was he doing that?

Davis turned to Jasper, looking pained, but uncertain. "Is that what's wrong?" he asked Jasper softly.

"Not really. I'm used to it," Jasper muttered, causing Davis to flinch back in pain.

I wasn't exactly sure what to do in this situation. I didn't know their past. I didn't know what to say... should I say something?

Nick took a breath in through his teeth, looking furious.

"He shouldn't be used to it. He finally thought he was getting a real dad--for the first time--and then you just disappeared. You did him the favour of taking me in and then when I left to come help him through shit you were suddenly gone! You didn't care enough to even pick up a phone and see how school was going, or how Alice was doing, or if he was okay!—"

"--Nick," Jasper said firmly, breaking his composed mask. His eyes flashed with anger and he gave Nick a warning look.

Nick's eyes met Jasper's challengingly. "If you won't tell him how you feel, then I will."

"Sweetheart," Chloe whispered in the background, reaching forward and touching Nick's arm.

Nick's angered expression wavered for a second. He sighed quietly and shook his head, walking away from everyone. He went into the kitchen and Chloe followed on his heels.

Davis was still staring at Jasper, obviously hurt. "Please tell me how you feel?" he begged Jasper, his accent coating his words from the emotion in his voice.

Jasper looked down at me and his jaw muscle flexed. I gave him a soft smile, trying to relax him. I let go of his hand and wrapped my arms around him, hugging him. I was here for him...

"Tell him how you feel, Jazz," I reached up and whispered in his ear. He couldn't hold everything in. It would only hurt him more and I did not want him hurting, ever. Especially not on his birthday. It was his day and if Davis was going to ruin it then I wanted him to leave.

Jasper let out a ragged breath and held me against him, burying his face into my hair. Eventually he found whatever strength he needed and sighed, standing up straight, but keeping me pinned against his chest.

"What Nick said...." he mumbled with a shrug to Davis. "It just hurt when you never called."

I hated how distant and hard Jasper's voice was sounding. I had never heard it that way before. It was so far away from me. It wasn't like the playful, loving voice that I had been hearing all morning. This voice made my heart break. It made tears come to my eyes, emotions overwhelming me. I never wanted to hear him talk like that....

Davis sighed softly and stepped closer to us. "I apologize. I-I'm...." Davis paused to take a deep breath and looked down at the floor. "I'm still learning how to do this, you know? I don't know how to be a dad anymore. I didn't know if I should call... I didn't know if you'd want me to," he explained with a stressed look on his face. His eyebrows were brought together in concentration.

Jasper's chin rested gently on the top of my head and I could feel him breathing deeply.

"I would have appreciated a call," he informed Davis in a softer voice than before.

Davis nodded quickly and tapped his temple. "I'll call from now on. Promise," he said, looking Jasper straight in the eyes. His eyes were gentle and truthful.

"Thanks," Jasper whispered in reply. "And thank you for coming today; it was a nice surprise," he added, and I looked up to see a small smile creep onto his lips. It looked like Jasper was letting it go. Or trying to, at least.

I hugged him tightly. He was always so forgiving and accepting. What more could you ask for in a guy?

"No, thank you, son," Davis said, relieved.

"Don't thank me yet... you still have to get past Nick now," Jasper chuckled, throwing a deviant look at Davis before letting me go and walking back into the living room.

Davis chuckled quietly, but shook his head, following Jasper into the living room. "I'm glad you have a friend like that."

"Me too," Jasper agreed with a nod, his voice still slightly careful when speaking to Davis.

"Me three," I piped up, grinning, and skipping over to join them on the couches. Maybe this day wouldn't be ruined. Maybe with Davis here it would be better. At least I hoped so....

**Author's Note: Leave a review. :)**


	36. Chapter 36

**Author's Note: Good morning/day or night to everyone in the fanfiction world! I would like ot thank everyone for all the great reviews last week. We loved them! Here is your weekly fix of Hope.**

Forgotten Hope Chapter 36-

_APOV_

Davis definitely did not ruin Jasper's day. At first things had been a little rocky between Davis and Nick... but Chloe sort of helped Nick smooth things out.

There was a bit of awkwardness between everyone at first, but once we all got comfortable with each other, the day only seemed to improve with Davis there. After a while, both Jasper and Nick relaxed back to their usually cheerful selves. Davis played along with all of their games and sometimes was the instigator. The boys goofed around while Chloe and I watched in amusement.

Davis being there had helped make the day better. Jasper's smile never wavered and I knew he was having a great day. Everyone's eighteen birthday should be amazing--especially Jasper's. I knew that Jasper never really celebrated his birthday before. He had lived with his abusive step dad... who did he have to celebrate with? Definitely not his step dad.

It hurt me to think about it because I wasn't sure if he really_ wanted_ to celebrate his birthday when he was younger. He hadn't wanted to live... he had just been tolerating life....

I shook the darker thoughts away. This time he had enjoyed himself. This year was a true celebration of his life. It was the best day this year, in my opinion.

Everything had toned down now. It was six o'clock and Davis had left to check into a hotel for the night. We offered him the couch here, but he didn't want to intrude. I was kind of glad because I knew I wouldn't be able to sneak out tonight if he had stayed. Lucky me.

Nick and Chloe had gone out to a movie. I hoped that they'd be late enough that I would be back before they were. Nick had wanted to bring Jasper and me along with them on a double date, but I think Jasper noticed my hesitance and had decided to stay here. I felt bad about that... iif he had wanted to go, I should have went too. It was his day....

My plan had worked smoothly, though. I knew Jasper too well already. We sat down for a movie and he fell straight into sleep. Now all I had to do was sneak away....

I didn't want to sneak away, but I had to. I knew I was being stubborn, but I couldn't lose Spencer completely. He was my friend--my oldest friend.

So I followed my plan. I skilfully slipped out of Jasper's embrace and made sure he was comfortable. I quickly got him a blanket and laid it over him, hoping it would help to keep him asleep. I leaned down after making him comfy and kissed his forehead.

My breathing stopped when he responded to my kiss though. His eyes fluttered and he mumbled incoherently in his sleep.

_Don't wake up. Don't wake up. Don't wake up._ I chanted over and over in my mind.

"Darling...." I heard him whisper in his sleep before falling back into his deep slumber. My heart fluttered at the thought of him dreaming of me, but then the feeling was quickly replaced by guilt. He was dreaming of me as I was sneaking out of the house to go to my ex boyfriend's fashion show. Wow. Classy move, Alice....

I sighed. "I'm sorry," I murmured sadly to Jasper's sleeping form on the couch. I left a note on the coffee table in front of the couch he was sleeping on, letting him know I just went out for a few minutes and that I would be back soon, so he should stay put.

Hopefully he would see the note. And hopefully he wouldn't see it till way later....

From our apartment, I drove to my house, speeding through New York City. I had to get there, change into my dress, make myself look presentable, and get to the fashion show as fast I could. I didn't want to be late.

With my skillful driving, I did get home in good time. I had already picked up a dress from the office and had left it here over the weekend. I quickly changed into it and headed to the bathroom to do my hair. By the time I was done--in record time--I looked rather elegant. I smiled to the mirror with satisfaction, then went to my room and slipped on a nice coat before heading down the stairs, heels in hand.

My parents were waiting at the bottom of the stairs for me. My mom didn't bother acknowledging my presence and just left the house as I met them at the bottom of the stairs. My dad smiled warmly at me though.

"You look beautiful, baby girl," he complimented me, offering me his arm. I accepted it with a polite smile and used his arm for balance as I slipped my heels on, then cuddled into his arm, walking outside into the chilly winter air with him.

A limo driver was holding the back door open for us. My mother was already seated in the backseat of the limo. When would she start talking to me again? This was getting ridiculous. She wasn't five... and neither was I. I could pick my own boyfriend.

My dad and I climbed into the limo and got comfortable.

"Hi," I whispered to my mother, trying to be civil.

"Hello dear," she mumbled, not caring to look at me. It was a start....

The driver started the limo up, and we were on our way. The fashion show wasn't being held too far away, so it wasn't a long ride--it felt longer while I was getting cold looks from my mother, though. When we were finally pulling up to the building, I wanted nothing more than to leave the car.

"So where's Jasper tonight?" my mother asked me with a devilish look in her eyes. It was as if she knew that I hadn't told him where I was going tonight.

"Sleeping," I stated in an even voice. She didn't need to know anything.

"Kind of rude of him not to come with you," she commented as the limo driver came around to open the door for us.

My dad rolled his eyes nonchalantly at my mother. He knew she was only trying to find flaws in Jasper. If I _had_ brought him with me, she would have complained because this was Spencer's night. There was no way to win with her... or at least not in ways that I would live up to. I wasn't going back to Spencer....

My mind was set on Jasper. My _heart_ was set on Jazz. That was never going to change.

The car door opened and I was blinded by camera flashes. Oh no-- I had forgotten about pictures. Would Jazz see the pictures of me?

No.... He never looked at the fashion magazines. He would never know. The paparazzi were going to have fun tonight though. I wasn't arriving with Spencer. This was the first time I had ever attended a social event with being on Spencer's arm.

I slowly crept out of the limo, afraid to walk the carpet alone. My dad stood, waiting for me with an outstretched hand and a caring expression on his face.

_Daddy, I love you. _I didn't know what I'd do without him....

I quickly walked forward and held my dad's hand as we walked through the mobs of paparazzi. They got some pictures of us and then we headed inside. I ignored every single comment about Spencer and me and kept a fake smile plastered across my face. The world wasn't going to hear about my problems.... It wasn't their business.

We walked into the large room full of beautifully dressed people. This was my kind of place, I thought as I scanned the different outfits.

We checked our coats with someone in a coat room and then went to mingle with everyone. I was familiar with most of the people here. They were all rich, high class, fashion-fond people. All of them were the kind of people that I had been raised amongst-- and raised to become. How things had changed....

I shared polite greetings with many people as I walked through the room, heading toward the bar. I wasn't going to get an alcoholic drink. I had learned my lesson last time. I just needed some water or something....

As I neared the bar, my eyes slowly began to recognize a figure standing in front of it. Spencer was leaning against the bar, talking casually with a few other people. I stopped in my tracks, suddenly getting rather nervous. He hadn't been talking to me before. How would I know if he was going to talk to me now? Should I go up to him or should I wait for him to come over to me?

Spencer's eyes never moved to mine though. He was staring off in thought, even as he was talking to other people. He didn't really look like he was here. What had him so distracted?

Eventually his eyes moved, scanning the entire room as if he was looking for something. His eyes moved closer and closer to where I was standing and eventually froze on me. His whole body straightened up and his eyes softened against my gaze.

I watched him politely dismiss himself from the conversation he had been having with the few people at the bar. He spoke to the bartender for a moment, grabbing a drink from him before walking gracefully over to me. Maybe he wasn't going to be distant with me tonight. Maybe being here for him was enough.

"Alice," he whispered, standing in front of me. I held back a sad sigh, seeing how messed up he looked from a close view. He was worse than ever... and on his big day, too....

"Spencer," I copied him, speaking in a calm voice, sounding exactly like him. I gave him a teasing smirk and for the first time in what seemed like forever, a small smile crept over his lips. All my nerves disappeared at that moment. It was my Spencer.

No. He wasn't mine. I corrected myself quickly.

"I got you a drink," he said shakily, reaching out to me with a drink. "It's non-alcoholic," he added on with a soft look, knowing that I was not going anywhere near alcohol.

"Thanks," I said gratefully and accepted the drink, taking a small sip of it. Whatever it was, it tasted delicious.

My eyes flickered away from my glass and to the glass in Spencer's hand. I had a bad feeling that whatever it was had a lot of alcohol in it. I bit my lip and looked down, away from the glass. What if Spence was turning into an alcoholic because of what had happened between us?

"I—uh, I'm glad you're here, Alice," Spencer told me, reaching forward to touch my arm gently. His fingertips barely brushed against my arm before he retracted his arm quickly and put his hand deep in his pocket.

I gave him a grin, ignoring the warm sensation that was spreading through my arm. It was habit to feel that... it was nothing like the feeling I got when Jasper touched me.

"You know I wouldn't ever miss something like this," I murmured sweetly, looking into his deep eyes. They weren't being blocked right now. He was letting me stare into his soul. Why was he being so open all of a sudden? Maybe it was the alcohol....

Spencer shrugged uncertainly. "Nick mentioned it was Jasper's birthday today. I wasn't sure you'd be able to come," he explained with a somewhat questioningly look. He found it weird that I had shown up. Jasper would have been upset if he knew I was coming here and I guess Spencer knew that as well.

"He doesn't mind," I lied, taking a sip of my drink. I sort of wanted to ask him about why he had let Nick drive his car when they had been drinking, but I figured we shouldn't open that can of worms right now. I was lucky he was even speaking to me.

Spencer gave me a forced smile. "Well... thank him for me."

I nodded. I wouldn't be doing that. When had I become such a liar? First lying to Jazz and now lying to Spencer.... This wasn't good....

"So, since you're here, I was wondering if you'd like to sit with me," Spencer suggested with hesitation. His eyes were searching mine frantically, hoping I would say yes.

I was here for him; why wouldn't I sit with him?

"I'd like that," I replied, taking a step forward and slipping my hand into the crook of his elbow. Spencer flinched at my touch and I felt him stiffen beside me, his eyes becoming guarded. Wrong move, Alice.

I stroked his arm gently with my thumb, hoping it would relax him. "Come on, let's go get our seats," I told him in the softest voice I could use. Spencer took a deep breath and nodded obediently.

We both walked into the other room which held the catwalk and the chairs that surrounded it. No one was there yet, really. Just the behind the scenes people. The audience would start to filter in after they finished their cocktails.

Spencer brought me to the seats right in front of the end of the catwalk. I let go of Spencer's arm and sat down on the chair that had my name on it. _He had saved me a chair.... _My heart broke a little at the kindness behind that action. The Hope. He had been Hoping I would be there....

Spencer sat down beside me and ran his hand over his short hair. It was still weird to look at him without long hair.

"Do you like your hair short?" I asked him curiously.

Spencer's eyes came to mine and he held a smile back from his lips. "Sure. It takes less time to get ready," he chuckled. His laugh was rough and it sounded as if he had almost forgotten _how_ to laugh. It didn't sound as musical as it used to.... He cleared his throat afterward and straightened up.

"Is that what you're going for now? Less time getting ready?" I joked, tapping teasingly at his scruffy cheek. He had a scruff look going on. He hadn't shaven in the last few days.

Spencer shrugged sheepishly. "Seems so. Does it fit me?" he asked me, giving me a weak smile.

Honestly, Spencer could pull of any look, but I preferred the Spencer who was clean-shaven with long shaggy hair, a musical voice, and a knee weakening smile.

"You could pull off any look." I decided to leave the rest of my thoughts to myself, knowing it would only make everything worse. I was the reason why the Spencer I preferred was gone.

A sparkle started to dance in Spencer's eyes at my words and a blush crept onto his cheeks. Wow... a blush? I couldn't help but giggle. I don't know if I've ever seen Spencer blush at something I had said to him before.

"Thank you," Spencer chuckled and leaned back into his seat, seeming to relax.

I sipped my drink and watched as people set up all the last minute things for the fashion show. It should be starting soon. It had better be... I had already been gone over an hour and I was worried. What if Jazz had woken up and had seen the note right after I had left? He would wait, but after three hours he would get worried and call. If he called, I would have to explain and that would mean blatantly lying to him. I didn't want to lie to him....

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. What if Jazz knew I was lying? What if he found out? Would he get mad? We were just getting back together now. What if I messed everything up?

Spencer took a large sip of his drink and then placed it on the ground beside him. "I should go check to make sure everything is going smoothly back there," he said, standing up.

"Okay," I smiled, distracted by my worried thoughts.

Spencer hesitated, but then headed to the back of the room, slipping through a door back there. I watched as models began to practice walking down the catwalk. I admired all of the outfits that they were wearing. Spencer had real talent. He might have been better than me. He knew exactly what to put together and what would go with what. It was all so natural. Cullen and Wright industries was going to go far with the two of us running it.

I finished off my drink and checked my phone for messages. No calls yet. Jasper must not have woken up yet. Thank God.

Eventually Spencer came back into the room, walking across the catwalk when there were still models walking across it. He fit right in... Spencer could pull off anything, even being a model.

He looked down at his phone though and got distracted and walked onto the other side where a model was walking towards him. They bumped into each other.

I jumped up and held my breath, hoping neither of them would fall off of the walkway. No one else needed a bump on the head.

Spencer caught the girl before she could fall though and pulled her against him. He balanced them out and I let out a breath of relief. Everything was fine, except Spencer's cell phone, which went flying and fell on the ground somewhere.

I sat down and watched as Spencer apologized to the girl. His face was so concerned as he looked her up and down frantically. I knew he wasn't just concerned about the dress she was wearing, but also for her well-being. He actually cared about his models.

The girl seemed perfectly fine though. She smiled at Spencer, saying something I couldn't hear. I saw her reach her hand out to him though as she laughed. She was introducing herself...another girl falling under the spell of the charming Spencer Wright.

I watched in amusement as Spencer politely shook her hand and then jumped off of the catwalk to get his phone.

The girl's eyes followed Spencer as he picked up his phone and began to walk back to me. One thing was different about this girl though. Her eyes didn't fill with disappointment when he sat down beside me. Her gaze didn't even waver. She just smiled, seeming pleased, and then glided back up the catwalk. Strange... most girls got angry when they saw him sit with me. Maybe this one knew we weren't together anymore.

I wasn't going to lie to myself. It made me uncomfortable to think of another girl wanting to be with him now that I wasn't. This was a good thing though, I tried to convince myself.

"Who's the girl?" I asked him interestedly.

Spencer's eyes flickered away from his phone and to me, looking puzzled. "Huh?"

I laughed at his flustered attitude. "The girl you almost killed, goof," I said, nudging him my arm against his.

"Oh. Her. She's one of the models, I suppose?" He gave me a funny look at my question, wondering why I would ask.

I rolled my eyes at his answer. "What's her name?" I urged him. He better not have ignored her when she was introducing herself. That wasn't very polite.

Spencer sighed stressfully and rubbed his face. "I don't know," he mumbled. He looked like he was trying to remember what she had said. "Maria, I think."

Maria. Maria was a nice name. Maria Wright. That could work....

I tried desperately to shove the repulsed feeling out of me. I did not own Spencer and this Maria girl was as good as any other to go out with him. Maybe they'd hit it off... she seemed pretty interested.

"She's pretty," I commented with a kind smile.

Spencer scoffed and then laughed and looked up at me. "She's a model, hun. She _has _to be pretty."

I laughed at his words, glad that he still had his sense of humour, although it seemed a bit bitter. He was probably still sensitive about being with anyone else but me.

Before I could say anything more about the model, people began to start entering the room. The show must have been about to start. All the models had left the room and it was time for the fashion show to begin.

Spencer slipped his phone back into his pocket and straightened up. I could tell he was now getting nervous. His eyes were flashing around faster than I thought possible as we watched the people gather in the room and take their seats.

I watched his hands fidget nervously on his lap. "Do you think everything looks okay?" he asked me in a panicked voice. His eyes finally stopped moving and landed on mine.

"It's all perfect," I promised him, reaching over to squeeze his hand reassuringly. Okay, this was hard. We had always touched. We assured each other with touch. I made sure it didn't go any farther though and pulled my hand directly back. I didn't want to lead him on. All I had meant by that touch was to relax him as a _friend_.

Spencer's eyes flickered to his hand and I watched him fist his hand together. He watched it meaningfully and I began to regret the touch of encouragement. I needed to learn new ways to relax people....

"Thank you," he murmured. At least he was a tad relaxed now. But he seemed distracted too. His eyes were burning into the hand I had touched and I could see his eyes filling with thoughts. This wasn't exactly the time for that.

Our mothers showed up seconds later though.

"There you two are!" Mrs. Wright exclaimed with an elated expression. Spencer stood in her presence, being the gentleman he was. She hugged Spencer, then lay a gentle kiss on his furrowed brow. After that she moved to me, squeezing me lovingly into a hug.

"Hi Olivia," I greeted her quietly, uncertain about how this was going to go. My mom could hardly talk to me. Why was Olivia talking to me right now? Was it because we were sitting together? Had she seen me touch his hand…?

Crap.

My mother walked straight pass the both of us and sat down with Olivia. They were followed by our dads, who both gave us smiles. I wondered how Jim and Spencer had been doing lately. I hadn't been around to see. Were they getting better after the truth was out? Maybe they had come to an understanding now? I mean, Jim was _here _right? That was different....

Maybe it was worse though… Jim and Spencer were both good at pretending to be okay.

The lights began to dim as everyone was seated and Spencer perched himself on the edge of his chair, fixating his eyes on the catwalk.

"Don't mess up. Don't mess up...." I heard him whispering under his breath anxiously.

_Don't touch him, don't touch him.... _I held my hands together tightly as I repeated it in my head.

At that moment it all began. The music and excitement filled the room as the first models began to walk through with the breathtaking clothes that Spencer had designed in the last year. I had already seen the dresses and my eyes dragged along the audience that had their eyes glued to the models. Grins were stretching across the faces of the fashion-lovers and even some of the other fashion designers nodded their heads in appreciation. Spencer was an artist and everyone could see it right now. This was his moment of fame.

Spencer's chanting must have worked because no model even slipped. The music flowed perfectly, and every single piece of clothing was exactly where it was supposed to be. All the work Spencer had put into it had definitely pulled off. It was amazing. Absolutely perfect.

At the end, a voice filled the room, welcoming Spencer Wright to the stage for his applause. Spencer stood up quickly and walked up the steps of the catwalk with all of his grace. Applause filled the room and I jumped to my feet, jumping up and down, cheering for him.

The happiest expression I had seen on Spencer's face in a very long time came over his face. All the cameras flashed and all the video cameras closed in on him. For once I was glad the paparazzi were there. This was the first time they would ever take a real picture of him. Spencer's eyes were filled with joy and pride. This was a picture that would be worth it. A picture I wanted to keep forever....

The applause continued for a good few minutes before it finally died down and Spencer walked back down the stairs. He was instantly surrounded by people. All were congratulating him on the amazing show and fabulous clothing.

I stood proudly, watching him take in all the fame and happiness. I wanted him to live in this moment as long as he could.

I slipped out of the large crowd and headed for the restroom. I figured I would congratulate Spencer when the crowds had died down.

I was passing the bar when I heard a bunch of girls around my age talking.

"She is such a whore," one of the girls said in a disgusted voice. Man… I did not miss all the drama of the high class.

"I know. Why is she even here? She thinks she can just have Spencer whenever she wants."

Those words caused my legs to stop moving and my breath to stall. Spencer. _Me_? What? I didn't think that....

"I heard she was cheating on him for months before she broke up with him."

"I heard that Spencer knew she was cheating too."

"Why wouldn't he leave her?"

"Because he's too loyal to leave her."

"He's way too good for her."

All the words hit me like rocks. I felt like I was standing alone in a hall being stoned to death. I _had_ cheated on him, hadn't I? He did deserve more than me. He was too good and too loyal. That was why he wouldn't even give that model a second glance or remember that her name was Maria.

"I feel sorry for the guy that's dating her now. Poor thing probably doesn't know what he's getting himself into."

That was enough.

I snapped.

I rounded the corner and was standing face to face with the girls who were speaking. All of their mouths snapped shut when their eyes met mine. I was sure my eyes looked wild at the moment.

"Speak of the devil…literally," one of the girls muttered. My eyes flashed to her face. She was snarling at me. Her eyes matched my anger.

The problem was I couldn't seem to get anything out of my mouth. Nothing would come out. What could I say? I couldn't say that they didn't know what they were talking about because they were right. Every piece of information that they had was true.

The part that was bothering me was the part about Jazz. I would never cheat on Jasper. Ever. And he knew exactly what he was getting into and he still stood firmly at my side. He loved me so much....

I knew I didn't deserve his love either.

The girl gave me a taunting look, daring me to disagree with her words.

"You don't know what you're talking about," I whispered, but my words were sharp. I didn't care if they might actually be right. It was none of their business and they had no right to talk about me like that.

"I think I do," the girl said confidently, walking towards me. "I think everyone knows you're a slut. Your own mom won't even look at you. That's how disgusting you are." Again, the words started to hit me hard and my heart started to ache in my chest. Tears of anger and pain started to mist over my eyes as I clenched my fists.

"Hun?" I heard Spencer's voice come through the room before I could defend myself or break down crying. I wasn't sure which one would have happened first. Or which one would have been worse.

The girl in front of me scoffed under her breath coldly. "Still follows you around like a puppy," she muttered before turning around and walking away. All of her friends followed her.

I blinked away the tears before Spencer could see them. He walked over to me with the grin on his face still shining.

"I was looking all over for you," he said before wrapping me up in a tight hug. He hadn't seen that I was upset. Thank God. I had no idea what I would have done if I had ruined his night.

I hugged him back tightly, rubbing his back. "The show was breathtaking, Spence," I told him with a sad smile, keeping myself pinned against him so he couldn't see my face. I had to give some time for my eyes to clear. After everything I had put him through, I would _not_ ruin his night tonight.

I felt Spencer laugh. "I know. It _was_! I-I… Wow!" His laughter increased and so did his grip on me. He was on fire. He was his old self for just a moment. I hadn't seen him like this since... well... before I had lost my memory.

"God. This just feels so good," Spencer said ecstatically, leaning down to kiss the top of my head. I couldn't help but laugh, seeing him so happy. The happiness was radiating off of him and filling me.

I was confident enough that my eyes were clear now and pulled out of his embrace, smoothing out his shirt.

"You were amazing. You keep that good feeling. You deserve it!" I ordered him with a pointed look, hoping that the sparkle would never leave his eyes again.

He nodded obediently and then took a deep breath, containing his happiness. "Thank you for coming, Alice," he said sincerely, smiling that knee weakening smile at me.

"Any time," I assured him before turning him around and giving him a gentle push. "Now get back in there and talk to your fans. I'll see you at work in the morning" I urged him with a grin.

Spencer listened to me. He shot me one last grin and headed back into the room. I had been here for him like I knew he needed and now I was going to get back to the person who I needed to be with right now. It was time to get back to my birthday boy.

_JPOV_

I felt something against my lips. I wasn't sure if it was real or not. I was in that place between sleeping and being awake and I couldn't be sure of anything. It may be a dream starting to sneak into my slumber....

I felt the warm something against my lips move and a shudder wracked through my body from the amazing feeling that came from it. Whether it was a dream or not, I knew it was Alice. She was the only one who could bring that intense of a feeling to me.

I opened my mouth wider, in reality or in this dream, accepting the kiss and kissing back.

Mmm, I liked this kind of dream. I melted into the soft lips, letting out a small moan.

A second later the lips were gone. I couldn't feel the warmth anymore. I let out an involuntary whimper and my eyes fluttered, desperately trying to find where Alice's lips must be. You'd think I would have had enough kisses from her today, knowing it's my birthday and all, but that was impossible. I could never have enough kisses from Alice Cullen. I swear I would never get tired of her lips on mine.

My eyes slowly focused on the dimly lit room that I soon recognized as our living room. I could hear the TV in the background. I guess I had fallen asleep during one of the movies. I still couldn't find what I had been looking for though.

"Alice?" I whispered, squinting my eyes sorely as the brightness of the TV shone into them.

I saw a figure move a few feet in front of me, by the coffee table. I knew that figure. It was definitely Alice. The pixie-like figure. I watched her pick up a piece of paper off of the table and slip it into her pants pocket.

"What's that?" I mumbled, sitting up a bit, but not fully, because I planned to fall back asleep after Alice was lying down with me and I had retrieved my kiss.

Alice jumped, startled by my question, and turned to me. "Just a sketch I was working on when you were sleeping," she told me nonchalantly.

"Can I see it?" I asked. I loved her sketches. I knew I wasn't really into the clothes thing. I didn't know what a 'good' outfit was in the fashion stylist sense, but I did know what a good picture was and hers were always outstanding.

Alice looked hesitant though and she looked down at the floor.

Maybe she wasn't sure if she liked it?

"Never mind," I assured her with a grin and patted the seat beside me softly.

Alice smiled brightly at me, apparently grateful for me letting it go. "I went out and picked us up some food," she informed me, grabbing a bag off of the table and walking over to the couch.

I switched my position quickly, putting my legs up on the couch and leaning against the end of the couch. Alice smiled and sat between my legs, then began to pick things out of the paper bag.

"Chinese, huh?" I said, reaching forward for one of the counters and snatching a fork out of her hand. We hadn't eaten dinner before I had fallen asleep and now I was quite hungry.

Alice stuck her tongue out playfully at me for stealing her fork. That made my mind switch to what it was looking for. I still needed my kiss.

Before I could kiss her though, Alice began to talk. "Yeah, it's a theme. Like... Asian-ish stuff," she giggled with a sheepish shrug. I smiled at her cute expression and turned very curious to what kind of theme this was. What else was 'Asian-ish'?

Alice saw my curious expression and continued. "I got us this action movie too. I thought you'd like it." She started pulling a DVD out of the paper bag and handing it to me. It was a martial arts movie, naturally starring Jackie Chan.

I beamed at the fact that she had known I would like this kind of movie. I liked chick flicks as much as the next guy, but my real love was fighting movies. It made sense....

Alice pulled another thing out of the bag. "I had to buy you this because it reminded me of you... for some reason."

Confusion spread over Alice's face as she handed me a teddy bear. It was wearing a martial arts outfit and I let out a loud laugh, not able to contain myself.

I could see why it did remind her of me. It looked almost exactly like the outfit I used when I had taught Karate in Forks.

Alice was watching me with a questioning gaze, no idea why I liked it or why it had reminded her of me.

Her memory was still there. Subconsciously, she remembered things without realizing why. My heart swelled in happiness. Maybe it would all come back soon. She had been remembering things lately. It was always little things, but every time, more and more Hope filled me. It was going to happen.

I wrapped my free arm around her waist and kissed her cheek gently, relaxing her.

"I used to teach karate in Forks, love. You used to tease me about wearing an outfit almost exactly like this one," I informed her, holding up the bear so she could see what I was talking about.

Alice's eyes lit up and a smiled stretched across her angelic face. "Really?" The excitement in her voice only made my heart swell even more. She wanted to remember just as badly as I wanted her to remember.

Don't get me wrong, I was okay with her not remembering me. She was with me with or without those memories and that was all that mattered to me. I was just looking forward to when she would remember because it would clear everything up and she wouldn't get so frustrated sometimes. It bothered her a lot when she couldn't remember something important.

"Yes, really," I chuckled, playing with the teddy bear, making him punch Alice's arm gently, playfully.

"I remembered that," she whispered to herself with a pleased smile.

"Yes, you did, my darling. Yes you did." I was so proud of her.

I put everything she had handed me onto the table in front of us and Alice took it as a sign of me getting up. She moved over, giving me room. I wasn't planning on going anywhere, though. I took everything that was left in Alice's hands and put them beside the other things I had just put down on the table.

"What are you doing?' Alice asked me cautiously. I gave her a wicked grin and sat up, pulling her towards me.

"Finishing that kiss you started earlier," I whispered as I pulled her on top of me and lay back down. It felt good having her warm, small frame lying on mine. It felt right.

Alice's eyes sparkled as I ran my hands up her body, stopping at her face and bringing it straight to mine, finally getting my kiss....

Alice's lips touched mine gently and I felt a shiver rush through her body. Glad I wasn't the only one enjoying these kisses.

"I love you," I whispered against her, enjoying the feeling of her lips too much to pull away. Alice's eyes fluttered shut and she responded with a not so gentle kiss. I didn't mind one bit. My lips parted for her and our tongues met, finishing what had been started earlier. Or beginning a whole new adventure....

My hands moved down to her back, massaging it gently with my fingers as we both got lost in the passionate kiss. It always blew me away--how easy it was to be with Alice this way. Our lips seemed to be best friends, always knowing what to do with the other, moving with each other. They had their own language. It was incredible. Mind blowing!

And then adding on the way her hands weaved through my hair, massaging my scalp, and the way her little body moved against mine. Not to mention how her mouth tasted... and she always smelled so delicious. And the tingling all over my body....

You couldn't even imagine it if you tried. It was surreal. Too perfect.

It was even better because right now, in this moment, we were both happy. There was nothing between us anymore. It was just Alice and me, kissing, on my eighteenth birthday. It felt like when we had first moved here. It felt perfect. We felt complete again.

And most of all, I felt Hope again.

**Author's note: It was a shorter than usually, but I hope you guys all enjoyed it. And because it was short, we may put an outtake up this week! :)**

**Check the blog out for some awesome edited pictures by a reader! **

**REVIEW! :D**

**Have a great day!**


	37. Chapter 37

**Author's Note: Hello fanfiction world! Here is your weekly fix of Hope. Enjoy! :)**

Forgotten Hope Chapter 37-

_NPOV_

_A deafening scream filled my ears and I snapped up out of bed. What was that? The voice sounded familiar._

_I glanced around the room, finding myself in the guest room of Jasper's apartment--or my room--as it was now called. Everything seemed normal._

_Was the scream from my dream? I slowly sat back down on my bed and ran my hands through my hair stressfully. I hadn't had nightmares in a while. They didn't usually come when Chloe was with me in bed._

_Chloe._

_I turned around quickly to look at the bed. Empty. I thought back to the night before. She had been here when I fell asleep...._

_Where was she? She was probably just in the bathroom. Why did I feel so anxious? I was being paranoid._

_Alice always thought I worried too much. It was probably true, but I couldn't help it. I got up out of bed and wiped the sweat off of my face. I'd just go check on her and make sure she was okay._

_I quietly opened the door of the bedroom, hoping that I wouldn't wake up anyone else as I walked along the hall._

_I peeked over at the bathroom, but noticed that the door was open. That's weird... maybe she couldn't sleep and was working on homework or watching TV? She had seemed so tired lately though. I didn't know why she would have gotten up._

_I continued down the hall and noticed that Alice and Jasper's bedroom door was open as well. Okay, that was weird. I felt a bit awkward, but I was worried, so I walked into their room._

_"Ali?" I whispered, closing in on the bed. No one was in it. Was everyone out having a party while I was asleep? Is that what went on when I went to bed?_

_I smirked at my thoughts, knowing that wasn't the case, and left the room. Maybe Jasper and Ali were watching a movie and Chloe had joined them._

_I left the empty bedroom and headed for the living room. I didn't hear the TV. I did hear something else though. Something like a whimper._

_Oh God, Jasper and Alice had better not be doing anything in there. Please God, do not let them be doing something when I walked in there. Absolutely awkward._

_I cautiously walked into the room, peeking my head in first. No one was there either. What the hell?_

_Were they all getting something to eat? What was the whimper about then?_

_I rubbed my neck, not very certain of what this was all about. I had a bad, nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach. I used get these feelings all the time. My instincts were telling me something was terribly wrong._

_I was tense as I walked forward into the kitchen._

_What I saw made me freeze. Chloe. Greg. Chloe!_

_"Hello, my old friend." The voice that haunted my nightmares spoke. Greg gave me that sickening smirk of his. How was he here? Why was he here? Chloe!_

_He was standing behind a chair that Chloe was sitting on. He had a knife against her throat and his other hand was gripping her hair, keeping her still._

_Her eyes pierced through mine, begging silently for me. I could see the pain she was trying to hide in them. She couldn't hide it from me anymore though. My heart was breaking into so many pieces I wasn't sure it would ever be able to be whole again. How did he get her? What was he going to do....?_

_Not Chloe. Please not Chloe._

_"W-what do you want?" I couldn't keep my voice even. My hands curled into fists as the anger began to pump through my veins like never before. If he hadn't had a knife to her throat right now I would have ripped his head off without even blinking. He was going to die._

_Greg's eyes twinkled maliciously. He had the eyes of the devil. His head tilted to the side, looking curious."I was visiting New York and I met this delicate girl," he paused and looked down at Chloe, letting go of her hair for a moment to stroke her cheek. My breathing stopped in my throat when I saw his filthy hand touching Chloe's cheek._

_Don't do that! my heart screamed at him. I couldn't let him see it was affecting me though. He thrived on people's pain. If he didn't get a reaction from me, it would ruin his 'fun'._

_I bit down on the inside of my cheek and kept my eyes locked with Greg's._

_"That didn't answer my question," I growled at him, taking a step closer to them. I needed to be closer to her. Greg seemed to like that I had moved closer though. He smiled. Crap._

_"Well... I think I like her," he commented to me in a quiet, completely fake pleasant voice._

_"I don't give a shit if you like her or not," I snapped at him when his thumb continued to stroke her cheek. Maybe I couldn't hold back my reaction. I was getting too soft. I wasn't the same as I was before. Her eyes kept staring painfully at me. She was still so scared of things right now. She had finally gotten away from Bryce and now this. I almost let out a whimper at the sight of it._

_Greg gave me a disapproving look and removed his hand from Chloe's cheek, but only to bring it back to gripping her hair. I grinded my teeth in frustration. I had no idea what to do. Where was Jasper? I needed his help right now! Were they okay? Where was Ali?!_

_"That's no way to speak to an old friend, Nicholas. Not to mention in front of a lady. Do you always treat her that way?" Greg's eyes looked down at her. "Mmm, you deserve better than that, beautiful."_

_Chloe's body inched away from his gaze, her eyes trying to stay on mine._

_"She's so quiet," he mumbled, seeming intrigued._

_Get the hell away from her! my mind shouted at him, but I knew I couldn't speak it aloud without getting her hurt._

_I took a reluctant step forward, only a few feet away now. I would take him down with a knife or not. He was a freaking pussy. I could take him down with a knife in his hands. I fought better than him and he knew that._

_His eyes narrowed as I began closing in and the knife pressed harder against Chloe's neck. Chloe's eyes widened and I heard a small gasp escape her lips. It had hurt her. Was it cutting her? I winced at her pain. What was I going to do?_

_I couldn't let him hurt her... Please... No. I would beg. I would do anything. I couldn't lose that girl. She was everything to me._

_"A lot of girls would be screaming right now, but not her. She's a strong one. I guess she'd need to be since she's dating a murderer, huh?" Greg smirked at me. My eyes flew off of his though. Chloe didn't know about that._

_Chloe's eyes gazed so strongly into mine, confusion filling her eyes._

_"Nick's not a murderer," she said in totally certainty. This was the first time she had spoken. The hundreds of pieces of my heart burned as I heard her words. She was so sure of me. So sure of my innocence. She thought the best of me._

_"On the contrary, my dear, he is a murderer. Do you need proof? I can give you proof," he assured her, reaching in his pocket, keeping the knife planted against her neck._

_Proof? No. No. No. He couldn't show her stuff._

_I stepped forward again._

_"Nicholas Graham, you take a step back before I slit this girl's throat and it'll be all your fault," Greg warned me with a devious grin spreading over his face. I hurriedly took a step back. I had to listen to his demands for now._

_I watched as he handed Chloe a bunch of folded papers._

_"Sweetheart, don't look at those," I told her gently, keeping my eyes locked with hers for a moment. Chloe's eyes searched mine. She looked so torn, so confused. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't let her see anything from my old life. I didn't want her to know that part of me. I wanted to protect her from the monster I was._

_"No, no, Chloe, look at them. Please," Greg urged her, starting to unfold the papers for her. Chloe kept her eyes glued to mine though, not looking down at the papers in her hands._

_"I want to go to Nick," she stated in a strong, clear voice. Greg's eyebrow cocked curiously._

_"I bet you do, but the thing is, this Nick isn't the guy you think he is. He never was. I am just here to help you see that. I won't hurt you. I just think you have the right to know that he was lying to you and still is. He lies straight to your face. All the time," Greg informed her, taking her face in his hand, forcing her to look into his cold eyes. She shouldn't ever have to look into those eyes. My body was fighting against my mind. I wanted to get her._

_Chloe looked so uncertain. "He doesn't lie to me," she whispered, her voice wavering a bit. She wasn't sure anymore. Why did Greg always have to be so convincing?! I had to stop this._

_"Look at the papers," he told her firmly, looking back down at the papers. Chloe blinked and her eyes flickered to mine for a second but then shot down at the papers. No!_

_"Chloe!" I shouted, panicked. Her eyes didn't move from the papers though. What was on there?_

_"No...." Chloe whimpered, suddenly look broken._

_No, please, no! My hands started to shake. Please don't make her hate me. Oh God. Not her. Not Chloe._

_I watched Greg's lips tilt upwards at her reaction. He flipped to the next page. I watched as the first page fluttered to the floor, drifting through the air to my feet. I took a ragged breath in and reached down, picking up the paper._

_I read the paper quickly. It was the report. It was my confession to the murder. My arrest for the murder. It was a copy of the official paper. How had he gotten this?! It had a government seal and everything._

_I dropped the paper and looked to Chloe. She was staring at the next picture. What else was he showing her? Wasn't the first page enough?_

_"Chloe, please look at me," I begged her. I thought I might be losing my sanity. That was how I felt. I was losing everything right now. What if she rejected me after all of this?_

_....If she wasn't dead by the end of this._

_Chloe didn't look up. Greg flipped over another page, letting the other one fall to me. I hesitantly looked down to see the picture of Allen Meyer, dead, blood all over the pavement around his body. It showed close up pictures of the three stab wounds._

_Oh my God. She shouldn't see this. I didn't want her to see anything like this. She was too good for this._

_"Would you stop it?!" I yelled at Greg, practically begging him to stop showing Chloe who the real me was. I knew technically I had never touched Allen Meyer. I hadn't killed him. But I had killed plenty of other people. It was the same thing._

_Greg chuckled and flipped the page again, again letting the last one come to me. It was two pictures. One of me pointing a gun at someone. The guy was bloody and half dead already, but I stood there with hatred in my eyes, ready to finish him off. Where had he gotten this?!_

_I took a deep breath, looking down at the next. I was sitting with a beer in my hands as a girl--not wearing much clothing at all--straddled me, kissing up my neck. I had just sat there smiling, enjoying it. Disgust was all I felt now. Why did he have these pictures?!_

_My emotions snapped there and I jumped forward, grabbing the rest of the papers out of Chloe's hands. She wasn't going to see anymore of that. I crumpled them up and took a step back, glaring darkly at Greg._

_"What the hell is wrong with you?" I hissed at him, not giving a care in the world anymore that he had a knife. He wasn't going to hurt her right now. He was having way too much fun with this._

_Greg stood straight, leaving Chloe another space to get away if she wanted to. She just sat there though, staring blankly at her hands. Why was she looking like that? She looked so far away from me. Please don't shut me out again, Chloe._

_"The girl deserves the truth, Nick. Honesty is the only way a relationship can work, didn't you know that? Or did those girls in bed never inform you?" he taunted me with an evil glint in his eye. He was ruining everything we had worked so hard on getting. She didn't deserve to hear this. But in a sad way he was right. She did deserve the truth._

_"Chloe...." I murmured. I was now shaking and probably looking like a maniac, but I couldn't help it. I was freaking out._

_She didn't respond to my voice though. She didn't even look at me. Nothing._

_Greg sighed softly, sounding apologetic. "You can leave now, if you want. All I wanted was for you to know the truth," he told Chloe, patting her shoulder delicately._

_I watched Chloe flinch away from his touch and I stepped closer, waiting for her to get up._

_She did get up, but she walked straight past me._

_"Chloe!" I gasped, turning around as fast as I could to grab her hand. She winced as my hand came in contact with hers._

_"Please, let me explain," I begged her, tightening my grip on her hand. I could never live without holding her hand again. Never. I needed her. I would die without her._

_"Why? So you can lie about it? Let me guess, you didn't kill the guy? You've never seen those girls in your life and Greg is the one lying, right?" she spat at me, tears started to fill her eyes. Her words were like iron swords being pierced through my chest._

_I opened my mouth, but nothing seemed to be able to come out. She had never looked at me that way before. Her eyes were on fire: angry, hurt, maybe even hateful._

_"Save the lies for someone else," Chloe whispered and pulled her hand out of mine. "I don't want them. I-I don't want you."_

_What? No! She wouldn't leave me. It was Chloe._

_"No! Chloe. I'll explain it all. I won't lie. I promise, sweetheart. Please. I love you. I'm sorry!" The words came spewing out of my mouth a million a minute, begging for her to give me a second chance._

_But it was too late. She walked away. She grabbed her jacket and walked out of the door without a second glance._

_With the sound of the door, I came crashing down on the floor. It was like all the strength in my body had been sucked out. She was my strength._

_Please come back._

_I held my hands over my face, hoping that this was all a dream. A nightmare._

_I heard Greg's haunting laughter in the background._

_"Karma's a bitch, ain't it?" he chuckled, walking over to pat my head. He then walked straight out of the apartment. He left, just like Chloe did. He didn't hurt her. He didn't hurt me. At least not physically. It was all a game. All he wanted to do was break us up._

_All he wanted to do was play his stupid game and control my destiny._

_It wasn't just a game though. I had just lost my life...._

"Nick! Please wake up. _Please_. I'm here!" I heard a voice begging me in the background. Had I passed out when Chloe had left? My body was shaking or someone was shaking it. Something was making it move. I wasn't sure.

I whimpered and rolled over, wrapping my arms around my knees, bringing them against my chest. She was gone. My Chloe was gone. She knew the truth and had left, just like I had been afraid of.

"Nick. Sweetheart, wake up. I'm here."

Her voice was still with me. I think it would haunt me forever. It was too beautiful. Too perfect. And I had been lucky enough to call her mine. But that was all gone now. I had nothing anymore.

I felt myself crying. It wasn't just tears coming out of my eyes. It was real crying. The kind of crying where you let your whole soul pour out. You let it all go. Everything you couldn't stop... everything you'd been holding in....

"Sweetheart," I heard a cry and warm arms wrapping around me. Lips were touching my face, kissing me.

Don't tell me I had brought a girl back here. And she had called me sweetheart... Chloe always called me sweetheart. It made no sense to me. It never did. I wasn't sweet. I had never even thought I had a heart before. Putting the two words together was nothing like me.

I peeked my eyes open though. I needed to get rid of this girl. I didn't want any in my bed except Chloe, ever.

My eyes were met with the familiar, soft brown eyes that I had fallen so in love with.

"Nick," she sighed in relief, hugging me tighter when she saw I was looking at her. "You were having a nightmare. You kept screaming out my name. I couldn't wake you up!" Chloe began to cry now with me. We held onto each other and I didn't even respond.

Had that all been a dream? It had seemed too real? Everything was so realistic about him. It could all happen. Greg was there. His eyes. His laugh. They had all been there.

"You scared me," Chloe murmured, stroking my hair. I relaxed my legs and straightened them out, letting her hug me fully now. I didn't know what to say. I was just too happy. It hadn't been real. She was here. She hadn't left me. I should have known she wouldn't leave me.

I held her so tightly, burying my face in her hair, breathing in the sweet scent of her. Just her. She always smelled so amazing.

"Shh," she cooed, kissing the top of my head gently. I was taking deep breaths now, trying to gain some kind of composure. She was here. And I was crying. I must look like a mess. She shouldn't see me so weak.

I sniffed and took one more deep breath of her before pulling back and wiping off my face. "I'm sorry about that," I apologized with a frown, looking down at her tear stricken face. I had made her cry. "Sorry for waking you up."

I began to get out of bed. I would leave her alone. She needed her sleep and I knew there was no way in hell I was getting back to sleep tonight.

"Don't go," Chloe said in a rush. My feet froze to the floor at her request. She wanted me to stay.

She crawled off the bed and walked over to me in her shorts and one of my undershirts. She looked so adorable. No one could pull off that look better than Chloe.

Her arms slipped around my waist and her cheek pressed against my chest, holding onto me for dear life. "I love you."

Her words put back together all those pieces of my broken heart that I thought weren't fixable. She melted every piece back together with her smoldering love as she looked up into my eyes with the promise of those words.

"I won't ever leave you, Nick," she vowed to me firmly. I wonder what exactly I had been saying in my sleep....

Her eyes were so full of certainty and affection. How did she always know what I needed to hear?

My body gave in to hers and I wrapped my arms back around her, holding her. "I love you so much," I whimpered. Of course I began to cry again. I was just losing it all tonight. I was half asleep... and that dream had really shaken me up.

"I know you do, sweetheart. Shh," she said softly, rubbing my back continually. "Do you want to go watch TV or a movie or something? We don't have to sleep."

She always thought of me above herself. Even though I knew she had been working all day the day before, she was ready to stay up half the night with me because I had had a nightmare. It shouldn't even be called a nightmare though. It was so much worse than the boogieman or monsters chasing after me. _Those _were nightmares. This--_that--_was so much more.

"You need to sleep," I said, shaking my head back and forth. She couldn't stay up. I would go watch TV and she could go back to bed.

"We can watch TV," she disagreed, pulling back with a gentle smile. There was so much love in her eyes. Would she still look at me like that if she knew how I was really was?

"I'll go watch TV. You're tired... you can go back to bed," I whispered in a raw tone. I had cried too much tonight. I leaned forward and gave Chloe a light kiss on the lips though. She was here for me even when I was crying. She could see all my imperfections right now and she still stayed.

Chloe shook her head stubbornly. "I want to sleep in your arms. I'll sleep while you watch TV," she compromised, tiptoeing up to connect her lips back with mine. I melted right there, into her lips, into her.

But there was still something in the back of my mind that lingered. I was reassuring myself it was all a dream, but I had a feeling that something was still terribly wrong.

_APOV_

Every day it was getting closer and closer to Christmas day. It was definitely time for some hardcore shopping. I still needed to get everyone gifts! I had so much to do before Christmas. And this year was going to be different. I wasn't going to be having Christmas at home. I would be having it here with Jasper, Nick and Chloe. It was going to be a special Christmas--more special than any other year!

One thing that was going to be very different this year was that it wasn't going to be spent with Spencer. Every year--for my whole life--I had been with Spencer on Christmas. And on my fourteenth Christmas, it had become more than just Christmas for us. It was the day that Spencer had chosen to ask me out. It was our anniversary. This year would have been our fourth.

Even though I knew this Christmas was going to be amazing, I couldn't help but feel a bit of remorse flickering behind my feelings of excitement. Spencer would be alone this Christmas. And if you know Spencer, you know that anniversaries and holidays are important to him. Some people just liked holidays because they got off of school or work, but Spencer enjoyed them so much more than that. On top of that, Spencer thought that Christmas was the best of them, especially since it was usually an anniversary for us.

I was trying not to let that bring me down though. Things happened. Things changed. Fate had brought Jasper and I together for a reason and I wouldn't change it for the world.

To get into the Christmas spirit, I had decided to go shopping today with Gregory and Chloe. Since I needed gifts and Chloe needed to buy something for Nick as well, it seemed like a good time. I really did miss Gregory though. It seemed like I hadn't seen him in a while.

Jasper wasn't really enjoying the situation though. He had been pouting all morning. It was the first time I had ever seen him whining about _not_ going shopping with me. I actually found it kind of amusing.

I was cleaning up the kitchen before heading out with Chloe when Jazz walked in.

"I could help," he stated in a matter-of-fact tone. His face was a mask of determination. He really wanted to go that badly?

"I think I'm okay with shopping, Jazz," I assured him, knowing that it was the one thing in life that I would never have to worry about needing help with. Shopping was a skill of mine. If shopping was an Olympic sport, I would definitely win gold. Seriously-- ask anyone.

Jasper poked out his cute bottom lip and walked up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. His chin came down and leaned gently on my shoulder.

"I could help with Nick's gift. I know what he likes," Jasper continued trying, nuzzling his sad face into my neck.

I had been with him every day of Christmas break. I was surprised he wasn't trying to get rid of me. He and Nick could have a guys day out. They liked doing that and Chloe and I had been around lately to stop them from it. I figured he would be happy to spend time with Nick.

"If I need help with Nick's present, I'm sure Chloe could assist me," I chuckled, wiping off the counter. It was pretty tough with how hard Jazz was holding me against him.

"I know Nick better," he huffed adorably.

I put down the wash cloth and turned around to see his face. Big blue puppy eyes. That was what I was faced with. I don't think any girl in the world could say no to that face.

"Jazz," I sighed. "You'll be fine." I leaned up to give him a kiss and he returned it automatically. His expression didn't change though. He was still going to try.

"I don't see why I can't come...." he grumbled, leaning down to hide his face in my neck. So needy today! But I couldn't complain--I thought it was too cute.

"Because then Nick would be lonely."

"Nick can come too," Jazz offered with a hopeful smile, bringing himself out of my neck for a moment.

I rolled my eyes. "That would defeat the whole point of going out to buy your gifts, silly," I giggled, flicking teasingly at his nose. Jasper just huffed and stared at me longingly. It was like he was begging me not to move to another country or something. I was just going to the mall.

"Well... how about you go shopping with Chloe in the morning and we'll meet for lunch?" he compromised, giving me a quick kiss on the lips and then a hopeful smile.

I had already told Gregory we would have lunch with him. This wouldn't work. Jazz couldn't meet Gregory. I still liked the idea of a friend that wasn't biased by knowing Jasper, Spencer or Nick. I liked my secret friend.

"No. You and Nick need guy time just like Chloe and I need girl time," I explained. I wasn't lying. I needed girl time too. I just... wanted some Gregory time on top of that.

"I need Alice time," Jasper whispered, leaning down to run his nose up and down my jaw. Was he trying to bribe me now? I started laughing and shook my head. He was a crazy boy.

"I'm going to get ready and you are going to get ready too." A flash of hope came to Jasper eyes. "--To go out with Nick," I added quickly at the end, clarifying.

Jasper glared at me and let me go. "Fine. I think Nick and I will go shopping," he said decidedly, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow curiously at me. Oh, he wanted to challenge me, did he?

"I'm not telling you which mall." I stuck my tongue out at him and began to walk away. Jazz came quickly after me, sweeping me up from behind and spinning me around before putting me back on the ground.

He kept me tightly against his chest though, whispering huskily in my ear. "We'll follow you."

"Stalker. I'll kick your butt," I countered with a giggle as his breath tickled my neck.

Jasper laughed at my remark, letting me go. "Now if I didn't trust you I might have been suspicious about why you're being so persistent about us not coming with you," Jasper teased harmlessly, but it stung my heart. He trusted me so much more than I deserved.... I felt like crap for keeping Gregory a secret. It wasn't a big deal though! He was just a friend!

_But what about sneaking out to Spencer's fashion show?_

_That was just because you don't want to hurt him...._

Crap. Not thinking about it.

I didn't reply. I wasn't going to add onto the lies and deception I had already started. All I did was lean up and give Jasper a sweet kiss on the lips. "We'll go out for dinner tonight, okay? With Chloe and Nick, if you want," I suggested, stroking his cheek adoringly.

Jasper gave me a breathtaking smile, causing all my regret and sadness to disappear. "Okay," he agreed, letting me go freely now. "I'm going to take a shower. I'll see you for dinner, my love." His voice was so sweet and happy as he began to walk away from me, whistling a tune as he went.

I was falling so in love. My knees weakened at the sight of him and his happiness.

My mind stopped thinking as that thought processed. Love? I had never even thought about loving Jasper before. I knew I liked being with him and liked that he was my life, but for some reason the words 'love' and 'Jasper' never came in the same thought. I had repressed love because I felt bad for Spencer.

But now I had thought it. Could it be true? Could I be falling in love with Jasper?

Every part of me thought and felt that yes--it definitely could be true.

"Ali!" Nick yelled from his room, breaking me out of my new found thoughts. I blinked slowly and my legs responded to his call, walking over to the guest bedroom. He was still half asleep, wearing nothing but sweatpants that hung low on his waist. His eyes were glaring at me.

Good morning to you too, Nick.

"Yes?" I asked him in a hesitant tone.

"You're taking Chloe out today?" he questioned me in a devastated voice. What was with these boys today? Was it really that bad for us to leave them for a day? We usually worked. They were used to us being away from them.

I sighed loudly, annoyed. "Yes and you can't come," I grumbled, turning on my heels and leaving the room. All I heard was silence behind me, so I knew Nick got the point. He knew not to set me off.

I headed to my room, hearing the shower on in the bathroom, and headed for the closet. I needed to find a shopping outfit. It only took me a couple second to pick out a killer outfit and then a few minutes to put it on. After that I headed to the bedroom, but realized I couldn't get ready in the bathroom until Jasper was out of the shower.

A grumble started to spew from my mouth. Gregory was supposed to meet us in fifteen minutes. There was no way we were going to make it in time.

I sighed and sat down on the bed, grabbing my cell phone off of the nightstand. I would just called him and tell him to wait a few minutes.

I dialed Gregory's number and lie down on the bed.

It rang a couple of times before I heard a mouthful of curses come through the phone. Well I guess nobody was in a good mood today!

"Hello to you, too," I chuckled, running my fingers through my hair mindlessly.

"Sorry," Gregory's gravelly laugh filled the phone. "I hit my shin on the coffee table," he explained in an apologetic voice.

That made sense. I just hadn't known he had such colorful language--but there did seem to be a lot about him that I didn't know. Like when I stayed at his house and he had alcohol bottles everywhere and he smoked pot. I wouldn't have guessed that from his appearance... but I wasn't going to judge.

"It's all right," I assured him nonchalantly.

"So... I hope you're not calling me to cancel," Gregory said in a somewhat disappointed voice. Sometimes it was hard to tell what he was really feeling because he always had this amused tone mixed in.

"No, of course not. I'm just calling to say we won't be at the mall in fifteen minutes. We're running a little late. Is that okay?" I asked him.

"Yeah that's fine. I was just heading for the car though. How about I pick you guys up? Carpooling is the new thing," he chuckled. "Cheaper, too."

I guess that could work. He could come here and get us, then head to the mall. It would save on time.

"That sounds perfect! Just wait for us in the parking lot and we'll meet you there," I told him, knowing he'd understand why he had to wait outside for us.

"Okay. I'll call you when I'm there. Bye," he said and I heard a car door shut. I was glad his apartment was pretty far away from ours... and with New York traffic, it'd take him a while to get here.

"See you soon!" I called before he could hang up on me like he always seemed to do. I grinned at my success and shut the phone, getting off the bed.

I turned around and was met with Jasper's blue eyes. He stood, leaning against the bedroom door frame in just a towel.

"See who soon?" he asked curiously, walking over to me. Oh crap.

"Chloe," I spat out before I could think of what I was saying. Jasper's smile slowly disappeared.

"Chloe is in Nick's room, love. You called her?"

Oh no.... He was worrying now. His eyes were searching mine and I knew he could always read right through me. Stupid connection!

I shrugged sheepishly. "I have to go get ready."

I slipped past him before he could stop me and ran into the bathroom, shutting the door and locking it. It was okay to have some secrets, wasn't it? Jazz didn't need to know everything. It gave some mystery to the relationship. It wasn't even a secret! It was just something not worth mentioning. There was nothing wrong with it....

I shoved the thoughts out of my mind. There was nothing I could do about it now. I knew if I told Jasper about Gregory it would not turn out well. Jasper was too protective and Jasper would tell Nick and Nick was way too protective too.

I knew they had a right to be... but still.

I did my hair and makeup quickly and then slipped out of the bathroom. Luckily Jazz wasn't in the bedroom when I got out and I headed to Nick's room.

I stopped at the door though, touched by the sight. Chloe was hugging Nick and smoothing out his hair, speaking quietly to him. He was such a softy, but you would have no idea of that if you just saw him on the street. Funny how the book can be so different from the cover.

I knocked gently on the door, hoping I wasn't interrupting anything important. Chloe and Nick pulled away from each other, looking over at me. I frowned when I saw Chloe's sad eyes. Was something going on?

"Oh, sorry Alice," Chloe apologized, smoothing out her shirt. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah, but if you guys need a minute?" I said reluctantly, taking a step back. If they needed their privacy or some time that was fine with me.

Nick shook his head quickly. "No, it's fine. You guys can go," he assured us both, leaning down to give Chloe a quick peck on the lips. "Love you," I heard him whisper.

"I love you too," Chloe replied before hesitantly walking over to me.

Nick followed closely behind her though, walking over to me to kiss my forehead. "Behave yourselves," he told us with a smirk.

"We'll try," I assured him, reaching up to tap his cheek delicately. His eyes looked tired, worn out. Did something happen last night? I hadn't heard them fighting or anything and our room wasn't too far from theirs....

Nick smiled and wrapped his arms around both of our shoulders, walking with us to the living room. I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Jasper was lying on the couch when we entered the living room. He didn't pick his head up as he heard us and the bad feeling in my stomach worsened. He was upset.

Nick must have noticed because he let us go quickly and walked over to the couch. I watched him nudge Jasper's leg, telling him to sit up. Jasper sat up without even looking at Nick, keeping his eyes on the football game he was watching.

Great. He wasn't just giving _me_ the silent treatment. He was giving it to everyone. I felt bad for Nick. I didn't mean to start something....

Chloe began to put her coat on and I walked around the couch. I could at least give him a proper goodbye. Jasper's lips were pressed tightly together and his eyes were fixated on the TV when I walked around the couch.

"Hey hun, we're going to get going, okay?" I spoke in a soft voice, kneeling down in front of him. My gaze was apologetic. I _was_ sorry. I knew I wasn't the best girlfriend. Look how Spencer had turned out....

"'Kay," Jasper mumbled, leaning down to kiss my lips chastely. At least he was able to kiss me. That was a good sign. Though it wasn't followed by an 'I love you' which wasn't a great sign.

I let it go though. I didn't deserve an 'I love you' right now.

"Bye Nick! Bye Jazz!" Chloe called to them as she had all her stuff on, ready to go.

Nick's head turned and I saw a pained look on his face. Jasper gave Chloe a half-hearted wave. Wow, this was not a great day to leave either of them.

I slipped my coat, scarf, hat and gloves on and we were on our way. It was getting rather cold out now that it was mid December and there was snow outside.

Chloe and I walked into the elevator and I confronted her. "Is Nick okay?"

I was actually really worried by the look he had on his face. It was almost like he was afraid... Nick had never really seemed to be afraid of anything, for as long as I could remember him.

Chloe sighed and shrugged. "I don't know. He had a nightmare last night and he's been upset ever since," she explained with a concerned look on her face. "I don't know what he dreamed about but whatever it was made him really upset." She bit her lip, looking in deep thought.

"Oh," I frowned, knowing exactly how hard dreams could be on someone. I hated dreaming. I knew it was for different reasons, but nightmares could suck.

"Yeah...." Chloe whispered, crossing her arms across her chest sadly. "Hopefully he'll be okay." She sounded so uncertain though.

"Well, maybe we should stay home then...." I said quickly, feeling bad that we were leaving Nick upset. If either of us were upset he would drop the world for us.

Chloe shook her head quickly. "No. It's fine. I think having time with Jasper will help him. Maybe he'll tell Jasper more about it.... He didn't really want to go into detail about it."

If she thought so....

I nodded understandingly and we waited as the elevator traveled downwards to the main floor.

"Shouldn't we be going to the parking garage?" Chloe asked me in confusion as I got off at the floor above the parking garage. The parking for the apartment residents was under the apartment. The parking outside was for visitors.

"Oh! No... I forgot to tell you. Gregory's going to pick us up and we'll drive with him," I chuckled at my forgetfulness.

Chloe's face fell at my words. What? Was I making another person upset today? Geez....

"Gregory's coming?" she inquired, looking stuck.

"Yes?" I mumbled in frustration. I had forgotten to mention it. So what? It wasn't a big deal, right?

Chloe shook her head but followed me out of the apartment. Gregory's slick, black Mercedes pulled up to the curb right as we came to it. Perfect timing. I smiled.

Gregory jumped out of the car, hurrying around to open the door for us.

"Good morning, ladies," he smirked at us, his hazel eyes sparkling at us mischievously. I felt Chloe stiffen beside me before she inched towards the back door that Gregory had opened up.

"Hi," she whispered and slipped in without another word. Did she _not_ like Gregory? No.... She was probably just uncomfortable. I remembered it had taken her a while to get comfortable with Jazz.

"Good morning," I smiled enthusiastically, reaching my arms out for a hug. Gregory's smirk grew at that and he walked to me, slipping his arms around me and hugging me gently to his chest. He smelled like smoke, as always.

"Ready for a day with Gregory?" he questioned me cheerfully as he let go of me.

"Totally!" I grinned, finally happy about something today. A day away from everything would be good for me. I could talk to Gregory about Spencer's fashion show and my sadness about Christmas. I'd finally be able to let it all out.

I slipped into the front seat, feeling totally at ease now. I was so glad I had Gregory as a friend.

Gregory shut my door and jogged around the car, jumping into it. He reached over and turned down the music that had been pounding through the car and smiled pleasantly at me.

"How's Christmas break going for you guys?" he asked, starting to drive without putting his seat belt on. This guy was just asking for death, wasn't he?

"Good!" I answered with a smile.

Gregory nodded, glad of the news, and looked at the rear view mirror, waiting for Chloe's reply.

"Fine, thanks," Chloe replied politely at his gaze.

Gregory's eyes narrowed at her answer and he looked back out the front window, concentrating on driving. He had noticed how uncomfortable Chloe seemed. I hoped he wasn't taking it personally. She would probably be like that with any guy.

There were a few minutes of silence. All that was heard was quiet rap playing in the background.

Eventually it started to get awkward and I spoke. "How has your Christmas break been?" I asked him brightly, turning slightly in my seat to look at him.

"Not much of a break, but it's been good. Thank you for asking," he said with a tight smile, making a sharp turn. Okay, he was still as crazy of a driver as I remembered.

"Do you work?" Chloe asked out of nowhere, seeming interested.

"I do, yes," he answered simply.

"Where? What do you do?" she questioned again.

I looked back at her. Her eyes were fixated on him, looking very closely at Gregory, almost suspiciously. But I was curious as well, so I let it go. He and I had never talked about it.

Gregory's hands tightened on the wheel. "I work with troubled teens," he answered with a nonchalant shrug.

What? Okay, I was not expecting that one. He didn't really seem the kind of guy to be doing that. Or the kind of guy who _should_ be.

"Like a program for them?" Chloe continued, her eyes narrowing. I smirked at her interrogation, she might be as bad as Nick and Jasper.

"Yeah, exactly. I'm like a mentor for them and I give them a safe place to hang out. Sometimes I help them get jobs and all that crap," Gregory chuckled, seeming amused by Chloe or whatever he was explaining.

"That's nice of you," I smiled, surprised. I knew he wasn't all tough. He had a heart in there even if he wouldn't admit it.

"Yeah it is...." Chloe trailed off, and I saw her lean back in her seat, finishing the interrogation for now.

"I enjoy it," Gregory stated with an agreeable smile, losing his grip on the steering wheel. I watched the speed of his car increasing by the second.

Okay, Alice, do not look at that. I told myself, looking quickly away. I like to drive fast, but this was like... really fast.

"Aren't you going a little fast?" Chloe said in a displeased voice, reading my mind entirely as she leaned forward to look at the speedometer.

Gregory laughed. "Aren't you the little worrier? Don't worry. I could drive with my eyes closed."

"It's still illegal," Chloe scolded. I didn't think I had ever seen Chloe speak like this to anyone. Something was definitely off. Maybe she was preoccupied with worrying about Nick, so she wasn't really holding back?

"That's true," Gregory said and I felt the car slow down--a lot.

"Thanks," I told him gratefully, not sure at this point if Chloe would say it. I did appreciate it though. I wasn't sure I had the stomach for it and I'm glad he respected Chloe's worries.

"No problem," Gregory mumbled in assurance, turning another corner.

"This isn't the way to the mall," Chloe stated quietly to Gregory after a moment. Again, she had read my mind. I wasn't sure how long he had lived in New York... sometimes it could be confusing. There were a lot of streets.

"Oh I know. We just have to stop at my apartment for something first," Gregory smirked deviously at me, which made that weird chill go down my spine. Why did that always happen?

Okay, I guess we could do that and then spend the rest of our day shopping. I hoped Nick and Jazz would have an okay day without us there.

I didn't know how well our day was going to go with the tension between Gregory and Chloe though....

**Author's Note: So... yeah, we'll just stop the chapter there. Lol. Hope you all enjoyed the chapter. Leave a review! :)**

**Check the blog if you didn't last week for some awesome pictures and character profiles! And you can leave us little comments on the Hope chat! :D**

**Have a great day/night!**


	38. Chapter 38

**Author's Note: Hey everybody! Here is your weekly fix of Hope. Enjoy **

Forgotten Hope Chapter 38-

_APOV_

Chloe, Gregory and I headed for his apartment--thankfully not too far away from where we were, because I didn't want to lose a lot of mall time. I was hoping it wouldn't take him too long to get what he had forgotten.

We drove up into the apartment parking lot and Gregory turned off the engine.

"Do you guys want to come up?" he offered as he began to get out of the car.

"Sure!" I exclaimed, hopping out of the car after him. It was better than waiting outside and I knew if we were with him and he was taking too long I could just drag him out.

I stopped when I got out though and looked into the car window at Chloe, wondering if she would mind. She didn't seem to be very fond of being within a ten feet perimeter of Gregory... I was beginning to feel really bad about forgetting to tell her he would be here.

She got out of the car without any complaints, so I assumed she didn't mind ...or she was just too polite to say anything.

"Are you okay with us going up for a second?" I asked Chloe before moving any further. I didn't want to be rude and ignore her discomfort.

Chloe slipped out of the car and sighed quietly. "I don't mind." Her voice was sincere, so I let it go.

We followed Gregory through the parking lot and into the apartment. There was a rather awkward silence as we stood in the slow-moving elevator.

Gregory cleared his throat. "So, Chloe, how's your boyfriend doing? What was his name... Nick?" Gregory asked politely, turning to look at us meaningfully.

I liked how he always asked how things were. It was like he really cared. I didn't have to bring up anything I wanted to talk about because he always asked the right questions. And he remembered things I told him--like right now. He knew Nick's name and that they were dating because I had told him that before. I thought it was very thoughtful of him... he really listened.

Chloe stiffened at his remark. "Yeah, his name's Nick. He's doing fine. Thank you for asking."

Even though she was uncomfortable, she answered his question with a small smile before turning to stare at the elevator doors. The answer was a lie though. I knew Nick wasn't exactly fine today.

"He's a bit worn out today though," I informed Gregory, looking up at him. He wouldn't mind us talking about Nick... maybe he could offer some insight?

Gregory gave me a curious look and a crooked smile. He seemed happy that I wasn't brushing off his questions and comments.

"Why's that?" he asked me, reaching over and draping his arm around my shoulder casually. My body tensed, frozen to the bone by his gesture. I shook off the scared feelings that ran through me... Gregory was harmless. Chloe's tension was probably just rubbing off on me.

_Trust your instincts._

What?

"Apparently he had a nightmare last night." I frowned. "It must have been really bad."

An image of Nick's pale, tired face came into my mind and I felt, again, that we should be at home instead of being out.

At least Nick was having some time with Jazz... that was probably what he really needed, especially if the dream had been about their pasts--something he wouldn't talk about with Chloe. Jasper would be able to help him.

I heard Gregory chuckle quietly and my head snapped up. Did he just laugh?

Gregory held back a smile and shook his head with an apologetic look. "I'm sorry. It's just been a while since I've heard of a grown man being so shaken up by a nightmare. Maybe it's because of his past?" Gregory said, looking in deep thought as he spoke his words.

Chloe gave me a curious look, but kept quiet.

How much had I told him about Nick and Jasper's pasts? I couldn't remember....

It was definitely not funny that Nick was having trouble with nightmares. It probably _was_ because of his tough past. I was surprised that Jazz wasn't waking up with terrible dreams. If I had lived through his past, I would be having nightmares every night.

"Everyone has nightmares sometimes," Chloe said defensively after a second, giving Gregory a look that brought to mind the old "if looks could kill" statement.... I had never seen her like that... but I could understand. She was being loyal to Nick and I respected that. I'd do the same thing for Jasper.

Gregory was about to reply when the elevator dinged and the door opened.

Oh, thank God, I thought, looking between the two of them. I wondered if we'd make it through the day without any deaths. They both looked close to killing each other.

"Well, come on!" I grinned, trying to lighten up the situation, locking my arms with both of theirs and dragging them out of the tension of the elevator. Get whatever you need and let's get out of here fast, Gregory, I thought.

Both he and Chloe were silent as I skipped us along through the hallways until we got to his apartment.

He unlocked the door and opened it for us, waiting for us to enter before he did, which I thought was very polite of him. I looked over to see if Chloe noticed, but she still looked just... wary.

"I just need to find my wallet. It's around somewhere...." Gregory informed us, closing the door behind us. It shut hard and the sound echoed loudly through the apartment. I watched Chloe flinch at the sound, still looking so nervous. I needed to loosen her up today. She had never been this way around me before.

It made me appreciate Nick and Chloe's relationship even more though. I loved how Chloe would come right out of her shell when she was with him. She would never be so tense with him around her. It was like Jazz and me. I knew he would never let anything hurt me... I really did appreciate his overprotective tendencies sometimes.

There were other times though--like right now--when he would have been too overprotective. I didn't think he'd appreciate the two of us being in Gregory's apartment alone... but it wasn't a big deal. A girl needs space sometimes too, you know? And it'd just make us be more excited to see each other for dinner later, when we could tell each other how our days had gone.

"Make yourselves at home," Gregory mumbled as he walked past us and headed for the other room. I followed in his footsteps, heading for the couch in the living room. Chloe followed close behind me and we both sat down on the couch to wait.

"Alice!" Chloe said anxiously in a hushed voice, looking at the table like it was alive or something.

"What?" I whispered back, looking hurriedly down at the table, needing to see what had her looking so scared.

A packet of weed was sitting on the coffee table beside a few joint papers and a knife. Wait, what? Knife?

I looked again, making sure I wasn't seeing things. It wasn't just a little pocket knife, either.

My stomach tightened in fear before I reminded myself who we were with. Gregory would never use it on us. He probably had it for protection. I had lived in New York my whole life... it could be a scary place at night, depending on where you were. Lots of people carried weapons on them....

"It's probably just for protection," I spoke my thoughts of reassurance to Chloe, looking away from the table. It wasn't any of our business anyways. He wasn't poking around in our apartments or lives. I wouldn't feel right about jumping to assumptions.

"And the pot?" Chloe asked me in disbelief. She was looking at me like I was from a different planet.

It wasn't that bad. A lot of people smoked pot. Sure, it wasn't exactly legal, but it's not like it was cocaine or something....

"I don't know," I mumbled with a shrug, leaning into the couch, hoping to become invisible. Her displeased look was burning through my head and I swear I could smell smoke from it. Or maybe that was Gregory.

"Found it," Gregory said with a smirk as he entered the room. He had a cigarette between his fingers.

Okay, it had been Gregory and not my head. Good deal.

"Ready to hit the road?"

"It'd be better than waiting in here for a police raid," I heard Chloe say under her breath as she got up from the couch. I could help but chuckle at that comment, even if she was being dramatic. I was glad Gregory hadn't heard.

Gregory and Chloe were like oil and vinegar... it was interesting to watch, but kind of sucked, too. I wanted them to be friends....

"Time to shop!" I smiled happily, getting up and bouncing out of the room with excitement. It was about time we got this party started.

After about twenty more minutes, we finally made it to the mall. Thankfully we still had a good amount of time to shop.

We went store to store and--being me--I had Gregory's hands absolutely full with bags within a few hours. I had gotten at least one good remark about Gregory out of Chloe when he offered to carry our things.

I managed to successfully pick out my mom's gift and my daddy's gift. That crossed the parents off the list. Then for my other parents--Jim and Olivia. I hoped Olivia would still accept my gift... I wasn't even sure if my mom would. She might not even invite us over for Christmas dinner.

I quickly dismissed those thoughts and put all of my energy back into shopping.

I had picked out a couple--as in ten--new outfits, complete with adorable accessories. I had also helped pick out a few amazing outfits for Chloe and even persuaded Gregory to buy some things I had picked out for him.

Other than that, I had found a few other gifts for Aunt Esme, Uncle Carlisle, Edward, Emmett, and Rosalie... but I wasn't sure what to get for Spencer now.

And I couldn't find one thing that I would want to buy for Jazz. I had no idea why it was so hard. Everything I found was wrong. Nothing seemed to be enough for him. I wouldn't buy him clothes because he had tons of them and I knew that wasn't special to him.

He already had things for his music. He had everything for football. He had all his guy things like a flat screen TV. We had more than one of those. He had his game systems and laptop. I had no idea what he needed or wanted. After four hours of shopping, I was becoming very frustrated with myself... it was usually so easy.

Chloe could sympathize though. She had as much success with finding a gift for Nick as I did finding one for Jasper. She couldn't seem to find something that was right for Nick either.

We were both stuck and finally decided that there was nothing right in this mall for Nick or Jasper. We were ready for lunch.

We headed for Gregory's car first to drop off the bags. If we didn't, we'd need an extra table at the restaurant just for them-- I didn't think the owner of the restaurant would be very pleased by that.

Once we had the bags in the car, we headed back toward the mall to see what possible restaurants we could go to. Gregory stayed outside for a few minutes, saying that he needed a smoke, so Chloe and I headed for the map at the entrance of the mall. We said we'd look through the restaurants while he was outside.

Chloe didn't really pay attention to the map though. Her eyes were glazed over and she looked like she was in a totally different universe. She always seemed to be thinking.

"Whatcha thinking about?" I asked her with a smile, turning away from the map to look at her interestedly.

Chloe jumped, surprised by my sudden movement. Her head shook and she let out a shaky laugh, catching her breath.

"I don't know...." she sighed heavily, looking at me with a face I knew wasn't good. Her thoughts were not going to please me at all. At that moment I knew she was going to say something about Gregory.

"There's just something off about him, Alice...." Chloe said hesitantly, looking apologetic. She knew I knew who she was talking about now.

"Doesn't he make you at least a little uncomfortable? You know, how he always stares so curiously at you, or how he's always smirking and looking oddly amused by every single thing you say? It's just... I don't know." Chloe shuddered, as if on cue from her words. "He seems a bit creepy."

I stayed silent, not responding to her words. Some of that was true and I knew it. There was always something that felt off with him... but I was beginning to think that that was just him. His personality was that way and he couldn't change himself.

I was actually coming to enjoy his amusement and his curiosity. It wasn't bad. It was just something you had to get used to. Something you had to learn to love, I guess.

"I know you like him, but I just don't know if he's really a good guy...." Chloe told me honestly. I could see the sincerity shining in her brown eyes as she hoped that I would understand.

"I know what you mean but... I don't know... you can't always judge a book by its cover, Chloe." What would have happened if I had judged Jasper by the cover? The scars and the intimidating look he could produce when he was trying to shut me out would be enough to make anyone think he wasn't good--yet, he was so good....

"Gregory's a good guy. He just doesn't show it sometimes. He has his flaws... I just try to see the good in people...." I replied nonchalantly with a shrug, showing her that I wasn't mad at all for her words of honesty. She could tell me how she really felt. I wanted her to feel like she could always tell me what was on her mind... I wanted to be friends. I just thought she might be wrong about Gregory.

Chloe nodded. "I know that you can't judge a book by its cover, but there's a point, sometimes, where you can sort of just tell that the cover is an exact reflection of the book...." she said quietly. "I try to see the good in people, too, but he's making it really hard for me...." she trailed off, shaking her head. "That's just what I think...."

With that said, she ended the conversation, coming over to look more closely at the map.

I knew she had some good points. But if Gregory was so bad, why would he be hanging out with me? What would be the point? Especially when he knew my boyfriend had a bad past with violence. In short, Jasper would kick his butt if he needed to.

Gregory knew I was a good person. Sure, I lied and made some bad choices sometimes... but that's part of being human. He still wanted to hang out with me. Maybe it made him feel better about himself. I wasn't sure. He just didn't have a reason for hanging out with me other than to be friends. He couldn't gain anything from me. I was rich, but he seemed to be too. I could tell from how he lived and dressed. He wasn't trying to get my money.

I couldn't think of even one reason he would hang out with me except just to be friends with me. He just had some shady habits that could make people uncomfortable.

"How about this one?" Chloe suggested to me, sounding a lot more like herself now. I guess she was glad she had gotten her thoughts out.

I looked over at the restaurant she was pointing at and smiled. It was a little Italian restaurant. It'd do. I hadn't had Italian food in a while.

"Sure!" I nodded in agreement, smiling brightly at her. I was grateful that she could make quick decisions... I would have been standing there for a while, weighing the possibilities.

Gregory walked in a minute later, wiping the fallen snow off of his jacket and giving us a mischievous smile. "So, do we know what we're doing, ladies?" he asked us smoothly, offering me his arm. I took it gladly.

"Yep! We're going for Italian," I informed him, leading him forward with a skip in my step. The day had been going pretty well other than the disagreements between Chloe and Gregory. The shopping had been successful too. I hoped the lunch would be just as good.

The restaurant was only around the corner and we were seated into a booth. Chloe and I were on one side while Gregory was on the other. I faced Gregory so Chloe wouldn't have to.

"So now that you're not going to be distracted by shopping, how have you been doing lately, Alice? You haven't mentioned anything about your love triangle much," Gregory inquired interestedly, leaning back in his seat. His hazel eyes sent a weird feeling into my stomach. His eyes had a strange way of making me feel uncomfortable too. I wondered if it happened for Chloe too.

I laughed bitterly at his question though. How _was_ my love triangle going?

I gave him an honest shrug. "It's confusing... and it sucks."

Gregory chuckled in amusement and then gave me a soft look. "I warned you about love. You should have taken my advice."

Maybe I should have. I could have lived like him. _Not_....

It would be way too lonely and sad to live a solitary life like Gregory's. I loved coming home to see Jasper and I used to love coming home to Spencer too. Coming home to no one would be too hard. I could never give up the great feelings that love gave me. I could take the confusion and sometimes heartbreak in exchange for love....

Chloe gave me a curious look. "What advice about love?" she wondered, coming into the conversation, which kind of surprised me.

"Not to do it," I laughed, sticking my tongue out playfully at Gregory. Gregory just smirked in response, picking up his menu.

Chloe was gaping. "You're not serious, are you?" She sounded almost horrified by the notion of not loving someone.

"Totally serious," I confirmed with a chuckle. I knew it was a pretty absurd notion.

"But love's so amazing. It has the power to do anything. How could someone not want love?" Chloe thought out loud with a wistful look in her eyes. Obviously we had the same thoughts on love then. I was in total agreement with her. Love did have the power to do anything. It had changed Jasper, brought us together again after losing my memory, as far as I was concerned love could do anything.

Gregory sighed, almost as if in annoyance. I could clearly recall his--well, almost _hatred_--for love now.

"You are a hundred percent right when you say love can do anything, Chloe. It can take a perfectly good person and destroy them. It has the power to ruin lives and rip apart families. And that is exactly why I told her to just steer clear of it," Gregory told Chloe matter of factly, sitting forward, resting his arms on the table. Chloe leaned back in her seat, probably creating more space between them, even though there was still at least a foot or two.

Gregory took Chloe's moment of silence as a signal to go on. ""I had this friend once. He was a good kid. You know, one that the teachers and parents loved. Girls thought he was everything too...but he only had his heart set on one girl. He 'fell in love' with her the first time he saw her. A few months later they were dating and dated all through high school. Everyone looked at them as the perfect little couple. Oh how happy they would be together for the rest of their lives. But when they were getting so close, they sort of lost touch with reality. And then suddenly the girl was gone and he was left alone with nothing at all. He didn't have anything to fall back on because he was just 'so in love'. Now he is a mess and he probably will be for the rest of his life. That is what love does."

My eyes blinked slowly, taking in all that Gregory had just said. That was so sad... but so... familiar. The story had probably been in a thousand movies though which was why I was thinking it was familiar. It sucked for his friend though. I hoped he wouldn't be messed up forever. Maybe he could find another love?

Chloe face scrunched up though, confused. "Love doesn't ruin families or people. It's when love is destroyed that those things are destroyed. He lost love and he misses it...." Chloe voice saddened as she spoke, obviously feeling something for the person in the story.

Gregory just rolled his eyes. "If he hadn't been in love in the first place he wouldn't have gotten hurt."

Chloe looked at Gregory, kind of looking a bit pissed off. I saw her opening her mouth, but I cut her off before an argument could erupt.

"What happened to his girlfriend?" I asked him softly, frowning. Chloe shut her mouth and sat back, looking curious as well.

Gregory sighed to himself. "Dead." He sounded indifferent by the situation and I gaped along with Chloe along this time. She had _died_? That was totally different. She hadn't left him for someone else or used him or anything wrong. She had been taken away from him.

"Oh my gosh...." Chloe whispered brokenly to herself. "What happened?"

Before Gregory could speak the waitress came over to our table.

"Hi, I'm Meghan. Can I can take your order?" she asked politely, putting her pen to the little black note pad in her hand.

We all ordered quickly, mustering up smiles after what we had just heard. I didn't know why this story was making my heart ache so bad. It was tragic, but there was something more... something I was missing.

After the waitress walked away, our eyes shot back to Gregory's, waiting anxiously to hear the story.

"Are you sure you want to know? It might break your soft little hearts," he teased with an evil looking smirk on his face and his hazel eyes sparkled.

I knew he was joking but I actually wasn't sure. If it was making me feel this sad without even knowing much about it, I wasn't sure I really wanted to know what happened. I didn't know what I would do if Jazz or Spence died. I think I would be lost forever too.

"She was murdered," Gregory told us before letting us respond to his teasing. My heart stopped in my chest, devastated.

"Murdered?" Chloe and I both gasped at the same time.

Gregory nodded his head nonchalantly and yawned, picking at the napkin on the table. "Yep, murdered. Sucks, huh?" he mumbled.

"The poor thing," Chloe whispered, looking over at me with wide, miserable eyes. I nodded sadly in agreement. I felt tears coming to my eyes suddenly. Who would murder her? Why? I thought he said that they were good people.... That's so terrible... it's heartbreaking.

"Yeah, it's tough," Gregory agreed. "Ruined him forever." His eyes came up and met mine. "I don't think anyone could ever save him. He's too far gone."

His eyes were menacing and a bit taunting. It was one of those times where I thought there might be a double meaning to his words, but I had no idea what.

"No one's ever too far gone," I disagreed quietly, looking down at my hands. Everyone could be saved. There was always a chance. All they had to do was hope and have people there to believe in them.

Gregory didn't reply to my words this time. I saw his jaw clench and he looked down at the table, picking at the napkin again. Maybe he disagreed. He had a very negative way of looking at life.

His phone began to ring then and he excused himself from the table.

Chloe and I were very silent, both of us in deep thought. I wondered if she was thinking about the girl and guy from that story like I was... I had this huge urge to find out who he was so I could find him and help him in any way that I could. My heart went out to this stranger.

I knew I couldn't though. I didn't know him. I couldn't help him. But that thought made me miserable.

Eventually Gregory came back and Chloe and I came out of our thoughts and we ate lunch. We spoke of a lot lighter topics like our jobs and school, but I had a feeling that sad story was going to be in the back of my mind for a long time. I heard about stories like that all the time on the news, but when it was told by someone you know, I guess it was different.

After lunch, Gregory headed back out of the mall for a smoke and Chloe and I headed over to the bathrooms.

As we were headed that way though, I felt someone come up behind us and suddenly there was a hand over my eyes.

"Who is the best boyfriend and big brother in the world?" I heard the voice say happily and a grin came over my face. Oh, I had no idea who this guy was at all.

"Brad Pitt?" Chloe teased Nick with a chuckle. Nick let his hands drop and I turned to see him looking dejected.

"Brad Pitt? Really? You like the old ones...? That's kind of gross, sweetheart," Nick told her in all seriousness.

"Apparently I like the young ones," Chloe corrected him, walking over and wrapping her arms around him. While they greeted each other, I turned around, searching for my own slightly younger boyfriend.

I quickly found him, standing ten feet away, leaning against a wall looking like a Greek god. He was so casual in his jeans, jacket and sunglasses. He didn't even have to try to look so gorgeous, he just did naturally. Although my clothing tips did help him look like an even better god.

He slid his sunglasses off when he saw me looking and gave me a tight smile. Was he still upset about earlier?

I watched his eyes flicker around me, like he was looking for something, and then he walked forward.

"Hey, love," he murmured in the quietest but sweetest voice and pulled me into his chest.

Wait. Why were Nick and Jasper here? And what was he looking for? Oh my gosh! He better not be here spying on me or someone was about to get an ear full.

"Nick missed Chloe, so we decided to go on an adventure to find you two," Jasper whispered, answering my thoughts as if he could sense it.

"Oh. Is he feeling okay?" I asked, pulling back from his hug. I could see the answer in Jasper's eyes. They were full of sadness and stress.

"I don't know. I've never seen him so shaken up by a dream," Jasper explained, his eyebrows coming together in frustration. He reached up and tucked a stray hair behind my ear, looking in deep thought. "He's having the nightmare I've been having for a long time."

My heart ached. "You've been having nightmares, Jazz? Why didn't you wake me up? We could have talked about it or something," I said hurriedly, trying to reassure him that I didn't know and that I would have been there for him if he needed me. I was an expert on nightmares.

Jasper placed his finger over my lips and shook his head. "There's no need to wake you up. I calm down the instant I see your beautiful face sleeping so soundly beside me."

How was he always so cute?!

I melted back into his chest, hugging him tightly. I didn't want him to have nightmares and I didn't want Nick to have them either. Maybe they should start taking sleeping pills like me. They worked. It could help them.

Oh crap! I suddenly realized that Gregory would be walking in to meet us at any second. I kept Jazz pinned to me with one hand and slipped the other into my jacket, pulling my cell out.

_The boyfriends showed up unexpectedly. What do we do?__  
__-A_

"Darling," Jasper started, again sounding broken down and very upset. "I'm sorry about how I acted earlier. I know this is all new to you and you don't have to tell me everything. I overreacted. Can you forgive me?" He pulled back from my embrace slowly, meeting my eyes with his pure blue eyes. They reflected so much love at me and I was the one who should have been apologizing. I had lied straight to his face and I was still lying and here Jasper was, apologizing for being a little upset about me lying to him. I felt like I was taking advantage of his love for me.

"It's okay. I forgive you. I'm sorry too," I whispered, looking down at my feet, not able to accept the love in his eyes. I didn't deserve that.

"Can we seal that with a kiss?" Jasper asked me and I could hear that breathtaking smile on his lips. I could definitely do that.

My head snapped up and my eyes drifted straight to those perfect pink lips of his. I watched his tongue dart out of his mouth and run across his bottom lip, getting ready for our kiss and almost died. I felt sudden urges I had only ever felt for Spencer.

Oh goodness. I looked away from Jasper quickly. Spencer. Don't think about Jazz that way. How would Spencer feel? He would die if he knew that.

No. No, I could think of Jasper that way. He was my boyfriend now. Spencer wasn't.

A seizure-like occurrence ran through my body, shaking it. I hadn't felt such an overwhelming feeling in a really long time. Spencer and Jasper both in my head. The two sides of my heart battling one another. It wasn't like I was going to do anything with Jazz right here in the mall, but I had still thought it. Even if it had only been for a second. I had thought about him that way....

"Are you all right, love? Look at me." He coaxed my chin up, concern painting his eyes as he looked into mine. I could still feel myself shaking.

"Is it your head? Does it hurt? Do we need to go to the doctor or the hospital? Do you need to sit down? Tell me what you need, Alice." His words shot at me rapidly. I could hear his voice shaking now.

"N-no. I was just.... Thoughts caught me off guard. I'm sorry. I'm okay." I struggled to get the words out, my head starting to pound at the raging thoughts that were fighting inside of it. Sometimes the love triangle thing was too much for me. Way too much. I didn't know how I handled it....

"We'll sit," Jasper said, starting to walk me to a bench. I nodded, agreeing to whatever he said.

"Ali?" It was Nick's turn to get worried. He was at my side in a matter of seconds. His arm draped across my shoulders as he sat down beside me for support as Jasper knelt down in front of me, keeping his eyes locked with mine, searching them.

"I'm fine," I told them all in a stronger voice this time, straightening up in my seat.

Jasper cocked an eyebrow at me, telling me to save it. He knew me better than that.

I laughed at his look and reached out for his hands and he gladly gave them to me.

"Just give me that kiss and let's go back to shopping. That's the best medicine I could ever receive," I smiled brightly at him, looking back down at those oh so kissable lips of his. I watched them smile widely and move in, getting closer and closer to my face. Then they were there, pressing against mine and my heart stopped beating. My breath disappeared. I forgot where I was as his lips sucked gently on my bottom lip.

The thoughts of anything and everything that had happened to me were blank in this moment. It was just Jasper and me. I kept my fingers linked with his, feeling more complete and content than ever.

"I love you," Jasper whispered against my lips, sending a shiver running down my spine.

I nodded in acknowledgment and kissed him again. I just needed to feel him right now.

"Oh God," Nick sighed and I felt his arm leave my shoulder. I couldn't help but giggle at his annoyed words as I pulled away from Jasper. Nick was glaring at us darkly and I saw Chloe smiling in amusement at him.

"It's like I disappear sometimes, sweetheart. I swear, they just forget I exist and start making out. I could be standing in front of them doing the hokey pokey naked and they wouldn't even know it." Nick ranted, getting off of the bench and walking over to Chloe grumpily.

She raised an amused eyebrow. "The hokey pokey naked?"

"Such a baby," I teased Nick before leaning down to give Jazz one more peck on the lips before he helped me stand up.

The phone vibrated against me at that moment and I slipped it out of my pocket.

_Ok. I'll head home.__  
__Text me later so I can bring your stuff over.__  
__-Gregory_

Oh crap. All of our shopping bags were in Gregory's car.

"Something seems wrong here. Where are all the shopping bags that I usually have to drag around the mall, love?"

Wow, couldn't he stop doing that! He was always reading my mind.... It was just like he was chilling in my head....

Chloe's eyes widened and looked over at me, not knowing what we were going to say.

I shrugged. "We haven't really found anything good yet."

Jasper and Nick's jaws dropped to the floor.

"Shut up," I grumbled, shoving them both playfully. It wasn't that rare, was it?

"This is the biggest mall in New York, Alice. How could _you_ have been here all morning and found nothing?" Nick gaped at me in disbelief.

I rolled my eyes and cuddled into Jasper's chest. "I had other things on my mind," I purred, looking up at Jazz through my eyelashes.

Jasper smirked deliciously and looked down at me, filling my heart with his eternal love.

"See! Look how they do that?!" Nick joked in annoyance. I heard him huff and I chuckled, knowing my plan had worked. It was so easy to get him sometimes.

Chloe rubbed Nick's back soothingly and shook her head at me, holding back a smile. But I could see a sadness in her eyes and I knew it was because I had just lied to them. More than once too.

Again, I questioned myself. Why was I lying? Should I just tell them and call it a day? Would they really care that much?

Me hanging out with a random guy who smokes pot, drives fast, has a knife just laying on his living room table, and doesn't believe in love? Yeah... yeah they would care.

For the first time, I realized that it _did _sound sort of bad. But I wanted to give Gregory the benefit of the doubt.... I wanted to believe in the good in him.

"Well, we'd better get Alice some stuff before she dies or something...." Nick mumbled, wrapping his arm around Chloe's waist, sending me a glare, but I knew that he was enjoying this. It was a good thing that they had shown up. Even if that meant that I wasn't going to see Gregory anymore today and that my bags were going to be stuck in his car until I could sneak them into the apartment.

It was a very good thing. Nick and Chloe were happy... and Jazz was here with me. And we were happy, too. I couldn't help but be happy around him... I... I loved him....

_JPOV_

That nagging feeling in the back of my mind had returned. It brought me straight back to our days in Forks, during the weeks where Alice had started lying to me about where she had been and with whom--the times she had snuck out or I when I had heard suspicious noises in the background when we were on the phone.

She was lying to me again. I could feel it in my veins. I could see it in her eyes. She could try to hide it as much as she wanted, but I could read her now. I knew the look she got when she was lying. She would avoid my eyes. She could look at my face, but not straight into my eyes. She knew I'd call her out.

Lying was a skill and she knew both Nick and I were experts at it. She had to be careful.

What came along with her lies, though, was separation. Just like when she had lied to me in Forks, it was like a wall had been put between us. And it hurt.

I knew sometimes Alice just needed space-- especially now when she was so confused about everything. But I needed to be able to trust her and honestly, I couldn't sometimes. Alice didn't always see the bad in people and that was a serious problem. It was like what had happened with Mack... she wanted to believe that deep down, he was good, despite the bad things he had done.

I knew Mack was back to being good now. He was trying to fix his life and had even helped me when I was in Forks. But he had taken my angel and practically put a gun to her head. Thank God he had taken that bullet for her or I would have made sure that he....

I stopped the thought there, knowing I should not get into those kind of thoughts.

I had to let go of this irritated feeling. I had been trying to all day, really. After Alice and Chloe had left, Nick and I had been pretty silent. We were both wallowing in our own problems, but I knew I had to grow up and start resolving stuff.

Something had definitely been wrong with Nick and I had a feeling he needed to talk to me about it, so I had given in and asked him about it.

I nudged his arm with mine, getting his attention. His head turned slowly, taking his eyes off of the football game on the screen. I knew he hadn't really been watching it. If I had asked him the score right now, he wouldn't have any idea.

"You okay?" I asked him, giving him a concerned look.

Nick let out a long, loud breath and rubbed the back of his neck. That was a giveaway that something was wrong, right there with the neck rub.

"Are you and Chloe doing okay?" I questioned, hoping that it wasn't a problem with Chloe because that wouldn't be good at all. Their kind of relationship was still new to Nick and I had no idea what would happen if he lost her. It would probably be something like what I had done when I lost Alice: ran away from the problem.

Nick shook his head quickly, dismissing that question. "No. We're fine. We're great," he assured me, beginning to nod his head now.

"It's just this dream I had last night...." Nick started, grabbing the TV remote and putting it on mute. Okay, this must be serious. I turned in my seat towards him, giving him my full attention.

"I woke up hearing this really loud scream. The like-- terrified, horror movie type screams, you know? But I got up to check anyways, because Chloe wasn't in bed with me and I had this really bad feeling. It made me feel alert... like when know you're being followed." I knew he used that example because of what could happen when we were in the gang, but out of Forks. It was dangerous for us to be alone when we went out of town. If other gangs saw you and recognized you, they would follow you and trap you for being in their area. It had happened to me before.

"So, I went looking and I found Chloe in the kitchen. A-And Greg was there. He was holding Chloe there with a knife. He was touching her cheek and talking about her with that tone.... I thought he was going to kill her, Jasper!" Nick's eyes met mine, wide and terrified. It was the eyes of the innocent little boy I had met years ago, before all of this had happened. His eyes were torn and scared to death.

No wonder it was such a bad dream. I knew the dreams I had where Greg would hurt Alice always terrified me. Especially since the situation _had_ happened and proved that he did have the power to get her.

"He didn't kill her though.... He just showed her all this stuff. He showed her my past. The murders and the girls! You should have seen her face, man. It was like she was actually scared of me. Or she was disgusted by me or _something_! It was so bad. She left, too, after he showed her. I tried to stop her and beg for forgiveness or tell her I had changed. I would have done anything, but she just walked out. She doesn't want the real me." Nick's voice broke at that moment and his eyes began to get misty with tears.

"You mean she _didn't_ want the real you, Nick," I corrected him sternly. "It was just a dream-- a nightmare. It takes your fears and mixes them all up into a vision that horrifies you. It's not going to happen. We won't let it happen. Greg will never come near any of us again," I promised him, grabbing his shoulder, making him look into my eyes. I would never let that psychopath near Chloe, or Nick, or especially Alice. He would never be around again.

I was pretty sure he wouldn't even try it though. We had taken him by surprise when Mack had traded sides on him. I think the moment Mack jumped in front of that bullet for Alice, Greg knew that his fight was over. He didn't have the power anymore. That must have killed him, not having the power for once.

Nick nodded, looking pained. "I know. I know. It's just... what if he did? And more importantly, what if Chloe really doesn't want the real me?" Nick wondered aloud, giving me a totally honest, vulnerable look.

"Nick, who are you really? Tell me who the real you is. I'm pretty sure the real you wasn't the guy fighting those fights. This is you, right now, living in New York, in a great relationship and getting an education. That's you. There is no other you. Back in Forks... that was the _old_ you, Nick."

It was the truth. I knew that the people we were in Forks were only who we were while we were searching for our true selves. Confusing, right? But true. It was us being lost. We were just trying to find what was missing. And we did, with Alice and Chloe. They helped us bring our true selves out....

Nick's eyes softened at my words, like it was a totally new realization for him. "You think so?" His words were barely a whisper, taken by surprise.

I leaned back into the couch. "Yeah I do. And don't start thinking about the 'what ifs.' It's a waste of time," I mumbled, turning the TV off of mute because I knew he would want to think now. I gave him something pretty serious to think about.

I knew exactly how he felt though. There was still a part of me that was afraid--even now--that when Alice saw the real me, she might leave. There was only so much I could tell her about Forks. It was different actually seeing me angry and losing control. She had forgotten all of that when she had lost her memory. She didn't know who I used to be anymore. She knew from my words, but not from her own thoughts and experiences.

I was trying not to dwell on the 'what ifs' either, though....

We sat watching TV and ordered pizza and wings for lunch, but eventually I decided it was time to find the girls--pretty much because Nick kept checking his phone for messages and texts. I got the hint after the fiftieth time and asked him if he wanted to go surprise them somewhere.

I was kind of interested in who Alice was with, too. It must have been someone interesting if she felt she had to lie to me about it. Was she still seeing Spencer and didn't want me to know? It wouldn't make sense... he still didn't seem to be comfortable around her, and I knew she was upset about that sometimes.... Plus, why would she feel she needed to hide him from me?

So naturally, when we found the girls at the mall with no one else in sight, it made my suspicions rise even more. I quickly shoved those feelings away, though, because I knew it was time to make up. I didn't want to be mad at Alice and I didn't want her to feel like I didn't trust her. We were finally back together and after all we had been through I thought that we could get over a little problem like this. I was sorry for even getting irritated. It wasn't worth it.

Thankfully, Alice accepted my apology and she was sorry too. And that meant we were able to spend the rest of the day together. It was a lot better than football and pizza.

We went shopping and picked up a few things, less than what Alice usually bought, but more than I normally would. After that, we all went out for dinner like we had planned this morning. It had been a nice dinner, now that Alice, Nick, Chloe and I were all back together and hanging out. None of us were fighting either, which was great. There wasn't any tension like there had been this morning.

After dinner, Davis had called me to tell me that his plane was leaving in three hours for Texas. He was heading back home today. It had been nice having my dad around for a while. It had been rough at the start because he hadn't called. I had just written him off, thinking he had gotten sick of me again and had stopped caring. He had come back into my life and then had disappeared again.

But I had been wrong. He was still here for me and he promised he would try more from now on. I was holding him to that. I needed a father. I didn't need more drama or pain... I just needed my dad.

I was sad he had to go so soon, though. I had had a few good days with him. We had time to throw a few footballs around, and Davis, Alice and I had even gone out for lunch. I had felt really good about that because it made me feel hopeful when Alice was able to be with people from our past--people like Mack and Davis. I hoped that things about those people would spark some memory in her.

In a little while, all of us--Nick, Chloe, Alice and I--were going to meet Davis at the airport to say goodbye and wish him a good flight. I was thinking that maybe this summer Alice and I might go down to Texas to visit him, if Alice wanted to. I had never seen his house before.

It would be good to go down to see him.

With Alice, Nick and my dad, it actually felt like we were starting to become a family-- a better family than I had ever had.

**Author's Note: They didn't die...? Awww! Maybe next time. Lol. What did you all think of that it? Tell us in a review. We love feed back!**

**Also, new thing, during the week there is not only a teaser quote on twitter, there will now be a teaser picture & quote on the blog. The teaser quote may come up Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday, depending on the week. So just keep checking in, or follow the blog, or follow me on twitter and I will say when it is up. **

**Have a great day/night everyone! :D**


	39. Chapter 39

**Author's Note: Hey everyone! We are back to our regular scheduled time. Here is your weekly update of Forgotten Hope! Enjoy. **

Forgotten Hope Chapter 39-

_APOV_

Christmas time was finally here! The last few days seemed to draw on incredibly slower than usual because of my anticipation for Christmas. I was practically shaking with excitement last night.

Christmas Eve had been really nice and we had gone all out for it. Jasper, Nick, Chloe and I had watched a couple of Christmas movies and sang some Christmas carols (after some begging from my part).

Earlier in the day, we had taken some time to make Christmas goodies! Nick had baked some gingerbread cookies--with a little assistance from Chloe--and then Jasper and I goofed around and had a lot of laughs decorating the cute little gingerbread men.

After our movies, baking and Christmas carols, everyone was beginning to look tired. We gave into the exhaustion when Nick started dozing off on the couch mid-sentence. Everyone parted ways, heading to bed, except for me. I tucked Jasper in and headed to my fashion room. There was no way I was going to fall asleep so early with all the excitement that was packed into my rather small body. It was probably enough excitement for a hundred children on Christmas day.

I never could fall asleep on Christmas. It was a problem I had had since I was a kid. Every Christmas I would lie in bed after my parents had tucked me in and just wait. I never could sleep though. I used to be really afraid that if I didn't get to sleep, Santa wouldn't come and bring me presents. You know, since he knows when you are sleeping or awake? I had actually cried one year when I couldn't fall asleep. My mom had to come in and assure me that as long as I was in bed, being a good girl, I would get my presents.

With the exception of not crying, I hadn't changed since then. I just accepted that I wouldn't be getting much sleep on Christmas Eve.

So tonight, I had decided to head to my fashion room to finish wrapping Jazz's present for tomorrow. I had put a lot of thought into his present... it had been really hard. When I asked him for hints of what he might want, he just got incredibly cute and kissed me, saying I was all he ever needed.

That was not very helpful at all. So I talked to Nick and then called Mack, asking them both for advice. Eventually came up with an idea. It wasn't expensive...it was actually something I had made myself. I knew there was nothing I could buy him in the store that he didn't already have and I wanted it to be perfect.

I wrapped it up in a little box and began to skillfully wrap a bow around it. After about ten minutes of changing the bow style around, trying to make it perfect, I finally got it to the way I liked it. I smiled approvingly and sat back into my cushioned desk chair.

But then I frowned, realizing that was the only thing I had left to do today. Jasper and I had wrapped all the rest of the presents earlier. I sighed. I should have left something for me to do tonight. I should have expected this.

I drummed my fingers on my desk for a moment before taking a pencil and grabbing one of my sketch books. I flipped it open to a blank page and for once, instead of drawing a new design, I drew something more familiar. Something I hadn't created. I drew Jasper. Not just Jasper though. I drew Jasper and me together.

I had never really drawn anything that wasn't fashion. My drawings were always new designs, but that wasn't what was on my mind right now. It was just Jasper.

My pencil flew across the page, shading all the right parts. I put the most work into his eyes. Even though they weren't a big part of the picture, they were a big part of us. His eyes were what connected us. His eyes were what stared into my soul, entering me, completing me. His eyes saw my mind. His eyes saw right through me, knowing how I worked, how I felt, what I needed. Those sparkling light blue eyes were something I was falling deeply in love with.

No, screw falling. I was already completely in love with those eyes.

I couldn't capture all the complexity of his eyes in a picture. I knew that was impossible. But once I had finally finished his eyes, getting them as good as I ever would, I moved onto the rest of the picture. I drew us lying in bed. My chin was resting gently on his chest, looking up at him. He was looking down at me, as always, watching me closely. I could almost feel the passion through the picture. I drew it exactly how I saw it every night.

I etched onto his chest the scars that I had memorized, smiling softly at them. Jasper would never be complete without his scars. I couldn't even picture Jasper without them. I knew it wasn't right that he had scars... he didn't deserve any of those. Not one of them. But he also wouldn't look right to me without them. They were a part of him that I admired, because they showed how he went through hell and still came through it. He made it through the worst part of his life and could still smile today.

The thought of his smile moved me up to his face. I gently attempted to sketch his perfect, full lips onto the picture. His eyes were smiling in this picture. A soft, drowsy smile... the one I saw every night when he looked down at me. In the picture, I was obviously still awake, bubbling with excitement, and he was tired from all of his school work and football. He was never too tired to give me that smile though.

I took my time on the picture, losing myself in the tranquility of it. It made me feel good and right and just at peace.

When I finished, I signed the bottom corner of the picture and leaned back in my chair, just staring. He was so beautiful. It wasn't just his physical beauty either, though there was a lot of that. It was his emotional beauty too. The inside of him. It was too beautiful for someone who had gone through a life full of so much evil. It didn't seem possible to me.

But leave it to Jasper to do the impossible.

I decided that I would include the picture in his gift because I liked it and I thought he would too. That resulted in me unwrapping the present and wrapping it all over again in a new little box. It was a good thing I still had some left.

Once I had the bow on perfectly, again, I felt a presence behind me. From the electric current that formed around me, and the pleasant goosebumps prickling all over my skin, I knew that it was Jasper entering the room.

I saw his eyes half-lidded, too tired to be open fully. He stumbled over to me, lazily reaching his hand out to me without a word.

I smiled at his tired state and took his hand. He surprised me by pulling me tightly against him and leaning down to nuzzle his face into my neck adoringly. "I love you darling," he slurred, his accent coating his words.

I hummed in response, reaching up to run my hands through his thick blonde curls. I felt his form getting heavy after a few moments of me stroking his hair and I realized it was putting him to sleep.

"Let's get you to bed," I chuckled, taking my hand away from his head before he fell asleep right here. I knew I wasn't strong enough to get him back to bed.

"Are you coming to bed?" he murmured. I could hardly understand the words, but after a minute of thinking it through, I realized what he had said.

"I'm coming to bed with you, Jazz," I assured him, knowing a simple yes would not have done it. He probably would have forgotten the question from how tired he was.

Jasper just nodded and let me out of his embrace, but kept my hand tightly in his. I held his arm, trying to help him balance as we walked. I couldn't help but let a small giggle escape my lips. He was so funny when he was tired. He had no idea what he was doing.

Jasper glared darkly at my amusement, but was too tired to defend himself. He flopped down onto the bed and curled himself under the blankets.

Sometimes he looked like a little boy to me. I knew he was really the strong man that I saw everyday, but sometimes, only for a few moments, I would see glimpses of this little boy. A boy who didn't hide his weaknesses or fears. He was open and vulnerable. It saddened me and made me smile at the same time.

I followed Jasper, slipping under the covers. Jasper was instantly right beside me and I placed my head onto his chest. His strong arm wrapped around me.

I smiled and imitated the picture for a moment, resting my chin gently on his chest, looking up at him. And there it was. His exhausted smile shined down at me. The sparkling light blue eyes lavished me with all of his love and adoration. Beautiful.

"Goodnight, Jazz," I whispered, leaning up to give him a chaste kiss on the lips.

He returned it willingly and nodded, too tired to reply. His eyes drifted shut almost immediately after I pulled away from his lips and he was out.

I shook my head in amusement and placed my head back onto his chest, closing my eyes to the even breathing that came from Jasper. The rhythm of his chest rising and falling and the sounds of his breathing were both a lullaby and a comfort that surprisingly put me to sleep.

This Christmas I had finally found a way to fall asleep.

_JPOV_

"Jazz!" I heard a familiar squeal come through my subconscious. I vaguely felt myself being shaken and bravely peeked through my eyelashes to see what was happening.

Alice was leaning over me with the biggest grin, her eyes on fire with excitement. "Wake up!"

I rolled over, bringing my arm up to yank her back down on the bed as well. I crushed her into my chest, nuzzling her neck adoringly.

"Not yet," I mumbled. I wasn't sure if she would be able to hear what I said because my voice was so slurred from exhaustion. I didn't understand why I was so tired. I hadn't played football all throughout the holiday break. Maybe it was all the shopping and preparations for Christmas. I had never been responsible for buying people presents before. It was a new thing for me.

I had actually been ready to make plans to get Alice out of the apartment for a while so I could shop for her present, but I never had to.... She was already out most of the time. When we weren't doing something together, she'd disappear. I had no idea where that girl went.

I was still trying to keep the suspicious phone call I had overheard from her out of my head. It wasn't my business. Maybe it had been her mom. Maybe they had gone there first?

That didn't explain their lack of a vehicle though. When we were heading out of the mall that day, it turned out Alice's Porsche was still at the apartment. She claimed that they had taken a taxi. I didn't understand why Alice would give up a chance to drive her car though. She loved her Porsche....

Again, it wasn't my business. And it had been to my advantage since I could slip out of the apartment to go shopping without her even noticing my absence. I had successfully bought her a gift. I knew it wasn't much, but it was something. Something I thought might help her and something I hoped she'd enjoy as well. I was looking forward to giving it to her.

I was kind of nervous at the same time though. I had never spent a Christmas with Alice and I didn't know what her Christmases were usually like. They were probably big and elegant. Ours wouldn't be like that... I hoped she would be okay with that.

"Jazz!" I heard Alice pouting as she pulled herself out of my tight embrace. "It's Christmas! You have to get up now!" she whined, shaking me gently, but a big smile was still plastered across her face. She couldn't even manage to fully put her famous pout on her lips. She was smiling too much. It made a grin stretch over my lips too.

I reached my hand up and rang my thumb across her bottom lip. I might have looked a bit like I was swooning, but I didn't care.

Alice rolled her eyes at my look and leaned down, giving me what I wanted. She always knew.

Her lips pressed lightly against mine, kissing me. The kiss was much too short though. Seconds later she was up and out of bed with a teasing little smile on her lips.

"You can have another once we've opened gifts!" she called as she began to skip down the hall joyously. She was like the definition of Christmas cheer.

I groaned and rolled over, looking at the clock on the nightstand. 7 AM. You've got to be kidding me.... Well, now I knew why I was still exhausted....

I couldn't wait to see Nick's face when he saw the time. At least I was used to waking up early because of school. He always got to sleep in.

I got up and headed to the closet, grabbing the closest shirt I could find, since Chloe was here. I still wasn't exactly comfortable with other people seeing my scars. Plus it wasn't very polite to walk around half naked with visitors in the house.

I dragged my heavy feet across the hall to see Alice bouncing around the kitchen as Chloe, who was fully dressed and wide awake, cooked some pancakes on the griddle in the kitchen. I felt a bit of guilt that she was making our breakfast even though she was the guest and walked into the kitchen quickly.

"I can take care of those," I drawled, my eyes squinting against the light of the kitchen.

Chloe chuckled at the sight of me half asleep and shook her head.

"It's probably safer if I do it. You look like you might fall asleep on the job," she assured me, patting my arm.

I chuckled, letting it go because she was most likely right. I didn't want to have a burnt face for Christmas.

"Jazz!" Alice squealed for the second time this morning and I looked up at her, matching her happy smile.

"Yes, love?" I asked her, walking over to see her standing at the window, staring out it longingly. I wrapped my arms around her waist and leaned down, resting my chin on her shoulder. She sighed at my embrace, laying her hands lightly on my arms.

"It's so pretty outside," she whispered in awe.

I peeked up outside the window to see the light snow on the ground and traffic as crazy as usual. To me it just looked like a normal day on the streets of New York. It was still too early to be very bright... the sun was just coming up. But I knew things were always different in Alice's eyes. She saw the good in everything. I suppose if she could see the good in me she could definitely see the good in a morning in New York.

I hummed in agreement though.

We were silent for a minute, taking in the sight of the city. I breathed her in deeply, cherishing the feeling of her in my arms. All that was heard was the flipping of Chloe's pancakes.

"I talked to my mom this morning," Alice informed me quietly.

I was glad to hear this news because I knew that Alice and her mom were not exactly on speaking terms right now. Anytime I saw Charlotte she was always wearing a mask of bitterness and resentment. At first I thought it was because of me being there, but I had seen her looking at Alice that way too. It wasn't right.

I knew it sucked because I wasn't the picture-perfect boyfriend or anything. That was what Charlotte wanted for Alice. Actually I think the only thing that would please Charlotte was Spencer. I understood that, but it didn't mean she had to shun Alice.

Alice was the one she should be caring about most. Not Spencer. Spencer wasn't her son. Alice_ was _her daughter though. She was what was important. I hated seeing it, but I didn't want to say anything. I knew I'd only end up making thing worse.

"About what?" I asked her just as quietly. I wondered how early she must have woken up to have already had a phone call with her mom. I guess her mom knew about Alice's excitement about Christmas, though. She'd know that she was up.

"She wanted us to come over this morning for presents, but I told her we were celebrating Christmas with Nick and Chloe here," she explained, rubbing my wrists gently. I had a feeling she trying to make sure I didn't feel guilty about making her miss her Christmas with her family. If she wanted to go there, I would have.

"We can drop by later, if you want," I offered openly. I had no problem with visiting them. I always had a great time talking to Dan. He was a good guy--the total opposite of his wife. I didn't understand how some people came to be together, but I guess it proved the saying true that opposites attract.

I guess Alice and I were pretty different, too. I'm sure people wondered about us. Maybe it was a similar thing.

"Actually..." Alice paused to turn around in my arms. I held her loosely around the waist, cocking an eyebrow curiously at her. I knew that meant she had already agreed to something.

Alice chuckled at my look and gave me that adoring look that would make me agree to anything. "Mom was wondering if we could come over for Christmas dinner. She invited Chloe and Nick too."

I highly doubted that Charlotte had offered for all of us to come, but went along with it.

"That sounds good. We'll talk to Chloe and Nick about it," I agreed with a nod.

"Talk to Chloe and Nick about what?" Nick grumbled, walking into the room right on cue. He was rubbing his eyes tiredly and leaned against the wall for support.

Alice pecked my lips before slipping out of my embrace to say good morning to Nick. I watched her hug him happily and smile at him.

"We wanted to know if you'd like to join us for Christmas dinner at my parents' house," Alice informed him with a look I knew he couldn't resist, even if he wanted to.

Nick surprised me though when his eyes flickered over to Chloe. "Sweetheart?" he asked her first.

I smiled, proud that he had thought to ask her before answering. He was so absurd sometimes, thinking he couldn't be good enough. A lot of boyfriends wouldn't have the decency to see what their girlfriends thought first.

"If you want to," Chloe kind of avoided the real question, leaving the decision to Nick.

Nick rolled his eyes at her answer. "Sure," he mumbled though, giving Alice a tired smile.

"Is your crush going to be there, Nick?" I heard Chloe chuckle from the kitchen.

Oh right. Spencer.

My eyes flickered straight to Alice's. She didn't seem to put two and two together though. She just laughed and skipped into the kitchen to Chloe.

_Would_ he be there for dinner? I wasn't sure if the Wrights came over for Christmas dinner. Maybe they had their own dinner without the Cullens? I doubted it though. The two families seemed to do everything together.

I grimaced at the thought of being in a room with Spencer all night. He was a good guy. Better than good. He treated Alice like gold, but he just.... He loved my girlfriend and it made me uncomfortable. I was too afraid to lose her again. I didn't think I'd make it if she really didn't want me at all. I knew the other reason she wasn't with me before was because she didn't remember me. But if she had experienced our relationship and then decided to leave me, I would probably just die.

I guess that was how Spencer felt though....

Sometimes I hated the pity that I always had for him. It was because I understood, but I didn't want to. I wanted to be able to hate him and tell him to stay away. I couldn't though.

Whatever. I'd suck it up for the day. I was going to be spending the whole time with my beautiful girlfriend anyways. It'd be worth it.

I headed into the kitchen and we all ate Chloe's delicious pancakes for Christmas breakfast. Nick and Chloe might even be tied for their talent at making pancakes.

The moment the last piece of pancake was off Alice's plate, she was out of her chair and in the living room. Everyone laughed and finished their own plates quickly, so Alice wouldn't come back where we'd all have to face her wrath.

I rinsed my plate off and left it in the sink before walking to the living room to see Alice bouncing up and down on the couch. She couldn't even sit still. I started to tease her:

"So I was thinking maybe we could go for a walk and then take our showers before opening presents. That way we are awake and can really cherish the moment—"

Alice cut me off before I could finish and glared darkly at me.

"I'm awake and cherishing," she stated firmly, but she couldn't keep a serious face for long. She was quickly a ball of happiness again, bouncing off the walls, ready for presents.

I walked over to the Christmas tree we had put up a few days ago and grabbed Alice's present from under it. Alice was eyeing me the whole time, waiting excitedly on the couch for her present. She bounced off after a second though and I saw her grab a present from under the tree too. I guessed that was mine.

Chloe and Nick went to Alice's fashion room because Chloe said her present for Nick was in there. I smiled as I watched them walking away, knowing exactly what she had got for him--he was going to love it. I knew exactly why she had kept it in Alice's fashion room.

I plopped down on the couch and Alice came and sat cross-legged beside me. She was facing me and reached out to hand me her present. I took it with a smile and in return handed mine to hers.

I leaned myself forward quickly though and stole a kiss. Alice giggled and her eyes shone. I prayed that those eyes would never lose their light. They were made to shine like that.

"Open mine first," I murmured quietly with a tight smile. I was now starting to get nervous about how she would feel about the present. "It's kind of a themed gift...." I informed her in an uncertain mumble as she began to unwrap the present.

Once the box was unwrapped, I watched her reach into it and grab something. I held my breath, wondering what the first thing she grabbed would be.

Her hand came out of the box with a leather journal. I watched her run her hand over the front of it, taking it in slowly. Her fingers ran up the cover and came to the inscribed writing that said 'Memories'.

"I-it's to write down everything you remember... that way you can see everything you remember and maybe it will help you piece it all together...." I explained shakily, hoping she would like it.

I didn't want to seem like I was trying desperately to get her memories back, even though I kind of was. I really didn't mind so much. I knew we would live happily ever after with or without those memories....

But I really wanted her to remember. I wanted her to feel the powerful emotions I first felt when I saw her and when she touched me. I wanted her to remember the Hope we brought to each other. I longed for it so much.

"It's perfect, Jazz," Alice whispered so quietly I could hardly make it out. But once I knew for certain those were her words, a grin flashed across my face. She liked it.

"Do you think it'll help?" she asked me honestly, wide eyed. I knew she was just as eager to get her memories back as I was. She opened the journal and fingered the pages gently.

"I hope so," I answered her sincerely. I didn't know if it would, but it was worth a shot....

"Me too!" Alice's head bobbed up and down and I saw her eyes start to get a far off look as if she was getting into a deep thought.

"There's more, darling," I told her quickly before I lost her. Alice's eyes snapped to mine and then back down to the gift with a soft smile on her lips. She placed the journal on her lap and I saw her grab the other part of the gift. She pulled an envelope out of the bottom of the box and gave me a curious look.

"Open it up!" I grinned, starting to feel a bit giddy.

Alice giggled and began to open the envelope. A second later she was pulling out two tickets. Her eyes squinted, intrigued, and I saw her read the tickets.

"Forks," she read aloud.

My stomach tightened, nervous again. "Yeah, it goes with the journal. I was hoping that maybe when we're in Forks something will spark your memory. And then we can write the memories down in the book...." I explained, reaching forward to pick up the journal, fiddling with it nervously.

Alice's eyes widened in realization and then she lit up like a light bulb. "That's such a great idea, Jazz! I've been remembering random little stuff lately. Maybe if we're there I'll remember even more!" She was bouncing with excitement again, looking down passionately at the tickets in her hands.

Suddenly she pounced on top of me though, hugging me around the neck with such a tight grip that I actually thought she might choke me. I returned the hug, gently prying her arms off of my neck after a few moments.

"I'm glad you like it," I smiled, but again she was forward, crushing her lips to mine. I couldn't help but laugh against her lips, elated that she was so happy about my gift to her. I didn't know why I had been so worried.

"I _love_ it," she corrected me after that quick, passionate kiss.

My cheeks hurt from the grin that took over my face. I couldn't have been happier.

"Your turn!" Alice exclaimed, breaking me out of my trance of happiness. I had totally forgotten that I was getting a gift out of this. I looked down to my lap at the shiny silver box that was resting on my lap.

"Okay," I whispered, putting Alice's journal down on her lap. I noticed Alice's body become a little tense and her eyes watched me closely. Her hands were together, holding each other. She was nervous. I rolled my eyes to myself, knowing it was stupid to think I wouldn't like something that Alice had specifically picked out for me.

I gently untied the perfectly placed bow and slipped it off. I reached forward and placed it on the coffee table before leaning back into the couch and beginning to unwrap it. Alice's eyes were glued to my hands, watching me open the gift at a ridiculously slow speed. I think I was enjoying her nervous side. I didn't get to see it much.

After a few more second Alice snapped. "Open it!" she ordered me with a huff, shoving me gently.

I chuckled in amusement and ripped the last piece that was in the way of seeing the little gift box. I opened the lid and saw a folded up paper at the top. I took it out and gingerly unfolded whatever it was.

My jaw dropped when I saw the beautiful drawing before my eyes. It was a picture of Alice and me in bed, just gazing deeply into each other's eyes. The smiles on our faces mirrored the happiness in our eyes. It was exactly what I saw every night. I had no idea how she had expressed the feeling we had on a piece of paper. It was just...wow.

"It's incredible," I breathed, running my fingers very gently over it, making sure I didn't smudge the lead. I had no idea she could draw with such talent. I knew she could draw her designs, but I had never seen her draw anything but that. I should have known she could draw from the picture of my eyes that she had doodled on her sketchbook when we were still in high school. My eyes had so much detail in just a doodle....

Alice let out a relieved breath, but pointed back at the box, waiting for me to get the next thing. She was still stiff, so I had a feeling that this was the thing she was really worried about.

I reached down and picked up a small piece of material, but looked down to see a homemade, cloth bracelet. Curiously, I lifted it up more out of the box, seeing skilled lettering that was inscribed on the bracelet. Just one word: 'Hope'.

My lips twitched upwards as I stared at the word. How did she know? How did she know that Hope was the first thing I had felt when I met her? How did she know she was still my Hope? How did she know that word meant so much to me and this relationship? I was in awe of her.

I blinked incredulously.

Alice's eyes were instantly on mine, searching mine desperately for my opinion about her gift. How could I even tell her how perfect it was?

Before I could attempt to explain it, Alice began to ramble. "I know it's not much. I just I wanted to make you something special and I knew you already had so much here. You kept saying you didn't need anything, but I had to get you something and I wanted it to be personal so I asked Nick and Mack about how you felt about me back then and they both said you described it as finally having Hope. So, I thought maybe I would make you a bracelet since I can make things like that, you know? I added the word 'Hope' because I thought it was special to you...and it's special to me. It _is_ special, right? Was I wrong?" The doubt and fear in Alice was too much to take. I wouldn't even tease her.

"No," I whispered, shaking my head back and forth. "You're right. _So_ right." My breath was shaky as I ran my finger over the word. I could feel the Hope in my chest. It was still there. It had gotten me here. She had given me that Hope.

Alice's eyes burned into mine, full of intensity. "It's perfect. You couldn't have gotten me anything better," I assured her, looking back down at the bracelet. I lifted it up to her, silently asking her to put it on my wrist.

She quickly obliged. Her small hands took the bracelet out of mine and wrapped it around my wrist loosely. She tied it and kept my hand tightly in hers, gazing down at the bracelet. I watched her lift my hand and kiss the bracelet against my arm tenderly.

I sighed at the powerful tingles that shot up my arms from her kiss. I could never get enough of that tingly feeling. My heart was swelling and I quickly put everything that was on our laps on the ground and took her in my own lap. I held her close to my chest, breathing in her heavenly scent. She smelled just as sweet as ever.

"You are my Hope, Alice," I whispered into her ear before nipping at it playfully, earning a carefree giggle from her that ended with a sigh of contentment.

"You're my hope too, Jazz," I heard her reply in the quietest, sweetest voice.

I was almost surprised to hear the words. I had just been thinking about how much I wanted her to remember me so she could feel the Hope that we felt. But here she was feeling it without her memory. Our feelings for each other were so strong that she didn't even need to remember our relationship. She didn't need to remember everything we went through to be with me either. It was so incredible. _She_ was so incredible. I didn't understand after all the confusion how she could be so sure of us, but she was....

I turned her in my lap and she lifted herself up to straddle my thighs. "I love you, darling," I whispered huskily, leaning so close that the words had been said right against her lips.

Alice let out her hum of acknowledgment. It was what she had been doing in response to my 'I love yous' for a little while now. I knew she just wasn't ready to say the words and that was perfectly fine with me. I could feel her love radiating off of her. I could see it every time our eyes met each others. There was no denying it.

My lips met Alice's in a soft, sincere kiss. This was another place I could feel her love. In our kisses. She was giving me exactly what I was giving her. I knew she was just afraid to admit she was in love with someone so soon after Spencer. I didn't mind though. I was happy just here with her in my arms because I had Hope that she would remember. And even if she didn't, I knew she would be here forever with me anyways.

_NPOV_

_It was Christmas and I was about seven or eight. Even though Santa didn't bring an abundance of toys, he still came with some. And some new clothes, which I was never too thrilled about. I cherished the toy cars that I got that year though. I crashed them into the wall and each other, raced them, made them tour the living room into the kitchen... I was happy with what I had got that year._

_I didn't know that I still had another thing coming, though. This year was going to be one of the most special. _

_Grandpa was over, as well as some other relatives that we lost touch with ages ago. We were having Christmas dinner, and I was letting one of my younger cousins play with my green car, even though it was my favorite. I watched him carefully, making sure he didn't do anything to break it. _

_Kids break things though. And he did. _

_I know it was an accident, but I was still pretty upset that he let it zoom off of the kids table and onto the floor, where it proceeded to lose half of the wheels. _

_"Why'd you do that?!" I remember yelling, dropping to my knees to try to grab the pieces and put them back together. But I couldn't. _

_Frustrated, I felt tears start to well up in my eyes, blurring my vision. He had broken my favorite one!_

_"Nick what are you crying about? You have other cars!" my mom scolded from the adult table. "Hush."_

_I didn't want to Hush! He had broken it!_

_Before I could get myself worked up, however, my Grandpa was hovering over me. _

_"Nicky, I think it's time we had a talk," he said, his voice deep and gravelly. _

_To tell the truth, the man had terrified me as a child. He was tall and intimidating and had the lowest, calmest voice that I had ever heard in my whole seven years. It's strange how different we feel about people after we grow up and become taller than them...._

_Anyway, though, Gramps wanted to talk to me and I was scared into listening to him. He motioned for me to stand up and follow him, so I left my car broken on the floor and I followed. _

_He led me into the living room, away from everyone else, and asked me to sit down on the chair while he sat on the couch. Once again, I listened to him and sat on the couch, wondering if he was angry with me for being upset about my car. Was he going to yell at me? I had never heard him yell...._

_He took in a deep breath and then let it out slowly. "Nick, how old are you now, son?"_

_"Seven," I answered politely, looking down at my lap._

_"Look here," he requested, and I looked up into his deep brown eyes. I thought he was going to be mad, but he looked... kind of nice?_

_"Nick, you're seven years old now. You're almost a young man...." he started, but then shook his head. He surprised me when he laughed._

_"You're just a kid... but you have that... that look. Already. I don't know what to do about it." He wasn't making any sense to me, then. I was too young, so I just watched him curiously._

_"You know your parents love you, right?" he said suddenly._

_I looked away. I didn't know if they loved me. I had no clue if they did or not. I shrugged._

_"Nicky, you are a very special person. And no matter what, I want you to remember that, okay?"_

_"Okay," I nodded, agreeing immediately, even if I didn't understand what he meant. _

_He let out a breath, as if this was difficult for him, and then told me a story._

_"When I was a boy, about your age, my grandfather gave me something. It was a... like a charm bracelet. Do you know what that is?"_

_I nodded. Mommy had one. _

_"Good, good... he gave me a charm bracelet and he told me to keep it until I found someone who deserved it...someone I loved more than anything... more than I loved myself... and then to give it to that person. It had a bunch of charms on it... animals and coins and objects.... Now I thought that it was going to be easy to find someone to give it to... but it wasn't. I waited years and years and years... and when I met your grandmother, I gave her one of the charms. Just one, mind you. I gave her a teddy bear charm, because she was as sweet as a teddy bear, and she loved me," he tried to explain simply. _

_I fidgeted a little, but he reached out and took my hand, which made me realize this was serious. The only time he touched me was to hug me hello or goodbye._

_"I gave one charm to each person in my life who I felt truly deserved it. To people I thought were heroes, to people I believed in, to people I loved and trusted... I gave away the charms from the bracelet. All but two."_

_At that, he pulled out a bracelet. The bracelet. There were two charms left on it: an elephant and a tree._

_"There's an elephant and a tree left... the tree is grown, old, wise... it's been around for a long time... seen a lot of things. The elephant is young, the strongest mammal in the world, and one of the smartest, too. It's gentle and it has much potential...."_

_He slipped the elephant charm off of the bracelet. "Hold out your hand."_

_I was captivated, now. Entirely intrigued by his story. I held out my hand, my palm face up._

_He placed the elephant charm in my hand and folded my hand over it, so that I was holding it in my fist. I felt like I was holding something worth millions. _

_"Nicky, I'm giving this to you because I see a lot of me in you. Maybe you're too young to understand this now, but I have faith in you. You're going to make someone proud someday." He squeezed my closed fist. "Don't lose this charm. It's very special."_

_He was giving me something special? Me? Why me? I didn't get it... but I was so happy he was giving it to me. I wouldn't ever lose it._

_"Thanks Grandpa," I whispered, looking at the elephant for the first time. It was so intricately carved... so detailed... it was truly beautiful._

_"Remember this, Nick. If you don't remember anything else about your childhood, hold on to this conversation, okay? Can you do that for me, Nicky?"_

_I promised. And I looked at my elephant charm sitting next to my bed every night before I went to sleep. It meant the world to me._

_After Grandpa got sick... I don't think he remembered a lot anymore. I took care of him, as you know. I made him pancakes and talked to him even though he wouldn't talk back anymore and then one day I found him and he was gone. Just like that. _

_The scary old man with the deep voice and the serious but warm eyes who gave me the strongest, smartest animal because it reminded him of both him and me.... That man died when I was taking care of him._

_Turn around._

Chloe had been reading my letter that I wrote in the new notebook I had bought her for Christmas.

I didn't really know what to get her at first. I mean, Alice would buy her the clothes kind of stuff, so I didn't even think to try to get her something like that.

I thought about getting her a book, but I didn't know what she had already read, or what she'd like best....

And then I thought about getting her a notebook for writing, but that was sort of boring. I mean, I knew she liked to write, but that was like... what, three dollars?

Not that this was about money....

So I'm sitting there thinking _Shit. What do you get the love of your life for Christmas?_

I thought it about it, long and hard, letting my thoughts drift to past Christmases... not the best ones ever, but Santa had come when I was little enough to believe. They weren't all bad....

Thinking about Christmas led to me to thinking about my Grandpa. He and I hadn't really celebrated it after I moved in with him, but we had when I was younger... he'd come over and we'd all have dinner....

And then I remembered that one particular dinner and everything came together. I knew what to do.

I bought her the notebook, wrote that in it for her, and now here we were.

She turned around, looking up from the notebook, and met my gaze.

"Nick, I love it.... You _wrote _me something! It was a beautiful story...." she started to say, coming closer to me. I met her halfway and pressed my forehead against hers, kissing her sweetly.

"It was a true one, too."

"It was... I'm speechless," she said softly, gazing up at me. "Definitely the best Christmas gift ever," she said, kissing me again.

I didn't want to, but I pulled back from the kiss. "It's not over."

"Hmm?" she asked, raising her eyebrows. She was so cute... I loved this girl.

"Chloe... you are so strong and so smart and... and I love you. More than anything. More than myself. You're proud of me and I'm so proud of you and... you inspire me. I've never met anyone like you. No one has ever made me feel so special...."

I slipped my hand in my pocket. "Hold out your hand, please," I said softly.

Her eyes were starting to well up with tears. "Nick...."

"Please."

She held out her hand and I put the elephant charm in her palm before closing her fist over it. "This is my most prized possession. I don't have a lot, but... this is the one thing that I have that means... _a lot._"

She bit her lip, her eyes watery.

"I want to give it to you because you're the most... amazing person... that I've ever known. You deserve this," I said seriously, staring at her intensely. I wanted her to know how important this was to me.

"A-are you sure?" she asked, her voice thick with emotion.

"I've never been more sure. I love you, Chloe," I promised.

She sniffed and then hugged me tightly. "I love you, too. This is amazing. I'll cherish it forever...."

"I'll cherish you forever," I whispered. I didn't know if she heard me, but I knew she knew. And I knew she was the right person to give this to.

I kissed her forehead tenderly and let go of her, smiling. She laughed shakily as she brushed the fallen tear off her cheek. My heart softened at the sight of it. Something like this would only mean this much to Chloe. Her heart was so pure and full of love.

"I guess I should give you yours now. I'm not sure I can beat this though," she told me with an adoring smile.

Her eyes flickered to her fist that was gripping the elephant charm. I grinned and wrapped my hand around hers. I knew her gift to me would be amazing though. Anything she picked up for me would be great. She knew me so well already.

Chloe pulled away from my hand and got off the couch that was in the corner of Alice's fashion room. Panic sparked inside of me for a moment, wondering where she was going. I hadn't meant to look like I thought she couldn't beat my gift. I hoped I hadn't hurt her feelings.

She must have sensed my worries because she stopped and turned around to look at me. "One second, sweetheart. I just have to go get it," she assured me, leaning down to give me a peck on the lips.

I watched her slip her elephant charm into her pocket. She looked so concentrated and careful as she did so. She had taken my words seriously when I said it was my most prized possession. Her caution made me feel how much she loved me. She was always so thoughtful about things that were important to me.

Chloe walked to the other side of the room and opened the door to Alice's closet, which attached to the fashion room. She walked in and closed the door behind her, leaving me wondering why she would have put her gift in the closet? I narrowed my eyes in confusion. Had she thought I was going to try to peek?

I smirked at the thought because I probably would have if I had seen it under the tree. Well, I wouldn't have opened it... just shaken it and tried to guess.

"Nick," I heard her call from the closet, giggling. "Can you come help me?" Her voice was higher than usual and it made me smile. She sounded happy.

I pushed myself off the couch and strolled across the room. "How big can the present be that you can't hold it?" I teased, grabbing onto the doorknob. I turned it and entered the closet that was way too big to be a closet. Alice was insane....

Once my eyes had focused on Chloe, and not the abnormal size of the room, I gaped. Chloe was sitting cross-legged on the floor. Between her legs sat a little puppy, staring up at me.

No way.

Chloe beamed at me as she saw my reaction. Had she really gotten me a dog?

I walked forward, still in a trance, and kneeled down in front of them. I reached out and lightly touched the small golden retriever's head. It barked excitedly and turned its head to lick my hand happily.

I felt a smile starting to take over my face at the sight of the little puppy. I couldn't believe this! Ever since I was little I had always wanted a dog. I had begged my parents for one almost every day for a year, but they wouldn't let me. They said that I was enough of a handful for the both of them, even though I had vowed to take care of it myself.

I guess I didn't blame them. I was only eight. I probably wouldn't have been able to take care of it.

I sat down across from them, sitting cross-legged like Chloe, just staring. I was speechless. Chloe let go of the puppy and it jumped into my lap. I laughed at its excitement and petted it enthusiastically. It barked, bouncing up and down, trying to crawl up me. The little thing kind of reminded me of Ali--so full of excitement and energy!

"It's a boy," Chloe informed me. I could hear the happiness in her voice.

"Does he have a name?" I asked her in a hushed voice, finally able to get some words out of my mouth. I scratched the little guy behind the ears, watching him wiggle his tail quickly. He was adorable....

"No. I thought you could name him, if you'd like to," Chloe explained, shifting so that her knees were touching mine.

I looked up from the puppy and into those deep brown eyes, almost losing myself. I had to work to regain my train of thought.

"Can you name him?" I asked her, really wanting to hear what she would say. I wouldn't be good at picking a perfect name.

Chloe nodded and hummed in thought. I watched her eyes glaze over. I smiled and looked down at the little dog, letting herself get into her thoughts.

"Hey little guy," I whispered, as he rolled over and I rubbed his stomach fondly. He rolled around and barked in excitement again.

"How about Dakota?" Chloe suggested in an uncertain voice, giving me a curious look.

Dakota? I looked down at the dog, assessing him carefully. I liked it. It did seem to match the little guy. Hmm, Nick, Chloe and Dakota. I really did like it. It sounded good together.

I nodded in total agreement. "Dakota it is." I said, picking Dakota up and pressing his little face against mine. "That's your name, buddy! Dakota," I chuckled as he began to lick my face.

"He likes you," Chloe cooed, swooning at the sight of us.

I rolled my eyes and put the little guy down beside me. "Or he wants to eat me," I joked playfully, getting onto my knees to get closer to Chloe.

Chloe laughed and reached up to cup my cheeks, stroking them adoringly with her thumbs. "No. He loves you," she assured me with a grin.

I peeked down to see Dakota rubbing his head against Chloe's foot.

"He loves you too," I murmured, smirking at the little goof as he began rolling around on the floor. He was just everywhere.

I gazed at Chloe, so thankful for the gift. She couldn't have gotten me anything better.

"You know who else loves you?" I whispered, softly nudging her backwards. Chloe responded to my movement and lie down onto the thick carpet in Alice's closet.

"I have no idea," Chloe said matter of factly, quirking an eyebrow curiously at me.

"Oh, really?" I asked her, narrowing my eyes and hovering over her, pinning her to the floor. I was so proud that after everything she had gone through, she could have so much trust in me. The men in her life had been so rough and rude to her, but right now she was so relaxed.

Chloe's hands came up behind my arms, stroking my biceps adoringly. "Yes, really," she whispered. I watched her eyes gloss over as she stared at my arms.

I smirked at that. Okay, the girl definitely gave me a confidence boost when she ogled my biceps that way.

I pouted though, leaning down to nuzzle my face into her neck. "It's me... I love you...." I said in mock sadness. I sniffled loudly, hiding myself in her neck as she tried to coax my face up.

Chloe's amused laugh brought me out of her neck though. I slowly raised myself narrowing my eyes into a dark glare. "Are you laughing at me?" I accused her, sounding like I was offended by her actions.

Chloe just kept giggling and little Dakota must have thought it was funny as well because he started to bark loudly at us, jumping in excitement. "Are you _both_ laughing at me?" I shot the dog an icy glare.

I sighed exasperatedly and leaned down to rest my forehead on Chloe's. Her giggles had gone down now and she just gazed straight back up at me, her eyes bright and sparkling with mirth.

"Thank you," I whispered lovingly, giving her the most meaningful look.

Chloe leaned forward and gave me a kiss. I sighed against it, enjoying the warmth of her under me while her lips moved so perfectly with mine. It was only second before we were in a passionate kiss, parting each other lips, exploring each other's mouths. I was pretty sure I had her memorized by now.... It wasn't much of an exploration. But I would never stop loving these kinds of times with her.

I suddenly jolted upwards with a thought, wide eyed, staring at Chloe. My look was disapproving and I narrowed my eyes at her.

Chloe sat up quickly with me, worrying radiating off of her body. I almost felt bad for the joke I was about to make. I hated when she got that look. She always thought she was doing something wrong... always worrying.

"What's wrong?" she panted, still trying to get her breath back from my amazing kissing skills.

I pointed to the dog and then waved my hand between us. "We can't kiss like that in front of him. He's only a puppy, Chloe. We're going to traumatize the poor thing."

Chloe breathed in relief and gave me a hard look for scaring her, but then laughed.

"I'm sorry, Dakota. Come here," Chloe cooed, reaching her arms out for the little guy. He ran over and jumped into her lap, being hyper as ever. He looked up at me and let out a playful growl.

I let out a laugh. "You're a tough guy, huh? Going to protect my girl for me when I'm not around, right?" I spoke to him with a grin, scratching his head. Chloe's eyes flickered to mine because of my words.

"He probably thought you were eating me," she mumbled quietly, holding back a smirk as she looked back down at Dakota.

"You taste good enough to," I said under my breath, starting to get up from the floor. Chloe's cheeks flamed in a blush from my words and that only made my grin stretch even more. I wasn't sure if I had ever smiled this much before.

"Come on, you two. Let's go introduce you to your Auntie Ali and Uncle Jazz." I laughed at the sound of their names like that.

Chloe got up, holding Dakota and walked after me. She touched my hand though, causing me to stop and look at her.

"I love you too," she murmured, reaching up with her free hand to brush the hair across my forehead.

My face softened and I leaned over to give her a soft kiss, cherishing her words. Cherishing her. I had no idea what I would do without this girl's love. She owned me. She owned my heart. Forever.

**Author's Note: **_**Awww**_**! What a happy Christmas for both couples. Not even thinking about Spencer being all alone in his lonesomeness... :(. *tear*. Oh well. At least they're happy. Haha. So I Hope you guys enjoyed the chapter. And as always leave a review! **

**Regarding the blog, we have a few things up there for you guys if you haven't seen it yet. Nick and Chloe both hacked the blog and put something up there for you all. Check it out! **

**Other than that everyone have a great day/night! And HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! :D**


	40. Chapter 40

**Author's Note: Here is your weekly update of Hope. It's a bit late but it's here now. Enjoy! **

Forgotten Hope Chapter 40-

_APOV_

I couldn't believe Jasper had gotten us a trip to Forks. It was probably the most thoughtful gift I had ever received. He was trying so hard to help me regain my memory. I couldn't ask for more support than that. It was incredibly sweet of him.

I couldn't wait to go to Forks. I knew I had been there once with him, but it had been so jam-packed with emotions and cries that I hadn't had any time to appreciate it. This time it'd just be him and me going together. We'd be doing everything together and hopefully rediscovering my memories....

I wanted to remember. I wasn't as afraid as I had been before....

We were going to be heading to Forks after New Year's Eve. Every year my parents had a big celebration and I was going to be here for that, but after that, Jasper and I were going to be headed to Forks to start the New Year before school started up again. I was so excited!

Right now, though, I was getting ready for a different celebration that I always spent with my parents. Christmas dinner.

I was excited for this, too, but also very, _very_ nervous. I could just see my mom and Olivia's expressions when I came in with Jazz. Sure, they knew he was coming. They knew Nick and Chloe were coming as well, but that didn't mean they were accepting it. They hadn't wanted anyone else to come at first, but I had told them if I couldn't bring my friends and Jazz, then I wasn't coming either. They had changed their minds very quickly.

Even though I was sure that they pretty much hated me right now, they still couldn't let that happen. I _was_ my parents' only child. Plus if my dad found out I wasn't coming, I knew he would leave the dinner and come over here to see me. I felt bad about my dad being in the middle of this. It wasn't fair to him. And he was being so understanding about this whole situation. There was no way I wasn't going to go tonight... I knew it would hurt him.

I tried not to think about who else would be there.

I put the finishing touches on my outfit for tonight, clipping a necklace around my neck. I peeked into the mirror and smiled at my reflection. It was a perfect outfit! As always.

I turned on the balls of my feet, turning out of the bathroom to see Jazz. He was lying on the bed, throwing a tennis ball up into the air and then catching it. He continued for a second before looking over in my direction, knowing I was watching.

I gave him a disapproving look for laying on his nice, wrinkle-free clothes, but Jasper just smirked and went back to throwing the ball up in the air.

I shook my head and walked over to the bed, sitting down beside him. He didn't say anything. The ball went up and down. Up and down. I counted to six around five times before I broke the silence.

Something was wrong. I knew Jasper was quiet, but the tension wasn't normal.

"Spill," I told him with a soft smile, poking at his side. He caught the ball one last time before rolling over to look at me. His gaze was as loving as always and I immediately felt relieved that he wasn't upset with me. It was about something else.

"Maybe I shouldn't go tonight," he said with a pained look on his face. His forehead wrinkled together in frustration. It bothered me, so I reached up and stroked his forehead gently, hoping it'd relax him.

It did. Seconds later, the creases on his forehead were smoothed out.

"Why wouldn't you go tonight, Jazz?" I asked him quietly. I was not going without him, but I wanted to hear him out first before pouting about it. What if he legitimately did not want to go? I'd stay home in a heartbeat if he was honestly upset about it....

"It'd be easier if I didn't. You know, on Spencer," he explained, giving me a look, begging me to understand his point of view.

I nodded, understanding more than he even did. I had forgotten about Spencer....

But we couldn't stop our relationship every time Spencer was put into the picture. He was used to the idea of Jasper and me being together now. It was fine. It would be okay. If it got too bad, we could leave.

"It'll be fine, Jazz. He knows you're coming. Plus I need you there in case something happens," I whispered the last part sadly. I was hoping nothing would happen. I was pretty sure Spencer wouldn't do anything to hurt me. He _never_ would. But he wasn't really the most stable person at the moment.

Overall, though, I was more afraid of our parents hurting me or saying something than Spence doing it.

Jasper's blue eyes softened in a warm sea of blue. "Hey," he murmured, sitting up, dropping the ball on the bed to grab my face in his hands. "Everything is going to be fine," he promised me, sealing the promise with a tender kiss.

I leaned into the kiss, letting it deepen a bit. Nothing like a good kiss to get rid of the stress. Jasper knew what I was doing and fell back on the bed, waiting for me to lay with him, but I didn't. It was one thing for him to lay on a bed and ruin his outfit, but I sure wasn't going to!

"Oh come on, darling," he drawled, using his accent against me. I shook my head stubbornly and got up from the bed. There was no way.

I heard Jazz huff loudly and glanced back briefly to see his bottom lip jolted out and his arms crossed over his chest. What a five year old, I chuckled.

"Come on, you baby, we have to get going," I chuckled, skipping out of the room. I made it to the living room, grabbing the heels I had left at the front door earlier, and slipped them on.

Nick and Chloe were sitting in the living room. Chloe was reading while Nick played with little Dakota.

I loved the little puppy so much already. I had helped with Chloe's gift and bought all of the accessories needed for Dakota and other stuff as well. Nick wouldn't let me put the dog clothes on him though. He said it would ruin his manliness or something. Whatever. Maybe Dakota liked dressing up! Who knows...?

"You two ready to go?" I asked, clicking my heels against the hard wooden floor at the doorway as I walked toward them.

"Yep!" Chloe smiled, putting her book down on the coffee table.

Nick looked up from Dakota. "Will he be okay alone?" he asked, genuinely concerned about the dog.

I smiled at that. Looks like Jasper just got replaced by a dog... Nick has a new best friend.

"He'll be fine unless he pees on the carpet. He might have to face Alice's wrath if that happens," Jasper chuckled, walking into the living room as he tightened his tie and then leaned down to give me a chaste kiss.

Nick's eyes snapped to Jasper's. "No," he warned us both in a dangerous voice, making us smirk humorously.

He knew we'd never mess with his puppy, but it wouldn't be cool if it peed on our carpets. It was only a puppy though. I'd understand....as long as I got to dress it up after. It was a good compromise.

"He'll be fine, sweetheart. We put newspaper down and puppy-proofed your room," Chloe assured him as she got up from the couch and offered her hand to him. Nick nodded with a sigh and got up, grabbing Chloe's hand with one hand and then holding Dakota with the other.

"I'll go put him in the room," Nick said as he made his way to us. Chloe put on her shoes as we waited for Nick to put the dog away.

"Look at you, Jasper. You clean up pretty well," Chloe smiled kindly at Jasper, but I could see a teasing look glinting in her eyes. She stepped forward, reaching up towards him. I saw Jasper stiffen for a moment before taking a breath and relaxing back to his normal posture.

I frowned as she ran her hand through his hair, smoothing out the curls that had been stuck up from him lying on the bed. I wasn't upset about her touching. Not at all. It was him feeling uncomfortable when she came in contact with him that made me upset. I had never seen him do that before. Though... maybe I just hadn't seen anyone ever touch him before except Nick and myself?

"Thank you," Jasper murmured in a rough voice that made my knees weak. His uncomfortable voice was... kind of hot. I took a step closer to him and leaned into his side. He automatically responded by wrapping his arm around my waist. I felt his warmth burning through the thin material of the dress I had on.

"You should probably bring a coat, darling," Jasper commented, looking down at me for a brief moment. My eyes connected with his and they were oddly clouded. It was almost like protective armor had shot up in his eyes. I didn't like it.... Why was he suddenly so anxious tonight?

"Not if you can keep me warm," I smirked, giving him a teasing glance.

One side of Jasper's lips tilted upwards in a tight smirk of acknowledgment. "I can definitely keep you warm, but I'd prefer if you wore a coat too-- just in case," Jasper explained smoothly, letting me go to open the closet and grab his coat out. He didn't bother grabbing mine and I knew it wasn't because he wasn't a gentleman. It was because he knew that I would want the perfect one for my outfit.

I picked my own jacket and Chloe came beside me to grab hers and Nick's.

Right on cue, Nick came strolling out of his room with a shiny pair of dress shoes on his feet. Nick had gotten dressed up too. He had gone without the tie though, saying he would probably strangle himself with it by accident. I didn't complain because I knew he didn't need a tie to look great, especially with me living in the same apartment with him.

"Ready, Ali?" Nick asked me as he tugged his jacket on.

"Yep," I replied and slipped my hand into the crook of Jazz's arm. He stayed silent, but pressed his arm closer to his body, causing my hand to press against his side. Worry was starting to build in my stomach. It wasn't like him to look troubled like this.... He didn't even look_ troubled_ actually. His face was blanker than anything really. I thought that might be worse than a troubled look though.

Nick must have noticed Jasper's expression too, because when I looked up at Nick I saw his eyebrows furrowed in concern. Then I saw a silent conversation pass between them. Their eyes were speaking for them and unfortunately I couldn't tell exactly what they were saying to each other. It was like a different language. I guess that would have been handy while they were fighting and stuff... coordination and all.

"All right. Let's get going then," Nick said after a long few seconds. As he stepped toward Chloe, I noticed her eyes searching Nick's now. She probably sensed his worries. We girls could see when our guys were struggling.

I followed silently as we all walked out, letting Jazz lock the place up. I would let him speak first. I didn't want to pry. Maybe it was still because he didn't know if he should be coming tonight....

That didn't explain the way he tensed away from Chloe though. I had no idea why he'd do that.

We drove to my house in Jasper's car, letting him drive for the night. Maybe the driving would help him relax more. He liked driving as much as I did.

I watched the whole ride as his hands would grip the steering wheel, then relax, grip the steering wheel and then once again relax. It kept going that way. It was like there was a battle inside his head. He was fighting against something.

It made me anxious. I was his girlfriend. I should know what was making him so troubled. I should see it, shouldn't I? I just didn't know though. Usually it was the opposite of what had already happened. Usually Chloe would be the one flinching away from Jasper. They had gotten to be friends though and she was getting more comfortable.

It didn't make sense to me.

We got to my parent's house in a tense silence. Nick knew something was wrong. Chloe knew something was wrong as well. None of us knew why though. I tried to ignore it though and slipped out of the car, pulling the chair seat forward to let Nick and Chloe get out of the back.

Jasper was at my side and offered me his hand with a weak, struggling smile. I couldn't help it. My eyes pleaded with him, asking what was wrong. His lips pursed and he gave me the most defeated look. Either he didn't want to tell me or I should have already known.

"Want to go for a walk?" I asked him in a hushed voice, knowing that the others knew stuff was wrong, but to keep quiet anyways. Jasper didn't like to make a scene about anything.

"No. It'll be fine," Jasper mumbled, swinging our hands lightly between us. He stared at our hands intently. Maybe he was trying to distract himself from his thoughts. I wasn't completely sure, but I let him. I walked us all toward the house, up the steps, across the porch, and to the front door. I gave it a quick tap and waited. I didn't live here anymore so I didn't know if I should just walk in or not....

I felt Nick's hand touch my arm and tilted my head to the side a bit, looking at him curiously. His meaningful eyes connected with mine. They were soft, but protective. Protective of me.

"He's fine," he mouthed to me, promising the words were true with his eyes.

I sighed to myself and nodded. It would be fine. Everyone had a bad day once in a while. Jasper was just having a troubled moment. It would be fine. Just fine....

The door opened before I could think more into the situation. My dad's smiling face was in front of us.

"Hello everyone," he greeted us warmly, stepping back and waving us into the warmth of the house. I wiped my feet off on the carpet and shivered, just noticing how cold it really was outside.

"Hey Dad!" I said as everyone else spoke their greetings as well. My dad gave me a big bear hug and planted a kiss on the top of my head. I missed him so much sometimes.

"How are you doing, baby girl? Did you have a good Christmas? I still have a present for you," he said with a wink, knowing the way to my heart.

"It was a great Christmas! Jazz is taking me to Forks!" I exclaimed, letting the bad feelings slip away and sinking back into the happiness that Christmas always held.

My dad's eyes widened in surprise and gave Jasper an impressed look. "Maybe that will help that memory of yours, huh?" he murmured in a thoughtful voice, reaching over to tap my temple teasingly.

"That's the plan," I heard Jasper say in a relaxed voice behind me.

I internally sighed at the sound of it. He was okay. Or he was really good at pretending...?

My dad laughed with a nod of understanding. "That's what I figured. Good plan though, son. I know she's getting a little frustrated with that." I remembered the night he had carried me up to my bed from falling asleep outside and frowned. He really knew I was struggling. At least I had been able to pick who was right for me though. That had been the biggest problem. The rest was bearable.

Jasper nodded in agreement and I peeked over at him. His eyes were softer now. Maybe he wasn't pretending.

"Maybe I should have bought her a helmet. Ali would burst if she ever lost her memory again," Nick snickered from behind us, pulling off his coat. I rolled my eyes at him and began to take mine off. Jasper quickly helped me with it and I watched him put them both away.

"She can wear my football helmet," Jasper assured Nick with a chuckle.

"That'd be one big fashion statement," I heard a smooth, velvety voice chuckle from behind us all. My body tensed and relaxed at the same time if that's even possible. Spencer.

I turned slowly to see him leaning against the stairway railing, his hands deep in his pocket. His short was hair combed and he wore a sweater vest over a light blue dress shirt with white dress pants. He stood in just the right position that it could have been the perfect pose for a magazine photo. Like always, he looked picture perfect.

Picture perfect minus the picture perfect smile. His pearly white teeth were hidden behind tightly pressed lips as his eyes connected with mine. There was the pained expression I had become so accustomed to the last month. To anyone else, it wasn't such a bad expression, but to me, after knowing him my entire life, I knew his every expression. I knew the one he made to hide his feelings. This was it.

There was a moment of silence as we stared at each other. No one in the whole room even breathed. They were probably waiting to see it we would fight, hug or run. Those were the three things running through my mind at the moment.

There were parts of me that wanted to blow up at him for never talking to me, for ignoring me and hiding from me. I needed him in my life and he always disappeared now.

That was the same reason I wanted to hug him though. I missed him. I wanted to feel him hold me against him. I wanted to smell his minty breath and feel the smoothness of his hands. I wanted him to say it was okay. He forgave me.

And that led to my last resort: running. I didn't want to face him. I didn't want to know that I was actually breaking him, breaking his heart and soul. I didn't want to face the truth. I didn't want to face the truth that I'd always want him to hug me either. It was a heck of a fight in my mind.

A low whistle broke my thoughts though, which was followed by a small smile cracking open on Spencer's face. Nick was standing in front of him, looking him up and down slowly.

"Well look at you all dressed up to see me," Nick joked, reaching forward to tap Spencer's arm in a gentle greeting.

Spencer rolled his eyes, but took the last step off of the stairs to hit Nick back on the arm. "Couldn't help myself," he played along with Nick like always. I wondered if he just did it for Nick's sake. Nick always tried to make everything more comfortable for everyone. I couldn't thank him enough for that....

"Looks like you dressed up for me too," Spencer cocked his eyebrow up, giving Nick a quick look over, but then gave his nod of approval. "Alice picked out your shirt, didn't she?" Spencer teased him, giving him a suspicious look. I actually hadn't picked out his clothes. He was already dressed when I had found him.

"No," Nick said defensively, but then gave Spencer a sheepish look. "Chloe did...." he mumbled quietly, turning around and walking away. Chloe and I chuckled at Nick. Poor guy. Oh well, at least he looked great living with two people like us. I knew Chloe had fashion skills. I had already noticed. That was why she was such a good shopping partner.

Spencer let it go and walked over to Chloe, giving her his crooked smile. "Hello," he greeted her warmly, picking up her hand and kissing it softly just like he had the first time he had met her.

I watched my dad leave the room, letting us young people socialize. Okay, maybe he wasn't that old....

I continued to watch Spencer's interaction and saw Chloe blush at his greetings. He could still make any girl melt....

"Nice to see you, Spencer," Chloe replied politely, giving him a real smile.

"As it is you," Spencer replied smoothly, taking a step closer to her. "And merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas to you too!" Chloe grinned.

"Hey," Nick warned Spencer, coming back and slipping his arm around Chloe's waist, crushing her against him protectively. "I'm watching you."

Spencer scoffed quietly. "I know, you can't take your eyes off me," he teased Nick, causing Nick to gasp. You'd think Nick would get used to it by now. Nick would start it and always be surprised when Spencer played back.

Spencer turned then though and I watched his eyes drift to Jasper, who was close behind me.

"Hey," Jasper said quietly in a stiff voice. Great, he was getting uncomfortable again.

"Hey. How are you?" Spencer asked him with a tight smile as he walked a few steps closer to us. Spencer's eyes stayed on Jasper. I wondered if he was trying to keep himself from making eye contact with me anymore. My heart stung a bit from that thought. Would he ever be able to look at me again? I mean really look at me....

Jasper took a deep breath and shrugged. "Pretty good. How about you?"

"Great. Great. It's Christmas. Best day of the year...." Spencer mumbled in a bitter sounding voice, but quickly covered it up with a smile. "We should probably join the others," he added on, shifting his eyes away from all of us. He began to stroll out of the room without even waiting for a response. He didn't say hi to me.

My heart sank in my chest, but I mustered up a smile and followed behind him.

Jasper's hand lightly touched my back and I felt his thumb begin to stroke me comfortingly. I leaned into his hand, reminding myself that he was here with me. He would always be here for me. He was the one I needed. He was the one I wanted. Forever.

I continually repeated those thoughts in my mind, reminding myself over and over again. It didn't matter what Spencer thought. My future was supposed to be with Jasper. I knew it. I could feel it. We were destined for each other. Spencer and I were just meant to be together for earlier in our lives. Our purpose for each other was over. This was all going to strengthen us in the end and it would all be perfect. Spencer would find a fantastic girl who would blow his mind and everything would be great.

We all walked into the living room where the parents were sitting, talking on the couches. I was surprised when I saw the TV off and Jim sitting with Olivia, his arm around her waist, chatting happily with the others. He tended to always use the TV at our dinners and such. That was a good sign. Maybe he and Olivia were doing better!

I knew after...well... after Spencer getting the truth about the past, they hadn't been doing great. I had a feeling that Olivia hadn't ever wanted to tell Spencer that. I wasn't surprised though.... She knew that he would think of himself as a mistake. She was too protective of him to ever give him a reason to think that. Jim was a whole other story, obviously.

"Oh, dear, you're here. Come sit down," Olivia greeted me happily, standing up and opening her arms for me. I walked ahead, leaving Jazz for a minute to hug her tightly, and then hug Jim, and my mother. I was surprised at Olivia's kindness.

I knew my mom was a little upset that I hadn't come here earlier to spend Christmas morning with them. She was a little more upset when I refused to come here without Jasper too. At least she was trying, though, and had allowed them all to join us.

I was about to sit down when I saw my mom walk over and greet Jasper... with a hug. The room became very, very silent.

"Merry Christmas, dear," she said to him with a small smile before hurrying back to her seat to a seemingly shocked Olivia.

Jasper stood with his jaw open for a moment before saying Merry Christmas back to her in a hushed whisper. He walked quickly over to me and I saw a smile tugging at his lips. We sat down and I placed my hand on his knee, squeezing it happily as I saw his happiness for getting a greeting out of her.

"I knew you'd grow on her," I chuckled when he looked down at me. Jasper let out a breath of the happiness and lifted his arm to wrap it around me, bringing me close to him. He didn't need to say anything.

Nick and Chloe joined us on the long couch and Spencer stood behind the couch where our mothers sat. His eyes were glazed over, not focusing on anything in particular. It made me frustrated, to say the least.

"Jasper, I'd really like to thank you," my mom started and again the room was silent. Did she just say Jasper and thank in the same sentence? This must have been some sarcastic comment. I tensed and moved closer to Jasper. He looked wary as well.

Jim cocked an eyebrow at my mom and looked amused. Olivia, again, was awestruck, jaw dropped to the floor, and my dad just looked purely proud. Maybe it wasn't going to be a bad comment.

"It was really... nice of you... to be okay about Alice going to Spencer's fashion show. I know it's really hard for you, considering the circumstances. I'm sure Alice being around Spencer isn't your favorite thing at the moment and all. I was really grateful that she was there, though, and grateful to you for letting it happen. It meant a lot to him," my mom said honestly, giving Jasper one of her real smiles. This was probably the first time he had ever received one from her.

"Fashion show?" Jasper murmured, squinting his eyes as if he was trying to remember something.

"Yeah, Jazz. He had one a little while back," I brushed off the comment nonchalantly.

"Oh. Well, no problem," Jasper said with a genuine smile, but I could still see the confusion in his eyes.

"Yeah, it was really great of you, especially knowing it was your bir—"

My eyes snapped to Spencer's, cutting him off with a fierce look. He knew that look. His mouth snapped shut and he rubbed his eyes.

"Never mind," he mumbled quietly and then turned around and walked straight out of the room. Was he upset that I hadn't told Jasper? Did he feel like I was making him a secret? Or maybe it was because I had lied, saying Jazz didn't mind.

Spencer's comment only made Jasper more confused and he gave me a curious look, wondering what was wrong with Spencer. I just shrugged and leaned up to peck his cheek. As I did though, I saw Nick looking at me intently. By the look in his eyes, he knew exactly what was going on. His look was incredibly disapproving and he turned and sank back into his seat, shaking his head.

I know I messed up. I always messed up. I shouldn't have lied to either of them and I knew it would have broken Jasper if he had just found out I had sneaked out on his birthday and lied to his face more than once. I was just struggling to make everyone happy. I was figuring it out now.

People began to talk again. Everyone except me. I zoned off into my thoughts, watching Jazz interact with my family. I guess his permission for me to go to Spence's fashion show made them all warm up to him, even Olivia once she had found out. Even though it wasn't really the truth, maybe something good was coming out of my lie?

A little while later I felt my phone begin to vibrate in my pocket. I quickly stood up and pulled it out of my pocket, knowing the only other person who would call me on a holiday would be Gregory. Jasper stood instantly beside me, looking at me, waiting to know where I was going.

"Bathroom," I lied.

Great job, Alice! You just lied to him again.

Jasper chuckled and sat himself back down, letting me go. I hurried out of the room and slipped the phone out of my pocket, heading for the stairs.

I pressed the phone to my ear, pausing on the stairs. "Hello?" I hadn't bothered to look at the caller ID.

"Merry Christmas," I heard the familiar gravelly voice that I knew was Gregory. I had been right.

"Merry Christmas to you too!" I grinned and began to skip up the stairs. It might be a longer phone call and I knew if I was on the stairs, Jasper would hear me eventually or come out looking and see me there.

"How's your day been?" he asked me curiously. He was always so curious.

"Good! Jazz got me a trip back to where we used to live. He thinks it might help me remember stuff. I hope he's right. I wish I could remember so badly...." I rambled as I headed to my room. I reached for the door knob and began again. "Everything would be so much easier. Maybe I could sort out my conflicted feelings and thoughts that way—"

My words stopped when I was enveloped in the smell of Spencer. I paused and saw him watching me suspiciously from my desk. His hand was holding a pencil over sketching paper. I blinked, trying to regain my train of thought and shut the door behind me. Why was Spencer in here?

What are you talking about, Alice? Spencer always comes into your room.

By the way the whole room smelled like him I had a feeling this was not the first time he had been up here working. I guess I hadn't been home to be in here anyways.

Spencer turned his head quickly, looking apologetic for interrupting my conversation. He began to get up from the desk, but I put a hand up to stop him. He was not getting away from me this time.

"Uh, I have to go. I'll talk to you later," I stated, not mentioning his name, and hung up the phone before anything more could be said. I felt bad for cutting it short, but I wasn't letting Spencer get away from me.

"You didn't have to do that. I was leaving," Spencer mumbled, looking down at the floor. His eyes were always retracting from mine, never connecting.

"It's okay. I wanted to see you anyways," I assured him, walking closer. For every step I came closer, he took a step back. He was probably smarter than I was....

"Oh," he whispered. "Well, who were you talking to?" he inquired, not in a rude way, but just asking as a way to start a conversation.

"No one interesting," I shrugged, plopping down on my bed, giving him space. He seemed to relax at my movement, but frowned at my words. He didn't like that I kept things from him.

"It's not my business. I apologize," he stated formally as if I was someone he had just met or something. Someone that he had to impress. It wasn't how Spencer acted around me... or at least not how he _used_ to act around me.

I rolled my eyes at him. "Everything is your business if it has to do with me, Spence," I said grumpily, whipping a pillow at him. It wasn't like I hated him or wanted him out of my life. I wanted him in my life. I wanted him to be my best friend. I needed him to know that.

He just hummed in response, not believing me, and looked down at his sketch. I got up, curious. He always sketched amazing designs. I was kind of envious of his talent. I knew I could do great designs, but I loved his more.

I walked over and looked down at his. I was surprised to see it wasn't a sketch, though. It was a drawing. Not only was it a drawing, but it was a drawing of me. I gulped and turned away from it, knowing that it was probably supposed to be private.

"Just...doodling...." Spencer said nonchalantly, grabbing the paper and folding it up. For a second I had thought he was going to crumple it up and throw it out. That would have hurt. I was thankful, but also saddened, when I saw him slip it into his pants pockets.

"You didn't tell Jasper about the fashion show, did you?" Spencer whispered more as a statement than a question. His eyes flickered to mine for the first time since the awkward stare-down on the stairs. His eyes were blank, like he was staring at a wall.

"No," I shook my head, not lying to him. He already thought I was pushing him out of my life. I wasn't going to lie, especially when he already knew the answer to his question.

"Why not?" he asked, opening his guarded eyes to me for a moment. "Because of your 'conflicted thoughts and feelings?'" Crap. He had heard my phone call. Thank God I hadn't mentioned Gregory's name.

"No. It was because I knew it was important to you and there was no point in telling Jasper if he didn't need to know. No one had to be upset," I explained with a stressed sigh, gripping my hands together, hoping that didn't make me sound like the most horrible person ever. I didn't mean to be. I just didn't want anybody to get hurt... but I might have been doing the opposite. I might have been hurting everyone.

Spencer nodded understandingly and got up. He reached out his hand and touched my cheek, then took in a quick breath--a gasp--as his fingers came into contact with my face. The warm sensation went straight to my heart and I sighed. I missed him.

"I won't tell him," Spencer promised, keeping his dark blue eyes connected to mine. His eyes burned his words, his vow, into my soul.

"We could go out sometimes... you know, like, hang out or something? We wouldn't have to tell him." Spencer's voice was soft, hesitant, but pleading.

My breath stopped at his implications. Did he just ask me to cheat on Jasper? I shook my head mutely. I would never do that.

"W-we wouldn't have to let him know, baby." He called me baby. This wasn't good.

I took a quick step back and shook my head no again. That was never going to happen.

"It could be a secret. We wouldn't have to be anything official either, I promise. Just... just be us. Alice and Spencer. Spencer and Alice. Just... sometimes." He tried to reason with me, giving me that broken-eyed look, begging me to consider it.

"Spencer," was all that came out of my mouth. I had no idea how to reason with him. I didn't want to hurt him! I had already hurt him so much. I didn't even know why he was asking me this. He knew I would say no.

His hands came up and he held his head between his hands, looking utterly frustrated and conflicted. He had the same conflicting thoughts and feelings as I did, only... he didn't have another girl....

"Never mind!" he spat out, not angry with me. I could tell he was angry at himself. "Forget I said that, hun. Just... forget it."

He walked to the desk, dropping himself down in the chair, still holding his head between his hands. I could see him shaking. My heart ached painfully in my chest for him, needing him to be happy.

"It's okay," I whispered shakily, looking down at my hands. Think, Alice, think. I had to say something--anything--to make him feel better.

"No it's not! Did you hear what I just said? I-I'm just so messed up. I don't even know myself anymore. I-I need you so badly...." The last part was an excruciating whisper. I could see his fingers digging into the sides of his head. He couldn't look at me again.

"I'm right here, Spence! I'm here whenever you need me! I'm still your best friend. You're still my best friend. We just aren't a couple anymore. That's all. You're still a huge part of my world...." I promised him, walking over to pry his hands gently away from his head. I didn't hold them though, knowing that would take this a whole different direction.

"You're my whole world...." I heard him say under his breath.

I wondered when my heart would be in so many pieces that it just wouldn't be a heart anymore. It felt too broken to beat anymore.

"Spence," I murmured, turning the chair so it was facing me. "We need to have separate things in our lives from each other. It was wrong of us to be so bottled up in each other when we were going out. It wasn't healthy. You need to let other people in. There are so many people out there willing to be your friend... even to be more than friends. You are an amazing person and you can't let me stop you from being happy!"

I put my hand up when I saw him try to disagree with me. Of course he didn't want me to feel like I was what was stopping him from being happy, but obviously I was. "We need to fix our lives. We can do it together, Spence, but we need to have other people too."

Spencer opened his mouth, but then slowly shut it, searching my eyes. He looked hesitant and then suddenly stood.

"We should go downstairs. Dinner is probably ready," he stated in a voice that had such a lack of emotion I hardly recognized it as his.

My heart dropped. I had just poured my heart out to him and he had just ignored me. Had I pushed him even farther away?

"They'll come get us when it's ready. Spence, we have to talk about this!" I told him firmly. This couldn't go on any longer. He couldn't keep drowning in his pain anymore. I wouldn't let him. I didn't want him to get worse. I didn't ever want to lose him. I couldn't let him get to that stage.

"I can't. Not right now," he practically whimpered to me, letting me see his beautiful blue eyes for a moment before ripping them away from me, like always.

"Why not?" I asked him gently, taking a step closer to him. I was too close for him to look away from me. He had no choice.

"Because I can't let you go!" he spat out, looking at me desperately. "I can't." This time it was whisper.

"Darling?" I heard Jasper's voice coming from outside of the room. He had heard Spencer shout. Crap.

Spencer was ten feet away from me in a second, heading straight for the door, opening it up and escaping. I couldn't do anything about it because Jasper came walking in a second later.

"Everything okay, love?" he asked me lovingly, reaching his hand out to me, offering it.

I sighed and gave him a defeated look. "Yeah...." I walked over to him, but didn't grab his hand though. I cuddled myself into his chest, hugging him. I felt like I was doing everything wrong. How could I make everything okay? It seemed like everything I did made someone hurt.

Jasper wrapped his strong arms around me. I felt protected in his arms. Nothing could hurt me here.

"He'll come around," Jasper whispered, pressing a tender kiss to my temple. "A broken heart takes time to heal though, love, you can't rush it," he reminded me, pulling away to look me closely in the eyes. He wanted to make sure I understood him.

"He doesn't deserve to be sad because of me," I whispered, hiding my face in his neck. I took deep breaths of his scent, drowning in it, relaxing. Jasper was here. Everything would be fine. It just took time.

"He's going to find someone perfect for him too. He'll find a person that makes him feel the way I do about you. The way you feel about me, darling. Won't that make it all worth it? He'll feel this passion," Jasper offered, looking at me with the same passion that he had just been talking about.

I nodded, not even having to think about the answer. Of course it'd be worth it. I just wished he didn't have to wait so long or go through so much pain to be happy. I hoped with everything I had in me that he would find the perfect girl and soon.

**Author's Note: So, I apologize for the late update. Life's been getting busy for both me and my beta. We will continue to aim for Sunday and hopefully get it up but there is no promise that it will be up. Sometimes life won't give me time to write. **

**Hope you guys enjoyed the chapter. Christmas dinner will be interesting after all that. What was Spence thinking? Spence has been gone for a while now. Suddenly he's back and begging for an affair. Crazy boy. I missed him though xD. **

**Tell us what you think! Leave a review! **


	41. Times Have Changed

**Author's Note: Hey everyone! We have your update here so I won't talk long since you had to wait an extra week. Enjoy! :)**

Forgotten Hope Chapter 41- The Times Have Changed

_SPOV_

For the love of everything holy, please tell me I did not just ask Alice what I thought I had. I practically ran down the stairs to get away from the scene I had just faced. What was I becoming? I had asked Alice to have an affair with me? What in the _world _had come over me?

I didn't know. All I knew was that the moment I was in a room alone with her, my whole world seemed to come crashing down. Especially since it was in that room. The room where we had done so many things... gone through so many things. Every surface in that room would bring a memory to my mind. It was a sanctuary to my relationship with Alice. The walls were wallpapered with our relationship. Everything was ours in this room.

To be honest, I came in here a lot. Her parents didn't mind, but I knew Dan wasn't sure about it. I probably seemed like a massive creep, coming into his daughter's room like that. _"Could I please just go sit up there and pretend nothing's changed?"_ Yeah, my life was totally normal now. I would lie on her bed just to smell her scent on pillows. I wore sweatshirts from her closet because they would hold a hint of her scent on it. I would work at her desk and glance around the room, letting my mind wander as I took in the pictures of us that plastered the walls.

I was the worst ex boyfriend a girl could have. I was overly obsessive, protective and in total denial. I needed therapy.

But then again, I was too scared of accepting reality, so I wouldn't dare go near a therapist who could convince me of it. It was still so utterly flabbergasting that _my_ Alice would leave me.

No one could understand. Not Jasper, my dad or even Nick. I knew he tried. I knew they all had a good points and had gone through similar things. They weren't here though. The feelings between us just last year were so strong that I didn't think any army or hypnotism or anything could ever even put a dent in our relationship. Nothing could break the love for me.

That all ended the day of Alice's car accident though. With one mistake, one drunk driver, one bump on the head, our future was broken. Dead. For eternity. Every single word spoken, every kiss shared, every memory created together was stolen away from us by my truest enemy: Fate.

That was the name I had come up for it. The one thing I blamed now. I wouldn't blame Jasper, Alice or even myself. Not that idiotic man who get drunk and drove without one thought about the people he could hurt. The real reason behind it was Fate. Fate was working against me, fighting me. What else had the power to take _my_ Alice away from me _twice_? Fate was cruel and insensitive. At one moment, I had thanked Fate, worshiped Fate. When Alice had finally remembered me I swore I would owe Fate everything. I had been giving a second chance... But in a blink of an eye, she was gone again. Fate stole her right out of my arms, laughing in my face like I was some kind of fool. Fate mocked me.

And what power did I have against Fate? All I had was my pathetic grovelling at Alice's feet to give me anything she could. I didn't care if I was the secret she had locked in her closet or if I was the sloppy seconds. I just...wanted her. In any way I could.

My whole being missed her, ached for her. I craved everything _Alice_! My whole mind was always focused on her. Always her. The plans that I would scheme up to try to win her back were ridiculous, but it was all I had. I was truly a pathetic being. My existence was a joke.

I had planned on skipping Christmas dinner. I had just wanted to stay in bed all day. This day was the worst of all of them. Worse than Valentine's Day, our birthdays, any day! This day, four years ago, was the day I had asked Alice Cullen to be my girlfriend.

I let myself fall into that memory as everyone sat down for Christmas dinner because as usual, the past was so much better than the present.

_Christmas was always Alice's favorite day of the year. She'd be bouncing around the house for days ahead of time, so excited. Secretly, I loved watching her during the Christmas season. We could go shopping and she'd parade through the stores, magically finding the most perfect gifts for everyone in her life. It was beyond me. I was a good shopper, but I always had trouble shopping for at least a few people. It was handy having her. She would always help if I needed it. _

_Today was Christmas though and Alice's wait had come to an end. I had spent the night over at her house as my parents did as well. They stayed in one of the guest rooms while I stayed in Alice's room, as always. Our parents didn't mind. Some of our friends thought we were lucky because our parents didn't mind our co-ed sleepovers. _

_It wasn't like our parents had anything to worry about though. I was only fifteen and Alice had just recently turned fourteen. I knew we shouldn't get into something so fast. Not until she was older. I respected her space. _

_And officially, Alice and I were not together. It was kind of something that we all just took for granted. I had never properly asked her to be my girlfriend. I didn't even call her my girlfriend right now. She was just Alice. I was just Spencer. If people asked if we were together though, an awkward silence would form. I could see the sadness in Alice's eyes because I had never really asked her. I thought we were just... together already. Ever since we were born, we were like this. I had always had her hand to hold. I had first kissed her when I was too young to even remember. Our first real, passionate, deep kiss though wasn't until we were eleven. That was when I figured we were a thing. Everyone else did as well. _

_Except new guys. There would always be new guys and now we were in high school. Alice was still new because it was her first semester and there were always guys popping up. They made my blood boil with their stupid comments about us not being official because I never asked her. Was there a rule book out there somewhere about how to be official with a girl? No. We could be however way we wanted. _

_But rich people were all about show. If I didn't ask her, this was going to continue... _

_So, I planned to ask her. And not just ask her at any time, but on her favorite day of the year. Don't get me wrong either. This was not for show. I sincerely wanted to ask her this. I had never really been able to do it and it would sort out so much. We could have anniversaries and celebrate together. I was excited. I could call her all mine whenever I wanted._

_...Okay, maybe I already did that anyways. _

_It would just make everything that more official. Alice and Spencer _were_ together. _

_Because of this new relationship I was going to officially start tonight, I was about as excited as Alice for this holiday. Alice didn't let me miss a second of it either. At six o'clock sharp, she was on top of me, shaking my shoulders. _

"_Spence!" she whimpered with the biggest pout on her full lips. _

"_Alice!" I whined back, clamping my eyelids shut. I would not give into that pout. Not at this ungodly hour of the morning. _

"_It's Christmas!" she cried, flinging herself down, earning a huff from me. You wouldn't think a girl that strong could knock the breath out of me, but she had some force behind her sometimes. _

"_A few more minutes..." I whispered tiredly. _

_I had not slept much last night. My stomach had been sick all night. I knew why, too. I was nervous. Downright nervous. _

_Why would I be nervous when she was practically my girlfriend already? That was a good question... Obscene thoughts kept slipping through my mind. What if she didn't want me as an official boyfriend? Maybe she liked the freedom. What if she suddenly got second thoughts? What if she really liked those other boys who followed her like a puppy, hoping she'd reconsider and go out with them? I didn't know! It was stupid... I was stupid for thinking them. I knew Alice would be disappointed if she ever knew I had doubts._

_I heard Alice let out a sigh, but she rested her face in the crook of my neck, letting me continue to sleep. It was terribly hard to sleep now though. I could feel her fingers running through my hair, scraping at my scalp in a relaxing way. It was nice... Too nice. It made me want to flip her over and ravage her with kisses. That wasn't right though..._

_I lifted my arms up and rested them lazily on her back, caressing her. I wasn't getting back to sleep. _

"_Well... if you're not trying to sleep anymore..." Alice trailed off suggestively, pulling up a bit, probably getting ready for me to give in and go downstairs with her. _

"_Not a chance," I laughed, crushing her back to my chest, leaning down to leave a wet kiss on her forehead. _

"_Ew! Spencer!" she scolded me, but I saw those beautiful dancing sparkles in her eyes. She wasn't one bit mad. _

"_You love it," I chuckled and rested my head back into one of Alice's soft, silk pillowcases._

"_Maybe..." Alice giggled, nuzzling herself back into my neck. Her hot breath kept fanning over me and after a few minutes, I gave up. I was just becoming more and more awake. _

"_Want to go downstairs?" I grumbled with a smirk, opening one of my eyes to look at her. I had opened my eyes right in time to see Alice spring off of the bed gracefully with a twinkling smile on her face. _

_I followed quickly on her heels, keeping up with her skips as we went downstairs and into the living room. The bottom of the Christmas tree was overflowing with gifts of all shapes and sizes. Alice's eyes lit up like light bulbs at the sight of her gifts._

"_Don't touch 'em until your mother wakes. She wants to see your reaction," Dan warned Alice from across the room where he was sitting at the bar with his glasses perched low on his nose. He was working on paperwork. _

_Working on Christmas... I smirked when I saw Alice notice. She would not like that. _

"_Dad," Alice scolded, crossing her arms across her chest with a stern look on her face. _

_Dan rolled his eyes at his daughter in amusement and took his glasses off, placing them on top of his papers. Alice was over to him in seconds once he was off the bar stool. She was in his arms, giving him the biggest bear hug that she could before she pulled away to give him a quick peck on the cheek. _

"_Merry Christmas!" she cheered, bouncing up and down from her heels to toes. _

_Dan laughed, probably because of her over excitement for the holiday. "Merry Christmas, baby girl." _

_I smiled at the sight of them, but removed my eyes from the interaction. It was weird for me to stare. It was good to see Alice had such a great dad though... _

"_You just going to stand there boy, or are you going to come give me a hug?" Dan called from across the room. He had a shining grin on his face, as usual. It was clear where Alice got her optimism from. There was something behind the smile. The look in his eyes. The soft, knowing look. He always held that look when he looked at me. I came to recognize the look eventually. It was his fatherly love for me. The kind of love I knew I would never receive from my own father. _

_I was so thankful for it though and practically jogged across the room to give him a hug. _

"_Merry Christmas," I smiled happily as I pulled back. _

"_A very Merry Christmas, Spencer," Dan chuckled as he patted my shoulder with a fond look in his eyes. My eyes quickly flickered to Alice's though. It was a natural reaction. My eyes always searched for her, even if I had just looked at her moments before. _

_Alice's eyes shone at the sight of Dan and me. It made my heart swell in my chest. I loved her so much. Those looks she gave made my knees weak and my stomach flip. _

"_Would you guys like to help me prepare breakfast?" Dan asked as he grabbed his papers off the bar and started to slip them into a briefcase. _

_I answered before Alice could, "Actually, I just have to get something ready, but if Alice wants to help you she can." _

_Dan and Alice both gave me curious looks and I just smiled lightly. _

"_All right," Dan shrugged and turned on his heels._

_Alice took a few steps closer to me and raised her eyebrows, probably wanting to get a clue of what I was going to do. She knew it would be about her. It was always about her if it involved me. She knew that all too well. _

"_Not gonna say a thing, baby," I laughed at the pout that was starting to form on her bottom lip as I hadn't said anything. _

"_Not even a clue?" she said sadly, wrapping her warm, little hand around mine. It made my heartbeat speed up. I'd never get tired of that... _

"_Not even a clue," I nodded and leaned down to give her a quick peck on the lips. She sighed in frustration but returned the kiss. "Go help your dad for a bit, okay?" _

_Alice nodded, "Okay." _

_I smiled gratefully at her and let go of her hand, heading out of the room, but stopped for a moment, looking back at Alice who was watching me walk away. Obviously she had been checking me out. _

_As I caught her in the act, a grin stretched over her face and she shrugged sheepishly. "Can't help it!" she exclaimed and turned quickly, skipping out of the room. _

_I laughed under my breath and shook my head. It was impossible for me to love that girl more than I did right now. I could not wait to ask her to be mine. _

_I headed for the front door, grabbing my boots and jacket. It was going to be a cold morning, but very worth it. I headed out the door, into the chilly December air and breathed out, seeing my breath fog in the air. Time to get to work. _

_It took me at least an hour to get the whole scene put together. I wasn't doing anything too crazy. I just wanted it to be special. At first I had thought of waiting until we were at the cottage to ask her. The cottage was special to us and I thought it could have been the perfect place. But to be honest, I just couldn't wait that long. We wouldn't be going there for a few months. _

_After I had it all set up, I texted Alice to come out to the front yard. I told her to follow the trail that I had left her out in front of her house. It would only be minutes now until she would find me. _

_I leaned back against a tree, twirling a frosted rose between my fingers. Okay, maybe I went a little out of my way for her. I didn't want her to ever forget this. And I knew Alice loved this kind of stuff. _

_After a minute, Alice came from around the corner, following the trail of rose petals I had laid out from her house to here. Her eyes didn't come to me though. They followed the trail and I kept quiet. I wanted her to follow the trail because at the end of it, the words 'Alice Cullen, will you be my girlfriend?' were written across the untouched snow in rose petals. I stood right beside the question mark, leaning against the tree with a rose in my hand. _

_I had quickly went in the house and changed my clothes and was now wearing dress pants and a silk dress shirt, black pants and red shirt, hoping it would go nicely with the rose theme. _

_Alice gaped at the sight of everything in front of her. "Spence," she whispered, stunned, blinking at the snow. Eventually her eyes drifted upwards and looked up at me with the most tender look in her eyes. _

"_I-I...yes! Yes. I want to be your girlfriend," she stuttered, bringing her arms up like a little child asking for their mother. She looked so vulnerable in the moment. I crossed the space between us and picked her up, hugging her tightly. She said yes. _

"_It's about time you asked me!" Alice mock scolded me as I eventually pulled back from the hug and let her back down onto the ground. She hit me gently on the chest, but her pretend scold quickly faded away as love filled her eyes. _

"_Sorry," I smiled, looking into those green eyes of hers. So soft. So much love. If I could just stand here and drown in her eyes for eternity, I would be a happy man. _

_Alice rolled her eyes, brushing my apology off, knowing she didn't really mind waiting. We had been a couple before I just asked her now. _

"_You asked me on Christmas. It was worth it," Alice told me a matter of factly, reaching up to stroke my cheeks adoringly. I noticed her eyes flickering toward my lips and back. I chose to ignore it, letting her suffer just a bit. _

"_Christmas is your favorite day of the year," I murmured under my breath. The emotion of the moment was having effects on my voice. _

_Alice's lips tilted upwards in a grin at my words. "Christmas is an even better day now," she whispered, tiptoeing up, obviously still wanting that kiss. Again, I didn't reach forward though. I was a teasing boyfriend, okay? That sounded good. Boyfriend. _

"_It is. The best day of the year," I nodded, keeping the conversation so she wouldn't be able to kiss me. "We'd better get back inside though. I don't want my new girlfriend getting sick from the cold," I said, putting down the rose in my hands to rub her arms, making sure she was staying warm. She did have a coat on, but I noticed she was still in her pajamas. _

_I watched Alice's eyes light up at the word girlfriend and smiled. She liked the sound as much as I liked the thought of the word boyfriend. We both had been waiting too long to call each other that. Alice shook her head and pulled my head gently towards her. "Just a few more minutes."_

_I rolled my eyes, but leaned my head down a little, breathing against her lips, teasing. I felt Alice shiver against the cold breeze that I had just blown on her face and pulled back with a smirk. "You're cold, hun. We should go," I murmured, pretending to be concerned. _

_Alice gave me a very frustrated look and grabbed my face, bringing me roughly to her lips. Someone was getting impatient... I held back a laugh as she kissed me desperately. _

_I kissed her back though. Of course I did. I wanted the kiss as badly as her. I just prolonged it to tease her. _

_My lips melted into hers, becoming so oddly close to one another's that it was scary sometimes. Alice sighed against my lips when she realized I wasn't pulling away this time and I wrapped my arms tightly around her, keeping one hand pressed against her back, keeping her against me, and the other on the back of her neck. Alice's hands, as always, landed in my hair, tugging on it as our kiss became much more than a innocent, chaste kiss. _

"_I love you," I panted against her lips as I pulled back to get some air. I felt like I was going to explode with all the emotion behind our kiss. Alice moaned quietly at my words and started to unbutton my shirt, her cold fingers sending shivers down my spine. _

"_B-baby, too cold for that," I whispered, closing my hands around her, stopping her halfway down my shirt. It only a half honest refusal though. I just didn't want her getting carried away. She was only fourteen. I was fifteen. We could wait longer than this. _

_Alice's lips pouted out, but I quickly distracted her by kissing up her jaw to her earlobe and sucking hungrily on her earlobe. _

"_Your actions don't agree with your words, Spence," Alice laughed and reached for my shirt again, pushing on the collar, trying to tug it down since it already mostly unbuttoned. The cold wind kind of felt good against the heat of my skin. _

"_Don't," I murmured, letting go of her ear and pulling back, still smiling adoringly at her though. I didn't want her to think I was rejecting her. I wanted her to know I didn't want us to freeze to death out here or do something neither of us was really ready for. _

"_You're such a worry wart," Alice giggled and let me pull back. She buttoned my shirt back up for me with a sparkling look in her eyes. When she was done and all buttons were back how they were before, she ran her hands down on my chest and looked up with a satisfied look on her face. _

"_Thank you for asking me," she said gently, looking deeply into my eyes. _

"_Thank you for saying yes," I replied sweetly, sweeping down to give her one more kiss. This time I kept it innocent and pulled back before I pulled into the inevitable temptation. _

_Alice rolled her eyes, brushing off my comment and slipping her hand into mine. "Guess you're all mine," she said as she began to pull us into a walk. I leaned down to grab her rose off the ground, taking it with us. We followed the path of rose petals back to the house. _

"_Guess you're all mine too," I grinned wickedly at her. No more of those boys moving in on my girl anymore. She was mine. Always mine now. _

"_No more of those stupid, fake girls trying to steal you..." I heard Alice grumble under her breath and I burst out laughing. Apparently we had both been struggling with the same thing. _

"_No more." I agreed, bobbing my head up and down in a nod. Definitely no more girls going after me and no more guys going after her. Well, knowing Alice, the guys would keep trying, but I knew she'd never leave me for some random guy. We had something special. _

"_Me and you forever?" Alice asked, stopping us for a moment. I stopped and turned to her, seeing the deep look in her green eyes, and almost melted. _

"_Forever," I promised her, reaching over to hand her the flower. "You couldn't get rid of me even if you tried," I joked, winking adoringly at her. _

I laughed bitterly out loud, without even realizing it. The only reason I did realize it was because everyone turned to look at me in confusion. I just shook my head and everyone obviously let it go because they thought I was losing my sanity. They were right...

The past stung though. Every one of those promises was branded into my mind. They were never going to disappear. They weren't even going to fade_. Me and you forever_...

I ran my hands over my head, trying to keep my breath regular. _You couldn't get rid of me even if you tried._

I couldn't make them stop. Today was worse than ever. I didn't sleep one wink of sleep last night because my mind was running through so many moments with Alice. Every Christmas. _Christmas is an even better day now._

Yeah, right, Christmas was probably the worst day of the year now. All I wanted to do was to lie in bed with too many bottles of alcohol and drown away every single Christmas I had ever experienced. Or drown out every single memory I had in general. I couldn't take them anymore.

_Spence._

That name. That single word made me snap as her panting voice whispered it into my memory. I jumped out of the chair at the table and everyone's eyes shot to mine.

"I-I... sorry," I whispered, dropping back down into my chair. Alice's eyes burned into mine as everyone tried to turn away again. Hers wouldn't move from mine though. She looked helpless. Hopeless...

I moved my eyes away from hers though, knowing her eyes would not help keep all the memories away. Her eyes were in every single memory. I grabbed the beer that was sitting on the table, hardly touched, just like my food, and chugged it. I didn't even take a breath, just chugged the whole thing. I needed to calm down. My hands were visibly shaking now. People were going to start asking questions.

"Take a breath, boy," my father scowled from across the table, giving me a disgusted look. "You're upsetting Alice."

With those words, my heart ached. Why did it have to matter so much? I looked over to Alice, who was still staring, her hand clenching Jasper's. I could see the white of her knuckles. She quickly ripped her eyes off mine after hearing Jim and looked down at her plate.

"Ow..." I heard someone groan and looked. Nick clenched his head in his hands, looking in pain.

I watch Chloe's eyes fill with concern and Jasper stood up instantly as if he was dying or something. The man probably just had a headache.

"Sweetheart," Chloe murmured, trying to pry his hands away from his face. "Are you okay?" Her voice shook a bit and I turned away, not wanting to invade their privacy...plus the love kind of made me nauseous now.

"I just have a headache. I think I need some fresh air." I looked up then, figuring the love was over, and saw Nick starting to get up from the table. It confused me when I saw his eyes staring at me as he got up. It was almost like he was trying to communicate with me through them.

"Want me to come?"

It made me laugh because all three of them asked Nick this at the exact same time. Jasper, Chloe and Alice were all ready to go out with him. It made the first good feeling today fill me though. I cared for Nick. Even though I seemed to have a hatred for humanity right now, he was one person who always seemed to be looking out for me.

Nick smirked at that too and rolled his eyes. "No, but how about you, Spencer? Would you like to join me?" Nick asked me and then shared a look with Chloe. She relaxed than and looked over at me, giving me an encouraging nod. Oh, I see. This was a scheme to get me outside to talk.

"Sure..." I mumbled, preferring to go anywhere but here. Half of my body wanted to run while the other half wanted to jump across this table and take Alice up to her room and start the affair I had been speaking of earlier today. I was becoming a horrible person... Wasn't there a saying out there that said thinking it was practically the same as doing it or something like that?

"May I be excused?" I asked Charlotte, before getting up, wanting to at least hold onto my manners. This was not my home and I had no right to leave the dinner.

Charlotte rolled her eyes and waved her hand to herself, bidding me to come to her. I got up with a tight smile and walked over to her.

"You are welcome to do whatever, Spence. You know that, darling," she murmured, reaching up to stroke my cheek. I saw that concern that had been swimming in Alice's eyes almost identical in her mother's.

I leaned down and kissed her cheek softly, as always and the straightened up and nodded at her. "I'll try not to be long. Enjoy dinner," I said politely, making it clear that I would be back, but it wouldn't be until dinner was over.

She understood instantly and nodded. She and my mom weren't trying to push me toward Alice anymore. I think they knew, just like I did, that it was worse to keep hoping...

I walked around the table and kissed my own mother's cheek, then followed Nick out of the room, keeping my eyes far away from Alice's.

Once we were in the hallway, Nick stopped and looked at me in silence. I watched him, meeting his gaze, staying in silence as he was. Was there something specific he wanted?

Eventually I gave in and said something. "Those were some strong reactions to your headache," I stated in a voice that lacked any emotion. I was becoming very used to that voice.

Nick didn't seem affected by my voice. He leaned against the wall, crossing his arms and gave me a one shouldered shrug. "I don't get sick," he informed me nonchalantly.

I furrowed my eyebrows at that. "Never?"

"Not really," Nick chuckled. "I'm as healthy as a horse."

"So, I'm figuring you don't really have a headache," I mumbled, looking away from him. If he didn't have a headache, that meant he just wanted me to come out here and I did not want to talk about why I was acting weird in there.

"No, sir," Nick said, giving me a pointed look. "But I do want to take a walk outside." He grabbed me playfully by the ear and dragged me to the front door. I didn't say anything or even smile.

We put our shoes and coats on and headed out the front door. My mind was fighting to shift back into memory mode as I saw the place where I had made a path of rose petals for Alice four years ago. Too long ago.

There was a light snow going on just like...well...four years ago and I shut my eyes as I walked, knowing this place like the back of my hand. I wasn't going to hit anything.

"Wanna talk about it?" Nick asked me quietly after a good minute of silence.

I sighed, "Talk about what?" Yes, I was playing dumb. What more could I tell him then what he already knew? I loved Alice. I would always love Alice. I needed her right now. I would always need her. Everyone knew and everyone probably thought it was getting annoying. Yes, I was obsessive and needy.

Nick shoved me and I had to open my eyes to catch myself. "Don't give me shit like that," Nick warned me, giving me a firm look. "You were zoned out for an hour. You didn't eat any of the delicious food and then you started getting all jumpy. My girlfriend thinks a _lot. _I know enough to know that something is happening in that head of yours," Nick said knowingly and cocked an eyebrow, waiting for the truth.

I rolled my eyes, but decided to admit the truth so he would leave me alone. Or maybe it was because I really just needed to let it out, but I didn't want to admit it. "It would have been our four year anniversary today." I stated coldly, narrowing my eyes at the snow on the ground, hating it instead of the people I wanted to hate but couldn't. I knew I didn't have to say anything more to Nick. That statement said everything.

Nick's eyes softened and he nodded, pressing his lips tightly together, continuing to walk down the Cullens' long driveway with me.

"It's not a very merry Christmas for you then, huh?" Nick mumbled, kicking the snow in front of him as he walked.

"Nope."

I still didn't want to talk about it.

"That sucks..." Nick stopped walking and gave me a look that I didn't know what it meant. He may have been in thought. "Why didn't you skip the dinner then? You didn't have to be here, did you? Or did your mom force you?" Nick asked me, looking flustered at why I would even show up to the dinner that my ex girlfriend would be at on the day that would have been our four year anniversary.

"No one forced me... I just...wanted to be here. Kind of," I answered cryptically, not exactly knowing why I had shown up in the first place. It was probably because I knew Alice would be here and it was Christmas and I knew it was still _her_ favorite day of the year even if it wasn't mine. I wanted to see her happy...

Or at least I had thought I did. It seemed to only make me more bitter though. I wanted her to be happy with me. Not him.

Nick took a deep breath in and I saw his eyes struggling, like he wasn't sure if he wanted to say what he was about to say. "Do you ever...you know...maybe you could go out with another girl?"

The sentence I hated most in the world. I couldn't count the amount of times my dad, my mom, Charlotte, Alice, everyone, had said that to me. It always resulted in the same reaction too. I got angry.

"No!" I snapped at Nick, sending him a dark, dangerous glare. I would never in my life go out with another girl. No other girl would ever touch me. Love me. Care for me. Date me. Marry me. Do anything with me.

Nick kept calm even with my not so calm reaction. "I know you might not want to, but maybe it would be for the best. Maybe you'd find the right girl, even," Nick shrugged, trying to convince me that there might be some Hope in the world for me.

I wouldn't accept it though.

"Nick, think about this," I started, my blood pumping with rage. "Let's say you continue dating Chloe for seventeen more years, okay? Then you are madly in love and have no idea how in the world you could live without her. You are_ so_ happy. Suddenly though, she is ripped away from you by another guy and you can't do anything to get her back. Twice. Can you imagine that?" I paused, taking a sharp breath of air.

Nick's face was almost horrified.

"Okay and then I see you and say 'Why don't you date someone else?' and then see how you feel. You'll probably want to beat the life out of me because nothing will ever be as good as Chloe. Or for me, Alice." I knew it wasn't right to take all my frustrations out on him, but he asked for it. My breath was still coming short and fast. I clenched my hands and shut my eyes, calming myself.

"I guess I see what you mean..." Nick trailed off.

"Yeah. Try loving someone your whole life, never knowing a life without them, and then suddenly they're gone. It's kind of like air. You've had air your whole life, didn't think it could ever be taken away, and you know if it was you'd die. And guess what? Suddenly the air is gone. You're gone too," I explained, grabbing onto the hair that wasn't long enough to grab anymore. Instead, I just held the back of my head.

Nick blinked, still in shock. I guess using the Chloe example was a bit tough... Maybe I shouldn't have done that. Just because I was miserable didn't mean he had to be.

Nick composed himself after a few moments though. He sighed quietly and gave me a look which I thought was something like him wanting me to hear him out for a moment. He put a hand up and that confirmed my thoughts.

"Okay, I totally understand. Just hear me out though." He paused, waiting for my permission. I was grateful for that. He wasn't trying to force his opinion on me. He was asking if I wanted it. I did because I knew all my plans and thoughts were not getting me anywhere.

"You know in hospitals how they have those machines that give you oxygen? It gives you breath until you can breathe on your own. Maybe that was what Alice was for you? Maybe she was just with you until it was time for you to breathe on your own. Maybe it was easier with the breathing machine, but eventually you have to breathe on your own. Maybe Alice served her purpose in your life, man."

I gave him kudos for matching his example up with mine, but didn't want to accept his theory even if it was true.

"Spencer, it's not like you'll be alone without Alice. I am one hundred percent certain that there is a girl out there waiting for you. You might even already know her, but because you are so focused on Alice, you are overlooking her," Nick suggested the idea to me with wide, open eyes, hoping I might give his thoughts a chance.

"And maybe the world will end in 2012," I grumbled, but smirked at him. I didn't want to talk about it anymore. I would think about his theories. Of course I would. I would think about anything that would get me out of pit of darkness I seemed to be in without Alice.

Nick laughed a carefree laugh and nodded. "Touché."

He shoved my shoulder and we began to walk again. "Just think about what I said though... Your lifeless eyes worry me, man," he told me, narrowing his eyes, making sure I was going to do it.

"Yeah, yeah," I rolled my eyes, but nodded.

"Good," Nick nodded back and by then we were at the end of the driveway. I decided I would repay him the advice by asking about his own life. If he needed advice I probably wasn't the best person to ask since my life was a disaster, but at least he could get his frustrations out as well.

"So, how are things with Chloe? They look a lot better. The time I saw you, you were getting drunk in my room because she was avoiding you."

Nick chuckled in amusement but gave me a knowing look. "Yes... That was a complete mistake. Apparently she was working that much because her parents stopped paying her rent when they found out about me. That was why she was never around." I think this was the most embarrassed I had never seen him in my life. All his features were sheepish and his cheeks were a bit red.

I smirked at the situation though. That was tough. "I guess she's okay with you not being out of high school then?" I inquired curiously. I had wondered because Chloe never seemed to be the kind of girl to dump someone because they didn't finish high school. Especially since she had apparently been cheating on Nick the entire time... I think Nick deserved a lot for not dumping her when he found that out.

"Yeah, she's fine with it. She's been encouraging me the whole time and helping me get my G.E.D. and hopefully by next year I'll be able to go to NYU with her," Nick told me with an excited grin on his face. It was obvious he couldn't wait to go to school with Chloe and Jasper. Staying at home when everyone he cared about was either at school or working must have sucked sometimes for him.

"That's good. And I'm guessing you still haven't told her about the whole jail situation...?" I trailed off when I saw his wide grin fade slowly into a hard line. He shook his head, looking frustrated, and rubbed the back of his neck stressfully.

"Not exactly..." he whispered, sounding in pain. "I just don't know how to tell her something like that, you know? It's a life changing subject. Would she want to be with a guy who has to be in hiding his whole life? Would she want to be with a guy who's wanted? I know I have to tell her though. Every second I don't tell her it's just going to be worse in the long run."

Nick groaned and rubbed his face between his hands. He looked more stressed than I had ever seen him before. "I think I might tell her after New Years. That way it could be like a new start for us. That's when we'll start our new lives together in a new year without secrets. There are so many secrets though." He shook his head, looking exasperated.

"That's a good plan though. She'll accept you, Nick. Just pick a day and stick to it," I supported him, clapping his shoulder like he always did to me. I had no doubt that Chloe would be okay with what he did as long as she found out through him and not him being caught by the police or something.

Nick gave me a desperately hopeful look. "I don't know what I'd do if she didn't. Yeah, okay, I think I'm going to do it the morning after New Year's Eve. That way she can enjoy the night and then I'll break the news to her in the morning," Nick laughed bitterly, smirking at me.

I rolled my eyes. "Stick to that plan and if you don't, I'll find her and tell her," I warned him, giving him a pointed look, and then laughed. It was a rough, awkward laugh but it was the closest I had come to a laugh in a while.

"I'll be wanted for your murder too if you do that," he growled at me, but I knew it was all good naturedly.

"Whatever, you'd never hurt me. You love me too much," I joked, shoving him gently and turning around, heading back towards the house.

"Yeah, just don't tell Chloe. She gets jealous of our relationship," Nick winked at me and started walking with me too. On the way back through Alice's long driveway, we talked about randomness. My job, his lack of a job, etc. Once we got back to the house, I noticed two people standing on the steps. As we got closer, I recognized them as Alice and Chloe and tensed up.

"Hey, I'm going to go for a drive. I'll see you later," I said quickly at the bottom of the steps to the porch, getting out of here before Alice would start asking me questions and I would say or do stupid things.

Nick's eyebrow furrowed, but he nodded and gave me a light smile. "See you later, man," he said, giving me a wave as I turned in my steps.

"Spence!" Alice called as I walked away. I could hear her heels hitting the wooden steps of the porch, but kept walking to my car. With each step that she got closer to me, my heart ached more and more. Her presence hurt me too much.

"Wait up, Spence!" she said louder, probably hoping I hadn't heard the first time. What hurt more than her presence though was hurting her. I stopped and turned, seeing Nick and Chloe's sympathetic look and Alice's desperate one.

"Alice, I'm just leaving now. I'll see you at work," I mumbled stiffly as she came closer to me. Her body froze at my words and then her face fell, broken.

"Oh," she whispered, agonized by my rejection. I took a quick breath, stabilizing myself. There was no use in going over to comfort her because it would only make everything worse.

"Yeah, so, bye," I said so fast I wasn't sure she would hear me and then turned on my heels and headed for my car. I heard Alice's heels again though.

"W-wait," Alice stuttered and I could hear the emotion tearing her voice apart. No matter how many times I tried to pull away, something stopped me. Every single time.

"What?" I snapped, not turning around. That was, until I felt Alice's warm hand wrap around my wrist.

A surge of heat shot up my arm and I jumped around, ripping my arm out of her grasp. I couldn't take it.

Alice jumped back, scared of my reaction. My body, heart and mind all froze in that moment, with that scared look on Alice's face. She was afraid of me.

I had made Alice afraid of me. All feeling suddenly vanished from my being. All emotions. I just stared at her expression. I did that. I, Spencer Wright, made Alice Cullen fear me. I was a monster.

"I-I'm s-sorry," Alice apologized, looking anywhere but me, her hands trembling. I saw her chin quivering. She was going to cry. "I-I, umm, I never, you, uh," Jasper was suddenly behind Alice. He came out of nowhere and his hand was on her arm. She practically jumped into his arms, shaking.

Her face was pressed into his chest, but I still made out the words she whispered to me, "I never got to say Merry Christmas to you, S-Spence."

With those words, the fear in them, the tears that covered them, I realized I hadn't just lost Alice. I had lost myself. My heart. Everything.

**Author's Note: Lots and lots of Spencer. It had to happen at some point. Lol. Hoped you guys all enjoyed that. I know that the moment Spencer asked Alice to be his girlfriend was an outtake some of you guys had been asking for you, so I put it into the chapter for you guys! Hoped you enjoyed that. :). **

**Review! **


	42. Chapter 42

**Author's Note: Oh wow, it feels like we haven't posted in forever. But without any father ado here is your fix of Hope. Enjoy! :)**

Forgotten Hope Chapter 42-

_JPOV_

My first real Christmas in years turned out to be more amazing than I could have hoped for. Our morning, afternoon and then evening were all perfect, even with dinner with the Cullens and Wrights. Alice's mom and Spencer's mom seemed to be genuine for once. Apparently, it was because I had given Alice permission to attend Spencer's fashion show. I didn't know why they were so surprised I would let her. Of course I would. I wasn't trying to steal Alice from them. That wasn't my intention at all.

The one thing that was weird was that I couldn't _remember_ a fashion show. I don't know if it was just slipping my mind or if Alice had asked me when I was half asleep and maybe I had slept through the entire situation?

Either way, I did not remember her asking me. I didn't let it bother me for too long though. I was glad I was able to smooth over things with the moms. I was also glad that Alice was there for Spencer at his show.

Despite being glad that Alice could...well... be _Alice_ and be there for him, I was not very thrilled with Spencer. His actions at the end of the night were not very appealing. I knew he wasn't stable right now. He was losing it. He was breaking down. It didn't mean he should treat Alice that way, though. She was only trying to help. She could have just broken up with him and left him high and dry, but instead she had tried and tried to keep her friendship with him strong.

It was frustrating. The day had been going so well and then to see Alice's eyes so broken...so afraid. It broke me. I didn't want to see Alice so sad on Christmas. I didn't ever want to see her so upset by something. I knew it would only make things worse if I snapped at Spencer too. I had kept myself calm and just held her, telling her everything would be fine. He was just upset.

How long would he act like this though? How long would he treat Alice like an enemy? I had seen him ignore her when he first came down and realized she was there. I had seen Alice's eyes waver in their usually brightness. She needed his approval. His friendship. Even his love, unfortunately. That was the reason I put up with him. But if she was just getting more negativity from the relationship than positivity, then was it really worth it at all? I wasn't the one to make that decision though. That one was up to Alice.

Was she able to make that decision? I didn't think so. This was the Alice who only remembered Spencer. She probably couldn't imagine giving him up. That was Alice though... She never gave up on anyone. She never saw the bad in anyone. She always looked for the good in people. Unfortunately, that quality seemed to be getting us into a lot of trouble. First in Forks and now here in New York.

I couldn't complain too much, though. That quality was the reason why she gave _me_ a chance, so I was all for it. To an extent... I wouldn't let what had happened with Mack ever happen again.

And speaking of Mack, in a few days we would be heading out to Forks. It was New Years Eve today. Almost the start of the new year. We would be leaving on January 3. I wasn't hoping to start out new this year though. I was hoping that when we headed back to Forks, it would give us a taste of the past, especially for Alice. I had complete Hope that one day she would remember everything. I knew her mind was already opening up and letting small memories slip through. I could see her remembering things all the time. It was just a matter of waiting...

All we had to do was get through the next few days, which wasn't very hard since we were on vacation. I could wait until school started back up and I had to train for football season again and go to all my classes. I dreaded it, really. I liked school, but I hardly saw Alice during it. I would get our week away first, though, so hopefully that would help me cope.

I think the only trouble I would have right now was the New Year's party tonight. Alice's parents had an annual New Year's bash or something and had invited all of us to join them. Of course, we had accepted the invitation because I wouldn't want to be anywhere else but with Alice's family. Especially since they were finally giving us a chance.

I just hoped nothing too dramatic would happen because it seemed like every holiday brought new drama. Thanksgiving was pretty much a disaster, but in the end, it did bring Alice and me together. Something good came out of it.

Then obviously, Christmas brought the drama and tension between Alice and Spencer...

It also brought back many memories in my mind that had scared me quite a bit. Memories had just been flooding through my mind of previous Christmases, which contained being beat up, being alone or spending time with girls that were nothing like Alice at all. I had been pretty on-edge, but I kept my cool for Alice. The memories had only seemed to surge more as the day went on though. Chloe had just barely touched me and I almost gasped at the intense emotions and memories that filled me. It wasn't Alice's touch and that reminded me of...well... the girls that weren't Alice and all I had done with them. They weren't my fondest memories.

Eventually I had pulled myself back into the present though and enjoyed the Christmas dinner with Alice and her family.

Tonight would probably be another one of those nights, though, and I was anxious about it. But what else could happen that hadn't already? We had already been through so much. Spencer and Alice really couldn't get worse. I was sure he would just avoid her if he showed up and Alice probably wouldn't be trying to get too close to him after what had happened.

I hoped that my memories would keep to themselves tonight because I knew New Year's was as bad as Christmas when it came to my past. It was filled with a bunch of parties where I either got into fights or watched over Nick, who got himself too drunk to remember who anyone was.

Nick. I was sure this was going to be so different for him. He had been getting used to the new life and doing pretty well... He hadn't touched alcohol since that earlier incident with Chloe. He had seen how much trouble it had caused. I was relieved, because I had been trying to get Nick to understand that drinking himself into numbness wasn't going to help anything for as long as I could remember. He hadn't believed me until now.

I knew tonight was a new start for him. He had talked to me about tonight many times. He kept questioning himself over and over. He had decided to tell Chloe about his past_-everything_ about his past- tomorrow. He said he wanted them to start the New Year right because holding onto the secrets were just making things worse.

Nick was smartening up. He had been stalling. He was afraid she would leave him, but both Alice and I thought that was completely ridiculous. Chloe had been through a lot too and Nick had accepted her. I thought she would accept him right back. I could be wrong...but I doubted it. Chloe was a good person and I could tell how much she truly loved Nick.

A ringing noise snapped me out of my thoughts and I sprung up out of bed, surprised by the sound. Oh. It was just Alice's phone. I reached over to her side of the bed and grabbed it off of the nightstand. She was in the shower... maybe she was expecting a call? I jumped up and started jogging over to the door of our bathroom.

"Darling! Your phones ringing!" I called. I heard water stop almost immediately after I called in. "Want me to answer it?" I asked her as I glanced down at the caller ID. There wasn't a name, but there was a number I didn't recognize. Hmm.

"No!" Alice yelled and jumped out of the bathroom, dripping wet and in a towel, and grabbed the phone from my hands. Her eyes looked panicked and I blinked.

"All right..." I trailed off, giving her a questioning glance. What was that all about?

She pressed a button and handed me back the phone. She ignored the call.

"...I could have done that for you, love," I chuckled quietly, looking down at the phone and then back at her, dripping water all over our carpet. I tried to keep my suspicious emotions away because I knew they would just eat me up for the rest of the day. Whoever she kept talking to was annoying me... It was like a wall between us.

I reached over to Alice and wiped a droplet of water off of her chin, trying to distract myself. Alice had a reason.

Alice shrugged her perfect little shoulders at me and leaned over to leave a soft kiss on my jaw. No explanation again. I sighed quietly, but let it go and turned around, heading back to lie on the bed in thought.

"Jazz..." Alice whispered so quietly I almost couldn't hear it. I tilted my head back a bit to see her, but didn't turn around. Her eyes were wide, open, pleading. Why was she pleading? I was so confused about the whole thing...

I rolled my eyes at her to reassure her that I didn't mind. Maybe it was a lie, but I didn't want her worrying about it. I was just being melodramatic. She had a life other than me and I didn't have to know everything. Especially now, when we were just starting to know each other again... Or when _she_ was just starting to get to know _me_ again. I always knew my Alice...

She smiled a half smile. It was hardly a smile. Weak and forced. She headed back to her shower and I peaked down at her phone, slowly sitting back down on the bed. Curiosity starting to flare in me. I could just... scroll through her contacts. There was nothing wrong with that. It was casual. Not overprotective...

No. It would be invading her privacy. I growled at myself and dropped the phone on the bed. My hands found my hair quickly, tugging on the curls. I had to get over this. I was being absurd. It could have just been someone from work. Maybe she didn't want me picking up her work phone calls.

"Hale!" Nick called, coming jogging into my room in jogging pants and a loose shirt. "Want to come bring Dakota out for a run with me?" he asked with an excited smile.

I laughed at his enthusiasm. That boy loved that dog. It had hardly been a week and he had barely left the little guy alone. The only time he left him was when Chloe was around and she had his attention. Chloe had been working a lot lately, again, so Nick was spending most of his time here with Dakota, Alice and me.

"Sure," I shrugged.

Nick gave me a thumbs up and headed out of my room. "We can pick Chloe up from work on our way back," he added in quickly as he hurried off.

I scoffed quietly at him, knowing that the jog was just an excuse to pick Chloe up from work. Nick didn't like her having to walk through the snow and cold temperatures of New York. Of course, Chloe thought he was being completely ridiculous. I agreed with him though. Our place wasn't exactly close to her work and it was at least an hour walk away from there.

Plus, Alice had given Chloe a stern talking to about walking '_those shoes_' through '_that snow_'. Alice had not been pleased at all.

I grabbed a sweatshirt out of the closet and pulled it over my head, heading back over to the bathroom door. I tapped lightly on the door before walking in, knowing it was fine. The shower was blocked. I couldn't see anything.

"Alice, I'm going to take a jog with Nick and then pick up Chloe, okay?" I said, walking toward the shower. Alice popped her wet head out, looking at me and nodded.

"That's fine. Don't be out too long though. We have to be at my parent's house in two hours," she reminded me. I could still see a troubled look in her eyes and I frowned.

"We'll take the car and drive out to a trail, jog, pick up Chloe, and be back in no time," I assured her. "Just hope we don't slip on ice and die," I added to try and get a smile out of her. I even added a wink in there for effect.

Alice narrowed her eyes at me. "Don't you dare." She pointed her finger accusingly at me, but I saw a smile tugging on the sides of her lips and grinned. There was that beautiful smile of hers. I stepped forward, close enough to kiss her, and kissed both sides of her lips, loving it too much to kiss her and ruin it. Smiling and kissing were two things that were hard to do at the same time.

"I won't," I promised her, lingering close to her face. I had the urge to keep kissing her, but I knew Nick would storm in here eventually and that might not be pretty.

Alice's eyes were glazed over and I saw her staring at my lips, but then she quickly blinked and looked away. "'Kay, see you later, Jazz," she whispered and slipped back into her shower. It almost felt like she shut me out. Again.

"I love you!" I called through the shower. "Lots!"

I headed out of the bathroom after that, knowing she wasn't ready to say it back just yet. I could live with that. The love in her eyes told me she loved me every day and I was perfectly fine with that. I didn't need the words to be happy. _She _made me happy.

I grabbed a pair of socks and headed for the living room. Nick was already ready in a sweatshirt and running shoes. Dakota was prancing around as Nick tried to keep her still on a lease.

"Puppy school starts next week," he informed me, leaning down to scratch behind Dakota's ear affectionately.

"Sweet," I smiled, putting my socks and shoes on. That would be interesting to watch. Nick trying to train a dog. It would definitely test his patience and it would be very entertaining. I was definitely going to see this.

Nick rolled his eyes because he must have seen my amused expression. He punched me in the shoulder.

I just laughed and shook my head, getting up from tying my shoes. "Let's hit the road," I told him, clapping his shoulder, holding back my smirk from earlier.

"Ready for a jog, Dakota?" Nick asked him, receiving a loud, excited bark in response. It was a good thing he was an energetic dog.

Nick and I headed out. We found a nice deserted trail in the park that wasn't too full of snow and took a jog. We jogged for a good hour and then decided if we took any longer, Alice would definitely strangle us, plus Dakota was pooped. The poor thing had made it that long and then, even though he was a ball of energy, he was exhausted. I was pretty tired, too. Jogging in the snow was a lot harder than jogging on dirt. It felt like we had run for a lot longer than we really had.

Nick toweled Dakota off before letting him in the car so he wouldn't ruin the backseat, and then we headed for Chloe's work. It wasn't too far from where we had gone jogging and we ended up at her work almost exactly at the time she was supposed to be finishing up. We parked the car, leaving Dakota in there. He'd be okay for a couple of minutes without us. He was out cold, sprawled out in the backseat anyways.

Nick and I headed out into the small, but cozy bookstore Chloe worked at. With the ring of the bell that was over the door, Chloe's head popped up as she sat behind the desk with a book on her lap. Apparently, it hadn't been too busy. I wasn't surprised. It was New Year's Eve- everyone was getting ready for their night.

"Hey," Chloe grinned, setting the book down on her counter and standing up. I saw her eyes flicker to the clock on the wall and then back to us. "I didn't know you were picking me up."

Nick rushed forward and looked around the store before slipping behind the counter and giving Chloe a hug. The boy was going to get that girl fired one day.

It was a couple minutes after five now. Alice would be scolding us when we got back if we didn't get back soon, even though it'd only take Nick and me five minutes to change and be ready to leave. I guess Chloe had to get ready though, and she was still in her work clothes right now.

Nick was blabbering on to Chloe at a thousand miles a minute as she stood in front of him with an amused expression. She glanced at me and smirked, silently laughing at Nick for his excitement. He was in a good mood today. I think it was because he was actually kind of excited to get everything off of his chest tomorrow.

"Ready to go, love birds?" I asked, leaning against the counter because I knew if I didn't ask now, we'd be waiting a while for Nick to shut up.

"Yep. Just let me tell Marcy that I'm leaving," Chloe said with a light smile. She leaned up and pecked Nick's cheek before walking towards the back.

Nick stood behind the counter for a second, eyeing it curiously. For a second, as he stood behind the register, I was worried he was going to open it and that we would all get in trouble, but he just stood there."How do I look back here?" Nick asked me curiously.

I hesitated for a moment, uncertain of what exactly he wanted me to say. "Okay?" I mumbled questioningly.

Nick laughed and rolled his eyes then came around from the counter. "I was thinking of applying for some jobs..." he informed me, cocking an eyebrow up. I guessed he wanted to know my opinion on the matter.

It was a bit of a tricky situation, since he was still wanted for murder and he would be seen a lot more while working than if he was just chilling at our apartment, studying for his GED tests, and completing booklets. But we were pretty far away from Forks right now. People might not recognize him, but there would always be a chance. Guilt filled me at that thought. It should be me that's hiding all the time, not Nick. He shouldn't have to hide for his whole life.

"That might be a good idea," I said with a shrug, leaving it up to him. I didn't have to warn him of the chances of him being caught. Nick was always careful. He would have already thought through that.

Nick gave me a sad, conflicted smile, which confirmed my thoughts. He had been thinking about the possibilities of being caught. "I'll have to at some point," he reasoned with a shrug.

"Yeah I know. Just be careful. You cannot work with cops," I warned him seriously, holding back a smirk.

Nick rolled his eyes at me and was about to say more, but snapped his mouth shut as Chloe walked back into the room.

"All ready?" Nick asked her sweetly, reaching his hand out.

Chloe's face stretched into a smile and grabbed Nick's hand. "Yeah."

She put her coat on and grabbed her bag and we all headed for the car. Nick jumped into the back with Dakota and we were on our way home.

Chloe came straight over to our place. We didn't have to stop and get her a dress because Alice and she had already gone out and bought what they wanted to wear tonight. I had a feeling that Alice was doubling Chloe's wardrobe like she had done to the rest of us. Chloe probably didn't mind though. I had seen her shopping with Alice before. She was enjoying it just as much as Alice had been. It was beyond me how Nick and I had ended up with such fashionable girls. We had been quite the opposite before meeting them. We were used to our jeans, undershirts or beaters, and the gang jackets on top. The classic bad boy look, I suppose, but not creative at all.

"What kind of party is it?" Nick asked out of nowhere in the silence of the car. We were almost at the apartment.

I squinted my eyes and looked into the rear view mirror at Nick. I couldn't tell his expression because it was almost completely blank. Never a good sign.

"I'm not sure. It's at Alice's parents place though. It should be pretty quiet," I explained, using a soft, knowing tone. I had a feeling he was worried about what would be going on at the party. I was sure there wouldn't be much drinking or anything since it was being hosted by Dan and Charlotte.

I was glad for that because, as always, I did not really like being in the presence of alcohol. I was sure Nick felt the same way because Chloe was around.

"All right," Nick sighed quietly, leaning back into his seat with a look of relief on his face.

Chloe looked back at him with an interested look on her face, curious about his question, but Nick remained silent. She would understand tomorrow when he explained everything, which would include his past alcoholism.

We pulled into the driveway of the apartment before Chloe could question either of us, thankfully. I think she was just letting it go.

"Dakota jogged with us for an hour through the snow," Nick started a new conversation as we neared the elevator, returning to his usual excited self when it came to his new dog. Chloe matched his enthusiasm for Dakota though.

Alice was waiting right by the door as we entered, with a dress in her hand and a stern look on her face.

"We have to leave in half an hour, Jazz. _Half an hour_." Alice stressed, pointing a finger accusingly at me. I stiffened seeing her serious expression. I hadn't given her enough time.

Her eyes narrowed at me and I flashed her an innocent smile, not knowing what else to do. Yes, making her melt was all I could do and then sugar coat it. "I know. I also know that you are the most talented fashion..." I paused, thinking of a word, "..._person_ in the world. I thought I would challenge your talent to help you improve. Just trying to help you, love," I teased, leaning over to give her the sweetest kiss I could.

She caved, losing her stern expression, and a smile came stretching across her face. "You're a suck up," she stated, but let my timing go. She grabbed Chloe's hand and dragged her off to our room. Chloe followed quickly, amused.

"Smooth," Nick laughed, rolling his eyes as he plopped down on the couch. I followed suit and plopped down beside him, grabbing the TV remote to watch some football.

"Nick! Jasper! Get ready!" Alice called from the across the apartment, stopping me from turning the TV on. Both Nick and I sighed in unison and grudgingly got up from the couch to go change. How elegant was this party going to be? This was definitely going to be a night that was different than our usual New Year's celebrations. Not that I had ever been celebrating a new year.

I walked to our room where Alice was waiting outside the bathroom for Chloe, tapping her foot impatiently. I paused before asking her what I should wear, uncertain if I would unleash something I couldn't handle. Slack and a dress shirt were probably fine with her. But if they weren't, then I might unleash something even worse.

I sighed to myself and asked, "Darling, what would you like me to wear?" That seemed like a safe question. I stated straight out that I was giving the decision fully to her.

Alice smirked, probably catching that I was being careful, and skipped over. "I'll grab something for you, just wait here." She quickly went into the closet and was back out in a matter of seconds with an outfit and shoes picked out for me.

"You're amazing," I reminded her as she handed me my outfit. She flashed a grin at me, seeming elated by my compliment. She let herself relax for a moment and leaned forward, giving me a full kiss on the lips, making me elated.

"Love you," I whispered softly against her lips, looking deeply into her eyes, successfully finding the love she had for me buried inside of them.

Someone cleared their throat very quietly behind us and I stepped back, knowing it was Chloe. Nick wouldn't have been polite enough to tell us he was here in such a quiet manner.

"I'll go change," I told them, taking a few steps away from Alice, but stopping to send her a wink. She smiled sweetly at me, but waved me off, knowing I was taking up important time right now. I quickly went into the bathroom and changed into the outfit that was thankfully just slacks and a dress shirt. Alice usually kept it simple for me. Thank God for that. I don't think I could pull of a sweater vest like Spencer had. I wasn't exactly the prim, proper, rich looking type. It worked for Spencer, but simple worked for me.

I left a few buttons of my shirt open and combed my hair, making myself look as presentable as I could for a function at the Cullens' place. I quickly added some cologne and then headed out of the bathroom in record time. Done in ten minutes. Alice would be proud.

"Ali! It's New Year's Eve, cut me some slack," I heard Nick arguing from outside my room and sighed. You would think by now he would realize he could not win against Alice. Chloe was still in our room, applying some makeup to her eyes, but stopped when she heard Nick's voice. She was smirking.

I chuckled and left the room, going to break up the little fight that was going on in Nick's room. I leaned against the door frame of his room and saw him in black jeans and a beater. That was something he normally wore around the apartment. From what I heard, I was guessing that this was what he was hoping to wear tonight.

"I am! Just put this shirt over that and I won't say anything more, I promise."

Alice pouted, reaching out to hand Nick a white dress shirt. Nick glared darkly at the shirt and shook his head stubbornly.

"No. It will get hot and stuffy with all those people. I'll end up wanting to rip that thing off. Plus, Ali, you have to admit, I look pretty hot in this. No one will complain." He winked at her and gave her a half smile, trying to butter her up.

Alice smirked and rolled her eyes, but didn't back down. She thrusted the shirt at him, cocking an eyebrow at him, daring him to challenge her once more.

Nick's nostrils flared and that was when Chloe entered the room, stopping the fight. I knew I could have, but it was just fun watching the two go at it. Both were too stubborn for their own good.

Chloe walked over and stood between the two, gently taking the shirt out of Alice's hand. "Sweetheart, can you wear the shirt? And if it gets too hot you can take it off," Chloe rationalized, giving them both a look.

I chuckled at that and then received two nasty glares from Nick and Alice. I put my hands up in surrender though, holding back my amusement.

"Fine," Nick huffed and took the shirt from Chloe, shoving his arms into the sleeves with a displeased look on his face. Chloe shook her head, but leaned forward and gave him a quick kiss. I guess Alice had been getting him to dress up a lot lately with all the holidays. I didn't believe he really minded that much anyhow.

Alice turned to the leave the room, but paused at me, smiling. "You look handsome," she said matter of factly, placing her hand on one of my chest plates.

"Why, thank you, darling. You look beautiful," I replied in the same tone, looking her up and down slowly. She always looked amazing, but her dresses made her even more. They always fit her figure perfectly, hugging her in all the right places.

"Thanks," she smiled brightly and kissed my cheek. "We'd better get going."

I nodded in agreement, glancing at my watch. It was ten to six. We planned to be there by six and if we left now we could make it by just after six. I'm sure her parents wouldn't notice too much because there would be many other guests. Alice informed me that though it wasn't a huge, crazy party, it would have a significant amount of people at it.

We all grabbed our outdoor clothing and headed out to the car, leaving Dakota in Nick's room where it was puppy safe, and we all squeezed into my car. I let Alice drive so the girls could sit in the front. I didn't want either of them trying to crawl out of the backseat in a dress.

With Alice's speeding, we made it to the Cullens' house in very good time for driving through the insane traffic and closed roads that came with New Year's Eve in New York. I was surprised we even made it here in half an hour. Alice knew New York like the back of her hand though. She knew all the short cuts and secrets.

The Cullens' long driveway was packed full of cars; even the grass was covered. Alice skilfully pulled into a spot between two cars and smiled proudly.

"Time to get this party started," Nick declared from the backseat, kicking Alice's seat lightly, telling her to get out. Alice and Chloe got out and put their seats down so we could get out, too. Nick and I took our places beside our girls and looked ahead. I couldn't hear any bass from out here. That was a good sign. There were no teenagers puking in the bushes. Another good sign. No one making out on the porch. I think this party was a lot safer than the other ones. I was pretty sure Nick and I would both be fine.

Alice slipped her hand into mine. I sighed at the comforting feeling. Hope. She began skipping forward, pulling me along with her excitedly. She led us quickly to her house and opened the door.

The place was pretty full of people. There were people taking coats and Alice's parents were greeting people cheerfully, kissing both cheeks and grinning from ear to ear. Dan looked like he was really enjoying himself. I knew he wasn't as into the whole thing as much as Charlotte was, but many of these people were probably his friends.

Alice's butler, Alfred, came over to us. "Can I take your coats? I'll leave them up in Alice's bedroom for you," he offered politely, professional as always. His eyes shone with an unusual excitement and happiness. I guess the holidays got to everyone.

"Sure!" Alice grinned and I helped her take off her coat. We all took off our outdoor clothing and Nick helped Alfred take it up, insisting that there was too much for him to hold. It was true.

"Hi, Mom!" Alice called, skipping ahead, dragging Chloe and I with her. We weren't far from the stairs, so Nick could still find us easily.

Alice's mother's eyes lit up at the sight of her daughter. I was so thankful they had gotten over their differences. I knew it had really upset Alice when her mother was giving her the silent treatment.

"Alice, darling, come here!" she ordered Alice gleefully, opening her arms wide for her. Alice let go of us and hugged her mother tightly.

"How's the party going?" Alice asked her mother as she pulled back and gave her dad a peck on the cheek. Dan smiled at her and then turned back to the people he had previously been talking to.

"Wonderfully!" her mother exclaimed with the same excitement that Alice had been holding. Charlotte's eyes rose over Alice's head and met mine. A smile graced her lips and I almost had a heart attack. She was smiling at me now?

"Come here, dear," she coaxed me, waving her hands toward herself. Maybe she was holding the role as a good hostess, or maybe she was actually accepting me. She had been oddly kind lately. Alice didn't even have to tell her to invite us this time. She had invited me, Nick and Chloe already.

I walked forward, glad for whatever reason she was being nice to me now. I hugged her warmly and hesitated, but then thought it was right, so I left a soft kiss on her cheek.

I pulled back quickly and Alice's hand was wrapped around mine instantly, ready to assure me as always. Charlotte swallowed and looked away from me, stiff. Okay, maybe she was not ready for the kiss on the cheek. Spencer always did that, didn't he? Oops.

"Hi Mrs. Cullen," Chloe greeted politely, giving Charlotte a light smile. "Thanks for inviting us to your party." Always so polite to everyone.

"Ditto," Nick added on quickly as he slipped his arm around Chloe's waist, grinning from ear to ear.

Charlotte seemed to recover quickly. I was grateful for that. Maybe it wasn't so bad then. Maybe she had been expecting as much and it still took her off guard.

"Oh, it's nothing, dear and please call me Charlotte," she replied warmly to Chloe, reaching out to touch her arm gently. Wow. She was really going out of her comfort zone tonight. Maybe it was her New Year's Resolution or something.

"Hey kids, how's about you guys head to the real party?" Dan suggested, sending his daughter a wink as whoever he had been talking to walked away. Wait, what? The real party? I wasn't sure if I liked the sounds of that.

I was a bit comforted by the fact that it didn't faze Alice. She smiled with enthusiasm and nodded, tugging once again on my hand. I rolled my eyes at her and let her lead the way through the scattered crowds of elegant looking middle aged men and women.

We all walked for a few minutes to a part of Alice's house I wasn't really familiar with. I had only really been in her room, her bathroom, the living room, dining room and kitchen. This was a whole new party of the house. The scenario changed as we walked and Alice led as to a room filled with younger looking people. They were all around our age or a bit older. No parents.

"There are two parties, really," Alice informed me nonchalantly.

The room was filled with teenagers who looked as elegant as their parents, but in a different way. The parents looked almost stiff and pretty fake. The teenagers, though, looked relaxed and like they were having fun. There was music playing, but not so loud that the house was shaking, like at our old parties. People were dancing while others were on couches talking. There were guys playing poker and others standing at a bar in one of the corners of the room. There even some people in front of a TV that was much too large, playing video games.

Even though there was alcohol, it seemed to be a total different atmosphere than it would have been in Forks.

"Most of the people I either went to school with, grew up with, work with, or know by association," Alice began to explain, leaning her head close to my ear so I could hear her clearly over the music and chatter."Some of them know Spencer's family or him as well. And I guess some are just children of the people in the other room. I don't know everyone," she chuckled with a sheepish shrug.

I nodded in acknowledgment and walked into the room with her. I was a little nervous, but I could deal with this kind of party.

Alice smiled brightly, as if when I took a step forward, it was telling her I was fine with being here. Maybe she hadn't been sure because of the alcohol and stuff. If so, I was grateful for the thought.

"Whoa, Jasper, look at that TV!" Nick exclaimed from behind me. He was quickly by my side, grabbing my shoulder with wide eyes. "Can I have it?" he breathed in awe.

I leaned closer to him, but spoke loudly, pretending I didn't want Alice to hear, but making sure she did. "Yeah I know. I told you this place would be full of great things to steal. We'll be rich and Alice won't even know what happened," I laughed the best evil laugh I could and earned a pretty hard punch from Alice.

I pretended to be wounded and pouted, rubbing the spot on my bicep. "Ow, that hurt." I stuck my bottom lip out in true Alice Cullen fashion.

"All right, you distract Cullen and I'll get the loot," Nick played along, giving Alice a mischievous look.

"Not a chance. The only thing you'll be stealing is a few of my kisses tonight, sweetheart," Chloe teased, tugging Nick away from me. "Want to dance?" she asked him, surprisingly confident for it being Chloe, and with that I lost my partner in crime. He went hurrying after her like a lost little puppy.

"You lost your accomplice," Alice stated with a smirk.

"I could find a new one," I said defensively.

Alice came in front of me and wrapped her arms around my waist, bringing me close to her. I could feel her warmth radiating off of her. The same warmth that had melted my cold heart not so long ago.

"I could be it," Alice suggested, giving me an inviting look.

I chuckled and gave Alice the crooked smile I knew she loved, wrapping my arms around her. "Could you now?"

Alice nodded her head up and down, giving me a devious look.

She probably _could_ be someone's accomplice if I let her get corrupted like that. The girl had talent for getting her way and manipulating people. I remembered back in Forks when I had gone to Kenneth Coops for Nick's new ID and Alice had come in. She had done such a great job, I was surprised she wasn't a professional or something.

"If you wanted me to be," she said, smiling sweetly at me. I felt her hands rubbing my back encouragingly. I tugged her closer to me so we were pretty much chest to chest. There was no space between us. I could feel her heart beating against mine.

"I definitely do," I replied, leaning down to press my forehead against hers. I had a feeling that the New Year was going to be pretty amazing if this was how it was between us right now. Nothing could ruin this perfection.

Alice rubbed her nose playfully against mine and giggled.

"So, what should be our first crime, my new accomplice?" I asked her with half lidded eyes as my breath mingled with hers.

Alice's lips moved closer to mine, speaking against them. "I'll steal your heart and you can steal mine," she whispered huskily. I felt her hands balling the material of my shirt behind me.

I was melted by her words, hardly about to speak, especially with her lips touching mine.

"Normally I would be against you stealing anything, but in that case, darling, be my guest." I didn't wait for her to say anything more. The urge to kiss her was much too strong to even attempt to wait. I pressed my lips to hers and they melted together, uniting perfectly as if made for one another, shaped exactly the way they needed to be.

Alice sighed into my mouth as I opened it wider to deepen the kiss. Our tongues teased each other playfully as I stroked the part of her back which was bare from the dip of the back of the dress. Alice shivered against my feather light touches, pressing herself closer against me.

We had only been at this party for a few minutes and already I wanted to go.

Once our kisses became a little too urgent, I pulled away, breathing deeply, trying to get control of myself. "W-we probably shouldn't do this here," I laughed shakily, looking around. Most people didn't notice, but a few were looking.

Alice blinked a few times and then rested her head against my chest, just nodding. "My rooms upstairs, Jazz," she reminded me with so many implications in her voice I almost gave in, but I knew it wasn't right. This was Alice's party. We should be here.

"How about we settle for dancing for now, love?" I suggested, rubbing her back gently, soothingly. Alice nodded again. I noticed a content smile on her lips and knew it was okay. I walked her to where the other people, including Nick and Chloe, were dancing.

Alice and I danced: fast, slow, meaningfully, teasingly, everything. We danced, all four of us, until our feet hurt. After a while, we headed for the couches. By then, we were hungry and tired and it was already ten o'clock. I wouldn't have thought it was possible that we danced three hours, but we did and it was... well, _fun_. Like... real, normal fun. It felt too good to be true.

After we caught our breath enough to stand, we all headed to the mountain of food that was set up on a bunch of tables. Nick and I piled our plates pretty high. We had been jogging before this and never got anything to eat before coming. By now, we were pretty hungry. The girls took almost a third of what we did and then Nick and I got everyone drinks. Two waters and two cokes. No alcohol.

Nick and I handed out the drinks and started to eat, chatting about anything and everything really. It was a relaxed party. The crowds seemed to fade with the time we were here and pretty soon I had forgotten we were with tons of people. I was kind of surprised I was having such a great time.

Eventually the guys who had been playing video games got off so the girls could put on a movie. We moved over there and Alice and I cuddled together as the movie played, sharing innocent touches and chaste kissing throughout the movie. It truly seemed like time had been turned back and we were back in Forks, just hanging out. It was like she hadn't forgotten one thing.

"Hey you, don't fall asleep. We have to make it to midnight," I teased, nudging my nose against Alice's forehead as her eyes began to close. I really wasn't worried about midnight. I was worried because we were here and she did not have her pills with her. I didn't want anything to happen.

Alice just nodded drowsily, and cuddled herself closer to me. "What are we going to do in Forks?" she asked, probably trying to distract herself from falling asleep. I would gladly assist her with that.

"Well," I started, sitting up straighter. I was getting kind of tired too. "First I think we'll visit your Uncle Carlisle and Aunt Esme. They miss me a lot. And I guess they miss you a little too." I teased, and dodged a hit from Alice. Her hand fell lazily onto me after her failed attempt to hit me. She was going to be dead soon. "I guess we'll have to visit your little friend Mack too, huh?" I purposely asked her a question to keep her awake, and took her hand, starting a thumb war. She needed to concentrate.

Alice smiled, "Yep."

"Okay. We'll visit him. Who else do we have to visit?" I knew, but I wanted her to keep talking.

Alice shifted so she was sitting up instead of leaning against my shoulder. "We have to see Johnny and his mom," she reminded me, continuing to fight my thumb in our thumb wars.

I laughed. "Yes we do. I miss the little devil." I did miss him. I hadn't seen him in months. I called him shortly on Christmas day to wish him a Merry Christmas. I called a few other times too, but I wasn't talking to him as much as I would like to.

"He's not a little devil. He's a little sweetheart," Alice corrected me seriously, but smiled widely afterwards. "He reminds me of you, you know," she told me quietly, looking into my eyes honestly.

I raised an eyebrow. Me? I wasn't sure if that was a good thing... But then again, she only knew me as I was now... I was a lot better now...

She was right about one thing though. He was one of the most caring kids in the world. You couldn't find a better kid out there. I don't know what would have happened to me if I hadn't had his bright light in my life...

I chuckled and nodded to her, letting her know I agreed. I was about to ask her more to keep her awake when I felt Nick nudge my elbow gently.

I looked to my other side where Nick was sitting. He had a tense look on his face and his jaw was clenched.

_What's up?_ I asked him through my eyes, knowing he wouldn't want the girls to know about whatever was bothering him or else he wouldn't have nudged me like that.

He turned his head to the left and tipped his jaw upwards, pointing across the room. I followed his gaze, trying to figure out what was bothering him. Then I saw it and tried not to tense up. Alice could not see this.

Spencer stood in the entrance of the room. He looked like himself, wearing something that would cost more than my apartment and sunglasses, even though it was night time. But there was something else. Something that was never with Spencer. It was out of ordinary.

Spencer had a girl beside him. I knew it wasn't just a random girl at the party either, because he was holding her hand. He was holding it loosely. I could see that from across the room, but he was still holding the girl's hand. If you asked me, he really looked like he wished he wasn't holding her hand. The two were standing far apart, even though the girl was leaning towards him with a smile that showed she was glad he was making contact with her.

I pulled Alice closer to me, trying to make sure she couldn't see that side of the room. I knew to me it looked like Spencer didn't want to be with the girl, but I also knew it would be different to Alice. Reality was back and I had to remember that this wasn't simply my Alice from Forks. This was the Alice who had been with Spencer her whole life and it would hurt her more than she even realized it would if she saw him with another girl. I knew she had encouraged him to see other people, but saying it and then seeing it happen were two completely different things.

"You stopped talking," Alice said quietly, looking up at me, concerned. "You're tense," she whispered more to herself then me this time. Her thumb stopped fighting with mine. Her tired eyes were searching mine frantically. She knew something was wrong now.

_Smooth, Jasper. _

"Alice, I kind of need to use the restroom, could you show me where it is?" Chloe asked suddenly, breaking our eye connection. I had a feeling Chloe wasn't really asking because she needed the bathroom. She had seen Spencer too. I knew what we were doing was pointless. She would see. It was inevitable. We were just trying to prolong it.

Alice frowned, but nodded. I stood when she did, helping her get up. She was shaky, tired. Her eyes were droopy and I wasn't sure if I should let her walk. It would probably wake her up though. Walking would be good.

I let Alice go as Chloe got up, followed by Nick. He's face was serious, grim.

Chloe started to walk and Alice was going to follow, but I saw her losing balance and quickly grabbed her. She half fell, but I pulled her up into my chest. Her face pressed against my chest and I almost smacked myself in the forehead. Her face was placed in the exact angle it needed to be to see Spencer.

Nick jumped in front of Alice and put his hand out to touch her cheek, looking concerned. "You okay, Ali?" he asked her softly, looking worried. He was good at covering up what was happening.

Alice was silent though. She didn't move at all. I saw her eyes open though and knew she hadn't passed out. Her eyes were looking straight through Nick as if he weren't even there.

"Ali? Answer me." Nick's voice was stern and I watched him stroke her face. I just held her tightly against me, hoping this would turn out okay. Maybe she didn't see him. Maybe she was just shocked by the fall.

I knew that wasn't true though.

"Move," I heard her rasp.

Nick blinked, "Excuse me?" He thought he heard the same thing I had just heard.

"Move, Nick, please." Her voice shook and my heart ached. I pressed my lips against her head, kissing her over and over on the top of the head, hoping to calm her.

Nick obeyed though, knowing it wasn't his place to stand in the way of the truth. He gave her a clear view of Spencer and the girl who were now talking to random people. Spencer did not look interested at all. He was spaced out like usual.

I saw Alice's eyes though. I watched them trail down to Spencer's hand, which was holding the unknown blonde girl's hand.

"Spence," she whispered to herself, sounding utterly confused, but also immensely broken. A few seconds later though, she straightened up and cleared her throat.

"Come on, Chloe. I'll show you where the bathroom is," she said nonchalantly, pulling away from me. She leaned up to me though and gave me a sweet kiss on the lips. There was no pain in the kiss, not that I could feel at least. She was acting as if nothing had happened.

"Okay," Chloe nodded, reaching out for Alice's hand. She was ready to support her. Maybe Alice just needed time with a girl friend. I let them slip out the door across the room, on the opposite side of Spencer.

I heard Nick let out a long stream of curses and fall back down on the couch.

"Bittersweet, huh?" I mumbled, sitting down with him. We had all been waiting so long for the day Spencer would try going out with another girl and then the first time it happens, Alice has to be there and see it.

Nick let out a bitter laugh and nodded. "Definitely..."

Well, at least Spencer had another girl with him. That was the first step. Alice would be okay. I'd make sure of it.

"Hey," I heard a raspy voice say from somewhere beside us a few minutes later. Nick and I looked up to see Spencer, without his date, looking at us.

Nick grinned, "Hey!"

I gave Spencer a polite head nod and leaned back in my seat. I'd let Nick do the talking.

"I thought I'd come over and give you your late Christmas gift. It took a bit to get here," Spencer said to Nick, tossing him something. I sat up curiously. Spencer got Nick a gift? I would have thought he would have been too distracted lately to go gift shopping... or maybe that's why he took a week extra to give it to him.

Nick's mouth popped open in utter surprise. "No way," he breathed, staring at the key ring he had caught in his hands. I recognized those keys. They were from the car Spencer had bought Nick back when Nick had just gotten out of jail. Nick had left the car in Texas though.

Spencer made that noise that was close to a laugh-but not quite-and shrugged. "I figured it'd be easier. You can take Chloe somewhere nice without asking Jasper for his car," Spencer explained nonchalantly. It wasn't a proud nonchalant. It was a selfless kind of nonchalant. I was surprised that with all the money he had, he wasn't proud yet...

Nick jumped up and grabbed Spencer into what I was sure was a back breaking hug. "You are too good for me," Nick teased, pulling back to rub Spencer's head playfully, grinning from ear to ear.

"Well, I didn't know you hated driving with me that much," I scoffed jokingly at his excitement to have his own car again.

Nick laughed loudly and kicked my leg with a roll of his eyes. "Now we can race and I can kick your butt."

"Uh-huh..." I mumbled, knowing I would win. My car could kick his car's butt...

"Oh and," Spencer started, rummaging through his pants pockets for something. He pulled out a shiny card and handed it to Nick. "I put some money on it, you know, for gas. I know you don't have a job right now so..." Now Spencer was starting to get uncomfortable. He stiffly shrugged his shoulders and pushed his hands deep into his pockets.

Nick took the card, dumbfounded. "I can't take your money, man," he shook his head quickly, refusing, shoving the card back at Spencer.

Spencer shook his head. "Well, I don't want it. I have enough of it," he joked, giving Nick a half smile, probably trying to get Nick to give in and take it.

Nick slowly brought his hand back and looked at the card, reluctant. "Well, I guess... thanks!" He laughed shakily. He looked pretty speechless, which was a rare and very amusing sight. I sat back and enjoyed it.

After Nick recovered, he seemed back to his normal self. "So you brought a girl...?" Nick left the statement hanging in the air, waiting for confirmation.

The words seemed to make Spencer completely uncomfortable though, because his whole body froze and he swallowed hard. "Yeah... My mom kept begging me to bring someone tonight so I thought I would make her happy," he explained.

Okay, that meant he really didn't want to be near the girl at all. I wondered if she knew that. It would be pretty crazy if she didn't. He had been standing like three feet away from her. He had avoided her every move when they were standing in the door way.

"She's cute," Nick encouraged him, punching him softly on the shoulder. Spencer just nodded in response.

"Well you look pretty happy, sweetheart," Chloe smiled as she came up to us. Alice trailed behind her, looking a bit hesitant. She was smiling as well though. She was going to be fine. I patted the seat next to me invitingly. She raised a finger to me though, telling me to wait a moment.

"Spencer shipped my car in," Nick grinned joyously at Chloe, wrapping his arm around her waist and bringing her to his side.

"From Texas?" Chloe breathed in amazement, looking at Spencer with wide eyes. Spencer again, just shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. Selflessly. I watch Alice smile softly in recognition. She saw his selflessness. The guy was a cool guy, a good guy, even if I wanted to kill him sometimes.

"That was nice of you!" Chloe stated, touching Spencer arm gently. Spencer reached out and took her hand, bringing it to his lips in his normal greeting to her and brushed a kiss across her knuckles.

"I was running out of things to spend money on," Spencer informed her with a wink before letting her hand go and turning to Alice who had been waiting patiently for his attention. I was a bit anxious when I saw her smiling sweetly at him when he turned to her, but I met her eyes for a moment and got all the assurance I needed. There was no need for jealousy. Alice and Jasper were not going to part again. It was intense and almost unbelievable, but we were together forever now. Her eyes promised me that.

A bit of tension may have risen in me though when I saw Spencer lean over and peck Alice's cheek. It was a polite, formal gesture, but I still wasn't overjoyed by it. A hug would have been fine.

"Hello," Alice chirped to Spencer. She reached up, touching his cheek, her eyes shining. She was doing pretty well. Maybe she had gotten over the shock and was now just proud that Spencer had taken the next step forward.

"Hey," he replied and Alice skipped back to me, plopping down into the couch. She cuddled into my side and gave me a loving kiss on the lips. It was for assurance. To get rid of the jealousy and uncomfortable feelings I might be having...

Spencer cleared his throat then and straightened up. "Well, I better go find my..." Hesitation. "..._date_. It's almost time for the count down."

I hadn't realized it was so close to midnight until then. I looked at my watch and saw that it was eleven fifty seven. Three minutes until the new year.

"Okay. Have fun!" Alice ordered, winking at him. Spencer just shook his head and turned on his heels, heading across to where his date was talking with other people, watching him closely.

Alice turned to me and smiled excitedly. She reached up and stroked my cheeks adoringly. I felt her thumb tracing the scars on my cheek, jaw, chin and nose. Every time she did that it was like she was healing the pain of those scars over and over again. It made my body and heart melt. She almost made me forgot all the memories and nightmares of my past, giving me a clean slate here in the present. No scars, no mistakes, no hate...

I stared into the eyes of the present. Her eyes. Soft green. I was coming to believe that green was the color of Hope. Bright, but deep, drowning and intense. I could look into her eyes of Hope forever.

"Ten...nine...eight..." The shouts around us brought me out of the daze and I blinked, looking around at everyone on their feet. The TV had been changed to the countdown that was happening in Times Square in the city, right now, as we stood here. Everyone chanted along with the TV.

Alice stood up, dragging me with her, practically bouncing in her excitement. I just stared at her in pure bliss as she shouted the rest of the numbers.

"Seven...six...five...four...three...two...one! Happy New Year's!" The words were screamed, shouted, sung across the room as everyone cheered and Alice jumped into my arms.

I grinned and held her tight, swooping down for my New Year's kiss. Alice's lips formed into my mine, taking their rightful place. The sweetness and innocence of her kiss made me fall in love all over again. Perfection...

After a minute of the kiss, we both pulled back at the same time, being one. "Happy New Year's, darling..." I breathed against her lips and then ran my nose up her cheek. My eyes fluttered shut at the emotions that seemed to be taking me over in the last few minutes.

"Happy New Year's, Jazz," Alice purred, wrapping her arms around my neck, bringing me into her neck, where I nuzzled myself. There was no place I would rather be to start the new year.

**Author's Note: And that there is the end of Forgotten Hope. I hope you guys have enjoyed it—haha, I'm only kidding ;). You don't think we are that nice, do you? The chaos begins now. Hold onto your hats it'd gonna be a bumpy ride! Leave us a review! :D. Oh and there have been some things posted on the blog if you have not seen them yet, check 'em out! **

**Have a fantastic week! **


	43. Chapter 43

**Author's Note: Hello everybody! Yes, I'm well aware it isn't a Sunday, our usual update day. But it's only one day after and my amazing beta just finished editing it and we thought we'd give it to you this week instead of waiting until Sunday. So, here it is! Enjoy :)**

Forgotten Hope Chapter 43-

_APOV_

New Year's Eve was, by far, an amazing night.

The night wasn't as crazy as I was sure some people's New Year's Eve was. Our night was just relaxing-nice and enjoyable. I had wanted it that way.

I had actually spoken to my mom about the New Year's Eve party beforehand. I had gotten her to change it up a bit for this year. I knew that Nick and Jasper wouldn't want to be somewhere crazy-considering what Jasper had told me about their past parties. And also because I knew Nick sometimes struggled with drinking. I didn't want either of them to be uncomfortable so I had asked my mom to make sure that the party for us younger people was toned down a bit from last year.

She had done very well. The video games and minimal alcoholic drinks were a good choice. Last year it had ended up being a lot more beer pong and grinding. Everyone had gotten a little carried away. I figured that wasn't exactly what any of my friends needed right now.

Jasper, Nick and Chloe had all seemed to really enjoy themselves and that made the night perfect. I was just so happy that my 'new' 'old' friends had been comfortable and had gotten to bring in the New Year with me and my family. I had gotten to dance, cuddle, talk and make out with Jasper. Both Nick and Jasper were fine. And there were no problems.

Well, except one, but I had quickly come to resolve it. It wasn't a _problem_-it was a good thing. Spencer had finally gotten a date.

At first it felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest was being stomped on. I had never seen Spencer hold another girl's hand in my whole life. And even though I was head over heels for Jazz now, it didn't stop the pain. I just wasn't used to seeing Spencer with another girl. Pain, betrayal, jealousy... everything had come rushing into me at once. I had no idea what to do...

Luckily, Chloe and I had talked for a bit though and she helped me realize that it was all a _good _thing. Spencer would be happy now. He _had_ someone, even if it was just for tonight. We both deserved to find our soul mate. I had found mine in Jasper... I really believed that, even if I couldn't...quite say it out loud yet. But I had found mine and he should be able to, too. It did feel weird and it tugged on my heartstrings a bit, but I was okay with it. I was happy for him. All I wanted was for him to be happy.

After our long, amazing New Years Eve night, Jasper and I were now at home, getting ready for bed. I was brushing my teeth when I heard my phone ring.

I groaned inwardly because I knew Jasper was closer to the phone than me, again. I knew it was going to be Gregory. I could feel it.

I ran out of the bathroom with my tooth brush still in hand and snatched the phone off of the nightstand.

Jasper hadn't even tried to go for the phone. He was already out like a light on the bed. He hadn't even pulled the covers over himself and he was already asleep. I couldn't believe how soundly he had been sleeping lately.

I smiled for a quick second at his peaceful face-I loved seeing him look so relaxed-and then answered my phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey," Gregory's voice streamed through the phone, causing a smile to appear on my face. I had guessed right-Gregory.

"Happy New Year's!" I said happily in a hushed voice as I headed back to the bathroom.

"Happy New Year's to you too," Gregory replied in a thick, gravelly voice that sent chills down my spine. Even though they were kind words, it would have been intimidating if I hadn't known him. This was a normal reaction to Gregory though. A _weird_ reaction... but normal.

"What's up?" I asked curiously, jumping up to sit on the bathroom counter as I rinsed out my toothbrush and put it back into its holder. I didn't know if he had just called to wish me a happy new year, or if there was another reason for his call.

"I was wondering if you wanted to take a walk or something. I can't sleep," Gregory explained in a smooth voice. I heard him close a door.

I thought about his offer. It was almost three in the morning now... I was pretty tired, but I did want to see him... And Jazz and I would be heading to Forks in a couple of days. I wanted to hang out with Gregory before we left. And Jazz was sleeping right now, so he wouldn't get worried. If I tried to see Gregory before we left, Jazz would get suspicious because he was still on winter break and he would notice my every call and every time I go out. This might be the only time I could go out with Gregory without Jasper wondering where I was...

"Sure," I chirped with a shrug. Why not? I could curl up next to Jasper all day tomorrow, napping and cuddling and watching movies... New Year's Day was almost sounding better than New Year's Eve!

I got up from the counter and grabbed some clothes as Gregory told me he'd be waiting in the parking lot in ten minutes. Then we hung up.

I quickly changed into casual clothes and then headed back into our room. I took the covers and pulled them snugly over Jazz. I gently pushed the curls off of his forehead and leaned down to leave a tender kiss on his forehead. "Goodnight, Jazz," I whispered softly to him. The corner of his lip tugged upwards as he started to smile in his sleep.

He was too cute.

I straightened up and headed out, tiptoeing, hoping he'd stay asleep. He was normally a heavy sleeper... I was pretty confident he wouldn't wake until morning unless I tried to wake him up.

I opened the front door and then shut it gently behind me, clicking the lock as quietly as I could. The hallways were dead silent. An eerie silence. The lighting was dim and the hallway seemed to go on forever... The whole thing seemed creepy, which was odd. I had walked these hallways so many times by now... I guess it was just because it was so late, though.

I took in a breath and then took the elevator down to the main floor, shaking off the weird feeling rushing through me. I was overly tired. I really needed to sleep. Maybe I could make it a quick walk-if not I might fall asleep with Gregory. Which would be bad.

Like Gregory had said, he was there in the ten minutes, pulling into the visitor's parking lot. He walked over to the apartment and opened the door for me, giving me a smirk. "Hey."

"Hello!" I grinned and jumped up to give him a tight hug. He loosely wrapped his arms around me, returning the hug. He let out a chuckle that made my stomach clench. Why did it always do that? I didn't understand...

I shook it off and pulled back, beaming at him. I didn't know why I got weird feelings with him. He was great to me... the friend I had needed recently.

"How was your night?" he asked me curiously, tightening the scarf that was around my neck. A touching thing to do-but again, I suppressed discomfort at his action. It felt intimidating too...

"Fantastic! How was yours?" I inquired, shutting the door and walking out into the freezing cold air. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to take a walk in the middle of the night in January. I shifted closer to Gregory as we walked, trying to catch any of his body heat that I could.

"It was okay. Pretty quiet for New Year's Eve though," Gregory nodded to himself, looking down the weakly lit street. Were people trying to save on the cost of lighting or something? Why was everything so poorly lit tonight?

"With all that alcohol you had a quiet night?" I questioned him, remembering all the alcohol bottles he had all over his house. He said he usually had guests to entertain. Wouldn't New Year's Eve be one of those nights where he would have entertained guests?

Gregory chuckled darkly and winked at me, "Yes. Pretty quiet to me, at least."

"So... it was really wild?" I joked, comparing his party with mine in my head. Our last New Year's Eve party had gotten crazy, but not out of hand crazy. It was just a bunch of rich, drunk teenagers. Gregory was older and... I don't know. He seemed the type of guy to have crazy parties.

"Wild? Eh... Not compared to what I normally do. This is a new town. New people. I don't have as many contacts here."

Contacts? He spoke like his party had something to do with business or something...

I just nodded, not sure if I wanted to know what his parties were normally like. They couldn't have been too bad because of who he was- his job was helping troubled kids. He was a good guy. He wouldn't let things get too out of hand. He was probably exaggerating- just kidding around. He had that joking, amused look in his eyes. He was only teasing me.

We walked along the shoveled sidewalk, listening to the sounds of New York traffic from people who had been in Times Square to watch the ball drop. The noise was relaxing, in a way. I had grown up with it. It was peaceful. I'm sure some people wouldn't think so. I knew that Jasper didn't always see what I saw in New York. I liked the hustle and bustle of it all, though. And the lights were so incredible at night. The view from the Wrights' house was breathtaking.

Thinking about where I had grown up got me wondering... "If this is a new town, where did you live before?" I asked Gregory interestedly, tilting my head upwards to see him.

Gregory's jaw muscles tightened for a moment before he spoke. "Washington."

He was nonchalant as he added a shrug, seeming bored with this topic.

"Really?" I questioned, wanting to hear more about where he lived and what it was like.

"Yep," he mumbled.

Okay then...

"Jazz lived in Forks, Washington," I informed him with a smile. Maybe he didn't want to talk about where he lived? I wasn't sure.

Gregory cocked an eyebrow at me, looking like his amused self. "Forks? Where's that around? I don't believe I've ever heard of it."

"It's a really small town about an hour away from Seattle. It's a nice place," I told him. I didn't know Forks too well. I only knew it from when I went there to get Jazz and from the times I had been there to visit my uncle and aunt. I couldn't remember graduating from Forks High School or living there for so many months.

It really did seem like a nice place, though.

Gregory's ever present smirk was bigger than ever. Weird. I didn't question him though. I was used to it by now. "Small towns are kind of boring, though," Gregory commented shortly, seeming to be holding back a smile now, keeping the smirk though. His eyes twinkled deviously.

"Apparently that one isn't," I told him a matter of factly.

"Oh?" Gregory inquired, gesturing towards a bench on the sidewalk. We sat down together.

I nodded a little too excitedly. I was way too tired... I wasn't thinking, really, and I was getting bubbly. I was over-compensating for my fatigue with pretend energy.

"Yep. Apparently they have a gang there and everything. The gang is pretty crazy. Jazz and Nick were both in it before... That's why they have so many scars. Well... there are other reasons why Jazz has scars, but that's another story. The gang fights a lot... I guess they kill people, too. Pretty big for a small town..." I trailed off, biting my lip before I said more.

Gregory's eyes widened, taking in the new knowledge, but seemed overly amused. Was it that funny of a topic or was he overly tired, too?

"Yeah, it's pretty crazy," I laughed from his expression. He just nodded and turned to the traffic, letting out a low chuckle. I rolled my eyes at it. He was laughing at me. Jerk...

We sat for a good half an hour before I told Gregory I was going back to Forks in a couple of days. I was telling him about my trip for a while, until a bunch of girls stumbled their way over to us, obviously on their way back from a New Year's Eve party.

"Hey," one of the girls slurred, coming over to the bench, talking to Gregory. I eyed her up and down and shook my head. She had a winter coat on, but was also wearing a skirt. She had to be freezing!

Gregory sighed heavily as she made her way to plop down beside him. She must have been really drunk to walk up to Gregory like that and be so confident. He wasn't exactly approachable... but I guess she couldn't see that through the beer goggles.

Her hand skimmed up his arm flirtatiously, peering at him through her eyelashes drunkenly.

Her friends watched, giggling and stumbling over themselves. Gregory did not look impressed.

I watched something dangerous flash through his eyes, but it was quickly covered up with a devious look.

"Can I help you?" he asked the girl through his teeth, raising a taunting eyebrow to her. Wow. If I were her, I'd be scurrying away from him like a scared, little mouse.

Her eyes looked him up and down and then she smirked, "Definitely."

Gregory pulled his arm-rather roughly-away from her and stood up.

"If you think I am desperate enough to even touch you, then you are very mistaken. Even if I was as trashed as you are, I wouldn't lay a hand on you. Now, move along, you little whore." He hissed the last part viciously at her, glaring so darkly that it made me shudder.

Then, something strange happened. My head just started pounding. It hurt so much that I closed my eyes and put both of my hands on the sides of my temples. There was a loud buzzing sound in my ears that was blocking everything out... What was happening? My head was aching, splitting...

Then bright lights started to flash before my eyes. It was kind of like if you stared at a bright light and then close your eyes and all the colorful dots appeared. For me, though, the lights were flashing and blindingly bright.

I could feel myself shaking, convulsing. Something was wrong. My head felt so heavy. I felt like I was going to pass out. Everything was everywhere. I felt overwhelmed. Too much of something.

"_She's your little whore, isn't she? Not mine… although I wouldn't mind if she became mine…._" I could hear a voice. Gregory's voice. Devilish. Hard. Soulless. It wasn't the way it had been when I was with him.

"_Jasper's not here. Nick's not here. Mack... well, he seemed to have something more important to do. I don't see him here, either. Wow. This is a different sight. All alone and weak. So... vulnerable._"

I was in a basement. It was only Gregory and me. His hazel eyes were filled with hatred. Why? What was this? How did he know Mack?

"_You think the game is over? With you winning? I don't think so. This is my game and I will be the winner._"

Gregory had laughed. I had been cuddled tightly, protectively shielded in Jasper's arms, but Gregory had ordered guys to take him away from me. To keep me away from him.

The bright light slowly turned into images... The images started out flashing like old home movies that you played on a projector... no sound... just flutters of light that made images... Flashing, flashing... They kept appearing, getting clearer. Light turned to color. Clearer. Foreign. Things I had never seen before. Like I was dreaming of something. They were all about Gregory though. Or should I say...

_Greg._

I gasped. Greg. Greg-the one who had kidnapped me. Greg-the one who had tried to kill me. The one who shot Mack. The one who despised Nick and Jasper. The same Greg who would do anything to avenge their betrayal. Greg. The devil of Forks. He was here. He was back. Greg was Gregory. Gregory was... Greg.

My eyes sprung open, staring in horror at the guy in front of me. He wasn't in a red leather jacket here. His face wasn't as hard. He didn't have any visible cuts or scratches, like in my memory. He looked rich; sophisticated. But it was all wrong. I had been all wrong... this _was_ Greg.

He was kneeling in front of me, staring. "You all right?" His voice sparked the memories in my mind, causing them to start replaying, warning me to get away. I needed to get away.

He couldn't know I knew, though. If he knew, then I'd be doomed. Jasper and Nick weren't here. They didn't know I was out here. They didn't even know he existed. There was no Gregory to them...

I never should have kept something from Jasper! If I would have just told him...

"I-I don't feel so well," I stuttered out, answering him. "I think we should go back."

My body was not taking a good reaction to this. I had_ remembered_ something. I had remembered _him_. Would he hurt me?

I was shaking like a leaf. My breathing was quick and panicked. I couldn't fight the anxiety. I wanted Jazz...

Gregory's eyes narrowed and he stared at me in silence for a moment. "You sick or something?" he asked, sounding a little suspicious, but he must have been trying to sound concerned as well.

I cringed at the sound of his voice. How could I have ever forgotten that voice? It was so haunting... It was in my worst nightmares.

"I think I might be," I whispered, grabbing the back of the bench to help me get up. Gregory-_Greg,_ I mean-reached out to help me. His icy, rough hand touched my hand and I jumped about two feet backwards, eyes wide with panic. My breath was short-I couldn't seem to catch it. The memories seemed to ignite with his touch. Hands of the devil...

Greg's eyes narrowed, confused. "Okay," he said shortly, straightening up.

How could I have not seen that pure evil in his eyes before? How had I been so fooled?

Fear was pulsing through me. Would he do anything? Would he suspect that I knew it was him, now? He always seemed to just know things. He_ saw_ things. He might notice...

Everything made so much sense now: He knew so much about me and everything going on with me. And he always seemed to know things before I told him.

He seemed amused all the time... but he was really just amused that I hadn't noticed it was him. He thought I was stupid. He was mocking me.

I was shaking with anger, fear and shock. My head pounded. I still felt faint. I had an urge to pick up the phone and call Jazz, but I knew Greg wouldn't let me do that. I had made it so easy for him: not wanting Jazz and Nick to know about him was perfect for him. He agreed so easily. I had hidden him from everyone! Even Spence.

Oh. My breathing stopped. _Except Chloe_. I had introduced him to Chloe. I had made them hang out with each other even though Chloe had suspicions about him. I had handed Nick's girlfriend right over to him.

Would he do something to her? Did he have a plan? Was it against _me_? I was so confused... I just didn't know what to expect. He had been around for months and hadn't done a thing. He had just been my friend. I didn't understand. What was his motive? None of this made any sense at all. I was with him so many times. He had a million opportunities! I had been alone with him _in his apartment_. I had _slept_ there! He could have killed me at any moment... I had trusted him. I had been _so_ stupid!

The walk back to the apartment was fast. My short legs were moving as quickly as possible without being in a full out run. Greg kept up with me easily, but in silence, which was odd. He was watching me intently, holding my every move in his stone hard eyes. Those eyes were not helping my breathing. They scared the hell out of me.

We got to the apartment door and I gripped the handle of the door for support.

"Goodnight," I said, trying the best I could to muster up a smile. I wasn't as brave as I was in Forks. I knew that. From the memories that had come rushing back, I was surprised at everything I had said and done.

I had been tough there. I had faced Greg. I had told him to kill me... I was ready to die for Jasper.

I would still die for Jasper, thinking about it now. I just never believed I could be that brave. I had always been so safe here in New York. It was strange... you'd think that New York City would be a lot more dangerous than Forks, Washington. But I had never almost died in New York.

Well... not to my knowledge...

Greg opened up his arms, waiting for me to hug him. He was testing me. I knew it. His eyes were watching me so closely that it felt like he was looking straight into my soul. I felt so naked and vulnerable. I was trembling, but I took a deep breath and stepped into his arms, hugging him as I normally would have. I held my breath as his hand moved up and down my back, almost tauntingly slow as he held me against him.

"I hope you feel better, Alice." He smirked a little as he said it, letting me go.

I nodded stiffly and turned to the door, letting out a relieved breath as I opened the door. I was _so_ close now...

Greg's hand shot out and grabbed mine. All the relief I had been feeling vanished. I froze, taking a deep, ragged breath in.

No. No. No! I was so close to Jazz. Too close to being safe in his arms. _Please don't hurt me..._ I prayed silently.

"Hey," he started, pulling me around to face him.

I bravely looked up at him, keeping myself from being afraid. I tried to rationalize. We were in front of an apartment building. This was one of the safest neighborhoods in New York. People would see if he tried to hurt me. I would be okay.

"Take care of yourself," Greg said softly, but his eyes sparkled so maliciously that I almost jerked out of his grip. If I hadn't remembered him, I would have thought he was being sweet. But I could hear the double meaning now. He was threatening me. I wouldn't have known that before, but I picked up on it now.

"Thank you," I replied politely before flipping around and into the apartment building.

I stepped calmly into the elevator and stared straight ahead at the entrance where he still stood.

The moment the elevator doors shut, I broke down. My breaths were coming in short bursts: I was hyperventilating. My eyes were blurred from the tears that were now springing to my eyes. I couldn't hold myself up. My knees gave right out from under me and I fell to the floor.

I was shaking harder than I thought I had ever before. I had been so dumb. Why had I lied to Jazz? He would have known. Now I had no idea what I had done or what Greg was going to do. I had told him so much... He could use any of it against us. He knew where my parents lived, now. He knew where Spence lived. Where I lived. He knew where Chloe lived. He knew my number... I had put us all in so much danger. He could come back at any second.

I was choking on my sobs, holding my knees against my chest as the elevator slowly crept up to my floor. I needed to get to Jazz. I needed him now. He would be so disappointed... He'd freak. He trusted me _so_ much. He knew I was sneaking around, but he always let it go. He was never mad at me. I didn't deserve that from him. He was too perfect for me. Would he hate me now? Greg was so close. He could get to Jazz now and it was all my fault.

The elevator dinged and I stared at where the doors slid open. I was shaking so hard I doubted I could even get up. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't stay in here all night, but my knees were weak and I didn't think I would be able to walk.

I sniffed and shoved my face into my knees, just crying in the corner of the elevator. I had made such a big mistake. It was going to get everyone hurt. I was so, so stupid! I didn't know why I had lied to Jazz. Jasper wouldn't have minded me having a friend. He knew I had friends. He always accepted everything and I was just being selfish. I had been with both Jasper and Spencer for like... two months and he hadn't gotten mad. I had just been doing what felt good instead of thinking about what was _right._

Everything felt so heavy and I was so... afraid. Afraid Greg would come back for me, Jasper, Nick, Spencer or Chloe. Maybe even my parents. Afraid that Jasper would hate me for lying. Afraid that Jasper would hate me if anything happened to anyone and it was my fault. Afraid that I would lose Jasper...

Even worse, afraid that he'd still love me, even after everything I had just done. I didn't even know how to fathom that kind of love...

I don't know how long I cried in the elevator. It seemed like forever...

I sniffled and took my cell phone out, hating what I was about to do. I had to tell him. And... and I just needed him to come get me. I needed him right now. I wanted to feel safe in his arms. I didn't want to think Greg was coming up the stairs to get me before I could even get to Jazz. Greg had looked at me so devilishly. How could he not know? He looked like he did know... why would he let me leave so easily? He would come back to get me, I knew it.

I peeked at the time on my cell phone. 5:30 AM.

I blinked in confusion. How had I been there that long...? I wiped the stray tears on my face. I dialed Jasper's number shakily, taking a deep breath. I was so weak. I was already going to look so bad to him and now I was crying everywhere. I had a small urge to call Spence because I knew he wouldn't hate me. And he already wasn't going out with me so he wouldn't break up with me for it.

But my fingers did what the needed to. I needed to just... face this now. I finished dialing Jazz and the phone began to ring. I knew it would take a minute because he was sleeping and sometimes it was just impossible for him to wake up.

I got a weak smile thinking about how dead he was when he slept, but it was quickly wiped away with the thought and shame of what I would have to tell him when he did answer.

After about a minute of ringing, he picked up. "Hello...?" Jazz slurred, sounding completely exhausted. He must not have looked at the caller ID or he probably would have been more concerned that I wasn't lying in bed next to him.

The moment I heard his voice, my sobs came at full speed, breaking through me. I just cried. I couldn't even respond to him.

"Darling?" Jasper gasped and I heard him running. "W-where are you, love? Tell me where you are. I'm coming. Shh. Don't cry. I'm coming. Just tell me, darling," he coaxed me, not questioning why I wasn't home or why I was crying. He just asked where I was... begging me not to cry...

"Elevator," was all I was able to gasp out from between my sobs. I wasn't even huddled in a corner anymore. I was just sitting in the middle of the elevator full letting it all out. I had caused so much trouble. He was going to come back and get us all... He was going to kill us all. It was all my fault. I just kept playing that over and over...

Jasper was suddenly in front of me, wearing only his sweat pants. His eyes were wild with concern as he stared down at me. He fell onto his knees, just staring. So much love in his eyes... So much love I didn't deserve. I had lied to him so many times. I had kept my relationship with a murderer a secret from him. He could have protected me, told me who I was with, but instead I had just hidden it all from him.

"Alice, love, I'm here now," he whispered so softly, loving feathering every single word. He opened his arms and scooped me up, shutting the elevator off and sitting me down on his lap. He stroked my hair, keeping me tightly against his chest, not uttering a single word. Just being in his arms was the promise that he was here now.

He began singing me one of my songs, rocking me gently, until my sobs slowly, very slowly, came down to little whimpers. I didn't deserve his comfort, but I couldn't for my life pull away from it. He was so warm and so full of love.

I hid my face in his neck and finally gave in. "I-I'm so sorry, J-Jazz."

I could feel him breathing. I could feel his heartbeat against me. He didn't say anything for a minute.

"Sorry for what?" he questioned gently. I could hear hesitation in his voice. I could hear a wall going up. He was protecting himself in case it was something that would hurt him. I didn't blame him.

I kissed his neck softly, so apologetically. I think he felt how sorry I was because his breath got ragged and his arms tightened around me.

"Tell me, darling," he begged me miserably, hiding his own face in my hair. I could feel him taking deep breaths, breathing me into him. I hugged him tighter, hoping that once I told him he wouldn't let me go permanently.

"I lied to you," I mumbled, my lips moving against his neck as I spoke, too afraid to even pull back an inch. He was going to leave. He was going to leave me. I made such a big mistake. I was going to hurt everyone. Greg would hurt everyone because of me.

I took in a shaky breath, on the edge of breaking down again. I didn't know what I would do if Greg ever hurt Jazz. I needed him so much already...

"Shh," Jazz cooed, pressing a tender kiss to the top of my head. "What did you lie about?"

Why was he being so calm, so understanding? I didn't deserve this. Maybe it was just him though... Jasper was always so mellow and understanding. He never lost his cool... Even when Spencer had him on the ground in the parking lot, punching him. He had stayed calm, getting Spencer off of him without even being mad about it. He was such a forgiving, understanding, caring soul-even if he didn't realize it. He was so perfect and he had no idea.

"I was with Greg," I admitted, pressing my face as close as it could to him, so ashamed of myself.

Jasper froze. He wasn't even breathing. He could have been dead. He didn't move at all. The silence was tense and painful. I was dreading the moment he would get up and leave me alone in this elevator. I was so afraid. He couldn't leave. Greg could come back.

Then I felt him breathe. It was long, deep breath. His neck muscles became tight.

"Y-you don't remember Greg," he stated simply, seeming to be in denial or something.

"I met him, Jazz. I didn't know who he was. He said his name was Gregory. I just thought he was a normal guy... I hung out with him a lot of times... I didn't know it was him," I rambled, bringing myself up to look at him, but keeping my arms locked around his neck. I couldn't let him go.

Jasper's eyes were so conflicted. Emotions were flying around in them. He looked so desperate.

"No... no..." Jasper shook his head, refusing to believe it. "That couldn't be true." His voice was getting harder than usual. Was he blocking me out?

"I-I'm sorry," I cried. "I didn't know until I remembered him today. This girl came up to him and he called her a whore and it just ignited all these memories. I was in that basement and he was yelling at you, saying something about how he should make me his whore... You were so mad. I remembered all these things about him... I know it was him, Jazz. His eyes... so cold. It was him. I know it." I would have kept rambling, but Jazz put his hand over my mouth, looking at me with wide eyes. He knew it was the truth now.

"You were just with him?" he asked me quickly. I felt his grip on me tighten.

I nodded, not wanting to say it again.

Jasper released me with one hand and I was about to cry out until I saw him run his hand stressfully through his thick curls, staring straight ahead. "You're here. You're safe now," he said reassuringly, but I had a feeling those words were for him and not me. It was nice to hear them anyway though.

His hand rubbed my back and his eyes were glazed over in deep thought.

"I'm sorry," I whispered again. I didn't want him to be mad.

Jazz leaned down and gave my lips a sweet kiss. "You didn't know, darling," he said simply, hiding me back in his neck. He would protect me from anything-the whole world, if he had to. I knew it. I could feel it. Why was he making me feel so good? It was my fault...

"You did well, love. You remembered. You remembered all about him. I'm so proud of you. You figured it out before you were hurt. That's all that matters, Alice," Jasper murmured, pressing kiss after kiss onto my face, my lips, my head, my neck. I could feel him shaking a bit. He was proud of me?

"What are we going to do?" I asked him, feeling a bit more confident now that it seemed he wasn't mad at me. Hopefully it would stay that way, even if I deserved his anger.

Jasper sighed heavily, looking extremely defeated. "I-I don't know. I don't know if we _can_ do anything..." He shook his head and let it drop, hanging down. He looked so vulnerable. I wanted to protect him from the world like he would do for me.

I sat up, kneeling in front of him, my legs on either side of his thighs, and picked up his face in my hands. "Jazz," I murmured, stroking his cheeks tenderly. I had never seen him like this. His eyes were drowning in pain. He looked so defeated, like there was no way we could win. There would be a way, wouldn't there? Jazz would come up with something. Nick would help him. It would be okay. Spencer could even help. They'd get him away from here. We were a lot more than one person. It'd all be okay.

"We'll get through this. All of us together are better than him, right?" I encouraged him, brushing under his eyes with my thumb, trying to get him to focus on me. He stared so deeply at me, like Greg had done, but it was totally different. Greg had been invading my privacy, trying to pry in and find out secrets. Jasper was connecting with me, becoming one, trying to feel the reassurance. He was just shaken up that Greg had been with me.

"Yeah, yeah, of course, Alice. I'm sorry. We are better than him together. We can face anything. You're right." He was nodding up and down and up and down. He didn't look as convinced as he was saying he was...

"I-I need to call Nick," Jasper said hurriedly, picking us up suddenly. He bent over and hooked his arm under my knees and picked me up, keeping close to him. "I won't let anyone hurt you, darling," he promised me sincerely before leaning down to give me a kiss that was so powerful it took my breath away. I knew he wouldn't let anything happen to me... I was worried about him though. Greg knew where he went to university, where he lived, what football team he was on. He had shown up at one of Jazz's games a few months ago. He knew where his games were. He could do anything...

Jazz walked us back to the apartment, putting me softly down on the couch and locking the door. He went into the kitchen and I heard him digging through a drawer. And then he walked back in here and I saw him sliding a switchblade knife into his back pocket. He still had his knife...

He sat down beside me without saying a word. His arm slipped around me, pulling me closer to him as he took out his cell phone.

It would be okay. He was going to call Nick and Nick and Chloe would come over here and we'd be fine. We would all be together.

Jasper had the cell phone to his ear and I saw his foot tapping impatiently on the floor. His face was hard again even though his fingers continually caressed my shoulder, relaxing me. It was hard to relax when he looked so stressed, pained, and defeated though.

Eventually he snapped his flip phone shut, grinding his teeth together. "His phone is off!" Jasper growled angrily, looking straight ahead of him instead of at me.

I reached up and pecked his jaw. "He's probably just trying to get some sleep, Jazz."

"He shouldn't shut it off! He knows that. He knows it should always be on in case something happens! How else am I supposed to talk to him? He's being so irresponsible—" I cut Jasper off, grabbing his face to look at him, stunned by his words. He never spoke badly of Nick. Ever.

His eyes wouldn't connect with mine, though. They looked down at my chin as I forced his face in front of mine. "Jazz... He didn't know. It's my fault. He had a long night. We all did..." I explained calmly to him, surprising myself. How had I become so calm? I guess if Jazz wasn't calm I had to be. We relied on each other to stay strong.

"We'll call him later, okay? We should rest for a little while. It's early," I suggested, stroking his face, trying to erase the worry lines that were decorating his face right now. He looked too troubled. It was my fault...

Jasper shook his head. "No, you sleep. I'll keep calling."

I sighed, knowing that he would be calling for hours before Nick got up. Nick slept in until the middle of the day. We could sleep. I was sure Greg wouldn't come around so soon. He always planned things out, right? Everything always had to go his way and if he didn't know I knew yet, then we would be fine for now...

For now.

"No. You're going to sleep with me, Jazz. I won't be able to sleep without you," I said to him seriously, because it was true. There was no way in the world that I could sleep without him now. Just because I was getting calmed down didn't mean that I still wasn't shaking inside with fear. Greg terrified me. After remembering what he was capable of...

Jasper's lips pressed tightly together and his eyes flickered to mine for only a moment, checking to see if I was being sincere. He saw that I was.

"All right," he mumbled, standing up quickly, reaching his hand down to me as his other hand clenched his cell phone. He walked us into our room. His posture was so straight, so stiff. It worried me. I wanted to make all of his worries go away, but I knew it wasn't going to happen. I had done something stupid and this was the result.

Jasper helped me take off all my outside clothing and then I went into the closet. Jasper followed closely behind, staying right on my heels as I grabbed a tank top and shorts. Again, as I walked to the bathroom, Jasper stayed right behind me.

I smiled weakly at him, tiptoeing up to give him a peck on the lips. His lips barely kissed back. My heart fell in my chest at that. I knew he hadn't meant it. His lips were just pressed so tightly together. He was just tense...

"I'll be right back," I told him gently, waiting for his approval though.

He nodded stiffly, holding his hands behind his back as he waited outside the door. Once I closed the door behind me, I sighed to myself. He was so shaken up by this. He was so closed off now. He had always been so calm and open with me, giving me warm smiles. I couldn't remember when he was in the gang and more closed off. I had heard about what it was like, but I couldn't remember Jasper like that. I only could remember the Jasper that was always joking around with Nick and smiling adoringly at me. He had been so carefree...

I changed quickly and then washed my face, which had been soaked with tears. There were black bags the size of Texas under my eyes. I looked terrible. My face was pale, I'm sure from the fear, and my eyes were sunken in.

Eventually I pulled myself away from my pathetic reflection and headed to the door, almost dreading seeing Jasper's blocked off eyes, tight muscles and torn expression. Look what I had done...

I slowly opened the door and Jasper stood exactly where he had been a few minutes ago, looking deep in thought. His lips were still pressed tightly together. I could see the muscles in his stomach and chest rippling as he flexed and unflexed them. Normally I would have been swooning at his chest, but I knew it wasn't the time. He was too upset.

I walked forward and wrapped my arms around his waist, pressing my head against his hard chest plate. I didn't know what else to do. I just hugged him, holding him as tightly as I could, assuring him I was here with him. I was fine. Greg didn't hurt me. Greg didn't hurt anyone. It would all be fine. Even if I knew that it wasn't that simple.

"Bedtime for you, darling. You're probably exhausted." His voice was all wrong. It made me hold him tighter, begging that it would stop. I wanted Jazz. The happy one. The worry free one.

"Can you sing to me?" I asked sadly, hoping to have some part of him that could never change. His songs were already written, written with his love. I wanted that right now...

Jasper nodded and let me go. "I'll always sing for you..." I heard him whisper as he walked toward the drawer, grabbing something out of it before coming over to the bed.

"Can you dry swallow your sleeping pill or do you want me to grab you a glass of water?" he asked.

Oh, my pill! I would have forgotten...

But then I thought for a moment.

"Maybe I should... try to see something?" I suggested, raising my eyebrow. It was the least I could do...

Jasper was already shaking his head, though. "I don't want you to get any more worked up than you already are."

His face softened as I grimaced. "Maybe a different night, but not tonight, Alice. I need you to just get some rest tonight," he explained.

I nodded and took the pill from him, swallowing it without water. "I understand..." I murmured.

Jasper pulled the covers down and we slipped under them. I noticed he was still holding his cell phone in his hand and I sighed. He was going to start calling Nick again once I fell asleep, I knew it.

I slid over to him and lay my head on his chest as always, his arm wrapped protectively around me.

"I won't let anyone hurt you," Jasper murmured, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.

I nuzzled into his neck, just wanting to be closer, and nodded. "I trust you," I promised him, being completely honest. I trusted him more than anyone in the world. I had given up my whole understanding of life, the comfort of my family, and the easy relationship with my long time boyfriend, for him. I had given up everything I knew for him, because I trusted him. I trusted him when he said we were in love. I trusted every word and every action he used.

Jasper didn't say any more. He just began to sing softly to me. His smooth voice sang me into a new place. A safe place where I didn't have to worry about Greg or Jasper being distant... This new place was just Jasper and his beautiful voice, singing me to sleep.

_CPOV_

Poor Alice. I felt for her, I really did... Seeing Spencer with another girl was definitely a shocker for her.

We were waiting for someone to come out of the bathroom. I didn't really need it, but I wanted to get her away from the guys for a moment. Away from Spencer...

"Alice?" I asked her hesitantly, trying to read her face. She was being _very_ quiet-especially for her.

She looked up at me and deliberately put a fake smile on her face. "I'm fine."

I raised an eyebrow and tried to think of what to say to her...

Whoever was in the bathroom came out and I grabbed her hand to drag her in with me.

"Okay, spill," I told her confidently. I had learned from Nick that the best way to get Alice to do things was to just talk to her directly. No easing her into things, no guiding her in the direction you wanted... She responded best to direct confrontation. "We can probably get away with being in here for like... ten minutes if we need to. Tell me what you're thinking," I finished, sitting on the side of the bathtub and looking at her expectantly.

She let out a breath and leaned against the sink, crossing her arms across her dress in front of her. "Chloe, I don't know... I should be happy for him, right? This is what I've been telling him to do for so long... And I can't... be with him. I'm with Jasper..."

I nodded, letting her talk it out for herself. She didn't need advice, she just needed to think out loud.

"So... I mean... to be upset about this is stupid because... I want, more than anything, for him to be _happy_. And for him not to be lonely. I do _want_ him to find someone..." she trailed off, thinking. "It's just really weird to see him with someone that's not me after so long... even if I want him to be..." she admitted, looking down. "Do you think it's bad that I felt... kind of betrayed for a minute?" she asked quietly. "It really hurt..."

I shook my head. "Not at all bad. I think it's normal. You weren't expecting it, so it just took you by surprise for a second... You're used to being with him. I think it's a natural reaction to be hurt at first, but... you're okay with it now, right?"

She nodded slowly. "I really do want him to be happy, Chloe..."

"I know you do. So this is a good first step, right? He actually brought a girl here... maybe he's on the right track?" I suggested, trying to make her feel better.

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying a real smile. "Yeah..." she nodded, "yeah... it's a good thing. We're both... moving on. It's a good step..."

I smiled reassuringly. "I think you're right. Definitely good."

She nodded confidently and stood up straight. "Yes. I'm ready to go say hi to him, I think. Thanks for the talk," she said with a grin.

"No problem." I followed her out, happy to see that she had a bit of a bounce in her step again. She had just needed a moment to collect her thoughts...

We met up with the guys with about five minutes to spare before midnight. Spencer had brought Nick's car up from Texas, which was extremely nice of him. I couldn't wait to see it! And I knew Nick was excited... he kept glancing down at the key like he couldn't believe he had it. It made me smile.

Then we counted down to the new year, excitement swelling around us as we got closer to one second before. As the clock turned to midnight, the excitement exploded into a chorus of "Happy New Year's!"

Nick met my eyes and we both grinned. "Happy New Year, Chloe," he said, leaning into meet my lips.

We kissed sweetly, and then he pulled back, his thumb stroking my cheek. "It's gonna be our best year, yet. I promise. It's a whole new start..."

I nodded, agreeing with him, and sealed the promise with another kiss. New year, new start. I liked the sound of that.

Surprisingly, people stayed for a while after the countdown. I didn't think we'd be staying for too much longer, but we mingled more with some of the adults, everyone wishing each other a Happy New Year and hugging...

Some people filtered out, but many were still there around one in the morning or so. I had kind of lost track of time, actually... My head was all foggy. Probably from lack of sleep...

I had just gotten done talking with Alice's dad, who turned out to be _really_ nice, and then I scanned the room for Nick. Faces, faces, more faces, Jasper, Alice... found him.

I went up to him with a grin and hugged him tightly, just happy to be here with him, before asking, "Having fun?"

He nodded and squeezed me into him. "Yep! Are you?"

"Uh huh," I nodded, "I was talking to Alice's dad about school and he was saying Alice was considering taking a class or two to gain more knowledge about managing their company-has she told you that? 'Cause I had no clue..." I rambled to him comfortably, sipping my punch.

"I think she might've mentioned it back in Forks, but not recently. That's good news, I guess. Jazz'll be happy," he decided with a nod, seeming amused and... a little surprised?

"That's what I thought too," I agreed, holding onto his hand tightly. Jasper got really excited about anything that Alice did that related to something from her life in Forks. I think it gave him Hope that she would someday remember everything...

I let my eyes travel over to where Spencer was standing. He had a bottle of expensive beer in one hand and the other arm wrapped awkwardly around the waist of the girl he had come with.

"I feel bad for Spencer," I admitted to Nick, turning my gaze to glance up at him. I wondered what he thought. He and Spencer seemed to be... well... _friends._

"Yeah, he doesn't seem too happy, does he?" he acknowledged, looking over at him.

"Nope. I think Alice feels weird too... she keeps looking over at him, but it's like she's trying to make sure Jazz doesn't notice..." I whispered to him. I knew they couldn't hear me, but still... I probably shouldn't take the chance.

"You noticed that too?" he asked, seeming to agree entirely.

"Mm-hmm," I nodded, leaning into him and closing my eyes. It had to be later than I thought... I hadn't felt so tired in a long time... And usually, I wasn't into being all 'touchy-feely' with Nick when so many people were around, but he was so comfortable and he smelled so good...

"You okay?" Nick asked suddenly, stroking my hair.

I shrugged against him, opening my eyes. Did I feel okay? "I think so? I feel kind of off, but not... bad?"

"What kind of 'off'? Do you want to go home?" he asked immediately, pulling back to look at me, concern all over his face.

"Just kind of lightheaded? We don't have to leave. I don't want to ruin the rest of the night. I'm probably just overwhelmed by all of the people..." I trailed off, thinking deeply for a moment. Why did I feel like this?

Oh. Wait.

"Oh my gosh... Nick, wait. Crap. Taste this..." I said, handing him my drink and looking up at him, panicked.

Had I not been paying attention to where I was getting my punch from?

He raised an eyebrow, but sipped at my punch. "Okay, what am I trying to..."

But then he stopped.

"Is there alcohol in it?" I whispered, almost afraid of the answer.

He took another sip and then nodded. "Yeah, I think there is, Chloe... Have you drank a lot of it?"

I bit my lip and thought about it. "Like a glass and a half... that's not a lot, right?" I asked, trying not to freak out. When was the last time I had had alcohol? Some time with Bryce... I _hated_ drinking.

He kissed my forehead reassuringly. "You'll be fine."

"Are you sure?" I asked, holding tighter onto his hand, needing the comfort. I didn't want to be drunk or not able to think straight... I _always_ thought straight... but when I drank, things got fuzzy...

He squeezed my hand and hugged me into him with a smile. "I promise you, you're okay. I'll watch you to make sure." Thank God.

"Kay," I whispered, going quiet. I trusted him, but I wasn't sure if I trusted myself...

"You're just a little tipsy is all," he told me, trying to relax me as he smiled in amusement. He looked at me like I was the cutest thing in the world...

"You're amused by this aren't you?" I asked him, narrowing my eyes suspiciously.

"And you're a lot more open when you're drinking," he teased, squeezing my hands with a wink.

I bit my lip and fell silent again. I didn't mean to be more open... it was easy with Nick, though.

"Chloe," he said seriously as he leaned down to look me in the eye.

"Hmm?" I mumbled, looking up at him.

"I love you."

Three best words in the world. I smiled and put my forehead against his, hoping he could see the trust in my eyes. "I love you too."

We stayed for another half hour or so, me clinging to him like my life depended on it as I sipped on a bottle of water. Then we said our goodbyes and walked out behind Jasper and Alice.

Nick and I took his car over to Jasper and Alice's apartment because he was too excited to have it back to wait until morning. We picked up Dakota, said our goodnights to Jazz and Alice, and then went back to my place so that they could spend the rest of the night together in their apartment without worrying about what we were up to.

...And I guess so that we could do the same. Hmm.

When we got back to the apartment, I crawled right into bed, insanely exhausted after the long night. Nick smiled at the sight of me and quickly took off his shirt and slipped into a pair of sweatpants before climbing into bed with me.

I curled up next to Nick as Dakota got situated in his bed on the floor.

"Happy New Year, sweetheart," Nick whispered, wrapping his arms around me. "This'll be the best year yet," he promised again, kissing my forehead gently.

"I agree," I yawned against him. "Happy New Year."

"And you held your alcohol very well..." he joked, a smile in his voice as his rough fingers stroked my stomach under my shirt. I had just thrown on a tank top and sweatpants... I didn't even know if they matched, and honestly, I didn't care. I was so comfortable...

"Punch is a lot different than shots," I murmured, walls coming down in the late hour. I was half asleep, but at least I wasn't feeling tipsy anymore.

"Sure is?" he answered, sounding confused. I didn't want to clarify and talk about the past right now though. We were starting our new future right now in the new year. Forget the past.

I smiled and leaned into him more. "I love you, Nicky."

He held me tighter and breathed me in. "I love you, too," he agreed sincerely.

Hmm. _Forget the past..._

I turned around in his arms and leaned up to take his lips in mine.

He was surprised, but he kissed me back, braiding his hands through my curls that were starting to fall softer now.

I pulled him closer, pressing myself against his bare chest as I molded my lips to his perfectly. Electric excitement shot up from my heart to my lips and I moaned softly into his mouth.

His grip on me tightened, but it didn't scare me. I wanted him to hold me as tight as he could... to never, ever let go of me. I wanted to stay like this, in his arms, surrounded by him, forever.

He pulled back for a moment, searching my eyes for something before he rolled over to hover over me.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and peered up into his eyes for a long moment, just admiring all of the love that was burning in the warmth of his brown eyes as he stared down at me. He was looking at me with so much adoration that I almost felt overwhelmed by it... like I hadn't done anything to deserve such attention. I knew it was stupid to think that about love, but there was just so much...

He swooped down to kiss me, his lips capturing my gasp of surprise as his hands locked themselves behind my neck, bringing me into his kiss gently.

New start... forget the past...

I pushed past the hesitation and into Nick, moving him back so that we were sitting up on our knees now, still kissing passionately, his tongue swirling around mine softly, to taste.

I wanted to be closer, though. Here. Now. In this moment. I just wanted to feel him and taste him and breathe him in and feel like we were the only two people in the world.

I put my hands on his shoulders to push him back so that now he was lying down and I was hovering over him. I lined my hips up with his and put one leg on either side of him before lying on top of him and catching his lips, trying to just sink into every part of him... to melt into him... to just... get as close as I could.

He was breathing heavily now, all hesitation aside as he sat up and gripped me into him, grinding his hips slightly against mine, causing me to gasp as more of the electricity shocked me.

He checked my eyes again before he rubbed against me again, this time more slowly, and another searing hot burst rocketed through me.

Nick seemed to use my reaction as a catalyst as he stood up, holding me, my legs wrapped around his waist.

I giggled and squeezed myself closer to him to show him I was okay. "Where are we going?" I whispered into his ear, feeling completely safe, which was weird because normally I'd be freaking out by now.

"Shh," he said softly, carrying me out of the room, through the kitchen, and to the little foyer thing in front of my balcony door that led outside. Still holding me, he opened the blinds of the glass door so that we could see snow falling in front of the lights of the city.

I stared, wide-eyed, at the way the city glowed at this hour. I had never seen it like this. I felt like I was in a snow globe or a movie or something... none of this felt real.

"See how beautiful it looks? How... magical?" he whispered, walking to press my back against the wall so that I could look out to a perfect view of the city.

The wall was cold against the thin fabric of my shirt, but the whole front of me was burning hot against him as he kissed my cheek, my ear, my shoulder, my neck. His lips trailed up to kiss along my jaw and then back to kiss my ear again. His breath was hot as he let his teeth graze against the top of my ear, sending goosebumps prickling all over me. A weird feeling, to have goosebumps and be so hot and so cold at the same time.

Feverish.

I looked away from the view of the city to look into his face. "Definitely magical," I whispered, nodding as he pressed his forehead to mine, our noses touching as our breath mixed. The lights from the city cast us in a cool, glittery glow. His eyes shimmered with his skin and in that moment, he looked simply ethereal.

I brushed my fingers against a scar on his neck, then down to the ones on his chest.

We breathed together and he let his tongue taste my lips before he kissed me again. There was just as much fire to this kiss, only this time it burned more deeply, less erratically. I moaned into him, the taste of warm apples and cinnamon overwhelming me. He tasted so sweet...

We kissed with him holding me against the wall, alternating between going fast and slow, until his knees started to give out. He slid us to the floor where he held me in his lap, my hips pressed into his stomach.

Nick's lips printed themselves onto my chest, right where my heart was already pounding. His lips put my heart into overdrive and I tried to catch my breath. I loved him so much in that moment that it hurt.

I swear, I could have sat there with him forever, in our own little snow globe, watching the shadows from the snowflakes dance on his face. He looked so alive and so happy and so in love...

"I like this start to the year," I whispered to him. It was the kind of instance where you had to whisper, because anything louder than that would just shatter the whole world.

"Me too," he murmured back, lying down on the floor and bringing me with him. He never let go... never let us break contact. I felt like we were just one person...

"Think it'll be like this all the time? Or would that be spoiling us?" I asked him quietly, joking a little as my heart rate started to get back to normal.

He stroked my hair softly, looking like he was deep in thought. "I think... that it'll only get better from here," he answered softly, stealing another kiss from me.

I grinned, feeling how swollen my lips were. I could only imagine how pink they'd be tomorrow...

"And we will definitely spoil the hell out of each other," he promised with a chuckle. "We deserve it."

I nodded against him and squeezed tighter into him, letting the weight of my eyelids take over and close. "I love you..."

I wasn't sure if I actually said it out loud, but I know I was thinking it. I had been thinking it all night...

I felt myself being picked up as Nick carried me to our bed and then I curled into him, surrounding myself with his scent, feeling absolutely secure in everything. In our love. In this moment. In this year.

How could this new year _not_ be anything but perfect?

I breathed him in deeply as I sank further into sleep, into his scent. Perfect...

I woke up feeling cold, like something was missing.

I stretched my arm out to reach for Nick and felt fur instead. I squeezed my eyes tightly before opening them a crack, peeking into Dakota's sleeping face.

"Did you kick Nick out of the bed, Kota?" I chuckled, scratching behind his ears as I sat up. The clock read 8:06, which meant I had slept in like crazy. I guess it _had_ been a long night.

But why hadn't Nick slept in with me? Usually, it was like pulling teeth trying to get him to wake up before ten or eleven.

I made my way out of my room and into the hall, guessing that maybe his idea of starting out the new year was waking up and starting the day early? Or maybe he had decided to get up early and make us breakfast?

I didn't smell anything cooking though...

I peeked into the kitchen, but he wasn't there. Or in the living room. Or in the bathroom. Or outside.

Sitting on the living room couch, I squinted in confusion, checking my phone for messages. None.

Dakota came up next to me and lay at my feet.

That was another thing. I might've assumed he had gone out to take him for a walk, but the dog had been sleeping with me when I woke up...

I shouldn't be worried, but this was very unlike Nick. He didn't just disappear without at least letting me know...

Maybe I was just overreacting though. I mean... I was just waking up... maybe things just weren't making sense yet.

I rubbed my eyes, deciding to wait until it was a more normal hour before calling Jasper and Alice to see if they knew where he was. He had probably just run to the store or something...

On New Year's Day. After spending the night with me, kissing and showing me the city from my window... The memory still felt like a dream.

I grabbed my book off of the table to do something to pass the waiting time, but froze when I saw a piece of paper sticking out from it that hadn't been there before.

Dread filled my heart, but I didn't know why. I just had a bad feeling all of the sudden... I did _not_ want to read this piece of paper.

I swallowed hard, took a deep breath, and then pulled the paper out of my book. Nick's handwriting...

_Chloe,_

_I'm already gone... please don't look for me. You have to start the New Year alone. Without me. It's the best start for you. You're strong enough to live your own life and I need you to do that, okay?_

_I can't explain. Just... understand that we can't be together anymore. I'll only cause you trouble. I'm not... who you think I am._

_Car keys are on the table. Consider it yours. _

_Dakota will watch over you._

_I'm sorry._

_Nick_

The words were there, but they didn't make sense. They might as well have been in a different language. This letter couldn't be for me.

So many thoughts were taking over my brain. I couldn't make sense of them. They were just overwhelming me...

Weren't we just locked in each other's arms last night? Didn't he just kiss me and hold me and tell me he loved me all night?

Why... why would he leave?

_Don't look for him?_

_Alone?_

And who was _he_ to think that he could tell me what the_ best start to my year_ was? Wasn't that my decision? Isn't that what he wanted? For me to think for myself?

_We can't be together... he's causing me trouble... and he's not who I think he is?_

So he wasn't someone who had saved me... someone who was smart and funny and strong and just... his own person? He wasn't someone who had had a rough start at life, but who was now starting this new year off differently, changed? He wasn't the man who brought out the best in me, who... who just...

I couldn't...focus...

He wasn't the man who loved me? Who I loved, too? Who sees me for who I am and loves what he sees?

He left me...

He didn't take the car?

Why did he leave?

Why? Was it something I did? Was it because of last night? I only drank a little... it was an accident... and he had been wasted around me before. That couldn't be why...

We had made out like crazy, but I thought he had liked that. He had been the one who said we'd be spoiled all year... did I screw that up somehow?

Didn't he... _love me?_ It didn't make any sense! I could feel how much he loved me! Even now, with him gone, it felt like this was just some stupid joke. A black lie.

I didn't know what to think. Before, it would have made sense to me for him not to love me. But now... I wasn't the same girl who just let everyone walk all over her and tell her what to do.

Nick had loved me. What... happened?

My shaking hands made their way to the elephant charm around my neck. I gripped it tightly as I tried to breathe, only succeeding in dry sobs.

Why would he give me his most prized possession and then leave it with me when he left, telling me not to follow him?

I clung to the charm like my life depended on it and tried to sort my thoughts. Too many questions were rushing through my brain. I tried to figure out what I should do next.

_You should probably breathe before anything..._

I tried to take deep breaths to stop the panic attack. I needed to think straight. I needed to take control and... and...

I squeezed my eyes shut, letting the tears fall to clear my blurred vision. What do I do next?

Nick... I just wanted him to be back. To come in and say this was all just some sick joke. I wouldn't even care. I just wanted him here. I needed him here...

I slid to the floor with Dakota and let my head fall on his back. For some reason, being close to the dog and holding onto the elephant charm made me feel closer to Nick.

And I needed to feel close to Nick still, because on top of the pain and confusion and loss and nausea, I felt something else, too. Something that scared me more than anything.

I felt alone.

**Author's Note: Well... hope you liked the chapter ;). lol! Wow, who would have guessed Gregory was really Greg? Big shocker there. And Alice is remembering stuff? Nick is gone...? Why? What the hell is going on in Hope? Lol! Hope you guys all liked the chapter though and leave a review.**

**Lucy, my talented and amazing beta, wrote CPOV. Because she is the Chloe expert and she does it best. So, big thanks to her for writing that piece of amazingness! **

**Also, I've just found out that Hope & Forgotten Hope have both been nominated for three awards in the fanfiction contest Bring Me to Life. They have both been nominate for: Cliffhanger Award, the Pixie and the Empath Award, and lastly Human Award. Go here to vote: www(dot)bringmetolifeawards(dot)weebly(dot)com We got some good competition so help Hope & Forgotten Hope and vote xD. Thank you to whoever nominated my stories! You are all fantastic! **

**Hope you guys are all having a fantastic day and continue to. Review! xD**


	44. Chapter 44

**Author's Note: Hey everyone! :). Here is your weekly update of Hope. Enjoy. **

Forgotten Hope Chapter 44-

_NPOV_

_Wow_. Could I think of anything else to think? Just wow.

Chloe had seriously blown my mind tonight. It wasn't just because of the most amazing make out session I had ever had in my life, either. It was because of how much she trusted me.

Doing exactly what she had done tonight showed me she trusted me. She trusted me to hold her, touch her, kiss her and be so close to her... even after being abused emotionally, physically and almost sexually by Bryce. She hadn't even flinched. She had melted into it like I had. We had let it all go: our pasts, our fears, everything. It had been her and me, letting go, opening up to the future. We began our new year. Our new lives together. It had been beyond perfect…

Now I was just lying in bed, feeling like the whole entire world had been lifted off of my shoulders. This _would_ be the best year yet. I had no doubt about it. Everything seemed to be falling into place. Chloe was trusting me now. She was ready to be close and leave the past behind. She loved me. _So_ much.

And Jasper and Alice were now together and seemed to be staying that way. Jasper was happy and Alice was as well. Even Spencer was getting better. He had been smiling tonight. Not so much when he had been with his date, but at least he had the courage and strength now to be able to _get_ a date. It was the first step and he had made it gracefully. He hadn't broken down or blown up. The year was starting out well for everyone.

I knew that just because it was a new year, it didn't mean that all of the past was behind us. I still had to tell Chloe some stuff. Hell, I had to tell Chloe _a lot_ of freaking stuff. I knew it would be okay though… I _knew_ it would. I was sure. Chloe would accept me no matter what. She loved me. That was what love was… accepting someone no matter what their past was, no matter what they might have done or said. The only thing that matters is who they are now. Who I am now. I knew what love was now and I know who _I_ was now. I had found myself and I would never go back to the person I was in Forks.

I stroked Chloe's sleeping face gently, smiling at her through the darkness. I would tell her everything within hours. No more secrets.

My thoughts were broken by the vibration of my cell phone on the night table. I groaned quietly and awkwardly untangled my arms and legs from Chloe. We had been lying so close... as close as possible. I grabbed the phone before it could wake Chloe up and pressed it to my ear, wondering what Jasper or Ali would need at this time.

But then a rush of panic shot through me. It was three in the morning. Why would they be calling so late? We had just been with them...

"Hello?" I croaked, not able to hold back my worry now. Maybe we should have went back to their place tonight…?

"Nicky."

The one word hardened every muscle in my entire body, including my heart. No one could bring so much hate, anger, pain and worry to me except one person.

Greg.

I jumped out of bed and walked quickly out of Chloe's bedroom, closing the door tightly behind me, as if he was in the apartment with us and I was protecting her.

Why was he calling me? How did he even get my number? No one knew my new number except my friends here... none of them would have given it to him.

"What the hell do you want?" I hissed at him, keeping my voice low, but vicious. I did not want him back in my life-_our_ lives. I was starting over today and I did not want him to ruin it. He was not going to control my life again! I didn't care what he wanted.

"Nicholas, you should not speak to an old friend like that," Greg scolded me as if he knew anything about manners. I grinded my teeth together. I didn't want anything to do with his pointless, cruel games.

"I'm hanging up," I stated coldly, stiffly. If there wasn't something important he was going to tell me, then he could just go to hell. I had a nasty feeling that it was going to be something important though. I was trying to keep the feeling buried, but I knew he wouldn't call unless he had a plan. I hoped to God that he didn't have a scheme brewing. Maybe it was just a taunting call. Maybe he just wanted to remind me that he had some power in my life... that he knew my number in case he wanted to track me down...

My fist clenched. He _could_ track me down.

"Fine. Go ahead. Hang up," Greg chuckled bitterly, sounding totally at ease with me doing whatever I wanted. That only meant one thing: If I didn't talk to him I would be in huge trouble.

"I don't want any trouble, Greg," I stated, trying to keep my voice steady. I couldn't have him back in my life. I couldn't have him hovering around or hiding near us. Chloe was with me now. I needed to keep her away from him. Greg could not know about Chloe. I had to make sure of that. I would not let her get in harm's way. After seeing what he did with Ali...

I snapped out of the memory, feeling sick at the thought of it. We should have been there to protect Alice from that.

"Neither do I," Greg said simply. "All I want is a little reunion. You and me, just talking. It'll be like the old days."

No! I would not do that. I couldn't do that. I knew it wouldn't turn out well. Why the hell was he calling me?

"Just tell me what you want! What you really want, Greg. I don't want any of your fucking games!" I shouted at him and then quickly covered my mouth, remembering Chloe was fast asleep in the other room. She couldn't wake up right now. I could not explain this conversation to her tonight. I had a plan. We were going to talk so that I was slowly opening up my past to her. Greg wasn't going to be forcing that conversation on us.

"Come meet me and you'll find out everything."

Greg then gave me an address and hung up before I could refuse to meet him. Damnit. I had to go now or he'd come to me. He couldn't find out where Chloe lived.

I let out a stream of curses and headed back into Chloe's room quietly, tiptoeing as I changed back into my jeans and rummaged around to find a beater. Stupid Greg... I hated him with such a passion it was probably inhumane. He was just out to ruin our lives. Who cared about his stupid gang anyways? It was so childish, now that I looked back on it. He manipulated guys to feel like they were in control and once they realized that's what he was doing and wanted a real life, he threw a tantrum. Greg needed to grow up and stop fucking around with us.

Before leaving, I stood at her bedroom doorway and just stared at her. She looked so at ease... like it was the best sleep of her life. Right now, I imagined that she felt the same that I had earlier: that things couldn't be more perfect.

Well, Greg could take that away from me, but not from her. I wouldn't let her lose that feeling. She deserved it too much.

I lightly kissed her forehead before I tore myself out of her room. I tried my best to be as quiet as possible as I slipped out of her apartment, slipping my shoes on and grabbing my car keys and a jacket, despite how cold it was.

Luckily, I knew what street he was talking about. It was right at the place where I usually went running with Jasper. I was praying that it was only a coincidence... but was it ever a coincidence with Greg? He might have been a cold blooded bastard, but he was a smart one. He thought things through. He always had an alternate plan. I had fought so many fights with him, been involved with so many of his plans... They were familiar to me. I had learned that he always had a backup plan and he knew his targets well. He hated to lose.

The drive to the meeting place was long and jam packed with anxiety. I had no idea what was going on. I had no idea what he wanted from me... I wasn't sure if I should call Jasper. I didn't want to worry him right now though, and I didn't know if Greg would take it badly if I did call Jasper.

I fought to control my breathing as I pulled up into the parking spot. I wasn't scared. Not for _my_ life. Not one bit. I was afraid for the people I loved and what he could do to them. I had seen what he could do to people... I couldn't imagine him doing those things to Alice, Jasper or Chloe... I would hate myself if he ever lay a hand on any of them ever again.

I crept out of the car and, for first time in months, let the numb, cold-hearted Nick from the past take over. He was ready to kill, ready to protect his family, his love, if he had to. I pushed my hand deep into my pocket, where my knife was resting, waiting for me to use it if necessary. I was ready for anything.

I noticed a figure leaning casually against a tree and walked toward it. I would know that form, posture, and shadow anywhere. I felt the horrors of the past daring to creep into my mind and fought it off. That was the past. I wasn't that guy anymore.

"Nicholas!" Greg greeted cheerfully, walking forward to me to pat my shoulder. My body reacted immediately and my hand flashed up and grabbed his wrist.

"Don't touch me," I warned him maliciously.

Greg smirked at me and I held my breath. Damnit. I had gone so long without seeing that cruel, mischievous gleam in his eyes. It was like looking at the core of evil: where it began and evolved. The evil that could form into whatever it wanted in order to disguise itself. He was devious... He could fool anyone.

"Be pleasant. Your mother would be so disappointed in you," Greg chuckled bitterly as his eyes twinkled into mine. He knew my past. He was reminding me... taunting me.

I clenched my jaw tightly, taking a deep breath through my nose. _Do not start a fight, Nick._

"I came. Now tell me what you want," I hissed at him, flinging his wrist back at him. I didn't want to touch him anyway. His skin was always so cold. It suited him. He was just downright cold. I don't know what I had ever seen in him... how I had ever trusted him... fucking bastard.

Greg leaned back against the tree, taking out a cigarette and a lighter. He lit it and took a long, leisurely drag, taking his time as he let his eyes flicker shut. Eventually, he opened his eyes and then let the smoke up, cracking a smile.

"Would you like one?" he offered with the most fake kindness I had ever heard. He reached his arm forward with the pack, cocking an eyebrow at me. He looked like he was testing me for something, but I didn't know what. I was rusty at reading people now. I was soft... I had gotten very comfortable with my life here.

I ignored his question, not wanting to give him an answer so he could analyze it and somehow figure out more shit about me that he didn't need to know.

Greg shrugged at my response and slipped the pack into his black leather jacket. Still wearing leather jackets. He'd never change.

I waited for Greg to make conversation. To say _something_. But he didn't. He leaned against the tree, watching me closely. He would take a long drag of his cigarette and the end would burn red for a moment in the darkness of the night. Not one word was spoken and he was certainly testing my patience. I knew that I needed to let him speak first, though. It was too dangerous to play with him.

Eventually, the thick tension had given Greg enough pleasure and he flicked the cigarette away and crossed his arms, cocking an eyebrow at me. "Been a long time, hasn't it?"

"Not long enough," I mumbled, giving him a hard stare. I had never wanted to see him again.

Greg chuckled darkly and nodded, "Bet you wished we'd never interact again, huh? But you can't run away from your past, Nicky. It's inevitable. It'll come back and bite you in the ass."

I tensed at his words. _It'll come back and bite you in the ass_. That meant he was here for a reason. I knew he had been, but I had been denying it in the back of my mind, hoping that this was just to mess with me. To taunt. Something amusing. It wasn't, though. He had a plan. Fuck.

"The past is to learn from and then let go of, Greg," I told him seriously, my eyes narrowing. I was ready to move on. I was going to tell Chloe about everything when I took her out today, so that she could know all of my secrets... could really know _me_... and then I was letting it go. I had learned from my experiences. I learned the lessons I had needed. I learned that it wasn't the life I wanted. And now, I had found a life that was worth living.

"If only life was that easy," Greg smirked and began to pull something out of his jacket pocket. I tensed up and slipped my hand into my own pocket, gripping the knife, feeling the cold, familiar metal pressing into my palm.

Greg laughed and put his hands up in surrender, knowing instantly what I was gripping in my pocket. "Whoa there boy, calm down. Just getting something harmless out of my pocket," Greg assured me, giving me an honest look. He could fake that look effortlessly now, though, so I knew not to trust him fully. I merely nodded, but kept my hand tight around the knife, ready to jump at him at any time.

He pulled out a small cell phone and I watched him closely as he pressed a few buttons. I was getting very impatient by now. I wanted nothing more than to be in bed with Chloe, wrapped up in her, and to never see this guy ever again.

"You're probably wondering why I wanted to see you. This is one of the reasons," Greg stated simply, extending his hand forward which held the cell phone. The bright screen shone into my eyes and I squinted to look at the screen. I was hesitant to look, not sure whether or not I wanted to see whatever he had on it.

But the moment my eyes focused on the screen, I could not look away. My eyes glued to it and the reality of what it was sunk in. I knew those faces. Two smiling faces that I couldn't look at without wanting to smile. Two people that I would fight the entire would for. I would give my life for either of them in a second. I would protect them with everything in me and I knew, right then, that was probably what I would have to do.

Chloe and Alice were smiling, arm in arm, in the picture on his phone.

A ripple of anger flowed through my body, violently taking over, and a growl escaped my lips. "Where the hell did you get that?" I snapped at him roughly, shaking at the thought of him being close enough to either of them to take that picture. He had probably just found it somehow... He was Greg. He could find pictures like that through connections or something, I tried to reason.

But how did he know who Chloe was...?

Greg rolled his eyes. "My opportunities to get this photo were endless, Nicholas. Those girls were putty in my hands. So innocent, trusting, vulnerable... Honestly, I could have done anything to them, brought them anywhere. They trusted me so much..."

The twinkle in his eye was enough to set me off. He was thinking things about my girlfriend and my sister. He could not get away with that.

I jumped at him, my emotions taking over as they always did. I tackled him to the ground, but I was pretty sure he had let me do it, expecting as much out of me. I kept my knife in my pocket, not needing it to take him down. My fists were enough to kill Greg.

Could I kill Greg? Would Chloe want me to kill someone? Even if it was a monster, like Greg? Was it lowering myself to his level if I were to kill him?

Greg took advantage of my thinking, catching me off guard and flipping us over so that he was on top, smirking down at me. He sighed with disappointment.

"Nicky, you know better than to let your guard down like that. I trained you better than that."

I didn't care about his taunting words or annoying smirks. I didn't want to hear or see any of it!

His hands were wrapped around my neck, pressing hard into my throat, trying to cut off my air way. I knew he wouldn't kill me, though. Killing me would only end his game.

I wrapped my hands around his wrists and squeezed as hard as I could before I pulled back, ripping them off of my throat. Taking in a gasp of air, I quickly shoved him off of me. We both scrambled upward onto our feet, watching each other. Greg knew I was a better fighter with my fists than he was. He liked weapons. I liked fist fights.

"So, Chloe. She's—" Greg started, but I didn't give him enough time to finish his thoughts. I flew forward and shoved my knuckles right into his cheek with all my might, knocking him straight off his feet and to the ground. He had no right to ever say her name. His lips were too dirty for such a pure name to come out of them.

Of course, this only made it all the more fun for Greg. He laughed maliciously, bouncing gracefully off of the ground and onto his feet, not even flinching from the pain I knew was in his cheek. I had gotten a good punch in.

"Touchy," Greg commented, amused. "I guess that proves she _is,_ in fact, your girlfriend, huh?" He was smarter this time and didn't speak Chloe's name.

"It's none of your business," I stated coldly. My past and present could not collide... I prayed they never would.

"You are my business, Nicholas. You made a vow when you joined my gang and you have that brand on you for the rest of your life. You are loyal to me._ You are mine_," Greg reminded me knowingly, giving me a look that was just begging me to challenge him.

I scoffed at the absurdity of his statement. Really? I was bound to him for life? What was I, fourteen? I didn't know what the hell I was doing when I was fourteen. I had no idea what kind of guy Greg was. He was ridiculous to think anything I saw in him then would mean anything now.

"I am not yours. I own _myself_ and you don't have any power over me. Do you honestly think I care what you think? Do you think I am even afraid of you? You are so pathetic you make me laugh, Greg," I smirked deviously at him. I knew I was pushing buttons and stepping over lines as I said this, but he didn't control me anymore and I would show him that.

Apparently, I had hit a sensitive spot because Greg dove at me, smashing his fist into my stomach. The pain throbbed as he hit a rib and I took a quick breath in, trying to recover from the blow. I was not used to that anymore... Pain was almost foreign to me now. When was the last time I had felt physical pain?

Greg took my weakness as an opportunity and struck me again. I hissed as a big ring on his finger cut my cheek open from the punch. That was enough. I recovered as quickly as I could and shoved him back, fury pumping through my veins now. He did not control me anymore! He would not hurt me anymore!

I grabbed him by the collar and shoved him against a tree, uncovering the anger and hate that I had stored deep inside of me and unleashing it on him. He had no chance of getting away.

"_What do you want?_" I growled at him through my teeth, taking deep breaths in and out. My shoulders heaved with the force of my breath. I could hear my heartbeat pounding in my ears. The adrenaline caused memories to ignite in my mind, but the rush felt kind of good...

Greg smiled pleasantly, "I want you back."

"Screw you," I spat at him, pinning my forearm across his throat, pushing into it, cutting off some of his air supply. I would never go back to him. He knew that. That couldn't be the reason he was here.

"You never paid for betraying me," Greg stated simply. "You could come back now or you can take the aftermath, Nick." There was a warning his voice and his eyes burned into mine. His gaze didn't waver with the intensity of my stare. He was numb. He couldn't feel my emotion. He didn't know what it meant to _feel._

I sighed heavily and took a step back, letting him go. "Get over it, Greg." I shrugged, looking at him blankly. My anger wasn't helping anything. I was just getting bruised and bloody. What would Chloe think when she saw me all beat up? I hope it didn't scare her...

But I was so sick and tired of Greg going on about payback for betrayal. Did he have nothing else to do in his pointless life than to hunt us down and threaten me?

Rage flashed through Greg's hazel eyes at my words. I had told him what to do. He didn't like anyone taking authority away from him.

"Get over it? I guess that means you are taking the aftermath then, huh? I hope you 'get over it' when I tell the cops where you are. Then you and your friends and your whore are all in jail. Yeah, Nicky, this isn't just about you anymore. Alice, Jasper and _Chloe_ will go to jail for harboring a criminal and for taking you out of jail. The past will bite you in the ass." Greg's voice dripped with malice.

His words hit me hard and my breath grew ragged.

Chloe in jail...

No.

No. No. No. That couldn't happen. She had nothing to do with any of this.

I shook my head absentmindedly and Greg laughed. The same deep, gravelly laugh that echoed in my nightmares constantly. The laugh he used when he knew he had won...

"You can't do that..." I whispered almost too quietly to hear, looking at him with pleading eyes. I remembered what it was like to be locked up. Chloe was too good to go to jail. She had so much to live for. She didn't deserve it. She wouldn't even understand why she was going to jail. She hadn't known I was a criminal. The court had to take that into consideration... but then again, they probably wouldn't believe her even if she told them that.

And then Alice... and Jasper... hell, none of them could go to jail. They all had so much left to live for. Jasper was just getting his life straight now. He was finally away from violence and hatred and if he went to jail, it would all start again. He would turn numb again...

"I can do anything I want," Greg told me a matter of factly.

I shuddered at the defeat that was now coming over me. "Come on..." I practically begged. "There must be something else..." I trailed off, looking at him. I met his hazel eyes once more, seeing the evil in them. How could he do this to us...?

Greg barked a laugh. "No. I didn't really want you back. You are no good to me anymore. You're slow, now. Rusty. Sorry."

I was getting desperate now as the glimpses of Chloe, Alice and Jasper in jail started flickering through my mind. "I-I'll do anything. There has to be something, man. I just... Chloe didn't do anything... none of them did... I-I'll do anything you want," I promised him, putting my hands up in total surrender, defeated. He could kill me. He could do anything. I just didn't want him to hurt them. They were worth so much more. I was worth nothing compared to all of them. They were so_ good_.

Greg walked forward now with a slight skip in his step and pulled his fist back and then snapped it forward, hitting me in the eye. "That's a start," he smirked tauntingly, basking in the control he had just gained.

I staggered backwards a bit from the force, but regained my balance and took a breath, opening my eye slowly so it wouldn't swell shut. I had to keep my temper in check. He would put them all in jail if I didn't listen.

"Now," Greg started, rubbing his hands together excitedly. I wanted to kill him so much right now, "You can do one thing. Jump a plane to anywhere and never come back. If I ever see your face around any of them, I will call the cops and have them tracking your ass in seconds. Got that, kid?" Greg questioned me, getting right up in my face. He was trying to set me off, I swear. His breath was hitting my face and his eyes were too close to mine. I could feel malevolence radiating off of him. I could feel it sinking into my skin.

Leave? The words just began to make sense. Leave them all... Leave Chloe? My heart ached at the mere thought. That was impossible. I couldn't leave them. I couldn't leave _her_. This was our new beginning. We had just decided on that last night. We were going to start over and I was going to tell her the truth. We were happy and we were going to get happier. Me and her and Dakota were a family. Jasper and Alice were, too. I couldn't leave my family. I had never had a family before. I needed them. I had finally been able to love. I loved them all. They loved me...

"I can't leave her..." The words flowed out of my mouth without me meaning for them to. I hated him seeing my weakness, my defeat. I just couldn't hold it in. She was my life.

"You'd rather ruin her?" Greg asked me in amusement. "I would take extreme pleasure in seeing you all locked up, so by all means, stay here. I'll do that and be content with it. You don't have to leave." The bastard already knew I would leave. I had to leave. He was just getting in all of the taunting before he never saw me again.

I took a shaky breath in and nodded. "You won't hurt her though?" I asked, holding back the tears in my eyes and looking straight into his God forsaken eyes. I needed to see the truth.

Greg smirked and rolled his eyes, dismissing the thought. "She means absolutely nothing to me. I wouldn't waste my time," he assured me in sickly sweet voice.

I nodded and his smirk widened. "Way too easy. Love weakens even the hardest hearts..." He said more to himself, before laying another punch into me.

As I cringed, he turned on his heels, starting to walk away. "Get out of town within the next five hours, or I'll call the police," he shouted over his shoulder as he walked happily away from me. It was probably the best day he had in a while...

I stood on the spot where I had been for a few minutes, watching Greg disappear into the distance. I hoped that was the last time I would ever see him. If I ever did again, it would be to kill him.

I reached up and wiped the blood that was dripping down the left side of my face, sighing heavily. The sigh opened up the flood gates and my body shook with the intensity of the heartbreak in me. I had to go. I had to go fast, but my feet wouldn't move. They were planted into the floor, glued there. I could see the apartment building Alice and Jasper lived in towering over the city from where I was and choked on a sob. I had to leave them...

Ali was finally back with us all and now I would leave her. She was still struggling and I was going to leave her with no brother to go to. Jasper would have no best friend to talk to. I wouldn't have him to keep me in control. We were always together, keeping each other sane. We had each other's backs. At least he had Ali now, though. They would take care of each other.

They would take care of Chloe, too. I knew they would. Alice loved her now. She would make sure Chloe was taken care of. Jasper would watch over her. He didn't let many people in and he had let her in and that meant he would protect her now. He protected the people he cared about. Like I did. They all had each other now. It would be fine.

_But you need them_. A voice in the back of my head reminded me. The tears mixed with the blood pouring down my face and I took a shaky breath in. I needed them so much... I might never admit it out loud, but I was too weak alone. I couldn't face the world without them. I had always searched for love, friendship and security... and now I had it and I was going to give it all up. I was going to ruin it. How could I ever live without it now that I had experienced it?

I shook off the thoughts. I couldn't think like that now. I was saving them. I couldn't let their lives be ruined because I was too selfish and wanted to stay here. I could leave. I just had to stop thinking about it. I had to stop feeling. Just go numb again.

I took a deep breath and bravely took my first step towards my car. I didn't stop after that. I went to my car and sped all the way back to Chloe's apartment. I had no idea what I was going to do or say or even if I was going to say anything. Could I honestly stand eye to eye with Chloe and tell her I was leaving? There was no way in hell I could walk away from her after seeing her eyes burning into mine, drowning me in so much love...

_Stop thinking about her!_ My mind screamed at me. _Numb, Nick, Go numb. _

I stomped on the brakes and yanked the keys out of the ignition, running up the stairs to Chloe's apartment. I shut my mind off and just ran. I quietly sneaked into her apartment and to her bedroom. I kept my eyes averted from where she was lying peacefully as I grabbed clothes and shoved them in a bag. I just needed some and then I would pick some up wherever I went...

Where could I go? I froze for a second thinking about it. I didn't have anyone else to go to. I hardly had any money. The only money I had was the money Spencer had just given me last night. He couldn't have put that much on, knowing I would refuse it if he did. Where could I go?

There was always Texas... Davis would take me back. He was a good guy. I could do that, I decided as I zipped up the backpack. The noise of the zipper caused Dakota's head to pop up from the doggy bed he was laying on.

I put my hand up quickly and gave him a hard look. "Down, Dakota. Go back to sleep!" I hushed him, pointing at him warningly. If he barked, then Chloe would wake up and if Chloe woke up, then I couldn't leave, and then Greg would call the cops...

I walked over to Dakota and sat down in front of him. He looked at me expectantly, waiting to be pet or played with. He was so spoiled...

I scratched behind his ears gently and leaned down. "You take care of our girl for me, okay? You protect her for me," I told him firmly but affectionately, getting choked up on emotion again. I tried as hard as I could to push the emotion away and let the cold, numb awakening settle it.

Dakota stared into my eyes and I almost thought he might understand for a second. I smiled softly at him and leaned down to kiss his furry head before getting up quickly. Now I would leave. I had to leave now. It was time to go. I had my stuff. Everything I needed was in my wallet. I had clothing. I was... ready.

But, of course, my feet were cemented into the bedroom floor. I wasn't ready to leave... her.

My eyes took control and slowly moved toward the bed until they finally landed on her sleeping form. My sleeping beauty right there in front of me. Her mouth was open a bit, breathing slowly in and out in her restful slumber.

Then my feet were in control. Walked forward. Knelt right beside her peaceful body. My eyes gazed with an endless love. The girl who had changed my life in so many ways and saved me over and over again every day was right there in front of me. She was exactly how I loved her the most at the moment. She had her guard down completely and she was just her. She was in a tank top and shorts, her hair cascading around the pillow and her face. She was completely and one hundred percent her. No mask.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart," I whispered pleadingly, staring at her in her tranquil state. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for everything. Don't be sad when I'm gone. Be happy. Be free. Be you. Please never stop being you." I held my hands back, trying to control them, keep them away from touching her. I just wanted to hold her forever...

I got up then, knowing that sitting there longingly was only going to hurt me more. I had to go. There was no choice. Jasper would take care of her. Dakota was watching out for her. She had people who loved her here. She would be okay.

I knew I was only kidding myself by telling myself that, but it was the only way I could leave.

I took a piece of paper, not able to stop myself from at least giving her a part of an explanation. I didn't want her to just think I up and left after everything we had been through. After last night...

I scribbled a quick note, leaving her my car, the only possession I had that was actually worth any money. It broke my heart as I left the note absent of an I love you on it. I wanted her to know. I wanted her... to know that I would _always_ love her... but I knew that would only make her look for me. She couldn't look for me- that would be too dangerous. Greg would know and...

She couldn't look for me. She would have a good life here...

I put the note down and then turned and took a step. I felt a sharp pain and gasped. My hand flew up and covered my chest. I could hardly breathe from the pain that suddenly ached in my chest. I gripped my chest and took another step forward, though. I had to go...

Every step only caused the pain to increase. With every step, it was worse. It was like a knife was being continually stabbed into my chest and each time it was a sharper knife and they were stabbing it even farther into my heart. My heart was being shredded to pieces.

_Let it go, Nick. Leave your heart here with her. Leave the emotion here._ My old mind instructed me.

I nodded absentmindedly to myself as I grabbed the door handle. It felt like time dragged in slow motion as I turned the handle and pulled the door open. Numb, I could be numb.

And I did become numb. The farther I got from Chloe, the more the life, the goodness, the love, affection, happiness slipped away. By the time I had come to the airport my body was absent of any good emotion and my mind was blank.

I was Nicholas Graham again. Alone in a dark world where love would never touch me. It was better that way,... They would all be safer that way...

_CPOV_

In the same moment I realized he had left, the world had apparently decided to stop moving.

The traffic outside fell silent... they had suddenly realized, too, that laying on their horns and trying to maneuver through each other when they were at a standstill was pointless.

Just as it was pointless for me to try to maneuver through my thoughts... to sort through them, make sense of them, try to get through the labyrinth of explanations, excuses, lies...

Nick had left me. And now I was alone. Those were the facts. Short, simple, cold facts.

Slowly, I sat up from laying on the dog and looked around at the apartment. The clock was frozen at 8:18. The drop of water on the kitchen faucet clung to the metal, not falling into the sink.

I glanced at myself in the mirror and blinked, but my reflection did not blink back. Even it had stopped moving.

It was just Dakota and me in a world that was no longer spinning way too fast for me to understand it.

Dakota lay on the floor, waiting for my next move, totally willing to trust in me, in what I thought, in my actions.

Had anyone ever really trusted me like that before?

Had I begun to think that Nick had trusted me?

I had started to trust him...

But now...

I closed my eyes and his eyes appeared. Just his eyes. Staring at me... _seeing_ me... right into my soul.

He had seen me and... and told me that... that he _loved_ me. He had told me things... told me stories... told me about some of the scars... How could he tell me things like that and _not_ love me?

Then again, did I even know what love was? I thought I did, after spending so much time with Nick. But I had also, at one point, thought what I had with Bryce was love...

I thought back on the feeling that I always got when I was around Nick. The warmth and security and trust and happiness and comfort...

Two seconds later, panic crushed that feeling out of me, extinguishing it the best it could. It hurt too much to feel that and know that it wasn't... real.

But God, if it wasn't real, then why did it hurt so much to lose it now?

I bit down on my lip and squeezed my eyes shut again, knowing I was starting to get lost in my thoughts again. I had to try to get back into the world. To get it to start moving again. Even if it spun too fast to make sense of anything, at least it meant it was moving. All forward motion counts.

I stood up and glanced around the room in a daze as I tried to focus enough to get out of my head and into the real world again.

I made my feet move and stumbled over to the coat rack, where a few of Nick's coats were still hanging. Only one was gone.

After staring at the coats for a moment, I reached and grabbed the gray one that Alice had bought for him in November. It had a flannel pattern on the inside, but looked a little more than casual on the outside, where everyone could see it. I think Nick liked it because he felt like he was deceiving anyone who looked at him; they didn't know that underneath that polished, sophisticated coat, there was green flannel lining.

The coat was like him, in a way. On the outside, he knew how to fit in. Or at least, blend in, depending on where we were. But on the inside, he was hiding the guy who was comfortable in flannel. The guy who didn't care about brand names and impressing people. The guy who would rather just surround himself with a few close friends, rather than the whole group of strangers who were probably just out to judge anyway.

I slipped my arms into his coat over the tank top and shorts I was wearing and suddenly I was surrounded by him.

I crossed my arms in front of me, hugging the coat to me and tucking my nose into the collar so I could inhale whatever was left of him in this coat.

The feeling was both utterly satisfying and heartbreaking at the same time. His smell brought so many good memories rushing into my head. I especially thought about last night... how _right_ it felt to be completely wrapped up in him.

I finally felt like my heart had started beating again at the thought of that.

Slowly... my heart was beating and I was breathing and I could hear the clock ticking, which meant that time was starting to tick, too. What I was feeling didn't set the clock anymore...

Real life was starting to happen again.

"Dakota, come!" I whispered, grabbing his leash from the coat rack.

I fastened it to his collar and started to walk out of the apartment with the keys in one of Nick's coat pockets and my phone in the other.

I think at first, I was subconsciously taking him out so he could relieve himself, but once we were outside, I couldn't make myself go back in. Not with Nick's absence.

It was bitterly cold with a breeze that cut right through me. My bare legs were numb to it after just a few seconds... it didn't hurt after that.

Numb... what an interesting concept. I had never been numb before. I always felt everything. Even if it was something that wasn't as painful, because I had built up a tolerance to it, I still always felt it. I had never _not_ felt, no matter how bad things got...

We started walking, as if on auto-pilot. I didn't really know where or why, but I found that the farther away from the apartment, the clearer my head became.

Time was moving faster, now. The world was blurring with the speed.

Maybe Nick had left because I wasn't... a challenge, anymore. Before, he would move so slow with me... so careful, as if I would break if he tried too hard. It was just what I needed... he always knew exactly what I needed...

But after last night... well, we had made out and I had let him do what he wanted. I hadn't cringed or jumped or anything-in fact, I _liked_ it all and he _knew_ that. Maybe... maybe he had guessed that because I was more open when tipsy, I would be more open to him touching me, too...

That would mean he had just been taking advantage of me having my defenses down, though. That he had used alcohol against me... just like Bryce.

The thought made my heart hurt and I pushed it away after a few stabbing beats. Nick wouldn't _do_ that. Even if he didn't love me anymore, I was sure that at one point, he had loved me. And you didn't... you don't... you just don't do things like that to people that you once loved.

You don't do things like that to anyone, really. Not unless you're manipulative, like Bryce. And Nick wasn't. He was sweet and kind and very aware of how what he did made me feel. And even when he slipped up, like when he was drinking, it was because of insecurities on his end, not on mine.

Nick and I both had things we were dealing with... but I thought... the plan was to deal with them together?

So I was back, again, to wondering what had happened? Why didn't he love me now? Had I done something I wasn't seeing yet?

I wasn't... understanding. My head was telling me that he didn't love me, but my heart was still saying he did.

The city was like a watercolor painting, but the color had been washed out, leaving only gray and white splotches and streaks. That's all I saw as I walked. Splotches and zooming. Everything was _zooming_-people, cars, buildings, noises, smells-everything!

It was like in the movie _Big Fish_ when time stops and then suddenly has to speed up again to catch up for what it missed when it had stopped. That's what must have been happening now. Everything was speeding up because I had lost so much time when the world had stopped spinning.

I shook my head as I walked on, Dakota prancing along at my side. I had to stop thinking so much... it was driving me crazy...

But since when did I ignore my thoughts? My thoughts were important to me... they were the only things that had ever truly been _mine_. I wrote what I thought about... Even the things I _felt_, I _wrote_... which means I_ thought _about the things I _felt._...

And now my thoughts were making me dizzy.

"Spare change?"

I gasped as a man approached us, yanking me out of my rationalizing, his palm outstretched. I could see dirt in the lifelines on his red-cold hands.

"S-Sorry. No money," I whispered, starting to walk a little faster past him, tugging Dakota along.

I glanced back to see him staring down at my legs, his eyebrow raised curiously, before he shook his head and walked away from us.

I guess he figured I was telling the truth. I mean, if I didn't have _pants_ on, then it was probably unlikely that I was loaded with cash.

I pulled Nick's coat tighter around me, feeling protected in it, and started to walk faster. I knew where we were now. We were close to Alice and Jasper's place.

How long had I been walking?

I guess I could have driven, but the only car I had was... his. And I couldn't drive Nick's car. It was _his_. Either he was going to drive it, or I would drive it with him in it. It felt wrong to drive it with him not here.

The wind blew snow up from the path so that the flakes latched onto me, melting on my legs, blanketing my hair, clinging to Nick's coat. But I was way past feeling how cold that felt now.

Somehow, in the weird way that time was behaving for me today, Dakota and I made it to Alice and Jasper's. I blinked, and we were in front of their door, and I blinked again and saw them both standing in the doorway.

Alice stood slightly behind Jasper, her eyes wide as she peered through a crack in his arm.

"Jazz, it's Chloe!" she announced immediately, both of them appearing to deflate with relief.

I just sort of stared at them, not sure what to do now...

They realized that something was off at the same time, and for different reasons.

Jasper got this look in his eye... I can't even explain it. But as he stared at me, he _knew_. I know he knew something was up.

And Alice... well...

"Chloe, Jesus, are you wearing a skirt under that coat?" she blurted out, not able to contain herself. She blushed almost immediately. "I'm sorry, it's just... you have to be _freezing_!"

She reached out for my hands and flinched at how cold they were, but didn't let go. "Okay, if your hands are that cold, then your legs are probably about to fall off. You need a hot shower. Blankets aren't going to help you. You're shaking!"

I had been shaking before I left the apartment. I didn't think that part was entirely the cold's fault...

I let her fuss over me... I still hadn't said anything since I had entered the apartment. I didn't know how to say it... and I think part of me didn't want to say it out loud.

She went to unfasten one of the buttons on the jacket and I stepped back quickly. I didn't want to take it off...

My reaction made Alice blink, and she looked me up and down again, no doubt noticing that my hair was just hanging and my make up was either smeared or gone...

"Chloe?" she asked quietly, her face becoming deeply concerned. "W-what...?"

I didn't answer, but Jasper met my eye.

"I can't... get a hold of Nick," he said stiffly, as if he was holding something back. "Do you know why?" he almost whispered, totally serious, staring sadly into my eyes.

"Did something happen to him?" Alice said quickly, her eyes the size of saucers. "Chloe, oh God, did something happen to you guys?" she asked, scanning me up and down again. "Is that why... you're..." She stepped closer to me and wrapped her arms around me, hugging me into her. "Are you guys okay?" she asked, her voice small.

My arms hugged her back and then I stepped away, crossing my arms in front of me, curling defensively into his scent again.

"I don't... know where he went," I answered, my voice hoarse. I cleared my throat. "He left a note... he left me... I don't know what I did..." I whispered.

Jasper and Alice exchanged worried looks with each other as I looked to the ground. I just wanted to curl up somewhere and just sleep this all away... What would I-_we_-do now?

**Author's Note: Uh Oh... That's all I can say. I hope you guys enjoyed it and no worries Jalice will be back and present in the next chapter! Hope you all enjoyed it and thanks as always to my beta for editing this in fantastic time and for writing the CPOV. **

**Hope you have a great day! **

**p.s. don't forget to continue voting for Hope and Forgotten Hope at: ****www(dot)bringmetolifeawards(dot)weebly(dot)com **


	45. Chapter 45

**Author's Note: Heeey everyone! Sorry for the lateness. My beta is currently in England so our writing/editing is going a bit slower. But she got your update to me so here is your update of Hope! Enjoy!**

Forgotten Hope Chapter 45-

_JPOV_

The moment I saw her crying in the elevator, all hell broke lose in my mind. Situations raced through my thoughts as I tried to come up with some explanation as to why Alice would be out in the middle of the night and come home crying. She was a complete wreck. The fear that clouded her eyes only reminded me of one thing: Greg. She had the same fear in her eyes that she had when she was kidnapped by Greg and locked in his cabin's basement. It horrified me.

And then she had given proof to my worst nightmare: Greg Gagnon was back and after us all over again. He had been pretending to be someone else for months. He was Alice's secret friend. The one who had kept me worrying all the time. I had let her hang out with him, too. She had probably been alone with him dozens of times.

That thought made my grip on Alice's sleeping form tighten. He had so many chances to hurt her. I had let him have all of those opportunities. I had let my guard down and that could have caused Alice's death. I should have been protecting her!

I thanked every god and supernatural being out there for bringing her back unharmed. And she had remembered! She had remembered everything about Greg. Unfortunately not about the rest of our past, but Greg was a part of it so... that left me with some hope, at least. And remembering had probably saved Alice's life. Greg was patient when it came to his plans, but it had been months-he had probably been ready for some action. His plan had probably been coming to a climax.

I looked down at my cell phone and pressed Nick's speed dial again with an aggravated sigh. This was getting ridiculous. I knew that sometimes he wanted privacy with Chloe, but he could at least keep his phone on vibrate. This was important. He would know I wouldn't call unless it was important. I didn't understand why he would turn it off! Or not pick up if the phone was on...

But after two hours of dialing his number, there was an aching, worrying pain in the pit of my stomach that told me something was wrong. He was a light sleeper... wouldn't he hear the phone?

I might have just been paranoid because I had just found out that Greg was in New York, but the feeling was still there. And I had learned from the past to trust my gut on things. I had to trust my instincts and they were saying that something was wrong... but I wasn't about to leave Alice in bed alone so I could search for Nick. I would wait until morning. That was only a few hours away. If Nick was spending time with Chloe, then he would pick up the phone in the morning and I'd know everything was fine. But once Alice was awake and if he still wasn't picking up his phone, then we were going over there.

A banging noise brought me out of my thoughts. My body turned stone cold at the sound. Who was it? Someone was knocking at our door. I glanced at my phone to see the time and was surprised it was already nine o'clock. I guess it wasn't too early for someone to be here. But who would knock at our door other than Nick and Chloe?

Alice's eyes began to flutter and I cursed quietly, learning forward to kiss her cheek. I hummed softly to her, hoping it would help her drift back to sleep. I didn't want her coming to the door in case it was... well... _Greg_.

Unfortunately, it didn't work. Alice's nose wrinkled and her eyes opened. "Is someone at the door, Jazz?" she asked in a low slur, looking at me in confusion, silently asking why I wasn't answering it.

"Yeah," I nodded and let her go, hating the feeling that came with her absence in my arms. I was so afraid to let her go right now. It was as if the moment I would let her go, Greg would jump in and grab her.

Alice jumped out of bed after me, seeming to come to life with my movement. She didn't look half asleep at all anymore.

"Stay behind me, love," I warned her, knowing how Alice could be sometimes. Sometimes I wondered if she was thinking straight with the daring actions she would take sometimes. What she had done in Forks was unbelievable and I would not let that happen again. It had been reckless and idiotic...

Alice nodded obediently and stayed close on my heels as I walked over to the front door. I took a breath as I opened the door, ready to kill any person that was behind it. Not that I would ever want Alice to witness that...

I cracked the door open and noticed someone that I was not expecting. At least not by herself. I narrowed my eyes as I opened the door fully to reveal Chloe standing there, shaking and alone. She didn't look like herself. Her eyes were far away, looking desperately for something that was lost.

Where was Nick?

"Jazz, it's Chloe!" Alice said quickly, pushing me out of the way. Chloe's eyes glued to mine though and I searched hers carefully. They were miserable, lost, and desperate. What had happened?

Alice broke our stare down with her gasping words, "Chloe, Jesus, are you wearing a skirt under that coat?" I looked down with Alice's words and saw Chloe's legs bare sticking out of what looked like one of Nick's coats. She looked freezing. Nick would never let her go out like that when it was this cold. Again, the thought rushed through my mind: _where was Nick?_

Alice ushered Chloe in and started rambling on about getting her warm as I watched them closely. Nick wasn't with Chloe... Nick wasn't answering his phone... Those were two things that he would never do.

As Alice began to take Nick's coat off of Chloe, I watched her flinch and step back, holding the coat tightly to herself. Something was definitely wrong here.

Alice began to ask what was wrong, but I looked back at Chloe. "I can't... get a hold of Nick," I stated slowly, piercing my gaze into hers. She needed to tell us what had happened. "Do you know why?"

Alice seemed to suddenly realize what was going on now and gasped. "Did something happen to him?" Alice said quickly, her eyes widened in fear at the thought.

"Chloe, oh God, did something happen to you guys?" she asked frantically, looking Chloe up and down. "Is that why... you're... are you guys okay?" she asked, her voice small, walking over and wrapping her arms tightly around Chloe. I was glad Alice was here to show the support I probably couldn't have done.

Chloe left Alice's hug though and wrapped her arms around herself almost protectively. "I don't... know where he went," Chloe finally spoke. Her voice was raw and rough. She had definitely been crying before... Chloe ducked her head and I heard her sniff. "He left a note... he left me... I don't know what I did..."

Alice's eyes snapped to mine, wide with horror. Nick had left Chloe? That wasn't possible. I knew he loved her. I knew Chloe was his life. Something was wrong here. He wouldn't answer my calls, he left Chloe, and he didn't say goodbye to any of us. He only left a note, which meant he knew he couldn't say goodbye in person. He didn't _want_ to leave: he _had_ to leave. My mind slowly started to put the pieces together.

Alice instantly rushed to Chloe and held her, reassuring her that she didn't do anything wrong. She was right. Chloe hadn't done anything wrong. Nick had planned on them starting over today and he wouldn't have left unless lives-no-unless _Chloe or Alice's_ lives depended on it.

And there would only be one reason why their lives would be in danger: Greg had threatened Nick. He must have. I took a tense step closer to Chloe. "Could you...tell me what was on the note?"

Alice gave me a look that was clearly telling me to shut up. Maybe it was a little insensitive to ask that at this time, but this could be life or death. If Nick had left, something serious was happening. He was my best friend and I wasn't going to let him go do something like this alone without someone having his back.

And... I had to make sure he wasn't giving up his life for them, like Alice had tried to do for me the last time Greg was involved.

"He said he was already gone and not to look for him. It said something like we can't be together because he could only cause me trouble... I don't understand. He said he's not who I think he is," Chloe shook her head, looking flustered and pleading. _He wasn't who she thought he was_... it _had_ to involve Greg. Only he could make Nick think something like that.

"He said not to look for him... And he left me his car and Dakota," she mumbled quietly, looking down at Alice's shoulder. Alice was not letting her out of that hug anytime soon.

I glanced down at Alice, who was staring at me, desperate for some kind of reassurance. I wasn't sure what I could do. He wasn't answering my calls. I didn't know where he was or what was going on. I didn't know if I should look for him. What if Greg was with him? I didn't know any of this! I couldn't risk Alice and Chloe's lives as well as my own.

"Darling, why don't you go warm Chloe up? I'll-" I paused, running my hand through my hair stressfully. "I'll try and figure this out." If I could...

Alice nodded, but paused and reached her hand out. Her fingers gently stroked my cheek for a moment, letting her eyes lock with mine as they did. I let her affection fill me for a moment before I broke the gaze and let my body become numb again. Emotions affected the way you thought. I couldn't let them cloud my judgment at the moment. I had to figure out what to do.

Alice led Chloe to the bedroom and I sat down on the couch with a heavy sigh. What was I supposed to do?

I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and began to text Nick. If he wouldn't answer my phone calls, maybe he would read a text message.

_I know what happened. Chloe just came by. I know you wouldn't leave her for no reason. I also know Greg is in town. Putting two and two together tells me he was the reason you left. Where are you? What did he do? Did he threaten you? Tell me what's going on. _

_-Jasper_

I hoped he would at least read that and let me know something. Until he gave me any details at all, I really didn't know what I could do. I was stuck.

Alice worked on warming Chloe up. After Alice made her take a bath, she bundled her up in a blanket on the couch. The room was silent. None of us knew what to do and I knew they were all waiting on me for a plan. Well, I knew Alice was. Chloe seemed too reserved and distant to be thinking about my plan.

After waiting an hour and a half, I was pretty positive that Nick was not going to contact me. He was distancing himself from us, which would mean he was trying to protect us. I frowned deeply at that, knowing he shouldn't be doing this alone. Unless he really wasn't distancing himself and he was hurt and couldn't contact us...

No. No. He's fine. Nick knows how to protect himself, especially against Greg. Nick and I both knew how Greg fought.

Unless Greg had brought others with him...

I hoped he hadn't. I don't think Greg would have risked that. Bringing guys could have caused complications. Maybe he was doing this by himself? I hoped so...

I couldn't know for sure, though.

Wait, no, maybe I could find out something. A spark of hope filled me as I whipped out my cell phone and got up from the couch, heading for the kitchen. My fists clenched tightly as the phone continued to ring without an answer. Time wasn't on my side right now.

Finally on the seventh ring, the phone was picked up. "Hello?" The voice sounded strangled, muffled, exhausted.

"Hey, Mack, it's Jasper," I said quickly.

There was a pause of silence before he spoke again, "Jasper? Hey. Is everything okay?" he asked me suspiciously, worry creeping into his voice for a moment.

"Not exactly," I sighed stressfully running a hand through my hair. "Greg was here."

I heard a loud crashing noise, maybe something shattering. "Crap!" Mack spat in frustration. "I knew something was wrong. He's been gone for months and only calls to check in. I didn't know where he was. I was worried he might... but I didn't think he would... I thought he had forgotten about the whole thing and was over you guys leaving," he rambled quickly, throwing the words out a mile a minute frantically.

"He's been hanging out with Alice and telling her he was someone else," I informed him gently, trying to keep cool.

Mack let out a long, exasperated sigh. "He knew she lost her memory..." he mumbled quietly.

Well yeah, but... how would he have known that? We were all the way in New York City and we didn't talk to very many people in Forks.

"I figured as much, but I don't know how he knew." The only people who knew in Forks were the Cullens, Johnny and Mack.

"Well... I-I may have accidentally mentioned it once," Mack admitted, shame dripping from every word. The remorse in his voice wasn't enough to calm my anger from hearing this though.

I snapped.

"Are you stupid? Why would you tell him? We all know he would be looking for any weakness or disadvantage we had to take us down. Greg holds grudges! You should know that by now. Do you not remember what happened last time? You got shot. Do you remember Alice locked up in a basement, scared to death? Obviously he would use her memory loss as an advantage to himself, Mack," I yelled angrily at him.

I felt my rage boiling in my veins, my anger at the whole situation finally exploding. I clenched my fist tightly and before I knew it my hand was through one of the kitchen cupboard doors. I guess the wood was thinner at the exact spot I decided to hit, 'cause I never really figured I'd punch _through_ it...

I hissed as the pain shot through my hand and wood tumbled to the ground.

"Jazz!" I heard Alice call frantically as she soon appeared in the doorway of the kitchen with wide eyes. Her eyes flew from the broken cupboard door to my eyes and back again. "What's wrong?" she whispered. Her eyes were hesitant, afraid of what the answer to her question might be.

My anger wavered a bit because of her look. She shouldn't be so worried. She probably thought I had found out more about Nick or something.

I took a deep breath, needing to get a hold of myself. Destroying our apartment wasn't going to help at all. Worrying Alice wouldn't either. The girl was practically shaking in fear because I hadn't answered yet.

"I'm sorry. Everything's fine, darling," I murmured softly, walking over to give her a peck on the cheek. She looked skeptically at me as I pulled away. She didn't believe me.

"Jazz, you wouldn't punch a cupboard for no reason," she told me firmly, crossing her arms across her chest. Stubborn little thing.

I ignored her remark and pressed the phone back to my ear. Mack was giving off a stream of apologies as I did.

"Yeah, okay, whatever," I grumbled, not happy with him at all. You could never trust people. I should have known that. He was still Greg's puppet even if he was off all of his drugs. And was he for sure or was that just what he was telling Alice?

I never should have stayed with him and told him everything when I was in Forks. Especially since it was all about Alice's life. I'm sure he didn't mean to cause her harm this time, but that didn't mean Greg still wasn't manipulating him.

Alice still stood directly in front of me, glaring as she reached to examine my hand for splinters.

I took a deep breath through my nose, squeezed her hand briefly, and then moved it away to stressfully run it through my hair. What was I supposed to tell her? It wasn't new news. Greg knew she had lost her memory. That was obvious. But I wasn't going to tell her that her _friend_ had told Greg that, whether he meant to or not.

"Do you know anything about his visit? Does he have other guys with him? Had he been talking about Nick lately or anything?" I asked in frustration, walking out of the kitchen, walking straight past Alice and to our room. I shut the door tightly and fell onto the bed, trying to think through this whole thing again.

"Nick? What does it have to do with Nick? Wasn't Greg going after Alice again? But no, I really didn't know anything about it. I wasn't a hundred percent sure he was even in New York. That's why I hadn't said anything. I'm really sorry about the whole thing, Jasper-"

"Yeah, its fine." I cut him off before another apology could start. We did not have time for that.

"He might have been going after Alice, but she remembered him last night and came straight home," I started to explain, "Nick's gone now though and he won't answer any of my calls. He left Chloe, his girlfriend, a note saying he had to go and not to look for him," I explained to him, hoping it would help and he might be able to give me some information.

Mack hummed in thought for a second. "Yeah, I guess Greg must have had a backup plan." Mack let out a bitter laugh. "Who am I kidding? Greg always has a backup plan. That cannot be a coincidence. He must have done something."

"Yeah, I got that much," I mumbled grumpily.

"If I know Greg, he probably threatened Nick. Greg doesn't like to just kill people who he wants to get back at. He likes people to suffer. And he definitely wants to get Nick back. If Nick had left a note with his girlfriend, that means Greg let him go. Maybe he's running?" Mack suggested thoughtfully.

I thought it through thoroughly. It did make sense. Nick had been left alone long enough to leave a note because he would never let Greg near Chloe's apartment. He would have rather died than that. I knew that much.

I let some relief fill me then, knowing Nick was most likely alive and breathing right now.

"He probably_ is_ running then..." I thought out loud, rubbing my hand against my eye tiredly. Where would Nick run? He couldn't go back to his house because that was in Forks and the Forks police department would recognize him. It was too dangerous. It was practically suicide to go back to Forks. He was way too smart for that.

Where else could Nick go though? He had no family that was alive. Not that he really knew of anyways... He wouldn't know where they lived. Nick didn't have money either, so he couldn't hide in hotels long. Would he try living on the streets somewhere? Out in the woods?

But... he _did_ have my family to go to.

Realization hit me. He could go to my dad's. Nick had originally planned to live in Texas. He had even been there for a little while before Alice had lost her memory again. Davis was okay with it...

Nick would go to Texas. That was the only place he _could _go, right? Unless he was going to rob somewhere for money and stay in motels or hotels, but I didn't think he would do that anymore. Not with Chloe in his life... or even with Alice and the way I was now. Nick had changed, just like I had. He was trying to be good...

"I think I know where he went," I informed Mack, feeling more relief filling me now. He was alive and probably going to Texas. I had a lead...

"Really? Good! Go get him!" Mack exclaimed, seeming to have the same relieved tone to his voice.

I suddenly felt bad for how I had yelled at him earlier. He was going through a tough time getting off of the drugs and alcohol and Greg was really the only person in Forks he had that he considered a friend. I shouldn't have yelled at him for slipping up. Even if it was completely idiotic of him to tell Greg something like that...

"Yeah, okay, and sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to snap at you," I apologized with a frown.

"It's fine. If I can help at all, let me know. We'll be in touch. Tell Alice I say hello and that she's beautiful for me. Good luck with Nick," Mack told me.

I nodded and hung up, hearing his end of the line disconnect. I needed to call Davis, and if I was right, I needed to pack a bag and head for the airport. Nick couldn't do this alone. Whatever Greg had said or threatened or done, I was going to be there to help Nick through it. I had his back.

Greg was not going to ruin Nick's life. He had finally been happy, like I was now. We were not losing that. We had come so far. Nick was about to graduate high school, he had Chloe, and he was going to look for a job. He was fixing his life. He had a family now. We all had to stick together and figure this out.

I dialed Davis's number and waited.

"Jasper?" Davis answered, sounding surprised. I guess I hadn't really called him...

"Hey, Happy New Year, Dad," I replied. "How are you?" I was surprised at how civil I was now. Knowing Nick was okay gave me some control, which was good because Davis did not deserve to get blown up at. Plus, I still didn't want my dad to see that side of me. I had kept him away from knowing most of my violent, illegal life-except for the murder trial part-and I wanted to keep it that way. It was impossible for me to not want to impress or at least look good to him. He _was_ my dad...

"I'm doing well. How are you, son?" he asked me with a voice that stated clearly that he was wearing a smile on his face.

"Well, I was good, but I kind of need a favor from you..." I paused there, waiting to see what he said. He didn't _have_ to do anything for me.

"Okay. Shoot," he said nonchalantly, which made me smile gratefully.

"Is there any chance that maybe Nick called you this morning...?" I asked slowly, crossing my fingers that he had. I knew that it was earlier there, but I had to ask. If he didn't call, then I didn't have any idea where Nick was going... Unless he didn't call? Too much guessing was making me nervous again...

"Oh! Yeah. I was going to call you about that later... He left a message on my answering machine this morning- rather early in the morning, too, which is why I didn't answer- and said he was coming here. He sounded a little off... is everything okay there?" Davis questioned concernedly.

Nothing was okay here...

"I'll explain later, okay, Dad? Keep him there when he gets there and don't tell him I called, please. I'm coming down there," I said hurriedly, jumping up and grabbing my backpack. I dumped all of my textbooks and notebooks out and headed for the closet.

"Okay. I'll see you later, then," Davis said a bit hesitantly, but seemed to let it go. It probably didn't make a lick of sense to him...

"Thanks, Dad. Bye," I said appreciatively. He had done enough for us already: getting me a scholarship, taking Nick in before, coming here for Christmas. I didn't deserve his generosity. He really was trying hard.

"Anytime, Jasper," he promised me sincerely before hanging up his phone.

I quickly grabbed some clothes and shoved them into my backpack. After I had all I needed in my bag, including I.D. and my wallet, I headed for the bedroom door. Alice was standing there with her hand out. She had just been about to grab the door handle.

She blinked in confusion as she looked at me. "Where are you going?" she asked me with a hard edge to her voice. I winced at the sound of it. I had ignored her earlier... I had been rude to her. I had been taking my anger toward Mack out on her.

I sighed quietly and looked longingly at her. "I'm sorry about earlier," I whispered to her, looking her straight in the eyes, hoping she could see straight into my soul and see how terribly sorry I felt. It ate away at my heart, seeing her eyes so broken and hard from the way I had spoken to her.

The hardness in her eyes wavered for a moment as she saw how open mine were to her.

"I was just upset. You didn't deserve that, darling. I apologize," I murmured, stepping forward, putting my bag down and wrapping my arms tightly around her. I wasn't going to leave town with her being mad at me or upset with me. I wouldn't even leave this apartment if I thought she was hurt.

Alice melted into my arms and wrapped her own arms around my waist, rubbing my back in the soothing way she always had. I sighed and squeezed her tightly into me.

"I love you," I promised her, pressing my lips to her temple and then her cheek. Those would be the truest words that ever left my lips for as long as I lived.

Alice hiccupped and I realized that she was crying, so I pulled back. Her eyes were rimming with tears, but she gathered up enough strength and gave me a weak smile. "I know you do," she whispered and then took a shaky breath inwards. All the events must have been coming down on her.

I sighed sadly and pulled her back into me, swaying us back and forth as I held her. She had been so strong since she woke up, taking care of Chloe even though she must still have been shaken up from last night with Spencer. And now Nick was gone and she had me blowing up on her...

"It's all going to be okay, love. I'm going to get Nick now. It's going to be fine, darling," I promised her, throwing in a bit of my accent to try and help her relax and cheer up.

Alice's head popped up in a flash. "I'm coming with you, Jazz!" she announced to me, determination strong in her eyes. I knew that look all too well. The stubborn look that meant she was not going to take no for an answer.

"You have to stay here and take care of Chloe," I reminded her, hoping that would change her mind. Chloe definitely did need someone to stay with her because from the looks of it, she was not doing well at all. Nick wouldn't want her alone. I didn't want her alone. She looked like a zombie at the moment and she had hardly spoken the entire time.

Alice opened her mouth, but another voice came out.

"No. Chloe is going with you, too."

I looked up to see Chloe looking straight at me with a serious look in her eyes. "I'm coming to get Nick with you."

I pulled Alice to my side so I could look directly at Chloe. "I think I should go alone..." I said slowly, reluctantly, narrowing my eyes at her and hoping she would understand.

She didn't know what was happening. She didn't know who Greg was. She didn't know _why_ this was happening. I wasn't sure if Nick wanted her to know now, since he ran. It was complicated and the only way she would understand and have it make sense is if we could tell her the whole story. And that was not our story to tell. It wasn't our place to tell her what happened. That was Nick's past...

"No," Chloe stated. Her shoulders were squared and her eyes narrowed to meet my gaze. "I want to know why he left. I want to see him and talk to him. He needs to explain himself in person."

Alice stepped in front of me and shook her head. "Chloe, it might be better if you stay behind with me. Jasper needs to talk to Nick first... it's... complicated..." Alice struggled not to say something she shouldn't as she explained.

It may be dangerous for her to come anyways. I didn't know if Greg had threatened anything about us going after him. If he had said Nick couldn't have contact with us, and then we did... it wouldn't be a good thing to bring the girls along.

"Explain it to me then," Chloe said, throwing her hands up in frustration, more open than I had seen her, ever.

"Because I don't understand any of this! Nick was fine last night. He was happy. _We_ were happy... Then suddenly I wake up and he's gone. Now I'm here and you guys obviously know something I don't and no one is telling me anything. I want to know why he would leave! How could Nick just leave like that? After everything we've been through?"

She let it all go, all she had been holding in the entire time was here. She just... let it out.

I tensed at the sound of her voice and how broken it really did sound. It cracked in pain as she spoke. I could literally hear her heart breaking every time she said his name. It was devastating... Chloe had become a close friend since she had started going out with Nick. I didn't like this one bit.

I cleared my throat nervously and reached out to hold Alice's hand. I wasn't good with comforting people who weren't Alice.

"I know it's hard, but we can't tell you what's going on. It would be wrong of us. This is Nick's past and we shouldn't say anything unless he wants it to be said. That's why it would be better for me to go and talk with him first. I'll come back and tell you everything if he wants that," I tried to reason with her, but every word I said was followed with a reply of her shaking her head.

"Okay, well, you don't have to tell me, but I'm coming with you and when we find him, he can tell me then. I deserve to know," Chloe told me, unwavering.

I took a deep breath and looked down at Alice. By the look in her eyes, I could see that she was turning to Chloe's side. She looked up at me and nodded, proving my thoughts were right and that she did indeed agree with Chloe.

I guess it was only fair...

"Nick left me. He has to face me for it," Chloe stated strongly, crossing her arms and burning her tear-shining eyes into mine.

Alice squeezed my hand reassuringly and spoke for me. She was better with emotional people than I was. "You're right, Chloe. You deserve to face him and get explanations. Jasper and I just aren't sure if it's the right time for you to get those... It could be dangerous," Alice explained slowly. Her voice was comforting and understanding, but still held a warning.

Chloe's determined eyes changed, confusion flooding through them. "Dangerous?" she questioned us, puzzled. Crap.

Alice looked up at me with wide eyes, not sure what to say anymore. Chloe had caught that.

I was careful to choose my words as I spoke, "Let's just say... we think Nick's past is catching up with him."

"Oh," Chloe whispered, looking down at the floor as her eyes glazed over, seeming to be sucked into deep thoughts. She must have known she didn't know everything about his past, but I thought she was probably smart enough to have some ideas...

After a moment of silence, Chloe picked her head back up and looked at me, sadness clouding her eyes. Her voice was softer. "Do you think he's okay?"

That was the big question of the day. None of us knew if he was okay. He hadn't answered my calls or texts. But I did know that he was at least well enough to call Davis and head over to Texas. He wasn't dead. That was all that mattered right now.

"I'm not sure," I answered honestly with a shrug. "That's why I have to go. I need to go find out."

Chloe nodded, but regained her stubborn posture. I knew what was coming and I guessed Alice did too, because I heard her quietly chuckle under her breath. I nudged her gently and she squeezed my hand. Still a ball of light even in my darkest times...

"I'm still coming. I had Nick when I needed to face my past and I want to be there in case he needs me to face his past. I want to be there for him," Chloe told me quietly. It made sense what she said. Nick needed her and I wouldn't tell her no. Between the two of us, we could protect the girls. Or die trying, if it came to it.

Before I could open my mouth, though, Alice spoke up, "Come on, let's go save Nick."

She bounced forward and grabbed Chloe's hand, pulling her toward the door. The girl never ceased to amaze me.

"Do you need anything? A change of clothes or-" I started, but Alice interrupted.

"We'll buy things as we need them. No time to pack," she explained quickly as they went out the door.

I smiled at her reasoning and followed them quickly, slinging my backpack over my shoulder and grabbing the car keys on my way out.

We entered the elevator and I watched Alice speaking gently to Chloe. She was speaking about something totally random, a new clothing line that looked 'absolutely hideous'. Every second she did, Chloe relaxed more and more. Alice even got her to crack a smile by the time we hit the main floor. That was a talent she possessed that probably amazed me most. She could make anybody happy, good, optimistic and pure in just seconds. No matter where or what situation, Alice would give people a light. She would give Hope.

I walked behind the girls and slipped my cell phone out, texting one last message to Nick.

_You've got a second chance in life, Nick. I'm not letting you lose it.__  
__We all deserve hope.__  
__-J_

_APOV_

I wasn't going to lie. Every moment since I had woken up this morning had been a struggle.

It was just... different. Jasper was different. I knew it was my fault. I had been the one who had lied to him. I hadn't told him about Gregory-or..._Greg_-and that's what had caused this whole thing.

And then I found out that Nick was gone and Chloe was a mess. Everything was coming down on me. Why would Nick leave? He was always so loyal. Jasper didn't know why he would leave either.

We didn't know if he was okay. My heart was aching because every single problem we were facing right now was my fault. I had let Greg into our lives and now he had done something with Nick, or so I had overheard Jasper saying... Greg somehow took Nick and it broke Chloe and I'm sure it was breaking Nick, too. Everyone was hurting... even Jasper. I could see it in his eyes. He didn't know what to do and he kept snapping at people. He broke the kitchen cupboard! It was all my fault.

I was trying to stay optimistic, though. I was trying to stay strong for Jazz. It was the least I could do. I couldn't live with myself if something serious had happened to Nick though. The worst scenarios kept playing through my mind. I had been so afraid that Greg had killed him. Why wouldn't Greg kill him? Why hadn't Greg killed me? It made no sense to me.

Greg made no sense to me. After all this time, he comes to a different city to disguise himself and get close to me, but then he does nothing to me? Then he goes after Nick? What was the point? Had he just done it for laughs? He had always been so amused with his double meanings and secret comments that wouldn't make sense to me... but was that really all it was?

He was just taunting. The whole time he had been taunting me. I guess he had been learning information too. Maybe that had been what he wanted. I didn't know.

I didn't think Jazz knew what he wanted either. That was why he was so frustrated. He seemed to be calming down now that we were in the car and on the way to the airport. He just needed to see that Nick was okay.

"Oh," Chloe suddenly exclaimed when we were turning onto the highway to get to the airport.

"What?" Jasper asked in a stiff voice, worry filling his eyes.

"I forgot about Dakota. I'm sorry. I just... sort of left him at your place. I can't leave Dakota alone all day though... or for however long we're gone..." Chloe explained, trailing off quickly.

Jasper sighed loudly and ran a hand through his hair. He was too stressed out.

"It's okay," I reassured them quickly, taking my cell phone out with one hand and reached my other one out to hold Jasper's hand. He relaxed his hand out of a fist and took mine gingerly with a grateful smile. "I'll get Spencer to drop by and take care of him."

"Thanks," Chloe sighed thankfully, sinking back into her seat and fingering her necklace.

I nodded mutely and pressed Spencer's speed dial, watching as his picture came up on my phone as I did. His knee weakening smile shined at me as I waited for him to pick up. Even more guilt fell over me as I remembered that my favorite smile of his hardly came onto his face anymore. This day was just getting better and better...

I pressed the phone to my ear, getting the picture out of my mind and concentrating on the sound of the ring.

"Hello? Alice?" I heard his voice come through the phone.

"Hey Spence," I smiled at the phone and ran my thumb along Jasper's, hoping he was okay with me talking to Spencer. I knew he would never say he minded it, but his eyes always narrowed a bit when I said Spencer's name. I noticed those things...

"Hey," I heard a smile in his voice. "What's up?"

I let out a somewhat bitter laugh. What wasn't up? "A lot actually. I was just wondering if you could do me a big favor..."

"Sure," Spencer answered automatically with no hesitation in his voice. He was always so willing to help people.

"Could you take care of Dakota today and probably tomorrow?" I inquired hopefully.

"Like... Nick's dog Dakota?" he asked in confusion.

"Yep."

There was a pause. "Okay, sure... but why?" he questioned slowly, seeming a little flustered as to why out of Nick, Chloe, Jasper and I, I was asking _him_ to stop by to help out.

"We just have to take a trip to Texas," I said shortly.

"All of you?" he asked suspiciously. I could see him in my mind giving me a skeptic look.

"Yeah, something happened and Nick went to Texas. We're going to get him," I told him, giving him enough information to please him. He wouldn't ask for everything.

"Oh, Nick left? Okay. Um... well, did you guys want to take my plane? I won't be using it today since I'll be taking care of Dakota," Spencer offered.

I grinned at the idea. I loved his plane. Plus that meant we wouldn't have to wait for the flight or boarding or anything. It would be quick and we needed quick.

"Jazz, Spencer wants to know if we want to take his plane," I informed Jasper, letting him decide. I was fairly sure he would take the offer, though.

Jasper smiled a small smile, probably one of his first today, and nodded with a look of great appreciation in his eyes. "That would be great," he said, relieved.

"Jasper said that'd be great. Thank you."

"It's no problem," he almost whispered, and then cleared his throat. "I'll call the pilot and get him over there for you. Leave the keys to the apartment at the customer service desk with my name and I'll pick them up later," Spencer instructed me.

"All right. I can do that," I replied with a smile.

I heard Spencer clear his throat again and waited for what was coming. "Will you be okay...? If Nick left, it must have been serious. Really serious. Nick doesn't ever leave Jasper and if he left all of you, even Chloe, then it must be bad. Is it safe?" I could hear the reluctance in his voice as he voiced his worries and concerns to me.

"I'll be fine, Spencer. I'm with Jasper—"

Jasper cut me off. "And she'll be with Jasper the entire time," he stated, giving me a look that said if I walked away from him for even a second I'd pay for it. I knew the comment was more directed at me than at Spencer.

I chuckled though and leaned over to peck his lips. "I'll be fine, Spence," I reassured Spencer once more over the phone.

"Okay," he mumbled, obviously not totally convinced. "Good luck with Nick. Tell him to come back home for me and call me if you need anything."

"I will. Thanks for the help, Spencer," I told him gratefully, feeling a little better about today now. We had his plane, which meant we could get to Nick quickly before anything might happen.

"Anytime. Bye hun," Spencer said softly.

"Bye," I replied and hung up my phone before turning to Jasper and smiling. "Spencer is going to have the plane ready for us soon and we just have to leave the key for the apartment at the airport for him," I updated them quickly with a satisfied smile on my face.

Both Chloe and Jasper looked relieved.

And just then, Jasper pulled into the parking lot at the airport.

It was time to find Nick.

**Author's Note: *inserts epic movie music* Off to save Nick! **

**Leave a review and don't forget to keep voting Hope and Forgotten Hope in the Bring Me Back to Life Awards. The link is on my profile along with the nominations. Thanks xD. **

**Hope you are all having an awesome day! **


	46. Chapter 46

Forgotten Hope Chapter 46-

_NPOV_

After waiting for an hour and a half, I had managed to get on a flight to Texas.

Four hours later, I was in Texas.

An hour later, I was sitting in a small diner, staring at the coffee cup in front of me and trying to deal with everything that had happened.

All I could think about was how I had left her. My soul mate. The perfect girl that I had always thought would be impossible to find. The girl that caused me to change all my beliefs. She made me believe in love and a future. She made me believe in myself. She gave me pure, string-free happiness. She gave me the best moments of my life...

I just wanted to fade away and die in those memories. I didn't want to be here. I wanted to be back there. I wanted to be back to yesterday. I wanted time to reverse. I wanted to hold her in my arms and just lie there and know that everything was going to get better. Everything always got better with her. Everything had been working out. For once in my life, things had been looking up.

Then everything changed. It had taken just minutes for my life to go from perfect to hell again. I was a fool to think I could have a simple, happy life with someone as good as Chloe. I never deserved her, but I had hoped that I could be with her anyway. In my eyes, she was perfect.

I chugged the scorching hot coffee as best as I could, trying to bring my mind out of the place it was surely about to go: into the land of Chloe. I would be stuck there forever if that happened, mourning the pain at the loss of her in my life...

My phone vibrated and I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, rubbing my face. It was probably Jasper again.

I picked it up off of the diner table and glanced at the screen. It was an unknown number, but it was a text. I could take a text.

I opened it.

_Nick, I'm going to send you a location. Go there.__  
__Greg_

I blinked for a moment and then read it over again. What did he mean? I wasn't going anywhere for him. Why would I do that? That wasn't part of the deal.

A few moments later, he sent me an address. The street sounded very familiar. I was pretty sure I had driven on it in the past, on the way to and from the airport here, in Texas. It wasn't far from where I was right now. How had he known that I had gone to Texas?

I felt a prickly sensation on the back of my neck. He knew I was here because he was watching me. My thoughts sprung into action, trying to figure out what Greg was doing. Maybe he wanted me to meet him there just so he knew for certain I was here? I hoped that he just wanted to tell me to stay here: a warning. But with the way Greg was, I couldn't be sure of anything.

I had to go see him. I knew there would be consequences if I didn't, anyway.

I threw down a few dollars for the drink and tip and then headed out. Minutes later, the directions Greg had sent me brought me half way down the street and to an opening of an alley.

Great, an alley. Those were always pleasant...

I walked cautiously into the dimly lit alley way, my senses alert. Any signs of daylight were blocked out by the roofs of the stores on either side of the alley. Darkness. How fitting for the situation.

I watched trash whip around, hitting the walls of the alley as a gust of wind blew through it. I tried to keep my eyes focused on every movement, but this alley wasn't exactly clean. Newspapers were scattered everywhere and blowing around. It was hard to keep an eye on everything that moved.

I was ready when the moment came, though. My ears picked up the sound of footsteps and I whipped around, coming face to face with a guy who appeared to be a few years older than me.

My whole body became rock hard. My eyes narrowed and assessed him carefully. He was tall, rough looking. He was wearing a beater with jeans hung low on his hips. He wore a hat low on his forehead, like I was wearing. He had a bandanna wrapped around his bicep; probably a gang thing. Could I fight him if I needed to? Probably...? It had been a while, though...

"Got the money?" the guy barked at me, his eyes fierce.

What money? Greg hadn't mentioned anything about money.

"I don't have money? I was just told to come here," I quickly explained, trying to keep my voice even. I couldn't look like I was trying to fool him. He would assume the worst.

The guy in front of me did not take my words the way I wanted him to. His nostrils flared angrily and he suddenly flew forward, shoving me into a wall. A jolt of pain shot through my body from my ribs down to my toes. Wow, I did not miss this.

"You think just because you're from New York and trying to look all bad ass you can come and steal from me, huh? Gonna come here and cap me in an alley and take my shit, hmm? I don't think so!" he said, his tone a bit louder now as he reached into his pocket and took out a revolver.

I froze there, pushing all pain aside. I would not be fighting him.

It had been a long time since I had come face to face with that shiny weapon. That little thing could take my life in a blink of an eye.

For a fraction of a second, I was actually relieved to meet a gun again. Maybe he would shoot me. Maybe I could take the easy way out. I wouldn't be stuck in Greg's game. He wouldn't have anything to threaten Jasper with. Jasper, Alice and Chloe could be safe.

I was quickly brought back into reality by the cold metal being pressed to my forehead. I remembered that it might be the easy way out, but it wasn't the right way. I hadn't even said goodbye to all of them. I hadn't told them I loved them... I couldn't leave this world without them knowing that. I wouldn't leave with just the simple note I had left Chloe. They deserved so much more than that.

"No, man, seriously!" I yelled hurriedly. "Greg didn't tell me to bring anything! Okay? Call him or something!" I tried to reason with the guy, trying to keep my voice from shaking.

The hostility in his eyes didn't waver, but he pulled back a few inches. Relief started to enter me as the gun slowly moved further and further from my forehead.

He was nodding slowly. "If you're going to try anything funny, I'm warning you now, I'll shoot your sorry ass without even thinking about it. Got it, kid?" the guy spat at me viciously.

I nodded quickly and began to straighten up, but as I did, the gun suddenly made a hard impact to jaw. The force of the hit sent me to my knees.

"What the—" I shut my mouth quickly before it got me into more trouble. He had control right now. He had a gun and I was on my knees. He could kill me. Hell, maybe that was Greg's plan all along. Maybe it was just a trap...

I tried desperately to try to get my mind back into the way I used to think.

"Just giving you a taste of my warning." The guy smirked devilishly and pulled his cell out of his pocket, but kept his hand with the gun parallel to my forehead.

He began to dial what I guessed was Greg's number, but then stopped suddenly and snapped his cell phone shut. Then something unexpected happened: he began to laugh. Not just a chuckle, but a full out laugh. He put his gun back in his jeans and looked at me, almost pitifully, still laughing.

"Greg was right. You're definitely soft, man! You used to be his right hand? Shit, kid. You should have seen your face," the guy laughed, amused. I might have been amused too if I was in a different situation or in a different mood, but I wasn't. I clenched my jaw tightly, knowing now that it was all just a game. Greg had his goons everywhere. He was just messing with me now.

I just stared hard at the guy, my stone cold eyes glaring, knowing there was no amusement or laughter in my eyes. The guy's laughing slowed as he met my gaze. He coughed out a few more laughs and then straightened up.

"Greg told me to mess around with you, give you some excitement. I do have his stuff, though. In my car. Come on," the guy explained, holding back a smirk. He tried to cover it by raising his hand to wipe his mouth as he turned. This was my cue to follow him.

I had the urge to either jump him or run the opposite way, but I knew that neither of those things would be smart. Greg would find out, since apparently he had people everywhere. I didn't need any more shit from Greg.

I followed the guy on his heels, hoping we could just get this over with. This had not been part of the plan. I wasn't supposed to pick up Greg's 'stuff.' I was just supposed to leave everything I had: my life, my love, my family-everything. I had done that and now he expected me to be a pawn in his games again?

This was great. He was finally getting what he wanted. I ran my hand through my hair and tugged on it, but quickly ripped my hand away when the action began to fill my memory with all the times I had seen Jasper do the same, especially in a situation exactly like this. I could imagine it clearly in my mind. I had seen it thousands of times.

My heart ached and I tried my best to become numb again. I couldn't stop thinking about them. They were all in my mind. They were stuck there. I couldn't block the memories.

"Hey, man. Want the package or what?" the guy said, leaning on the side of his car with an annoyed look growing on his face. "You gonna take it or just stand there staring at me all day?"

I shook my head and squeezed my eyes tightly. I was screwed... I couldn't do this!

But I had to.

"Yeah, sure, whatever," I mumbled, reaching out and grabbing the medium cardboard box from his hands. Now what the hell was I supposed to do with it?

"Don't look so guilty, kid. You get caught with that shit and you're done," he said quietly, shaking his head as he looked at me in confusion. I guess I wasn't living up to the image of one of Greg's higher up gang guys.

"Greg told me to give you this note," the guy said, tossing a folded piece of paper on top of the box I was holding.

I nodded, thankful that Greg was at least going to give me some information. Hopefully once I got rid of this, that'd be all I had to do. I did not want to be caught with whatever was in this box. I knew for certain that it wasn't something legal. I was already wanted and if I was caught with this, I would be in deeper trouble than I already was.

I walked away from the guy and reached up to grab the paper off of the box as I walked.

_Nick, _

_I want you to test this and tell me if it's pure. I heard from a source that the coke being shipped in from Mexico has been good lately. Try it out for me, man. Let me know._

_Greg_

My whole body stopped there, frozen. What? He was blatantly stating that I was in possession of coke _and_ he wanted me to try it? This was not good.

Quickly, I ripped the note up into tiny pieces, planning to throw one piece away at a time as I walked. I couldn't get caught with that note.

Or this box.

Okay, so I had shot some lines of it when I was in the gang before, but it had been years... I was no crack head. That shit was addicting; I stopped doing that _very_ quickly after I first tried it. I wasn't experienced or anything. And I didn't ever plan to be. There was _no way_ in hell this was going to happen.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and replied to the text message I had previously received.

_I can't do this. I'm not experienced enough. I won't know if it's pure or not.__  
__-N_

I took a deep breath and hoped to God that he cherished his money enough not to trust my opinion on the cocaine. He wouldn't want to buy a shipment of it if it was going to suck: I got that. I understood that loud and clear, but this was _not_ part of the deal. I fucking left every reason I had for existing: what else did he expect from me? I even understood that this was all part of his revenge on me for leaving. That just beating me up a little wasn't enough. It made perfect sense to me and I was willing to do what I needed in order to protect the three people I cared about most.

But I wasn't going to screw with my life any more than I already had by leaving.

I walked over to a nearby cab parked on the street and tapped the guy's window. I wasn't going to walk to Davis' with this package in hand. I frowned at the thought of bringing something like this into his home, but I knew there was no other way. I would keep it away from him and if anything happened, I would assure the cops that he had nothing to do with it. Not that they would believe me, being a wanted murderer and all.

I wondered, as I had many times before, if there was any way I could clear my name. _Somehow._ Could I say that neither Jasper nor I did it and that I had just been trying to protect Jasper? If so, who could I blame for that guy's death? Who could I pin it on, so that neither of us could get in trouble and so that it would be believable? I would have to prove it.

And that's what had stopped me so many times: I had no way of proving it. I was stuck being a wanted murderer until the day I died.

At least I had a fake identity...? That was... sort of an upside?

The cab driver waved me in, breaking my thoughts, and I hopped into the back of the car with my package. I gave him Davis' address and sunk back into the seat, letting my eyes drift closed for the first time since I had seen Greg in New York.

My eyes quickly flew open only seconds later as the images of the faces of my loved ones started to play out in front of my eyes. I couldn't close my eyes. I couldn't let my mind wander. I had to stay empty. Void of emotion. Stay strong. That was the only way I was going to make it out of this.

My phone vibrated on my lap and I reached down for it. Greg.

_I figured as much. I'll meet you tonight and show you how._

That... wasn't exactly what I had wanted him to text back.

I rubbed my face violently, groaning as I did. I had gotten away from the bastard and I didn't really want to be near him again. This was not part of the plan. I was just supposed to leave New York! No drugs, no other deals.

_This wasn't the plan, Greg. I was supposed to leave New York. That's it. I'm not doing your dirty work anymore.__  
__-N_

The moment I sent to text I received another one. I sighed to myself, wondering what he had to say and how he had replied so fast, but then the text wasn't from him. It was Jasper.

My thumb moved back and forth from one button to the other. Should I look at it? I had been ignoring his phone calls for hours, now.

I couldn't talk to him. I couldn't explain why I had left them all. I knew he would tell me to come back and that we'd work it out. There was no possible way to work it out, though. Not without a risk. And I would not risk any of their safety: Greg was too powerful.

I ignored Jasper's text, but kept it in my inbox in case I mustered up the courage to check it later. As soon as I ignored it, I received another text from Greg.

_Well, you might as well make yourself helpful while you're in Texas. Saves me a lot of trouble: you don't want trouble. This is the new plan. Hold on to that package and I'll meet you at the 24 hour diner you were at earlier at 7. Be there._

I ground my teeth together furiously, but closed the text and waited for the cab to get to Davis', letting my mind go numb.

At least I had something to do in this God-forsaken life. I could just be a drug dealer. Whatever. I had dealt with Greg's drug transactions in the past. Why couldn't I make it my future, too? I didn't have anything better to live for-well, not that I was _able _to live for, anyway.

_But Chloe would never want you to do something like that, _a voice in the back of my mind told me. I shoved it away, enraged. Chloe wasn't here. I couldn't think about her right now. I was protecting her. If I didn't do what he wanted, Greg would make sure she was locked up.

She would never go to jail if I had anything to say about it. Ever. I had experienced it for a few weeks and it was just a small town holding cell, but it had been horrible. All I did was sit there, which gave me time to think about all the mistakes I'd made and what brought me there in the first place. I just thought about how pointless my life had been. I lost touch with humanity and just drowned in the shame...

I could almost feel my eyes darkening at the thought of it. Maybe jail for her would be different, but it would never be a good thing. It would ruin all of her dreams and break her spirit and I couldn't let that happen to her. She didn't deserve it. Not for me. No... she was never going there.

Chloe was going to graduate and become a math professor, if she wanted, and then write books on the side. Or she could write books and just teach a few classes somewhere. Or she could do something entirely different! Whatever she decided, I knew that she would end up being more successful than she had ever hoped.

She would be beautiful: as beautiful as she was now, if not more. She would be the teacher all the students had crushes on. She would be happy...

Maybe she would have a guy who came closer to deserving her than I ever could. He would be a gentleman and cherish her. He would take care of her and be gentle with her and they could laugh together and she could trust him. He would be without the kind of baggage I had. He could love her like she should be loved... He would never leave her...

She could have the life she deserved. I had to let her have that, even if the thought of her with another guy made me feel sick. The thought of her being happy, though... well, that was worth everything.

So I had to obey Greg's wishes. To help her get the future she had worked so hard for during her whole life.

The cab stopped in front of the familiar house. A small, cozy Southern house. It was white with a green trim around it and had a big front lawn with a little garden. In the middle of the garden was a small, wooden sign with the name 'Whitlock' written across it.

Welcome back, Nick.

I dropped a few bills into the cab driver's hand and exited the car. I noticed Davis sitting on the front porch with a concentrated look on his face as I walked up the gravel parking lot lazily, dragging my feet. The noise of my feet dragging across the gravel got Davis' attention and his head popped up.

"Nick," he greeted with a warm smile, standing up from his wicker chair on the front porch.

"Mr. Whitlock," I teased playfully, trying to be polite even in my grim mood. He was taking me in once again and I was beyond grateful. Without him, I have no clue where I would have ended up.

"If you plan to keep calling me that the whole time, then you can pack up and hit the road right now," he joked back, opening the screen door of his house as I walked up the porch steps.

I placed a hand on my heart and pretended to look hurt as I walked past him. I received a quiet chuckle from him.

"I was getting concerned. You left a message with me much earlier today. I figured you would have been here hours ago," Davis commented as we walked into the living room, where I dropped my backpack and the package. Of cocaine. Yep.

I fell onto the couch behind me and sighed. "Yeah, I hung out at a diner for a while."

Davis nodded slowly and lowered himself into an armchair across from the couch. He stared intently at me for a long moment, his eyes wandering over the bruises I knew had to be on my face from Greg. But then he blinked and straightened up. "So, what caused this unexpected visit?" he asked me, not at all trying to cover up his curiosity and concern about why I was there. Good; he wasn't going to ask what had happened to me.

I let out a short, bitter laugh and shrugged. "I had to get out of there for a while." That was true.

Davis looked skeptical. He questioned me again, "Oh? Things not working out over there? You looked pretty happy when I came down for Jasper's birthday. Are you and Chloe doing all right?"

Twenty questions much?

"Just needed to get away for a while, I guess," I repeated in a mumble, trying to sink far enough into the couch that I wouldn't have to answer his questions. I really didn't want to talk about it. I didn't even want to think about it. It hurt too much...

Davis took the hint and nodded understandingly. "All right. Well, you can stay as long as you need to." He smiled and then got up and walked out of the room, leaving me alone.

I let out a heavy breath and grabbed my bag and package as I walked to the guest room I had previously been living in. To my surprise, it was exactly as I had left it. My clothes that I had were still in the drawers, the picture of Alice and Jasper was still on the nightstand. Even the empty glass that I usually had on the nightstand was still there.

Wow. He must have been expecting I would come back or something. Either that, or he didn't know what to do with all of my shit.

I dropped my stuff on the floor and shut the bedroom door. I walked over to the picture of Alice and Jasper and turned it down so I couldn't see it. I really didn't need any more reminders, thanks.

I carefully stripped my shirt off, trying to avoid having to stretch out too much so I wouldn't feel it in my stomach, where Greg had punched me. I hoped it was just a punch and that he hadn't done anything to my ribs...

I dropped the shirt on the floor before collapsing onto the bed, just needing to get away from life for a while. My whole body hurt. I needed to sleep. I knew there was a risk of having dreams of my home in New York, but it was better than living in reality right now. I needed out.

I slid under the blanket and let my eyes close, letting the reality slip away and the surreal world of my dreams take over.

_Thump. Thump. Thump._

Chloe...

_Thump. Thump. Thump._

Did I finish that study guide she made for me?

_Thump. Thump. Thump. _"Nick?"

...Not Chloe.

_Thump Thump._

What the hell?

I squinted against the light shining through the window. Where was I? Who was banging on the door?

Oh. Davis's guest room. I was in Texas...

I stretched and then regretted it as my ribs threatened to burst out of my body. Damnit. I should have tried to block Greg better...

I hadn't shut the shades and guessing by the brightness, it was probably late or mid afternoon by now. I had definitely slept for a good while. The thumping happened again, but this time was more of a quick rapping.

"Hey, Nick?" Davis, talking through the door, "I invited the neighbors over for some of my famous BBQ ribs and potato salad. You hungry?" Davis called in, finally stopping the loud knocking.

I rolled over with a groan, not exactly pleased to be awake again. "Yeah, sure. Thanks," I called back to him and pulled myself up on the bed. I glanced over to the clock and noticed it was almost three o'clock. What a weird time to eat... Was this his dinner or lunch?

I dragged my feet through the house, not bothering to grab a shirt. I grabbed a beer from the kitchen on my way out and then went to the backyard where Davis was sitting around a table with another guy his age and a girl around my age. Great.

I would just grab some food and then head back inside before I had to chat with them.

But then I looked at Davis and knew I couldn't just run back inside. I had to at least make some small talk first, to be polite. I was his guest. I owed him. And he was giving me food.

"Good morning sunshine," Davis teased as I winced at the light shining in my eyes as I came into the backyard.

"Hey," I mumbled, shivering as a breeze hit me, but ignoring it and sitting down at the table with the rest of them. My whole body felt hot anyway. The breeze could cool me down and the beer could relax my muscles some so I wasn't so tense. It hurt to be tense.

Davis eyes me with an amused smirk as I sat outside shirtless in January. Well, it definitely was not cold here compared to New York. This was spring weather if not late spring weather in New York.

I smiled politely at Davis' dinner/lunch guests.

"Nick this is my neighbor Jeffery and his daughter, Morgan. Morgan, Jeffery, this is my son's best friend, Nick. He's staying with me right now," Davis introduced us casually, grabbing a piece of ribs off of the serving plate as he did so.

"Nice to meet you," Jeffery grinned, reaching across the table to offer me his hand. I noticed his eyes stayed a little longer on my face, eyeing Greg's handiwork, but he didn't comment.

"Ditto," I said as I shook his hand.

The girl remained quiet and gave me a smile. Polite, not flirty, _thank you God_. I was not up for tolerating flirty shit today. Or anytime soon.

The girl-Morgan-started to serve herself food as I looked her over. She was tan, but I wasn't surprised: Texas was one of the hottest states. There was probably plenty of sun here. I could remember it just from when I had been here before.

She had shoulder length black hair, parted sideways across her forehead. She seemed pretty polite: I noticed she smiled a small smile at everything Davis and her father said. She was probably the average height for girls: taller than Ali, but shorter than Chloe.

I snapped my head away from the girl at the thought of Chloe that had sparked into my mind just thinking of her height. Even the littlest thing would remind me of her...

"I've never seen your son around," Jeffery commented, starting a conversation with Davis.

Davis started explaining that Jasper lived in New York and was attending NYU. Every time Jasper's name came out of his mouth, a sick feeling came into my stomach. They had no idea where I was... I had left them.

"I-I think I'm going to eat inside, if you don't mind?" I inquired, standing up.

"Sure. Morgan, why don't you go with him? I'm sure you don't want to sit here and listen to two old men talk," Davis suggested, winking teasingly at Morgan.

"Hey, speak for yourself, _old man!_" Jeffery joked with Davis as Morgan got up to join me.

I cringed, not really wanting company, but didn't say anything. I filled my plate with food at the table and headed inside the house with the neighbor's daughter on my heels.

I led the way to the dining room and sat down at the head of the table, dropping my plate and beer to the table. Alcohol... would it even help or was my pain too intense? I hoped it would help...

Morgan sat down in a chair on the side of the table silently and began to eat her potato salad. Maybe she wasn't a talker. Good.

I began to eat, too, and after five minutes of silence the girl finally spoke.

"Rough day?" she asked simply, sitting back in her chair to look at me. Her eyes dared to meet my cold ones. I knew they weren't friendly, funny or charming right now. My heart wasn't in it to be any of that. I wasn't sure if I even still _had _my heart or if I had left it in New York with Chloe.

I grabbed my beer and took a long swig of it before letting out a stressed sigh. "You have no idea."

The icy tone of my voice must have turned her off because she silently began to eat her dinner again, picking at her salad. I guess that had been rude of me. I hadn't meant to sound so much like an asshole. It was disrespectful and it wasn't her fault.

I cleared my throat nervously and took another sip of my beer, looking down at the table. It was probably better for me to keep quiet.

Another five minutes later, the girl seemed to get her courage back. She looked back at me.

"Want to talk about it?" she asked me with a warm smile, inviting me to vent to her. That was pretty generous of her. If I had met a stranger who looked like crap and couldn't even speak politely, the last thing I'd do is ask them if they wanted to talk about their problems. She had some guts.

I chuckled and put down my piece of ribs and wiped my fingers off on a napkin. "Are you sure you want to open up that can of worms?" I questioned her, half teasing, half serious. She had no idea what she was getting herself into.

Morgan shrugged nonchalantly, "Why not? We're sitting here anyways. Might as well make some interesting conversation."

I blinked as I stared at her for a minute, trying to figure out if I really wanted to pour my heart out to a total stranger. At first, I thought no. Absolutely not.

But then... she seemed kind of nice. And I couldn't exactly tell this story to anyone I knew. Maybe I could get her thoughts and insight on what I should do? Greg wasn't after her... it couldn't hurt?

Not that she would be able to find a solution or anything. But... well, Chloe always seemed to think that talking things out was good, so... maybe I could talk some to this girl?

I took a drink of my beer and shrugged. What the hell else did I have to lose? I had already lost everything. Why not tell her what I could? Who cares?

So, I told her my story, minus the part where I was a wanted murderer. That... probably wouldn't go over too well. Especially considering there was a reward out for information about me.

I told her that I had a lousy past and was messed up in things that I shouldn't have been. I explained how it all changed through Ali and then told her why I moved to New York with Jasper: I had wanted to help him when he worked out everything with Alice. I told her about how when that was happening, I met the most amazing girl in the world. I found love.

I smiled a little then, as I talked about Chloe. About how we couldn't be more different from each other. Chloe was shy and I wasn't. Chloe was smart and I wasn't. Chloe was innocent and kindhearted while I wasn't. I told her so much about Chloe because it made me feel better to talk about her. I even told Morgan about Bryce and his disgusting existence.

I went on about me getting my GED so I could join Chloe at NYU next year. I explained how last night Chloe and I had been excited to start new today. It was a new year and we were going to start with a clean slate.

But then I told her about how it all was ruined hours later when my past came back and I had to leave my life in New York. I had to leave to protect my friends and Chloe. They would all be in trouble if I didn't leave: I had no choice. Davis didn't know why I had returned, but now I was stuck here and under the control of my past. I was chained down again. The skeletons in my closet had broken out and found me and were sucking the life out of me.

Morgan's eyes softened as I spilled my story to her. Yeah, my life sucked. Who wouldn't feel bad for me? Well... other than Greg.

"Wow," she breathed after I was finished the story.

I cracked a bitter smile at the sad look on her face. I had warned her that she didn't want me go to there.

"That's terrible. No wonder you look like such a wreck."

"Thanks," I mumbled a little coldly, glancing down at my bare stomach and just realizing the bruises from Greg that were starting to form. Fantastic.

"You left them with only a note?" she asked me in disbelief, a broken look in her eyes, as if it was _her_ life that had been destroyed.

I nodded slowly, "Yeah. I knew I wouldn't be able to explain in person and they wouldn't have let me leave if I had tried."

She thought for a moment. "Maybe you could work something out? I don't know. Maybe you could make a deal with that guy or something? So you could stay in New York with all of them," Morgan suggested, narrowing in her eyes, seeming to try to come up with a solution to all of my problems. Poor thing. She probably had no clue what she was getting into when she asked me if I wanted to talk about it.

"That would be like making a deal with the devil," I said, shaking my head. "He would never leave me alone. I would be under his control for life."

"But aren't you under his control right now?" she asked me, puzzled.

"Yes..." I paused. I guess I _was_ under his control right now, too. "But it's just me. It doesn't have to do with my friends or girlfriend. If I was in New York and under his control, I'm sure he would use them as well. I can't risk that."

This was the best way of dealing with it: keeping Alice, Jasper and Chloe far away from me and far away from Greg.

Morgan tucked her hair behind her ear and sighed. "That's true. That's really nice of you though, you know? Sacrificing everything for them? It seems so wrong for them to just think you got up and left for no reason when it's completely the opposite. You deserve more than that."

I stared at this girl I had only met moments before and blinked. I hadn't thought about that. I had never really thought it was good of me to do this because it was my fault that he came back in the first place. My fault. All of it. I deserved having them taken away from me for all the terrible things I had done in my life. I had vowed my services to Greg and it was my own fault he was coming back for me.

The only people who deserved more were Alice, Jasper and Chloe. I did deserve this. She was wrong.

I shook my head, ducked down in shame. Shame: that was what I was. I was ashamed of myself. Ashamed of who I was and who I am. This would have never happened if I hadn't convinced Jasper to join the gang with me years ago. I had thought it was the best idea at the time. It had seemed perfect... but I had really just thrown us into a life of misery and imprisonment. We were Greg's slaves for life and if this is what I could do to keep Greg away from all of them, then this is what I would have to do.

"I deserve this. This is my sentence... I'll pay for all the wrong things I've done," I whispered, looking up only enough to grab my beer bottle. I took a long sip and winced. This would probably become like water to me now. Drinking was what I had always done before. I guess I was going to be forced into being that person...

Morgan reached forward and took the bottle out of my hand, placed it on the table, and looked deeply into my eyes.

"No," she stated in a hard, decided voice. "That's not how life is, Nick. That's what second chances are for. You were living out your second chance. You had fixed your life. You have to move on from who you were. That's not you anymore. It's a totally different person. Don't even associate yourself with that person. You changed with Chloe. That is _you_. You liked that you. The only person at fault in this situation is the guy from your past who's coming back to mess things up for you," Morgan told me in confidence. Her eyes were almost wild in her honesty.

"That guy has come back to do wrong things to you. _He_ should be paying for it. You were only trying to fix your life. This isn't fair!" Morgan pressed her lips tightly together, looking insanely frustrated.

Wow, she was taking this really personally for hearing it from a person she didn't even know.

I just nodded, knowing she was right about one thing: Greg _was_ just trying to ruin my life. He had to be the one in power. He had to be the one giving people new lives. He didn't like losing both Jasper and me. It put a flaw in his character or something. He took it too personally. He was trying to regain his authority and power. He was trying to make a point.

"Life isn't fair though, right?" I shrugged, knowing nothing that came out of this talk would help. I was screwed.

Morgan glared at me. What the hell? What did I do? I sat in confusion until she spoke.

"Why are you giving in so easily? You are fighting for your life. You're fighting for _Chloe_. You can't just give up on her so easily if you love her like you say you do," she told me, raising her voice a bit, looking angry.

I gaped at her and then my raging temper let loose. I slammed my fist down on the table and looked heatedly at her, enraged. "You think I want to give in? You think I don't want to fight for her? If there was _anything_ I could do to change this, I would. _I love her_! I want to be with her! I would do anything to have a life with her!" I shouted in frustration at this poor girl. My nostrils flared as I took deep breaths in, trying to calm myself down.

Morgan shook her head, obviously in some sort of denial about my situation. "There _has _to be something you can do. There must be some way to beat your past. Every person has a weakness. Everyone makes mistakes. There must be something this guy did that you could use against him."

I wished there was. Greg was too good, though. He was already wanted for stuff: forcible confinement, assault and attempted murder of Alice, attempted murder in the third degree for Mack, and for possession of weapons and drugs. The police of Forks were looking everywhere for him. He had a list of crimes building on him.

When Mack was shot and we called the police, the police were granted a warrant to search the cabin and they found everything. Greg was really screwed at that moment, but has been hiding ever since. But the police of Forks are still scared of him because Greg still has control of a lot of people in Forks. I don't even think they're actually looking that hard. Even though he was wanted for so much, he wasn't going to let he police catch him. Meaning I had no way out of this unless he got caught. And Greg doesn't get caught.

I couldn't even help them catch him, either. If I had him set up and the police came anywhere near him, he would make sure everyone I cared about died. If he went to jail, he'd still have people come after us. He had people _everywhere,_ as I had found out this morning. People who really didn't care. People who would beat me up in an alley just for the fun of it to see if I was getting soft or not. That guy was heartless. He didn't care. None of Greg's goons did.

I had been one of them just last year. I knew what they were like. What orders were given to them. Even if Greg went to jail, he'd stay in control and we'd all be screwed.

"No... There's nothing I can do, Morgan. I just have to live with this," I told her in a soft voice, trying to show her I was being honest and I had accepted the reality.

She just nodded and picked at her potato salad gloomily. Great, I ruined her night.

"I hope he lets it go. Maybe after a while he'll realize he won and then just let you go? Maybe he'll get bored," Morgan hoped, giving me an encouraging smile.

I cracked a small smile for her sake, but I knew it must have looked pitiful. "Maybe. We can hope, eh?" I said softly with a shrug. It really was all we could hope for...

Morgan nodded and I picked my beer back up and took a drink.

At that moment, I heard footsteps and voices and realized it was probably time for Morgan to leave. Morgan must have figured the same because she stood up.

"Well, that's probably my dad," she started, proving that my thoughts were right. "I'd better go. Call me if you need to talk or anything. I live right next door. I really hope things work out for you, Nick. You do deserve it."

I smiled a more genuine smile this time and stood up, reaching my arms out to give her a hug. This was all I could give her.

"Thank you. Really. For the talk and for caring. I really needed someone," I said as I hugged her into me. I noticed how warmed she seemed against me and it caused my heart to ache. Warmth only reminded me of Chloe. She always warmed me...

Morgan rubbed my back tenderly and I just held her for a second. I knew the moment she was gone, the open, caring, somewhat human Nick would disappear and I would have to face my old self and Greg.

"Nick?" I heard a voice crack. I knew that voice.

My head snapped up to see Chloe's big brown eyes staring at me. Not just me, though. She was staring at Morgan.

Chloe, my true love, was staring at shirtless me, holding Morgan against me just after I had left Chloe this morning.

Shit.

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed the chapter! Leave a review! **


	47. Chapter 47

**Author's Note: Hey everyone! Here is your fix of Hope! Enjoy!**

Forgotten Hope Chapter 47-

_APOV_

Life was moving fast again. Real fast.

The plane was ready for us as quickly as Spencer's crew could get it together. When we boarded, both Jasper and Chloe blinked in amazement for a moment at the interior of Spence's plane. Even though Jasper had been on it before, it was still a lot to take in.

Chloe stood staring for a moment, as if she wasn't sure what to do next.

"There's... a bed in the back, if you get tired. Bathroom is toward the back as well. Otherwise... fridge and kitchen area is in the middle, here, and then the lounge area is in the front," I explained to her quickly. "You have to sit in the front for take off, but after we're up, you can move around as much as you want."

She nodded slowly before plopping down on one of the leather couch-like chairs in the front. She sunk back into it and squeezed her eyes shut, almost in disbelief.

I grabbed three water bottles from the fridge, set one next to Chloe, and then took the other two over to the couch that Jasper was sitting on.

"Hey," I greeted him as I flipped myself down next to him.

He smiled a little for me. "Hey, darling."

I snuggled close to him, resting my head on his chest, and he wrapped an arm around me.

We sat like that during take off, and for a good amount of time in the air. There were three of us in the jet and yet none of us were _there_... we were too lost in our thoughts.

I realized that Chloe probably needed some time to sort things out for herself, but... that didn't mean that I had to hide my thoughts from Jasper, right? I had done enough of hiding things already...

"Jazz?" I murmured as quietly as I could.

"Hmm?"

"Why do you think Nick left?"

Jasper let out a breath. "I don't know. It probably had to do with Greg. I don't want to think up too many situations though 'cause it'll drive me crazy," he admitted carefully. "But I know he didn't leave without good reason."

"Do you have a plan?" I whispered. I knew Nick... but not nearly as well as Jasper did. Chloe probably knew Nick better than I did by now... especially since I couldn't remember him from Forks. But since Jasper knew him best, he might have some idea on what we could do to get him to come back.

Jazz shook his head, his hand starting to stroke my arm as he spoke. "Not really. Right now... just to go to Texas, get to Davis', and then see what kind of mood Nick is in... see if he'll talk to me or not. I really don't know what to expect from him..." he trailed off and I looked up at him.

Jasper looked... so lost right now. I had never seen him like this in New York. At the apartment... at school... he always had this spark in his eyes and in his attitude. It was like no matter what, Jasper was ready to take on the world. He was ready to go out and get what he wanted from life.

He had Hope. And it showed in everything he did.

But now... it was really hard to find that Hope in him. The light that was usually in his eyes was very dim. He was thinking so hard that it was physically taking a lot out of him.

I handed him his water bottle and gazed up at him. He was so... what's the word... well, right now he was stoic. But there was more to it than that. He was handsome, but in a beautiful sort of way. And not just because of his looks, but because of who he was...

I don't know how to explain it. I had never experienced anything like it before. Not even with Spencer...

I leaned up and kissed his cheek to get his attention. "What are you thinking, Jazz?" I asked him quietly.

He looked over and met my eyes for a long time. _Tell me._ I mentally willed him, gazing right back into the deep blue of his eyes. _Let me in..._

After a long moment, he seemed to get the message. His eyes lightened slightly, letting his guard down a bit, showing me the pain he was feeling.

"I'm thinking... what happens if I can't help him this time? If I can't get him to come back to his life in New York? What if I fail him?"

As he spoke, his face got closer and closer to mine until his forehead was pressed right against mine. It was like he was begging me for an answer to his question.

Without even thinking, my lips met his. It was a kiss full of soft, warm Need. Lips desperate for Hope. For answers.

...For me. His lips were desperate for me.

I reached my hand up to stroke his cheek as I kissed him as tenderly as I could. He was so gentle that it almost brought tears to my eyes. I could _feel_ his pain...

"Jazz," I whispered, pulling back slightly, "You would never fail him. You're his best friend and his brother. And you have the love of his life and his sister with you. You won't... _we_... won't fail."

He closed his eyes and nodded, letting out a breath.

"You're right, darling." His lips met mine once more, for strength. "You're right. Somehow... this'll all work out."

I squeezed his hand in mine and cuddled against him, breathing him in.

Together, Nick's family would get him back. All I had was Hope, but I clung to it.

_CPOV_

The plane ride to Texas was a blur.

It was unlike any plane I've ever been on before... it looked more like an efficiency apartment. But I was there. Physically. Ears popping. Stomach spinning. Eyes uncomfortably dry from crying. Head killing me.

Flying on a plane after crying isn't the best idea. The air pressure messes with you.

I sunk into one of the chairs that were more comfortable than the ones I had in my apartment and just tried to get through the flight.

Jasper and Alice spoke in hushed tones slightly away from me, giving me space. Occasionally, Alice would come sit next to me to make sure I was okay, or ask if I needed anything. She talked to me and I tried to talk back.

Then there were the two flight attendants who came twice for meals. I was pretty sure you had to call and ask them to come because they never came unless Alice or Jasper wanted them to.

Alice wanted me to eat something, but I couldn't. My stomach was in too many knots and I just felt too bad to even try. I sipped on water to make her feel better, but food was not going to agree with me right now and I knew it.

While the two of them tried to figure out the plan, (I guess that's what they were doing?), I just tried to disappear into the leather chair and stared out the window, letting my thoughts take over.

I think I only saw what was outside twice: when I started looking and when the bumpy landing jolted me out of my own head.

For hours—except for when Alice or Jasper were talking to me—I just sat and thought about... everything. Mainly about Nick and what had gone wrong and where he was now... wondering what he was doing, thinking... if he was okay.

Because despite my silence, I wasn't okay. Inside my head, there were about three hundred voices screaming at me to do something, say something, think of something, figure something out, make a plan, do nothing, eat something, eat nothing, talk to Alice and Jasper, figure it out on my own...

And then when it wasn't those voices, I simply replayed the last time I had seen him. How much I had trusted him while we made out in our snow globe... how far I had come with him... how much I loved him...

Why did he leave?

And then the voices again.

When we landed a few hours later, I was more than ready to get off of that plane. I felt trapped.

I ended up sandwiched between Alice, who led us out, and Jasper behind me.

Alice talked to the staff for a moment and then Jasper led us outside to call a taxi. They seemed to know what they were doing, so I just went along for the ride. The less thinking I had to force my brain to do, the better. It was already wound up in so much... I wasn't sure how well I'd pull off a simple task like finding a taxi. Or walking. Breathing.

But breathing... actually felt fresh. Very unlike New York City. The air was... comfortable. Not freezing cold, like back home, but more like a really dry autumn or spring day in New York. Only clearer. Cleaner. I took in a breath, half wanting it to sting my lungs the way the cold would have. But it didn't. It was warm enough to shrug off Nick's coat, if I wanted to.

But I didn't want to.

The ride to Davis' was short, especially compared to the plane ride. I rested my head against the glass of the window and stared out at what could possibly be the exact opposite of NYC. Where we were, there were no tall buildings, no traffic... it was stereotypically Texas.

We pulled up to Davis' house and my heart started pounding nervously. Nick was here. He was here and I _knew_ it and it scared me. What was the next step? We had arrived here... that was actually the easy part. But now that we were here, what would happen? Would he ask us to leave? Would he talk to us at all? Would he be mad that we had come?

I followed Alice and Jasper down the driveway and then around to the back of the house. We could smell food cooking from outside... I guessed that Jasper figured Davis might still be out there.

And he was. He and another man were sitting out on the patio, eating ribs and potato salad, not a care in the world. The normalcy of it was unnerving.

"Hey!" Davis greeted, standing with a huge smile on his face as he saw Jasper.

Jasper smiled back and walked closer to give his dad a hug. "Hey, Dad."

Davis greeted and introduced and asked about the flight, but none of it was what I needed to hear. I just needed to see Nick.

As Davis talked with Alice and Jasper, I started to move closer to the door leading inside. I wasn't even thinking about it, really. I just sort of gravitated to the door, turned the knob, and went in.

I heard voices... followed them... and then found myself in a kitchen, where I found Nick... with a girl in his arms.

I swallowed hard, but pushed back the hurt. Best case scenario: she was a friend of his from Texas. Worst case scenario: she was his girlfriend who lived in Texas. What did it matter? I had kept Bryce a secret from Nick for so long... maybe this girl was part of Nick's secret life that he hadn't told me about yet. Maybe I deserved this, after what I had put him through. This would at least make us even...

But I didn't want to be _even_... God, that was a stupid thought. You weren't supposed to be getting even with the person you were with, you were just supposed to trust each other and make each other happy, right?

Was that right? That's what I had started to think recently... but maybe I had gotten it all wrong?

"Nick?" I tried, but my voice cracked as I said it. Crap. _Don't look weak. Don't look like you need him._

But I _did_ need him. So much that it would be impossible to hide. I mean, here I was, in _Texas_, wearing his coat and hoping there would be a way that he'd come back with us, with me...

When I spoke, the girl stepped away from Nick. She looked from me to him and then her eyes lit up. She didn't even seem confused by why some strange girl was walking in on her and her boyfriend... or whoever Nick was to her.

She offered a polite smile before ducking out of the room, leaving just the two of us. Alone.

He didn't stop staring at me, but I couldn't figure out the look on his face. I just stared back.

Now that the girl was gone, I could really _see_ him. He had a cut on his cheek that was slightly bruised, a black eye that was definitely a little swollen, and another bruise near his jaw. Then, for some reason, he wasn't wearing a shirt, so I could clearly see the bruises that were starting to form on his stomach...

I bit my lip to try to keep my jaw from trembling with tears. Nick had been hurt... he was hurting and there was nothing I could do to help him. I was supposed to be mad at him for leaving-and I _was_- but right now I was fighting the urge to just hug him and cry.

The air was suddenly very thick. I could barely breathe. I couldn't think. I couldn't move.

And I didn't know what to do next.

_NPOV_

Chloe's eyes bore into mine as we stood feet away from each other, just staring. I didn't know what to do. My thoughts were racing. Why was she here? How the hell did she know I was here? Why had she come? I had told her not to look for me!

Oh no. Shit. She was here. Greg was here.

"What are you doing here?" I snapped at her, seeing the seriousness of this. If Greg saw her here, he might hurt her. He _would_ hurt her. He would think I had went against our deal and told her. Why the hell did she come here? She was going to get herself or both of us killed.

Anger pumped through my veins as the possibilities of what could come out of this raced through my mind. I fisted my hands as the image of her being shot at—like Alice had before—went through my mind.

Chloe's mouth popped open and it looked like she was trying to speak, but nothing came out of her mouth. She took a deep breath and I watched her try to talk again. Nothing would come out though. Her eyes blinked and suddenly became red. They looked at me desperately, as if she wanted something from me, but I didn't know what.

I stood motionless, waiting for her. I wanted to know why she would come here after I had specifically said _do not come looking for me._

A moment later we were joined by the two other people that I didn't want here. Well…I did want them here, but I didn't. I didn't want them in danger. I didn't want them dragged down into this hell with me. That was why I left. I left for them. And now they were going to ruin everything by being here.

I watched Jasper's eyes rack down me and his lips hardened into a tight line. He saw the bruises and cuts. He knew something happened.

Alice's reaction was typically Alice.

She gasped and looked at me straight with wide, afraid eyes. "Nick! What happened?" She quickly made her way to me, grabbing my face in her hands worriedly.

I hated to pull away from her, but I did. I yanked my face right out of her hold and took a step backwards. Alice's face dropped so low, I almost moved forward and hugged her. Her sparkling, positively radiant, and always happy eyes broke.

"What are you guys doing here?" I asked again, repeating it since they had not been in the room last time and Chloe still had not spoken.

Jasper took the lead as I expected him to. He took a step forward, meeting Alice, wrapping his arm tightly around her shoulder. Thank goodness someone could comfort her here.

"We're here to come get you," Jasper stated, giving me a look that meant: _Nick, you clearly know why we are here_.

I ground my teeth together, trying to think of something to say. They couldn't stay and I couldn't go with them. Either one of those options would probably get someone killed.

I took a deep breath. "Well, you can just turn around and go back to New York because I'm not going anywhere," I told them in a strong, sure voice. It was funny how what I said was actually the opposite of what I really wanted. I wanted them to stay or I wanted them to go, but to bring me with them. I never wanted to leave them.

But I wanted them to _live_. I couldn't be selfish. I had to push my feelings away and do what was right. It wasn't about me. It was about putting them-their safety, their happiness, their lives-before myself. That was what love was, right?

Jasper cleared his throat quietly and tilted his head toward Alice. I took that second to glance quickly at Chloe. My everything. Standing there in a completely trance, staring at me, still in desperation. She looked so lost. I wanted to hold her so badly. I felt myself being torn in two. I knew I couldn't hold her, though. _This was for her_, I reminded myself.

Jasper must have spoken to Alice, because she turned around and walked over to Chloe. She spoke calmly to Chloe and softly rubbed Chloe's back. My heart ached.

Chloe shook her head quickly and I wanted to know what was going on. I felt so far away from all of them, but I knew it was because I was the one pushing them away.

Alice began to talk to Chloe again, trying to persuade her to do something. Eventually, Chloe nodded and Alice escorted her out of the room. I guess that's what she had been trying to get Chloe to do… leave.

But she hadn't wanted to.

I shut my eyes tightly and rubbed my face.

"Something wrong?" Jasper asked, cocking an eyebrow at me. He knew all too well that there was something wrong. He just wanted to know what.

"What do you want?" I grumbled at him, plopping back down into the chair I had previously been sitting in.

Jasper ran a hand through his hair and calmly sat down at the table with me. "I think you have some explaining to do, Nick," Jasper stated simply, looking at me with such a calm spirit it almost enraged me. How was he so calm through this?

"I don't have to explain anything," I mumbled, picking up my beer bottle off the table. I was about to take a sip when I felt it ripped out of my grip.

This was the first time Jasper's calm expression broke. He looked at the beer bottle scornfully. He got up from the table, opened the garbage can, and threw it into it.

"You could start with the bruises all over your body," he suggested forcefully, plopping back down into the chair with a thud. He was not happy now. I guess the alcohol thing had always been what would make him snap. It hit close to home….

"I'm clumsy," I answered with a bitter smirk.

Jasper looked at me intently and then looked away. That's what he had always used to say to me. Anytime there was a new bruise, scratch, bump or cut I would ask him what happened and he would say he was clumsy. There was always a new way he could hurt himself until the day he finally told me.

"Don't lie to me," Jasper whispered softly, looking down at the table. I watched him trace the pattern of the wood.

"I can't talk about it," I replied, for the first time honestly.

Jasper nodded, bobbing his head up and down. "Greg was in New York. He had been hanging out with Alice for months. I hadn't even noticed. He went in right under our noses. She could have been hurt or worse and I wouldn't have had a clue. You know you're a great boyfriend when…" Jasper laughed bitterly, trailing off, and my heart sank. I wasn't the only one that was hurt right now. Jasper was, too, and I was only making things worse.

I tapped his ankle with my foot, causing his head to rise. I couldn't just sit there and say nothing. This was my best friend, my brother. "It's not your fault, man. Greg's smart. No one would have known."

It was true. He hadn't known. I hadn't known. None of us had even noticed. I was way too tangled up in my own world and my own happiness to realize Alice had been being played.

Jasper's jaw clenched and unclenched and then he looked up at me sadly. "I panicked when I found out. I almost lost it. I felt so helpless. The whole situation seems hopeless. How does Greg keep finding ways to ruin our lives? I didn't know what to do. I still don't. I don't know where he is and if he'll come after her again. I panicked even more when I couldn't get in contact with you. I was afraid he'd come and I wouldn't be able to protect Alice alone. And then Chloe came over…. She said you were gone." Jasper took a deep, ragged breath in and shut his eyes against the pain that was clear in his voice. "I thought you were dead, Nick."

He opened his eyes and looked fully into mine, not even putting up a wall to block the pain in his eyes. It was the opposite of me. I was trying to block him from seeing how much pain I was in. I had abandoned him.

"You weren't answering your phone. You always do. And Greg had been in town just hours before. I thought he had gotten you, but you had left for Texas. You had just…left without reason," Jasper said, confused.

I crossed my arms and pressed my lips tightly together, letting him rant. I knew what he was doing now. He was trying to get it out of me by making me feel bad about the situation. He was trying to make me assure him it was for a reason and then get me to tell him what.

My silence frustrated him. I watched his nostrils flare and he took a deep breath in again.

"When are you coming home?" he asked in a huff, narrowing his eyes at me. He was trying a new question... new approach... now, I guess.

"I don't know. We'll see, I guess," I shrugged nonchalantly, getting up from the chair and glancing at my cell for the time. I had a few hours until I had to meet Greg, but I had to get them out pronto. If Greg came around to check on me and saw them, we would all be screwed. I wasn't going to let him anywhere near them.

"But until then, you should leave. Now." I stated in a cold, empty voice. I walked out of the room and toward the front door, opening it up and waiting for Jasper.

Jasper slowly followed with a very displeased and pained look on his face. His hands were gripping his hair as he stressfully ran them through. He walked towards me until he was a foot away and then stopped cold.

"We aren't leaving until you are ready to come with us. Whatever made you come here, whatever problem there is, we're going to find out and we're going to help you through it. That's what a family does, Nick," Jasper told me in a decided voice. He wasn't going to change his mind. I knew that right away.

I shrugged, uncaring. "Fine. You stay, I leave. Make yourself at home. I'll get my stuff." I shoved past him and headed toward my room, but Jasper grabbed my arm and shoved me against the wall, a wild look taking over his expression. I was pushing him. He was losing his calm, new self. The person he had become in New York tried to remain reasonable and calm while keeping emotion. This person here was desperate and losing control.

"What is_ that_ bad that you can't even tell _me_? What could be so bad that you would leave all of us? It's Greg. I know it is, Nick. You can't tell me it isn't. Just tell me what he did. What did he say to you? What did he do to you? We can work through this together!" Jasper insisted. His eyes searched mine hurriedly, pleadingly.

I stared, emotionless, into his eyes. With all the strength I had left, I lied to him. "Nothing."

Jasper's eyes were a like a roller coaster of emotions, changing emotions every second. I finally saw his eyes finding defeat and he let me go, looking down at the floor. "You can't let him tear us apart… You can't let him win," he pleaded with me. Jasper Hale's eyes turning red, on the verge of tears. He was about to cry. "Please."

I shook my head, refusing to listen to him. "You don't even know what you're talking about," I mumbled, turning away from him. I couldn't let him know it had to do with Greg, even if he was already sure of it.

I heard him sigh in frustration and follow me as I walked to the living room, but froze when I saw Alice holding Chloe in there. My arms ached so badly to be holding her like that. Tightly and securely, holding her with a silent promise of protection. This was me protecting her, though. I was keeping her safe this way.

Their heads rose and saw us standing in the entryway of the room. My bones turned into concrete, hardening under the gaze of Chloe's broken, tear-filled eyes. I couldn't move.

My eyes flickered away from hers, keeping them from her. She couldn't look in them. She would break the wall. I couldn't let that happen.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Jasper shake his head at Alice and her mouth turn into a deep frown.

What happened next I knew would not benefit me at all. It might ruin my whole plan. Alice stood up and walked to me. Her eyes were narrowed with determination and her hand grasped mine. She then pulled me outside through the front door and to the chairs resting on the front porch.

She didn't speak at first. She just walked up to a chair, pointed at it, and gave me a firm look. She then spat out, "Sit."

I would have refused, but I would never purposely disrespect or act rudely towards Ali. I sat down and forced myself to meet her fierce gaze. A spark of happiness actually filled me as I did, though. I hadn't seen Alice like this since before she lost her memory. She was still the same fierce, strong, determined girl that saved us all. I knew she was before, but it was nice to see this side again, even under these circumstances.

The happiness was shattered when I saw the determined look waver for a moment and the look of despair replace it.

Alice reached forward and her thumb ran over the bruise under my eye gently. The worry in her eyes was strong.

"I'm fine," I assured her, still keeping my emotionless voice.

Alice let out a bitter laugh and let her hand drop, shaking her head back and forth. "Are you, Nick? Are you really fine?" she questioned me, knowingly.

"You and I both know I've gotten into worse than this," I said, referring to my injuries.

"You've left love before? And your family? And it was worse than this? I didn't know that, no," Alice commented quietly, sadness creeping through her strong, composed voice.

I didn't answer that, knowing she knew the answer to that. I rubbed my eyes tiredly and leaned back in the chair. What could I really say to her? Nothing. Not without hurting her.

"You can't stay here, Nick. You can't leave us. I need you. Jazz need you. Chloe needs you. Even Spencer needs you, Nick. We all need you. Whatever happened that made you come here can be resolved. We can do it together—"

I cut her off there. I put my hand up with a sigh. "What I need is time. I came here because I needed to get away, Ali. Could you please let me be? I get that you're worried and I appreciate it, but right now I just need time and space. Please," I begged of her, just asking for them to leave me alone. I was going through enough without their guilt trips. If I could go back, I would.

Alice seemed speechless as she opened her mouth and then shut it and repeated the action. I saw her eyes being filled with misery and quickly stood, knowing how hard it was to say no to a broken Alice. I reached forward and pulled her into a tight hug, though. It was the least I could do…

"I'm sorry, kiddo. Just give me some space. Be strong. You have to be happy, okay? A world without a smiling Alice is like a world without light. Go be Jazz's light, okay?" I whispered as I coaxed her chin up to look in her eyes. "I'll always love you, Ali. No matter where you are or where I am. Or what I am…"

That last part shouldn't have left my lips, but it had slipped out before I could stop it.

Alice sniffed and cuddled herself into my chest and I started to feel her shake. She was crying… My heart felt terrible. I had never experienced so much pain in my life than this. Leaving them all. It was too much… I was disgusted by myself. Hell, it would be an understatement to say I hated myself right now.

I let go of Ali then and straightened up, letting the numbing fill me again. No feeling. No compassion. Hardness. That was what I needed to be. Void of love and anything else that would cause me to make a mistake right now.

I turned around and walked back into the house, seeing Jasper and Chloe sitting silently on the couch. Jasper's hand was laying gently on Chloe's. I cringed, because I knew it must be bad if Jasper was reaching out to comfort Chloe. Yeah, he would talk to her and assure her and stuff... but he was touching her and she was letting him and that meant it was beyond serious.

I took a deep breath and explained all I could.

"That girl I was hugging was Davis' neighbor. I only hugged her because she helped me. It was a sign of gratitude and nothing else. I… just thought I should explain that to you... so you knew."

She deserved to know that. I didn't want her hurt like that. I didn't want her to think I came here to another girl. It could have looked like that. I was shirtless, for God's sake. It had probably looked wrong and I didn't want Chloe to think of me that way, even if I was going to never see her again.

Chloe just nodded, but I could see the relief that came into her eyes. I had been right. She had wondered if the girl had meant something to me. No girl would ever mean anything like Chloe did, though….

"Are you going to explain the rest to me, now? Do you have an explanation for why I woke up alone? Or why I found a note saying that you were leaving and I shouldn't look for you?" she asked me, brokenly, wiping the tears off her face as she stood, looking strong even as she was breaking down.

I tried to look like I was rubbing my chest casually, but I was really trying to soothe the pain that was there. It felt like I was being repeatedly stabbed…. It was hard to breathe. I felt so nauseous and fought not to pass out or throw up.

"You must not have understood that last part," I grumbled rudely, trying not to let her affect me like she was. She had come looking for me even though I had said not to and now it might mess everything up. It might even kill her. Literally.

Chloe looked stunned by my words and Jasper quickly stood. I watched Alice hurry into the room with a look of complete bewilderment on her face. Probably because I had just hugged her and I was treating Chloe like this.

But I couldn't hug Chloe. I couldn't tell her to be strong. I wanted to hold her and never let go. I wanted to tell her to be strong and that if she couldn't, then I would be there and be her strength. I wanted to do the exact opposite of what I was doing for the hundredth time today.

"I think I have the right to find out why my boyfriend suddenly jumped on a plane and came to _Texas_. Especially since last night we were happier than ever... or at least that was what I had thought..." The words came out weaker and weaker with every word she spoke, until her voice cut off and she looked at the ground. Her hands were clasped together, holding onto each other for dear life.

She was right. Obviously she was right. Chloe was always right. She knew me. She knew us. I had been the happiest I had ever been in my life last night. It was funny how long ago last night felt like. It had been less than a day ago and it felt like years ago. The happiness felt so far away….

"I had to get away," I answered again, repeating the lie. It was true though, I guess. I did have to get away to save them. I didn't _want_ to get away from them though.

Chloe sighed, "Why, Nick?" She looked like she just needed an answer. She didn't care what it was at this point. She just needed answers. I could imagine how crazy her mind was going right now. How sucked into her thoughts she must be. I hated when she would get lost in bad thoughts…. She was probably trying to come up with whatever answer made sense to her about why I had left.

I shrugged, probably looking like a cold hearted bastard. "I just did. And I still need to get away. I need time. I need space. I need you _all_ to leave," I told them harshly, pointing to the door.

Jasper cleared his throat hurriedly and tried to smile calmly, "Nick, why don't you talk it out with Chloe? I think that would be a good idea."

I cocked my eyebrow at him as if to say _what the hell is wrong with you? Did you not hear what I just said?_ I wasn't going to talk to her. He just returned the look blankly like he didn't give a shit about what I thought or wanted at the moment. _Thank you Jasper for your support,_ I thought bitterly.

I just walked away then, walking to my room, but groaned inwardly when I heard Chloe's footsteps follow mine. How do you face your true love like this? I couldn't tell her I didn't want her….

I couldn't say anything. I stood silently with my back towards her and closed my eyes, hoping she would disappear so I wouldn't have to face her. Did that make me a coward?

_CPOV_

Nick wasn't... himself. Something was wrong. Seriously wrong. And it scared me.

I had expected that, since he _had_ just left without any explanation. But I didn't expect to feel it this strongly.

The difference was painful. It was like no matter what, I couldn't get through the wall he was putting up. There were a few moments when I thought I saw a flicker of the Nick I knew... moments when it was like _he_ couldn't get through the wall either—and he _wanted_ to. I felt like he wanted desperately to break all barriers and just be himself again...

So what was holding the wall together? What motivated him to keep his guard up so strongly?

I knew it had something to do with his past and I knew that only he could tell me. I didn't _want_ anyone else to tell me, either. I wanted him to be honest with me. To open up and just... tell me everything! I knew, even before all of this had happened, that there were still some things he wasn't saying. I could feel it... but I respected his decision not to bring it up yet. I kept thinking he'd let me in on more things when he was ready... and when he felt _I _was ready. If anyone knew how hard it was to share painful things with someone, it was me.

...I just never thought he'd try to break up with me before we got to that point.

Now here we were. Jasper and Alice had given us alone time to figure things out and Nick wasn't warming up to anything. He was physically beaten up, emotionally torn between being numb and a nervous wreck... and yet, he wouldn't budge to let me in.

He had turned away from me, waiting to hear me leave the room. He wouldn't even watch me go. What would he do once I left? Would he be relieved or would he break?

And then part of me wondered if I was imagining my theory that he wanted to let me in, but couldn't. That part of me kept trying to tell me he really _didn't_ want me anymore and that I should stop making up ways that he might. That I hadn't been the right one from the start, and that he was just now realizing it.

I didn't like that part of me.

I made it to the door and was about to turn the knob when one last thought struck me. One last attempt to show him how serious this was. Maybe this would jolt him...

And if it wouldn't, well... then at least I could say I had tried everything I could. If I had to wait for him to figure things out, then I'd wait, no matter how much it hurt me. I had to believe that one day—days, weeks, months, years from now—Nick would come back to me.

It hurt to even breathe without knowing he was in my life, but I would do it. Because, like Nick had said when he gave me my Christmas gift, I was strong.

I just hoped I was strong enough to do what I was about to do.

I turned around and started walking back toward him, watching as the muscles in his shoulders tensed as he heard my footsteps drawing nearer to him.

"Nick," I whispered when I was close enough, his name on my lips threatening to send me into a breakdown. I breathed.

He took in a breath, too, (solidifying the wall again?), and then turned. "What?" he asked, his voice eerily void of any emotion.

I tried to do the same. To shut off my emotions, just like he had, and to just... act. I was good at it. I had done it before, when Bryce did something I didn't like. I could do this again. I was good at shutting off.

I reached my fingers behind my neck and unclasped the chain that held the elephant charm that he had given me. His most prized possession.

I wanted to keep it forever. To look at it and remember that he _had_ loved me, once. I wanted it as hope that he still did. But I couldn't keep it if this was real.

Fastening the clasp again, I held the charm out to him. "This is yours," I said, my voice not as strong as I wanted it to be. I hoped he hadn't heard the shaking.

He stared at me for a long moment and I noticed his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed hard, shaking his head slightly.

"Th-that was a gift," he stated, then recovered from his stutter. "It'd be wrong to take back a gift. No one does that."

But I was ready. "No, it'd be wrong of me to keep it," I told him honestly. It _would_. If he meant anything he had said or done, then he didn't... he hadn't... Nick... had no feelings for me. And it wouldn't be right of me to keep something that was so special to him. Something that he was told to give to the person he loved more than himself. To a person who was... well... pretty much his everything.

And he had made it clear that I wasn't that to him.

My heart cringed at the thought, but I suppressed any external reaction to it.

"Give it to..." Oh God, this was too hard. I shook my head to clear it so I could get the words out. "Give it to the person who deserves it. Like you were supposed to do."

My vision was starting to blur with tears, so without looking at him or touching his hand, I looped the chain over his wrist and turned hastily to walk away.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and let the tears roll down my face as I reached the door, not looking back at him.

_Call me back. Give me the necklace. Tell me I'm worth giving it to. Thank me for returning it. Tell me I'm worthless_—_I don't care! Just SAY something, Nick, please!_

But he didn't say a word. I wasn't even sure if he was breathing. I wasn't.

As soon as I closed the door behind me, I let myself cry freely, but still silently. I didn't want him to hear me.

Without the charm, I suddenly felt a lot less strong. Less smart. Less... _everything_.

I just felt... lost again. Alone.

Nick didn't come after me.

**Author's Note: Uh ohhhh… What now? What can they do to bring him back? We shall see. Hope you all enjoyed the chapter. Leave a review. **

**Also, some new news. Over at the Twilighters Anonymous site they have a RPG (Role Playing Game) for Hope. It's already started but you can still go on and pick a character to play. Jasper, Alice and Nick are already being played but obviously if you read Hope you know there are many more characters to play. So head over and you can ask to be someone and be a Hope character! Cool opportunity. Link is this : www(dot)forum(dot)twilightersanonymous(dot)com/role-playing-games/**

**Have a fantastic day/night everyone! :)**


	48. Chapter 48

**Author's note: Hey everyone! Hope you're all having a good week. Here is your weekly update of Hope. Enjoy. **

Forgotten Hope Chapter 48-

_JPOV_

"Jazz," Alice murmured in the tone of voice I hated, sadness slipping through her lips. Her voice was full of misery and her eyes mirrored it.

I frowned and wrapped my arms around her as we stood, waiting in my dad's living room as Chloe went to talk to Nick.

"What, darling?" I whispered, keeping her tightly secured against my chest, hoping my embrace would help support her at least a little bit.

"He's not going to come with us…" she admitted softly, peering up at me with broken eyes.

I dismissed her words immediately from my mind. No. We would get him to come with us. I wouldn't leave until he would come with us. We had each other's backs. If Greg had made me leave Alice, Nick would have come for me. He wouldn't have left until I agreed to come back with him. He would have fought. I would fight for him, too...no matter what he said.

"Yes he will," I mumbled with determination.

Alice rubbed my back gently, but looked up at me doubtingly. "Maybe we just need to give him time, Jazz."

I took a deep breath through my nose, frustration building inside of me. _It wasn't Alice's fault_, I reminded myself. _Stay calm._

I wasn't sure what this trip was doing to me. I had become so composed in New York and now suddenly the anger I used to have in Forks was back. I felt like I was on the verge of snapping. It must have been Greg. Greg always brought the worst out in me. The hatred for him brought my old, hateful self back to life.

"I'm not leaving without him, Alice," I whispered in the calmest voice I could muster.

Alice bit her bottom lip and looked down at the floor. She didn't believe he'd come with us. She wanted to leave him here. I couldn't believe that… Didn't she think we had to fight for him? Didn't she want to beat Greg?

I ran my hand stressfully through my hair, letting go of my hold on Alice. She didn't have to stay, but I would. I wouldn't leave him.

"Jazz—" But Alice's voice cut off as she saw Chloe hurriedly walk out of the house, ignoring us. Alice and I both froze. That was not a good sign.

I watched all hope that had been in Alice's eyes disappear, and she quickly went after her.

Nick had said no to Chloe. How would there be any chance I could convince of coming back if she couldn't? Nick was so happy with her.

Rage filled me and I fisted my hands. If I ever saw Greg again I would make him pay for every second of pain he had ever put upon people. He _would_ pay…

I took a breath and walked towards Nick's room. The door was shut and I listened. It was quiet. Complete silence.

I knocked softly on the door and then entered, not waiting for his invitation because I knew it would never come.

Nick stood with his back towards the door. I could see how tense his muscles were through the shirt he had thrown on. He was definitely upset. His hand was clenching something with all his might. He didn't even turn with my presence. He was like a statue. Non-responsive.

"Nick," I said very quietly, hoping not to make him jump or startle him out of the trance he was in. He didn't move at all, though. He didn't seem to have even heard me. Well, until I saw his back muscles ripple.

I stiffened then, knowing that probably wasn't a good sign.

"Just go," he growled, turning towards me. His face was so void of emotion that it scared _me_.

"Come on, Nick. We can work it out. I can help. I got your back," I told him, again. It hadn't worked earlier and it didn't look like it would this time. He was even farther gone now. I could feel my heart in my throat. We were losing. Greg was winning. He was taking Nick back.

"Jasper!" he shouted, taking a ragged breath in through his nose. "Just go…!"

My mind told me to turn around and leave, but my heart told me this is when he needed us most. We couldn't let him feel like he was alone in this. There was always Hope. There was always a way out. He had been stuck in jail for God's sake, but we had gotten him out. We could do anything.

I stood my ground, not leaving. Nick's eyes were glued to mine, telling me to leave. I wasn't welcome. He didn't want me here.

"Fine! You know what? I'll leave," he exclaimed in frustration and stomped past me, shoving his shoulder into mine as he passed. I tensed at the contact. _Don't take it to heart,_ I told myself. _He wasn't himself. Nick just feels hopeless right now. He sees no way out. Greg has to have something on him._ I had to find out what.

I walked farther into his room and began my search for clues. I grabbed his backpack and emptied its contents on his bed, moving stuff around, going through every piece of clothing to see if anything was stuck in it. Nothing. Great…

I searched the other pockets of his bag, but didn't find anything hopeful. It was just the regular stuff you'd bring with you for a night away.

I sighed heavily and plopped down on the mattress. How could I figure it out? There was nothing here. Nothing even pointed to Greg, except Nick leaving without reason and Greg being in New York. That was enough evidence for me because I knew there would be no other reason why Nick would leave.

I looked hopelessly around his room and noticed a picture frame set down on his bed stand, blocking the picture from anyone's sight. I picked it up curiously, but then wished I hadn't. It was a picture of us: Nick, Alice and me. We were happy and smiling, full of Hope. And Nick had just set that picture down, blocking us out of his sight. He didn't want to see us.

I set it back down and rubbed my eyes. Was it pointless? Was me being here pointless? Would he keep pushing us? Would he not give in? Would he really let Greg take him from us? What did Greg have on him?

When Greg had started threatening Alice, I had let Nick know immediately. I knew I would need his help. Why wasn't Nick telling me what was going on? If Greg had threatened Chloe or Alice, I could help. Two minds were better than one. We could make a plan! Why wouldn't he let me help?

I dropped my head into my hands, but froze as my eyes came into contact with something on the floor. A box. I hadn't seen that. It was partially pushed under the bed, but not all the way. Hmm.

I slowly leaned down and grabbed the box. It wasn't too big. It felt a little heavy, though. I placed it on my lap and opened the flaps of the cardboard box carefully. My breath stopped. The world froze.

White powder. Lots of it. Cocaine? Why would Nick have this?

Anger flared in my veins, but I tried to stay calm. I flipped the box over onto the bed and counted the bags. Twelve. Twelve bags of white powder.

Crap. What had Nick gotten himself into? Drug dealing? He had just gotten here! How could he already have this? Was that what Greg was making him do? Had he gotten Nick to smuggle the drugs from New York to here? Was that what he was going to make Nick into? A drug dealer? No…

I hurriedly put the bags back in the box exactly how they had been and shoved the box back in its place. I had to do something about this. I had to do it now. But I had to do it without Nick knowing. He would stop me if he knew.

I cleaned up all the things I had dumped out of the backpack, putting everything in the room exactly how it had been. Hopefully Nick wouldn't notice if I had left something in a different place. He was pretty flustered right now, though. I don't think he would notice.

I walked to the backyard where my dad was still talking to his neighbor. His head turned towards the sound of his back door opening.

"Hey, Dad. I'm heading out, but I'll probably back later!" I called to him. I knew if I went out to him, he'd start a conversation and try and keep me here longer and right now I didn't have time for that. My mind was forming a plan and I needed time to be on my side.

"All right, see you later, son!" he replied with a grin. His friend waved as well and then I turned and hurried back through the house to the front, where I found Alice and Chloe on the steps of the porch. Neither of them were speaking. They were both silent and zoned into different worlds.

I knew Alice being silent was not a good sign. I cleared my throat quietly to gain their attention and they both looked up at me.

Alice stood up and slid herself under my arm, looking like a sad, little girl. My heart ached painfully at the look on both of their faces. I couldn't change that, though. Not unless I could get Nick back.

"Are we going home?" Alice asked me in a whisper.

"No, not yet. We aren't losing Nick without a fight," I told her, smiling softly at her. She mirrored my smile, though it didn't reach her eyes. That hurt me even more.

I leaned down and pressed my lips gently to hers, apologizing for her pain. "I love you," I whispered against her lips.

Alice cuddled her face into my neck and I ignored the pain that came with her not being able to reply the same words back to me. It would come in time, I assured myself.

Chloe still hadn't moved from her place on the porch steps. She had leaned her head against the wooden railing and her eyes had wandered off again, staring blankly at the road. I wondered what had happened when she tried to talk to Nick. I knew it must not have been good, since she came out upset and he came out looking like he had no emotions at all. And now she seemed pretty emotionless, too….

I squeezed Alice against me once more, and then walked over to sit down beside Chloe.

"Hey," I murmured, running a hand through my hair.

Chloe blinked and looked over at me, "Hey."

"You okay?" I asked her softly, tentatively.

Chloe chewed her bottom lip and shrugged, not answering my question. "I'd just like to get home, I guess," she answered in a small voice.

I nodded stiffly. Getting her home wasn't part of the plan. I hadn't thought about that. I thought hard. I didn't have time to take her back and follow Nick and see what he does with the drugs. From there I had planned on making the rest of the plan. If I took her home, I wouldn't have time to get back here before he got rid of it. I couldn't take that chance. Plus, I couldn't really leave Chloe alone right now with Greg out somewhere.

Crap. I was stuck.

I cleared my throat and nodded, "We'll get you home as soon as possible, okay?"

Chloe gave me a small, but grateful smile and nodded. She turned her head to look back at the road with the blank look in her eyes.

Alice watched me carefully as I got up and I grabbed her hand and led her into the house so we could talk without Chloe having to listen to it.

Alice waited until I spoke.

"I guess we're going to have to leave."

"Should I call Spencer and get the jet again? Maybe he made them wait here," Alice asked me, running her thumb over mine lovingly.

"Yeah, I guess so," I sighed, exhausted.

Alice frowned at my expression and reached up to peck my cheek. "Do you want me to take her home and then come back? That way you can stay and work on Nick," Alice suggested with an encouraging smile. She was trying to make things better, as always.

I shook my head, dismissing the idea. "I can't do that. It's not safe for you to go alone. Greg is out there."

"Maybe I can get Spence to come get us?" Alice said in a hopeful voice.

Well, that might work… I thought. But Spencer wouldn't be able to put up much of a fight if Greg showed up. Sure, Spencer had some muscle, but he definitely wasn't used to fighting like Greg was. It wouldn't be enough. I had experience. I knew Greg's moves.

"I'm not sure, love. I don't know if Spencer could…protect you from Greg," I shrugged, disappointed. I wished he could. It would have helped out a lot.

"Oh…" Alice whispered, taking her phone out of her purse, seeming to still be in deep thought. "What about Mack from Forks? Could he protect us? Maybe we could ask him for help," Alice said with a smile, looking up at me with bright eyes, seeming very proud of her idea.

"He's in Forks, darling," I chuckled. He wasn't exactly living around the corner from Spencer.

"But Spencer won't mind picking him up," she told me, certain.

"I…" I started and stopped, thinking. Could that work? I knew Mack felt like he was responsible for Greg coming after Alice. He might even agree to this idea, but should I leave Alice and Chloe without my protection? It seemed a bit selfish. Nick was able to protect himself a lot better than they were. But he needed my help the most…

Hesitantly, I agreed. "Okay… All right. Let me call Mack and then you can call Spencer, okay?" I said, agreeing to the idea. It was the best thing we could do up to now.

I mentally crossed my fingers as dialed Mack's number.

"Hello?" I heard his voice come through the receiver of my cell phone.

"Hey Mack, it's Jasper," I said calmly, walking over to sit on the couch. I watched Alice walk back outside to the porch, probably to sit with Chloe.

"Oh hey, did you find Nick? Is he all right?" Mack asked quickly in a concerned voice. He definitely wasn't like the other guys who were in the gang. I knew he actually genuinely cared about what was happening with us.

"Uh, yeah, we found him. He's a little beat up, but other than that, physically, he looks fine," I informed Mack. That was the best part of finding him... just knowing he was alive. After that everything went downhill.

"That's great!" Mack said cheerfully. "Are you guys bringing him home then?"

"Umm, not exactly…" I mumbled, but then continued, crossing my fingers literally this time. "But you know how you said to call if I needed anything?"

"Yeah," Mack said shortly, probably waiting to hear what I needed.

"Well, we need your help. Are you busy?" I inquired, hoping that he would be free to help and open to the idea. I was sure he had a life and this would take more than a day. Someone would have to watch out for both Alice and Chloe while they were in New York without me.

"No, not really. Nothing important. What do you need me to do?" he asked, ready to help.

I explained the situation and how I didn't feel comfortable leaving Alice or Chloe alone in New York right now without mine or Nick's protection because Greg could still be there and knew where we _all_ lived. He was talented, too. He could find a way to get to Alice or Chloe if he wanted to, and I knew that Mack knew that as well as I did.

I told Mack how I wanted to stay behind and find out what was going on with Nick and how I could help him out of whatever blackmail he had over his head right now.

"So, Spencer...Alice's ex... is going to come get me?" Mack asked.

"We're going to call him now, if the rest of the plan is fine with you?"

I wanted to make sure he was one hundred percent in on this before I called Spencer and made him go out of his way more than he already was for us. I knew how busy he was now. We would be lucky if he could even get over here to help us, though I have a feeling that he would cancel anything if it had to do with Alice. I had conflicting feelings about that…. I was grateful that he would come get her no matter what because we needed help right now, but on the other hand I was uncomfortable with the idea of _why_ he would come get her no matter what. I knew it was because he loved her.

"I'm in. Just call me and tell me when to be at the airport," Mack assured me.

I thanked Mack and then hurried out to the porch to get Alice. This plan might actually work. I might be able to stay and help Nick. Relief was flooding over me. Everything would work out. It _would_. I would make sure of it. It might mean that the girls would have to stay here for a few more hours while Spencer picked Mack up and everything, but it was still kind of early in the day. They would be home by early evening if everything worked out, I was sure of it.

Alice head popped up the second the screen door opened.

"Mack said okay. Call Spencer," I told her with a smile.

Alice nodded quickly, seeming relieved, and started to dial Spencer's number. I sat down in one of the porch chairs, finally letting myself relax. I could do this. As long as Spencer agreed, we could do this.

Alice spoke on the phone for a good ten minutes before coming over to me, the phone still pressed against her ear. She gave me a long roll of her eyes and then plopped down into my lap, grabbing one of my arms and wrapping it around her. I wrapped the other one around her before she could get to it, enjoying the warmth and comfort of her close presence.

"Yes, Spence, I'm fine. Jasper is just trying to be careful. That's why we have to pick up Mack. No one is chasing us or anything. It's for precautions." Alice sighed loudly into the phone and started to listen again.

I chuckled softly and let her talk to him for a few minutes, giving him all the assurance she could. I didn't blame him for being overprotective.

I was really worrying as she finished her conversation with Spencer, though. Chloe hadn't moved an inch since I had last went inside. She had that same statue look that Nick had possessed inside his room a little while ago. It was like they had both lost the life out of them from whatever was said in that room. I wondered if Chloe had told Alice what had happened… I would have to ask her later.

Alice finished her phone call with Spencer and that looked at me with a pleased look on her face, "He's on his way to pick us up as we speak," she informed me.

"Good," I nodded; satisfied, glad something was working out today.

"He said he should be here at the latest in three hours." Alice said, getting up off my lap.

Three hours. I glanced down at my watch to see it was three thirty. So, Spencer wouldn't be here until around six or six thirty then. Hopefully I wouldn't have missed anything that happened with Nick until then. Once they were safely on the plane, I could come back here and lay low. I'd find out what Greg was getting Nick into and how he was keeping him here.

I got up from the chair as well and decided that we had better head to the airport now. It was a good half an hour away and I was afraid that if Nick saw us hanging around here for long, he wouldn't come back. I needed to make sure he stuck around here so I could follow him.

I headed to the back and let my dad in on the plan and asked him to text me when he noticed Nick was back. He said that he would, and even agreed to try to stall him a bit if I wasn't close to being back yet.

After that, I met the girls on the porch again and called for a cab.

Chloe was still distant, but I wasn't going to push for anything. She needed some time and it had been a very long, stressful day. Nick and she had gotten the worst of it.

Alice, on the other hand, didn't seem to think that time was the solution. She continually blabbered on about some pointless and random things to Chloe, walking beside her, linking arms with her. I had a feeling she was trying to keep Chloe's mind off of what had happened, but I thought that was impossible.

Eventually, once we had settled in at the airport, Chloe escaped, saying she needed to go to the restroom and dismissing Alice's offer to go with her. So Alice let her go, knowing she could check on her if it seemed like she had been gone for too long.

That was when I noticed that something wasn't quite right with Alice. She smiled and would make comments about people in the airport, complimenting a person's clothing style or giving them props for being so risky in their fashion and pulling the outfit off so fabulously. It was almost a perfect mask of contentment and normality, but I could see straight through it.

I watched Alice closely as she would check the time every minute or so. Every time she did, I would feel her grip on my hand tighten again. A worry line would appear between her eyebrows and she'd look down at the ground for a minute before pulling the mask of happiness right back on and starting to talk again. It was a continuous cycle.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out a coin, "Penny for your thoughts, darling?" I sent her a dazzling smile, waving the penny in front of her face teasingly.

Alice looked up at me with wide, innocent eyes and sighed. It was a soft, tired sigh and I could hear sadness linger behind it. "How long do you think you'll be here for, Jazz?" she asked me gently, keeping her eyes connected with mine.

I opened my mouth, but didn't really have an answer. I had no idea when I would be able to bring Nick back. It all depended on what Greg had on him and how deep he was in. It also depended on how well Nick would cooperate. "I'm not sure, love…." I whispered apologetically. I could see why she was upset now. We were going to have to be apart.

Could I handle dealing with all of this without Alice? Could I keep myself in control without Alice there to remind me that all of that was in my past and I was changed? I wasn't sure…

Alice's eyes fell to the floor and she chewed her bottom lip between her teeth. I hated that look…

I pulled our entwined fingers up to my lips and pressed a kiss to each of her fingers. "It's all going to work out," I promised her in a voice that probably didn't sound that convincing.

Alice nodded slowly, but I don't know if she really even heard what I said. She looked like she was sucked into her thoughts and was far from reality at the moment.

It took her a minute to return to me. "Do you think…maybe…we can work it out _together_?" she questioned me, peering up with bright green eyes, pleading with me for this one request.

I blinked, "What do you mean?"

Alice fidgeted in her seat. "Can I stay here and help you, Jazz?" she rephrased.

I stiffened instantly. "No," I shook my head. "No, no, no. Nick is into something dangerous, Alice. I can't get you involved. You'll be safe in New York with Mack and Spencer."

There was no way in the world I would let her stay here with me. I had no idea where Greg was. He could be here. And if he wasn't here than someone else was here who Greg was getting Nick to work with and I knew that person wouldn't be safe person to be around.

"But Jazz—" Alice started, but I cut her off.

"No buts! Did you see Nick? He was hurt. He was hurt badly. I am not letting that happen to you. You are not going to be put in harm's way," I told her firmly. This was not up for negotiation.

I held back an exasperated sigh when I saw that look of determination come over Alice's face. Her eyes were fierce and positive of her decision. There was my Alice. Sure of herself through it all. Trying to get what she thinks is right. Not giving up without a fight…

"You can't make that decision for me, Jazz. We're a couple. That means we're a team. We're supposed to work through these things _together_. I want to stay and help you," she fought back, giving me that stubborn look, pulling her hand out of mine and crossing her arms.

Deja vu, much?

This time I couldn't hold back my frustration. I let out a groan and slammed my head back against the wall behind me. Why did she always have to fight about these things? Every single time there was danger, we had this conversation. And this Alice didn't even remember those times or fighting for her position at those times and still she was here fighting for it exactly how she had before.

I took a deep breath, calming myself. "Darling, you are helping by going back to New York and being with Chloe. It'll help me as well because I won't have to worry about you all the time. I'll know you're safe in New York with Mack...and Spencer."

Alice's eyes narrowed. "Well I'll be in New York worrying about you the entire time as well," she stated a matter of factly.

"But you'll be safe," I shrugged.

"But you won't be," she threw back at me, her expression full of dread. She didn't want me to be in danger either.

Sighing, I said, "I know, but I have to do this for Nick."

"He's my friend, too," Alice told me softly, letting her fierce eyes soften a little to understanding. "Please, Jazz, just let me stay with you. I want to be with you. If it gets too dangerous, I'll get Spence to come get me, okay? Can we make a compromise?" she begged me with those irresistible, big green eyes.

I ran my hands stressfully through my hair. There were so many cons and pros to her offer, I wasn't sure. I knew that it would be better for me to have her here because she kept me grounded. She kept me calm and rational... unless it was about her. And I knew if something happened to her that it would be my fault and that I would lose every rational thought in my mind. I couldn't stand to see her hurt or in danger. I didn't know if I should take the risk.

Then again, could I really trust Spencer and Mack to protect her the way that I could?

"I don't know," I whispered.

Alice leaned over and pecked my lips, "Trust me."

I met her eyes and searched them carefully. Once I was able to pull out of the love of her gaze, I couldn't stop myself from giving into her.

"Okay, okay, but the moment I tell you it's too dangerous you have to go home. Deal?" I offered her my hand.

Alice's face lit up and I couldn't help the goofy grin from coming across my face. Her happiness was contagious.

"Deal!" she exclaimed, but ignored my hand, grabbing my face between her small hands and crushing her lips to mine in a passionate, grateful, _long_ kiss.

When she pulled back, she smirked smugly and continued to point out people's clothing to me and Chloe, who had sat down on the other side of Alice.

I sat back in my chair breathlessly, relaxing just at the sound of my fashion genius' voice.

By six twenty, I noticed Spencer walking through the airport toward us. I was glad he had gotten here so quickly, because Davis had texted me an hour ago saying that Nick had come back, but I hadn't gotten a text saying he had tried to leave yet. Maybe I could get there in time.

Alice grinned when she saw him and sprang out of her chair to run toward him so he would see us.

"Guess it's time..." I said to Chloe, glancing over at her.

She uncrossed her arms as she slowly stood up, nodding.

We caught up to Alice and Spencer, who looked oddly nonchalant for the situation. I guess that was because he was still hurting. Still zoned out. Still mourning the loss of his girlfriend…

"Ready to go, ladies? The jet is ready whenever you are," Spencer informed them casually, offering both of them his arms. I noticed that his eyes lingered on Chloe for a moment too long. He noticed something was wrong with her.

"We've got a long flight to Forks and then to New York and I have a stack of chick flicks waiting for you two," he teased when Alice hesitated. Alice didn't know how to tell him she was staying, I guess. Chloe had made her way to his arm and gently slipped hers through his, wordlessly.

Alice took a step back and linked her fingers with mine. "Actually, Spence, I'm going to stay behind with Jazz. You only have to take Chloe," Alice admitted, giving Spencer a soft, assuring smile.

Spencer and Chloe both glanced up in confusion.

"No, you're not," Spencer stated quickly, taking his sunglasses off and looking closely at Alice.

I saw a flame flash through Alice's eyes: Anger. Spencer probably knew as well as I did that Alice didn't like being told what and what not to do.

"Yes, I am, Spencer. We've already made the decision," Alice told him and I could tell she was trying to keep her temper in check. She didn't want to hurt his feelings.

Spencer softly moved his arm out from Chloe's and closed the space between us, grabbing Alice's arm, meaning to tug her to the side.

"We can talk here," Alice huffed, gripping my hand so she would stay in place.

Spencer rubbed his tired eyes and slipped his sunglasses into his shirt pocket. He had obviously just come from work and was still dressed to a T. I guess he usually dressed like this outside of work too though….

"Alice, don't be unreasonable," he started, and for the first time in a while I saw an emotion cross over his face. Worry was taking over him. "You can't stay here. It's dangerous. That's why we're going to pick up your friend in Forks. Come on, Jasper will be back soon. Just come with us," he practically got down on his knees and begged her. His voice was desperate.

"I'm going to take care of her," I said, stepping in.

"Oh? Really? Just like you took care of her when Greg was stalking her! Letting her go out places with that psychopath! And just like you took care of her in Forks when she was almost killed! Your reassurance means nothing to me," he spat at me, taking a deep ragged breath after.

Okay, I had to admit, that stung a bit.

"Spencer!" Alice scolded him. "Those things were my fault! I was the one who was sneaking out to see Mack in Forks! It had nothing to do with Jasper. I-I kept it from him. He had no idea."

Spencer cocked an eyebrow at her, like she had just proved his point. "Exactly. He had no idea. Maybe if he had been taking care of you he would have known those things were happening."

I blinked, though, staring at where she was shaking with fury.

"Darling, you remember that?" I asked, my voice low.

The fire in her eyes dwindled down a little as she narrowed them to glance over at me. "...Maybe?" she said, her tone confused. "I wasn't trying to..."

I held back a smile at how happy it made me that she had remembered something else before I replied to Spencer.

"Look, man, I'm sorry those things happened and I would do anything to go back and stop them. Sometimes things are out of my power, though. I will be with her every second here and there's no way she'll be hurt. If you don't believe me... well, that's your choice. But she's staying here with me. She wants to," I told him calmly, her remembering giving me confidence.

Spencer took a long breath and looked at Alice. His eyes searched hers carefully. I knew he didn't have much to look for, because her eyes were completely decided and firm. She was not going to change her mind and he probably knew it from one glance at her.

He blinked slowly and I saw his eyes turn back to the empty eyes that had become so regular for him. The way he looked at her was different now, though. They weren't just empty or shutting her out. They were darker, harder. They were almost… cold.

"Okay," he said simply with a short nod. He blinked again, and then with that said, he simply turned away, gently touched Chloe's back to lead her to where they could board the jet. His steps were stiff. His posture was perfect. He showed no sign of weakness.

Chloe's eyes met mine briefly as she turned to look back just one time. I hoped that she could see that I was going to do everything I could to get Nick back.

When they were out of our sight, I cleared my throat softly and looked down. That probably could have worked out a little better….

Alice looked surprisingly calm and took my hand with gentle smile. "He's just pouting. He'll be fine in a little bit."

I looked at her and thought for a moment. He really didn't look like he'd be fine. I had never seen that look before. But then again, Alice knew him a lot better than I did. Maybe he was just as stubborn as she was.

"Come on," she coaxed me with her sparkling green eyes.

How could I say no?

It was just a bit after six forty when we headed out of the airport to grab a taxi. At this rate, I'd be out of money soon from all these cab drives.

Alice and I didn't get the cab to drop us off at Davis' house, but at the mall of stores around the corner. That way, once Davis messaged us saying Nick left, we could follow him. And I prayed to God that he would be going out somewhere with the cocaine tonight because I didn't want to wait out here all night for no reason.

While at the mall of stores, I found a phone book in one of the phone booths and looked up hotels around here. I found one that was close and looked decent and called and got us a room. I didn't want us to be stranded in the middle of the night. We couldn't go to my dad's because then Nick would find out that we didn't leave and he'd know we were up to something.

I still wasn't exactly sure what we were going to do… I had to be extra careful now because Alice would be with me. But I really didn't have a plan. I was just going to follow Nick and assess the situation. I needed to see what I had up against me. I really had no idea what would be the next step after that. It all depended….

It wasn't long that we were sitting on a bench before Davis messaged me saying Nick had just left with a box and that he was headed in our direction.

Alice looked up at me quickly in anticipation. _What do we do now?_ she asked me through her eyes.

I suddenly had a few quick thoughts of regret. Maybe I shouldn't have brought Alice with me? What happened if we got caught in the middle of something bad? These people would have guns and knives and probably other weapons. They probably wouldn't even need weapons. They could probably fight... maybe as well as me, maybe even better. I hadn't fought in a while… and by the looks of Nick, he had already had a taste of the physical damage they could do.

I still wondered if it had been Greg or not. I was sure that Greg was the one who made him come here because it could not be a coincidence that the same night Alice figures out a guy she had been hanging out with was Greg, Nick disappeared. Greg and his threats were the only reasons he would leave. Period.

I just didn't know if Greg was the one who gave him the cocaine or if a dealer had. Greg was probably the one who set it up. I didn't know if Greg was the one who had beat him up though. I didn't know who we were all up against at all.

I stood from the bench. "Now we follow," I instructed Alice, offering her my hand.

We walked slowly and I kept her one step behind me so I could get her out of the way if I needed to. We stayed low, watching for Nick. From the entrance of the plaza we could see the path to Davis's house perfectly. We could see Nick walking slowly with a casual bag that I was sure held the box of cocaine. He would know to be cautious.

The closer Nick got to us, the more my heart ached as the realization of the situation came over me. Watching him made me feel completely hopeless, helpless, powerless and useless. Anything with a 'less' could explain my feelings. I felt _so_ small.

He looked…lost. Just like Chloe, his eyes weren't focused on anything particular. At some moments, he would glance at something that glinted gold in his hand. Some sort of chain or jewelry. The mask of tranquility was broken every time he looked at the chain. It meant something to him… I wondered what it was.

"What's in the bag?" Alice breathed so quietly I could hardly hear, though her mouth was almost against my ear as she huddled close to me while we watched.

I shifted, not really wanting to admit that Nick was in possession of cocaine at the moment. I knew I couldn't lie about it, though. We were in this together and she needed to know the truth.

"Drugs…" I whispered, squeezing her hand in mine for comfort. Comfort for me or for her, well, I wasn't sure.

Alice took it well. She nodded understandingly and watched with me. He walked past where we were hidden and crossed through the parking lot to a small diner. We watched as he entered it and then proceeded to sit down at a table. He pulled out his cell phone and didn't make another move. Whoever he was meeting wasn't there yet.

He looked so much like the guy he had been in Forks... so hopeless...

"Should we move closer?" Alice asked me, slowly moving out of the shielded area we currently were in.

I grabbed her quickly and kept her in place. "No!" I said in a panicked whisper, seeing a person walking up to the diner. The person looked around carefully and I saw his eyes sweep over where Alice had previously been poking out. That was close….

I squinted my eyes, but didn't have to look too closely to figure out who that was.

I heard Alice's breath hitch and her eyes widened as they came in contact with the same person.

It was Greg….

**Author's Note: What is Jazz gonna do? Can they bet Greg and bring back Nick? Or will Nick be doomed to be Greg's puppet forever? We shall see... Oh, and anyone excited for Mack? My beta sure is ;). **

**Speaking of my beta, much thanks to her for putting up with my writer's block, sickness, schedule and crazy schemes I try and sneak into Hope ;). Thank youuuu, lucy! xD**

**Hope you all have a great day/night! **

**Review! :)**


	49. Chapter 49

**Author's Note: Hey everyone! Here is your update of Hope. Enjoy! :)**

**Warning: ****This chapter deals with some drug use and we don't condone drug use of any kind and that if brief, non graphic drug use makes anyone uncomfortable, you may want reconsider reading this chapter.**

Forgotten Hope Chapter 49

_NPOV_

If someone asked me how it felt when Chloe left, I would never be able to explain. It was my fault she left. I had driven her to leave. I had _told_ her to leave. But even knowing that would not stop the pain from overcoming me, drowning me. And what made it worse was that I couldn't make myself void of emotion. The moment I walked out of the house, leaving Alice, Jasper and Chloe there, I broke down.

It wasn't the kind of break down where you let go and let yourself cry. This was so much worse. My tears wouldn't even come out. It was as if I didn't deserve to let my pain out through the tears. Everything stayed inside of me... no pain was able to escape. I guess I deserved that for doing that to Chloe…

When I stopped shaking over the overwhelming pain and could get my mind out of the pit of despair it had fallen into, I headed back to Davis' and prayed to every power out there that they would be gone before I got there. I couldn't hurt them anymore and I sure as hell couldn't face them again.

Fate must have been on my side, because when I returned to the house, all traces of them were gone. Well… except for Chloe's necklace, which I was sure was now imprinted perfectly on the palm of my hand.

I didn't know why I couldn't let go of it. It was as if my entire world would come crashing down the moment I let it go. It was the last piece of Chloe I had. The only piece I would ever have again. I would never let go of it.

Even if she moved on, found a great guy who'd take care of her, love her, and deserved her more than I ever did. Even if she became the happiest person in the world, healed from all the emotional scars me and that bastard Bryce had left on her. Even if she became a world famous writer, had kids, a perfect family, and forgot I even existed… I would _always_ be hers.

I even held onto it as I walked toward the diner to meet Greg. I did, however, slip the necklace into my jean pocket so Greg wouldn't see it. I could hold it in my pocket.

I only had to wait a few moments for Greg to arrive at the diner. Honestly, I had been hoping he would have been hit by a truck on his way to the diner. But I guess he didn't deserve such a quick death.

Greg plopped down across from me at the table and threw me a smile I knew all too well. It was his victorious smile. He knew he was winning.

"Hello Nicholas," he greeted me pleasantly. To anyone else in the restaurant he probably looked like a good guy, sitting with his leg over his other and a friendly smile on his face. I'm sure he could convince the world he was the next Gandhi if he wanted to. Maybe once he got bored of winning his game with me, he'd move onto that as his next game: becoming the world's savior. He would get a lot of power out of that title.

"Hi," I mumbled, not pretending to be polite like him. I picked the bag up off the floor and dropped it on the table, shoving it toward him, hard. It almost flew onto his lap, except he caught it right before. I guess he still had fast reflexes. He still fought a lot.

I didn't bother being subtle with it, like a real drug deal would be, because I wanted him to know that I wanted nothing to do with this crap.

"Relax," Greg chuckled in amusement. "Sit back and take a few breaths, man. We're going to eat first. I want to spend some quality time with my old pal."

I sure didn't want to spend any quality time with him. I opened my mouth to protest, but Greg beat me to it.

"You got somewhere else to be? New girlfriend already?" he said with a dark smirk. "I figured you'd wait at least a day or two to move on, but I should have known my old bud Nick is a player. You probably couldn't wait to get back in the game. That old girlfriend of yours was a bore."

My nostrils flared in fury and I fisted my hands, gripping the necklace in my pocket tighter than ever. I knew I couldn't keep my mouth shut with that twinkling evil in his eyes, though.

"Don't talk about her. Ever." I growled at him viciously. I knew that would just be throwing gasoline on Greg's fire, though. It'd egg him on. But I couldn't _not_ defend Chloe. She would not be disrespected around me.

"Hey, hey, I'm not trying to be negative about the girl or anything," Greg stated calmly, putting his hands up defensively. "She was definitely hot, I'm just saying she probably wasn't…well…fulfilling your _needs_ like other girls could—"

That was too far.

I shoved my chair back violently as I stood, ready to beat the living hell out of him.

Greg quickly stood as well, grinning from ear to ear. So damn proud of his self… "Hit a soft spot, did I? And so defensive about it. I must be right," he said in a soft voice, which I'm sure was supposed to sound like sympathy.

I knew I had to take a deep breath when the images of me killing him right here and now in this diner came rushing through my mind. If I killed him here, though, then I'd be wanted in Texas, too. That would ruin everything for me... I would have nowhere left to hide.

Why was running away becoming my life?

I took a deep breath, running my thumb along the chain in my pocket. I had to calm down. I could do this for Chloe.

I slowly sat back down into my chair, just then noticing all the glances we were getting from the rest of the restaurant. Great, just what I needed, people noticing me. I was still a wanted murderer. Would Forks have publicized their search for me nationally? I couldn't risk it.

Greg noticed too and smirked. "You have to control that temper of yours, Nick, it'll get you into trouble," he commented, sitting back down.

I ignored him. There probably had never been a time I hated Greg so much.

Greg saw that I was letting go of everything he said and called the waitress over. He did his usual flirting with her, like he had done back in Forks, and then ordered us both double cheese burgers with fries and beer. The waitress didn't even question my age. Greg had worked his magic on her easily.

Greg took the bag off the table and set it down on the floor beside him.

"So, have you heard from your friends in New York?" he asked me casually, but I could see his eyes burning through me, searching for the truth. I hoped he hadn't somehow seen them here and that this was just a trick question.

"Of course I've heard from them. They've been calling and texting all day," I said nonchalantly. It wasn't unusual for them to do that. I had just upped and left on them. They would wonder where I had gone and call….

Greg cocked an eyebrow, still watching me carefully. "Fair enough," he replied simply. I knew the hidden part he had left out at the end though: _Fair enough, but if you try any funny business with them, I'll make you regret ever being born._

_I already regret being born, Greg, no worries there. You have succeeded in your life goal,_ I hissed at him mentally.

An hour dragged on endlessly as we ate dinner. Greg, of course, had to make smart ass comments the whole time to get on my nerves. The moment his last fry was gone, I was ready to get down on my hands and knees and thank God. I could not have waited any longer with him.

Greg stretched lazily after his plate was empty and dropped his napkin on his plate.

"Well then, I'm ready to go if you are?" Greg said, pulling a couple bills out of his wallet and slapping them down on the table.

Oh, how generous of him. He was actually paying a bill. In Forks, they were so manipulated by him that they didn't even ask him to pay. The manager didn't even complain because he knew it would only lead to trouble. If he spoke up, he'd probably end up in an alley, beaten to a pulp. It had happened in Port Angeles.

I didn't speak. Instead, I stood and led the way out of the diner, leaving the bag for him to carry. I wasn't going to be caught carrying that stuff.

"Come on, my car's over here," Greg waved me over to a shiny, black car. It was definitely new. None of the cars we had in Forks were that new. We blended in with the town with our older cars.

"Like it?" Greg asked, running a hand over the hood.

"It's nice," I commented shortly, walking over to the passenger's door.

"I thought so. It's just like the one I used in New York to play the role of the rich, sophisticated friend to Alice. It worked like a charm. Shiny things take all the attention of air-headed whores like her," Greg said smugly as he slipped into the car.

I felt a spasm rock through my body as I held back all the anger that came rushing through me with his malicious comments. He was trying to anger me. I knew that. It was all a game. Only a little longer and then he'd be gone…

I heard a strange noise come from behind me and spun around. It was like a strangled growl or something. My eyes scanned the bushes around the diner suspiciously. What kind of animals did they have in Texas that could make a sound like that?

I wasn't going to stick around to find out. I opened the car door and sat silently in his car, staring straight ahead at the road.

Surprisingly, the drive to wherever he was bringing me was not as bad as our dinner. Greg had his music blasting so loud that the car was shaking with the bass. It was almost relaxing actually. The music was so loud that it drowned out the sound of my thoughts. All I could hear was the music. I would have closed my eyes and relaxed if I hadn't been with Greg.

Greg pulled up to a ratty, old looking motel. His car looked out of place parked in front of the room he must have been staying in.

I followed him out of the car and headed into the motel room with him. The inside looked about as great as the outside. I wondered if Greg was actually staying here or if he was just using it to show me how to test the cocaine.

"Make yourself at home," Greg chuckled as he plopped down in one of the chairs around a small table at the side of the room.

I watched Greg as I sat down on the edge of the mattress in the middle of the room. The room was so small that I was actually only a couple feet away from Greg from here.

Greg took out a package of the white powder out of the bag I had brought and pulled a knife out of his jeans pocket. I stiffened out of instinct, watching him closely as he sliced the package open and then put his knife back in his pocket.

"What do you know about coke?" Greg asked me, interested, as he prepared a few lines of the white powder. He took a second to peer up at me, though, seeing if I was going to answer him.

I obliged, since I knew it would be easier. "I don't know. It gives you energy."

Greg snorted quietly and leaned back in chair. "I'm almost ashamed to say you were in my gang. You must have done it before?"

"A few times, but I'm not an expert. I just remember that it made me awake and alert suddenly," I explained in a surprisingly calm voice.

Greg hummed in thought, nodding as he perfected the white powered lines.

"I'll give you a quick lesson. You are right, really. Cocaine increases energy, mental alertness, heartbeat and temperature. Cocaine is used by many professionals because it helps keep their energy boosted. This stuff is a lot more powerful than a cup of coffee to keep them up for a night shift or something. This means it's for a lot more than partying. You can make some good money off of it," he told me informatively, before continuing.

"As I hope you know-but if you're 'nice, happy life' clouded all your previous knowledge, I'll tell you again-cocaine can be taken pretty much three ways. There's injection, snorting, and smoking, right?" He gave me a quick, very sarcastic glance to make sure I had known.

"Mm-hmm," I replied with a roll of my eyes. Stupid, cocky bastard was pushing my buttons again…

Greg smirked and continued on, "Personally, I would recommend snorting. It's the easiest. And that's what we'll be doing today. I'll join you, so I can tell you if it was good cocaine or if we got ripped off and have to do something about it, and then you'll know what the good stuff feels like for future reference."

Two parts of what he said right there struck me cold. The 'we' part and the 'future reference' part.

"Hold up," I said firmly, causing Greg to cock an eyebrow at him. "Can't you just test it for purity or something? Can't you use…something to do that? Like a machine?"

"What do you think we are, CSI?" Greg laughed coldly. There was the trademark look of amusement on Greg's face. Wow, hadn't missed that look…

"Sure, you can test the purity, but that'd take an unnecessary amount of time when you can just train yourself to know what's best," he explained, wiping the cocaine off of his credit card that he had been using to make the lines.

I would rather take the time to test the purity in any way that didn't require me having to _use_ the cocaine. My life was bad enough right now as it was. I really didn't want to become a coke addict, too.

I decided to be frank with him, even if it might turn out with me on the floor covered in blood…

"I'm not doing coke," I said flat out.

I saw Greg's normally composed face turn into a bit of a snarl. It almost had me bringing on my amused expression, but I thought it wouldn't be the best moment to do that.

"I understand that you may be slower and less bright than the rest of the human population, but I didn't think I would have to spell everything out to you, Nicky," Greg spat at me.

His hard hazel eyes flamed with rage, burned into me, warning me not to push him. "We talked about this earlier. Do you not remember? It was this morning! Are you that dumb? I know you didn't finish high school, man, but come on! Smarten up."

I ignored the pang in my chest that came along with his words. Chloe thought I was smart... and Chloe was usually right, but...

Greg took a breath and blinked, letting his eyes harden into cold stone before speaking. "I am being patient with you and giving you an opportunity, okay? Most drug dealers would have beaten the shit out of you by now, and any other gang leader would have killed you for leaving. I _didn't_. Now show some respect," Greg instructed me forcefully.

At those words, I was officially back in the gang world again. Back in the Punishers. He was using his manipulative tricks on me, trying to twist my thoughts into thinking that _I_ owed _him_ something. He hadn't killed me. He hadn't beaten the living daylights out of me, yet. This meant I should be respecting him and obeying him. This was Greg's world. I was out of the world where equality and freedom reigned.

I wouldn't fall back into his manipulative ways, though. I knew what that could do. Looking at Mack was all I needed to realize what could happen if someone gave Greg all the power he wanted. You become a useless pawn in Greg's cruel, heartless schemes.

"_Or_ you find someone else to become your drug dealer in Texas because I'm not in your gang anymore," I suggested lightly with a shrug.

Greg didn't take my lack of obedience kindly. His lips pressed into a tight line and then he shrugged, getting up from the chair. "Sure, why not? And when I head back to Forks looking for a new drug dealer to station here, I think I'll drop by and visit Chloe. She's probably pretty lonely right now… needs some lovin' maybe—"

The words were quickly cut off by my fist hitting him in the mouth. I had warned him once about talking about Chloe.

I knew on the outside I looked tough at the moment. My knuckles busted from the punch I had gotten in. My face was hard as rock and my eyes weren't blinking as I stared down at him.

But inside... it felt like some natural disaster had ripped through me. The mere thought of him ever going near or touching Chloe was too much for me to handle. My heart was pounding, rumbling like an earthquake, a tornado of thoughts swirled around in my head, and a blizzard of cold settled into me as I imagined all the terrible things he could do to her. And I couldn't protect her from him because I was all the way over here, trying to protect her by being away from her.

Greg straightened himself up and wiped his mouth smoothly, not wiping off his devilish smile with the blood, though.

"I'm guessing you'll be taking the position then? That way I won't have to go venturing to New York," he said cockily, knowing he had picked the perfect words to blackmail me into staying. How deep was I going to get sucked into this? How far was I going to go to protect them when I wasn't even positive I _was_ protecting them? I couldn't do anything though! I couldn't say no because I knew Greg wasn't bluffing. He wanted to be in control of me and he would do anything to keep the power. I remembered what had happened when he took Alice...

I bit my cheek and nodded stiffly. Goodbye, life I had hoped for….

"That's my boy, Nicky," he grinned, slapping my bicep encouragingly like he was an old friend.

Greg pulled a short straw out of the inside pocket of his jacket and sat back down at the table. "Ready to party like the old days?" he inquired with a crooked smile on his face.

Well, hell, wasn't he having the time of his damn life… I would have been lying if I said that I wasn't thinking of a hundred different ways to murder him and get away with it. I mean, who would come after me for murdering Greg Gagnon? No one. The cops would probably throw me a party.

But could I really take a life again? Even if it would be doing the world a favor? I wasn't sure... What would Chloe think?

"Since you've done it before I'm assuming I don't have to explain how to snort," Greg mumbled, not leaving it up to me to ask if I had actually not known. I wouldn't ask him anyways. He probably knew that.

Greg leaned over and I watched as he placed the straw in his one nostril and pressed the other nostril closed with his other hand. He then snorted the coke, sat up, and took a few quick breaths in through his nose.

"Your turn," he said slyly, getting up off the chair and taking a few steps to the bed. He lazily kicked his shoes off and fell on top of it.

My eyes slowly traveled back across the room and to the three lines of white powder on the table. Cocaine.

My heart starting racing at just the sight of it, and I took a deep breath. Why was I so panicked? I had done this before. I had done plenty of different kinds of drugs in Forks. I could do this and learn. I just had to shut myself off. Just don't think or feel or…anything.

As I walked toward the table, though, I knew that there was no way I could do that. I wasn't that person anymore. It had taken me months to even consider I could ever be anyone except that guy back in Forks. But now I realized that after everything I had been through in New York, that guy had been slowly stripped from my being. Every situation, every argument, and every stupid mistake I had made in New York and then _worked out_ and _solved _with Jasper, Alice and Chloe... it all had taken a part of the old me out of me.

That was why I had been struggling to remain emotionless. I had been losing the part of me that I hated. I had become a guy who actually had some redeeming qualities. I didn't know how far I had come until now. Not until the moment I was going to give it all away and take back my old self.

I felt my heart right now. I _felt_ it. Not the literal heart that beats in my chest, but the heart that held the people, emotions, and memories that I cherished. I felt it warm me. I could feel warmth and emotion. That was something I couldn't do before.

I sat down in the chair, my eyes still glued to the powder.

It reminded me of the moment on _The Matrix _when Neo had to pick between the pills. He was picking the future of his life. But at least he had the choice. He didn't have a guy saying that if he picked wrong one, the love of his life would pay the price. I couldn't choose, even though both options were sitting in the front of my mind;

Choice One: Life in New York with the people I loved, but endanger them the entire time and hurt them or:

Choice Two: Life in Texas where I would protect them from life in jail and from Greg, even if the life in Texas had nothing that I wanted or needed.

I took in a deep, ragged breath and grabbed the straw. I couldn't be selfish.

My mind raced as I lifted the straw to my nose, images of the old me rushing through my mind. The parties, the girls, the hangovers, and the fights… Hell, I could almost smell the alcohol in the air. I was so close to that life.

But then other images raced through my mind, battling against the memories of my old life. I could see myself giving Alice a piggy back at Spencer's cottage, laughing and teasing her. I could see Ali's bright, vibrant smile glowing at me, shining some light into my dark soul.

I could see Jasper and me in the park jogging, tossing the football, getting him ready for his football games. I could… I could see…

I could see her... Chloe. Her shy gaze from the first time I saw her, to the whimsical smile she would surprise me with now and then the full blown, joyous smile she wore. I could see the way she looked at me, even with all of my imperfections, like I was her Prince Charming. One of those Romeos from the books she reads. I could see the love…oh God, the love…

I needed it so much.

"Nicky," Greg shouted from the bed, ripping me out of the memories.

This was my life now. I had to protect her... had to keep that smile on her face.

She would never love me like that for real… I had been kidding myself. Once I had told her who I really was, she would have begged me to leave her alone. She was so good... I could never live up to that level of goodness.

All that Hope I had been holding onto was ridiculous. Who could love a murderer?

No one.

With that thought, I placed the straw in my nose and took a deep breath in. I shivered as I felt the powder come into me, and I took a few breaths in.

"That a boy, Nicky. Take another," Greg coaxed me, now standing right behind me with a hand squeezing my shoulder tightly.

I didn't care that it was Greg telling me to do it. I did it anyways. I did it because I knew this was the inevitable. I was born to be this person… I had false hope that maybe I could be someone different, but I knew better now.

This was my fate and I'd suck it up and live with it...

_JPOV_

The wheels in my brain went on overload when I saw Greg go into the diner with Nick. Our theory had been right and now I had to do something about it.

I was sitting in our hotel room now with a pad of paper, trying to get my thoughts out. I was trying to configure a plan that could work. I needed to put everything we had seen and heard together. If I missed one vital piece of information, my plan could be ruined and I couldn't risk that.

I recapped what we had witnessed earlier. Eventually, Nick and Greg had come out of the diner and Greg had led Nick to his car. They had left together, so I knew Greg wasn't done with him. Maybe they were going to try to sell the drugs. I wasn't sure.

I had been listening for information, but they hadn't said anything helpful. Greg had just been talking about his stupid car and calling Alice a whore. I had almost lost it right there and then. I was about to jump out and beat the life out of him when Alice grabbed my arm and shook her head, looking furious, but still composed enough to be thinking straight.

And then luckily for us, there was a cab sitting in the plaza parking lot. We jumped straight in it and told the driver to follow Greg's car. The cab driver didn't ask any questions and followed it obediently. We followed and watched as Greg pulled up to a room in an old, crappy looking motel. Typical Greg kind of place.

I had told the cab driver to loop around the block, giving them time to get into the motel, and then he drove us back to it and I hopped out of the car.

The next part of my plan wasn't as easy to do. I had to face Alice.

"Darling," I whispered hastily to her, keeping myself blocking the door so she couldn't exit the car. "I know we're doing this together, but this part I have to do alone because it's dangerous. I'm just going to listen to what's going on and then I'll meet you back at the hotel, okay? I'll text you every so often so you know I'm okay."

Alice looked panicked for a moment, but then blinked a few times and sighed. "Fine, but if you have any fun without me I'll be very disappointed," Alice smiled mischievously, leaning over to kiss me. I met her half way.

There was a great sense of relief that played through my mind. I hadn't expected her willingness. I knew she always wanted to help and that was why she did it, but sometimes she just didn't know when she was getting herself into danger.

"I won't, I promise. I love you," I said, throwing a wink at her and standing up straight.

Alice concentrated for a moment, looking me deeply in the eyes. Her lips began to move slowly, but nothing came out of them.

I paused, not shutting the car door. What was wrong?

Her lips moved again, but she slammed them shut and her eyes flashed with frustration.

Slowly, I realized what she was trying to do. She was trying to say it. She was trying to say 'I love you' back to me. I wouldn't lie... it stung a bit that she couldn't say it to me. But if there was one thing I had learned in the last year, it was to have hope for the future. One day, she would be able to say it again.

I pressed a finger to her lips and shook my head. "Later, darling," I whispered gently to her, because I knew she was more frustrated about not being able to say it than I was.

She huffed, but let it go, sitting back into the seat of the cab. "Be careful, Jazz," she called to me quickly as I shut her door for her.

I nodded and watched as the cab drove out of the parking lot. Once she was out of sight, I walked quickly, but quietly to the door that Greg and Nick had gone into.

This was the only way I could hear them. I knew I risked them coming out here and finding me, which would not turn out well, but I also knew it was the only way I would be able to find out what was going on. I pressed my ear tightly against the crack at the bottom of the door and hoped that no one would see me and come asking questions.

_"...cocaine can be taken pretty much three different ways. There's injection, snorting, and smoking, right?"_ I heard Greg say from inside the room. Thank God this place was crap and I could hear them through the thin wood.

I heard Nick mumble something and then Greg continue to talk about cocaine. What I heard him start to say did not sound good. He was talking as if Nick would be doing coke. I took a slow breath in, keeping myself from running in and stopping him.

The next part of the conversation did give me some Hope, though. Nick started to retaliate. He didn't want to do the drugs. I smiled a small smile at that. He was still my best friend from New York.

But not to my surprise, Greg wouldn't take Nick's suggestion. That was when another piece of the puzzle fell in place.

"_We talked about this earlier. Do you not remember? It was this morning! Are you that dumb? I know you didn't finish high school, man, but come on! Smarten up."_ Greg's breath was quick and hard. That was not a good sign. He was angry. Usually Greg stayed calm even when he was mad, but not this time.

_"...giving you an opportunity, okay? Most drug dealer would have beaten the shit out of you by now and any other gang leader would have killed you for leaving. I _didn't_. Now show some respect,"_ Greg spat.

He said _opportunity_. What opportunity was he talking about? It had to do with the cocaine, but what about it? Was he trying to give Nick drugs to get his mind off of New York and us? I hoped not...

_"_Or _you find someone else to become your drug dealer in Texas because I'm not in your gang anymore._" This time it was Nick and I honestly wanted to hug him for it. He had answered my question perfectly, giving me new information.

Greg wanted him to become his new coke dealer in Texas. The happiness from knowing the new piece of information faded quickly when I thought of what might happen. Nick being a drug dealer for him... We couldn't let that happen. Dealing was dangerous and I wouldn't be surprised if he became addicted to the drugs in the process. I would _not_ let Greg do this. Why the heck was Nick going along with it? He may have done some drugs here and there before, but he was never big on them and I'm sure he didn't want to be now.

Greg's devious, rough voice came through the door next. _"Sure, why not? And when I head back to Forks looking for a new drug dealer to station here I think I'll drop by and visit Chloe. She's probably pretty lonely right now… needs some lovin' maybe—"_ The last words were cut off and I heard someone grunt. My guess was Nick had done something... hit him or tackled him or something.

That was what he had against him? He was threatening Chloe? That could be it. It probably was. Nick would never want anything to happen to her. But why didn't he just come to me like I had done to him when Greg had been threatening Alice? Did he think we wouldn't be able to protect her?

He may be right... We hadn't been able to protect Alice...

I heard a car hit the rocky pavement of the parking lot and I jumped off of the ground. I hoped the person was just pulling in for a moment, but they parked and sat in the parking lot for a minute, getting out of their truck and lighting a cigarette.

I mentally cursed the man and pulled my cell phone out. That was enough information anyways. That was all I needed. I knew what was keeping him here and why. I knew the basic idea. I could form a plan now. I needed to form a plan now. I needed to stop this before it was too far. I needed to stop Greg.

This time he needed to be stopped for good.

And that brought me to the hotel room with a pad of paper on my lap and a pen moving quickly across the paper. I had made plenty of plans when I had been in the gang, but they were different. They were all about fights. It was all strategy for fights. That was what I had been good at. Fighting until the death and making the plans for those fights. This was different. It wasn't a physical fight against someone... if only it was that easy. I had to ruin Greg. I needed to get into Greg's mind and form a plan like him.

Even if the last thing I would ever want to do was be in Greg's mind. It was like the devil's lair.

Another thing I didn't really want to do, but had to do to fix this, was go into my old life. I needed to go back to Forks. I needed to go see people from my old life.

"Do you think Nick tried the drugs?" Alice whispered, breaking me out of my thoughts. Her head was beside my crossed legs, as she had been laying silently, possible dozing a bit. I hadn't known she was still awake.

I reached over and stroked her silky black hair with a sad smile on my face. "He may have, darling," I admitted wearily. If he thought it would protect Chloe, I think he would do anything Greg asked him, just like I would do for Alice.

Alice frowned and shifted herself closer to me. "I don't want him to be alone..." she murmured.

"I know," I sighed. "We'll figure this out, though. He won't be alone for long."

Alice nodded and gazed at the ceiling silently for a minute. "Chloe thinks he doesn't love her, I know it. But Nick does love her! That's why he's doing all of this. Don't you think we could tell her? Just so she doesn't have to feel alone, too? She looked so miserable, Jazz. Like she was sick. Or dying. We have to tell her," Alice pleaded, giving me a look of devastation. She was torn between this.

I knew what she meant. Chloe had no idea what was going on. She just thought Nick left and now she was back in New York thinking he wasn't ever coming back to her. It was wrong, especially since we knew that wasn't the story.

It wasn't our place to tell her, though. She would want answers that only Nick could give. She would want to come here and beg him to come back and that would only cause problems. Greg would not take kindly to that. It might even endanger their lives. Greg would be furious if he thought Nick had contacted any of us. And Nick might even do something drastic if he saw Chloe here again and thought she was in danger.

I couldn't let that happen. Nick trusted me to protect Chloe. I know he didn't tell me that, but I knew it was the case. We looked out for each other that way.

I explained it all to Alice and apologized.

Alice huffed and I saw anger flash through her eyes. "I don't understand this! Why can't he just leave you guys alone? I hate him!" Alice growled at the ceiling, glaring at it so heatedly that I was surprised it didn't light on fire. "I hope Nick gets fed up and shoots him or something…" I heard Alice say under her breath viciously.

I fought the urge to smile, because I knew we had all thought those same thoughts at one time. Many, many people probably wished him dead. It was wrong, though. It was just fighting fire with fire and lowering ourselves to his level. He did things to hurt people and we couldn't fight back in the same way.

"Alice," I murmured softly, looking at her.

"I know," she grumbled, crossing her arms. "That was mean, but it was truthful," she stated honestly with a shrug.

I shook my head with a chuckle, "Well, we're going to try and do this without anyone getting killed, okay?"

"Okay, but I won't complain if Greg happens to get hurt in the process…" Alice mumbled with a devilish look on her face.

I rolled my eyes at her, but still smiled, glad I had kept her here with me. There wouldn't have been any smiles if she hadn't been here. I would have probably been working myself crazy to fix this and made a mistake in the process.

"Go to sleep, love, you're violent when you're tired," I joked, putting a pillow over her head playfully.

Alice took it off of her face and stuffed it under her head, looking up at me softly. "Will you go to sleep soon?" she asked with a concerned gaze.

I hesitated to answer that question because I doubted that I would sleep. Every second I left Nick with Greg was a second I would regret. With Greg there, anything could happen, especially with Nick's temper. I hoped Greg hadn't hurt him after Nick had tackled or hit him for the Chloe comment earlier. I had left before I could find out.

"I'll sleep when I finish this," I answered honestly. That might mean I wouldn't sleep at all, but that was the best I could give her.

I was going to figure out a plan. I was going to fix this. I knew Nick would have done the same for me. He had sacrificed himself for me so many times and now it was my turn. I wasn't letting him go without a fight.

_APOV_

I was laying so that I could stare up at Jasper as he worked on the plan. As he got more into it, his face became harder and harder, changing to stone right before my eyes.

He was so serious about it, but I was glad... it meant that he would have a plan for us. Hopefully, when I woke up, we'd be on our way to the next step. Whatever it was, I'd do it. I had to do this for Nick and for Jasper... for Chloe, too.

And... maybe a little bit for myself.

My eyes grew heavier as I stared at him, and soon I was asleep.

_I was suddenly in a bedroom, lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling. There seemed to be really tiny colored dots moving around on it. Fast. Like the fluttering of static on the TV. _

_ThumpThumpThumpThump. _

_I could hear the rapid heartbeat in my head. My heart was racing. I placed my hand on it and it felt like it sped up. My breath was coming in quick gasps as I panted to keep up with my heart._

_This felt like I was having a panic attack. And I was having a vision. And I was oddly aware of it._

_I moved through my head a little to try to figure out where I was. Finally, I sat up and got out of the bed to look around. _

_When I turned to look at the bed again, I gasped._

_Nick was lying on the bed-okay, yes, this was his room at Davis' house!- in only boxers. It wasn't too weird... he was like my brother. _

_I watched as he lay there, like I had been a few moments ago. His hair was wet with sweat and he looked... well, like total crap. His breathing was heavy and every so often, his hand would clumsily grab at his chest, where his heart was, and he'd squeeze his eyes shut. _

_I touched my own heart, feeling it pounding, too, and wondered if somehow I was tapping into what he was feeling. I had never done that in a vision before..._

_"You're fine, you're fine, you're fine..." he barely whispered through his breaths. "Just a few more minutes and then you'll be able to sleep..."_

_He was reassuring himself, I realized. Oh, God. Poor Nick..._

_He rolled over, clenching the sheet under him. After a second or so, his hand reached out to run over the space on the sheets next to him. He shut his eyes tightly, again, as if he was trying to just disappear._

_I crept closer, not being able to help myself. He looked like he was just... freaking out. I wanted to help him, but how?_

_My hand reached out to touch him, but before I could, he had suddenly rolled over, flipping himself to the side of the bed._

_I jumped back, startled at how fast he had moved. He grabbed his cell phone just as quickly, opened it, and then froze._

_I looked over his shoulder as he stared at the picture of Chloe on his phone background. _

_He stared at it for a while, taking in slower, deeper breaths. Like seeing her had calmed him down a little, somehow. _

_I watched as he grabbed a necklace off of the nightstand and looked closer to see that it was a charm of an elephant on a gold chain. _

_He held the elephant against his heart as he stared at the picture on his phone._

_"I'm sorry, Chloe. So sorry… You do deserve the necklace… You deserve everything… You deserve so much more… I'm so sorry for all of this...I wish I could tell you that..." he whispered, and my heart broke for him._

_I felt tears spring to my eyes as I crept closer. "Nick," I whispered, but he didn't seem to hear me._

_"Nick!" I said louder._

_"Alice."_

_Nick?_

"Alice!" Louder this time. Not Nick. Jasper.

"Jazz!" I yelled as I came out of the vision, wiping my wet face.

"Alice! I'm so sorry... your pills... what happened? What did you see?" he asked, his eyes overflowing with concern.

"N-Nick," I spat out, grabbing Jasper's arms for support as I stared up into his eyes. "He did the drugs..."

Jazz's face hardened, half disappointed, half angry. I wondered if the anger was for Nick or for Greg.

I realized I was shaking as I sniffed and took in a breath. "It was so weird, Jazz. I could _feel_ what he was feeling. It was so... surreal. I don't know. It was just..." I shook my head and swallowed. "Jazz, we have to help him. Now. We can't leave him... Greg's trying to just... break him. I can feel it. Please, Jazz..." I knew I was rambling, but I was still shaken up from the vision of him looking so... helpless.

Jasper was nodding. "Don't worry. We're not giving up on him, ever. I promise," he said sternly. "I think I finished the plan."

**Author's Note: Cliffhangerrrrr! What's Jasper's plan? Is Greg gonna break Nick before Jasper can stop him? Will Alice ever be able to say I love you? Who knows! I hope you all enjoyed the chapter though. I may be putting some pictures up on the blog sometime soon so check that out or watch my twitter to see if I mentioned anything on it. **

**Of course thanks to my beta for editing this chapter and revising the end bit so it worked better. I don't know what I'd do without you, woman! ;)**

**Hope you all have a great day/night and review! **


	50. Chapter 50

___**Author's Note: Here it is! A new chapter of Forgotten Hope. Enjoy! :)**_

_CPOV_

I really didn't know what to do once we were back on the plane sans Alice and Jasper. I was under the impression that Alice would be coming with us...

And by the look on Spencer's face, he had thought so, too.

We boarded his jet with just a few strange glances from the people around us. I'm sure we probably looked like someone had died or something. He was all dressed up... he could have just come from a funeral.

I wasn't really sure what I looked like. I was almost afraid to find out.

Spencer, always a gentleman, made sure I boarded safely. I tried to smile to thank him, but I wasn't sure if I succeeded. I was too exhausted to put effort into anything more than taking in a breath and letting it out again.

I got myself settled into the same chair I had been in earlier as Spencer made his way to the back of the plane. I closed my eyes, leaning my head against the cushy back of the seat, and got ready to try to sleep on the way to Forks. I felt like if I stayed awake, my brain would just overload and go crazy.

A weight of something suddenly on my lap made my eyes shoot open and I gasped as I realized what it was.

Warm, soft paws balanced themselves on my thighs as Dakota tried not to fall out of my lap.

"Dakota!" I whispered, eyes brimming with tears again as I hugged him to me, not caring that his tongue was trying to lick the tears from my face. I had missed him so much. He was the only thing I was looking forward to going home to. At least he was still here. He still loved me, it seemed. He wasn't mad at me for leaving him with Spencer for a bit.

"I-uh-I didn't want to leave him at home alone... I figured you'd be happy to see him," Spencer said, sitting down in a chair diagonally from me. He set a small glass of ice and something clear on the table next to him. It could've been water, if there weren't olives in it.

I simply nodded, pulling the dog closer to me, ignoring the fact that he was apparently going to be drinking on the way to Forks. It was his plane, right? He could drink what he wanted, even if it made me nervous, just the two of us.

He smiled gently and took a sip. "Would you like anything to drink?"

I shook my head, burying my face into Dakota's soft fur. His little whines and 'almost-barks' of excitement to see me were exactly what I needed. Just a bit of warmth. Real warmth.

Spencer nodded. "I'm assuming you... don't really care if we watch chick flicks or not, either, do you?" he said with a slight smirk, his eyes still as cold as they had been when we had left Alice and Jasper. I knew they weren't meant for me, but the effect was still unnerving.

I shook my head again. "I'll probably sleep until we get there. I haven't slept in a while," I told him quietly. "I won't mind what you put on... whatever you're most comfortable with."

Without further question, he pushed a few buttons on the remote to get the TV started. He finally settled on watching a Comedy movie, but his heart wasn't in it. He didn't laugh when he should have, and neither did I.

Dakota and I got comfortable and I closed my eyes, listening to the voices in the movie, but not really hearing them.

What I was hearing was Nick's silence. Deafening silence. I had never known what that meant until now. It was so loud that a shrill beeping noise soon developed in my head.

I focused on it, on the pain, on the way that it seemed to just erase all thoughts that threatened to creep in. One loud, long, flat key.

I cuddled into my puppy just a bit more before I gave in to sleep.

The plane landing shakily is what drew me from sleep. It didn't jolt us around or anything, just rumbled enough to coerce my eyes open.

I stared out the window at an abundance of green._ Everything_ was green. So this was where Nick had grown up...

"I'm going to take him over to the grass to see if he needs to go... you should probably stay here," Spencer said, interrupting my thoughts before they could get too in depth.

I blinked away sleep and nodded. "Sure... yeah, that's... fine..." I answered, making sense of what he was saying.

He hooked the leash onto Dakota and they left out of the front of the jet.

I tried to keep my brain asleep and made my way to the back to the bathroom. I then grabbed a bottle of water from the mini fridge and walked to the front. It felt good to stretch my legs a little...

As I got to the front, though, I froze. Someone was sitting on the chair across from where I had been sitting, and it wasn't Spencer.

Okay, maybe this was Mack. But what if it wasn't? What if something had happened, and now whoever they were trying to protect me from by having Mack come along with Spencer and me was hijacking the jet?

...Okay, seriously, if they could hijack a jet, then they were going to be way more than I'd ever be able to outrun, anyway. And honestly, what did it matter? Nick didn't want me... did I still care about what was happening to my life?

I had just felt so much better about-well, everything-since Nick had been in my life. And even more so, once Bryce and my family were out. But now...

Now that it was just me, I had no clue what _I _wanted anymore. What did I want from my life?

I walked in as confidently as I could muster and stood in front of the guy's chair.

He looked up with blue orbs that looked like they had seen brighter days, but had been shattered and then hastily put back together so that he could see again. That was everything his eyes told me in just a glance.

I took a step back as he smiled and raised his eyebrows curiously. "I'm assuming you're Chloe?"

His voice was friendly enough... calming, at least. Like he was focusing on making sure that I was comfortable around him. Was it because he wanted to care about me or because he was trying to manipulate me?

"I'm hoping you're Mack," I said flat out, crossing my arms in front of me. And if he wasn't, well... it sort of didn't matter. This was happening, regardless.

He nodded, though, and relief surged through me quicker than I had expected. Knees trembling at the feeling, I fell back into my chair.

A quick look of concern swept over his face, and he leaned forward. "You all right?"

I nodded, but his look didn't disappear.

"You should drink some of that," he advised, motioning to the water bottle I was still holding on to.

I didn't want to, but of course the moment he mentioned it, I was suddenly very, very thirsty.

I took a few sips of it as Spencer returned with Dakota on his heels. Dakota's tail started wagging back and forth as soon as he saw me, and I felt my face relax a bit.

Mack grinned at the sight of the dog. "Hey, who's your pal, Spencer?" he asked. Again, his voice was calm... so much calmer than what I had gotten used to hearing over the past day...

"Chloe and Nick's dog, Dakota," he answered, coming in and letting go of the leash as he made his way to the back without another word.

Dakota ran first to me, sniffed my hand, and then ran over to see Mack. He put his front paws on Mack's lap and his tail wagged more.

Dogs had an intuition for people, right?

Mack petting him behind the ears, which I knew he loved, and then stood up. "You need anything from the back?"

I shook my head no and he nodded an okay before joining Spencer. I heard Spence ask him what he wanted to drink, and then I drowned out the rest of the conversation as worry started to come into my chest again. I barely knew Spencer and I didn't know Mack at all... Spencer was upset... would he be able to defend me if Mack got too drunk and tried something?

But Mack returned a few minutes later with an unopened can of Coke, to my great surprise. He cracked it open and tried to smile at me again. "So uh... flight okay? I mean, you made it, so I guess it couldn't be too bad, but..." he shrugged, "I don't know. To be honest, I'm just trying to make this less awkward. It's weird without Alice as a buffer, isn't it? The girl just talks..." he shook his head, smiling fondly. "How is she? Jasper still treating her like a princess?"

Finally! It was so nice for him to ask how Alice was, and not how I was. I couldn't come up with good polite lies right now.

"Oh, Jasper's treating her _just_ fine," Spencer answered for me as he joined us with another clear glass. Three olives this time. "Still the same old Jazzy to her, memory or not. Yeah, they're back to their old selves. She's starting to remember bits and pieces... I'd say it'll be a happily ever after for them, all right," he finished.

Mack shifted uncomfortably at Spencer's bitter tone and I tried not to let it have any influence over me. His presence had radiated his annoyance and anger the whole flight over, but this was the first time he had mentioned anything out loud.

"I'm... glad that she's happy, then," Mack answered after a moment, unsure of how to respond.

The jet started to move on the runway, then, so we all got settled and ready to fly.

I closed my eyes and tried to find the loud beeping noise again, but after we were in the air, Mack started talking. "So... I thought Alice was going to fly back with us, too?" he inquired. I had to give it to the guy for trying.

Before I could answer, Spencer let out a low chuckle. "She was, but Jasper said it was okay if she wanted to stay with him, instead. Guess what she chose to do."

Mack shrugged, "Maybe... she wanted to be involved with helping Nick?" he tried.

Pain seized my heart and squeezed it way too tightly. Helping Nick with what? Convincing him to come home, back to New York? And then what? We'd... be friends?

Nick had seemed... kind of angry at me though. Like he didn't want to talk to me, look at me, be in the same room as me... I don't know what I did, but it didn't feel like he'd want to come back to New York anytime soon.

"Sure," Spencer gave in, shrugging back casually. "So she can put herself in danger again, just like what happened in Forks."

Mack cringed at that and his hand wandered under his shirt for the briefest moment before he put it back on his lap. "She'll be okay."

What danger?

Spencer shrugged again and turned the movie back on. It was the same one as earlier.

Mack sighed and leaned back into his chair, suddenly looking very tired.

Part of me knew I should say something to him... and ask what he meant about the danger. But another, stronger part of me was just too exhausted. It would take too much to open my mouth, control my voice...

Dakota sprawled out on my lap and I used him as a blanket as I finally found the piercing beeping noise again. I rode it into sleep.

I woke to someone lightly shaking my shoulder. I opened my eyes and jumped, seeing Mack standing there.

"Sorry..." he said, taking a careful step back. "I didn't mean to scare you. We're landing in a few minutes, though, if you wanted to freshen up or get your things together or... whatever."

I nodded groggily and reached down to grab my purse. I should probably look partially alive once we got to New York. Not that anyone would notice.

I applied some concealer to the dark circles that had developed under my eyes and then brushed over the rest of my face with a light foundation powder.

"It's easier for girls," Mack commented, "Hiding behind make up, I mean. I could have used that a few months ago..."

I figured he was trying to make a joke, but I wasn't in the state of mind to understand it right now. All I heard was that he knew I was using my make up to hide and if people knew you were hiding, then it didn't work anymore.

I looked closer at him, then. He was way too perceptive... what could I understand from him other than he had broken eyes and a friendly personality?

But as my eyes traveled over him, I noticed the scars. They were faded, not as obvious as Jasper's. Or Nick's. But he had them, too.

My brain started to rush to life again. A few more of the puzzle pieces started to put themselves together. They all had scars. The same types of scars. And they were all friends... all knew what was going on... they could all fight...

Had Nick lied about the fights he had gotten into? Had he... had he been in the gang with them, too?

I was suddenly even more worried about him than I was before. And I was letting myself admit that I was worried. That even if he was mad, he was still hurt and... probably in danger, too. He had looked so different...

"Mack..." I started to ask. I needed to know. Someone had to be willing to tell me the truth. I wanted to know what was going on... at least a little more than I knew already.

But before he could answer, an announcement came that we were starting to descend and that we should remain seated. Mack walked over to his seat and he was suddenly too far for me to ask it without Spencer hearing me.

I had missed this chance, for now.

_MPOV_

I had no clue why I had never gone to New York before. This city was amazing. So many buildings and people...

Forks was quaint... and it was nice there... but _New York_. Wow.

It just sucked that I had to come on such sad circumstances. Nick was gone, Jasper and Alice were investigating how they could get him back... so they had asked me if I could come out and stick around Chloe... make sure that she was safe and everything. They had asked Spencer to check up on her and spend time with her as well, but I guess they figured the more people the better. Or maybe because they knew I could fight if necessary... I don't know. But I owed them everything and if this is what they needed from me, then I was there.

I was under the impression that Greg wasn't in New York at the moment, but with him, you could never be too careful. Which is why I had made it a point _not_ to get in touch with him at all while I've been here. The less he knew right now, the better.

We had only been here for about a day. Chloe had to work this morning, so my plan was to spend the day at the book shop with her. Spencer was planning on getting some work done and then meeting us later, so it would just be us there. I was kind of relieved... I think he was still a little upset with me for what had happened with Alice and Greg months ago, so things were a little tense between the two of us. I didn't blame him, though... I was still trying to deal with it myself.

I picked at a loose thread on her living room couch and waited for her to finish getting ready for work in her room. I had only met the girl yesterday, but we hadn't really had a lot of time to talk yet. She had talked a little to Spencer once we had gotten off of the jet, but then buried herself in school work before bed last night. So I had just read the Psych book I had brought with me.

She emerged from her room and gave me the smallest, shyest smile possible before leading the way out of the front door. She had her hair down and wavy and wore glasses today. She looked as smart as Jasper had said she was.

I followed her in silence as we took the elevator downstairs and then proceeded to walk a few blocks until we got to a tiny hole-in-the-wall book shop. The quiet was nice, though. I wasn't used to it with girls... especially girls like Alice. Usually, girls liked to talk a lot more. But Chloe just sort of went with the flow when it came to speaking. I liked it. It gave me more freedom to take in the busy atmosphere of the city and I didn't have to worry about saying the right thing to her or anything, if she wanted to talk about Nick.

The book shop was cozy, with a small area with couches in a corner. Next to the couch area, there was a door that connected to a coffee shop next door. Before even clocking in, Chloe headed over to the coffee shop.

"Want anything? I get a discount," she told me quietly as she waited to be served.

I shrugged and gave her a ten and a five. "Sure. I'll have whatever you're getting."

She nodded and ordered as I stood at the end, waiting to get our cups.

"Change," Chloe said as she joined me, handing me what was left over from the money I had given her.

I shook my head. "It's okay. Keep it."

She gave me a curious look and then hesitantly slipped the change into her pocket. "Okay..." she said slowly, a bit unsure. "Um... thanks for the coffee."

Jasper had said she was shy... and she was probably still a little shook up from Nick leaving. I guess she didn't know too much about what was going on, either... just that she apparently needed a body guard. I wondered how she felt about that?

I nodded politely to her though as our coffees were delivered to us. I was glad I could do something to try to make her more comfortable with me being around her so often for now. She definitely looked like she wasn't sure how to act with me here. I didn't want her to feel awkward... especially not at her own place or at her job. I didn't want to intrude...

She handed me two things: a small glass and a large 'to-go' cup.

"Double shot of espresso and then... something bold something... I'm not sure. It's hot," she shrugged, sipping on the tiny glass and closing her eyes at the taste.

I took a sip of mine and winced. "Strong." Like... _really_ strong. Wow.

She nodded and started to walk away with it. "We can bring the glasses back over later; they won't mind. They know me."

"Okay," I agreed, following her back to the book shop.

"So um... I guess... you can sit and read while I work, if you want?" Chloe said, putting her cups down on the counter and moving her glasses on top of her head so she could rub her eyes. "Let me know if I can help you find something..." she said politely, but her tone was all off. She was a million miles away in her head. I knew that tone all too well.

I tried smiling. "Kay. Thanks, Chloe."

She nodded and then went to work as I browsed through the Psychology section, finally choosing a book and making myself comfortable on one of the couches.

For the next few hours, I worked on sipping my coffee (she had ordered a large, so it took me some time) and reading the new Psych book, occasionally glancing up to make sure Chloe was still where she should be and that no one was bothering her.

I finished my coffee, got halfway through the book, and then realized that that had been a hell of a lot of coffee and that if I didn't find a restroom soon, I'd probably die.

After taking care of that issue, I glanced over to make sure Chloe was still okay. I caught her eye and motioned that I was going outside for a second, and then went out for a quick cigarette. I hadn't had one since I had arrived yesterday and it felt _so_ ridiculously good. I knew it wasn't good and that Alice probably wouldn't like it, but believe it or not, cigarettes probably helped save my life. Craving the nicotine got my mind off of craving other stuff...

I stubbed it out on the ground and then threw it in the trash before going back into the store, the little bell dinging above me as I entered. Right now, only a few people were in the store with us and Chloe was sipping on an iced coffee drink that I hadn't noticed her go to get. Oops.

"When did you sneak out for that?" I asked her casually as I leaned on the counter, fiddling with the bookmarks they had displayed. I could not screw this up. Jasper and Alice were depending on me to make sure Chloe was okay. I couldn't be lazy about making sure she stayed in my sight and out of danger. I could do this.

"Hmm?" she inquired, still sipping on it, but then she raised her eyebrows. "Oh. I didn't. My manager brought it over for me. Sorry... I-I should have asked if you wanted something, too," she apologized, looking flustered.

I blinked in surprise at how upset she seemed to become over stupid coffee. "It's no big deal," I shrugged casually, hoping to calm her down a bit. When the nervous look didn't leave her tired-looking eyes, I tried to change the subject. "Hey, when's your lunch break?" Maybe we could go get something together and I could get her to talk to me a bit.

She shrugged. "Whenever Aurelia gets back I guess... I don't always take a lunch, so they're pretty lenient about what time I take one when I decide to."

A guy came up to the counter then, so I stopped talking so she could ring up his book.

"Hey," he greeted, putting the book on the counter.

"Hi. Find everything okay?" she responded automatically. I watched as she concentrated on scanning the book and then told him the total.

"Yep, found everything just fine," he said, flashing a smile at her as he pulled a twenty out of his wallet.

Wow. He was definitely trying to flirt right now. Bad timing, buddy.

I watched her closer as she made change for him. I realized that her hands were shaking as she handed him a few bills.

"Nine twenty seven is your change. Have a good day," she said, flashing him the most fake smile I think anyone could possibly muster.

It was easier to really look at her when she wasn't watching me do it. I noticed the dark circles under her eyes that she was trying to hide with make up. It helped a little, but they were still there, even hidden behind her glasses.

"You too," he said, his hand staying just a beat too long on hers as he took his change. I glared at him as he left. Couldn't he see how upset she was?

"Hey Chloe?" I asked, deciding to put aside politeness and just be open with her. If Nick could love her and Alice and Jasper liked her, then I'm sure she could be friends with me too. "Are you okay?"

She blinked at the question and thought for a moment, as if she wasn't sure how to answer.

Finally, she shook her head. "No, but... do you blame me? I mean... I'm trying..." Her voice was monotonous as she forced the words out and she seemed to know it. She smiled bitterly and shook her head again, trying to clear her thoughts.

"Your hands are shaking," I told her, cocking my head to the side. "You gonna make it through the rest of your shift?"

She nodded. "It's just from the caffeine from the coffees," she explained. "I'll be fine..."

"Is it typical for you to drink so much coffee?" I asked her, starting to get a bit worried. I was starting to notice how exhausted she looked. And maybe I was paranoid, but shaking hands usually meant more than just a little caffeine.

She scowled for a moment, but then just took her glasses off so she could rub her eyes again. "No, but I needed the energy to stay awake for my shift. Sleep hasn't exactly been good to me," she said quietly, meeting my eyes for a moment, hesitant. It was as if she wasn't sure she should be telling me so much.

I nodded to show her I understood. "Bad dreams?" I asked softly. I wanted her to know that I was here for her... I wanted to help as much as I could. Plus, I was an expert at bad dreams...

She shrugged, which I took to mean yes.

There was an awkward pause before I spoke again. "Are you sleeping at all?" I asked hesitantly, not sure how much to push her.

She let out a breath and bit her lip before she shook her head. "I slept on the jet, but since then, barely. I'll fall asleep for a few minutes, but then I'll wake up again. It's like that for most of the night..." she trailed off.

Another customer approached the counter and she started to ring them up as I looked at her. She was definitely beautiful, but she was humble about it. It was in her personality and in the way she walked and talked... she was shy. Quiet. And she had spent last night studying and today working. She was entirely opposite of Nick.

But right now, I had a feeling that she and Nick were probably feeling the same way. Lonely. Confused. Heartbroken...

Maybe... I could help her? Like what I've been learning about with the Psychology books I've been reading. Some of them talked more about how the brain works and everything and why we feel the way we do, but others had been more like self-help books and how to communicate with people books.

"Chloe, you're going home sick today," I told her after the customer had left.

She looked at me blankly. "I'm not sick."

I nodded. "But you are. You're shaking and you're exhausted and you're going through a temporary depression and you need to go home and rest because you're feeling sick," I said, hoping she'd catch on.

"I'm not depressed and I don't want to go home. You can't just tell me I'm sick and that I have to leave work. I need to work," she said indignantly, a spark of something igniting in her eyes.

Kay, guess she wasn't catching on.

I backed up a little. "Okay, okay..." I said gently. "I didn't mean it that way. I'm not trying to tell you what to do-"

"-Good," she interrupted.

I nodded. "Good."

I didn't mean to step on her toes or anything. I just wanted her to leave work so she could get some rest and maybe talk things out a bit. It would help, I knew it would! It had helped me to talk to Alice... just to have a friend...

"...I just meant that... well, maybe you could tell your boss you're not feeling well and then we could go home early and have lunch and just talk a bit. Relax... you know?"

I totally sucked at this trying to help people stuff. I was doing an okay job at helping myself, but it was a lot harder when it was someone else.

She narrowed her eyes slightly. "Why?"

Um...why?

"Well... because... I don't know. You just look like you need a break and someone to talk to and I'm good at listening?" I tried.

She bit her lip and squeezed her eyes shut. "I need a break from this whole thing..." she murmured, swallowing hard.

Finally, she opened her eyes and shrugged. "Well, why not? What do I have to lose, right?"

Before I could say anything, she walked into the back of the store, I guess to find her manager.

So... had I gone about that the right way? I wasn't sure... She seemed kind of angry, but... maybe she was just upset at having to make decisions like that when she was so tired already?

I didn't know Chloe at all, so that was just a guess, but I was going to stick with it. It seemed reasonable enough.

She returned shortly with her purse slung over her shoulder and her coat on.

"You got the okay, then?" I asked as she started to walk out of the store.

"Yep," she replied, "When you never ever call off and you're the perfect worker, you can basically do whatever you'd like," she said, almost bitterly.

I wasn't sure how to respond, so I just followed her as she started to walk briskly in the direction of her apartment.

"So..." I started, "Um... what do you want for lunch? We could go out or... I could make us something at your place?"

"I don't care. Wherever you'd rather go," she said quietly, back to being polite again.

"Well... I make a mean peanut butter and jelly?" I suggested, hoping to at least get a smile out of her. I wasn't the best cook in the world. Katie had been my cook.

I saw a flicker of a smile, so I continued. "I'll even put banana on it, if you have some."

Her face relaxed a bit and she put on a small smile. "Sure, Mack."

We walked quickly back to her place and then she sat down on the couch as I proceeded to make us sandwiches.

Absolute silence. Usually at home I had music on in the background... something to make my thoughts seem just... not so _loud._

I made the sandwiches quickly so I could join Chloe in the living room and break the quiet.

"What can I get you to drink?" I asked her as I set the sandwich on the coffee table in front of her.

"I'll get drinks," she said, getting up. "Would you like water? Milk? Nick might have..." she trailed off, her eyes paining as she realized what she had just said.

"Water's fine," I said quickly and she nodded slowly before going into the kitchen.

I sat down on the couch and sighed. Poor girl. I knew that feeling where you thought of that person and got that sharp pain in your stomach and you lost your ability to breathe...

She came back quickly with two water glasses and set them on the table before sitting next to me on the couch.

I started to eat, but she just stared.

"Chloe?" I asked her, swallowing my food and taking a drink of water.

"What?" she asked quickly, blinking.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked, setting my sandwich down and turning to her.

"Nothing... everything... too much," she finally settled on.

I took in a breath. "Anything I can help with? I'm a good listener..."

She shook her head. "No one can help..." she whispered. "I just have to get over this. It's fine..."

She looked so broken. I couldn't help but want to try harder to comfort her. What would Alice do if she were here right now? Or better, what would I do if instead of Chloe, this was Alice who needed help?

I frowned sympathetically and leaned closer to her. "It's hard to get over something that's haunting you, though. Trust me..." I sighed and decided to open up a bit. "It was hard for me when my girlfriend was-" I gulped, "-killed. And her death haunted me so much that I ended up really hurting myself. I wasn't as smart as you are... I let it get to me. You can't let it get to you that way," I almost pleaded with her, putting my hand on her knee for emphasis.

She flinched away from me though, moving away from my hand.

I looked her in the eyes, giving the softest look I could possibly give. I wanted her to know that I was serious about wanting to help her.

The fear in her eyes turned first to relief, and then to pain as they started to fill with tears.

"I'm sorry your girlfriend died," she sniffed, wiping away tears. "But she probably loved you _so much_, right?"

I nodded and swallowed the dry lump in my throat. "I-I know she did." I could still feel it. Even now.

Chloe nodded. "Of course. She loved you and she wouldn't ever have chosen to leave you," she sniffed again, tears starting to fall down her face, and again she wiped them away quickly. "But Nick chose to leave. It's different."

I got up to grab tissues from a box on the coffee table and handed a few to her. She continued.

"You know, things were going so smoothly today... and yesterday... it's like... life's trying to be good to me. I mean, I think that I look and feel like absolute crap since Nick left, but no one seems to notice that I don't feel like myself anymore. I feel like I'm regressing... everything is just pretend. It's just how it used to be and yet-everyone else still treats me the same. Why do they do that? I mean, I'm half ready to just hop a plane to California and tell my parents they were right about me and about Nick and about everything, _just_ because I know that they're the only ones who will see that I'm _not_ perfect. Isn't that sick? I mean, isn't that just insane? What's wrong with me?" she asked, her voice raising slightly.

I moved my hand closer to her, but didn't touch her, figuring she'd come to me if she needed comfort. I didn't want to push her.

"Nothing is wrong with you," I assured her. "You're just confused about why Nick left and you're hurt by it and you miss him," I told her.

She didn't say anything, just tried to focus on calming herself down.

"Chloe, I don't know what happened to make him leave, but I know it wasn't your fault. It wasn't because of you." I thought about what she had said about no one noticing that she wasn't herself. "I'm sure that Nick saw you for all of your perfections _and _imperfections and that's all part of why he loved you. Nobody's perfect... you just might be a really good actress, that's all. Now... I don't know what happened with your parents and California and all that, but going to your parents just because you think they'll tell you you're not perfect doesn't sound like a good idea. It sounds like you think they'd rub in the fact that Nick isn't here right now and find some way to blame you for it?" I guessed, based on what she had said.

She blinked and looked hard at me, her eyes pink. "You do listen," she said quietly.

I couldn't help but feel a little proud of myself for understanding. Maybe this psychology thing _would_ work for me after all...

"But just know that nothing is wrong with you. You're sad because you miss Nick and you don't understand what's going on, but you just have to hang in there. You'll get answers and you'll heal and... I don't know... Nick's still alive. Maybe he'll realize how much of an idiot he was and come back," I told her, trying to half joke about Nick being an idiot for leaving. Even if he was.

She nodded slowly and wiped her face again with the tissues. She reached forward and took a few sips from the water she had brought in for herself and then lay back after setting it down again.

"Thanks for listening to me, Mack. And for understanding," she said quietly, looking at me intently before letting her eyes wander to stare at the floor.

"Anytime," I promised genuinely. I was glad I had gotten her to let me in a little. I had a feeling that she had been keeping that bottled up and I knew from experience that that wasn't good.

I got up and grabbed the blanket off of the back of the couch and placed it over her. Hopefully she'd come off of the caffeine rush and crash a bit so she could get through a few hours of sleep before a nightmare got to her.

She cuddled into the blanket and let out a breath. "Mack?" she whispered.

"Yeah?" I asked quietly.

"Save my sandwich for later?" she asked softly, her eyes still wide open as she stared ahead.

I couldn't help but smile. "Sure. And don't worry, Chloe. You'll be okay."

She would be okay. I could sense the strength in her...

Nick needed to come back, though, so they could both be happy, too. Chloe and Nick were both alive and in love... they didn't deserve to be apart.

Especially not because of Greg.

I sat on the floor and finished my sandwich, deep in thought, as Chloe's eyes drifted closed. I hoped Alice and Jasper would find a way to get Nick back here. Soon.

If he was even half as crazy about her as she was about him, I knew that they'd be able to heal from this.

_APOV_

You know how when you're watching a movie and the 'bad boy' comes on screen-dark hair, leather jacket, and dark sunglasses- and you instantly fall in love with him? That was Jasper to me right now, minus the dark hair.

Okay, it was a_ little_ different, but still... Jasper was almost a completely different person right now.

His eyes were dark and narrowed. They looked full and empty at the same time: void of any emotion, but jam packed with secrets that were too dark for any average person to deal with. He walked, talked and looked at everything differently. He saw things I didn't see. He was alert; it reminded me of a superhero with super-speed, ready to catch a bullet if one came at us. It was a whole different Jasper, one I had never seen before.

I couldn't say I didn't like it. I now knew how I could have fallen head over heels for a guy I had never seen before in my life. He may have looked dangerous, but I knew when I looked in his eyes and he looked back into mine that he wasn't dark at all. The darkness was more of a mask... a shell, even. Inside, he was still the guy who laughed, joked and teased me back in New York.

There were some downsides, though. With the dark look came dark feelings. I could tell his mind was slipping into his past, which was bringing on feelings from the past that he was trying to keep out. I wasn't exactly sure how to help him with it so I just stayed close and talked like everything was normal.

I hoped it was helping him at least a bit.

Jasper had come up with an entire plan over one night. It blew me away. Who could do that? It was like it just came right out of him naturally. It was like breathing to him. I wondered if he had to do that much while he was in the gang. Did he have to make plans and stuff? Did he have to make plans as thorough and crazy as this one?

I was afraid that this plan wasn't going to work. Everything had to fall in place perfectly or we'd fail. Greg had to do exactly as Jasper guessed he would.

And what if Greg found out? Everyone would in trouble. Everyone would be in danger. Greg wasn't exactly predictable, either. That was Jasper's biggest worry. Jasper said that he knew Greg well enough to guess, but there was no one hundred percent certainty that he would actually do what Jasper thought. We just had to hope for the best.

"Darling," Jasper whispered, tapping on my knee. "We've landed."

I blinked slowly, adjusting my eyes to the light on the plane. I guess I had gotten carried away in my thoughts. Last time I had checked, we had still had an hour of flight left.

Jasper was standing with a warm smile on his face, holding his hand out to me. If I hadn't looked into his eyes, it would have been like any other time.

I returned the smile and then yawned while grabbing his hand and following him out of the plane. We only had the carry-on bags that we had taken from New York to Texas. Jasper was holding those.

"Where to now?" I asked him, smiling and swinging our hands between us. I had to try to keep the mood light...

I watched him hold back an amused smirk as he spoke. "I called ahead to Carlisle and he rented us a car... we just have to go pick it up."

Carlisle. I smiled at the mention of my uncle's name. Of course Carlisle would be willing to help us while we were in Forks. I wondered if we'd end up seeing them while we were in town or if it would bring too much attention and possible danger to them.

"And then to?" I wondered, tilting my head curiously to him as he led us through the airport. I knew what the plan was in the long haul, but I didn't know the individual steps.

Jasper cleared his throat and I saw his face harden. "To visit an old friend."

**Author's Note: There was a bit of Mack for all you Mack lovers and a bit of Spencer for...well...if there are any Spence lovers out there, haha. Hope you enjoyed it. Most of this chapter was actually written by my beta, Lucy. So all that amazingness is her! xD**

**Check the blog out for a post about why you should love Greg! **

**Leave a review!**


	51. Chapter 51

**Author's note: So we're a little late, but we've got it finished for you. Enjoy!**

Forgotten Hope Chapter 51

_JPOV_

There it was. The old, abandoned looking warehouse.

I stood outside of my rental car just staring at it. This life seemed like a distant dream to me. It didn't even feel like a memory from my past. Honestly, I didn't want it to feel like my past anyways. If I let this warehouse make a connection with me it would be a risk of me falling into my old self. It might sound silly, but after living like one person, living how I had for so long, it was hard-even now-not to fall back into that mind set. I didn't want to be that person again.

Alice came over to where I stood and pulled my arm up and slid under it innocently. She didn't push me or even ask me any questions. She just stood there silently with me, watching the warehouse.

I exhaled deeply, feeling her warmth against me. I watched my breath turn into a smoky fog in front of my face. It amazed me how this girl could be so warm inside and out. Even here in this wintery, frost-bitten weather where terribly cold things had happened to people who dared to trespass. She brought warmth even through that…

But if she had been able to bring warmth to me in the beginning, then I was sure she could bring her warmth to anything and anyone.

"I would be wasting my time if I asked you to stay and wait in the car, wouldn't I?" I asked with a defeated smile as I looked down at her.

She smirked, "You would."

"I thought as much. Stay close, darling. These people aren't good. Some of them don't have a redeemable bone in their body." I paused for a moment, looking down at her attentive face. "If anything happens, I want you to run out of there as fast as you can. Go straight to the car and drive away without looking back. Promise me you'll do that," I told her seriously.

Alice's eyebrows raised a bit and she looked confused and pained all at once. "I'm not leaving you here," she stated, puzzled, just figuring out what I was saying.

"You have to. If anything happens, you leave. I'm not letting you get hurt. You have to promise if things get out of hand, you'll leave. I can handle things, but you could get hurt. You have to leave right away if something happens, okay?" I gave her a stern look when I saw her about to fight. I had to have some rules. I had to draw a line if I wanted to her to be protected.

She hesitated and didn't answer at first. After a minute, though, she nodded. "Okay," she whispered, reaching up to touch my cheek lightly.

I saw it then. A flicker of fear in her eyes. I didn't blame her one bit. Any sane person should be afraid of this place. It was filled with scumbags who were living for money and parties. Some were even like Greg, just short of being psychopaths. They all came here for stuff.

I reached up and covered her hand that was still on my cheek with my hand.

"It's going to be fine. I'm just saying it in case anything happens. We're going to be fine. We'll get what we need and get out," I assured her, giving her hand a tight squeeze.

Her eyes gazed into mine, green orbs burning into my inner being. Slowly and surely the fear in her eyes diminished. "Okay," she smiled. "Let's go save Nick's butt."

"That's the spirit!" I chuckled, leaning down to give her a quick peck on the lips.

"Hey!" A deep, hate-filled voice echoed through the fields around us and a flashlight fell on us. "What are you doing?" The man shouted, moving closer to us. He slowly came out of the darkness. He was in jeans and a tight t shirt, not shivering at all from the cold wind. Back to the land of the numb, I guess. I sighed internally.

"I'm here to see Coops," I shouted back, letting go of Alice and pushing her behind me a bit. He would know it was a warning.

The guy was young. Probably just a pawn, doing Coops' work. He narrowed his eyes at us, uncertain if he should let us in or not. His eyes scanned over Alice and filled with confusion.

"There's no one by that name here," he stated in a clear, confident voice. He was lying. I could tell. I knew Coops was here. He just saw Alice and figured she wouldn't be with any guy who would be meeting with a scumbag like Kenneth Coops.

"Don't waste my time, kid," I warned him, turning into someone who did belong here.

The guy, who was probably seventeen shifted uncomfortably. "Who are you?" He yelled to us, not getting any closer after my warning.

I took a step forward, straightening my body so I looked taller, mightier. I watched the guy's hand hurriedly move to his back. He had a gun. I kept walking though, keeping my image as fearless. The kid took out his gun and pointed it at me and Alice's hand grabbed the back of my jacket, frightened.

"Who are you?" he yelled again, a dangerous tone coming to his voice.

Before I could answer, a laugh filled the air. "Oh wow. Jasper Hale, I thought I'd never see you again," the voice chuckled devilishly. I knew this voice.

I watched as Kenneth Coops came into the light, standing beside the boy, his hand reaching to push down the gun the kid was pointing.

His dark black hair, looking a bit greasy, fell close to his eyes now. I stiffened a bit, his hair reminding me a bit of Nick's. It was almost the same style except black and not brown.

I took a breath and gave him an emotionless smile. "Coops," I nodded, walking forward now with real confidence. He wasn't going to hurt me. He would be too curious why I was here. He was quite the gossip for a criminal. That was why I thought he would be best to come to.

"You can go now," Coops spat at the kid, shoving him away and walking over to meet us half way. "Oh and you brought Alice with you," he smiled, his eyes scanning over Alice fully.

Alice moved to stand by my side, slipping her hand into mine. She just nodded politely at Coops. I quickly glanced at her, watching her eyes darken a bit. There she was. The Alice who came here before with me. She could fit the part perfectly if she wanted to. Maybe that should have scared me…

"Looking lovely as ever," he complimented her, walking forward, offering her his hand.

"Don't get too friendly now, Coops. Hands off or I'll take 'em off for you," I smiled pleasantly but deviously, my voice lower than normal. I wasn't kidding. I'd snap his wrists if he touched her. "We have work to do," I informed him.

With the word 'work' thrown into the air, his head whipped towards me. "Of course, come on in." He waved to us, walking quickly back to the warehouse in his white button shirt, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows. I wondered why he always wore suits. It was as if he was trying to play the role of an honorable, classy crime lord when he wasn't even close to any of that.

Coops led us into the warehouse. It was full of boxes and young guys like the one who had been outside. There were a few older guys, around Coops' age. Probably mid twenties. They looked hardened. They were perched on boxes with guns casual in their hands, watching everyone carefully. Kenneth wasn't a big guy so they were probably there to protect him.

Kenneth led us to his desk and plopped down in it, grabbing a cigarette and lighting it up.

"Would you like anything?" he asked us, gesturing to the smokes and drinks on his desk. Kenneth was a chain smoker and quite the drinker. Honestly, any time I had seen him he was either drinking or smoking. I guess you need something to relax you in this kind of business though. He had some dangerous guys he was working with and they probably weren't happy any time he or anyone that worked for him made a mistake.

"No," I waved it off, grabbing a chair and pulling it to the desk. I gestured to it and Alice sat down. I stood behind the chair, my hands lightly on her shoulders.

I watched as Kenneth's eyes flickered to Alice once more, but he quickly pulled his eyes off of her and back up to me, taking a hit of his cigarette. "How can I help you then, Hale?"

"First I need information and second I need some stuff," I informed him.

Kenneth's eyes narrowed and he leaned forward on his desk, putting his elbows on it, interestedly. "What kind of information do you need?" he asked with a crooked smile. It was cocky. He liked to know he knew more than others did.

"I need to know what Greg's up to," I stated in a hard voice, my loathing for Greg coming out strong.

Kenneth's smile fell from his face and he stiffened. "Greg?" he echoed, as if he didn't know if he had heard correctly.

"Yes, Greg," I said through my teeth. I wasn't here to play games with him.

"Why would I tell you anything about Greg?" Kenneth hissed quietly, his eyes suddenly becoming guarded.

He stood up from his desk in a quick flash and I flew in front of Alice, fists clenching, teeth grunted, ready for whatever he was about to do. I hadn't expected him to be so defensive.

Kenneth didn't come our way though. He walked to the door of his office and shut it quietly then walked back. There was a hard look on his face now.

"You can't just spit out that guy's name like that around here. He has people. He has inside guys here," Kenneth explained through his teeth. He was scared of Greg…

I rolled my eyes at him. I couldn't get any farther on Greg's bad side if I tried. It wouldn't affect me a lot.

"So, what do you know?" I asked him, getting an impatient feeling now.

Kenneth shook his head, "No. I'm not just going to tell you everything I know unless I am getting something out of it."

My nostrils flared in rage. I was worried this would happen, but I had hoped he'd be a gossip enough to just spill it all out without any issues. I guess not…

"Please, Jasper, you don't actually think I made it in the business giving all my information out for free. You get something, I get something. It's a fair deal," he smirked, waiting for me to give an offer.

"And don't even think of threatening me. I have cameras in here. People are watching and they have a lot more guns than you could have right now. You would be dead in seconds before you could even touch me. Not that I'm saying you would do that. I'm just warning you," he said, a devious smirk on his lips. He had gotten smarter over the years…

"How much do you want?" I growled at him.

Kenneth grinned, satisfied. "Fifteen grand and I am giving you a big discount because you're an old friend."

I opened my mouth to say he was crazy and I wouldn't pay that much money for information I didn't even know was good, but Alice spoke first.

"Deal," she said in a professional voice.

"Good, we'll make the transfer now so I know you guys won't rip me off," Kenneth said, pulling out a laptop. He looked up quickly though. "You got a keeper there, Hale," he winked at me. Disgusting…

I leaned down to Alice's ear. "You don't have to do this, love. We can get the information from somewhere else."

Alice stood, rummaging through her purse, grabbing her wallet out. She stood on her tiptoes and pecked my lips. "Nick's worth any amount of money, Jazz," she assured me, love for Nick flowing in her eyes. Kenneth was right. She was a keeper.

I smiled at her, promising through my eyes that Nick and I would repay her for this any way we could and then took the card from her and walked behind Kenneth desk. I wasn't going to let him touch the card because I was sure he would try and make a copy or something. He knew Alice was rich. Everyone who had any affiliation with Greg or I did. Word gets around in a crime ring.

Kenneth and I made the transfer of fifteen thousand dollars into his bank account and then got back to business.

I went back around the desk and stood behind Alice's chair.

Kenneth sighed and I watched his eyes flicker around his office, even though it was obvious we were the only ones in here. I guess the guy had the right to be paranoid. Greg was crazy… It wouldn't have even surprised me if he had bugged the place.

"I know he's moving around a lot. He can't get enough drugs and stuff around here because the cops are on his tail a lot since he's been on the run. I've heard he's been moving through states continually. He's looking for a new drug ring. I think he was trying to get stuff from Mexico. I'm not sure what or if he did…." Kenneth trailed off a bit, looking like he was trying to remember.

"He did. He got cocaine," I informed him, hoping he had more for me than that.

Kenneth's eyes widened, a smile creeping over his face. "He did? Was it as good as people were saying?"

I was kind of disgusted by how interested he was all of a sudden.

"I don't know and I honestly don't care," I told him in frustration, walking back to stand behind Alice. I rested my hands gently on her shoulders again, hoping contact would relax me a bit. I was quite proud of Alice at this point though. She had kept quiet.

Kenneth cocked an eyebrow at me questioningly. "Well, if you are so interested in Greg's plans, then you should care if that cocaine was pure or not," he said a matter of factly. He lit another cigarette and took a hit before continuing. "If the cocaine is pure enough, Greg is going to enlarge his gang. A lot. He wants to station them in different places and start them off dealing cocaine. Coke's starting to get more popular and it makes more money than marijuana, so he thinks it will gain the gang power. He didn't use weed because you know Greg thinks that's a pussy drug," Kenneth chuckled, nodding as if he agreed.

Kenneth quickly continued when he saw neither of us was amused. "Anyways… Greg thinks if his new gangs become the main source of cocaine in different states, then he can slowly gain power and territory that way. He is going to station, like, a mini gang in each city with one of Greg's favorite gang members as the leader. From what I've heard, he is hoping to start the first one in Texas. It's a big state. Easy access to the Mexican border..." Kenneth said with a nod of confirmation, looking over a file on his desk.

Oh crap. I ran my hands stressfully through my hair. That meant we were wrong about at least one thing. Nick wasn't there to just be a drug dealer. Greg had chosen him. He knew Nick could do it if he was forced to. Nick was a leader. He had been Greg's right hand man before. Mack and I were probably the next in line to become leaders as well. I had no idea Greg's plans were so big. I thought he had just wanted to help out the gang in Forks... make some extra money...

Alice turned her head and looked at me with questioning eyes. She was wondering if Nick was the leader, too. I could see it. I nodded stiffly and looked back at Kenneth.

"Greg has been coming here and getting shipments of guns, knives, the works. I think he is actually going back and forth himself every few weeks. He is slowly building a 'headquarters,' you could say, in Texas. He isn't trusting anyone with it. He hasn't told anyone where it is. I have a feeling he is doing it all on his own because he's still Wanted and knows he has to keep moving if he doesn't want to be caught," Kenneth said.

"Do you think he'll bring the cocaine back here if it's pure?" I asked him. This was the real question I had been waiting to ask, even though some of the information he was giving me was stuff I had no idea about. I had no idea he wanted to expand the gang practically all over the country.

Kenneth nodded slowly, taking a long hit of his smoke. "He is. A lot of dealers around here aren't dealing to him right now because he is a danger for them at the moment. It's got Greg in a fury, really. I wouldn't be surprised if he started dealing the pure cocaine over here just to take the other dealers' business because they wouldn't sell to him. You know Greg, getting revenge is his thing," Kenneth laughed sickly.

And its Greg's weakness in this case, I smirked.

"Good," I said, "Now I need you to get me some stuff."

_NPOV_

The days since the first day I had arrived here had only gotten worse and worse. I fell more and more into Greg's game.

Since we had tried the cocaine, I had picked up more-a lot more-from the people who had sold it to us before. The cocaine had been pure enough for Greg's taste and now he was getting a lot of it. I had wondered where he wanted me to keep it all since I was living with Davis, who probably wouldn't be pleased if he found out I was bringing boxes and boxes of illegal drugs into his house. It would have been impossible not to notice all of them.

Greg apparently had it all planned out, though.

The night after we had taken the drugs, he took me for a drive with the backseat piled with the boxes of drugs I had picked up earlier that day. We drove out of the town for a while, getting more into the empty part of the city. Houses weren't as close together. The farther we got, the more rural the area became.

And then we were on a dirt driveway, heading towards a nice looking house. Almost like a cottage. It looked friendly and homey: a place a sweet little couple would live with their two little boys who would be playing soccer in the backyard.

When I got out of the car, I almost expected to smell apple pie and hear the squeal of children's laughter. It was the kind of place I would have loved to grow up in when I was a kid-with a family that would have lived here…not the family I had.

"What is this place?" I asked Greg, kicking a stone out of my way that had been lying in the dirt of the driveway.

"It's your place," Greg commented nonchalantly, walking towards it casually.

I froze. "What do you mean?" The words were almost too quiet to hear.

Greg turned around with a roll of his eyes. "Where'd you think you were going to hide all those things? Now move your ass and grab those boxes. I have other places to be tonight," Greg barked, opening the screen door and letting it slam behind him.

I took a deep breath in and looked around me. A big green yard, leaves scattered over the lawn from the tall, colorful trees, a big porch with a porch swing on it. The place just needed a white picket fence and it would have been a dream home.

Why wouldn't he have just gotten an old warehouse or something? Something criminal looking?

Okay, that was probably exactly why he had gotten this place, but still. I didn't like it. Well, I liked it, but I didn't like the thought of a place like this. An innocent, nice place being ruined by all that would end up going on around here.

I sighed and grabbed two of the boxes and headed inside the house. The inside was about as perfect as the outside. That was, until I got to the basement where Greg had gone, though. The basement was pretty much the opposite of the rest of it. It was like heaven up there and the doors downstairs were the gates of hell.

The basement was full of stuff. Illegal stuff. It had pot growing in one room, while another room was full of guns, knives, chains, and bats.

I walked into a room Greg had directed me to, where I dropped the boxes of cocaine. This room didn't have much. Just a few tables and a couch.

"Nick, come here," Greg called me before I could guess what this room would be for. I followed where I had heard his voice coming from and found a room at the end of the basement. It was much like Greg's office back at the cabin in Forks: a pullout couch, desk, safe, a thick carpeted floor.

Greg plopped himself down on the couch and kicked his feet up onto the coffee table in front of him. "And this is your office," he commented.

"My what?" I spat out, confusion tumbling over me. Why would I need an office? I was just picking up drugs and dealing them. I could do that from Davis' house. I would just need to get a car so I could come to this place and get the drugs.

I guess I hadn't been expecting the house to be part of the picture either, though…. An office just made me feel more…official. As if I was something special or something.

Greg's jaw flexed and I could tell he was getting pissed by all of my questions. "Do you need everything spelled out to you?" he growled at me, narrowing his hard hazel eyes.

"No," I said, shaking my head. "But what do I need all this for?"

Greg shrugged. "You'll have a lot of work to do. I figured I would get you a nice place to do it. Maybe you should replace your questions with a thank you."

I rolled my eyes sarcastically at him. Yeah, for sure, I would thank him. He had just single-handedly ruined my life: why wouldn't he deserve thanks?

I grinded my teeth and walked over to the desk, sitting down in the chair behind it. It was cushiony. You could almost fall asleep in it. It reminded me of Spencer's.

Spencer. How would he be without me there to talk to? Would he have anyone to talk to? I hoped he wasn't getting himself into anything… he hadn't looked too great at the New Year's Eve party. Sure, he had a date, but his eyes were still hollow.

I concentrated hard on looking over the room, pushing the thoughts of New York and that night out of my mind. Dwelling on the past was not going to help me now. Spencer had his issues and I had mine.

"I just don't understand why I need such a big place with _so_ much in it to deal coke?" I wondered aloud, hoping he actually give me a straight answer. Greg was a douche sometimes. If he thought I was going to do all of this without actually knowing anything, then he was losing his mind more than I had originally thought.

Greg smiled. It was a smile I wished had stayed in my past. Pure cruelty gleamed from his white teeth. I hated that smile…

"Because you have a lot more to do here than just coke, Nicky," Greg informed me, amused.

"What else am I doing?" I grumbled, hitting the desk repeatedly with my thumb as I stared at him. Why was everything always getting worse? I hadn't wanted to deal with the cocaine in the first place. I just wanted to finish high school, get into college, and make something of myself. I wanted to... to make Chloe proud of me. I didn't want _this_.

He had taken away my whole life and now he was planning a whole new one out for me.

"Time will tell. Be patient," Greg stated calmly, getting up from the couch. "You're going to be given a lot of power soon, Nicky. Let's work up to it though. You have cocaine to work with right now." Greg's eyes were serious. Almost sincere. He had big plans for me.

I opened my mouth to ask more, but he threw a set of keys at me. "The truck in the back is yours. Get your stuff from where you're staying and bring it here. Once you're done with that, start unpacking the coke and put it all on the tables," Greg instructed me. "We'll start to measure and bag it after you've done all that."

"Where are you going?" I called, hurrying to get up from the desk chair as he started to leave the room. Not that I wanted him here or anything… I just wanted to know where the hell he was leaving to. I'd rather know what he was doing than be totally in the dark.

"Out of town. Call me if you have any problems. Feel free to do a few lines, too, if it'll help," he smirked. "And don't try anything funny, Nick. I have people watching and I'll kill every single one of your little friends if you cause trouble for me," Greg vowed to me, maliciously. And knowing Greg, I knew that he wasn't kidding in the slightest.

I took a deep breath and watched him leave, leaving me in this new place. This place… This place that looked like a crime lord's house. This place wasn't me anymore. It was who I would've been if I had stayed with him, but I was different now! I didn't want... any of this. And I was stuck with it.

Greg turned once more and looked at me as he turned to take the stairs. His eyes connected with mine. Rock solid hazel, cruelly glinting, and victory shining in them. Whatever he was up to was big. And it was going his way.

_CPOV_

I started going through the book stacks, arranging ones that had fallen over on the shelves... pretty much trying to make them look perfect again. When we were slow, little things like this were encouraged. I didn't mind, though. I was kind of using stuff like this to avoid people.

I hadn't been able to write lately, so when I wasn't busy, I felt like I should probably try to talk to Mack. But I didn't really feel like talking to _anyone. _However, the thing about not talking was I'd start thinking like crazy...which was sucking myself into a whirlwind of unexplored territory. And that territory had begun to scare me recently.

Cleaning the store and making it perfect was the best way to distract myself from thinking or having to talk to anyone. I could just focus on running my fingers along the different spines and smelling the crisp paper.

I had just gotten to the Literature section when Mack poked his head around the shelf.

"How's it going?" he asked, his tone and eyes warm.

I shrugged. "Well enough." I tried to make my voice sound as friendly as I could muster. Mack had been nothing but nice to me... he didn't deserve a cold shoulder from me. He was trying to help keep me safe... I just didn't know from what. I was so certain it had something to do with Jasper's old gang, though... and by now, I was thinking Nick had been in it, too. How couldn't I have seen it when Nick was still here? They had the same types of scars...

I watched as his eyes moved from mine to his twiddling fingers. "So um... it's almost time to close, isn't it?"

Glancing at my watch, I nodded. I hadn't even realized. "Yeah, I guess it is."

He looked nervous, a hesitant discomfort in his face. I raised an eyebrow.

"Is everything... okay?" I asked him slowly, starting to head over to close the register. Could he have heard something from Jasper or Alice while I was working?

He followed me and sighed before offering a more relaxed smile. "Well, for you, yes. For me, not really."

I waited for him to continue as I started to count the drawer.

"I need to run down the street real quick, but it's in the opposite direction of your apartment and I don't want to ask you to walk down there with me 'cause it's cold and that'd be really rude," he shifted a little, "So... would you mind if I made the trip right now, while you're closing, and you could maybe lock yourself in and then I'll meet you here and we'll walk back together?" he asked quickly, shame filling his face.

I knew what he was running down the street for. I couldn't help but feel kind of bad for him. "You know," I started, "Nicotine addiction is somewhat serious."

He searched my face for a moment before he smiled, realizing I wasn't trying to nag him, but trying to make him feel less bad about it.

"Yeah, but you know what's worse? Caffeine," he teased with a smirk, referring to my latest habit.

"Whatever gets you through the day, right?" I said, pulling my lips up to what I hoped was a small smile. "I'll lock myself in and see you in ten or fifteen minutes?"

He grinned. "I'm aiming for seven. You want anything while I'm there?"

I shook my head. "No, thanks."

He smiled gratefully at me and nodded.

I followed him to the door and locked it after he had left. If he said I was safer doing that, then I'd believe him. What else did I have to go on? I didn't know what I was hiding from...

After closing the register, counting the drawer, and putting everything in the safe, I glanced around and decided I didn't feel like cleaning the rest of the store. It was good enough. I'd attempt to make it perfect tomorrow when I was avoiding everyone at work again.

Besides, perfection wasn't real.

I decided to lock up and try to meet Mack at the store so we could walk back from there together. It was only a block out of our way.

The air outside was a lot colder than I remembered. I breathed out fog as I forced the key into the frozen outside lock, struggling a bit.

"Need some help?" a voice from behind me asked, and I jumped, the key clattering to the ground.

I whipped around and then took a step back at the familiar face. Gregory. Alice's friend.

I went to pick up the key at the same time that he did and we both froze, crouched down, faces inches apart.

"I believe you dropped this," he said, cold eyes glinting mischievously as he held the key out to me.

I scowled and took it from him quickly. "Thanks."

I didn't want to turn away from him to lock the door, so I just stood and stared at him. What could he want?

"Alice isn't with me," I said, wondering if she had let him know she was going to be in Texas for... however long they were going to be there. My chest hurt simply at the thought of Texas.

He shrugged. "I wasn't looking for Alice."

"Well... we're closed...?" I tried, trying to get him to take the hint.

"I know. I was hoping to get you on your way out."

A cool wind blew with his words and I shivered against my will. He was hoping to get me on my way out. To get me. Not to talk to me or catch me. Who talked like that? Furthermore, why would he want to try to talk to me without Alice here as a buffer? I had never been very nice to him, simply civil. I didn't like the vibe I got from him.

"Why?" I said shortly, pretending not to care, even though I was freaking out inside._ Come on, Mack. It's been ten minutes already since you left..._

"I don't know." He cocked his head to the side. "To talk?"

"Well, I have nothing to say and I have to get going, so..." I started, deciding I could lock the door on the way back with Mack. I brushed past him to start to walk down to where Mack would be.

He caught up to me and grabbed my arm and I yanked away from him.

"Easy," he warned, his voice eerily calm. "Since when is your apartment that way?"

Why did he know which way I went home to my apartment? I knew he had picked Alice and me up there before... I think.

"I... I'm picking something up from the store, first," I lied. "I'll tell Alice you said hi."

I turned away quickly and tried to look casual, but I could feel his eyes staring me down.

"How _is_ Alice, anyway? I haven't heard from her in a while," he said to my back.

"She's fine," I said swiftly, still walking away.

"And how about your boyfriend? What was his name again? Not Spencer or Jasper... no, they're Alice's," he chuckled darkly. "What was it, what was it...Nate? Nick?"

I froze and bit my lip against the cold that was blowing against my face. Nick... I hadn't heard his name out loud since I was back in New York.

I turned slowly to face him, so that stopping wouldn't make me look suspicious. For some reason, I couldn't bring myself to tell him. It wasn't his business anyway. Plus, what if he was one of those guys who took it upon themselves to 'comfort' girls who had just... who had just... who were alone.

Something told me not to tell him.

"Nick's fine, too," I said slowly, narrowing my eyes slightly. Why had he remembered so much about me? I guess he could remember Jasper and Spencer's names... Alice talked to him a lot. But had she mentioned Nick and me that often?

"Is he?" he said, his tone almost taunting. "That's good. You two are doing okay then, Chlo?"

I stared into those steel eyes for a good minute, cringing inside. "That's not my name," I told him, my voice sounding weaker than I wanted it to.

He smirked. "_Chloe_. How are you and Nick?"

"Fine," I lied stiffly, not blinking as I stared at him, trying to read him. Something was definitely off...

He stepped closer to me. "Doesn't he usually walk you home? You know, the streets of New York aren't so safe after dark..." he started, but then trailed off as he looked past me.

I broke our gaze and chanced a glance behind me, seeing Mack starting to jog briskly toward where we were standing. Finally!

I looked over at Gregory again and blinked in confusion. His face was contorted into a mix of shock, rage, and amusement. It was probably the weirdest expression I've ever seen.

I took a step back as Mack stopped beside me, his face entirely serious as he stared at Gregory.

Gregory grinned. "You cheating on Nick with Mack, Chloe? Is that what you didn't want to tell me?" he laughed, sending a jolt of fear through me.

Wait... how did he know who Mack was? Had Alice ever introduced them? But Mack had never been to New York before this... he had told me that himself...?

I felt myself shaking as I tried to put two and two together. There was something here... something important... My thoughts went wild.

Mack didn't say anything, just stepped a bit closer so that he was standing between Gregory and me.

Gregory smirked at the movement. "What?" he taunted, narrowing his eyes, but keeping the smile on his face. "You wouldn't dare."

"Leave her alone, Greg," Mack said, his voice dangerously low. I had never seen or heard him this serious since he had gotten here. He almost looked like an entirely different person. He looked tougher. Scarier.

Gregory shrugged. "Just talking with an old friend. Catching up. I was going to offer to walk her home tonight if she was alone. Wouldn't want her stumbling into any dark alleys... especially here..."

Mack stiffened and his eyes grew so dark I could barely see their calming blue anymore. They were stormy, now. Fighting something.

"I'm walking her home," he said forcefully.

"Nice. It's good that she trusts you with her life like that, knowing what's happened before. First with Katie, then with Alice..." Gregory said smoothly.

Mack lunged forward at Gregory, but stopped himself at the last minute, grinding his teeth, his hands shaking now as his breaths became quicker.

They knew each other. Very well, it seemed. But how?

I watched Mack try to gain his composure back and I stepped closer to him, hesitated, and then put my hand lightly on his shoulder. "W-we should... get going," I whispered, staring at Gregory and trying to hide the fear that was coursing through me now. He knew how to push Mack. How to get him angry and upset.

I hadn't seen Mack angry, but I didn't want to. He already looked on the brink of it and the hurt in his eyes was terrifying.

Gregory gave us both a half smile. "Give me a call if you're going to be in town for a while, Mack. We can all get together, find a party or something. There are plenty of good ones in New York," he said, before looking over at me.

I met his eyes, brown on gray, and I swear I could feel the evil seeping out of his gaze. It turned my whole heart cold. "See ya around, Chloe."

And with that, he turned around, going down a road away from my apartment.

Mack was still staring at the direction Gregory had gone after he was out of sight.

I wanted to know how they knew each other and what Gregory had been talking about. Katie and Alice? What had happened? Alice had told me how much she trusted Mack... she apparently still trusted him with her life to decide he was good enough to watch out for mine.

...I couldn't get it all to come together. It was giving me a headache to try. I could ask Mack about it but... now probably wasn't the best time. He was still wound up.

"Mack?" I tried, focusing my attention on his hardened face. "Are you okay?"

He blinked before looking down at me, a thousand emotions shooting through his eyes.

"You..." he started, narrowing his brow. "You trust me, right?"

I nodded slowly, trying to read him more. If Alice and Jasper trusted him, then so did I.

"We should go," he said quietly, glancing around nervously.

He reached shaking hands into his pocket and put a cigarette between his lips. His trembling fingers fumbled with the lighter, trying to get the flame to stay long enough to turn the end red.

I watched as he finally got it, and then he held his arm out to me.

I took it silently.

As we walked, I tried to look at him to see if I could get any hints on what was going on, but his face was blank. Only his eyes were tortured.

"I'm so sorry, Chloe," he finally said after he had finished smoking. "I won't let you out of my sight again. I shouldn't have left. I'm being way too confident about this whole thing. Please forgive me," he practically pleaded, his eyes looking so broken.

I would've said anything to get that look to go away. The way he looked was the way I was feeling. It was selfish, but I needed one of us to be strong.

"It's okay," I told him seriously, and I meant it. I squeezed his arm reassuringly. "It's okay."

**Author's note: Hope you liked it! Leave a review! And as always, much thanks to my beta for being so awesome and patient! **


	52. Chapter 52

**Author's note: Yeaaaah, you probably thought we died, didn't you? Nope, still alive and kicking! We're on holidays at the moment so we have a chapter for you! :D. Enjoy!**

Forgotten Hope Chapter 52-

_CPOV_

We walked home in near silence. Mack would clear his throat every once in a while, like he wanted to say something, but then he'd fall silent again.

When we got back to my apartment, I sat in the living room with him.

"How do you know him?" I asked seriously, staring at him, waiting to read any reaction he'd give me.

He shrugged and I shook my head.

"No. I need to know, Mack. Please. How do you know Gregory?"

Mack's eyes met mine. "How do you?"

I blinked. "Well... he's a friend of Alice's. I guess. They've hung out before..."

Mack was shaking his head, now. "That's all you know about him?"

"Well, yeah..." I admitted, "Why? What else can you tell me about him?"

When he didn't respond, I persisted. I was on to something here, I could feel it.

"He's not a good guy, is he?" I inquired about Gregory. Mack's silence confirmed it for me.

"And you knew him... from home?" Gregory wasn't a New Yorker, I knew that for sure. I could tell who lived around here and who was new, like me.

Mack nodded slowly, like he didn't want to give up the information to me.

I took in a breath to steady myself. I could feel the adrenaline rush at all of the new information I was coming into. Okay. Gregory's bad, like I thought he was. And he's from Forks... But Alice didn't remember Forks... and she wouldn't hang out with a bad guy if she knew he was bad...

My eyes widened. Alice didn't know he was bad... or that he was from Forks... but he probably knew she was... He may have even known her in Forks...

And then it all clicked.

I stood up suddenly as the full impact of what I had realized hit me hard.

"Does Gregory know Nick?" I asked Mack, my voice sounding a little more panicked than I had intended. "They're both from Forks... and Gregory was just playing games with us... and he kept asking me how Nick was... why would he do that unless he knew he was gone?..." I took in a few short, quick breaths, trying to slow my heart rate.

Mack squeezed his eyes closed. "I'm not supposed to tell you what's going on. They want Nick to tell you because it's his business to... Chloe... I'm sorry..."

"Mack! I _need_ some more details. You don't have to tell me everything, but tell me this: is Nick in danger? He didn't leave because he was bored with me, did he? He left for a different reason. But what?" I asked the last part more to myself, but then shook my head. It didn't matter why he left if he was going to be in trouble.

"Mack... please..." I started, "If Nick's not okay, I have to go back to Texas. I have to pull him out of it..." I explained, looking at him helplessly. "Tell me something," I whispered, my voice small, defeated by his refusal to tell me anything.

"You can't go to Texas," he finally said, quietly. "I promised Jasper and Alice that I'd stay here with you and make sure you were okay. I should probably let them know Greg's here..." he mumbled, pulling his cell phone out and beginning to text.

"Okay, well, I'm okay. And I want to go back for him..." I decided. I'd force answers out of him. I didn't care. I was ready, now. I think before, I was sort of still in shock over processing what was going on. But now...

I just needed to see Nick again.

"We can't go back for him," Mack said calmly. "We have to wait and trust Jasper and Alice. They'll find a way to get him to come back."

I shook my head. "Mack, please," I said desperately, "You don't understand. He came back for me when I needed him and now he needs me and I have to do the same for him."

"He wouldn't want you put in danger, too, Chloe. Please understand that this is what Nick wants. He'd only be afraid with you there with him. At least here, he knows your safe!" Mack said, his tone getting a little heated as he tried to make me understand.

"What does it matter if _I'm_ safe if he's _not_?" I demanded, my emotions taking control. "And anyway, Gregory's in New York, now, so I'm probably more in danger now than I would be if I went to Texas," I reasoned. "And you can be with me the whole time and still be my bodyguard that way, okay?" I asked, trying to come to some sort of compromise that would make him say we could go. I didn't want to sneak out and go alone, but if I had to...

Thoughts were swirling around in my head so quickly that I actually felt dizzy. Could I help him?

Mack put his head in his hands, hiding his face, deep in thought.

I waited a good couple of minutes, just watching him. I felt bad for putting him in this position, but I couldn't ignore this pull toward Nick... this tug... I felt like I needed to go to him. Like he needed me...

When it became clear that Mack didn't know what to say, I took in a deep breath.

"Think about it. I'm going to take a shower and then we can talk some more after..." I told him quietly, gently. It was a lot to think about. I could give him time to figure out what would be the safest way there. And I needed a minute to try to relax, myself. I suddenly felt like I had almost no energy. The coffee rush from earlier must have started wearing off.

He nodded, looking relieved. "Okay."

I tried not to think as I showered. Instead, I tried to make my mind just sort of shut off. It needed to rest... I hadn't really slept much, so this was the most rest that it was going to get.

When I was out of the shower, dressed and ready, I walked back in to the living room, where Mack was still sitting on the couch. I wondered if he had moved at all.

I stood in front of him. "How'd the thinking go?"

He stood and shrugged. "I think we need food first."

I raised an eyebrow. That was the last thing I was expecting to hear. "Excuse me?"

"Food," came a voice from the kitchen and I jumped as Spencer came out of there and joined us in the living room. "We're going out."

I scrunched my brow. I didn't need food right now. I had eaten... earlier. I think. Had I?

I knew for sure I had had coffee, though. I could feel what remained of the caffeine tearing through my veins.

"Well, let's get it To-Go on the way to the airport," I suggested, hoping that Spencer being here meant that they had decided we were going to Texas.

Spencer shook his head. "We need to go sit down and have a meal. Things have been really hectic and I doubt that you or Mack have had a chance to eat something decent. I know a place and I'm paying, so... don't make this difficult for me, Chloe, please?" he asked, his dulled eyes peering into mine.

I didn't want to make things difficult for anyone. Ever. And I was never selfish... and Spencer looked more worn out than Mack and me combined, which sort of scared me.

I sighed. "Fine. Food." It couldn't hurt. I was kind of shaky anyway. I think the only thing I had eaten had been the sandwich Mack had made. And X amounts of coffee. Plus, I could try to talk them into Texas over our lunch. Or dinner? I checked the clock. I guess it was closer to dinner time...

Mack's whole body relaxed after I agreed to go. I felt bad that the two of them were so stressed about how I'd react to their suggestions... I didn't want to upset them when they were looking out for me during all of this. I just... I was confused. I needed answers.

The ride to the restaurant was a blur. I couldn't focus on anything, but in my head, I kept seeing Nick in Texas, all bruised and beat up... It killed me to see him that way.

I ordered on auto-pilot and then sat and sipped at my water, my hands starting to tremble. I guess Spencer had been right about Mack and me not eating decently lately.

"You okay?" Mack asked me quietly as Spencer checked his cell phone.

I nodded as Spence stood up. "Excuse me for a moment. I have to take this call," he said monotonously, his face only slightly apologetic. I felt like he probably said it a lot.

He left and I looked over at Mack, who tried a smile. "See, this is nice, right? Getting out of your apartment and doing something different..."

I stared at him in disbelief. I didn't want "different," I wanted everything to go back to how it was when Nick was here.

He said a few more things before our food arrived, but I wasn't paying full attention. My mind kept replaying everything that had happened since New Year's Day, trying to figure out if there were other clues about what was happening that I may have missed.

The food arrived as Spencer came back from his call. "Sorry."

I pushed my lettuce around with my fork, having no motivation to eat it, even if I was hungry. There wasn't time for a whole meal-we needed to get out of New York and back to Nick!

Mack was still talking and had pulled Spencer into the conversation, asking us about what our favorite place in New York was and if maybe we could show him while he was here...

It clicked, then. I knew exactly what he was doing.

"Mack, you're stalling," I told him lightly, not rudely. "Can we please just take our food with us and eat it on the way to Texas?"

He looked guilty. "We can't... go to Texas yet. I talked to Alice and Jasper... they're in the middle of getting him home... we just have to wait it out..." he explained apologetically. "If we would be of any help at all, I promise you we'd be there in a second. But we'd only mess things up."

"How so?" I tried, but he shook his head.

"I don't know the details, but I trust Jasper and Alice and you should, too," he said softly, his eyes pleading with me to listen to him.

I couldn't deny that he was making it really difficult for me to be persistent. Logically, it all made sense. In my head, I knew that he was being sincere and that he truly wanted what was best for everyone. Mack was kind and sympathetic and had kept me out of harm so far. I felt like he was the type of person that could be trusted.

But my heart was involved in this. And even though my head was telling me to listen to Mack... I couldn't give in. I had to follow my heart: it had been with Nick the whole time.

I blinked and started to stand. "Excuse me for a moment."

Mack stood, too. "I should probably walk with you."

I tried not to look guilty. "I'm just going to the restroom," I told him, looking over toward where it was. "You can see it from here."

He looked like he was going to give in, but then he cleared his throat. "Still. I don't want to take any chances."

I sighed. If he wanted to stand outside of the restroom, I wasn't going to stop him. It just meant I had to take extra precautions.

"Kay."

I looped my purse over my shoulder and we walked over to the restroom. I wondered if anyone noticed or thought that he was my overprotective boyfriend. Even Bryce had let me walk to the bathroom on my own.

I slipped inside and smiled in relief, grateful that Spencer's restaurant choice had bathrooms that were set up to have the toilet area and the "women's lounge" area, where the women could sit on couches and touch up their make up at full length mirrors.

I pressed all five air-dryers, so that they noisily blew air, and then checked under the stalls. No feet. I was the only one in here.

I walked back to where the lounge was, knowing that Mack wouldn't be able to hear anything that was going on, and then sat on a couch and pulled my cell phone out of my purse.

Nick's speed dial number pretty much dialed itself, and the phone was ringing in mere seconds. I waited anxiously, my heart fluttering with each ring.

Would he answer, knowing it was me calling?

After a few seconds of constant ringing, I remembered that he hadn't had the time to figure out how to set up his voice mail, so he just never had.

"Crap," I mumbled, hanging up when it was clear that he wasn't going to answer.

I sighed and decided to try just one more time.

The phone rang twice and then it clicked. "Yeah?" A deeper voice. Not Nick's.

Panic rushed through me and I hung up quickly, hoping they wouldn't try to call back and that I hadn't just put him in more danger.

And where was Nick that he wasn't the one answering his phone?

_JPOV_

It almost seemed like we were running in jet-lagged circles. Alice and I had arrived back in Texas once again and were staying at the hotel we had previously been in. This time was much different than last time, though. We had come back prepared and ready to fight.

Everything had gone smoothly so far, except for Greg showing up in New York. Mack had called pretty torn up about it.

"Jasper, she's catching on. She knows Nick's in danger. I'm not sure what I should do. You didn't want me to tell her, but she's guessing and practically begging," Mack ranted, which was out of the ordinary for him. He was usually quite calm. But I knew that Greg had been there and that Greg had a control over him that he couldn't shake.

Greg knew which buttons to push with Mack and he had pushed the worst one possible when he had taunted him about Katie. Mack had filled me in- what Greg had said would have driven any man out of his mind. It was Mack's worst memory and he was just starting to heal from it. Greg had ripped his wound right open all over again.

"Hey, take a breath," I coaxed him calmly, sitting down on the bed in our hotel room. "It's fine. But don't tell Chloe, though. This is Nick's story and we cannot go behind his back and give his secrets away. If our plans work out, Nick will be home and no time and he can tell Chloe everything himself. Just keep her there for now. Stall. Do anything you can. Spencer will help you," I assured him.

We could do this as long as Chloe stayed out of the way. If she showed up, all hell would probably break loose. This was part of Greg's master plan and he wasn't going to let anyone in his way. He would get rid of Chloe if he had to and we were not going to let that happen. The only thing worse for Nick than being stuck in Greg's game would be losing Chloe completely.

"Stall?" Mack repeated, more to himself than to me, though.

Alice walked over and grabbed the phone from me before I could reply with more.

"Work your charm, Mack. Take her out. Tell her about yourself. No girl could ever resist it," Alice giggled with sparkling eyes. Any other boyfriend probably would have been jealous about how she was talking to him, but I wasn't. I understood their relationship. I was actually happy that they had it-she talked to him like she had when she knew him in Forks. It gave me Hope that she would soon be familiar with everything about Forks. Plus I knew she wasn't planning on leaving me anytime soon.

Alice listened for a moment, smiling.

"Okay. Thanks! Call us if anything happens again." Alice chirped.

She paused for a moment before a blush rose on her cheeks.

"Why, thank you. Bye, Mack," she laughed with a roll of her eyes. She hung up the phone and handed it to me with a shake of her head. "He'll never lose his charm," she told me with a grin.

I smiled back. "Do you think he'll be okay?"

I knew he was a fighter. He had fought through so much already, but this was different. It wasn't about will power, it was about being able to convince Chloe to let it go, which might be impossible.

Alice took a deep breath and sat down on the bed in front of me. "I think so."

"I hope so," I murmured, spinning the phone around on the blanket in front of me mindlessly. Everything had to go smoothly if we wanted this to work.

Alice reached up and stroked my cheek gently. "It'll all be fine," she assured me with a sweet smile. That same smile she had worn when I first met her. So full of Hope.

I nodded and then turned and kissed the palm of her hand. "Thank you for staying with me, darling. Having you here makes it all a lot more bearable," I whispered sincerely, reaching forward, rubbing her knee.

"It's my pleasure," she sang, leaning forward to plant a mind blowing kiss on my lips. After all of this, it pretty much felt like heaven as her lips parted against mine. I inhaled sharply and leaned forward to hold her face against mine, savoring this moment for as long as I could.

As I pulled back, Alice came forward quickly to give me one last peck on the lips. "We can do this," she said confidently.

I nodded in agreement. I sure hoped we could.

The phone rang then. I picked it up quickly, praying it wasn't anything bad. Every piece needed to fall into place!

"Hello?" I said.

"Hey, Jasper. Nick's here," Davis told me in a hushed voice.

"Perfect," I smiled to myself.

"Is there any way you can get his phone from him?" I asked.

"I have it right now. He went to take a quick shower," he informed me, but his voice didn't sound as pleased as it should have. This should have been a good thing.

"What's wrong then?" I inquired hesitantly, taking a breath and holding it. What had he found out?

"Nick's packing up his stuff. He's heading somewhere. I don't know where, though. I asked, but he just said he had found another place to live and thanked me for letting him stay for the last two days," Davis explained, a helpless tone in his voice.

Nick was moving. This wasn't a big deal, though. Maybe he was heading to Greg's headquarters. Greg always wanted his gang to live at the gang cabin in Forks. I wouldn't be surprised if he was getting Nick to do it here. If it wasn't there, then he would find out where anyways.

"That's fine, Dad. I have an idea of where he's going. Did you switch phone cards for me?" I asked, crossing my fingers that he had been able to do it all right.

"Yeah, I switched it. You just have to come here and get the other phone," Davis confirmed, causing me to grin. Perfect. Everything was going as planned.

"All right. Thanks, Dad. That's perfect," I told him gratefully. I hadn't really wanted to bring my dad anymore into this then he was, but I knew Alice and I couldn't hang around there without Nick being on his guard and becoming very suspicious. He had figured we had left, I was sure.

Alice and I had picked up a new phone card for Nick and I had added all of his previous contacts onto it. We had switched phone cards with his phone and a disposable phone that I had bought. This way, anytime anyone texted him, the text would come to us. We also bugged his phone so we could find him.

Knowing Coops was ridiculously helpful.

Now we just had to get the phone from Davis and wait for Greg to text or call Nick. We needed to either find Greg now or find out what his plans were.

We knew that he had been in New York yesterday, but knowing Greg, he could have been on his way to the other side of the country by now. He might have been heading back here or he might have been going back to Forks.

Until we knew where he was and what he was doing, we were at a standstill.

Waiting. It'd be the hardest thing so far.

_NPOV_

I packed up all my shit lazily. There wasn't much to pack: my backpack, really. My clothes were just lying around on the floor. The cocaine had messed me up the other night and I had messed the place up a bit on my way to bed. Other than that, the room was almost the same. Soon I would be out of here and on to my new home...

I had had a sick feeling in my stomach since Greg had brought me there. This was so much more than I had thought. I was going to run a gang here. I was going to sell drugs and kill people again... There would be parties and fights all the time. This was not the life I wanted, but it was the life I was born to have, I guess.

_Bet you're proud up there, Mom and Dad,_ I thought sarcastically. Who was I kidding? They weren't looking down on me. They had never looked down on me when they were alive. I'm sure they still had better things to do.

After I had finished packing, I took a quick shower. I wasn't sure if I was stalling or not. At least Davis' place had _some_ good in it. I'm sure Greg's hell house wouldn't have any good in it. Ever.

This is where I would leave any good part of me behind. Any redeeming quality I had gained in the last months would be thrown away. I wouldn't be able to feel again. I would have to turn to stone.

That was probably why I was stalling. I didn't want to give up yet and go there...

But I had to. I had to think of Chloe. And Jasper and Alice. I had to do what Greg wanted so that they could be okay.

After the hot water drained and cold water started hitting me, I turned the water off and took a deep breath. Put everything behind me. Let the memories drift away. Forget everything and start new. That was the only way I would live through this.

I grabbed my backpack and walked into the kitchen where Davis was sitting reading the paper and eating a piece of cake. I watched him for a minute, silently. I could see the smile lines on his face as he sat looking at the newspaper. His eyes weren't dull at all. They had happiness in them. It was easy to see that he had a good life.

I pursed my lips. I hoped Jasper would look exactly like that when he was Davis' age. I hoped throughout his lifetime he had enough smiles to form those permanent lines. I hoped his eyes would shine with laughter and happiness. I hoped he would have a good life like Davis. I hoped he would have that life for me...

"Hey Davis," I said as nonchalantly as I could. My throat was tight.

Davis peeked over at me and put his paper down with a warm smile. "Hey. Packed everything up?" he asked me, shifting in his chair so he was positioned towards me.

"Yep. I'm heading out now," I told him, clearing my throat quietly.

Davis nodded and I saw his content eyes slowly change to mourning. "Would you like to stay and have a piece?" he asked doubtfully, gesturing towards the cake on the table.

I shook my head with a polite smile. "No, but thanks for the offer. Thanks for everything, actually," I chuckled, nervously.

He just nodded, brushing off the gratitude. I was about to turn and leave, figuring he was done, but then he called me back.

"Nick," his voice was strong, rough. It was almost exactly like Jasper's when he was serious.

I turned to look at him, fisting my hand in my pocket. My fingers were gripping Chloe's necklace. Yeah, I was putting them in my past all right... I couldn't get them out of my head and I couldn't ever let go of Chloe's necklace. Memories and this necklace were all I had...

"There's always a way out," David told me. His voice was full of authority. Full of power. Full of wisdom. It made sense that he was a gym teacher.

"You have a family, Nick. We'll back you up if you need us to. We're here for you," he vowed to me. His light blue eyes locked with mine. They burned into mine. I knew he was trying to change my mind, but there was no way I could. I was protecting my family this way... This was my mess and I would take my punishment like a man. No one else needed to get hurt.

I nodded sadly and gave him a tight smile. "I can't get out of this one, Davis." I tried to sound strong. I tried not to show my weakness or my longing for his words to be true, to be possible.

Davis frowned, but nodded. His eyes were sad, but still...hopeful? There was something in them for a mere moment. A flash of it before he covered it. Something hidden. It could have been hope or I could have been imagining something. Giving myself false hope.

There was no hope for me though. I might as well be forgotten.

"See you around," I said quietly as I turned, doubting I would actually see him. He might see me. On the evening news. Wanted for many things...

Davis said goodbye back and I was on my way.

I hopped into my new truck. I won't lie: it was a nice truck. I felt my body sink into the new leather and turned the ignition. The roar of the truck turned my lips upwards. I had to find the silver lining, right? This car, that house... those would be the perks of the job. The things I would need to concentrate on.

I headed back to the house Greg got for me. When I arrived, I grabbed my one backpack and headed into the house. There was an eerie silence throughout the whole place. The homey looking place made me smirk. If only it was like this for real.

I explored the rest of the house, heading up the stairs, taking them two at a time. The upstairs was much like the main floor. It was designed to look like a normal home.

The first bedroom I walked into was pleasant looking. The furniture was already set up. It kind of reminded me of the rooms in Spencer and Alice's cabin-not their room. Theirs was abnormally large for a cabin room. But this room was kind of like one of their guest rooms at the cottage. It felt good. It had a nice feel to it.

There was a queen sized bed in the middle against the back wall. The bed frame had long, wooden, carved poles that came out on each corner. It had a thick quilt-like blanket laying over it. The room had a rustic vibe to it. Everything was a bit countrified in the room. It had the old "Southern" thing going on-matched where the house was placed. I'm sure if I drove any direction in this section of Texas I would see ranches.

I quickly looked over the bathroom and other two bedrooms and then headed back downstairs. I found a paper on the coffee table in the living room, which I might add is located right in front of a fireplace. This place was freaking amazing... aside from the basement.

I picked up the paper and plopped down on the sofa behind the coffee table. It was a paper full of errands that had to be done: names, addresses, equipment and drugs that needed to be picked up. I read through the lengthy list and then let my head hit the back of the couch.

_Well this will be fun_, I thought bitterly, staring at the ceiling overhead.

After a minute of complaining to myself, I got up and looked at the list, looking at the note Greg had scribbled onto the bottom of the page in his surprisingly neat handwriting.

_P.S. Bring a gun. You might have grown lady parts but they didn't._

I glared at the paper and then folded it up. There was a difference between becoming a good person and becoming weak... or was there?

I headed to the basement and went into one of the rooms that I had noticed guns in. I saw a handgun and grabbed it, made sure it was loaded, and then put it into the back of the waist band of my jeans, pulling my shirt over it. I cringed and froze for a minute. The cold metal pressed against me threw me into a whirlwind of memories.

_Jasper and I sat on a log in the middle of the forest in Forks. Both of our eyes were glued to the gun sitting on the ground in front of us. We had just joined the Punishers and we were becoming great fighters. Or at least Greg said we were. He said we needed to take the next step though. We needed to learn how to use a gun. We needed to perfect our aim. _

_Jasper looked pained as he stared at it. I didn't know if it was from the gun or from the beating he had gotten from Steve this morning._

_Jasper cleared his throat quietly and turned to me. "Are you sure about this?" he asked me. _

_I shrugged my shoulders nonchalantly and reached down to pick up the small gun. "Why not?"_

_Jasper looked away for a moment and I knew something was wrong. He was normally quiet so I was used to the silence, but this was different. There was hesitance. _

"_What's wrong? It's not that bad. We won't have to use it unless we want to. It's just for protection. We can just use it if we need to," I assured him. _

_I moved my hand over the gun, familiarizing myself with it. It couldn't be that hard to use one of these. _

_Jasper nodded stiffly. "I know. I'm just not sure. Fighting isn't bad because I'm used to it, but... killing, Nick? I don't know if it's worth it... I mean, Steve's not hurting me as much lately. I think I would be fine without the gang and all," Jasper mumbled, looking over at me, unsure. _

_I blinked and looked over at him. He would rather be beaten half to death every other day then kill someone? I was doing this for him too and I'd rather shoot unimportant, drugged up idiots for Greg then see my best friend hurt so badly. _

_I knew it was wrong. I could feel it in my gut. We had never had to kill someone. We just fought. I'm sure Greg just wanted us to learn in case of emergencies. Sometimes the fights got intense. _

_Jasper took a deep breath, seeming frustrated. I didn't know if it was at me, himself or the gun. "Shit, Nick, don't look at me like that. I'm not being a wimp or anything. I just don't know." _

_I shook my head, realizing I had been staring at him oddly when I had zoned out. _

"_I didn't mean to look at you like that, man. But the only reason Steve's not beating you so much is because he's afraid of Greg. You know that. Learning to shoot this gun doesn't mean we'll kill people. It's just for emergencies," I reassured him, reaching over and patting his shoulder. _

_Jasper flinched for a moment, fearing building in his eyes then diminishing the moment he knew I wouldn't hit him. He nodded, seeming to agree. He was giving in. He knew it was the truth. Steve would hurt him more if we left the gang. This was the only way. _

_I raised the gun, narrowing my eyes, pointed straight at a tree about ten meters away, and then roughly pulled the trigger. In my mind, I was wishing that tree was Steve and that I had killed him with my first shot. _

_It was our first gang fight. Real gang fight. We were fifteen and Greg had decided that both Jasper and I were ready for a real fight. Not a fight with a few gang members against us but a whole gang against another whole gang. We were fighting for territory. Greg said he liked to work classy. Gangs should fight for territory and learn respect and be feared. That was the real way gangs should be. _

_Greg's kind of weird in the mind sometimes... I think he smokes too much of that shit he sells._

_Tonight was our fight though and the fight was...insane-scary, even-but not that I would ever admit that. _

_Jasper and I fought like warriors, though. We were doing great. My heart was pumping against my chest from the adrenaline. My fists were busted open and my face was pouring blood. It felt good. Exciting. The adrenaline was pumping through me... I could feel my heart._

_Jasper and I were taking on guys that were huge. They were probably in their twenties and we were beating them. Greg was right...we were turning out to be great fighters. _

_I had found something I was good at. I was better at it than a lot of people. _

_Slowly, Jasper and I got split up, though. We usually stayed close during fights. We kept each other's backs covered, but somewhere in the midst of it all we got split up. Fear shot through my heart and it started surging through my blood, pumping through my veins. My eyes widened as I searched for Jasper. _

_I couldn't look long before I felt someone's fist crunch into my face and I gasped in pain. My eyes snapped to the guy who had suddenly come in front of him and fought him. I fought hard. I fought wildly. And I succeeded. I won without Jasper having my back. _

_But the moment it was over, I searched for Jasper. The fight was getting smaller as bodies lay scattered across the empty field. My eyes scanned quickly for him, but I couldn't find him. There were still too many people. Too many red jackets. _

"_Nick!" I heard a voice gasp loudly. Jasper. _

_My body flew around and I saw him pinned to the ground. A huge guy was on top of him with a knife against his throat, an evil snarl on the ugly bastard's face. Jasper was stuck. Blood started to trickle down his throat. _

"_Jasper!" I shouted, starting to run over to him. He wasn't close. I was surprised I had heard his voice from so far in all the yelling and cursing that was going on. _

_I was getting closer when I was jolted out of my path. A body crushed into me. A body had been thrown into me and it lay limply on top of me. I grimaced, looking at a fellow gang member from the Punishers bleeding out on top of me. I pushed him off hurriedly, knowing Jasper was not going to have much more time. _

"_Nick!" he yelled. My whole body flinched at the pain in it. I knew I couldn't make it. _

_I watched as the guy on top of Jasper raised the knife into the air, about to plunge it down at Jasper's throat... he was going to kill him!_

_I used my last resort without even thinking about it, ripping out my gun from my waist band, taking quick aim, and pulling the trigger. A loud bang echoed across the field and the guy on top of Jasper fell onto him. _

_Jasper slid out from under him and jumped up, looking at me. His eyes were hard, not even looking at the guy. Jasper had shot people already by now. _

_I still hadn't. _

_I ran forward, not even thinking about the guy being an enemy anymore. I dropped to my knees beside the guy and rolled him over. I saw blood pumping out of his head. Pouring. My stomach turned, nauseated. _

"_Hey!" I yelled, shaking the guy's head. No movement. No breathing. _

"_Wake up!" I shouted. My voice was higher than usual. I could feel my face draining of color, my fingers going numb. _

"_Nick," Jasper whispered, placing his hand on my shoulder. _

"_He's not moving, Jasper!" I yelled hoarsely, turning my head, looking at him wildly. "He's not breathing." _

_Jasper just nodded and pulled me up, seeing more guys coming our way. "Come on!" he instructed me. _

_My feet wouldn't move away from him though. He was dead. Dead. I had killed him. I didn't just knock him out or leave him bleeding out. I _killed_ him. He wouldn't get stitched up and ready for the next fight. He wouldn't go back to his gang headquarters and get drunk out of his mind for losing a battle. _

_He wouldn't ever do anything again. _

_I had stolen his life away from him._

_A year later and I was sixteen, hardened, Greg's right hand-I did what he wanted when he wanted and I didn't complain about it. I was lucky to have him looking out for me in such a fucked up world. _

_He called me into his room at the cabin-his office-and offered me a cigarette before getting down to business. _

_"All right, look. There's this guy-Jack Sampson-who's been giving me some trouble for a few months now," Greg started to explain, "He's about twenty-three... a loser, but he has some good clients and that makes me a lot of money. I keep getting him the drugs that he's selling for me... but over the past few months, I've noticed that he's keeping more than we bargained. He's supposed to keep 20% of what he's making and he's keeping a lot more than that. I need you to take care of it," he said, raising an eyebrow to see whether I'd accept or not. _

_"You need me to give him a warning?" I asked. Warnings consisted of finding the guy, beating some sense into him, and making him realize that Greg wasn't fucking around with them. I'd have to tell him that Greg wants the money he's owed from the past transactions and that if he didn't get it, there'd be consequences. _

_"No," Greg shook his head, "No, Jasper's given him quite a few warnings. We're past warnings." _

_Death. He wanted me to kill him. To make him disappear. _

_I felt like I was in the fucking mob sometimes, I swear... _

_So I found the guy-Jack. He was at his usual spot, where he sold his drugs, where Greg told me I would find him that night. _

_The night was humid, but there was an odd chill in the air that crawled into my skin, seeping into my bones. I was taking life from a man tonight. _

_"What's up, man?" Jack said in a low tone as I approached. _

_I nodded toward the alley behind him. "You got a minute?" _

_He nodded and motioned for me to follow him. I looked around one last time as I stepped into the darkness of the alley. No one was around this late. _

_"What do you need?" Jack asked, not looking me in the eye. He must have known that a lot of people who were buying drugs from him didn't like their dealer to look them in the eye. They didn't feel comfortable having people seeing them so clearly. Judging them. _

_I let out a breath and fingered the gun in my pocket. The safety was off. The thing was loaded. All I had to do was pull a trigger. _

_"I need the money you owe Greg Gagnon," I said clearly. _

_Jack flinched and looked up at me again. "What?" _

_"You heard me," I said, my voice monotone. I was in kill mode, turned off. No feeling right now. Not me anymore._

_He was shaking his head. "I told him I needed more time to pay him back. I-I told him he'd get it I just need more time..." _

_Well, if he wasn't going to give it to me, there was only one option. _

_"I'm not gonna ask you again," I told him. _

_"I don't have it, man. I need more time," he repeated himself, his blue eyes burning into me. _

_I pulled the gun out and pointed it at him. "Time's up." _

_The weird, futuristic sound of the shot silencer, and then Jack Sampson was down. _

_I reached into his pockets and took what was left of what he was selling that night, plus his wallet. I threw them into my bag and then walked out of the alley. No thoughts. Just numb. _

My breath was slow as the memories finally dimmed enough for me to snap out of them. It took three years in that gang to make me a monster. Three years to forget how to feel. Three years to kill in cold blood. Three years to become Greg's puppet.

I wiped the wetness off of my face that I hadn't realized was there.

Now I was here, four years later. About to become Greg. About to run a gang and create another group of kids who would forget how to love, care or feel remorse.

Nicholas Ryder Graham was about to become another Greg Gagnon. I was about to become_ him_. My worst enemy.

**Hope you liked it! Review!**

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	53. Chapter 53

_**Au**_**thor's Note: Hello everyone! No, Forgotten Hope has not died! We're back and running. I hope we still have some faithful readers out there and I hope you enjoy it very much. **

_CPOV_

Mack knew something was up when I came out from calling Nick in the bathroom.

"You okay?" he asked, taking in how pale I knew I looked.

I swallowed and nodded, trying to force a smile. "Fine, thanks."

We ate, but I don't know what I had. I pretended to listen to Mack and Spencer's light conversation... but I was plotting. In my head, I was in a totally different place than that restaurant.

I made sure that I ate everything so that I'd have the energy to go through with my plan. Spencer wanted to go out after dinner, but I told him I was starting to feel a migraine coming on and that I just wanted to go back to my apartment and sleep.

Spence dropped us off and I got Mack situated on the couch with a movie.

"Can I get you anything before you go to sleep?" he asked, watching me carefully. "Tylenol? Tea?"

I shook my head. "I just need to sleep this off. Thanks, though."

As he got settled in, I sneaked into the kitchen and made some hot chocolate and pulled out some of the cookies that Alice's mom had given us to take home from the New Year's party. Cookies and hot chocolate always put Bryce right to sleep and I had begun to notice that it had done the same thing to Nick... it made him really drowsy. I hoped that it would work for Mack, too.

"You didn't have to get this for me," Mack said when I put the plate and steaming mug in front of him.

I shrugged. "I'm not the best company lately. It's the least I could do. Goodnight, Mack. Thanks for everything you've done for me." _I'm sorry I have to sneak around like this..._

He smiled. "Not a problem. Goodnight."

After I was sure he was going to eat them and drink the cocoa, I retreated into my room and booked a last minute flight for tonight, all the while ignoring the pangs of guilt in my stomach. Then, I started throwing things into a bag. I was packing light... taking only what I would absolutely need.

As soon as Mack fell asleep, I was going to Texas.

I know I shouldn't have. It was going against everything Mack, Jasper, and Alice had said.

...Everything Nick had said, too.

But I truly felt like this was something I needed to do.

I stood now, outside of Davis' house, after paying for a plane ticket and flying straight here. I didn't bother trying to get Spencer to help me out... I knew he wouldn't.

Davis answered the door after I knocked and his eyes widened. "Um...hi, Chloe...?"

I smiled politely. "Hi, Davis."

He shook his head and opened the door wider. "Come in. Quickly, now."

I entered the house and he shut the door tightly behind me. "Um... Nick's...gone. It's just Jasper and Alice here right now."

Nick was gone?

I tried to stay calm as I nodded. "O-oh. Okay..."

He smiled sadly and motioned for me to follow him into the kitchen, where Alice and Jasper sat at the table with a pizza.

"Chloe?" Alice jumped up and was in front of me in seconds, her eyes wide. "Why are you here? Where's Mack?"

"Are you guys okay?" Jasper said at the same time as Alice.

"I... sort of escaped from Mack..." I told them, chewing on my lower lip.

"But he didn't call to tell us...?" she said worriedly, turning to look over at Jasper. "Jazz, do you think he's okay?"

"He's probably fine..." I tried to explain quickly, "I... left him a note once he fell asleep and I asked him to give me time to get here... you know I'm good at crafting my words... I guess he took pity on me and listened to my request." Or he just hadn't woken up yet...

Jasper came to stand beside Alice. "Chloe, it's always nice to see you, but you really shouldn't have come. It's not safe..."

"I took a red eye with two layovers and flew all night to get here. Where's Nick?" I asked him, ignoring his words. I was on a mission.

"We're...still putting that all together," Alice answered, running her hand through her hair stressfully. Jasper's mouth twitched into a half smile as he kissed the top of her head, his eyes staying as serious as they were when I had left them last.

"We're figuring things out the best we can, Chloe. Why don't you have some leftover pizza and we'll figure out what to do from here?" Jasper offered.

"You really don't know where he is?" I asked, staring intently at both of them.

Alice shook her head quickly. "We're trying, Chloe."

Too quick. She was lying. I could feel it.

I paused and then crinkled my brow. "I'm just... going to use the bathroom real quick..." I told Alice quietly.

I crept down the hall to where Nick's room had been in hopes of finding clues there. When I entered the room, however, all I found was a duffel bag and a purse.

It must be Alice's purse... Would there be anything to help me in it?

I felt _so_ terrible for doing it, but I proceeded to dig around in her purse for some information... _any_ hint of where Nick might be now.

Gum, pens, receipts, wallet...

I examined the receipts carefully, in case they pointed toward anything, but they didn't give me much.

Poking around in her wallet didn't help much, either. No clues, just cash and cards...

I grabbed her cell phone and turned it on quickly, scanned through messages... bingo.

There were multiple messages from "G" giving vague instructions...passwords... and then multiple addresses.

Crap. Would I have to scope out each of these places? I had a feeling that none of them would exactly be safe...

I clicked around to older messages and saw that there was a link onto the internet for directions. The link took me to a website that gave me driving directions from Davis' house to a location somewhere outside of the city...

Why would this one have directions when none of the others did?

I quickly scribbled down these directions, plus the other addresses-just in case-and then shut off the phone and placed it back into her purse with everything else.

I joined them in the silent living room and grabbed my purse from beside the door.

"It... was probably a bad idea to come. I...I'm sorry," I said quickly, trying for guilty. I was good at acting guilty and remorseful. "I don't want to be in the way. I'm going to take a bus to the airport and go back to New York... I was just... kind of going crazy there, just waiting. But... I'll just call you next time I need an update, okay?"

Jasper watched me carefully. "You're leaving just like that?"

I shifted a little. "Unless... there's a reason for me to stay? You know if you want me to stay and help I will..." I tried to sound somewhat eager. This would definitely be my reaction if I was really heading back to New York. I'd want to stay and help... and, logically, I should also be understanding why it was better to just let Jasper and Alice handle things.

But Nick was into something. He was in very deep. I _had_ to find him and tell him I was staying with him no matter what. Even if he was going back to his old life... there had to be a way I could fit into that life. Somehow.

"You'd be helping most by going back..." Jasper answered honestly. "It's bad enough that Alice is here. This is... dangerous stuff," he admitted reluctantly.

Alice stuck her tongue out at him, but then turned to me. "You're really just going to go back just like that?"

No.

"Yeah..." I whispered, looking away from her so they couldn't see my eyes give the lie away. I pretended to just be upset, but I was so beyond it that it was ridiculous. I wasn't upset anymore... I was determined.

She looked over at Jasper, asking him something with her eyes.

He shook his head slightly and her face fell.

"Chloe, if I thought it would be okay for you to stay and fly back later, I'd have you do that. But I really think your best bet is to go back to New York as soon as you possibly can. I know you flew all night, but..." Jasper shook his head, "Please. You just have to go back."

"Okay," I whispered, looking defeated. "If there's any way I can help, though, you'll let me know?"

"Of course," Alice said, nodding vigorously.

"I can drive you to the airport?" Davis offered as Jasper nodded slowly.

"I don't want to impose," I said quietly, pretending to look like I was uncomfortable with the idea of being alone with Davis. The Chloe they knew would be nervous around any guy that she didn't know, especially if she was around him without Jasper or Alice or Nick.

Davis looked to Jasper, who reached into his back pocket, pulling out his wallet. "Take fifty for a cab, call when you get to the airport and then again when you land in New York. Can you do that for us, please?"

"I have money-" I started, but Alice butted in.

"It's the least we can do for not going with you to make sure you get there okay." Her eyes met mine. "We insist."

I took the two twenty dollar bills and the one ten and slipped them into my pocket, making a mental note to give it all back to them when I saw them again after all of this.

"Thanks," I whispered, hugging Jasper quickly, then Alice a bit longer. "Please get him back," I whispered to her, feeling genuinely guilty for the lie I was putting myself in right now.

"We will. I promise," she whispered back, nodding.

I smiled a little, nodded to Davis, and then headed up to the bus stop up the road.

The route on the bus took me about halfway there. It let me off in the middle of the road, so I did the only thing I could; I started walking.

Each time a car passed, I stuck my thumb out. It'd be quicker to hitchhike. I prayed that someone picked me up and that they weren't a psycho.

Finally, an old woman pulled over and eyed me carefully before unlocking her door. "Get in, dear. Where are you heading?"

I told her and she told me she'd take me to the exact address; she knew that area.

The entire time we drove, she told me off about the dangers of hitchhiking. I cracked the window about five minutes into it; her three pine tree air fresheners that were hanging in her rear view mirror were starting to make me feel car sick.

"You're lucky I'm a woman of God who lives out this way, dear," she said in her shaking voice, "I'd hate to see the wrong person pick up someone as pretty as you and take advantage of the isolation out here."

I nodded, agreeing with her entirely. The right hook Nick taught me probably wouldn't help me too much against 'the wrong person.' "I'm very lucky."

We drove for a good twenty minutes into the middle of nowhere and then she dropped me off at the driveway of the house that had been on the map. I tried to tip her with the fifty dollars Jasper had given me, but she shook her head.

"Stay _safe_, child. That's all I ask of you."

I nodded, looking at her seriously. "I promise you, I'm trying."

She gave me a look and then pulled away, leaving me in a cloud of exhaust.

I stared up at the house, deciding I had better figure out if I was entering it or hiding outside-and quick. I didn't know who was here with Nick, or if Nick was even here... I mean, this house looked really cozy... could this really be the place?

I felt like he _was _here, though...

I pulled my hood up over my hair, hiding under it, and then crept up to peek into a few of the windows in the front of the house. It was late afternoon by now. The sun was starting to drift off into the western part of the sky, but I could still feel the sweat trickle down the back of my neck. I wondered if it was because of the heat or because of my fear.

The windows showed me nothing but cute, rustic furniture. It looked like a cheery place...

_Why would Nick be hiding out here in a house that looks like it belongs to the old woman you just took a ride from?_

I crept to the back windows and peeked in, seeing a dimly lit hallway, but again, no clues. It seemed empty, but then... why would the lights and T.V. be on?

A figure started to come into the hallway and I ducked, but then slowly looked up to see if it was anyone I recognized...

Nick!

I blinked a few times to make sure that it was him. He looked... different-worn out, his expression hard-but it was definitely him.

My desire to see him outweighed any safe decision I might make as I went around the house again to try to enter through the front door. It was locked.

I went around to the back again and tried the back door, surprise shooting through me as it opened easily.

There was no plan... I should've thought of one while I was on the bus or in that lady's car, but... I was too focused on not freaking out to come up with one.

Heart pumping adrenaline, the blood thundering in my ears, I walked to the door that I had seen Nick open and enter.

I breathed in and opened it, expecting to see him, but I was met with a dark set of stairs instead.

What if he wasn't alone?

I quickly decided that if other people were there, I'd pretend like someone had sent me and asked me to talk to Nick.

I took each step quietly, listening for creaks in the stairs, but finding none. It was eerily silent.

When I got to the bottom, I started to walk past the first room, where there were plants growing under lights... I wasn't so naive that I couldn't figure out it was marijuana.

I started to feel slightly nauseous as I wondered what Nick could be doing down here... This wasn't him. It might have been him... before... but he was different now, right? The Nick I knew wouldn't get himself tied up into this stuff...

What if he had changed in the short time we were apart? Would it be possible to flip your personality so drastically in just weeks? Or was this really how he had been the whole time and I had just never realized...?

But no. That couldn't be true. I _knew_ him. He wouldn't want to be this.

The next room had a ton of weapons scattered throughout it, but it was still sort of organized. I suppressed a shudder and thought about taking something for protection, but then realized I really knew nothing about any of the weapons. Even the knives looked complicated.

I'd probably end up hurting myself if I tried to use something so dangerous against someone. I didn't go into the room.

As I approached the next room, my skin pricked. I took a deep breath in and froze as something hard was suddenly being roughly pressed into the back of my head.

"Turn around slowly." A low, hoarse voice. Rough. Serious.

Nick.

This... wasn't exactly how I thought we'd meet again.

I turned slowly and peered up at him from under my hood. Up close, I could see that his eyes were dark, circled with shadows. His face lacked any of the laughter or light that I had seen in the past few months.

"You planning on shooting me, Nick?" I whispered, surprisingly calmer than I should have been with the barrel of a gun almost touching my forehead. Something in me knew he wouldn't hurt me, though. Maybe that was why I could be so calm.

At the sound of my voice, the gun was pointed at the ground in a second. I heard a click, and then something dropped from it, landing loudly on the ground. I realized he had just ejected all of the ammo from it in less than ten seconds.

"I didn't know you were so good with guns... and only using one hand..." I stated quietly, almost in a daze, because I didn't know what else to say to him.

"How-why...I almost-I could've...-" he started to say, his eyes beginning to break of their hard shell, letting a bit of fear come through.

"You didn't, though..." I whispered, biting my trembling lip, wanting to console him. To bring out the person I knew. "You wouldn't hurt me." And I meant what I said: I hadn't been afraid.

He swallowed hard, his hands shaking as he stared at me. His eyes looked so beautiful and broken at the same time. I had never seen them look like that before.

Before the conversation could get any further, there was the slam of a door upstairs.

We both jumped and Nick's eyes got wider than I had ever seen. "_Shit_."

_JPOV_

I knew something was up the moment Chloe decided that coming to Texas had been the wrong decision. After knowing Chloe for months now, I've learned some of her traits and stubbornness was definitely one of them when it came to Nick.

I was starting to wonder if all girls were as stubborn as our girlfriends.… And I wasn't talking stubborn as in "Oh, I want these shoes and no one can change my mind."

Our girls weren't shallow.

I mean stubborn as in "I will constantly put myself in danger no matter what you say because I know it's the right thing to do. For us."

I guess some might call it loyalty. Either way, sometimes it was just not the most convenient quality to have.

For once, this was actually helping me out; I knew that Chloe would not be heading back to New York. There had to be something else she was going to do here. Something she knew Alice and I wouldn't let her do. She may have been a good actress, but I was a human lie detector.

The second she left my dad's house, I grabbed my jacket.

"Hey, Dad, can I use your truck?" I asked hurriedly, shoving my feet into my shoes. I couldn't let her get too far ahead or I would lose her. I wouldn't have any idea where to look if I did lose her, so I couldn't let that happen.

Davis shrugged nonchalantly. "Sure. Go for it."

"Where are you going?" Alice asked skeptically. She obviously noticed that I was in a rush.

"We have to follow Chloe," I replied, grabbing her jacket and helping her put it on.

Alice smiled and waved her hand. She wasn't agreeing with the idea.

"Jazz, she's fine on her own. She's been living in New York on her own. I don't think she needs a babysitter to get to the airport. Greg's not going to see her," she assured me, starting to shrug her jacket off.

As always, Alice was a little too trusting.

"She lied, darlin," I informed her seriously, pressing my lips tightly together. Alice wouldn't be pleased that her good friend would be lying right to her face.

Her eyes narrowed in response. "Oh. Crap," she grumbled and grabbed her shoes, slipping them on as quickly as she could.

I walked to the door, holding my hand out to Alice. I watched Chloe through the window as Alice put shoes on and then accepted my hand. Her fingers slipped easily through mine and I gave her hand a tight squeeze.

I wondered, briefly, if maybe being a psycho overprotective boyfriend would actually be safer and healthier for the girls than being so lenient and putting them in danger. But then I thought of how much trust Nick had had to earn with Chloe after she had gone through something like that with Bryce. I knew it wasn't worth it to be overprotective, but I couldn't help worrying so much. They were in real danger right now.

I stilled in the doorway, waiting for Chloe to get up the road a bit before we left the house. If she heard the ignition she would probably get suspicious and either make a break for it or play it cool until she knew we were far enough away for her to get away.

The moment she was out of sight, we crept out the door. We tiptoed our way to the truck, opening and closing the doors as gently as we could.

"Where do you think she's going?" Alice wondered, sliding over in her seat so she could sit close enough to me to have our sides touching.

I backed out of the driveway, trying to be as quiet as I could with the roaring engine.

"Anywhere that she thinks Nick could be," I guessed. Where else would she want to go?

"But how would she even have a guess where he was? We still have no solid idea." Alice continued to question.

I stressfully ran my hand through my hair at her question and Alice rested her hand on my knee, sensing my distress. That was a good question. Chloe had probably found some sort of clue and was running on it. I was worried because I didn't know if that clue would lead her to Greg instead of Nick. I could just imagine how that would turn out. Let's just say, it wouldn't be in our favor.

"She must have found some sort of clue and she's followings it's lead." I echoed my thoughts to Alice.

Alice nodded. I watched as her bottom lip entered her mouth. She chewed gently on it. Her eyes unfocused and I knew she was thinking. Thinking deeply. Maybe she was trying to figure out what clue Chloe had found. I knew that was what I was trying to figure out. We had been here longer than Chloe, but we were letting things fall into place. We needed it all to come together in a timely manner. If something was off, even slightly, the whole plan wouldn't work. I was actually very afraid that Chloe might ruin our plan with her own unexpected plans.

I was practically pulling my hair out as we followed a bus Chloe had boarded. I was wondering if she had found something that would actually lead her into a different kind of trouble than Greg. If Greg had decided Nick was going to run his new gang, then Nick would be involved with dangerous people. The clue could be leading her right into those people's arms. I wasn't happy about that.

I knew that Greg was probably the most dangerous person around, but I also knew he had some sort of method to his madness. He wouldn't just straight out hurt Chloe-no, for him, that would be too easy. He would use her to his advantage, like he had with Alice last year. We would still have a chance of saving Chloe, if Greg got to her because he'd draw things out as long as he could. But the other guys who were probably involved didn't know who she was and probably wouldn't give a crap. In a way, they were more dangerous because they would act on instinct, not planning.

I took a deep breath and promised myself I wouldn't let Chloe out of my sight. I couldn't let any harm come to her. She had done a lot for Nick. He had started to get better slowly after leaving the gang, but she had been the one who solidified the change in him. I owed her a lot. I owed her more than one life time of servitude.

"She's getting off, Jazz," Alice whispered as if Chloe might hear us. I slowed our vehicle and pulled onto the side of the road, letting some distance grow between us. We could still see her fine, though.

"I don't think we're near anything in particular," I mumbled aloud, wondering why she was getting off here. There wasn't much around. But then I guess any bad guys would want to be situated in a low key kind of place. This was probably a perfect place. It was kind of secluded, but there were still a few shops around in case they needed anything. It wasn't too inconvenient.

As the bus drove past Chloe, she did something neither Alice nor I had expected. She stuck her thumb out into the road and began slowly walking forward.

"Jazz!" Alice panicked. Her eyes were as wide as a deer stuck in headlights. "Stop her!"

I almost did, but then I thought for a moment. No. This could help us. We needed to know what clue she had found. It might help us with our plan. I doubted Chloe would share her knowledge once we scooped her up and forced her back to New York.

"No, I think we need to follow her," I said calmly to my terrified pixie.

Alice looked at me like I had just lost my mind. "No, Jasper, we need to make sure she doesn't get hurt! That's what we _need_ to do," she argued, pulling her hand off of my knee. Her green eyes were fierce, blazing with anger. The brown specks in her eyes were like embers in a burning fire. I could see them so clearly.

"We're right here, darling. We'll see if anything happens," I told her with a gentle voice, thickening my accent to try and calm her nerves a bit. I knew she was worried, but if anything happened, I would jump out of this car and stop it.

"Don't darling me," she snapped, pointing a finger in my face. "She could get hurt!"

I sighed, grabbing her pointed finger. I took her hands in mine, looking at her pointedly. "We'll be right behind her and if the person wanted to do any harm to her they would need to pull over. If they do and Chloe doesn't exit the car right away I will jump out of this car faster than you could blink and take them down. They wouldn't have enough time to lay a finger on her, okay?" I assured her, meeting her eyes intensely.

Alice's eyes searched mine for a moment, making sure I was as confident in my plan as I appeared to be. I nodded to clarify that I knew exactly what I was doing. If anything looked suspicious, I would get Chloe out of there. I was just as concerned for her well being as Alice was.

"You're positive?" she asked, still dubious. I could see the flames in her eyes extinguishing a bit, but there were still some there. She wasn't ready to let go unless I was sure that Chloe would be perfectly safe.

"Positive. If anyone's finger touches her, I'll snap it right off," I promised, trying to add a bit of humor to lighten the mood. I leaned forward to peck her lips reassuringly when I didn't see her smile.

"All right," Alice murmured, touching my cheek. I could see her concern written all over her face. She just had to trust me though.

"All right." I echoed in a quiet voice, not enjoying her troubled look.

It was as if our roles had been switched for once. I was the one doing something questionable while Alice was the hesitant one. I understood why, but I also knew that everything would be fine. If I had a doubt in my mind, I would be grabbing Chloe right there.

Alice tried to relax and nudged me. Her lips tugged on their sides in a playful smile. "You're kind of sexy when you talk all bad boy-ish," she giggled.

"Oh please, don't lie. I'm always kind of sexy," I played along, nudging her back with a smug smirk.

Alice laughed. A real laugh. A musical laugh that filled the car as she smacked my chest, shaking her head at me. "Humble, Jazz, so humble," she rolled her eyes. But I could see her face softening every second as she rested her head against my shoulder.

I turned my head and pressed a tender kiss to her head, promising everything would be fine. Not just with Chloe.

When a car finally slowed, Alice's body stiffened against mine. I wrapped my arm around her shoulders, squeezing her into me, and pulled back onto the road. _Everything will be fine_, I told myself as I felt a knot grow in my stomach.

I pulled close enough to the car, not enough to look suspicious, but enough to get a good look at the person driving the car. It looked like an older lady. She looked harmless from afar. I knew you couldn't ever be too careful because the most innocent people could really be the worst of people, but I felt a little relaxed knowing it wasn't some punk.

We drove for a bit until we arrived out in the country. There were less and less houses as we drove. We were getting into the secluded areas. I wondered where Chloe was heading.

I let myself slow down to a leisurely pace because I knew there would be no traffic out here and we were safe to have distance. It was easier to make sure Chloe didn't see us this way too.

Finally the lady began to slow and we pulled over. I parked us a bit far from where the car stopped because there was a patch of long grass and trees that would protect us from Chloe's sight.

Chloe exited the car, stopping for a moment to talk with the lady, and then shut the door. The car drove off lazily and my eyes glued to Chloe. I became alert. More alert than in a long time. I could feel my old self slipping in beneath my skin. I had to be ready if anything happened.

"Stay in the car. I'm going to trail behind her to make sure nothing happens. I kind of recognize the address... it must have been in one of the texts we saw. It's either one of the contacts for Nick or this is the place. I'll go check it out," I explained to Alice, taking my seat belt off and removing the keys from the ignition.

I heard Alice's belt click and froze. My eyes snapped to hers and I could read them like a book. _You're kidding yourself if you think that's what's happening, Jazz,_ I could hear her say to me through her eyes.

"Stay close," I grumbled, feeling the knot in my stomach tighten. I didn't want her near any danger and sometimes I hated that she insisted it.

She stayed close like I had told her to, though. We crept through the long grass that bordered the property. I could see Chloe sneakily checking out the house. She was in the front and then in the back and then in the front again. We were the closest to the house as we could get without losing our shelter in the grass when Chloe came to the back of the house again.

I wondered what she was doing, moving all around the house like that. She was definitely not being very sneaky or sheltered as she checked windows and doors. She wanted to get in, but she wasn't very good at doing so without being noticed. I held my breath every time I could see she was in plain view of whoever may be inside.

She had her hood up, which wasn't exactly the greatest idea. People would just automatically figure she was some punk kid trying to rob them or something. She was not exactly doing a good job at scooping the place out. She probably had a better chance by just knocking at the door pretending she got the wrong address if Nick didn't answer the door.

My body turned to rock as I saw her enter by the back door. They had left it unlocked. I took that moment to look over the place quickly. It looked quite peaceful. There was only one vehicle: a truck- and nothing else showing that anyone else was around. It wasn't Greg's car so I knew that he wasn't the one in there. It could have been anyone.

"Should we go in after her?" Alice asked in a hushed voice, watching me for directions. I was glad she was staying pressed against my back, not making any moves on her own. I could protect her this way.

"Let's just wait a minute and see what happens," I said, not sure if it was the greatest decision, but honestly, I didn't know what I should do about it. Waiting seemed like the best option.

"What if—" Alice started to say, but I covered her mouth.

"I don't know. Let's just wait," I repeated, not wanting her worries to cloud my judgment because I knew they would.

Alice fidgeted, but stayed behind me, holding my hand. Nothing happened. It was silent. I took that as a good sign. No one was screaming. No shooting. No yelling. It was quiet. That could be bad, but I was hoping for the best. Maybe no one was home and she was just checking the place out for any signs of Nick.

After a little while my anxiety was getting the best of me. I was not the Jasper in Forks anymore. I was very concerned that Chloe might be in danger and I couldn't block it out even if I tried.

"Maybe we should check it out…" I said, conflicted. My hands found their spot in my hair and tugged, trying to figure out what the best move was. Maybe I could take a quick peek….

Alice waited for my cue and then we began to creep out of the grass, but as we did, I could a car rev and I shoved both myself and Alice back into the grass. We landed-hard- but I held Alice down. I had to make sure we weren't stopped. It wouldn't turn out well for us if we were. Anyone who was up to no good would not like people hanging around their property. They were extra careful and extra suspicious. You were guilty. No questions asked.

The car pulled into the driveway as if he were drag racing. He came to an abrupt stop and then came right out of the car.

Even in the distance, I could tell who that was. The short, sandy blonde hair. The dark leather jacket and dark sunglasses. A devious smirk playing on his lips even though there was no one else around. I could see it all clear as day from the grass field.

Greg.

_CPOV_

He grabbed my wrist and pulled me to the end of the hall, opening a closet door. His hands were so warm, even when they were handling me so uncharacteristically...

"Don't breathe too loudly. You are _not_ here, Chloe. No matter what happens, do _NOT_ come out. _Promise me._"

_Why should I promise you anything when you broke your promises to me?_

But the look on his face made me whisper, "Okay."

_I'm staying beside you. Let's just leave. I love you..._

The terror on his face stopped me from saying any of that. His whole face was white and his eyes were wide.

"I'm not here," I whispered, losing my breath as his hands grabbed my shoulders and half-shoved me further into the closet, behind the heating tank that was there. I desperately wanted to bring him in there with me. To hide together from whatever it was he was so afraid of...

He looked torn for a moment, like he wanted to say something, do something...

But then he backed away and closed the door quietly and I heard his footsteps as he quickly retreated down the hall, meeting another set of footsteps in the distance.

"Where the fuck were you? I knocked for like five minutes." The voice was gruff. "It looks suspicious when I have to let myself in."

"Suspicious to whom? There's no one fucking out here," Nick answered shortly, sounding a lot more confident than he had just looked. I barely recognized the voice as his, it was so rough... so different...

I peeked through the slits in the closet door, my eyes widening as I realized that I recognized the person Nick was talking to. Gregory...? So he _was_ connected to all of this... and he seemed to know Nick pretty well, like I thought...

"Did you just say 'to whom'?" Gregory smirked, shaking his head. "Nicky, the people you're working with really aren't gonna care about proper English, kay?"

I winced at the tone in his voice.

He was holding a big box with two bags on top of it. He dropped one of the bags at Nick's feet. "I need you to sort this shit for later tonight. And then the stuff in this one," he lifted the bag in his right hand a bit, "I need you to test it out."

"Can't you get someone else to do your testing, Greg?" Nick asked, grabbing the bag Gregory had given him.

"Yeah, sure," Gregory said, "I could always get Jasper down here. Or even Alice, I think. She'd probably love to try out some of this... I could get her to sell it to her rich friends... what do you think?"

Nick shook his head slowly. "Leave them out of this."

He chuckled and pulled him into a nearby room. They were gone for a few minutes, but it seemed like hours to me.

I waited in the darkness of the closet, peering out through the slits of the door. My hands were shaking, but my mind was calm. My one and only thought right now was _I'm not here_. It was so important to Nick that I was not found by Gregory. I had to concentrate on not being here above anything else.

I could just see the edge of a table in the room where Nick and Gregory went. Gregory was arranging something on the table while Nick stood stiffly.

"Lighten up," Greg came closer and nudged Nick. "Ladies first."

Nick just stared at him, his eyes eerily empty.

"Just fucking do it already so I can move on with my day," Greg finally said, pushing Nick out of my sight.

_Do what? _

They were out of sight for a few minutes. When they finally came out of the room, Nick looked more terrible than he had when they had gone in. I watched him lick his lips as his eyes darted around, trying to look anywhere but at the closet where I was hiding.

Gregory started to walk down the hall, closer to me. "You're a broken record, Nick. You used to be so much more fun..."

I backed up and behind the heating tank again, crouching down into the fetal position and squeezing my eyes shut, so he wouldn't see the whites of my eyes if he opened the door.

_You're not here. Not here not here not here not here __you promised__ you're not here!_

I was barely breathing and then only slowly, through my nose.

"What now?" Nick asked, sounding like he was following on Greg's heels. I noticed his voice was slightly higher and I wondered if he was nervous about them being so close to the closet.

"Housekeeping. Gotta put this in storage and then I need a beer. Grab that door for me."

I heard the door next to the closet open and Greg huffed. "Not _that_ one. The fucking closet door. Do I have to spell everything out to you? Are you really that dumb? I feel like I'm talking to Mack sometimes, I swear... I thought your girl in New York was trying to make you smarter. Guess she was only good for one thing."

I heard a loud thud and then some pounds and grunts... I assumed Nick had attacked him, but I couldn't _picture_ it...

Finally, the closet door shuddered as someone was thrown against it.

"So _aggressive_." I heard Gregory chuckling before his voice turned into a threatening whisper. Nick was the one who had been thrown into the door.

"This is your life, now. Take your issues out on whoever you want, but don't let it be me next time or I swear I'll slit your throat and then sit and watch your pathetic life come to an end."

Nick was so close I could hear him breathing through the door. I had to literally instruct myself to stay put. _You'll only hurt things more. He's okay... he's okay... he's right there! He'll be okay..._

The door shook again as I assumed Greg did something to Nick. I heard Nick take in a quick breath, and then there were footsteps walking away.

"I'm heading out to the bar. I expect everything to be done and ready for me tomorrow morning. We'll go from there. Don't fuck it up." The tone in his voice changed. "Good night!" And then he ran up the stairs, slamming the basement door behind him.

I heard the front door shut upstairs. Then I counted to ten and started to move over to the closet door.

Before I could do anything more, though, it opened slowly and Nick crawled in, shutting it behind him and leaning against it.

My eyes widened with concern for him. I couldn't help it.

"Nick," I whispered.

He lunged forward and before I could move or say anything, he had me pinned against the wall. "I couldn't let him open the door and find you," he whispered back, his voice desperate, eyes wide and panicked.

My heart was pounding and my shoulders were burning where his hands were. It felt like the wall of numbness was starting to thaw under his touch.

"What would he do to you if he found me?" I asked quietly, my eyes taking in his whole face: blurry eyes, beaten lips, smeared blood, scruff on his cheeks and chin...

"Nothing. But he'd kill you right in front of me after he was done fucking around with you 'cause he knows I wouldn't be able to stand it and I-I couldn't let him... he couldn't find you..."

His voice broke and his grip on my shoulders loosened. My body fell into him and I wrapped my arms around his neck, his cheeks scratching at mine as he pulled me close, his whole body shaking.

"You can't be here, Chloe. _Please_. I meant to tell you everything, but it's too late now. Please, just go. Just leave me. Go! Go back to New York," he begged, his face wet, voice desperate. "Just... if you could... don't go back to Bryce, okay, swe-okay?" he struggled with his words. "You deserve so much more than him or me... you need someone who'll treat you how you deserve... please..." he whispered, breaking down. "I'll only hurt you."

"Come with me," I whispered. "I'd spend the rest of my life in this closet with you if it meant we could be together. I need you, Nick... I'm not... I'm not _me_ when you're gone. I'm just... empty..." What else could I say? My thoughts were all muddled by his arms around me... the scent of him...

"I know what you mean..." he admitted, trailing his finger over my face, my lips, my eyebrows... "I miss you so much, but I don't deserve to. I'm so fucked up, Chloe... none of it was really me. This is who I am... who I'm destined to be. This is my life, no matter how much I wish it wasn't-"

I pressed my lips to his and kissed as hard as I could, tasting blood and him and _wow_didImisshim!

Our lips moved roughly, desperately, trying to heal the broken parts of us that had been shattered in the past few weeks we were separated.

I ran my fingers over his arms, his chest, his legs, and then back up into his hair, just embracing the fact that he was really here, kissing me again. He still loved me, I could feel it in every movement of his lips, every breath, every tingle that his fingers left over me as his hands copied mine, finally braiding themselves into my hair.

"Mmm..." I mumbled, kissing from his lips to his cheeks, to his ear. I brought his hand to my heart and gripped it tightly. "How can you tell me that what we have isn't real? That I don't deserve you in my life after everything _I've_ been through and that you don't deserve me after what _you've _gone through. I don't know what you've done in your past, Nick, but you're not that guy anymore," I whispered into his ear.

"I am..." he choked weakly, and I squeezed his hand tighter.

"You are a guy who loves making pancakes because he learned how with his grandfather. You're a guy who hasn't had an easy life and has tried to deal with it in ways that probably weren't the best at first, but have gotten better as he got older. You think you're stupid, but you have _so much_ potential to be great. You're afraid and haunted and charming and ultimately _good_, just lost sometimes... And you're a guy who is loved by a girl who's just as lost, but doesn't care, as long as they can find their way together." I pulled away from his ear and stared into his eyes.

"Nick, I love _you_... the only _you_ that is real. Everything else is the lie. Who you are when you're with me is _you_. I know it!" I told him, desperate to make him understand. "I _know_ it...I can _feel_ it..." I whispered, pressing my forehead against his.

I focused on the warmth that spread through me now that we were so close to one another. I stared into his bloodshot eyes and reached my hand up to brush under them gently. I felt like by saying nothing and just staring at one another, we were saying everything that could possibly be said. I saw in his eyes that he loved me. He didn't want to be away. He thought this was the only way, but it wasn't...

"You haven't slept," I murmured, my fingers lightly stroking the purple under his eyes. I was careful not to press too hard on any of the bruises or scratches that Gregory had given him.

"Couldn't. You probably could if you'd let yourself come down from the caffeine high..." he whispered to me.

I couldn't help the small smile that tugged at my lips. "See how well you know me?"

The remaining walls that he had been holding up crumbled. "I'd come with you if I could, sweetheart. But I-I have to protect you. This is the only way..."

I shook my head. "There's never just one way. This way isn't working for either of us. We're both a mess this way. We don't deserve this."

"_You_ don't deserve this," he corrected automatically.

I shook my head and made him look me in the eye. "_We._"

He paused for a long moment before responding. "Either way... I don't know how else to protect you. He's dangerous and he's insane. He doesn't have a soul, Chloe. He'll hurt you and he'll hurt Jasper and Alice and I can't let him do that."

"So we won't let him. We'll leave New York and go somewhere where he can't find us."

"I can't ask you to leave your whole life at N.Y.U. like that."

"You didn't. I'm offering," I protested.

He shook his head. "I'm not good for you, Chloe... I've done things. So many things... even now... that you wouldn't like. You wouldn't be proud of me if you knew. I'll hurt you... please... don't love me..." He whispered the last part as his voice faded. "I don't deserve it."

The pain in his words was breaking my heart. I gripped his hands tightly as I searched his eyes. "What did he do to you?" I whispered. The man in front of me now was so much more broken than I had ever seen him before. Nick had had low days, but this was something entirely new. "How does he have so much power over you?"

"Too long of a story to tell in a closet," he said, letting out a whoosh of air as he tried to sound like he was laughing when really, I think he was trying not to cry.

I stroked his cheek lightly and he closed his eyes at my touch, reveling in it.

"Nick..." I whispered, leaning in to kiss his forehead. "Please... Come home with me."

He just sighed and leaned his head into my hand. "I-I can't leave..."

I pulled him closer to me. "Neither can I, then. Not without you."

He laid his head on my shoulder and wrapped his arms around me. We sat on the floor of that closet door for what could have been minutes or hours or days...I had no sense of time. I just had him and it's all I needed right then.

Our bubble without time popped when the door upstairs slammed.

Nick jumped, his head jerking toward the sound as he moved out of my embrace.

"That can't be Greg. He isn't supposed to be back yet. Chloe." He looked straight into my eyes. "Not yet."

I didn't know what to say, so I just kissed him quickly. "I'm not here." And then I had to use every bit of willpower in me to retreat back behind the water heater again.

I closed my eyes, the sight of Nick's face reflecting behind my eyelids.

When I opened them again, I was in darkness.

Through the slits of the door, I could see Greg again, staring at where Nick was standing in front of the closet door.

"What the fuck are you doing in the closet?"

**Au****thor's Note: Well there it is! I hope that chapter was worth the six month wait. I would like to make a huge shout out to my beta, LucyAlyce, who was very patient but still as persistent as ever to get this chapter up. She also wrote the CPOV and it was amazing as always, right? But I would you enjoyed it and we'll hopefully post another soon. Thank you all for being so patient and loyal to this story!** **Review and let us know what you think! **

**P.S. take a look at LucyAlyce's profile. She has posted a new Alice/Jasper story called "Lost and Found". Check it out! I was honoured with a preview of the story and it looks amazing so far! **


	54. Chapter 54

**I****t's been a long and tiresome wait, but here it is, my faithful readers! Enjoy! **

Chapter 54

_APOV_

A soft gasp of recognition escaped from my lips before I could manage to muffle it.

Since I had lost my memory, I had only known Greg as Gregory, the oddly nice guy who seemed to have a knack for making double-sided comments and passing secretive stares. In that time, I had some strange feelings about him. Sometimes my heart would scream '_Don't!_' when my mind was oblivious. Sometimes my stomach would curl in on itself when I was around him, but I never understood why.

I actually felt bad at the time because I had thought he was just a normal guy. I couldn't figure out why I had to hold back being so rude. But now my subconscious seemed to know straight away that he wasn't _that_ guy and he wasn't good news. My instincts had known what he was the whole time and now I could feel it with every fiber of my being.

I knew now that that one man could do so much damage to me, my friends and my family. We were stuck in a life-sized chess game, fighting against the giant madman who made all the rules and moved all the pieces to where he felt content. And unfortunately he had assigned us to be the weakest and most unfortunate pieces of the game: the pawns.

But there was Hope for us. Greg may have thought of himself as an evil mastermind. And in the real world, he did have some good, scheming tricks up his sleeve. But the most important thing we had to remember was that he was only human and humans make mistakes.

Greg had made one _big_, _huge_ mistake assuming Nick and Jazz would accept their roles as pawns in his game. They weren't pawns, but Knights: trained and ready to fight. Or, in the way they had been studying every move Greg had made on his battlefield for the last few years, maybe they were actually Kings. We were lucky for that. I prayed that would be enough to get all of us out of this situation safely.

"I guess we know this is the right place now," Jasper murmured. His voice dropped a bit lower than usual.

My eyes flickered away from the nightmare of a figure to Jasper. I watched his light blue eyes turn into hard sapphires as they locked in on Greg. It was different to watch Jasper like this. He looked like…a hunter. It was like watching a hunter stalk his prey as he focused on Greg and our situation.

Jasper's analytical mind had taken in every little detail about everything around us, as if he had figured out four different backup plans depending on the scenario. By calculating what he knew of his opponent and his environment, I knew he had created as many solid plans as he could. Greg wasn't the only mastermind playing this game.

I smiled at the irony that Jasper was only focusing on football back at school in New York. He could become anything he wanted to; his potential was undeniable.

My smile quickly dissipated as I noticed Jasper's jaw clenching, his eyes narrowing in frustration. "I don't know where they are in the house.…" he mumbled under his breath, realizing that he was missing a key piece of information that he needed to form a solid plan.

"Maybe–"

But before he could finish, I felt Jasper's arm tighten around me and very slowly pull me down against him. We tensed together, him knowing a danger and me sensing one.

His eyes were wider now, a classic deer in headlights moment as he stared toward the white picket fence house in front of us. Greg's body had turned towards us. He stood in the dirt driveway gazing into the field. I could hear the clinking of his car keys as he twirled them around his index finger and I held my breath. He was staring for a while. Did he see us? Sense that we were there?

Greg let it go quicker than I would have thought, though, and was soon whistling a haunting tune as he jogged up the porch steps.

Jasper let out a slow, deep breath and I could see he was scolding himself for speaking out loud when we were so close. My hand stroked his forearm comfortingly, trying to alleviate whatever negative energy I could in this situation. His arms tightened appreciatively around me.

"You know, this isn't really the time to get 'romantic' like this, Jazz," I winked, gently tossing my hair out of my eyes.

Jasper rolled his eyes but let his hard face indulge some humor before switching back to the apathetic expression. He did nod thankfully, but other than that, he made no move to act or communicate in any way until Greg was fully inside the house.

As soon as the front door had closed behind Greg, Jasper's hand was thrusting something small, hard and metallic into my hand.

"Alice, I need you to take these. You need to put them onto Greg's car, okay? Put it on the fender, the part right over the tire on the car. They're magnets and they'll stick to the car, okay? That's all you have to do. Just that. And then you're going to go _right_ back to our car, alright?" He asked this so seriously, begging for confirmation from me. For a promise.

When I didn't answer right away, he took that as hesitance–as he should–and continued. "I mean it, Alice Marie Cullen. Right there and then march your cute little butt back to the car. Then you don't move _one_ muscle," he added with a stern look and then a small, caring smile.

"Okay," I nodded in agreement, but even I could hear the uncertainty in my voice. I wouldn't stay there if I heard screaming or if I saw even a hint of anything suspicious happening. I wouldn't stand by and let the people I loved be hurt…or killed.

He nodded to himself and then raised himself into a kneeling position. "I'm going to go in after them… I'll try and stay out of sight unless I feel the need to move in. I just need you to have the tracking device in place before he leaves," he instructed, lending me a hand to help me up to my feet. He didn't move his hand off of my back, directing me to bend low as we walked.

"And I just need you to be safe," I whispered as we hurried toward the house. I felt like I was a real life action-hero, fighting against time and fate to save the ones I cared about.

Jasper's eyes flickered quickly, but intensely to mine and he hid us behind Greg's car. "Trust me. That's what I'm hoping for too, darling. I'm not going to lose having you for the rest of my life right after I just got you back." He leaned over, pecked my lips sweetly, but briefly, before turning quickly on his heels and heading for the house.

_God, I know you've given me a lot of miracles in my life so far, but I would so appreciate another,_ I prayed quickly before ducking low and scrambling towards the back fender. I opened my fisted hand to see the small black squares and pressed the first one to the inside of the fender so there would be no way of seeing it. After attaching the first one, I stalled for a couple of minutes, making sure Greg wouldn't see me out one of the windows. If he was close, I had to give Jasper time to distract him.

My heart rate raised a few notches as I hurried to the side visible to the house. I knew if Greg saw me now and Jasper wasn't near him, I'd definitely get hurt. But I also knew if I didn't get this done, Jasper's plan wouldn't work and I didn't even want to think about that.

_Click_. The last tracker hit the metal and I smiled in satisfaction. Not bad for a first-time heroine, I thought to myself. Maybe I had a chance at a career in the acting profession.

_BANG_

The ground under me shuddered, the loud noise bouncing off the surrounding trees and shooting straight at me with a thunderous sound.

My head spun in a whirlwind and pushed me roughly down to the ground. My head snapped back and I felt a sharp pain. Then nothing.

Light. Everywhere. Shining so brightly I thought I'd go blind. My eyes burned, but it didn't feel like it was from outside of my head, but from inside. I closed my eyes tightly, but the light wasn't going away. The light was fighting to get out of me and a loud _thudding_ was echoing off every side of my skull. I felt like the Sun Gods were playing ping pong in my head.

"_Alice! Baby, don't do it. Don't go back there. Stay with me,"_ I heard Spencer's voice beg me from a faraway place. _"Hold onto me!"_

My mind told my hand to reach for him, but I was frozen in place. Was he falling? Where was he? I couldn't see anything but bright white. Spencer!

"_We're going to be great. I just know it_." It was my own voice this time. The hope and confidence in my voice was indisputable.

"_You hold me like I'm the one who's precious__  
__I hate to break it to you but its just__  
__The other way around__  
__You can thank your stars all you want but__  
__I'll always be the lucky one." _

A familiar southern-twanged voice was singing so gently to me. Déjà vu shot all through my body. The person's presence made me tingle. Warmth.

Jasper. "_Yes, you are one terrifying little monster."_

My hands fisted and I tried to curl into a ball, breathing heavily. The light wasn't still anymore, but out of control. It flashed brightly lit images around me like strobe lights in a night club, but it was too fast. I couldn't keep up. The voices were muffled. Jasper. Spencer. Me. Edward. Emmett. Nick. Mack. Everyone.

_"Hello, I guess you are Jasper, huh?" _Dad.

_"Yeah that's me."_

_"Call me Dan. Firm grip, hard rough hands… Hard worker." _My dad's voice was full of pride.

"_Thank you,"_ Jasper whispered his voice husky and low.

_"For what Jazz?" _I heard my voice, but I knew I hadn't moved my lips. It was all happening in my head. Was I losing it? Had I finally cracked?

_"Saving me."_

_"I love you darling."_

Suddenly there was darkness and a voice with a gravelly tone took over my whole mind and I couldn't see anything. Black.

_"You think his life is so much better with you?! HA! Yeah…way better with us not there to protect him. He is safer in jail anyway. I did him a favor!" _Greg._ "If I were a pretty little thing like you, I'd run away from here before you get yourself hurt."_

_"Is that a threat?"_ My voice was strong in my head, but my body was shaking from the sound of Greg, even though it was only in my head. What was happening?

_"Take it how you will."_

Lights again.

"_No, Jasper did not kill Allen Meyer! I did! I stabbed him! Three times! I hated him for what he did to Jasper and his family and he was not going to get away with it. I killed Allen Meyer!"_ Nick's voice was strong except for a waver in the middle. Murder? Am I dreaming? Was it good or a nightmare? It kept shifting from one side of the spectrum to the other.

_Stop. It._ I pleaded with my mind. _Please stop._ The lights were flashing too bright. Too much. Jasper. Love. Emmett. Guilt. Mack. Betrayal. Rosalie. Help. Green. Park swings. Hospital tubes. Beeping. Humming. Knocking.

I gripped my head in my hands and rode it out, starting to feel nauseated. The knocking got louder and an image began to form in my mind. A small place. A room, blurry and dark. Jasper. His blonde, blood-stained curls against the floor. His face was pale. Red. Red was everywhere. Blood.

Jasper was sprawled out across an old, blue carpet. His hand was clenching his cell phone and his eyes were pleading with mine. _I'm sorry_, they screamed at me.

I could feel myself starting to hyperventilate. Was this happening? Was I seeing the future? Had I fallen asleep? Was Jasper hurt?

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.

I had to stop the bleeding, but my body was paralyzed. All I could do was watch. My face was wet with hot tears. _Please make this stop. Please._

The blood kept pouring out of the stab wound in his stomach.

_"Steve! It was him!"_ Greasy, brown curls. Sinister smile. A look of hatred on his face. Jasper's stepdad.

But then he was gone as the images, scenes and voices started flipping past me again.

Slowly, it all started to make sense. I began to figure out what exactly I was seeing: my past. Forks. The green. The trees. The people. The red jackets and snarling glances. Greg. Mack. Nick. Greg. The Cullens.

Nick's blood flowing from his newly broken nose. Mack on the ground after being shot. Greg's look of fear and panic when he saw Mack there instead of me. Mack's eyes staring at me with a look of apology, even as he was lying there dying. A man full of sorrow and demons.

But most of all, I saw Jasper. I saw the moments where we quickly fell in love. It wasn't like Spencer and me, where we had slowly fallen in love throughout our entire lives. Jasper was different. Our relationship was totally different. It was like walking and then suddenly tripping. Before you know it, you're on the ground. That was really _falling_ in love. No one would have been able to catch me fast enough. Not even Emmett and his big, strong arms.

Jasper's eyes were a clear blue and they now filled the entire moment of my mind's vision. The light blue that had filled all those months took over my mind and flooded it with all the love that the accident had stolen away from my memory. It was incredibly intoxicating and overwhelming. Again, I had to remind myself how to breathe. All the songs he sang, all the words he had spoken, all the promises he had vowed and all the _darlings_ he had rasped were everywhere and it was perfect. It was where I belonged. It was the past and the future I wanted. I needed.

Then it was dark again and my mind frantically grasped at the images that had disappeared, craving to get back to the heaven I had been in. But the new image had broken into my mind and wouldn't let me look away.

Greg's stormy gray eyes burning into mine captured me. Memories that had been erased from my past were coming back and this one wasn't going to be left untouched, even though I wished it would. His eyes were hateful and devious. There was no purity, no happiness, no hope. All I could find was a malicious and loathing soul. I was afraid of him. Afraid of remembering more.

But out of my control, all the feelings from the past resurfaced and I felt the hatred that dwelled and burned like an everlasting flame in my heart. I hated Greg Gagnon. I was Alice Marie Cullen and I gave everyone a chance, but Greg was beyond chances. He had hurt the people I loved too many times. I would not let him hurt Jasper and Nick anymore.

The blinding light blanked everything out as a loud, high-pitched sound pierced through me. I gasped.

Light green. White picket fence. Texas.

I scrambled up into a sitting position, but my mind swirled and the world around me tilted so fast I thought I'd puke. My fingers dug into Greg's car as I tried to steady myself. I was back. Sort of.

I slowed my panting by concentrating on taking in deep breaths, letting them out slowly. My teeth chattered and my whole body felt cold and clammy, but my eyes were burning hot and my head was pounding.

My throat was dry as I swallowed. I could feel my heart rate starting to finally slow down. I was exhausted and completely overwhelmed by what had just happened. The floodgates of my past had just overflowed into my mind.

It was an understatement to say that I had been a bit unprepared for all of that, but I couldn't complain. I had gained back everything I had lost and that meant the world to me.

I wiped the tears from my face with a trembling hand. Slowly and shakily, I stood up and leaned against the back of Greg's car as my legs got used to holding my weight again.

This would change _everything_.

_JPOV_

All I could think when I was entering that house was: this is exactly why we moved to New York. So we would never have to face this situation again. I guess I never should have assumed my life could stay so easy. What would Jasper Hale's life be without a little drama and sorrow, right? With the scars came a past. And with a past came relapses and closeted demons.

And as always, I was terrified by how fast my numbness came back. My mind clicked straight back into the place where it expected no hope and no future. I didn't expect a positive outcome and I constantly had to remind myself of the beautiful girl outside who had given me all those things. I had to keeping repeating to myself that I was now a new person. I couldn't let Greg drag me back. I wouldn't let myself be influenced by him because that's exactly what he wanted.

I had found a quote one day recently. It was written somewhere in New York. I couldn't remember if it was on a desk at school or on a wall in a restaurant, but the words were clear in my head. It spoke of moments like this that I would face.

_Hope is like the sun, which, as we journey toward it, casts the shadow of our burden behind us._

Alice was that Hope. That sun. The one who made me forget about my past and all the mistakes and nightmares I went through. I would live in her light.

But it was my job to conquer this darkness that threatened that light. We were going to get rid of Greg once and for all. Nothing was going to stop me this time. As composed as I had been for Alice, I was longing for this moment: the moment where I could end this. I was burning with a hatred for Greg.

I slowly and stealthily crept up the porch stairs and in through the front door. I took a quick peek around, seeing nothing. The place was empty, but it did give me a bit of a laugh. If I could laugh. It was more of an inward smirk. Greg was getting smarter.

The house was decorated as if a friendly family had moved in. This looked a lot better than the HQ back in Forks. He hadn't even been inconspicuous with that one. Everyone knew it was a gang cabin and Greg didn't even care.

This new step to blend in showed he was serious. He wanted this to be the way to a newer and better gang.

Well, it sure as hell wasn't going to be with my best friend in the lead. Nick had already made too many sacrifices for me.

The only difficult part was that because it was so nicely masked to be a family house, I couldn't tell where to go. All I could do was be still and let my senses kick in.

"What the fuck were you doing in the closet?" I heard Greg half shout, half laugh.

There. My feet moved on their own, gently testing the floor boards before using them. I could not afford to even make a creak of noise. Nick's life would immediately be even more in danger if Greg heard me.

My eyes surveyed the room carefully as I looked for any giveaway spots where Greg would normally hide a weapon. Nothing too obvious, but somewhere that was convenient. Couches.

I walked over to the nearest couch and slid my hand down the inside of it. I felt cold metal graze across my fingertips and I grasped it. _There we are. You aren't as smart as you think Greg. You never change_.

The door where Greg's voice had come from was near the back of the house. Thankfully, he had left it open and I didn't have to risk the creak of the door. The only thing I had left to conquer was the stairs leading into the basement.

I held my breath as I took the first few steps. So far, so good. I had this. But then like everything in life, it had to be messed up at least once. The last step whined loudly and I froze as still as a frozen statue in Narnia.

My breath caught in my throat and the first peak of fear I had felt in a long time rose, punching me in the gut. My hand tightened hard around the handgun.

Greg's dark, gravelly laugh boomed through the empty hallways."I get it."

I got ready, figuring he had realized I was here. I kept my breathing slow as my adrenaline rushed.

But then he kept talking to Nick. "This is symbolism. You're trying to tell me something. Oh wait, this better not be your way of telling me you're gay? Because I knew that years ago, Nicky. You and Jasper. Come on, now. You could have been a bit more discreet. Kids put socks on their door knobs for reasons."

Greg's voice infuriated me. He was trying to get Nick riled up, which wouldn't be hard. Especially if he was still doing the coke for Greg. My heart pumped harder and I made myself breathe. _Relax. You got this. No one's moving. You're good._

"Screw you," Nick spat and then I heard him quickly clear his throat.

I blinked slowly and ran my hand through my hair. Either the fear in my head was playing tricks on me or Nick's voice had trembled. That gave me a boost and my feet shot straight forward as I tried to pick up where I had previously heard them speaking. Hopefully Nick was just on edge. Nothing could be wrong already, could it? Greg _just_ got here.

Oh. But Chloe was here, too. In all my scheming and planning, I had forgotten. She was still here. Probably in the same room. That's why he was panicking.

"Oh, touchy. Did I hit a soft spot? Does your little girlfriend know about this? You know, you could probably tell her. It's better than 'Hey babe, I'm kind of a mass murderer, gang member, drug dealer.' I'd let her off easy with the gay thing," he chuckled forebodingly.

How could even a laugh sound so… chilling?

"I thought you were leaving?" Nick recovered a bit. His voice was cold, but even. The trembling was gone. His instincts had taken over.

"And I thought you were putting that box in the closet," Greg snapped back.

I walked quietly down the hall to the only doorway with the light on and pressed my back firmly against the wall beside it, listening carefully. If Nick needed me, I was ready. But from there, I wasn't really sure what I was supposed to do. Point a gun at Greg and say 'Freeze!'?

"Dude, you just left! I was about to do it when you walked in. Hence the closet move," Nick grumbled.

"Hence the closet move," Greg mumbled, his tone mocking. I heard an impact of something hitting leather. He must have sat down. There was a tense silence that took over the room and I waited.

"You up to something, Nicky?" Greg finally asked, his voice grave.

"What do you think? You've constantly reminded me that if I did anything outside of what you told me to do, you'd hurt Chloe." Nick's answer was angry, but defeated. He was playing the part well, but I think that message was meant for both Greg and Chloe. That told me she was in earshot and confirmed that she was probably in the same room with them.

"Right, but we just established you were gay, anyhow. So are you up to something?" His lowered his voice, deep and commanding. "_Answer the question._"

"No." Nick's voice was clear, but dripping with hatred. I wasn't sure if he was saying he wasn't up to anything or if he was saying he wasn't going to answer the question.

"That's weird. I have this feeling in my gut that's telling me that you _are_ up to something. Why would I feel this if you weren't?" Greg asked with a hint of a threat in his tone. The ever-present sound of amusement laced his words as well.

"We both know you don't have 'feelings', Greg. So go back to your corner of the dead and leave me be," Nick told him. I could feel his voice getting annoyed. He was on the edge of snapping. I prayed he held on. Greg would know something was up if he resorted to violence.

"You seem to forget that I own you, Nicholas. You've been mine since the day you came to me, begging to join my gang. And as my former right-hand, you have to do what I tell you to do. If I told you to go upstairs, grab a bottle of whiskey, and bring it back down here, you'd do it. And if I told you to chug it until you're drunk enough to answer me truthfully, you'd have to do that, too. Because I am in control of you."

Silence. I could almost feel the stare-down from where I was standing.

"Open the closet," Greg suddenly ordered.

I heard no movement.

"Seriously, Nick, I am already getting tired of your shit. Are you deaf or just dumb?! Open the damn door or I'll make you open it. You can take the easy way or hard way."

Greg's voice boomed. He was standing up now, I could tell.

_Now, Jasper._ If I didn't act, I was sure that the next move between them wouldn't be good. _Now. _

I calmly turned the corner with the gun pointed straight where Greg's voice had come from, FBI style. "Sit!"

Nick and Greg both stared at me for a long moment. It was obvious that Nick was shocked to see me. Greg smirked. "Took you long enough, buddy ole' pal. I've been waiting for this."

His old smirk of all-knowing power and cockiness irked me. I whirled through déjà vu and gritted my teeth. My old gang gut tempted me to shoot him in the head, but I knew that would cost me more in the end.

"_Sit!_" I shouted again, taking a step closer to him. I wanted – no, I _needed_ to be in control for once.

He knew I wasn't playing around, but he was such a psycho that he didn't even budge. Greg's hand twitched and I knew he was reaching for a gun.

My trigger finger moved instinctively and _BANG_. Before my mind could even process what I was doing, the gunshot rang through the room and echoed back at me what had just happened. A grunt quickly followed it.

Greg grabbed his shoulder tightly and I saw blood soak through his fingers. He blinked, but there was no emotion there. No fear at all. His smile pulled to one side and I knew his smirk was forming. He was pleased. It made me sick.

"Nice shot, but only a graze. You're obviously getting sloppy," Greg chuckled through his teeth. He didn't even seem to be bothered by the pain, only amused.

I knew why the pain wasn't hurting, though. I had been there. We had all been there. Nick, Mack, me, and obviously Greg.

When you see enough cruelty in the world. When you experience it. When you become it. The hatred, pain, ignorance, arrogance, discrimination. When you're part of that, you slowly become numb to it all. You're consumed by it so much that you don't even sense it anymore.

But that's not the only thing to disappear. Every emotion is gone. Happiness, love, anything good in the world. The darkness overcomes the light and you are a complete rock and nothing will break down that wall.

Or so you think. My wall had been broken down and so had Nick's, but I had a strong feeling that Greg's wall was impenetrable. Despite being able to feel again, I was still hardened to the point that I felt no sympathy for Greg.

"What's the plan, _Jazz_? Gonna save your bestie and his girly, who I know is hiding in that closet, and march right on out of here? You think I'll just…let it be?" Greg chuckled, raising a taunting eyebrow at me, but clenching his shoulder tighter. "Please."

"Yeah, that's actually kind of my plan," I said with a gentle smile. "That or I'll have the cops on you like flies on honey."

_Show confidence_, I instructed myself. Greg preys on the weakest. Coolness and self-assurance drives him up a wall, even if he doesn't show it.

Greg held back a smile and nodded. "I see. Okay. You have me shaking in my boots now." _Kill him._ _Confidence._

Nick shifted toward me, getting my back, but also aligning himself closer to the closet door. He wasn't thinking this would end well, but I knew – okay, I hoped – that everything would go exactly as planned.

I straightened up and tilted my head tauntingly to the side, smirking devilishly. "You're going to leave here right now. You're not going to turn around or I'm going to blow your brains out."

I loaded my gun as a warning. "And if you so much as try and make contact with any of us again, we will leak out all the information we have on you. Not only about your old crimes, but of this lovely new headquarters you have here, all the contacts Nick has been making, and your whereabouts. Don't underestimate us, Greg. You see where that always gets you. We will ruin you if you ever come near us again," I promised him with a snarl.

Greg sat down on the leather chair and took a deep breath, sizing me up. His normally dull gray eyes burned with passionate fury, but his face remained composed.

"Loyalty is such a fine trait," he commented, observing us with interest, eyeing us with curiosity and delight. "It's both the Punishers' weakness and strength. You two could have done so much more. Pity." I sensed regret in his tone.

"You seem pretty relaxed for a guy who every cocaine dealer in Mexico is going to be hunting in a matter of hours," I commented lightly, ignoring him. I wasn't playing his game anymore. _Our lives were our own now._

Greg smirked for a moment and then stared, blinking slowly. His eyes narrowed, then relaxed. He looked as if he didn't know what emotion he was supposed to be sharing. Was that my winning move for our side?

I continued, knowing I had him silenced for at least a moment. "What will they all think when their hideouts are suddenly being raided? '_Maybe it's that new guy….Greg Gagnon….the one who we just let into our drug ring. Could he be the squealer? We better go find out_.' I'll let you play out how that would go in your head," I smirked, signaling to Nick to get Chloe out. Greg wasn't going to be moving anytime soon.

Nick moved to open the closet door, but froze when Greg spoke again. "They've seen Nick's face," he countered with a smile.

I motioned to Nick to keep going. Greg looked as if he was grabbing onto whatever he could. He was struggling to hold on.

I chuckled darkly, pushing my hair back with confidence. "Everyone knows not to blame the errand boy. You ever hear the phrase '_don't shoot the messenger' _? They'll know he most likely knows nothing and wouldn't be worth harming. The most they might do is ask him what he knows about where you might be. And Nick won't mind answering that."

Greg knew I was right because his eyes flickered, now unsure, between me and where Nick was standing in the closet door, his back to us. He was stumped.

The fingers on Greg's non-bloody hand drummed lightly across the new leather as he nodded genuinely. "Nicely played," he mumbled. "A good move. But the game isn't over. It never will be." And surprisingly, with that comment, he stood and nodded his head, almost as if he was approving of us.

I glanced over at Nick to see him standing in the doorway of the closet, Chloe still mostly inside, but looking out past him. I could hear Nick quietly cursing him as Greg left the room, but I mostly concentrated on the fact it worked. We attacked Greg's weak point and it _worked_. Could this be real life? It seemed too easy.

I quickly followed Greg down the hall, giving him enough room that he couldn't turn around and retaliate, but also recognizing that Alice was nearby and Greg was packing. I knew that despite being shot in the shoulder, Greg could still shoot accurately.

Nick and Chloe trailed farther behind me. I could see that Nick was just as distraught as Chloe. He had been so quiet during the whole exchange, not trusting his buzzing, coke-infused judgment enough to make any moves.

"Jasper," Nick called softly from behind me.

I turned my head as we walked and was met by two pairs of heavily grateful eyes. "Thank you," he murmured sincerely. Chloe echoed the thanks with a nod and teary eyes.

I nodded back with a small smile, but snapped my head to look in front of me when I heard Greg snickering to himself as he heard the exchange.

"Apparently I targeted the wrong man," he chuckled. "I picked the bitch instead of the raging Rottweiler who had just been itching for another battle. Shoulda known Jasper was the man to target." Greg paused, his back still to us as he let go of his injured shoulder, seeming to enjoy watching the blood on his fingers as it dripped onto the cold concrete floor.

A brown blur shot past me.

"Chloe!" Nick yelled with a desperation that snapped my senses into overdrive. Chloe had darted right past and straight to Greg. Her eyes were on fire with a passion I had never witnessed before in her, but had seen more times than I would've liked to when Alice looked at Greg. Hatred.

I jumped forward, but before I could grab her, she had snuck right up behind Greg and her fist had connected with the bloody part of his shirt in the exact spot I had shot Greg.

I heard his breath catch and he spun with a quickness only a Punisher could have. His eyes found hers like radar finding a signal, but she didn't flinch.

Before another second could pass, both Nick and I were in front of her. We shielded her from anything he could do, but his hands made no move to hurt her. "Can dish it but ya can't take it, can you?" he taunted, but I could feel his hatred pumping through the air.

"No!" Chloe pushed through us enough so that she was standing between us, our bodies still angled toward her. "I can take it. Bring it. You know why? Because _you're the bitch_. You take innocent, vulnerable kids and manipulate them into your little minions so _they_ can do your dirty work. They do the hard stuff. They take the pain. And you do nothing. You're a coward. A lonely, pathetic coward. That makes you the bitch," she seethed, her eyes firey, hands clenched at her sides.

The air was so thick that no one moved. Trust me, I wanted to move. I wanted to raise my gun and point it straight at his face, forcing him to turn around and keep moving forward. But I was frozen in place. Fear actually racked through my body like an electric shock, paralyzing me.

"I feel like I've heard that before. They say history tends to repeat itself, but... hmm. We're missing Mack. He's not here to dive in front of any bullets." Greg licked his lips slowly and eyed her as a lion would eye a gazelle right before it struck. He was hungry for revenge, for blood, and we had pushed too many of his buttons already.

He continued. "You played smart in New York. I thought maybe Nick had found one with an ounce of intelligence, but now I see you're just as ignorant as the rest of the world. You think you're better than me, don't you? Because... why? You haven't killed anyone? You've never stolen or manipulated or beat the shit out of anyone?"

Greg chuckled as he looked at Nick. "Your girl's too good for you, Nicky."

Nick didn't move a muscle, which spoke louder than if he had said or done something. I could tell he believed that already.

"No, Greg. Nick's too good for you," Chloe said, her voice calm, but forceful.

Greg's smile was cruel. "Why? Because you _saved _him? Is that what you think? 'Cause I'll tell you something, Princess. He ain't saved. He's just as messed up as the last time I saw him. He's covering it up just as he would before. He used to pretend to be strong for Jasper and now he's pretending to be strong for you."

Because he couldn't physically do much to hurt us right now, since it was three against one and he was still bleeding, Greg had decided to keep screwing with us mentally.

"You're too naive to notice, but I see it. He longs for adrenaline. He's bored. He craves the intensity and the fight. He wants the drugs. He enjoyed doing cocaine with me again more than you'd know, but I saw it. Hell, he even _asked_ me for more when his samples were getting low." Greg's voice was hypnotic, his voice just above a whisper, now.

"The pure desire and relief that relaxed his whole being as he snorted that shit... that's something you can't give him. He _loved_ it. It not only took him away from his situation, but also his thoughts. Thoughts of you. That constant voice in his head telling him that he's not good enough for you. That he never will be. He's not smart enough. Not pure enough. He's seen too much... done too much. Surrounded by you, that's all he can hear. But for those few minutes when he had that powder, he was free from that. He was in control again. Weren't you, Nicky?"

Greg didn't wait for an answer, but I felt Nick's posture stiffen beside me. Chloe just glared at Greg, sensing he wasn't done yet.

I shook my head at how Greg knew exactly where to prod Nick to make him hurt. Of course the cocaine had made Nick forget everything unpleasant. Coke gave you energy. Made you feel powerful and in control of what you needed to be. Greg played on those feelings by twisting it into Nick needing to be in control of his feelings of unworthiness that Greg himself had put there. It wasn't Chloe who had made Nick feel that way.

Greg's sharp gray eyes stared into her brown ones. "You won't save him. You don't know him how I do. I know plenty of things, Chloe. I know what every single one of those 'innocent, vulnerable kids' needs. I help them. So, no, I'm no one's _bitch_. I am a _savior _to them, Miss-High-and-Mighty. You think you're so brave. You think you're standing up to some big bad person? Well, you got that right. I am. I have the power to save or end lives. Right now, I am the monster who wants to snap your neck and feel your heartbeat stop against the flesh of my hands." His voice boiled with uncontainable fury.

I sensed the power shifting back into his court. I couldn't let that happen. "I'll have the cops—"

"Oh, shut up, Jasper. It would be worth watching the life drain out of her ungrateful face."

Chloe lunged at him, but Nick's arms wrapped around her, holding her back from him.

Greg shook his head as he raised his voice. "I'm so sick of all of you! You forget so easily. I _saved_ both of you. Whether you like it or not, you'd be dead without me." He turned to face me. "Your old pal drunken Stevie was at the bar one night and babbling on about how he was going to kill you and I told him I'd slit his throat if he ever did. That's the only reason you were alive to see your sixteenth birthday," he told me with unwavering eyes.

I swallowed hard, knowing it was probably true.

"And Mack! Let me tell you about Mack. You all think I warped his weak little mind into being a little pet for me, when all I did was stop him from committing suicide. _I SAVED HIM!_" He screamed, spit spraying over all of us.

My gun rose in a sharp snap, pressing cold and hard against his forehead.

"_Do it, Jasper!_" he fumed, breathing heavily. "_Fucking do it already!_"

The gun was the only thing between his face and mine and I could feel the evil emanating from him. It pushed at me, prodded, trying to find a way to take over. My finger was tight on the trigger. And I _wanted_ to do it. I wanted to end him. _Needed_ to finally make it all stop.

But my finger didn't budge. As I felt Chloe's hand against my back, I knew what her touch was trying to remind me of. _Alice_. Goodness. Light. Life. Alice was all of that and she had showed me how to have that, too. I hadn't killed anyone since I had fallen in love with her and deep down, the part of me that was good won out. I couldn't kill again. Not like this.

Greg's eyes perceptively picked up on the encounter and both of us knew my moment had passed. He took a step back from the gun as his eyes shot bullets at me.

"I saved your girls, too, you know," he hummed, smirking, high on his own power.

That wasn't true. "You tried to _kill_ Alice!" I shouted at him, feeling the fear start to be replaced by hatred and the need for revenge again. My brain was switching back and forth between past and present. I wanted to kill him. I could kill him. But I couldn't pull the trigger. I couldn't force Chloe to watch that. I couldn't explain it to Alice later.

But God... he had been seeking to ruin our lives _and_ our relationships ever since we left his damn gang. Why shouldn't I ruin him? So what if the police would take him to jail? He'd still be alive. Jail wasn't enough for all the pain he had caused.

He chuckled. "Well, yeah. But I meant recently, Jazz." How could he be so confident with a gun pointed at his head? Maybe he did know us more than we would have liked. He knew I wasn't going to kill him. Maybe before, but not now. I was changed.

"I mean in New York. This little pansy was prancing around, stalking Alice and Chloe wherever they went. He wanted to hurt them. Or at least Chloe. I could feel it." Greg made a movement and my gun stabbed roughly into his head as a warning, but he only brought out his wallet, pulling out a card.

My curiosity beat out my anxiety. It was a California driver's license. The name was easy to read: _Bryce Masters._

Chloe took in a sharp breath and I felt Nick move closer to her instinctively.

"Ring a bell, _Chlo_?" Greg asked cunningly. "Sure it does. Your ex boyfriend. I thought you were supposed to be so smart. He was stalking you for almost a month and you and Nick had no idea. But guess who did? _Me! I_ knew! And it was _me _who got rid of him."

Chloe stared at him, her eyes wide with shock. She looked like someone had just knocked the air right out of her and she was paler than I had ever seen her.

"I _protected_ you and this is the crap I get for it. _You ungrateful fools!_" Greg's emotions were jumping around so much that I was getting whiplash. I didn't know _what_ was going on, now. Where was he going to take this?

"Thank you, Greg."

A small but bright voice rang off the cold, dark walls of this basement, bringing them new light. _Alice_.

My eyes flickered to the other end of the hallway, behind Greg, and there she was on the stairs, clutching the railing. Her knuckles were white with the effort.

The grip on my gun tightened and I had to remind myself that it was a loaded gun and it would shoot. But something was wrong with Alice. Something was different about her compared to when I had left her at the car. I could feel it in my bones.

"Thank you for saving Jasper," she continued calmly. "And thank you for being there and taking Nick in when his Grandpa died. Thank you for stopping Mack from killing himself and thank you for stopping Bryce from hurting Chloe and maybe even me. You _have_ done good things in your twisted ways and maybe no one acknowledges the silver lining of what you do." Her voice was sincere as she spoke in a quiet, wavering voice.

Greg blinked slowly and his stiff posture relaxed. He felt in control again. Alice was working off of his pride.

"But we've paid our dues, Greg. Jazz and Nick have scars to prove all the times they fought for you. It's time for you to let go. You saved them, but you don't own them," she told him. But still, he never turned to look at her. His eyes stared straight ahead at us.

"I saved their lives so now I do own them." Greg countered. "They owe me that."

"The cops are on their way," she said, ignoring his comment. "We are giving you a chance to get away now and stay away. Take it or leave it, but these relationships are over. It's over. So go."

Greg turned swiftly on his heels and marched over to her. She stood three stairs up, so his chin was level with her chest. He had to tilt his head to stare up at her, meeting her gaze as she looked down at him. For a moment, the two of them locked eyes. A staredown.

Alice didn't flinch.

Tension buzzed in the air as we all stood, frozen in time, watching the look that burned between the two of them.

After what seemed like forever, he moved onto the first step and I darted forward, making sure he didn't lay a hand on her. But he brushed past her and thumped up the rest of the stairs.

My free arm wrapped tightly around Alice as I walked by her and we followed him up the stairs. He didn't turn back once.

When we got to the front door, he finally faced us. "This_ isn't_ over. _I_ will tell you when it's over." His eyes were set in stone, but there was a finality to his words before he stormed out of the house.

None of us moved a muscle as we heard his car engine rev. He drove out of the driveway and sped down the street, Alice watching with a knowing glint of satisfaction in her eyes.

The moment his car was out of sight, Nick collapsed into an armchair, breathing heavily. He leaned his elbows on his knees as he pushed his hands into his hair, his red eyes staring down at the floor. The muscles in his arms were tense as he gripped his hair.

I knew then that I had been right earlier. He had been coked out the whole time, but holding it all back. He wouldn't have wanted Chloe to know, but I knew that the whole time he had been struggling with himself. He had probably been torn, fighting the urge to stay in control and protect Chloe rather than jumping forward and attempting to kill Greg right then and there.

Chloe knelt in front of him and placed her hands on top of his, where he was close to pulling his hair right out of his head. She whispered something to him as she folded her fingers between his and he relaxed slightly at her touch. She maneuvered his hands out of his hair, holding them tightly as they stared at each other, their noses almost touching.

His knee started bouncing as he swallowed hard, fighting to be in control of himself, his gaze never leaving hers. She rubbed her nose against his and whispered something else and the bouncing slowed a little. The way he was looking at her so intently made me feel like he was in good hands for now.

I quickly turned my attention to Alice. Her face was pale as a sheet and I could see the sweat that had settled onto her like dew as a shiver ran through her.

I sat her down on the couch and kneeled before her with a sigh. "You were supposed to stay in the car."

She braced herself for me to tell her off for not staying somewhere safe, but I softened my gaze. "But as always, you end up pulling through and turning around to save all our butts." I pecked her nose and she cracked a small smile, but her eyes still look exhausted.

"Darling," I whispered, but she just put her fingertips against my lips softly, closing her eyes. Her head leaned down gently onto mine and I could feel her breathing deeply as her breath fanned over my face.

My breath harmonized with hers and we became still, feeling one another's presence. Peace. We were silent for what seemed like hours before Alice began to speak, her voice just as weak as it had been in the basement.

"A long time ago, there was a small pixie girl with a big-time attitude. And she was having a fight with this curly-haired, classic bad boy from a small town. The pixie had just found out that she had a boyfriend from her past life, the one she had left after she was cursed with memory loss."

Her hands moved to stroke my face before gently settling around the back of my neck as she continued her story. "Her new boyfriend – the bad boy – was upset that she had a boyfriend she couldn't remember. The pixie was mad she had forgotten her old life and the sexy bad boy was mad that he couldn't forget his. All he wanted to do was focus on life with the pixie."

I took in a deep breath of her as she told our story. "Right then, he drawled with that breathtaking southern accent the word 'darling' and to this day the pixie still feels her heart skip a beat whenever he says it," Alice whispered gently before pressing her lips against mine in a soft kiss.

My body tingled as something came alive inside of me that felt like it had been dead or missing for a long time. I smiled against her kiss and let the feeling take over.

But then my breath caught and my eyes snapped open once my mind had realized what had just happened.

"Alice?" I whispered, afraid that even the force of my voice would break this moment.

"Jazz," she hummed.

"You – Do – Umm – Do you–?" I stammered, grasping her face between my hands, searching her eyes for an answer I had been waiting so long for.

Nick interrupted our moment, struggling to pull his thoughts together. "Ali, you… you never knew Greg helped me when my Grandpa died."

I longed to hear her answer, now. I needed to hear her say it.

She grabbed my hand with a shining smile, her tired eyes lighting up as she linked her fingers through mine, squeezing my hand with obvious delight. She whispered the one word that told me everything I needed to know.

"Hope."

**Bam! ****There it is! I sure hope it was worth that year wait! I know it was an amazing feeling to reconnect with the characters as I wrote it, so I hope you had to same feelings as you read it. Leave me your comments, I'd love to hear what you all thought after all this time & hear whose still around! **

**Also, right after posting this, I'm going to post some stuff on the Hope blog, so check it! **

**And...no, this is not the final chapter! We will have more up, hopefully soon! **


	55. Chapter 55

**A/N: Do you remember that little story called Forgotten Hope, you know, that updates every couple months. It's about a pixie and battered blonde boy? No? Yes? Maybe? Well then, here's a reminder: **_**it still exists**_**! ;) Enjoy! **

Forgotten Hope Chapter 55

_JPOV_

"Jazz," Alice giggled, arching her cheek towards my lips. "You're driving!"

Her laugh was like wind chimes on a warm early summer morning. You know, that feeling, when you walk out of your house in the morning and it's just the right temperature. The sun is your best friend and the flowers are blooming and the clouds are scarce – which was always rare in Forks.

The birds are singing – not cawing. And the squirrels are darting across your front lawn, searching for their morning breakfast. You just feel refreshed and like life is on your side – which was _also _very rare in Forks.

That was Alice's laugh.

"From what I've heard, driving and kissing has never been illegal," I mumbled as I nuzzled my face into her neck.

Alice smiled, smitten, but still took my face between her hands and pushed it up to look at the road. "Save it for when we get home."

We were driving back to Davis' house – all of us together, finally – and Alice was in the passenger seat next to me. I didn't care how unsafe it was or how reckless it was when I was driving, every moment I could, I would lean over to peck her lips, her cheeks, her forehead, her temple... anything. I knew that this moment was one of the happiest in my life and I would remember it forever.

She remembered everything about us. Just that was a huge weight lifted straight off of my burdened shoulders.

I loved her whether or not she could remember meeting me. I really did. I loved her with my whole heart. To me, our time together was about what was happening right now. The past was the past and the present was what mattered. It only saddened me because she couldn't feel the power behind our whole love story because she was missing a big chunk. I knew that hurt her to have that chunk. No one deserved that.

But all was well now and that was what we were going to concentrate on.

I glanced in the rearview at Nick and Chloe, who were asleep in the backseat, wrapped in each others' arms. I had a feeling it was the first time in a while that either of them had actually slept.

Next to me, other than the occasional smile or giggle when I kissed her, Alice was also pretty out of it for the ride, unless she had a specific question.

This all resulted in a relatively quiet drive back to Davis', which was fine with me. I had a lot to think about.

The road back to Davis' was the calm before the storm. For one drive, thirty minutes, we could pretend that was all well in the world because we were all back together. But in reality, everything wasn't fixed just yet. There were a few things I had to get done before we could all go home and maybe, you know, live a normal life for once.

First off, I needed to get Carlisle on the phone as soon as possible. I didn't know if any kind brain damage or whatever came with what happened to Alice. I wanted to make sure everything was fine with her because I knew she was overwhelmed and a bit disoriented.

I also needed to know Nick was going to be okay as well. I didn't know how much coke he had ingested or what else Greg had done to him, but I had seen the different colored bruises on his face and the way he carried himself suggested that he might've gotten hit in the ribs.

Plus, if I knew Nick as well as I thought I did, he might've been doing more than coke to keep his mind off of everything, including trying to fight the craving for the cocaine. We had to make sure he was fine and that his recovery and withdrawal would be something we could manage at home.

Secondly, we still had to deal with Greg. We may have made the impression that if he left we would let it all go, but that was not going to happen. We had the tracking device in place on his car and I wanted to make sure the cops used it before he ditched the car. I was going to make sure he got what he deserved.

No matter how hard I was trying to live in this moment, finally feeling just a little bit more in control of my world and driving home with three of the most important people in my life, I couldn't escape the memories of where it had all begun.

_My body slid roughly across the vinyl diner bench as I arrived at Dina's Diner across from Forks' High._

_I knew I should have been going home to get dinner ready, but tonight, I just...didn't want my day to get even worse. _

_I had slept in and missed an important test, resulting in a very long lecture from my science teacher, Mr. Barley, reminding me of the importance of education for a kid like me. Like me? Thanks. _

_The teacher gave me an extra credit_ _project to replace the mark I would have been getting from the test. At least I got a second chance today, but that second chance was another project to add onto the rest of the homework I couldn't work on at home. Mr. Barley should inform Steve about the importance of my education._

_I laughed bitterly out loud, letting the laugh settle in on the empty diner._

_It was that awkward time between dinner and lunch, so no one was really in the diner. The waitress was reading the newspaper at the front counter, giving me an occasional glance, checking on if I was ready to order._

_I rummaged through my backpack and pulled out a ten dollar bill. Thanks to working part-time at the karate joint, I finally had some money. I would keep that to myself, though, knowing Steve would immediately force me to give it to him for more booze. I rolled my eyes at the thought._

_The waitress came over at the sight of the money and took my order: a chocolate milkshake and double bacon cheeseburger with fries. My mouth watered just thinking about it._

_Other than today being a bad day, things had been looking up for me recently. I never thought I would think that, but it was true. Sco__tt __had given me the job teaching karate, my grades were doing alright, and my best and only friend, Nick, had given me some good news: Greg Gagnon was considering letting us join his gang, the Punishers. _

_The gang thing didn't sound like it would be a good thing at first, at least not morally, which was why my gut told me it may not be the greatest idea. But Nick had me convinced when he brought up one point: if Greg could put enough fear into Steve, Steve would stop hurting me and I could finally live in some sort of peace. And that was enough for me._

_I knew my mom wouldn't have wanted my life to end up like this. Who would want their child walking around life feeling soulless? It wasn't normal to feel so...empty, was it? Nick said it wasn't and Greg had told him he could help out both of us._

_So, it should be a win-win situation. Steve would leave me alone and I could finally be normal, for once._

_A crowd of muffled voices echoed through the diner and my eyes scanned up to follow the crowd of about ten rowdy guys barging in through the small diner door._

_"Hey Marcy!"_

_"Looking good, Marcy!" _

_The woman at the counter peeked up from her newspaper and gave them a small nod._

_After the crowd entered, there was a pause and then another guy walked in, which made the rest of the guys instantly quiet down. The only noises were ones which came from anything else but the ten guys. I could hear the chef flipping my burgers, Greg's steel-toed boots clicking against the red and white tiled floors, Marcy's newspaper crinkling as she flipped the page._

_"Beautiful day, isn't it Marcy?" Greg chuckled in a gravelly tone as he shook his leather jacket a bit, letting rain drop off his jacket and onto the floor._

_"Just as beautiful as always," she mumbled, again, not looking up from her paper._

_I watched Greg from the other side of the diner, where I was hidden in a back corner. But Greg spotted me immediately, as if he had some sort of radar for kids like me. An extra sense._

_His head tilted to the side, but only by a few centimeters. His hazel eyes were a lighter color today, almost more brown; it reminded me of the color of Steve's favorite bourbon._

_I froze on the sticky booth beneath me as I saw his heavy boots heading my way. His eyes didn't connect with mine, but instead, watched me intently. It was as if he was scanning over every part of me, sizing me up._

_"Nice shiner, kid," he remarked with a smirk as he plopped down in the bench opposite of me._

_I rubbed the fading bruise self-consciously. "Yeah."_

_He ran his hands across the white table. His hands were pale, but there were lines across them in various places. The lines varied in color: some pinkish, some dark, some a shiny white, reflecting the light from the lamp over our heads. I knew what they were: I had a bunch of my own._

_"You're pretty quiet," he noted, leaning back in his seat, crossing his arms. The red leather of his jacket made a crumpling noise as his arms squeezed together._

_"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." I quoted something I heard in history class without even thinking about it._

_Greg laughed. His eyes crinkled as he did so, but his eyes, they were different. They didn't exactly look happy as he laughed, but more of an amused approval. "Right you are."_

_I smiled back at him, glad he was amused. It would raise my chances of getting into his circle._

_"So, I heard from a little birdy that you were interested in the Punishers. Nicky's been to see me a lot lately," Greg commented lightly, narrowing his eyes at the guys across the restaurant who were making some noise. _

_"Fools is right," he mumbled under his breath. I ignored it because I figured he wasn't addressing me, only my quotation._

_I cleared my throat and sat up straighter, feeling as if I was about to be interviewed. "Yeah, we were kind of hoping you'd let us join." Hoping and praying._

_Greg nodded slowly and then asked, "Why?"_

_I shifted. I didn't know if Nick had actually mentioned Steve to Greg or not... but I knew better than to mention Steve to adults. "You guys seem cool," I half lied. They did seem cool at times. The bad boys of Forks. But that wasn't why I wanted to join the gang._

_Greg snorted and rolled his eyes. "Don't, kid," he warned. "If you want to join this gang, you have to be prepared to always tell me the truth."_

_I took a deep breath, pushing away the way my gut started to feel as if it was being squeezed. I felt sick. "I want to learn how to protect myself."_

_Greg raised an eyebrow, interested. "Heard you teach martial arts." Calling my bull, again._

_"Strength in numbers," I added, finally looking away from him. Usually, looking away was someone's way of lying, but for me, it was a sign I was telling the truth. A truth I might've been ashamed of._

_"Oh, I see." Greg accepted that one. "You're a good liar, though. I'll remember that."_

_"Thanks..." I mumbled, uncertain if that was a threat or not. He looked like he liked it._

_Greg went silent as the waitress, Marcy, put my plate and glass down in front of me. I mumbled a thank you and Greg ordered a beer. Marcy left, silent. Her silence made me feel uncomfortable because there felt like there was a reason for it. Was she afraid of him? It felt like it._

_"You know, it's pretty dangerous to join a gang," Greg warned, watching me take a bite of my burger. "You might end up being more injured from gang fights than, well, you know." He knew._

_"I can take care of myself," I defended. Half true: I could take care of myself against anyone except my stepdad._

_Greg smirked. "I think you're right about that. But why would Nicky need to join?"_

_"He has my back," I answered effortlessly. True. But also, possibly, because he needed to feel like he belonged somewhere._

_"And we wouldn't do it without each other." I knew it was ballsy, but why the hell would I want to go into a place with a bunch of criminals without the one guy I knew I could trust with my life?_

_"Loyalty," Greg stared at me intently, flexing his jaw tightly. He took a deep breath in and let it out as if he was meditating. He remained silent for a minute as if he had to chew on my answer for a little while. I guess loyalty was kind of an important thing for a gang._

_I looked over Greg as he contemplated. I really didn't know that much about him. I knew he was the head of the big, tough gang. The guy the whole town didn't want to mess with, not even Sheriff Swan. _

_His parents seemed pretty nice (though people probably thought Steve was a nice person, too) and his brother was in the army, so I didn't really understand how he turned out the way he did. I guess everyone has their stories. I bet his was a dark one. His eyes looked as if they had seen too many things, hard and numb like mine._

_The one difference between his eyes and mine, though, was that they seemed permanently amused, like he was laughing at something or someone in his head all the time._

_Greg blinked and casually rubbed his head. I could see, as he raised his arms, that there was a gun poking out of his pants. My stomach clenched, but at the same time my mind was full of adrenaline and excitement. Steve wouldn't touch me if I had one of those._

_"You, you're not soft. I can see it. Quiet and deadly." Greg's bourbon eyes were hard as a rock as he said it. "You know what, I think I'm going to like you, Jasper Hale." His hand stretched across the table, offering me it._

_I blinked slowly, wondering what this meant. Was I in? Or was this just his blessing to come to initiation? I didn't know, but my left hand raised and connected with the cool, hard skin of Greg's hand._

_This was my crossroad deal, perhaps, my saving grace. Or at least, I hoped. This was a new start for me and Nick._

I pulled myself out of my thoughts as I parked the truck at Davis'.

Alice had dozed off, so I quietly made my way around the truck to open her door. I unbuckled her seatbelt and carefully swooped her up into my arms, cradling her against my chest with my arms under her knees and arms.

She stirred a little as I took her inside and by the time we reached the living room, she had a small smile playing on her lips. "Guess I fell asleep, huh?"

I nodded and smiled back, pecking her forehead as I set her down gently. "It's been a long couple days."

Her smile widened as she rubbed her still sleepy eyes. "You can say that again. I'm gonna go fill Davis in. Are you okay to get Nick and Chloe inside?"

I nodded and took her hand, bringing it to my lips. "I'll check in with you in a little bit, okay?"

While she skipped off to find Davis, I went back outside where I found Chloe and Nick just starting to get out of the car. I paid special attention to Chloe, who was trying to hide the fact that something had startled her. At my curious glance, she just shook her head, though and tilted her head toward Nick. _Later,_ she mouthed.

It was probably something to do with Nick... a dream, or maybe he had woken up a little disoriented, which might've alerted Chloe. If it was important, I knew she would bring it up to me later.

I walked over and helped her get Nick inside. He was capable of doing it on his own, but he looked exhausted and definitely hitting the end of a fix. His adrenaline was hitting rock bottom and I knew that even though he was just coming off of it, he was probably already thinking about how he wouldn't be able to get another fix. Whether or not he actually _wanted_ one, the panic that the lack of something his body was craving brought would soon start plaguing his mind.

"You good, man?" I asked him as I got him into Davis' guest room, the one Nick had formerly been staying in.

He sat down hard on the bed and his eyes flickered up, slightly paranoid, looking around to see if Chloe could hear him.

Chloe had been intercepted by Alice, so once he saw she was out of hearing zone, he looked at me with a stare that told me he didn't believe that this situation, rescue, was going to lead to a normal life. The eyes that had developed laughter and happiness the last few months now begged me for clarity and reassurance. "My mind doesn't feel right, Jasper."

I sat beside him and wrapped my arm tightly around his shoulder, letting him know I was right there and that I was going to help him get through this. He winced a little at my touch, but didn't pull away. "It's just the powder. It'll get out of your system soon enough."

Nick's arms flexed as he fisted his hands and stared at the wall, enraged. "I thought I was over ever doing drugs again," he hissed in a loud whisper. "I promised myself never again. Especially not now, with Chloe."

"You had no choice-"

"My body's betraying me. It was supposed to just take it in and then let it go and not get so attached. But no matter how much I change my heart and my mind, my body just won't change." His eyes connected with mine, wide and sincere. I knew it was the drop in self-esteem from the whole situation that was getting to him. The cocaine was tapping into his emotions and playing with them.

"You can beat your body's cravings." I patted his shoulder. I knew he could. He had before. Then again, he had been stuck in a jail cell, taking the punishment for a crime I had committed. That had kind of helped him beat whatever addiction he might've been going through around that time. But I was sure that now, with Chloe and Alice around, he wouldn't let his body crave it enough to give in.

"What if I can't? What if Chloe..." he paused, but he didn't need to finish the sentence. What if she left him? That was what he was thinking.

"Please. You know Chloe is just as stubborn as Alice. She isn't going to let you go, even if you want her to," I chuckled.

A slight knock at the door made Nick tense and glance up. I peered over to see Chloe's eyes watching us quizzically, wondering if she could interrupt. I nodded at her to come on in and she did right away.

"I got you some water," she told Nick, her voice sweet and only a little hesitant as she sat on the other side of him.

His head turned from me to her, and I could feel that I wasn't needed at the moment anymore.

"I'll see you in a little bit," I said, getting up, wiping my hands on my pants. "I have to get down to the police station before too much time passes and Greg ditches the bugged car."

"Hey," Nick called, his voice rough.

"Hmm?" I murmured, turning at the door to look at him.

"Nail him. Hard." The vengeance in his voice was clear.

I looked straight into his eyes, remembering every fight we had together, every experience with drugs and drinking, every night of solitude, and of unspoken pain.

I knew that maybe without Greg, we might not have still been alive.

But I also knew that when someone has power, they have the choice on how to use it. And he used it; man, did he use it and abuse it. He ran so many vulnerable kids like us into the ground. If a psychologist could get one look at any of the minds of the Punishers, they'd know just how well Greg Gagnon can warp a mind in a way no other person can.

I knew some religions said there were angels in the world, people we walk past every day. Well if there were angels, there were also demons - servants of the devil - and I knew Greg would be one of them. He was practically forming an army for the fires of hell. New recruits.

I nodded, wordlessly, my eyes burning, and turned on my heels. I was a man with a mission.

"Not without me, Jazz," Alice announced as I exited the room.

I smirked because, in all honesty, I'd have it no other way. "Never without you, darling."

I pecked her lips and she wrapped her arms around my neck. She deserved this moment of revenge just as much as me.

"Let's go kick some ass," she declared, pumping her fist in the air.

And with that, we started our adventure out the door and to a place I thought I would never want to enter: the police station.

I was a little nervous when we got there, but I met Alice's stride as she led us into the station.

"How can I help you?" The blue uniformed man spoke to us from the desk closest to the door we had just entered.

"More like how can we help you," Alice chirped, plopping herself down in the seat across from the man. And let me tell you, he didn't look like he minded one bit...

His untrimmed eyebrow quirked up, curious, but somewhat doubtful.

I pulled up the chair beside Alice and slowly sat down, pushing away the tension of being so close to the law. Old Jasper wouldn't have liked this place one bit. "Have you heard of Gregory Gagnon?" I asked him smoothly, letting my smile form. I was going to enjoy this, thoroughly.

The officer's eyes flickered to mine, seemingly just noticing me. He cleared his throat and leaned back in his chair, letting his hands rest on his stomach. His eyes looked a tad bit wary. I noticed his name tag said his name was Daily. "Sure. He's wanted for a couple things up near Seattle. The state of Washington has his name out there nationwide."

"A _couple_ things?" Alice half coughed half laughed.

Daily held back a smile and leaned forward to rest his arms on his wooden desk, but he remained silent, unable to give private information out. "What's this have to do with Gregory Gagnon?"

"We can help you find him," I informed him, pulling a large envelope out of the bag beside me. "And a couple other people."

Daily's eyes flickered back and forth from the envelope to me, looking like a ping pong ball in an epic match. It seemed to him like this news was almost too good to be true.

A detective close by rolled his chair over and situated himself beside Daily, silently, watching us with interest.

"I-Well, I'll have to get your names first," Daily stuttered, but didn't move his hands from the envelope. I knew just as well as he did, this case would get him a promotion.

My body tensed a bit at the notion of giving out names. My name wouldn't exact come up clean on their system. I wasn't the most reliable informer out there. I was formerly a suspect in a murder.

"We'll give you our names, but we don't want them on public record," Alice smiled at the cop, slipping her fingers casually through mine. "For our safety, you know."

She squeezed my hand._ It's fine, Jazz_, I heard her heart tell mine.

Daily nodded. "Noted. That's fair."

She grinned. "Good. I'm Alice Cullen."

He tapped her name into the computer and gave her a smile. "Very well. And yours?" His eyes met mine and I knew they were lingering a little longer for a reason. Police intimidation tactics. I didn't look as sweet as Alice did.

"Jasper Hale," I stated, meeting his eyes, confident.

Daily typed my name, too, and suddenly looked interested. "You're both pretty far from home. Kind of interesting that you're meeting in the middle of the country to turn in a notorious criminal," he said casually.

"We have family here," Alice answered for me.

"Though you happen to be from the very same town as Gagnon," he said to me, only partly acknowledging her.

"Yes, I do," I mumbled.

"But his dad lives here, now. So it's really not that strange at all," Alice added. I sensed a small challenge in her voice and couldn't help feeling a boost of confidence at the way she was standing up for me.

I leaned back and leveled my eyes at Daily. "Let's just say you catching him will give me just as much pleasure as it does you."

Daily nodded, his face becoming a little more understanding. "Hurt your friends or family?"

"A little too much," I whispered, tightening my grip on Alice's hand.

"Well, let's book this sonvuabitch," Daily declared, slapping his hands down onto the desk.

We talked more with him and the detective, sharing all the information we had on Greg: contacts, crimes, evidence, and the GPS locator code.

When we were finished, I felt a huge sense of relief at how much lighter I felt. The looks on the guys faces made me think they wanted to hug us when we finished giving them everything.

Honestly, the feeling was somewhat mutual, though. Knowing that the police were on Greg's trail, hunting him down to lock him behind bars for a very long time, was one of the best feelings in the world.

After visiting the police station, we didn't take very much time to pack up, say our goodbyes to Davis, and head for the airport. One reason for our hurry was because we were ready to head home, but a second reason was because of Nick. We knew once the cops found Greg, the first thing he would do is rat him out and we weren't ready for that battle. Nick definitely wasn't, either...

Briefly, I wondered if Greg would be able to recall our New York addresses, where Nick stayed often. I knew he knew how to get to us there, but would he be able to provide something more than "I last saw him in New York City"?

It was something I'd keep in mind, but I didn't have the energy to focus on it any more right now.

Nick was the same as he was a few hours, completely out of it. He went from being either asleep, zoned out, or restless. As expected, as we bordered Spencer's jet, he headed straight for the plane's bedroom, Chloe trailing closely behind.

Alice plopped down on one of the cushioned airplane chairs and let out a long, happy sigh. "It didn't start out seeming like a happy day, but look how it all turned out," she half smiled.

"Well, you know, Alice Cullen never loses a battle," I complimented, taking the seat across from her.

"Actually..." she mumbled. "I did lose a game of checker once. January 4, 2009. I remember it like it happened yesterday. I had three Reds left when Spencer made an epic move landing a triple jump, taking out all my guys. To put it simply, we didn't speak for the rest of the day."

I laughed, loud and honest, knowing all too well that was Alice. A woman who accepted nothing but victory and her way. Her stubbornness was legendary.

"That's not very nice," I commented.

Alice raised a perfectly sculpted eyebrow, "Hey, I never lost again."

"The plan of an evil genius," I said with a smirk. "Who would have thought that when you were planning attacks in checkers games, I was planning robberies?"

Alice smacked my arm, but wore a small smile. "Who knew the checker-playing pixie would end up with the blonde bad boy, huh?"

I hummed in agreement, but tapped a finger gently against her chest. "I wouldn't say it was too unlikely of a match. As Nick would say, 'You're pretty badass at heart.'"

"You're pretty soft at heart," Alice countered.

"Shh!' I hushed her quickly, pressing my fingers against her lips. "Don't let anybody else hear that."

Alice's eyes crinkled with laughter and she pressed a kiss to my fingertips. "Sorry to break the news, but everybody got that memo a while ago. Like, since when did you start wearing men's cashmere sweaters? That's kind of a giveaway, Jazz." Her nose scrunched in the adorable way it always does when she finds something adorably cute.

I narrowed my eyes into a glare. "Um, my girlfriend designed that cashmere sweater. Watch it, buddy."

Alice leaned forward and poked my chest, "Softy!"

"I prefer the word _dedicated_," I corrected, leaning forward to meet her warm kiss. I sighed against her lips, still feeling the new sensation of her old kisses from before she had forgotten everything. The walls were broken down now and she wasn't holding back anymore.

"I love you," I whispered against her lips.

Her lips stalled there and I could feel her mind racing.

"Love you too."

No other words could be more cherished than those to me. I smiled and gave her another kiss.

She fell back into her seat with a sigh. I smirked, knowing her lack of oxygen was solely from me. But my smile faded a bit as I saw her eyes flicker downwards for a small moment. I knew there was still a lot going on in that head of hers. The thoughts and memories were still fresh and taking a toll on her.

"Poor Mack," Alice murmured with a frown. "It must have been so hard for him when he found out I couldn't remember. I'll have to make it up to him when we get home."

"Poor _Mack_?!" I said with an over exaggeration. "More like poor Jazz!" I joked, poking her ribs playfully. "It was probably tough on _that_ guy!"

Alice gave a big roll of her eyes, but grabbed my face tenderly in her hands, pulling me gently forward and rewarding me with a long, soothing kiss. As she withdrew and her eyes slowly flickered open, I saw that they were a shade darker.

My lips pressed together firmly and I tilted my heads slightly to the side, watching her intently.

"Penny for your thoughts?" I drawled.

Her lips pouted and she stroked my cheek. "You're such a southern gentleman."

I smirked, "Well, I had a wonderful girlfriend whip me into shape."

"One of those groupie gang girls?" Alice joked with a wink.

"Oh, definitely," I said with a shake of my head.

Alice smiled, but it slowly slipped away and she stared thoughtfully out the airplane window. "You waited for me, Jazz," she whispered. Her dark eyes were absolutely hypnotizing.

"Of course I did," I told her solemnly.

She sighed, "You shouldn't have had to. It wasn't fair."

"Life's not perfect. Hell, I know that."

"I know, I know." Her eyes closed and I could almost see her heart breaking. "It's just…" Deep breathe in. Deep breathe out.

I waited.

"Now that I can remember everything, it's like I'm watching a movie in my mind as I go through what's happened in the last few months. I can see myself with Spencer…and I can just… I can feel your stare. I can feel how much it was hurting you. I was so confused then, but now it just hurts…. You had to basically watch me _cheat_ on you," she choked out, biting her bottom lip so hard I thought she would shed blood.

"Alice," I whispered, using my thumb to shift her lip out from under her teeth.

"No," she whispered. "Don't tell me it's fine."

I ran my free hand roughly through my hair and gritted my teeth, hating that she was about to take everything out on herself – as if she had had any control over what had happened in the last few months.

"But, you see, it is, darling," I promised. "How else would we have an epic love story to tell our children someday? We couldn't just say Mommy saved Daddy's life from the gang. How would my son or daughter think of me as a hero, love? We needed the part where their dad would wait fighting in the trenches for their mom. This was my fight for you."

I saw the smallest smile creep into her lips but she still shook her head. "You've saved me before. From Greg."

"That was my demon that I had to overcome. The one _you_ were saving me from. _This_," I touched her temple, implying her memory, "was your demon."

Alice swirled her pointer finger around one of my curls and smiled. "Guess we're even now, then?" she smiled sadly.

"And ready to move on with our epic love story." And then I kissed her. I kissed her so hard that she would forget every single worry and anxiety. I kissed her with a promise of a happily ever after.

_NPOV_

I was dreaming, but it was all moving too fast. I was in the new place that Greg had gotten for me, surrounded by darkness. And then I was suddenly spinning again and I was outside. The spinning continued... everything was just blurry and shapes and I didn't understand why. Why couldn't I focus on something? Anything?

On top of only seeing a gloomy, watery version of my life, there was this low buzzing sound all around me and it kept getting louder and louder with each passing second. The louder it got, the more nervous I became. Had I gone deaf? Why were all of my senses blurred?

The longer this went on, the harder it became to breathe. I felt like the combination of the buzzing and the blurred colors and shapes was starting to form into a sort of pressure. It pulsed against my chest, my lungs, and I couldn't - - I couldn't breathe.

Something penetrated the buzzing. A sound. It didn't drown it out, but it was there. It was something else. And I wanted that something else.

I gasped as I forced my eyes to focus. To open up and take in the world, blurring and buzzing and all. But when I did that, I found that it was actually working. The more I concentrated, the more I could see.

I was in a small room. White walls. No window that I could see. I could feel my eyes moving around as they focused on everything they could, relieved to not be stuck in a melting, distorted world anymore. I could feel my heart drumming, the blood pumping in my ears, distorting the buzzing.

"Nick, it's okay. We're on Spencer's plane, remember? Everything's okay, now."

I heard the something else again, but this time I knew it was a voice. There was someone next to me, watching me intently. But still, I could only just understand that the voice was forming words. The buzzing was still there.

"What's that noise?" I managed to mumble, my breathing becoming erratic again. I could make the blurring go away, and I could talk... why couldn't I make the noise go, too?

"What kind of noise, sweetheart? What do you hear?" the voice again. So gentle and warm. I wanted that voice. I knew that voice. It was comfort and I could trust it.

My eyes searched for the source and I turned my head slightly, finally able to see her. _Her._

"Chloe?" I whispered, staring at her with both confusion and concern. I wanted Chloe to be here. I loved Chloe. But... but she wasn't supposed to be here and looking at me like that. I wasn't supposed to ever get to see her again. But she was here... right next to me. With me. Wasn't she?

A terrifying thought came into my mind. What if she wasn't really here? What if I was on some new drug for Greg? I was hallucinating. Making this all up because it's what I wanted to see.

And that buzzing...

Being on drugs would explain it all.

I stared at her sadly, figuring I was just tripping out on something.

She took her hand from mine and lightly stroked her thumb over my eyebrow. "Hey, you," she murmured.

The warmth of her was so comforting. This was the calmest I had felt in... a while. I decided to take advantage of hallucinating while I had the chance. Who knew if I would ever... ever... see her again? In real life? I knew I was staring blankly at her, so I decided to try talking to see if she'd answer. "Hey. Do you... hear the buzzing?"

She leaned forward and put her lips to my forehead. "Everything's going to be okay, Nick. We're on our way home. The engine is kind of buzzing...? Is that what you hear?"

Oh. Well. That would make sense. I'm hallucinating that I'm going home and with Chloe. I nodded. And I felt a little better, now that I knew where the buzzing was coming from.

"When you feel up to it, ask whatever you want. I'll fill you in on whatever you're not sure about. But don't over-do it. We have time," she said with such sincerity that my heart ached. I missed Chloe so much. Real Chloe. I sighed and moved closer to lean into her.

She even smelled like my Chloe. I buried my face into her shirt and inhaled deeply, feeling so much more at ease. As I moved my head, it started pounding, but pressing my head into her made me feel just a little better.

"I miss you..." I heard myself whispering.

Chloe ran her fingers through my hair. "I missed you, too. But we're together now, sweetheart. Things are going to get better."

My heart sped up as she held me. This felt too real. Her fingers in my hair and the scent of her surrounding me... the way she was talking... I mean, I knew Chloe, but not well enough to imagine her talking exactly how she would talk in real life. Unless I was just thinking that this was how she talked? So confusing...

"Chloe?"

"Yeah, Nick?"

I looked up at her, then, my chest tightening nervously. "Are you real? Is this... real?"

She stared at me for a moment before nodding slowly. "Yes," she said gently, "It's all real, sweetheart..."

And I believed her. Because my Chloe wouldn't lie to me. I might lie to her and be a terrible bastard of a boyfriend, but she was always the good one. Pure and honest. I could trust her.

I felt hot tears spilling out of my eyes, but I didn't bother to wipe them away. That meant that everything that had happened over the past week was real. I was overwhelmed as the memories burned through my mind so fast it made my head pound.

Leaving Chloe, doing what Greg told me to do, the cocaine and the weed and imagining all of the fighting I was going to have to do again, the thought of me starting up a new gang, doing it all alone this time... no Jasper to bail me out when I needed it...and then suddenly, Chloe was there.

The dread that had been in my chest when I had hidden her from Greg resurfaced, knocking the breath out of me. I had been so sure that if he had found her, he'd do really, really bad things to her. Things I would've never been able to forgive myself for getting her into.

And then Jasper… and Chloe standing up to Greg… on my behalf… and Alice… and then Greg was gone and I was on the verge of a breakdown from holding back on the emotions that had been pumping through me.

And Chloe's presence got me through it.

When we got back to Davis's house and Jasper and Alice had gone to the police station, Chloe had done it again by being there with me. Talking to me. Kissing me. Touching my hand and holding it so tight that I knew she never planned on letting me go again.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered, staring into her warm brown eyes before I couldn't stand the look of forgiveness in her eyes anymore. I didn't deserve it. I buried my head in her shirt again.

I meant sorry for everything. Not just for what all had just happened but just... for all of it. For ever being… who I had been. I hated knowing how much she wouldn't have liked me if she had known who I was back then. Who I was almost forced to become again. I would have terrified her. I was violent and rough and... everything she still flinched about.

"Shh, it's okay, Nick," she murmured into the top of my head as she kissed it. "I'm just so relieved that you're back and safe now."

I could hear the tears in her voice and it killed me. It was my fault that she was so upset. I put myself into this situation and in doing so, I had hurt the people I loved the most. Even if I was just trying to protect them from the only man who had ever really scared me.

I pulled back and kissed the tears on her face, even though I probably didn't even deserve to be that close to her. I couldn't fight it, though. "Please don't cry. Not for me."

"Hush. I can cry for whoever I want to," she replied stubbornly, which made me feel just a little lighter. Before, she would've tried to turn off her tears just because I had asked her to, but she was stronger, now. She wasn't afraid to make her own decisions.

The reminder that I could feel lighter was immediately overtaken by the realization that every part of me ached. It was like a fire was burning through my veins with every heartbeat—and not a warm fire, but a scorching one. I longed for the tingle of cold water to relieve me of that feeling. I wanted that relief so, so badly.

_Just one line will make it all go away…_

I flinched at the thought. I didn't have to be him anymore. Greg wasn't here and Chloe was. I could be the guy she loved again. The one who had learned not to depend on drugs to calm himself.

But God, did it hurt.

I swallowed hard and looked up into Chloe's eyes again, knowing in my heart that I just needed her. If she was there, I could be okay again. I could make the burning stop hurting so much.

I stared, just... taking her in. She looked so amazing and beautiful and I just loved her so much... how had I expected to be able to live for the rest of my life without seeing her looking at me the way she was right now? Chloe was so full of light and innocence... and already, just her gaze made the burning feel a little more manageable. She soothed me without even saying a word.

How had someone so... good... end up with someone like me?

I breathed out through my nose and clenched my jaw, determined to ignore the craving pushing at my mind and body. My soul belonged with Chloe… with her, my soul could overcome what my mind and body were tempting me to do.

That is, if she was still willing to be the keeper of my soul. She had caught a glimpse of a life that I had never wanted her to have to experience. And the only way to be fair to her was to lay it all out there for her. To bare my soul that was hers, whether she decided she wanted it or not.

I cleared my scratchy throat. "I don't know how to tell you how sorry I am. For everything, Chloe. I never wanted any of this to happen. You weren't supposed to ever have to experience any of this..." I tried to explain how I was feeling, but I didn't know how. How could I tell her the truth about me, now, after she had already been hurt by it?

She put a hand on my cheek as she stared at me earnestly. "It's okay, Nick. None of what just happened changes how I feel about you, okay? What matters is that you're here and that you're safe, now. We'll figure out the rest later."

How was it that she could be so good to me when I didn't deserve it?

I shook my head and then winced, because it hurt to move too much. I had to tell her about my past. And about what had just happened when I was with Greg. The coke and the way it felt when Greg was beating on me again... how it had made me feel...

That numbness had been there again and I had found myself slipping back into who I had been. A few more days and Greg would've won entirely. I wouldn't have been able to be saved, I don't think. I was that close. Clutching the elephant charm necklace until it imprinted itself into my palm was pretty much the only thing that kept me connected to my life with Chloe. My only hope in the darkness Greg had shrouded me in.

"I was going to tell you everything on New Year's Day. After the party and after we went to bed... I was going to make us breakfast and tell you that... that I wanted to be completely honest with you, if it meant we were going to start a new year together... and then Greg came before I could..."

She nodded, her eyes assuring me more than anything. Even now, she looked like she trusted me.

Everything hurt. Greg had roughed me up more than I had wanted to let on to Jasper. I had been in such a coke daze that I hadn't been able to feel how much he had hurt me when he was trying to beat my old self back into me. To make me recall how much I liked the rush of drawing blood from someone. How it made my head spin when I came out of a fight, battered and bruised and bleeding and still breathing.

He had gotten me everywhere. My ribs and my shoulders and my head and my chest... and then that aching in every muscle, every vein. Inside and out, he had hurt me.

I didn't feel like doing anything except lying there with Chloe again and trusting that everything was going to be okay now, because she said it would be. But I owed her more than that.

"I don't even know where to start..." I finally whispered.

"You don't have to do this right now," she started to say, but I shook my head, wincing as it made my neck hurt.

"I do. You deserve to know why all of this happened..."

She sat in silence, just looking at me, her eyes telling me that what happened next was entirely up to me. She wasn't giving me ultimatums.

That made me want to tell her even more. If I didn't do it now, I wouldn't have the energy to do it later. I just wanted to move past this. Somehow.

So I just did it. Like ripping off a band-aid. I took in a breath and just started talking. I tried not to look at her too much directly. I thought if I looked at her and saw what would most likely be disgust or disbelief, it'd do me in. I was too much of a coward to watch her reaction.

I talked and talked... about everything.

The gang and how it was my idea to join to help Jasper.

My grandpa and how after he took me in, he had suffered with Alzheimer's until one day, I found him in his chair, not breathing anymore.

My parents and the way they both cheated on each other when the other one wasn't looking. How I knew they hadn't loved each other, so how could they possibly love me when I was half him, half her? I was living proof of why they had been forced into suffering through living together.

Greg. The fights. The drugs. The girls. The strange comfort in not being able to feel any of the horrible shit going on around me.

The situation I was in now, because I took the fall for Jasper with the murder situation and the court case. How Jasper and Alice had broken me out of jail and how I was in hiding now for something I didn't do.

How I wasn't innocent because I _had_ been responsible for the deaths of other people... just not that guy.

How most of my scars came from shit from the gang. Except for the jagged scars that littered my wrist and knuckles from when I punched a mirror when I had found my grandpa with the life sucked out of him.

I didn't go into specific details about all of the scars or about stories I didn't think were necessary right now. But now she knew what she needed to know. What I needed her to know. When I finished, I was exhausted. I could barely keep my eyes open.

I still hadn't looked at her. Not until her fingers ran over the wetness on my face. Tears. I was_ crying_. Again. I didn't cry, yet now I couldn't seem to stop it.

She was silent for a long time. I didn't interrupt it because it meant she was letting everything sink in. Maybe she was deciding how she could let me down easy that she couldn't continue loving someone like me. Someone who was capable of doing the things I had done.

"I'm sorry." The words falling from my lips were a plea. I didn't expect forgiveness, but I needed someone to hear me say it. Someone had to know that I regretted all of the bad shit I had done. I hated the guy I had been for those years in the gang. And I would spend the rest of my life trying to atone for what I had done during those years that my mind had been warped into thinking that what I was doing was just how things were.

Shit… "You don't deserve to have to put up with someone like me," I whispered. "I know that. I'll understand if…"

But she cut me off. "It doesn't matter what I deserve or what you deserve. I want _you_," she murmured, kissing my forehead.

I froze with disbelief. She still... wanted to be with me? After everything I had done? After everything I had put her through?

"Chloe…what?" She had to understand what she was saying. "Sweetheart, I did really bad shit. I'm not a good guy. I left. I did drugs and I fought with Greg and I would've fought with other people if he told me to. I was using freaking guns and shi-stuff and... God, I even pulled it on you when you first snuck in?" That memory came rushing back to me all of a sudden, a new wave of grief threatening to pull me under.

She sat still for a second, thinking, and then spoke quietly, her warm eyes very serious. "Did you... _want_ to do all of that? Did you like being back with Greg?"

I thought about how much he had tried to get me to like it. Everything he had made me relive. And throughout all of it, the only thing that felt good was when I locked onto the image of Chloe in my head. I had thought about her shy smile and her laugh and the way she smelled…. She was the only thing that had gotten me through those things.

I gazed back at her, just as serious. "No. I hated it and I hated myself for giving into him. I... I wanted to be back in New York. Mainly, I just... wanted to be with you again."

She nodded and smiled that shy smile, as if my answer had confirmed something for her. "If you didn't want that life, then you're not that person. Not truly."

When I didn't say anything—I couldn't. I didn't know what to say—she leaned closer to kiss me. It wasn't rough or crazy or anything... but it was warm and comforting and so natural... I felt so connected to her. Like slowly, things could start to be okay again. I just needed to hold on to her and never, ever let go.

When we pulled away, we stared at one another for a while. I felt like I was dreaming. Or still high. Something. Maybe I was. Between the concussion I might have from one of the nights with Greg, the pain I was in, and the fact that I probably still had a bit of the cocaine high happening... I was a mess. Things were weird, but... strangely okay. I felt... really, really bad, but also...not as bad. I felt okay just being near her.

We were silent for some time. I gave her the quiet to process everything I had said, expecting she'd let me know when she needed some space from me or a break or... or maybe that she just couldn't do it anymore. Even though she had said she still wanted me, I couldn't help but think it was too good to be true.

My head was back to laying on her shoulder and I relaxed some, just breathing in her scent and feeling the warmth of her, appreciating her for as long as she _did_ want me. I wouldn't take a single moment with her for granted.

I must've dozed off for a little while, because her voice was bringing me back out of warped dreams again. I'm not sure she had even realized I had fallen asleep.

"I can't believe that your life, pretty much all the time, was how it was when you were just with Greg."

I looked up to see a small smile on her face. "It's amazing that you're still in one piece. Do you have all of your toes?"

I sighed, silently grateful that she was trying to make things a little lighter, even if she did have questions. I closed my eyes again, still half asleep. "Have all my toes, yeah. Can't say the same for brain cells, though. Maybe all the knocks to the head are the reason why I suck at school. I'm like... incapable of retaining any kind of intelligent thought."

At one point, I had been thinking that the reason why I was such a slow learner might be because of all the times I got hit and the drugs I did. Maybe it all just messed with my brain... fucked me up irreversibly.

"Mmmkay, sweetheart. You just proved yourself wrong with the whole 'incapable of retaining intelligent thought' expression. That's a pretty intelligent thought if I've heard one." She kissed my cheek. "Some people learn slower than others, that's all. You don't suck at school... you just don't particularly like it. You're allowed to not like it."

"I want to like it. You like it... and you're good at it..."

"I'm not normal, either." She pointed to herself. "Perfectionist, remember? I kind of had to like school, so I did. And I do. A lot. But if you don't like it, it just means your brain works differently."

"Right. Because it's damaged." I knew I wasn't exactly having a coherent conversation, but I was done censoring myself. If she wanted to talk to me, I'd talk.

"No. Just different. We'd all be boring if everyone was interested in school stuff."

I smirked. "You're never boring, sweetheart."

I peeked my eyes open and reached to grab her hand as she smiled.

Before we could continue talking, there was a tap on the door.

"Come in," Chloe answered lightly, and I saw Jasper poke his head in, not opening the door entirely.

Her smile didn't falter. "Hey, Jazz. He's up."

I tried to read his face to see if he was mad at me or just disappointed... maybe both. This was the first time since they had gotten me out of Greg's place that Jasper and I would have time to say more than just a few words to one another. I searched desperately to try to catch a hint about what to brace myself for from him, but he was keeping himself pretty guarded.

"Hey, guys." He directed his eyes to Chloe. "I just wanted to do a quick check to make sure he's doing okay... that there's not something else we can do to help him out..."

Chloe looked at me. "Are you okay with a quick check-up?"

Personally, I didn't really care if I was okay or not. I had fucked up... I deserved whatever pain that caused me. But she was looking at me with such sincerity and such... hope. I knew she wanted me to let him look me over.

I shrugged and then tried not to wince. Okay, so... no shrugging, no moving my head...

"It won't be long," Jasper explained, entering the room and coming over to the bed.

Chloe nodded, "I'll go get some water or something in the mean time."

When she went to move, though, I held onto her hand tightly. I didn't want her to leave. I didn't want her away from me... out of my sight... for even a minute. What if something happened and I couldn't protect her? Or what if... what if Jasper started in to something I couldn't bear to listen to him say? What if he told me I should leave her alone after all of this happened? I knew he would be right, but... I needed her there to tell him he was wrong. That she loved me. I... I just needed her here.

She sat on the bed again and looked right into my face, trying to read what was wrong. "It's okay, sweetheart," she nodded, "I'm just going, like, ten feet away to grab us some water, okay? If you need me, you can yell for me. And if you listen hard enough, you'll probably be able to hear Alice asking about you the second I leave the room," she grinned, winking at me.

Then she leaned in to my ear, her cheek up against mine. "It's just Jasper, love. You like him, remember?" she teased, "He's been looking out for you since we left... it'll be good for you two to have some time together, just the two of you. I'll be back in a few, okay? I promise."

She kissed my cheek and squeezed my hand a little and I reluctantly let go of her hand, nodding, trusting her. We were on a plane thousands of feet in the air... no one could take her away from me here. The four of us were all stuck together at least until we landed in New York. She was right... she was just a few feet away.

I watched her walk out of the room and smiled a little when I heard Alice, just as Chloe had predicted. I could trust Chloe.

"I just want to check for a concussion, make sure you're not dying, you know, the usual..." Jasper half-joked, coming over and sitting on the edge of the bed. "Can you sit up?"

I tried and managed to sit on the edge of the bed, but my head was spinning and my whole torso was burning. I felt the anxiety settling in.

"Either broken or fractured," I told him, lightly touching my ribs, answering a question I knew he would ask. I knew he had to have seen the bruising by now.

He put his hand on my chest and felt my heart, nodding. "Have you tried taking in any deep breaths, yet?"

I wasn't sure. I tried and immediately regretted it, folding in on myself to try to stop the pain. "Yeah, shouldn't do that," I muttered.

Jasper nodded again. "Probably fractured." He pushed in on my chest and pain shot through my ribs again. I shoved his hand away. "Stop doing that, damnit. We know they're hurt. Stop playing doctor."

He raised an eyebrow. "I'm trying to figure out how severe it is."

"Well, don't," I spat. But then I closed my eyes and tried to calm down. I focused on being less harsh. "Severe enough to hurt, okay? We'll ice it when we get back to New York and I'll just rest until it heals itself."

Jasper nodded. "Okay. I talked to Carlisle, though, and he said you should actually try to lay on the injured side because it'll hurt less to breathe that way. And we've got to watch to make sure it doesn't get worse, so you should try to take a deep breath like that or cough like every hour. If you don't your lung could end up collapsing or you could get pneumonia and that would suck even more."

Sounded like I got to relive the physical pain of my encounters with Greg every hour for the next month or so. Right along with trying not to think about how just a little bit of coke would make it all hurt less.

"Great. Can't wait," I replied sarcastically.

"Lemme see your eyes," he said, ignoring my comment and pulling out a tiny flashlight.

"Where the hell did you manage to get a flashlight on Spencer's plane?" I asked, cocking an eyebrow.

Jasper chuckled. "It's a keychain one. Alice had it on her keys."

I smiled in amusement. Of course Ali had a flashlight keychain.

He shined it into one eye and then the other and I flinched, turning away from it.

"So other than deciding to manipulate you through a drug dependency, why the bruises and possible head injury?"

I shrugged. "You know Greg. He gets off on beating the shit out of people. I think he was trying to remind me why I liked it so much when we were younger."

Instead of pressing for further details, Jasper just nodded. "Well, you know how to diagnose a concussion and you know how you're feeling. Do you think you have one?" he asked.

I thought about it. I had been very confused when I had first woken up... in a really weird dream-like daze. My head was killing me and I was slightly off balance. But I didn't know if that was just a side effect of coming off of the coke or a combination of that and a head injury. The light hurt. There was the buzzing... I thought it had been from the plane, but as I focused now, I could hear the plane and I could still hear another type of buzzing that wasn't coming from the engine.

I nodded. "Maybe. I don't know what's because of that and what's because of the sudden lack of coke in my system."

Jasper grimaced. "How bad is it?"

I thought again. I knew my name and I knew I was going home to New York with Chloe. I remembered our apartment and Dakota... I knew what I was supposed to know. I was just a little dazed... I felt like I didn't have full control of my thoughts. And everything hurt.

"Bad, but manageable. I'm more worried about how bad I need a line." I winced at the admission. "And it's probably gonna get worse, so... I might really... need help. When we get back." I gave him a meaningful look. That was as close as I was going to get to admitting how much I was really needing the drugs.

He nodded. "We're gonna help. Don't worry. And I know it'll be worse before it's better, but... we'll get you back to yourself. And just FYI, Carlisle's going to fly out tomorrow to do an overall check on you because he actually knows what he's doing."

"Carlisle's flying out?" I didn't want him to have to disrupt his whole life in Forks to come out to New York just for me. "Seriously? Jasper, no. I'll be fine. We've dealt with this kind of thing by ourselves before."

Jasper was shaking his head. "It's important, Nick. And it's not just for you... he's coming to look at Alice, too. The thing they said about the two sections of her memory maybe melding together someday? I think it happened when we were in the process of getting you."

I perked up at this information, vaguely remembering some of the things she had said back at Greg's house. "Yeah?"

He smiled, nodding slowly. "Yeah. She was a little out of it after it happened, though, so I just think it'd be best if Carlisle looks a little bit closer to make sure she's really all right."

My head was feeling heavier, so I leaned back against one of the pillows to support it better. "I'm sure she'll be okay. Ali's strong. But I'm really, really glad she's back to her full self. I love her either way, but sometimes she was so confused and hurt... It sucked seeing her that way."

Jasper nodded. "Yeah... but you're right. She's strong."

I wondered if I could borrow some of that strength from her. I was looking at a rough near-future while I tried to do what Ali had done and get back to being myself.

We were quiet for a minute, both of us looking away from the other. I studied my hands while Jasper looked over at the wall, staring at nothing.

"Hey, Jazz?" I finally said, breaking the silence. There was just one thing I needed to know.

His eyes met mine. "Yeah?"

"Why did you come back for me?"

They had come down to try to talk to me and then I had told all of them to go back to New York and leave me alone. What had changed their mind and made them come back after all?

Jasper raised an eyebrow. "Come back for you? Nick, once we were in Texas, we never left. We weren't leaving until you were with us."

I blinked. They had never even left?

I wasn't sure what to say. It meant... a lot to me. They had never given up, even when I had.

There was a light tapping at the door and my body felt overcome with relief. I knew it had to be Chloe because Alice would've just came right in.

Jasper quirked an eyebrow at the expression on my face. "Don't underestimate how much we care, Nick. You're my brother. I wasn't letting Greg win. I would've killed him in that basement if I had to."

As his words sunk in, he got up from the bed and met Chloe at the door. "He's all yours."

She smiled. A real smile. The type that lit up her whole face. The one I loved.

As she came over to join me on the bed with a water bottle in hand, I looked over to Jasper and met his eyes again.

"Thank you," I said quietly, seriously.

He just smirked. "You'd do the same for me."

I would, but that still didn't mean I wasn't grateful to him. He had risked his life for me. To bring me back. They all had.

"What's the diagnosis? You gonna live?" Chloe teased, curling up on the bed and staring at me.

I turned on my side to face her, careful of my ribs, and then leaned forward to kiss her, hoping she could feel how much she meant to me in that kiss. "Yeah, I am.

**A/N: I cannot believe they reported Greg to the authorities! Who the hell wrote that? It definitely wasn't me…(or maybe I'm just still in denial…Definitely don't have an unhealthy attachment to my antagonist!) Shame on you, Alice and Jasper! **

**Anyway, as I say in every author's note, I am so **_**so**_** thankful to all you loyal and lovely readers for sticking around with us for this long journey! (Gotta be thankful because it's Thanksgiving here in Canada. So Happy Thanksgiving to all you Canadians out there! Hope you enjoyed the pie as much as I did.) Also, a bazillions thanks to the most awesome and patient beta ever – who did write the NPOV! All the awards and cinnamon buns and cupcakes and everything beautiful in the world to you, Lucy! **

**Hope you're all having an amazing day and this was a little boost for you. Hope is to me like coke to Nicky, addicting, painful, and an amazing boost to my day – okay, maybe I enjoy it more than Nick enjoys cocaine… Hope you feel the same. Leave a review to let us know what you're thinking! **


	56. Epilogue

**Author's Note: *inserts sobbing* the epilogue! THE EPILOGUE, PEOPLE! It took so long yet it's so bittersweet to see it has arrived. There was definitely some procrastination on this because I didn't want to conclude this, but, after some forcful tactics from LucyAlyce, we have completed the final chapter of Forgotten Hope. Enjoy!**

Forgotten Hope Chapter 56 – Epilogue

Two Months Post-Texas: March

_APOV_

"After months of evidence collecting and witness testimonies, the judge has sentenced gang lord Gregory Gagnon to three lifetimes of prison," stated anchor of CNN, Marley Hill.

"And what a relief that will be for the town of Forks, Washington and surrounding areas," said co-host Bill Martin as he nodded, smiling widely at the viewers of New York City.

The camera panned across to an impassive Greg Gagnon, handcuffed and being pushed towards a large black SUV. At the last moment, when he side-stepped into the backseat, his eyes snapped straight to the camera. His dark eyes were not his normal amused hazel. They were a hardened bronze.

Goosebumps rose across my entire body and I instinctively hugged the pillow tighter to my chest before begrudgingly sticking my tongue out at the TV. His eyes blinked and then narrowed. I could have sworn he saw me through the screen.

It had been just over two months since we had approached the police with our Greg Gagnon care package. And to our surprise, the police picked him up the following day as he was en route back to Forks. It took four squad cars and a police trap, busting his tires, for him to stop. But after the long pursuit, Greg Gagnon was in the custody of the police.

We may or may not have had a party that night in honor of that memorable moment in our lives.

Even though the police had caught Greg so quickly, the trial process had gone slowly. Jasper had told me it could take months or even years for him to go to trial, but someone had pulled strings to get it moved up to a priority case. We weren't sure who it was, but Mack suggested that Greg's parents, though they had refused to post bail, may have had something to do with the speedy court date. They were known as good people around Forks and they had a lot of money, so it was possible.

Once the process started, many refused to testify against him, even if they had been personally victimized by him. It was out of fear for their lives and their families. A lot of evidence couldn't be held against him either because it was either lacking or had been tampered with.

There were frustrations, but after checking out Greg's new HQ in Texas, they had enough to hold him until things were in order. Plus, the police had already had enough on him for multiple manslaughter cases, as well as him getting away from them the night Mack had been shot. And the whole state of Washington knew Greg Gagnon, so everyone was easily hoping to do whatever they could to book him for life.

What had surprised us all was Greg's lack of reaction to the circumstances. He was utterly silent. He didn't plead innocence. He didn't name other people who were in his gang. Greg wouldn't release names or locations of other gang leaders. He sat in the courtroom and just stared at the judge with a blank look in his eyes.

Who knew he would give into defeat so easily?

After much conversation about it, Jasper and I decided to attend his last trial. The one where they planned to confirm his sentence. Not because we were obsessed or seeking the joy of the catch; we just had to see it was real.

The day of his sentencing trial, Jasper and I entered the crowded courtroom. It was set to begin at nine, and already at eight thirty, the room was packed with individuals.

"I can't wait to watch them fire this SOB and leave him to rot in jail for the rest of his life," a husky man with peppery grey hair exclaimed loudly.

Jasper huffed in agreement and sat us down in one of the back rows of the room.

"I don't really want him to see us and get any ideas," he said under his breath, wrapping his arm supportively – and very protectively – around my shoulders.

"I hope they give him the death penalty. That guy killed my son and then had the guts to show up to his funeral. He said he was there to 'mourn'. He's a complete psychopath," another guy yelled. His eyes were just as hard as I remembered Jasper's being when I had first met him. Greg seemed to influence everyone in that way.

"Do you think they'll give him the death penalty?" I wondered aloud. If anyone deserved it, he did. I hated to think about anyone else dying, even Greg, but when I heard they had him under suspicion for over thirty murders... It had to stop some time. _Greg_ had to be stopped.

The only problem was that they couldn't prove it was him and not someone in his gang. All the evidence was really messy. Greg had done a good job of covering his tracks. Plus, Greg probably had gotten his gang to do most of it.

Jasper sighed and looked down at me with clearly doubtful eyes. "I don't think they will. I think because of the lack of witnesses, testimonies, and evidence, they won't really have him for many of the murders, if any. Honestly, Greg could make this a lot more complicated and nail members of his gang for the murders. I wouldn't be surprised if he had evidence lying around somewhere. It's Greg, so..."

My eyes snapped up to his. A chill ran down my back as the fear rose. "Does he have anything on you?" I asked in a hushed tone.

Jasper ran a hand through his hair. He didn't have to say anything for me to know his thoughts: he was scared. But after a minute, he answered in a low tone. "I doubt it. I've been gone for so long, but I just...don't know."

My body instinctively shifted closer to his.

"I'm more concerned for Nick, though. I'm not sure if he'll throw his name out," Jasper said, looking intensely at the front of the room, where Greg would soon sit.

It was funny because when we heard he was arrested, our lives seemed as though they would shift into a worry-free paradise, but with every turn there was a new worry anyway. In that moment, I briefly wondered if we would ever be rid of Greg Gagnon.

"He knows where Nick lives..." I murmured more to myself than anyone. I knew all the scenarios had already played through Jasper's mind. He had probably already considered every circumstance. With those worry lines evident on his forehead, I knew we were in for a lot of damage if Greg uttered Nick's name. Nick was already wanted for murder.

"One more way for him to screw with our lives," Jasper mumbled, but leaned his head down to press a tender kiss atop my head.

"And one more situation where we'll kick his butt," I chirped back. I leaned my head up, offering my lips and was given a sweet peck on the lips. Even if I wasn't sure, even if I was afraid, I would never show it. I wouldn't give Greg the pleasure, even if he wasn't here. He didn't deserve it.

"Very right, darlin'," Jasper replied solemnly.

We sat quietly from there on, hands entwined, waiting anxiously for the trial to begin. For twenty minutes, I could practically see the red clouds of anger floating above people. The black clouds arising from sober, ducked heads as they passed through the threshold of the courtroom door. There were occasional glimpses of bright yellow sparks from people who must have been happy enough with Greg just being caught. Many times, there was just a blank slate of grey coming from passersby. They had no color left to reflect.

My lips were tilted downwards and my heart ached for every person in the room who had been victimized by Greg.

Eventually, the lawyers, jurors, judge and Greg finally entered the room.

To my surprise, Greg entered with the look of a dead man. I had seen Greg many times, and most of the time, I was bewildered by the expressions he would wear in situations. He was always amused when nothing was funny. But today, his face was blank. He wore no emotions and his always annoying, sarcastic eyes were void of any emotion.

"Sore loser," I chuckled quietly.

"No kidding," Jasper smirked.

Hey, we could enjoy this at least a little. We deserved that much.

"Judge Windsor, my client, Gregory Gagnon, pleads Guilty to all drug trafficking and possession of illegal firearms charges against him. He pleads Not Guilty in regards to the murder accusations," the defendant announced.

Jasper's jaw dropped. "Did he just say he pleads Guilty?" His eyes were frantic as he looked down at me. He looked too flustered to be relieved. "That's at least eighteen years for the cocaine trafficking alone."

"...A change of heart?" I mumbled, but the words didn't sound right in my head or out loud. We both knew that wasn't true.

And then it started. The evidence was presented, witnesses were called upon, and questions and accusations were thrown around like a football on Thanksgiving. With all of the guns, drugs and plants left out in the cabin in Texas, Greg really would have had to fight hard if he would have tried to plead Not Guilty. Perhaps that's why he hadn't.

Eventually, the witnesses were gone and Greg was called up to the stand. I watched skeptically as Greg placed his hand solemnly onto the Bible and swore to tell the truth. Then again, who knows, Greg's mind was something none of us could comprehend. Maybe he actually would think he was telling the truth.

Somewhere in my head, I knew that he knew what he was doing and that all along, he knew it was wrong. He just liked to play by his own rules, not the rest of the world's. It was all a game to him. A game he made his own rules for.

The prosecutor buttoned his suit jacket up, squared his shoulders and walked towards Greg. He had attempted to hold a confident swagger, but I could see from the look in Greg's eyes that he thought he was a tool.

"Mr. Gagnon, we have evidence that points towards an accomplice. When you were creating these plans for a new gang warehouse, was there someone assisting you?" the jacketed man asked Greg.

My hand instinctively grabbed onto Jasper's. This was the part we were here for. It had been the seed of fear that had grown in our heads for the last two months as we had awaited his trial.

Greg's steely eyes met the prosecutor's eyes, unmoved. "An accomplice?" Greg stated as if the question was unfathomable.

"Yes, a lot of informants stated that another person was working alongside you. Do you have anything in response to those tips?"

Greg leaned back on the chair, looking utterly uninterested. "I don't recall this."

The prosecutor stood straighter and cleared his throat. A sign of annoyance or frustration, I was sure. I swore all of us had worn that expression once, twice or one thousand times before while conversing with Greg.

The man seemed so well composed in his pin-striped black suit, loudly-confident voice, and hair that never moved an inch. To be a prosecutor on this case, he had to be a pro. Either he would enjoy this or he would lose his head.

I had heard some lawyers liked the kind of games Greg played, messing with people's heads.

The lawyer walked over to his desk and grabbed a folder off of it, flipping through it. "We actually have several strong informants telling us of this. Are you sure you'd like to stick with that answer?"

Greg leaned forward quickly and the legs of the chair banged loudly against the wooden floor boards. The noise echoed across the room and everyone sat up a little straighter in their chairs.

"Oh, really? Who are those so trusted informants? They working with the FBI?" Greg's eyebrow quirked in mock curiosity. This was the first sign of Greg actually caring during the trial.

The lawyer shook his head, giving Greg a knowing look. "They are under privacy contracts, as I'm sure you know, and their names cannot be released."

Greg huffed. "I wouldn't trust a word that comes out of those drug dealers' mouths. They'll do anything for some extra cash. You know, since most dealers are addicted to their product. Perk of the job, some would say. It's pretty common, as a smart guy like yourself, and your honor," Greg glanced up at the judge, "would know. I wouldn't consider them to be at all reliable. I doubt this intelligent and sophisticated judge would either. That's why you're trying to get me to say it. You need me to because you have absolutely no proof."

The lawyer's head twitched quickly, looking at the jury, and then tried again. "Actually, I was giving this opportunity as a gift. This would benefit you, Mr. Gagnon. If there happened to be more than one person involved with these crimes, then the burden – or the punishment – would be split in half. And you're looking at a lot of jail time, Mr. Gagnon," he said in a serious, but also authoritative manner.

It reminded me of when I was in school and I was called to the principal's office for some prank Spencer and I had done. Whichever one of us got caught, we would never rat the other one out. My principal would always speak to me in a way to say he was on my side, cared about my future, but he really just wanted to get down to the bottom of the problem.

I watched Jasper smirk from the corner of my eyes and knew he was enjoying this. Greg usually indulged people, but whenever they risked taking away his superiority, he would strike back with violence or threats. This was completely new and a bit therapeutic. Greg could not hurt that guy.

It was fun to see, but we were still waiting anxiously to see if Greg would strike back at us – at Nick.

"Do you think he might not mention Nick?" I whispered to Jasper. Personally, he seemed like he was going to continue playing dumb with the prosecutor. I was crossing my fingers that it was true, but it wasn't in Greg's nature at all. Jasper knew him better than I did, though.

Jasper's eyes squinted as he watched Greg carefully. The worry lines were still visible on his forehead, but his eyes held a small spark of hope in them. "I'm not sure if he's just going to continue to jerk this guy around or he's going to refuse the notion that someone would help him. He could go either way. Either because he realized he lost against us or because he doesn't want to be publicly acknowledged as someone who would need help."

I didn't care what the reason was, I just hoped he'd choose to leave Nick out of the conversation.

Greg kept quiet and so the prosecutor pried. "The name Nick Graham has been thrown around quite a bit in the investigations for this case. If I may address the court," the man paused as he turned towards the jury. "Nicholas Graham is wanted for murderer and escaped Fork's county jail almost a year ago. This ties back to Mr. Gagnon, as Graham was suspected of being in the local gang, the Punishers, which as we all know, is run by Gagnon. Sources say Nick Graham was actually the man doing the dirty work in Texas while you were instructing him. Is that correct?"

Greg's eye brow rose, but he still didn't give away a single emotion. His stare was rock solid.

And then, for the first time in the entire trial, Greg's eyes began to stray away from the prosecutor and ran calmly over the packed crowd of observers. His eyes weren't hunting, but casually looking. They wandered until they scanned over the back rows, including ours. The moment his eyes seemed to close in on us, they stopped moving and his whole body leaned forward with interest.

His hazel eyes, which lacked their usual clever and sarcastic attitude, met mine full on. I mentally told myself not to flinch, to stare him down, as I watched Greg's lips twitch upwards. It wasn't a snarl, but a small smirk.

_Don't blink. Don't blink. Don't blink. _

I held my intense stare, those hazel eyes locked on mine. And then, out of nowhere, as his eyes continued to hold mine like a threat, he _winked_.

Jasper's body straightened instantly and I felt his muscles rippling, his hand gripping mine tighter. Even with the building full of cops, Jasper would not underestimate Greg.

Greg's smirk and wink disappeared just as quickly as they had come. He was back in his previous position, looking at the questioning man.

"I've never heard of a Nick Graham," Greg looked convincingly confused and unamused.

Both Jasper and I relaxed simultaneously against each other, a sigh that we had been holding for two months released from our bodies. For whatever reason Greg had in that cracked skull of his, he wasn't giving out Nick's name. At least not yet. Jasper had shared earlier that he thought Greg might contact us with a threat, maybe even from jail, forcing us to help him or he would threaten Nick's safety. We wouldn't know for sure until it happened. If it happened.

The prosecutor leaned nonchalantly against his desk, staring Greg down. He wasn't doing a good job of getting him to confess. "Do you have any idea where Graham might be?"

Greg sighed, "If I've never met the man, then no. I do not know his whereabouts."

"Alright, one more time for the court: Nicholas Graham was _not_ helping to assist you in forming this new headquarters in Texas?" the prosecutor asked firmly, seeming angry that he wouldn't be bringing Nick in today, too.

Greg let out a loud, gravelly laugh, which caused a couple people to jump in their seats. "You already stated that I run a gang in Forks, so why would I need to be assisted in starting another one in another city? Does it look like I am incapable of doing something I already so easily did?"

And that was that. They couldn't get one more word out of him.

Jasper said it was a power thing. Typical Greg. He had lost to Nick and he was not about to talk about him. But that look he had given me... it made me uneasy, and I still couldn't figure out why he had winked before keeping his mouth shut about Nick.

That look was what I was thinking about as Jasper and I watched the news story about him.

"What a relief it will be," Jasper echoed quietly as he watched the television from the kitchen door. His arms were crossed and his eyes were squinted. And if I knew Jazz, and I did know Jazz, he wasn't convinced one bit this was the end of Greg for us.

I jumped off of the leather sofa and bounced over to him. Jasper's eyes flickered from the screen and followed me quickly and intently, as if missing a moment of my enthusiastic skip would be a crime.

I loosened the grip of his crossed arms and he easily let me slip under them, embracing him tightly. "Excuse me?" I asked him, sounding entirely offended.

He ducked his head, letting his blonde curls tickle my forehead, and raised his eyebrow curiously.

I tiptoed up and rubbed my nose gently against his. "A very handsome man and I were the ones responsible for imprisoning that evil excuse for a human being and I do not appreciate your negative thoughts jinxing our successful mission," I told him. My eyes met his in a stern stare down.

Jasper gave me a crooked grin – which would melt the heart of any woman – and drawled, "My apologies, ma'am. You did well. You could be a kick-ass bounty hunter."

I chuckled and wiggled myself closer to him, resting my head over his heart, cherishing its rhythm for a long moment. Jasper rested his forehead onto the top of my head and breathed deeply, his heartbeat slowing down.

"I feel relieved," I commented honestly.

Jasper's hands trailed slowly up and down my back. I could tell his mind was busy with thoughts. "I'm glad, darling."

"Are you relieved? Because you really don't seem to be..."

"Honestly? It's been two months since they took him in and it still doesn't seem real," he murmured. "When I was young and had just joined the gang, Greg seemed invincible. None of the cops in town would even approach him. It was awesome at the moment, but over time, the thought of him being invincible was what drained away a lot of my hope. As a kid, I wished to be Batman's Robin, but instead I turned out to be the Joker's henchman. And this Joker didn't have a Batman to defeat him every time he threatened Metropolis."

His fingertips traced my spine.

"Jazz," I let my voice drop a couple octaves, "_You're_ Batman."

Jasper's laugh rocked my body and he squeezed me tight. He growled endearingly and I could feel his mood lighting up already. I knew he was serious, but so was I.

Sometimes Jasper, Nick, and Mack got so stuck in their heads – in their pasts – that they forgot they were in the present. Sometimes it scared me how much of an impact Greg had on their psyches. I knew that I needed to keep reminding him, and the others, that they weren't there anymore. Jasper wasn't that scared little boy anymore. He wasn't hurting anyone anymore. He was free and being himself. He was a hero.

"Gonna be my Robin?" he asked me teasingly, nibbling at my earlobe.

I turned my head and gave him a look of disbelief. "That would be Nick. I'm going to be Catwoman! I look pretty sexy in a black leather suit, you know," I said proudly, grinning at Jasper.

Jasper raised his eyebrows. "I'm not sure that I know. You may just have to show me."

I couldn't wipe the grin off of my face as I nuzzled into him. "Think I can arrange that."

He snorted quietly into my hair. "And Nick in little green shorts. I'd pay to see that."

_NPOV_

Two Weeks Post-Texas: January

The reflection of a shallow eyed, sleepless, pale man stared back at me in the bathroom mirror. I didn't dare to move and neither did he. We just stared.

And then I couldn't take it anymore. My eyes shut, squeezing tightly against the bright light from the bathroom mirror. I could feel the cocaine's claws raking at my stomach. My heart raced and my head spun. I had no idea how something so small could take over my life so quickly.

The truth was, Greg had shoved cocaine down my throat in Texas. Not literally, but damn close. And I fought him off. I yelled at him. I hated him with every fiber of my being.

But still, weeks later, a reminder of him followed me around New York. It came in the form of a ten gram bag of coke that I had put in my pocket for testing in Texas. When Alice, Jasper and Chloe had come for me, we had left so fast and with me in such a crazy state that I hadn't even thought of what was in my pocket.

Once I was home, back in New York, I discovered the package of white powder and couldn't make myself flush it. It was only hours before I needed it again and before I could even think twice, I had taken another line of it.

I couldn't focus. Couldn't think. Couldn't stay in one moment long enough before my brain was reminding me about the stash of it I had hidden in a pair of old boots in the closet. I wasn't sure what was worse: my desire to do another line or to keep it hidden. I felt the deepest blackest shame I had ever felt, knowing I was keeping it from my friends and Chloe. I'd do a line and then immediately tell myself I needed to flush the damn stuff. Right then. That was the last time. But my body, the addicted, broken part of me, refused to let that plan take effect.

My brain had scrambled to do the math: just how long would ten grams last me in New York? One gram equaled about ten lines. If I took fives lines periodically throughout the day, I would make it to twenty days. That wasn't even a month. But I still couldn't stop or even wean it down to three lines. I would do a line every few hours and my body and mind would soar.

Then I crashed. From the highest, brightest clouds to free falling from the heavens. I crashed and burned every damn time. And it'd get worse and worse until I couldn't hold off anymore and I'd do another line.

I tried to hide the low moments from Chloe, who spent more time with me than anyone else.

I would say I was just really tired, recovering. Or that the mild concussion Carlisle had said I had was still taking a toll on me. And I was lucky enough that the occasional nosebleeds always happened when I was alone.

And she believed me. She was sad to see me suffering, I could see that when her serious brown eyes would watch me with the worry clear as ever. But she trusted me. She trusted me and I was lying to her. The girl I had fallen so in love with. And every day, I would wake up to see her peaceful face, so full of hope that that day would be the day I'd feel okay again. Every day, I hated myself more and more for falling into this pit of addiction and despair. Chloe didn't deserve this. But I couldn't stop.

I was slowly turning back into that hopeless little boy that I had hidden and grown out of since coming to New York. I could feel my old self creeping under my skin. I could feel his cold heart penetrating my newly softened one. I could feel the hatred beginning to well up. My vision was tinted red whenever I was sober. I could feel the sadness, desperation and shame that he had always held so deep rising in my gut.

My mind had begun to work like a druggie's again, focusing just on the next high, instead of believing in a better future and working towards it. But it was worse than before because before, I had nothing to lose. And now, I did. I had Chloe and a chance and I was throwing all of that away and as much as I wanted to stop, I felt too far gone to be able to. The guilt was slowly killing me.

When I was nearing twenty days, I was far from stable. I was reeling. Panicked. What would happen when I ran out?

But a small, unexpected voice of reason came to me on day eighteen.

As I made my way into the bathroom for my late night line, Mack was sitting at the kitchen table with a book and a pot of coffee. The lights were on and everything. Kid just made himself at home in the middle of the night.

And he definitely saw me.

I had gone in and said hello, asked what he was up to, hoping he was just getting ready for bed and that I could go on with what I needed to do.

Mack had closed his book, poured me a cup of coffee, and simply said, "Sorry, dude. But you'll hate yourself later if you do anything more than extreme caffeine."

"Don't know what you're talking about," I replied casually, sipping at the hot coffee and pleading for the caffeine to take effect quick. My hands were already shaking in my restraint.

"Kay. Well, when you figure it out, give me everything you've got so you're not tempted. You won't be able to get rid of it yourself and I know you'd never bring any of them into this. But you and me... well, we've been brainwashed into having each other's backs before. Might as well make a conscious effort to keep that up." He leaned back in his chair and eyed me carefully, letting me know that he was calm now, but willing to wrestle it from me if it came to that.

I tried one last time. "I'm done with that stuff, man. It was Greg's deal, not mine."

Mack let out a slow breath. "Greg likes to have control over people. Even when he's not with them. He would've made you do it enough to get you hooked on it and watching you over the past few weeks kind of confirmed that for me. But you gotta trust me, man."

My temper flared with the frustration of not getting what I needed. "Why?"

"Because I went through that with Greg and I survived it."

I glared at him.

He sighed before continuing. "Look, I know you don't necessarily like me. And that's fine. But I was here keeping an eye out for Chloe while Alice and Jasper were in Texas trying to get you back and she's a good person, Nick. She's good and real and she loves you." He squeezed his eyes shut. "She cares about you so, so much. If not for you, then be strong for her."

My hand clutched the coffee mug like it was a lifeline. I gave up on trying to make him think I wasn't up right now trying to go snort a line. "I'm trying to be. But I can't do this cold turkey and I don't want to lose control and snap on her. 'Cause she doesn't deserve that shit either. I know I'm not good enough for her, but I'm trying."

Mack leaned forward. "I never said you weren't good enough for her. From the way that she loves you, I know you are. I'm just saying that you gotta be okay with showing her a more vulnerable side of yourself so you can move past this. She's strong enough to help you kick that shit, but if she found out you were using, it would break her."

I ran a hand through my hair. We both knew he was right. And I knew he was just saying out loud so that he could convince me to give it to him.

I felt my throat getting tight and I closed my eyes, not caring if Mack saw the tears that trailed down my face. "Please don't tell them," I whispered, my eyes still closed.

Mack had already confirmed what I already knew: Chloe would be hurt deeply if she found out I was sneaking behind her back snorting cocaine. Alice would be, too, and she'd lose that brother-sister trust in me we had going on. And Jasper... Jasper had enough trust issues already. This wouldn't be good for him. For any of us. And I owed all of them… I couldn't treat them like that. Hearing it out loud made it real.

I didn't have to explain who "them" was. Mack knew exactly what I meant.

"Stays between us. I promise," he said quietly.

I opened my eyes to see his arm across the table, palm up expectantly.

I took the last little bag I had out of my sock and put it in his hand as quickly as possible, before my body took over my mind and made me keep it before I could stop myself.

I started shaking harder after I realized that I really didn't have any of it left. Part of me was relieved and the other part was terrified. I took a few deep breaths to try to keep myself calm and to stop more tears from coming.

Mack got up, walked down the hall, and I heard him flush the toilet. He came back with an empty bag and, after rinsing any residue out of the bag, threw it in the trash.

I stared intently at him, lost, and he nodded toward the coffee. "For now, you just gotta get your body out of craving it. It's gonna be a hard week, but once it leaves your system, you won't crave it anymore. Or if you do, it'll be easier to push through it. Trust me."

I gulped down my now cooler coffee mug and then filled it up again. "You ever do coke?"

He shrugged and let out a sigh. "I don't know. Probably once or twice. I was so high on pills most of the time, Nick, it's a miracle I even remember how to read. My whole life after Katie until blocking Greg's shot at Alice is pretty blurry. Some things are clearer than others, but... it's all in this haze. Like a nightmare."

I nodded. "Tell me about it. I didn't even have to be on pills for it to be a nightmare. You're lucky a lot of it's blurry."

Mack just frowned. "I still remember shit. A lot of it. I remember things I did...bad things. Like... really bad things. But it's like it wasn't me. More like I was sitting in the back of my head and giving the reins to someone else who was just in control of my body. Like I was just watching a movie, except... it was all real."

Another gulp of scalding coffee. At least talking to Mack was keeping me distracted and calming me down. Strange that caffeinated coffee was the thing keeping me docile.

"You seem really good now though, man. I... I might've given you a hard time because of everything that happened with Alice, but... I have to say, I owe you. You took a bullet that would've killed her. And then you stayed there for her, even though she didn't remember you. And then when Greg took me away from Chloe, you looked out for her, too. You're clean, you're... what... reading a psych book? So you're trying to do something with your life... and you're making sure I don't fuck up mine anymore."

I shook my head as I realized how much I had underestimated him. "So... sorry for all the shit I gave you. And thank you. For everything."

I stared at him, trying to really show him how much I meant what I was saying.

He stared back and after a moment, he nodded. "That's what friends are for."

That night was the hardest one. I had gone to bed after that and clung to Chloe so tight, I thought she'd wake up gasping for air. But when she did wake up, it was only to turn to face me and wrap her arms right back around me, holding on to me just as tightly, as if she could sense that that was what I needed so desperately right then. Someone to ground me. To keep me there, in the moment. To remind me why I needed to be strong. For her. And for our future together.

Mack had gone back to Washington a few days later, but he had called to check on me every day. He did it through Alice, mostly, so I wouldn't feel self-conscious about it, but I appreciated it nonetheless. Mack was a good guy.

And now it had been over a month. It was March and I was just over a month of complete sobriety. I was happy. Greg was officially in jail and hadn't dropped my name. Things were supposed to be getting better.

But the voice in the back of my head craving for that powder still wasn't very pleasant. I wasn't sure if it was really that I was craving coke or if it was the guilt I still had over hiding it from everyone before Mack helped me break that cycle of self-destruction I had been caught in.

I was surrounded by the ones who loved me, though. The ones that I held dearest. Thank God for Chloe, Alice, Jasper and Mack because without them, I would have looked much worse than I did right now. Even if at the moment I felt like I still had a long way to go.

That was what drugs did to a person. They took over, ripping and tearing at every piece of your humanity until you gave in and sacrificed your life for whatever addiction caught you in its evil, malicious claws. But I was fighting that every day, now. It was hard, but I did it. For Chloe, at first. But lately, for myself too.

I woke up about two hours into sleeping next to Chloe and couldn't sleep anymore. Blame it on the cravings or whatever, but I just couldn't get my brain to shut up.

I headed to the bathroom and stared at my reflection again. My hand ran roughly over the scruff that had developed on my face in the last few days and I sighed. The reflection only reminded me of the man I had been in jail. The man who had been locked in a cell, facing every addiction he had to alcohol and the messed up 'pleasures' he had been giving in to that came with being in a gang.

Before, my addictions stemmed from the gang. Now, I had the freedom to hunt drugs down in New York. I had access to money. I knew suppliers. But with that freedom to do drugs came the freedom to choose not to.

I was clean, now. For a whole month. And even though I still felt off, I knew I would eventually overcome this entirely. Especially because the voice of temptation was not as loud or as appealing as Chloe's.

I shaved the scruff, determined to at least try to be more of the guy I wanted to be-the guy she loved-and then headed into the kitchen to sit at the table and daydream as I drummed my fingers on the kitchen table, taking a sip of my water glass. Just a few more hours until Chloe would be awake.

_CPOV_

My alarm went off at 7 and I was up and heading into the kitchen to start on breakfast. Nick wasn't next to me in bed, but that was becoming somewhat normal lately.

I found him sitting at the kitchen table with a glass of water, staring straight ahead, his eyes bloodshot and glassy from lack of sleep.

The first few weeks he had been back, all he had done was sleep. And when he was awake for the first few days, it got pretty bad. He had been sick and just... a mess. It had killed me to see him like that, but I made sure I was there for him one hundred percent.

The days that followed, he was a little better, but still jumpy from craving the cocaine, even when we were going about our regular routine. Half the time he look guilty, as if he had just committed a crime. I figured it was because of what he had gone through in Texas or because of Greg having so much dirt on him.

Which made me just as anxious.

But over the past month, there had been a big change in him. He seemed... a little more like himself. It was slow, but it was there. One night, he had climbed into bed with me and held me so tight that we probably could've passed for one person. I could feel him shaking against me and so I turned around to hold on to him just as tightly. I wanted him to know that no matter what, I'd never let go of him. I wouldn't let him be lost to me. As long as I was around, I would make sure he was, too.

When I had woken up that next morning, we were still wrapped in each other and he had stared right into me, his eyes more open than they had been since he had been back. And after what could've been hours of us just holding on and staring at each other, he had simply said, his voice raw, "I love you. More than _any_thing, Chloe. I promise."

I nodded and told him I believed him. That I loved him just as much. And after that, he had come to bed with me every night, holding on tightly. If he slept, it wasn't for very long, but he was there and slowly, I started to see _him _again.

I hid my frown at the thought that he had started off hanging on by a thread and instead, thought about how happy I was to see him more like himself, now. He was here. In our kitchen. And he didn't have anyone telling him what to do or threatening him into doing things he didn't like.

He was far away in his thoughts, so he didn't sense me approaching. I liked it because it meant he trusted me enough to not be on guard, but at the same time... well, it sort of sucked to see him so zoned out.

I stood next to him and leaned down to peck his clean-shaven cheek. "Good morning, sunshine."

The blank stare on his face transformed into a full out smile that made my heart speed up as his eyes focused on me. "Hey, you."

He turned in his chair to face me and I straddled his lap to get close to him. With my arms around his neck, I leaned in to meet his lips.

Kissing Nick would never get old. I melted into him as he kissed me tenderly, his lips soft and so full of love.

When we finally pulled out of our kiss, it was all I could do to not just fall over right there. His kisses lately just left me light-headed... in a very good way. It was like he was kissing me with everything in him each time... such a good feeling.

I brushed my thumb under his eyes. "Sleep at all?"

He shrugged. "Few hours. I think I might've been half sleeping just now. I was kind of in that weird in-between dream and reality place. Do you know what I mean?"

He winced a little, as if maybe what he was saying wasn't making sense. He had been second-guessing himself a lot since he had been back. I knew it was just because he was used to being around Greg and that that had kind of carried over, but I was used to being the one doing that, not the one who others did it to.

I nodded with a small smile. "I do. I get that way when I haven't slept 'cause I stayed up studying or something. And then I wonder if I actually did my reading or if I just dreamed that I did it..." I shook my head and licked my lips. "Now that's when I start freaking myself out."

A look of relief passed over his face and I pecked his lips again before rubbing my cheek against his. "So smooth."

His lips turned up. "It was time for a change."

"I like it," I smiled, before making myself get off of his lap. "Breakfast time. What are you hungry for?"

I rummaged through the fridge to see if we had any eggs and Nick came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist.

I giggled and leaned back into him. "This position is not conducive to cooking. And I am starving."

He kissed my neck and let me go. "Conducive. There's my word of the day."

I grinned at him and pulled out the remainder of the eggs. "You want an omelet or french toast?"

He grabbed the egg carton from me. "How about I start on whichever one you want and you go get dressed and ready for the day?"

I looked down at my rolled Soffee shorts and tank top and scrunched my nose at him. "You mean this attire isn't attractive?"

He quirked an eyebrow and set the egg carton on the counter so his fingers could run up and down my bare arms. "Oh it's attractive. Like... really, really attractive. Like... if you don't get dressed soon it's gonna be us on that table instead of breakfast attractive..."

I perked up at his suggestion, briefly appreciating that my guy could find me attractive in pajamas, no bra, with my hair in a messy ponytail and my glasses on. But then I saw the tentative look appear on his face again.

Any time I caught a glimpse of him slipping into his pre-Greg-time personality and comfort level, he seemed to realize it too and backtrack.

I needed him to feel like he was saying things that were okay. I wanted him to feel comfortable around me again... Was it partly my fault? Had I been so... well... _me_ around him before that now, he wasn't sure what was okay and what would make me uncomfortable?

I held in a sigh. Between Bryce and Greg, Nick and I were both pieces of work. The only thing that had gotten a little better since he had been back was that I hadn't slipped into my old insecurities as often. In fact, I found myself wanting to be around Nick and touching and being together more and more since he had been back. It was like once I had felt what it was like to have him not be there, I suddenly just craved his presence more now. Rarely did he do something that would make me flinch, like Bryce had.

Before he could get too deep into analyzing whether or not what he had said was appropriate, I stepped forward into his arms and wrapped my arms around his shoulders as I peered up at him, totally comfortable. "You're a table fan? 'Cause I mean, we have a counter and a floor, too..."

His eyes softened a little as I grinned up at him. His hands were resting lightly on my lower back, so when I tip-toed up to kiss him, they slid down a little. Bryce doing this would've made me want to recoil away to the other side of the room. But with Nick... just having his hands touching me... anywhere... felt right.

Our foreheads leaned against each other and I stared into his eyes, still so loving and warm, despite him still trying to get over what had been done to him and adjust to being home again. "I love you, Nicky. I'm so glad you're home."

His lips met mine softly. "Me, too. And I love you, too. So much."

I smiled, but then it faded as I realized Bryce was in my head again. I had felt guilty that apparently, Bryce had been following Alice and me around New York for a month and I hadn't seen it. And I hadn't had a chance to talk to Nick about it yet.

He sensed my mood shift and started to loosen his grip on me, but I reached back and held his hands on me. "It's not you. I promise. I just... I feel like I should tell you I'm sorry."

Now he was confused. "You're sorry? For what? You've been nothing but amazing."

My smile was a little sad. "Bryce... he was following Alice and me and I was so... oblivious. I should've seen it coming, but I was too naive... I really thought things were over with him."

He blinked at the sudden change in the conversation direction. "Chloe, no... Why should you have seen something like that coming? The guy's manipulative and controlling, yes, but we both thought we took care of him at Thanksgiving. If anything, I should have been keeping a closer eye on things. I should've realized that some asshole was stalking my girl..."

His hands clenched, bundling up the bottom of my shirt, but not touching my back at all. "So I'm sorry... that I didn't protect you better."

I shook my head in disbelief at the fact that he had managed to try to turn this around on him. "Nick, you can't take the blame for everything that challenges us in our life together."

His eyes narrowed as he thought for a minute. I thought maybe he would protest, but he just met my gaze. "Okay. But then neither can you."

I bit my lip and closed my eyes, trying to filter out all feelings of guilt that I had felt about the Bryce-as-stalker situation. Finally, I looked up at him again. "Okay. Truce. Neither of us will feel guilty about anything that's happened to us in the recent past."

His eyes darkened and he looked away from me. "I can only promise I'll try. I'm still..." he let out a long breath, "I'm still... trying to forgive myself. For what I did when I was in Texas. And for what I put you through while I was gone and when I came back..." His eyes met mine again. "You should never have had to go through anything like that. Drug withdrawals and anger and being sick..." He looked disgusted by himself. "You deserve to be treated so much better."

I ran my hand up his arm before settling my palm against his cheek, my thumb stroking under his eye. "Nick, no guy has ever treated me the way that you have. You respect me and you care about what I have to say and you encourage me and you don't get mad when I've needed us to slow things down... you just love me. And I love you, too, which is why I'm here for you. Through sickness and health and all that jazz. And I don't blame you for what happened while you were away. I understand the influence he had over you... it's similar to the way Bryce could make me do whatever he wanted." I frowned at the thought, but then tried to brighten up for him a little bit. "But we're both different now. And we're stronger. And we have each other. No one can beat us down as long as we're together."

Nick reached up to softly stroke his thumb over my eyebrow. "You know, Greg's the only person I've ever let have that kind of control over me. He's the only person I've ever... feared." His dark expression turned into a reflective smile. "And then you stood up for me. Not just to someone on the street, but to him. You defended me against the only person I've ever not been able to stand up to, no matter how hard I tried to or how close I came to it. He always won over me, but you... you won over him when you stood up for me. I can't tell you how much that meant to me."

I swallowed the tears that his sincerity and awe had brought out in me. "I'd do it again in a heartbeat. You're worth so much more than he's ever let you know or believe. And I... I just needed you to see that. I'd do anything for you because I believe in you so much."

He nodded, his eyes a little watery, too. "Thank you. I feel the same way about you."

I smiled and leaned in for a warm kiss. "We've got each other's backs, then," I said against his lips. "Don't forget it."

He met my smile with his own as his hands trailed down, his thumbs hooking in the back of my shorts, which I loved instead of flinching, like I had in the past. "I'll never forget it."

We stood in the middle of the kitchen like that for a few moments longer, but I really could've stayed there all day. I was just considering the table, counter, and floor when Nick squeezed my butt playfully, one side of his mouth turning up into a lazy grin. "Now, can you let me cook you an awesome breakfast since you were just starving a few minutes ago?"

I giggled and nodded. I would've offered to help him, but lately I realized that if he wasn't staring, he was striving to keep himself busy, as if being busy would keep his mind off of... well... anything else he might be going through.

"I'd be honored if you'd cook breakfast for us. Oh! And before I forget, did Jasper tell you he wants us to come over later tonight? He said he had a surprised planned for Alice and then he wanted us to come over for dessert or something?"

Nick nodded, a knowing look coming into his eye. I eyed him suspiciously. "I'm guessing you know what the surprise is?"

He shrugged. "Maybe. But my lips are sealed."

I grinned before kissing him one last time. "I love your sealed lips."

His smile spread wider as he nudged me down the hall so I could get dressed while he cooked.

I glanced back at him one last time before ducking into the bedroom. He was focused on cracking the eggs and his eyes were lighter now than they had been when I had found him staring just a few moments earlier.

And I knew Nick was coming back into being himself again. The guy I always knew he was. The guy he had always been to me.

Together, we were going to be okay.

_APOV_

The problem with being your parents' prodigy child was...well...being your parents' prodigy child.

Obviously, my dad was always a sweetheart and never pressured me into anything. My mother, on the other hand... she was being a pest. When the clock stroke five, I was out of that place faster than ever. I did not need any more of that today. I just needed to have a bubble bath and a cuddle with my adorable Texan boyfriend.

"Jazz?" I called out as I shoved our front door open, carrying two large bags of groceries I had grabbed on the way back to the apartment. "Are you home?"

No one answered my call. I sighed softly and trudged over to the kitchen, dropping the bags onto the counter with a huff. Nick and Chloe came over a lot these days and between the four of us, we always had to have the cabinets stocked.

Especially since Nick's appetite had come back with his recovery, which I know both Chloe and I had noticed and were grateful for.

My eyes flickered around the kitchen. "Huh..." I murmured. The lights in the apartment were all dimly lit. Listening carefully, all I could hear was a soft hum of music coming from the other side of our apartment – either my office or our bedroom.

I hoped Jazz was home and that he hadn't just left the music playing again. He had a habit of leaving on as many electronics as he could before leaving the house.

"Jazz?" I called again, slipping my coat and shoes off. No answer.

With a gentle sigh, I walked down the darkened hallway to investigate. The music got louder as I approached and my eyebrow quirked. Classical music wasn't normally playing on Jasper's iPod dock. Maybe he was trying to do some new kind of meditation or something?

Our bedroom door was shut and I knocked lightly on the door, hoping I wasn't actually interrupting anything.

For the third time, no answer.

Guess he just left the music on.

I cracked the door open and light flooded into the hallway. My head lifted to take in the scene and I froze.

Life is made up of moments. Special moments. Moments that take your breath away. There are super special moments that you know, right away, you will never forget, as long as you live. I knew before anything happened that this would be one of those special moments I would repeatedly tell my children and grandchildren.

When I entered the room, my breath was stolen away from me.

Balloons were everywhere. I could see about fifty balloons as I entered our room. It didn't look like a birthday explosion with fifty different colors and shapes. It was all white balloons, like clouds, and silver ribbons. Hanging from each and every silver ribbon was a photograph. There was a unique photo for each balloon.

I squealed, clapping my hands to myself, excited for this clever surprise. I skipped forward towards the first balloon and pulled the photo up to look at it. It was a picture of Carlisle and Esme's house back in Forks. As I began to drop the photo, I noticed something written on the back of it.

_The first time I came to this house, I thought it must have been from a difference planet. It was completely built of glass. The Cullens were unafraid of anyone seeing who they really were; everyone who lived there wore their hearts on their sleeves - except Rosalie. It was the first place I fell asleep in peace. It was the first place you held my hand and rid me of every nightmare that my life or dreams possessed._

My heart soared in my chest and then I was floating on cloud nine when I realized that each of these balloons had a memory and a message on them.

"Jazz," I sighed lovingly.

I was too happy to jump to the next balloon. My heart was beating so quickly in complete adoration and love at the thought of my Jazz taking so much time to write so many special notes for me. Let me tell you, once you have a taste of southern charm, you will never go back.

My fingers grazed the next picture gently and then tugged it toward me. It was a picture of Nick and Jasper wrestling at Spencer's cabin.

_Darling, do you see those smiles on our faces? Never before then had I worn a smile while fighting._

Big goofs. I smiled at the memory. I knew this picture meant so much. I remembered when I had first seen Nick and Jasper. It was almost scary how neither of them had looked happy at all.

The next picture was in black and white. I pulled it close. Immediately, my insides were already turning into a pathetic bowl of mush. It was a picture we had taken at our Thanksgiving gathering in New York. It had been the first time Jasper had met my family. All of us had gathered together after dinner and taken a group picture - it was a tradition in the family. My mom had a Thanksgiving montage in our living room.

_Spot the ones in love_ was written on the back.

Right away, it was easy to find us. Everyone wore grim expressions, as the dinner had not gone so well, but in the back Jasper and I were grinning like fools. Not at the camera, though: we were smiling at each other. I remembered that right before the photographer took the picture, Jasper had tickled me. His eyes were gleaming with laughter, pure happiness from being with me on Thanksgiving. I knew it must have been one of the first Thanksgiving dinners he had had in a very long time - probably since his mom had died.

I traveled through our room, looking at all of the notes on all of the pictures, falling deeper and deeper in love with Jasper. And with us. With our relationship and our story. The pictures took us from one extreme to another. From a broken and bruised Jasper, a lost and confused me, to this new hope that we had found within each other.

I made my way to the middle of the room, to our bed, where one lone balloon hovered. The rest seemed to stray away from it. It was as if this one was superior, more important than the rest.

And immediately, I knew why. Time stalled and my heart followed suit as I saw the twinkle.

If I could freeze any moment in my life, it would have been this one. The feelings that entered me and took me over were indescribable. I had never been so consumed with love for one person before in my life.

A silver banded ring hanging from the silver ribbon of the balloon. As the ring spun on its ribbon, it was hit with a stream of light. The ring sent bright, twinkling light around the room. It took my breath away. The band was crafted with the most beautiful, small diamonds in it. And they led my eyes up a path to a large, rounded diamond, which was also encircled by smaller diamonds.

"I guess it pays to have a designer for a girlfriend, huh?" Jasper's voice traveled from the doorway of our room.

My eyes snapped up towards him at the speed of light, still in complete disbelief. "Jazz," I practically cried.

He shook his head and hurried over to me. His hands wrapped around mine.

And that moment that every girl imagines for their entire lives happened. He knelt down on one knee. His eyes were a strong, clear blue. There was no hesitation or doubt in his eyes. There was no room for it, they were so full of love. The rest of the room disappeared, becoming a hazy blur in the corners of my eyes.

Jasper cleared his throat and I saw his hand wanting to twitch back and run nervously through his hair. But he kept his grip tight on my hands.

"Alice Marie Cullen," he started, licking his lips to try and hold back the dazzling smile that was fighting to grace his face. "One year can change everything and I know this because of you. I can still close my eyes and see myself sitting in that closet I called a room. I can feel the fear and hopelessness that I had lived with every day. I can still remember the smell of Steve's whiskey and the pressure of his fists. I remember how I started off every morning reminding myself to be numb to every emotion – even the good ones. The good ones were the worst because they proposed a false hope. Those were lies that would plague my mind, telling me that perhaps one day things would get better... But I was so sure it would never happen."

Jasper's eyes didn't go dark as they normally would have when he would talk about his past. They crinkled, so much like Davis', from his large grin. He shook his head with a laugh of pure joy. "I would have never guessed that a sparkly little pixie like yourself could change that. Could change everything.

"Look at us, darlin'. We're so happy...and it took me forever to convince myself this wasn't a dream. It was all too good.

"You, Alice Cullen, still seem too good to be real. You're perfect. So perfect for me." His lips brushed delicately against the skin of my knuckles. My core shook, goosebumps prickling across my body. "I know that God...or nature...or whatever controls this universe, created us for each other. Because every time we're like this," he gestured to our hands, "I feel as if I am complete for the very first time. Everything just clicks, you know?"

I nodded, knowing all too well what he was saying.

"And I know what it feels like to be without you, now. This year has been filled with ups and downs. I experienced having you and then losing you. Now, I understand how empty and lost...and useless...and hopeless I am without you. I would fight to the ends of the world to make sure that you are with me. I know that might sound selfish...but I can't help but be selfish with you. The feeling you give me is the best thing life could ever give someone. I will not take the chance of losing you again," he promised.

Jasper's fingers squeezed mine and I mirrored his endearing smile. I hoped that I would never lose him again either.

"We've fought for this. We have fought harder than most couples ever have to. We battled blood and tears, literally. I know we can make it through this life together. And I know that you are my favorite fighting partner. Stubborn as hell and as tough as nails, yet so perfectly understanding and bright. You're a vibrant light that can shine away the darkest of powers. You are so smart and so strong...and when someone loves you the way you love me, they make you see the goodness in yourself. They reflect what they see in you back at you and it transforms you. Alice, you know you've done this for me. There's no doubt about it. I was always told I was nothing, but you make me feel like I'm everything."

We inhaled together. "I want to do the same thing for you. I want to do that exact same thing for the rest of our lives. Alice will you be my partner for life? In crime, in love, in whatever comes. Will you marry me?" Jasper asked. His voice was rough and husky with emotion. Tears were threatening to fall from the corners of his eyes.

Tears were already trickling down my own cheeks. My throat held my words captive as I stared into his misty ocean eyes. Without him, I knew I'd never be whole. I knew I'd never feel this hope again. I knew with everything in me that I wanted to spend eternity with him. I wanted to swoon at his southern charm and his drawl. I wanted to be with him as he erased the scars of the past and found himself. I wanted to be serenaded on warm summer nights. I wanted this passion and fire between us to never diminish or fade.

With Spencer, I was comfortable. But with Jasper, I felt the scorching passion of true love. And mostly, I felt a need to just feel his presence. The presence that made me feel like myself. The one that made everything complete.

My throat eased up and my body rushed forward, jumping into his strong, scarred arms. "Yes, Jasper! A thousand times yes. Yes! Yes! Yes!" My lips were smashing against his before he could say another word.

When our lips collided, our individual pieces snapped together in perfect unity. I sighed at the feeling and Jasper grinned against my kiss.

I hoped that this would be my eternity.

Our eternity.

**Author's Note: Well…well…well, look who's decided to get hitched **_**and**_** right at the end of the story. There is no luck for you guys, is there? :P. I guess we may just have to continue the story so you guys can see some pre-wedding/wedding jalice! Ouuu lala! What do you guys think? **

**p.s. if that wasn't clear, that was my way of saying the Hope series is going to be a trilogy! My beta, who is always oh so wise, said, "The story is over when the characters stop having stories for us to tell." And our characters will not shut up about the stories they need us to tell!**

**Also, I have decided to do some fan Q&A's. We haven't done one in **_**forever**_**, so, you guys can send in questions (pm me!) and I - and maybe Lucy, if she's down with it - will answer them on the blog! This way you guys just **_**may**_** be able to squeeze some teasers for the sequel out of us! We've already got a crap load of stuff for these characters to live through! Get your interviewing hat on! Is there something you've always wanted to know about one of the Hope characters? Is there a back story you want to know more about? Are you curious about our writing process? Or do you just want to know if Nicky prefers boxers or briefs? ;) Send the questions our way and you will be a featured interviewer on the Hope Blog! **

**Also, I believe in the next few days, I'll be writing a special letter to you fans – especially you extremely loyal and patient fans that have been with us all along - which will be posted on the blog! **

**(And thank you Lucy for pushing me to get this chapter done! Hope it was a good birthday present! As always, thanks for being the most awesome beta ever! Oh, and, thanks for sticking around and agreeing to continue on this Hope journey with me!)**

**Have a fantastic weekend. **

**Yours truly, **

**linamallette **


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